Balloons and streamers and confetti lined the town and everypony was out singing and dancing. Today was a very special day. It was Rainbow Dash's birth-iversary. It was the day on which she celebrated her birthday and the anniversary of her move to Ponyville at the same time. With Pinkie Pie planning the party, it was going to be the most fun she'd ever had.
Wrong.
Drawn by two emancipated oxen, a covered wagon with a patchwork multicolor canvas rolled into town. Though faded by the sun, each patch had a design on it similar to a cutie mark. In fact, they were cutie marks—cutie marks of past victims. The wagon itself was fashioned from bones. It rattled through the streets attracting nervous attention.
“What is that?” Rainbow Dash asked.
A chain whip struck one of the oxen and it screamed in pain. The wagon lurched to one side and ran over Diamond Tiara. Her spine snapped and she was dead in an instant. The driver let loose a wicked howl of laughter.
“Hey! No killing little fillies! Just who do you think you are?” Rainbow Dash flew down to punch him but recoiled when he threw off his cloak.
He was a tan stallion with fluffy brown hair and necklace of severed unicorn horns. He spat out a bloody feather and reached for the cheese at his belt. He leapt into the air in a massive cartwheel and collided with Rainbow Dash. The cheese sliced through her abdomen and spilled her guts onto the ponies below. She veered off and crashed while he landed in a circle of frightened ponies.
“Sharp cheddar,” said Cheese.
“Rainbow Dash!” Applejack ran over check on her friend. “She's dead! No!”
The gathered ponies screamed and fled. Cheese took a bow. “Run as much as you want, little ponies, but none can escape Cheese.”
“You won't get away with this mister!” Twilight blasted a beam of pure magic at him. It fizzled to no effect. “What?” She tried again, but it still didn't work.
Cheese darted at her and she screamed. A leg of asiago cracked against her skull and she fell limp. He reached down and wrenched her head free from her body with horrible popping sounds. He held it up for all to see with its severed vertebrae dangling down.
“Behold, the power of cheese!”
“Twilight!” Applejack screamed. “No! Not her too! That was a bad move. You'll pay for that!”
Applejack readied her lasso to snare and hogtie him but he laughed and danced and evaded every attempt she made to stop him. She stopped swinging her lasso and readied Bucky McGillicuddy and Kicks McGee for hoof-to-hoof combat. When she dropped her rope Cheese cheesed her and tied HER up with string cheese. He wrapped the cheese around her neck and hoisted her up to suffocate and dangle from a tree.
“The cheese hangs alone.”
Nopony else was brave enough to confront him. Those who had been watching turned tail and fled. He chased after a yellow pegasus.
Fluttershy couldn't control her sobbing. She was frightened for her life but the sting of her friends' brutal murders wrenched at her heart. She wasn't watching where she was going and tripped over a block of cheese. She went sprawling and slid into a wall. Cheese Sandwich loomed over her with a wicked grin.
“No!” Fluttershy screamed and stared at him. He stopped mid-swing shrunk back from her. “You'll wait right there for the guards to come and put you in jail and you'll stop killing ponies and, and...” Fluttershy's voice broke and tears streamed down her face but she didn't stop starting.
Cheese melted under the heat of her gaze but he'd come prepared. He donned a pair of sunglasses and now he was cool. He picked his cheese-axe back up and Fluttershy barely had any time to scream before he buried it in her skull.
“You brain's better with a wedge of cheese.”
Left alone, Rarity had gone back to her boutique for scissors. She snuck back into the square and looked around but didn't see anypony. Her target: Applejack. The farm pony had ceased struggling and now hung limply from the tree.
“Don't worry dear, I'll get you down before it's too late.” She cut the bindings and Applejack fell to the ground. “Applejack? Applejack!” Rarity shook her friend, but she didn't move. She felt for a pulse, but there was none. “No! I thought for sure...” She broke down sobbing.
“It's not fair. It's just not fair. I got Rainbow Dash's guts in my mane, I had to watch Twilight get beheaded, I'm pretty sure I heard Fluttershy scream, and now I arrived too late to save Applejack.” Rarity knew she should run or hide but the sheer tragedy overwhelmed her and she thew caution aside.
“Do you want some cheese with that whine?”
Rarity turned and screamed in time to see a cheesy knife embed itself in her throat. He scream cut off and she gurgled and collapsed. Cheese Sandwich cut into her hide and removed a square section of skin with three blue gemstones on it. Rarity died looking at it.
“This will look nice to replace that patch on the wagon that wore out. Cheese has the best taste.”
Cheese Sandwich walked over and lifted a barrel, exposing a cowering pink pony. Her tail twitched and her whole body shuddered.
“No, not again,” she whispered to herself. She was dripping with sweat.
“Ahem.” Cheese cleared his throat. Pinkie Pie shrieked and darted off but the way was blocked by cheese. She turned and pulled out her party cannon.
“Back off! I'm warning you, mister. This thing's loaded with weapons-grade confetti.” Pinkie Pie lit the fuse and cowered behind it. Cheese Sandwich walked up and kicked the cannon over so it faced the other way.
Ka-fwoom! Confetti shot out and peppered Pinkie Pie full of holes. Little sunbeams shot through them and she collapsed into a pool of her own blood, dead.
“Holy swiss pony,” he said.
“Hey, Pinkie. I got that cake you wa–” Spike dropped the cake and surveyed the carnage. Blood was everywhere.
Cheese shrugged. He only killed ponies.
“Twilight? Twilight!” Spike ran over and held up her severed head. “She's dead! No!” Tears ran down his cheeks and he quickly counted the bodies. “Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack– No! Not Rarity! Not you too! Why!? Why!? Why did this happen!?” he wailed.
“The cheese went bad.”
