Yet Another Brony in Equestria

by Kelvin Shadewing

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, Original Character
Length: 2707

A human being finds himself in the magical land of Equestria. Whoop de freaking do.

Guess what? I just found my way to the magical land of Equestria! Well, not so much 'found' as 'stumbled upon'... Wellll, not so much 'stumbled upon' as 'randomly appeared there for no reason'. The weird thing is, everypony seems to be taking my appearance in stride. Almost like... they're used to it...

Published 2014-02-03 18:00:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-03 18:00:04 UTC

Chapter 1

Yet Another Brony in Equestria

DISCLAIMER: Everything used (C) their owners. Please support all official releases... except pop culture-heavy movies. Pirate the hell outta those and maybe Hollywood will stop making them.

CHAPTER 1

Another disappearance. This time, it was someone in my own area, not ten miles from where I lived. I know, the world was falling apart already, but this recent string of disappearances was particularly alarming since it had only started two years ago, and already over a thousand people around the world had disappeared. Different news programs covered each area, but what frightened me the most was one news site in particular that covered it all: Equestria Daily.

From their count, nine out of every ten people disappearing were bronies, which led many of us, myself included, to believe that someone with some kind of vendetta against My Little Pony was attacking bronies. It seemed ridiculous, but with the way people were these days, no evil was beyond belief.

Shaking my head, I closed that tab on Firefox. EqD was my go-to place for finding pony-related games and funny movies in the past, but nowadays, it was like CNN with ponies, and that's not a very nice mix. Glancing down at the clock, I was surprised to see it was almost nine o'clock.

I had stopped at Panera to get online and eat dinner after classes ended a couple hours before. Time sure flies when you're having fun, right? I closed my Pandora and stuck it in my pocket. After throwing out my soup bowl, I headed out and started walking home.

It was a small town with a pretty good neighborhood watch, that I know because my dad, who's a marine vet, was the head of it. My dad had put together such a good watch, it put the local cops to shame, and the cops got to carry guns, so imagine how it felt for them to get shown up like that. I didn't feel at all unsafe walking home alone.

There was no one on the streets when I let my mind wander, which caused my imagination to whip up some unnerving scenarios. If I were attacked here, which the logical side of my brain assured me was unlikely, there would be no witnesses. That thought alone made me hasten my trek home.

I felt a sudden wave of nausea wash over me and lost my balance, I propped myself up against a tree and held my head until the dizziness went away, then stood upright again. Something was wrong though; I wasn't on the same street anymore, Had I spaced out and wandered off?

The place I was in didn't even look like the same town anymore. The asphalt streets were replaced with cobblestone, and the electric street lamps were now old-fashioned oil lamps. Also, there were no houses nearby anymore, just stores with large front windows.

"Excuse me, you there!" a voice called me from behind.

I turned around, and trotting towards me on the sidewalk was... oh no, this couldn't be real. There was a dark blue pony with a brown mane walking right towards me. His eyes were huge, his legs were almost perfectly cylindrical and I could tell it was a he by his large muzzle. I still couldn't believe it was real because these types of ponies only existed in one place, and no prize for guessing where.

"Uh, um, I, whuh?" I stuttered dumbly.

"I'm sorry, did I startle you?" the stallion asked. I noticed he was an earth pony.

I nodded.

The pony shrugged. "Alrighty then." He turned his head around. "I found him! He's over here!"

Everything that happened afterwards was a blur to me, Several other ponies quickly grouped around me and led me to a large building further into town, in which I was dropped into a chair at the desk of a very bored-looking cream-colored pegasus mare with a curly red mane. There was something vaguely familiar about her, but before I could make the connection, she started into a long schpiel with her nasally voice.

"Good evening, Mr. Human, welcome to Fillydelphia. It's late and I wanna go home, so I'm just gonna make this fast. We just need you to sign some paperwork and you'll be sent to your new abode in Trotsdale. I understand you may have some questions, so allow me to answer them. Yes, you really are talking to a pony, no, you are not dreaming. Nopony in Ponyville is interested in dating you. It is not possible for you to become a pony, zebra, gryphon, dragon, minotaur, diamond dog or changeling, at least not permanently. Do not try to overthrow Celestia, or you will fail most spectacularly and be humiliated in front of the world. While normally frowned upon, eating meat is legal provided the animal in question is not sentient and does not belong to anypony. Relationships with ponies is legal, but good luck finding one who's interested. Don't date a dragon, cuz if you break up with them, they'll eat you. Any weapons you have on you will be assessed and may be temporarily confiscated until you yourself can be assessed. Yes, that was me at the Best Young Flier's Competition, thanks for noticing. You will receive a starter fund and assigned housing upon your arrival in Trotsdale. You will not be getting a welcome party from Pinkie Pie unless you make arrangements to move into Ponyville. Good luck finding available housing there, by the way. It's time for us to close now, so we will allow you to fill out the paperwork on the train. Have a nice trip, welcome to Equestria, enjoy your stay."

During her rant, she placed a clipboard with some forms and a ballpoint pen on the desk in front of me. Once she had stopped talking, she got up and left, and I was led to a train station where my ticket was waived and I was allowed to sit with a night guard next to me.

My mind finally caught up with what was happening, and I stared down at the clipboard. "What... what just happened?"

The train whistle blew, and the car lurched as it was pulled forward, gradually picking up speed. I slowly pivoted my head to look out the window at whatever town I was just in getting farther and farther away from me. When it was out of sight, I looked back at the clipboard and read the form.

Human-Equestrian Citizenship Application Form

NAME/ALIAS:____________(1) AGE:__ SEX:__(2)

SKIN COLOR:____(3) HAIR COLOR:____ EYE COLOR:____

BIRTHDAY:__/__/__ SPECIAL TALENT:________________

COMMENTS:
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________(4)

(1) - Your real name or a new name may be entered here. This will be your official name for the duration of your stay in Equestria. Aliases are allowed in place of real/original names for those who prefer an Equestrian-sounding name or have a favorite alter identity.
(2) - If you say "yes" you will be filed as a gelding.
(3) - All humans are regarded as a single race; color is only needed for identification purposes.
(4) - Serious comments, please. This is not the way to ask Luna out on a date.

"This..." I said quietly to myself as I read the form, "this can't be serious. This is a joke, right?" I looked at the guard beside me. "Right?"

He remained silent and stoic as the ones I'd seen on the show; in fact he wasn't even looking at me, just dead ahead. I waved a hand in front of him, and got no response. Maybe if I asked him a serious question...

"Um, is there a sleeper car on this train?"

With the mechanical precision of a robot, the guard immediately stood up and motioned with his head to follow. "This way, sir." He led me down a couple cars, passing a few ponies on the way, and found an empty compartment for me. "The car has electricity for any devices you brought with you. Pleasant dreams."

I gave him a nod and went inside. Maybe after a bit of sleep, I'd be able to handle what was going on better, or better yet, find myself back in the real world. After setting my backpack down, I opened my Pandora, plugged it in, not taking into account the conveniently matching power socket for my plug, and set it to play some soft music to help me sleep. Silence was something I often found unnerving, even more so after a stressful day, and this certainly was one. As the gentle notes floated through the air, I kicked off my shoes and laid down on the thankfully human-sized bed and pulled the blanket over myself, not even bothering to get out of my clothes.

"Please let this all be a weird dream..."

I awoke with a start to the sound of the train whistle blowing. After tumbling out of my bed, I put my shoes back on, and brushed my hair out of my face with my fingers. My Pandora was still sitting on the small coffee table, its play list having ended hours ago. Blowing out a long sigh, I glared out the window.

"Nope," I said with a hint of irritation, "not a dream after all."

There were several sharp knocks on the door. "Sir. We have arrived in Trotsdale."

"Gimme a sec," I called back, and then gathered up my belongings. I stepped out of the compartment and found a day guard wearing gold armor and everything. "Uh, wasn't there a bat pony with me before?"

The guard didn't answer my question. "This way, sir." He turned and trotted for the door.

I rolled my eyes and followed Lieutenant Personality to the platform door. Upon exiting, I stopped dead in my tracks and gaped at what I saw: dozens, literally dozens of humans, all walking around intermixed with ponies like there was nothing abnormal about the situation.

"Sir, please keep up," stated Personality.

I gave a weak "uh-huh" and followed, having to put a conscious effort into maintaining my speed as the sheer scope of my predicament, and the simultaneous illusion of normality emanating from my fellow humans, continued to slow me down. All around me, humans of various ages, albeit not too far from my own, were going about their business, talking to ponies, selling things, chatting, everything you'd see in a normal town. Some of them noticed me and waved, which I was sometimes too stupefied to return.

My escort led me to a large building that looked like a city hall. I went inside, and a cream-blue unicorn mare came and took me from the guard.

"Good morning sir," the more friendly mare said, "I'm Mrs. Ball Point. I take it you're new here in Equestria?"

"Huh?" I said, "Oh, um, yeah. Sorry, I haven't filled out the form I was given yet."

Ball Point gave me a friendly smile. "Not to worry, dear. You can sit over here and fill that out, then I'll get to filing you in. After that, I'll give you the address to your new home, and you'll be free to go and do as you please, provided it's legal, of course. While you're doing that, your backpack will have to be searched. Just a precaution, you understand."

"Of course," I confirmed. I pulled off my backpack and set it down next to her, then went to the small waiting area. There I sat and filled out the form, not even bothering with an alias.

Human-Equestrian Citizenship Application Form

NAME/ALIAS:Nate Keening(1) AGE:25 SEX:Male(2)

SKIN COLOR:White(3) HAIR COLOR:Ginger EYE COLOR:Green

BIRTHDAY:09/06/1988 SPECIAL TALENT:Software programming

COMMENTS:
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________
________________________________________________(4)

(1) - Your real name or a new name may be entered here. This will be your official name for the duration of your stay in Equestria. Aliases are allowed in place of real/original names for those who prefer an Equestrian-sounding name or have a favorite alter identity.
(2) - If you say "yes" you will be filed as a gelding.
(3) - All humans are regarded as a single race; color is only needed for identification purposes.
(4) - Serious comments, please. This is not the way to ask Luna out on a date.

I stopped writing once I reached the comments field; what would I even say? In fact, the way that mare that gave me the rough orientation went on, it seemed like she'd seen it all. These other humans must have done all kinds of things here, everything I could think of. What could I possibly do or give or say to set myself apart from every other human who, assuming most of them were bronies as the disappearances on my world would suggest, had already brought many human inventions with them, had already gone on all the great adventures, had already caused big changes in Equestria.

It hadn't really been much of a big deal back home, but here, it suddenly seemed so important. When the bronies came here, no doubt they shared what they brought with them. After all, trains already had electrical outlets in a world that, according to the show, barely ever used electricity. The humans had already changed Equestria, I was sure of it. I suddenly found myself wondering what could I bring to the table that was new?

"What do you do in a world where everything has already been done?" It seemed kind of sappy, sure, but I felt like writing that into the comments field, so I did.

Immediately after writing that, I regretted it. Maybe I was overreacting? Maybe I was just looking too deeply into something when I hadn't even had much time to find stuff worth looking at. Whatever the case, it was still a question I found worth answering, so it was worth asking.

I set my pen down and took my form back to Ball Point. "I'm finished, ma'am."

Ball Point took my paperwork. "Excellent, dear. Now then, I'll need you to take this guidebook. It has all the essential information for living in Equestria, especially the laws in a nutshell and such. Your starting funds are in this coin case, and here is the address for your house."

I took the items from her and looked at the card with the address on it. 19784 De Lancie Ave. Yay, I got a street name that didn't give me a headache. Wait a second. De Lancie? As in John De Lancie?! Nevermind, headache.

"Thank you," I said, "Is there anything else?"

"Nope, you're free to go!" Ball Point answered cheerfully, "Welcome to Equestria!"

I packed up my stuff when my backpack was returned and left the building. Out in the street, I started searching for De Lancie Avenue. I didn't talk to or acknowledge anyone I passed, be they pony or human; I didn't have anything to say anyway. After a few minutes of fruitless searching, I consulted the guidebook and found a map of Trotsdale. I located De Lancie and went there, then found my house.

It was a simple townhouse, like all the others. Well, simple by Equestrian standards. It wasn't thatched like Ponyville, but it still looked like an old-fashioned English house. Tan with dark red-brown trim and a shingled roof. If I were to describe the house in one word, I'd choose 'quaint'.

Taking a deep breath, I grasped the handle, opened the door, and stepped into my new home.

Author's Note

If you'd like to support my writing, please visit my site!

Just something that popped into my head after reading one too many BiE fics... and getting wired on Earl Grey. Hot.

The first arc involves the MC getting settled in, after that, the storyline is roughly controlled by comments/votes from the readers. You guys help decide what a brony does when there's already tons of bronies here before him! Doesn't that sound fun?