Because Magic, That's Why
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Apple Bloom went to sleep.
That is, quite possibly, one of the most boring things she had ever done. It was something that she did routinely – something so boring that it almost put her to sleep.
And, as Apple Bloom went to sleep, absolutely nothing happened.
Which was to be expected, because she only went to sleep. There was not a single thing out of the ordinary the night she slowly fell asleep, looking forward to the weekend with her friends. Apple Bloom snuggled comfortably in her bed, and dreamed a silly dream about apples and dancing trees.
In short, it was very uninteresting.
Apple Bloom yawned upon awakening, as most young fillies are wont to do when awakening early in the morning as the sun peaked over the horizon. Instead of clambering out of bed, she simply rolled over and curled up with her blankets, quietly hoping that her sister wouldn’t come knocking on her bedroom door too soon.
Oddly, she couldn’t quite seem to find her pillow.
She blindly reached about for it for a few seconds, slowly realizing that she couldn’t really feel anything aside from air.
“Apple Bloom,” she heard Applejack’s bleary voice as she trotted down the hall to her room. “Come on, darlin’. You slept in late again, you’re about to miss breakf-”
Apple Bloom really couldn’t help but open her eyes at the bloodcurdling shriek that her sister let out as she pried open her door.
“What?” Apple Bloom sat up sharply, losing her blanket in the process. “Did’ja get a splinter?”
Applejack only stared at the floating filly in horror, hoof clasped over her mouth.
“Apple Bloom!” she sputtered finally in a weak voice. “How in the world…?”
Apple Bloom calmly looked down and saw that she was, very clearly, not lying in bed.
“Oh,” she shrugged, scratching the back of her head. “Yeah, sometimes that happens on Saturdays.”
“Possessed!” Applejack bolted, shouting for Big Mac. “It’s the Ponycist! Somepony get me holy water, quick!”
Apple Bloom stared after her for a long second, before shrugging again and slowly floating out the door. Some breakfast did sound really good right about that time. She heard her stomach growling, and really looked forward to some of Granny Smith’s hay waffles.
“Heyya, Granny!” Apple Bloom chirruped happily as she levitated nonchalantly into the kitchen where her grandmother sat. “Anypony save me some waffles?”
The moment the elderly green mare set eyes on the floating filly, she grabbed her left foreleg in shock as her mouth went so slack that her dentures fell out.
“Lost yer dentures there, Granny!” Apple Bloom said cheerfully, but it seemed Granny Smith was completely oblivious to her. Partially because she had toppled over by that point.
“Trying out a new dance craze there, Granny?” Apple Bloom asked curiously as her grandmother spasmed wildly on the floor, eyes wider than dinner plates. “Thanks for the waffles, by the way. I’m gonna go play now, bye!”
And with her mouth full of a deliciously fresh hay waffle dangling precariously from her lips, Apple Bloom swam lazily through the air and out the open front door until she was floating on her back through the sky.
Apple Bloom drifted peacefully for a while, munching on her waffle as she lay on her back and staring up at the funny shapes of clouds passing overhead. After a while, she got a little bored and decided to float around Ponyville – and much to her surprise, she spotted Diamond Tiara walking along a sidewalk, completely minding her own business.
This seemed vaguely suspicious to Apple Bloom, because Diamond Tiara never just ‘minded her own business’. Certain that the filly must be up to something or other, Apple Bloom followed her stealthily.
Or at least, as stealthily as she could. Diamond Tiara might not have spotted her, but there were a very great number of pegasi about that nearly (and some actually did) drop from the sky upon seeing the filly swimming sneakily through the sky.
Apple Bloom momentarily wished that she still had that ninja costume that she had borrowed from Sweetie Belle a couple of Nightmare Nights ago, but it was such a shame that she had grown out of it. It would have perfected her very sneaky and quiet ambush on her unsuspecting nemesis.
Plus, ninjas were cool.
Without warning, Apple Bloom swooped out of the sky just as Diamond Tiara was turning a corner. Landing lithely on the ground behind her, Apple Bloom tapped the filly on the shoulder, causing her to jump.
“What do you want?” she scowled at Apple Bloom as she spun on the spot, clearly trying to hide her surprise.
“Oh, nothing,” Apple Bloom said in a relaxed tone as she inspected her hoof. “I just wanted to stop you to tell you that I think your mane is stupid.”
Unsurprisingly, Diamond Tiara stared at her with a blatantly unamused expression.
“Stupid as in ‘you’re jealous because your enormous inbred family can’t afford a stylist’, or stupid as in ‘you couldn’t think of a better insult’?”
Apple Bloom retorted with… nothing. She opened her mouth a couple of times, alright, but nothing came out. She was simply a little flabbergasted.
“Yeah, well,” Apple Bloom spluttered. “You – I-I don’t – you’re just – well-”
She fell completely silent for an uncomfortably long beat, before blowing a raspberry in Diamond Tiara’s face and blasting off into the sky.
Obviously, Diamond Tiara was very, very surprised.
And that meant that Apple Bloom won after all!
She cheered as she zoomed through the sky, flapping her arms gleefully as Diamond Tiara gawked after her. Probably because she couldn’t think of anything to say to the latest developments.
Or it could have been because Apple Bloom was very high up, and it would have been difficult to hear what she was saying.
Upon closer inspection when Apple Bloom lowered herself closer to her, she discovered that Diamond Tiara was indeed saying something. Unfortunately, she was shouting very angry things that Apple Bloom was told were words that should never come out of her mouth, or she would be tasting soap all week.
Apple Bloom then flew off to look for soap, because obviously Diamond Tiara had not learned the important lesson of bad words.
“Hi, Rainbow Dash!” Apple Bloom waved happily to the multicolored mane floating directly in her face. Rainbow Dash backed away a little, eyes wide.
“Huh. Guess Thunderlane wasn’t making it up after all...” Dash scratched her chin.
“I didn’t even see you there, Dash!” Apple Bloom said conversationally. “How’d you sneak up on me so quick?”
“BECAUSE,” Rainbow Dash bellowed as the skies darkened momentarily and a multihued blast of lightning split the sky. “I AM RAINBOW MOTHER BUCKING DASH.”
“Oh, yeah?” Apple Bloom bragged. “Well, I am Apple mother bucking Bloom!”
“No.” Dash grunted, crossing her hooves across her chest. “Don’t even. That’s my line. Mine.”
“Wanna race?”
“No.”
“Great!” Apple Bloom prepared herself. “Onetwothreego wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
And with that, Apple Bloom blasted off in an enormous explosion of apples that rained down on Ponyville’s inhabitants, and she was overjoyed in her knowledge that she had simultaneously beaten the fastest pegasus from Cloudsdale’s record and solved world hunger.
And then they worshiped Apple mother bucking Bloom as a god.
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“So?” Applejack asked the doctor worriedly.
“Oh, yeah,” he nodded. “She’ll be fine when she wakes up, mostly.”
“Mostly?”
“Well, that’s what happens when you let fillies drink things from under the sink. I’ve never even heard of ‘Clow-rocks’.”
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