Chaotic Writings

by DouglasTrotter

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Random
Length: 1757

Discord requests help with some writing

"I need some help with writing and I think it would be wise to ask a renowned writer in Equestria. It just so happens I found one to help me out. Though I'll be honest, the person writing this story about me requesting help with a story needs some help with their own writings." -Discord

Published 2014-01-31 04:40:14 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-31 04:40:14 UTC

My Story

“I give you one simple task, one simple task. Write me a great and epic story. Write me a story so I can impressive my friend for hearts and hooves day,” the misshapen creature said as he stood over the unicorn, glaring at her.

“Dis—“

“Sir Discord if you please. Or chaotic god of all known ponydum and foreseeable ruler of Equestria, Sir God of Chaos Discord!” the entity said as he laughed in a maniacal tone while producing lightning behind himself. “You don’t have the right to say ‘Discord’ to me. You aren’t my ‘friend.’ A real friend would have finished what I requested of them by now.”

The unicorn rolled her eyes at the creature while he slinked around the pile of papers on her desk. Inside, the room was in disarray with papers stacked on a coffee table, on top of a desk, and piled near a window. “Look, ‘Sir Discord and et cetera,’ I know you wanted this done and I am happy to assist the god of chaos. What is impossible for me to do is write a brilliant poem that is and I quote ‘sixty pages long, filled with witty euphemisms, and display a dash of humor.’ You want me to do all of this, and you want it to be done within the remaining ten days.”

“But… but… you’re Nom De Plume. You are ‘the’ Nom De Plume, the most superlative writer of our time. Well, your time I should say. To be rather honest, I find your work to be that of a hack compared to others back in the days I roamed Equestria.”

The mare shot a wicked glare at the entity while he was quick to retract his tongue. Soon, a small beam of sunlight peaked through a slit between the heavy curtains and hit the small case near Nom De Plume’s desk.

“Writer of the millennium?” the mare reached for her trophy with her right hoof before she pulled back, “Those were happier times. That was back when I believed in what I did. It was when I had my ‘muse,’ if you will pardon my old way of thinking.”

“So? I gave you all the time you needed to write the story I yearn for.” Discord said while tapping his eagle claw on a pocket watch. With a coy, devilish grin, Discord said, “Tick Tock, ‘Mrs.’ Nom De Plume.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” The mare said with a gasp, her mane turning pale as Discord drained the color out of it for dramatic effect before he returned it as she gained her composure. “Don’t you dare reveal who I am! There are too many ‘things’ that I’ve written which aren’t appropriate.”

“Fine, but this doesn’t solve my problem. I gave you all the time you needed to write my story.” Discord repeated himself, putting away his pocket watch while he sipped on a cup of tea and floated in the air.

“You locked me inside a grandfather clock and spun the dial forward. That hour’s worth of work I put towards that piece took me close to three weeks because of your little stunt. If you took me back in time, like I requested, I could get to some ‘real’ work.”

“Doesn’t work like that my dear. I can’t interfere with the past, too many consequences and what not.” The creature said as he produced a chalk board. Discord manifested rimmed glasses and a lab coat, promptly putting them on before he drew lines on the chalk board. “Right here, you ponies live in this time line. If I go back and alter one thing in the past, it will alter the timeline. Even I, the mighty god of chaos and disharmony would not attempt this. It can cause unforeseen consequences the likes of which would horrify you, causing timeline problems, and—“

“Look, just save it. I need to get something to eat. I mean SOMETHING REAL TO EAT!” the unicorn said as she looked Discord, seeing him folding a piece of paper into an origami platter of lettuce and tomatoes.

“You’re the one who said she had to watch what she eats, not me.” Discord ducked out of the way, avoiding a book coming towards him. “That wasn’t very nice, Mrs. Twilight Velvet.”

“Discord! Shush!” The unicorn yelled but soon quieted her voice. “My daughter knows I write stories, but doesn’t know who I ‘really’ am. How you found out is beyond me. I promised I would write your story if you kept quiet about it. The story would help you confess your true feelings of friendship, but something like that takes time.”

“As to how I found out my deer,” The Draconequus said in a coy tone as he transformed the pony into a doe, and then soon changed her back. Discord’s eyes appeared on the ceiling and the walls turned into giant ears. The creature composed himself and sat in front of Twilight Velvet, “Besides, I kinda took a guess. It was quite interesting to see where your daughter gets her creativity. You know, it would be rather funny to have you and Twilight look alike. I could make you look like a princess. You could go on a mommy daughter date with Twilight Sparkle as an alicorn like her.”

The creature snapped his fingers and caused regal wings to protrude from the mare’s sides. With a quick “there” from Discord, the wings flapped and caused the unicorn to fly around the room.

“Enough! Stop this or I won’t write your story.” The mare said as the wings disappeared and she landed on the ground with a quick thud.
“Not a word or I reveal your secret.” Discord whispered into the unicorn’s ear as a quick knock came to the door.

“Are you ok mom? I heard shouting.” Twilight Sparkle said as she entered and saw her mother laying face first on the floor.

“I’m fine. I was just trying to catch a pesky fly is all,” the mare said, stepping on the tiny Discord under her front left hoof. “That got him. I’ll just be a little longer with my ‘client.’ I’m almost finished. We’ll go out to eat at the Château De Stables restaurant if you like.”

“Are you sure? Ponies around Canterlot are kind of weird around me because of my little, actually my ‘big change’ if you will. Though it’s been three months, I don’t know if I could stand ponies catering to my every whim and wish like I’m about to desecrate their place unless I get the best service.”

“We could dress up and go incognito. Or we can just order out. I know Mr. Calzone’s in Ponyville delivers. It still has the best gyros around. Right, ‘tomato cheeks'….”

“MOM!” The winged unicorn said as she covered her eyes. Twilight Sparkle’s bashfulness relented. After a quick giggle, the pony said, “I can’t believe you still remember that, but that gyro was pretty good. Ok, I’ll leave you alone with your client and put in the order. Rainbow Dash won’t mind flying it over if I give her some fresh cheese hay sticks with extra cheese.”

As the door closed, Discord smirked at the writer that was left in the room with him. “Tomato, cheeks? Ooo hooo how cute, you could use that in the poem to my dear sweet Fluttershy.”

“You tell a single, solitary, living pony, even Celestia, and I will personally hunt you down Discord.” Twilight Velvet said in a harsh, growling tone.

“oooookkkk….” Discord rolled his eyes across the floor and into a cup. “Yes, a cup in 1 or perhaps a cup in 2. Hmph, Pinkie Pie would have found that hilarious. Dispensing with all of this,” the misshapen creature said as he turned into a dispenser that cause several candy hearts to rain down on the unicorn mare, “I need you to finish up my story. Please, I’ll get on my hooves. Well, I’ll get on my hoof.”

“I’ll be blunt, Sir Discord. It might be best to let it come from your heart. No jokes with a heart coming out of your chest and singing tunes.” The unicorn said with a straight face.

“O pooh, you’re no fun. Go on….”

“As I was saying, it is best to let it come from your heart. If this Fluttershy is your real friend, she will like whatever you give her. If you still want some help however, I will give you some advice. Also, in regards to Twilight Sparkle, don’t go teasing my daughter so much.” Twilight Velvet said with a kind smile.

“I, uhh, this is kinda awkward.” The Draconequus said while he rubbed his side with his paw. Twilight Velvet was shook her head slowly, but smiled and walked towards Discord to give him a slight hug. “Thanks. You go telling anyone about this and me going soft, and I will hunt you down. Deal?”

“Deal, Sir—“

“Just Discord,” the creature said while he grinned at the writer.

“Alright, Discord. Now if you’ll excuse me. I’m going to go have some dinner with my daughter.” Twilight Velvet said, but soon noticed a fresh box of pizza on her desk from Mr. Calzone’s restaurant. A quick “it’s on the house,” reverberated on the mare’s ear for a few seconds before she exited her room. “This would make a decent story. ‘A deal with chaos’ perhaps or I can call it ‘chaotic constraints’ for that new book.”

The mare snickered to herself while she made it through the hallway and towards the family room. For the writer, the time with her family was blissful, getting in a quick ‘tomato cheek’ jab at Twilight Sparkle before the meal was done.

Author's Note

“HEY! I’m supposed to be the star of this story, you hack! Listen, this is my story and it stinks. I mean come on. It would make a kindergartener sigh in disbelief. It’s a D at best. I’ll be blunt and say that my tail can write a better story than you can. Where did you even come up with the name DouglasTrotter? Is that some stupid little name that’s supposed to be witty? Though I will say Twilight’s mom was quite pleasant, as you portrayed her. Oooo, what’s this story over here you’ve been writing for two years? You going to finish this up or what….” -Discord continues to ramble on as this author finishes his story and prepares to upload it before going to bed.