Twilight Sparkle REALLY hates Windows 8

by dudebroofbroes

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Other, Random, Shining Armor, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 2217

Twilight Sparkle buys a new computer and proceeds to end the universe.

Twilight receives a new Windows 8 personal computer as a gift. She then decides to end everything in existence.
Based on my personal experience with the system, and how I really wanted to kill a bunch of people because of it.

Edit: NOW WITH RAGE REVIEW! :rainbowkiss:
HERE!

Published 2014-02-04 01:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-04 01:50:03 UTC

The beginning of the end of the beginning...

"The future is not the past."

Twilight Sparkle was always a kind unicorn. She never wanted to make enemies, or hurt anypony. It simply wasn't in her nature to harm anypony that never meant to be cruel to anyone. She preferred to keep to herself, studying various magics and spells. This trend managed to continue even after her coronation as the princess of friendship. She still locked herself in her library and devoured every piece of literature that was available, including the nutritional facts on all of her cans of soup. Now, with the newest technological explosion in Equestria, computers allowed for even more information to be absorbed.

These devices seem to be the key to learning anything anypony could desire. From learning a new recipe to figuring out that Luna may have never actually went to the moon, these hunks of plastic and metal seemed like the perfect device for the studious princess.

"WHY DO YOU KEEP CRASHING, YOU MOTHER BUCKER!?"

You would be horribly wrong. You see, with the creation of the computer, came the creation of the internet. With the creation of the internet, came the creation of various business and companies that controlled it. These companies created various operating systems for each computer that held various features such as a game store, the ability to snap two windows to the side of your screen allowing for you to interact with both at once, and even the ability to stream Netflix on your computer instantly. These features seemed to spell out the ultimate item for entertainment, information, and convenience.

Except that they don't work.

Now understand this, most ponies seem to have little problems with it, mainly just finding it annoying. However, Twilight Sparkle seem to have gotten one that doesn't bucking work! From constant freezes, to her internet going down and not coming back for hours, her new device seemed determined to make her life a living Tartarus. Not to mention that a notification that Norton's security stopped a 'virus' kept popping up every two seconds!

"NO! I DON'T WANT TO BUY THE FULL VERSION! SHUT UP ABOUT IT!"

She sat in front of her desk, trying to make sense of what the computer wanted so it would finally work! Each time she attempted to use Internet Explorer, it would load slower than Granny Smith attempting to cross the street. She also hated that the start menu looked like a menu for apps that the I-Pony has, which it was. It was started to get ridiculous. EVERY IMPORTANT FEATURE HAD A PAY WALL! From Marecrosoft Office to the 'universal memory drive' it was constantly trying to get to use, it seems like everything wanted to drain her bank account. She didn't even want to upload anything to the Cloud! Issue after issue seemed to arise the more she used it.

Why did she need to pay for Marecrosoft Office to use Word?

Why did the start menu get turned into an app menu?

Why does half of the processing power go to a marketplace that she will never use?

Why is it so cool that she could play X-Box games on her computer?

Why can't she use Windows Media Player to watch a movie and be able to use the desktop?

And why does the INTERNET SUCK SO HARD ON IT!?

"Grrrr! Just work with me for five seconds!" Twilight soon began to bash her head against the keyboard, frustrated that this piece of machinery is making a mockery of her. Soon, however, she received a message on Skype from her brother, Shining Armor, the one who gave her the computer as a gift.

*Hey Twily! How's the gift? :)*

That had calmed her down a bit. Her brother had always put her in a better mood. The two had always stayed close friends through their whole lives and made sure to take care of each other. Now she wasn't going to lie to him, but she could stretch the truth a bit for this situation. What was she going to say? 'This computer sucks and you should feel bad for giving it to me?'

*Great! Wanna Skype? I just got everything hooked up! :3*

*Sure!*

The notification of a call played its annoying theme, indicating that it was at least working this time. When she tested it with Rarity it wouldn't even do that. Hesitantly, she clicked the accept button and waited for it to load.

"Hey, Twilight! How's my favorite little sister doing?" His voice came in clear and perfectly understandable.

"Oh, I'm doing fine!" She was lying through her teeth. Thank Celestia they only chose to do the voice chat and not video. Otherwise he would have seen the sweat pouring down her face and her pinprick pupils.

"That's great. I knew you'd love the computer. You'll probably be on it for days, knowing you." He chuckled at his prediction.

"Y-yeah! Hehehe..." Twilight tried to chuckle along, but the thought of using the thing was quickly becoming a nightmare.

"What was that, Twilight? I couldn't hear you." Oh no...

"I said, 'yeah!'" It better not...

"One more time?" If it did.....

*Could not connect to call.*

*How would you rate your call?*

............

"THAT'S IT! EVERYONE DIES!"

Her anger finally boiled over. Unable to control it anymore, her horn glowed brighter than Celestia's sun, filled with burning hatred towards Marecrosoft and their piece of garbage system! More and more the magic grew within her, surpassing her normal limitations and going well beyond what is thought possible. She didn't care though, she needed sweet vengeance against this wanna be I-Pad. Her fur was beginning to smolder and burn, her eyes glowed an unnatural white, her scowl remaining on her face the entire time.

The energy in her horn soon peaked out to the edge as a small ball of magic, and it was quickly becoming larger, surpassing a softball in less than a minute. More and more her anger grew, how dare this thing make her feel like an idiot! All she wanted to do was Skype her friend! WHY WAS THAT SO HARD!?

The ball soon reached her ceiling, disintegrating it on contact and continuing to do so to the rest of the roof as it continued to grow. The ball now consumed her entire library, books and shelves disintegrating into nothing as her rage built more and more, only increasing as the various books burned into dust. Outside, the various ponies of Ponyville watched as a strange purple ball of energy consumed Twilight's entire library, and continued to grow bigger. It seemed to consume everything in its path, devouring the grass, the rocks, and even any unlucky birds that flew into it.

At this point, the ponies found themselves running away in fear as the ball continued to increase in size, devouring everything in its wake.

~~

The resident future Wonderbolt, Rainbow Dash, was doing her trademark stunts in the air as her friend Pinkie Pie watched from the ground. The two seemed to make a ritual out of Dash's showboating and arrogance, but Pinkie just watched out of fun. Dash was cutting through the air with needle-like precision as she preformed every stunt with the utmost perfection. Dash couldn't keep herself from wearing a smug grin as she attempted her final stunt, the Sonic Rainboom. A trick that was, at first, impossible, quickly became her trademark routine. Flying high in the sky, she quickly shot back towards the ground, picking up speed for the next part of the trick. She then slowly adjusted her angle to dive past the ground and build enough inertia to break the sound barrier.

It was all going perfect.... Until she saw the giant ball of death that was eating Ponyville faster than Celestia with a cake.

"PINKIE!" She shouted down to her bubble friend, "Do you see that thing? It's destroying the town!"

"Oh my gosh! Don't you know what this means?" Pinkie gave a comedic gasp as she began to run in circles
, clearly in a panic.

"That all of Equestria might be destroyed by a giant purple ball of death?" Dash wanted to waste no more time on the pink pony's antics, made obvious by her uninterested tone.

"No! I don't have a job anymore!" Pinkie then began to sob wildly.

"No time to cry about that! We gotta go kick that thing's flank!" Dash shot off like a bullet, wanting to beat that thing into submission. However, this didn't work as she was quickly devoured as soon as she reached it, leaving not even a feather.

"Well... that was... dark." Pinkie couldn't help but comment at her friend's demise.

The ball continued to swell and devour everything in its path. Buildings, plants, ponies, even the school house as the ball grew large enough to completely consume Ponyville. Nothing was spared as the orb of death destroyed everything, leaving nothing, it even ate the surface of the planet until it reached the core. It had grown so large that it was visible from Canterlot.

~~~

The two royal sisters merely watched as the orb continued to grow and devour their country, unable to do anything at this point.

"Whelp, We art bucked." Luna was quick to admit defeat to the sphere of hatred.

"Agreed." Celestia wasn't much better.

The two prayed that it would painless as the ball quickly destroyed Canterlot, consuming eveypony in the city. The ball was soon scraping the atmosphere, and soon surpassing it. Nothing was spared as the Dragon Lands, Griffin countries, and even the Frozen North was devoured by the orb. The sphere soon devoured what was left of the core as it swelled further, causing the surface of the planet to begin to crumble. The surface split, revealing molten magma, burning what wasn't already consumed into ashes. The planet was soon completely devoured by the ball of hatred, and still growing. Soon it devoured the moon, and even the sun itself as it started to outgrow its own solar system. However, the only other pony not devoured by the ball of death was Twilight herself. She reside in the center of the orb, watching as it ended her home, slaughtered her friends and family, and destroyed any chance of her every living a normal life again. She didn't care though. Her mind was deep into a rage fueled madness, one that was almost impossible to break out of.

"PERFECT!" Twilight had decided that it was big enough for the next stage of her plan. Within the ball, her computer was also not consumed. No. That would be too easy. She wanted, no, needed it to suffer. Using her telekinesis, she threw the device out of the sphere and into the vast emptiness of space. Then, she teleported out of the ball and onto the opposite side of the computer. Giving a massive kick, that mass of magic begin to follow the computer, and quickly gaining on it.

"BUCK! YOU!" The ball finally reached the computer, exploding on contact. The released energy vaporized everything in the solar system. Planets were wiped away like dust. Meteors crumbled into ashes. Comets melted and boiled. Gas giants were set aflame by the pure heat of the explosion. But it didn't end at the solar system.

Soon, the explosion reached beyond and began to consume the galaxy. Nebulas were disintegrated. Solar systems were wiped off the face of existence. Stars crumbled into dust and particles by sheer power. Countless civilizations on other planets were lost and annihilated by the explosion, leaving not even ruins. Not even black holes were safe as they were ripped from existence by the explosion.

Eventually, the galactic core itself was destroyed by the explosion, causing what was left to scatter into the dark reaches of space. And still, it didn't end.

The explosion began to spread throughout the universe like a wave of destruction. Soon, other galaxies were destroyed by the wave. It was though the creator of the universe itself was wiping away their own creation. The wave continued to spread and annihilate the universe itself, leaving no matter, anti-matter, or even atom standing.

The ever expanding walls of the universe itself were threatened by the explosion. The limits of reality were unable to contain the wave of pure hatred as it soon surpassed even physical law, leaving the universe itself as nothing but a realm of empty darkness.

This was Twilight's prison as she continued to float in the empty wasteland she had created. She didn't care though. The computer was dead, and it was never coming back.

Or so she thought....

She could only see it in the corner of her eye, but she was sure she saw something. Scanning her surroundings, she noticed a faint glow further away. Teleporting her way there, she saw a horrid and cruel message on the still functioning monitor.

"Would you like to purchase Marecrosoft Office?"

"BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--!"

The End.

Author's Note

Written for fun/therapy. Trust me. The actual issues I had were FAR worse than this.... :twilightangry2:

And, believe it or not, I will accept criticism. This is kinda a practice fic thing. I wanna get better so any advice will be appreciated.