Author's Note
This is what happens when I have two hours of free time and am playing "Everypony's Bangin'" on a loop.
Do with that as you will.
Spaghetti and Dancing
Luna nervously trotted into the castle hedge maze, trying to be as quiet as she could, not wanting to be discovered doing what she was about to do. If she was found out, the press would have a field day. She wouldn’t ever live this down; it would be written in the annals of history, remembered for all time.
She couldn’t let that happen.
The green leaves of the bushes making up the maze rustled softly in the breeze; occasionally one would fall off and flutter to the ground, only to be magically replaced by another leaf; as the hedge maze was magical in and of itself.
She had read about this place, about what was rumored to go on inside the maze. It was whispered about amongst the palace guards, spoken in hushed and urgent tones, but never openly talked about. The creature that lived in the maze was said to be massive, muscle bound and awe inspiring with horns as thick as your leg. It was said his muscles had muscles, and that you couldn’t look directly at him when he flexed for fear of fainting from the awe-inspiring and imposing presence of such raw strength.
Luna turned a corner, following the small string on the ground that was said to lead to the center of the maze. It was tucked in the corner of the wall, barely visible under the leaves, but still there.
The maze got darker, the hedges seeming more and more overgrown as she trekked on. They grew upwards at an angle, curved like leafy fingers of some great beast with the intention of holding Luna in its hand for all eternity, only a thin ray of sunlight managing to shine through here and there, giving the maze a rather intimidating feel; as if it hadn’t been intimidating enough already.
Taking a deep breath, Luna continued her journey. She had overheard the guards mention the location only last week, she had hidden behind a pillar so as not to let them know she was there, for Celestia had forbidden Luna to go to this place, saying one could become addicted to what went on inside, that it would consume a pony entirely and take their mind away from them. Celestia had told her the creature would play a song, a song that would seep into ones soul and grasp it firmly, compelling them to move in strange and disturbing ways, their body would no longer be their own and that it would be lost to the monsters’ song until he saw fit to release his prey.
Luna hadn’t listened to her sisters warnings; instead she had decided she would defeat the monster. Why she wanted to do this, she wasn’t sure; she felt an unyielding compulsion to carry out this task, to be the one who defeated this great beast.
Celestia had told her the only way to defeat this monstrosity was by defeating it in a contest, a contest that would test ones very body and mind, pushing the limits of their every fiber and mental sanity. She had told her that many had tried and failed, that the string leading to the beast was a pathway to an unpleasant end and that she should never, ever follow it.
So she had followed it.
As Luna trotted, the hedge above got thicker and the rays of sunlight got fewer and farther between, causing the leafy passageway to become more and more dim as she pushed on, but almost as soon as it had become nearly to dark to see, a new light had appeared in the distance, warm and inviting almost, it shone out from a bend in the maze, illuminating the wall opposite where it originated and spreading out slightly, a beacon to those daring to enter.
She froze, suddenly unsure if she would be able to do this. She wasn’t as strong as her sister, or as big. She had little idea of what would happen should she lose to this beast, and to be quite blunt she found this whole place rather creepy.
“No, we can do this!” Luna said to herself. “We are the Princess of the Night, after all. What kind of princess doesn’t defeat a monster now and then?” She finished with a nod, barely speaking above a whisper.
Now reassured; if only slightly, Luna pushed forward, hugging the wall as she crept ever closer to the light. As she approached to passageway from which it shone, she peered out from behind the wall and scanned the room.
The small room was made up of leaves and hedges, just like the rest of the maze. However there was a thick fog that hugged the ground like a blanket, on one end of the room there was what appeared to be a stage, it was made of some sort of stained wood and looked rather ornate. There was some sort of booth to one side of the stage, with strange and alien looking devices hooked up to it and on the other end of the stage was what appeared to be…a stove?
Curiosity getting the better of her, Luna crept over to the stage and over to the stove. There were two large pots on top of it, both steaming from their depths. A strange smell seemed to materialize out of nowhere, it was enticing and lovely. Luna hadn’t ever smelled anything quite like it before; she wanted more.
However just as she was about to peer into the pots, a large, deep, booming voice sounded out, seeming to echo off of the walls of the room and shake her very being to its core.
“Who dares to enter this sanctum?” It boomed, followed by the “thump…thump…thump.” Of heavy footsteps.
Luna let out a yelp and fell off the stage, landing on her rump on the grassy floor. She shook her head and quickly righted herself, frantically looking around for the source of the rumbling voice.
“W-we are Luna! Princess of the Night and Moon, We hath come here to defeat you, vile creature!” She replied, trying her best to sound confident and intimidating.
The voice let out a laugh, seeming to get closer. “Silly pony, you do not know who you speak to do you…”
Luna caught a glimpse of a shadow; it was behind a curtain that made up the back of the stage. The shadow was tall and imposing, huge horns sprouting from either side of its head.
“Nopony alive can defeat me, creature of the maze, defeater of heroes and the stuff of legend…” The voice paused, creating a rather dramatic effect.
“For I am…IRON WILL!” The voice boomed as it spoke its name, Luna’s eyes widened as she watched the curtain part. With the grace of a slug, out jumped a scrawny, messy looking goat wearing a tie; it stared blankly at her and let out a short bleat.
“W-what…” She cocked her head to the side with a raised eyebrow, unsure of what she was looking at.
“No, no, no! I’m supposed to go out first!” The voice boomed again, sounding annoyed with the goat, a large muscular arm shooting out from behind the curtain and pulling the goat back in, to which it did nothing in response.
Luna had absolutely no idea what was going on.
“I-is this some sort of joke?” She let out with a slightly unsettled laugh.
“WHAT!” The voice boomed, and shortly after the owner of said voice burst out from behind the curtain with quite a dramatic flair and what looked like enough force to topple a building.
Luna let out a small squeak as she gaze upon this Iron Will character, he was a blue minotaur, his biceps looked like they did, indeed, have biceps, his abs looked as if you would break a hoof if you tried to hit them and he towered over her, gazing upon her with yellow eyes, snorting steam from his pierced nose.
“You dare to call IRON WILL, a joke?” He bellowed, pointing a muscle bound finger at her with a sound that sounded like the cracking of a whip, striking a pose that showcased his form as he did so.
“W-we didn’t-“
“Quiet, small equine!” He bellowed, striking another pose and turning to point at her with his other arm. “You have challenged Iron Will, and a challenge you shall receive!” He roared, flexing his Pecs rhythmically as he finished.
“O-ok…” Luna squeaked, wondering why Iron Will felt the need to pose so much.
Iron will turned around with a snort, pulling two plates and a pair of forks out from behind one of the pans, setting them down and grabbing a pair of tongs from out of one of the steaming pots, using them to pull out what appeared to be…wait, spaghetti?
His massive form dwarfing the pot, he placed a pile of noodles on each plate in a manner that was surprisingly delicate, almost artfully even, as if each twist of the tongs and the placement of the noodles were deliberate and would result in a masterpiece.
Iron Will then turned to the second pot, taking a ladle that had been resting inside of the pot, scooping out a thick, red sauce, it smelled of tomatoes and cilantro.
“This must be what death smells like…tomatoes and cilantro…” Luna thought to herself.
This was it then, he was going to somehow kill her with spaghetti, and the Princess of the Night would perish at the hoof of the delicious smelling food. What a way to go. Luna was beginning to contemplate fleeing, just as Iron Will turned to her thick, muscle-bound arm gripping a plate of delicious looking spaghetti, the sauce smelled wonderful and steam rose out from the noodles that hadn’t yet been covered by the sauce, it flowed down onto the noodles like lava from a volcano.
“In order to defeat Iron Will, YOU, must show that you can do the following task, better than Iron Will.”
The hulking Minotaur snapped around and pointed a finger at a goat that was standing in front of the curtain; eyes blank and staring at nothing.
“MUSIC!” He roared, to which the goat bleated and walked over to the booth Luna had taken note of earlier.
“You must beat, Iron Will, in a Spaghetti eating and dancing contest!” Iron Will struck a pose as the music began.
The music was just as Celestia had described, it began seeping into Luna’s very soul and grabbing ahold of her being, she couldn’t help but begin swaying her hips to the beat, she felt her mind begin to slip away, replaced by the insatiable desire to dance and eat pasta at the same time, it flooded inside her, she felt pleasurable chills run down her spine and reveled in this sensation, swaying gently side to side, pasta in hoof.
And then the beat dropped.
Iron Will began dancing and eating at the same time, both actions happening in one swift, fluid hypnotizing motion, his movements like water. He stared into Luna’s eyes as he danced and ate, never spilling any of the pasta onto the floor. Lights were flashing and strafing around the room, originating from seemingly nowhere.
The goat in the booth was banging its head to the heavy beat as Iron Will ate, joining in on this wonderful mix of food and music.
Luna couldn’t stop herself from dancing, her previous gentle swaying turned into a full on dance, swaying her backside side to side as she bobbed her head side to side with it, shoving a fork full of spaghetti into her mouth each time she swayed towards the plate on her hoof, her mane whipping about wildly.
Luna had no idea where this was coming from; she never danced, not unless she had a few drinks in her, and even this it was never this…good. She briefly tried to comprehend how she was dancing so well, but the thoughts were crushed and snuffed out by the music. The beat flowed through her like a drug, a drug that made her feel alive and free.
And so she danced, danced the dance of life and of delicious pasta.
The Spaghetti was delicious, it was as if the very sauce was imbued with the chilling power of the beat she now simultaneously danced and ate to, it made her hungry for more, and all she could think about was dancing and pasta.
Iron Will had begun to pelvic thrust, eating a bit of pasta each time he thrust outward, and scooping up a new bunch of noodles when he pulled back, his muscle-bound form consuming this heavenly sustenance and dancing with such precision and grace, it would have put Michael Jackson to shame.
Luna stood on her back hooves, balancing herself in such a way that she could sway her hips side to side more vigorously as she ate the pasta, her mane and tail whipping side to side with each sway, she wasn’t even trying to win anymore, she was too focused on dancing and eating, it was her only concern, her only care, Equestria could be burning and at that moment she wouldn’t care.
And so it continued like this, for hours on end, each combatant dancing and dancing and eating unnatural amounts of spaghetti.
To this day nopony knows who won, but since that day, whenever Luna eats spaghetti, she can always be seen gently swaying her hips, her eyes closed as she dances and eats to the unforgettable beat of Iron Will’s music.
