Safety Regulations

by JumpingShinyFrogs

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Random, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 3255

Candle Light, an alicorn safety inspector, is sent to Ponyville to check on the fire safety regulations. Misunderstandings and shenanigans ensue.

Candle Light, a safety inspector from the alicorn homeland, is sent to Ponyville on an important mission to assess Princess Twilight's fire safety regulations.

Pinkie Pie gets the wrong impression.

Hilarity ensues.

This story was written as part of a Rage Reviews contest to see who could write the best story featuring a red-and-black alicorn OC as the protagonist.

Adorable cover art by Enderstorm!

Published 2014-02-09 20:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-13 13:14:42 UTC

1- Candle Light's Mission

Candle Light hummed a tune to herself as she packed a saddle bag. In it, she placed a roll of parchment, a quill, a very safely contained dragonfire candle, and her favourite fire extinguisher, Joe.

She paused to look at the wonder that was Joe. She thought of using him, his wonderful carbon dioxide spreading to put out any fire. She stroked his magnificent shiny red plating with a hoof, polishing it until it reflected the light of the horrible fires he would seek out and destroy. She soon found herself drooling, thinking about such an extraordinary specimen of a fire extinguisher.

"Uh, miss, are you ok?" asked a sky blue alicorn stallion.

Candle Light jumped into the air with a squeal and fumbled with Joe for a moment, throwing him in the air before catching him in her minty green magic. "Uh, yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking," she said quickly.

The stallion shrugged. Candle Light was slightly off the deep end and he knew it. Everyone knew it. The black-coated alicorn was obsessed with fire extinguishers, to the point where she did things like this.

"Are you ready to go?" asked the stallion.

"Yes, I am," answered Candle Light.

Candle slipped her saddlebags on and followed the stallion outside. Three alicorn engineers were stoking up a hot air balloon.

"Now, is this balloon secured against the possibility of a fire?" asked Candle.

"Yes, Miss Light," droned the engineers.

Candle climbed aboard for an inspection. "Aha!" she exclaimed, "This balloon is clearly not secured, for you see, the flame is not contained properly! If the wind were to blow in the wrong direction the entire thing could go on fire! Fix it at once!"

The three engineers groaned and facehoofed, before a chalky white mare spoke up, "Miss Light, we've told you before. We can't contain the flame because that would deprive it of oxygen and therefore it would go out and the balloon wouldn't fly."

Candle huffed and stuck her muzzle in the air. "Fine," she said, "but when this catches on fire and kills me, I'll come back as a ghost to say 'I told you so'."

One engineer muttered under her breath, "I hope it does kill you..."

Candle reluctantly hopped into the basket. An engineer untied the rope and flapped his wings to set the balloon in the right direction. Candle waved back with a smile on her face, while the engineers turned away with a grimace.

"What do you mean, an inspector?" asked Twilight Sparkle, sitting on a cushion facing the regal sun princess.

"Exactly that. A fire safety inspector," said Celestia, sipping a cup of tea.

"But why is she coming to Ponyville?" asked Twilight. "I mean, I know fire safety is important, but still. And from the letter you showed me, I don't think she's very...sound, if you know what I mean."

"Twilight, some of the alicorns from my homeland are...odd, to say the least. This inspector is just another strange face. Just tell her what she wants to hear, and you'll be fine. Who knows, maybe you'll make friends with her?"

Twilight's face brightened at the thought of a new friend. "I guess it won't be so bad, then. I'll try my best to please her, Princess."

"That's good to hear," said Celestia.

The two chattered aimlessly for a while, until Princess Celestia had to leave.

Twilight set about reorganising her books, and settled down with a novel. The inspector will be here tomorrow, she thought.

I hope she isn't too crazy...

Candle Light yawned after a long nap in a grassy park. She stretched her wings and gave them a few experimental flaps. She had docked her balloon to be cared for in the town of Hoofington. She would fly the rest of the way.

She spread her wings, leapt into the air and took off. Ponies gave her odd looks as she glided above them, her dark red mane flapping in the wind. She soon found herself regretting her lack of fitness. I should look at that. It could cause problems if there was a fire, she thought.

Still, she persevered. About an hour and a half later, she found herself soaring above a small, quaint town. She stalled for a moment, looking for the library, where the town's resident princess lived. She couldn't find it.

Candle descended, and looked at the ponies wandering around. Some had stopped briefly to stare at her. It probably wasn't every day that a red and black alicorn decided to land in the square. Still, most of the ponies just shrugged and went about their business after a minute.

Candle turned, looking for somepony who could help her find the library. She saw a pink earth pony with a darker pink mane bouncing around near an apple stand run by an orange earth pony mare. Candle decided to ask the pink pony, who seemed to be friendly enough to say hello to random ponies passing her.

"Hello," said Candle, approaching the pink mare.

The pink mare turned around. She stood still for a moment before suddenly leaping into the air and giving loud gasp. She bolted away before Candle could do anything to stop her.

"Was it something I said?" said Candle to herself.

A chuckle came from the direction of the apple stand. Candle turned and saw the orange mare was laughing.

"Don't you worry yerself none," drawled the mare in a thick accent. "That's just Pinkie Pie bein' Pinkie Pie. She loves meetin' new faces. Ya can expect a party ta come right outta nowhere later, so ya'd better prepare yerself. Ah'm Applejack. What's yer name?"

"My name is Candle Light. I'm looking for the library. Do you know where it is?" asked Candle.

"Sure ah do," said Applejack. "It's on the edge o' town over yonder—" she gestured with a hoof ”—in a huge tree. Ya can't miss it."

"A tree!?" exclaimed Candle, becoming alert. She levitated Joe from her saddlebags.

"Uh, why do ya have that there fire extinguisher?" asked Applejack, a puzzled expression on her face.

"Because, my dear Applejack," said Candle, "your town's princess is living in terribly unsafe conditions. Why, her tree could catch on fire at any moment! I must help her to see the light, and become more aware of the dangers that come from living in such a wooded environment. I must go immediately!"

With that, Candle took off, leaving a very perplexed Applejack behind.

Candle soon came to the library. She landed in front of the door and knocked on said door.

After a moment, a lavender alicorn with an indigo mane opened the door.

"Hello! You must be the safety inspector," said the alicorn.

"Indeed, I am," said Candle.

"I'm Twilight Sparkle. Please, come in," said Twilight.

Candle followed Twilight inside. A small purple dragon passed her, carrying a bundle of scrolls. "Hey," he said with a casual nod.

He turned to Twilight. "Hey, Twilight, where do you want me to put these—achoo!" The dragon sneezed, sending a flicker of green flame into the air.

Candle Light stiffened. Her horn lit with its minty green aura.

The dragon rubbed his nose. "Sorry. Anyway, where do you want me to put these scrolls?" he asked.

"Just over on the shelf by the fireplace, Spike," said Twilight.

Candle nearly fainted. "You, living in a tree, which is made of flammable wood, and filled with flammable books, have a fireplace?" she asked, incredulous. "And what's more, you have a fire-sneezing dragon living with you? Have you no respect for the almighty laws of fire safety?"

Twilight regarded Candle with an odd expression. "Uh, yes? We have a fireplace. It gets cold here at night, you know. I think you may be overreacting, Miss..."

"Candle Light."

"Right. Well, like I said, I think you may be overreacting just a little bit, Miss Candle Light. The fireplace is made of stone, after all, and the hearth is fairly big. I don't think it's too dangerous. And as for Spike, his fire isn't particularly hot," said Twilight.

Candle wasn't listening. She had brought out Joe once more, and was waving him in Twilight's face.

"Do you see this exquisite specimen of a fire extinguisher? His name is Joe. And looking around, I cannot see a single one of his brethren, when you have a very good reason to have at least twenty of his fellow extinguishers. You, Princess Sparkle, are well on the way to failing this inspection. And if you do fail...so help me Celestia, there will be consequences," said Candle Light, her voice dark and sinister.

Twilight and Spike just stared at Candle as though she had grown an extra head.

Meanwhile, outside the library, Pinkie Pie was furious.

"That mean old safety inspector! She thinks that she can just walk in there and tell Twilight what to do! And then she threatens to hurt Twilight! She won't get away with this."

And so, Pinkie Pie stomped away from the window, her face set in a frown. She had plans for how to make the inspector pay, indeed, the most terrible of plans, but she couldn't do it alone...

Author's Note

For those of you who are going 'ZOMG RED AND BLACK ALICORN U ARE THE WORST AUTHOR EVAR!!!!1' I would have made a Candle Light a different colour, and not an alicorn, but a requirement of the contest was that the protagonist be a red and black alicorn.

If this wasn't written for a contest, I probably would have made her a unicorn.

As a side note, this story has been mostly pre written and I also have a deadline, so the famous JumpingShinyFrogs delays shouldn't be present here.

2- Pranks and Problems

"Hey Dashie!"

Rainbow Dash woke with a start. Narrowly avoiding falling off her cloud, she yawned and stretched her wings. She looked down at Pinkie Pie, who looked happy as usual, but not quite as happy as she normally did.

Rainbow descended to meet her friend. "Hi Pinkie. Why'd you wake me up?"

"I need your help! It's super duper important!" said Pinkie.

"Uh, ok? I'll help. What do you need me for?" asked Rainbow.

"There's a mean old alicorn being mean to Twilight! I need your help to teach her a lesson!" said Pinkie.

"Mean? What was she doing?" asked Rainbow.

"She just went into Twilight's library and started bossing her about and complaining! And then she threatened to make Celestia come after Twilight!" said Pinkie.

"Are you sure that's what she said?" asked Rainbow, an eyebrow raised in suspicion.

"I'm more than sure! I'm one hundred and infinity percent sure!"

"Alright then..." said Rainbow slowly. "What do you want me to do about her?"

"I need you to help me teach her a lesson...Pinkie Pie style!" said Pinkie, donning a terrible and cunning moustache.

"And that would be...?" asked Rainbow.

"Pranking her, of course!" said Pinkie.

Rainbow visibly relaxed. "Is that all? I guess I'm always up for pranks."

Pinkie Pie constricted Rainbow Dash in a crushing hug. "Yay! That alicorn is really going to regret bullying Twilight when we're through with her!"

Rainbow pushed Pinkie off of herself and took a deep breath. "Ok, ok, no more hugs, alright? So, what's first on the list of pranks you probably have made?" she asked.

Pinkie produced a checklist from out of nowhere. "Well, because she's an alicorn, and all the alicorns are princesses, and her mane is red and her cutie mark is a candle, I've deduced that she must be the Princess of Fire!"

Rainbow gave Pinkie a skeptical look. "Uh-huh. And I suppose these are the same amazing skills of deduction that led to you assuming that Doughnut Joe was a spy," said Rainbow Dash sarcastically.

"Exactly! So, because she's the Princess of Fire, then logically, she hates water! So, this is what we're going to do..."

Twilight felt as though her head was going to explode. Candle Light had not stopped talking since she went on her first rant. Twilight was sure that if she heard the words 'fire safety' one more time that she would surely buck the rude inspector in the face.

"...and that's why kettles are dangerous and should be illegal," finished Candle. "Have you been listening?"

"Uh, yeah, sure," said Twilight.

"Good. Now then, take me on a tour around the rest of your town. I want to see what other safety hazards you've created in this burning ring of fire," said Candle.

"Well buck you too..." swore Twilight under her breath.

Twilight led the inspector out of the door. The pair walked for a short while, passing some of Ponyville's many residents.

"So, where do you want to inspect—" Twilight articulated the word as condescendingly as she could "—first? I suggest Carousel Boutique or Sugarcube Corner. They're relatively close to here."

"Take me to this 'Carousel Boutique'. Fashion stores are always flaming disasters, both in style and safety."

So Twilight led the way to the boutique. Suddenly, a torrent of rain began to fall on Candle, and only Candle. It somehow missed Twilight, and the surrounding area. Twilight looked on with a confused expression.

Soon the deluge stopped, and a very wet Candle stood dripping. She looked up and Twilight followed suit. Sitting on a cloud directly above Candle was Rainbow Dash, who was wearing an expression that was some strange hybrid of laughter and puzzlement.

"Rainbow! I told you already that that's not funny!" scolded Twilight.

"Leave her be, Princess Sparkle," said Candle, placing a hoof in front of Twilight's mouth.

"Your rain kicking skills are admirable! But I'd recommend keeping your clouds cooler. If you were trying to stop a fire, you'd need cold water. But still, you showed a great skill in focusing the rain, and for that, I applaud you," said Candle amiably. "But, next time, maybe choose a different target for your fire drill, ok?"

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth, thought better of it, grabbed the cloud and pushed it away.

Twilight too looked on in shock.

"Ah, today's youth. So eager to perform safety drills. When I was a filly, nopony but me had any respect for safety. And even I, loathe as I am to admit it, had no interest until that fateful day." Candle's eyes glazed over. It was clear to Twilight that she was on a nostalgia trip.

Shrugging, Twilight kept walking, taking the nostalgic inspector with her.

By the time they reached Carousel Boutique, Candle had unfortunately gone back into grumpy mode. Twilight knocked on the door once and entered.

"Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique," called the sing-song voice of Rarity.

"It's me, Rarity. And I brought a guest with me," said Twilight.

Three exuberant filles came running downstairs, and skidded to a halt just in front of Twilight.

"Ooh! Rarity, can I serve the customers this time?" squeaked Sweetie Belle.

"We can be Cutie Mark Crusaders Customer Service Mares!" shouted Scootaloo.

"Calm down, girls. We don't know what Twilight's guest wants, now do we?" said Rarity, walking out with a spool in tow.

The three fillies looked at Candle, then at each other and converged into a huddle.

Rarity rolled her eyes. "I swear, those three will end up destroying Ponyville someday. So, Twilight, will you introduce me to your friend?"

Twilight winced at the label of 'your friend' being applied to Candle Light. "This is Miss Candle Light. She's a safety inspector. She wants to check your fire safety regulations."

Candle was hyperventilating, her eyes squeezed shut. "Oh, the amount of problems I saw in a single glance makes me want to be sick," she moaned.

Rarity gave a small, polite cough. "What's wrong, dear? Would you like some water?"

Candle opened her eyes. "Yes, but not before you get a stern lecture on safety regulations. Problem one: you have only one exit. What if a fire broke out and cut you off from the door? Problem two: your windows are too small to be used as escape routes. Problem three: I can't see any fire extinguishers anywhere! This is just terrible! Flaws like these should be against building codes," she said.

She turned to Twilight. "You're doing a horrible job at this. You should outlaw these kinds of building errors."

Rarity stared straight ahead, her mouth open, and a tic in her eye. Twilight looked red in the face, her teeth ground up against each other.

Unbeknownst to them, a different set of eyes was watching, and it was not happy.

"How dare she be so mean to Rarity and Twilight?" asked Pinkie, stomping up and down.

"We'll, to be honest, she did make a few fair points—" Rainbow started to say, before a glare from Pinkie silenced her.

"And why didn't the cloud work? That should have scared her enough to leave!" shouted Pinkie.

"Quiet, they'll hear us," Rainbow shushed her.

"That inspector is crazy though. She congratulated me on fire drills or something. I flew away before she could figure out it was a prank," said Rainbow.

"Well, there's plenty more where that came from..." said Pinkie evilly, once more donning her moustache

As Twilight and Candle left Carousel Boutique, Twilight decided she needed to have stern words with Candle.

"Miss Light, that was completely uncalled for!"

"I was only doing my job," said Candle.

"That's no reason to insult Rarity's building structure," said Twilight, barely biting back her rage.

"That's my job, Princess Sparkle. To tell ponies what's wrong with their building regulations so they can fix it," reasoned Candle.

"And then you insulted her dresses and called her little sister a fire waiting to happen!"

"Princess Sparkle. It's. My. Job," said Candle Light, punctuating each word by narrowing her eyes more.

Twilight sighed in exasperation. "I give up," she said.

Crack!

Candle jumped three feet in the air with a screech, her wings locked to her sides. She landed in a similar manner to Fluttershy's fainting position; stiffened, on her side.

Twilight jumped slightly. She saw a smouldering scorch mark on the ground behind the safety inspector. She glared upwards at the sound of laughter from the storm cloud.

"Rainbow Dash! That's not funny!"

"Are you sure?" asked Rainbow, in between bursts of laughter, "Cause I think it is!"

Candle got up. A fire had lit in her eyes. She looked upwards at Rainbow Dash. Rainbow stopped laughing.

"That was terrible! Don't you know anything about storms? For a mare with a lightning bolt on her flank, you're surprisingly incompetent at wielding them. Never, ever kick a storm cloud at a low altitude! You could hit somepony, or worse, start a fire!" exclaimed Candle.

"Uh...sorry?" offered Rainbow Dash, flying away before Candle Light could get even angrier.

"Your town has an unpredictable weather schedule," Candle grumbled.

Twilight couldn't hide her smirk, so she turned her head away.

"It didn't work again! What are we going to do, Dashie?" asked Pinkie, wearing her cunning hay bale disguise.

"Give up?" suggested Rainbow Dash.

Pinkie gasped. "Never!"

"Besides," she said, "I have a new plan...and it's my best one yet!"

"And that would be...?" asked Rainbow Dash, waving her hoof in a circular motion.

"Hee hee!" laughed Pinkie evilly. "Can you find the Cutie Mark Crusaders for me?"

Author's Note

This story is fun to write :pinkiesmile: