It had taken weeks of effort, but Twilight was now confident that her calculations were correct and that all her efforts would pay off. Since she was very little she had wanted to have a perfect, stress-free day. All of her studies of magic had seemed to only create more stress, and whenever she was prompted to take a break or go on some sort of vacation she couldn't escape the nagging desire to study. It had been a problem when she first arrived in Ponyville. It had been a problem when she freaked out about not sending a letter to Celestia. Basically, it was always a problem. But that was about to change. Someday, everypony will be able to experience an amazing vacation away from reality in just a few hours. Twilight thought to herself. And that first pony will be me.
The spell was relatively simple when she finally finished it, but the number of notes she had felt necessary had totally depleted her paper supply in the library, not to mention the eight quills broken in the writing process. Still, it was all worth it if this spell could finally let her relax.
The idea worked like this: Whenever a pony dreamed their brain processed the information quite quickly and efficiently. On top of that, a dream could be anything. The only problem was that most ponies forgot their dreams before they even woke up, or just shortly after they woke up. By forcing a pony to go into a dream, a good dream, and giving them a stronger ability to retain those memories, they could experience amazing events, in a fraction of the time, with all the memories in tact. Basically, the spell created the ultimate daydream.
But before Twilight got ahead of herself, the mare decided she needed to use a test subject. That couldn't be anypony but herself. The spell had the potential to put ponies in a coma if it wasn't performed correctly and there was no way she would let one of her friends take that risk. Even if there was a slight possibility of danger, the potential benefits were enormous. The idea that Twilight could finally get to have a real vacation. It had to be done.
Up in her bedroom, Twilight was just finishing going over her notes as Spike walked in with a stop watch.
"Alright, Spike," she said. "If all goes well I'll wake up in about 20 seconds. The calculations are a bit delicate, so it might take longer. If it takes more than five minutes for me to wake up then go and get somepony." Twilight prepared to rest in her bed and perform the spell when Spike prodded her leg.
"Who should I get?" asked Spike. "Who else in Ponyville knows as much about magic as you?"
Thinking for a moment, Twilight said, "First send a letter to Celestia, then go and find Zecora."
Spike nodded. "I won't wait a second past five minutes."
Twilight smiled at her assistant. "Don't worry, Spike. I put this through a lot of testing. This is just one final beta test and soon everypony in Ponyville will be able to go on amazing one-of-a-kind vacation days!"
"And hopefully you'll finally be able to have a real vacation where you don't freak out about your studies."
With that, Twilight nodded and set herself down in her own bed. The spell would leave her more or less unconscious, so it would be wise to lie back and not cast it standing up. "See you in 20 seconds," she said. With any luck it'll be about five minutes for me. Focusing, her horn began to glow and she closed her eyes.
When Twilight opened her eyes she was standing in the rotunda of the palace in the Crystal Empire. She looked left and right. Everything was just as she remembered it. It worked! Beaming, she walked toward the doors and, before she reached them, they flew open. Her brother and sister-in-law stood before her.
"Twili!" Shining Armor beamed at his younger sister, leaning in to give her a hug. "How've you been, sis?"
"I'm fine. It's so good to see you two!"
Cadence also placed a hoof around her shoulder. "Did you want to go see the rest of the Star Swirl exhibit?"
Twilight gasped. "Of course! The exhibit was headed to the Crystal Empire after Ponyville." She began to giggle as she thought of how she could finally get a chance to see Star Swirl's famous crystal cruet, but then stopped. Cadence wanted to see that with me, but my brother was never really into history like that. "Shining, I know you'd probably prefer to do something else..."
"Are you kidding? Where else would I rather be when my sister is in town? I'm coming with you!"
As the three walked out of the palace Twilight could hardly believe this was happening. Not only was she going to get to finish her tour of the Star Swirl exhibit, but she was also going to see it with her brother! Her brother who had never shown any interest in Star Swirl artifacts... How could this be happening? And then she remembered. The spell. The spell designed to give her the perfect day. Before she was even halfway down the street, Twilight stopped. Cadence and Shining Armor quickly turned around, seeing a sad look on their sister's face.
"What's the matter?" said Cadence, again putting a hoof around her sister-in-law's shoulder. Shining Armor sat down on Twilight's other side.
"None of this is real," said Twilight, shaking her head. How could I be so stupid? Only five minutes? That's not enough time to even start a great day like this, let alone see it through. "This was going to be a great day, but I'll wake up from this dream in a couple minutes and none of it will have actually happened."
"What are you talking about?" Shining pointed out at the Crystal Empire around them, crystal ponies walked up and down the streets, some even dressed in Star Swirl outfits on their way to the exhibit. "This is a beautiful day and it is going to be great. Just you wait. After we go to see all those artifacts, you and Cadence have a date at the spa. Then I was going to take you kite flying in one of the south fields. You won't believe some of the kinds of kites the crystal ponies have made."
"I'm sure I wouldn't." Twilight walked away from her brother and sister-in-law. "But I might as well just head back to the Palace and wait a minute." She let out a sigh. "This could have been a great day." Her head down, she began to walk back and, as if on cue, the world around her began to dissolve. She shut her eyes from the bright white lights that started to blare from every direction and then opened them in her bedroom. Spike was standing in front of her holding a stop watch. As soon as he saw she was awake he pressed down the button on top.
There goes a great day...
"22 seconds," the purple dragon declared. "Not bad for a first try. So, what was the daydream like? Did you go para-sailing? Did you save Equestria? Oh! Did you get to live in an ice cream house?!"
Twilight giggled a bit at that. "No, Spike. There was no ice cream." She explained the circumstances of her illusion, and her frustration at the abrupt end.
"Don't worry, you can always cast the spell again. I'm sure if you do it right you can get back to that day and get to experience the whole thing, kites and all!"
Pondering that idea, Twilight suddenly heard a knock at the door. "Can you go get that Spike? I'm still a bit light headed from the spell." With a salute her assistant left and Twilight went over to the mirror. Her mane hadn't been disturbed in the 22 seconds she had been unconscious. On the contrary, she was actually looking quite nice. Better than usual. Something about her appearance just seemed right to her in a way that she rarely experienced. I haven't felt this good about my appearance since the last time I wore one of Rarity's dresses.
"Twilight!" called Spike. "You've got a package."
As she descended the stairs the purple mare saw a box almost as large as Spike himself resting on the floor. Taking it with her magic, she began to undo the wrapping.
"Ditzy actually got the mail all right for once," said Spike as he looked through the letters. "You don't have any of the mail for Quills and Sofas in here."
"Well that's a relief." And then a squeal of glee. "It came already?!" Twilight bounded about the room. "I don't believe it! This wasn't supposed to arrive for another week, if at all!"
Spike scratched his head with a claw. "Um. It's just an old book."
"Not just any old book, Spike. This is the lost History of the Castle of the Royal Princesses! I heard from a mare who knew this stallion who knew a donkey that had heard from this mule that a pegasus pony in Fillydelphia found an old copy in his basement! Not even the Princesses have any copies. I sent the mule a letter last week and he said he would check with his pegasus friend to see if it was true, and that he might be able to send it. I guess it turned out to be true!" Flipping the tome open, she began to breeze through the book. Then she stopped. "Wait! I need to go get some paper for taking notes!" As she began to race up the stairs she stopped herself again. "Shoot!" How could I forget I ran out of paper? "Spike!" she called as she rushed back down the steps.
The purple dragon was already at the door on his way out. "I know. I'll be back from the store in a bit. Just try not to wear another groove into the floor with pacing before I get back." Laughing slightly at his own joke, Spike closed the door and was gone.
Taking a deep breath using the breathing exercise Cadence had taught her, Twilight levitated the book onto a podium. She could be patient. But she was still quite excited. This is amazing! I was sure that mule would send a letter back before I had any hope of getting the book. I guess sometimes dreams really do come true!
Wait.
Another knock came at the door, driving a thought from Twilight's mind before it could form. Spike can't be back yet. Walking over to the door she opened it and the mare saw the last thing she could have expected.
Flash Sentry.
Blood rushed to the mare's face. "Flash. What... what are you doing here?"
The stallion gave a slight bow. "Your Highness. I saw you as I escorted Princess Cadence off the train at this stop. Ever since we first met in the Crystal Empire I've felt like we have some kind of a connection. Maybe it's nothing, but I feel like we could be good friends."
"Just friends?" Twilight was surprised to hear herself say that, and mortified that she had added a twinge of hurt to the statement in her voice. What are you doing?! You're going to make a bigger fool of yourself now than you did when you had those awkward hand things!
Flash smiled. That same kind, gentle smile that she recognized even though the face making it now looked different. "Well, how about really good friends? I would never make any sort of presumptions about an Equestrian princess." He looked away for a moment, then, "But, maybe, in time, maybe not 'just friends.'"
And Twilight gave a shy smile of her own. "I'm sorry. I haven't invited you in. Could I get you anything? Some water? An apple?" She began to walk back into the library.
"Actually, I was thinking I would go to one of the restaurants here in Ponyville to get something to eat. The Oatfield Cafe, maybe, or Sugar Cube Corner. I've never been to either and I hear the food is great. Would you care to join me?"
Her heart was now pounding and her face was on fire. Recent events had pushed Flash out of her mind, but immediately following her trip through the mirror Twilight had wanted to get to know the pegasus better. He had been so nice in that other world, and if her friend's duplicates were any indication he would be just as sweet in Equestria. She just never found the time, but now this opportunity was finally presenting itself. I can't believe it. I would never have dreamed... Twilight's eyes went wide. "I can't believe it."
"I know it's pretty sudden," said Flash. "But I was thinking--"
Twilight slammed the door in the orange stallion's face.
When Spike finally returned, papers stacked high in his arms, he walked in to see Twilight buried in books. "Uh, Twilight. Why is that pony from Cadence's royal guard sitting outside the library?"
"Oh, he's not really sitting outside. And you aren't really standing here talking to me. There's no reason Flash Sentry would come to see me in Ponyville since he doesn't even know about high schools and Fall Formals and milkshakes!"
The purple dragon came further inside and shut the door, setting the papers down. "Milkshakes? What in Equestria are you talking about?"
"None of this is real!" Twilight flailed her hoofs around. "It's all just part of that spell I was working on! Something must have gone wrong! I never really woke up!"
Scratching his head, Spike walked over to the mess Twilight was burying herself in. "Look, I don't know what's going on, but I think you really hurt that guy's feelings. He seemed kind of upset and confused when I came in. You should go apologize to him."
"Ha! Apologize to a figment of my imagination? As if! I'm going to find a way out of this dream world!" She picked up a copy of Undoing the Undoable Spell.
"Have you ever read that book before?" asked Spike.
Twilight gave an annoyed groan. "No, that's why I'm reading it."
"But if this was a dream world, then how would you know what the book said when you've never read it?"
The magenta aura vanished from around the book as it fell to the floor. Twilight looked over at Spike.
Spike was smiling. "Twilight, you seem like you're a wreck. Think about it. If this was a fake dream then wouldn't everything be going your way right now?"
"Exactly! That's just it. The old book in the mail, Flash, the mirror! Don't you get it? All of this is just too nice and happy. I'm having too good of a day for this to be real!"
"What's up with the mirror?" Spike asked. Twilight had actually set a mirror in front of her on the floor to double-check her earlier observation about her reflection.
"Don't you see? I look amazing in this mirror! It's like I just got a perfect makeover or something."
In confusion, Spike shook his head wildly. Then he gave a deep sigh. "Okay, listen. I obviously don't think I'm a figment of your imagination, but let's say you're right. Isn't the point of this spell supposed to be to have a good time?"
Twilight nodded.
"And, if you are right, and you didn't wake up, then wouldn't I be going to get somepony to help in the real world right now?"
Another nod.
"And, if you are wrong, then doesn't that mean you are giving up a great day that you could be having for real?"
Nod.
"So, think of it like this. If you are right, and this is all fake, then what should you be doing since your books couldn't help you and I'm going to get help."
Thinking for a moment, Twilight eventually said. "I suppose I should just wait for you to find a way to wake me up. That would probably be the logical thing to do."
Spike nodded. "And if this is real then what would that mean?"
Twilight's eyes went wide again. "That I just slammed the door in Flash's face like a jerk and implied you're a figment of my imagination. For real."
Another nod from Spike.
"So wouldn't the proper thing to do be to go and apologize to that Flash guy and have a good time with him and your book?"
At that, Twilight had to admit, Spike had made a good point. She had no real reason not to go out and have a great time. If it was for real then it was an honest to Celestia dream come true. And if it wasn't then Celestia herself would be on the way to help.
"Thanks, Spike. I'm going to go apologize to Flash."
Laughing, Spike started to pick up the books strewn about the library. "Well, you know me, a fountain of wisdom as deep as the ocean." He then looked into the mirror Twilight had set on the floor, flexing a bit. "It's hard to be so smart and still be so ruggedly handsome."
"I know what you mean," sighed Twilight as she opened the door to look at Flash.
"What?" Spike said, confused.
"Nothing."
At what was now dinner since she had taken so long, Twilight and Flash sat at the Oatfield Cafe. Twilight ordered her usual cucumber sandwich and Flash got the same. As the waiter left, Twilight apologized again.
"I'm still really sorry about all this. I just got carried away in my studies."
Flash laughed. She had taken the time to explain the whole story to him. "Don't worry about it. If I was in your hooves I'm sure I'd have done the same thing."
He had taken the whole thing so well. From seeming so hurt by her apparent rejection to simply being relieved that he hadn't offended her. At the start he actually apologized for asking her out to dinner, as if he'd upset her by being so forward. During the whole explanation Twilight was evaluating his behavior, trying to gauge how realistic it was. He was so genial about the whole thing, but then again her memories of him all involved his being quite understanding. So instead there was just a nagging of This isn't real! Wake up! at the back of her head.
"So," said Flash. "Your perfect day is a day spent with your brother and sister-in-law?"
"Well, the spell isn't necessarily supposed to give you a perfect day. It can't be that specific. Just a really good one."
"I can't wait until you're done testing it. Is there any chance I could be a test subject?"
Twilight laughed. "I guess I would need somepony else to give it a go." Curious, she asked, "What do you think you would dream about?"
Flash smiled. "I'm wondering if maybe you already cast the spell on me earlier today."
Twilight's breath caught and she found herself blushing again. Suddenly her sandwich arrived, and in record time too. Quickly, she took her focus off Flash and brought her eyes to the waiter. "That was fast."
"You are welcome, mademoiselle," the waiter gave a slight bow. "The chef has been so pleased with your recent patronage at our restaurant. He recognized your usual order and decided to hurry things along for you and your date."
Twilight flinched slightly. Is this really a date? Am I going on a date now? She waited to see if Flash would say something to the waiter about the comment, but all he did was thank the waiter and ask him to give their compliments to the chef.
As Flash was about to bite into his sandwich Twilight held up a hoof. "Hold on. I didn't want to say anything to the waiter, but, is this a date?"
"Well, I was thinking about paying for you. Does that make it a date?"
"I'm pretty sure it does. I've read a couple of books on dating and..." stopping herself, Twilight quickly put half of her sandwich in her mouth. This is so embarrassing! Now he knows I read books about dating! Then she looked up to see Flash's smile, again so gentle and warm that her fear started to melt away.
The sandwich in her mouth actually added to the moment. It tasted better than she had ever remembered. Normally the sandwiches here were somewhat mediocre. I guess this place finally figured out how to make a really good sandwich. And again Twilight felt that nag.
Flash had noticed a look of sudden frustration come on Twilight's face. "Is there a problem? Everything alright with your food?"
"Everything's fantastic!" She quickly gave Flash a smile. And that's the problem.
Walking back to the library under the stars and moon of Luna's night was fantastic too. A perfect way to end a perfect date with a perfect gentlecolt. Everything perfect. Way too perfect.
But Twilight had a plan. She could figure out if this was real because she knew what she wanted to happen at the end of this date. Every filly dreamed about how a perfect date should end. Some hoped their stallion would leave them at the door with a bow. Some wanted a kiss. Some might even hope he would come inside with them. She, however, had a specific sequence in her mind of exact events. The same sequence she had imagined since she was a little pony.
The perfect date would first thank her for the evening, then ask if he could give her a kiss, then kiss her lightly on the cheek for exactly two seconds, and finally would look into her eyes with a smile and ask when they could have their next date. No waiting three days nonsense or the like. If it went exactly like that, then either Flash was secretly a mind-reader, or she was in a fantasy.
But he's been so polite. A polite pony would thank me and if he did kiss me it would be on the cheek. And I think he did have a good time so there's no reason to think he wouldn't want to do this again.
It took great willpower to not scream at the fight in her mind. It had been going on all throughout dinner. She could have had a perfect date had that not been a factor the entire time. This logical test had been an attempt to quiet her mind. Instead, it just kept it racing with thoughts about what would happen when she got back home.
The library was now directly in front of them.
"I suppose this evening had to come to an end sometime," said Flash. "But while I'm not glad it's over, I'm happy that it happened."
Twilight nodded. I wish I could know whether I should be happy it happened.
At the door, Flash waited for Twilight to step inside before he said anything more. He still stood out on the doorstep as she looked back at him from just beyond the threshold.
"Thank you for dinner," said Twilight, smiling as best as she could.
"Thank you for this wonderful evening."
Twilight couldn't help but have her left eye twitch at the statement. Just keep calm. That's normal for somepony to say. The real test is next.
Now Twilight stood waiting. It was up to him. If he was going to kiss her, she wasn't even going to suggest it.
Then, "I was wondering, if I could be so bold, if I could kiss you?"
Even if there was a good chance this was fake, Twilight still blushed. "Yes," And she gave a light nod.
Flash leaned in and kissed her, on the cheek, and she counted to two. Then, on exactly the count of two, he removed his lips.
Twilight's heart sank. Well, that was the real test. If he asks for another date I know this was all fake. And she so wanted it to be real, but then it happened.
"So," said Flash, looking into her eyes. "When can we do this again?"
SLAM! The door must have almost come off its hinges from the force.
"Spike!" cried Twilight as she galloped into the library.
Spike rushed down the steps. "Did you just slam the door in that guy's face again?"
"Yep! The second he asked for another date. Just like I thought he would."
The dragon was baffled. "But, why? Was he that bad?"
"Nope! The date was absolutely wonderful. Flash was a perfect gentlecolt. And that's the problem!" Grabbing some of the papers Spike had gotten from the store and a quill with her magic she thrust them into Spike's claws. "Here, Spike, draft a letter to the Princess. Tell her about what's happening. She'll know what to do!"
Spike shook his head and threw down the paper. "Twilight. You have to stop this. Snap out of it! Go and apologize to Flash!"
"Arrgh!" Twilight yelled in frustration. "If you won't send a letter to the Princess, then I'm going to see Zecora. She'll be able to get me out of this!" Before Spike could argue Twilight rushed through the door, past a confused Flash, and down the road toward the Everfree Forest. Somepony might be concerned about going into the forest at night with all its dangerous creatures, but considering that none of this was real she was sure nothing bad would happen. Then again, Zecora isn't real either, but I can't just sit around waiting for the dream to end. I have to wake up!
"Twilight!"
Turning around, but still running, she saw Flash flying to catch up with her.
"Is this still about that spell?" he shouted.
"Yes! You aren't real! The date was too perfect! It can't be true!" I just have to get away from him so I don't get sucked back into this fantasy.
Flash shook his head. "I'm sorry, okay! I don't know how to convince you this is real!"
"You can't! Because it isn't real! It can't be real!"
As she neared the forest, Flash's eyes went wide. "Don't go into the forest! It's too dangerous!"
Not in this fantasy world. Twilight thought, rushing headlong into the woods. Trees flew past like vampire bats and the vines and undergrowth didn't slow her progress. Just like they wouldn't on a perfect evening. And Twilight was so busy making note of all the things that were going perfect that she didn't even notice the tail of a manticore resting on the ground in front of her until she'd stepped on it.
The roar brought her back to reality, if this even was reality. Turning, she saw the lion-like beast getting up and looking around for the source of his sudden discomfort. She tried to back up, but a snapping twig gave away her position. The eyes of the beast glared at her through the dappled moonlight and Twilight gulped. For the first time she found herself thinking I really hope this is all fake. But as the manitocore roared and charged toward her it all seemed very real. She began to run as fast as she could. For a time it seemed she was gaining ground, but after turning to look back at the creature chasing her she didn't have time to duck before a branch smacked her in the head.
The fall was too sudden and too permanent. She could barely see or even imagine running let alone actually getting off the ground and moving her hooves. Turning, she saw the manticore rapidly approaching. What can I do? Would that be her last thought? A desperate attempt to solve one last problem?
Then an orange blur arrived on the side of her vision and, literally before she knew what was happening, had collided with the manticore and was fighting it. She couldn't really tell what was happening. Between the ringing in her ears and the blur in her vision nothing made sense. Trying to stand proved to be futile as well until, surprisingly, an orange hoof extended itself in front of her.
As the two left the forest Twilight again found herself apologizing profusely. This time, however, she was more genuine. "I can't believe how stupid I was. If you hadn't been here I don't even want to think about what that manticore would have done to me. How did you manage to fight it off?"
"Your brother puts all of us guards through pretty rigorous training," said Flash. "I have no doubt that he was the best Captain of the Royal Guard Canterlot has ever seen. And now I see why he makes us work so hard. Without his training I don't think I could have taken on that manticore."
Twilight smiled. My brother's training saved me. I'm sure he'll be happy that he was able to help his little sister even from so far away. The poetic nature of the thought almost made her question this reality again. Then the throbbing in her head reminded her of how real this all was. "You shouldn't have had to do that, though. If I hadn't run off like that or if I'd at least stopped and listened to you before rushing into the forest then none of this would have happened.
"It's alright. You've had a long day and it must be confusing to switch between reality and fantasy like that. I'm sure it could happen to anypony."
"Yeah, but even if it was fake, all I did was ruin a perfectly good perfect day."
"You've still got that book at home, right?"
Twilight nodded.
"Then I guess you can still salvage what's left of this day." And again his smile was just perfect for her.
He's so great and understanding. Everything I imagined him to be back at Canterlot High. Maybe he'll be just as forgiving about my weird behavior here in Equestria... "Flash, I'm so sorry. I can't believe how stupid I've been. You've been a perfect gentlecolt and I've been--" He stopped and put up a hoof.
"It's alright, Twilight. I'm just glad you're safe. Let's get you home so you can have a real relaxing evening."
As the two reached Ponyville Twilight's vision began to swim. That tree limb to the head must have given me a concussion. She opened and closed her eyes, but her vision wouldn't clear. It was as if the world had begun to dissolve. And suddenly bright lights blared around her. Twilight shut her eyes, but kept her hooves moving, trying to walk forward with Flash. When the light seemed gone, she opened her eyes again. She had just enough time to recognize Spike standing in front of her before Twilight fell out of her bed.
"Oh good, you're awake!" Spike cried, going to help Twilight up. "I was so worried when the 20 seconds were up, but I waited like you said. You've been out for a little over three minutes."
Twilight shook her head and looked around the room. It was exactly as she had left it with Spike. "Three minutes?"
"And 16 seconds," added the baby dragon, looking to the stopwatch. "Give or take a few seconds. I wasn't keeping that good of track at the end there. I was getting ready to send a letter to the Princess." The scroll was actually in his claw already, sealed and ready to go.
"It felt like hours for me." The longest hours of my life! And they weren't even real... Crawling back into the bed, Twilight rested her head again.
"Then it did work!" The dragon raised his arms in excitement. "Just think. Now you can spend totally stress-free time away from all your work in just a few minutes. You won't have to get all nervous about your studies on your vacations!"
Twilight flipped over and pressed her head flat into her pillow, groaning. If that was a stress-free vacation then she never wanted to leave her studies again.
Author's Note
The title and cover art are a direct reference to Total Recall.
The Oatfield Cafe is a reference to this story In Which Twilight Sparkle Attemps to Eat a Sandwich, one of my personal favorites.
