Alimaniacs!

by iamthemithras

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Random, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy
Length: 3845

April 30, 2009 - Hasbro orchestrated a swift revival of the series of the show - My Little Pony. But for publicly unknown reasons, in the coming days Hasbro ultimately denied any knowledge and involvement in the show to this very day...

[size=0.75em]April 30, 2009 - The Hub, with a swift decision to revive series of Hasbro-owned franchises hired illustrators to begin work on the concept designs of the new generation of My Little Pony.[/size]
[size=0.75em]Using the "Alicorn" art template, the princess sisters, and the princess niece was first drawn. But suddenly, the show's scripted events and storyboards began changing on their own - specifically the parts involving the "Alicorns"[/size]
[size=0.75em]Days before airing time, the producers became confused at how different the first episode is than they originally planned. Baffled, they decided to scrap the show altogether and stored the hard drives containing the entire show in the My Little Pony warehouse along with denizens of unwanted toy ponies.[/size]

[size=0.75em]Hasbro denied any knowledge and involvement in the show to this very day…[/size]

[size=0.75em]… When a worker stumbled upon the hard drives…[/size]

Alimaniacs! cover made by zoarvek! and used with permission!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-08 19:50:03 UTC

Reality Check! Part 1

"... So... I start from the beginning? That's how it works right?"

"Of course. Please, proceed"

"Alright..."

It all started at my regular shift at work. I've been working as manual labor for this warehouse owned by Hasbro for I think around 2 months or so from now. It's a simple job, I load crates and packages to trucks and wherever I was told to move them. Really simple. Pays okay. Not much to complain about to be honest.

Around last week, we had an unusually large order for delivery. Everybody was working double time that day, five of us - one guy on the fork lift and three of us loading the stuff on the trucks while the other guy oversaw the delivery. There weren't a lot of us since it's not really a large warehouse but we sure felt we were undermanned.

While I was loading some of the boxes on the truck, I accidentally dropped one on the floor. The toys inside poured all over the floor from the box. Everyone looked at my direction.

"What the hell happened?" The overseer approached while I instinctively crouched to clean up the mess "You didn't taped down the box first?!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" As soon as I turned the box upright, I lined up the toys inside so I can neatly place the others on the floor in. I felt everyone just shook their head at me as I turned to the toys spread around the floor.

They were all girly toy ponies inside their plastic boxes. I'm actually glad that I at least don't see myself carry these things around thanks to their packaging. I placed them one by one inside the cardboard box as fast as I could, not wanting to waste any more time. That's when I found a hard drive underneath the toys.

I was shocked. We were delivering toys and school supplies and the likes so what's a hard drive doing inside one of these boxes? I picked it up. It was the regular kind, the one you could use for a desktop PC which makes even less sense when I thought about it.

I looked around to the other guys. Everyone was too busy working to notice me. I have a working desktop at home that I could use that hard-drive with. Granted I would most likely be fired if somebody caught me stealing it but the temptation was just too hard to bear and everyone wasn't looking so... I hid the hard-drive in my pocket. Stupid I know, but nobody's bound to notice anyway and if they did it's not like they'll figure out that I took it from the package.

After work was done I headed straight to my computer as soon as I opened the door of my apartment. The CPU was beside foot level while the monitor along with the keyboard and mouse were all on top of the computer table. I don't bother to cover the CPU's casing since ventilation would be better without it and cleaning it would be a lot easier to do. I reached for my screwdriver inside one of the drawers of the table and took out of my hard disk and replaced the one I found from work. As soon as I connected it in place, I booted up the computer and flung my attention straight to the monitor.

A beep and the sound of the fan turned on. A blinking cursor lingered for a few seconds at the top-left corner of the screen. It disappeared to reveal the Windows XP loading screen.

"Huh... really"

I was actually surprised that the hard drive actually worked. Which brought up even more questions, piquing my curiosity even more. The monitor washed out with a blue background over an italic text around the center and the lower right corner - 'WELCOME'. A familiar chime beamed through the speakers of my computer to reveal an equally familiar desktop wallpaper- the generic green valley pre-installed on every Windows XP PCs; The wallpaper of choice of people too lazy to find one on the internet.

The desktop looked clean, being hardly populated with icons. The Recycle Bin is at the lower right edge of the screen while the My Computer icon is at the top right edge of the screen joined with several other icons all lined up in one column. Pretty basic stuff actually. An old version of Microsoft Office was installed just by the looks of the MS Word icon - The 1997 version. Cheap people. Below the Word and Excel icon were two folders from top to bottom labeled 'Jun.5.2009.G4' and 'art' along with a video file named 'pilot.mpg'. The first thing I did was double-click the video file, Windows Media Player popped up and started playing the video in no time.

The image of a hot-air balloon descending from the clouds appeared on the player while a voice of a woman sang two sentences of 'My Little Pony... My Little Pony...'. That's the name of the toys I dropped earlier in the day. Hasbro owned the warehouse and the toys if I remember it correctly. All of a sudden, the voice broke into a song at the video. It was a bit confusing to watch, there's a train that passed by in front of something that looks like a village while the balloon from earlier dropped down to the scene.

... There was nothing there aside from the music playing and the scene changing from a barn to a bakery to other sort of cartoon places. Then the song sounded like it was ending with the words 'Friend...' lingering at what I assume is the logo of My Little Pony. The words 'Everything isn't scripted' remained on the pink screen for a few seconds before it faded into black... Then nothing. The screen just remained black for about 10 seconds or so. I skipped the video to other parts but there was still this black screen on it. I finally closed the file. Probably some unfinished animation or something.

Then I opened the Jun.5 folder next. A window popped out with image files of what looks to be some comics, only without speech bubbles - storyboards more likely.The characters are all... unicorns with large wings - three of them, doing what could fathom some kind of dance continuing through the different image files as I scrolled down the window. It was kind of neat to look at...

I closed the window and opened the 'art' folder next. Inside were only three PNG images of unicorns standing sideways facing left; one white, one purple, and one pink. They were wearing these crowns and had really large wings for comfort. I stopped and gazed on the screen for a while, wondering what else the disk have inside. It was obvious that this came from some animator's computer, or at least that's what I could fathom at the moment.

Before I could hover my mouse to close the window I thought I saw one of the image files move. My eyes centered on the preview picture of the white unicorn - the picture changed to its head looking and smiling directly at me. Before my eyebrows could meet, the unicorns just leaped out from their preview images and started bouncing all over the window! It was all too fast - The white unicorn took a bite out of one of the now-blank pictures and spitted it out while the pink one just slammed a giant hammer at the violet one!

"What the..."

I felt my body getting cold and my heartbeat became audible to me - all while the pink unicorn somersaulted into a ring held by the white one made from some the text under the images. My eyes turned to the violet unicorn, it took aaway some letters from the menu bar, the side window and the image files and rearranged them into a sentence '!elif oediv eht nepO'

".. What?"

The white one approached the violet horse and shook its head then rearranged the letters itself.

"... 'Open the video file!'...?"

The three unicorns all nodded at me and leaped out from the window into the desktop and went inside the video file. My face just froze. What the hell am I seeing?! I don't do drugs - I don't even drink! So, what am I seeing?

I was really reluctant to open it. Really really reluctant and scared out of my wits but I figured I might as well do it. I hovered the mouse cursor on the file and double clicked it

The media player popped out. The hot-air balloon appeared again on the screen but this time the three unicorns were riding it. The female voice still sang 'My little pony.. My little pony...'. The unicorns were waving their hooves at me as the song rose to a crescendo of 'AH's

"WE.ARE.THE-AAAAALIMAAANIACS!"

I jumped to my seat when they invaded the ENTIRE screen

"AND.WE'RE.MAAAAGIC TOO THE MAX!"

They started teleporting everywhere on the desktop - the violet unicorn's head started spinning while the pink one slid down the hill on the wallpaper. I could tell it was them singing the song that's playing now through my speakers. They sound just like grown women - I have to admit they have beautiful voices and the song is kinda catchy but I was still creeped out by what's happening. I reached my hand down to the power button on the CPU, before I could press it the unicorns just came out of my screen!

"HELLO!"

Before I could scream they gave me a kiss - all three of them - at the same time! It tried to spit out their saliva as soon as they released me. With the scent of hay and oats still fresh in my mouth, I shivered with the thought that my first kiss came from horses. Oh my god, it's going to be awkward to reminisce in the future...

I turned to my left and saw the three horses towering exactly next to me in my room. I darted my head to the monitor and then back at them. True enough - They came out from the computer and is standing right beside me, smiling like it ain't no thing.

"...W-Who... Who are you?!"

The white horse and the violet one held a hoof to themselves "Weee're the Princess Sisters!"

"And the Princess Niece!" The pink one followed after the two.

With my relaxed composure and strong mind I was able to take the events happening at that moment rather nicely. I conversed to them comprehensively - my words coming out with fluent tone "P-P-P-P-P-PRI--PRINCESS?!"

"EEEYUP! We're P-P-P-P-P-PRI-PRINCESSES!" The white equine larger than the other two wrapped its hoof around my shoulder "By the way, thanks a lot for freeing us. Life's hard inside a hard drive"

Once again, I responded without distraught "F-F-F-FREE?!"

"You betcha! We've been cooped inside there for around..." The white unicorn glanced at the monitor then back at me "3 to 4 years. We owe our freedom to you, sir..." She lowered her head "Hey, what is your name?"

I answered her question without fail "U-U-U-UH-UH-UH-UHHH--"

"Very well then!" She pushed me out of my seat and I fell to the floor on one knee. Before I could stand I felt it tap its horn on my right shoulder "By the power invested in us, we knight thee - Sir U-U-U-UHH! Your parents must love you very much, if I may say"

I backed away from them and kindly asked them what is going on "WHAT ARE YOU?! WHAT ARE YOU D-DOING HERE?! WHAT DID I DO--HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE COMPUTER?!-WHAT?! WHAT?!"

"Sheesh, so many questions Sir UH! You don't see us asking you why you have that name. Hmm, mayhap your parents were late 70's people?"

"That's not my name!" I stood up "What are you horses really! Why can you talk?! What a--WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

"Why, good knight! That's no way to address your highnesses!" The white horse brushed off her hoof to me "But very well then, we shall show leniency to your act of ignorance. After all, we owe you our freedom"

"Freedom from what?!"

"You need to relax kid" I turned my head to the voice and saw the pink unicorn behind me "It's not like we're going to hurt you"

"Yeah that's Luna's job" The white unicorn pointed her hoof to the violet one - its tongue sticking out at looking at me with blank eyes "FABOOooo"

"...Luna?"

"Yep! This is Luna. Sibling. Specialty: Mallets!"

Luna immediately pulled out a giant mallet and motioned to crush me with it, then the white unicorn swiped it from her

"Not now Luna" The white unicorn placed the mallet back wherever it came "That's Cadence behind you"

"Glass of water?" A blush pink hoof extended to me carrying a half-full glass of water. The princess offering it glowed with radiant beauty, the water sparkled almost complimenting her grace.

"Uh-h-hh -- Thanks" I took the glass and sipped it slowly while her ravishing eyes gleamed at me. I savored the blessed tap water offered to me as I stood bewitched by her beauty and --w-wait -hold on a minute---uh.. I mean, uh.. uh... "Uh... so, CADENCE, huh?"

"Yep. Princess Mi Amore Cadenza Las Guitarras Electricas De Rock Tocando Mientras Juegas Conmigo Mismo Y Hi Si Hablan Español La Primera Cortana Papaya Walnut" she neared her head to me "But call me Cadie - and you're dead"

I gulped

"Cadence. Niece. Specialty: Cuteness. AND ME - CELESTIA. YOUR HIGHNESS. SPECIALTY: FOUR PADDLEBALLS AT ONCE!" I turned and saw Celestia sitting and playing four paddleballs with her hooves

I placed my hands on my head "... I'm insane!"

"Tell me about it, how could you not find this so awesome?" She continued playing with the balls "Do you find this enticing?" she wiggled her eyebrows

"Ugh. What's going on? What are you.. What are you doing here?!"

"I just answered that"

"What?... Wait... NO you didn't!"

"I'm paddling balls!" Celestia, Luna, and Cadence just smiled at me

".... Okay, get out of my apartment" I tried to push them all out to the door "Get out of here! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Next thing I know my apartment door slammed shut behind me "WHAT?" I barraged the door with my fist "HEY! LET ME IN!"

"What's the passwoooord?" The voice of Celestia tauntingly echoed inside

"What? Password?... But this is my apartment!"

"Wrong!"

"But-What's the password?!" I tried to twist the knob and again slammed the door with my fist "HEY! WHAT'S THE PASSWORD?!"

"Don't be silly, I can't tell you that the password is cornflakes"

"... What? Cornflakes?"

"Yeah, I can't tell you. Sorry"

I knocked on the door again

"What's the password?"

"Cornflakes"

"EEEHH - Wrong!"

"What?! You just told me that's the password!"

"We didn't like it so we changed it"

"... Then's what the new password?"

Celestia kept silent for a few seconds before she continued "Hmm. You know what, I don't remember. Let me join you and we'll ask the girls together" She stepped opened the door and locked us both out. Then she started knocking on the door

"What are you doing?"

She nonchalantly turned her head to me "Asking them the password"

"Why didn't you just let me in?!"

"You didn't get the password right" And with that, she then returned on knocking on my door. all while my left eyebrow tried to escape my face.

Suddenly the sound of someone else's voice came from behind the door "What's the password?"

Celestia shrugged "I forgot, I was going to ask you what it was again"

"Isn't it cornflakes?"

"We changed it"

"Ohh...." The voice paused for a moment "I forgot. Let's ask Luna"

"Okay"

Cadence walked out the apartment and locked the door behind her. Together, the combined forces of Celestia and Cadence tried to get word from Luna as they both take turns at knocking at the door. I turned to the other way, defeated, letting my legs carry me to wherever cruel fate will carry me to. And it did, for no sooner had I stumbled upon my landlord.

"RENT?"

Never before had I been happier to see his fugly face. This cheap son of a witch just won't take next week for an answer, but I smiled with the thought that I at least have a connection with the harsh reality that is of real life no matter how faint.

"Listen man! You've gotta come with me - There are UNICORNS in my apartment! They're driving me crazy! I need your help!"

His confused face was enough sum up everything he's feeling at the moment, but of course he must say something to a somewhat intelligent degree "... what?"

"UNICORNS! In apartment!' I shook his shoulders, thinking that I could beat some sense into him "Trashing everything! Making jokes! CAME OUT OF MY COMPUTER!"

"... What?"

I released him from my grasp and rushed my way outside the building. I heard the landlord say 'RENT?' as I descend down the stairs on my way to figurative and literal freedom.

I opened the door, everyone went about their way like always ignorant of the woe that I have come to unwittingly unleash upon this world. Desperate to warn everyone of the unicorns, I approached the hotdog vendor a few steps from the door

"Hey man, how many will it be?"

I had no time to eat some hotdogs, my mind was purely set to the dangers we are soon to experience

"Dude... I don't know how to say this..."

The hotdog vendor guy, who I have known for quite some time since he's always near my apartment, scrunched his eyebrows as I relayed the vital information to him

"But, there are unicorns that just came out of my computer"

He paused. I raised my palms to him in an effort to assure him "You have to believe me. Dude.. I don't know what to do"

He slowly nodded his head to me, his lips moved weakly on his deadpan face "Right..."

"You don't believe me"

"Uh... Look man, I really don't know what to say"

"Look" I pointed to my apartment "They're in my apartment! I'll show you"

At this point he slowly took some steps away from me

"They're there! I'm not crazy!"

Then it hit me. I'm not crazy. I looked back to the door and found myself slowly entering the building once more, then quickly back upstairs to my room. The sound of heavy footsteps echoed until I reached the corridor of my floor. There were no signs of the unicorns. I walked back to my room, the door still closed from me. I reached for the knob, the handle relented as I twist it open.

I opened the door to reveal my room in pristine condition, as if the unicorns didn't appear at my place at all. I slowly trudged in, my eyes darted to every corner in disbelief and confusion. My computer looked just like how I have left it - or rather how Celestia pushed me off from.

"BOINKY! BOINKY! BOINKY! BOINKY!"

I turned to the direction of the sounds of childlike voices and my bed squeaking inside my room. As soon as I entered the room I saw exactly that. Celestia and Luna - of all things - were jumping like crazy kids on my bed.

"HEY! STOP THAT!" I screamed because I was scared my bed would give in to the weight of these two really large horses "SERIOUSLY, IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA TO DO THAT ON MY BED!"

The two horses stopped in mid-air -- in mid air! Celestia slowly turned her head to me like she just found out about a real inconvenient truth "You mean, you... frequent a lot here?"

... frequent? "Uh..."

"EEEWWWWWW!!!!!" They instantly landed back on the floor on the side of the bed like some cartoon effect. Both of them were trembling and making disgusted faces "EWW! EWW! EWW! EWW! EWW!"

"What t- Ay- OH COME ON! Everybody does it!... you know, sometimes...." once in a while. every day. when you wake up. and come back home. after watching on the internet. before you sleep. twice. maybe.

"You are a disgusting individual, Sir Uh. And i'm the one who makes these kind of jokes, so I know disgusting"

"We need a shower..." Luna reached for... something and pulled out a bathtub complete with shower curtains out of her... rear... look, i'm having a hard time explaining this in a safe-for-work way.

Maybe it's because at that instant, I heard something break somewhere in my apartment. I went out and saw Cadence standing before a lot of broken ceramic.

"Oh my god... WHAT DID YOU DO?!" I took a step toward the nervous unicorn and the remains of what used to be "MY MOM'S VASE!" I placed my hands on my head "... That vase is... very very special..."

I felt my heart rising as I took deep breaths. I turned from the sight of the broken vase to Cadence with soul-burning eyes-

"... guh..."

In The Beginning...

April 30, 2009 - Toy manufacturer and media company Hasbro (who you may know) announced they would be forming a joint venture (good night, everypony!) with Discovery Communications (who you may also know) to create a new and supposedly family oriented television channel to replace Discovery's existing channel: Discovery Kids. (which you may have known of)

January of the following year, Discovery and Hasbro announced that the consummate network (teehee) will be known as The Hub, and was later changed to Hub Network (which you may know of). With Discovery in charge of sales and advertising and Hasbro with programming, plans called for new and original programs based off Hasbro owned franchises such as Transformers, G.I. Joe, and My Little Pony took off. (now you know how)

Concept designs for My Little Pony started. Soon, the 'Alicorn' template gave birth (mwaah!) to the Princess Sisters Celestia and Luna and brought life to the project. Literally. (because saying that 'Literally' adds depth so the reader would get how heavy the situation is)

Scripted shots and storyboards began changing on their own, baffling everypony working for the parent company. (ahem) Suddenly from the same template - Cadence, the Alicorn niece was conceived much to the chagrin of The Hub, contributing to the chaos

Seeing how different the episodes are from what they planned, Hasbro decided to scrap the show altogether and cancel production. The Hard-drives containing all their material and work were all dumped at the My Little Pony warehouse.

As you may have guessed, Hasbro denied any knowledge or involvement with the show to this very day...

... When somepony stumbled upon the disks.

And that's how Equestria was made.

(Now you know)

IT'S TIME FOR AAAALIMAAANIACS!!