Fighting Over Beans And Killing Zombies. And Also Ponies
On a sunny day, Jim, a tall and buff Caucasian Human male, that wore a green shirt and green pants. Whom also was a zombie survivor that was teleported out from nowhere in the middle of a marshland near the coastline of Chernarus.
Jim drank some water in the marsh from a near by pond, for he was a little thirsty, and then ran through the marshland to head for a small village he saw in the distance.
Jim was an experienced survivor in this harsh and unforgiving post apocalyptic world called DayZ, that was filled with zombies and Human survivors with an insane lust for beans. In the end of the world, people are willing to kill you for your can of beans. But luckily like other loot, cans of bean did sometimes spawn in buildings.
But unfortunately, just recently his group of well armed friends with lots of cans of beans got ambushed from another group when they were walking through a forest. Even worse, they took all their beans.
In their next respawn, they planned to regroup north of the city of Chernogorsk next to the big rock.
As for his journey, it was mostly uneventful as he ran towards the village. However, he did have to lay himself down on the ground and hide in some tall reeds in order not to be seemed by a passing helicopter in the sky. Last thing he wanted was to be shot or abducted by them.
When the helicopter was gone, Jim resumed running towards the village.
Once he was near the village he noticed some zombies, whom moaned and groaned as they wondered aimlessly about the village and saw six of them eating the dead body of a Human player.
To avoid the zombies, he sneakily crouched his way over to a near by house, to see if he could find some spawned loot, like a tin of beans or a bottle of water.
Unfortunately, as soon as Jim was about to open the door he was shot in the head by a sniper hiding somewhere. A dozen zombies roared and then ran into the near by forest, where the sniper was. However, they were cut down in droves by machine gun fire.
***
Jim respawned in the middle of a forest, only to be shot again by some sniper hiding somewhere.
But right before he died he could have swarm he saw a nuclear bomb going off in the distance made by some hacker.
He just knew the Admin God had a lot to clean up later.
***
Jim respawned in a forest again, only to be immediately rolled over by a huge tank.
"Stupid hacker!" was his last words in his manly voice before he was crushed under the tank's treads.
***
Yet again, Jim respawned in another forest. This time, however he was able to sneak his way through the forest by crouching.
But he did see the same hacker in a tank that rolled over him, whom smashed through trees as he went on a rampage, by rolling over Human players that were unfortunate enough to be seen by him. The tank also rolled over zombies, but mostly Human players.
And also...
"GIVE ME YOUR BEANS!" shouted a deep voice.
Jim hid in a near by bush to watch a fellow Human, that wore green woodland military camouflage, a gas mask and had a large green haversack on his back.
He held another unarmed Human at gun point with an assault rifle next to a tree. The unarmed Human was a Caucasian man, that wore pink pants and a pink shirt.
"But, I don't have any beans!" said the man with a squeaky voice.
"THEN YOU DIE BITCH!"
He opened fire killing the Human. Jim, did not feel bad for the Human being shot. After all he done the same thing to many others, whom didn't give their beans when he held them up at gun point.
The other Human looted his backpack and checked his pockets. The first thing he found was a tin of tuna.
"EWWWW, FISH!" he threw it over his shoulder. Then took out a bandage. "Cool. Need that if I get injured."
When he put his hand in the bag again, he gasped in joy, for he had found a tin of Heinz Beans.
"BEANS!" he shouted excitedly. "Hah! You were lying! Though, I do admire a man that is willing to die for his beans."
Unfortunately, as soon as he was just about to open the can of beans with a can opener and eat them, he was shot in the head by sniper hiding somewhere. But seconds later, there was another loud sound of a sniper firing.
Jim decided to take his chances, so he ran out from the bush and looted both the corpses of the Humans.
Jim was now once again a badass zombie survivor that was well armed and lots of water and cans of beans. And luckily for him, he disappeared in a blinding flash of light just before a sniper was about to shoot him in the head.
***
Jim appeared in a cartoon world, his body reanimated to look like a cartoon, but still looked Human.
He stood in the middle of an apple tree orchard on a sunny day. A strange sense of safely and compassion came over him, causing him to unload all his guns and place all the ammo back in his backpack. He felt as if he did not need it.
Sadness overcame him from remembering all the times he killed people, just because they wouldn't give him beans. But only a single manly tear fell, because he was not a pussy.
With that the Human walked around the orchard to get his bearings, but gasped in shock when he saw the most beautiful person he ever laid eyes on. A small orange Pony sitting under an apple tree, whom wore a cute cowboy hat, had beautiful blonde hair and a great looking big butt.
"Well, howdy there partner. What's your name?" said the Pony in her sexy southern accent.
"My name is Jim."
"My name is Applejack." Applejack walked over to the Human, she looked at him with bedroom eyes, because she had a Human fetish. "I always wanted to fuck a Human."
"And I always wanted to fuck a sapient Pony!"
Jim took out his gigantic penis and cock slapped her across the face, that caused her to moan aloud. Jim, didn't know how his penis got so massive, but then again this is a cartoon world.
Applejack dived on the Human, pulled his gas mask off and began to make out with him. And then, there was a blinding flash of light behind Applejack, followed by the appearance of the sexy red lobsterman Zoidberg with his massive penis at the ready to fuck Applejack up the butthole.
"Whoop whoop whoop! Zoidberg is here to fuck a Pony!" he shouted excitedly while he clicked his claws.
"Go away Zoidberg! I don't have an alien crab fetish!" she shouted angrily.
Zoidberg wailed and ran away crying with his claws covering his face.
With Zoidberg gone, Applejack turned around into a sixty nine position over Jim, and sucked on his mighty penis. While the Human licked and used his hands to pleasure the mare.
And so Jim was no longer insane, got married to Applejack and had many Pony and Human mutant babies.
The End
Author's Note
Poor Zoidberg.
