Arrival: Victorian Progress

Gathering Data...

Opening Log...

Audio Log #1, Date [Error_finding_date]

Day 1, log of what I hope will be very few. You know how in stories, there always seems to be some sort of flashy transition, or a mind-boggling event, or something, you know, BIG to let you know that, “Hey, your life just got turned upside down. Hooray!” Well, that doesn’t happen. A rumble, yes, and a faint feeling of distortion perhaps, but nothing worse then what you get from standing up too fast.

And so here I am, dictating this message to my computer, in hopes that someday, I can listen to this recording and show people that some weird shit happened. I want to show others that no, I am not in fact crazy. Furthermore, you can shut up now because I don’t speak to voices in my head! Lastly, for Science, because Science is Science and all hail progress.

My name is Rylee Grese, and I seemed to have landed on an alien world.

Aaaand now that I finally got out the dramatics, time to get down to the nitty-gritty and actually explain what is going on now, shall I? For posterity's sake, I intend on making this a well-composed log, so what actually happened can be followed without too much undue confusion. But I apologize in advance for my lack of cohesion and my tendency to burst into dramatics, as shown above. Because, despite my best efforts, I am still a teenager. And damn if that doesn’t suck.

ANYWAY. INFORMATION. This morning started out remarkably average, with no outstanding characteristics or weird events. According to my computer, the temperature was 46 degrees Fahrenheit, with a barometric pressure of 30.08 inches and a average wind speed of two mph. So, in other words, an average fall day. No weird clouds, no inexplicable phenomena that screamed, “Hey! Tell your family you love them, cause, maaaaaaan, your ass is gonna be gone in about 5 hours.” Which makes sense, I guess? I really don't know. I'm not really an expert of interplanetary travel. Or maybe time travel. Or universal? I'm kinda shady on exactly what the fuck actually is happening. I guess time travel is the least likely, as backwards time travel is outside a modern understanding of the laws of physics... Boy aren't tangents fun?

(A slapping sound is heard in the background, along with a intake of breath.) Okay, I really needed that. Okay, where was I? Hmm.... Oh yeah, before the transfer of whateverthefuck. So, I woke up at my normal time of about 10:00, and walked downstairs, and did..normal early morning things. Do you really think it's necessary to describe to posterity the manner in which I slurped down cereal? And why am I asking you, computer? Though, considering all the messed up shit that has been going on today, expecting you to answer wouldn't be that anyway, I mean, if I get transferred to what appears to be a feudal-era world, then wh- STAY ON TRACK, RYLEE!!.

Sorry, its been a long day. Back to where I was. Okay. Words. Things. Goddamn I'm tired. It's like, what, 11 o'clock? With the amount of running I did today, I should probably just finish this log and go to bed. But I still need to science. Because science.

OKAY. Time to talk about relevant stuff. So, after breakfast and the necessary actions performed after one wakes up, such as feeding my three cats and making sure that Gi-Gi didn’t barf on anything important, I hiked aaaaaaall the way back upstairs to my room and started scheming on how to kill my newborn son so that my daughter would get claims to both the Holy Roman Empire and the Empire of Britannia. Ahh, Crusader Kings II. How I am going to miss you so. And during the English rebellion because of said assasination, my dad thought it would be a great time to call. Because the universe loves screwing with me. As shown by my current predicament.

You know how some people have famous songs or other such tripe for their ring-tones? I don't. You wanna know why? Because phones RING, damnit! Not buzz, or start yodeling out Bieber's latest crap-on-a-biscuit, they ring! They fucking ring! (Another slap is heard in the background.) I am absolute shit at staying on target. Back to business.

So my dad called, from his car. On his way to Atlantic City. With my Mum. Because, hey, honeymoons are meant to be spent away from annoyingly yappy children. I answered my phone, to the sound of my dad muttering, “Wait for it....wait for it...”

“Yo Dad? You there?” Of course I knew he was there! I heard him, for Christ's sake! I was hoping he didn’t mean to call me because the English needed a good murdering.

“DAD! HEL-” I was going to finish, if a ship’s horn hadn’t gone off and nearly blown out my freakin eardrums!

The sound of my dad laughing could be clearly heard on the other side of the line. “For fuck's sake, Father! That's not cool!”

“Yes it is!” My dad responded. “Have you fed the cats yet? Honestly, I'm just surprised you're awake. That was what the foghorn was supposed to be for.”

“WHAT?” I responded. Hey, payback is a bitch.

“I SAID, ARE THE CATS FED?” My ears were not ready. They never are. Never, never are.

“Yep. Do you think Indy would let me sleep if I hadn't? He would probably be gnawing on my hair right now if I didn't feed him. And Flash would probably be petting my face. Again.”

“Well, make sure Gi-Gi doesn't throw up in my library. And make sure you get Scott up! He needs to take the cats to the vet.” My dad is fond of redundancy, as well as being habitually aggravating. On my phone were already three messages from him saying the exact same thing, each poorly written and with terrible spelling.

“Aye, I already got him up. He's downstairs making sure Gi-Gi feels up to riding in a car for thirty minutes. As well as trying to find Flash.”

“Make sure he gets all of them. We don’t want them sick, do we?”

“No sir.” I responded to my dad. My dad can do this... thing where he immediately casts authority onto himself, no matter how inane he was being beforehand. I'm used to it by now, so I don't have to worry about stuttering for about a good ten seconds as he waits for me to respond. I've seen people do that. It's really funny. Their mouth seized up, and they get this blank look on their face. It looks almost like you interrupted a cow while it was chewing grass. Priceless.

“Glad I am understood,” my dad said, and then he just hung up. He does that too.

“Yo Scott! You got em?” I called down the steps.

“Can you get your own damn cat, Rylee? I'm sick of his shit!” He yelled back up.

“Gerdermfrekinpieceofshat” I muttered to myself as I saved and closed my game. The English would have to wait.

Okay, a few words about my brother. And if you are listening some time in the future, Hey Scott! I swear this actually happened and I am not crazy! Really! My brother is the athlete of the family, while I am more of a nerd. Or a lot more. But whatever. What matters it the fact that we have been said to look alot alike. I mean, I may run a bit for fun, but damn my brother takes exercise to a new level. Everyday, he is working out, and doing a LOT of it. But, much to his chagrin, he still doesn't have a ridiculously sculpted body. Just a really slick one. I mean, his abs are just like...damn. And his arms and his legs... double damn. The fact that I get compared to that? Amazing.

I'm tempted to describe him with phrases like, “shimmering brown hair” and “Toned long legs” but I feel like I've already given him enough fanboy praise. And also, hes only 6 foot 1 while I am six foot 3. Hah! How does that feel! You're better in almost every single physical activity, but I'm taller! And yes, that is a point of pride for me. I love being tall.

So yeah, that's my bro. We both loaded the various cats into the car, including my wall-eyed Indy, and he drove them solitary to the vet. Why? Because I had Englishmen to kill, that's why!

You know that feeling that you sometimes get, when you start wasting your life on the internet and then realize what only seems like minutes later that an hour has passed? That really sucks, doesn’t it? Yeah, that happened to me. I only snapped out of it when I realized that my brother was probably going to come home soon, with our dear, drugged up cats with him.

I hastily ran down the stairs and yoinked an apple from the dish of them on the counter. I really didn't want to be there when Scott got home, because the cats usually are not happy when they get back from the vet. At all.

At this point, I need to describe my room. Trust me, it's necessary. As you walk through the door, the only thing you can see in my room is my queen bed, with a mirror hanging over the door. MY mum put that up, but I use it to see who is coming up the stairs. Because being surprised is really no fun. You can't see left in my room from the mail loft upstairs because there is this really badly placed wall as you enter. It's the side wall of my closet, but it always seems misplaced to me. Anyway, as you enter, you ca(A large yawn cuts him off)I am way too tired for this. Just.. to the left is my computer, sitting in front of a window that looks directly at the side of a neighboring house. Okay? Okay.

Remember that feeling of disorientation that I talked about earlier? Did I say that earlier? Well, there was one. A small one, as I was taking my steps two at a time. It was large enough to throw me off balance, and I almost fell and hit my head on the stairs. And let me tell you, that would have been a very undignified end. Can you imagine? Whoever lives on this..planet? Maybe? World would probably work. They come across this house in the middle of a field, and when they come in, they just see me sprawled on the steps, my head bleeding where I cracked it falling. That would be kinda morbidly funny. My tombstone would only read, “Tripped and died, the idiot.” Ahhh.

Back to science! BACK DAMN YOU! So I almost tripped and brained myself, but I recovered due to my friend the banister. And I still had the apple! Yay!

And this is the point my room becomes important, and most specifically, the window. I said it usually looks at a building, and I meant it. But now? Nah. Now it looks on a really, really big plain. So much grass... It's scary.

And yes, I did freak out. Running around the house, running around the plain trying to find anything I knew. I mean, there are landmarks and such. A really big river runs right behind the new location of my house, and there are hills in almost every direction, so at least I can't be seen by someone, or something, unless I can easily see them. Unless they come from the direction that my window now faces. Which I think is east? The sun set in the opposite direction of my window, so I think it is east. But, I have no idea where I am. So I'm going to assume east. But I could be wrong. Goddamn I am too tired to do this. I might as well just go to sle-NO! SCIENCE!

The biggest event that happened next, beside my freaking out, is the discovery of a nearby settlement. Normally, I would be there and screw this audiolog, but something warned me that barging into a hamlet after an event that had just occurred to me would probably not be smart. It was probably common sense. I'm not used to its presence, so I was a faint bit shocked.

As EDI would say, “That was a joke.”

Unless I am completely mistaken, which is entirely possible since I was viewing a dormant village under the light of the moon, the town appeared to be pre-industrial. There were no signs of any sort of mass-produced building materials on the outside. Everything appeared to be made by hand, with thatched roofs and everything! It looked almost... too perfect. While quaint, everything had an air of charm that I can't put my finger on. Kinda like a disney-esque village. Quaint, but idyll. The type of place you would take your kids to show them medieval life. But, there might be wonders of technology inside those thatched houses, and I wouldn’t know. So no snap judgments.

Have I mentioned that my house came with me? It's...I don't... Everything seems intact, and somehow, there is still running water, I think. I am still able to flush toilets, at the least, and it seems to work fine. Water and various leaves, water comes back in the bowl. Magic. And yeah, I checked  the piping. The sewer pipe is still there, unconnected, with no waste at the end of it, despite its...use. So that's a plus. I wonder, did my house leave where I came from? Or is this where my house always was, and I was just transported into the future, Fuck this, I'm too tired for speculation. I'm going to sleep, I'm going to ignore all of this, go to sleep, and hope its all fixed in the morning. When I wake up, I want Indy to be there, nibbling on my hair, and I want this all to be a dream of some kind.

I miss Indy.

[Connection Terminated]

[Recording Saved]

[Signing Out...]