Just one more drink...

by Orion97

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 1068

Let me just tell you how I accidentally pissed off the god of chaos himself and why it was a VERY bad idea.

We have all done things in the past that makes us just want to to get into a head-butting match with a brick wall. For me, I'd have to say the epitome, no, the holy grail of my dumbest mistakes would probably be getting drunk and upsetting a demigod. In hindsight…not the best of ideas…

(P.S. Will contain alcoholic and sexual references, if I feel it gets to be more mature I will adjust the rating accordingly. Also, the chapters will also get much longer than just the first one so don't worry.)
(Artwork was created by Tomoe-Chi)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-31 08:10:23 UTC

Once upon a blurry night...

Karma...has to be the biggest, most enormous pain in the ass that can be described with words.  It seemed that for nearly every single dumb thing I ever did since I put a thumb-tack in my teacher's chair caught up with me all on one night.  I won't bore you with the details of what led up to that night but I'm sure you'll all share some laughs at my expense and point out what an amazing level of idiocy I had discovered.  Anyway that's enough of me yapping and it's time for me to tell the damn story already.

I had been out partying and drinking with my buddies that night, Ben and Dharsii.  It was your typical "18th birthday let's party scenario".  Although everything went well at first things slowly spiraled out of control until words couldn't come up with a word for just how fucked I was.

"Hey, barkeep!  Another drink please!"  I shouted with a slightly slur already appearing in my voice and it was only my 2nd drink.  My friends were both sitting to my right and to my left, two seats down, sat a huge guy that looked like he could pick me up with one hand.  Next to me sat a guy roughly my size but he was fairly quiet.  The odd thing is that his hair was all white, his short beard, his eyebrows as well as his hair, though it had a black streak running through it.  As I mulled over how unusual he looked I realized the barkeeper already slid me another drink and not wanting to interrupt this joyous night, I drank up.

"Hey, Alex, I bet I can out-drink you without even trying."  Ben grinned at he swirled the contents of his drink gently.

I smiled in response.  "You're on, careful, Dharsii might beat both of us at the rate she's going."  We both looked over to see Dharsii slamming down her 4th or 5th beer, the effect was becoming increasingly obvious as her movements became somewhat less coordinated and her speech degrading in in cohesion and maturity at the same time.  Ben looked at her with some concern.

"Think she's alright?"  He asked me as he poked her gently in the shoulder.  She overreacted and knocked herself off her stool trying to  back away from Ben.  We jumped off our seats to help though it was too late, thankfully it seemed to be a rather harmless landing.

"Dafuq man?  Yew guys are such lightweights, *hic* come on, help meh beck up...ulmust spilled mai drink!"  Dharsii blurted out as we hauled her back upon her seat.

"Thank ye ladies...yer teh best..."  She said with a warm drunken smile.  After bumbling for a few seconds she picked up her glass and turned to the entire bar and shouted.  "Hey everybudy!  Next rounds on meh!  In Honur of mai buds Ben Holland and Alex Winter!"  After the resulting round of cheers I asked her how in the world she could afford that.

"Boss gave meh a raise."  She stated as she returned to her drink.

Almost immediately after the huge guy that had been sitting quietly next to me seemed to look up from contemplating something.  Then he turned and looked straight at me.  "Hey...you're the guy that broke my sister's heart!"  he said angrily as he stood up from his stool.

Oh shit...shit shit shit...I'm so fucked... I thought to myself as I began to sweat and wonder if I could make it to the door before he mauled my sorry hide.

Just as I was about to leap off my seat I found Dharsii and Ben standing next to me, though the term applied somewhat loosely for Dharsii, whom maintained balance by leaning on Ben.

"Hey, look man, it's probably just a mistake and even if it was Alex I know he's very sorry."  Ben said bravely, trying to defuse the situation, from my angle it looked like a dwarf trying to talk to a bear.  Takes a true friend to talk down giant man-bears for you.

Things seemed to be going well...then Dharsii started talking

"Awwww shiiiiit, that's the chick you slept with?"  She smiled at me as she spoke and I stared daggers at her in response.  About to take off like a bat out of hell as the man-bear seemed even more pissed than before.

"That crezy beotch that stalked ya and broke into yer house?  And wen she tryed to drive meh away because she thought I wunted ya?"

"Dharsii...please...please shut up..."  I whispered to her while on the verge of total panic

As she finished speaking I jumped on the counter and made a mad dash for safety, just as I thought I'd be free an arm seized my foot and I smacked face first into the table, knocking over several drinks and spilling one right on the quiet stranger that had been sitting next to me with the white hair, who now seemed pissed at me as well, joy.

Just as I thought this wouldn't get much worse the man-bear person hellbent on murdering me dragged me off the counter, holding me upside-down by my feet.

Ben and Dharsii shared a look of mixed confidence and fear and attacked the guy about to use my head as a club.  Ben tried to free me from his grip while Dharsii scaled his back and put her arms around his neck.  The huge man swung around and bucked like a bull, Dharsii held on for dear life and I went flying into the poor stranger as Ben fell to the floor.

Why...why does this kind of thing always happen to me... I thought as I pushed myself off the stranger, he looked like he was about to rip my head off, but I had bigger issues grabbing me by the hair.

I yelled in pain as it felt like my scalp was about to be ripped off.  My attacker lifted me high into the air as he pulled back his fist ready to knock my teeth out while Dharsii and Ben tried their best to distract him.  Just as I closed my eyes and prepared for the worst I heard someone's fingers snap and I instantly began to feel lighter and I opened my eyes to see light swirling around my friends and my would-be executioner, a smile forming on the stranger's face as he stood up, light starting to encompass him as well.

Time itself seemed to slow and within moments everything I saw appeared to fade before everything went dark just before I fell unconscious.