For Celestia, sleep was a difficult thing to attain. Even before her Enlightenment she had been plagued with insomnia, spending many a night researching, planning, and surviving a fractured world under the Mad King. Afterwards, when sleep became ultimately unnecessary due to her connection with the star Celest, her disorder was exacerbated by the fact that some part of her mind was constantly aware of- and fed off the power of- the star. How much she had appreciated Selene at her side then! Calling upon the sweet embrace of sleep and banishing away the nightmares that had begun to become commonplace in the chaotic world they roamed. Honestly, it had been some of the best sleep Celestia had ever had. In their youth, Celestia had been concerned that young Selene didn't take their plotting to overthrow the Mad King seriously enough; as she seemed to rather spend her free time tormenting her elder. In hindsight, however, it was clear now that her mischievousness had been a mask for her concern. And even in those turbulent times there had been more than enough time for rest and pleasant dreams almost every night.
The fall of the Mad King and the re-unification of their empire had given them a long stretch of peace and rest under the watchful gaze of one who she would grow to be so much to her. They had been near strangers when they had first met. Alike only in that their ascension had been similarly timed, and for a similar cause, but over the course of the rebellion and the foundation of their country their relationship flourished. Partner, friend, confidant, and occasionally, lover. Celestia thought fondly of those times, when their nights and days were spent exploring how far their relationship could be taken. It had been sporadic at best; coming together, playing at love, and then drifting apart to be friends again. Celestia knew that they would have never been able to commit to a real relationship like that, though their closeness hadn't gone unnoticed. Their 'sisterhood' had been something their subjects had come up with. It had been that title that had put a stop to the last time they attempted at an intimate relationship. The title ‘Sister’ was awkward between them, especially when it came so easily off the tongue. It eventually became an affectionate word for a new platonic relationship that would span nearly two centuries. That affection, however, was ultimately Celestia's downfall. She had been too close to the situation, she knew that now. She had ignored the signs that something was wrong, and unknowingly made it worse until…
After Selene's banishment, sleep had become a treasure that was shared whenever possible with the occasional consort or child who shared her large, cold bed in the new mountainside castle. Otherwise she didn't sleep at all, falling back into the routine of planning and watching. Meeting the stern glare of that shadow in the moon as they both waited for a simple prophecy as it crawled along the slow stretch of time towards them. Then one day, there had been an explosion in the sky. There had been a dragon in a tower. There had been a girl in a suffocating bubble of magic. After nearly three centuries, time was suddenly precious and moving far too rapidly. Celestia did what she could to prepare and tried to ignore the bitterness of her failures as her student segregated herself from her peers. Eventually she left it to chance, and hoped that she had done enough even as the shadow on the moon faded and a cloud of angry stars dove for her.
The confrontation had gone about as well as she thought it would. She couldn't bring herself to fight Selene again, or more correctly, the one who held Selene hostage. She had pleaded, tried to reason, but eventually she had been exiled herself, bound to the star who gave her its name. Sensory overload was all she could think of to call that experience. It had been as if her eyelids had been torn away and she was forced to look into the infinity that surrounded her entire body. Her mind felt fractured, dozens of small parts focusing on specific things. She saw all. She heard the roar of the star. She remembered everything. She knew that, for the first time in a long time, she truly could do nothing but wait and hope as things were forcefully removed from her power and influence. Eventually, to her ecstatic relief, her student succeeded where she had failed. Selene was made whole, and the star let Celestia go to the partner she had gone a millennium without.
For three nights after Selene's return, the days had been happy, and across the land the nights were celebrated by all in the kingdom for the addition to the Royal Line. Already there were petitions to have her oversee weddings and events, newborn girls were given her name, and the field of astronomy was expecting a boost in interested students. Poor Selene had been overwhelmed, she smiled and waved, but for the most part kept quiet and observed. That worried Celestia. Selene had not been one for being watchful, that had always been the elders’ particularity. The younger had been far more willing to go and experience the raw world around them, much to Celestia's humored chagrin. Selene had been the first to battle, the first to celebrate, by the stars she had been the first to bear children!
Now, though, Selene was careful. Withdrawn. Observant. The first three nights turned into a week and little seemed to change. Celestia's worry kept her from the restful sleep she had hoped for at her partner's return. Instead, she spent her nights going over paperwork, correspondence, and keeping a watchful eye on Selene. She had her schedule altered so that she could spend as much time with her as possible while still attending to her other duties, though much of that was spent with trying to help Selene adjust to the times. Technology, science, art, medicine, hygiene, all had advanced far beyond her co-rulers dreams. The process of inducting her into the modern world was occasionally amusing for Celestia, but more and more it seemed to be time-consuming. Known for her patience, Celestia was struggling to smother building frustration and eagerness.
It was the chiming of a long-case clock that pulled Celestia from her musings. Her neck complained as she turned her head to glance at the face of it, discovering it was quite early in the morning and that the sun would need to be raised soon. Celestia sighed and tilted her head until she felt a satisfying crack before placing her hands on her desk and standing. She was in the private office within her apartment suite surrounding by a thousand years of mementos, gifts, relevant documents and personal notes that seemed to have a way of crowding the room. The furnishings were mostly wood that had the same shade and varnish of the hardwood floor under her hooves. A large bookcase stood behind her with cabinets on either side for whatever books that couldn't fit on the already crowded shelves. In the center of the room, around her desk, the hand-carved chairs sat with plain red cushions that appeared sanguine in the dim light from the hearth and stump of candles on Celestia's desk. The desk itself was large and heavy with gold filigree and a surface polished to shine, sporting three drawers on either sides for inkwells, quills, a small range of stationary, wax, seals and important documents. Overall it gave the study a rather rustic, natural feel that Celestia appreciated. Even if she had at first been worried about fire hazards
Celestia continued stretching limbs and muscles that had been idle too long as she made her way out of the office, extinguishing the candles and smothering the fireplace with a thought of magic as she stepped through the threshold of her office to her bedroom. Fading moonlight came in through the glass door that led to her balcony, casting it's glow upon the soft carpeted floor that stretched almost to her bed. While dark brown and red had dominated the color of her study, in her bedroom the primary color was mostly composed of violets and yellows. Furniture was sparse here, consisting of a rocking recliner that sat in front of another fireplace and a small bookcase next to a simple circular wooden table and two chairs. The bed was inviting with silky yellow sheets and thick violet comforter and pillows, and posters that held up curtains that could be closed around it. In centuries past, Celestia had made use of them while discovering that she could comfortably settle three people in the large bed without fighting for covers. She passed by another door that led to her private bathroom, ignoring it for now as made her way into the royal apartments proper, turning to walk to the small dining area where she used to eat in private or with Twilight when her student had been visiting the castle. Now, however, it would be where Selene would no doubt be waiting for her.
Her legs moved on their own as her mind again began to wander, thinking over the week that had passed them and how else Celestia could try to urge Selene from the shell she had constructed around herself. Celestia had to be delicate about it, assured that her long time friend was segregating herself due to the past even despite the elders’ insistence that all had been forgiven. Selene would have to come to terms with it on her own and Celestia knew it would no doubt take time, but it still worried her; Selene being left alone in her own head. It had driven her to madness before, and Celestia was too wary to tempt the Fates from turning her into the Nightmare again.
Gradually, Celestia became aware of the fact that she had stopped walking and returned to her senses. Around her was the comforting familiarity of the private dining area, far away from the large and lonely grand hall below that was often made use of for the bigger functions. Her attention, however, was focused on the person who stood directly across from her, looking out the bay windows and across the land of their kingdom that stretched away from the base of their mountain.
Celestia's throat worked as she observed the other woman. She tried to ignore her increasing pulse and the cool sweat at the small of her back. Tried to smother the way her mind told her how similar Selene looked to the monster that manipulated her like a puppet. Selene had been gradually coming back into her power. It had been difficult to notice at first, a faint growth in stature and the gentle glow of power in her eyes, hair and tail, but now she stood almost the same as Celestia remembered from the past. Selene had always been the visual opposite of Celestia, shorter and thinner with a fine bone structure that almost made her look delicate, while lean sinewy muscles moved underneath navy-almost black fur. She was wearing a black military uniform that looked like it had been removed directly from the museum, sharp and angular in a way that was fitting for the younger ruler. Celestia by contrast was taller, broader in shoulders and hips and with a cushion of weight from the decades spent overseeing court, sitting at a desk with paperwork, and mothering six children had left her. She was wrapped up in the evening gown and robe she had worn when she had retired to her room the night before.
It was probably the silence that had eventually caught Selene's attention. She took in a slow breath and turned her head to glance over at Celestia in a smooth movement. The elder composed her face and body carefully as their eyes met. Selene’s cool blue eyes glittered like ice from the dark fur of her face as they met Celestia's own magenta. Celestia’s throat moved even as she smiled and nodded in greeting, silently clearing her throat before she dared to speak.
"Selene, good morning. Did you sleep well?" Celestia's tone was warm and casual, her smile only slightly strained as she took her seat at one end of the small table. Spread out on the table before her, ripe whole fruits sat in a large bowl beside a plate of vegetables surrounding a small bowl of dipping sauce. Almost immediately after she sat, servants came with platters containing a breakfast that still steamed from the oven and carried with it a heady, mouth-watering aroma. Celestia began to eat, thankful for something to be place in front of her so she didn’t have to meet Selene’s eyes and risk the younger seeing her trepidation.
"Good morning, Celestia," Selene's voice was slightly deeper then Celestia's, with a boisterousness to it that suited someone who often spoke quite loudly though now seemed smothered. "I did not sleep."
"No? My I ask why?" The scratching of wooden legs against the hard floor brought Celestia's gaze up as Selene sat. The younger ignored the food that was placed in front of her and instead seemed to be watching Celestia intently.
"Do not concern thyself, Celestia," She steeped her fingers in her lap and leaned back in her seat with her head tilted slightly back, "I spent the night studying and thinking about Our role in this new world. Much has changed."
"Much changes every day," Celestia smiled almost apologetically. Selene nodded, her gaze lowering. "Even now technology advances by leaps and bounds. Moving pictures can be projected onto screens without the use of magic at all and I've been told that robotics has become increasingly common in some industries. The concept of magical theory is evolving as well. It will be an interesting century for sure."
Selene nodded absentmindedly as she continued to avert her eyes. Celestia paused before following Selene's gaze to her hand. She quickly reached for her mug of coffee, blowing on it and taking a delicate sip. Selene's eyes flicked back up to her and narrowed slightly. There was an accusation in her gaze that Celestia tried to ignore.
"What would you like to do today, Sister?" Celestia asked with as much honey in her voice as she could. The title and tone seemed to do what she had hoped it would, Selene's gaze softening and going skyward in contemplation.
"We were thinking to spend time with thou, Celestia. To catch up more on the time spent away from thy company."
Celestia smile was again slightly strained. "I believe I told you nearly everything there is to know, Sister. Anything else would be dreadfully boring."
"Is that so?" Selene mused, finally seeming to take an interest in her meal. She ate slowly, carefully cutting small portions and chewing delicately. "Thou have told us much of the nobility and politicians that make up this new aristocracy. Of thy people, thy allies and thy enemies. Thou have told us some of your consorts and the children they gave. But thou have not told us about thee."
"Like I said, you probably wouldn't be interested in hearing about the necessities of court life for the past thousand years." Celestia sat back in her seat, holding the coffee mug in both hands, feeling the burn of it in her palms.
"I am not, for the simple reason that it wouldn't be about thee." Selene's gaze was intent as she focused on Celestia, "We are interested in what specifically happened to thee throughout our absence."
Celestia fought against sighing, keeping Selene's eyes locked with her own. Word play at this point, was easy for her to understand. The art of keeping secrets and half-truths came easily to her after nearly a millennium of court and political proceedings. Already she thought of a dozen excuses she could use to deter Selene's questions and accusing stare, but in the end all of her excuses fell against the simple fact that the person she was trying to deceive was Selene. The one person in the entire world she didn't want to lie to anymore.
Slowly, Celestia released the breath she had been holding. No more lies, no more dodging. Selene wanted the truth, and she would get it. Nodding to herself and glancing around the room, she saw servants and doors that hid guards. Not the kind of company she wanted for this kind of discussion. Setting her mug down next to her half-eaten meal, Celestia stood. "I'll go prepare. We'll meet soon," She spoke in a gentle tone, watching Selene's face. The darker woman's temples bulged a bit as her jaw tensed, but she nodded, seeming to accept that, at least.
Celestia nodded again and turned to go back to her quarters as she carefully constructed her thoughts. Selene wouldn't be happy when she heard some of what Celestia had to say about what happened during her absence. She would blame herself, no doubt. Celestia would have to start slow, explain the stories bit by bit before moving on, constantly assuring Selene it was no fault of hers and preparing for the arguments that Selene would no doubt try to raise against that notion.
Back in her bedchambers, Celestia shrugged her robe off enough to strip out of her gown, depositing it in a hamper before pulling on a thick cotton bathrobe, grabbing a few washcloths and a towel and walking towards the closed door of the bathroom, muttering to herself in deep thought as she reached for the handle.
The door bursting open on her she hadn't expected. Instinct kicked in automatically, weaving a spell to summon a magic dagger and a blast of Celest’s plasma. Or tried to, if it weren't for the hex that had been freshly carved on the bathroom door. It didn't deaden her, but the threads of her magic buckled and bowed in her grasp, long enough for the back of her legs to hit the bed and send the both her and her assaulter tumbling onto the mattress. Selene pinned her wrists down and sat on her thighs before their eyes met. Relief washed over Celestia at the blue irises she saw, washing away the immediate and cold fear that the Nightmare had returned, only to be quickly replaced by irritation.
"Selene, not that this isn't romantic or anything," Celestia's tone was sardonic and she didn't even try to hide her scowl, "But I'm not really in the mood."
Selene snorted in amusement despite the glare she was trying to keep on her face as her gaze turned to Celestia's hand, lifting it from the bed to look at it closer. The elder sighed and let her head fall back against the mattress and Selene examined her fingers. Thumb, index, middle, ring, and a stub of a pinkie, ending just below the first joint. Selene's eyes narrowed as she studied the stump, rounded by time and bearing only a thin, pale scar.
"How?" Her voice rumbled low in her throat. Celestia was unsure if the younger was angrier at the fact that she had tried to hide a very visible deformity, or at whatever had caused it. Knowing Selene, probably both.
"Gryphon," Celestia murmured her voice distant in thought. "Assassination attempt, I think. I can't really recall now. Some small faction about three hundred years after your imprisonment didn't approve of my diplomatic mission to their rulers. You know what they say, hm? De-claw a gryphon, but remember they still have their beak."
Selene frowned, not finding humor in the saying at all. Celestia was about to assure her that it had been a long time ago, and while diplomacy with the gryphon’s were shaky at times, they were still allies. The words died on her tongue, however, when Selene pulled her robe open with little fanfare.
"Selene!" Celestia hissed, her irritation now doubled at the fact that she could still blush after all these years. Her partner ignored her, though and let her gaze wander over the elder's nude body, taking in every imperfection she had gained in the thousand years absence. Her frown deepened as her eyes wandered, taking in the jagged scar that traveled from her left hip up towards her navel, to the small, angular marks on her thigh before stopping at one that she needed little history of. Her grip relaxed on Celestia as her hand lowered, slowly tracing the scar that rested just above Celestia's left breast. The length of a finger and with a smaller match on the back shoulder.
Celestia sighed as she saw the pain and regret on the younger face, her stern mask gone to only leave the torment. Slowly, Celestia sat up, letting the robe fall away completely. She spoke in a hushed whisper, as if they might be overheard, trying to be soothing, "It wasn't you."
"It wore my skin," Selene whimpered, "It held my spear."
"But it wasn't you."
"It answered my call. Gave me a taste of my dream."
Celestia sighed again, leaning up to kiss Selene's cheek. That night still haunted her nightmares. Pinned to the stone ground in the old castle under Selene's spear, fighting to breathe as the Nightmare gloated and sang. She remembered the black claws that crawled in on her vision. She remembered fearing, for the first time in a long time, that she might actually die. If it hadn't been for the last regiment of the Dawn Guard, she probably would have. That had been the first of the scars she would gain after losing Selene.
She held the younger for a time, letting her weep quietly into her shoulder. Murmuring gentle sounds to soothe her. Hoping in some way she could relieve Selene of her pain and involvement. Eventually, the tears slowed, and the dark hands of the younger explored. They felt along the puckered scars that ran down her back, dangerously close to her spine.
"Dragon," Celestia whispered gently, "Old and crazed. I turned my back to it when I thought it mortally wounded."
Wetting her lips, Selene leaned back, pressing her thumb against the one that ran over Celestia's stomach.
"Revolt about a hundred years after your absence," Celestia tried to examine Selene's face, but only saw the misery, "The descendants of your guard called for peace talks, but it was a trap. I tell you, trying to hold intestines in your abdomen and fight is quite difficult. They're very slippery."
"That is not funny," Selene growled, her eyes flashing. Celestia winced and nodded, mumbling an apology. Selene's gaze fell to Celestia's thigh at last.
"Arrows from Diamond Dog crossbows. They attacked me and my daughter while we traveled," Worry briefly flashed over Selene's face, but Celestia smiled, "She was fine. I made sure of it."
There was silence for a time. Selene didn't fight Celestia as she pulled her robe back on..
"I should have been there to protect thee," Selene mumbled miserably. She slid off Celestia's knees and onto the bed, staring at the hex on the door, "I shouldn't have...allowed myself to fall."
"If you had been there, you might have been hurt as well," Celestia put a hand on Selene's thigh, rubbing gently, "Selene, you know better than anyone the torment of 'what if.' Dwelling on the past won't change what has happened; it will only serve to distract you from the present."
"What present?" Selene grunted irritably, "The subjects know little of us. Still we hear whispers of Nightmare in the halls where they think we cannot hear. They are thy subjects, not mine."
"Give them time, Selene. Patience has never been your strong suit," She reached up and turned the younger ruler's face towards her own, gazing into her eyes, "They'll come to love you as I do. You'll see."
For a moment, she saw a glitter of hope in Selene's eyes. A small, weak ember that needed the care and attention of others to grow into something more, but now it was only them, alone in Celestia’s room. An impulsive thought passed Celestia mind and she found herself leaning down, wetting her lips as her face neared Selene’s, but the other woman pulled away and stood, going to the door to disarm the hex she had placed there.
"I need to rest, Sister," Selene said in a careful, firm tone that told Celestia all that needed to be said on the possibility of rekindling something they had in the past. Not now. Or at least not yet. Selene wanted a platonic relationship, and Celestia was more than happy to give it. Selene went to the door that led back into the apartments and paused. "I'll see thee this afternoon. We will discuss what I have missed."
"Selene, As I said--"
"No," She turned and offered Celestia a worn smile, "I wish to hear more about thy children and thy lovers. I wish for thee to tell me all those brief moments of contentment when the sands of the hourglass fell a bit slower. Would thou tell me?"
Celestia met her gaze for a moment before giving an exaggerated sigh and nodding, returning Selene's smile with one of her own. "Oh very well. I would be happy to."
Selene nodded, bowing her head a bit as she slipped out of the door. "Good morning, Sister."
Celestia watched as the door gently closed with a soft click before standing to walk into the bathroom to prepare for a soothing soak. The talk had gone better then she had thought it would. Celestia mentally kicked herself as she realized that she had once again underestimated Selene in an attempt to protect her from herself. Keeping secrets from each other had been the spark that had given the Nightmare its hold on Selene’s soul. The stories about her scars would have had to come out to her Sister eventually. After all, she was not as easily distracted as the public was about such issues. The longer it had been kept from her, the more damage it could have done. In a sense then, Celestia was somewhat thankful that Selene had been so aggressive about getting the information herself. It had been similar to tearing off a bandage. Irritating, maybe even a bit painful, but it got everything out in the open.
Celestia slipped out of her robe and hung it up before stepping into the pool of hot water that served as her bathtub. A soft hiss left her as the water crawled up her legs and hips before she eased fully into the water with a grateful moan. It had never been her idea to design something as audacious as this for a bathtub, that had been a love-struck architect’s concept, but Celestia was glad she hadn’t talked the woman out of it. The bath had become a place of respite from the stress of court and age, especially when shared with others while they were available. Sometimes, she even found she could almost drift off for a nap.
Reluctantly, Celestia pushed the thoughts of comfort away and turned her mind to the necessities of the day. Selene wanted to speak with her about all of the things Celestia could think to tell her. Honestly, the elder looked forward to it, even with the sadness that would no doubt come with speaking about spouses and children long gone. However, there were still the duties that Celestia needed to oversee. Court proceedings, politics, paperwork, and all other manner of things that she had already been putting aside so she could watch over her Sister while still running the government of an entire nation and keeping diplomatic relationships with surrounding powers. She had done the best she could to mitigate it, taking on the urgent items whenever she could, usually during the night when she was supposed to be sleeping, and delegating certain tasks to trusted officials to be monitored properly, but still the overflow was starting to build up. Soon, Celestia would have to turn her attention back to a government that had grown too dependent on their ruler.
Sighing, she decided that today would be the last day of her unofficial holiday. Tomorrow, she would go back to her previous schedule and let Selene have her freedom away from the elder Sister’s watchful eye to come into her own. That would probably be for the best, Celestia thought as she leaned back to let water soak the roots of her hair, It’s only a matter of time before Selene starts playing mischievous pranks to dodge my attention.
The bath ended far sooner than Celestia would have liked. Chill mountain air nipping at her sodden fur as she stepped out of the inlaid tub and toweled herself dry. Already she felt the nearly millennia long routine take over her actions as she clothed herself, donned her symbols of state, and made her way from the apartments to the court. The day proceeded predictably and with little complication, as Philomena seemed more intent on preening her dimming feathers then harassing her courtiers, while still in well enough health to attend and lend Celestia her unspoken support for which the ruler was very thankful for. After the urgent matters were taken care of—which really seemed to be all matters these days, no matter how mundane—Celestia allowed her advisors to step in and give judgments’ in her name while she excused herself to oversee other matters. She felt the weight of Philomena on her shoulder, ignoring the prickling of her talons as she hurriedly dictated a letter to Twilight about the upcoming gala while listening to a report about the western expansion and scanning an official letter sent by the Gryphon Matriarch to visit and observe their national games.
The day carried on in such a fashion until eventually, Celestia found herself again in the private dining area in the royal apartments. Philomena had left some time ago, no doubt to pull out more miserable feathers, hopefully leaving one or two on Celestia’s desk to be made into quills.
“Thou look worn, Sister,” Celestia’s ear twitched and she glanced over her shoulder to try and catch a glimpse of the amused smile that was in Selene’s voice, but the younger was once again wearing that mask of aloof composure. She continued as she walked around the table to sit across from Celestia, “We have always said that thy insistence of open court would be thy undoing.”
Celestia chuckled faintly, noticing now how weary her voice sounded. “Possibly, but much good as been brought for the people because of it, and for that I would suffer much more then idle fatigue.”
Selene hummed as she processed that, ignoring the servants as they placed lunch before the two of them. Her attention was again focused on Celestia, though now it was not accusing as it had been in the morning. It was expectant. Celestia chuckled.
“Where do I start…” She hummed playfully, tapping her chin.
“Typically for stories such as these, one starts from the beginning,” Selene helpfully supplied, leaning her elbows on the table in anticipation.
“Ah, of course, how silly of me,” Celestia smiled, mirroring her companion’s posture, now finding herself nearly eager to begin. The day was half gone already, and tomorrow, Celestia would have to resume her regular schedule until such a time that Selene was comfortable, capable, and willing to assume her role as dual-ruler of their kingdom. For once, Celestia didn’t mind the thought of not sleeping that night, instead seeing it as just more time to spend regaling her partner and friend with the inanity of time spent on lazy days with family, of bliss and hardships. All that mattered now was Selene’s mask of composure, and the delight Celestia felt seeing it gradually begin chip and strain as her Sister finally started to emerge from her self-imposed segregation. Sleep could wait.
Author's Note
Ever write something without knowing how, or when it would end? That's what this was.