Sweetie Belle and Button Mash's Great Adventure

by CaveRave

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Romance
Length: 6234

From bungee jumping off high mountains to riding high speed underground rollercoasters, has there been something the two hasn't done? Well, you never played Minecraft until you're dragged into a fraction war.

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle are very close. Whether hunting for diamonds, farming gunpowder, or simply fishing by the lake, the two do everything together. Well, until something bad happens.

Stranded in an unfamiliar land, they soon find themselves roped into a faction war between a kingdom ruled by a tyrannical dictator and a nomadic tribe determined to resist the tyrant's rule, for some reason. Before long though, faces on both sides of the conflict start to seem strikingly familiar.

Whether or not that's a good thing… well, let's just say that Sweetie Belle never expected them to act the ways they did and Button Mash couldn't care less.

Dedicated to friends of mine.
The coverart used with permission from: ViperDash-Venomous.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-29 15:10:15 UTC

It was YOUR FAULT!

To: Benjamin Blitz, Alvin Poh, Delia Shamaney, Xian Yi and Ethan Burke

"If you didn't take out your pickaxe, you wouldn't have 'accidentally' broken the glass,"

As the two recently evicted residents sailed away from the melting island behind them, occasionally coughing as the wind — unwillingly blowing ashes along with it — shifted directions, they decided to play one of the most commonly played games ever played after a disaster or otherwise similar occurrence of such nature. The blame game.

"Well, if you didn't think it'd be a good idea to have a giant heap of lava hanging above our heads maybe our house won't have burnt down,"

"That wouldn't have happened if you just replaced the wood with the smelted cobblestone I left in the furnace like I asked you to."

"But I liked the wood! Stone looks ugly. Besides, why did we even need the lava?"

"Why not? It looked so cool!" Whenever the two really got into an argument, you couldn't even tell them apart. They started to sound the same, word for word, with the possible exception of the obvious pitch differences in their voices. They also started to get into using strategic shouting to make a point, regardless of how annoying that usually is.

"You almost got us killed over something as simple as AESTHETIC APPEAL?"

"Aesthetic? What are you, a dictionary?"

"Did you just pull an ad hominem at me?"

"No, but I am sure you're trying to do a tu quoque." As Button finished his words, he failed to notice the slight look of astonishment on Sweetie's face.

"I... I never had someone understood what that meant. Applebloom and Scootaloo always gave me confused looks whenever I brought up a logical fallacy."

"What's a logical felony?" Sweetie's beamed smile slide away. If only Rarity understood that no other foal her age knew or cared about these sort of petty things. Still, they were interesting ways to sound smarter than everypony else, often ending an argument in confused stares in her favor.

"Anyways, it was still your fault."

"Come on, it was an accident."

Button rolled his eyes and focused on steering the boat, "Oh, the number of times I've heard that."

"At least we're still alive." Sweetie was almost tempted to mouth out and we have each other but she kept it to herself. It would creep Button out — and ruin her only chance. It was only a little crush, but its still a crush. "Besides, I am sure we'll find land soon. We always do."

Button let out a soft, sad sigh and focused steering the boat away from an oncoming lily. The only thing that would make this all worst would to be lost without the boat. At least with this wooden watercraft, though barely big enough to fit the two, there was hope. Button was sitting on the tiller near the rear of the boat, impulsively messing with the loose rudder, causing the boat to sway left and right. He kept his distance away from Sweetie Belle, who stared out onto the horizons of the sea near the bow of the boat.

She was dazed by the sight in front of her. The beams of orange and brown, merging upon each other. Sweetie would consider it beautiful, maybe even romantic, under any other circumstances.

The other rider of the boat, instead of being dumbfounded by the sight in front of him, was anxiously looking behind his shoulders. They had sailed a distance too far away to see any actual land around them in any direction, leaving the burning island's smoke the only indication that there ever was anything other than, well, sea.

There was only silence between the two riders for awhile, then Button spoke, "Did you managed to bring anything with you?"

"I think I only got my pickaxe,"

"Oh, you THINK you only got your pickaxe? No diamonds or redstone or anything useful?" Sweetie Belle remained quiet and shifted her attention to the sea in front of her. Everything's gone. Button rubbed his eyes and tried to get a steady hold of his breath as weeks of work burned away.

Sweetie Belle would admit, she felt awful looking at such a devastated Button.

"You know... I thought it looked pretty awesome."

Button ignored her.

"The lava lamp, I mean."

"Did you manage to get a compass?"

Sweetie Belle searched between the seats and corners of the boat. She got up from her position to check if she was sitting on something, a weird compulsion developed from finding many lost, small objects right below her in the past. She even looked at the hull as though there could possibly be something there. Sometimes you'd look just for the sake and novelty of looking for something.

Nothing.

Button concluded, using some form of deduction that mostly involved holding back tears, that they were utterly lost at sea. No signs of any other island. No signs of any other life. Even the sight of the sky couldn't cheer him up, not like he was paying attention to it earlier. The sky cheered Sweetie Belle up a little, but when she noticed that Button wasn't sharing her joy, she too lost that 'cheer'.

It was very quiet, with only the slight splashes interrupting the tense silence between the two foals. If it wasn't for her, Button could still work on that rollercoaster.

"What about a map? You got to have that, right?" Sweetie Belle shook her head. No map, no compass.

Lost.

Button gave yet another sigh. "I am hungry."

"Want some bread? This is our only loaf." Once she had spotted him nod, Sweetie Belle threw a whole loaf towards Button. With the same misunderstanding of physics that had gotten her many bruises in the past, Sweetie underestimated her throwing arc and failed to calculate the momentum of the moving boat. This resulted in an extremely soggy, very salty and certainly unreachable dinner for Button or Sweetie.

No amount of obsessive apologising could possibly get that stare off Button's face.

"It was lag!"

"NOW WHAT ARE WE GONNA EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"

Sweetie just shrugged her shoulders until Button's whine degraded into a form of an animal in pain or a toddler being annoyed. As the pitch dragged more into the latter, Sweetie rolled her eyes. He was going to stop any second now. Interestingly, Sweetie had been reading a book about a castaway on a lifeboat, sort of similar to how they were, where the protagonist survived a stunning ten months at sea.

In contrast, Button had already lost his sanity. How much longer can he survive? Actually, the more important question is how much longer could she tolerate Button's crying.

Well, it actually took until the moon held the position as the supreme ruler of the sky, before Button regained his sanity and forgotten his grudge by being distracted by a cute fish.

"Looks like the tiger's been tamed," Sweetie mumbled.

"Huh?" Button gave back a confused stare.

"Oh, nothing," replied Sweetie. Ever blurted out something when deep in thought, creating an incoherent sentence? Remembered how awkward it was to elaborate?

Tiger, where? Had they reached an island? Was she being metaphorical? Was Sweetie referring to him? Maybe he had just imagined her calling him a tiger. Was she even calling him the tiger? What if she was instead imaging the tiger itself? Than what does that make Button?

Most likely Sweetie had gone mad. The sea was too much for her.

Sweetie bolted under the pressure of Button's stare. "Alright, it was from a movie," Button doesn't read. He would find her a nerd for knowing books. Whatever, she still told him all about that story and the two engaged into small talk to pass the time.

They discussed books, and eventually movies, in that order, surprisingly. Sweetie never would have guessed that Button was really into those Humgonian cartoons or comics. They all seemed to be the same with her, either dealing boring fantasy stories with obnoxious hair and giant swords or teenage fillies with very large socks. Nevertheless, she still listened to him, nodding her head whenever Button ended a sentence.

After discussing fiction and discovering that Button might be the only other person in her class that actually liked books, the two started sharing personal, silly, 'true' stories.

Sweetie Belle told Button how she developed a phobia with cupcakes after two separate incidents. One involved entering an eating contest where she had about forty of the things before being disqualified for not having a powerful enough stomach and ruining the whole event. Unlike Applebloom, there were limits as to what Sweetie would do for a cutie mark or, at least, Sweetie Belle set some after that.

Another involved Pinkie Pie actually forcing her to stick a cupcake in her eye. It wasn't the frosting in her eye that broke her but rather Rarity's whining after missing a spot.

The two continued to talk about other simple things, like Sweetie Belle's adventures and misadventures with her friends or Button's quests in Fallout: Equestira. He had a strange way of making something like playing a video game seem so heroic and interesting. It was as though he really traveled across the wasteland.

The way he told everything, filling tensions with so much care and passion. He was a natural born storyteller, not just playing a game. Sweetie was gripped by his stories, constantly asking questions and rooting for him.

If only he was a crusader. Button oddly didn't care much about whether or not he had a cutie mark, which seems to make no sense. Cutie marks are the most important things ever. They completely determine what you're good at and who likes you. How could someone not care?

Besides, the other fillies found the idea of crusading with a boy weird. Applebloom even went on to say that crusading is a girls only thing. Somehow, even though Applebloom's idea of crusading sounded really childish, Sweetie never got around to inviting Button.

It was a shame: crusading would be perfect for somepony like Button. There was no stopping the amount of interests Button had, as though he had an addiction to trying out new things. He loved video games as much as he seemed to love school. At one point, Button even said he was excited to learn gardening with his mother, who promised to let him try it out the following week.

Time had passed. Quite obviously, time always passes. In this case, however, the two barely realised it. Sweetie and Button had forgotten their hunger or even their situation. Still no signs of land, which is strange. When Button was watching the seas at top his tower, there seemed to be a lot more islands everywhere. Now, there was nothing. Really unusual.

Not as unusual as what Sweetie found herself asking, breaking a small moment of silence.

"Button, do you have a crush?"

Years of experience had taught Button to perfect the look of not getting it, especially when he really didn't.

"A crush?" Come on, there can't be somepony that doesn't know what a crush is. Well, maybe Snips — or Snails, whichever was the dumber one — wouldn't but not Button.

"You know, do you like anypony?"

"Of course I like ponies. I like you" — Sweetie Belle's heart froze —  "and I like Shady, and I also like Pip and Featherweight. Well, I find Snails a little weird but he's still cool. Oh, and I also like my mom and-"

Sweetie's expression changed to an annoyed look, and she wouldn't talk about her heart. Either Button was in love with literally everypony he has ever met, including his mom which was disturbing on so many levels or he doesn't get it. "I mean like-like a pony."

"Oh! Erm... well... no." At least he got it this time. Too bad he was blushing which, using infallible logic, means he is lying. He does like somepony, and he is shy about it. She had to find out who that special somepony is. Relationships are a very big deal, bigger than starvation, shelter or what direction the boat was going.

"Come on, you have to like somepony. Everyone has a crush. At least give a hint."

"You promise not to tell anypony?" Of course she wouldn't. How else was she going to hear what he was going to say?

"Promise."

"Stick a cupcake in your eye?" They both giggled, rocking the boat slightly.

"Definitely."

"You really won't tell anypony?"

"I really, really won't tell."

Button leaned towards Sweetie and whispered into her ear, even though they were alone on this boat.

"Its... you really won't tell anypony? It's a little embarrassing." Whoever it was, Button's secrecy had unknowingly set up hype.

"I won't."

"You know Diamond Tiara's friend, Sliver Spoon? I find her kind of cute." There was just something really awkward about revealing a crush to a girl. Button never thought he would use the word cute in that way. He associated the word with obnoxious rainbows and kittens with giant eyes, some place he would only dare visit sometimes.

Button Mash had to be pulling Sweetie's leg. Sliver Spoon? This was obviously a joke. Sweetie wiped off her look of disbelief off her face, and swallowed feelings of disappointment.

"Sliver Spoon? The one with the glasses and pearls? But she's a stuck up bully —"

"I don't know why either. I just kind of feel weird around her, that's all."

"Funny. That's how I feel around him as well."

"You like somepony as well?"

"Of course. Almost everypony secretly likes somepony. I think Applebloom's in love with Nylon Tights." Button assumed she meant Neon Lights. Applebloom's a fan of electronica music? Up to that point, he assumed she was into country music, guitars and loud group dances. When you don't really know somepony, it's very easy to associate their interests and personality entirely by their accent.

Sweetie Belle noticed him holding back a laugh. "Oh Applebloom's just crazy about him," she said.

"So, who is he?"

"You don't know Nylon Lights?"

Button knew more about Neon Lights then Sweetie could have imagined but, well, now wasn't the time. "No. I mean, who is your crush?" At least he learned the term. Sweetie Belle gave out a small sigh.

"I don't feel comfortable revealing who he is?"

"Awww. I told you who mine is, even though I was really nervous and everything. Now you have to tell me yours." Although, in reality, there was no agreement. There were reasons why some ponies could get a living just running around, talking to rich ponies, just to set extremely clear and obvious boundaries so no party could pretend to be out of the loop. All part of the universal blame game.

There was no way Sweetie Belle was going to say 'you, silly' right into his face. It would creep him out, and he liked Sliver Spoon. Button liked Sliver Spoon. What an extremely illogical, unbelievable and completely silly statement. It was the equivalent of being allergic to water, a blank flank as an adult or Equestira being round. It just didn't make any sense.

"I don't feel like telling you."

"Why not? I won't tell anypony else."

"It's not that. It's... I don't feel..."

"At least a hint?"

"Okay, since you asked for it. He's handsome and intelligent, though a little whiny. He likes the same things as me and has so many cool things, like his hat. And he always makes me feel awesome when I'm around him."

"So, what's the problem?" Button didn't get it. For a second, Sweetie thought he figured it out and that he was faking it. The second afterwards, however, it was clear he really didn't. "He sounds pretty cool."

"Well. It's just, it's just I don't think he likes me. And he is interested in another filly." Sweetie Belle rested her checks on her hoof as she uttered yet another sigh.

"Oh. Well that... kind of sucks. Have you told him how you feel?" Does this count? When the day started, Button never thought that he would discuss each other's crushes and romance on a boat in the middle of the sea with Sweetie Belle. He instead imagined, well, he didn't really have a plan for this Saturday.

"Ah. Forget about it," Sweetie Belle said before realising that she was, in fact, still on a boat. As the rocking relaxed them, the two decided to take a break from their chatter and just get comfortable.

Stars in the sky and a never ending blanket of the kind of colour you'd expect sea to be this late at night was still the norm. Simple enough, an unchanged environment from the beginning. Well, at least it would be if Sweetie didn't spot something standing out from the horizon.

Button quickly steered the boat. There was definitely a light on top of a tall structure. Looked like they had found an island, though an off-shore diamond rig could be a possibility. From that distance, it was hard to tell really. As they got closer, it was clearly the former with a lighthouse. Though the diamond rig would have been way cooler, Button was glad to find land.

He was more than glad: he was excited. Elected, joyous, ecstatic, other adjectives that could be found in a novice writer's thesaurus. This would not only be a place for building, there would be other ponies. Other ponies, other buildings, all sorts of other things. This would be amazing.

Sweetie was excited too, for much of the same reasons, though also a little cautious. They had not met another pony in ages and there was no telling who would be on that island. They could walk into a trap as soon as they set foot on the beach. Bandits — or even simple mobs — could attack them. There were lots that could go wrong.

But there was no lighthouse. It was simply an illusion. The light was from the tip of a castle and that castle was clearly encrusted by the familiar shade of none other then diamond blocks.

It was a giant castle made with a combination of diamond, amazingly. Was it even possible to have that much? And to waste it on a building? That much was made clear by the large beams of light given out by — ironically, if you didn't know what irony actually meant  — a lamp made out of lava. The same type of lamp that Button built with glass panels and blocks, despite the fact that glowstone would be much more efficient.

It was all too show off, not efficiency. Ponies are silly like that.

"See, told you we wouldn't starve to death," Button said. Whenever there was was a slight opportunity, ponies would scramble for the chance to prove that they were better than the nearest other pony.

"No you didn't! You were even crying."

Buttons' bravo died down. "Okay, I don't really remember if I did. Point is: we're saved!"

"You can't be too sure. What if the ponies on this island aren't too friendly to guests?"

"We'll just ask them for directions then." Sweetie took back what she said about Button earlier. He was intelligent sometimes. Actually, with the thought on Button's intelligence or possible lack of intelligence, Sweetie remembered something a little odd that happened earlier.

"I was wondering, Button. You don't know what a 'logical felony' is?" Button nodded his head.

"So how did you —"

"Know what a tu quoque is? I didn't say I don't know what a logical fallacy is." After a suppressed giggle, Sweetie took her earlier statement back. Button was intelligent most of the time. Didn't excuse Button to had pulled Sweetie's leg earlier. Shame on him.

"Oh come on. That's so lame. Besides, what would a logical felony be anyway? Somepony metaphysical that breaks some existential law and deliberately ruins the flow of logic in people's minds? Like a murderer of sanity?"  Sweetie Belle said. Button gave a shrug.

The thomp-thomp of their hooves stomping on sand never had never brought so much joy. Land! Sweet land where hooves could walk on without sinking or drowning or otherwise being inconvenient to move in. They were saved. They were free! The whole island was their new playground, probably, if they're lucky and the residents don't try and kill them on sight.

Sweetie salvaged the loose surviving bits of wood and sticks. The boat had broken apart as soon as it was beached. You would assume that it would just slide and sink into the sand upon contact but things falling apart is the new norm of today. The death of the craft caused by going much too fast. However, it didn't matter if the boat broke or not, they — hopefully — won't have to use it again.

The castle was evidently a lot deeper in the island then previously thought, which in turned meant that the castle was much bigger then it had seem. There was a stone path at the start of the beach that lead straight into a deep forest, in the direction of the island's capital landmark.

It was safe, too, as glowstone posts shined on the cobblestone route's left and right shoulders. If none of the blocks were trapped, that is, though neither foals considered this.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The Republic of

Diamond

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

That was written on the first sign at the start of the path.

This isn't your

'Republic'.

-Scootaloo

And that was the message of the second one. Sweetie Belle, who was too busy compulsively digging blocks of sand with her bare hooves, suddenly noticed that Button had already followed the path. Didn't even stop the check, did he?

Sweetie ran after Button. As she caught up with him, she slowed down to his pace.

The two walked down the path, watching out for sounds of jumping skeletons, the groans of zombies or the hisses of creepers, though it said that if the latter is heard you're already done for. It was surprisingly quiet for the night. The glowstones could be credited for that — mobs avoid light.

The two walked for quite a bit. A long bit.

"Who would build a city so far away from the sea?" Button's legs were beginning to ache, his eyes were struggling to stay open, all while his hunger was returning.

"How do you know it's a city and not just one castle?"

"This place's apparently called the Republic of Diamond."

"And how did you know that?"

"There was a sign at the beach. Here, I can go back and show you,"

"No. I just want to get to this 'Repbulic' already."

Not long afterwards, the two trekkers came to a stop at what was most definitely a city. It had city walls and city gates and makeshift flags, all the things you would expect a city to have. You wouldn't go to an over glorified town without giant, fancy walls surrounding and concealing the buildings, would you? A simple glimpse suggested that the elevation of the buildings got higher the closer they were to the main castle. Neither Sweetie Belle nor Button Mash realised what this implied, because if they did, they would take an immediate dislike to this place.

The walls that surrounded the city were made out of a pattern of layered iron and smelted stone, with the former setting the lower foundations. The gate of the city, though to call it that would be an understatement, was bolted shut. For a lack of a better word, there was a vertical trench in the surface of the wall facing the path. Inside this trench was a single iron door at the left corner by the rest of the wall.

Button gave that door a knock. And then he gave several others, ignoring all notices placed on the extra space to the right. If he took the time to read them, as Sweetie did, he would realise that he was wasting his time.

City Curfew:

All residents

to be inside by

sunset.

No entry when

city is in lockdown at

night.

Daytime Law:

All weapons to

be confiscated

to toll guard.

Vandalism

(Day)

Punishable up

to ban from city.

Vandalism

(Night)

Bounty will be

set on offender

Vandalism is

defined as

griefing or

burglary

Sweetie Belle pointed out to a particular sign from the rest.

Button Mash let out a homogian swear. It looked like the city really was too good to be true. Unless the city is abandoned or something? Sweetie could just destroy the walls with her pickaxe. Considering how quiet everything was, this might —

"You won't have to break in." Or not. Button and Sweetie simultaneously jumped out up with a startle. As the two caught their bearings and their breath, they found a guard to be peeking through the iron door's window. "I can, like, just simply let you in."

"For what price?" Sweetie Belle asked. This was completely a bribe. If fiction had thought her anything, it was that guards were  extremely incompetent to the point of being those wind-up kitty toy that roved mindless around the floor, both waiting until their shifts ended. It was either that, or they were extremely capable at everything except being loyal.

"Prices? Aren't you two, like, the ambassadors?" The guard's voice, though masculine, had this squeak to it.

"What ambassa —" Sweetie Belle nudged Button and took over the role as the speaker. One that isn't completely and embarrassingly a fool.

"Yes... we... sure are the... ambassadors representing the...erm... place we were employed to represent as ambassadors." Sweetie stuttered. This was their only chance to get in and eating something. What she would give for a sweet cake, topped with cherries covered in a blanket of cozy white frosting. Those cherries must be so comfortable, sunken deep in sponge.

Oh, Sweetie Belle would prepare the cake herself. All she only had to fry the sponge and the dough, making sure the former was cleansed of soap, of course.

"If you're the ambassadors, than I am... well... erm... okay, give me a break. It's been a long night; I can't think of a joke. Look, ambassadors or not, I can just let you in if you asked," said the guard as he reached for something on the left.

"But the sign says —" Sweetie Belle tried to point out. Wasn't the rule obvious? Nopony entering the castle at night. It didn't say no exceptions, but the sign had made it's purpose rather clear. Another glimpse; it still said no entry.

"I know what the sign says. Jeez. No one really listens to it anyways, they normally just shout at me all night to let them in." Button stepped back as the iron door opened. "Woah, I didn't see you there little guy."

Now wasn't the time. Button let his frustration slide as he cringed at that blue maned imbecile's statement. He wasn't just a little, weak fool. The guard introduced himself as Shady Daze before he said he would escort Button and Sweetie to the castle.

Shady

I am just a lonely guard. Actually, scratch out the lonely part.

lonely

As a guard for the Republic, I don't get much outside contact. Yeah, who would've known that the guy that was employed solely to greet outsiders would find a lot of time for himself. It does give me some time to catch up on my reading, though it's the been the same book since who knows how long ago.

Tonight, however, was different. I was woken up by a loud knock at my station post window, followed by a couple more louder and more impatient ones. Probably shouldn't have written that I was sleeping on the job, but nobody ever checks these logs.

So I initially thought to myself that I had a zombie that needed to be dealt with, one that I could pretend was a friend of mine. I equipped myself with one with my iron sword and slowly tiptoed my way towards the window. To my surprise, or rather disappointment, I peaked out to see two ponies attempting to break into the city.

One filly and a colt. Even in the darkness of the night, sand and dirt were visible on their manes, and a fresh cut on the colt's face. Probably robbers or thieves, wait, those are they same things, aren't they? Despite warnings by Her Adviser not judge any outsiders by their appearances, for they could simply be insurgents sent by The Crusades, I began to have my doubts on whether the filly was a troublemaker for she looked too innocent. The colt, however, reassured me that detaining and arresting the two was probably the right move.

I hope they aren't too uncomfortable in the castle's holding calls. Does Diamond still do fair trials? Does it matter? The brown colt only realised that I was sending them to a call instead of a guest room when he began to make his first few steps down the basement so he had to be restrained.

As I was walking back to my post, I noted various security flaws. I am supposed to report them, right? Eh, I'll write them on a formal report tomorrow. The most concerning one to me was how the dungeon for outlaws are in the exact same castle as where Diamond does her business.

No, actually, the most concerning and prominent one was how my post was left unattended when I had to escort prisoners. They really should send me a partner. You think they'll let me pick? Actually, I won't report this one, because if they don't let me pick I might have to be stuck with Snails.

Why did I just suddenly notice this?

While I was gone, I came back to my table, expecting a full surface for my head to rest on 'till morning. I instead came back to see a frighting sight on my table. My own sword was crudely sticking out of it, and on the very tip of that was a letter.

Somepony had, dare I state the obvious, quite obviously snuck in when I was away. Yeah, I probably really should report this flow, because imagine one of the island's many griefers planting TNT while I was away. Wait, what if that had already happened?

Writing this, I realised I probably shouldn't have sat and read the letter as eagerly as I did, especially since I didn't even bother to check for bombs. Don't blame me: I am pretty bored.

Shady Daze,

For your eyes only. No other pony must know of our communications.

You might be unfamiliar with these (Don't worry, I am too. Writing these letters. What'd I look like, a mailmare?), but your services are being hired. What services? We (well, mostly they) have found a use for you. You're going to be our private detective.

You'll investigate the disappearance of Diamond Tiara. We suspect that the cause of disappearance is a kidnapping, we, however, have no evidence to back this up. Your in town contact will be Sweet Tooth, a baker on Carbon Street.

Your payment for this contract is very generous but will have to be discussed in person. We know that you're after a better, more interesting, life, and we can offer that. This is a big case. If you choose to reject this contract, we'll kill you. Nah, just kidding, we'll just be extremely disappointed.

Excuse the informal tone. I just think a boring letter like the one my cousin is asking you to write wouldn't work, you know?

I immediately ran to the castle.

Sure, not a single word of the letter seems true. I think I saw Diamond earlier, when I had to escort those strangers up. Wait, what if they're linked to any of these? What if whoever wrote this letter saw them and knew that they were kidnappers?

I mentally slapped myself as I dodged one of Twist's stray chickens. Why does she let them out at night? Why do I keep asking so many questions?

My hooves beat against the castle steps. Almost there. I opened the large hold doors and, to my surprise, Diamond Tiara really wasn't at her usual throne at the end of the court. I glanced frantically across the room.

There was no pony in sight. None of the other guards that were supposed to be at the door. Nothing. No, they probably were in some other part of the castle.

I galloped to the next possible place everypony could be at: the royal dining room. Like a passenger missing his train, I dashed through the sculpture made entirely of wool and over a railing, nearly slipping on the red and yellow carpet below me, before I slid straight into the archway leading to eating chambers.

Everypony's eyes were fixated towards me, frozen in whatever pose they were last doing. The range of ponies seated at the table seemed to stretch on, from higher ranking officers in my own unit to those in other units before eventually settling into ponies I really can't recognize from anywhere. I must have interrupted something important

I didn't see her. I did, however, see Sliver Spoon, her right hoofed assistant, stare at in a mix of both confusion and annoyance. "Can't you see that we're in the middle of something?" She lowered her glass from her mouth.

"Well, this is important?" I muttered out.

"You don't seem to think it is. Why are you wasting our time?" She seemed to be whispering apologies to the ponies around her. I have to admit, I really didn't think this through.

"Is Diamond Tiara, you know, missing or anything?" As eyebrows were raised and confused looks were exchanged, among each other and towards me, I realised that maybe wasn't the best thing to say. To my embarrassment, immediately after I said that, I got my answer.

"Why would I be missing?" That was Diamond Tiara and that voice was from behind me.

"Oh, n-no, I'm just—"

"Are you saying I should be gone? What, did you plan something?" She sure is quick to jump to conclusions.

"I'll just be going now, back to my post...bye," I said, as I backed away from Diamond's hard glare and towards the nearest possible exit, windows considered.

"No, please," Sliver said across the end of the room, "What do you mean? Why did you suddenly, like, run all the way up here to tell us that."

Diamond's grab on my shoulder felt cold, precise and just plain mean. Her height matched with mine, and I felt a little bit frightened by her eyes looking directly into mine. No too tall or too short. What's stopping me from revealing the letter? It'll be so simple. Yet, it told me not to do it.

In that spit moment, I had a crazy idea. An idea that would force me to say something I probably wouldn't say under even the most intense match of Truth and Dare or a bet or anything like that. Just so I won't have to mention a letter. I looked towards the table, specifically at Sliver.

"Because, well... I was... worried about her." Diamond's intimidating stare turned into one of pure confusion and surprise. "I just couldn't stop thinking about her, and the castle, and our kingdom. We just caught some ponies trying to sneak in. What if she was in danger?"

I heard a giggle from the dining table, followed by an array of laughter, and a very heavy blush on my checks. I think Sliver didn't buy it, though. I looked back to Diamond, expecting to see a look of half embarrassment and half anger, and the message of an early retirement.

Instead, I got something much worst. A hoof covering a gentle smile. Despite the sweat running down my head, I felt an unexplained need to laugh along.

"So, what about me keeps you up at night?" She's still smiling. Oh no.

"I... erm, I think I need to go. Now that I know that our princess is safe and everything." I walked as fast as I could out of that room, leaving Diamond behind. Maybe, no, hopefully she was even pretending to be flattered, like some sort of trap to make fun of me in front of a lot of people. Look on the bright side, Daze, at least you have the rest of the night to spend not being fired.

As I marched my way down, I bumped into something that pushed me with the force of a train, though probably not quite as deadly. I collected my bearings and, as I did so, I noticed an orange horn.

"Shady. I got important news!" What could be more important than how everypony in the castle, except for you because you were goofing off doing who knows what, thinks I like Diamond Tiara? "The bandits, the ones you sent earlier, are gone!"

"Let me guess, you forgot to lock the doors again?" Thankfully, that guy was only armed with a golden pickaxe.

"...Well... but... they're gone!"