I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues
I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues
For every two steps they took forward, the next sneeze knocked them ten paces back. And the sneezes were always in unison, much to the chagrin of the two completely blue ponies. More annoying, however, was that they seemed unable to leave one another’s company. Every time Applejack tried to head towards Sweet Apple Acres or Rarity tried to head towards her boutique, they found themselves sneezing right back towards one another.
“I’m not sure what’s going on here, but I suspect this is no ordinary flu.”
“Discord’s involved, sugarcube. Ain’t nothin’ he does that’s ordinary.”
“Very true. And as such, I would advise you that until we know precisely what we’re dealing with, you should not run the risk of infecting your entire family.”
“And where am I s’pposed t’ go instead?”
“As much as it pains me to suggest this, you can stay with me for the time being.”
Applejack cringed, a look the unicorn mirrored. “You remember the last time we tried to stay under one roof together?”
“Of course. We ruined Twilight’s first slumber party. I think we’re both more mature than we were on that particular day. At the very least, we should be able to make do for a few days without killing one another. I have a guest bedroom, though you’ll have to forgive the décor. Against my better judgment I let Sweetie Belle decorate it as she’s the one who uses it more often than not.”
With a little skill and a lot of luck, they managed to sneeze their way to Carousel Boutique. Rarity’s horn glowed blue and she levitated the various equinequins into the changing rooms, and then levitated a couch and a pair of recliners up from the basement to take their place in the boutique’s main room.
“Do make yourself at home while I peruse the medical tomes in my possession. Give me a few minutes to consult them and hopefully we'll soon see what cures the blue flu.” Applejack flopped onto one of the easy chairs while Rarity flipped through the various books with no results. “How completely unsurprising. There’s no mention of the blue flu anywhere in any of these books.”
“So he made the whole thing up?”
“It would appear so. Which means we’re likely at his mercy as to when this wears off. Unless Twilight knows a counterspell.”
“But we promised we would give her some space while Cadence is visiting her.”
“And we shall honor our word. We’ll wait a few days, suffering from whatever it is that Discord has afflicted us with!” Rarity collapsed upon the sofa, foreleg covering her forehead. “We’ll just have to cope as best we can...”
Having run out of things to say, Applejack gazed out the window at Ponyville to watch the passing ponies. Much to her surprise she saw Pinkie Pie herding numerous red balloons towards Sugarcube Corner. “I didn’t see that,” she said, shaking her head.
“Didn’t see what, darling?”
“Pinkie Pie corralling some red balloons.”
“Ninety-nine of them to be exact!” Pinkie Pie had somehow appeared on the empty recliner when they weren’t looking.
“How did you get in here?” Rarity hovered a hoof over her heart.
“Door was open.”
“And what in tarnation do you need ninety-nine red balloons for?”
“For the totally contrived ‘80s pop culture gag of course!”
Rarity and Applejack looked at each other and blinked.
“Oh! I totally stopped by because I heard you had both caught Discord’s mysterious illness. I even made my special cream of cupcake soup! And since I see you’re both feeling a little blue, I’ve come to cheer you up!” She giggled at her joke.
“That’s really not necessary, darling. We just need some rest to feel better…” Rarity was interrupted by Pinkie Pie shoving a spoonful of what could best be described as melted cake batter ice cream and sprinkles into her mouth. She chewed a particularly large piece of confetti cupcake and swallowed. She had to admit, as crazy as it sounded, this was actually pretty tasty.
The bell above the door tinkled and Rainbow Dash stepped into the boutique. “Hey guys.”
“Well look who it is. The Element of Loyalty sure does know how to leave her friends hanging.” Applejack stuck her tongue out at the prismatic pegasus.
“Only when Discord’s involved. He. Took. My. Wings. And it freaks me out every time I see him to this day.”
“I’ll remind you that he took my horn as well.”
“And how does that make you feel?”
“I’m just as apprehensive around him as you are, darling. That said, I’m glad you and Pinkie Pie are both here. Whatever this terrible illness that Discord has afflicted us with has simply drained all of my energy, and Applejack’s as well. Why, I simply lack the strength to even make it to the kitchen to get a glass of water.”
“No prob, Rares.” Rainbow Dash was so fast she returned with the requested beverage before her rainbow contrail had a chance to dissipate.
“My hero.”
“As always.” Rainbow Dash puffed out her chest and rubbed a hoof against it. “There was the time I caught you falling out of Cloudsdale, the time I caught you when Spike dropped you off that mountain, and the time I caught you when you fell out of the Wonderbolt Academy. Hay, maybe I should change my tag line from ‘I’ll never leave my friends hanging’ to ‘I’ll always catch my friends when they’re falling’. What do you think?”
“I think this water is absolutely thirst quenching.” Rarity exaggerated her sigh of contentment.
“Sugarcube, could I try some of that there cupcake soup?”
“Nope, nope, nope! I made you apple cinnamon soup!” Pinkie pulled a bowl of soup and a spoon from nowhere and started feeding Applejack. “Here comes the pegasus! Whee!”
“I think you’ve been spending a might too much time feeding the Cake twins.”
“My horn hurts.”
“Is there some sort of ointment for that?” Rainbow asked.
“No, darling. It means using magic is painful. And I so very much wanted to finish reading the book I started earlier. Why, I was right at the good part. The action was really starting to heat up.”
“Well, if it’s an action book I guess I could read it to you. I mean, hay, I figured it would be one of your mushy bitstore romance novels.” Rainbow Dash grabbed the book from the shelf and flipped it open to the page the bookmark indicated.
The muscular stallion grunted as he applied suntan lotion to Heart Throb. He caressed her flank, lovingly, as he rubbed the lotion in, tenderly.
“This isn’t action.”
“You are so charmingly naïve, Rainbow. It’s your best quality.”
“Oh! I should read to you while Dashie reads to Rarity! What would you like to hear?”
“Uh, is there anything on that there bookshelf that isn’t a romance novel, sugarcube?”
“There’s a dictionary.”
“That’ll do.”
“A fine selection, Applejack. Why, with some vocabulary building perhaps you might even make a tolerable conversationalist some day.”
“Oh yeah, Rarity? Why don’t you try defining ‘hard’ and ‘work’ for me.”
“When I feel better I shall demonstrate hard work for you the next time I’m in the zone.”
“Yeah, you get zoned once a month. I sweat doing hard manual labor every single day.”
“This is getting good!”
“Don’t you start with me, Dash. You spend what, ten seconds each day doing your job and the other seven hours, fifty-nine minutes, and fifty seconds napping?”
“Not my fault that I’m so super awesome I can do a full shift’s work in under a minute. I’m just that good.”
Applejack coughed. “I’d continue debating that, but this has taken a lot out of me. I reckon I could use a drink of apple juice.”
“Okie dokie lokie!” Seconds later the farmer was enjoying a refreshing glass of her favorite beverage.
"I need to use the little filly's room. Carry me."
"I sure could go for some apple fritters right about now."
"More pillows to prop my hooves upon!"
Hours later Twilight Sparkle threw the door open and entered Carousel Boutique. She stopped dead in her tracks at the sight before her. Rainbow Dash, dressed in a Prench maid outfit, was serenading Rarity with the Chord N. Lightfoot classic If You Could Read My Mind. Pinkie Pie, on the other hoof, was covered in white face paint, and miming for Applejack.
“Just like a paperback novel, the kind the drugstore sells. When you reach the part where the heartaches come the hero would be me...”
“Did I miss something?”
All eyes in the room turned to Twilight Sparkle.
“After giving Cadence and I the runaround for most of the day, Discord finally admitted what he did to the two of you. More importantly, he also gave me the cure.” Her horn lit up and crackles of purple arcane energy lit up Carousel Boutique like Pinkie Pie’s annual mid-summer fireworks extravaganza. “There’s no such thing as the blue flu – he was just spreading some chaos as normal, making you torment everypony around you.”
Rainbow Dash glared at Rarity. “All of this was…a prank?”
“It would appear so. And it would also appear that Ponyville’s top two pranksters fell for it hook, line, and sinker.”
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie looked at one another and then to the ground.
“However,” Rarity continued, “Your efforts today have been truly appreciated. Pinkie, your cupcake soup was absolutely delicious and Rainbow, darling, your water delivery is truly awesome. Also, you look rather fetching in that getup.”
“I reckon we owe you both an apology. We may not have been in our right minds, but you showed that you’re both true friends today. Thank you.”
“It was nothing! The important thing is that you’re both feeling better now!” Pinkie Pie bounced over to Rarity and Applejack and pulled them into a group hug. She stretched her forelegs and pulled Rainbow Dash and Twilight into it as well.
