Angel Artemis Bunny woke up to a bright summer’s morning, the dew still visible on the leaves. He stretched out and yawned, the grass tickling his arms as he swept through it. He sat up and looked around. No sight of the yellow one, he thought to himself, now I can get on with my-
“Hey Angel Bunny!” Angel heard, causing him to jump up in shock. Fucking hell, not this shit!
“What do you want, bitch?” Angel said acerbically.
The yellow one looked at him in shock then quickly composed herself, “I’m just gonna chalk that up to being a Mr. Grumpypants in the morning,” she said, “who’s my little Mr. Grumpypants? Who’s my little Mr. Grumpypants? You are! You are!”
“Get offa me!” Angel yelled, smacking away her hooves. The yellow one looked hurt. Good, now maybe she’ll leave me alone.
“I brought breakfast!” The yellow pony cheered as she set down a plate of lettuce. Angel snorted and looked away, “oh, come on, it’s your favorite! Iceberg! Just look at how yummy it is!” she said, picking up a piece and tasting it, chewing slowly and rubbing her tummy, “mmm-mmm! This is sooooo yummy, Angel! You should try some!”
Angel stared at the lettuce. In truth, he loved iceberg lettuce, but he loved fucking with Fluttershy even more.
“No, I want ice cream!” He shouted.
“Ice cream?” Fluttershy asked, “but I don’t think ice cream is a breakfast food…”
“Ice cream! Now!” He shouted even louder, causing the yellow pony to lurch back in shock.
“O-ok, I’ll see if we have any…” she said as she went back into her cottage.
Angel Bunny smiled evilly. Now I can get on with my plan! he thought to himself while hopping away into town. Fluttershy came out with the ice cream he demanded, looking around to see that Angel Bunny had vanished.
“Angel?” She yelled out.
Angel was merrily hopping down the street, confident in the success of his plan. Oh, this is gonna be good. I can just see the looks on their faces, he thought to himself as he hopped down to Sugarcube Corner. He hopped through the door and waved at Pinkie, Pinkie waving back.
“Hey Angel!”
He chattered a response.
“Carrot Muffin! Right here!” Pinkie said as she threw him a carrot muffin, which he took a bite of. He chattered to Pinkie.
“Thank you! I knew you’d like it, being a bunny and all,” a word Angel cringed at. He chattered something else.
“Oh, everyone else is downstairs!” He chattered a thanks and went into the basement.
Down there were Owlowiscious and Opalescence, preening themselves as per usual. Winona was chasing her own tail, Tank the tortoise was hovering strapped into his flying contraption, and Gummy the alligator just stared. It kinda creeped Angel out to be honest. He shook it off and hopped onto Pinkie’s bed.
“Pets of Ponyville!” He called out, “I have a new plan!”
“And what would that be, dear dinner?” Opalescence cooed.
Angel smarted at that, but quickly composed himself.
“What’s the plan, Artemis?” Owlowiscious hooted.
“I hope it will be better than the plan to destroy the Equestria Games, dear Artemis!” Gummy’s voice reverberated through all of their minds, causing every animal to wince.
“Sheesh, keep it the fuck down, will ya?” Angel lashed out.
“Sorry. Is this better?”
“Yeah,” Angel said, “but this plan is ten times better than that plan!”
“So what’s the plan, what’s the plan?” Winona begged.
“Well, as you know, cider season is coming up, so the Apples have all the cider barreled up. So I figure we steal it!”
Every animal gasped at that.
“I...don’t think it’s a good idea, Artemis. I mean, Rainbow Dash loves her cider,” Tank’s measured voice said.
“Who cares? This isn’t about our owners, this is about us and our chance to finally get on the map!” With that, Angel hopped off the bed and paced around as he sang:
From the mind that managed the marvelous whopper
Of luring a dragon to cast Ponyville proper
In a thick cloud of smoke, and assisting Spike’s greed
And pinning Dash in the Gorge for Tank’s ownership needs
Now comes the main event!
The one that’ll have Ponyville spent!
My earlier deeds did meet their needs
But now that I’m at it once more
I need to flex my criminal intellect
With a real tour de force!
The other animals joined in:
Even grimmer
Most grimy
Worse than the parrots and squirrels you drowned
YOU’RE the finest and meanest around
O ARTEMIS!
O ARTEMIS!
The rest fall behind
TO ARTEMIS!
TO ARTEMIS
Ponyville’s greatest villainous mind!
Angel then said, pacing around, “Thank you, thank you. But it hasn’t all been carrots and cupcakes. I’ve had my share of adversity, thanks to that miserable second-rate animal handler...Fluttershy the Pony!”
Boos were heard.
“For YEARS that insufferable pegasus has interfered with my plans, and I haven’t had a moment’s peace of mind. But all that’s in the past! This time nothing, not even Fluttershy can stand in my way! All will bow before me!” Angel cried out, shaking a fist.
The animals started singing again:
O ARTEMIS!
O ARTEMIS!
Your eye’s on the money!
TO ARTEMIS!
TO ARTEMIS!
“The world’s greatest Angel Bunny!”
Everyone present gasped at the sudden outburst. They all turned to a white mouse, just standing there. Angel hopped up to her.
“WHAT IS YOUR NAME!?” Angel screamed.
“F-felicia, Artemis. Sweetie Belle’s pet…”
“Not anymore,” Angel growled, “Owlowiscious, Opalescence...take care of Felicia…”
Opalescence ran over to Felicia and pounced on her, playing around with her when Owlowiscious grabbed her from Opal’s grasp and swallowed her whole. Opal hissed as Owlowiscious.
“Hey, you snooze, you lose,” Owlowiscious said.
“Fuck you, owl!” Opal hissed, “the mouse was mine!”
“But you were just-”
“Gummy! Fuck!” Angel howled, every animal wincing again.
“Sorry...but you were just playing with it…”
“That’s what cats do, they play with their food!” Opal hissed.
“Oh, you mean like the Vekshars of Ara’kesh!”
Opal raised an eyebrow, “Yeah...whatever…”
The door then opened, Pinkie’s voice saying, “They’re all down here!” Angel’s pupils pinned at that.
“SHITSHITSHITSHIT!! Every animal act natural!” Angel said loudly.
Their owners and Sweetie Belle came downstairs to Winona chasing Opalescence, Angel worriedly staring at Owlowiscious, Tank hovering happily, and Gummy just staring.
“There ya are, Winona! Git over here!” Applejack hollered. Winona scampered happily to Applejack, jumping on her legs. Applejack ruffled her neck happily.
“Felicia? Felicia!” Sweetie Belle called out, worried that her pet was nowhere to be found, “Where are you!?”
“Maybe she finally ran away…” Rarity mused.
“Nuh-uh, I bet that Opal ate her!” Opal glared at Sweetie Belle and Owlowiscious.
“Owlowiscious, did you eat Felicia?” Twilight asked.
“Hoo?” Owlowiscious said.
“You know, Felicia, Sweetie Belle’s pet mouse?”
“Hoo?” Owlowiscious said again. Twilight threw up her hooves in frustration.
“Opal dear, come here, I know that you’re too much of a lady to eat Sweetie Belle’s pet,” Rarity said as Opal leapt onto her back.
“TANK!” Rainbow Dash yelled, “I was so worried! Don’t you ever run off like that again!” as Tank flew into Rainbow’s forelegs.
“Angel, what were you doing here?!” Fluttershy asked worriedly. Angel turned his head away in defiance.
“Oooh, I bet Gummy knows!” Pinkie said as she picked up Gummy, “What were you guys doing down here?”
“We were going to steal the cider,” Gummy’s voice reverberated through Pinkie and the animal’s brains, causing all the animals to wince yet again.
“You were trying to seal sliders?” Pinkie asked.
“We were going to steal the cider,” more wincing coming from the animals.
“You were going to peel spiders?”
“We were going to—nevermind, you’re never going to understand,”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, GUMMY!” Angel yelled.
“Angel, language!” Fluttershy said, “and Gummy wasn’t saying anything! Apologize to Gummy!”
“No!”
Fluttershy picked up Angel and said, “That’s it mister, no dinner for you tonight!”
Angel’s pupils dilated at that, “Fuck you, bitch! I’m going to fucking flay if you don’t give me dinner!”
“Now, now, Angel, threats are no way to get what you want!”
“Fine, just take me home,” and everypony left with their pets.
Fluttershy slept with her door closed that night, just to be safe.
