Dragon Tales

Chapters

The Little Ladies
Keep the Fires Burning
Humble Pie
Tutoring Session
Super Sneaky
Mail from a Mauve-Maned Mare

The Little Ladies

Spike was in the basement of Carousel Boutique, fetching various bolts of fabric for his beloved Rarity. Sure, they were twice his height, but compared to lugging around towering stacks of books for Twilight, this was a walk in the park. He scurried upstairs and placed them on the floor with a grunt, then stood at attention, waiting for his next order.

"Thank you so very much, Spike," Rarity said, stepping away from her sewing machine to look over the bolts. "Hmm... this won't do. Spike, could you run upstairs and get my color pallets?"

He saluted. "On it!" He ran up to Rarity's room and began searching. As usual, the room was a mess, and he soon found himself simply tossing random materials out of his path. As he continued to tear the room apart, he heard small hoofsteps walk past. They returned, and an ear-piercing scream followed, and he screamed in response, turning just enough to expose his sharp teeth to the intruder. The hoofsteps ran out. He looked out the doorway, just in time to see the end of a purple tail run down the stairs. "Rarity?"

"RARITY!" a little girl shrieked, making him cover his ears. "Rarity, there's a monster in your room! What do I do!?"

"Monster?" Rarity said, clearly unhappy. "Sweetie Belle, I can't even begin to explain how rude that is! That 'monster is a baby dragon, and a sweetheart! More to the point, he's one of your new neighbors!"

"Really?"

"Yes. Now you go right back upstairs and apologize this instant!"

Spike retreated back into the room and tried to act like the entire town didn't have hear the exchange. A moment later, Sweetie Belle appeared in the doorway, staring at the floor. His heart skipped a beat. She looks just like a small Rarity!

"Um," she said, still looking at the floor. "Sorry about screaming at you. And for calling you a monster. And screaming. My name's Sweetie Belle. I'm Rarity's little sister."

"T-that's alright," he said, extending his hand and smiling. "I'm Spike, and I live in the library down the street." She looked up and shook his hand, making him blush slightly. "Nice to meet you."

He let go of her hoof, and they stood there, unsure of what to say next. Spike resumed his digging and Sweetie Belle walked up to stand next to him.

"What are you looking for?" she asked.

"Color pallets."

"Oh! I know where those are!" Like it was nothing, she stuck her head in the mess, emerging with the pallets in her mouth. "These, right?"

"Yeah," he said, not bothering to hide his amazement. "How did you--"

She gave them to him. "They usually end up in the same place every time. I don't know why; one of those big sister secrets, I guess."

"I know what you mean.Twilight always ends up losing something, and I have to be the one to find it for her."

"Wait, Twilight's your sister?" She waved a hoof at him. "But... but you're a--"

He waved a claw. "Yeah, yeah, I know. But she may as well be my sister, you know?"

"Sort of."

Another awkward silence passed. Spike backed out of the room and went downstairs, holding the pallets out with a proud grin. Rarity returned the smile and took them, placing them on the counter.

Sweetie came downstairs and looked up at her sister with pleading eyes. "Rarity, can I borrow some of your hair care products? I don't need much, just some conditioner, shampoo, brushes, your hairdryer--"

"I understand," Rarity said. "And the answer is no, I'm afraid. Especially after what happened to mother's mane."

"What do you need all that stuff for, anyway?" Spike asked, somewhat afraid to find out.

"My friends and I are trying to get our cutie marks in hairdressing."

He looked at her flank, just now noticing that it was indeed blank. "So you all just try everything until something happens?"

Sweetie nodded enthusiastically, then struck a rather silly, heroic pose. "Yeah! Together, we're the Cutie Mark Crusaders!"

Spike chuckled, then his expression turned serious. "Wait... aren't you the guys who made it start raining maple syrup last week?"

She blushed. "Eh-heh. Yeah..." She coughed into her hoof, then turned to leave. "I'll just have to tell the girls there's been a change of plans. Thanks anyway!" She waved goodbye, then sprinted out the door.

Spike and Rarity waved after for a moment, smiles plastered on their faces. After a moment of this, Rarity turned and looked at Spike, a grateful grin appearing on her face.

"Spike, why don't you go with her?"

He gave her an odd look. "Huh?"

"Well, you've been working so hard all day; you deserve a break. Why don't you go spend some time with Sweetie Belle and her friends? I'm sure they'd love to meet you."

He folded his arms behind his back and looked at the floor. He had to admit, he was curious. "I guess, if you're sure... you'll be okay without me, right?"

"Oh, don't you worry dear," she cooed, ruffling his spines. "I'll be just fine with what you've done today. Thank you ever so much!" She nuzzled him, making him blush and stammer before heading out the door.

Despite her head start, Spike managed to catch up with Sweetie Belle in no time. She wandered through town, looking like she had no idea where she was going. Every so often, she would stop and look around, and even stopped to ask a pony for directions. Once she had her bearings, she took off faster than expected, leaving Spike to chase after her. It was futile, as his stumpy legs wouldn't let him catch up to the filly, and he quickly lost sight of her.

"And now I'm lost," he grumbled, wandering around much like Sweetie was earlier. Fortunately, he knew the area well enough to know that he was near Sweet Apple Acres. He ran into the orchard, hoping to find Applejack or Big Mac; there was a good chance that they had seen Sweetie run through here.

He could just see the barn on the horizon when he heard giggling. Sweetie's giggling, to be exact, joined by Scootaloo's and one he didn't recognize. He followed the noise, soon coming across a large, pink tree house. He ran up onto the balcony and peeked through the window. What he saw confused him.

Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and a third, yellow filly with a bow in her hair all sat on a bulls-eye in the center of the room. They didn't seem to be doing much, just staring off into space. Every few seconds, one of them would perk up, only to deflate shortly after and resume staring.

"Huh," he mumbled. "Guess we were worried for nothing." He stepped away from the window, his claws scratching the floorboards. Scootaloo looked to the window at the noise.

"Hey, Spike!" she said, causing the other two to run to the window. He waved at her.

"Spike?" Sweetie said. "I thought you were helping Rarity."

"Well, this just ain't fair," the yellow filly said, having stepped out to join him on the balcony. Just like the other two, she lacked a cutie mark. She wore a phony pout, one that was almost completely ruined by the friendly grin breaking through. "How do ya meet both of my friends without meeting me? I've even had brunch with you!"

"I thought you guys already knew each other," Scootaloo said.

"I just met him today," Sweetie said.

"Well, I guess it's my turn," the filly said. "I'm Applebloom. My folks run the orchard."

"So that must mean you're Applejack's sister, huh?" Spike asked.

She nodded, then her expression became serious, and she began poking and prodding him. "So what are you, anyhow? Never seen a lizard like you before, especially one that talks. Are you from the Everfree?"

He buried his face in his claws, and Scootaloo laughed.

He glared at her. "It's not funny! You'd think somepony in this town would know what a dragon is!"

Applebloom put a hoof on his shoulder. "Gee, I'm sorry, Spike. I didn't mean any harm."

"It's fine. Anyway, what were you guys up to?"

"Well," Sweetie said, "we were trying to come up with something to do, since Rarity won't let us use her stuff." She turned to Scootaloo, who had returned to the bulls-eye. "Anything yet?"

"Hmm..." Scootaloo rubbed her chin. She perked up and hurried back to the window. "I just got an idea! Spike, you know that zip-line you helped me build?"

Spike furrowed his brow. "Yeah...?"

"Well, me and the girls tried it out, but it didn't go as well as when you and I tried it. Can you show us what went wrong?"

For some reason, he felt the urge to run as fast as he could. Ignoring that, he said, "Sure thing. Where is it?"

With Scootaloo leading them, they quickly arrived at the failed project. Spike scrambled up the tree to take a look at the remains of the contraption. Everything seemed to be in order, even the landing platform on the other side of the orchard.

"Wait a second," Applebloom said. "When did you two build all this? And without any of us knowing?"

"Well, Spike just taught me how to put it all together," Scootaloo said. "We first tried it in the Whitetail Woods, and I brought it over here to show you guys."

"Did the cord catch fire when you two did it?" Sweetie asked.

"The cord did what!?" Spike said, sending a curious glance towards Scootaloo. "You did use a pulley, right?" She didn't look at him. "Right?"

"I forgot, okay? I got excited!" She looked up at him with a taunting glare. "Don't act like you weren't!"

"Yeah, but I didn't set the cord on fire did I?" He climbed down, cord in hand. "Well, the damage isn't too bad. Really, all we need are new harnesses and a cord." Looking at Scootaloo, he added, "And a pulley."

She stuck her tongue out at him before walking off towards town. "Alright, I guess I'll get the oh-so-important pulley. What about you?"

"I can get the cord," Sweetie said.

"Me and Applebloom can get the safety gear," Spike said.

They all nodded and went to do their jobs. Applebloom lead Spike to the barn, where Granny Smith was napping on the porch. She gave the requisite "shush" motion, and they tiptoed past her and went into the tool shed, where Big Macintosh was taking inventory, his back turned to the door.

Applebloom poked him in the side. "Hey, Big Mac, can we use the safety gear to go zip-lining?" He gave her an odd look. "I know we've done it before, but now Spike's gonna help us. It'll work this time, for sure!"

Big Mac looked down at Spike, who gave him a thumbs up in return.

"Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on them," he said.

After a long silence, he nodded and gave them the helmets and harnesses. After a quick thanks, they ran back to the clubhouse to leave their items.

Sitting down to rest, Spike looked over at Applebloom, who was pacing the clubhouse, pausing only to look out the window. He stared for a bit before asking, "What's the hurry? Why are you so anxious?"

"Just waitin' for Scootaloo and Sweetie to get back so we can have lunch." She sighed and leaned against the wall, still searching for her friends. "They better hurry. I'm starved!"

All this talk of lunch made Spike realize just how hungry he was. It made sense; he had been helping Rarity since seven o' clock, and it was well past noon by now. As he was about to offer to make something, the other two fillies came trotting in, items in their mouths. Leaving them with the other materials, they turned to Applebloom, excitement on their faces.

"So what's next?" Scootaloo asked.

Applebloom raised a hoof. "Wait for it..."

A few seconds later, Applejack walked in, carrying a tray of drinks and numerous apple-based pastries on her back. Spike completely forgot about that when he noticed what she was wearing. Her trademark hat was gone, replaced with an red scarf. Even more shocking was the frilly white apron she wore, which was still stained with filling. The crusaders didn't seem to notice or care, but Spike was just barely able to hold in his laughter, shuddering even as he took his treat.

Everypony gave him an odd look.

"You alright, Spike?" Applejack asked. He nodded and quickly shoved an apple fritter into his mouth. He couldn't stop shaking though, and Applejack quickly put the pieces together. She snickered. "That's right, you've never seen me dress like this, have you?"

He laughed nervously. "Well... no, actually. What's the occasion?"

"She always wears this when she brings us lunch," Applebloom said. "What's the big deal?"

"Yeah," Applejack said, "I've seen you wearing a pretty little apron around the library, haven't I? A bright pink, frilly one with a little heart on it?"

Spike stammered, unable to respond. It didn't really matter what he said anyway, since any argument would've been drowned out by the crusader's raucous laughter. He settled for looking at the floor, his face turning red with anger and embarrassment. I thought she wouldn't mention that! That's the only reason I wear it around them at all!

Laughing, she patted his head. "Aw, don't feel bad, sugarcube. Granny Smith always says 'to each his own'. If that's what you wanna do, then have at it."

He smiled a little bit and kept eating. The crusaders joined him, with Applejack taking a snack for herself before taking her leave. Eventually, they finished eating and began to take the equipment outside.

"So," Scootaloo said, wearing all the helmets on her head in some sort of balancing act, "do you really wear an apron around the house, Spike?"

He sighed. "Yes, I do."

"Why?"

They reached the tree and set the equipment down at the base. Spike and Scootaloo went to work setting everything up, while Applebloom tossed the supplies up to them.

"It helps keep me clean when I cook. Scoots, are you sure you need a helmet?"

She frowned and passed the the cord to him. "Not funny. Anyway, why don't you get a different one? One that ponies won't laugh at?"

He took it and started tying it to a sturdy-looking branch. "It was a gift from Cadance." He passed the other end to her. "Hey, Scootaloo, can you go tie this to the tree near the platform?" She saluted and leaped down, buzzing away until she was an orange speck.

"Who's Cadance? Your old babysitter?" Sweetie asked.

He shook his head. "Not mine, Twilight's. The apron was a going away gift. I saw it in a window the day before we left, and she bought it for me the morning after." They stared. "It looked comfy, alright?"

"You know what?" Applebloom said. "You never answered my question. Where are you from?"

"I used to live in Canterlot. We just moved here a little while ago." He reached down for the harnesses. Neither one moved, instead staring up at him with wide eyes. "Uh, guys?"

Applebloom came to her senses first, blinking a bit before handing him the harness. "Sorry. You just don't look like a Canterlot-type... dragon."

"You mean one of those really stuffy, arrogant types?" He gathered the harnesses in a pile and hopped down to wait for Scootaloo.

"Well, yeah. Granny's been there, and she said that besides the princess, everypony was really stuck up. Is that true?"

"Mostly. It's the ones that aren't that you want to look out for; they're usually worth knowing."

"So which one would my sister be?" Sweetie said. "One of the nice ones?"

He nodded vigorously. "Definitely! She'd love Canterlot, and I'd love to take my friends there too."

"So you'll be taking us, right?" Scootaloo asked. They all looked at her. "What? I move quick. So, will you? We are your friends, right?"

He smiled warmly, and they smiled back. "Sure thing. One day, I'll take you all. Promise!"

"Great!" Scootaloo said, jumping up onto the platform. "Now that that's taken care of, let's get this started!"

Nodding, they all joined her and began putting on their helmets. After a quick check to make sure the pulley system was secure, they hooked the harnesses to the cord and strapped themselves in, Applebloom first, then Sweetie, then Spike, and Scootaloo at the back to push off.

"Everypony ready?" Scootaloo said, bracing her hooves against the tree. Without waiting for a response, she pushed off, sending them all rocketing across the orchard. Spike struggled to keep his eyes open in the face of the roaring winds, if only to see the sight of the trees and grass around him, their speed reducing it all to a whirlwind of green. They went faster and faster, until he could barely breathe through all the air forcing itself into his lungs. Between this and the Crusaders' screaming, he could barely focus enough to wonder just how far Scootaloo had tied the other end.

He didn't have to worry about that for long. The pulley smacked against a thick branch, bringing them to an abrupt halt and sending them flying past the platform and into the tree immediately behind it. Groaning, they all struggled to free themselves from the tree's grip. The adrenaline quickly wore off, however, leaving them to dangle uselessly from its branches.

Applebloom spat out a mouthful of leaves. "Is everyone okay?"

Sweetie tried to shake the twigs out of her tail, with little success. "I'm fine. Scootaloo? Spike?"

"I'm good," Scootaloo said as she tried to get free of the sap that stuck her to the tree's trunk. "Sticky, but good."

Spike wasn't so lucky. He found his head stuck in a knothole, bringing him face to face with a family of squirrels. Fortunately, they were more than happy to push him out, sending him to the ground. Shaking his head, he managed to give a shaky thumbs up.

Applebloom nodded. "Great! More importantly" --she turned this way and that trying to get a good look at her flank-- "did I get my cutie mark? Did any of us?" The girls checked themselves and each other, but nothing had changed. "Shoot!" With a little more squirming, she managed to free herself. Sweetie followed, and they all worked to pull Scootaloo free.

"So that was a bust," she said, licking the last bits of sap off. "But I have a new idea!" Her friends flocked to her, eyes wide. She cleared her throat, then screamed at the top of her lungs, "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS BEEKEEPERS!" They all jumped up and hoof-bumped each other, adding an extra-loud "YAY!"

Spike watched them with a small grin. It was all he could do, considering the loud ringing in his ears. Despite that, and the slight aching of his skull, this was fun. A little scary, sure, but that was the best part. The girls seemed fun, too. At the very least, they were fun to be around, not to mention eager to try new things. He wasn't so sure about their cutie mark situation, though.

A hoof nudged him, snapping him out of his thoughts. He looked up to see Applebloom offering her hoof. Had she been speaking? What did she need? She tried repeating herself, but no matter what she said, it was all drowned out by the ringing. Luckily, he could read lips. She was asking if he wanted to come beekeeping with them.

"So what do you say, Spike?" she said.

He nodded.

She smiled and pulled him to his feet. "Great! Let's get going!"

Keep the Fires Burning

"Spike? Spike, good morning! Time to wake up!" Her horn lighting up, Twilight roughly yanked the covers off of the sleeping dragon, who buried his head beneath his pillow to avoid the blinding rays of the sun. This was also removed, albeit with much more resistance. She sighed. "Come on, Spike. It's already nine-thirty; the morning's half over!"

With a grumble and a sigh of defeat, Spike rose from his comfy basket. Stretching to work out any stiffness, he climbed out of bed, lifting the basket to grab his toothbrush. "I don't see what the big deal is, Twi. It's the weekend, and the princess hasn't given you anything to work on. Why the hurry?" He waddled into the bathroom, shutting the door as Twilight continued to speak.

"That's exactly my point! With nothing to do all weekend, I've decided to make something to do!" She struck a dramatic pose, a determined grin on her face. Spike emerged, eyeing the spectacle for a moment before heading downstairs to make breakfast. She eagerly followed him, checking off a checklist she had made late last night. "Lets see... At eleven, I'm going to join Rarity and Fluttershy at the spa; at three, I'll help Pinkie with baking--"

Spike tuned her out, walking into the kitchen. Honestly, why she obsessed over checklists so much was beyond him. What's worse, she seemed to be the only one in her entire family who took list-making to the same extremes as she did. Mr. Nightlight came close, but his passion was more about charts and graphs than lists. Spike had once made the fatal mistake of asking what the difference was when he was younger; the stallion went so far as to pick Twilight up from school early to help him explain. That's five hours of my life I'll never get back.

He forced those thoughts out of his head, focusing on the task at hand. Fortunately, there was plenty to work with, thanks to the countless foods given to Twilight as belated thanks for saving the realm every year. Of course, this presented the problem of having far too much to choose from. Deciding it was too early to worry about it, he opened the cupboards and retrieving pancake mix, he went to work.

That's what he loved most about cooking: the privacy. Rather, it was the unspoken agreement that he was not to be interrupted while he was in the kitchen. He used this "Spike Time" for a number of things; today, he would try to think of something to do with himself. With Twilight booked the entire day, it seemed he had the day to himself. Then again, there was nothing keeping him from going with her.

He scoffed. No way he would get caught up in that girly nonsense again, especially not a spa trip. He had gone once, about a year ago, on the urging of Cadence. It may well have been the most boring experience of his life. He grumbled at the memory. That's three more hours wasted.

The sweet smell of pancakes snapped him out of his memories, and one by one, he stacked them high on a single plate. With a grunt, he carried the plate out to the living room table, where Twilight was waiting. Once the food was set, she used her magic to grab extra plates, utensils and of course, maple syrup.

"So what about you, Spike?" Twilight asked. "What are you doing today? I know you're not going to just stay in the library all day."

His mouth full, he could only shrug. At last he swallowed, saying, "I don't really know. I might just go for a walk around town."

"Hmm..." she said, rubbing her chin. "That sounds like a good plan. Just stay away from the Everfree forest this time, okay?"

He glared. She had promised to never talk about that again. "Sure, so long as you promise not to try any unfinished spells while you're out."

"Touché," she said with a grin. They ate in silence for a moment, then Twilight said, "You know, Spike, why don't you try to meet other ponies in town?"

"Huh?"

"Well, we've lived here for years, and hardly anypony knows you. Don't you think you should fix that?" She paused, giving him a chance to argue.

He didn't take it. He had no comeback for that other than the fact that it was the weekend, and he really didn't mind. He'd bet half his scales that she knew, and was just waiting for the chance to shoot him down. That phony grin was just her way of declaring checkmate without seeming pretentious. He remained silent, finishing off his meal.

"So that's a yes?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll go meet some other ponies." Finishing the last of his breakfast, he added, "It might be fun."

"I'm sure it'll be good for you, and I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself." she said, smiling warmly. Her horn lit up, and she levitated a small bag of bits from the study, placing them in his hands. "Here. You don't have to meet anyone if you don't have to, but at least go have some fun." Scooping up the dishes, she walked to the kitchen. "I'll take care of these. I have some time."

Spike looked at the clock. It was already ten o' clock, and the way Twilight did dishes, even that small amount would take her at least half an hour. Coupled with how long it would take to get ready, find the salon or her friends, etc...

Smiling, he gripped the bag and headed for the door. "Thanks, Twilight!" He gave a short wave before leaving.

Why did I let her talk me into this?

Over an hour later, Spike found himself wandering the mountains near the outskirts of Ponyville, and had yet to meet anyone. Of course, he had exchanged token greetings with a few shopkeepers, but whatever conversation they offered quickly turned into an advertisement the second they saw his bits. Other ponies seemed to be otherwise occupied with their day, and his own inherent, age-induced shyness kept him from approaching anyone who looked free.

He sighed. "I wonder if it's too late to head home. I could just tell Twilight nopony was out today. She'll understand." He turned around and began to walk home.

"WHAT!?"

A thundering shout ripped through the peaceful air, causing the very mountains to tremble and sending Spike into the air. He looked for the source, which was clearly the one structure he could see. It was less of a proper home or business, resembling either a large shack or a small barn, with windowless, wooden walls. It also had no door, but it was nearly impossible to see inside. From inside, increasingly loud swears and crashes could be heard, followed by frightened screams. He ran to the building, pressing himself against the wall.

"What do mean it died!?" A furious, female voice rang out, punctuated by more crashes and screams. "Do you have any idea how backed up we are!?"

"I'm so sorry!" A male voice said, scratchy from all the screaming. "I don't know what you want me to do!"

Having heard enough, Spike dropped his bits and ran through the doorway, claws at the ready.

Inside, a large, freshly-cooled forge sat in the back of the room, providing soft light. Numerous tools pieces of metalwork were on display on the walls, various metal ingots occupied a corner of the room, and an anvil sat in the center of the room, currently shielding a much larger grey stallion from a brown mare, who was holding a chair over his head.

The stallion looked at Spike, as did the mare. With an annoyed huff, she lowered the chair and leaned against it.

"What?" she asked in a sharp, impatient tone. When he didn't answer right away, she glared and said, "Well? If you don't want something, get lost!"

The stallion stepped out from behind the anvil. "Come on, Mjolna. Isn't he exactly what we need right now?"

She broke the chair over his head. "Idiot! We can't use his sac for this! It's way too small, and the town would be in an uproar if we killed him! Especially that librarian!"

Dazed, it was all he could to to say, "I didn't mean that..."

Snarling, she started beating him over the head with the broken legs. "So what did you mean, huh!? Speak up!"

Spike watched them, unsure of what to say, or if he should say anything at all. More than anything, he was worried about the "killed him" part. Years ago, Celestia had told him about ponies who would hunt dragons of all sizes, then sell their bones and organs. Others would form groups, and hunt dragons simply because they thought they could. A baby like himself would be an easy target, even for just two ponies. He gulped, and started to back away.

"Where do you think you're going?" she snapped, rushing over to block his path. She loomed over him, eyeing him like a predator watching its prey. Suddenly, a huge grin appeared on her face. "Cast Iron's got a point. You busy today?"

"Uh--"

"Of course not!" she said, pushing him into the smithy. "After all, that librarian isn't with you, so you must be free, right?" Still stunned, he didn't answer. The grin fell, and she gave him a light swat to the head. "Right!?" she repeated a little more forcefully.

"R-right!" Spike said.

"Great!" With a shove, she sent him flying into Cast Iron, the both of them landing in a heap. They looked up to see her putting on heavy looking armor and leather saddlebags.

"Where are you going, Mjolna?" Cast Iron asked.

She slung a huge broadsword onto her back. "I'm gonna go find a replacement. You stay here and have the kid heat the metal. Got it?"

Cast Iron saluted. "Yes ma'am!" With a quick nod, she galloped away. Once she was out of view, Cast Iron turned to Spike and said, "You have no idea what to do, huh?"

"Not a clue," he said.

Sighing, Cast Iron lead him to the forge. He pointed at the pit, where a fleshy, deflated bag was sitting. "It's actually pretty simple. See, the sac Mjolna mentioned was a dragon's flame sac, which, of course, is where you generate your fire. We use it to heat the metal instead of regular fire, since it burns hotter and has certain magical properties. All I need you to do is heat the metal, and I'll take care of everything else. You got all that?"

He tapped his chin. "Yeah, I think so. Just tell me when to start!"

Cast Iron went to the corner to retrieve an iron ingot, laying it on the anvil. "Okay, let 'er rip!"

Spike complied, exhaling a long stream of flame that blanketed the anvil in fire. When the flames receded the ingot was glowing bright orange. Cast Iron sighed and glared at him.

"Well that was... underwhelming," he said. "I need that thing to be white-hot. Is that all you've got?"

Spike looked at the ground, scuffing it with his foot. "I don't know... yes?"

With a heavy, slightly exaggerated groan, he went outside, quickly returning with a beautiful red gem. Spike recognized it immediately.

"A fire ruby!? Where'd you get that!?"

Cast Iron tossed it to him. "Quit squealing and eat. It should improve your firepower." He didn't have to say anything, as the gem was already halfway gone, Spike finishing it in a second.

He burped, patting his stomach. "So when does it--" he was interrupted by a gout of fire. "Whoa!"

"Yeah, that happens." He tapped the anvil impatiently. "C'mon, we're burning daylight. Let's get back to work."

Once again, Spike breathed fire, the stream much hotter than before. When it receded, the iron burned with a blinding white glow. Cast Iron grinned.

"Perfect!" Grabbing his sledgehammer, he struck the iron, sending sparks everywhere. After a number of strikes, the metal took a recognizable shape, and he proceeded to mold it into various others.

Spike watched him, not completely understanding but nonetheless mesmerized. He had never seen a blacksmith's work up close before, not even when he went to help pick up Shining's equipment. This was a once in a lifetime chance, and he wasn't going to waste it.

He laid another ingot on the anvil. "Next!"

Spike breathed another mighty flame, and then another. Between each job, they filled the brief gap with bits of conversation. Cast Iron was a assistant himself, and had been working under Mjolna for years, going so far as to earn his cutie mark along the way. Apparently, their families rivaled each other in the past, and they were the only members to consider merging their talents. Of course, this had the added effect of leaving them both disowned and homeless, thus the rather raggedy place of business. It worked out in the end, and now they could honestly take credit for most of Ponyville metalwork, including Big Mac's trademark harness.

Likewise, Spike shared the various adventures he had experienced with his friends, giving special attention to the events surrounding the Crystal Empire. He was shocked to hear that neither Cast Iron nor Mjolna had heard of the numerous disasters, catastrophes, and calamities that had befallen the small town. The duo rarely ventured into town at all, to the point that most of their business was attracted by word-of-mouth. This little problem wasn't helped by their location, which was rich with materials, reducing their need to go into town for anything but food.

By the time the work was finished and the conversation topics had run dry, hours had passed, and the moon sat high in the sky. They sat outside, each with a drink: juice for Spike, cider for Cast Iron. At Cast Iron's insistence, Spike stuck around to wait for Mjolna to come back.

At long last, they saw a rather large silhouette coming up over the horizon. Soon, the moonlight hit the figure, revealing it to be Mjolna, carrying an medium-sized dragon corpse on her back. Cast Iron put his drink down and ran to her side, helping her set the beast on the ground and looking over her surprisingly minor wounds.

She shrugged him off. "Relax, I'm fine. Hey!" She waved at Spike, but he didn't budge. She cocked her head to the side and stepped forward. "Kid? You okay?"

Spike stepped back, finding himself unable to tear his eyes away from the dead dragon before him. His instincts were acting up again, telling him to get far away from this mare, and fast.

Cast Iron tapped his forehead, bringing him out of his stupor. "Hey. Wake up."

He blinked at him. "Uh, yeah?"

"Mjolna says to give you this." He tossed bag of gem to Spike's feet, scattering some over the ground.

Spike fell to his knees, scooping up as many of the gems as he could carry, already shoving a few into his mouth. "I can have all this? Really?"

"Yeah. We kept you away from home all day; it's only fair. Oh, and that's not your favor."

He looked up, confused.

"That's your payment. You can call in your favor whenever you like."

He flashed a grateful smile. That smile fell as he realized just how late it was. He swallowed, then screamed at the top of his lungs, gathering his gems and bits and running off.

"There he is!"

The moment Spike walked into town, he was surrounded by its citizens and carried off to the library, where Twilight was barking orders to crowds of weary ponies. When she saw him, she flew over and carried him into the library, setting him down in the living room. She looked him over, making sure he was safe, going so far as to inspect each of his gems with a peculiar beam of magic. Once she was satisfied, she sat down across from him with an stern glare.

"Where have you been?" she asked, sounding very much like a stereotypical, worry-wart mother. "I know I told you to go out, but I never said for you to vanish until--" she glanced at the clock "--midnight!? Spike, what were you doing!?"

"Well... um...," he stammered. He had never seen her so upset before. Not to mention the search party, and her mane being all frizzy... She deserved an explanation.

He told her everything, from his trek through town, to meeting the blacksmiths, to his payment. She tensed up at the mention of the dragon, but quickly relaxed. When he was done, she sighed and smiled at him.

"You've had a long day, huh?" Twilight rubbed his head affectionately. "I guess the last you need today is me overreacting." She yawned and headed upstairs, followed shortly by Spike once he safely stored the gems in the kitchen. After a quick hug from Twilight, he climbed into bed.

"Goodnight, Twilight," he said, pulling the covers over his head.

"Goodnight," she said. "Oh, and Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't eat all those gems at once, okay? We don't want you getting sick again."

He chuckled, already half-asleep. "Okay, okay." The lights went out, and he waited for the sound of snoring before biting into the gem that was hidden under his pillow.

Humble Pie

Spike was in the library's basement, having just emerged from another enchanted superhero comic. In his hand was a glowing orange ring, stolen from the book's world. He opened a wooden box on the floor, revealing six more pieces of jewelry: green, yellow, blue, indigo, violet, and red. Ever since he found out from Pinkie that things could be brought over here, he had been collecting them from Radiance and the other members of the Prism Corps in case of emergency. It had taken months, nearly killed him more times than he'd like to think about, and cost him several month's allowance, but it was worth it.

"Okay, now for the easy part," he said, sitting down and rubbing his chin. "Who gets what? I'm sure Rarity would like to have the violet bracelet of love again, but maybe she'd be a better match for the indigo earring of compassion; I mean, I think generosity and compassion are connected, at least a little bit.

"Applejack would definitely get the green necklace of willpower. She's the most stubborn pony I know, and... well, she seems fearless, at least. Not to mention how level-headed she is. And she looks good in green, so that's a bonus."

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the front door. He hurried upstairs to see Diamond Tiara pacing the lobby, looking for something with an impatient scowl on her face. When she saw him, her scowl deepened and she marched over to him.

"There you are!" she barked, glaring at him. "It took you way too long to show up! This is no way to run a business!"

Spike crossed his arms and sighed, his patience already wearing thin. "Welcome to the Golden Oaks Library. How can I help you?" he all but growled.

"That's better," she said, taking a seat at the coffee table. "My Daddy's out of town on business today, and said I was old enough to look after myself."

Spike nodded, just barely paying attention. "Okay...?"

"Of course, I told him I could handle it so he wouldn't worry. After all, why would he? I'm the heiress to Rich Industries, after all!"

He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. "Mmm-hmm..." He didn't bother to listen to the rest of her story. Unlike, say, the crusaders, he had no real reason to dislike her, aside from her attitude. To be honest, she just bored him to tears. After years of living in Canterlot, ponies like her were all but invisible to him. So he didn't bother trying to keep his eyes open, and he quickly fell asleep.

"Hey!" She slammed her hooves on the table, and he yelped and fell to the floor. "Listen to me when I'm talking to you! Did you hear anything I just said!?"

He stood up and dusted himself off, then looked at the clock to avoid the furious gaze of the filly in front of him. It was half past noon. "Uh... something about lunch, right?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Lucky guess. Anyway, I want you to make me lunch today!"

"Huh!? Why me?"

She smirked. "I heard that you cook Princess Twilight's meals. Is that true?"

Was she still stuck on that? "Yeah, why?"

"Well, if you can make a meal fit for a princess, you just might be able to make something for me." The scowl returned. "Now get to it!"

She glared at him, and he stared back. They were like that for a moment, until both their stomachs growled. Diamond blushed, and Spike walked into the kitchen, snickering under his breath.

Putting on his apron, he called out, "So why come here, anyway? Why not go to Silver Spoon's house or something?"

"And let her dad tell mine that I couldn't handle it? As if!"

"Yeah, Celestia forbid your dad finds out about you going to a friends house for lunch. Why not go somewhere that nopony would think to look, like the library in the center of town? The same one that most ponies would turn to when they needed to put a search party together? It's a foolproof plan! Genius!" He laughed again and grabbed some vegetables and a knife. Nachos were always a good meal, and they tasted better with company, no matter who they were. With that in mind, he took out the cutting board and began chopping, filling the library with rhythmic tapping.

Again, Diamond slammed the table. "You think I'll just sit here and let you make fun of me!? Two can play at that game, you overgrown lizard!"

He stopped cutting and put his hands to his face in mock horror. "Oh, no! My cover's blown! Now everyone will know that I am, indeed, a dragon!" He started cutting again. "I would say to try harder, but do you really want to insult the guy who's making your food?"

She scoffed and crossed her legs. "And what if I do? I'm your guest, so you have to put up with me."

"Hmm... That's true. It's also true that I know where the rat poison is, and that I'm holding a large knife. In other words, your life is in my claws. So I'm sure you won't mind if I ask you to keep quiet so I can concentrate." He juggled the knife for a bit before putting it away. "Deal?"

She growled, but didn't speak until the nachos were finished. Only when he had set the large bowls of chips and salsa on the table did she open her mouth. "I remember these. Twilight asked you to make some for us during Twilight Time."

It was his turn to scowl. "Yeah, and you guys never ate them. That was a mountain of chips I had to throw away!"

"Oh, quit whining." She dipped a chip in the salsa and popped it into her mouth. She chewed slowly, then began to sweat. Her face turned red, and she started panting. Tears came to her eyes, and she jumped up from the table. Whimpering, she ran towards the kitchen.

Spike, having eaten several chips by now, simply stared in bemusement. There's no way the salsa was that hot; everyone else who tried it said it was delicious, even Applejack. And this was the salsa recipe he reserved for guests; it didn't hold a candle to the one he kept for himself, which was infamous for eating through the floor. And yet...

"What did you do to that salsa?" Diamond came back, the edges of her mouth wet with water. She flinched away from him, eyes wide. "You didn't really poison me, did you!?"

He shook his head. "No way! Nothing weird or dangerous, I promise. There were just some bell peppers and spices. "

She stuck out her tongue. "Ugh! I hate peppers!" She cleared her throat and assumed a more regal posture. "Make me something sweet instead."

He waited for a moment, hoping she would add a "please" or something. "Something sweet...?"

"Like a pie!" she announced. "I haven't had a good pie in, like, forever! Make me one!"

He was about to object, but an idea came to mind. With a smug grin, he walked into the kitchen. "Sure thing. One key lime pie, coming up!" He went through the pantry, cabinets, and fridge. He smile fell as he realized that there were no pie ingredients anywhere. Shrugging, he grabbed a small vial off the counter and returned to the lobby to deliver the news.

"What do you mean there are no ingredients?" She groaned and covered her face. "You're useless! What am I supposed to eat now?"

"Well, why don't we go to your house? I mean, I'm not really busy, and this way, your dad might think you really can handle yourself. Deal?"

"And that vial? What's in there?"

He hid it behind his back and wrapped his tail around it. "It's the secret ingredient. The last bit of it." He offered what he hoped was a sincere looking smile.

She put a hoof to her chin and closed her eyes, humming in thought. Finally she nodded and said, "Deal. But before we go, I have some rules."

Spike tilted his head. "Like what?"

"First off, I'm leading; second, don't follow too closely behind me, or ponies might get the idea that we're friends; third, I know I'm gorgeous, but try not to do that thing you do when you're following Rarity."

He blushed and looked around nervously. "W-what thing? I don't act any different around Rarity!"

She snorted. "So you hover behind everypony, drooling like a dog? With little hearts in your eyes?"

"Uh... well..." He got up from the table and started pushing her to the door. "Let's hurry and get to your place, yeah? The sooner we get there, the sooner you can eat!"

The walk to her mansion wasn't too bad. Sure, it took over an hour because she lived way on the outskirts of town, and the building itself stood on top of a large mountain, and Diamond insisted that he carry her up the hundreds of stairs leading to it, but besides all that, it was okay.

Spike put her down in front of the enormous, gilded doors of the Rich estate. With a single push, the doors opened with a long, loud groan. She glanced back at him, then turned and walked inside.

The inside was just as extravagant as he imagined, with sparkling tile floors and an ornate marble fountain in the center of the foyer. Along the walls were portraits of the previous heads of the Rich family, from Filthy Rich to his great grandfather, Insultingly Rich. Just under the paintings were busts of important-looking mares, presumably their wives.

"Hey!" Diamond's shout snapped him out of his thoughts. She pushed him into the kitchen, ignoring his protests. "Stop gawking and get cooking! It's getting late, my Daddy will be home soon, and I'm starving!" Another shove sent him stumbling into the kitchen, which seemed big enough to hold the one in the library and still have room to spare. And yet, something felt wrong.

Under Diamond's harsh gaze, he went to work, which currently meant opening and closing all the drawers and cabinets to figure out where everything was. As he did this, he asked, "So why's it so empty in here, anyway? Don't you have a butler or maid or something?"

She rolled her eyes and huffed. "Daddy gave them all the day off. I guess he wanted to make sure I didn't cheat or something."

"Clever." Once he had everything he needed, he got to work, settling for a small, personal-size key lime pie, like the ones they served in restaurants. The process was always quick and easy, and in no time, the pie sat in front of Diamond on the dining room table. Before she could start eating, however, he drizzled the vial's caramel-colored contents over the pie, doing his best to imitate the same flourish of those fancy chefs he'd seen at the castle. With a deep, exaggerated bow, he backed into the foyer and slipped behind the corner with a grin.

With each bite she took, his smile grew. Sure, the liquid tasted good, but it was actually a gift from Zecora known as the Solution of Servitude. It did exactly what you'd think: it forced whoever drank it to become completely submissive, with the potion's severity and duration depending on the amount taken. For the time being, she'd be a kind, obedient little filly, like a young heiress should be. He chuckled evilly at his plan.

"Um, Spike?" Diamond poked him in the side. He jumped and looked at her with wide eyes. "Sorry. I just wanted to say thanks for the pie. It was delicious!"

He blinked. "Uh... You're welcome."

She smiled gratefully, then went to wash her plate. Spike ran after her to watch, his smile returning twice as big. Things were coming along nicely, and she might not remember any of this after the potion wore off. It was perfect!

The door opened, and three sets of hooves strode in.

"Diamond? I'm home, and I brought company!"

Okay, less than perfect. Spike poked his head around the doorway to see Filthy Rich entering the foyer, followed by Fancypants and Prince Blueblood. His jaw dropped. Just what kind of business trip was he on?

"Coming, Daddy!" Diamond ran out to greet them, and Spike followed, bowing alongside her curtsy. "Welcome to our home, sirs. It's a pleasure to have you."

Mr. Rich's eyes raised a brow at Spike, but moved on seamlessly. He gestured to the stallions behind him. "This is my darling daughter, Diamond Tiara, and her young friend. You know of Prince Blueblood and Fancypants, my colleagues?"

Blueblood simply sniffed at them, while Fancypants offered a kind smirk.

"A pleasure," he said. Turning to Spike, he added, "And a pleasure to see you again, young Spike."

"Likewise, sir," Spike said.

"Enough of this idle prattle!" Blueblood said. "Mr. Rich, I thought we came here to negotiate, not babysit!"

Mr. Rich cleared his throat. "O-of course, your majesty. If you would follow me to my study..."

"Ah, but first," Blueblood said, looking down at Spike, "I'm feeling rather parched from the carriage ride. I simply cannot do without a drink."

Spike was about to resign himself to the task, but Diamond beat him to it.

"I'll get it!" she said, running out of the room. Blueblood glared, and Spike walked after her, muttering something about snacks. As Diamond gathered cups, he found a tray, as well as some crackers and cheese, stacked them, and speared them on a toothpick.

He nodded. "Alright. Classic appetizers. How are the drinks coming?"

She saluted and started placing them on the tray. Spike took it and and they went upstairs into the study. Mr. Rich's study was surprisingly modest, containing no furniture except a fireplace and three sofa chairs in front of a round coffee table. The stallions each sat in one, faces covered by newspapers. They were completely silent, though one would clear his throat every few seconds. The children stared at them, more than a little unnerved by their strange behavior.

Spike gulped, then carefully set a drink next to each stallion, then set the tray next to Filthy Rich. They merely shuffled their papers. He turned for the door, only for Blueblood to stop him.

"Spike, we cannot possibly be satisfied with simply water," he said. "Do you take me for a common workhorse? Take it away at once."

"Yes, sir," he said, taking the glasses. "Did you want to request a certain drink?"

"Yes, actually," Mr. Rich said. "Diamond, dear, take him to the cellar. You know what I like."

She nodded and walked Spike out, leading him to the wine cellar, where barrels upon barrels full of various wines lined the walls. Already overwhelmed, Spike was awed at the way she walked over to one of them, placing a hoof on the tap. He refilled the glasses and hurried back upstairs. The "conversation" had continued while they were gone, and had escalated to the point where all three of them were essentially taking turns screaming with their mouths closed.

Dumbfounded and curious, Spike placed the drinks on the table before rushing out to ask, "What in Equestria are they doing? Is it a breathing exercise or something?"

She smiled at him sadly, like he was a naive child. "They're performing business negotiations, of course. I can translate, if you want." He nodded. "Well, Mr. Fancypants is asking for a donation to build a trauma center in Fillydelphia, while Prince Blueblood wants the money for a new wing for his palace."

"Tough choice."

"Right?" she giggled. "The prince is stubborn, though, and if he can win my dad over, Fancypants will need a new donor."

"Is it really a choice, though? I mean, Blueblood can live without an extra wing, can't he?"

Before she could respond, Blueblood called Spike in again, this time for more food. Again, Diamond offered her assistance, and together they went about their chore. The second they returned, however, they were sent to opposite ends of the mansion on more trivial tasks. Again and again, they were sent scurrying about the house like common servants, nonstop, for hours. Much, much later, when they met back at the door, panting and soaked in sweat, Diamond had regained her trademark scowl.

She grabbed him and dragged him partway down the hall. "I can't believe this," she hissed, glancing at the door. "Why in Equestria would a grown stallion need to have his horn filed for him?"

"I guess it's just what he's used to," Spike said, twirling the file in his claws. "That's pretty much the only reason I haven't said anything."

She knocked it out of his hands. "Why are you even putting up with him?"

"What choice do I have? He's a prince, after all."

"So what?" she said. "You live with a princess, and you mouth off to her whenever you get the chance! Why should Prince Blueblood get any special treatment? Heck, I just asked for some lunch and you tried to kill me!"

"Well," he began, scratching his head, "long story short, he's bad with criticism. He doesn't get much of it, so he never learns. Whenever anypony tries, he throws a 'royal tantrum'. That is, he goes around using his title to ruin ponies' lives. Even your family can't afford that."

"Spare me!" She marched towards the door, stopping just in front of it. "If I have to get knocked down a peg every so often, so does he!" She opened the door and strode in. Not wanting to stick around for the verbal war that was sure to take place, he hurried to the kitchen for a much-needed glass of water.

After his drink, Spike sighed and stretched. It wasn't that he couldn't call Blueblood out on his spoiled behavior, but he truly didn't mind. He had high standards, sure, and hardly ever did anything on his own, but he was family. Being family, and thus a member of the Royal Family of Equestria, Spike could easily have him reported to either of the princesses, and Blueblood knew that. So what was he thinking, running two children ragged?

"--never been more insulted in my entire life!" Blueblood shouted, walking into the kitchen with an exaggerated frown. He reeked of white wine, which now stained his coat. Seeing Spike, he said, "Water." After his drink, he rubbed his throat. "That girl has a set of lungs and fierce stubborn streak. I think she'll do just fine."

"So you won't shatter her family's reputation, then?" Spike asked carefully. "They'll be okay?"

He flared his nostrils, the closest he would allow himself to snorting. "Why on Earth would I do that? Filthy told you about the plan, didn't he?"

"Was there some secret plot between you three?"

At this, Blueblood's eyes widened slightly, and a hoof flew to his mouth. "You... you weren't in on it? I thought for sure that you were. After all, what else would you be doing here?" He laughed a quick, haughty laugh. "After all, it's not like you have a taste for the finer things, right?"

Unfazed, Spike replied, "True. I prefer the finer foods, myself. Real foods, not the appetizers you rich types like to pretend to enjoy."

He scoffed. "As if you could possibly understand the subtle nuances and flavors within said hors d'oeuvres, as shown by your pathetic display this evening."

"Funny you should say that, because that 'display' happens to be Luna's favorite recipe. Now, if you want me to tell her just what you think of it, then..."

Blueblood didn't flinch, a pleasant smile appearing on his face. "Oh, we've talked about it." Still smiling, he shuddered, and tears came to his eyes. His eyes idly wandered around the room, falling on a copy of Starry Night. "We sure did talk... For so long..." He trailed off, and the tears streamed down his cheeks. Despite this, the smile remained.

"Blueblood? You alright?" Spike snapped his fingers in his face. He didn't respond. The stallion was in his own little, apparently nightmarish world, lost to the residents of the real world. Spike was tempted to leave him there, or perhaps dress him up and hide him somewhere in the mansion. What to do, what to do...

Luckily for Blueblood, he never got to choose, as Fancypants turned the corner. Seeing the two, he hurried over to Blueblood, took hold of his legs with his magic, and "walked" him to the front door. Looking over his shoulder with an apologetic smile, he called out, "Sorry to cut our visit short, Spike. Will I be seeing you at the princess' birthday celebration?"

Spike waved back, smiling. "Sure! But, uh, which one?"

"Princess Luna's, of course. I'm expecting an invitation." Fancypants chuckled before heading outside. Moments after they left, their carriage was heard pulling away into the night. Spike stood there for a second before heading back upstairs to check on Diamond and her father.

He saw Mr. Rich hugging her tightly, showering her with compliments. "You did wonderfully! Just as I knew you would, dear!" he said, nuzzling the top of her head. She beamed at the praise, a truly happy smile on her face.

Spike found himself blushing, and for the first time, he saw her as a pretty young girl. The thought made him uncomfortable, and he tapped his foot against the ground to distract himself.

Filthy Rich looked up at the noise and waved Spike in. "Spike, I have to thank you for your help. I had no idea you were in on it, but I'm glad you were." He reached under his collar and retrieved a large gemstone. "I assume this will suffice as compensation?"

Spike eagerly took the gem, clutching it tightly in his claws. "Thanks, but... what was I in on again?"

Filthy blinked. "Really? Hm. Well, the plan was for Blueblood to work Diamond to the bone on menial tasks until she snapped. The idea was to see if she had the ability to stand up to her superiors when faced with unacceptable conduct, an invaluable skill for any businessmare. Having you here also let her show off her dedication to her friends." He looked at Diamond. "So what were you doing here, if you had nothing to do with the plan?"

Spike looked nervously between the curious gaze of Filthy Rich and Diamond's threatening glare. What was worse, to lie to a pony who trusts you, or to stain the reputation of a filly who had years to get over it? Easy choice. "She came to the library to ask me to make her lunch. Then she asked me to come here to make a pie."

"I see... Well, that's one test failed. I guess we'll have to try again later." He sighed and walked to the door. "Diamond, see him out. I'm going to bed."

"Yes, Daddy," she said, whimpering a bit before heading downstairs, head bowed in shame.

Spike followed her, staring at the floor the entire way. Had he just ruined her chances of making her father proud? Sure, she had plenty of time to make up for it, but would he ever forget it? He shook his head. He was over-thinking things. Filthy Rich was a reasonable stallion; he wouldn't hold this small incident over her head forever, right?

"Hey."

And even if he did, surely there'd be something else she'd be known for?

"HEY!"

Spike flinched and blinked, finding his face mere inches from Diamond's. He stumbled back and said, "What?" To his surprise, she wrapped leg around his shoulders and pulled him close. He froze and stammered, not knowing how to react.

"Thanks for today," she said. She pulled away, smiling. That smile remained as she ground her hoof into his foot. "And if you ever mess with my food again, I'll have you locked up for the rest of my life. Got it?"

"That's a weird way to put it," he said. She pushed a bit harder. "Ow! Fine! Fine! Sorry!" Clutching his aching foot, he hopped out the door.

Tutoring Session

Climbing the mountains on the outskirts had become a good source of regular exercise for Spike. He had started a few months ago while helping Fluttershy settle a dispute between some condors. It was quick, safe, and he always made sure to have each mountain's individual trails memorized before he tried climbing it.

Of course, exercise wasn't the only reason to come up here. The dragon that used to live here, in his hurry to leave, left his entire hoard unprotected. Fortunately, the mountain still held a reputation for housing a dragon, and the hoard had gone untouched, leaving it open to any young, handsome dragons who happened to be in the area. But that wasn't too important, either.

Finally, he arrived at the mouth of the cave. He walked inside, setting his backpack down a few feet in. He kept going until he was in the center of the cave, were most of the hoard was stashed. He looked around, idly kicking at some gold. She was always here first, even when he arrived hours before he was expected.

After a few more minutes of waiting, he grew bored. Breathing fire into his claws, he tried molding it. Once he had something vaguely resembling a ball, he pushed it a few feet away, concentrating on maintaining its form. For the first ten seconds, his face was tight with concentration. After fifteen, he grinned with pride. Twilight hadn't even mastered this spell yet!

"I see you've been studying."

"Gah!" He threw his claws into the air, and the fireball flew up and exploded against the ceiling. He turned around with a sheepish grin. "Uh, hi, Luna."

She gave him a pleasant smile. "Hello, Spike. How have you been?"

"Pretty good. Sorry about" -- he made a vague gesture towards the scorched patch of ceiling -- "that."

She chuckled, reaching over and ruffling his spines. "No worries. We were going to start practicing offensive spells soon enough. But for now..." She wandered over to a pile of golden coins, where the leather handle of a weapon. Her horn glowed, and she pulled a sword from underneath the pile, scattering coins everywhere. It heavy-looking and covered in rusted blood. Her horn glowed brighter, and she tossed it to him.

It was heavier than it looked, but he managed to catch it. With a grunt of effort, he held it out in front of him, doing his level best to maintain a proper stance. "More combat training?"

She nodded, summoning an ornate spear. "Yes. I assume you've been practicing that as well?"

He chuckled nervously. "Yeah... kind of." He really had, in a sort of training-disguised-as-housework-type training from The Karate Colt. Working with Twilight for years would do that.

She turned around and took a stance. "Very well. Show me!"

He charged, sword scraping against the ground. He didn't have to hold back; after all, she was an alicorn. With that in mind, he took a swing at her neck. As expected, the spear blocked the attack, and he used the leverage to vault over her. He landed on her back and pressed his claws against her throat. "Gotcha!"

She chuckled again. Not good.

The blunt end of her staff jabbed him in the side, knocking him across the cave and into a wall, where he stuck for a moment before falling face-first onto another pile of coins. A second later, the sword landed next to him with a clatter. He didn't try to move.

"Spike?" He heard her step closer. "Are you alright? Did I hit you too hard?" Another step. "Spike?"

He sprung to his feet, coins gripped in his claws. He threw them as hard as he could at the mare. She used the spear to deflect most of them, going so far as to show off by sending some of the coins back to intercept the incoming ones. He didn't stop his onslaught, using his tail to pick up the sword. Soon enough, he was out of coins, and he loosed a large stream of fire at her.

It did its job, distracting her enough that he was able to toss the sword end-over-end into the air. The flames vanished, dispersed by Luna's spear. He ignored her taunting expression, instead watching the sword come down. She saw it, too, just as the blade came down on her head.

It shattered on impact. Figures.

Nevertheless, he crossed his arms and stood tall in triumph. "All right! Come on, you've gotta give me points for that!"

Shaking steel shards out of her mane, she said, "Fine, fine. You get... a C+."

He blinked. "What? A C?"

"Plus!" she added, grinning like that made it better.

He crossed his slightly aching arms. "But why? I had you twice!"

"Maybe. But your guard was down far too often. When you landed on my back, you made a show of leaning forward to grab at my neck." She gestured at the back of her neck. "Now, if you had simply brought the blade down on my neck, you might have received a B."

"Seriously? How am I supposed to defend myself without a shield, anyway?"

"Defending is more than placing something between you and your attacker. Defense is being aware of your surroundings and reacting accordingly to avoid harm." With her magic, she twirled her spear before planting it in the ground. "Did you notice how I only used my spear to protect myself?"

He looked down and dug at the ground with his foot. "Yeah... You didn't really move, either."

"Only because I didn't need to."

"Mmm..." He wasn't sure how to take that. It may have been Twilight's perfectionism rubbing off on him, but that comment definitely did something to his pride.

She walked over to him and covered him with a wing. "Don't be upset, Spike. Considering who you're sparring with, you did very well. Almost well enough to qualify for my Night Guard, in fact."

He jumped up and balanced on his tail. Beaming, he said, "Really? I could join your Night Guard?" He had only heard stories about them from a clearly jealous Shining Armor. An elite corp, the Night Guard was famous for participating in covert missions all across the globe. He also described them as ruthless fear mongers, homegrown terrorists, and disrespectful creeps to his soldiers. To be within their ranks would be one of the greatest honors in Equestria!

She sat down next to him and said, "Perhaps. They try to maintain a certain image, you see, and having a dragon in the ranks would no doubt bolster that image."

He looked up at her and tilted his head. "But...?"

She closed her eyes for a moment, the same way his mother did when she was thinking. When she opened her eyes, she said, "You may be a bit too young. Small, rather. See, I train my guards to inspire fear in their foes with a mere glance." She smirked down at him. "You're far too small and cute to do that."

And there's the pride again. "So they use scare tactics, huh?"

"Primarily. It a calling card of sorts. Something to set them apart from the rest of the military."

"Kind of like Sombra?"

Her smile fell into a small, sad frown. "Yes... like him." She stood up abruptly and spread her wings. Once they popped, she beat them and sighed. Walking over to her spear, she stomped her hoof, and it vanished. She turned to him and said, "Well, that's enough of a break for now. How about we start working on your defense?"

He blinked, stunned by her sudden coldness. Clearly, Sombra was a sensitive topic. Instead of asking why, he got up and dusted himself off. "Okay. How's that work?"

"Do you remember how I defined defense?"

"Yeah?"

"Good." Her eyes glowed white, and her mane glowed bright blue and split into several tentacle-like masses that snapped and cracked like whips. "Are you ready?"

He probably wasn't. Still, what better way to find out? "Sure! Let's go!"

Right after he said that, a whip lashed out at impossible speed. Acting on reflex, he just barely managed to dive under it. He stood on all fours and looked up to see another one speeding towards him. With no time to think, he leaped to the left, watching as the wall behind him took the hit. The wall had been easily pierced, and when it pulled back, he could feel a light breeze from outside.

Yeah, he wasn't ready.

All the same, Spike ran as fast as he could, ducking and jumping to avoid the onslaught. He ran along the wall, grabbing a worn shield as he did. It was big enough to carry on his back, and sat near a few sets of ancient, charred armor. As he dug through them trying to find something else to use, another whip flew at him.

It simply bounced off harmlessly. The whip itself lost its glow and receded, becoming nothing more than normal hair you'd find on anypony.

Luna's eyes faded and went wide, and she stared at the lock of hair. "Impossible,"she muttered. "How did that happen?"

"Beats me," Spike said. He took the shield off and inspected it. Aside from the dents and ashes, it didn't look any different from any other shield he'd seen. The only thing that stood out was the emblem, which looked like a broken horn. "What's up with this thing?"

Her hair returned to its normal, starry look, except for that one lock. "Focus!" she shouted, firing a magic blast form her horn.

He grinned and held up the shield. The blast hit it and vanished, but the impact sent it flying through the air and into a wall. It stuck there, far out of his reach. "Huh." He looked over his shoulder at Luna, who was getting another shot ready.

"This doesn't end unless you put an end to it, Spike!" She fired at the shield, causing the wall it was in to collapse and bury it in rubble.

He sprinted back to the armor, hoping he could find anything that could fend off an alicorn princess. Nothing he saw seemed useful, being mostly armor or weapons made specifically for ponies, all bearing that same emblem. Finally, he found a long, black staff with an odd, tuning fork-shaped tip. It was better than nothing, and the shape was familiar, at least.

He leaped from behind the armor and leveled the staff at Luna. Her horn glowed again, and the space between the staff's prongs glowed the same color.

Just before she fired, at that split second when her horn glowed its brightest, the staff vibrated intensely. Spike struggled to keep it steady, focusing all of his attention on it. When he looked up, Luna was clutching her head and groaning. Then, without warning, it let loose a magic blast identical to Luna's. He watched as the blast hit her right in the chest, sending her skidding across the ground.

"Luna!" Spike tossed the staff to the ground and ran to her side. "Are you okay?"

She nodded with a grimace. "I've been through worse," she said. "More importantly, I think we need a new meeting place." She tried lifting the staff with her magic. The blue aura around it quickly turned black and vanished. She sighed and said, "At least until we can send these in to be analysed." She turned and offered an apologetic smile. "It seems we'll have to cut our meeting short."

"Oh," he said, twiddling his fingers. "No reason you have to leave, though. We could just... talk."

She blinked, then smiled. "Certainly."

About half an hour later, they both sat on the cliff outside the cave, quietly watching the sun set. Spike was finishing off the sandwich he'd packed. Luna didn't eat, insisting she was fine.

After a moment of silence, she said, "I'm very proud of you, Spike."

His mouth was still full, so he gave her quizzical look.

"You've been acting surprisingly mature lately," she continued, "especially considering your age."

He swallowed and asked, "How do you mean? Like how I haven't been bragging about the new castle?"

"Not quite. I meant how you're handling your affection for Miss Rarity."

He sputtered and coughed, choking on air as his face turned red. Why, of all things, did she bring that up?

Apparently, she took this as a sign to continue, and she said, "I'm not trying to make fun of you. I meant how you act when faced with a rival."

"Rival? You mean Trenderhoof? He was nothing to worry about. Besides, he had a crush on Applejack." He tapped his chin. "Come to think of it, I think he wrote an article about her."

"Exactly. You didn't see him as a rival, where most ponies your age would go out of their way to sabotage their potential relationship." She sighed. "You wouldn't imagine how many ponies, griffons, and dragons have been driven mad because of their jealousy, all for nothing." She perked up and smiled at him. "You, on the other hoof, haven't gone down that path at all, have you?"

Immediately, the incident with Owlowiscious came to mind. He smiled uneasily. "Heh, yeah." Suddenly desperate to change the subject, he said, "Hey, when you walk through dreams, do lucid dreamers ever give you trouble?"

She blinked. "Well, um, not often. I usually only stick around to help them deal with troubling thoughts or memories that take the form of nightmares. Lucid dreamers can handle those on their own most of the time. Though on occasion, they think they can defeat me and claim my title of Ruler of the Night."

"So what do you do? Do you fight them?"

"For a certain measure of fighting. More often than not, their nerves get the best of them and they wake up. It solves itself."

"And the times it doesn't?"

She looked to the sunset. "Well... let's just say experience trumps power more often than not. For all the power they may claim to hold, few know how to use it properly." The sun fell below the horizon, and as the sky turned black, her horn glowed, and the moon climbed into the sky to replace the sun.

He watched her intently. "So, say, if Discord were less experienced, you could take him on your own?"

"What is it with you and ancient evils today?"

"See, me and Rainbow have been having this debate for the past few days over who's the most dangerous foe Equestria's faced. I think it's Tirek, but she says Discord was worse." He gave her his best "innocent kid" grin, teeth and all. "I thought I could get your opinion, in a roundabout way."

She stared at him for a long time with an unreadable expression. Long enough that he squirmed and looked around at pretty much anything else. It couldn't have been very convincing, since the cliff was nearly featureless. He settled for staring at the ground.

"Hmhmhm..."

He looked up at Luna, who was chuckling into her hoof. "Silly drake. Hahahaha!" As she laughed, her fur turned black and she doubled in size. Shadows enveloped her, and when they vanished, Nightmare Moon stood before him, cackling madly.

Spike stumbled back, falling on his rear. "L-Luna!?"

"Gahahahaha!" Thunderclouds gathered around the mountain, lightning flashing within them. She leered down at him. "Fool! None can defeat Nightmare Moon!"

He crawled backwards, shaking like a leaf. Nightmare Moon came closer, and with each step, he moved a little further back.

"What's wrong? Scared, child? Are you afraid of the true ruler of Equestria?"

""I... I...," he stammered, crawling a little faster. Scared as he was, he couldn't bring himself to speak. Tears came to his eyes as he fought the urge to bawl. Suddenly, his head bumped against something. He looked, seeing the staff. In one move, he picked it up and aimed it at her. "No, I'm not!"

She spread her wings, appearing before him in an instant. She knocked the staff out of his claws with a wing, then wrapped him up in her mane and brought him to eye level. "Hahahaha! What now, boy?"

"I'm scared! So, so, scared!" He closed his eyes and clenched his teeth, preparing for the worst.

She lifted him higher, squeezing him. "Now do realize my power!?"

He nodded. He then felt himself being lifted a little higher into the air and placed on something soft. He risked a glance and saw that he had been set down on her back. Not Nightmare Moon's, thank goodness, but Luna's. She was walking back to the cliff, wearing a small grin that was concerned, apologetic, and gleeful all at once.

Once his fear faded, it clicked.

"That was a prank!?" he shouted, his scales heating up and glowing red.

"Was that too much?" she asked, her smile fading.

He cooled down and crossed his arms. When he thought about it, the joke was kind of funny, and the timing was pretty good, considering the conversation. Most importantly, Luna was enjoying herself. No matter how he looked at it, everything was in line with Pinkie's prank credentials. He smiled and said, "Nah. It was great. Really!"

"Whew!" she sighed. "My apologies. I'm trying to get back into pranks. You're sure that was okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah! You know, that would be a great bit for April Foal's Day. It's in a few weeks, you know."

She stopped at the cliff's edge and spread her wings. "Hang on." He wrapped his arms around her neck, and she took off towrds Ponyville. She was silent for a moment, then said, "So you really think Nightmare Moon's return would be an enjoyable joke?"

"Sure." He leaned against her neck. "But I'm not realy the guy to ask. Pinkie usually holds seminars in the town square around this time of year."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh. The whole day's a really big deal for her."

"Hm."

She was quiet after that, and he couldn't think of anything else to say. With nothing better to do, he settled for naming the random constellations in her mane. The Archer, Draco, Taurus, Gemini, Aquarius--

"We're here, Spike."

He blinked and looked up. Sure enough, they had landed on the castle's balcony where Twilight was waiting for them.

"Welcome back, you two," she said, bowing slightly. She looked to Luna. "Was he okay? You didn't push him too hard, did you?"

Luna smiled. "Not at all, Princess Twilight. Did I, Spike?"

Spike jumped off of Luna's back. "Not any harder than you push me, Twilight." He walked over to her and looked at her stomach. It was slightly smaller than usual. "Have you eaten yet?"

Twilight shook her head. "I was in the middle of making a salad when I heard you land. Would you like to join us, Luna?"

Luna frowned. "I wish I could, but I must attend to my duties. Another time?"

"Alright then." She and Spike waved. "Goodnight!"

"Farewell, Twilight, Spike. Sleep well." Luna took off, quickly vanishing into the night sky.

Once she was gone, Spike turned and walked towards the door. "So what kind of salad did you make?"

She walked after him. "Caesar."

He grimaced. "Ugh, boring! You'll be hungry again in two hours!"

"I'll be going to bed in three, anyway. What's the big deal?"

He stopped and gave her the same long-suffering look she'd become famous for. "Says the mare whose midnight snacking forced her brother to put a seal on the fridge. Come on, I'll spruce it up for you."

Super Sneaky

Madame Pinkie shook her head, earrings jangling. "Sorry Spike, no can do."

Spike's jaw dropped. "What!? Why not?"

She shrugged, then put a hoof to her chest. "I have taken a solemn vow to never, ever reveal the secrets of the Beyond!" She bowed her head. "To do so would come at the cost of all I hold dear."

He stared at her, eyes wide. "Seriously?"

She nodded, then perked up and asked, "So, what else can Madame Pinkie do for you this fine day? Tarot reading? Scrying?" She rapped her hooves together. "Oooh, maybe palm reading? I don't get much practice with that."

He got up from the table. "Nah. Thanks anyway, Pinkie." He stepped outside, squinting in the sunlight, then walked off.

"Wait!" Pinkie shouted, appearing in front of him in a blur of pink. Her gypsy getup was gone. She was still into it, though, waving her hooves around as she whispered, "There is another."

"There is? Who?"

She dropped to all fours and kicked at the ground with a sheepish grin. "Well..."

He waved her off. "I get it. That's a secret too." He sighed and kept walking. "Well, I'm sure someone knows. Later, Pinkie!" He waved at her and hurried off. How hard could it be to find somepony that could tell him? After all, this town was pretty small when it needed to be. Then again, it could get to be pretty big, too. Hopefully, whatever decided that was in a good mood today.

First things first, he'd need to find somepony who could be anywhere they wanted to be, like Pinkie. But who?

After wandering Ponyville for a bit, he found himself in front of the music store. He snapped his claws and grinned. If anyone knew, it must be Vinyl. Vinyl had always made him feel nervous. He hadn't figured out why exactly, but he'd narrowed it down to either the Morse thing or the fact that he'd never seen her eyes. But then, she showed up, quote, "wherever she was needed," end quote. How couldn't she know?

With a firm nod, he threw the door open, only to be thrown into the street by the sheer volume of the music coming from inside. He picked himself up and pushed through the sound wave, even as it grew stronger the closer he got to the counter, which sat between two speakers that were twice as tall as he was. Vinyl was standing behind the counter, happily dancing with her back to him.

Spike dug his claws into the floor and dragged himself across the room and up onto the counter. Here, the sound wave eased up enough that he could stand comfortably on the counter. The volume was still a problem, though, and he wasn't going to risk messing with any of the equipment. Instead, he slowly reached out and tapped her back.

She flinched and whirled around to face him, half a doughnut sticking out of her mouth, staring at him through crooked shades. She finished her snack, then fixed her glasses and smiled at him. Clearly she didn't mind the music, even when it was this loud.

Spike pointed to his ear, then to the speakers.

Vinyl nodded and lit her horn, turning the volume down enough that he could hear himself think. With that done, she tapped the counter rapidly, using Morse code to say, "Hey. 'Sup?"

He shrugged and looked off to the side. "I wanted to ask you something, actually."

"Ask away." Her smile turned small and teasing. "No dating advice."

"Ha ha," Spike deadpanned, "oh, my sides, they have been thoroughly split. Seriously though, I was wondering if you could tell me something."

She tapped a little faster. "Go on."

He grimaced. "Okay, okay. I was wondering how you manage to be in so many places and how you get there so quickly, you know?"

She stared for a moment, then said, "What."

"Well, uh, it's been bugging me for a bit and I thought I'd just ask. There's nothing wrong with that, right?"

More staring. "Nah. 'Many places'?"

"Like the wedding in Canterlot, for one. Pinkie just kinda yanked you from under the turntable. Were you hiding, or...?"

"Setting up during the ceremony. Changelings showed up, wrecked my set. At reception, I was still doing repairs."

"All right, but what about last week, when I saw you at two different gigs in the same hour? And don't say they were at different times either; they were on opposite sides of town, one of them was outdoors, and if I stood at the right place, I swear I could hear both at the same time."

"It was me?"

"Only at one, but after I got a spyglass from home I saw that, yes, you were in both places at once. Care to explain, Ms. Scratch?" He smirked at her, confident that he'd won.

She chewed her lip for a moment, then nodded. "Neon."

It was Spike's turn to ask, "What?"

"A fellow DJ. Needs my pretty face to fill seats and put on his flyers. Uses illusions when I can't make it. I still get paid."

He tapped his chin. It made sense, but something still didn't feel right. "But what about that one time when Pinkie was helping Rainbow study?"

She just frowned and cocked her head to the side.

"Remember? Pinkie was rapping, and you just kinda showed up, but when the song was over, you just--Gah!!" The speakers blared for a second, cutting him off and making him cover his ears.

She lifted her glasses and glared at him with striking red eyes. "Listen. Everypony has secrets, and most have them for a good reason. Get it?"

He nodded his head rapidly, startled by the sudden change.

She relaxed and lowered her shades. "Cool. Sorry if I scared you. Want a doughnut?"

"No, thanks!" He said perhaps too quickly as he hurried out of the store. Once outside, he quickly shut the door behind him and took several deep breaths. Was she bipolar or something? It didn't matter; she knew something, but wouldn't tell him, possibly under threat of deafness. Of course, that only meant he was getting closer. It also meant he was back at square one with no answers.

He shrugged. Nothing else for it but to keep looking.

His stomach growled as he walked through town. He really should have taken that doughnut, or at least brought some money to buy some food. Then again, there's nothing keeping him from stopping by the castle for a bite. He started towards home, soon spotting Bon-Bon heading the same way.

Lucky!

He and Bon-Bon got along well enough, often chatting about the trouble their friends' quirks put them through. Maybe she'd be able to tell him a thing or two about Lyra; after all, she didn't have to take some vow, did she?

Spike hurried to catch up to her. When he right beside her, he said, "Hey, Bon-Bon!"

Bon-Bon stopped and smiled at him. "Afternoon, Spike. How are you?"

He opened his mouth to answer, but his stomach answered for him. He blushed, his face stuck in that expression.

Her smile grew. "Is that right? Lucky for for, I was on my way home for lunch. Care to join me?"

"You sure?"

She nodded and nudged him along. "It's no trouble. I usually have company when I eat."

After lunch, they sat on Lyra's porch while Spike explained what he was after. As he spoke, Bon-Bon sipped from her glass of tea, and kept sipping for a long while after he finished.

Finally, when the glass was empty, she set it on the floor and said, "Let me get this straight. You think Vinyl and Lyra can... teleport? You know they're unicorns, right?"

Spike shook his head. "No, it's something else! I get teleporting, but what they do is just weird! It's like they're everywhere at once."

"Like Pinkie?"

"Exactly! Something's up with those three, and no one's telling me anything about it!" He rested his face in his hands. "It's so irritating."

Bon-Bon chuckled. "Don't drive yourself mad over this, Spike. If I've learned anything from putting up with Lyra, it's that sometimes there's no understanding it. All you can do it let it be."

Spike growled. He learned that lesson a long time ago and it sure didn't apply here. He didn't want to understand it; he wanted to learn how to do that himself! He grabbed Bon-Bon's hooves and said, "Please, Bon-Bon, you have to help me! Can't you at least talk to her about it?" Just to seal the deal, he gave her the best puppy-dog eyes he could, complete with quivering lip.

"Bon-Bon!?"

They looked over at Lyra, who was standing in front of the house with tears in her eyes. A bag of groceries lay forgotten at her hooves.

She looked between them with teary, quavering eyes. "What's going on, Bon Bon? Is this what you do when I'm not home? Run into the arms of some dragon?"

Spike let go of Bon-Bon and stepped away, hands in the air.

"Where do you think you're going!?" Lyra snapped. Her horn glowed and froze him in place as she gathered her groceries and went inside. Bon-Bon offered him an apologetic look before following, shutting the door behind her. Spike crossed his arms and listened to them through the window.

"How long has this been going on, anyway!?" Lyra demanded. "No, wait, why him? Am I not enough anymore?"

Bon-Bon sighed. "Lyra, you're being silly."

"Am I? I'm not the one running off with a dragon! For Celestia's sake, he's a baby! A literal baby!"

There was no answer.

"Bon-Bon? Bonnie? Aw, no, don't give me the face! I was just kidding! I-- Ugh, fine." The door opened, and a sheepish Lyra poked her head outside before being shoved the rest of the way. With a nod, she freed him and said, "Sorry. Just thought I'd have a little fun. What brings you?"

Spike crossed his arms behind his back, trying to hide his concern for the mare's mental health. "I need to now how you're able to be all over the place at once. I've already asked Pinkie and Vinyl, and they won't tell me."

Lyra shrugged. "Well, you should know that I can't tell you, either."

"Can't you at least tell me why not? If I at least knew that, I could give it a rest. And no cryptic mumbo-jumbo either; just give it to me straight."

She rubbed her chin. "Hmm... Nah. Not worth it." She headed for the door.

Spike blocked her path. "Okay, Lyra, last resort: I know about a portal to the human world."

She gasped and seized up, just like he thought she would. She glanced at the windows and used her magic to close the curtains. "What do you know?" she whispered.

He stepped away. "Ah, ah. You first."

She trotted in place and looked back and forth, whining and fretting to herself. For a second, Spike considered passing it off as a joke, or at least getting away before someone showed up and got the wrong idea again. Before he could move, though, she calmed down and said, "Fine, I'll tell you about it. But I won't teach you how, got it?"

He saluted. "Yes, Ma'am!"

She sat down and ran a hoof through her mane. "Alright, let's see... That thing that ponies like Pinkie and I do is called 'Offscreen.' It's a lot like teleportation, but it has different rules."

"Like what?"

"First off, nopony can be paying attention to us. That's why it's called that. You know how, in movies, whenever a character is offscreen, they pretty much stop existing?"

Spike nodded.

"It's a lot like that. If no one's looking, we can pretty much go wherever. That's about it." She lunged at him and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Now, about that portal...?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Really? That's it?"

"I never said it was complicated, did I?" She shook him slightly. "Come on, hold up your end of the deal!"

He groaned and rolled his eyes. "Fine. Meet me in the castle throne room tonight. I'll tell you everything there."

"Deal!" She let go of him and bounded back into the house, grinning like a maniac. "Bon-Bon! Guess what!?"

Spike shook his head at her antics and left. Apparently he wasn't getting a good night's sleep tonight; might as well spend the rest of the day trying to wrap this up.

He found himself near the schoolhouse. A class of ponies was playing in the yard. For whatever reason, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were halfway up the flagpole, the flag itself lying on the ground. Would they know anything? Nah. If they did, Ponyville would be gone by now.

A hoof grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around, bringing him face-to-face with... some filly. Who was this? Whoever she was, she was another unicorn, so things were probably about to get strange.

She looked him over. "You're Spike, right? The dragon that's been bugging ponies all day?"

Spike stared at her. Something about her told him that he should know her, but he couldn't remember her to save his life. "Who are you, again?"

"Dinky. Ditzy Doo's daughter."

He stumbled back in shock. "What!? The mailmare? How old is she?"

She shook her head. "That's not important. What is important is that my mom can help you. She'll tell you everything you want to know, if you can find her."

He thought about it for a bit, then sighed and dragged a hand down his face. Why didn't he think of that sooner? He'd probably be running around Equestria to his heart's content by now! "Wait, what'd you mean by 'if'?"

She was gone. He looked around, but the playground was deserted. Obviously, this Offscreen thing ran in the family. Or maybe not, since he saw her waving at him as she was being herded back into the schoolhouse with the other students. He waved back and headed home.

"Where are you...?" Spike said to himself as he watched the mailbox from the bushes across the street. He'd been there for the better part of an hour now for nothing. In that hour, he'd seen six ponies come and go, but none of them touched the mailbox, not even a pony in the full mailpony uniform. What the hay was the holdup!?

There was a rustling to his right. "Who're you looking for?"

"Ditzy Doo. She's supposed to be delivering mail today and I need to talk to her."

"Ooh, hate to bear bead news, but her shift ended an hour ago."

"What!?" Spike whirled around to face them. Of course, it was Ditzy. Made perfect, undeniable sense. He crawled out of the bush, seeing that only her front half was actually in the bush, her rump laying in the road.

She tucked her rear into the bush and poked her head out of it. "So, Offscreen, huh?"

Spike fell to his knees and clasped his hands together. "Yes! Please! I've been all over town for this!"

Ditzy giggled, then squirmed in the bush until she was sitting in it like a reclining chair. "Alrighty, but this'll be a real info dump. Get comfy."

"Wait a sec!" Spike said, holding his hands out in front of him. "I need to go get something!" Without waiting for a response, he dashed into the castle and straight to his room. He tore his dresser apart looking for a notepad, inkwell, and quill. Once he had them, he gathered them up in his arms and turned towards the door.

His bed creaked.

He turned back around to see Ditzy snoozing on his bed. She looked ridiculous, curled up on a dragon-sized bed, but that wasn't important right now. He sat down next to her and shook her gently.

She woke up with a snort, rubbed her eyes, and said, "Okay, first off, what Lyra told you was way off. It's not that we can't be seen to do it, we just can't know anypony's looking. Honestly, you can get away with it if you just ignore ponies hard enough. At least, that's what I do.

"Secondly, it's a bit more complicated than just 'going wherever'. You know how ghost and vampires can walk through walls and stuff? It's more like that. Ponies who use it kinda step out of reality, and then they go wherever. It's how I got here so quick. It's also how I do my job so well, but that stays between us, okay?

"Third, there's a vocational school in a little village to the northeast called Hollow Shades, which is where I learned all this. I can't speak for Pinkie Pie or Vinyl, but Lyra and I were in the same class. Thing is, I never actually finished the training, so whenever I zone out, things tend to... get away from me."

Spike looked up from his notepad as the fiasco with the Pinkie Sense came to mind. "So you drop things."

Ditzy blushed and looked over at two opposite corners of the room. "Drop things, bump into things, get lost. Sometimes I go to sleep and wake up in a totally different place, like a chicken coop. I sleepwalk."

"Isn't that scary?"

She shook her head. "Nah. I can just head back home right away. And I can use it for lots of things, like when I sneak into big events like the Grand Galloping Gala. Last month, I even used it to win the Ponyville Hide-and-Seek Tournament!" She rolled onto her back and kicked her hooves in the air. "You should've seen Pinkie's face!"

"Wait, did you say you broke into the Gala?"

She froze, then sprang to her hooves, making the bed creak. "W-well, not for long! Just long enough to make my deliveries, honest! There's nothing wrong with that, right?"

Spike furrowed his brow. "You know you can just leave them at the front door, right? I mean, unless they have to sign for it..."

"Aw, that's no fun. And you should see the look on their faces when they get their package in the middle a work day!" A huge, sweet smile spread across her face as she laid back down and rolled around in the covers, tangling Spike in them and pressing him against her chest. "Sometimes I get gifts in return. Ponies really like getting things from cute mailmares, I guess."

"Uh, Ditzy," Spike began, noticing that his spines were starting to tear his covers, "you think you could teach me how sometime soon?"

She stopped rolling and squirmed out of the blanket, lightly landing on the floor. "Oh, I don't know, Spike. I told you I didn't finish the class. You're sure you want me to teach you?"

He shrugged the covers off and sat up. "Why not? You're the only one who can tell me all of this, right? I don't see why you can't teach me."

"Is Twilight okay with this? I remember last time she caught me doing sneaking around, she hooked me up to this super weird machine in the basement after I dropped my packages on her head." She kicked at the floor, sending a gemstone into one of the dresser's crystalline legs. The leg snapped, making the dresser tumble to the ground, sending the contents --books and the few clothes he owned-- all over the room. One of them knocked the inkwell off of his lap, and in seconds, thick stripes of ink covered the room.

Three minutes. That had to be a record.

Ditzy looked at the mess sadly, then opened her mouth to speak. "I--

Spike covered her mouth. "Don't say it. Look, the CMC still get tutoring from Twilight on weekends. I'll come visit you then. Okay?"

"Okay, but you don't want me to help clean up? I'm pretty good with a mop."

"No!" He started pushing her out of his room. "Ditzy, isn't school out for the day?"

She sprung into the air, wings flapping. "Ohmygosh! You're right!" She was gone, right before his eyes. He stared at the empty doorway for a moment, then turned around to start cleaning.

"Oh, I am definitely learning how to do that."

Mail from a Mauve-Maned Mare

Going through the small mountain of mail that ended in front of the castle every morning had always been a hassle. Gifts and bags of letters usually buried the mailbox every morning, to the point where Spike was considering having it replaced with a chute leading to the throne room. Sorting it was easier since most of it was either words of thanks or ponies begging for her to teach them. After a day of this, it became one of those automatic chores, the kind that can be done without paying attention.

Still, he paid enough attention that he could spot anything out of the ordinary. Like this gray envelope addressed to him. He didn't recognize the return address, or the writing on the letter.

Spike,

This Maud Pie, writing from an excavation site for my rocktorate. I'd like a sample of your scales or teeth for an upcoming project. I promise to pay you.

Huh. He knew Maud, having met her in the quarry during her visit. They didn't talk much beyond introductions, but they did compare their knowledge of rocks and gemstones. Being a gemstone connoisseur, he... well, she schooled him, literally and embarrassingly. She was able to help him find more stones that usual, though, so that made up for it.

Anyway, why in Equestria would she need his scales and teeth to test a rock's hardness? There had to be a better, less creepy way, right? He went to ask Twilight about it.

"Well," she said, "dragon scales are probably one of the hardest substances in the world. If she had one of them, it'd go a long way towards her research."

"And the teeth?" Spike asked.

She shrugged. "A backup? A carving tool? I don't know."

He picked at his teeth. It couldn't hurt, and these teeth were set to fall out soon anyway. The scales were another story, though. "Alright, I'll mail them to her tomorrow."

"You'll be sure to brush them first, right? I'm sure Maud wouldn't want a mouthful of dirty teeth in the mail, no matter how badly she needs them."

He frowned at her. "Hey, I floss!"

Spike was right about his teeth. The next morning, he spat a mouthful of them into the bathroom sink, and a familiar tickling sensation filled his mouth. He opened his mouth to yawn, and his new teeth came in. He turned on the faucet and rinsed his mouth and the old teeth, then brushed them, gathered his teeth in his hands, and hurried back to his room.

He dumped the teeth on his desk, grabbed a quill and some paper, then sat down to write.

Dear Maud,

You don't need to pay me. I'd be happy to send you some teeth. But I think I need to ask: what will you use them for? What kind of project needs dragon teeth?

Sincerely,

Spike

He was lounging on his throne a week later when the reply came. The envelope was singed at the corners and full of his old teeth, which, context or not, had to be the creepiest thing he'd ever gotten in the mail. Hopefully the letter would clear things up.

Spike,

Thank you, but I only needed ten. You can have the rest back. The project involves discovering the properties of a new kind of volcanic rock, and your teeth will go a long way in discovering its hardness and brittleness, not to mention digging. Feel free to say no to this, but me and my team could really use some dragon scales. As you can imagine, it's very hot here, and our safety manager could use a few to add to our gear so it doesn't overheat.

Maud

He stared at the letter for a long time, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open in shock. A volcano? With lava!? What kind of classes was she taking, anyway!?

A low whistle came from above. It was Rainbow Dash, hovering over his throne and reading over his shoulder. "Geez, this rocktorate thing is hardcore!"

Spike rolled over to face her. "No kidding. I can't believe Pinkie's okay with this."

She shrugged. "Yeah, but Pinkie still gets me sometimes. Maybe she doesn't know." She came down and ruffled his spines. "So, what's the plan? You gonna give her a scale, or what?"

"Not a chance."

"Why not?" Applejack asked, walking into the throne room with Rarity. "You're literally covered in 'em."

"I bet if Rarity asked, she'd be swimming in scales, right?" Rainbow asked.

Rarity gave her one of those flat glares that she'd gotten so good at lately. "For your information, I asked shortly after meeting him. The answer was no."

"Really?"

She sighed. "Yes, really. A shame, since I have so many ideas that revolve around a dragonscale accessory." She turned and batted her eyelashes at him. "Unless...?"

"No," Spike said flatly as he sat up. "It hurts, okay?"

` "So does losing feathers," Rainbow said. "Come on, no pain, no gain, right?"

Spike reached up and felt the bald spot under his right fin. "Yeah, but your feathers grow back in a snap! I gave a scale to Princess Celestia five years ago, and it still hasn't grown back." He crossed his arms. "The answer is no."

Dear Maud,

Sorry, but I can't give you a scale. I still want to hear about your studies, though. Please, keep me posted.

Sincerely,

Spike

Spike,

Sure. I'd like another pen pal while I'm out here. Pinkie's letters are usually covered in something sweet, and they don't hold up very well in the heat. I've been using your teeth to line my pickaxe, and I've made much more progress than my classmates. They've gotten envious, and keep asking where I found them. I didn't tell them anything.

We came across an obsidian deposit underground. We were able to gather some, but the shards are a lot sharper than your teeth, so we had to go back to camp and get some bandages. The rest of the shards made good knives. They cut through food like talc. Unfortunately, our camp was flooded with gas, so we need to move.

Don't tell Pinkie. She'll worry too much.

Maud

So, already past greetings. That's good news. The bad, rather, frightening news was the gas leak. After reading the letter, he went to find a book on volcanoes, and, like every time he read about something scary-sounding, he regretted it immediately. Only one of Pinkie's siblings could stand hanging around a toxic, active volcano without complaining.

Dear Maud,

It sounds like these rocktorate classes are really dangerous, but don't worry; I won't tell anyone. I have to admit, I'm a bit jealous about the shards, but I can proudly say I've never sent anypony to the doctor.

On that note, is it safe to use them on your food? I read that obsidian is really brittle. What if it breaks off in the middle of your food? Wouldn't you be better off using it to dig or cut rocks?

One more question: that gas, it's not from a dragon, is it? I don't know if you have any way to check, and I haven't read anything about it, but I think dragon's breath is poisonous. Well, I've been told my breath stinks, and I'm just a baby dragon. An adult's might be mistaken for poison. Either way, stay safe out there!

Spike

It was a long time before he heard from Maud again. Well, longer than usual. It made sense, and she could probably take anything that looked at her funny, but he couldn't help but worry, especially if asking about dragons jinxed one into showing up. He fretted for about ten minutes before remembering that Pinkie Pie wrote to her, too, and that Maud didn't want her to worry. She'd have to know something!

With a nod, he left the castle and made a beeline for Sugarcube Corner. The second he stepped through the front door, he was hit in the face with a bowl of... what was it? Cobbler? He tasted it, then licked the rest off of his face. Yeah, peach cobbler.

So the twins were awake. Great.

A peach-covered Pound Cake giggled at him from his high chair as Pumpkin buried her face in her bowl.

"No, Pound!" Pinkie picked up the bowl and put it back on his tray, then ruffled his mane and said, "Great aim, though! You'll be ready for the Ponyville Food Fight in three years, tops!" After giggling with him, she turned to Spike with a smile. "What's up, Spike?"

He smiled back. "Nothing much. Just thinking about how Pound might actually beat me. I'll need to bulk up some before the next Food Fight." He looked at Pound and did that "I'm watching you" gesture.

To his surprise, Pound stopped laughing, narrowed his eyes, and hit his tray twice. Just like that, he had a rival.

Spike cleared his throat and turned back to Pinkie. "Hey, speaking of your crazy strong siblings, have you heard anything from Maud lately?"

She beamed and nodded. "Oh, yeah! We've been pen pals ever since I left the farm!"

"Thought so. See, Maud and I have been writing to each other for a bit and--"

She gasped loud enough to drag everything in the room towards her a bit. "Really!? Why didn't you say so?" She scooped up the twins in her tail, then grabbed Spike by his tail and took them all to her room.

After he and the twins were set down on some beanbags, Pinkie picked up her mattress and tossed it aside, revealing a mountain of envelopes, all the same color.

"I've held on to all of her letters since I left the rock farm!" She grabbed a pile of them and dumped them in front of Spike, then turned back to pitch more his way. "When'd she start writing to you?"

Spike searched through the envelopes, checking the date on each one and reading the letters inside, pausing occasionally to keep Pumpkin from gnawing on them. "Uh, about two months ago. She was asking for some teeth, and it grew from there."

"Oh yeah, she said something about that. I wish I knew you were writing her sooner, though. We could've put your teeth in her care package!"

"That would've been easier." Still no luck, and the twins weren't helping by playing in the pile of unchecked letters and mixing them with the checked ones. He was certain that he read the same ones once or thrice. "Have you heard anything from her lately?"

"I was gonna ask you the same thing!" She turned around and shook her head, making another letter fall to the floor. "She usually writes every week, but I haven't gotten anything for... three? She said her camp was moving, but didn't say why."

"R-really?" Spike grimaced, then picked up one of the letters.

Dear Pinkie,

I don't know why, but Cobblestone and Shingle held a contest to see who could dig the deepest. They did this after sitting through five mandatory seminars on why not to, followed by another one after we made camp. They dug into a crevice and got trapped. We had to dig them out. On the plus side, we have extra food now, since they won't be getting any.

Speaking of, do you or the Cakes know how to make custard tarts? Shoal keeps going on and on about them, and I told her that you could out-bake her anytime. We argued about it until work started, and she still bugs me about it whenever she can. I don't pair up with her often, but when I am, it's all she talks about. She's really annoying.

We're moving the camp tomorrow, so you might not hear from me for a bit. Tell the Cakes I said "Hi."

Love,

Maud

He whistled. Maud said she was a writer, but there was a serious difference in the way she wrote to Pinkie. Then again, this was to her sister, so of course she'd be a bit more personal. On the other hoof, she didn't mention the gas, just like she said. Thinking of Maud arguing with somepony was a funny thought, though. Would she just keep droning on, or did her voice get a little higher the more worked up she got? He smirked as he refolded the letter. "Oh well."

"What'cha looking for?" Pinkie asked, appearing over his shoulder.

He put the letter with the others and turned around to face her. "Nothing, really. Hey, do you know how to make sweet tarts?"

Pinkie beamed. "Uh-huh! I just put some crusts in the oven. Well, they're tart-lets. They should be done riiiiight..." She tilted her head towards the stairs, and an egg timer went off a second later. "Now! You wanna help fill them?"

He thought about it for a second. Worrying wouldn't do him any good, and baking with Pinkie was always fun. "Sure!"

She grabbed the twins and they went downstairs and to the kitchen, which was flooded with the smell of freshly baked crust. While Pinkie went through the cabinets, pulling out fruit, sugar, cinnamon, and, of course, cream, Spike shut off the oven, then opened it up and pulled out the pan of empty vanilla tart-lets. He set the pan on the counter and turned back to the oven to close the door.

Another pan, full of chocolate tart-lets, sat right where the last had been. He blinked, then shrugged and grabbed that one placing right next to the first. What were the chances of a third tray being there? One in three? He turned back and frowned at the orange tart-lets sitting there. More peach? It didn't matter. He took that tray, too, and after checking the oven for any more, joined Pinkie in filling the little cups with the toppings.

It took an hour and a half, and at the end of it all, the room was covered in frosting, confetti, and a rainbow of syrups. Spike and Pinkie admired their handiwork, looking less like bakers and more like splatter paintings. On the counter sat a mountain of sweet tarts stacked in a crude pyramid that rose to the ceiling.

Spike licked the raspberry jam from his claws. "Looks good, Pinkie. Looks real good."

"Oh, yeah," she said, walking over to the pyramid and taking two tarts from one of the middle layers. The plates they were on clattered, but the pyramid stood strong, if only because it was Pinkie doing it. She gave him one topped with blackberries before tossing her own into the air and catching it in her mouth before going for another.

"So what's with all the tarts, anyway?" Spike asked between bites. "Is it about Maud's letter?"

Her mouth still full of tart, she nodded. She swallowed and said, "I'm going to send these to Maud and her classmates. This way they can stop fighting, and everypony gets a great snack!"

"Okay, but why'd you make so many? I'm pretty sure there aren't that many ponies at the site."

She shoved another one into his hands. "I made so many so we can find the best ones. This is for the pride of the Pie family, after all; only the best will do!"

He stared at her with wide eyes. Looking back, they'd never filled two tarts the same way. "Uh... Pinkie, are we really gonna try... all of these?"

"How else are we supposed to find the best ones?" She snickered. "Silly dragon. Now let's dig in!"

He hesitated, watching with growing amazement as the tarts vanished one by one. He couldn't shake the feeling that at least some of this was an excuse to gorge herself on tarts. He shrugged and grabbed and armful. It wouldn't do any good to just sit there doing nothing.

"Spike?"

Spike groaned and opened his eyes. He lay in his bed and stared up at his bedroom ceiling, wondering how and when he got there. His stomach twisted, and he remembered what happened. He'd tried matching Pinkie's pace and, well... that didn't happen. He'd eaten about fifteen in a minute before the aches set in, and Twilight was called to bring him home.

Hoofsteps came in and stopped beside him. "Spike? Are you feeling better?"

Speak of the devil.

Spike rolled over and looked up at Twilight, who sat down by his bed and lifted a spoonful of medicine up to his mouth. He took it, grimacing at the imitation-grape taste, then said, "How long was I out?"

"About two hours. Pinkie says you were helping her with baking. Too much taste testing?"

"Heh, yeah. Future Spike's not too happy about this."

Twilight smiled. "Well, maybe he'd like some good news. Maud sent you a package!"

He blinked and sat up. "Really? When?"

"While you were out. I'll go get it for you." She left and came back with a box around his size. She set it down next to him, and he grabbed the envelope taped to the top.

Spike,

You were right about the source of the "poison." It turned out to be an old dragon trying to find what he thought were intruders looking for his hoard. He threatened to eat us unless we told him something new. I told him about what happened at the Gala. He let us go, but he told us to leave the volcano. We've been moving everything back to campus for the past few weeks.

Before we left, I grabbed a bit of emerald from earlier. I hadn't repaid you for your teeth, so I mailed it out once it was ready. It's not a lot, but I hope it's enough.

We'll be busy deciding where to go next, so my studies are done for a while. It was fun writing to you, though. I'll be sure to write you again when they restart.

Maud

"That's sweet of her," Twilight said, having walked behind him to read over his shoulder. "You like emeralds, right?"

"Yeah..." Spike could've sworn he said he didn't need any pay for those. He climbed out of bed with a sigh and tore the box apart, then grabbed the huge, egg-shaped rock that was inside. As he lifted it up, it split down the middle, with one half lined with amethysts, and the other lined with emeralds.

"Whoa," Twilight said.

"No kidding," Spike said, looking at each half with wide eyes. He'd seen things like this at gift shops, but this one --these-- seemed different. The outside was rougher, and the insides still held ashes in their crevices. "Did Maud make this?"

"Seems like it," Twilight said. "You're not going to eat those, are you?"

He gave her a look and walked over to his desk. "Give me some credit, Twilight. I'm not going to eat a gift." He placed the halves on top, facing each other, then stepped back to admire them. They looked good, sitting where he'd see them every morning. With a satisfied nod, he grabbed an inkwell and some paper and began to write.

Dear Maud,

I love the gift, but I don't think my teeth are worth all that effort. I won't stop you, but I'm up to my neck in teeth most weeks; they're a dime a dozen. If you really want, I won't stop you, but don't wear yourself out.

Also, just because your studies are done for now doesn't mean we can't still write. I know what I said earlier, but we're friends; you can write me about anything you want.

One last thing: I hope you told Pinkie that you went back to campus. I don't know how old dragons feel about mountains of sweet tarts sent to their lairs.

Your Friend,

Spike