Dastardly Plans Ruined Slightly

by RainbowBob

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 4651

Super villains battling each other out in much more climactic and messy than you'd think.

Mane-iac is in need of some finances to compensate for her newest nefarious plan to take over Maretropolis, so she goes with the typical routine of robbing a bank of its huge payload. Only problem is that someone already beat her to the punch. That someone being Alpha Wolf, a half diamond dog and half timber wolf super villain with plenty of brawn while lacking greatly in the brain area. Not wanting to lose her only source of illegally gotten income to this big mug, Mane-iac comes up with the perfect plan to satisfy the bark covered mutt so she can get away. Too bad the dry cleaning for her suit is going to cost a fortune afterwards.

Written for my good buddy MisterMoniker. You stay classy, you wonderful bastard!

Thanks to Flint Sparks for the help editing!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-05 00:20:11 UTC

Chapter 1: It Goes Best On Pancakes

In the town of Maretropolis, there lived a disease. A plague, if you will. It sweeped through the city streets and infected all who dared near it. It was a contagion like no other, keeping its host alive while slowly rotting it from the inside. In this way, it can be considered a parasprite, growing fat and bountiful by sucking out the goodness of the city and replacing it with its own filth. No matter how many times you fought or tried to keep it down, it always rose back, more powerful than ever.

The tall towers that dotted the city’s landscape couldn’t hide this infection. Neither could a fighting force of vigilant heroes ever clean the city for good from the corruption that permeated from its deepest depths. For crime could never be rid of entirely. At least not when the criminals have set up betting pools for how quickly they can get out.

For Mane-iac, her time was an impressive four hours and fifteen minutes. Not her best record by a long shot, but at least she had gotten out without too much trouble. The asylum she was usually thrown in to rot was practically a rotating door by now, and she knew every nook and cranny to sneak out by now.

As per usual her escape from a high-security facility, Mane-iac made her way to her secret layer of wickedness, which just so happened to be a reasonably priced condo near the business sector of the city with a laundromat out front. Made getting around secretly while cleaning her clothes much easier than most would expect. Her suits were dry clean only, and without it they wrinkled terribly.

Done with her usual preparations of exchanging her prison garment for proper villainous dreds of her classic spandex purple suit, Mane-iac examined herself in the mirror to properly enjoy her appearance.

“Oh, Mane-iac, you are truly the grandest villainess of them all, aren’t you?” she whispered to her reflection, doting to her own face in a seductive wink. Cackling under her breath, her green, vine-like mane wrapped itself around her lithe, powerful body, hugging herself close now that her hair had complete freedom to move. In the asylum, they restricted her hair using a hairnet, the heathens!

Standing in midair through the use of her powerful hair strands, Mane-iac turned herself upside down as she chortled at her reflection. “Powerful, strong, beautiful, and not to mention genius, it’s no wonder you are the most powerful and breathtaking villain around. Not even the Power Ponies will stop you from your next dastardly plan!”

Mane-iac released a high-pitched laugh, abruptly stopping when something occurred to her. “Oh wait, I nearly forgot! I don’t have a plan.” Standing on all fours on the floor, Mane-iac glanced around at her modestly sized condo, which was quite sparse at the moment. No impressive weaponry lined the walls, no sacks filled to the brim with loot could be seen, and the only items worth mentioning was a couch with a mini-fridge next to it, consisting of the majority if not all the furniture in her lair. “Or money, for that matter.”

Racking her troubled mind for a plan, she quickly evaluated all get-rich-quick schemes she had on hoof. Stealing the mint train cart at the rail lines was out of the question, since she kind of exploded it last week. The jewelry store was also unavailable, considering they still hadn’t cleaned up the remains of the slime creature that had terrorized the city only last Tuesday. Even the museum was unappealing considering the spirits of a vengeful mummy was released the last time robbers tried to bust the joint, resulting in hauntings and curses Mane-iac definitely didn’t want to get involved with. Looks like she’ll have to go with the typical routine.

“Uh, looks like a bank robbing it is,” Mane-iac sighed. “The most dull and cliché robber ever. Well, right up there next to a liquor store. Which, after the bank robbing, doesn’t sound too bad to check out.”

With thoughts of golden glory in both solid and liquid form swimming in her mind, Mane-iac gleefully clopped her hooves and hopped out her window in a shower of broken glass and twirling hairs.

Landing easily on the sidewalk below, Mane-iac towered over the streets with the support of her powerful strands of hair, swiftly moving to her destination by using her mane as gigantic spider legs. She managed to avoid detection by the nighttime populace of Maretropolis by climbing high in the sky on the skyscrapers that dotted the city.

Finally reaching her target, Mane-iac slinked down the top of a building right next to the bank and landed on the rooftop without making a sound or setting off an alarm. Looks like using that conditioner that left her mane bouncy and smooth actually paid off.

“Now, if I remember right, there’s an air vent around here somewhere…” Mane-iac said, humming under her breath as her eyes scanned her surroundings. Smiling once she spotted it, Mane-iac lifted open the air vent’s screen and quickly clamoured inside.

“Ugh, for an air vent, it sure isn’t very airy in here,” Mane-iac noted, dragging herself by her hooves through the air ducts of the bank. Dust constantly clogged her lungs, forcing her to use her hair to cover her mouth so her coughing wouldn’t betray her location to any guards that may be nearby.

“Now… two lefts, then a right, then the third left, then two more rights and I should be there,” Mane-iac whispered. She had already mapped out this trip after so many times having visited and used the bank’s contents for her own nefarious needs. Quietly crawling down the duct route to the exact specifications, she finally reached a screen that allowed a view down below at the bank’s floor. “Jackpot,” she said, smiling wide.

Right beneath her was the entrance to the vault, where a large portion of Maretropolis’ wealth was stored at exuberant interest rates that robbed customers more than Mane-iac could ever hope to achieve.

Carefully, Mane-iac removed the screen from the duct so it didn’t make any type of grating noise that would give away her position, then carefully set the screen on the floor below while she used her mane as a makeshift cushion to quiet her fall. Dusting herself off with a snide smirk clear on her face, Mane-iac reached out with her tentacle-like hairs to grasp the vault’s large doors and began to wrench it free. Usually it’d take the strength of five stallions to move such a huge locking mechanism such as the one the vault possessed, but Mane-iac’s mane fibers were stronger than steel. Already, inch by inch, she was pulling the vault’s door off, and in a few second’s time she’d be able to rip it off easily enough.

But, of course, nothing is ever easy when you’re busting a joint.

The wall behind her exploded in a shower of concrete and drywall that rained down on Mane-iac’s hair. Turning quickly to discover the source of the commotion, she groaned audibly when it made itself clear with a loud bellow.

“Oh no, not Alpha Wolf,” Mane-iac said, dragging a hoof across her muzzle as the newcomer continued to snarl and roar at the top of her lungs. “When did they let that guy out of the pound?”

Alpha Wolf came into view, causing Mane-iac to look up. Standing at an impressive ten feet of height, this villain was nothing to sneeze at, not if you wanted to keep your nose anyways. Alpha Wolf was said to be just a typical diamond dog punk one day, in and out of jail more times than you would change your underwear. But one day a timberwolf under genetic alterations escaped from a lab, biting the unlucky diamond dog before being caught. The result of the genetically altered timberwolf bite caused the diamond dog to change. His hair fell out, replaced with a tough bark exterior while his teeth were soon switched out for jagged splinters and his claws for thorns. Now half diamond dog and half timberwolf, Alpha Wolf was more beast than dog and made a name for himself as the toughest of the tough and not the brightest mind out there. Not like you needed many brains when your fist could punch through three feet of concrete like it was paper.

“Hey, twig for brains, this is my bust, not yours!” Mane-iac shouted at the gigantic walking forest.

Alpha Wolf stared down at her, green glowing eyes furrowing. “Dis mah boost, nut yoos! Ah wanna good-goods!”

“These good-goods are mine! I came here first!” Manei-iac pointed at the vault doors that were nearly halfway off their hinges. “As you can see, the contests of this vault belong to the first pony who can break open the vault—”

Alpha stepped over her in one large bound, slapping the vault door with a single swipe of his paw, causing the steel door to crumble like a piece of paper.

“—door,” Mane-iac muttered. Glancing around Alpha’s side, she noticed the plethora of gold bits stacked up in neat rows lining the walls of the vault, some even in large piles around the room. Her eyes nearly popped out of their sockets at the large sum of bits before her.

And the only thing standing in her way was a hulking beast made of bark and enough testosterone to fail a urine test just by spitting into it.

Shouts could be heard in the background, along with a booming alarm ringing in the bank as the boulding descended into red, flashing light.

Scratch that, now the only things that were standing in her way was Alpha Wolf and the army of guards and possibly even the Power Ponies that were sure to chase her tail.

Thinking fast and sporadically, Mane-iac reached out and grabbed Alpha’s right leg, pulling with all her might to bring it back. Little by little, she finally managed to dislodge Alpha’s leg from holding up his enormous weight on the ground, causing the mammoth sized super villain to crash to the floor and crack it under his girth.

Jumping over the struggling Alpha, Mane-iac took out her swag sack and began to fill it with as much riches as she could manage. Bits, gold bars, jewels, continental train bonds, whatever she could fit in there she stuffed until the sack was near to bursting.

“Hey, dat’s mah luut! Loooooot fer Alpha Wulf!” Alpha roared, clawing at the ground to get back up as his diminished legs feebly kicked the air.

“Sorry, mut, but I really must be off with my loot before the authorities arrive,” Mane-iac said. Her hair strands lifted up to the ceiling, actually punching through the roof. In a single jerk she ripped out a chunk of the ceiling, just wide enough for her to fit through. “Hope you enjoy getting neutered once the Power Ponies arrive!”

Laughing maniacally, Mane-iac stood triumphantly with her giant sack of swag, victorious once again as cops began to crowd around the bank. As a spotlight descended upon her and revealed her in a bright light to all onlookers, she shouted, “You fools! Nothing can stop the Mane-iac! She’s on the loose again, and none of Maretropolic is safe! All you can do is cower and hide as I come back like the vengeance of the—”

Unfortunately for Mane-iac, her words were suddenly cut off by the tightening grip of Alpha’s paw that had just appeared right next to her. Soon it was joined by the rest of him as he heaved himself through a hole he made on the roof. Bringing her to his maw, he sniffed her, blowing snot into her face as he exhaled. “Where’s mah luut, pownie?”

“C-c-can’t… breathe!” Mane-iac said, weakly smacking his chest with her hooves.

“I dun’t care ‘bout no breeth, I want mah luut!” he barked in her face, nearly causing Mane-iac’s eardrums to explode.

In a last ditch effort to save her trachea from being crushed by his grip, Mane-iac reached out with a strand of her hair and ruffled the tip against his wet nose, resulting in him sneezing and therefore releasing her. Not before she was covered in more snot that would definitely require a trip to the dry cleaners to get out of her suit.

“You sneeze, you lose, wolfy!” Mane-iac laughed, already off in a flash.

Alpha Wolf furiously wiped at his nose as he noticed Mane-iac making off with his pay day. “Dat’s mah luut, yoo fookin pownie!”he screamed, roaring at the top of his lungs as he jumped high in the air. For something so large and apparently un-aerodynamic, Alpha managed to get a good few dozen feet in the air. From rooftop to rooftop he leaped, following Mane-iac as she zipped across city streets and over rooftops like a crawling insect. Then, just as she reached an abandoned back alley, he made his move, rapidly falling to Mane-iac’s position. “Gimme back muh luut!”

Mane-iac looked up at the sudden appearance of a loud, angry voice, only for her pupils to shrink as Alpha neared his landing zone, which was currently her face.

With a last-minute sidestep using her hair to grab ahold of a dumpster so she could pull herself out of harm’s way, Mane-iac narrowly avoided Alpha Wolf’s razor sharp talons from bearing down at her as he clawed at the area she was just in.

Rolling on the floor, Mane-iac desperately held onto the swag sack to make sure none of its contents spilled out. Shaking her head to clear her vision, she picked herself using her her mane. “Fool, are you trying to ruin my swag?” she asked, hoisting the sack over her shoulder. “I need this cash to carry out my next evil plan, and you rampaging around and causing huge amounts of property damage isn’t helping me!”

“Boot dat’s mah luut, I broke thangs fer it!” Alpha reminded her. Standing up to his imposing ten feet of height—not counting his slouch—he held out a paw with thorny talons long enough to rip her apart. “Now gimme it back.”

“I’m sorry to say—wait, no, I’m not sorry! I broke into that bank fair and square, with much more tact than you could ever pull off! I could have gotten my swag with little to no interference and be halfway across the city by now! But your stupid mutt butt just had to slow me down!”

“If yoo dun’t gimme ma luut.” Alpha Wolf closed his fist slowly, bark crumbling in his fist as he pulled his arm back.

Mane-iac knew for a fact if a punch like that actually hit her, her face would disintegrate into pulp while her skull would crack into millions of tiny pieces. Not even the Power Ponies faced someone like Alpha Wolf directly. Tire him out was the smartest solution, since an actual blow from the big mug could land you in the hospital indefinitely or even the grave. And right now, Mane-iac had the option of neither if she wanted to keep onto her bag of swag. She’d never be able to get away from Alpha with it in her possession.

“Well, yoo gonna gimme it or am I gonna smush yer face in?” Alpha asked, fist poised to strike.

Backing away slightly, Mane-iac held up her hooves and shouted, “Wait! Just… just wait a minute, okay?”

“I wunt mah luut!”

“Why do you even want this money anyhow?” Mane-iac asked, jostling the bits in their sack. “What could you possibly spend them on?”

“Whores,” Alpha said.

“... Seriously? You spend the millions you steal from banks and other retailers on prostitutes?” Mane-iac asked, slackjawed.

“Yah. I need to spend it on sumethin’, an’ there ain’t mooch else I like,” Alpha said, shrugging. “I gots luts of needs to fill evar since I gots dufferent like dis.”

Suddenly, an idea appeared in Mane-iac’s mind. One she was almost certain she would never have considered under any normal circumstances, and actually shuddered to even think about. But hey, she needed the money, plus, she certainly didn’t want to risk bodily harm and almost certain death at the paw of Alpha.

“How about if I… had… uh...” Mane-iac swallowed in a gulp and finally spit out, “Sex with you?”

“Fer reals?” Alpha asked, scratching his bark covered head. “Wat fer, I ain’t got no cash?”

“You don’t try to take away my swag sack, and we’ll call ourselves even, okay?”

Alpha Wolf’s tail started wagging up a storm, causing leaves and splinters to fall in a shower. “Sure thang, as lung as I gots some ass to fuck.”

Holding back a gag, Mane-iac nodded her head. “Yes, well, let’s get little willy out so we can get this ov—DEAR CELESTIA, WHAT IS THAT?” Mane-iac a first thought Alpha had grown a third leg, only to her shock and high amount of horror that it was his genetalia. She had seen diamond dog dongs before—purely in fetishy porn, of course—but had never seen a timberwolf dick before. The odd mix of the two was one of the strangest sights she had ever seen. The head was huge, about the size of a hoofball, and shaped like one too. The shaft was pulsating even in its unhardened phase, thicker than a tree trunk and longer than her entire back leg. In contrast to his rough, barky exterior covering most of his body, his dick was naked and pink, probably the only sensitive part of his body not covered in wood.

Alpha looked down at his junk and scratched at his nutsack, which could be compared to two extremely large hacky-sacks bouncing together. “Wat, I’m horny.”

“But… how… how is something like that even physically possible?” Mane-iac just couldn’t wrap her mind around it. She didn’t even know dicks could get close to the size that Alpha Wolf was sporting, which was so large it could be considered ridiculous. “How can you even fuck with something like that?”

“I joost do,” Alpha replied, his large paw wrapping itself around his even larger cock. Rubbing it vigorously, he asked, “So, we gonna do it or do I gots mah luut?”

“Yeah… just hold still.” There was no way in Tartarus Mane-iac was even going to consider sticking something of that outrageous proportions into herself. She’d probably die from blood loss because of the penetration alone. Which just left her only option left. An option that was going to require many bottles of shampoo to fix.

Hesitantly, Mane-iac wrapped a hair strand around Alpha’s pulsating member, squeeming at the hot touch she could feel through her mane. While her hair wasn’t exactly as sensitive as the rest of her body, she could still feel hot and warm pretty well with it. Grimacing as more and more strands of her mane gripped Alpha’s limp dick, she began the tedious act of rubbing him one out. Steadily, it began to harden, rising like a tall oak as it reached peak throbbing.

“Yer too ruff,” Alpha commented, panting while slobber caked his mug.

“Well, how do you expect me to fix that? I didn’t exactly have time after my prison break of exfoliate my hair.” Alpha growled, his splinter-like fangs showing in his jaws. Holding back a curse, Mane-iac scooted over to his junk and gazed at it with a mix of awe and hesitation. Still putting her hair to good use by rubbing up and down his impressive length, Mane-iac gave the tip of his head a small lick, backing away immediately.

Smacking her lips, she smiled in surprise. “Huh… maple syrup.” She hummed under her breath, nodding her head slowly. “Tastes just like it, actually.” Giving his dick another lick, she thought it over long and hard, shrugged her shoulder, then began to slurp and lick at his member like a dog with its treat.

The hot, sticky exterior of Alpha’s dick tasted just like the maple syrup you would put on pancakes, which just so happened to be Mane-iac favorite breakfast while locked up in the asylum. She couldn’t get enough of pouring all that sticky syrup over her pancakes, and now she couldn’t get enough of running her tongue all over the seemingly endless surface of Alpha’s cock.

Alpha grunted, enjoying the feel of Mane-iac’s tongue pleasuring the head of his shaft while her hair ran up and down his length. She was going at it like an animal, even using her hooves in the effort to squeeze and rub the tip of his dick as more of his precum poured out like a water fountain. Finally, he was reduced to his rump in defeat while Mane-iac threw herself pull force into licking his dick in a frenzy of tongue lashings.

“Shit… shit fook, yer gonna make meh blow,” Alpha muttered.

Mane-iac wasn’t paying attention, her entire body busy in the process of pleasuring his dick. She could feel herself grow hot in her loins, actively rubbing them on Alpha’s cock as her budding wetness grew to a full waterfall. Meanwhile she continued to give attention to the head of his member like she was kissing a lover, all tongues and not-so subtle suckling while her hooves circled around his length and pumped it to release even more precum. Her mane went full throttle to rub and squeeze his shaft, going so far to fondle his balls cover every square inch of him with herself.

Finally, with one last satisfied grunt Alpha came. Instead of the roar of approval Mane-iac expected, she instead heard a weak whimper escape his jowls. However, she didn’t have much time to reflect on this fact for, like a dam bursting, the semen from Alpha’s shaft poured out ending and hot. It hit her face like a hose, decking her nose and eyes with a sticky white substance that strangely enough tasted of caramel. It had the right consistency and everything.

Even while she was prayed full force by his seed, she never gave up milking him for every ounce he was worth by using her mane to constantly rub his shaft. She guzzled him sugary cum as one stream after another was released, the contents completely covering her head to hooves in pale white jizz. Before too long Alpha was tapped out, but Mane-iac hadn’t stopped slurping and sucking his tip to drink every last drop of his delightful tasting semen.

Pulling back while she tried to clear her mouth of a fresh load of jizz she just got hit with, Mane-iac said, “Wow… that has to be the fastest ejaculation I’ve ever seen.” Wiping a bit of semen from her eye, she chuckled. “Heck, I didn’t even have to get a stopwatch to record it, I already know it’s that fast.”

“Hey, I dun’t cum fast. I cum hard!” Alpha objected, slamming his fist on the ground and creating cracks from the impact.

Mane-iac knew she had already given him what he wanted, but by Celestia she wanted more. She couldn’t explain it, but being completely covered in cum that tasted like a breakfast commodity turned her on more ways than she could think. Plus, Alpha’s dick had shrunk down small enough so she didn’t wince each time she looked at it. Actually, the rest of him shrunk down a bit too. He seemed smaller somehow, yet still plenty huge. Maybe it had to do with something about him being made of wood and losing a bunch of liquid all at once?

“Then come at me, big boy,” Mane-iac said, egging him on further. She got up as splotches of white slid off her suit and mane. Turning around to showcase her appealing rump, she gave it a little wiggle so that the spandex stretched with her rather large ass cheeks. “Unless you’re more of a chicken than a dog.”

“I’ll shew yoo,” Alpha growled, getting back onto his haunches. Reaching out for Mane-iac’s ass, she had to stifle a yell as he ripped apart the back end of her suit, barely missing her more sensitive regions.

Placing both his paws on either side of her on the ground, Alpha Wolf got into position so that dick’s head was right above the lips of her vagina. Mane-iac’s could feel him pressing the head of his shaft against her pussy, the strange, sticky consistency of his semen aiding him on getting into her entrance.

“Is that—nngh… all you got, mutt?” Mane-iac asked weakly, his breath falling on the back of her neck. “Because I-I was expecting more.”

Alpha only responded in a snarl and unexpected thrust. Mane-iac couldn’t hold back her scream as about half of his length inserted itself inside her, stretching her vaginal walls to the limit. Never before had she ever conceived she could be more full in one area of her body. Right now, she could barely discern the pleasure from the pain, but her brain was wrapped in bliss nonetheless.

Even though only half of his length could be used, Alpha still felt the exterior of his dick get wrapped around in the pleasing tightness of Mane-iac’s pussy, and with each pounding he delivered in her his pleasure just increased upon. Mane-iac was left in a drooling mess on the floor as Alpha went to work penetrating her in and out, somehow able to use that enormous dick of his to use on a mare of Mane-iac’s stature. Even time he entered into her, Mane-iac felt a fresh wave of euphoria wrack through her body as pleasure tingled her spine and her pussy was more than satisfied with the large package abusing it for all its worth.

Eventually, Alpha felt the first telltale signs of his climax approaching. He grew nervous, remembering Mane-iac’s jeers at him early for cumming too quickly, while in a hypocritical sense Mane-iac hasn’t stopped cumming for the last several minutes since Alpha Wolf first penetrated her. But, like anyone who was more beast than person, Alpha quickly forgot his troubles and quickened his pace as his balls slapped Mane-iac’s ass in a more hasty fashion. Before too long, Mane-iac was screaming at the top of her lungs while Alpha howled.

Another fresh wave of jizz exited his tip and squirted its way into Mane-iac’s pussy. The flood of warmth was enough to make her cum multiple times in a row, her only response to her own orgasms was to just moan in a wistful nature.

Finally pulling out, more streams exited his dick to cover her ass in more of his white, sticky load. By the end of it, Mane-iac was sure there wasn’t an inch on her that wasn’t covered in Alpha Wolf jizz.

“Dat… dat was gewd,” Alpha panted, now about half his size. He gulped in more air as the puddle of semen surrounding Mane-iac grew, just as his dick’s jizz output ended in one last stream to her face. Wiping a bark covered paw over his jaw, he back away slowly and grunted, “Lust… lust too mooch water. Need… mure. Mure water.”

“Sure, go ahead, I’ll be fine,” Mane-iac said from her spot in the puddle of semen on the ground. “I’ll just be fine right here… covered in jizz. Wow…”

Alpha slinked away in the shadows, leaving Mane-iac all alone with her swag sack and maple syrup flavored semen memento left by Alpha Wolf’s great endowment. Wiping off a trace of white splurge that was stuck atop her nose and swallowing it quickly, Mane-iac reflected upon her actions and said, “Whelp, I’m going to have to spend half the money already on dry cleaning for my suit. I just hope this jizz comes off easier than actual maple syrup for my hair…”