Princess Celestia wandered around the hallways of the glorious Canterlot castle. Even with it's massive size, Princess Celestia has seen it all before. Princess Celestia had other things that were on her mind, however. She was thinking about the Summer Sun Celebration this year, and of yet, she has not chosen a band to play.
Normally, this would be an easy process to go through. Vinyl Scratch was usually chosen as the peformer of the event. But lately, she has been going through some stages with her marefriend, and she as entered an indefinite hiatus. Her departure has left Princess Celestia at a bad spot. Normally, it would be the event organizers that would carry on with this process, but the princess' has selected the peformers themselves.
None of the peformers in Canterlot seemed to be exceptional as of late, which left Princess Celestia depressed. The Summer Sun Celebration has always had a peformer, and just wouldn't be the same if there wasn't any musical entertainment. The two princesses collaborated on musical choices, and the solar princess hasn't heard anything from Princess Luna yet.
Princess Celestia trotted around the hallways. Her ears perked up as she heard noise coming from a room. Princess Celestia followed the noise around the corridors and found that the source was coming from her sisters room. It sounded like music, but not the music that the solar princess was accustomed to. It sounded like the music that was erupting in the so-called "metal" scene, but with rapping mixed in with it. Squeaking was also heard in the room as well. Princess Celestia cracked the door a smudge.
Princess Luna looked as if she was on a major sugar rush. She thrashed her head up and down in a rythmic motion. She looked like she was doing an extremely fast dance, as she trotted around the room and bouncing around the room in extreme fashion. Her mane flapped all around the room as she did the dance. Princess Celestia looked at her in complete awe as she thrashed around the room. Princess Luna rapped some vocals from the blaring music that was playing on the stereo, which made Princess Celestia completely re-think her sister's behaviour.
"You wanna fuck me like an animal!!! You want to burn me on the inside!!! Woohooo!!!"
"Sister! What in the world are you doing? The entire castle can hear you!" Princess Celestia yelled over the blaring music. Princess Luna jumped in surprise and quickly turned down the knob on the stereo.
"I'm terribly sorry, sister. This music is really good, I just had to dance to it!" Princess Luna explained to a disgruntled older sister.
"You know you have headphones for that! Using that stereo at a terrible volume is completely irresponsable!" Princess Celestia looked at the stereo. Sometimes, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have looking through an inter-dimensional rift to look through a planet different from theirs. A planet called Earth. It's vastly different than of Equestria, and it's filled with inventions that Equestrians have yet to make. One of these inventions was called a stereo, a device that could be used to play music from silver disks and could be played for more than one pony in a room. Above one of the stereo speakers, was a disk case. Curious, Princess Celestia trotted to the speaker and read the title out loud.
"Chocolate Starfish and The Hot Dog Flavoured Water? Is that the name of the band?"
"Actually, no. I could see how you could get them mixed up. The band is actually called Limp Bizkit." Princess Luna explained. Princess Celestia thought about the name; it was a strange name at best, but most names usually had a meaning to them. This one didn't seem to have one. Princess Celestia's thousand old mind tried to decipher the name, but couldn't think of anything.
"You know, I know you probably will disagree with this, but I honestly think we should consider letting this band perform at the Summer Sun Celebration," Princess Luna said.
"Are you sure that would be a wise decision? I mean, this band does have some vulgar language, and I don't know how the audience would react to that," Princess Celestia said, concerned.
"Sister, the celebration is only a few days away and we still don't have a performer. Besides, this band has a mix of hip-hop and metal. As far as I know, usually fans of metal don't attend the celebration too often. If we could pull in more attendance numbers by mixing these two styles together, we will be able to pull in more ponies and possibly gain in more income." As her sister spoke, Princess Celestia considered all of the things that she was saying. While Celestia was not very fond of metal, she does admit that she should cater for all fans of all genres of music.
"Alright. Perhaps it makes sense to do this. I just hope this is a wise decision," Princess Celestia said, caving in. Princess Luna bounced up and down in glee, squealing at a high pitch.
"Eeeeh! This will be great!" Princess Luna jumped up.
"We will perform the transportation soon," Princess Celestia said as she exited the room. Princess Celestia had a bad feeling about the whole thing. Would it be such a great idea to bring a metal band into a positive event? She wondered as she stepped around the hallways.
Fred Durst groaned as the pain settled into his brain. He turned his head. Against his face, was his friend Wes Borland. He was knocked unconcsious. Fred raised his body, rubbing his eyes. He noticed that the rest of his friends were there as well. Sam? Otto? Lethal? All of his band members were there. He looked around the room that he was in. It resembled that of a castle from a medieval storybook. It was a small room, and looked like a room for a princess.
"This is pretty funky..." Fred thought. Wes got up, in the process of waking up. He looked around the room with a stern look on his face.
"Fred, where the hell are we?"
"I have no idea. It's pretty colourful, though."
"We're not high again, right?"
"Jeez, right now, I have no fucking clue what's happening right now." At that moment, the rest of the band woke up, taking in the new environment that they were in. They stood, and found out that they were almost as tall as the ceiling.
"This is fucked," The band's drummer, Otto exclaimed.
"How in the hell did we get here?" The band's DJ, DJ Lethal pondered.
"Okay, so I think either two things happened. One, we got super high, died, and then we entered purgatory. Or two, this is just a crazy dream and we'll wake up soon enough," Fred assumed.
"Neither," A female voice boomed. The five turned to the source of the voice. A multi-coloured pegasus with a flowing mane stepped in, along with a similar pegasus, only she looked as if she was from the moon. The five looked at the pegasus creatures with complete awe.
"Okay, now I definitely know we're high," Wes said.
"I'm sorry?" The coloured pegasus asked.
"Never mind."
"I apologize for not introducing ourselves. My name is Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria. My sister, Princess Luna, rules this land far and wide," Princess Celestia explained. As the princess talked, the band's mouths dropped to the floor. "We have transported you here to our realm to ask you a favour."
"Uh, what would that be?" Lethal asked.
"Our Summer Sun Celebration has always had a musical performer, but this year we have yet to find one. In an effort to bring in more attendance numbers, and at the request of my sister, we have decided to bring a 'New metal' band to perform. Do you accept?" Princess Celestia asked. The band members glanced at each other. Fred pulled the band members and they formed into a circle.
"Okay, so let's look at our options. We can have some fun in this motherfucker, or we can just go back home and go on another boring tour. I mean, we're in a crazy realm with horse people with princesses and shit, so why not do it?" Fred theorized.
"I dunno, man. If these government types are asking us to do a show, that's gotta mean that there's gonna be a huge crowd. I don't really want a repeat of Woodstock again, man," Wes replied.
"It could be fun. I mean, if this is some messed up dream, then we don't got anything against these horse things," Lethal argued.
"Whoever agrees to perform, raise your hand," Fred said. Sam, Otto, Lethal and Fred raised their hand. Wes sighed.
"Whatever."
"Let's party," Fred said. The five broke out of the circle and approached the two princesses.
"Alright. We happily agree to perform at your event. We just need our equipment, and we'll be there. Out of curiosity, how many people usually come?"
"You mean ponies? Records have shown on average that about eighty thousand ponies attend every year," Princess Luna replied. Fred grew a devilish smile.
"That's a little less than I expected, but it's perfect. I guess we'll rehearse when our equipment get's here," Fred said.
"We will get your equipment in a few moments. I hope to see you there," Princess Luna said.
"That's cool. It's always nice to meet a pony fan," Fred complimented. Princess Luna blushed and exited the room along with her sister. The band members glanced at each other, Fred's smile growing wider and wider every second.
"I have a really bad feeling about this," Wes said.
"You always say that," Fred replied.
"Can't I just quit the band again?"
The day finally came. The Summer Sun Celebration was in full throttle. The stage was speedily constructed for the musical entertainment. Tons of space was used for the crowd once again, and backstage was the band practicing their instruments. Wes was in the other room, bringing paint along with him. Ponies and more ponies were working on the stage, and some make-up ponies attended to the band members, although they shrugged them off. The two princesses entered the backstage, along with a lavender unicorn as well.
"Hello, Fred. I trust that things are doing alright?" Princess Luna asked.
"Yeah, man. Things are great. This setup looks pretty cool," Fred replied.
"It's the most sophisticated musical setup of our time. Even the back can hear everything clearly."
"Perfect," Fred said sinisterly.
"I don't believe you met one of my personal protege's, Twilight Sparkle," Princess Celestia introduced. A smaller pony surfaced from behind the two princesses and approached Fred. The two shook arms.
"What up?" Fred greeted. Twilight looked confused by the greeting.
"Urm, what up?" Twilight tried saying naturally.
"So, when are we going to start performing?" Fred asked.
"When we first appear. We make a little speech, then you come in and perform," Princess Celestia explained. Fred grinned wildly at the explanation. Oooh, this will be fun as hell!, Fred thought.
"Um, why are you smiling like that?" Princess Celestia asked.
"Oh, uh, I'm just so happy to perform at this glorious event. I'm really glad that you have invited us here to perform," Fred said with fake enthusiasm. The solar princess smiled weakly.
"That's very good."
"Say, where is Wes?" Princess Luna asked, as Twilight went to the door to the bathroom. Before she could even touch the door, the door swung open. Twilight eye's widened as she shrieked in horror at the sight. She fell back to the floor, stone cold. Wes erupted from the bath room, but in a completely different appearance. His shirt was gone, and most of his body was spread with blood-looking paint, with a white coat for his head. His eyes were completely black, and a cross was planted on to his forehead.
"Jeez, what was her problem?" Wes asked. Princess Celestia gaped in horror at the sight.
"Oh my goodness! What happened to you?!" Princess Celestia cried out.
"He does this for most of our concerts. Pretty neat, huh?" Fred explained. Princess Celestia glared at Fred.
"We cannot let you perform with him appearing like that! It's indecent!"
"I can't really get it off of me. It kind of hardened," Wes explained. Princess Celestia grew very red in colour. Princess Luna came to her side and tried to calm her down.
"Sister, we don't have anyone else to perform, and people have already came into their seats," Princess Luna advised. Princess Celestia held in her breath, then sighed.
"Alright. I guess we have no choice. Please get somepony to pick up Twilight. I'll be in the other room," Princess Celestia caved in as she exited the room. Princess Luna faced Fred again.
"She's not very fond of metal, so I don't think she's very happy about you performing."
"Hey, you two wanted us to perform. It's not our fault if anything happens," Fred replied.
"Just do what you do best. Thank you for performing for us."
"Anytime. I'll be seeing you in the crowd." Princess Luna blushed again as she exited the room. A pegasus pony picked up the unconsious Twilight and got her out of the room. Wes walked over to Fred.
"Man, this is pretty fucked up, man. Do you think we should do this?"
"Dude, this is all just some crazy hallucination that we're having. It'll be fine! Just loosen up, man!" Fred assured. Wes sighed, and picked up his guitar.
"Alright. Let's do this."
The crowd of ponies roared as the mayor of Ponyville got up to the stand at the large stage. The large amount of ponies at once was amazing to look at from an eagle eye's view. A large amount of ponies wearing metal clothing made the rest of the crowd feel uncomfortable. The mayor spoke into the microphone.
"Alright, ponies. We are just two hours away from the rising of the sun! Before that happens, we would like to introduce you to a band that will be playing. This band is from the planet Earth, and they are very well known in their realm! Mares and gentlecolts, introducing, the one, the only, Limp Bizkit!"
Background music started to play as the band emerged from all the stage hands. Jon climbed to his drum set, and Wes and Sam grabbed their bass and guitar. Fred looked at the massive size of the stage. The screaming ponies blasted the wind from the band members. A wave of adrenaline filled Fred as he smiled like a madman.
"Oooh, this will be fun," He said to himself. He raised his microphone to his mouth and screamed into the microphone.
"Are you all ready to get fucked up?!" The ponies screamed, showing that they were indeed ready.
"When I say you get up, you get the fuck up!" The crowd roared as circles started to form. Fred smiled wickedly at the sight.
"When I say you get up, you get the fuck up, you feel me?" The crowd roared again. Fred turned his voice into a more angry tone and growled into the microphone.
"Are you ready? THEN GET THE FUCK UP!" Fred growled as the band jumped up and down in unison. Lights surrounded the front of the crowd as it flashed a yellow-ish glow. Wes fired a machine gun of guitar riffing and released with a power chord. Otto established a loud and fast tempo, while DJ Lethal scratched his turntables in between. The group danced around the stage as they released an aggressive song. The crowd of metal fans formed mosh pits everywhere around the pit. Fans were thrashing about as the heavy song played on the powerful speakers. Royal Guards were trying their best to keep the audience under control, but it was almost no use as the eighty thousand pony crowd thrashed around.
Princess Celestia stood in awe at the backstage at the complete chaos that was happening during the first few minutes of the performance.
"This is absolutely horrific! Somepony might get hurt! We must stop the performance!" Princess Celestia said as she watched
from the backstage. The Solar princess looked around for her sister, but she had vanished. "Luna? Where did you go?"
"Woohoo!" Princess Luna screamed as she crowd surfed amongst the audience, just like everypony else was doing. She screamed at the top of her lungs as she fell to the ground, and immediately joined a mosh pit, pushing and thrashing other ponies in an extreme dance. Princess Celestia grew very red as her frustration grew.
The song repeated it's riff until Wes let out a long note, and Otto crashed on the cymbals. The song then turned into a rythmic ritual-like section. Fred adressed the crowd.
"There is some energy in this place, man. It's insane." The crowd roared once more, starting to chant the band's name.
"Limp Bizkit! Limp Bizkit! Limp Bizkit!" Fred grew a wicked smile again.
"All you ponies on the side! All you ponies on the other side! All you ponies at the back! And all the fuckers in the pit!"
All sections of the audience screamed as they were called.
"When I tell you to get up, you get the fuck up!" Fred screamed.
"Are you ready! THEN GET THE FUCK UP!" The riff was repeated again and the band members jumped up and down as the audience roared. Towers were put in the midst of the audience beforehand. Ponies surrounding the towers started to pull plywood from the towers and raised it above their heads. Some ponies were riding the plywood, dancing on top of them. The Royal Guard was completely useless during that moment. At that moment, Princess Celestia had enough.
The lights were shut down, and all music was cut off. The audience booed as they stopped dancing in the mosh pit. Princess Luna got up from ground, blood bleeding from her muzzle. The band members looked around in confusion as the music stopped. Princess Celestia glared at the band members, red with anger. Fred shook his head.
"That performance was completely irresponsable!" Princess Celestia scolded. The band members sat around in the back of the stage after the performance. Princess Luna held a hankerchief to her muzzle, blood spilling to the ground. "I knew this wasn't a good idea. This wasn't ever a good idea."
"Hey, lady. Look, you were the ones who got us to do this. It's not our fault that your concert organizer was shit," Fred attacked. Princess Celestia glared at Fred.
"Excuse me, but I was the one who chose you!"
"My statement stands," Fred joked.
"You are one of the worst people I have ever met!"
"Well, I wouldn't want to fuck you in the ass either!"
"That's it! You are to return to your homeworld this instant. Luna, please assist me with the portal," Princess Celestia commanded. Princess Luna dropped her hankerchief and channeled her magical energy with her sister. The result was a large blue portal. A look at the band's practice space was visible. The band mate's glanced at each other and headed through the portal. Before Fred could go through the portal, Princess Luna stopped him.
"I really appreciate the performance, even if my sister didn't," Princess Luna thanked.
"Thanks for having us in your house," Fred replied. They both stared into each other's eyes for a couple moments. Fred looked at the portal and went through. Fred's head quickly erupted from the portal before the portal was to close.
"Oh, by the way, tell your sister that she's a bitch." Fred quickly jumped back to his world as the portal closed. Fred fell to the ground as he found himself in the band's practice space.
"That was pretty fun," Fred exclaimed. He got himself up and looked at the dingy practice space. It had a much more darker palette change than the one in Equestria. Fred had this weird feeling, the feeling to go back and do it all over again. And maybe see that dark blue princess again.
"So, wait. That was all real?" Wes asked in bewilderment.
"I guess so. Pretty cool, right?" Fred said.
"Yeah, I guess." The band members glanced at each other with open eyes.
"Well, I definitely know what we're gonna call our next album!" Fred said.
"What?" Wes asked,
"The Bitch Princesses of Equestria!"
Author's Note
I love Limp Bizkit. This idea came up when I read a thread where bands from Earth went to Equestria. The first thing that popped into my head: "Limp Bizkit"
The song that was used during the concert is called Thieves. It's a cover of Ministry that Limp Bizkit did. The concert was based on the Woodstock '99 performance that Limp Bizkit did. The plywood thing did in fact happen, and I think that's the coolest part.
"Give me a stick; Don't be a dick" Riffmaster
