"Hey there Twi. I just wanted to stop by. Mind if we talk for a bit?" I know the headstone isn't going to respond, but there's something about talking to it that puts me at ease. It's been three months since her passing, but I'm still not sure if I'm ready to move on.
"I'm starting to get used to living without you. I don't really want to, but like you kept telling me, I'll never be happy if I dwell on what I don't have anymore."
I continue to stare at her grave. I kneel down and wipe the leaves away from it.
"There we go. See? Just because you're gone doesn't mean I can't carry out my duties as your Number One Assistant."
I let out a sad chuckle. I can feel the tears welling in my eyes. I know she won't mind if I let them out, so I do. I don't care that I'm a dragon, she showed me that it's okay to feel my emotions.
"Hey, Spike."
I'm startled by the voice, but I immediately recognize it as Rainbow Dash.
"Hey, Dash. You come to say hi as well?"
"Not much other reason for me to be in this cemetery."
"Yeah..."
Neither of us really know what to say. It's been hard living without her. Not just for me, but for all of Ponyville. She had a bigger impact than she ever realized. I'm sure she knows now.
"Think the Goddess gave her a nice place?" Rainbow asks absentmindedly. I can see her own tears welling as she stares at Twilight's grave.
"I hope so. She helped save Equestria from unspeakable evil twice. If anypony deserves it, it's her." I respond.
"Knowing her, she probably chose Heaven's library." Rainbow jokes with a sad chuckle. I let myself laugh at her comment.
"More than likely." I respond. I pull an apple out of my bag and munch on it. "As long as I get to share the space with her again someday, I really don't care where she is up there."
"Yeah..." Rainbow can't seem to think of anything else to add to the conversation, so she rests a hoof on the headstone. I find it funny how much Rainbow changed since Twilight fell ill. Then again, everypony has changed since then. Without realizing it, I began to think back to what led me to where I am today...
Three months earlier...
"Twilight, are you sure you're okay?" I ask. She's been having more and more difficulty getting around lately. I've begun to notice that she is even starting to have difficulty getting out of bed during the last few months. Our friends are taking notice too, but none of them want to say anything. I keep telling her to go to the doctor, but she's too stubborn to give in. It doesn't surprise me in the slightest, but I sure don't like it any better.
"Yes Spike, I'm fine. There's no sense troubling the doctor over this."
"Twilight, you can barely move. You really need to get checked out."
"Spike, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine. I'm just a little tired is all."
"If you say so, Twi. I'll go get breakfast started."
"Thank you, Spike."
"Anything for you, Twi."
I make my way down the short flight of steps and turn the corner into the kitchen. I'm worried about her, and frustrated that she won't listen to my advice. I know something is wrong, and one of these days I might have the doctor make a house call. I hear Twilight grunt as she struggles to walk down the stairs. After what seems like an eternity she makes her way into the kitchen. She gives me a weak smile as she eases herself into a stool at the kitchen counter.
"You know Spike, maybe you're right. A checkup might not be a bad idea."
I smile. I'm not sure if I should feel triumphant right now, but I can't help it.
"About time you listen to me. Should we go after breakfast?"
Twilight smiles. I can tell she's pleased to see how much I care for her. I'm just happy she's finally going to get the checkup she needs.
"That sounds like a wonderful idea, Spike."
"Good, because in the time it took you to get down the stairs I was able to make breakfast." I laugh as Twilight's eyes shoot open. She gives a sheepish grin.
"Maybe I should have gotten checked out a little sooner."
"You think?"
After breakfast, Twilight and I step out into the streets of Ponyville. It's a beautiful early spring day, and it seems that the whole town is outside enjoying it. I would be enjoying it a lot more if I didn't have to help Twilight walk. She feels guilty for not doing this sooner, but I tell her not to worry. I'm just happy she's doing it at all. I never expected her to willingly go to the hospital for what was going on. I yelp in surprise and fall over as Twilight is lifted off the ground.
"Hehe, sorry Spike. Just looked like you could use a little help." Rainbow Dash looked down at me while maintaining a tight grip around Twilight's chest. Though she seems genuinely sorry, she can't help but snicker at my small misfortune. I laugh with her.
"It's okay Rainbow Dash. Thanks for the help."
"Easy for you to say. I think I preferred having my hooves on the ground." Twilight grunted.
"I'll take that as a 'thank you'." Rainbow said nonchalantly. "Where we headed, Spike?"
"The hospital. She's finally decided to get a check-up." I reply. I see relief wash over Rainbow Dash's face.
"About time. I was starting to think she'd never go."
"Good Goddess, I'm not that stubborn." Twilight grunts as Rainbow begins to fly in the direction of the hospital.
"Isn't there some rule about taking the Goddess' name in vain, Twi?" Rainbow chuckles. Rainbow has never been one for religion. She believes, but doesn't see a need to worship a goddess that isn't physically tangible in the world.
"Yeah, there is. I think she'll forgive me if I let it slip once."
Rainbow snickers.
"I don't know, Twi. You might want to kneel at the alter and pray for forgiveness, lest you be damned to endure eternal chaos on Discord's shores."
Twilight smiles.
"The Goddess loves each of us, and has already forgiven our transgressions against her. Although I will remember to put that incident in my prayers tonight."
Rainbow rolls her eyes.
"Whatever you say, Twi. Anyway, are you guys as pumped as I am to see the Wonderbolts next week?!"
I can see Rainbow's face light up as she mentions her lifelong heroes. Twilight and I both chuckle.
"Yes Rainbow, we're excited."
"I don't think we could possibly get as excited for a Wonderbolts show as you can, Rainbow." I chuckle as I see Rainbow get lost in thought. It's obvious that she's daydreaming about joining the flight team herself. As much as I hate to ruin her moment, making sure she doesn't hit anything on the way to the hospital while carrying Twilight takes priority.
"Rainbow? Rainbow Dash? You're daydreaming again."
Rainbow shakes her head to snap out of her thoughts. She wears a small blush as she tries to deny what I saw.
"N-no I'm not! I'm just...getting lost in thought!"
"Also known as daydreaming." Twilight says with a chuckle. Rainbow huffs.
"Whatever you say, Twi. Anyway, we're at the hospital."
"Wow, that was fast." Twilight notes.
"Probably because we were moving faster than a mile a day." Rainbow snorts as she sets Twilight back onto her hooves. Twilight stumbles, but I catch her before she can fall. Rainbow helps me get Twilight inside. The nurse in the lobby immediately takes notice of us and calls for a doctor to come as quickly as possible.
"That's really not necessary." Twilight insists. "I can wait just like everypony else."
I look around. The lobby is completely empty. I assume that the nurse was just getting bored and Twilight presented the opportunity to have something to do. What worried me was the look on the doctor's face when he saw Twilight.
"Oh my...If that's...Get her into one of our examination rooms. I need to take a look at her."
As soon as he finishes his sentence, two nurses get to work helping Twilight into one of the examination rooms in the hospital. Without any other plans for the day, Rainbow and I decide to sit in the waiting room until she gets out.
After close to an hour, I see the doctor helping Twilight out of the examination room. The doctor wears a grave look, but what worries me more is Twilight. I can see that she's crying. I run as fast as my legs can carry me to get to her side. Rainbow hangs back, but I can see she is as worried as I am.
"Twilight, what did you find out? What's wrong?"
The doctor opens his mouth to speak, but Twilight beats him to it.
"Spike, do you remember that book we read not long ago about Starswirl the Bearded's son?"
"Yeah, his name was Starlight, right?" I see Twilight nod, and then it hits me. But that can't possibly be true. It's such a rare condition...
"Spike, I have Starlight's Syndrome. I'm..." She can't even finish her sentence. She just breaks down into sobs. I feel hot tears streaming down my own cheeks. This has to be a dream, a nightmare of some sort. It can't possibly be true. Rainbow carefully walks towards the doctor.
"Doc, what's wrong with Twi? Is she gonna be okay?"
The doctor sighs. I can tell he doesn't like this part of his job. He takes Rainbow to a corner of the room. I see them talking. I turn back to Twilight. I don't know what to do, so I try to console her. It turns out consoling a dying pony is impossible when you yourself can't handle the news. I hear Rainbow Dash yelling at the doctor, but I can't make out what she's saying. I can't even think right now. It's all too much for me to take. Twilight, the mare that had been nothing less than a mother to me for my whole life...is dying.
Two days later...
It took the two of us a while, but we've finally come to grips with what was happening enough to tell our friends about it. Rainbow Dash had locked herself in her house ever since she found out, but she had managed to make it to the library tonight for Twilight's explanation. Each of our friends is here, and each of them is concerned. They can all tell that something is wrong. They have no idea how right they are.
"Thank you all for coming on such short notice." Twilight managed a smile. Everypony in the room can see that it is forced. "I have an announcement to make, and I wanted all of you...to..be here...for it." I can tell she's having trouble finding words. She opens her mouth to tell the group of ponies in front of her what's going on, but the words don't come.
"What's wrong, sugarcube? Ya know you can tell us anything." Applejack rests a hoof on her shoulder. Twilight rubs her cheek against it. Applejack pulls her hoof away, obviously confused.
"Sorry AJ...I'm not sure why I did that." Twilight says. Applejack simply nods. Twilight looks at me for help. I walk over to her and rest my claw on her shoulder. I'm fighting just as hard as she is to keep the tears from coming, and everypony in the room can see it.
"I'm...going away." Twilight manages. It's obvious she still can't bring herself to say the exact words yet, but I can see she's trying.
"Oh my, where could you possibly be going, dear?" Rarity takes a step towards her. Twilight lowers her head.
"I...don't know...I'm kinda scared to find out..." Everypony except for Rainbow and me raises an eyebrow at that statement. Pinkie Pie giggles.
"Silly you, why would you go anywhere if you don't know where you're going? That doesn't make any sense. Unless you're running away from something and don't have time to think about where you're going, then I can kinda understand that. Wait, Twilight, are you running away from something? Is-"
"Pinkie Pie, Ah think we need ta let Twilight here speak her piece." Applejack cuts in. Pinkie Pie slumps back down onto her pillow. Everypony returns their attention to Twilight.
"I..." I wrap my arms around her. If I were to look at her face right now, I'd see fresh tears welling in her eyes. But before Twilight can say anything, Rainbow angrily cuts in.
"She's dying, okay! She's leaving this damn world!" Everypony in the room turns to look at Rainbow Dash in shock, then they slowly return their gazes to Twilight. Applejack is the first to speak up.
"Twilight...is...that true?" I can see that she wants to cry simply at the thought of losing her close friend. Twilight can barely manage a nod as a response. Fluttershy breaks into tears. Applejack simply sits back. It's obvious that she doesn't know what to think. I tighten my grip around Twilight as our friends slowly come to accept what they've heard.
"H-how long?" Rarity manages to ask.
"The doctor, said, t-two weeks." Twilight has to force herself to answer the question.
"W-what's...happening...to you?" Pinkie Pie manages. Her mane and tail have deflated, and now lay flat against her head and the floor. She can barely manage to ask her question through the tears that are streaming down her face.
"I...have...Starlight's Syndrome." Everypony seems confused. Well, except for me, Rainbow and Rarity. Rarity rushes to Twilight's side and lets her tears flow. Every unicorn knows about Starlight's Syndrome, and it hits home with the fashionista.
"No...Twilight, there's no way. You can't be..." Rarity can barely choke out her sentiment through her sobs.
"What's Starlight's Syndrome?" Applejack asks. She's fighting back her tears, but I can see she won't be able to much longer. Twilight heaves a sigh before responding.
"Every unicorn has magic, even before they're old enough to use it." Twilight takes a deep breath before continuing. "That magic is as important to our being as our blood." Tears begin to stream down her face again. She struggles to finish her explanation. "St-Starlight's Syndrome is w-when a u-unicorn's magic d-dies out. A-as s-soon as the m-magic completely dies out..." She doesn't need to finish her explanation. Everypony in the room can put two and two together. Everypony closes in and wraps Twilight in a hug. I wonder if they're doing it for themselves as much as I am.
The rest of the night passes in something of a blur, likely due to the fact that I spend most of it crying. Our friends decide to stay the night here. They want every moment they can get with her before her time is up, and so do I.
Three days later...
Twilight has a smile on her face as I help her down the stairs. She had me send for her parents a couple of days ago, and they're going to be here tonight. As hard as this has been on her, she's still been able to find joy in every day ever since she told our friends. In fact, it seems she's more ready for her death than anypony else is.
"How do you do it, Twi?"
She gives me a quizzical look.
"How do I do what?"
"How do you keep your spirits up with what's happening?"
She smiles at me and gives me a gentle nuzzle.
"Because I still have a week to make the most of what this world has to offer. If I wasn't supposed to do exactly that, I'd already be with the Goddess."
I gaze at her in awe after I help her into a stool in the kitchen. Even in the face of death, she sees something worth living for.
"You are the strongest pony I've ever met." I say as my eyes well with tears. I throw my arms around her and let my sobs come. "I'm not ready for you to leave!" I yell into her coat. "You can't go, Twi. You just..." I feel Twilight's hoof running up and down my back. It's funny - She's the one who's dying yet I'm the one who's being consoled. I stand up straight and wipe the tears from my eyes.
"I'm sorry, Twi. I need to be strong. Even...even if..." I can feel a fresh set of tears coming to my eyes. Twilight struggles to pull me in for a hug.
"Spike, if you dwell on what, or who, won't be a part of your life, you'll never be happy. I don't want to leave knowing that all you'll do is miss me."
I struggle to look her in her eyes.
"What do you mean, Twi?"
"I mean that you have to enjoy what you have while you have it. I don't want to leave any more than you want me to. But if you can't move on, all you'll ever feel is pain. I can't have my Number One assistant being sad and lonely all the time."
I let out a sad chuckle. I look her in the eyes.
"Okay, I'll...do my best to move on. But...just promise you'll save me a spot up there...alright?" I'm crying, but it's okay. She is too.
"You'll get one right next to me, I promise." Twilight says with a sad smile. "Now, why don't we enjoy this beautiful day while we still have it, okay?"
I smile and wipe the tears from my eyes.
"I think that sounds like a good idea."
I help Twilight stay upright as we walk through the park. Although neither of us is willing to admit it, we both know this is likely the last time she'll ever see it. She can't get out of bed without my help anymore. She can barely move even with it. It's a good thing I've grown up a little, despite the fact that I'm not a greedy dragon. If I was still a baby I wouldn't even have been able to help her out of bed this morning. It hurts me to see her in the state she's in, even though she's smiling through it. She still looks as young as she ever did, and if it weren't for her struggles to walk one wouldn't even notice she was in poor health. Twilight's eye catches a pair of birds flying just above the treeline, chirping happily. She smiles.
"It's beautiful today, isn't it?" She asks. She doesn't take her eyes off the birds.
"Yeah, it really is." I respond, taking in the sights. I feel a cool breeze, and it feels wonderful against my skin. Twilight shivers.
"It's a little cold though."
I raise an eyebrow at her.
"Twilight, it's 70 degrees."
"Really?" She asks. "It sure doesn't feel like it."
I frown. The fact that she's cold on a day like this sure doesn't seem right.
"Come on, Twi. Let's get you home."
She shakes her head.
"No, let's stay...It's...so..."
Twilight's voice begins to fade. She falls over, unconscious.
I look down at Twilight. She's asleep in a hospital bed. The doctor says she'll be spending the rest of her life here. It breaks my heart, but at least she'll be somewhat comfortable. Each of our friends is in the room with us, although they are trying to occupy themselves to avoid falling apart at the sight of her. I just want Twi to wake up. I want to be able to talk to her again. The doctor says she doesn't have as long as he had initially thought. She likely won't even see the end of the day. I just want her to wake up so I can say goodbye. I feel tears coming, and I try to fight them back. I've been crying so much these last few days. It's hard not to. How can I hold them in when the mare who has been no less than a mother to me is dying and there's nothing I can do to stop it? I feel a couple of tears escape. They fall onto Twilight. She stirs in her sleep, and slowly opens her eyes.
"Spike?"
Upon hearing her voice I immediately snap back to the current moment. So does everypony in the room. They all shoot to her side. Twilight looks at everypony in the room. She can tell by the looks on their faces that something is wrong. I think she can tell she's in the hospital by now.
"What did the doctor say?" Her voice is strained. It's obviously difficult for her to even talk now. She likely doesn't even have an hour left. Rainbow responds, trying to reassure herself as much as Twilight.
"He-He said you'll be just fine."
Twilight lets out a sad chuckle.
"Alright, now what did he really say?"
Nopony wants to say anything. They don't want to admit to themselves that they're likely less than a hour away from losing her. I decide to tell her. I never imagined how hard it would be.
"It...doesn't look good. The doctor...he said you...only..." I'm fighting back sobs as I tell her what her fate will be. "You...don't have long..." I can't hold it in anymore. I begin to sob. I press my head into her chest. "Twilight...please don't go..." I feel Twilight's hoof wrap around me as I continue to cry. I still can't believe how strong she is in the face of her own impending fate.
"That bad, huh?" Twilight asks. Her voice is shaking. I can tell she's scared, but she still seems more ready for it than the rest of us are.
"Yeah..." Applejack mumbles. Twilight lays back into her pillow and sighs.
"Then I'm glad that I have this moment with you all before I go."
Nopony says anything for a while. We don't know what to say. How could we? What do you say when one of your closest friends is on her deathbed? Twilight decides to break the silence.
"I want you all to promise me something."
We all nod, willing to do anything she asks of us. She smiles.
"Promise me that in spite of me leaving, you'll all keep living. Promise me that you'll move on and continue to enjoy your lives like you always have. Promise me you'll always be there for each other, and that you'll never save your best for last."
We all nod again.
"I promise."
"Ah promise."
"S-sure thing."
"Of c-course, Darling."
"C-cross my heart and h-hope to fly, s-stick a c-cupcake in my eye."
"Anything f-for you, Twi."
Twilight looks at me as I finish my promise.
"And you, Spike. You and I have been together as long as I can remember. You're like a son to me, and I love you more than I can tell you. You've grown into a wonderful young dragon, and I'm proud to have been able to raise you. You've always been there to help me out, even when I was short with you. I'm sorry for every time I've been hard on you. I'm sorry that I wasn't always the easiest mare to live with. I can't tell you how grateful I am that you stuck with me through all of that."
I can't hold back my tears, and right now I don't even try to.
"Of c-course I...stuck with you. Why w-would I ever...l-leave?" I give her a playful smile. "You'd be lost without me."
Twilight smiles and brings a hoof to my face.
"Oh, Spike. I am going to be lost without you."
I let out a sad chuckle.
"Then be sure to save me a spot, alright? I'll be sorting your books again before you know it."
Twilight giggles. I can tell it strains her to do so, but it's good to see her laugh.
"Just try to make sure that you're not helping me too soon." She looks at me and our other friends.
"I love all of you more than I can ever tell you. Thank you so much for being here with me right now. I can't tell you how hard it is to leave you all. I promise I'll watch over you all through everything you go through until you join me. Just don't stop living your lives. Enjoy every moment your lives bring you. And never let go of each other."
We're all sobbing now. Well, all of us except Twilight. Even Rainbow Dash lets her tough facade down.
"Just put a good word in with the Goddess for me, alright?" Rainbow requests. Twilight chuckles.
"I'll put in a good word for all of you."
A soft glow comes from Twilight's horn. I feel her life slipping away in my arms. As quickly as the glow comes, it's gone. And Twilight with it.
Present day
I continue to gaze at Twilight's headstone. I like to think I've kept the promise I made to her. We all have. It's hard, but we know it's what she wants. Each of us spent the first few days after her death crying. However, we slowly made our way back to our daily lives. I took over Twilight's job as the town librarian. Running the library without her feels wrong, but I'm the only one in Ponyville who knows how. Besides, it's what I want. I can't bring myself to let anypony else run the library in her stead. For the most part, everything is returning to normal. Despite her absence, I've found that life really does go on. I take a long look at her headstone.
"I miss you, Twi. I'll keep my promise, but I hope you don't mind if I come back to say hi every now and then." I look at the bottom of her headstone. Inscribed is a poem that she loved. It was one of her favorites. I began to read aloud...
The setting sun casts it's glow
On this beautiful place that I call home
On every pony who shares it with me
On every creature as far as the eye can see
So when I lay my head to rest
I promise to always give my best
To every pony I've ever known
And thank them for never letting me be alone
