Fractures

Chapters

Chapter Two: The Proposition
Chapter Three: Two Kinds of Dreams
Chapter Four: Drag Her Down With Me
Chapter Five: Alone
Chapter Six: Strength
Chapter Seven: Mark Of The Beast
Chapter Eight: Don't Kill The Sun
Chapter Nine: Two Dead Flags
Chapter Eleven: Breakfast With The Apples, Part Two
Chapter Twelve: Chasing The Ghosts Away
Chapter Thirteen: Angels Of Morphine And Best Friend Confessionals
Chapter Fourteen: Of Spooks And A Rooster Most Mad
Chapter One: Of Anger and Money
Chapter Ten: Breakfast With The Apple's, Part One

Chapter Two: The Proposition

Big Mac was having a glorious day, basking in the warm light of the sun on his way to town. Were he a complete buffoon, he’d give Celestia the credit for such a beautiful morning. He remembered a good example of said “buffoon” when he was on barracks duty at his first duty station after graduating from the School of Infantry. His duty NCO (some dumbshit boot corporal) wanted to argue that the Royal Sisters had literal control of the Sun and Moon. (I couldn’t believe he was serious.) Of course, Corporal Fuckwit couldn’t explain why the moon still appeared at night after Nightmare Moon’s banishment (which only lasted 200 years..not 1000) or why Equestria didn’t have complete control of all the known world by having absolute power over the heavens.

The Royal Sisters had never even proclaimed to be divine beings or any such nonsense. Idiot. He probably thought those “professional wrestler” ponies weren’t acting, too. They always just got reeaaal lucky, never receiving so much as a single concussion, broken bone, or bruise. It was all show and no substance; the antithesis to Mac's personal philosophy. Those roided up brutes were nowhere near as tough or strong as they behaved and looked. Mac had little respect for bodybuilders like that one overinflated, white Pegasus with damn near vestigial wings. It was all aesthetic. Mac only cared about strength and fitness. It was much more practical in everyday use, and he didn't have to endure the consequence of looking like a bulging, veiny freak. (It’s still hilarious to watch ‘em pretend to fight at the Manehattan Square Gardens. Can’t afford them ticket prices, though.) He was getting off topic...what was his original topic again? He remembered.

“The whole Sun/Moon dichotomy thing is just symbolic of a separation of power ‘tween the two of ‘em…which is also probably why they don’t call themselves “Queen Celestia” or “Empress Luna.” That’d be a shitstorm ‘cause Princess Luna’s got low self-esteem. I reckon that still don’t make a whole lotta’ sense what with Equestria still bein’ an EMPIRE and all…………wait……who’m I talkin’ to?” He had indeed been talking to himself for no particular reason.

Most of the myths about the two Sisters had been started the Lunar/Solar cults, anyway. Supposedly, the two Alicorn sisters were "divine prophetesses" sent down to Earth by some...nebulously-described god known only as "God." While it was true that First Generation Alicorns lived almost indefinitely (Princess Cadence and Twilight Sparkle are Second Generation.), they weren’t completely immortal or at all impervious to death. Their near-immortal Royal blood was passed down to them from their parents and the first rulers of Equestria’s parent nation of Germaneigh. (King Morgenstern and Queen Nachtstern…Morgenstern’s practically a boogeyman in history after that “Inquisition.”)…back then, what would become modern Equestria was mostly unsettled. Their parents inherently possessed a powerful magic that increased their lifespans to an almost inexhaustible length of time. Celestia and Luna just had that same magic as their parents. They weren’t goddesses or prophetesses, and they’d be the first to admit that in person.

"Well...maybe not "goddesses" in the literal definition...but damn...they sure fit that latter definition." The two princesses were widely considered to be the most beautiful mares in Equestria, albeit some of the attraction/judgment derived itself from their royal power. Even still...objectively speaking, they had to at least be contenders. Big Mac didn't know any single stallions who wouldn't. Even a large number of married stallions still would.

Big Mac barely realized that he’d almost entered the town square. This tended to happen to him a good bit. He often got lost in thought, and sometimes even wandered past his originally intended destination. He could see the humble, little hardware store’s sign slowly rocking in the cool morning breeze. Hardly anypony was out and about on a Sunday morning. (I reckon my ass’d be asleep, too, if I were anypony else.) It was times like this that Big Mac could fully take in just how small the town really was. It’s current population of only 4,000 ponies had always managed to be misleading. The streets and marketplace were flooded by noontime everyday, so Ponyville looked more “bustling” to the uninitiated. Two pretty mares passed by him, prompting him to tip his Stetson and smile in greeting. They returned a giggly greeting and went on their way. (Still got it, boy.) He reached the modest, little hardware shop, turning the door handle. It was locked. And the window blinds were closed.

“How'n the gay hell did I ferget they're always closed on Sunday?! Well, this whole trip was fuckin’ pointless.”

“What was pointless, Big Mac?”, asked a manic, shrill voice from behind. (I know that voice…the "Pink Menace"...the Destroyer of Barns and Eater of Worlds...) He turned around and confirmed his fears.

“Mornin’, Miss Pie…I apologize fer my language.” He begrudgingly tipped his hat to the hyperactive, pink mare who had suddenly taken to hopping up and down in place like a jackrabbit on speed. He wasn’t overly fond of Pinkie, but he had enough sense not to tell her this. He still remembered the incident with Cranky Doodle Donkey. That poor, brave soul…

“Oh, don’t apologize for speaking Equestrian, silly!! It’s our native language! And I'm super sorry about your barn by the way! I had noooooooooo idea the Party Cannon was loaded with an ACTUAL cannon ball! Barns sure are like...all...explodey and stuff!!” It was futile to make any attempt to clarify or respond to her with logic. Her brain simply didn’t function properly like a normal pony’s. She wasn’t stupid, but she had virtually no understanding of social cues, impulse control, or consequence. She didn’t even allow him time to respond before jackhammering his ears with another stream of nonsense.

“But what was pointless? Ooh! Was it a ball?! Balls are like totally round and don’t have points! Is that what it was?! Balls are fun!” He couldn’t help but chuckle inwardly at her last spout of fast-forwarded gibberish.

He had personally born witness to her bizarre habit of amalgamating “ball caches” all around Ponyville. Well…he better tell her he wasn’t referring to a "ball," or she’d probably cause a ball-related catastrophe rivaling or even eclipsing the Mirror Pool incident. After that fiasco, he could no longer associate the word “fun” with anything but fluorescent pink chaos. (Forget the Crusaders. Pinkie’d make a better protégé fer Discord.)

“Eeno-“

“Well, balls are pointless and super round!! Round?! That rhymes with “sound!” Speaking of “sound,” Dashie ‘n me are going to a karaoke bar later tonight!! Wanna’ come with us?!

“I don-“

“Dashie’s a super duper singer! I’m not bad myself, but I sometimes I forget the words and make up my own! This one time, back when I was a filly in junior high, I sang the morning Equestrian National Anthem but changed the line “Oh, Equestria, land of the proud and strong” to “Oh, Equestria, land of the morbidly obese!” I guess I was just thinking about how chubby my homeroom teacher was!! One time, he ate like fourteen donuts just during first period! And he'd had a quadruple bypass a week before!! Now that's what I call "brave!!" I think he was sad or something that his wife left 'im, 'cuz his coffee tasted like scotch! And also coffee! But with scotch in it! Who could've guessed you can put the two together!!? Mr. Hoofmore was a genius!! A bitter, lonely genius with abandonment issues and suppressed egotistical rage, but he was still a genius!! Ohhh...I'll always remember that trip to the principal's office! FUN! Isn’t that just the silliest thing you ever heard?!!”

It most certainly wasn’t the silliest thing he’d ever heard. In fact, it was rather mundane in comparison to Pinkie’s run-of-the-mill mannerisms and idiosyncrasies, let alone any of her greater mad exploits. Were one to ignore the "barn incident", Pinkie would still have an utterly bizarre rap sheet. Not only were half the things she'd done strange as fuck, but they also seemed impossible at times. Pinkie appeared to have the ability to defy the very laws of nature and physics at will. This pointless anecdote was her equivalent of two white-collar ponies chatting about the weather by the water cooler. He knew there was no point in elucidating this, but he decided to at least politely humor her…

“Uhh..that sur-“

“But you should tooootaaalllyyy come get crunk with us tonight!! I don’t know what “crunk” means, though. Dashie says it all the time. Ooh, I hope “crunk” is a kind of cake or something!! Do you think "crunk" is like a mix of the words "crunch" and "chunk?!!" OH, WOW!! I think we just figured it out!! You learn something new everyday!! What do you think, Mackie?! THE WORLD IS SO FULL OF WONDER!!!” Mac recoiled in discomfort, protecting his battered left eardrum with his hoof. And..he had never taken an especial liking to the diminutive form of his name. No matter who used it.

He also knew that it was yet another exercise in futility to even reply to the manic mare, as she’d just likely cut him off again. (And who in the sam hell is “Dashie”?...wait a second…so that's her name…ahhhhh.) “Rainbow Dash.” He had no idea how he’d forgotten the name of such a unique-looking filly. Good. That had been driving him crazy. But as for Pinkie...honestly. If he hadn't known better, he’d be certain that she had a cocaine or meth addiction of some kind. That would actually make a lot more sense than the strange reality that she’d hardly touched anything but sugar and alcohol in her life. (I reckon a strong cup a’ coffee’d send her to the fuckin’ moon...like in that lovely anecdote 'bout her homeroom teacher...) He gave the spastic mare a gentle smile and a nod.

“Awwwwwww! You have super cute smile, Mackie!! But you didn’t answer my question, ya’ big silly! (That’s ‘cause you didn’t specify what the hell you were askin’.)

Big Mac decided to let her repeat her question..(if’n ya’ could even call that gibberish a “question.”) She couldn’t take a hint that he was busy and not interested in hearing drunk ponies butcher already terrible pop songs. Normally, he wasn’t this patient with her, often just walking away from her whilst she was still in mid-sentence. (An’ that don’t even stop her.) But he was having a good day. If he was quiet enough, she’d get bored and bounce off to start a house fire somewhere or something like that. He stared at the pink pony intently, awaiting her clarification. Pinkie Pie stared back at him…wearing an almost ghoulishly cheery grin.

“……………………”

“……………………” (Come on, girl. Do ya’ even remember what we were talkin’ about?)

“……………………” She continued her goofy stare.

“……………………”

“……………………” (Any day now.)

“……………………”

“……………………” She was still grinning. She wasn't even blinking.

“……………………”

“……………………” (ANY FUCKIN' DAY NOW!!!)

“……………………”

“……………………” Her eyes had started to glaze over, and she began rocking back and forth as though her legs would give out soon. Mac was starting to worry.

“Miss Pie? Are you al-“

“WOW, Big Mac!! You sure are quiet! So, did you wanna’ come with us tonight?! (AAAUGGGHHH!!!!) Barely able to contain his fury, Mac sputtered out a shaky reply.

“E-eno-“

“Okay, then!! Some other time, I guess!! BYE!!” She bounced off into the distance as though nothing strange had just transpired, leaving behind a now twitchy-eyed, confused Big Mac. (What...the...fuck...I don't even...What?)

He had never been so glad as when she had decided to stop pretending to be an Apple. (Man, that sounds kinda’ fucked to say, though.) After she had thought her family name appeared in his own family’s genealogy a few months back, she had refused to leave them alone for longer than a day. Though it was unlikely, a part of him had actually been petrified at the slight possibility that they could be related. He had tried to sabotage the trip to Golden Delicious’ cabin to confirm their relation by slowly loading every possible thing he could find onto the wagon in the hope she would get bored and leave. Of course, this all backfired when an enthusiastic Applebloom had helped him load the wagon in record time. He was then forced to grin and bear her hyperactive insanity for the next 12 hours.

He didn’t hate Pinkie Pie, though. Hell, he didn’t even dislike her. (Sometimes she’s downright hysterical.) He just didn’t want her around constantly. She tended to cause aneurysms and property damage in equal abundance when she hung around long enough. But he was always polite with her, seeing as to how she was a close friend of AJ’s. (I’m forgettin’ somethin’. Oh, right.) His recent “conversation” with Pinkie had made him forget his original intent yet again. He took out a notebook and pen from his left saddlebag and started scribbling down an order request for the roof tiles he wanted for the barn. He tore the paper loose and stuck it under the door, leaving the small shop behind. He began the walk back to Sweet Apple Acres.

Twenty minutes later, he had topped the tallest hill of their apple orchards, taking in the view of his family inheritance. The farm hadn’t been doing so well of late. He had kept pristine financial records of all the farm’s revenue and expenditures…and it wasn’t a pretty picture. Every planting season, they needed to take out a big loan with the local bank to pay for all the equipment costs and supplies. Their last planting season, they only had a 3% net profit for that fiscal year after all the taxes and expenditures were subtracted. That wouldn’t be too bad…if they were a massive corporation. But a 3% profit of the 400,000 bits expenditure was only 12,000 bits. Last year's profit had been 15,000. They were losing ground fast.

That was only 12,000 bits to feed a family of four and buy basic necessities. The cost of living increase was getting worse, property taxes were at an all time high, and their home owner’s insurance premium was atrocious. (I done told AJ to only get the fixed premium plan. What we got now is tantamount to highway robbery.) They really needed to refinance their coverage with another company, considering they wouldn’t pay for the last barn destroyed by Pinkie Pie. The insurance company had actually classified Pinkie Pie-related destruction as an “act of God!!” And it certainly hadn't helped that the CMC had damaged the roof to one of their other barns with that homemade trebuchet.

How much would they make this year after having even less money to plant more crops and buy equipment? Those roof tiles alone were going to set them back by at least 500 bits. It was a sinking ship, and it broke his heart to think that he could lose his foalhood home...and his sisters’…and his grandmother’s. The Apples completely owned the land and didn’t have a mortgage to pay (Thank you, Pioneer Amnesty Act.), but what did that matter if they owed the bank for every loan they took out just to meet the local demand? They’d eventually have to sell the land to pay off the loans…otherwise it would all just get appropriated by the bank as a liquidated asset to sell off. (But I ain’t ever sellin’ to those Flim Flam assholes. Damned crooks is what they were.)

What would his father and mother think of him? A stallion who couldn’t provide for his family. But he was getting close to the farmhouse now. He cleared his expression of worry and started down the hill towards the house, noticing three shapes (blue, tan, and purple) standing in front of the porch. He could hear the tan and blue figures arguing with the purple one trying to mediate. (Dash and my sister at it again…Princess Twilight?) As he approached to within hearing distance, the topic in debate became evident…

“-why you can’t sign up with me! You ‘n me could win hands down! We already had our own Iron Pony contest, so we know what the events are like! And this isn’t anything like the Equestria Games, AJ. Those aren’t ‘till next year anyway. Think about it. Either one of us is a shoe-in! We could split the prize money in half!”

“Rainbow, there ain’t no guarantee we’ll win a single bit. In fact, we gotta pay a 300 bit entry fee to even compete. Per pony. An’ how in the hell do ya’ suppose Big Mac’s gonna’ plow, plant, and harvest all by his lonesome in time to meet the buyer’s deadline, huh? We don’t make productivity fer the grocery stores, they go an’ buy from another farm. That’s an entire plantin’ season wasted. No profit, AND we’ll still owe the bank loan!"

Big Mac had a fairly justified suspicion that Rainbow was a little bit immature. He was proud of his sister’s relative maturity for her age. But from what he knew about their financial state, “staying the course” would only delay the inevitable. They needed an additional source of revenue. Fast.

“But you said you guys were having money problems to begin with! It’s a cool million cash prize, dude! (A million bits? Can’t be.) Can’t you hire anypony to come help out with the farm stuff? I know you guys made some money off all that cider.”

“Hell, no, we can’t! Do ya’ know how much it’d cost to hire ‘bout ten ponies to work all the way from plantin’ time to harvest? Even at minimum wage, we can’t afford that. Mac ‘n me can do the work of five ponies each, anyway. An’ all that cider money went straight to our savin’s fer fixin’ the barn after them insurance sumbitches wouldn’t pay fer it. Pinkie Pie ain’t no “act of God!” That was just an excuse not to pay up.”

“Jeez, man. I didn’t know you guys were doin’ so bad right now. But what about Twilight?”

“Yes, Rainbow?” The purple Alicorn’s saddlebags were loaded with various items purchased from in town and the farm.

“Yeah! You remember helping out last cider season? And the last apple bucking? Could ya’ help Big Red out while we train?” (“Big Red”, hmm? That ain’t too bad. Better’n “Mackie.”)

“No way, Rainbow. I can’t ask Twilight to use her princess authority or nothin’ to get us outta’ this jam. Whaddya’ want her to do? Threaten to exile the bank president? Imagine if Celestia found out!”

“That’s not what I meant at all! I meant she could use her magic to help you guys plant and harvest. Jeez…why is it always the worst possible assumption with you?” Mac could see his sister’s right eyebrow raise.

“Gee, I wonder…but even considerin’ all that, we already got most of the plowin’ done. Twilight might be able to help with the harvest, seein’ how it don’t make much sense to try ‘n plant with magic. It’d be like cleanin’ a window with a rock. But I can’t ask a princess to come do manual labor on our account. Or even…uh…magic labor. It ain’t dignified!”

“AJ, I don’t have any aversion whatsoever to manual labor. Especially when one of my friends needs help. But I can’t help you with the harvest this year. I’m sorry.” Big Mac knew the purple bookworm hated being seen as too “royal” or “above it all.” She didn’t quite understand why respecting her title was important just yet.

“Why the hell not!? It’s not like you got anything else to do!” The mauve princess was trying to maintain her bearing after Rainbow’s caustic remark. But Mac could tell it stung a bit.

“Rainbow! That ain’t called fer! What’s gotten into you, girl?!”

“What’d I do?!” The brash Pegasus sincerely didn’t seem to understand the offense.

“I can’t help this season, because I’ll be at the castle next week to help the Princesses with administrative duties and to attend the consortium and some security conferences. I won’t be able to come back to Ponyville until late-August. I’m really sorry, AJ.” Mac knew that latter bit of info wasn’t supposed to be public knowledge.

You don’t just announce “Hey, I’m going to go talk about national secrets and covert military actions!” That’s just asking to get kidnapped. Imagine if the Diamond Dog separatists, the Gryphonic Kingdom, or some bandits got a hold of her! She’d be a tempting target after their discovery that she was a lot more than a simple student of Celestia’s. They’d have the Empire over a barrel. (They wouldn't use no lube, neither.) She was a sweet girl, though. She really cared about her friends.

“It’s okay, Twilight. I know ya’ gotta’ do yer job. It’s a lot more important. You got all of Equestria to look after.”

“Awww…crud. I totally forgot you told me about all that earlier. Sorry, Twilight. I just get mad and say dumb shit like a tool. I didn’t mean to sound like a jerk-off.” Big Mac could barely suppress a chortle. What kind of filly had ever used that vernacular in equine history? (Heheheh…this girl’s somethin’ else, man!)

“It’s alright, Rainbow. You’re strong-willed and impulsive. It’s what makes you unique and special. It’s just who you are. I wouldn’t want you or AJ to change for anything.” Rainbow looked horrified.

"Uhh...you guys aren't gonna' start singing randomly and shit, are ya'?" Twilight and AJ both giggled.

"Heheheh....no, Rainbow. It's just that...I'm going to miss you guys so much..." The princess was starting to tear up.

"We're gonna' miss ya', too, Twi. We'll come visit soon as we can, ya' hear? Don't work yerself to death, girl. You take it easy now."

"Yeah. Like I said back at the library, we can all hit up Canterlot sometime. It's gonna' be cray, dude!" Twilight wiped her eyes and smiled at her friends. Mac felt a female emote-a-thon coming full speed ahead. Too bad he didn’t have a sick bag like on a ship or something. Sure enough, AJ and Twilight had trapped the blue Pegasus in a group hug, cooing an emphatic “aaaawwww” while she tried to wiggle free.

“Ah, dude! Gay.” The tomboyish Pegasus resigned to her fate with an annoyed expression.

By this point, Rainbow’s mannerisms and antics had him snickering incessantly. He could barely believe this girl's behavior. If he had read a written transcript of the three mares’ conversation with no context, he’d have sworn Rainbow’s lines were spoken by a college fraternity colt. He couldn’t help but like the fiery, little thing. He could see that she wasn’t easy to get along with, but she was certainly a unique specimen of her gender. That alone merited at least a simple acquaintance…(right?) By this time, he had noticed that he had been eavesdropping on the three fillies behind a thick bush. He hadn’t even realized he was doing it until he started fighting to suppress his laughter from giving away his position. He felt…creepy. He knew it was likely just his training coming into play, but it was still weird. He decided to head over to his sister and ask about all the fuss.

“Yo, AJ. Since when did your brother have a beard?”, asked the prismatic filly who had just noticed his approach. The rainbow-maned Pegasus squeezed out of the group hug and took to the air, hovering just out of the reach of her two friends.

“Huh? I dunno. He used to have one when he got back from…wherever the military had ‘im. But Apple Bloom hated it, so he shaved it off. Guess he just don’t care now. An’ he’s wearin’ Pa’s hat again? That’s new.”

“Good Afternoon, Big Macintosh. It’s nice seeing you again, but I have to be on my way now. Sorry if I seem rude. I’m already behind schedule on my studies.” Mac bowed his forelegs and head in an austere greeting.

“Good Afternoon, Your Majesty.”

“Oh, no, no! Please don’t bow. You don’t have to abide by all those stuffy formalities on my account. I’m just plain, old Twilight Sparkle here in Ponyville.”

“No, Ma’am. Respect fer the Office ‘n Title. Nothin’ personal.” He could see that Twilight disagreed and wanted to say something…but she sighed in resignation, turning to her friends.

“See you later, girls. And no more fighting, you two! It was nice seeing you again, Big Mac.” He nodded in reply.

“Well, excuuuuussse me, Princess! (What is that? A reference?) You can get back to slowly losing your sanity at the library now. Hehehe…nerd. Seeya’.”

“Take care, Twi.” As the geeky, little Alicorn daintily trotted off, Mac began to ask AJ to fully explain this “Iron Pony” business.

“So, what’s al-“

“So didja’ reconsider, AJ? It’s easy money.” (Can I ever fuckin’ get a word in edgewise ‘round here?!)

“My answer is still “no”, Rainbow. An’ it ain’t easy money at all. Half them events we did in our own Iron Pony contest we just made up. We just started runnin’ outta’ ideas. Who ever hearda’ elite athletes carryin’ baby chicks through some mud bein’ part of a gruelin’, national competition? Dontcha’ 'member ‘bout how cocky botha’ us were in the past? An’ we both got shown up. I was ‘sposed to bring home that rodeo prize money, but I ended up gettin’ every ribbon ‘cept fer the blue. That million bit prize is only fer gold medalists. This whole Iron Pony deal is just another gamble we can’t afford.”

His sister had made some excellent points. Additionally, he was rather surprised to hear her make such humble concessions for the sake of the farm. Normally, AJ was simply too stubborn and proud to admit to something like this. She was almost twenty three years old, though, so he supposed it made sense that she’d be a bit more mature than the younger Pegasus. Mac wasn't sure of Rainbow's exact age, but he'd have to guess that she was likely in the 19-21 year range.

“So what if we don’t win all the events? They add the scores up from the ones we do! We can still make mad bank off the bronze and silver medal prizes. With my speed and your power, we got this thing no problem. C'mon, AJ! You just admitted that you guys were only losing money doin’ what you’re doin’. Sometimes you gotta’ take a risk to make it big.”

Rainbow also made some good points. Even though Rainbow clearly still had a bit of growing up to do, her assessment held considerable weight. They would certainly lose the farm in the long-term were they to simply keep to their current way of doing things. He silently watched the two mares continue their debate. He might as well. It wasn't as though he'd be able to actually contribute anything to the conversation.

“I can’t help ya’, Rainbow.”

“Hold on. What if we hoof wrestle for it? If I win, you have to train and sign up with me. If you win, I’ll help you with the harvest. Deal?”

“You serious, girl? Lost yer mind, huh? Heheh…you can’t beat me in a straight-up hoof wrasslin’ match! But if ya’ wanna’ sign yerself away into indentured servitude like that, then be my guest.”

“Yeah, well I still beat you that one time!”

“That’s only ‘cause you cheated. You put all yer body weight in it, and ya’ started 'fore the bell even rang!” Mac knew this to be true.

She had indeed cheated multiple times during their own “Iron Pony” competition. AJ wasn’t a big pony, but she easily eclipsed the lithe, little Pegasus in size and muscle. And she was one of the strongest mares he had ever known, thanks to years of heavy farm labor. Not to mention that Pegasi had hollow bones and less than half the muscle mass of Earth ponies...on average. Earth ponies were built for power. This wasn’t a smart move for Rainbow.

“Well, I’ll friggin’ beat you right now! Tree stump. Right now. Let’s go. You’re going down.”

The two mares sauntered over to the tree stump where they usually wrestled. Normal fillies talked out their problems or stabbed one another in the back. These two hoof wrestled, screamed obscenities at each other, and got into brawls like stallions…and they were best friends. (Why can’t I ever meet anypony normal?”) As they began the contest, Mac could see that the end result would be nothing at all surprising. Rainbow strained mightily against his sister’s hoof to no avail, as AJ smugly held her grip with seemingly no effort. She even feigned losing her position once just to humiliate her. (Now that’s just mean, AJ.) After AJ tired of the futile display, she slammed Rainbow’s foreleg into the stump with an audible Whump! The defeated Pegasus began massaging her battered hoof, her cheeks burning red with embarrassment.

“Look’s like yer helpin’ us with the harvest this year, missy.”

“L-left hoof! My right hoof was tired!” The mortified Pegasus still wanted to salvage some of her battered pride.

Mac began to resent his sister’s sadistically smug expression. This wasn’t right. Rainbow was loud, cocky, and crass, but that was no reason to smash her self-image apart like this. Not to mention, she was AJ’s best friend. All AJ had to do was beat her. What was worse, she was enjoying herself.

“Seriously? Alright. Left hoof. Not that it’ll make no difference.”

At first, AJ feigned losing again. Then she decided it was time for trash talk, poking fun at her lack of upper body strength for somepony who was supposed to be an accomplished athlete. AJ then grew tired of the lopsided battle of hoof strength as she had before. Once again, Rainbow’s foreleg was crushed into the stump with seemingly no resistance. The little, blue Pegasus looked about ready to cry, and began pleading with his sister…

“Fine. You win. But I’m begging you, AJ. I can’t do this alone. I can't make this month's rent! I'm gonna' get tossed out on my ass! My landlord is a total d-bag! I got no other options, dude.” She was being a bit more dramatic than necessary. He knew AJ wouldn’t let her best friend get thrown out into the street. He began thinking about the potential spaces to be made in the house for Rainbow’s inevitable living arrangements...of course...he had to hear about all this at the last...fucking...possible minute. (Well, we got another mouth to feed.)

“My answer’s still “no.” I’m sorry you might be gettin’ laid off at work, but I can’t help ya' with this one. I gotta’ take care of my family. You know I can’t lie ‘bout that. A true friend don’t lie to ya’. And if ya’ can’t pay yer rent, then yer more tha-“ Mac was shocked by the sight of the blue filly’s explosive reaction. She was now right up to his sister’s face, her own face snarled in an expression of rage.

“It’s all about YOU, isn’t it?!! Every fucking time!! You don’t care about anypony but yourself and your motherfucking family!! FUCK ME and MY problems, right?! Yours are apparently more important than anypony else’s!! You think being honest about fucking me over makes you a good friend?!! Well, here’s a fucking newsflash, AJ: You’re a selfish cunt and a shitty friend!! FUCK YOU!!!” With the discharge of her vitriolic tirade complete, the Pegasus spread her wings and took to the sky, quickly disappearing into the late afternoon sky.

Mac was rendered speechless (more so than already, looks like) by the ferocity of Rainbow’s explosive outburst. He knew she likely didn’t mean any of it and had said those things purely out of frustration. But goddamn! Mac looked over to AJ to find that she was completely composed and calm. So, the minute he called her out on a legitimate flaw, she went apeshit? But her little friend could say some of the most awful, hateful things to her face…and she turned into Sigourneigh Weaver?! (Now that ain’t fair, man.) Regardless, AJ had caused the outburst by humiliating her friend.

“You know yer wrong fer that, AJ. Ya’ didn’t have to rub it in like that.”

“Don’t worry. Give her ‘bout five minutes. She does this all the time. ‘Sides…she left her bags ‘n money here.” AJ’s assessment was proven true by the sight of a blue Pegasus returning over the horizon. (Well, it was actually six minutes…but I’m splittin’ hairs.) Rainbow landed softly in front of them and walked up to AJ with her eyes staring at the ground. Her already sandy voice muttered an apology made hoarse by her recent demagoguery.

“Sorry.”

“S’alright, Rainbow. I’m sorry, too. I was bein’ a dang horse’s ass. But you done cut me off ‘fore I could finish tellin’ ya’ that ya’ always got a place to stay here at the farm. We got two empty guest bedrooms. And you ain’t gotta’ come harvest ‘gainst yer will or nothin’.

“T-thanks, AJ. I’ll still try to help you guys when I can, though.” Big Mac didn’t know what to think at this point.

He’d never had such a mixed opinion about a pony in his life. He was caught in a tumultuous maelstrom of admiration, confusion, irritation, pity, mirth, scintillation and…and…(What’s that last one? Feels kinda’ like homesickness. Whatever. Say what ya’ will ‘bout her temper an’ shortsightedness, but she definitely embodies the Element of Loyalty.) She was something alright. Mac just wasn't sure what that "something" entailed...or even was.

"I just wanted to knock ya’ down a peg is all.” The Pegasus flattened her ears and formed an irritated expression, sending AJ into a fit of giggles.

“Fuckin’ hysterical, dude. So, you’re not coming?”

“I’m sorry, Rainbow.” Rainbow began scratching her head…thinking about something. For a moment, Mac locked eyes with her, seeing them light up. She had an idea.

“W-what about you, Big Red? I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of it yet. You’d be a shoe-in for the stallion events! Seriously! Our chances of one of us winning gold is even better with a pony competing in each gender category!” Mac wasn’t too sure how well that math worked out.

Regardless, he was rather surprised she had even considered him, seeing as to how she had virtually never talked to him until just now. He saw her constantly and had even helped alongside Rainbow and her friends in deposing "The Great and Powerful Trixie" as the self-proclaimed ruler of Ponyville. (She tried to make me a part of her...*shudder* colt harem...) He'd never been this close to her before...except for that one time. He remembered Rainbow helping him power the treadmill that turned the apple grindstone during their cider feud with the Flim Flam brothers. She had seemed her normal, confident self except for one awry look she gave him that he assumed was nausea. (Did she eat a big meal ‘fore runnin’? You’d think an athlete'd know better ‘n that.) AJ quickly interceded on his behalf.

“Rainbow, that’s the same problem. Botha’ us need to be here to plant ‘n harvest, or we ain’t makin’ our orders. But feel free to try ‘n convince him to compete. You couldn’t get Mac up on a stage, cattin’ around fer everypony to see to save his life. So, I ain’t worried. I’ma’ go inside an’ help Apple Bloom with her homework. Play nice, you two.” That last, impish statement belied AJ having some sort of knowledge that he didn’t. She entered the farmhouse, leaving the two of them alone. Rainbow was the first to speak…somewhat.

“So…uhh…”

Mac raised one eyebrow, waiting for her to formulate an entire thought.

“Uhh…n-nice hat. And beard. Trying something new?”

“Eeyup.”

“Y-yeah...You don’t see a lot of stallions in town with facial hair…”

“Eenope.”

“S-so…uhh…” This was almost excruciating.

This timid, nervous creature was not at all the same fiery, little beast who had just crossed swords with his sister. For some reason, the very instant AJ had left them alone, her demeanor changed entirely. Did he make her uncomfortable? He was aware that he looked a little intimidating, but most ponies knew he was rather harmless...mostly...it depended on the situation, really. And she definitely wasn’t enamored with him like many of the mares around town. She didn't have any of the tell-tale signs of swooning in his presence, giggling incessantly like a pothead, or catcalling him like most of the local mares. It was almost a reversal of the behaviors associated with each gender. He knew how pretty mares passing construction sites felt getting whistled at by the burly, crass stallions who worked there. But it wasn't as though he especially minded, seeing as it a nice boost to his somewhat frail ego. This girl was acting entirely different. She couldn't make eye contact with him, and she was acting all jittery. She seemed…frightened. (And did she go an' get her nose, lip, and ear pierced recently?)

“Miss Dash, you were askin’ me ‘bout whether or not I’d consider enterin’ that contest with you.” He had decided to take the pressure off her.

“O-oh, yeah. Do you wanna’ do it? Do the contest…thing…I didn’t mean “do me” or “do it with me” or something…uhh…eheheh…I’ll shut up now.” After her first utterance of the word “it”, he had no idea what she’d just said.

“I’ll be needin’ a bit more information ‘bout the competition were I to consider participatin’.”

“Oh, cool. No prob. I think I got some flyers in my bag…s-so have you seen my saddlebags? I know I left 'em here…but I…can’t…I know it’s not your job to keep up with my stuff or anything…”

“Yer bags are right behind you, Miss Dash.”

“Oh, sweet. Thanks, man. Not saying you’re “sweet”, though! Unless…uhh…lemme get out a flyer…here…” She awkwardly passed him the cobalt blue, official-looking paper. She smiled at him uneasily. He wished she would just calm down. She was starting to make him uneasy, too. He thoroughly read the flyer's prize listings.

“Hmm…says here bronze prize is 10k bits, silver is 100k, and gold is a million. Are these figures ‘fore or after taxes?”

“Uhh…I think after. It should say on the sheet.”

“Ah, here it is. Yep. Say’s they’re after taxes. That’s an awful lotta’ money fer a simple competition, Miss Dash. The Equestrian Games don’t pay this much.”

“Well…err…that’s like…cuz this whole thing is sponsored by a ton of companies n’ shit. They pay out the prize money and use the whole thing as advertising or something. The Equestrian Games are more like symbolic…international and stuff. I dunno’. So…whaddya’ think?”

“Hmm. I ain’t so sure ‘bout this, Miss Dash.” The whole scenario was indeed a gamble, as AJ had so pointedly aforementioned.

Not only would he have to take time off from the farm to train, but he’d also have to pay an entry fee. And all this held no guarantee of winning anything at all. But he had to do something to pay off the bank debt. How long before they started to miss payments, prompting collections agents to harass them every day? (I’ll be GODDAMNED if Granny’s gotta’ sell her quilts just fer us to make ends meet.) Maybe Rainbow was right. Maybe you did need to take risks to avoid inevitable failure.

“Come on! Please! AJ says you’re the strongest pony alive all the time, dude! You’d friggin’ smash the competition!” The little Pegasus started using every filly’s natural defense mechanism: the dreaded “puppy eyes.” She probably wasn’t even aware she was using them, considering they appeared the to be the very anathema to her personality.

“Uhh…I don’t thin-“

“Please?”

“I…uhh…” He couldn’t hold out much longer. Growing up in a house full of mares had made him uncommonly susceptible to their tactics. (You’d think it’d be the other way ‘round…)

"Pretty please?"

"Well..." (Gonna'...cave soon...)

"Please?"

"I dunno..."

“Please?” He only had one option to fend off this adorable assault.

“I need time to think, Miss Dash. How ‘bout I sleep on it? I can make a decision in the mornin’.”

“Alright. That’s cool…n-no pressure, dude. Here, take the flyer so you can read it later.” She passed him a small, white piece of crinkled paper from her saddlebag. It didn’t take him long to realize her error.

“I believe this is a receipt fer a Batmare movie reel, Miss Dash.” (Why would she need somethin’ like that? Where’d she even get a movie projector?)

“Oh, shit…my bad. H-here’s the flyer.”, she said while shakily passing him the blue flyer.

“Will you be by the farm tomorrow? I can’t exactly come knockin’ on a Pegasus’s front door.”

“Oh, right. Hey, how ‘bout we meet up at Sugarcube Corner tomorrow for breakfast to talk it over? They just opened a waffle bar! My treat!”

“Hmm…I ‘spose that’s alright, but I ain’t lettin’ a lady pay my way. Ain’t right. Is 7:00 A.M. alright with you, Miss Dash?” Chivalry was only as dead to Big Mac as he himself decided it was. And he decided it wasn’t.

“O-okay, sure. 7:00 o’ clock is fine. Seeya’ then.”

“Lookin’ forward to it, Miss Dash.” She responded with a series of nervous giggles and finally took off into the late afternoon sky. After she had disappeared from view, Mac uttered two words.

“Strange filly.” He walked up to the farmhouse screen door, opening it only halfway before hearing an indignant voice wailing from the kitchen.

“But why do I even need to learn long division?! I ain’t ever gonna’ use it fer nothin’! It ain’t fair!!” Big Mac sighed with an exasperated resignation.

“Pa’s ole flask, here I come.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rainbow Dash had just returned to her cloudy apartment after a decidedly terrible night out with her spastic, pink friend. Shortly after getting to their favorite watering hole and hangout, The Horseshoe, Pinkie Pie drank eight shots of vodka and six beers by herself. Rainbow had only time enough for two beers, before her friend had gotten completely annihilated. After getting thoroughly shitfaced, she then proceeded to make a complete ass of herself by making a pass at every colt in the bar and singing karaoke drunkenly off-key while refusing to let anypony else take the stage. After Pinkie had tried to stick her tongue down the throat of a rather tough-looking, short-tempered mare’s coltfriend, the enraged mare beaned Pinkie with an empty beer bottle, splitting her scalp open and knocking her off the karaoke stage. Of course, Rainbow had been stuck footing the bill both for Pinkies drinks and her hospital bill, seeing as to how the pink nightmare was entirely broke until her next paycheck, and the night out had been Rainbow’s treat to begin with. And she still had rent to pay. (Good to see I got my priorities straight.)

“Yo, Derpy! You home!?”, she bellowed using Ditzy Do’s less than flattering nickname. Her roommate wasn’t home yet. (Probably dropped by her mouthbreather of a coltfriend’s place after work.) But another friend of her’s was home. (He’s always home. He can’t exactly fly after I took away that helicopter thing. Good thing, too. I can’t afford another concussion.)

“Tank! Here, boy! Come to Mamma!” Rainbow only used her more cutesy, gushy tone of voice when she was alone with her favorite pet tortoise. But why was she calling him? It’d likely take all night for him to make it to where she was currently standing. (Tank’s slower than a Special Ed spelling bee.) He was usually basking in the warmth of a heat lamp she’d installed, sitting on top of his little pile of blankets in her room. He was probably starving by now, seeing as she’d forgotten to feed the poor, little guy before hitting the town with Pinkie.

Rainbow walked through her fluffy living room, realizing that she really needed to clean the place up. She knew she wasn’t the reigning champ for the title of “Sloppiest Pony Alive”, but she had to at least be a contender. The entirety of the living room with strewn with pizza boxes, garbage bags placed in the corner, and more than a few empty beer cans. Derpy wasn’t much more tidy than she, so the apartment was always a sty. Ditzy could barely fly, let alone clean up the place what with her lazy eye and all. She stepped into her room across from Ditzy Doo’s, seeing her little, green friend sitting in the exact same place as she had guessed.

“D’aaaawwww…hey there, buddy. Who's a good, little tortoise? Awww…I didn’t know you were sleepin’, baby. Sorry I left ya’ all alone. You hungry? Lemme’ check your food bowl.” Tank had awoken to greet her with a barely audible croak, and Rainbow began tickling the bottom of his chin with her forehoof. Having clearly missed her thoroughly and enjoying the newfound attention, he slowly smiled at his beloved mistress, his hazely brown eyes alight with a simple love and affection. Rainbow could see he still had a good bit of fresh lettuce and tomato slices in his food bowl, and his water bowl was also full.

“What’s wrong, baby? Aren’t you hungry? Are you sick? Poor, little guy…” Tank blankly smiled at her with no indicator of any sort of malaise. Maybe he was still full from breakfast and lunch.

Rainbow decided to take advantage of her roommate’s absence and opened a drawer in the night stand by her bed, procuring a small, black box and a translucent, plastic bag of what appeared to be a clumpy oregano seasoning. She set the baggie on her bed and opened her closet, setting her signature saddlebags down inside. She picked up Tank and laid back on her bed, sitting him on her stomach (Man, you’re getting heavy, bro.) After taking the small, orange bong and lighter out of the box, she loaded the bong with a substantial chunk of verdant kush. She lit the protruding stem filled with green wonder and took in a massive lungful of the acrid, psychoactive smoke. Almost immediately, the entire day’s embarrassments, fears, and problems evaporated. She held the smoke for longer than she could normally, coughing and sputtering it out. (Damn, this shit is strong. Where does Scratch get this stuff?)

After several more massive insufflations from the bubbling water pipe, she was completely relaxed, feeling almost goofy with pleasure and a sense of general well being. A giggling fit overtook her as Tank slid off her torso, rolling upside down while trying to kick his legs to right himself. She rolled him back on top of her and took one last puff, fully depleting the last of the cannabis. (Crap. At least I got a few grams left, though.) She didn't smoke very often...usually just when she had an extraordinarily crappy day like this one. If she laid about all the time smoking weed and acting like a lazy stoner, she wouldn't have the drive or motivation to practice her flying or take on her Element of Loyalty-related duties. The giggly delirium began forcing her mind to take a philosophical assessment of her life thus far, using her tortoise as the sole listener in a captive audience. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to mind much. She began manically chattering, her voice mildly distorted and slurred from the pot smoke.

“Well, Tank, I’m a twenty year old mare who’s probably getting laid off from her job soon. I live in this crappy apartment with a wall-eyed roomie who’d probably freak out and think we’re gonna’ get arrested or something if she caught me smoking. She always was a goody two-hooves. All my friends are busy with their own things, and I have to come up with this month’s rent in a week. Not to mention tuition for the Academy’s next training semester. That isn’t til December, though. Spitfire and Soarin’ are too busy with their show schedule during most of the year to have any more than one class of cadets. At least they made me a captain...that was neat. But still... Make’s ya’ wonder how they even manage to keep their numbers up when they only have one class a year, huh? Speakin' a' which, I think I'm getting a little chunky around the midsection, 'cuz I haven't been keeping up with my training like I should. I think I need to lay off eating at Sugarcube Corner everyday. All the pizza and beer probably ain't helpin' either. Whaddya' think, Tank?” The tortoise merely smiled at her. Rainbow directed her pot-addled thoughts to her pink friend’s exploits.

“And like, dude! Don’t even get me started on friggin’ Pinkie! She almost got us permanently banned from The Horseshoe! That’s one of the few places in town that doesn’t completely suck. Hold on a second, though. Imma’ put some music on.”

She gently laid her little friend on the Wonderbolts-themed bed, rose to her hooves, and walked towards her closet, feeling a bit more wobbly than normal (This stuff is friggin’ top shelf.) The cloudy walls seemed to vacillate back and forth, making it a bit disorienting for her to walk. She took out a small stereo and cassette player and stuffed a single, nearby tape of her favorite hair metal band in the open slot. She plugged the stereo into the wall socket by her night stand and pressed the play button, getting back into bed to resume her retrospective tangent with her tortoise friend’s company. (Ain’t technology rad?)

The wailing guitar and high-pitched voice of the frontman for Love Battalion, Lyle Sixstrings, filled her bedroom. After letting a simple nostalgia wash over her during the initial song’s chaotic intro, the power ballad slowly quieted into decrescendo. The melodic crooning of her favorite lead vocalist filled the room.. The soft yet powerful sound of Lyle’s voice had always had a strong effect on her emotions, often even bringing her to tears. She decided to let the song end before continuing her one-sided conversation with Tank. She held him close in her forelegs and sang along quietly to the chorus, feeling confident no pony else was aware of her vulnerability.

“Baby, I’ll never let you go!!

No matter what you say!

When you leave me, I’m always low.

You’re in my heart now here to stay!

Angel, I’d die for you tonight!!

To save you from this Hell!!

For your love, I’ll gladly fight!

Every battle without fail!!

I’ll never let you go… The soft crooning trailed off into silence.

The song opened up again with a dramatic guitar solo, frantically discharging it’s romantic melody in an epic climax. Rainbow giggled at the power ballad’s melodramatic conclusion. If any of her friends (or if he’d seen me) had seen her singing along to the dated chorus, she’d have been mortified. She knew Love Battalion was a little cheesy and outdated, but the band meant something special to her. Her dad had been a fan of their music back when he was dating her mother in high school, and he had passed his love for their bombastic, romantic style of hair metal onto his only daughter. (Or is it glam metal?) Thinking of her father disconcerted her, so she decided to continue her day’s debriefing with Tank.

“Oh, yeah. I never finished telling you about my day. Still wanna’ hear it? Or is it too boring?” The tortoise only smiled lovingly at her with that simple kind of affection only seen between a pet and it’s master. Apparently, he was just happy to be along for the ride. She affectionately rubbed her nose into his neck and squealed when he playfully nipped at her ear.

“Heheheh…well about tonight, that’s just Pinkie Pie’s MO. Get drunk. Fuck shit up. Rinse. Repeat. She had over 80 bits in drinks! It was my turn to pay, so I told her to just get whatever she wanted. Big mistake, dude. About eight shooters and a full six pack, man! She just went apeshit after that…like…jeez, I dunno’…she started mackin’ on every stallion in the place and wouldn’t get off the karaoke stage. She friggin’ tongued this one girl’s boyfriend!! That bitch got mad and smashed a bottle on her melon. I had to take her to the friggin’ meat factory to get her dome fixed. Of course...she passed out on the way. Take a guess who had to carry her fat ass? Trust me. Earth ponies are friggin’ heavy. She had to get six stitches, dude. The doc took her blood alcohol level before that, and said it was almost .38!! He said if she’d weighed only about ten pounds less, she woulda’ died! He couldn’t even staple her head back together until they stabilized her ‘n shit. They’re keeping her overnight. They got her hooked up to a catheter and an IV or somethin’. “Hemodialysis,” whatever that means. Of course, I had to pay for the stitches. Pinkie blew through all her paycheck the last time we hung out. Can you believe that shit?!”

Rainbow knew that she loved Pinkie Pie dearly, but the pink-hued embodiment of the Element of Laughter was almost a constant source of chaos and problems. Pinkie had a remarkable penchant for destroying things unintentionally and throwing wild parties. Rainbow herself was a bit impulsive and liked to mix it up a little now and then as much as the next pony, but Pinkie Pie rivaled Discord in terms of random bullshit and reckless abandon. Rainbow had been sincerely worried for her friend’s life, and she’d most certainly give her an earful as soon as she was released from the hospital. Not that it would do any good...Pinkie didn't seem to have the capacity for learning from her mistakes. Rainbow was rather selfish herself at times, but she was usually mindful of her friends’ feelings and tried to keep them from worrying about her…for the most part. (Like with AJ earlier today.)

But despite all the night’s negativity, she didn’t regret bringing her along. Pinkie was always the life of the party, and her mere presence was a practical guarantee of fun. Rainbow had thoroughly enjoyed her single hour at the bar with Pinkie more so than any other hour all week. Before she got too hammered, the Horseshoe’s entire patronage was trying to hang out with her. After she’d sung her first song on the karaoke stage, everypony was cheering for her, egging her on, and offering to buy her drinks. (She’s an awesome singer. That’s nothing special, though. It’s getting her to shut up that’s impressive.)

A sudden pang of jealousy struck her. Rainbow wasn’t jealous of Pinkie simply due to the fact that she herself wasn’t the center of attention in her company, a scenario for which she staunchly reserved a special sort of loathing. It was something else that had bothered her much more. All the single colts had been trying to get Pinkie’s number. Not a one noticed Rainbow. She had been reduced to playing damage control for her drunken friend. She practically had to tackle the bartender just to get another beer, because he was too busy flirting with Pinkie. (Some wing-girl she was.) A simple acknowledgement from at least one of them would've been nice, let alone anything more intimate.

“I guess…I AM a little jealous of Pinkie. Nopony knows how to draw a crowd like her…but then again…sometimes that's a bad thing. No pony even noticed me. If I’m not flyin’ stunts or doin’ some extreme shit, I may as well not exist so far as most ponies here are concerned. Remember how I’ve been worried about my job all day? Well, I flew out to AJ’s to see if she’d sign up with me for that Iron Pony competition in Canterlot in three months. I saw the advertisement for it in the paper at lunch. The 1st place gold medalists get a million bit prize! Long story short: AJ shot me down, ‘cuz she had to deal with the harvest. I tried to hoof wrestle to get to get her to join…but she…friggin’ annihilated me. I got so pissed, I blew up in her face and called her a “shitty friend.” I apologized later, but I think the damage was done. AJ didn’t have to show me up in front of Big Red like that…he saw the whole thing, dude. I wanted to like…crawl inna’ whole and die. Then again, maybe I shouldn't have tried wrestling her.” The thought of Ponyville’s most sought after bachelor brought a pink taint to her light blue cheeks. What did he think of her, after she’d gotten so easily thrashed and insulted his baby sister like that?

The only other times in her life where she had been this embarrassed were the Zucchini Incident, almost all of her high school days, the Gabby Gums Incident, and when she’d tried hitting on Thunderlane, one of her coworkers at the station. Rainbow had always found the black stallion striking, but she couldn’t muster the courage to ask him out sober. Of course, the whole thing blew up in her face after she found out that the mohawked Pegasus was already dating one of her other coworkers, Blossomforth. It had been exceptionally awkward working with the two of them on the task of transporting emergency rainwater to Cloudsdale with tornado power.

She should have guessed where Blossomforth had gotten that cough. (Thunderlane's friggin' tongue down her throat.) Rainbow had always held a torch for Big Mac, but sometimes he seemed like an impossible goal. Besides...she needed to get comfortable just dating and talking to colts were she to even have a chance with the big, red stallion. Plus...she wanted to know how to do...that...she wanted to be good at it. Then she could be normal. Enjoy herself. And she needed to be good at it for another reason. So she could keep him...Big Mac...he wouldn't hang around if she was boring in the sack. (Is he really like that?) But she wasn't just some stupid, dowdy chick who couldn't even think straight if a colt so much as winked at her! She was independent. Strong...confident....fearless...awesome (lonely....angry...depressed...bitter.)

As awkward as it was to have to still work with Thunderlane and Blossomforth after all that, having to deal with her high school tormentor and her lackey, Flitter and Cloudchaser respectively, in a professional capacity the same day had been worse...whether Rainbow had been in charge of them or not. Cloudchaser was okay when she was by herself, albeit she was still somewhat of a cunt...but when she was with Flitter...the duo were Hell on Earth for Rainbow. The entire rainwater-collecting ordeal they had discreetly harangued her, calling her "lesbo"...saying she was overcompensating for something...whispering insults back and forth...snickering. They had even insulted her to her face, telling her that they didn't mind the fact that she was in charge that day. They said as pathetic and worthless she was, the least ponies could do for her was let her run a simple rainwater collection.

She was self-conscious of her scratchy voice...her disheveled appearance...her androgyny...her lack of social skills...and her sexuality. Flitter had exploited all of these things to fuck with her back in high school. And the bitch had only done it out of sheer boredom! Rainbow had been devastated....she dreaded going to school everyday, knowing she would just get humiliated in some new, inventive way of Flitter's making. Rainbow recalled once how Flitter had stolen her jersey that she wore running for the track team...when Rainbow finally go it back Flitter had changed her nametape from "Rainbow Dash" to "Angry Dyke." Rainbow hadn't known about the change...of course, not until the audience kept snickering at her one day during an important track meet. Flitter had even changed her name on the roster so the announcer would call it out unintentionally. And he had...over the intercomm...for everypony to hear. (At least the bitch was creative.) And Rainbow couldn't just kick her ass...although she'd considered it. That would only validate the rumors.

But that was only an example of one of Flitter's less damaging schemes. She later did much worse. Rainbow couldn't deal with it all time. She had pleaded with her mother to let her drop out, a prospect for which the well-educated mare reserved a great disdain. But that wasn't what had caused it all. She knew where it had all started...that day in that public restroom...those teeth...that tattoo...her father. The blood. How awful it had been. ("Hush now, baby doll." Don't think about that!!!...nononofucknoplease..) She banished the obscenities from her thoughts. She wasn't ready to face them yet.

Flitter did this all behind her back, of course. But that was how she operated. She pretended to be all sweet and nice at first...then she tore into you like a wolverine once you had your back turned. Most ponies had no idea how loathsome the greyish lilac Pegasus truly was. Rainbow knew she sometimes babysat foals for extra cash. The parents who hired her didn't know how vile the girl who was to watch their foals truly was. She didn't understand why Flitter even needed the money. Wasn't her dad some sort of filthy- rich asshole who owned a petroleum business based in Manehattan? Why did Flitter even need a job?

Fluttershy had barely been insulted by the two bitchy Pegasi that day before running off to feel sorry for herself. She had no idea how badly they had slandered and bullied Rainbow her freshman year. The thought made Rainbow's blood boil. Everypony always ran off to check on Fluttershy's feelings while she had to constantly be the "tough one." No pony gave a fuck about her feelings in high school when her reputation had been destroyed, demolishing any attempt at making new friends. Her current friends just assumed she was immune to insults. Immune to being put down...or ignored. They thought she had an immutable resolve...an unwavering confidence in herself. They meant well..but...they didn't get it. Get her.

Gilda had been her only friend before Rainbow met Twilight and the others. She had met Gilda at the Junior Flyers class when she was just eight years old...just before she had performed her first Sonic Rainboom by beating those three a-hole colts who were teasing Fluttershy in a race. Fluttershy had been grateful, but she wouldn't become a close friend of Rainbow's until some years later. Except for...a certain friend she had made several years ago, the butch Griffoness had been her only friend. Gilda told Rainbow that she had to be a bitch...a complete hard-assed cunt...she had to be tougher than anypony else to get what she wanted in life...to get people to stop teasing her.

But hanging out with Gilda for so long came with a price. Eventually, rumors about the two of them spread...rumors about what the two of them did with each other. False rumors. The Griffoness's masculine behavior had earned her a reputation as a bull dyke all through middle school...and Rainbow was her girlfriend. Eventually, the two of them just grew apart until Gilda's more recent visit to Ponyville. But the theory of them had persisted all the way up to the current. The rumors had been devastating...the snickering...the looks...they didn't get it. Rainbow knew it wasn't true about either of them, surprising as that may have been. Gilda had been dating some male Griffon who worked at the train yard in Fillydelphia. Gilda made the guy out to be some kind of badass. Supposedly, he was a recently Equestrianized citizen who had been some sort of commando when he was in the Gryphonic Military...Rainbow wasn't sure about all that. Gilda lied a lot. But she had seen the two of them together once. She was straight. (Certainly didn't act like it, though.)

But Lightning Dust wasn't. The turqoise-coated Pegasus had made a pass at Rainbow once, while the two of them were partnered at the Wonderbolts Academy. At first, she had thought Lightning was pretty cool...and she was at first. But the girl had propositioned Rainbow one night in the mare's dorm... After Rainbow turned her down, the two of them had to continue working together...it had been exceedingly awkward. Rainbow knew that much of the reason Lightning Dust had behaved so recklessly was to impress Dash...(ugh)...and after getting shot down, the girl had stopped giving a fuck. She endangered Rainbow's other teammates...and her best friends. That had pissed her off substantially, but the new set of rumors about their supposed relationship with one another were almost as bad. The other cadets thought the two of them had had a lover's spat. They didn't get it. Rainbow didn't have any specific beef with homosexuals, but it was sickening to her to be accused of being something that she wasn't. It was the equivalent of asking a mare who wasn't pregnant "when's the baby due?"

Rainbow had no pony to really confide in...she had Tank but he wasn't much of a talker. When she was feeling shitty, she had to just bottle it all up. She sympathized with stallions a bit...she knew how it felt...to not let anything out like that. She had to be tough. Fearless. She went through much of her teens...feeling bitter...angry...until she'd met her five friends some time later, Rainbow had been alone for much of her life. (But everypony stop what you're doing!! Fluttershy's got another personal crisis!!) Her expression darkened. Ponies always reached out to her, no matter how shyly and pitifully she behaved. Rainbow always had to suck it up and keep on keeping on. A small part of her resented all of her five friends' abilities to garner attention with little effort , albeit she knew this was an awful thing to think. Rainbow had frequently lashed out at them out of jealousy...they just took the abuse in stride. They were such good friends. She didn't deserve them.

Her bombastic behavior was partially a cover for her low self-image. She always needed to be noticed. Liked. Validated. Her friends had humiliated her once with the whole Mare Do Well Incident. They had meant well, but it'd had an awful effect on her local image. Most ponies thought she was just full of herself, jumping around in public declaration of how "awesome" she was. Even after having saved that filly from the well and all those old folks at the retirement center, Ponyville had forgotten her. (Fucking ingrates...) No matter how many Rainbooms she performed...no matter what a heroine she tried to be...the only things they remembered were their perceptions that she was arrogant...cocky...crass...rude...and gay.

Her friends had meant well...but they didn't truly know her on the inside. The part of herself she hid. The part she wanted to share with somepony special...more than anything. She had lied before about herself to boost her self-esteem. Her friends always called her on it...but the others didn't know fact from fiction. She was proud of herself for her flying abilities...but she needed more. No. Fuck that. She was motherfucking Rainbow Dash!! She wasn't some frail, little filly who couldn't deal with adversity (unlike Fluttershy). She was tough. She was brave. She didn't take shit from anypony! Nope. She was awesome. The ponies that didn't like her were just assholes. She wasn't some whiny, gawky teenager anymore. She wouldn't just sit here and pity herself! She wasn't like one of those "cutters" or hipsters who wrote poetry about being sad or some shit! The THC's euphoria had seemingly faded after thinking such somber thoughts. Thankfully, another thought lightened her mood substantially

“But it ain’t all bad! Turns out, I got Big Mac interested in competing! He wants to use the prize money to pay the bank off, so they don’t repo the farm. He’s like…the strongest dude ever. Half the events are strength-based, so I think our chances are pretty good. Worst case scenario is we both just end up with silver or bronze. Still pretty sweet, though. But...I…uhh…kinda acted like a spaz talkin’ to ‘im at first, though…you know?...after AJ left me alone with him. I even handed 'im my Batmare receipt instead of the flyer!" The thought of her awkward behavior hours before sent her into another giggling fit.

“Jeez…It’s not so bad when I got other ponies around and he’s there…he usually just sorta’ chills in the background. It’s when I’m alone with him…I kinda’ don’t know what to do. Who’d have guessed the hottest guy in town was related to friggin’ AJ? How does anypony even get that jacked? I guess I don’t know to talk to colts too well. I don’t wanna’ like ask Rarity for help, ‘cuz she’d blab it all over town. You’re pretty much the closest thing I’ve ever had to a boyfriend…hey, don’t look at me like that! I didn’t mean anything like THAT. I ain’t that desperate, Tank.” Maybe not...but she was pretty desperate. And alone. Always alone. In her bed...where her friends couldn't follow...tell her what she needed to hear.

“But back to Mac, I get all…you know…twitchy and nervous and say stupid shit. I don’t think he’s all the way on board with the competition, ‘cuz he said he’d sleep on it. I’m meeting him tomorrow morning for breakfast to hear his decision. I’m actually feeling pretty good about him signing up. It’s hard to be negative when you got an endless waffle bar! That’ll be three months of training together until we compete. So, I’ll get to spend a lot of time with him…get to know ‘im…maybe uhh…I’ll like…start to grow on him? I know all the mares in town are gonna’ be so jelly! So…yeah. I’m pretty stoked!”

The tortoise only continued his loving vigil over her, being fully incapable of understanding a word of Rainbow’s giggly, THC-induced tangent. Rainbow knew the day had been a rough one, but her coming breakfast rendezvous with Big Macintosh had put it in an optimistic light. She wasn't some amorous imbecile who only cared about what the boys thought of her. She just wanted one of them. One to think highly of her. Then she'd be satisfied. Just one...just a certain Apple stallion...that's all she wanted. Well, that and to become a Wonderbolt. Obviously. She didn't feel it was too much to ask for. It was a pretty humble wishlist. There were tons of guys out there, so it wouldn't be as though she were depleting their availability. And Rainbow was likely already the best flyer in all Equestria...so it wasn't as though she didn't deserve to be a Wonderbolt. After all she'd done for Ponyville and Equestria? (Huh! Don't even!) Stopping Nightmare Moon, Discord, and Queen Chrysalis with her friends... It was the very least the universe could do to reward her good karma.

All in all, Rainbow decided that her life wasn’t so bad. Her corporate interview with the Nimbus auditors was in three days, but Stan had made a good point about her almost exclusively handling all of Ponyville’s weather. Maybe they would decide to keep her? She’d still have plenty of time to train for the competition. Maybe she was having a turn of luck for the better. She put away the drug paraphernalia and set Tank on top his blankets, kissing the top of his head and bidding him good night. She turned off the hair metal-blasting stereo and jumped into bed. After snuggling under her covers and finding the most comfortable position, she slowly began drifting off…but one last thought graced her mind that she chose to speak aloud…

“Silver lining, I’m sorry I doubted you.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Big Macintosh was dreaming. He didn’t know it at first, as he was dreaming himself lying in his bed with his bedroom window open. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary upon his initial assessment with the granted exception of a rather strong wind blowing into the room with a considerable intensity. But as he gradually became aware he was dreaming, he began to suspect something was off. It was subtle at first. This bedroom that his subconscious had fabricated looked very similar to it’s real life counterpart. But everything just seemed…slightly wrong… It was an unnerving, eerie feeling that felt a bit similar to the feeling that somepony might get upon returning to his home, expecting all of his belongings to be as he’d left them, but he discovers everything had been moved to a just barely discernible degree. This strange, surreal bedroom was difficult to differentiate from his actual bedroom, and that fact only seemed to amplify the inherent “wrongness” of it. Slowly, he began to notice all that was different about the dream room, rising from his bed to closer investigate the anomalies.

The floorboards were strangely warped, forming bizarre patterns and uneven footing. His curtains weren’t flowing with the wind at all, despite the powerful, howling onslaught blowing against them. Upon closer examination of his typically cream-colored, apple patterned wallpaper, he found that the color had changed to a sickly yellow hue, and the perfectly aligned rows and columns of apple shapes had been replaced by small images of disembodied eyes, lips, and teeth that ascribed to no such order. But the most disturbing aberration was the moonlight that was painting his dreamworld bedroom with a nauseating, hospital green light. Big Mac began to feel afraid. His fear was exacerbated by a sudden noise coming from inside his closet.

Mac could barely breathe. He slowly approached. A new, unearthly sound began it’s assault on his sanity: The somewhat quiet sound of a stallion’s muffled screams coming in the form of radio static. Mac stepped back from the folding closet door, as he watched it begin to dissolve into a gooey mass of brown liquid all across the unevenly warped floor. A tall figure standing on two legs emerged, emitting the garbled, static gibberish with an increased volume. The petrified Apple stallion immediately recognized the figure as it stepped into the obscene moonlight.

“Pa?! Is that you?! The fuck is go-“ He stopped himself in mid-sentence upon making an awful discovery. Although it was somewhat uncommon for most ponies to walk about on two legs, it wasn’t incredibly rare or at all strange. No. What horrified Mac was seeing his father’s once gentle, mischievous countenance had changed to a blank, emotionless stare. The sienna brown-coated, dirty blonde-maned older stallion stared mindlessly towards the bedroom door which lead to the upstairs hallway. The bizarre imposter’s eyes were opened so wide, that they appeared virtually devoid of eyelids. It began walking forward towards the door with an utterly alien gait, making a metallic tinkling sound with every step as though it were filled with bottle caps. The creature’s joints popped and crackled with every movement, as it continued it’s unnatural stride toward the door with sudden, jerked movements. All the while it continued to emit it’s static nonsense.

Big Mac watched his bedroom door dissolve into liquid the same as did his closet upon the touch of his mannequin-father’s hoof. The unworldly creature walked into the open bathroom that Mac regularly used, the bright light switching on entirely of it’s own volition. He could now see this bizarre creature in full detail, albeit he would soon regret it. The creature’s skin looked…leathery…and shiny…almost like an inflatable raft or balloon. The anomalous imposter squared up with the bathroom mirror, stopping it’s strange walk to stare into it as though it were some great, reflective void. Mac nervously followed it and stood just behind it at an angle to the door. Then…the static stopped suddenly.

Mac was treated to yet another horror, as the father-creature leaned over the sink and began vomiting a long torrent of single- bit, copper pieces into it. With it’s load of coins lying now in the sink, the father-creature looked completely deflated and was replete with the now wrinkled folds of it’s skin. It’s crinkled, leathery countenance suddenly twisted it’s neck, swiveling it’s head around towards where Big Mac was standing at an angle and velocity that surely would have been the death of a real pony. It opened it’s gaping, deflated maw and again began emitting it’s blood chilling static. The otherworldly mouth of the creature also began spewing in equal abundance what Mac recognized by smell to be tobacco smoke.

The surreal voice screaming through the garbled mess of smoke and static seemed a bit more discernibly clear. The bizarre, alien shrieks seemed to now consist of a single, muddled sentence, playing in an endless loop. Incapable of moving or even doing anything really from sheer terror, Mac tried to comprehend the horrible gibberish. Once again, he wished he hadn’t. He slowly became aware of yet another noise coming from right behind him. It was a slow, rattled breathing sound…the breath sounded moist, as though it’s owner’s lungs were full of fluid. It was the breathing of a mare. Big Mac finally understood what this deflated aberration's looped message was attempting to communicate. Horror swallowed his mind..

“Your mother is here, too.”

Mac dropped to the floor in a fetal position, covering his eyes with his hooves and shrieking in abject terror…praying that it would all just go away. His wish was granted. Slowly, the surreal bedroom and bathroom faded from his subconscious mind, as he drifted into the sweet, merciful oblivion of a new, dreamless sleep. He awoke some time later, checking the alarm clock sitting atop his bedside nightstand and spoke aloud it’s proclamation of the hour.

“4:31 A.M……”

He laid his head back down on his pillow and stared up at the ceiling. For the first time in what had seemed an eternity, he began hysterically sobbing like a child.

Author's Note

I'm not condoning drug use, by the way. Just seemed like something Rainbow might do habitually.

As for the slow development of the story, just be patient. This is going to be a LONG story, my friends.
I solemnly swear to make a marginally sufficient effort to improve the story in later chapters.

And OH! But how sufficient it will be! Tolerable even!

Chapter Three: Two Kinds of Dreams

Big Mac was on his way to town for his scheduled rendezvous with a certain blue Pegasus. The morning sun was once again showering Ponyville in it's full, candescent glory, promising another day of beauty and warmth. This boon, however, still wasn't enough to drown out Big Mac's contemplations of last night's nightmare. Despite it's bizarre surrealism, the dream had been so lucid. He remembered every detail of it. Also, the things ponies dreamed in nightmares usually didn't seem so frightening with retrospect, seeing as the conscious mind functioned differently than the subconscious. He remembered how one of his foalhood nightmares had sent him running to his parents' bedroom (Man, I wish I hadn't caught 'em doin'...THAT. But that's how AJ got here...) with utter horror. Even though he had been too young to understand the psychological implications of it all, his five year old self realized the next morning how stupid and not at all scary the dream had been.

This most recent dream wasn't the case. Simply thinking about it still sent nauseating chills throughout his body. And it had been so strange...not in a million years could he have imagined it. He knew that dreams were subconscious amalgams comprised only of what the conscious mind had seen or thought...but this...? It had seemed custom-tailored to make him almost shit himself. He probably would have, if the dream had occurred in real life. And he didn't need to talk to a psychologist to know what the dream was about. (My psychosomatic know-how is rudimentary at best, but it ain't too hard to figure out.) Thankfully...as disturbing as the dream had been...it hadn't been his recurring dream. The one he had been having ever since he'd returned home...running in a bog...mire..whatever the fuck. Swamp, maybe? It filled him with dread to even recall a single detail, so he decided to divert his thoughts to other things.

Mac banished the obscenity of the nightmares from his thoughts and continued down the old, forested country road that lead to Ponyville, trying to relax his worry-laden mind. He took in the sweet smells of the earth, trees, and flowers. He exhaled a heavy breath, and the horror of last night's dream loosened it's hold on him. He could see the taller buildings peeking over the forested road's treeline. Ponyville was fairly small, but some ponies had decided it was large enough to warrant a general hospital, movie theater, and train station. When he was just a colt, the town had existed just outside the borders of the Equestrian Empire.

Even though his grandmother's famous recipe for Zap Apple Jam had put Ponyville on the map (somewhat) and expanded it's population to over 600, Mac knew that the majority of the town's current population had only moved there in the past ten years. Most of the immigrants were city-folk from Fillydelphia and Manehattan who were disenchanted with the depressing, utilitarian concrete cityscape and excessive noise. Ponyville had turned from a tiny pioneer settlement that skirted the edge of civilization into a quaint, little country town replete with suburbs and charming shops. These late-comers, having arrived after most of the hazards of the wilderness had been tamed, had virtually no idea how dangerous living here had been in his grandmother's youth.

Back in those Frontier Days, the town consisted of only 56 ponies, all of them pioneers and settlers from neighboring border towns. His eight year old grandmother's family had been the first to settle the land 70 years ago, building a diminutive log cabin on where the now two-story farmhouse stood. Princess Celestia and the Imperial Senate had collaborated to create the Pioneer Amnesty Act as an incentive for ponies to expand the Empire's borders into unsettled lands. The act guaranteed that there would be no taxes or fees levied whatsoever upon any pioneer pony's settled land upon it's annexation into the Empire, and any property settled or claimed there prior to annexation was entirely owned by it's original proprietor. This meant anypony's family could claim jump any plot of land in the wilderness without having to submit twenty request forms and jump through all the red tape of the Imperium. Tax-free.

It was a decent incentive...but most ponies knew better. Those had been some rough years. He was surprised his great-grandparents had even been able to survive, let alone start settling the area. The unsettled lands near the borders were horribly dangerous, as they were both in close proximity to the Everfree Forest and the Drackenridge Mountains. The settlers had virtually no protection from the Equestrian military, and they had to constantly fend for themselves. Although the Apples had never encountered the bandits (Thank God..) or the hydras and manticores of the forest (They knew better'n to go traipsing off inta' the woods...usually.), the timber wolves attacked them in no short supply.

The timber wolves were magical constructs comprised of fallen timber from trees that formed into massive, hyper-aggressive, wolf-like automatons. They had virtually no intelligence to speak of, attacked and killed anypony on sight, and couldn't feel fear or pain. Those kinds of constructs could only be animated by a rune resulting from a very powerful unicorn's final spell: a death curse. The Everfree Forest from whence they came was in an inconveniently close proximity to Sweet Apple Acres. His great-grandparents, parents, and even his current family had fought them off. Seeing as the wolves had been a near constancy in Sweet Apple Acre's history, they had almost seemed like estranged family to Big Mac.

No matter how many times the Apples had fended off the beasts with torches and axes, they always returned in greater numbers and ferocity. The death rune that kept reanimating the timber wolves replenished itself with every full moon. Normally, runes this powerful were cast by Imperial Unicorn sorcerers in the form of warding runes to suppress the aggression of wild animals and destructive weather. Some ponies said the warding runes had a secondary, more dubious purpose, but Mac doubted this. Mac knew that a series of four runes like these had been cast around the town by an official entourage from the Castle after Ponyville's annexation. It was powerful magic...one of Twilight Sparkle's duties was to report any magical anomalies she found in Ponyville. The runes included.

The Apples were simple folk (in the exception of Ma), and as such had no idea that they could lift the curse by finding the spot of it's creator's death rune and casting a dispelling rune to scatter the source of the dark magic. Mac had learned this while training in one of the many prerequisite schools for his later recruitment into the SF. An Earth pony or Pegasus could use a dead Unicorn's horn as a catalyst for the spell and activate it by shocking or igniting it. Thanks to his extensive campaigns against the bandits, Mac had many of these horns...albeit most ponies would be horrified to find them in his possession...for practical reasons or otherwise. But the horns he had hidden in the tool shed came in handy one day after AJ had been attacked by the timber wolves during the incident with Spike's "Dragon Code."

He had gone out into the forest, using a piece of tree limb broken from a timber wolf as a divining rod to find the death rune. As he got closer to the curse's locus, the tree branch vibrated more and more violently until he came upon the desired spot: an unremarkable patch of dirt near the center of the forest. Every nearby piece of wood was vibrating or twitching, threatening to come alive upon the curse's next surge of lunar power. After drawing the counter rune, planting the horn into the ground, and igniting the copious amounts of lighter fluid he'd poured over it, the curse ended anticlimactically with not a single indication of it's passing. The wolves never returned. No pony ever had any idea as to who cast the curse or why.

"Not that it mattered none. Curse was gone. So was the asshole who done cast it. But them bandits...man...they made the wolves look trivial after some of the shit I heard 'em do."

The Drackenridge Bandits had earned a horrible reputation throughout Equestria as the most fearless and insane criminals in all of the Empire's history . No pony dared to even come near the mountain range. ('Cept fer AJ and her crazy, little friends...) Only dragons flew over the mountains and roosted there occasionally, but even they weren't safe from the wrath of the local, meth-addled ponies. After a while, large trophies made of dragon bones began to be displayed on the outskirts of the mountain range, serving as warnings against entering their territory. There was such a minimal chance of surviving a trek through those mountains that ponies used the phrase "going to Drackenridge" as a euphemism for suicide. Despite the unnerving similarities between the Badlands bandits he had fought and the ones from Drackenridge , Mac knew the ones from his grandmother's youth were worse.

The bandits were especially vicious and dangerous, seeing as to how all of them were escaped convicts from a nearby high-security military prison. There was a reason the Equestrian government had wanted the prison as far away as possible from the more populated areas, isolated and hidden in the desolate Drackenridge Mountains. Fort Leavenhoof had been home to over 400 former soldiers who'd been convicted of only the most heinous crimes (murder, rape, pedophilia, torture,...sometimes all four in one..), as the more mild-mannered military convicts were housed in their duty stations' local brigs. The high-security prison hosted a wide array of offenders and offenses. But they all had one thing in common: addiction.

Over 70 years ago, the Imperial Army began experimenting with a newfound chemical cocktail of methamphetamine laced with phencyclidine and opioid painkillers that had been discovered by Neighponese chemists. The untested drug seemed to show great promise for martial use, as it promoted aggression and fearlessness in soldiers and greatly mitigated the need for food or sleep. Strangely, the relatively unevaluated drug was immediately put to use...the consequences were severe. High-ranking military leaders began authorizing the drug's generous distribution to an elite recon company in the form of tablets included in their first aid kits. (Project Heathendust...hmm..fittin'.) The results were horrific. The subsequent bouts of stimulant psychosis, maddened hallucinations, and withdrawal drove many of them completely insane, leading to terrible acts of psychotic rage. As an added bonus, the hallucinogenic state of lowered inhibitions coupled with an increased libido lead to multiple cases of rape...even pedophilia. It was entirely unknown as to which military leaders had authorized the drug's distribution...no pony acknowledged responsibility. Of course, Project Heathendust was top secret. Celestia herself hadn't even known about it.

The Leavenhoof Maximum Security Prison was built almost exclusively to house the test subjects of Project Heathendust, but it was only allotted a small handful of guards and a disproportionately large armory. It didn't take long (in fact, only a month) for the well-trained convicts to devise a plan of escape: flooding every toilet in their cells at once with toilet paper and feigning mass suicide. The guards had no choice but to try and restrain each prisoner outside his cell to stop the "suicide" or clean the mess. Mac knew brig guards weren't too bright...he'd been to the brig himself once. The resulting massacre was a chilling tale in Equestrian history as each prison guard was brutally murdered and sodomized...and not necessarily in that order. The convicts appropriated the armory for themselves and took to the nearby mountain range to take up banditry as a means of income to feed their new addiction. And they were in no shortage of supply due to the fact that the massive military warehouses stocked with "heathendust" had been raided by enterprising drug dealers from within the military itself. These dealers had somehow stolen enough heathendust, barbiturates, combat amphetamines, and medical morphine to keep the bandits on the wagon for years. What especially bothered Mac was that he and his unit had found quite a bit of the very same antiquated boxes of drugs in the camps of the Badlands bandits as well.

The years of chaos resulting from the bandits' rampaging throughout the countryside led to an inevitable military campaign commanded by Princess Celestia herself, where she led several battalions into the dreaded mountains to end the madness once and for all. She had the numbers and logistics, but she hadn't taken into account the inferior training of her small army of regulars and the fearless violence of the bandits' guerrilla-style ambushes. The end result wasn't pretty. Over 4,000 regulars and every last bandit had died in the ensuing battle. (All 'cept fer one.) In total, the mad stallions of Drackenridge had claimed the lives of thousands of settlers and soldiers. An unusually tall and exceptionally insane pony called "Long John" had been both the bandits' former company commander and leader. Long John was said to have been the worst one of them all, which made sense if one considered the company he kept. The stories about what the mad Earth stallion had done even gave Mac himself chills. Long John and the drug dealers were never caught...just like the mysterious leader of the Badlands bandits. They had snuffed out several of his (or maybe "her?") lieutenants, but he had never been so much as been identified. But somepony had to have rallied them all together. The only lieutenant captured alive for interrogation merely spit at them when asked about her chain of command.

But Mac and his squadmates had uncovered one tidbit of information from her: She had visited the ruins of Ft. Leavenhoof to meet somepony important. Sadly, this unreliable scrap of knowledge wasn't enough to merit even a quick investigation of the place. But it made too much sense to Mac to entirely dismiss it. The infamy of the deserted old prison would have made it a perfect rendezvous spot for bandits wanting to avoid surveillance. The locals stayed far away from it. Some ponies said that the ruins of Ft. Leavenhoof were haunted. Mac had heard stories that some of the more adventurous ponies had encountered nightshades living in the burnt halls of the prison. Nightshades were things of pure legend...no pony really knew exactly what they were, but they were supposedly drawn to places of madness and death like asylums, battlefields, and prisons. These creatures were purported to be the embodiment of absolute terror...were they to even exist. But Mac had no desire to travel to the infamous prison to confirm their existence. Hearsay was good enough for him.

Mac couldn't help but shudder at the thought that his sweet, little grandmother may have never made it to her current age, if the mad stallions of Drackenridge had decided that her fledgling community was worth a visit. It was one of the reasons he had enlisted in the first place: to protect his family and restore the military's lost honor. It was a noble goal, but it was also the idealism of a naive colt. (It rarely works out the way ya' plan.) The Drackenridge Bandits themselves had been former military, ergo it was no guarantee of honorable conduct. There had also been an Apple family tradition amongst the oldest stallions to enlist upon reaching the age of 18. His great-grandfather, grandfather, and father had all been veterans. His own father had served for four years during the Gryphonic Wars, battling the winged creatures in the Northern Wilds between the two kingdoms' borders. Having to fend off the timber wolves at a tender age with his father had kindled in him a desire to protect those who mattered to him.

But another pony from outside his family had also inspired him. The commanding officer of one of the battalions sent to fight the mad bandits had been known around Ponyville as a local hero but was relatively unknown throughout the rest of Equestria. The only thing that attested to his heroism was a small, modest plaque just outside city hall. Brigadier General Virgil Sentry was a former knight of the Order of Malleis Irae and the youngest stallion to ever achieve the rank of general. ("Virgil" ain't really much of an epic name, though. Sounds like an accountant's name.) According to rumor, he had personally saved Princess Celestia's life from a bandit that had sneaked into her tent one night while camped just outside the infamous mountain range. According to the account of Mac's history book from the library, BG Sentry had slain over 50 of the savage bandits....singlehoofed.

Despite the fact the awful bloodbath that had ensued there was a result of Celestia's miscalculation, BG Sentry publicly took the blame for the whole affair. He resigned from his post in shame, despite Celestia's attempts to promote and decorate him for his valor. The Earth pony took up residence in the fledgling town of Ponyville and took to mercenary work to make a living. Big Mac knew that much of the reason that the tiny community had survived was due to Virgil's constant vigil over the pioneers. Virgil had personally killed hundreds of wild beasts and timber wolves in the service of Ponyville. But even though the courageous stallion greatly helped to reduce the timber wolf population, he never discovered the source of the errant magic that animated them. (They didn't know as much back then 'bout curses as we do now.) Mac felt that his dispelling the curse himself was a tribute to his idol's memory.

Also, the former general was purported to have been Celestia's discreet lover...a rumor that didn't have much in the way of substantial evidence to support it. Granny Smith once swore up and down that she had seen the two of them sitting together outside Virgil's humble cottage over 50 years ago. But then again, his grandmother had also sworn that she had seen Princess Luna swan diving into their muddy pig pen one night over a week ago...so...yeah. Regardless, Virgil Sentry was Big Mac's idol. He tried to emulate his laconic, austere mannerisms down to the tee. Mac wanted to be just like his father and idol, protecting his family and nation from the horrors of despotism and wild beasts. It was a grand, noble goal. But grand goals born of sophomoric nobility rarely held up in the face of objective reality.

Mac suddenly heard an unusual noise coming from the treeline to his left. He stopped and turned, listening with an attentive, trained ear. After confirming the direction from whence it came, he stepped off the trail and silently strode into the nearby wood. He found the source of the cacophonous malaise: A wild tomcat was being bombarded by a pair of blue jays protecting their nest. Most city ponies had never seen animals behaving as nature intended, due to the creation of the warding runes that forced them to coexist with a magically augmented semi-sentience. Mac had grown up in Ponyville before the creation of these runes, so he knew this was simply normal behavior for wild animals.

But this shouldn't be happening...this particular wood was well within the runes' range of effect. The tomcat and birds should be getting along. To a normal pony, this wouldn't seem like much of a big deal, but Big Mac knew better. Either the wards were failing, or something was interfering with their magic. Something powerful. But, hey...he had been wrong before. AJ's little, yellow Pegasus friend had a pet rabbit that had always behaved aggressively and was prone to tantrums. What was her name again?...Stutterfly? Bumblesty?

"That asshole bunny rabbit was always pickin' fights with the other animals. Maybe he was an exception or somethin'...was he an enchanted rabbit or somethin'? I dunno'. I'm probably makin' a mountain outta' molehill again." He decided to drop the subject. If the wards were indeed in danger of failing, then Princess Twilight would've been the first to notice. It took a lot longer than a single day for the full magic of a warding rune to dissipate unlike a death rune. And all the animals on the farm had been behaving as their normal selves.

He had made into the town square of Ponyville with the familiar, desert-themed visage of Sugarcube Corner directly in his line of sight. He had been focusing on some fairly dark things of late. He knew he needed to lighten up. Luckily, his new, little filly friend seemed to know how to do just that. Simply being in the presence of her company had cheered him up the other day...albeit their conversation alone together had been rather awkward. But whatever...waffle bar!

"Hard to stay inna' pissy mood with an endless waffle bar, I reckon." Thankfully, he hadn't forgotten the original purpose of this excursion. He walked up to the pink door of Sugarcube Corner, praying that Pinkie Pie wouldn't ambush him with another session of one-sided conversational ping-pong. He opened the door and stepped inside. A warm rush of delicious smells greeted him.

He had made a decision on Rainbow's proposition.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rainbow had gotten to Sugarcube Corner 30 minutes early in anticipation of her meeting with a certain red stallion. Thankfully, Mr. and Mrs. Cake had started opening the restaurant for breakfast a little before 6:00 A.M. She had burned through three cups of coffee waiting, somewhat understanding how Pinkie Pie must feel every day...(Jeez..I'm gonna' crash like crazy later.) Slowly, ponies began entering the establishment, placing orders or sitting down in the booths to be waited upon. Where was he? She looked at the clock to see she it was fifteen til. She had barely slept last night due to her excitement of potentially making both a new training partner and friend. Especially him.

She didn't really have any colts for friends (or...that kinda' friend, either), so she was understandably nervous. Her knowledge as to how to best behave in their company was extremely limited, as her awkward behavior the other day had belied. She had been crushing on Mac ever since she had first met him as an eight year old filly, albeit she was a bit advanced for her age. The then teenaged, handsome colt had just seemed so...cool...like he didn't give even the slightest fuck about anything. (He was ripped even back then, too.) She had seen him that one afternoon twelve years ago, after she and her father had visited Sweet Apple Acres to try some of the Apple's famous cider...to which she would later become addicted. She loved the stuff.

She had seen him...he had been standing on a tall hilltop with the wind blowing his strawberry blonde mane. The sixteen year old colt had been trying to sneak a cigarette, taking his yolk off and tossing it on the ground. The sun had started setting behind him...he looked like a hero of old. His profile against the sunset had been statuesque. Like some sort of epic figure. She'd thought that he must be so passionate and intelligent...she had just known he was the one for her. He had to be. At that moment, Rainbow vowed to save herself for him when she got older. Rainbow knew this was likely her own projection and a rather immature eight year old's projection at that...but still...she had been obsessed with John Apple for years. She wasn't entirely proud of it, considering her "tough girl" visage as a fearless stunt flyer, but she couldn't help it. He was always there...in the back of her mind. She had constantly visited the farm as a flimsy pretense to just get a glimpse of him. She knew it lame. It was stupid. She barely knew him, and she felt ridiculous about it all sometimes...but she didn't think this way about anypony else. Sometimes...it was even a little insane. One time, she had even stolen his pillow case! It had his scent...strong. Masculine. (Jeez...maybe I really am crazy...)

She had always entertained the cute but childish notion that one day he would notice how cool and awesome she had become since then and ask her out...an unlikely scenario. She had an ulterior motive for why she had asked Mac to compete with her. She'd never so much as had a single conversation with John Apple in all the years she had fawned over him. She hoped that getting to know the big guy as a training partner and fellow competitor would make her more comfortable around him. Then she might find the courage to ask him something...something she'd thought about for years...maybe. But she was scared. If he rejected her, then her childhood crush would be an utter waste of her life. She'd be too devastated to ever love again...Rainbow was far more fragile than her friends knew. But a sudden noise in the cafe disrupted her reminiscence. Her wait had ended: the pink door swung open once more, producing the massive, red form of her awaited friend. Big Mac's enormous hooves made great, booming echoes on the creaky, wooden floor with each step. He was wearing that hat again along with some leather bags. She waved to catch his attention.

"Hey! There's the stallion of the hour. How'd you sleep, man? Saved you a seat right here!" Thankfully, she seemed to be more comfortable around him in the presence of other ponies.

"Fine, thank you. How're you this mornin', Miss Dash?" The big stallion seated himself into the booth's seat across from her, just barely fitting his ponderous bulk into it. He removed his hat and placed it by his side, allowing Rainbow to take a full survey of his features. He looked...tired.

"I'm rad, bro. But could you stop calling me "Miss?" It's kinda' makin' me feel uncomfortable. Just "Rainbow" is fine." She wondered if her remark had come across as too caustic. Or did he like chicks with an attitude? AJ had said he didn't like weak, whiny ponies a while back...so maybe it was an okay thing to say...or not. She was starting to feel nervous again.

"Eenope. Always used "miss." Simple respect to greet a lady ya' barely know. Regardless, I don't see no point standin' on ceremony. I made a decision last night." Rainbow held her breath and leaned forward, raising both eyebrows in anticipation.

All her worries and planning for this event would be for naught, were Mac to refuse to participate. She knew she couldn't compete with some of the other mares in the strength-based events, though she'd likely wipe the floor with them when it came to speed. Even though she was too proud to admit it, she guessed she only had a 50/50 chance of pulling out any sort of medal without a partner. She would still compete regardless of whether he came along or not, but she hated the prospect that she might not win anything at all. She had always been competitive, a trait passed down to her from her father. If the two of them won, they could split a hefty sum of bits between the two of them...not to mention maybe foster a closer relationship...(heheheheh...)

"I'll do it." Rainbow's reaction was instantaneous. She jumped out of the booth, taking to the air to express her enthusiasm.

"Awww, fuckin' A, dude!! You won't regret it, man!! We'll kick so much ass together, I promise!!" She was delighted to see an amused expression on his face, albeit he probably didn't approve of her language in the presence of the other patrons. In fact, Mrs. Cake audibly expressed her disapproval.

"Rainbow! Please settle down and watch your language. We have other customers in here." The middle-aged mare cast her a stern, motherly look. She buckled immediately.

"S-sorry. My bad. Anyway...so when do you wanna' start training?! We can start right now! Oh, wait..breakfast! Gotta' carb up 'n shit." She sat back down, making sure to use her ill-practiced "inside voice."

"Regardless as to how incomparably adorable 'n invigoratin' as yer enthusiasm strikes me, Miss Dash, let's discuss the terms of our partnership and mutual efforts in this here competition 'fore we just jump in hooves first." Rainbow was stunned. Not only had this been the most words she'd ever heard Big Mac speak at once, but he was surprisingly eloquent. (A-and...did he just call me "adorable?!" What does that even mean? Was that sarcasm?!! Oh, crap! He thinks I'm a friggin' tool...)

"U-uh...sure. But didn't you read the flyer last night? Is there something else you wanna' know?" She was nervous again.

"I did indeed. But I need to know some particulars 'bout the events and scorin' system. Also, I need to know how the prize money's gonna' get divvied up." He seemed so...cold...and impersonal. Was this how he always acted? Maybe it was just a front....yeah. That was it.

"Umm...yeah, sure. But aren't you totally stoked to be doing this? I know I am."

"Eenope." (Huh? Really?)

"Umm...can I ask why not?" She honestly couldn't comprehend how a pony could NOT be psyched to do this. The will and passion involved...the intense training...that single, powerful moment where you pushed yourself to the breaking point against all odds through sheer determination to win. How couldn't he love it like she did?

"Eeyup." She leaned over, anticipating his answer. He merely returned her gaze with one of a complete lack of expression.

"Well?"

"Well what, Miss Dash?" (Is he seriously going to be this much of an asshole?! Just answer the question!)

"Why are you...like..uhh..why are doing this...if you don't really want to?" (He doesn't like me...he thinks I'm annoying... That's it isn't it?!! He doesn't wanna' have to hang around me 'cuz of my stupid, prepubescent colt's voice!)

"No superior alternatives."

"To uhh..what exactly?"

"Payin' off the farm's debt." He didn't want to be around her at all. He was only doing this for sake of the farm...he didn't like her...

"Is that it?"

"Eeyup."

"Really? You don't wanna' kick some ass? Totally own everypony at the competition?"

"Eenope. That's yer domain of endeavor, Miss Dash." She blushed at the perceived compliment, but it didn't offset her disappointment.

"Dude, come on! We're gonna' compete with hundreds of the toughest ponies in Equestria for some mad bank!"

"Alright."

"Jeez. Mind if I check your pulse for a second?" The red stallion only snorted with mild amusement at her lame attempt at a joke. He was judging her...she just knew it...

She couldn't help but be disappointed. They were going to put their hooves on the line and compete against some of the best athletes in Equestria! And they could win a ton of cash! How couldn't he be excited like she was? Maybe she had misjudged the big stallion. Maybe he didn't have the same passion as she did. He had virtually never even talked to her until just now, and all he had ever seemed to care about was farming and shit. Maybe all of her secret, romantic notions that he was some sort of passionate warrior dude just waiting for the right girl to wake up the fire inside him had indeed been childish. He'd never shown any sort of desire to do anything but be some sort of...big...farming automaton who never talked more than just saying "eeyup/eenope." At least AJ loved going on the occasional adventure...but this guy...it was like he was on life support. Maybe he literally just didn't care about anything at all...more than she'd thought before. Nonchalance was cool and all...but Mac took it beyond that level...to a place where she couldn't even begin to follow him. Maybe she had just projected all the things she'd ever wanted in a stallion onto him...as some sort of..."target" or "prize" to win like in a competition. Was it just by his physical attributes how she'd judged him? He seemed...bored. And dead to the world. Or was this all just his incredibly convincing "poker face?"

"Yeah...sure...no prob." She barely disguised the hurt and disenchantment in her voice.

"You alright? Minute ago, you were jumpin' up 'n down."

"Yeah, fine. Well, there's like a few events total: powerlifting, wrestling, 3 mile mud run, barbed wire low crawl, cross country run, pull ups, wind sprints...stuff like that. There's one big, final run that's like 20 miles...up the side of a mountain. That event counts for the most points. They tally up the points for the stuff you win and count it toward what medal you get." She was trying to re-inflate her enthusiasm for competing in one of the toughest competitions in history. She'd always been too busy with her flying to ever compete in it before now.

"Some of that sounds like it's boot camp stuff." The red stallion had actually scoffed!!

It was a hard competition! Ponies had died trying to finish it! You had to sign a liability waiver! What was this guy's fucking problem? Where'd he get the balls to pretend that he was too "hardcore" or something to compete with her on the same level? Was it because she was a girl? Her temper was getting the best of her. Tears of anger and disappointment were beginning to mist her eyes. Was her childhood crush really nothing at all like she fantasized? She calmed down, hoping that she'd just misread his reaction.

"W-well...yeah...some of it. B-but it's pretty hard. We'll have to train."

"Eeyup. Understood." The red stallion's only expression was his signature, emotionless "poker face." (Was this asshole made in a laboratory or somethin'?)

"When do you wanna' start training? We got at least three months until preliminaries."

"How's tomorrow mornin'? Same time?" She couldn't believe she'd had a crush on this guy. He was such a tool! The only thing he had going for him was that he was hot...well...really hot. But that wasn't all she wanted.

"Uhh...yeah, cool. I knew it was a good idea getting an Apple on board. You guys got that "retard strength." She had just rattled that off with no forethought. She assumed he would immediately take offense, but something miraculous happened, seeing as to how it was entirely contradictory to Big Mac's personality.

The massive stallion was trying to suppress a snicker!! After subsequently failing in this endeavor, he began giggling, his face alight with a beaming smile. He was actually giggling!! She didn't know boys giggled!! It was quite possibly the cutest thing she'd ever seen, amplified by how funny it seemed on such a big, macho stallion who clearly took great pains to seem stoic. His giggling became contagious, and she began herself. And his freckles!! (Awww...I just noticed he's got freckles!!) The great, red beast finally got control of himself, covering his eyes with his massive hooves.

"Heheheh...man, it's been awhile since I heard somethin' like that! You kinda' remind me of my old LT...that guy could make the most depressin' situation funnier'n hell. Hehehe..."retard strength"....more of the former than the latter. Ain't never met a pony who could roll off somethin' that funny without tryin'. Yer somethin' else, Miss Dash." She couldn't help but blush and giggle. He actually had a sense of humor, thank Celestia! And a personality. Maybe her fears had been unfounded.

"Heheheh...uhh...sorry, dude. I just say whatever comes to mind sometimes. Guess I'm a little weird..." (Stop sounding so friggin' beta!)

"Heheh...trains don't stop where you live, do they, baby girl?" He had simultaneously insulted her and called her "baby girl." The hell did that mean?

"H-hey!"

"I was only jokin', Miss Rainbow. Now don't tell me you can dish it out, but ya' can't take it?" He had a mischievous grin on his face. Maybe she was just overly sensitive. (Stop being so self-conscious.)

"What? M-me? Oh...y-yeah! I can totally take a joke! I can take it like...all the time! I can take the hardest... (wait a minute...no...don't use that...) ...uhh...the worst you got, bro! Yeah. Do your worst!" Rainbow was inwardly kicking herself. She was babbling like an idiot. He had completely thrown her for a loop...she was nervous again.

"Err...I'm sure you can, Miss Rainbow. Ya' don't strike me as the "wiltin' violet" type. I reckon normal mares ain't tough enough fer this kinda' thing. Says a lot 'boutcha." Huh? What did that mean?

"Y-yeah...I guess. But whaddya' mean by all that?"

"I meant that yer made a' stronger stuff than most ponies. You ain't fragile." (Oh. Phew.)

"Okay...thanks, man....so uh...waffles?"

"Yeah, alright. Mrs. Cake? Two for the waffle bar with two coffees, please." Mrs. Cake nodded and went to fetch their coffee while Mr. Cake's slender form was preoccupied wrapping up orders for pick up. Rainbow wasn't sure how well another cup of coffee was going to agree with her. She was already jittery.

The pink door opened once again as they had just gotten their plates, producing the form of an elegant, white Unicorn. (Rarity?!) Rainbow's fussy friend looked over towards where she and Big Mac were sitting, a small, knowing smile gracing her lips. She trotted daintily over to their booth, taking a seat next to Rainbow....without even asking. She did that sometimes. Rarity was a bit of a gossip and a busybody. The prissy Unicorn often injected herself into affairs that weren't any of her own business only to later regret it. But she always apologized for overstepping herself once she realized she'd done so.

"Good morning, Rainbow. And a good morning to you, Big Macintosh. How's the day treating you? Very well, I suspect..." Rainbow didn't like that grin of hers. She was nervous enough as is without her teasing her!

"Mornin', Miss Rarity."

"Hey, Rare. Here for breakfast? We're buyin'."

"Oh, just a cup of coffee for me, thanks. I ran out of coffee grounds in my kitchen. I appreciate the offer, but I'll cover my own tab, thank you. I have a good bit of work to do today to stay for too long, anyway. So...might I ask what it is the two of you are discussing?" The beautiful Unicorn giggled. (Does every friggin' pony know about me 'n Mac?! How'd Rare find out? AJ better not have blabbed!!)

"U-uh..we were just going over the Iron Pony competition stuff...ya' know...training and whatnot..jeez, Mac! Think that's enough food, man!?" The massive stallion had acquired two massive platefuls of scrambled eggs, waffles, and fruit from the buffet. Rainbow had a fairly quick metabolism herself, but this was ridiculous!

"Pardon?", he asked while making sure to not speak with his mouth full. (Man...he's got better table manners than me or AJ.)

"If you seriously eat all that, you're most def gonna' clog up the toilets at Sweet Apple Acres." Mac's face contorted in discomfort, but he thankfully laughed in spite of himself. She was glad. She liked his laugh. Rarity didn't approve of her choice of topic, though.

"Goodness! Rainbow! A lady doesn't say such things! Especially not in public!"

"Hehehe...I reckon she says whatever comes to mind in public, Miss Rarity." He thought it was funny. Good.

"Pfft...I ain't a lady, dude. (Err...that came out wrong..) Anyway, it's cool. We were just goin' over some stuff about the competition. It's not like we're in a fancy restaurant or some shit." Rarity gave her a disapproving look while sipping her coffee, her cup bathed in the indigo magical aura of her horn.

"Oh, believe me, I know. I've tried everything with this one, Mr. Apple. There's simply no refining her. But there are many other qualities she has that make her worthwhile to know. Wouldn't you agree?" Rarity was trying to intercede on her behalf. She was going to blow it for her, if she kept this up! She subtly tried to mouth the words "beat it" to her friend. Rarity seemed to understand.

"Yes, ma'am. I'm beginnin' to see that. Anyway, Miss Dash, I have a question." Rarity was hurriedly sipping her coffee. She realized she'd overstepped by jumping into their conversation like that. Rare had always been cool like that.

"Yeah, sure. Shoot"

"Suppose one of use wins some prize money and the other don't. What guarantee does anypony have that the winner's gonna' give the other half?" The thought hadn't occurred to Rainbow. She'd just assumed they were on the "honor system."

"Uhh..well..there isn't really any guarantee besides...wait! Are you saying I might win and skip out on you?! Dude! I'm the Element of Loyalty!" She may cheat and lie, but she'd never betray a friend.

"That is true, Mr. Apple. Rainbow's word is golden." Rainbow shot her another look. (Dude! Stop trying to sell me!) Rarity took her coffee to-go, standing up to leave. The elegant mare realized she'd overstayed her welcome.

"Leavin', Miss Rarity?"

"Yes, I'm afraid I've been procrastinating from my work for long enough. I'll leave you to get to know one another. Play nice, you two...heheheh." As Rarity was leaving, Rainbow shot her a simple look of gratitude. But seriously. Did everypony know about her crush except for well...her actual crush? AJ had been teasing her for weeks after she had let it slip during an otherwise casual conversation, but she had been sure no pony else had known.

"Bye, Rare. Anyway, dude...are you sayin' I'll cheat you or something?! I'd never friggin' do that!" How could he think that?...think so low of her?...

"I said nothin' of the sort, Miss Dash. You can't exactly skip town what with bein' my sister's best friend an' all. But how can you trust ME? Words from acquaintances often don't count for much, as I've come to realize from my past line of work." What was his past line of work, anyway?

AJ had said he was a soldier or something...but she'd never seemed to know exactly what he had done specifically. Rainbow knew there were a ton of jobs in the Equestrian military and had considered joining the Imperial Air Corps once herself...of course her mother had talked her out of it. (It was a non-combat job! I'd just be flying like orders and stuff back and forth. It was easy money.) But this guy...he never talked much until now. And when he did, he sounded like some sort of philosophical kind of dude. Had he ever...killed another pony? She knew it would be a rude question to ask. She had asked AJ the same question once. Her Earth pony friend only told her that her brother was a "hero", and she shouldn't bother him with questions.

"Well...you're always at the farm, and...like...you're AJ's brother and junk. So, I'm pretty sure I can trust you. Why're you even asking this, dude? I'm not greedy or anything. I don't mind sharing the spoils with my buds. What's the point of money, if you can't spend it on your friends? Besides...you're definitely not the type of pony who'd do that kinda' shit. You're one of those "good guy types." I bet you'd walk ten miles back to a store to like return some extra change they gave you. We're gonna' be training together for the next three months, so it's not like we're just gonna' be business partners or some shit. I couldn't fuck over a friend like that, and I don't think you could either. Good enough for ya'?" Big Mac snickered at her candor but seemed entirely reassured.

"Hmm...yes, ma'am...your assessment of my character is kind but unwarranted. I just needed to hear your reasons. One can always tell the conviction of another's words by lookin' 'em in the eye while they're bein' said. I trust you entirely, an' I myself promise to uphold our agreement." His tone had gone from impish to austere. He stared directly into her eyes while making his promise.

And that was when Rainbow first noticed his eyes. Her heart skipped a beat and her breath stopped entirely. If there were such a thing as coup de foudre, a Gryphonic phrase of Twilight's, then this moment had to be an example of it. They were doubtlessly the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen. She had always just assumed he had the same sap green eyes as Applejack...but upon closer inspection, she found they were entirely different. His eyes had a blazing azure ring that circled the verdant pools of emerald. The deep blue rings seemed to branch into the lovely emerald pools with little flecks of azure gracing them, giving his eyes a blue-green almost cerulean hue.

And they were so bright and fucking intense. They almost seemed to glow with passion and intelligence. The gorgeous eyes were piercing right through her, staring right through her as though they could illuminate the most hidden, Stygian depths of her soul and mind. Looking into those eyes had shattered any doubts she'd had that this stallion had no passion or will of his own. Rainbow realized that her crush had just come roaring back in full strength...maybe even double strength. And also she had been staring at him for a solid 20 seconds with a childish daydream of their potential life together racing through her mind, her cheeks stained with a deep blush. (God...I'm turning into friggin' Rarity..)

"Uhh...Miss Dash? You okay?" She snapped out her beautiful daydream and stammered out a reply.

"O-oh...uhh, yeah! Cool! So, we're all good?" Mrs. Cake silently set the check for their meal down on the table. The two of them nodded politely at her

"Absolutely. You keep me in high spirits with them jokes of yers, an' I'll work myself to the bone fer ya'." She couldn't help but giggle. (Heheheh..he said "bone!") She had been doing a lot of that lately. Some pony she knew was going to catch her acting like a tool and then spread the news all across town. She still remembered the Gabby Gums article that had made her out to be a pampered wuss.

"Sweet. I'm sure we'll be great together...uhh...like...partners an' stuff...not like...I'll shut up now..."

"Yes, ma'am. Can we start trainin' same time tomorrow? I know it ain't gonna' be much fun tryin' to plow them fields with sore muscles, but if 'n we win that prize money then "je ne regrette rien." The red stallion had rolled off that last phrase effortlessly in that fancy, frou frou Griffon language. (Or is it "Gryphon?" Whatever. Gilda was Equestrianized...so she couldn't speak any of that stuff.) Without any semblance of his country accent tainting his pronunciation. Seriously. Who was this guy?

"Uhh...okay, then. Well, I'm done eating. I'll get the tab."

"No, no. I'll get it, if' ya' don't mind, Miss Rainbow." Big Mac placed a silver 20 bit piece and three copper single bit pieces on the check.

"If you want, but like...don't feel obligated or something. I got my own money, dude."

"Understood. But it just ain't right fer a lady to pay her way when a stallion is present." Rainbow wasn't exactly feministic, seeing as it was a bit redundant in a matriarchy ruled by two mares, but she still didn't like being treated as a useless, wilting violet. But for some reason, Big Mac's chivalrous behavior seemed sweet and sincere rather than insulting.

"Hey, it's your money, man. So, how 'bout we meet just outside Sweet Apple Acres? I know a killer mountain we can train on. I know you're strong as hell and whatnot, but I wanna' test your endurance. You know...see whatcha' got. Well, I gotta' get goin'. I need to meet somepony in Cloudsdale."

"Alright, 0700 outside the farm it is, Miss Dash. I think I know which mountain yer talkin' about. I think yer gonna' be a bit surprised...hehehe..." He seemed confident. But she had something wicked planned for their first training session.

"Alright. Peace. But you need to work on all that "Miss Dash" stuff. Just call me, Rainbow." She stood up from the booth, walking to the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow....Miss Dash." Big Mac grinned.

"Uggh...you're hopeless."

"I'll defer to yer superior appraisal of one's potential...Miss Dash." She giggled.

She opened the pink door and walked out. She was pleased with how the meeting had gone.

But she had promised a certain somepony that she'd come to visit.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Twilight Sparkle was sitting at her cluttered desk inside her Castle suite, reading over a brief summary of Equestrian history. She knew that many of the theories on the founding of Equestria were just myths that were propagated by the ignorant or zealous. She had to meet the Saddle Arabian emissary in two hours...he had sailed in for the consortium all the way from the southern kingdom of Camelu, better known as "Saddle Arabia," to discuss advances in magic and also to open potential trade agreements between the two nations. He was purported to be one of the most learned and powerful wizards alive. As if that wasn't pressure enough, two other Unicorn emissaries from the Ib'Xian Empire and Neighpon would be present for the consortium. This would be the first time in history that any diplomat from the East had set hoof in Equestrian lands, so she was understandably nervous. Reading history books tended to calm her down a bit. Spike lay lazily across her bed, snoring up a storm. Normally, the little dragon could calm her down when she worked up like this...leave it to him to be fast asleep when she needed him. He needed his rest, though. He was still just a baby after all.

Oh, she had so many academic and cultural questions for them!! Imagine the wealth of knowledge they could share with one another! She stopped herself and began wondering how they would communicate with one another...would Celestia and Luna have a translator present for the consortium? Or did they already speak Equestrian? What if she said something in Equestrian that was an insult in one of their languages? Or what if she made a gesture that held some pejorative connotation in their cultures? She tried to relax....seeping deeper into thought upon the founding of the massive Empire.

The Royal Sisters had been born on the same day, February 24 of the years 1021 and 1031 P.E., in the now tiny kingdom of Germaneigh roughly over 800 years ago. Celestia had been born 10 years prior to her younger sister, albeit to a near-immortal Alicorn 10 years would seem minute. Their Alicorn parents were King Morgenstern and Queen Nachtstern, honorable and just rulers who shared the power of the crown. They were well-loved by their people, and they loved both their daughters and their subjects. The Royal Sisters grew up under the fair but stern hoof of their parents who knew that one day either of them could inherit the throne. All seemed to be going well for the Royal Family. But by Celestia's 200th and Luna's 190th birthdays, the two sisters began to notice a change in the gentle, loving countenance of their father and ruler.

King Morgenstern had slowly began to show signs of late-developed schizophrenia, becoming angry, cold, and paranoid. The disease still wasn't well-understood in Twilight's time, but it was a complete mystery for the physicians of medieval Germaneigh. He began to see and hear "conspirators" plotting to take he and his wife's crowns everywhere, often making the claim that "behind every door and window, there are conspirators waiting." He no longer showed affection to his beautiful queen or children, and he began falling into dark pit of rage and paranoia. To defend his crown from the "traitors" who plotted his death, King Morgernstern created a personal police force comprised of his hand-picked knights to conduct questionings of the peasants and nobles who were thought to be conspiring against him. As the king's madness grew, the questionings turned to torture and executions. Loyal subjects began to disappear from his court. The Inquisition went on for a sum of five years, taking the lives of over 100,000 citizens of Germaneigh before some ponies grew bold enough to resist.

Princess Celestia and her mother realized that Morgenstern was ill and a threat to the welfare of their nation. After quickly convincing Princess Luna and acquiring her support for their cause, they staged a political campaign to limit the king's power and authority. They tried to unite the terrified nobles and peasants to support them in deposing the mad king. When they felt they had sufficient backing, the three Alicorn mares confronted the wild-eyed, disheveled form of their beloved father and husband, asking him to abdicate himself temporarily from the throne and seek help for his illness. They knew the king wasn't in his right mind, so they pleaded with him to think of how his illness had hurt so many ponies that he had once loved...including they themselves. But the insane king was furious. He accused them of being the founding conspirators and blamed Celestia for poisoning his youngest daughter and beloved bride's minds, turning them against him. He exiled his two daughters in a fit of despair and rage. He forgave his wife for her perceived crimes, after she swore fealty to him. Still, the queen was grief-stricken by the banishment of her daughters and still made efforts to limit her husband's insane destruction. The two sisters now had no country...no home.

The Royal Sisters traveled south, roaming across the lands in search of a place to call home. They happened upon the tiny village of Derbyshire just outside the borders of their homeland. The timid village ponies welcomed the regal sisters, despite their banished origins and foreign accents. Thankfully, having been well-educated for over a hundred years by court tutors, the sisters had no difficulty communicating with the villagers in their native tongue. But they soon learned that the town had severe problems that it's meek denizens couldn't solve. The village was stricken by attacks from vicious bandits that had taken up residence in the nearby forest and dragons who were searching for valuables and trinkets to add to their hordes.

Pitying the poor, defenseless Earth ponies, the Royal Sisters united their powerful magic and slew a great many of the dragons and bandits, driving the rest away in fear. They erected a powerful barrier to stop invaders and a series of four runes around the formerly magic-less town. The runes' magic suppressed the predatory, aggressive tendencies of the wolves and bears from the nearby forest, and the runes also limited the destructive power of thunderstorms and other kinds dangerous weather. The town was ecstatic with the sisters and begged them to take power and rule them in a protective, mayoral capacity. The sisters were hesitant to seize power after the insane abuses of their father's own authority, but the local Earth ponies pleaded that they hadn't the strength or knowledge to rule themselves.

The Royal Sisters agree to take stewardship of the Kingdom of Derbyshire, ruling jointly under their original, Germaneighan titles of "princess." Even though they had personally destroyed many of the town's adversaries, they knew they were physically frail, and their magic would be useless if an enemy quickly closed the distance with them. They needed muscle and numbers to help protect Derbyshire. They got to work immediately, recognizing that the village's first priority was a strong, protective force. Their first step taken in protecting their new home was to arm the citizens, and so they taught the local ponies how to smith iron weapons like the ones in their homeland. They decided that a potent military required both regulars and elite troops, and they raised a large army of volunteer stallions to serve as the primary force to protect the land.

But they knew that the regulars were virtually powerless to stop any dangerous beasts like dragons, as they only could fight in rigid formations with spears and shields. The phalanx tactics of their new army was fine for warding off simple bandit attacks, but it was useless in fighting massive beasts. They created a small, elite order of knights from only the most intelligent, strongest, and bravest stallions who volunteered, teaching them to fight using the same training methods employed by their father's elite knights. This order of knights became known as the "Ut De Ira Malleis" or simply "Hammers of Wrath." These knights were well-armed and trained, having learned to battle the great aberrations and beasts that threatened Derbyshire by exploiting their weaknesses with special tactics and weapons. These knights also served as an elite assault force, called upon to break sieges and fight the standard armies of other nations. With a strong military protecting it, the small Kingdom of Derbyshire destroyed it's enemies, securing a brief period of peace.

With the fear of extermination extinguished, the Royal Sisters began showing the villagers how to build paved roads, create fortifications, and expand their properties. They created a large body of professional stonemasons and carpenters to build public buildings, create and maintain roads, erect bridges, and build naval vessels. The sisters implemented a small tax on the villages to pay these workers and their military, albeit they made doubly certain to not overtax their subjects as their father had done in their homeland. The sisters expanded trade relations with nearby villages and even offered to annex them into their sphere of protection from the hostile wilds and criminals. Many of the neighboring villages had heard stories about the might of the two Alicorns' magic and armies, and a great many villages swore their fealty to the Royal Sisters in hope of receiving the same protection as Derbyshire.

The Kingdom of Derbyshire grew into a collection of cities such as Stalliongrad, Dappleshore, Trottingham, and Haliflanks, all looking for mutual commerce and defense. After expanding the borders and power of their kingdom for 50 years, the Royal Sisters' small monarchy entered a golden age of wealth and security. It's population had grown to almost twice that of Germaneigh. The fledgling kingdom had naturalized many Pegasi from the city-state of Windsoar and many Germaneighan Unicorn refugees seeking asylum from the mad despotism of King Morgenstern's Inquisition. Seeing that these three races with varying cultures and languages were peacefully coexisting, the sisters declared that Derbyshire's native tongue was to be the national language, due to the great majority of of citizens who spoke it. On the day of December 13th, 1371 A.R., the sisters realized that they could create a great empire through peaceful means where people of any race, culture, or even species could unite under a single banner. The Royal Sisters renamed their now bustling handful of cities as the Equestrian Empire and declared the date of December 13th to be a holiday celebrating the nation's birth, otherwise known as "Hearth's Warming Eve."

Of course, King Morgenstern had learned of this new "empire" that his banished daughters founded, believing the new, massive nation would invade his and depose him forcibly. He ordered his knights and armies to ready for war, despite his high chancellor and queen's protests for peace. Ashamed by her fearful capitulation to her husband's decision to banish their daughters and exacerbate the fervent, delusional persecution of the Inquisition, the queen decided that her king's madness had gone on long enough. She confronted him publicly in the throne room, demanding he demobilize his military machine and offer to ally himself with the new Equestrian Empire. She declared that he was starting a war they couldn't win against his own children, and that both nations would endure grievous casualties...all for no reason. The king responded by murdering her in a fit psychotic rage in full view of his entire court. High Chancellor Festergrund, having witnessed the full extent of his ruler's madness, responded to the murder of Queen Nachtstern by appealing to the Royal Princesses in the southern Empire for aid in deposing Morgenstern. If the king could murder his own queen in public...then no pony was safe.

The Princesses agreed to help him and sent him a handful of 300 knights from their elite order to help the chancellor overthrow the king. The chancellor garnered support from the besieged noblemen and their soldiers, knowing that the king's own fanatically loyal knights, the Orden des himmlischen Sterne, would have to be killed before relieving him of regency. The Chancellor brought his force of 22,000 soldiers to the gates of Castle Geburtsstern, demanding that king step down voluntarily or be forcibly deposed and executed. The insane regent refused to surrender, emerging from his castle with only 200 loyal knights in tow to do battle with these new "conspirators."

The king and his knights chose a defensive position on the small island that connected the mainland to the castle across from the castle bridge, where they couldn't be surrounded and numbers wouldn't count for much. The resulting battle was nothing short of a bloodbath. The heavily armored elite knights, although terribly outnumbered, managed to slay thousands of the Chancellor's army by pulling small numbers of their adversaries into the bottleneck position of the tiny, narrow island. King Morgenstern himself, being the founder of his Orden des himmlischen Sterne knights, was a martial terror to behold, cutting down foe after foe with sword and magic in a berserk frenzy and daring the main body of the Chancellor's army to try and cross their bridge.

The Chancellor realized his large formations of soldiers were useless at fighting in the close quarters of the bridge and island, so he decided to use the Equestrian knights that he had been loaned. He could have never guessed how effective their unconventional tactics of warfare could be. The Chancellor was shocked by the prowess of the foreign knights. The Equestrian knights sprinted across the bridge to the island before the king's knights could cut off access to the bridge, taking small, metal spheres of two different variations off their belts and throwing them into the king's formation. The spheres erupted, spraying a smokescreen over the king's knights to limit their tactical awareness battlefield. The other spheres spewed forth noxious clouds of caustic gas, entering the knights eyes and noses and preventing them from using their magic.

Coughing, slobbering, and spitting uncontrollably, the king's knights could barely breathe or see let alone fight. The Equestrians capitalized on this handicap and entered the fray, slaying most of the king's knights in a mere five minutes of fighting. The mighty king himself, raging from the pain of his wounds and the confusion of the gas and smokescreen, refused to lay down his sword. The massive Alicorn king thrashed madly about at the nearest pony with his blade, condemning the "foreign mercenaries" and the "cowardly traitors" in a frenzied slur. Finally, his wounds wore him down and the great King Morgenstern collapsed from blood loss. The Equestrian knights had subdued the great warrior-king.

High Chancellor Festergrund seized power over the kingdom and had the mad king tried in court by a fair trial. His crimes were many. The king's Inquisition had killed thousands of Unicorns...all of them were his own subjects. Morgenstern refused to admit any wrong before a verdict was reached, his madness-addled mind seemed entirely incapable of understanding the scope of how horrific his offenses were. He was entirely unrepentant, claiming that he was the true ruler of the land, and that the Chancellor only wanted to seize power for himself by colluding with Equestrian mercenaries to overthrow him. The jury had no vacillations in reaching a verdict deciding the former king's fate: guilty of genocide and regicide and to be punished by death. Ironically, the king's head fell to the very same executioner's axe that so many of his so-called "conspirators" had before him.

The Chancellor was crowned as the new king of Germaneigh, and he immediately extended an offer of friendship to the Equestrian Empire and personally offered the sisters the opportunity to return to their homeland to help him rule. The two Alicorn princesses realized that they no longer had any commonalities with their homeland after the death of their parents. They had long since lost their Germaneighan accents, and they had their own great nation to rule. Therefore, the Royal Sisters decided to stay in Equestria but chose to accept his offer of peace. With the adversity of war and despotism quelled, the two nations went on to enter a new age of prosperity and peace. Only until very recently had the Empire experienced stability problems with the Nightmare Moon Rebellion and Discord's self-imposed "Age of Chaos."

"Princess? The consortium has been assembled and are awaiting your appearance." A large Earth pony soldier with a husky voice had just interrupted her reading.

"Thank you. Tell them I'll be there very shortly." Twilight felt immensely less nervous than she had originally after having read one of her favorite chapters of history. She decided to let Spike sleep rather than have him grumpily attend a consortium he didn't care about to begin with. She hurriedly gathered her notes into her saddlebags and headed out the door towards the audience chamber where the emissaries were.

"I have so many questions for them!!" She could barely contain her enthusiasm.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rainbow Dash soared gracefully over the fluffy, white landscape of her place of birth and hometown, Cloudsdale. She had promised a certain pony that she'd come and visit her more often, and she always tried to keep her promises. The golden, midday sun warmed her back and feathers as she scanned the cloudy apartments below her for a particular one. She counted the numbers of the various apartments in search of Apt. 131. (127, 129, ah!...here we go..) She landed at the base of the stairwell and jogged over to the door, knocking on it with her hoof. The occupant inside answered immediately, opening the door to reveal a the form of a very familiar cyan mare.

"Oh, Rainbow! It's so good to see you, pumpkin! I haven't seen you in ages. I'm glad you finally decided to visit, sweetheart." That last comment was clearly intended as a guilt trip.

Cloudia Rainmaker Dash was a 48 year old petite, cyan-coated mare with a pixie-cut, dark blue mane and deep cerise eyes. Rainbow could immediately see where she had gotten her own coat and eye color, seeing as Cloudia had the same of both respectively. Her mother worked at the Imperial Rainbow and Weather Fabrication Factory as one of the top engineers and weather techs, where she devised new methods of weather management and distribution. It was a very respectable position, but the pay was disproportionately modest to the level of education her mother had. Also, Cloudia was every bit Rainbow's opposite in terms of personality. Her mother was shy, reserved, and studious, often choosing the tedious repetition of the routine over wild, spontaneous adventure. Her mother was also very meek and feminine as another contrast. Ladylike, even. Rainbow had inherited her own personality almost exclusively from her brash, reckless father. That wasn't to say that Rainbow didn't love her...or that she even disliked her...they were merely very different.

"Hey, Mom. Good to see you, too. Can I come in?"

"Sure, sure! I'll put a pot of coffee on, sweetie. I wish you'd let me know more about what going on in your life, though. I haven't heard from you for over two weeks. I was worried." Rainbow loved her mother, but she was a worry-wort. That's why she knew better than to tell her mother that she might be getting laid off soon and whatnot. (She'd probably like...have a panic attack if she had heard what the six of us have been up to with Discord and Sombra and shit.) Cloudia let her daughter into her immaculate, little apartment where she'd spent her childhood.

"Jeez...Mom...how do you keep this place so clean?" There wasn't so much as a single carpet fiber out of place. How much time did her mom spend cleaning each day? She couldn't imagine the dedication it took (or the obsession) to keep someplace this clean.

"Oh, you know. I can't stand a mess. So, I'll just go put the coffee on, and you can have a seat where ever you like." Rainbow plopped down onto one of the cushy sofas. From the kitchen, her mother continued her interrogation.

"I've heard some disturbing things in the news recently, sweetie. They say that all the local weather stations are being turned over to Nimbus Weather Control Inc. They laid a ton of Pegasi off...have you heard about any of that?" It sure didn't take long for her mother to jump to the worst possible conclusion...but in this particular case..she probably had a good reason to worry.

"Uhh..yeah...but my boss put in a really good word for me, so I don't think they'll can me. I pretty much single handedly took care of all the weather in Ponyville. You worry too much." Rainbow knew better than to let her mother know how stressed she'd been for the past two days.

"Oh, okay. I hope they keep you, pumpkin. If not, then you can move back in with me until you get back on your hooves. Do you need any money?" Rainbow couldn't stand to ask her mother for more money, no matter how much she knew she needed it. Her mother had already hooked her up with a cushy job and apartment, so she couldn't bear the thought of her sponging off her mother's frugal pay again. And to move back home after all she'd been through? Still...it was an option. Although it was greatly frowned upon for colts her age to still live at home, there was no such stigma in Equestrian society for mares.

"No, Mom. Hold onto your money. I'm fine. I got friends. Anyway, how've things been at the plant?" Her mother reemerged from the kitchen, carrying a tray with two coffee mugs in her hooves, her sky blue wings flapping gently.

"Boring as always. There are only so many ways you can streamline the efficiency of a weather factory before you hit a wall. But I want to hear about you, sweetheart. How are your friends doing? Are you going to take any college courses next semester? Met any stallions you like?"

"Jeez, Mom. One at a time! Well, my friends are alright...and you know I want to get back into the Wonderbolts Academy. As for stallions..uhh.." She wasn't so sure she should tell her mother about Big Mac.

"Ohhh...I know that look! What's his name? Is he cute? What does he do?" (Crap.) She couldn't divert the subject now.

"Err...it's nothing..like...serious or anything. It's just this guy I know. He's my best friend's brother. We've only talked and stuff.

"Hang in there, sweetheart. You've got a lot to offer. He'll figure that out eventually. Just be sure to plant your flag on him before some other mare does! I just know he'll see what a great gi-Rainbow! What have you done to your pretty face?! Did you pierce your nose and lip?!" (Aww...shit. I forgot all about that.)

"It's not a big deal, Mom. If I get tired of 'em, I can just go back to the parlor and get 'em taken off."

"Well, I sure hope you do, sweetie. You have such a lovely face and complexion. I can't believe you had some degenerate, tattooed pony fill your face full of metal! What if it gets infected?! Please, Rainbow...at least get a second opinion before you go and do something like this!"

"Jeez, Mom...it won't get infected. Don't worry so much. Sorry for not going....uhh...sorry." Rainbow thought about arguing that it was HER face and not her mother's...but she decided against it.

"I wish you weren't so brash and reckless all the time, Rainbow. You're just like your father...and I still don't understand why it's so important for you to keep chasing this "Wonderbolts pipe-dream" of yours instead of getting into a good college." Rainbow was getting angry.

"No, Mom...you don't understand why I have to do it. Dad would understand...so just cut me some slack, okay? And college isn't for everypony. I'm not really much of a bookworm, and I suck at studying. And getting into the Wonderbolts isn't a friggin' "pipedream." I have a good shot at it. I was captain of my last class at the Academy, and Soarin and Spitfire know me by name! Why should I blow my money on college tuition, when I need it to sign up for the next semester at the Academy?" Rainbow realized she had almost been yelling. A few more decibels would've done it.

"If it's that important to you, I won't stop you, baby...but I know how you get your hopes up for things that aren't guaranteed to fall through. And don't say you're not a good student! You're extremely bright, Rainbow."

"Yeah...I don't think I'm stupid or anything...but...you remember how high school went, right? Anyway, I didn't mean to yell atcha', Mom...sorry. I've just been having a rough week, I guess."

"It's okay, sweetheart. Me, too. Just remember that I'll support you, no matter what you choose to do. Just try to be the best you can be." The saccharine platitude was heartfelt and sincere, but it wasn't any less corny. Still, it was nice to know how much her mother loved her.

"Sure, thanks, Mom. Hey, you mind if we go check out my old room? I haven't seen it in ages." Rainbow had drained the last of her coffee and was eager to look at some old photos and things of her dad.

"Okay. I've kept it the same as the day you left, Rainbow."

"Thanks, Mom." The two of them sauntered into her childhood bedroom.

Her old room was full of Wonderbolt memorabilia, trophies, music posters, and a rather risque pin-up of Soarin's Playmare centerfold debut over 3 years ago. (I need to remember to take that back home with me..hehehe..) As she was scanning her old room, a realization struck her...her apartment bedroom wasn't much different. Was she...immature? It hadn't seemed as though she'd grown up much at all. But she didn't have time for another self-inventory like last night with Tank. She banished the thought from her mind and focused her attention on a black photo album. (Dad.)

"It's been about 7 years, hasn't it, Rainbow?" Her mother's voice was suddenly awash with emotion. It was understandable. She and her father had been high school sweethearts. She herself had been trau-(NO! Don't think about that!!)

"Y-yeah."

"I know he'd be proud of you, sweetie. You were always just like him."

"Yeah. Uhh...Mom?"

"Yes?"

"It's been over 7 years, you know. Haven't you thought about moving on and stuff?" Rainbow wasn't exactly sure how to word what she intended to communicate without coming across as calloused.

"How do you mean, sweetie?"

"You know...get out there and start dating again. You're stuck here all alone in this apartment, and I worry about you. I just want you to be happy."

"Oh! No, no! I couldn't! I'm too...old for that sort of thing now, Rainbow."

"No, you're not. You're not even 50 yet! I'll bet the guys'd be crawlin' all over you!" Cloudia was pretty and still had her figure. Rainbow couldn't help but feel as though her mother's beauty and intellect were being wasted.

"I-I...don't know...I haven't dated anypony in so long...and I don't think I could ever make that sort of connection with another stallion like I did with him..." Her mother had started to choke up. Rainbow hadn't meant to upset her. She pulled her in for a comforting embrace. Cloudia began weeping.

"I-I didn't think I'd start crying all of a sudden, Rainbow. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, baby. It's just that...there won't ever be another pony like him. It'll be our 25th anniversary in two months..." Rainbow just held her mother, letting her vent. After a bit, Cloudia had seemed to regain her composure.

"...sorry about that, Rainbow. I'll let you go through the photo album, if you want. I don't think I-...I don't think I can handle it right now, though. I'll be in the living room."

"Okay, Mom. Take it easy, alright? I'll be out in a minute." Her mother went into the living room, sniffing and holding back tears as she went. Rainbow wasn't sure she'd do much better herself. She and her dad had always been so close. Her stomach knotted at the thought of reminiscing over her youth with her father.

She opened the photo album. The first picture was of her twenty-something year old father and mother. It was taken just before her mother had gotten pregnant with their only daughter. They looked so happy together. Her dad, Colton Skyblazer Dash, was so handsome. She had gotten his rainbow-colored mane and fiery temper. His eyes were a lovely shade of golden green. His hoof was lying over her mother's shoulder, pulling her close to pose for the picture. She smiled. Her dad had always seemed to have a roguish smile on his face, as though there were some great joke that only he understood. Rainbow flipped the pages of the album, stopping on a picture of the two of them wearing matching Wonderbolts caps. (I still have that cap.) Another photo showed the two of them at the announcement of the Equestria Games.

The two of them had always been so much alike. She remembered her father telling her why she was so much like him. Supposedly, he had always wanted a son and had no idea how to relate or bond with a daughter. Rather than just allowing his little girl to grow up with frills, tea parties, and dresses like her mother had wanted, Colton had shared his hobbies and passions with her, fearing he'd be unable to relate to her otherwise. Basically, her dad had just decided to treat her like a feminine-looking son. They played catch together, had belching contests, and argued about who would win in a fight: Batmare or Spidermare. Of course, this somewhat backfired when she turned 12 and started noticing the other gender...her dad had suddenly become terrified. His "little slugger" had her first period, and she began exhibiting signs of femininity. But they had both taken it all in stride...it was kind of endearing even. He'd been so confused as to what he should do. Rainbow smiled.

Rainbow realized she was fighting back tears. She remembered how badly she had treated him that day...she said that she hated him...and told him to keep his nose out of her business. He had been so proud that her dream was to become a Wonderbolt. He had once been a Wonderbolt himself, until he injured his wing during a stunt gone awry. So, he started teaching a junior flyers class to make ends meet. She had met Blue Bolt the first day of her father's class when she turned 13. After a few months, the two of them quickly became close friends...he was one of the few colts who understood and loved her for her (Maybe it was just puppy love..maybe not.)...he had tried to kiss her. But Rainbow still had feelings for Mac. She'd thought she was saving herself for him for when she was old enough. She loved her friend, but she didn't feel the same way...but her dad had caught the two of them. He was furious. His over-protective "Papa Bear" instincts kicked in. He said that Blue was trying to take advantage of her, and 13 wasn't old enough for a filly to be running off with boys.

She had screamed at him...called him names....she had no idea that it would be the last day she had to spend with her father. She had dreams about him all the time...she dreamed about that day...in the restroom...the blood splattered over the linoleum...the screaming...the fucking teeth...grinding...yellow and jagged...crazed yellow orange eyes...("Shhh...hush now, baby doll..."....NO! Oh, God no!!nonononofuck....) It had been so awful. No pony deserved that. If only she'd listened to her father...she had been so cruel and ungrateful.

Rainbow knew she was fucked up. When her father had died a part of her died with him. She was angry. Bitter. Her life was shit. So was her mother's. Her once enthusiastic and cheery but shy mom was now a shut-in. She barely talked to anypony besides her daughter and didn't want to make any friends at work. Her husband had been the outgoing pony of the two. He'd opened her up to the world...he'd made her want to try. Her father had been the light of both their lives. She and Rainbow had lost what had made them feel whole after his death. Now...Cloudia was miserable...afraid to face the world. Just like Rainbow. But Rainbow had made a promise to her dad. She couldn't just give up like her mom. It was what had kept her going for so long...and her fantasies about Mac. She couldn't just give up on life. She was Rainbow Dash after all...the toughest, most fearless flyer in all Equestria. She couldn't quit...couldn't...but she'd lost one of the best parts of her life...

"The best..."

Rainbow had been plagued by a recurring nightmare after her father left her. Constantly. Despite what scientists said, Rainbow had always thought that there were only two kinds of dreams one could have: Daydreams and the dreams of a deep sleep. You could control daydreams. You just zoned out...lost in thought. They were nothing but fantasies usually. Wants. Desires. Random, errant thoughts. You could lie to yourself in those. Make stuff up. Like her daydreams of honoring her dad. Like Mac. But not actual dreams...no. You had no true control. Your mind just went rampant...your subconscious held you hostage. There were no lies in those. You couldn't change them. Like the nightmare. Like the one she'd had for so long. The horrible one that always started off so beautifully. She dreamed of ways to honor his memory...ways that she could make everything right...ways that she could make him proud...ways to let him know how much she had loved him. But those were two different kinds of dreams entirely...she felt like she was breaking down. Her life was worthless.

But she had to fight it! She could fight it all off. She was awesome! She was motherfucking Rainbow Dash! She was fearless! Tough. She could get over anything. Come back from any wound...no matter how terrible... She could do anything...she could...she...

...broke down and began sobbing.

Author's Note

Don't worry about the relevance of the bandits and all the other stuff I inserted. It all has a place and purpose, albeit you may find it boring. So, if you actually enjoy the story enough to keep up with it, then it'll all make sense in the end. Like I've said earlier, I'm planning a VERY long story, so if it seems to be taking a while to get to the "good stuff"...that's why.

Perhaps a bit too ambitious for a first-time writer...but fuck it. Balls-to-the-wall, all or nothing.

Just bear with me. It'll get a lot more interesting.

Chapter Four: Drag Her Down With Me

Big Mac had been waiting at their agree upon rendezvous point just outside the farm for over 30 minutes. (She's late.) Thankfully, he had gotten a full night's rest...with no additional nightmares. He actually felt refreshed and energetic, which was a nice change from his usual, grumpy morning disposition. Of course, his upbeat mood was in no small part due to the fifth of bourbon he'd had for breakfast. He had developed an unusually high tolerance to alcohol...not a good sign. He already had a natural resistance to the stuff. Country ponies tended to drink a good bit more than city ponies, but Mac's tolerance factors might have been unique to his physiology. (Dang it, girl! Where you at?!) What was the point of setting a time for them to meet, if she wasn't going to be able to make it? Had she gotten hung up somewhere? Did she oversleep? His mind began to wander...he was thinking about his former career out of sheer boredom....he wondered how long he'd be lost in thought this time...

The 3rd Equestrian Reconnaissance and Unconventional Warfare Group had been formed 30 years ago from the knights of a secret order founded hundreds of years prior. The candidacy was absurdly strict, and the training was almost torture...in fact, in some cases, it was literally torture. Mac had first enlisted as a spearman with the Equestrian Naval Infantry on his 18th birthday with grandiose dreams of defending his nation and family. But Mac had signed up in peacetime...he wanted to fight. It was who he was. After two years, he changed his MOS and joined an elite recon unit in order to ensure his exposure to the front lines. He had fought a few skirmishes with the Diamond Dog separatists in the Northern Wilds, but he was part of a recon unit.

Recon "Rangers" were the go-to special forces for much of the Equestrian military's needs. Ranger units were broken up into squads and fire teams that operated behind enemy lines for prolonged periods of time. Although they were well-trained in combat, recon units focused more on scouting enemy positions and covertly gathering intel. That meant he and his platoon always just skirted the edges of the actual fight...it was a scenario that was driving him insane. The few engagements he did fight, he fought savagely and fearlessly. While his squad leader and platoon sergeant lauded his prowess and fearlessness, they said his aggression was unwarranted and detrimental to the mission.

But they understood him...they sympathized with him somewhat...they even tried to protect him from the petty, sanctimonious judgment of his company CO and first sergeant. But Mac's continued, perceived transgressions and incompatibility with his superiors' ideas as to how a Ranger should behave put him against the firing wall. The two, old imbeciles watched him like a hawk, and they jumped on his back for every little thing he did...wrong or otherwise. The straw that broke the camel's back was when Mac ordered his fire team to ambush and take out a small camp of about fifty Diamond Dogs while on patrol in the Wilds...Mac and his three subordinates had covertly infiltrated the Dogs' camp at night and planted explosives throughout all their tents. At the first light of dawn the next morning, they set off the charges...the Dogs had been caught completely off guard...Mac and his Rangers charged the remaining Dogs to engage them in close combat...chaos ensued. Some tried to fight. Some tried to flee. Mac and his boys cut them all down with nary a scratch. It had been an overwhelming victory...there had been no casualties for Mac and his small team of four. And they'd driven the Dogs out of the southern portion of the Northern Wilds entirely. But his superiors hadn't been at all enthused, despite the significance of his fire team's victory.

As soon as the assault had started, Mac had turned into an enraged beast upon attacking...berserk...slavering. He had felt no pain...no fear...he'd had no regard for his own safety. He became an animal. He slaughtered over thirty of the enemy by himself in close combat...he had been drenched in their blood by the skirmish's end. His fire team had looked at him in horror...they were scared of him. So were the Dogs. So was Mac himself. Some of the Dogs had fled the battle out of sheer terror. But Mac's disruption of the Dogs had helped to stabilize the northern border of the Equestrian Empire. His behavior was not appreciated by his superiors. They told him that if he wanted to behave like an enraged, slavering animal, then he should go sign on with the Badlands Bandits. (Oh, the irony.) They'd said assaulting the Diamond Dog encampment had been an act of "insubordination," albeit Mac had never disobeyed any order or even disrespected his superiors...whether it was warranted or not. Mac's CO and company first sergeant had never established any SOP to avoid engaging the enemy...in fact...they had encouraged the Rangers in the field to ambush the Dogs when and where ever they could...but his superiors had lied and used the situation as a flimsy pretense to punish him. They tossed him in the brig for five months with all the child molesters, rapists, and murderers...it had a profound effect on him. He grew bitter. He became even angrier.

Once Mac had gotten out of the brig, his CO tucked him away in the armory to keep him busy. They didn't want anything to do with him, so they tossed him aside to clean weapons all day. They even told him why. They said he wasn't Ranger material. They said there was no glory in war. War = Hell. War = Bad. They shoved countless trivial platitudes down his throat. One after another. They'd been scared of him...of what he might've done to them after they sent him away...they knew how strong he was. They thought he was an animal...a beast who loved violence. They didn't understand...he wasn't a sadist. He didn't take sick pleasure in killing. No...that final, candescent moment...a furious charge into the fray. Living or dying in a rigidly decisive gambit of blood. His life's purpose going unfulfilled...the black, scratching thing in his head...it kept coming back, screaming furiously in his head. He turned to heavy drinking to drown the anger...he experimented with every psychoactive drug available. He bedded every nearby filly he could find...he wanted somepony to love him...to understand who he was and accept him. To not think he was a freak. A fucking mutant...a beast...a monster. But the only nearby fillies were noncombat soldiers who were augmented to his unit. They were rowdy, drunk, and lecherous...but then again...so were most recon soldiers.

They only cared for the size of his member and his endurance...they didn't understand him. They didn't care about him. He had wasted so much time with them...(...especially Honey Cream...baby...no...) Mac had gotten hurt by one of them. Honey Cream was a Unicorn supply sergeant billeted as an armorer, and she had been augmented to Mac's unit...he'd been transferred down to the armory to kill time until his EAS date, so Sgt. Cream became Mac's NCO...his boss. But what a boss she was... Mac's breath had stopped upon first meeting her...she'd been so beautiful...and he loved her tomcoltish personality. Technically, it was against military regs to have a romantic relationship with your immediate superior...fraternization.

But he didn't care...he had to know her. He had finally worked up the nerve to ask her out while visiting...she had felt the same way about him! Even though she'd been a rank high than Mac, she never treated him as her inferior...they spent so much time together. Over a year. They talked for hours about every little thing...she wanted to use her military benefits to pay for college after she got out of the military. She'd told him she wanted to get her doctorate as a microbiologist and work on developing cures and inoculations for the world's worst diseases. Sharing himself with her...loving her...just being with her had helped to repair some of John Apple's damaged life. He knew he loved her...they had barely kept anything from one another.

He'd known so much about her. She had confided in him, and he'd confided in her. They became so close. Too close. Mac told her something one day...about how he felt about her...she panicked. He'd only wanted to love her and for her to love him...to share the part of him that he kept hidden from everypony. But Honey had only wanted a casual, sexual relationship with him. Mac wanted more...he pushed it too far, and she fled. But it made no sense to him...they had shared their most inner parts of themselves with one another...how could she just fucking throw away what they'd had together?!!! (Fuckin'...AAaUuuuUGGhhhhhHHH!!...CuNT!!...why?) Everyday, Mac lamented losing her...she'd been his first true love...he'd never find another girl like her. Everyday Mac lived from then on became a miserable threnody for nothing...for the vacuum...for a love that never mattered. Mac fought back tears as he waited there for Rainbow. She couldn't catch him like this. He was strong. He was a stallion. Nothing could break him down. Nothing could beat him...except something already had...she had.

He'd opened himself up to Honey, and she ran away. He was devastated. She cut him...she'd been cold and precise...like a scalpel submerged in ice water. She had been an actor on a farcical stage, and he had played the fool. How could he have been so enamored with a girl who didn't love him? If she hadn't loved him, then why had she shared so much with him? Had it all been lies? Losing her had been horrific...almost as bad as his losing his father and mother...watching the two of them waste away like that. His father wasting from cancer and emphysema, and his mother wasting away from the loss of her love...hacking up phlegm. Staring into nothing. She had hurt him so terribly...she'd left him a wound...a gaping, septic wound that had never fully healed. He'd been left with nothing after her abandonment...the black had been scratching so much worse after she left him...it had been so agonizing. The ebony void had screamed so loudly in his head...there was too much loss...too much pain in his life. He couldn't confide his feelings in anypony...he had to be strong. He was a stallion...stallions didn't talk about their feelings.

But the feelings were there. Grinding teeth...the blood rolled over his mind...his brain cells popped. A yellow sickness grew in his eyes. A cloud of bone dust had entered his throat...choking...he needed catharsis. To cut. To crush. To burn the anger out of his blood. War boiled in his veins...it was the only thing that would give him relief from the black thing in his skull. The scratching...he prayed to every god known to equinity to save him...to give him the chance to prove himself. He had no answer for a month...the gods hadn't heard his plaintive calls. He considered overdosing on benzodiapines and washing them down with booze....he'd never wake up...just fall into a hole...the dope...it was all that he had left to stop the screaming. (the hammer) The Void wouldn't have him...not yet at least.

He was out of love, but he could still become somepony who mattered. A great warrior. Maybe the greatest of them all. If she wouldn't have him, then he wouldn't have love. The field beckoned. And if he died...well...he'd crack the very threshold of Valhalla with the sheer legend and might of his glorious, final battle, forcing the golden halls and Valkyries to accept his entry whether they goddamn liked it or not. Fuck 'em. Odin himself should consider himself lucky for Mac to not kick him off of his fucking throne and take it for himself. But he had nothing. He was nothing. Death would've been a beautiful solace. Mac's family and friends had no idea how far gone he was. He hid it. But it kept digging holes in his head. He would've taken any chance to fight again...any chance. Thankfully, one day his prayers were finally answered. He was going to get a chance to become somepony great.

His strength and fury had attracted attention. A pair of special forces recruiters had taken notice of him, approaching him one night at the smoke pit outside his barracks. They asked him some rather vague questions about his willingness to attend a qualification school at Camp Ponyton to receive some specialized training. They elaborated that he needn't concern himself about informing his CO or platoon sergeant, saying they would handle his change of command and orders. He said that was fine by him, but he asked about the operations of their unit. They said they couldn't specify, but they were deployed to various hotspots throughout all of Equestria and the known world. They said they were sent to take on only the most dangerous ops...ones that the regulars and even recon couldn't handle. Mac was ecstatic. He quickly signed on with them, seeing as it was a chance of a lifetime for a simple farmboy. But he hadn't expected how...unconventional this covert unit's training methods would be.

After returning to his barracks room to call it a night, four massive ponies kicked in his door and jabbed a syringe full of tranquilizer into his neck before he could even react. He was unceremoniously wrapped up in a body bag and discreetly abducted from his room. He awoke sitting in a chair somewhere with his hooves securely tied behind him with heavy chains...his mind was still foggy from the tranq...he was too weak and groggy to break the chains. Four ponies fully masked in shemaghs and clad in leather tactical gear began asking him all sorts of questions in heavy, Stalliongrad accents about his current unit's numbers, training, and leadership. He told them nothing. They threatened to hurt him. He told them to go right the fuck ahead. They obliged him. For hours they shocked him with electric cables and beat him senseless. He still told them nothing. They then told him they knew all about his family. They knew when Applejack's next birthday was, and what shop Granny Smith habitually visited every Friday. He told them that they were going to do whatever they wanted to his family anyway...and probably kill him long before that. So why should he go out like a bitch?

Suddenly, the four stallions that had been haranguing, beating, and threatening him changed their accents and demeanor. The leading stallion, a Unicorn, took off his shemagh. He was a jovial-looking guy with a light grey coat, a charcoal grey short-cropped mane and mustache, and grey blue eyes. He explained to Big Mac that this had all been an elaborate ruse to filter out the weaker candidates. He said that most ponies capitulated immediately after being tortured, despite initially putting on a tough front. The stallions began to cheerfully introduce themselves, and they apologized for the whole fiasco. But Mac started fading in and out of consciousness due to blood loss coupled with the powerful tranquilizer. The grey Unicorn tried to rouse him and introduced himself.

"Corporal Apple? You still with me? Yo, Forest! Keep that medical kit on standby...hey. He's coming to! Hey, man, I'm 1st Lieutenant Grey Dawn. Sorry about all this shit, but it's necessary. I made sure my guys didn't do any lasting damage to you. Congratulations, buddy. You just passed the first part of the selection process. Most ponies don't even make it that far." Mac had trouble speaking through his swollen lips and broken nose both dripping with blood. The worry that he would pass out again was somewhat alleviated, but he still had to contend with the aching in his head and the pain of his bruises and burns.

"Ugh...fuck...pleased to...make yer acquaintance, sir. Y'all wouldn't mind untyin' me, wouldja'?"

"Yeah, no problem. Yo, Steel. Undo these chains, man." An enormous, white stallion unlocked the padlock to Mac's chains, and they fell to the floor. He massaged his battered hooves and awaited further clarification.

"We read some of those medical reports about you, big guy. Said you're some kind of genetic anomaly. Super-equine strength and stuff. My team and I just so happen to be in need of some extra muscle. Still, we didn't take any chances with you. Ergo, the chains and tranq. We'll get you a cup of coffee to help with the headache. That tranquilizer we used on you was no joke, man." One of the stallions procured a steaming cup of coffee and presented it to Mac. He graciously accepted, considering he could hardly stay conscious let alone think.

"Sir...wouldja' mind tellin' me what's next? Am I gettin' shipped to another school?"

"It doesn't really work that way. There isn't any single "school" to qual for this job. You're going to be shadowing some of my boys. They'll teach you everything you need to know. But just a heads up: It's a long, arduous process, muchacho. It isn't going to be fun. This little initiation we had is cake compared to what's coming. You can back out now if you don't like the sound of all this, and we'll put a bag over your head and drop you off at the base hospital. But I know your type. You want in on this, don't you?" The young officer smiled knowingly. How much did they know about him?

"Ya' got me figured, sir."

"I knew it. Oh, and just another thing, man: We're pretty laid back. Technically, our unit doesn't even exist, so we got a little bit of leeway. You can just call me "Grey" or "Dawn", if you want. Oh, and these three massive, fucking faggots behind me are Staff Sergeant Steelheart, Sergeant Forest, and Corporal Shield." The three soldiers began laughing and introduced themselves, shaking his hoof and offering their apologies. They all made jokes and gently ribbed their officer.

"Oh, LT...you have such a way with words. You talk real purdy!", chimed a chestnut brown stallion. The Unicorn roared with laughter. The same chestnut brown stallion with a forest green mane helped to clarify what his officer had meant earlier.

"Hey, I'm Sgt. Forest like the LT said. Sorry about roughing you up. Anyway, the whole "school" thing...we don't do that. All that hazing shit you got past in recon training, SOI, and boot? Yeah. That's over with. You're going to be joining a class of about 10 other guys from different recon units...same as you, really. It's a pretty unconventional training process...but then again, we're all about unconventional. What we do is have them go on field ops and training with our active squad: we four plus eight other guys. Most likely, about eight outta' ten are gonna' drop out. If we active guys get deployed and can't be here to train you, then our reserve team'll take over. I know it sounds easy...but trust me. It sucks. It's an entire year of training. It's brutal." They were all candid and sincere about the difficulty and danger. They didn't waste time with the "Hey, look at me! I'm in charge and can yell at everypony!" routine. Big Mac immediately decided that he liked all four of these ponies.

"Alright, that's enough for now. Let's get this guy to the hospital. We'll get in contact with you as soon as the next class starts." The lieutenant moved to help Mac from his blood-soaked chair.

"No, sir. I'm alright. This ain't nothin' a strong drink won't fix. I can head back on my own." The grey Unicorn chuckled in approval.

"Man, I fuckin' love this guy! We just whaled on your ass for four hours, and you're still playing tough. But I strongly suggest you wait 'till that shit wears off completely before drinking..then again, you still might try it. You're stubborn as all hell, brother. Good. You're gonna' need that stubbornness, Corporal. We're not that far out from the base, but we still need to bag you until we get you there. I got a good feeling about you, Red."

Big Mac snapped back to the present. How long had he been reminiscing? It was easily 40 minutes after.

"Man, where is this girl? I ain't got all mornin'. My ass still has to finish up the plowin' after we're done with all this inanity." He began to feel anxious, knowing full well that every minute wasted waiting for his little, blue Pegasus friend was a minute that could've been spent on something productive. But his grumbling session was interrupted by the sight of a small, blue figure rapidly approaching from the sky.

"Well, speak of the Devil." Rainbow Dash roughly landed a few feet away from. She seemed fairly exhausted and disheveled.

"Hey, dude! Sorry I'm late! I didn't get much sleep last night, so I friggin' slept through the alarm I set. We gotta' get this over with pretty quick, too. I gotta' go pick up Pinkie from the hospital." True to word, she looked pretty tired.

"It's alright, Miss Rainbow. And I done heard 'bout Miss Pie's...uhh..."incident." Send her my regards. So, whaddja' have in mind fer today?" A devilish grin crossed Rainbow's lips.

"Oh...dude. It's gonna' suck. Trust me."

"Miss Dash, as appalled as I am by yer sadism, yer gonna' hafta' try better'n that to get the best of me." He returned the same grin.

"Okay, tough guy. Whatever you say. See that mountain up there?" His suspicions that she was referring to his favorite training mountain the other day had just been confirmed.

"Eeyup." He was relieved she hadn't suggested anything out of his expertise yet. A small part of him really wanted to impress this girl.

"Well, we're gonna' run up to the summit and back down. It's about a 6 mile run there and back. This spot right here is where we'll start and stop. Try and keep my pace...ya' know...if you can." The little filly put on a rainbow-colored headband from one of her saddlebags, and she began stretching out her limbs.

"Huh..that all, Miss Dash? How 'bout we make it interestin'?" Big Mac wasn't normally this playful but...something about her just brought it out in him.

"Alright. Whaddya' have in mind there, Big Red?" She gave him a predatory smile, knowing that he had some sort of competition or challenge for the two of them.

"We race to the summit, an' whichever pony gets there and back first wins. If I win, you gotta' stand in fer me watchin' over the Crusaders any day of my choosin'."

"Okay, deal. And if I win, you have to walk up to the first filly you see and say "You got a purdy mouth." Oh, and you have to stop calling me "Miss Dash." Seriously. It sounds friggin' gay, man." Mac was chuckling from Rainbow's hillbilly impression. There likely wasn't another girl like Rainbow in all of the known world.

"Heheheh...alright, I'll defer to yer superior appraisal of sexuality. It's a deal. You ready?"

"Yep. All stretched out. How 'bout you?"

"Stretchin's fer ballerinas an' yoga instructors. Oh, and one more thing: Usin' yer wings is an automatic disqualification."

"Ugh...jeez, alright already. Let's just friggin' get there while I'm still young. Uhh...are you seriously gonna' go running with that hat on?"

"Eeyup."

"Whatever floats your boat, dude. Let's get going."

"Very well, Miss Dash. Onetwothree GO!!" Mac knew his playful head start wasn't likely to count for much.

"Hey! Ya' big douche!" She sprinted after him, catching up to him in seconds. He had known she was fast...but...holy shit! She was FAST!

They had only been running for thirty seconds before Rainbow had already passed him. He knew she was fast. He knew that she'd pass him eventually...but this was insane! Mac now knew that if Rainbow hadn't dicked around with AJ at the Running of the Leaves, she'd easily have thrashed his sister. Her pace was incredible, too. Even with his superior length of stride, he couldn't keep up with her. And Mac had kept himself in peak condition. After gaining a respectable lead on him, Rainbow decided it was time to trash talk.

"Yo, Red! How's the view from back there?! Pick up the pace!" He didn't especially mind the view from behind the athletic, little Pegasus. He had to be honest with himself. She had a magnificent, little backside.

They had passed the three mile mark at Stutterfry...Bumblecry...whoever the fuck's cottage and began ascending up the slope of the rocky mountain. The terrain was treacherous, but Mac knew it well. Still, he couldn't believe how agile his little friend was. She was deftly hopping from one foothold to another, ascending the slope with little effort. At this rate, he knew he'd have to start practicing his creepy hillpony accent. Still...it wasn't all bad. (I still got a nice view..heheh...man, now I feel creepy.)

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Rainbow Dash was impressed. Big Red had actually managed to keep up with her for a good bit, a feat in itself that was worthy of praise. Apparently, he'd kept in good shape after getting out of the army or whatever. But he still wasn't a match for her. She was rocketing up the mountain slope, her hooves clopping on the rocky outcroppings she used for footholds. She could see the end of the treeline where the mountain's altitude became too high to support taller vegetation. (Hell's yeah. I got this in the bag.) She burst through a series of evergreen bushes....and came face to face with a very surprised mountain lion.

"Oh, shit!!" She hopped backwards as the irritated cat took a swipe at her.

"Jeez, man! Chill! I didn't mean to jump up on you like that!" Rainbow wasn't sure why she was trying to reason with a mountain lion. Mountain lions had a history of being incapable of comprehending speech and being unreasonable.

She took to the air, hovering out the big feline's reach. Apparently, it had been stalking some sort of prey and was more than a little pissed off that she had spooked it away. The big cat began to roar in hopes of scaring her off. But it never finished it's threatening display, as a massive, red figure entered the fray and smashed it's hoof into the beast's skull with a sickening crack. A cloud of blood spurted into the air.

"Woah! The fuck, man!!?"

Big Mac's assault had sent the mountain lion flying into a bush. It tried to stand...it's legs wobbled pitifully in their vain attempt to support the lion's weight. But before the poor feline could come to grips with it's new life of brain-damaged delirium, Mac had lifted a comically huge boulder over his head while standing on his hind hooves and proceeded to dropping it on top of the unlucky cat, smashing the confused beast into a furry pancake. A small trickle of blood emerged from under the boulder, slowly trailing down the mountainside.

"Dude! What the hell was that?!" If she hadn't seen the primal display with her own two eyes, she would've dismissed it as absolute bullshit.

"A mountain lion, I presume. Well...it WAS a mountain lion." Rainbow broke into a fit of laughter despite herself. Her brutish, red friend seemed entirely unfazed by what had just transpired.

"Hahahah...oh...what the hell?! Are you friggin' serious?! Man, I almost feel sorry for the guy! Who goes around smashing mountain lions with giant rocks?!!"

"Well, it would appear that I fit that description, Miss Dash. Are you alright?" Mac was chuckling a bit himself. The macabre humor of the situation had gotten to the both of them.

"Hehehe...jeez...yeah, I'm fine, thanks. Should we uhh...like...say a prayer or somethin'? We just totally ruined this dude's day. Least we can do." Big Mac solemnly nodded and removed his hat, quickly chanting a "prayer."

"Uhh..let's see...how 'bout this?:"

"Roses are red, an' hogs are fat."

"Once you were livin', an' now yer flat."

"O, infelix feline, requiescant in pace. How's that?" Rainbow began laughing harder than she had in what had seemed an eternity. She wasn't entirely ungrateful for this after last night's somber events.

"Aww!....holy shit....I can't breathe!! Dude!...my friggin' sides...!"

"Madame...yer laughter besmirches the honor an' dignity of the recently departed. I am truly appalled by yer insensitivity." He had rattled this off with a completely serious face and tone.

"Please...stop!....Aww..man!!!"

"Ain't everyday ya' get to see a big cat suffer a rock-induced rectal prolapse. Not suggestin' anypony'd actually WANT to see that...but if ya' do...that's fine. This here's a judgement-free mountain, s'far as I'm concerned." Rainbow tried to catch her breath.

"Heheheh...oh...fuck...but no...I wouldn't wanna' see that. Jeez...you friggin' annihilated him, though."

"Yep. He done gone to see his Maker. While we're on the topic of said Maker, I'd like to ask him 'bout some of his more questionable design choices fer the mountain lion. Such as "Why'd you make 'em all ornery assholes?" Inconsiderate, too. Interruptin' our run like that an' all. It's a goddang wonder why there ain't more flat mountain lions layin' around." Rainbow was seized by another giggling fit.

"Hehehe...jeez, dude...but this is pretty fucked up, ya' gotta' admit. I still feel kinda' bad for him. This wasn't exactly a dignified way to go, Red."

"Hey, it ain't all bad. Look on the bright side. He already done got himself a ready-made tombstone. All ya' need's a chisel." The massive, red stallion procured a single cigarette and butane lighter from a small pouch he had brought with him. He lit up and breathed in the rich smoke, a nonchalant smile taking form over his typically severe countenance. Rainbow couldn't stop laughing. He was so...different. Funny. Silly even.

"Oh, God....there are...like... actual tears in my eyes, dude....!" Rainbow was having difficulty maintaining her altitude laughing this hard. Suddenly, a strange, gassy sound emitted from underneath the boulder. A nasty smell wafted by her nose.

"Oh, dang...you smell that? Whew! Lordy! Sounds like he done loosed his bowel. I think he just done one a' them "death farts." An' here you were all worried 'bout his dignity!"

"Hehehe...I can't...oh...shit...hehehe..."

Really should invent a word fer this. How 'bout "FLAT-ulence?" Normally, a pun that terrible about something so morbid and gross would have just annoyed her...but this one sent her reeling. The big stallion just stood by the enormous boulder that had ended the mountain lion, taking casual puffs from his Mareboro.

"Please...oh...God...I'm gonna' pee myself...!" It was a legitimate concern on her part. She drank a lot of water and had a fairly sensitive bladder...she'd never be able to look him in eye again if she wet herself in front of him... But he fears were alleviated, as Big Mac mercifully let her catch her breath.

"Dude...where did all that come from? I thought you were a friggin' robot. You're acting like a totally different pony today!"

"Yesterday a mountain lion weren't tryin' to chew on our unmentionables. That's enough to make any pony seem different." She wasn't buying it.

"Nuh uh. What's the deal?"

"This here interrogation is entirely unwarranted, an' it's fosterin' a threatenin' environment in the work place. Don't make me call equine resources." She laughed again. But what was he hiding?

"Hehehe...okay...I'll humor you. Call 'em, dude."

"Very well, Miss Dash...oh...dang. Guess we need a new resources guy....well...at least he was just a temp.", said Mac while looking towards the smashed cougar's remains.

"Hehehehe...the fuck, dude?!...hehehe..."

"Well, I suppose this concludes our little chat..."

"No way, man! Hehehe...there's something different about you from yesterday. C'mon. Spill it." Mac widened his eyes in comical faux-terror.

"Alright, alright!! I was young! I needed the money! I wouldn't a' done it if I knew they were gonna' make me wear a saddle an' chaps!"

"Heheheh...oh, man...gross!...hehehe...what the hell? But...seriously...why are you so chatty and shit today? Be honest."

"Okay...okay. I ain't gonna' lie. I'm pretty hammered right now, baby girl." Upon close inspection, she saw that his eyes were a bit red. Had he run this entire way...completely wasted?! Also...she had grown rather fond of his term of endearment for her. She knew it was just a country thing like "sugarcube" or "sweetheart", but it still made her blush a bit. And she seemed a lot more comfortable in his presence now for some reason.

"Jeez, man...isn't it a little early to hit the sauce?"

"Madame, I can assure you there is no such thing as "too early to get crunk" or "too early to hit the sauce." It is an entirely mythical fabrication of Gryphonic origins intended to undermine Equestrian morale. You know the Lunar cult supports early mornin' drinkin'? 'Sposed to make ya' more receptive to gettin' up at five in the mornin' to go to Mass. Hallalujer!"

"Heheheh...what the fuck?!...aww...you're a mess, dude. I hope AJ doesn't catch you like this." This goofy stallion was a far cry from the one she'd met yesterday. It was unbelievable how differently he was behaving. Did he always drink like this? Did...he have problems? Like she did? Were the two of them more alike than she'd initially thought?

"Oh, goodness me! Anythin' but that! You ready to hit the ole' trail again?"

"Heheheh...yeah, let's finish this up. I was totally beating you, too."

"True...but I feel I must bring somethin' to yer attention right quick, Miss Dash."

"Uggh...what now?"

"You used yer wings. Remember our agreement?"

"Oh. Dude. No way."

"Mm-hmm." Big Mac face was painted with a sly grin.

"You're gonna' call me on this? After all that?!"

"Eeyup."

"Are you friggin' serious? You kidding me?...oh...you son of a...I almost got my face ripped off!!"

"Oh, the burdens we bear are ever so heavy, are they not? But bear them, we must, Miss Dash."

"You...are the biggest douche in Equestrian history...hehehe..." He was funny. He was smiling. Good. She loved his smile.

"Oh, really? An' here I thought that award went to Trenderhoof. So, I'm the greatest douche alive, eh? The "Archdouche," if ya' will? Well, I gotta' say...that's a mighty esteemed position, Miss Rainbow. But I'm afraid I can't let ya' off the hook fer this. Rules is rules."

"Hehehehe...oh, yeah? Splitting hairs, huh? Well, then no pony wins. You said I'd be "disqualified", if I used my wings. You didn't say I'd lose the race. Big difference. You never said you'd win by default. You have to like...include everything in the rules up front, dude."

"Ah...ain'tchu' clever now, missy? I 'spose that's a fair point. Truce?"

"Truce...heheheh... Let's just keep an even pace and get this over with." They slowly began trotting to the summit.

"Yer the boss, Rainbow."

"H-hey! Did you just use my first name?!"

"Yes, ma'am, I did. Oh, one more thing 'bout our little wager. An obligation on my part, if ya' will."

"Yeah?"

"We both lost, right?"

"I guess. Why?"

"Yer the first filly I see.." Mac had a devilish grin on his face. What was he talking about?

"Uhh...so what?"

"You got a purdy mouth." She remembered their wager.

"Awww!! Dude! Heheheh...you're friggin' weird." The big stallion began roaring with laughter as the two of them trotted up the slope of the mountain. She was starting to like this new, talkative Big Mac...granted he was drunk, but she'd take it.

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Celestia had always looked forward to her afternoon chess game with her little sister. The two of them were often so bogged down with royal duties that they barely had time to even speak to one another let alone spend quality time together. So she had decreed that the two of them were to have one hour a week to themselves with absolutely no interruptions in the exception of emergencies. It had only been a year and eight months since her beloved, little sister had been freed from her cursed existence as Nightmare Moon. For a pony who had lived for almost a thousand years, a year and eight months seemed like a week contextually. Celestia looked over to her sister, who had suddenly taken to staring eye level with the chess board and sticking her tongue out in deep thought as to what her next move should be.

"Aha! I shall move my valiant knight to B3! What have you to say about that, sister?" Celestia merely grinned. Luna had never had an eye for foresight or planning, which was why her little sister had never won a game of chess with her to date.

"My rook takes your knight."

"Auugh! Blast! Cursed knight! You have failed me for the last time!"

"Honestly, Luna, you shouldn't have let me kill off all your pawns so easily. I almost have a straight shot to your king now." Celestia calmly took a sip of her tea using her hooves. Even though she could just as easily use her magic to grip the cup, it was always wise to maintain one's hoof dexterity.

"Bah! 'Tis why they are called "pawns!" They should be honored to sacrifice themselves for my victory!" Luna still had trouble using a milder tone of voice. And her vernacular was fairly out of date. Only just recently had Celestia been able to get her to stop using "thou hast" and "it doth pleaseth me" in her sentences. "'Tis" and "'twas" were next on her hit list. Every day...she would make her little sister less of a dork. Or at least try.

"Luna, use your "inside voice." You know how much your voice echoes in the Castle. Remember that some of our subjects are rather meek. You'll frighten them."

"Oh...yes. I'm sorry, CeeCee. But why is a rook called a "rook?" Celestia smiled at her baby sister's usage of her childhood nickname.

"I believe "rook" means "chariot" or something like that in an ancient, eastern language. Supposedly, the ponies who invented the game originally used a piece that resembled a chariot." Twilight would be proud that her teacher could rattle off that entirely useless fact.

"Huh? Strange. It looks to be a little castle. And isn't a "rook" some sort of bird?"

"That, too. A species of crow, I believe. But they're entirely unrelated....at least I think so..." But contrary to her protege's unwillingness to admit ignorance, Celestia had no such problem conceding that she didn't know everything. Twilight despised not knowing something, and the poor girl somehow couldn't identify the absurdity in one pony knowing absolutely everything as a grand impossibility.

"I...see...but you shan't defeat me so effortlessly! I still have another knight!" The knight was Luna's favorite piece...she used it constantly. Often to her own detriment.

"You know, Luna...you have an entire board of pieces you can use. You don't have to use the knight every time. It makes you rather easy to predict. Try using your bishops and rooks for once."

"OH?! But what do pompous priests and strange...uhh...bird...castle...chariot things know of valor? They haven't the strength of hoof and courage of heart to wage battle!" Luna's adorable enthusiasm for virtually everything had come from her 200 year banishment.

After she had been freed of the dark magic that drove her mad, Luna dove into everything with hooves first with a new zeal for life. Even the most mundane things had become scintillating for her. A part of Celestia wished that she too could see the world the same as her little sister...so full of wonder and mystery. Like a foal again. Luna had always been a child at heart...innocent. Celestia giggled inwardly at some of the fun-deprived antics of her little sister. Just last week, she had been caught swan diving into a pig pen on a farm in Ponyville. Her reasoning was that the pigs looked like they were having so much fun rolling about in mud, and she wanted to try it for herself. It was so wonderful having her little sister back at her side. She had felt so lost and alone without her...she'd had no pony in whom she could confide herself. As a leader of a mighty nation, she always had to swallow her personal feelings and look to the welfare of her people first.

"Hehehe...each piece has it's own unique strength. You don't want to cripple yourself with predictable tactics."

"A fair point. I've yet to win a single engagement with you...but I shall prevail!...EVENTUALLY!!" Luna clearly needed more practice with her "inside voice."

"Huh...good luck with that. By the way, I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to attend the consortium yesterday with the two of us. That security conference shouldn't have lasted as long as it did. Someponies love the sound of their own voices. But the consortium made up for it! It was very enlightening. I would have never guessed how much more advanced some of the foreign lands were. Those emissaries knew a great deal about magic." Luna scoffed at this. She was never one for academia.

"Bah! I'm sure 'twas all very dull, sister. I'll choose the droning on of military fools over bearded, old sycophants any day, CeeCee. I know that you made a wise choice leaving one of us with each group of imbeciles." Celestia giggled at her sister's disdain for pomp and show.

"I'm not sure how I managed to schedule both meetings at the same time. That was a complete cluster. I must be getting old."

"Oh, you've not enough years behind you to make that claim, CeeCee. I shall assume that Princess Twilight was most enthused with your consortium, yes?"

"Oh, yeah. You better believe it. She was all over the place...asking them every question known to equinity. The translator could barely keep up with it all. It was all very cute, though." Twilight had the same enthusiasm for academia as Luna did for recreation. Swan diving into mud included.

"'Tis a mystery, that girl. But...did you ask the emissaries if they had knowledge of...what happened with..the two of us?" Luna was suddenly meek...her voice quiet and soft. Celestia knew that to which she referred.

"No, sweetie, sorry. None of them knew. I asked about what kind of magic could do something like that, but they had no idea. It's a complete mystery. I don't think anything could've been done to prevent it. What happened to you wasn't your fault. Don't ever blame yourself. I knew my little sister would never have willingly done those things."

"Oh...thank you, CeeCee. For asking." They continued their game...but now the mood was a bit darker.

No pony knew what had caused her sister to become Nightmare Moon 200 years ago. (The cultists tend to exaggerate the time a good deal. Ha. 1000 years. I haven't even lived that long.) It had simply...happened. Seemingly overnight. The curse's effects were awful. Her sister's soft, blue eyes had changed to a vicious cerulean...the pupils shaped like those of a serpent. Her midnight blue coat had turned to a menacing pitch black hue. Her voice...her voice had been so different. It had said so many terrible things to Celestia. Things that Luna would never say. It did horrific, abominable things that Luna would never do. Celestia had felt so powerless to help her.

She only had one choice. She cast her little sister into an astral prison, where she'd be kept in suspended animation until the spell wore off many years later. By then, she had hoped she could find a cure. And she had...just in the nick of time with the help of her little student and her friends. Twilight's incessant worrying and obsessive research had uncovered that the Elements of Harmony could dispel virtually any curse. Star Swirl the Bearded had made the Tree of Harmony (He didn't call it that, though. I thought my name for it was cuter.) that housed the powerful relics used to defeat Nightmare Moon's curse. Celestia was eternally grateful to her precious student for what she had done. Of course...Twilight didn't know the true nature of the Elements of Harmony and the "Magic of Friendship." But Celestia knew enough not to tell her. It would break her heart.

"But let's not focus on depressing things, Luna. Let's get on with our game. It's still your move."

"O-okay, CeeCee. Umm...let us continue the battle!!" Celestia smiled gently.

Underneath her boisterous, bold exterior, Celestia knew her little sister was extremely vulnerable and sensitive. In fact, the two of them generally avoided the topic of her curse, as it's very mention had caused Luna to burst into tears more than a few times. As powerful and brave as her little sister was...she knew she didn't have the strength to lead the nation on her own. The job required an insensitivity and cold calculus that she simply didn't have. Luna could face down trolls and dragons with no fear, but the being ostracized from her own subjects devastated her. Inwardly, Luna was still a child. A little filly who had never grown up. Her precious, little sister wouldn't have the courage to stand up to the Senate...they would roll right over her. And then the Senate would run the Empire into the ground with their petty regulations, taxes, and laws. Everyday Celestia regretted allowing that thieving band of self-interested, profligate nobles to gain that much power over her.

"Aha! I see my opening! Prepare thyself for destruction, sister!" Luna seemed to have gotten her spunk back.

"Luna...ugghhh....you put your queen directly in the path of my rook. And your other pieces are too far away to do anything about it." It wouldn't matter how much Celestia helped her play. She would end up winning regardless.

"Oh, damnation! But what is keeping my queen from slaying your bird-castle!?"

"Well, I can just gank your queen with my king. You'd just be wasting one of your best pieces."

"Oh...this game...doth maketh my head hurt." She always reverted back to her old vernacular when she got overly discouraged or annoyed.

"It's all about patience. And planning. You have to think ahead, Luna. You have to plan your strategy from your very first move to your very last. Think about your opponent's every reaction to the moves you make. If you study his strategy, then you can understand and beat it." But that was Luna's problem.

"I do not know...if I can do that, sister. I'm no Twilight Sparkle. I prefer the heated passions of a spontaneous, impulsive charge. Much more fun!" Celestia only smiled warmly in response.

Luna had no ability to see past the next five minutes...maybe even one minute. Having her take up some of Celestia's duties had been a great been relief to her...but Luna couldn't stand on her own four hooves like she had during her imprisonment. The Empire was currently mired in a period of unrest and conflict. And it couldn't have all come at a better time. Nightmare Moon...Discord's escape and subsequent chaotic romp...the Diamond Dog Rebellions...Appleloosan bandits and tension with the Buffalo....even the Equestrian embassy in Zebrica had been assaulted. If she didn't know better, Celestia would start thinking there was some sort of...agent of disorder (besides Discord) who was behind it all. It was almost all too convenient. She had even been personally attacked multiple times...thus she had a rather justified obsession for bolstering the Castle's security. And since her younger sister would be an ineffectual ruler in the rather possible scenario of her own death, she thought it wise to always have a contingency plan.

Which was where Princess Twilight came in. It was well known that Celestia had many past proteges that she had groomed to take the throne in lieu of her death. But Twilight put them all to shame. Perhaps her only protege to measure up with Twilight was Star Swirl himself, albeit he had nowhere near the capacity for leadership as she did. Cadence was too tender and emotional to rule...which is why Celestia had sent the pink princess and her husband to attend to the Crystal Empire. It would have to be Twilight. The little Alicorn had an incredible penchant for finding flaws in other ponies' plans and theories. She was perfectly suited to obsessively pouring over minute details to find anomalies. Celestia could easily put her to work investigating the possibility of a link between all the troubles that had ailed Equestria recently. She'd already assigned her the duty of reporting any anomalous magicks she found in Ponyville. It was surprising how much crazy stuff happened in that otherwise unremarkable, little town.

And this theory of a conspiracy against Equestria had been confirmed to at least a partial degree by the fact that there had been an assault on the Castle itself. Queen Chrysalis had even bested her in single combat!!...a fact that was a substantial source of embarrassment for her. The attempted coup had only been made possible by the Queen's ability to disguise herself as Princess Cadence and by her absorption of ambient magic from Shining Armor's horn. "Love" had nothing to do with it. Chrysalis was a lucky idiot who didn't understand that you can't eat or absorb love. That would be like trying to eat courage or fear. Stupid. When the authentic Cadence tried to free her husband from the Queen's hold on him, she managed to create a rather powerful and rare spell. (Where's Twilight when I need her?)

It was all explained by "Star Swirl's Theoretical Principle of Hysterical Catalytic Amplification and Resulting Resonant Magical Cascade." It was not a sexy name for something so powerful...then again, the same went for Star Swirl's name for the Tree and Elements of Harmony. (Ugh. "The Tree-like Monolithic Sourcepoint and Generator of the Elements of Multitudinously Amplified Harmonic Magical Resonance and Capacitance." No wonder he didn't have many friends...the poor guy.) The principle stated that a Unicorn in a state of hysteria (i.e. Twilight and Cadence) could theoretically amplify her magic to an exponential degree by absorbing the latent magic left behind from another magic-caster's (i.e. Chrysalis) leeching spell. Theoretically, the absorbing Unicorn could channel all the latent magic through another Unicorn's horn (i.e. Shining), thus amplifying any spell cast by a thousand fold. (But let the kids believe it was love. That's a much sweeter story.) And Celestia was glad the clumsily named principle had proved itself to be more than theoretical, as it had saved them all. She hadn't been able to rely on her soldiers to fend off the Changelings.

Her Royal Guard had performed miserably in combat with them, albeit the Changelings' ability to shape-shift likely made their battle all the more confusing. That still wasn't an excuse, though. If six, little fillies could fight better than hundreds of combat-trained, musclebound stallions, then they were all screwed if a truly powerful, organized enemy attacked. Another reason to despise the Senate. They had forced Celestia to disband her elite Praetorian Guard who used to protect the Castle and it's occupants. The Praetorian Guard were made up of recon and Malleis Irae retirees and were much more reliable than simple soldiers. The Senators said that they were Celestia's "personal intimidation squad" that she could use to cow them all into submission, and they threatened to close all legislation if she didn't dismiss them. (What fools.)

"Hmm....I'll move my rook back for now. I have a better plan...heheheh...", cackled Celestia insidiously.

The Senate couldn't balance a budget or impose intelligent laws and regulations that actually protected her subjects, but they could get her personal bodyguards fired....fucking brilliant. But it was ultimately inconsequential. Well, mostly. She would attend to those corrupt fools when the time was right. Celestia had no interest in abusing her power. She was far too old for that...she was incorruptible. She had proven this for over 600 years. The insanity and despotism of her father's rule had ingrained in her a sensitivity to oppression. The irony of her situation was that she had allowed the formation of the Senate to display to her subjects a separation and limitation of her royal power after the terrifying events of Nightmare Moon's insurrection. And the Senators were the ponies who were most likely to create a depressing, utilitarian society out of the politically liberal but strong Empire. She would eventually have to reclaim her former autocracy in order to keep her people free. Thankfully, she had an ace up her sleeve to help her do just that. It was a necessary evil. But Celestia would not be corrupted...she refused to oppress her people. Her father had taught her this lesson while still sane...and he'd ironically shown the ramifications of oppression through his own actions. Luna apparently had noticed her expression of deep consternation.

"Oh? But what are you planning now, you deviant?" She just smiled again in response.

Celestia was confident that her young protege could lead. Luna would take the foreground as a figurehead due to her regal image's effect on the populace, and Twilight would back her up. Her geeky, little protege seemed very capable in her leadership skills despite her relative lack of a social life and overall nerdiness. She had somewhat proven this when she and Luna had both been entangled in Discord's black...vine..things next to the Tree of Harmony. Twilight had managed to maintain the Castle's basic operations and even had managed to calm the panicking citizenry during that solar eclipse. A most unfortunately timed solar eclipse. It was a bit of a stretch to try and tie it in with the other problems...but the mere theoretical possibility of it all still bothered her.

"Something special, my dearest sister. Something that will no doubt be a game-changer." Luna only looked at her with confusion. Celestia decided to wait on a certain draconequus's report before making her move. Celestia had an ulterior motive in emancipating Discord from his stone prison....and he had proven himself quite useful so far. She would need as much information as she could possibly attain.

If the Senate had anything...anything at all to do with the instability and problems recently....there would be hell to pay. She would find out who was behind all this, be it the Griffons, Senate, or God himself.

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A young Pegasus colt wearing a blue Imperial Postal Service hat was on his way to Fluttershy's cottage for a delivery. Milky Way's stark white coat was shining in the sun light of midday, albeit it was a bit chilly for noontime. His gilded amber eyes projected a gentle countenance. He was happy. At least content...for the most part. He had his family and girlfriend. And a good job making deliveries all about Ponyville. His dad had gotten it for him, and he always made certain that he worked three times as hard as anypony else to dispel rumors of nepotism. It paid well, and it came with benefits. It was more than enough to support himself and Ditzy Doo, whenever she decided to move in with him. From what he'd heard about her roommate losing her job, he could tell there was a good possibility that Ditzy wouldn't make the month's rent. But...she could just move in with him! It was a great idea! Eventually...when he got the courage...he would propose. He loved her more than anypony or anything.

Ditzy Doo was extremely self-conscious about her lazy eye and social awkwardness. Some ponies had taken to calling her "Derpy Hooves" due to her appearance and her tendency to drop or crash into things while in flight. But Milky Way didn't care. He loved her all the same. She was the sweetest mail mare alive...he was lucky to have met her when he'd first started working for the local post office. She was a little clumsy and more than a bit slow...but she made up for it with her sincerity and cuteness. Besides...Milky Way knew he wasn't all that bright either. He wasn't smart enough to go to college like his dad had initially wanted. But what did it matter that the two of them weren't geniuses? They were good, honest ponies. A simple, reliable job would be more than enough to meet the humble demands of his future finances. And if Ditzy got pregnant...well that wouldn't be so bad.

He'd just marry her and work twice as hard to make up her end, so she could stay home to raise their foals. Mothering was a full-time occupation. Anypony who thought being a stay-at-home mom was easy clearly hadn't had a foal of their own yet. He felt it was his duty to ensure his beloved didn't have to slave away to help make ends meet while trying to raise kids at the same time. She'd be worth it. She was the best girl a colt could ever want. He still remembered the night they had gotten together. They had looked through one of his telescopes on top the roof of the post office, gazing at the starry heavens with awe. Her eyes had lit up with so much innocent wonder...she was beautiful in the moonlight....he had been smitten with her ever since. Maybe his dad was right, though. Maybe 19 was too young to get married and have children, but they would still try. No. He was wrong. He knew they could make it together. He was certain.

Milky Way could see the cottage where his package of what he presumed to be medicine or animal food was destined. He liked making deliveries to Fluttershy. She had an arrangement with the local veterinarian, where the two would refer customers to one another for rehabilitation and treatment respectively. The little cottage was surrounded by the tiny domiciles of various, adorable woodland creatures. He loved animals. Maybe not as much as she did...but still. He was always mobbed for attention by the little critters every time he delivered here. He approached the doorstep and knocked. A lovely, yellow Pegasus answered with a sweet, demure little voice.

"Oh...hello, Milky Way. It's nice to see you again." He was fairly fond of Fluttershy himself, too. The girl was an absolute vision of beauty and didn't have a mean bone in her body like some of those nastier trophy mares...but Ditzy was his girl. Forever.

"Hiya, Fluttershy. It's nice to see you, too. I got a package for you from the vet again."

"Oh, good! That must be the new diuretic food for Barry. He's been so cranky lately...so I though a nice cleanse would help his mood a teensy bit."

"Hehheh...all I know is it's pretty dang heavy. Would you like me to carry it inside for you? Oh, and I'll need you to sign for it." The large, brown parcel of food was a bit too heavy for the delicate, little filly to carry. His dad had raised him to be a gentlecolt first and foremost.

"Oh, would you? That would be great, thank you. Would you like to come inside and visit Barry for a bit? I think some company would do him so good."

"Sure. I have plenty of time between now and my next delivery. So, what's wrong with the big galoot anyway?" He followed Fluttershy inside with the heavy package in tow.

"That's just the thing! I'm not really sure. He's just grumpy and ornery for some reason. He's been like this all week. I think it's something in his diet..."

Milky Way and his hostess walked into the living room of her cottage, where the massive, brown shape of a shaggy bear lay apathetically on a pile of blankets. Fluttershy's pet rabbit was likely upstairs...a fortunate thing for him, too. The last time he'd visited the cottage, Angel had bitten him right in the testicles. The evil, little bastard had burst into a fit of laughter while a profoundly mortified Fluttershy had tried to grab him an icepack. Good thing there hadn't been any lasting damage. For him and Ditzy, too.

"Awwww...you feelin' alright, big guy? I hope you get better soon, buddy. He's just a big teddy bear, isn't he?" The massive creature looked forlorn and nervous for some reason...it was a good thing that the bear was tame. His claws were enormous.

"Oh, yes. He's just a big baby when he's sick. But I'm still not sure what's wrong with him. He's been so edgy and grumpy lately this week. I'm starting to worry."

"It's probably his diet like you said. Can I pet him?" The big, fuzzy critter's fur looked so soft and snuggly, and he seemed so pitiful just laying there like a morose lump. He just had to pet the big lug.

"Certainly. Barry loves attention."

"Awwww...I'm sure you'll feel better after you try some of that new food, fella'." Barry snorted and made a little whining sound, his big bearish jowls forming an exaggerated yet still somehow adorable frown. Ditzy would love to see this! She had a special fondness for teddy bears...and this was the real-life version of those! Too bad he was feeling all sick and jittery. Maybe he could still cheer him up, though.

Milky Way reached over to the bear's shaggy side and patted it gently with his hoof. The bear snorted with annoyance...

"...big guy must not feel like company..."

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Mac and Rainbow steadily trotted along the path back to the farmhouse, sweaty and fatigued from their mountain run. They had been talking the entire way after the cougar attack. Well, after HE attacked the cougar. The cougar was only a bit annoyed by Rainbow's intrusion. Maybe he'd overreacted with the whole "squash-his-head-out-through-his-rectum-with-a-boulder routine." The cougar's aggression wasn't much of an alarm for Mac, seeing as the big cat had been well outside the range of Ponyville's protective runes. Regardless, something good had come of it. He and Rainbow were really hitting it off. They had a lot more in common than he'd thought. He'd talked more with Rainbow that morning than he had for an entire month.

"Whew! Twelve miles of hoofin' it and a friggin' cougar tries to kill us. Some morning. I still gotta' go get Pinkie in a bit. Anyway, I can't believe you're actually a fan of Love Battalion! It seems so out of character and stuff."

"Hey, just 'cause I'm from the country don't mean all I wanna' hear is fuckin' banjos and steel guitars. What can I say? Imma' sucker fer a good power ballad. Uhh...sorry fer my language..." The prismatic filly giggled.

"Fuck. Cunt. Cock. Ass. Who cares? Say whatever you want, dudebro." He laughed. She was a bit immature...but she managed to still be adorable. And he could say what he wanted in her presence. He could be himself. Be comfortable.

"Roger that, flygirl. Just don't like bein' pigeonholed is all." Mac wasn't sure as why he'd just used military jargon. It's usage in her presence made him feel a bit like a tool.

"Hey, I'm not complaining! I just think it's rad that someone else has even heard of them. And Lyle...oh, man. He is so fine."

"Uhh...I can't attest to another stallion's attractiveness and whatnot...that's a little odd. Shame he OD'd on all that heroin. He could really sing and play a mean guitar." It really made him uncomfortable for some reason to hear her comment on another stallion's looks.

"Damn straight, he could. But don't you go changing the subject, dude! Admit it. You would. Everypony would."

"Hell no. I'll admit that he kinda...looked like a mare what with that big ole' mop of teased out mane an' all, but my train don't stop at that particular station, sugarcube."

"Suuuurree. Whatever you say. You play any instruments, man?" It was a question Mac was glad she had asked. He could impress her...he still wanted to impress her. Why did it matter, though?

"Uhh...well, I can play acoustic an' electric guitar fairly proficiently. How 'bout you?" He'd heard her sing once. She had a lovely voice. Husky...a little scratchy...but still lovely. It was a unique voice.

"Oh...nah, dude. I got these friggin' clumsy-ass hooves. I can't play instruments for shit. I can sing a bit, though. Hey, you can sing, too, cantcha'? Heheheh...yeah...you were with that quartet thing that Rarity put together...heheheh." (Awww, shit.) She was giggling incessantly now that she'd recalled his participation in the quartet...it was something of which he wasn't especially proud.

"Uhh...can we...NOT talk 'bout all that, Rainbow?"

"Nuh uh! You gotta' tell me why you did it. It's hella' weird for you to do something like that. AJ says you hate being the center of attention."

"And you LOVE bein' the center of attention."

"Nice try, but we're not changing the subject...come on...hehehe...spit it out."

"Ughh...well...Miss Rarity put the quartet together initially as a fundraisin' sorta' thing. But we started gettin' paid to sing at birthday parties an' shit. Farm ain't doin' too well right now, so I decided to just suck it up and play ball. Needed the money."

"Ohhhh....that explains a lot actually...heheheh...wait...so that basically makes you a whore who'll do anything for money, huh?"

"I beg yer pardon?"

"Hey, don't get all offended. Whoring is a long-standing, respected profession, Red."

"Hah. So, I'll assume you'd do the same thing if'n ya' were in my position?"

"Fuck, no! Those sweaters were hella' gay, bro." Mac roared with laughter.

"Hahahah!...oh, man..."

"Hey, don't be ashamed of whoring yourself out. You're in high demand. I'd hire you...uhh...umm....f-for singing...s-so how'd you get out of it?" Mac wasn't sure what she'd meant by all that "hiring him" business. He was rather glad that he was born with a crimson coat at that moment. A part of him hoped that was a Pferdian slip. He liked Rainbow in more ways than he cared to admit.

"Uhh...well I told her I done lost my voice one day doin' turkey calls or some shit." Rainbow giggled.

"The hell? Heheheh..."turkey calls?" Oh, yeah! Fluttershy told me that the Apples had that Turkey Call Competition thing! Don't tell me you actually competed in that...heheheh." Mac snickered. Even if she scoffed at the non-existent competition, she'd still compete in it. As competitive as Dash was, he knew she'd still try to win first place. Rainbow poured herself into everything she did...no matter how trivial it was, she had to win.

"Eenope. I just told her all that to get outta' doin' it anymore. Ain't no such thing as a damn Turkey Call Competition. She wouldn't know the difference, seein' as she ain't hardly been out in the country. Felt bad lyin'...but fuck it. It just weren't worth the indignity an' all." Rainbow was rolling.

"Hahahahah!! Oh, jeez!! She actually bought that?! But wait...I know Fluttershy is still doing that quartet thing...but what if you like...got your voice back? Wouldn't Rarity still want you to sing? You wouldn't have an excuse not to sing, then." Mac still had no idea which pony was "Fluttershy." (Was it the yeller-lookin' filly?) If it was indeed her, he would likely forget the name anyway. The girl was rather forgettable. In the mild exception of her shockingly deep voice that she acquired after coming into contact with poison joke flowers...

"I had a supportin' argument fer my excuse. My epistemological justification went as thus: Addin' another voice to the group didn't make it a quartet no more. After that new girl joined up, we'd have five members. Ergo, it'd be a quintet. So I just went off on some tautological tangent with Miss Rarity, tellin' her that I'd wanted to preserve the artistic integrity of the quartet what with the added voice fuckin' up the acoustics an' all, an' she didn't need my services no more. Told her the new girl could just take my place. She said she understood."

"Heheheh...I can't believe she bought that! Well...it sounds super smart an' junk. It's pretty funny hearing you roll out all those big-ass words with that accent, man! But...what about Pinkie Pie? How'd she get first place in a contest that didn't exist?" Mac chuckled. He was flattered by her perceived compliment...albeit it unintentionally was a bit of a back-handed compliment. He'd still take it.

"'Cuz it's fuckin' Pinkie Pie. Which is fundamentally both the question an' answer fer anythin' she does. Who the hell knows how she got that ribbon?" Rainbow broke into another fit of giggles. It was a cute sound. He liked it. Her voice...her smile...he wanted to make her smile some more.

"Heheheh...holy shit...how'd she even?...man....whatever. So...uhh...were you ever in a band or anything before all that?"

"Why, yes. I played fer the sludge metal/polka/punk rock/alternative/bluegrass fusion band "John Macintosh Apple." I was the sole proprietor, lead vocalist, lead guitarist, drummer, bassist, rhythm guitarist..." The joke was stupid. But she was laughing.

"Hehehe...what the hell?"

"...keyboard player, flautist, cellist, trumpeter, wind chime player, sitarist, roadie, manager, accountant,..."

"Oh, man! You just keep goin'! Heheheh..." Still giggling. Good. Cute.

"...groupie, stage manager, stagehand, and the sole member of the audience." Still giggling.

"Heheheheh...wait a sec...you were the only groupie? So how'd ya' get laid?" Mac's red coat was a godsend.

"Uhh...what?"

"Nevermind. Hehehe...don't answer that." Mac laughed. But she was blushing. He liked it when she did that.

"Hehehe...you sure you don't play no instruments, Rainbow?"

"Well...I do play a mean air guitar!" The prismatic, little Pegasus took to the air, simulating her hooves playing the frets of an imaginary guitar. She stuck her tongue out to complete the effect, revealing a tongue stud that was previously unbeknownst to Mac. It was...arousing...for some reason. He wasn't sure why. He just chuckled at her display. She stopped herself and landed on the road they had been walking down for some time.

"Awww, man. I'm a dork." She was blushing even more. She was pretty. He had realized this in earnest now.

"Nah, sugarcube. Just overly enthusiastic."

"That's a codeword for "dork." Heheheh.." It didn't matter. Her display had been cute. She likely would be cute no matter what she chose to do.

"Nah...it all kinda' makes sense now. You got that "rocker chick" thing goin' what with the mane an' them piercin's. I like it. It suits ya'."

"For reals? Wow. Thanks, man. That was like what I was going for." She blushed more at the compliment. He could just watch her reactions all day. He didn't care if that sounded creepy.

"No, problem, Rainbow. I reckon you need to head on out now, huh?" He hated to see her go. He'd grown fond of her.

"Yeah...so I'll see you next training day?"

"Absolutely."

"Oh...I just remembered tomorrow I've got an interview with those Nimbus suits at the station. Man.."

"I hope it all turns out alright for ya', sweetheart, although the sentiments of a relative stranger probably don't amount to much."

"Hey, we aren't strangers, Red! We're buds, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. I reckon you're right. Anyway...about our trainin'...so we're meetin' four times a week like this same time every mornin'?" It seemed a bit excessive. If they over-trained and didn't allow for adequate rest, they would just be wasting their time.

"Yep. That's about the gist of it. We can help each other out with stuff, too...like you can show me some of that strength training stuff and how to get in more pull-ups, and I can help you out with your speed and flexibility. You're friggin' fast and got some major endurance, but you're stiff as a board, dude. Speaking of which, we should probably stop and stretch out for a bit, before we punch out for the day. Real quick."

"Aww...dammit." She snickered.

"Heheh...don't worry it won't take long, and it's great for muscle soreness and recovery." Rainbow began showing him some simple stretches. Mac was already well acquainted with stretching. He just didn't like it.

"Okay, now let's do some assisted stretching. Sit down on the grass and make a straight "V" with your legs. I'm gonna' get behind you and push you down towards your hooves. This'll get your core and quads." Rainbow began pushing on the red stallion's back in a somewhat vain attempt to force him to touch his forehooves to his backhooves. It wasn't pleasant.

"Man....the hell with this...woah, girl! Careful back there! I ain't no trampoline."

"I know you're not. A trampoline would be more flexible. Holy crap, man. You're like iron!" She was right. He was stiff as a board.

"Flexibility ain't a big priority of mine."

"Too bad. We're doing it. It helps with injury prevention and shit. Now stretch." She pushed down on him even harder than before.

"I'm tryin! Dang...this ain't a natural position fer an equine, I tell ya' what! My dang lower posterior chain ain't meant to do this, girl."

"All I heard was "blah blah I'm a tool...blah blah I read books and can't even touch my rear hooves." Just stretch out and quit complaining, dude."

"I'm 'bout to stretch you out in a minute, girl!" Mac immediately realized his unintended innuendo. He wasn't a self-proclaimed expert on Sigmund Pferd's theories regarding psychosexuality, but that was his very own Pferdian slip if there ever was one. Hopefully, she didn't notice...

"Uhh...I uh...let's just...w-wow. Whatever. That's enough for now, though. Okay. I'll see ya' later, Mac." Nope. She noticed. Her soft, blue cheeks were stained a deep crimson. (Nice goin', dumbass.) Well, maybe she'll forget eventually...

"Alright, then. Good luck to ya', sweetheart. Tell Miss Pie to take it easy."

"Yeah, no prob. I heard she still owes you guys for that barn. How the hell do you even fuck up an entire barn by yourself?"

"You tell me. I saw you demolish one of our old ones with AJ." It had been an amazing sight. Rainbow-colored mushroom cloud and everything.

"Oh, yeah...forgot about that...well, I gotta' head back and take a quick shower. Pinkie'll probably be rollin' around the hospital in one of the wheelchairs by now...playing Wheelchair Demolition Derby. I shoulda' never taught her that game. I feel sorry for Nurse Redheart." Mac chuckled. But didn't he have something to do himself today? Besides plowing? (Oh, yeah...Winona.)

He'd just remembered he had to go pick up Winona from Butterdry...Butterfly...Flitterguy?..whoever the fuck's cottage. The stupid dog had been eating out of the pig trough again. It was no wonder why she'd gotten digestive problems! The vet had pumped her stomach and gave her an antidiarrheal. That alone had cost 200 bits! But the 30 bits needed to pay AJ's shy, little friend was well worth it. She'd take care of Winona until she got over the food poisoning. The last thing the Apples needed was a sick dog shitting and puking all over the farmhouse.

"Okay, then. 'Till next time, Rainbow." He didn't want her to go.

"Bye! Seeya', farmboy!" She took to the sky in a brilliant streak of color.

"Seeya'...flygirl..." He whispered the words. She was too far away to hear him. Too far to reach. To follow.

Several cyan feathers had fallen from where she'd launched into the air. Mac grabbed one of the soft, downy feather with his hoof and examined it. It was lovely...cute...like she was...he put it in his one of his leather pouches. He would keep it to remind him of her...to cheer himself up. He didn't care if it was creepy. But suddenly...Mac became frightened...he realized something: He liked her. Immensely. More than that even. More than anypony he'd ever met. He couldn't tell her, though. He couldn't burden her with his problems. She had enough of her own.

And what if she didn't feel the same way? From some of what he'd heard, she might be "batting for the other team." It would make their newfound friendship uncomfortable. He didn't want to lose her. No matter how he had her...he just wanted to have her. And it would break him. Break him down. (fuck...fuck....FUCK!!!) Break him even more than before. Hurt him. More than he could take. Too much already. He couldn't tell her. Couldn't. Even if she felt the same way...she'd just be miserable with him. He'd ultimately destroy the both of them. He was broken. (Can't...everythin' is just...fucked...) Burned. He would drag her down with him...he would only...he would just...

"...drag her down with me."

Author's Note

Mac's updated backstory as a Ranger and his relationship with Honey Cream is somewhat based off my Corporal back on Cp. Schwab. Also, when I was in Thailand, I met a street performer who could smoke cigarettes with his rectum...that's not in any way relevant to the story.

...I just felt like sharing...

Chapter Five: Alone

Rainbow hopped out the shower of her cloudy apartment and began drying herself off. She looked into her mirror...she didn't like her reflection. She didn't like her face. She didn't think she was as pretty as the rest of her friends. She always had to compensate with aggression and personality to stand out from everypony else. Sometimes it wasn't fair. The colts were always macking on her friends...never her. But Big Red had noticed her! Maybe...maybe he was different. Maybe he would see who she was on the inside. It was a sweet dream...naive but sweet. She began drying her frizzled mane, somewhat reveling in the spectrum of color. It was a unique mane. It was one of her few physical attributes that made her stand out. Her friends thought she had never styled or even combed it. She laughed to herself. If only they knew how long it took for her to get that "carefree, windblown rocker-chic" look. She was always trying to get attention...his attention. She smiled. He had noticed her finally.

She grabbed her blue, Wonderbolts-themed toothbrush, squeezing a liberal amount of toothpaste onto the brush with her hooves. While brushing her teeth, she noticed that she had a lot of Wonderbolts merchandise laying around her shared bathroom...Wonderbolts rinsing cup, Wonderbolts hairdryer, Wonderbolts comb and make-up (I only used it for the Gala and Cadence's wedding.), Wonderbolts perfume...she liked the perfume. It was her favorite, albeit she never used too much of it lest somepony might think she was a fashion-obsessed wuss like Rarity. She took a small dab of the fragrant liquid on her hoof and applied it to her neck.

She began fussing with her mane with her free hoof in the mirror, trying to organize the vibrant tresses into a punkish ensemble. All the while brushing her teeth. She could multitask pretty well. It was one of the perks mares had that stallions didn't. Her dad had barely brushed his teeth while getting ready to go out one night for his birthday dinner, while Rainbow and her mother were brushing, primping, and fixing themselves up all at once while trying to agree on what to order for appetizers. And he liked her mane...he had complimented her. The mere thought of how he had smiled at her brought a pinkish tinge to her baby blue cheeks. Maybe she wasn't the prettiest girl around...but she was unique. And he seemed to enjoy her company. He probably had no idea how long she'd waited to even get the courage to talk to him...how much she enjoyed just...being in his presence. The Iron Pony contest had been a pretty good excuse to do just that...that wasn't to say the prize money and awards weren't contributing factors. She rinsed her mouth and spit. Granted the big guy had squashed a mountain lion while drunk, but at least it made for a funny story. Yeah, he was a bit rough around the edges. But so was she.

And Mac had been so much different than she'd imagined. He wasn't just some archetypical, heroic-looking dude who never talked. He was real. He had a personality. And substance. Rainbow had been obsessed with him for years to an almost disturbing degree, but she had never talked to the big stallion long enough to actually know him. She had projected some childish attributes onto him; she assigned him a back story and "hidden" personality of her own invention. A fantasy. While it was true that most of her reason for wanting to be a Wonderbolt was for herself and as a tribute to her dad's memory, a small part of her had thought that becoming a Wonderbolt would make him notice her. She would be cool. Popular. She'd have plenty of money. Maybe then he'd think she was worth his time. But Mac was nothing like that. He was a really decent guy. He didn't care about superficial shit at all. They had really clicked. They were already friends. But she didn't want him to think of her as just another "bro." She had to stand out as something else. She had to make him see her as a mare, too. She didn't really know how, though. But she knew an old friend besides Rarity that could help her out without making a big deal out of it. (Ugh! What am I doing!? Pining over this dude. Such a tool.)

She had better things to do than act like some vapid teen filly with a crush. She needed to pick up Pinkie from the hospital and try to figure out how to get this month's rent. Or at least find a way to keep her landlord off her case until the competition. She was already almost broke. It was a good thing Mac had gone all "gentlecolt" and whatnot yesterday morning and picked up their breakfast tab. She needed every last bit she could save. She sighed and stepped out of the bathroom, feeling confident that she looked presentable. She could see that Tank was still asleep atop his little pile of blankets. She made a mental note to herself that she needed to take him for a walk later. She walked over to the little tortoise and rubbed his shell. She traced the strange runes that Twilight had carved into his shell with her hoof. ("Cloudwalker runes", she called 'em.) She was glad he had those runes, too. Otherwise the poor guy would fall right through the floor. She gave her pet tortoise a quick once over. He looked good on food and water, and he seemed alright. She kissed the top of his shell and bid him goodbye. She grabbed her things and walked out to the living room and out the front door.

She took to the late-afternoon sky and immediately regretted wasting so much time with her mane, seeing as the wind had just immediately fucked it all up again. She looked down towards Ponyville with a bird's eye view. The town was pretty small. She could see the familiar shape of the hospital...the red cross on it's front was distinguishable even from her elevated perspective. She could also see the little, brown shape of her favorite coffeehouse sitting squarely in the middle of the town square. What could a quick cup hurt? Even though she'd been jittery as hell from all the caffeine yesterday, she hadn't had time for a cup this morning after she'd slept past her alarm. She decided to go for it. She drastically dropped her altitude and stopped flapping her wings, allowing herself to glide on the available air currents. As she approached the town square, she could see that it was predictably packed with ponies. It was about 5:45 P.M. after all. Usually by noontime and well into the evening, the square was bustling with shopping stands and customers. Her hooves landed on top the cobblestone street near the coffeeshop with an audible Clack!. She started towards the door...but she suddenly heard a raspy voice coming from behind...it was directed towards her...

"Kind mare! Do you want to hear God's Message for all equinity?!! How Luna, his prophetess, sacrificed herself to the Devil's whims and became Nightmare Moon to sate his wretched lust for destruction, saving us all from damnation? How the holy prophetess was banished for our sins to save us from the Devil's hooves!!? Do not be fooled by the heresy of the Solar dogma!! They would have you believe Celestia was the first anointed voice of the Lord!! But we know the Lunar Prophetess was God's FIRST messenger! We must all repent, lest we be left behind after the faithful ascend to be at God's side!! The sinners will be left behind to suffer the pain of Azrael's punishment during the Reckoning!! So, what say you, gentle mare? Will you hear the good news?! You look to be in need of guidance and moral fortification..." Great.

Apparently her unorthodox style had attracted some crazy cultist's attention. She also thought those cultists had a pretty arbitrary means of defining which religious sect to which they ascribed. The Lunar/Solar cults' contradicted their doctrines predicated solely upon which of the two prophetesses had spoken to God first. That was literally the only difference. But that didn't stop the two cults from screaming nonsense at one another. She turned to get a look at who was calling her...she recognized him... (Here we go...)

It was that one crazy Lunar cultist guy again. The disheveled, yellow-coated old stallion had a bald spot where his steel-grey mane used to be and a thick beard that almost trailed down to his chest. His face and what little hair he had left looked greasy. (He looks like he needs a damn shower...jeez..) He was wearing a dirty, old brown jacket to ward off the unseasonably cold weather. He had a sign propped up against the wall of the coffeeshop that read: "The Reckoning approaches!" And of course he just happened to be standing by the door...right in the path of where Rainbow wanted to go. Constable Steelheart had already warned him to leave ponies alone who didn't buy into his bullshit. He was hurting the local businesses by driving off their customers. But the crazy, old coot was persistent... Maybe if she just told him she wasn't interested, he'd lay off her...she didn't want to get any closer to him than where she was standing. He probably smelled terrible.

"Uhh...sorry, dude. Not really all up into religion an' stuff like you. Thanks, though." That should do it. He'll surely take the hint.

"My dear, it doesn't matter if you don't care for The Word! The sinful who have fallen from His Grace and the nonbelievers alike will still suffer the sting of Azrael's deathly sickle!! You must repent, my dear, so that you receive your salvation!!" He didn't take the hint. What a shock.

"Seriously. No thanks. Kinda' in a hurry right now."

"Oh? You belittle the importance of The Word now, but where will YOU be on Reckoning Day!!! The Word is far more important than your desire to soil your God-given body with caffeinated drinks! Repent and give up all vices! I did! Now look at me!! I'M SO MUCH BETTER OFF NOW!!" He certainly didn't look as though he was doing especially well for himself. And he didn't seem to understand that someponies had better shit to do than listen to him scream gobbledygook outside a coffeehouse.

"Jeez, dude. Think you can scream any louder?" He was starting to give her a headache.

"OH, I'M SORRY!!! YOU MUST HAVE HAD TROUBLE HEARING MY SERMON!!! HOW'S THIS?!! HOW ABOUT NOW?!!" So...apparently he didn't understand sarcasm, either.

"Ow! Lower your voice, man!"

"My mistake. How about now?!"

"Great. Keep that tone of volume while you rant about Crazy Town. Seeya'." She walked inside the coffeehouse right past the old loony and bought a small mocha cappuccino. After quickly downing the hot stimulant, Rainbow paid for it and walked back out the door. But the crazed stallion had been waiting for her.

"I see you've imbibed one of many vile chemicals. You've soiled the sanctity of the temple that is your body! (Do you mean soiled like you? You smell like piss, bro.) Using psychoactive substances is how the Devil ensnares his victims!! Alcohol, drugs, and coffee are abominations and mustn't be used according to Scripture: Book One, Chapter Eight, Line 25-65 of Mephistopheles' condemnations of Medea's sinfulness! Drugs are the Devil's playthings!! Don't play with the Devil's...uhh...things!! And you've defiled your face with metal impregnates! Thou shalt not put pointy, metal thingies in thine face sayeth the Lord!! Seriously? He was still at it? Why couldn't he find somepony else to annoy?

"Yep. I'm a bad pony. I totally suck and have no moral compass 'n shit. Whatever." She tried to keep walking away...but he was following her. She was starting to get pissed off.

"But do you not wish to hear of how you can save yourself from eternal damnation? The faithful will go to join the Lord! But you will be left behind just like all those Solar heretics who wouldn't let me preach The Word by the bookstore, because they were selling keychains and handing out blasphemous pamphlets there!! They said it was THEIR spot!! BAH! God's Message knows no "spot!!" His Will cares nothing for the heretics' petty claims of territory!! One day we too shall claim a spot!! Somewhere really....uhh...nice!!! And they'll want to use it, too!! But it will be His Will that they shall not be allowed on our hallowed ground!! So, they can all just suck on it!!" This guy had some major problems. Clearly.

"Dude...seriously. Leave me alone. I don't friggin' care." Rainbow could see that ponies were starting to stare. This old loon was going to cause a scene.

"Do you not wish to hear of Nightmare Moon's Redemption?"

"No."

"How you can cleanse yourself of toxins through prayer?"

"Seriously. No. Go bother somepony else."

"But what of your carnal desires? Your wants of the flesh? Do you not want to resist the temptations of sin?"

"No way, dude. Sinning is way too much fun." She stuck her tongue out at him while giving him the "heavy metal salute", revealing her tongue stud in the process. She quickly wished she'd just ignored the old fart, as he'd suddenly decided that her pierced tongue was indicative of a perceived "whoredom" on her part.

"HARLOT!! LECHEROUS WHORE!! YOURS IS THE FACE OF SIN AND DESTRUCTION!!!" Even more bystanders were gathering around them to see what was going on. Rainbow was embarrassed enough already without this greasy, old "preacher" getting up in her face and calling her names.

"Dude!! Shut your fucking mouth!! And back the fuck up!! Your breath smells like ass." It did indeed smell of ass. With a hint of ball sweat and onions.

"NAY, I SHALL NOT! FOR YOU ARE THE EMBODIMENT OF SIN!! LOOK AT THIS WHORE, MY FRIENDS!! THIS WRETCH IS THE SORT WHO WILL BE LEFT BEHIND TO FACE THE RECKONING!! SEEK PENITENCE NOW AND EARN YOUR SALVATION!! LEARN FROM HER FAILURE!!" Rainbow was pretty mad now. The crowd somewhat sympathized with her and rolled their eyes at the old coot, but it didn't lessen any of the embarrassment.

"Seriously!! Shut up, or I'll shut you up, douchebag!!" She was losing her temper...gradually...

"DO YOU SEE HOW THE DEVIL'S VILE SLUT THREATENS THE RIGHTEOUS WITH VIOLENCE?!! HER FATHER HAS CLEARLY FAILED TO TEACH HER RIGHT FROM WRONG!!" Oh, hell no. No pony talked about Rainbow's dad like that...no pony!!

"Hey! Leave my dad out of this, or I'll kick your ass!!" She'd do it, too.

"NO! IT WAS YOUR FATHER'S POOR GUIDANCE THAT LED YOU TO THIS LIFE OF DEBAUCHERY AND SIN!! FOR IT IS THE FATHER'S BURDEN TO RAISE HIS DAUGHTER TO BE CHASTE AND TEMPERATE!! HIS FAILURE WILL EARN HIM A PLACE IN HELL!!" No...no fucking pony talked...about her dad like that...

"I'LL KILL YOU!!!" Before Rainbow even knew what she was doing, she had spread her wings, using them to propel herself into the old coot with a flying tackle. The both of them fell to the ground several feet away.

"OOMMPH!!! AUUUGGGHH!! DO YOU SEE HOW THE DEVIL'S SERVANTS ATTACK THE PIOUS?!! DO YOU S-" She cut him off with a solid punch to the face.

She may not have been as strong as Big Macintosh, but she made up for it with meanness. The old stallion was easily twice her size, but he barely had any fight in him. The bystander ponies clearly had had enough of the old coot's demagoguery and started cheering her on. But she barely noticed. She was far too focused on the task at hand. She was going to teach this old fucker a lesson he'd never forget...

"SHUT UP!! SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!!! MY DAD WAS A GREATER STALLION THAN YOU'LL EVER BE!!" She couldn't stop hitting the old codger. The old fool still wouldn't shut up...he was actually trying to give another sermon in between the blows coming from her right hoof!

"IT is the OW! duty of UGH! all of us to ACK! preach The Word...GAH!!" Her last blow had broken his nose...a thin stream of mucus mixed with blood trickled down to pavement.

She had knocked at least three of his teeth out. She didn't care. It wasn't enough...she couldn't stop. She was going to kill him. He had insulted her father. He deserved nothing less. But she had another reason...maybe more than one...she was angry. Always angry. And alone. For so long...for years. This asshole had just happened to be the thing to set her off. Mac didn't love her...she still wasn't a Wonderbolt...she was going to lose her job and apartment...her mother had given up on life...her friends couldn't understand or help her. It was at that moment that she realized it. It was a disturbing catharsis...but it was somewhat liberating and not entirely unpleasant.

Rainbow no longer cared. About...fucking...anything. She didn't have anything to live for anymore. The upcoming contest didn't change that...nothing changed that. She had nothing left. No one needed her anymore. It was the decay...the slow entropy that was killing her. The various stresses, dangers, and tragedies she'd encountered in her life weren't the cause of her depression. In fact, those things were what made life interesting for Rainbow. They gave her context...a chance to grow. No. It was the tedium. It was the mundanity of her grey, little life. It had slowly sapped out her will and motivation over a sum of years. The crises that she and her friends had faced to save Equestria had been the only recent times she had felt happy...or even alive. It had made her bitter. Angry. She hit the mad preacher some more...he was shrieking in pain...good. Old cocksucker. Let him feel pain, too. Somepony else would have to hurt for a change. No longer just herself exclusively.

It was as though this was all life had to offer her...she just wished she'd fulfilled her promise to her father. To become a Wonderbolt...to soar the azure heavens with the greatest flyers of all time... And she wished she'd had the courage to tell Big Mac how she felt...how she had admired him for so long from afar. She had so much she wanted to do but couldn't do. She would never be good enough for the Wonderbolts...Mac would never see her for who she was and love her. Well, then... Fuck it!! She was fully-prepared to face the consequences of her actions. (Fuck it all...)

She wasn't scared of prison. She didn't care if she died or not. Her life was empty...meaningless...barren. She loved her friends, but they couldn't make her happy. They couldn't fill the void where her heart was supposed to be. So...why not go out with a bang?!! And who better than to take with her than this miserable, old fucker who'd besmirched her beloved father's honor?!! It was as though she'd been given a license to unleash her rage on anypony who had ever harmed her...this was retribution for years of misery. This old fool had coincidentally been the unlucky pony who had set her off and become the locus of her anger. That was bad news...for him.

"AUUGH!! Please!! UMFFF! Help!!" The old stallion was begging the crowd for help. The bystanders were no longer egging Rainbow on. They had just realized this was a lot more than a simple beat-down. She cursed him in between blows...in a voice made shaky with rage...hoarse with fury.

"Fucking....die...you...cock....sucking....fucking...old...worthless...fucking..." Not a single pony in the crowd wanted to step in to stop her. Her rage had scared them. Stallion and mare alike. But a young mare finally couldn't take the brutal assault anymore and tried to call for help.

"PLEASE!! Somepony come help!! This crazy dyke is going to kill this old guy!! Call the constable!!" ("Crazy dyke?" You're next, bitch...)

But Rainbow didn't have time to divert her assault to the insult's owner, as an utterly titanic force had lifted her clear of the ground and off the old geezer. She saw that a pair of massive, white hooves were wrapped around her waist. No pony was this strong except for Big Mac and Constable Steelheart. And Mac didn't have white hooves, so that really narrowed it down. The musclebound constable ordered the crowd to disperse in his thick, signature Dappleshore accent. Too bad. Rainbow had really wanted to fuck up that bitch's face.

"OI!! That's enough, you sadists!! Alla' you piss off!! This ain't no bloody boxin' match! I want you all right clear of this street in the next 30 seconds, or I'm pinchin' the lot of ya'!!" Steelheart held her as though she were weightless with his left hoof as the crowd scurried away. After the crowd dispersed, he set her down on the cobblestone street. The old preacher had been pummeled senseless...by a mare no less. She looked down at a single cobblestone...she didn't look Steelheart in the eye. She had just....lost it.

"You know...you don't make my job easy, now do ya', love? What's gotten into you, Rainbow?! Smashin' up daft, old street preachers? You know I just let ya' off the grind not a week ago for that graffiti you done on the side of Carrot Top's house." (Fuck that bitch. She started it.)

She had a good relationship with the overgrown constable under normal circumstances. But lately...she had been acting out more than usual. She finally looked up at the white stallion. He was big. Even for an Earth pony. Almost as big as Mac...but not quite. Big Mac was still considerably bigger and stronger. He had a stark white coat and a buzzed navy blue manecut with light blue eyes. She could see some dark blue stubble on his face...he hadn't shaved that morning. She could see the epic rolls of muscle all over his body...albeit she could see he had developed a little bit of a paunch. Clearly, he'd adjusted to small town life after getting out of the military fairly well. The constable was wearing a dark blue patrol cap with the golden emblem of the Equestrian National Police. He had several leather belts and harnesses containing flashlights, pepper spray, a short-range radio, and the various tools one needed in his line of work. But most notably was the cruelly sharp dagger that hung from his belt in a brown, leather scabbard. Steelheart was a nice guy and usually pretty relaxed about stuff, but that didn't mean he was a pony to fuck with.

"Sorry..." Even though she liked the constable, she had no sincere desire to apologize. She just felt...empty. The crazy, bloodied old codger came around finally, and he started making demands of constable. Rainbow was surprised he didn't have brain damage.

"Ughh....this...Constable!...this harlot viciously attacked me!! I demand that justice is done!! I was only spreading The Word of God!" (Bullshit.) She could barely understand the old wretch. She'd knocked a great many of his teeth out, and his face and mouth were swollen grotesquely.

"Oh, is that right, you old pisser? I don't give a damn. You needed a good smack in the gob. I already told you you couldn't preach in the town square, but you just keep harassin' everypony. I saw you followin' this girl and screamin' at her after she done told ya' to piss off. That's a public disturbance and a threatenin' behavior charge right there. Oh, and another thing... You ain't got a permit, mate. That's a crime, too."

"This...this is an outrage!! I was brutally attacked, and you have the audacity to say that it was ME who broke the law?! I am a gentle servant of God!!" Rainbow smirked at this, but she didn't have the energy or motivation to argue. She had stopped caring.

"Ha! What an arseload! You ain't a "servant of God", you old bag of wank! You're just one of them bleedin' loonies that the other churchos don't wanna' be runnin' with. And if I have to arrest Rainbow, then I'm afraid I'll have to arrest you, too, mate. The law is either all the way hard or whatever I bloody well make it out be. Just be glad you ain't dead and get outta' here. You might wanna' consider checkin' into the hospital, too. For concussions and all that. Ah...he didn't hear me." The old stallion slowly rose to his hooves and had somehow managed to scamper away before the constable finished his sentence, leaving a trail of blood as he went. Apparently, his fear of Rainbow had been an incentive to book it. The constable turned his attention back to Rainbow.

"Okay...the hell was all this then?! Mind takin' it from the top?"

"He was talking shit about my dad."

"That's it?! I know yer sensitive 'bout yer dad, love, but that don't make it okay to smash some old nutter's teeth out his fuckin' gob! You off yer meds or somethin'?! Yer actin' like you've gone mental." Rainbow always thought it was funny how the constable pronounced the word "something." He replaced the "th" with an "eff" sound.

"I already said I'm sorry, man? What else do you want?"

"I want you stop gettin' into trouble. That's what I want. Yer a right decent sort, but you got a temper, sweetheart. I don't wanna' catch you doin' this again. This is the last time. I can't go lenient on you no more. It ain't fair to everypony else. You got lucky that you just went off on that daft, ole' cunt and not some other pony. Read me lips, Rainbow: No more. Understood?!"

"Okay..." She couldn't feel anything...she had just been so angry...and now she felt nothing...

"No, not "okay." Look me in the eye. Promise me, you'll stay out of trouble. Say you understand."

"I understand. I promise."

"Good. Now what's wrong, love? You ain't usually this ratty. You almost buried that old fuck...though I probably wouldn't mind. Right pain in the arse, that one."

"I dunno...i just...I don't wanna' talk right now."

"You sure? I'm worried about you, Rainbow. Ya' gotta' get a grip on that temper, or it's off to the box for you. If ya' ain't careful, you'll do somethin' that even I can't ignore. And I don't wanna' be the one who has to nick ya' for it, neither. Yer too good for this. Ya' need to pull yer head outta' yer arse, girl." Rainbow knew "the box" was Steelheart's word for "prison." The closest mare's prison was the Fillydelphia Medium Security Prison...it was not a nice place....she just kept looking down at her hooves...

"Yeah...sure...I need to go pick up my friend from the hospital..." The big guy's eyes softened.

Rainbow knew he liked her. Not like that, of course. He was married to the town's only dentist, and she was visibly pregnant. They were pretty crazy about each other. She'd seen the two of them together a few times...it was pretty nauseating but still sweet. It wasn't like that between the constable and herself. His affection for Rainbow was an almost fatherly sort of fondness. He might have just felt sorry for her...he knew what had happened to her dad. She still had to admit that he definitely wasn't bad-looking for a 38 year old stallion. Statuesque even. He had some cool-looking scars on his neck and left cheek, but they only seemed to amplify his heroic visage. He wasn't some fat comic con reject, that was for sure. She wondered if there was a commonality between Steel and Mac...they'd both gotten out of the military at about the same time. Maybe they knew one another? They had a lot in common...they were doubtlessly the two toughest guys in town and were completely jacked. They stood out completely from the majority of Ponyville's wussified male population. Maybe they had been in the same unit? She wasn't sure, though, seeing as she didn't know much about military ranks and unit structures.

"Yeah...yeah. You do that. Pinkie again, right? Well...at least it's a refreshin' change dealin' with you for a bit. I've had to practically chase Pinkie all over town all week, puttin' out all the fires. Got into all sorts of lunacy, that one."

"Yeah...she's weird. I know."

"Sure yer all squared? You look like ya' just lost yer best mate." In way, she had. Why did she feel like this all of a sudden?

"Yeah. I'll stay out of trouble, man." Suddenly, the constable's two-way radio emitted a static garble and the voice of a young stallion...Rainbow could barely understand what was being said...

"One moment, love. I forgot I already called this in...didn't take no chances. Come in dispatch. Dispatch...do you copy? I need a 10-5 on that last transmission. Say again, dispatch, over." The constable was trying to get some clarification on the garbled mess. Equestrian radios were primitive, finicky things that barely functioned at all; let alone reliably. But she could somewhat understand the next transmission.

"Unit Fower Niner...come in Unit Fower Niner. Do you read, how copy, over?"

"Roger that, dispatch. Go ahead, dispatch. I hear you loud an' clear, over."

"What's the status of that 10-34 in progress, Unit Fower Niner? Do you still need that 10-13 on your location, over?"

"Negative, dispatch. I'm on scene, and it turned out to be minor squabble. Disregard, Mike...over."

"Uhh...copy that, Fower Niner...but you need to use the right voice procedure. Don't use my first name, Fower Niner. This is "dispatch." The big white stallion laughed heartily.

"Hahaha...oh...fuck...copy that, dispatch. But you do know there are only seven of us usin' these bloody radios, including you and your relief, right? Over."

"Uuuhhhh....copy that, Fower Niner. I just wanted to sound professional is all...over."

"Roger, dispatch. I sympathize...but we're too small a precinct to be pretendin' to be like the LPPD. I already told you to just use my rank for my callsign, mate...over." Rainbow knew Steelheart was talking about the largest police force in Equestria, The Los Pegasus Police Department.

"Uhh...Unit Fowe-uhh...Captain. I'm getting an urgent transmission right now....10-6 for me while I take it, over."

"Copy that, dispatch. Standing by, over." The constable chuckled at his young dispatcher's enthusiasm.

"Good kid, that one. A bit too motivated, though. Hmm...we usually don't get urgent calls like that in Ponyville. Today's been bloody eventful, yeah?" Rainbow merely nodded...she was having a hard time caring about all this. After a two minute wait, the young dispatcher chimed back in.

"Uhh...come in, skipper....I'm back and awaiting your acknowledgement, over."

"For fuck sakes...ughh...copy that, dispatch. Go ahead, over."

"We just got an urgent call on the line from some girl...I think she was saying something about an animal attack...she sounded pretty hysterical...over."

"The fuck?! A bloody animal attack?! Clarify, dispatch!! Over!!"

"Copy that, Cap'n. Will do. She said something about some...uhh...sort of wild animal attacking some guy in her house out by the northern outskirts of town...do we have a code for "animal attack", boss?.....oh, over!"

"Oh, balls!! That's a 10-11, dispatch!! Advise location!! I'm headed to the scene right now, over... This kid's got his head up his arse, I swear on me Mum..."

"Copy that, skip. Will update in route, over"

"Roger that, dispatch. Over and out." The big stallion holstered his radio and turned back towards Rainbow.

"Alright. Sorry 'bout that, Rainbow. I gotta' go take this. Glad I didn't have to arrest ya', love. Stay outta' trouble and try to keep outta' that bloody ole' codger's way from now on, yeah?" Rainbow dumbly nodded.

"Got it." The big stallion turned and went on his way, running towards the source of all the commotion.

Of course. Of course, he left.

Rainbow was left alone in the middle of the street...standing there awkwardly...the leftover bystanders were all passing by...casting looks at her as they went. Judging her. Condemning her. The constable was her friend...and he'd abandon her in the end, too. And she was alone again...he had left her alone. Just like her dad....and Mac...they were all the same. The same as the rest of them. They all ultimately left her in the end. She was just so fucking tired of it...sick of it all.

Being alone. Always alone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mac was feeling alright...a bit sore but otherwise alright. That 12 mile wouldn't have been so bad, if he hadn't had to still plow the east field all day. He'd barely been able to grab a quick shower before Apple Bloom and her little anarchists tried to involve him in their new, pyrotechnical ploy for their Cutie Marks. He wasn't sure where the hell they'd even gotten all those fireworks...his first guess was Pinkie Pie...his second guess was Scootaloo. But he had to hurry. It was getting close to sundown. He had to go get Winona before Cutterfly...Rudderfry...whoever the fuck checked out for the day. Then he'd have to pay another 10 bits to keep the stupid mutt there overnight.

He still had that little, blue feather...her feather. It had kept him going throughout the day. It was something to look forward to...something to keep him going. He'd gotten over himself and his self-pitying tangent earlier that morning. He wasn't so bad off. He had his family. His two little sisters and his sweet, little old granny. And he had his old buddy Steelheart...and he had a new friend now. Life wasn't so bad. He had plenty to eat. (Count yer blessin's.) It was easy to pity yourself and whine all day. It was a lot harder to actually improve your lot in life.

A stallion had to be strong. Independent. Tough. Mac had little sympathy for cowards and pushovers. Those kinds of ponies thrived on self-pity and the charitable pity from others, rather than being worth a damn at something other than crying and moaning. He didn't like bullies, either...but he understood them. Bullies were usually passive aggressive, self-conscious ponies with low self-esteem. They had to put other weaker ponies down to bolster their image of self-efficacy. That didn't give them a license to go around, behaving as complete assholes...he merely understood why many of them behaved as they did. He knew that the pushovers only served as fuel for the bullies. Then the weaker pony would take out his anger on an even weaker one...thus the vicious cycle continued. Bullies weren't proud of themselves. They weren't confident or popular. Why would a complete douchebag be popular? Equestrian movies about high school jocks beating up nerds was utter fantasy. He'd really gotten off topic again...

He'd arrived at...Gutterpie...Nutterdry...whoever the fuck's cottage. But something was...off. He could tell. There wasn't so much as a peep from any of the little domiciles outside the cottage. The animals were dead silent. It was though they were...hiding from something. He walked across the little bridge to the door of the rustic, little cottage. He listened before knocking. He could hear...a mare...she was sobbing...not a good sign. He knocked three times and waited. After he heard a bit of scrambling and crashing furniture, the mare inside opened the door ajar, revealing the pretty form of the little, yellow Pegasus whose name he could never seem to remember. Not that it mattered. He could usually BS his way through any interactions with her to keep from hurting her feelings...a feat in itself. Virtually EVERYTHING hurt her fucking feelings.

"Oh!...Big Macintosh!! I'm so glad you're here!! It's just terrible! I couldn't believe it!! You have to help!!" This didn't sound good.

Hopefully it wasn't anything serious. It was likely just another one of her self-esteem related crises. He still didn't know her name to answer her...he looked at her Cutie Mark for a clue...three pink butterflies? Cutie Marks always seemed to be eerily correlative to ponies' names. Was it "Butterfly?" Close enough. He could just mutter something that sounded similar. That's what he'd always done back in the service when he was approaching a SNCO and was too far away to delineate his/her specific rank. (Mornin', Mastergunnerystaffsergeantmajor!)

"Err...what seems to be the problem, Miss Fruttershlyflies?" Yeah. Nailed it.

"Oh, it's just awful!! I don't know what to do!!!" Mac was now concerned. She was completely hysterical...much more so than usual. He could tell the difference between the exaggerations of a melodramatic sad-sack and the frantic panicking of a pony in trouble. It was the latter of the two.

"What happened? Start from the beginnin'."

"I-it was...it...M-milky Way!! He tried to p-pet B-barry!!" Mac knew the Pegasus to whom she referred. He delivered packages for the local mail service. Good kid. But who the fuck was "Barry?"

"Milky Way? What happened to 'im?!"

"I-I...don't know!! Barry just go so...angry!! He bit Milky and dragged him off into the forest!! What should I do?!!" Mac was on high alert. Animals fighting with one another was one thing...but animals attacking ponies? Something was wrong.

"Where'd it happen?!"

"Right here...in the middle of the living room..."

"Lemme' see." She nodded and let him inside.

He could see immediately what had happened. The living room was a disaster area. The couch where the girl usually sat was ripped apart. The coffee table had been smashed flat. There was broken glass and ripped up paper strewn about the place. Mac could see the telltale marks where the angry bear had scored the wooden floorboards with his massive claws...and the back door to the cottage had been knocked off it's hinges. It wasn't hard to figure out where the bear had gone. There was a light trickle of blood that trailed from the living room's center and all the way out the back door. This was a good sign. There wasn't much blood. The kid could still be alive. Mac had to work fast.

"Miss? Imma' need your help, okay? First, I need a long, sturdy piece of wood. Somethin' that ain't gonna break easily. Like a thick broom handle or somethin'." Mac didn't have time to go back to his shed at Sweet Apple Acres to gear up. He'd have to make do.

"U-uhh...okay...there's a garden rake in the corner by the door...I'm not sure what you need it for, though..." He didn't want to tell her. Mac grabbed the sturdy rake by the pole and tore the rake head off. He pulled out a sharp knife from one of his leather pouches and began whittling the pole down to a sharp point. Mac was glad the girl already had a big fire going in the fireplace. That saved him time. But he had two more questions.

"Okay...was he slobberin' at the mouth? Hydrophobic?"

"W-what?"

"Was the bear dehydrated? Did he avoid drinkin' water? An' has he been red-eyed an' actin' all crazy recently?!!"

"N-no...he's been drinking water just fine...he's been a little bit grumpy lately...but not anything like this...oh...God, Barry!!!" That ruled out rabies. Bad news. That meant that the warding runes had indeed been malfunctioning. But he still needed to know why.

"Awww...hell... Okay. Now when is the constable gettin' here? Did he say?"

"Umm...I didn't...call the constable..." WHAT?!!

"Uhh...beg pardon?!!...how long ago did all this happen?!!" He better not get the answer he was expecting from her. She had a phone. There was no excuse.

"It...happened about...30 minutes ago..." Mac was furious. He'd just naturally expected that she'd already called for help. It was the only sensible thing a filly in her position could do.

"Are you serious?!! Why'n the hell aintcha' done already called 'im?!!" Mac's code of behavior around mares held an exception for any mare who put another pony's life in danger. This was exactly like that particular scenario.

"I-I was...scared h-he would hurt Barry..." A cold wave of revulsion passed through Mac's body. He couldn't believe this girl.

"Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?!! Girl, dontcha' know why bears don't mess with ya' if ya' play dead?!!!" It was a grim reality...and she called herself an "animal expert." The girl was mortified, of course. She was trying to answer him through a flurry of tears.

"B-because...of...d-disease?" Bingo.

"Exactly. Which is why they only eat LIVE prey!!! You got any idea how bad you done fucked over Milky Way?!!"

"Oh!!! OH, God!!! I'm sorry!!" She burst into even more tears. Mac took the sharpened pole and held it inside the fireplace, allowing the licking flames to harden it's point. It would have to do. Every second counted. If there was even a chance Mac could save the boy, then it was worth it.

"STOP YER CRYIN'!!" He couldn't take her self-pity anymore...it was revolting. She clammed up immediately.

"S-sorry...how can I help?!! Please!! I just wanna' help Milky!!"

"Call the fuckin' constable...now. Tell 'im to bring a heavy huntin' pike an' a crossbow."

"W-why?!! What're you going to do to Barry?!! Are you going to hurt him!?? Is that what that stick is for?!!" Sickening...pathetic...

"The fuck you think it's fer?!! You think I'm gonna' sit on it or somethin'?!! I don't give even a half fuck about that bear a' yers. I know he's just a wild animal an' behavin' like nature intended, but he's gotta' be put down."

"Why?!! Don't hurt him, please!!"

"Shut up, girl!! If that big tub a' fuck gets a taste fer pony, then he'll start huntin' 'em! Milky Way could be gettin' eaten the fuck alive right now!! I'm goin' inta' the woods after 'em. When Steel gets here, tell 'im where I am an' show 'im the trail. Then maybe you'll have redeemed yerself a little. Until then...yer just garbage to me..." Mac rose to his rear hooves and bolted out the back door in pursuit of the bear and it's prey.

He had to make it...he had to...it was such an awful way to die. That kid couldn't be 20 years old! He didn't deserve this. He knew Milky...the boy had delivered packages of seeds to the farm a few times. He was a good kid. Squeaky clean, too. Didn't so much as have a single beer after work. He was a little slow...but so was his girlfriend. He knew Milky was dating that little, wall-eyed grey mailmare, Ditzy Doo. Mac could tell they were pretty crazy about each other...they were decent kids. If any pony didn't deserve this, it was Milky. He had to save him. Mac entered the cool, green woods...it was a little dark...but he could see the blood trail was thickening. That wasn't a good sign. He had to move faster.

He could see the boy's blood spattered about on nearby bushes, and the brush was flattened in areas. The bear had come this way...all the while thrashing the poor kid about like a ragdoll. Milky would likely have several broken bones and lacerations if he made it...IF he made it. Mac couldn't believe the stupidity of that whiny, self-centered cunt. She played off other ponies' pity for attention. It was the only fucking reason anypony even hung around her!! It wasn't as though she were worth a damn at anything other than feeling sorry for herself!!

But then Mac heard it...it was a sound he dreaded...he knew he was too late. A colt's voice was screaming in utter agony...it was a sound Mac knew well. It was the sort of scream a pony made only in his most abyssal, horrible throes of agony and despair. The boy was screaming bloody murder...and it sent a cold chill throughout Mac's body. The screaming was getting closer...Mac heard the sound of chewing from just past an obscuring, green veil of brush. He didn't want to open it. But he had a job to do. He pushed through the brush and came face-to-face with the worst possible scenario he could imagine. The bear was perched over the colt...his mouth and claws were soaked in Milky's blood. The boy had stopped screaming...the bear had probably just bitten into his diaphragm and/or lungs. Mac could see a sickening pile of the boy's innards piled up on the leafy forest floor next to him. The bear was digging through him to get to the boy's nutritious and protein-laden heart, liver, and kidneys. Too late...too fucking late...

But this fucking bear!!! He could get this cocksucking, fat bag of fucking fur!!! It was the least he could do...he had to put it down. It was wild now. Once the bear got a taste for equines, it would hunt them without a second thought. Most ponies were a temptingly easy target for a huge predator like this one. Mac roared a challenge out to the stupid beast. Barry turned around and greeted Mac with a nauseating mouthful of Milky Way's intestines...the red gristle hanging from in between his teeth...the bear no longer held any semblance of civility or intelligence. It was free of the warding runes' magic. The bear was confused at first...then he became defensive. He thought Mac was another predator, coming to steal his prey. Barry rose to his hind legs and roared at him. Mac wasn't even remotely frightened. He had been waiting for this...he lowered his makeshift spear and charged the beast...the bear took a poorly-aimed swipe at him, just missing the top of his head and knocking off his Stetson.

It was a fatal error. Mac took full advantage. He ducked under the bear's massive clawed paws and rammed the spearpoint through his chest and ribcage with enough force to kill a fucking rhinoceros. The bear made a pitiful whine of pain...Mac pushed the spear farther into the beast, aiming for his heart. He had missed...but he still had the upper hoof. With another brutal thrust, Mac had slammed the spear head all the way through the bear...the point had gone out the back of the beast's shoulder blades. The bear was stuck...fixed there. He tried to fight Mac to get free. The Everfree brown bear was an estimated ten times stronger than the average pony...Mac was twelve times stronger than the average pony. Sometimes it was good to be a freak. He twisted the spear against the beast's side until it splintered and broke off completely. Then he tackled the beast to the ground. It had no fight left. Mac grabbed a nearby rock and commenced to smashing the bear's skull into a pink paste. He couldn't stop...he kept striking him...the black was scratching in his skull. It was agonizing.

"YoU...FuCKing...CuNT!!...FucK!!! AUgghghgh!! DiE!!!" (burnbreakfuckdieburnbreakfuckdie...Now you're dead like me.) Mac's mind was black.

Reason was replaced with a vacuum. He made a final cry.

An animal's noise. Black. It had cracked the sky. It bled down on him. And then he could see it. The stars on the void of black.

Scratch. (Scratching me...)

"MoThErFUCKeR!!!! AAAaaUUUGHHHHHHhh!!!!!!!!!!!!" (Look at what the stars have eaten...look...look at it, John...)

With one savage, final blow, the beast's head had split completely open like a watermelon. Mac threw the gore-covered rock at the bear's corpse in a futile display of rage. Barry was finally dead. Mac wasn't proud of himself. This was a grim necessity. He didn't hate the bear, despite how angry he'd been. It was only doing what nature had intended it to do in the first place. It was the unnatural magic of the warding runes that had made the local ponies too comfortable around wild animals. But Milky...that kid...he had failed. He couldn't save him. But a sudden hacking wheeze caught Mac's attention. Milky was still alive.

Somewhat. The poor boy was definitely at Death's Door. Mac ran over to his side. Mac could see the full extent of the bear's carnage...Milky's entire ribcage had been broken apart by the bears powerful claws. One of his wings had been torn clean off...all four of his legs were broken...his milk-white coat was covered in deep lacerations...his wavy charcoal mane was drenched in blood. The colt's body had been shattered like glass. And the bear had bitten into his diaphragm, as Mac had guessed. One lung was sliced open, and he had lost a good portion of his intestines. It was a miracle that he was still alive...even if barely. But no...it was the exact opposite of a miracle. Mac had to complete another grim task...he couldn't tell Milky what it was. The boy's mouth was crusted with a mixture of snot, saliva, and blood...he hacked up a ball of bloody phlegm. He tried to speak.

"Hugghck....M-m-mac.....pl-ple...pl...ze...help...plea..se...uck..." Mac knew there was only one way he could help the poor kid now.

"Hush up, Milky. I gonna' save ya'. 'S'gonna be alright. Close yer eyes. Think of Ditzy." The boy complied...he closed his horror-filled amber gold eyes...shuddering and sputtering. He was ready.

With a quick stomp of his right forehoof on the colt's neck, Mac had put Milky Way out of his misery with a sickening crack. He picked up his Stetson and placed it back atop his head. He lit up a cigarette and began the disheartened trek back to the yellow Pegasus's cottage. He still had to pick up Winona, and Steelheart would want a full rundown of what had transpired. He exited the treeline of the woods and came into the clearing where the girl's cottage was...Mac could see the big, white form of his best friend talking to the little, yellow Pegasus. Steel had brought a wicked-looking crossbow and two of his deputies to help. Mac knew that the local deputies were imbeciles and weren't ever much help to the constable. All four ponies turned at the advent of his approach. Three of them widened their eyes with horror. Except for Steel. He just returned Mac's steely glare with a grim, knowing expression. Mac looked into the little, running stream near the cottage.

He was covered head-to-hoof in blood and gore. There were fragments of the bear's skull in his mane...pieces of brain in his beard. Mac tossed his cigarette butt into the stream, extinguishing the lit cherry with an audible hiss. He turned back towards the four ponies...he looked up at the sky. The sun was setting. (burning...) This was his favorite time of day. He loved the colors...the deep cerise shades mixing with the blazing orange of the Sun's last rays of light that shone over the horizon. (break...breaking me...now I'm broken. Even more.) But the cerise was familiar. Still.

For what seemed to be the millionth time, he wondered from where else he knew that color...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rainbow plopped herself down into her Wonderbolts-themed bed, wishing that the events of the day hadn't transpired. She had picked up her manic, pink friend from the hospital over two hours ago, helping her walk back to Sugarcube Corner where she lived upstairs in a rented room. Pinkie had still been drunk. She'd thrown back so much alcohol, that she'd still been shitfaced over a day later and had only just come out her stupor. Her doctor had kept her an extra day, after she had broken three stitches jumping into the ceiling fan above her hospital bed. Pinkie's only justification had been that she was bored...her doctor and nurses were more than a little pissed at her. But Rainbow knew Pinkie was going to get what was coming to her later. She'd likely get the worst hangover of her young life in the morning.

To add to an already shitty day, Rainbow had seen the old preacher she'd fucked up earlier waiting in the hospital lobby while holding an old towel over his broken, jagged nose. She finally got a full assessment of how badly she had beaten him...she'd broken his nose and left cheekbone...he was missing several teeth and his bearded, yellow face was swollen and bloodied almost beyond recognition. Of course, the minute he'd caught sight of her he began wailing that the "vicious harlot" had come back to finish the "Devil's work." Rainbow assumed the old fucker had thought she'd come to the hospital to finish the job...but no. She didn't care about him anymore. Fuck him.

And as though that wasn't already enough hell for Rainbow in one day, the entire town had been staring at the two of them on their way to Pinkie's place. Rainbow had had to prop up her drunken friend with one foreleg to keep her from toppling over...every pony she passed eyed her with revulsion. Except for one partycolt-looking guy...he'd just said "Awww, yeaaaah, gurl!! That's what I'm talkin' about!!!" She had no idea what he'd meant by that. But the others...had they all heard what she'd done? They had all looked at her with such contempt...and Rainbow had since come out of her storm of apathy. Now the embarrassment had set back in. She was consumed with regret and shame. The old fucker had deserved it...but it wasn't worth this feeling. It was the same feeling she'd had back in high school. The dread. The embarrassment. Everypony was laughing at her behind her back.

They probably thought she was a freak. She had just...snapped...like...an angry dyke or something...she was horrified at the possibility of Big Red catching wind of it all. It was a reasonable fear, seeing as the Ponyville Gazette didn't have much else in the way of news to report. At least her mother wouldn't find out...but Rainbow's thoughts were rattled by the sound of her roomie's hysterical weeping. She'd been crying in her room since Rainbow had gotten back...but Ditzy Doo wouldn't unlock her bedroom door to tell her what was wrong. Rainbow was concerned, but she was far too exhausted and demotivated to persist in finding the cause of all that was wrong...she closed her eyes...and tried to sleep...she trailed off. She began dreaming...................................................

She'd had this dream before. She knew it well. It was usually a good dream. A beautiful dream. But once in a while...it was terrible. It would start off the same as the good version, and then the dream would turn into a nightmare. Rainbow didn't know which version this particular dream was...the good version was always the same, but the bad version was always different after the false beginning. She was somewhat aware she was dreaming...some ponies said you could control your dream once you were aware you were dreaming. Rainbow knew that was bullshit. She'd tried to stop the nightmare version of this dream multiple times...yelling that it was all in her head. Fake. It was HER subconscious mind, and she'd tell it what to do!! No cigar. Rainbow knew relatively little of the psychosomatic realm of psychology/neurology...how the real, physical stresses of the conscious world could affect her health and mental state...and vice versa. But the little bit that she'd learned from one of Twilight's rants was that ponies had little control over their subconscious minds...she couldn't change this dream...she still didn't know if it was good or bad yet anyway.

Rainbow loved the good version. It was based on one of her favorite memories. She was her 12 year old self just on the cusp of puberty, sitting in the modest dining room of the cloudy apartment where her mother currently lived. Both her parents were sitting at the little table with her...mom...and dad...he was alive in the dream. They were eating her mom's homemade spinach tomato lasagna...it was her favorite. It was full of every cheese imaginable...asiago, mozzarella, cottage cheese, parmesan...her dad had loved her mother's cooking. Her dad was a pretty good cook himself...he could make the best pancakes ever. Rainbow hadn't at all inherited her mother's universal culinary mastery or her father's natural skill with skillets and griddles. She could burn water. They had laughed about her culinary handicap, making jokes that giving her a cooking apron was like handing an enraged chimpanzee a loaded crossbow. She laughed...they all laughed...they knew she could take a joke. Her dad had always been able to make his wife and daughter smile and laugh...

Just being...around him made them happy. Rainbow felt for her mother. In a way, Cloudia had lost more from Colton's death than she had. Rainbow still had her friends. Her mother had no one except her...she'd lost the love of her life. So Rainbow welcomed the dream when it came...even if it turned horrible, the happy beginning still made enduring the nightmare worthwhile...just for this...this memory. Her parents were both smiling. Happy. Her mother had just gotten back from the plant, and she was exhausted. She had just warmed up the lasagna they were eating in the oven...she hadn't even taken off her lab coat yet. She was making good-natured jokes about what a half-assed job her coworkers were doing in the Experimental Precipitation Department. Her dad was still wearing his Wonderbolts uniform with the hood down...his rainbow-colored mane was messy. In the time the dream took place, her father hadn't yet injured his wing. He was bitching about still not being promoted to the stunt team yet...he was still on the racing team...but at least he was still a Wonderbolt. That was definitely something.

Both her parents were cheerily complaining about their days while eating...they were incessantly going on about what horseshit they had to put up with...but they were happy. They couldn't fool Rainbow. She knew they were happy just being together...and with her. Her dad playfully nibbled on her mother's ear, prompting her to squeal. Rainbow laughed. She thought it was cute, but she would never admit such a thing. She wanted them to think she was cool...Rainbow was one of the few kids in Cloudsdale who thought her parents were rad. She was never embarrassed about either of them picking her from school in front of the other ponies. The other kids at school were jealous. Her mother was one of the most brilliant, scientific minds in Cloudsdale, and her father was a Wonderbolt...they were both attractive. Especially her dad. He was so handsome. Rainbow loved his smile. He still looked so young. He was in his mid-thirties, and he still looked like he had back in high school. All the pubescent, hormone-riddled, preteen fillies at Rainbow's school all swooned and giggled at him, when he came to pick her up. She didn't mind. It had made her pretty popular. This was back when she made friends easily...before it happened. Before she had been broken.

Her mother got up and went to the kitchen. She came back with a small plate of halved grapefruit, saying that they were going to have a healthy dessert instead of the typical apple pie. Her father moaned...he said he hated fruit. Rainbow giggled. Her mother was on a new diet, and she was making her family take part in it with her. Rainbow didn't mind fruit...but she didn't understand why her mother was on this new dieting kick. Her dad told her she didn't need to diet, because she was already perfect. She was slender already...beautiful...Rainbow had inherited her lithe figure. Cloudia only ate a little bit of lasagna. She was too skinny. All three members of the Dash family were slender and athletic. If anything, the three of them could stand to gain a few pounds. Her mother and father were so perfect...intelligent...beautiful...funny...happy. This was her mother back when she was happy. In the dream, she wasn't like the anti-social, self-loathing shut-in that Rainbow knew now. She was confident...happy. Her father, too. It was perfect. This was how Rainbow had always remembered the two of them. This moment. This perfect moment.

Her mother asked her about how school went, using her signature pet name for Rainbow..."pumpkin." Rainbow indignantly upbraided her mother for using it...saying that she wasn't fat or orange, so it didn't make any sense. Her mother laughed. Her father made his usual joke about his wife's pet name for their daughter. He told her that the name fit, because she was "out of her gourd." She giggled. It was a lame joke...cheesy...but she loved it regardless. She told them her day had been alright...that she had some homework to do for history class. She hated history. Said it was boring. Her dad told her that history was important. You needed to know your history, or you would just repeat the mistakes of the past. Her mother agreed. Rainbow said she got it...but that didn't make it any less boring. They all laughed again. They were so happy...

Then it happened. Rainbow suddenly realized the dream was the nightmare version...she could tell. Always could tell. There was always that feeling...a sudden malaise. As though something was off...wrong. She looked over to her parents...they were frozen in place...smiles frozen on their faces. Her dad was holding a forkful of lasagna in midair with his left hoof. Her mother was doing the same. This was wrong. It was as though time itself had stopped. The small dining room was utterly silent...like a mausoleum. The familiar feeling suddenly came to Rainbow...it was a mixture of nausea and fear. It compounded with the foreboding sense of malaise. It wasn't a good feeling. She was frightened. The nightmare always threw her for a loop. It was always different. It always came up with new ways to terrify her...to torture her. She could never get used to it. Get accustomed. The dream always reopened the same wounds...poured salt into them.

Rainbow heard the new and sudden sound of dripping. It sounded like water dripping from a faucet...it was echoing throughout the dining room. It shouldn't be echoing. The dining room was too small...the echo sounded the same as the dripping in a cavernous hall or something. The sound of water dripping...in a faucet...in a large bathroom. The sound would echo off the linoleum. It shouldn't sound like that in the apartment. The cloudy walls and floor were too soft. The malaise and nausea got worse. Rainbow knew the dream was going to get worse proportionately to the malaise. The more nauseous and terrible she felt, the worse the dream became. She wasn't optimistic. This one was going to be the worst one yet. Terrible. Her mind was filled with a frigid, agonizing dread. She pleaded. With no one in particular...she wasn't sure if there was a God or not. She pleaded to just go back to the good part...to let her spend time with her parents for just little while longer. Back when they were happy. Back when her father was alive. She closed her eyes. Maybe it would go away. She knew it wouldn't. She had tried this before.

She reopened her eyes...horror overtook her. Where her mother and father had been sitting, there were now two writhing, chittering masses of cockroaches. They crawled up the backs of her parents' chairs...they crawled onto the table. Toward the grapefruit. Only one grapefruit was left...the center had a vivid pink gash...a deep slit in the bright, pink flesh. The malaise got worse. The dripping got louder. The two masses of insects had merged together. They crawled onto the plate and onto the grapefruit...Rainbow realized what they were trying to do. It was disgusting. They were burrowing into the deep gash inside it. The gash seemed endless. The bugs just kept disappearing...they just kept going. An hour had seemed to pass...but they had all finally gotten inside. Something else was happening...the grapefruit was bulging...contorting...were the masses of insects inside it just now becoming subject to the laws of physics? Then why hadn't the grapefruit expanded earlier? But this was a dream...such things held no meaning. She was becoming more and more afraid. The fruit made one last contraction...and then it exploded a hideous, red orange substance all over the dining room.

Some of the nasty gunk had landed on her and her parents' plates...it was all over the place. It was disgusting...it smelled awful. Rainbow realized that the smell was familiar. It was a repugnant stench...but she knew it from somewhere. The dripping was deafening now. Then she heard the voice. HIS voice. The awful voice. The image of the yellow teeth filled her head...the bloodshot, orange yellow eyes. She couldn't see him, but she knew he was there. He kept repeating the same phrase:

"Hush now, baby doll...hush now, baby doll...hush now, baby doll..." The voice endlessly spoke the four words in an ominous whisper.

It was a voice that had haunted her for seven years. Her own personal nightmare...her personal bogeyman. And then it all made sense to Rainbow. She knew what the repulsive, viscous concoction of red orange gunk was that was all over the dining room. She looked down to her plate. Her lasagna had been replaced by the disgusting slime. She recognized the smell. She knew what it was...it was a mixture of two different substances...blood...and semen. The voice stopped whispering. The dripping followed suit. The silence was palpable. Ominous. Worse somehow. Then the silence was broken.

It was a terrible, whooping cry. It was deafening. Terrifying. The noise only a mad pony would make. It was the voice that made it. HIS voice. Rainbow's mind went blank. The terror had consumed her. All faded to black. The dream had ended. Rainbow woke with a start...she looked at her alarm clock...she had only been asleep for an hour and a half. A sudden wave of terrible nausea filled her. She jumped out of her bed and to her hooves. She sprinted into the bathroom and emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. When she'd finally recovered, she cleaned up the mess with a bath towel and brushed her teeth. She walked back into her bedroom. Tank was awake. He croaked at her. She smiled. But Rainbow could hear a noise. A quiet, forlorn whimpering. It was Ditzy. She was still crying.

Author's Note

Just to clarify: I wasn't making fun of any specific religion or even religion in general. There's crazies in every political ideology and religion.

There's always that one piss-stained, homeless guy who has a "religious experience" and starts ranting about the "end times."

A song for Mac: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKiXr6qO87c

Chapter Six: Strength

"It's a peaceful, little town, ain't it, mate? Well...at least NOW it is...or was before...yesterday." Mac was walking towards the constabulary with Steelheart.

He had to agree...it was a quaint, little place. Charming even. It was about noontime. The sun was casting it's unrelenting rays of golden glory down upon the little town. The two massive stallions were walking along one of the cobbled sidewalks on Mane Street. They could see the modest, little police station down the way. For noontime, it was strangely quiet. Not a whole lot of ponies were out and about, and the few that actually were looked pale and skittish...they looked exhausted. Mac wondered what was wrong with them. But he was too tired to pay them any mind. He had been running himself ragged lately.

"Eeyup. So how you been, man? Ain't seen ya' in over three weeks."

He'd met up with Rainbow earlier that morning for a grueling and tortuously long session of wind sprints...she had looked pretty down when he met her, but he was able to cheer her up a bit. The strenuous speed conditioning had Mac fairly enervated. And of course, he still had to finish the last of the plowing later in the day. He'd barely had time to milk the cows and do the other basic chores that morning. And he was behind schedule...he should've been done plowing by now and just starting to plant the western field. AJ was trying to make up the extra slack, but she wasn't superequine. She couldn't do everything by herself. After the business yesterday with the colt and bear, Mac was reminded of the fragility of the average pony...his sister included.

"Bored off me arse mostly. You know how much crime goes on in Ponyville? Not much. If it weren't for Colgate, I'd bail on the lot of ya'." Mac grinned. He knew his old friend couldn't leave.

"Eenope. Ain't like you. If ya' had gotten here 'bout a year ago, ya'd be up to your taint in fuckin' problems, brother. 'Member 'bout that Trixie? An' what all with...well...pretty much everthin' else? 'Sides...you couldn't leave me...I'm too pretty." Mac fluttered his eyelashes at his old squadmate. The white stallion laughed. Ponyville had only just gotten a constabulary in the past few months. Before that, everypony was on their own.

"Hah! What bollocks! You ain't half as pretty as you think you are, mate. But anyway...fuck...yesterday was pretty eventful, yeah?" It had indeed been eventful.

"Eeyup." The two of them approached the newly built police station.

"Well...come on in, my friend! Offer you a drink an' all that. Least I can do."

"Sure. Lead on." They opened the door to the grey, concrete building and stepped inside the cool, dim interior. Directly in front of them lay the duty sergeant's desk. A fresh-faced, white-coated Pegasus colt wearing the same uniform as Steel was sitting behind the desk. He had just noticed the two of them. He hopped to his hooves and snapped to attention.

"Uhhh...afternoon, Captain! Nothing to report."

"Yeah, yeah...enough of that shite. You ain't gotta do that every time I walk in, Brolly. Is Berry sober enough to leave yet? No sense keepin' her around, if we don't have to. She's a bother to deal with." Mac knew the young deputy's name was Brolly Raindancer. Mac knew "brolly" was a term used for an umbrella...which was the boy's Cutie Mark.

"Aye aye, Cap'n. She should be good to go...a little wobbly but overall good to go."

"Right. Thanks, mate. So, you standin' in for Sgt. Cosmic, yeah?"

"Yes, sir. He's still checking into those runes like you asked with Cpl. Bright Bulb." Steelheart nodded and beckoned Mac to follow him.

"Perfect. Carry on." The young Pegasus saluted, prompting the constable to begrudgingly return the salute. Mac knew that police and military officers alike weren't usually too keen on their subordinates reporting in and saluting them every time they walked by. At least the ones that weren't assholes didn't. They entered the tiny detainment area. It only had four cells total. In one of them, a pink-coated, plum-maned Earth mare was lying on the sparse, green cot. She perked up at the sound of their approach.

"Hello, hello, Miss Punch. Enjoy your nap? Or more accurately defined as your "drunken stupor?" Berry Punch was well-known as the town's worst alcoholic...even Pinkie Pie couldn't match her tolerance for booze.

"Heeeeyyy...how's it goin', Constable? Oh? Who's yer friend? Dayumnnn, baby. Yer pretty fine. You gonna' throw 'im in here with me? I hope so. I been havin' a dry spell." Mac felt a bit uncomfortable. But hey...she was pretty cute for a drunk.

"Not a chance. You'd eat this bloke alive. An' you ain't been dry in a long time...in any meanin' of the word. You ready to go home, love?" The mare nodded, stepping up to the bars and posing suggestively for Mac's benefit. He could smell the cheap vodka on her breath.

"Okay...whatever..." Mac felt sorry for her. He knew she had emotional problems...but then again, maybe he wasn't one to judge. Steelheart unlocked the cell door with one of the oversized keys on his belt and slid it open.

"You gonna' make it home alright, sweetheart?"

"Yeah...yeah...not like anyone gives a shit..." The constable just sighed.

"I'm sure that ain't true, love. Be careful. Try an' cut back a bit." The mare just scoffed.

"Sure, man. Whatever...seeya'..." She haphazardly walked out of the cell and left. The constable shook his head.

"Sad story, that one. I try to help the girl, but she don't give a toss about herself."

"Sounds familiar."

"Heh. Yeah. Alright...come on into me office. Fancy a nip? I know I do.." The two of them entered the nearby office. Steel closed the door behind them and locked it. He walked behind his modest desk and opened one of the drawers, procuring a small bottle of scotch. Mac chuckled.

"Ain't it a bit hypocritical after what we done saw with Berry an' all?"

"No. I don't. There's a difference 'tween drinkin' to forget about your shit life an' takin' a nip to settle the ole' nerves. That girl's pissed up good an' proper every other day." Fair enough. Mac and Steel both had the jitters. Combat veterans often did.

"Alright. Hit me. Anyway, why didn't you fully debrief me yesterday evening?" The constable procured two shot glasses and began pouring the scotch.

"Figured ya' needed a little time to cool off...what you saw wasn't pretty. I know ya' tried yer damnedest to save the poor lad, bruv. I know you. You gone an' took it personal...I can tell. I was tryin' to be sensitive, is all, mate." Mac scoffed. Steel and Mac had both seen much worse.

"Awww...ain't you sweet? But it don't make much sense considerin' we ain't yer typical ponies. I mighta' fergotten some details overnight or somethin'."

"I know better. You ain't forgot a single detail. Well...along similar lines...I got me lads out around town checkin' on the wardin' runes." The big, white stallion procured a large cigar and lit it with a nearby table lighter. He leaned back in his chair, casually taking puffs with his right hoof while holding his glass of scotch in his left hoof. Mac knew it was illegal to smoke within 50 feet of an Imperial government building...but Steel had full run of the place.

"Any news yet?"

"Nada. Not so much as a mouse's fart. It'll take 'em while to get back to me. Cosmic knows what he's doin', but the rest of my lot are thicker than pig shite." Mac laughed.

"So, we're just gonna' sit on our asses 'till them mouthbreathers report back in?"

"That's about the gist of it, yeah. I only got one Unicorn deputy...Bright Bulb...hehehe...ironic moniker on that one...he's the densest of the lot. It'll take a while for 'im to check everythin'...I'm shocked the little git can even put his cap on straight.

"Hehehehe....you got some all-stars on yer payroll, I tell ya' what, Steely."

"Fuck no, I don't. Fuck me life." Steelheart took a sip of his drink and cracked his forehooves behind his desk. Mac took a seat in the chair across from him.

"That was sarcasm, ya' Coltney idjit."

"What's this..."sore chasm" yer on about, mate? Sounds like a female venereal disease." Mac roared with laughter.

"Hahahah...oh...man...I reckon if it weren't fer you, me, an' Princess Twilight, this fuckin' town'd be a goddamn crater by now."

"'Tween the two of us, I'm bloody surprised we ain't leveled it ourselves. It'd be a right mercy to some of this lot. This town's got some sad cases, mate. Sad."

"How d'ya' mean, Steel?"

"Well...you know one of our little, local celebrities? Rainbow Dash?" Mac perked up. He didn't want to give himself away...Steel might withhold information. The constable wouldn't give up anything exceedingly personal, but it was a chance to learn a bit more about the bombastic, little filly.

"Yeah...I heard of her. Met her a few times, too. She's friends with my sister. Heard she done one a' them "Sonic Rainbooms." Technically, it wasn't a lie.

"Yeah. That's her. Poor kid. Anger problems, that one. Keeps gettin' into fights over nothin'."

"Hmm? Didn't think she was that ornery." Mac took a sip of his scotch. It was imported from his old friend's hometown. Good stuff.

"Yeah. She's a gutted, little thing, she is. Had a rough life as a filly. Never got over it, I'll wager. I try to go easy on the girl, but she's makin' it harder an' harder for me." Mac wondered what had happened to his newfound dream girl. But he knew better than to ask. Steel wouldn't tell him anything Rainbow wouldn't want him to tell beyond vast generalities. His Dappleshore friend had always been cool like that.

"What's she been doin'?"

"What AIN'T she been doin' is more like it, bruv! A few weeks ago, she done had herself a row with Carrot Top. Drew a giant, black cock on the side of her house with spraypaint...hehehe...had to make the girl wash it off. No sense nickin' somepony if ya' can settle it then and there." Mac laughed heartily. It sounded about right. She was the type to do that sort of thing...but they were far off topic. Neither of them wanted to talk about the real reason for their current discussion. But they wouldn't be able to put it off forever.

"Heheheh...oh...shit...that's somethin' else, man. But you said she gettin' into fights, too?" Steel finished his scotch and began pouring another. Steel was too much like Mac himself for his comfort.

"Oh, yeah, brother." Steel pronounced the word "brother" as "bruv-ver." "Brother Knight" was a term their unit used to refer to one another...often sarcastically. It was a remnant of the old, chivalrous origins of the Malleis Irae.

"Example? Somethin' recent?" Steel raised an eyebrow.

"Curious today, ain't we, Red? Well...yesterday fer example...she knocked some old codger arse over tit fer bashin' her dad. He was one them loonie cultists. I already told the old nutter to sod off, but he keeps comin' back to yell his nonsense at everypony. Rainbow done a bang up job on that one...it was nasty. He lost some teeth an' got a broken nose. Little filly can throw down like you wouldn't believe, mate." Mac was indeed surprised.

"Damn...is she alright? She ain't hurt or nothin', right?" Mac had poorly disguised the concern in his voice.

"Ahhhhh...I know that look, Red...you fancy her, yeah?" Steel was wearing a broad grin. He'd figured it out.

"Ain't like that. Just a friend." Technically, it wasn't a lie.

"Ya' can't fool me, bruv. You always did like the fiery ones. You know her better than you let on, didn't ya'?"

"Yeah...we been trainin' together fer this.....Iron Pony competition..."

"I knew it. But just a heads up, mate: That girl is damaged goods. But then again, aren't we all? Still... Be careful." She couldn't be more fucked up than Mac was. Still...he'd had a suspicion that something terrible had happened to her...she seemed the type. Maybe he could get her to open up a bit? But he knew he wouldn't have the courage to tell the little filly how he felt anyway, so it was a moot point. It was a discouraging thought.

"Roger that...pour me another one...I'mma' need it." The constable complied. Alcohol had always helped Mac to drown his discontent. His fears. His rage.

"What happened with you an' Cherilee?"

"Nothin', really, man. We only got together fer 'bout two months after Bloom poisoned us...didn't have much in common is all. Parted ways. It was mutual." Partially...he had hurt Cherilee and vice versa. Mac had made a rather textbook error while dating her. It hadn't ended well.

"Don't that just fuck all? But yer doin' that competition fer the bones, ain't ya'? Why haven't ya' asked me fer the money? Me an' Colgate got more'n enough quid to share." Mac shook his head.

"Ya' know I can't ask ya' fer money, Bobby. It ain't like me. Gotta' earn it. Pride an' all." Robert Steelheart shot him an annoyed expression.

"Balls to you an' yer pride, mate! You never let me help you. I could've moved fuckin' anywhere in the Empire after I got out. But I came here to be with me best mate. What's the point, if you don't ask fer me help?" The constable was on his third glass of scotch.

"I still need yer help. When I get all worked up, you can calm me down. I always been there fer you...and you fer me. 50/50 all 'cross the board. Way I see it, we're square an' even, Bobby. Just 'cause I ain't whinin' fer ya' to bail me outta' every goddang problem I get into, don't mean I don't 'ppreciate ya'. Don't pull this fuckin' guilt trip on me again." The irritation in Mac's voice cowed his friend.

"Alright, Red. I'm sorry. I just wanna' help is all. You an' Colgate are all I got left. We're the last two, you an' I." It was true.

"Yeah. S'alright, man." Suddenly, Steel's radio had started emitting static. The constable answered it and listened to one of his deputy's report in. Steel nodded grimly in response. He cut off the radio and turned to Mac.

"We need to talk about what happened yesterday." Mac had been dreading this inevitability.

"Yeah...we do...I done told ya' most a' what I know last night."

"Humor me. You gave me a brief summary. I'm compilin' a report to the Castle, an' I need all the info I can get. This whole bleedin' fiasco is too convenient. You were right. That bear didn't have no rabies like you said. And me boy Cosmic just got back to me. The wards are down by 40 percent strength, Red. Know what that means?"

"That yer a massive faggot?" The big, white stallion laughed.

"Hah!! Oh, you'd love that wouldn't you, Red? But...seriously..." Mac knew he was delaying the inevitable.

"Yeah, I know. Somethin' magical done interfered with 'em. Bad news."

"Right fuckin' o', it's bad news, mate. An' I got another tidbit for ya'. Cosmic got a hold of the Castle and found out somethin'."

"What?"

"This is happenin' all over Equestria. This was intentional. What's happened to our wards weren't no coincidence."

"Oh...fuck..." Mac knew what that meant.

"Yeah. It's a Matriarch." Bad news...bad news...

"We need to be sure, Bobby."

"Yeah. You can go do some trackin' on yer own...get a fix on the cunt's trail...I'll wager she's holed up in the Everfree. I'll follow up on those runes an' all that. If we get a positive fix on it bein' an honest-to-God mater, then you an' me can track her down. I know my lot wouldn't last five bloody seconds against one of those things."

"Mmm-hmm. Gotcha'. We're gonna' need some pneumatic crossbows with frag bolts...I'll bring along a horn to draw the countersign...an' we're gonna' need to bring along the ole' great swords." Matriarchs were tough. Not incredibly so...but they were very dangerous. Steel pointed his cigar towards a large sword in a black scabbard that was propped against one of his file cabinets.

"Got me great sword right behind the desk here. Sharp as ever. But it's a no-go on those pneumatics, bruv. An' we got no 'splosive quarrels...the armory here is as bare bones as ya' can get. But I can make some powder charges. That'll give the bitch a shock, I'm sure. Still got me ole' single action crossbow, too. Maybe we can make some some 'splodin' bolts outta' them charges an' the few bolts we do got." It wasn't great news that they didn't have the right gear...but they were well-trained to make do.

"Ain't gonna' be easy."

"Never is, is it, bruv?"

"You sure you wanna' do this? You got a foal on the way, man."

"That's why I'm doin' it. You think I want me foal an' wife mauled to death? But you got family, too, Red. What about yer sisters and ole' nan?"

"Same reason...but not all of the reason."

"An excuse, yeah? To fight again?" Steel was onto him again.

"Partially. Think we can get a reward offa' the mayor fer this?"

"I'll see what I can do...but John..."

"Bobby?"

"Don't you fuckin' dare go fight that bloody thing on yer own."

"I ain't plannin' on it."

"So you say! You're just like the LT, mate. By the way...how you doin' on that? Ya' know...the letter..." Mac knew which letter he meant. He'd gotten it a month ago. Mac hadn't so much as finished the first two lines of it...he didn't need to...he knew what the letter meant.

"What letter? The one I done got offa' yer sister? Man, she just can't get enough of me, I tell ya' what." Steel chortled. But Mac knew how stunning his younger sister was. She was still living in Dappleshore. He'd considered it...but he loved his old friend too much to betray his trust like that.

"You bag of arse...heheheh...you know what I meant. You alright, Red?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Fine. In fact, I'm great! I got Colgate...an' this spiffy, little hat! Ain't it grand?" The constable took off his patrol cap, presenting it to Mac.

"Hehehe...yeah. Amazin'. This is a big chance for us, Steely. A chance to be important again."

"Woah, woah! Hey! Watch the feelin's, mate! Ya' just made me job sound irrelevant. An' I been workin' real hard, too! What am I? A limp dick?" Mac laughed.

"Hahaha...eeyup...you sure are. You done said there ain't hardly no crime in Ponyville."

"Well...yeah, true. But it still ain't polite to point it out, Red. But...still...you...weren't plannin' on goin' all "Valhalla" on me with this, were you? Be honest." It was a term the SF knew well. Warriors of the Old Horse tribes could only enter the golden halls of Valhalla if they died in battle. "Going Valhalla" held a self-evident context.

"Goddangit, Bobby!! I done said "no!" It's goddang asinine to keep askin' the same question but worded different. Ya' shouldn't be worried 'bout me anyway. Worry 'bout yerself an' that fuckin' beer gut yer workin' on."

"Hey! Feelin's! Watch 'em. But alright. Just wanted to be sure. But...think about this for a bit, Red..."

"I know what yer thinkin'..."

"Yeah."

"It ain't the Matriarch that's gotcha' worried...it's who's powerful enough to summon it. Let alone bind it to his or her will."

"Exactly, mate. If this does turn out to be the genuine article, then it means Equestria's got itself a bloody powerful enemy."

"Eeyup."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rainbow and Big Mac were both a bit tired and demotivated. Rainbow hadn't any desire to train that morning, but she couldn't let down her friend like that. They were both inside Mac's rather spacious shed...Rainbow could see various weapons and tools lined up on the wall. But the reason they were here was for the intimidating set of weights sitting on a rectangular, white rack at the far end of the shed. Mac had called it a "power rack." A large barbell was sitting on top the rack, fully loaded with heavy, black 45 lbs. plates. Rainbow swallowed nervously...she'd never used this sort of thing before...the only strength training she'd ever done was relative. Like push ups and pull ups. Mac was going to show her a few things and incorporate a strength regimen into their training. Rainbow knew the extra muscle would greatly help her overall fitness and better prevent injuries...but she still wasn't enthused. This stuff looked fucking heavy...REALLY heavy...

"You ready to get started, sugarcube?" She wasn't.

"Uhh...y-yeah. Like always! Let's fuckin' rock this shit, bro!" Mac chuckled. She knew he liked her. But she wanted him to see her in a different light. Like how she wanted him to for so long. She wouldn't let a bunch of heavy, metal stuff get between them.

"Like yer attitude, Rainbow. First, we're gonna' do the back squat...then bench press...then dead row. Just three lifts total. Real simple. Lemme' show ya' the technique. Real important."

Rainbow watched as the powerful, red stallion walked up to the rack and up underneath the barbell...Rainbow was bad at math, but she could tell by there being eight plates total...plus a 45 lbs. bar...no way. Impossible. Even for him. That was 405 lbs.! Mac was big for a pony...most stallions maxed out at about 140 lbs...but even he couldn't do this! The big stallion sauntered up to the barbell, as though he'd done this before...Rainbow was scared for him. She was going to watch him get hurt...crushed under this massive weight. Mac positioned himself under the bar on his hind two legs, holding the bar steady across the back of his shoulder blades.

He stood all the way up...the great weight lifted with seemingly no effort...she watched in amazement as the huge stallion of her desires squatted the heavy barbell with pristine form. He made it look so easy! Mac racked the weight after performing several repetitions. He explained all the kinesiology and mechanics to her...squatting parallel...proper stance...all that shit while using complicated words she didn't quite understand. Rainbow suddenly wished she'd paid more attention in school. Mac had cleared the barbell, leaving just the 45 lbs. bar itself. It was her turn...she was nervous...

"Alright...that should about do fer form, sugarcube. Your turn. Don't be scared. Ain't gonna' hurtcha'. I'm right here an' them pegs on the rack'll catch the bar if ya' drop it." It was a bit reassuring but not by much. Well...it was now or never. (You can do this...you can do this...)

She stepped up the rack...Mac had adjusted it to her height...she stood up on her hind legs. She wasn't all that familiar with standing up like this...she'd only done it a few times before. She gripped the bar with her forehooves as Mac had shown her and emulated his previous technique and stance with a bit of his guidance. She lifted the bar. It was...lighter than she'd thought! She could do this!! She squatted down...her knees were sore, but she was doing it! She hit below parallel...an uncomfortable position for equines...Mac had told her that minotaurs had spread weightlifting throughout Equestria. She performed two more reps. Mac approved...he said her form was pretty good...her cheeks burned at the compliment...she had two reps left, though. She performed the last two reps with some degree of strain. But she had done it!! Maybe she wasn't as weak as she'd thought! Well...she'd been strong enough to kick that old preacher's ass...that was something.

"Hot damn! Good job, baby girl! Yer a natural. Ya' just got four more sets o' five an' yer all done squattin'." Rainbow had just noticed a stereo sitting in the corner.

"Yeah...thanks, man...hey, you got any music on that thing?" Mac look embarrassed.

"Uhh...yeah...but it's kinda' like an acquired taste."

"Well, lemme' acquire a taste for it then. It's too friggin' quiet in here, dude." She didn't like the silence. It was like her dream. The echoes. The dripping.

"Alright, then. I'll put somethin' on..." Mac moved over to the stereo.

He had a cassette tape in the tray. After rewinding it back for a bit, he tapped the play button with his hoof. The first track was...some sort of...pipe organ music. It sounded foreboding and gothic. The powerful organ was playing a dark, churning melody. It was pretty unnerving. Rainbow was reminded of her excursion with AJ to the Royal Princesses' old castle...Pinkie had scared the daylights out of them with that old organ in the chapel.

"Jeez, man! What are ya'? A vampire? Hehehhe..." Mac shrugged.

"What can I say? I like dramatic stuff."

"Hey, I ain't knockin' it. It's pretty cool...just kinda'...creepy."

"Uhh...I guess. I think the dissonance and counterpoints make it an interestin' piece, though. Well, let's get on with it...we got work to do..." Rainbow had no idea what a "counterpoint" or "dissonance" were. Once again, she wished she'd paid more attention in school.

Rainbow had finished the last of her squats...her hind legs were aching. She was legitimately worried that they would give out on her...she would be embarrassed...in front of him. But they had moved onto the bench press. No more hind legs, thankfully. Forelegs and chest muscles. Mac had shown her the proper technique again...with the same 405 lbs. he'd squatted earlier...Rainbow couldn't believe it. How could anypony be this strong?! Her roided out buddy, Buff Biceps, was nowhere near this powerful! She watched Mac...his tendons...muscles pushing the titanic weight up and down with seemingly little effort. The big lug had kept his hat on, too! With a lit cigarette in mouth no less! She could see every inch of his masculine perfection. She had to admit...it was pretty hot. Her wings were twitching with arousal, threatening to "pop feather" at any moment. But the display had ended sadly...it was her turn again. He explained it all to her again.

"An' that's all there is to it, sugarcube. Now 'member to keep yer latissimus dorsi contracted as tight as ya' can when ya' lay down on the bench. Ya' need a tight back fer a stable base to lift the weight. You ready?" She wasn't.

"Yeah. I got this." She tightened her back and laid on the bench. The churning organ music had been playing for almost thirty minutes. Apparently, it had several movements. Great. As though she weren't nervous enough already...

She unracked the weight with Mac's help...the bar seemed so much heavier now! Mac had explained how she was using smaller muscles for the bench than for the squat...she performed one repetition...barely...she was embarrassed. She tried for two....she made it!! Mac was encouraging her. She could do it...she could...she would. She pressed with all her might...she got the third rep! Two more. The churning organ was making her nervous, though. She wished something else would start playing. She tried for four...she strained...she couldn't do it. The bar began to sink towards her chest...her forehooves had lost their strength to keep control of the bar. Mac lifted the bar off her chest. She had failed...her cheeks were burning red with embarrassment. This was just like when she'd lost at hoof wrestling with AJ. She felt weak...he didn't like weak ponies. She had learned this from AJ...he would think she was lame. Like Fluttershy.

"Ah. Found yer limit. That's alright, though. You can just take a rest an' try again in a bit. Ain't no big thing, sugarcube. We'll just keep with this weight next time. You'll get the hang of it." She wasn't fully reassured.

"I hope so, dude. This is friggin' hard...uhh...but I'll get it! Rainbow Dash don't lose to no pony or nothin', yo! But lemme' ask you a question..." He chuckled at her. But her question had been going through her mind for a while now.

"Sure. Bite."

"How're you that strong? AJ said you pulled an entire building off it's foundation or some shit once. Is that true?" That was too much for even her to believe...

"Hmm...yeah. I guess it's true. That's back when Bloom an' her little friends done poisoned me an' Cherilee. Don't 'member much of it." Rainbow narrowed her eyes. Despite her best efforts, she would always reserve a special loathing for Cherilee for having dated Mac. She knew Cherilee was nice and all, but she couldn't help it.

"So...like...are you a mutant or something?" That had come out wrong.

"Sorta'. I got a physiological assessment a while back. Doc said I had abnormally low amounts of myostatin...it's a protein that controls muscle growth. 'Pparently, I also got excess levels of testosterone; I got 'bout twelve times the muscle mass an' four times the bone density of normal ponies. So...yeah...I guess I'm kinda' like a mutant." Rainbow was shocked. But Mac seemed embarrassed.

"That's awesome, dude! You're gonna' own everypony in three months! Hey...you alright, big guy?" Mac looked perturbed about something.

"Huh? Oh...uhh...it ain't nothin'. I'm fine. Wanna' do yer next set?" She didn't especially.

"Yeah." She took her position back on the bench.

She had struggled but had been able to get four reps on her second and third sets. But her overall performance had been poor. She had also performed poorly when they had switched over to dead rows. She didn't understand why she was having such a hard time with this. She could do tons of pull ups and push ups after all. Why couldn't she move a 45 lbs. bar? Mac had noticed her discouragement and tried to reassure her.

"Hey, don't get all down, sugarcube. Everypony's gotta' start somewhere. An' yer already a lot stronger than some Pegasi." What?

"Woah! Whaddya' mean by that?!"

"Nothin'. It's just that y'all got them hollow bones to support yerselves in flight. Yer made fer speed. Not strength."

"Dude...that is so racist."

"Ain't racist. Just a fact. An' yer a mare to boot. That bar weighs more'n half of what you do." Hold on. Had he just...dropped the gender card? Oh, hell no! It was one of her pet peeves.

"So what!? What does me being a girl have to do with being weak and stuff?!" She was getting angry.

"Calm down, Rainbow! I didn't mean nothin' by it. Mares just don't got as much testosterone as stallions, so y'all can't develop yer muscles as quick. Just evolution."

"Dude! Fuck that! You shouldn't lower your standards for me just 'cuz I'm a mare! That's fucking garbo, and you know it!!" She knew he was right. But she still pressed the issue. She wasn't sure why. She was yelling at him...at John.

"It's yer FIRST time liftin' weights. Ever. You gotta' work your way up."

"Oh, no, no, no! You ain't backin' outta' this now, man! You said I couldn't do this stuff 'cuz I'm a girl!" Why couldn't she stop?

"What's gotten inta' you, Rainbow? I'm just sayi-"

"That I'm weak? A fragile, little flower or some shit?" Stop. Stop. Why?

"I-"

"Maybe we all can't be an overgrown meathead like you, but that doesn't give you the right to fuckin' insult me!!" She knew it wasn't an insult...it had been an innocent assessment. But she couldn't stop.

"That ain-"

"Do you have any idea? ANY idea at all how hard it is to be a female athlete?! Do you know how I get treated everyday?! I gotta' work twice as hard for the same shit that you guys tak-"

"ENOUGH!!" The big stallion had roared at her...cutting her off completely.

"Hey...don't yell at m-"

"I said that's enough! Listen. I know ya' gotta' work twice as hard as a stallion...but that's just a limitation of nature. Not society. That bar weighs 45 lbs., Rainbow. You don't weigh 80 lbs. hardly. It don't matter how much ya' rant an' rave 'bout gender inequality. It's an uncompromisin' reality. You ain't got the ideal conditions fer weightliftin'. But I didn't say ya' couldn't improve." She knew he was right.

"Yeah, you did!" Had he?

"No...I didn't. I was gonna' say that yer gonna' hafta' work a lot harder than a stallion to see any results. An' ya' ain't got the ideal bone structure fer supportin' all this weight. Just like how I ain't very flexible. You weren't born for it. It's just a fact, Rainbow. But ya' can always compensate with trainin'. If I didn't think ya' couldn't get any better, then why am I wastin' my time tryin' to help ya'? Why'n the hell are you pickin' a fight, when I'm just tryin' to help ya'?" Rainbow's anger dissipated. Embarrassment slowly filled the void it left.

"Oh...shit...sorry, man. I guess....I just...sorry..."

"It's alright, sugarcube. But...you said somethin' 'bout how you get treated everyday, bein' who ya' are? Whaddja' mean by that?" Rainbow face turned a bright red.

"Uhh...I didn't mean to say all that...it's just that someponies have this...uhh...."theory" about me. I guess it just got to me after a while." She wasn't sure why she was telling him all this. She hadn't told anypony about this.

"What "theory", Rainbow?"

"N-nothin'! Don't worry about it. Forget I mentioned it." She saw his left eyebrow raise. He knew something was up, but he probably knew he wasn't going to get much out of her on the subject.

"If ya' don't wanna' talk about it, I understand."

"Um...thanks, dude. Sorry about all that. I don't know why I jumped on ya' like that. I kinda' got this...temper problem..." He smiled gently at her. She wanted to tell him everything...why couldn't she stop babbling?

"S'alright, sweetheart."

"It's just...I fucking HATE when someponies patronize me for being a chick. It's total bullshit." (Shut up...stop talking, you idiot!)

"I weren't patronizin' ya', Rainbow."

"Yeah...I know. I just don't want you to think I'm weak or something..." Shit. She realized the severity of her error. Why couldn't she stop? But to her surprise, the big stallion laughed!

"Hahahaha!!! You gotta' be kiddin' me, girl!...hehehe...man...the fuck?!" Her ears burned red. Was he actually mocking her?! After she'd opened up like this?!!

"Hey! It's not funny!!"

"Yeah, it is...heheh....how in the sam hell are YOU of all ponies worried about lookin' weak?! How could I ever think YOU were weak?! Yer a goddamn legend 'round here, Rainbow!" He hadn't been mocking her...he'd been mocking...something else..

"W-what are you talking about?"

"You ain't weak, Rainbow. Just 'cuz ya' can't lift a fuckin' piece a' iron don't make ya' weak. Princess Celestia ain't physically strong...but she's got some crazy magic. An' she's a leader. She an' her little sister done took a handful of villages an' made an empire outta' them. She commands respect with a different kinda' strength. She's got strength of will. Just like you." She blushed. He had no idea...no idea how weak she was. How her cockiness was just a cover. But...he believed in her.

"Dude...seriously? You mean...uhh...y-yeah!! You're right! I AM pretty awesome, huh?!" Cover it up. Conceal it. Push it back down.

"Hehehe...an' also incredibly modest..."

"Damn straight! Ain't no pony more modest tha-oh...oh...my bad." Mac laughed.

"Still warranted, sugarcube. I mean...I'm actually shocked that you even care what I think 'bout ya'. Like I done said before: yer a legend 'round these parts. Element of Loyalty an' fastest flyer in Equestria? You got a right to be a 'lil bit cocky now and then." He smiled at her again. He had a cute smile. He had no idea how much his opinion meant to her...

"Jeez...thanks, dude." She rubbed the back of her head with embarrassment.

"I ain't gonna' just lie to ya'. I meant it. I already owe ya' fer everythin' ya' done fer the farm an' AJ...but I never thanked ya' fer helpin' me with this competition. You done helped save Sweet Apple Acres twice now...if we win that prize money. Thank you." He was...sincere...

"Uhh...thanks, man...but isn't that a bit much? Remember that whole "temper" thing? C'mon! I'm great, but not THAT great!...hehehehe" She giggled. She couldn't stop. He was looking at her. With fondness. He cared. He liked her. But did he like her how she wanted?

"Eenope...you ARE. Don't ever let no pony tell ya' otherwise. You don't let nothin' beatcha' down. You never stop tryin'. It's...inspirin'. Gettin' to just...know ya' is worth dealin' with yer temper. Yer somethin' special, Rainbow....yer a damn good friend. I'm glad I met ya'." He told her this with a straight face. Sincere. She could tell. She was beet red in the face now.

He was so sweet. So understanding. He rested his hoof on her shoulder. He was so close to her now...she could smell his cologne...mixed with the smell of sweat and tobacco. Masculine. Intoxicating...her mind was clouded with need. Desire. At that moment, if he'd asked her to jump off a skyscraper with her wings tied, she'd do it. She could see that his face was etched with legitimate concern. Not pity. He cared. He was close...too close. She could almost feel the heat of his breath. He was so...cute. His freckles...those little ears that were flattened down with worry. Handsome. She was worried she might actually try to kiss him involuntarily. She looked at the ground...the ground was sturdy. Safe. It didn't make her so nervous. If she looked up...into those beautiful eyes...she might force herself on him. Do something stupid. Then he would think she was weird. It would destroy her chances with him...he would think she was a slut. Too soon. A disgusting...fucking...wretched thing. (I am already...) Controlled by lust. He'd lose respect for her. He wouldn't love her. He might not even fuck her...what would be the point?

"U-uh...l-let's...umm...get back to training, Red...okay?" He nodded. He suddenly seemed shaken. Why?

"Y-yeah...yer right. Back to work."

They turned back towards the rack and barbell. They still had a lot of work to do.

Chapter Seven: Mark Of The Beast

It was April 30th. Still spring. May was just around the corner. Mac knew that the Apples didn't have much time left to finish planting. It wouldn't be easy. The late-summer harvest would be grueling...and then they had the apple bucking season in the Fall. Mac turned to look at his little, Pegasus companion. She was beaming. She enjoyed his company. They were walking along the same country trail from Sweet Apple Acres, heading for Ponyville. Rainbow had wanted to buy him lunch after their grueling bout of speed training that morning. Mac's muscles were sore. He was thankful that all the plowing and tilling was done in the fields. He smiled back at her. It had been two weeks since she'd blown up at him that day they were lifting weights in his personal shed. And...that...since he'd almost kissed her...it had been nearly impossible not to... She had been so vulnerable. .(cute...adorable...a blessed, little angel...blue like the sky I cracked to show the stars...) Downtrodden. She was like him. (Hurting inside.) He'd felt her warm breath on his neck...he'd wanted to (fuck her) kiss her so badly. To share himself with her...but he couldn't. He was wrong for her. He'd destroy (breakfuckdiecut) her. He'd ruin her life. Like he'd ruined his own.

"Yo, Red...you okay, man? You haven't said a word for like five minutes." She was right. He'd been lost in thought again.

"Uhh..yeah. Yeah. I'm fine. I'm real sorry 'boutcha' losin' yer job to them Nimbus assholes." She'd been telling him about it all while they walked to town.

"Thanks, man. But it ain't like...all bad, ya' know? Me'n Derpy can just keep out of Gary's way until we can pay off what we owe. And I'm eligible for rehire! I didn't expect that shit. But...I gotta' have a high diploma or GED equivalent to reapply..." Gary was Rainbow's anal-retentive landlord. Also, he knew she'd likely slipped passed the Imperial Weather Service's education standards (or lack thereof) with help from her mother. But Nimbus had caught her.

"Hmm...I'm sure you can get yer GED, if ya' try. But didn't ya' say ya' were two months behind on rent? Every landlord's got his limit, Rainbow. An' what're you doin' fer money right now?"

"I had a little bit of cash in my savings...don't worry about it, dude. I'm fine." He was worried for her. He really liked (loved) her.

"Not that's it's none a' my business or nothin', but couldn't ya' have used whatcha' had in savin's to pay yer rent?" She was immature...a little bit childish...but she was wonderful.

"Ha! I didn't nearly enough to make rent, dude. But don't worry about it! Let's just go get some lunch, man. I owe ya' for like three meals now." He didn't care. He'd sell his blood (soul) to help her. Anything.

"About that...just let me get the tab, sugarcube. You ain't got enough money to be throwin' it around, okay?" She looked irritated.

"Dude! Like...c'mon! You're making me feel like a freeloader! Just let me pay for once."

"You ain't a freeloader. If ya' were, I wouldn't a' signed on with ya' to do this shit. Save yer money. What're ya' gonna' do when ya' run out?" She rubbed her head with her left hoof. She didn't know. He could tell.

"I...uhh...I'll think of something, Red. I always do. Besides...you guys got enough money problems as is without me mooching off you." They had entered the outskirt streets of Ponyville. It was still unseasonably cold. Not many ponies were out.

"Eenope. You ain't moochin'. An' I got something goin' on the side to bring in extra revenue, so we're gonna' be alright. I 'ppreciate yer worryin' 'bout us, though." She was puzzled.

A week ago, Steel had told him that Mayor Mare could authorize a large bounty for killing the Matriarch, if the two of them could prove her existence. Mac had been scouring the forests and trails in the little bit of down time he had, scouting for any sign of the beast. So far...nothing. Matriarchs were very stealthy and cunning. But he'd find it. The two of them knew she was there. The two stallions were expert trackers. If she slipped up and left anything...anything at all...they would find her. It might take a while, though.

"Okay...but...whaddya' got on the side? You're not whoring yourself out or anything, are ya'? Heheheh..." He laughed. It was their own inside joke. Supposedly, Mac was the town's gigolo.

"Nah. Nah. Nothin' like that. It ain't important. By the way...I wanna' give ya' somethin'..." Rainbow raised her eyebrow. Mac pulled a gold, 100 bit coin out of his saddlebag pouch.

"Oh! Dude! No. I can't take your money...c'mon!" She was proud. Like him.

"It's alright. I can afford it. You need it more'n I do right now."

"Fuck no! I've already bummed like...three meals off ya'. I can't take this, Red...I can't even take money from my mom! Keep it."

"You ain't bummin'...I'm givin' ya' the means to help yerself."

"No. I'm not taking it, dude." He was getting irritated. He just wanted to help her...to give her a chance.

"Fuckin' take it, Rainbow. Just take it. Fer me." She buckled. She was mortified. He felt bad, but he knew she needed the money.

"But..."

"Just givin' you some money to eat on. I know ya' can't cook. AJ done told me."

"What?! Friggin' AJ! Blabbermouth! I can SO cook!!" He knew better.

"Heheheh...not accordin' to anypony who's tried to eat yer cookin'...I heard tell yer the only pony who can actually cook worse than Apple Bloom...hehehe..." She was annoyed...but she giggled. Good. (Cute...angel...just smile...smile...)

"H-hey! I ain't that bad, man! Maybe...maybe not great, but...fuck. Red, don't make me owe ya'. I don't feel right taking this..." She was honest with him...sincere. She was so proud. Independent. She didn't want to owe him anything.

"It's alright, sugarcube. Just take it. You ain't gonna' owe me nothin'. We win that prize money, you can consider us even, alright?" She took the coin and gingerly placed it in her own saddlebag's front pouch. She was still embarrassed.

"O-okay, man. Thank you....b-but I'll only take this, if you let me pay you back later!! Okay?" He smiled.

"Okay. That's fine by me, Rainbow. Just pay me back when ya' can."

"Cool. Thanks, man. You're awesome." He beamed at the compliment.

"I thought you were the sole proprietor of "awesomeness." She giggled again. He loved her voice.

"Nah...I just own most of it...hehehe..."

"That you do." She blushed. She was beautiful...

"Hehehee...if you say so, man. Hey, we're getting close to the cafe. I am SO getting some fries, bro!" He chuckled.

"Hehehe...ain't that counterproductive to our trainin'?"

"Nope. We got fast metabolisms, dude. Besides...I'm fuckin' hungry." Well, she was right. He could see the little bistro where he'd been taking her for a while. It was only fifteen past eleven, so the streets were mostly deserted as always. There was only one pony standing outside the cafe. As they got closer, Rainbow stopped in her tracks.

"Rainbow? What's wrong?" She looked...terrified. Not at all like her old self. (the beauty...the bold angel...)

"Uhhh...can we like...uhh...go to Sugarcube Corner instead today?" What was wrong?

"They ain't got the fries you like at the Corner, Rainbow. What's wrong? You were all set on goin' here not fifteen minutes ago." Mac looked over at the pony in front of the cafe. He could see it was a mare...she was talking on the cafe's public telephone. She had a lilac coat and a teal mane...with a little pink bow in it. (Awww...that's cute. Rainbow can't be...scared of THIS girl, can she? No...must be somepony or something inside...)

"So what?! I changed my mind, dude! Am I not allowed to do that!? Do I need your permission or somethin'?! What's with the twenty questions?!!" She was nervous. Dismissive. He knew he wasn't going to get anything out of her.

"If yer worried 'bout somethin', we can go somewhere else, Rainbow. I ain't gonna' force ya' to go in there." She looked embarrassed.

"N-nah, man....let's just go inside. It's alright." What the hell was going on?

"I know somethin's up, Rainbow. You can always talk to me." He wanted to help her...so badly...she wouldn't let him. (Just let me...what's hurtin' you, angel?...)

"I know, dude...seriously, though. Everything's fine. You worry too much. I was uhh...just...like thinkin' about the lunch specials at the Corner. But you're right. This place has the best fries. That's all." He knew better. They drew closer to the cafe. Rainbow was visibly quivering with fear.

Mac knew it was insane. He knew it was crazy. But he loved her. It was ridiculous...loving a filly he'd only known for two weeks...but he knew it. It was an absolute knowledge. Complete. He'd never felt this way before about any other girl. Of course...you couldn't tell a mare you loved her this soon...they weren't even dating. It was only a friendly business partnership between them. But...no girl had ever woken him from his miserable stupor like this before. His vacuum. Rage. Make him feel alive again. But he was broken. He loved her...he loved her...which was why he couldn't. They would be friends. He would protect her. She was more fragile than she behaved...(soft...angelic...baby, I just...I...) she needed him. It was a pathetic, beta male role to fill, but he was overjoyed to fill it. To just...have her. He couldn't lose her. (I'd lose me, too...lost.) Any way. She was it. The endgame. The last thing he had...his family didn't understand him. He was a foreigner to his sisters and grandmother...only bound by blood. He'd told Rainbow things in this two weeks he'd never thought he'd tell anypony...not even AJ. She was the last thing. The last barrier. The dam holding back the black.

Whatever was in this fucking cafe...whatever was threatening his angel...he would (crush it....fucking tear it....burn it...) He would protect her. He would. At any cost. (I love you...so much it hurts...too soon...why?...why...FuCk...MY....LIFe...BuRNinG!!....FuCK!...AAAuuggHHG!!!)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(Shit...shit...shit...oh, man...why now?) Rainbow was petrified. Why did Mac have to be here? Right now...to see what was going to happen... They drew closer to the cafe. The old, familiar form of Flitter was making some sort of phone call, her high-pitched, irritating voice was audible from a good distance. She was a loudmouth...more so even than Rainbow. She always used that fucking "baby voice" with everypony, pretending to be sweet and innocent. Rainbow knew better. She was sadistic. Flitter was going to humiliate her in front of Big Red. Make her look pathetic...weak. Blackmail her...tell him about what happened...tell him why she was so broken. He knew something was wrong. He was so sweet...he wanted to help. But this was a battle he couldn't fight for her. (Maybe...maybe she won't notic-) The sound of a phone clacking into it's receiver brought a cold wave of dread to Rainbow. Why couldn't she have been alone? At least then...at least...

"Hiya, Rainbow! Nice to see you. Big Macintosh, right? Yeah...I think we've met once. I babysat Apple Bloom and her little friends once. So good to see you again!" So fake. Fucking fake, plastic cunt. Hateful, spiteful...

"Hey, Flitter. How's it going?" She had to play the game. The "mare's game." She hated it. Stallions had it so much easier. There wasn't any of this...backstabbing. This conniving, hateful bullshit. Jealousy. They just beat the piss out of each other, and that was it.

"Great! Just great! I just got off the phone with my dad. He's coming in from Manehattan to visit. Oh! You should totally meet him! He's throwing me a birthday party in a month in a half. You and your friends should totally come! You, too, Big Mac!" She'd rather fucking die than go to her party that her rich asshole of a father put together. She looked over at Mac...holy...he was...he was just staring at her! It was a cold, annoyed look of disdain. He didn't like her either!

"Uhh...I think I gotta' work..."

"I haven't told you what day it is yet." (Fuck...)

"I still probably gotta' work, though..."

"Oh...hmm...yeah. About that...didn't all the local weather ponies get laid off? Did you get another job somewhere?" (Shit, shit, shit!)

"Uhhh...I'm uhh...helping the Apples with the farm! Yeah! I don't think I'll be able to make it. Sorry. Right, big guy?"

"Eeyup." She couldn't have loved him more than at that moment. He was playing along...

"I see...but...I think you WILL come, Rainbow. Call it a hunch. Everypony will be there." Flitter knew. She had enough dirt on Rainbow to bury her. The vicious cunt had a knowing smirk on her face...she had seen how she looked at Mac. Oh...no. Not...(please don't) She had no choice now.

"Uhh...I guess...maybe..."

"Awww...c'mon, Rainbow! We're friends! For old time's sake?" The irony made Rainbow's stomach churn.

"Yeah...okay..."

"Cool! Can't wait! Bring as many ponies along as you want! More the merrier! What about you, Mac? Wanna' tag along?" He just...stared at her. He was so awesome. He saw through her bullshit. He knew she was a sadistic bitch in disguise. But...Rainbow couldn't risk it...she couldn't. She had to go.

"He's kinda' quiet."

"Wow. I can see that. Stallion of few words, huh? Strong, silent type?"

He kept staring.

"Uhhh...okaaaaayyy...so you coming or not?"

He kept staring. His face had darkened into a disgusted snarl. He didn't like her! He was the stallion for her...he had to be. She was more sure of it now than ever...

"Yeah...Big Mac's just not much of a talker and stuff, Flitter. And I don't think he really likes social stuff...like parties'n junk."

"Hmm, okay. But let him say that. Dontcha' wanna' come to the party, big guy? It'll be epic. Lotta' fun!"

She didn't get the hint. Rainbow was ecstatic. Mac only continued his withering stare...it was harsh. Cold. He was staring fucking daggers at Flitter. He knew! Finally! Somepony knew! She had somepony...somepony else to help her...to defend her. Mac didn't so much as snort at her...it was making Flitter nervous! Good. Finally! Let her see how it feels!

"Uhh...okaaaayyyy...so I guess you don't wanna' come along...sure I can't change your mind?" Mac finally broke his silence. His voice was frigid with repulsion.

"Stop talkin' to me. I don't like you." (Fuck yeah, baby! Goddamn, Red...I could kiss you right now! Or any time, really.) He had just broken through all the pretense and bullshit! He just said what he thought! Flitter was dumbfounded.

"U-uhh...w-what?! I...uhh..." She was babbling. Good. Let her feel embarrassment for a change. Mac leaned over to Rainbow and whispered in her ear.

"I'mma' go inside an' save us a table...don't take too long with this bullshit, okay?" He was...was so amazing...

"Yeah. Don't worry about it. Thanks...seeya' inside..." He had defended her. When no pony else had cared or tried...her voice had been shaky with gratitude and affection. She watched him walk inside the cafe with complete adoration. She watched his perfect, sculpted flank as he went. But now she had to contend with Flitter.

"Kind of an asshole, isn't he?" How...how dare...

"No. He just doesn't like sadistic cunts like you!" The tone of the conversation had changed completely. No pony else was around...now Flitter was candid. So was Rainbow.

"Hah! From what I've heard, he's got a thing for cock. Makes sense you'd be hanging around him."

"Fuck you!"

"You'd love to, wouldn't you?"

"He's not like that, and neither am I!!" Flitter knew Rainbow liked him...knew she wasn't that way. But she tortured Rainbow for it anyway.

"Sure. Whatever you say. So...what? You just hang around him, hoping he'll see you for your "inner beauty" or some shit? Hah! You're just his dyke friend." The words hurt...Rainbow knew they weren't true...but they hurt.

"N-no! That's just more of your bullshit!" Flitter knew she had shaken her. She would press the attack. Fuck the open wound...make it bleed even more...

"Is it? So...what's the deal, then? You guys going out yet?"

"Not yet...but..."

"Exactly. You're just another one of his "guy friends." He's just comfortable around you, because he's not attracted to you...AT ALL. You couldn't land a hottie like that in a million years. I mean...just look at you! Seriously. You're a mess. Your mane's all jacked up and messy. Your face ain't anything to write home about either."

"Shut up!" She wanted to hit her. To stop her...but she couldn't. This wasn't the old preacher. Flitter's weapons weren't physical. They were much worse.

"Pfft...and don't get me started on that annoying, scratchy voice of yours. Sounds like my little brother with emphysema. Honestly, you'd have been better off with Gilda." Flitter had a malicious sneer on her face...Rainbow despised it. But if she hit the bitch, then Flitter would retaliate...and it would be horrible.

"Why won't you leave me alone? What's your fucking problem?!" Flitter ignored her.

"Nice little scrapyard you got in your face. Reaaaaaallll edgy, Rainbow. Who are you trying to fool?"

"I've never done anything to you!!" Flitter continued to deconstruct her. To tear her down. Hurt her.

"You know...they probably laid you off from the weather station, because they got tired of you. Can't blame 'em. Surprised that guy can even stand you. He's an asshole, but at least he's got a nice body." No pony else. No pony else had ever done this to anypony else. Flitter was unique. A monster. Why her? Why Rainbow?

"N-no, he's...he's not an ass-"

"So let me take a guess on what your strategy is....hmm...oh! I know. You're hanging around him and trying to be his buddy, hoping he'll make a pass at you? You know...give you some dick? Heheheh...oh...that's...wow. Unless he's got a thing for ugly girls or a sadomasochistic fetish or something, you're pretty much screwed. But not how you want...right? Hehehe....only the most pathetic, self-loathing kinda' guy would even consider looking at your sorry ass." Rainbow was fighting back tears now. Flitter was a practiced surgeon in her field. She could find where you were the weakest and cut you a wound that wouldn't heal.

"Just...l-leave me alone!!"

"Just look at you. High school drop-out...Wonderbolt reject...unemployed fuckup...the list goes on. I gotta' say, though...taking orders from you that one time was pretty fun! You were all serious about doing your job..."let's go get that rainwater!" Hehehee...priceless...but it was even better meeting Fluttershy. I can see why you hang around her. She's the only pony alive who's more fucking pathetic than you. She makes you look good by comparison...then again...she's still prettier than you. So maybe you're even worse off than she is." No. Why? Why did Flitter do this? No other mare in history could be this vicious...this evil...she said things even the most cold-hearted ponies wouldn't say. Rainbow didn't understand...no pony else had ever treated her like this...except...him.

"I-I'm not going to your stupid party!!" It was a weak tactic. An easily thwarted tactic. Flitter would have no problem beating it.

"Oh? You won't? Awww...but me'n Cloudchaser have something special planned for you! Nope. You're coming. You know what I can do to you, if you don't. I can tell everypony about you. I can even tell...Big Mac...hehehe..." No. Rainbow had lost. She couldn't win. Couldn't. She couldn't let anypony know...know how disgusting she was...but she wanted to fight back...somehow.

"F-fuck you!! If you tell him, I'll kill you!!" It was a lie. An unconvincing, unimposing lie. Flitter wasn't a pony you could beat with force...or lies. She was a master of the latter of the two.

"Hahahah!!! Really?! Hehehe...okay...go ahead, then. See what happens, dyke. You might be able to kick some old guy's ass and get away with it, but if you so much as lay a single, greasy hoof of yours on me...heheheh...c'mon, Rainbow. You know the score." Flitter had heard about her scuffle. She knew everything about Rainbow. And she was right. Flitter had dominated her. She had no power here. No power to fight back.

"I-I don't care! Leave me alone!!" She was barely holding the tears back...crying out like a foal. Crying out petty, childish things to Flitter...anything...anything to get her away...it wouldn't work. She had tried this before.

"You don't care? Sure about that? Let's put it to the test...go ahead. Pop me one. You can have a free shot. I promise!" Rainbow knew better. She just looked at the ground...she knew Flitter was right. She was pathetic.

"That's what I thought. Oh, as an added bonus, didja' know my dad owns a lotta' shares in the company that leases your apartment complex? Yep. I got him on the horn with your landlord. You're two and a half months behind on your rent. You know what that means, right?" Rainbow was filled with dread...she hadn't expected this. Surely...surely no pony could be this cruel. Not even Flitter. No...

"Oh, yeah. I can get you evicted tomorrow morning, if you piss me off. So, you're gonna' play ball. Show up to the party and take your medicine. If you're a good sport, I'll leave you alone. Otherwise I'll fuck your life in every way you can possibly imagine...you'll lose your home...your already shitty reputation...even HIM...yep. And you know I'll do it, too. I have a LOT of free time on my hooves." It was the final blow.

It was too much...Rainbow had tried to be strong...to fight. But she couldn't...it was too much. She broke down, sobbing hysterically....she couldn't stop. It's what Flitter had wanted all along. To hurt. To cut. To make her cry. Rainbow was a 14 year old freshman in high school again...weeping in one of the stalls in the filly's bathroom. She was the same 14 year old girl that had just recovered from what happened to her and her father...she had been so hopeful. Optimistic. Life was sometimes tragically funny. Another tormentor had turned up to take...his...place. Flitter had maligned her with an unheard of prejudice...Rainbow had originally thought she was insane. But no...Flitter was just sociopathic. Rainbow would do what she wanted. Like always. And everypony thought she was so independent. Strong. Fearless. What bullshit. Rainbow cared too much. She cared what everypony thought of her. Especially Mac...like she had with her dad...

"Oh...turn off the waterworks already! Always such a fucking drama queen, I swear... You play along, you can keep pretending like you've got some sort of life. And you can keep pretending you've got an honest-to-god coltfriend...even though we both know you don't. And bring as many of your..."friends"...as you can. They need to see what's going to happen to you....hehehe..." So much hate...she hated Rainbow...why?! What had she ever done to her?! In all the years Rainbow had asked Flitter why she persecuted her like this, the lilac Pegasus had never told her. She needed to know...in a sobbing, shaky voice, Rainbow asked again.

"....w-why?....w-why are you doing this to me...I-I....never did anything to you...p-please...just leave me alone...please..." Flitter got up in her face, using a faux-comforting voice...pretending to care...hateful...

"Aww, sweetie! You wanna' know why? Do ya' really?" Rainbow wasn't sure if she really did now. But she dumbly nodded.

"Because I can. Because it's funny. Because it's fun. Nothing beats watching you squirm, you disgusting, little pig. I'm better than you in every way. I can do whatever I want to you and get away with it." Impossible...that couldn't be it. What could possibly be fun about hurting her? Cutting....breaking her...tearing her down...impossible.

"....y-you're crazy! Y-you have to be out of your mind!!...no pony would do this to me...you're crazy...oh...God...why would you do this?!...you're a fucking psycho!!..."

"Hmm. Maybe I am. But that's bad news for you. Not that it matters any. I'm not stopping anytime soon. I'll seeya' 'round, dyke...hehehehe..." Flitter spread her lilac wings and took to the air, her shrill, demonic giggle trailing off as she flew. Rainbow just stood there. Weeping. She was grateful Mac was inside the noisy cafe...where he couldn't hear her...hear how pathetic she was...

She looked down at the moist dirt at the base of the cafe's steps. There was a single hoofprint. It was Flitter's. (the Mark of the Beast...) She was a true monster. Not like a fairy tale monster. Worse. Rainbow and her friends had encountered every imaginable beast in Equestria, but the two most hateful, horrible creatures of all had both been ponies...just like her. They had both thrived on her pain. Reveled in it. Watching her bleed. Watching her weep. Chimeras and dragons didn't even come close...

...they were the real monsters. The animals that preyed on misery. The beasts.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She was hungry. Scared. Ever since she'd come out of the Blue Circle, she'd been hungry and cold. This place wasn't right. She didn't belong here. The sky was not right...the ground was not right. But she had been dragged here anyway...the big, metal hoof-creature had dragged her here itself with the help of two others. It was the biggest and had a strange, metal head unlike the others...it was covered in metal and a white sheet with a shape on it. She didn't know it's meaning, though. There were two other hoof creatures there...when she had come cold and afraid through the Blue Circle to a great, stone hall. There was a tall...stretchy... blue hoof-creature. It had a fuzzy black thing on it's head and over it's face. It made the most noise, whooping and screaming at her. And there was the smallest hoof-creature...it had a soft voice and a red body. It had a strange head-torch like the one sticking up from the metal creature's head. The red one didn't speak at all except to the metal creature. It stayed close to the big, metal creature. Were the two of them mates? She didn't know.

But she knew that the big, metal hoofed creature was the most powerful of the three. It had been the one who'd dragged her through the Blue Circle into this horrible world with it's head-torch. It had been so strong. She had lashed out at it with her great claws, but it evaded her blows. It seemed to blink in and out of the great, stone hall to where she'd been dragged. It's terrible hooves had beat her mercilessly. It was so strong. She was much larger than it...but it was stronger than she was. She was confused. It had dragged her across the stone floor...it had beat her some more while the blue creature laughed at her. She decided that she didn't like the blue one. Or the metal one. But she could resist the blue one. She couldn't resist the metal creature. It shot a burst of light into her head from it's head-torch, and she had felt as though her skull was going to explode. It crushed her down. It bound her to it's will. The beatings stopped. Then it spoke to her...spoke in soft, gentle words...

The big, metal one had started talking to her...talking inside her head...she wasn't sure how it could that. But suddenly she could understand it! It's words were reasonable...kind even. It called her the "May-tree-ark." She didn't know what that meant. It said if she did as it asked, she would have all the meat she could eat and eventually return home. It told her what it wanted from her...it said she had a unique power...a passive ability that could be used in it's world. She didn't know anything about this. She'd never been to this world before. She hadn't initially wanted to come to this cold place anyway.

The metal creature told her that she disrupted the "Roons." He told her that she would go to certain places and nest there for a certain amount of time. He presence alone would interfere with the "Roons." It told her that it had dragged more of her kind through the Blue Circle...to do the same thing. It told her where she was expected to go...she couldn't remember. So, the metal hoof-creature shocked her with it's head-torch...she suddenly knew exactly what to do...where to go...there were visions in her head. She knew how long to stay in each place. Her new master also wanted her to look for the "Twur-Led Sparr-Kewhl."

It said the "Sparr-Kewhl" had a star on it and was very important. Her master didn't have a head-vision of the "Sparr-Kewhl"...she didn't know exactly what it looked like, but the head-vision had shown her where it was. Her master said she was to go find the "Sparr-Kewhl" and eat it. Her metal master said it would be good to eat. The blue creature laughed again. It called her a "Stew-Bed Kont", and it urged the metal creature to beat her some more. She ignored it...thankfully, so did the metal hoof-creature. But she didn't understand. Why would the metal creature want her to eat something so important? Wouldn't it want her to bring it back? It just told her to eat the "Sparr-Kewhl" again and again. She understood. She did not resist. The metal creature was too strong. It would just beat her again. She knew it would have little trouble killing her. A giant corpse of a three-headed creature was lying next to the Blue Circle. The metal creature had slain it. It had been an even larger creature than herself. And it had paws...like she did.

The three hoof-creatures told her that she was to be very quiet. She was not to be seen by any other hoof-creatures, or they would not let her go home. She understood. They told her that she was to disrupt the "Roons" and eat the "Twur-Led Sparr-Kewhl", or she would never have meat or go home. She understood. The little, red and big, metal creatures used their head-torches together and engulfed her in a green light. She opened her eyes to see utter madness. This world was wrong. The trees were the wrong color. The sky was a different kind of blue. The noises were strange. It was cold. It was a bad world. A frightening world. But she would do as she was told...then they would send her home. She would complete her tasks. Then she would go home to where things made sense.

She knew where she was supposed to go. The head-vision had shown her the way. It was a forest. An alien forest. It was full of green trees. It was dark. Cold. She found the right place. It was a big patch of dirt next to a big, rocky wall. There was a cave in the wall. She was glad. She recognized caves. She had lived in one back home. She would make a nest in this cave. It was the only warm place. She would stay there for a while, and then she would seek out the "Sparr-Kewhl." The head-vision had shown that the "Sparr-Kewhl" was nearby...she could seek it out after nesting for a while. She would eat it. Then she would move on to the next place. She hoped this would please the three hoof-creatures.

But the beasts of this world were so strange...some of them flew in the air and had pointed snouts. They spoke in squeaks and chirps. Some were small and fuzzy...they had paws like she did. But they were all wrong. Strange. Not like her. She had come face-to-face with one of the paw-creatures, when she had ventured out of the alien forest once. It had stared at her with dumb, alien eyes. It was not as smart as she. She tried to speak to it, as she had with the metal creature. It ran away. It had been bigger than the others...fuzzy...brown...it was another paw-creature. She could see a strange building...it was green. It looked like it was covered in plants. It had a little bridge that led over a small stream. She stayed away.

She could see there were more buildings in the distance. And big mountains. The buildings were all strange. They weren't at all like the buildings of her own world. The buildings of her home world were built by the Great Two-Leggers. The Two-Leggers were strong...they were massive creatures with powerful magic. They were smarter than she. Stronger. Like the metal creature. She could see more hoof-creatures walking around the buildings. They were much smaller than the blue and metal hoof-creatures from the Stone Hall. They were all the same size as the red, quiet creature, but they were all of different colors...they all had different voices. These were the ones by whom she couldn't be seen. She would have to be careful. Quiet. She would complete her tasks...

...then she would return to the Stone Hall and go back home through the Blue Circle.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"CeeCee...I've still yet to understand why you freed that abominable creature. He's been nothing but a nuisance!" Luna's discontented voice echoed throughout Celestia's private chambers. The two princesses were waiting for the mad draconequus to report in from his reconnaissance assignment.

"Luna...Luna...calm down. I've already told you why." Luna always had only a tentative grasp of understanding long-term goals. This had always seemed strange to Celestia, considering the two of them had lived for hundreds of years. You'd think she'd catch on by now...

"But...but...he's just going to ruin our game! We've only but an hour with each other! Why must we waste it on that hideous...goat...dragon...pony...uhh...thing?!" Like a child. Still a foal.

"I'm sorry about our game, Luna, but this is important. We need to know the goings-on beyond our borders. And inside our borders. Discord is perfectly suited to the task."

"So what if he is? Why can we not use the Interior Ministry? Do they not have spies, as well?" She didn't get it.

"They do, but they're all fully committed to finding Chrysalis and keeping an eye on the Badlands bandits. Besides...they can't turn into a teacup and sit on the Gryphonic Grand Marshall's desk. He CAN. I'm surprised you can't how see how useful he is, Luna."

"But he's not to be trusted, sister! Must I remind you of the Age of Chaos?! He has no allegiance to us! What's to keep him from running amok?" (You've got no foresight, Luna...)

"Luna...sweetie...think for a moment...Discord has no reason to betray us. He's miserable when he's alone. We're some of the very few who can even tolerate him. Do you remember about his attachment to Twilight and her little friends? As long as we humor the lunatic, he'll play along. Besides...the idiot is completely smitten with the two of us...hehehe... And we don't even need the Elements of Harmony to put him back in his prison, should he choose to misbehave. Since you're back to your full strength now, we can just combine our magic and banish him to the Astral Plane...oh..." She had made a grave misstep. Luna looked forlorn. Celestia felt terrible.

"I...see...so...we'll just toss him aside...like me..."

"Oh...no, no! Luna, no...sweetie...I didn't mean that! I'm sorry. We'd only use it as a last resort. And I'd never have used the spell on you, if I could've found some way to help you. If Twilight hadn't found out that the Elements could help you, we may have never been able to free you...you know that I'd never just toss you aside." Luna was so...meek. Vulnerable. Celestia always had to stand up for her.

"I know, CeeCee...I didn't mean to shame you. You made the right choice. If you hadn't done as you did, you would have had to have slain me...thank you..." Celestia pulled her in for a hug. Her little sister was so powerful...but she was a child inside. Fragile. She had to protect her.

"Always remember that I love you...always...I'd never let anything happen to you, if I could help it..."

"I know, CeeCee. But...I have a question..." Celestia let go of her little sister.

"Yes?"

"Discord can take the countenance of anyone or thing, yes?" Celestia nodded.

"Yes...he's got limits, but he can turn into those curtains hanging over the window, if he really wanted to...well...wanted to be curtains. I wouldn't want to be curtains, if I were him. Especially not those damned curtains..." Celestia truly despised them. The curtains' malignant presence in her bedroom was one of the few petty topics she actually liked talking about.

"Uhh...CeeCee..."

"They're hideous...we really should get some new ones, but we don't have nearly enough money budgeted to waste on frivolities like replacing some drab, purple curtains..."

"I wanted to know..."

"I blame the Senate on that one...as usual. Always wasting money on errant, petty schemes. Imbeciles."

"CeeCee..."

"But maybe we could swap these bedroom curtains for the ones in the main conference room. They're a lovely shade of indigo. Oh! I know! We could put them in your bedroom, Luna! They'd complement your eyes and mane perfectly!" Celestia loved interior decorating. It was one of her guiltier pleasures...well, that and binging on sweets.

"I suppose they would, sister, but you didn't give me a chance to..."

"And those old fogies wouldn't notice the swap! Even if they did, what should we care, right? Let them deal with these shitty, purple horrors for a change! Ha! It'd serve them right! Ugh...whose idea was it to put these damn things in here in the first place?" (Was it the chancellor?...no...no, not him. He's got more important things to worry about.)

"CEECEE!!" Celestia was startled from her meaningless tangent.

"Ow! Luna! Keep your voice down! My ears...now why'd you go and do that?!"

"I'm sorry, sister, but I was trying to ask a rather important question. And then you started talking about the curtains." Celestia raised an eyebrow...usually...Luna didn't ask important questions. She usually asked trivial questions like "What time is lunch?" and "Who would win in a fight: Batmare or Spidermare?" (Pfft...that's easy...Batmare hooves down.)

"Ugh...I think I have a headache now...but what did you want to ask me?"

"Well...I was thinking...if Discord can change into anything or one..." What was Luna driving at?

"Yes?..."

"...then how do we know he hasn't been listening to us this entire time?" A cold chill ran down Celestia's spine. She hadn't thought of that. The sound of a male voice answered her sister's question.

"Oh, allow me to answer that for you, my dear princess! Quite frankly...you can't!" Discord materialized next to the two princesses...he had been disguised as one of the hideous, purple curtains the entire time!! (The damned irony!...or it it coincidental?)

"D-Discord!! I've told you not to do that anymore!!! Have some respect for the privacy of others!!" It figured that he'd disguised himself as the most obnoxious thing in the room. Celestia had had an encounter with the mad creature over a month ago...he'd teleported into her bathroom to deliver his last report....while she had been using said bathroom...(perverted creature...ugh...)

"Oh, but the hypocrisy of it all, my dear Celestia! You'll have me violate the privacy of others for political gain, but I'm not to violate yours? Fair enough. You make the rules. You're the boss. The pubar. Head honcho. Queen bee. Sultaness. Raj. Jarl. King and queen of all the land. You call the shots. I'm not judging you...much...hehehehe..." Discord could be fairly trying at times.

"Ughhhh....goddammit, Discord...."

"I told you, sister! This mad beast will be the end of us!" Luna was being a bit overly dramatic.

"Ladies...ladies...please. I meant no harm! Honest! It was...just...so damn...funny...hehehehe...." The hodgepodge creature began cackling.

"Laugh it up while you can, Discord. We've established boundaries, you and I. How long have you been eavesdropping anyway?"

"Long enough to know you're not overly fond of your bedroom's aesthetic. Oh, come now, Celestia. Don't give me that face! How about a smile?" Luna stepped forward, her horn bathed in an indigo light.

"Oh, I shall give you something to smile about!" Celestia stopped her.

"No, Luna. Calm down. As for you, Discord, no more of this foolishness...or else."

"Or else you'll banish me to the Astral Plane? Or have your adorable, little protege turn me back into a stone work of art? Oh, come now! Don't scowl, Celestia. It's not as though I didn't know all this beforehand. I've been around the block all lot longer than either of you, my dears." Luna shot him an angry scowl.

"Fine. But no more of this. You're fifteen minutes late to report in, as well. Keep it up, big guy." The draconequus cackled again.

"Hehehe....oh...yes...I apologize for being late. I was just scouting the secret meeting rooms of some of the world's most powerful leaders. Of several different nations. But, of course, I shouldn't be late! Goodness me! I'm such a terrible person for performing a nearly impossible task for an ungrateful party and arriving a teensy bit late! Clap me in irons! Go ahead. Toss me in the dungeons. I deserve no less."

"That sounds like a wise idea, creature...don't tempt us...", hissed Luna.

"Oh? You're tempted? Maybe you can administer the punishment yourselves, eh? Riding crops and whips? Latex? Spank me? Tickle me with feathers? Whaddya' say, ladies?" Luna's face belied her befuddlement. She didn't catch the rather blatant innuendo.

"Ugh...you ain't all there, are you, buddy?" Celestia shook her head. Luna was still sulking in anger.

"Perhaps, my dear Celestia. But let's all be frank about why you REALLY keep me around..."

"Oh, this should be good..." She sighed. She'd have to humor him, if she wanted him to cooperate. It wasn't a fact of which she was especially proud.

"Let's face it: The two of you are smitten with me." Celestia roared with laughter. Luna was still sulking.

"Hahahah....oh....that's a good one!!..."

"Hmm? You deny it? Oh, but I know better. I'm the light of both your lives. You couldn't bear to live without me. The two of you can hardly keep your pretty, little hooves off me. Can't blame you. I'm rather stunning to look at, aren't I? I should model, really." The mad draconequus teleported on top a nearby coffee table, assuming a Playmare pin-up pose. Celestia could barely breathe, she was giggling so hard. She couldn't help it....sometimes...Discord could be hilarious. It was undignified for one of the rulers of the world's most powerful nation to break into a fit of guffaws like a hyena, but it was still a nice break from her somber duties.

"Hehehehehe....you're...you're out of your mind..." Luna only continued her sulking.

"Oh, but aren't we all, my dear? Don't answer that..."

"Hehehe.....oh....what in the world?....hehehee..."

"I do not see what is the source of all this mirth, sister." Celestia broke into another fit of giggles. Luna was such a dork...but she was adorable. Suddenly, Discord teleported to where Luna was standing, scooping her up and tucking her under one of his arms. She made a little yelp, as the mad draconequus carried her towards the balcony and pointed out at the surrounding mountains near Canterlot Castle. Celestia wasn't worried. Discord wouldn't hurt either of them in a million years.

"Cheer up, my dear! Look at the beauty that surrounds you! An entire land...unspoiled...just waiting for somepony to come shake things up a bit!" Luna wiggled in a vain effort to get free. She hated looking undignified. Celestia had long since stopped caring about such pretenses.

"Put me down, you abominable oaf! I am a Royal Princess! Not a sack of potatoes!" Celestia couldn't stop giggling.

"Oh, but you've yet to see the beauty in a little bit of Chaos now and then. Just a little bit. Not too much. I don't want to engulf the land anymore. That's far too heavy-handed. A little bit of subtlety goes a long way."

"I don't care for your insane proclivities, creature." Luna had ceased struggling against the unimaginable strength of Discord's grip. The lion's paw held her with an immeasurable power...which was no surprise. He was a demigod after all...Celestia would humor him. Then he'd settle down and give his report. You couldn't tame him...you just had to wait for him to get bored.

"Why...just the other day, I visited an indie rock club in Fillydelphia. Some awful, smarmy hipster band was playing...uggh...everypony thinks if they sing in a low, whisper with reverb, they're suddenly "artists." Of course, you can probably guess what I did next." Celestia knew she couldn't possibly guess what he'd done next. That was somewhat the point with Discord. Thus, "Discord."

"Ughhh...what did you do, dragon/goat beast?"

"Why...I changed all their instruments into salmon, as you could've likely guessed. You can imagine their shock when they found that their salmon played like normal instruments. In fact, I think their sound improved a bit. I hadn't known the band coincidentally called itself "The Fishmongers Who Once Loved." Ugh....pretentious, little... If you ask me, I think I've done Equestria a service." Celestia was rolling. There were tears in her eyes. Discord's latest pranks were harmless, thankfully. (And more than a little funny...hehehe...)

"What a delight. Such mirth. You're truly a shining beacon to which we should all aspire, draconequus. Now could you put me down?" Luna's flat, sarcastic tone struck Celestia's funny bone yet again. She actually didn't mind Discord's company now and then.

"But, of course, my dear. Honestly, though...you should learn to lighten up. Life is too short to be so sullen....granted not OUR lives, seeing as I'm over 10,000 years old. You're how old now? Less than 800? Oh, but I've overstepped again, haven't I? It's impolite to guess a lady's age. I apologize." Discord set Luna down on the floor. She stomped back into Celestia's bedroom with an indignant huff.

"I am only 798 years old, you callous, mad brute!" Discord teleported in front of Luna and began tickling the bottom of her chin. She had on her signature "pouty face." (Uhhgh...here we go...)

"Oh, don't be like that, my dear Luna! Let me make it up to you! I shall perform for you the dance of my people!!" Discord procured a top hat and cane out of thin air and began performing a Manebourne Shuffle-type dance to some electro-swing music...that was seemingly playing from nowhere. Celestia knew there was no point in questioning any of this...it was Discord after all. She just broke into another uncontrollable fit of giggles.

"What are you doing now, you insane beast?"

"I learned this move while visiting my niggas in Detrot! Whaddya' think?" Discord dropped to floor and began performing The Worm and various other complicated breakdancing-style moves. Celestia had to admit...he was a surprisingly talented dancer. Of course, Luna was nowhere near as amused...especially not after Discord decided to include her in his mad jigging.

"W-what are y-...let me go, you fool!!" Discord took her by the hooves, twirling her around madly in a frantically-paced ballroom dance.

"Ah, but you're so light on your hooves, my dear!" Celestia wanted to stop him...but...it was...just so funny...(Oh, God...I...I can't breathe!!...hehehe)

"Sister! Stop this madness! Surely no ill-begotten intelligence is worth all this indignity!!" (Well...fun's over.) Celestia composed herself. Luckily, she knew exactly how to stop Discord...it had nothing to do with banishment or the Elements of Harmony.

"Discord! Stop misbehaving, or we'll no longer be friends!!" Discord stopped immediately. He let go of Luna, and the manic electro-swing music dissipated.

"Awwww....you're no fun, Celestia....hmmph!! Fine. I'll stop." Discord began pouting and giving her his "puppy dog eyes." He removed his can and top hat...of course, he ate the cane whole. And the top hat sprouted rocket boosters and flew out the open balcony window. (Don't question it...it's Discord...don't question it...)

"Sister, this creature is a menace! I refuse to allow him to run about unchecked!" Did Luna have no sense of humor at all?

"We need his report, Luna."

"But he's allowed to do whatever he wants! Often to my own detriment!"

"Oh! Now don't fight on my account, my dear princesses."

"We're not fighting over you, draconequus! We're fighting because my sister refuses to see reason! This mad beast is a danger to Equestria!"

"You're just angry he made you look "undignified" or whatever that means." Discord perked up at the advent of their quarrel. He materialized a movie theater seat and a full bucket of popcorn and sat down to watch them bicker. Celestia couldn't help it...sometimes the two sisters argued. Royal Princesses or not, they were still equines and still siblings. They could be petty like any other pony.

"So you're belittling my indignation?! Of course! Like always! Must you always treat me like a child?"

"She's got a point, Celestia. Rebuttal?", asked Discord, who was clearly fanning the flames while munching on his popcorn.

"I only treat you like a child, because you always act like a child! You're always overreacting like this! Why do you have to be so dramatic about every little thing?!"

"Well said, Celestia. Luna...your counterpoint?"

"Overreacting?! You always do this! Always! Belittling my opinion! I am co-ruler of Equestria! I do not deserve to suffer such indignities!"

"Oh, please! What a load, Luna! If you were so worried about looking "undignified", then you wouldn't be divebombing into pig pen's late at night!"

"Hmm...seems a bit hypocritical, doesn't it, Celestia, my dear? Your argument, Luna?"

"'Tis not the same thing! I was trapped in that horrid prison for two hundred years!"

"Oh, don't you guilt me that shit right now! We've just gotten past that!"

"Well, we haven't, so it would seem!! Especially when you show no sensitivity to my imprisonment!" Luna stepped forward, getting right in her sister's face.

"Ooh!! Catfight...catfight...gotta' get a picture of this!" Discord materialized a camera and began holding it at the ready.

"Did you just forget the past ten minutes?! Do you have no attention span or memory at all?!" Luna turned to address Discord.

"Do you see, draconequus? Do you see how she patronizes me? How she treats me like a foal?!"

"What the hell?! Why do you care what he thinks?! You were just angry at him not five minutes ago! You hate him, for God's sake!"

"So?! At least he doesn't try to behave as my nursemaid! 'Tis humiliating!"

"Stop saying "'tis!" And "thee", "thou", and all that other outdated shit!!"

"I will say what I please, sister!! Y-you're not the boss of me!! You...you...stupid-head!!"

"Ladies...ladies, please! There's no need to fight over me! The two of you can share me!"

"WE'RE NOT FIGHTING OVER YOU!!!", screamed the Royal Princesses in unison.

"Ooh...yikes. You two have some severe anger issues..."

"Wait a second, Luna....why the hell are we fighting?"

"I...I don't know, CeeCee...was it..." The two sisters turned towards where the mad draconequus was sitting. Discord had managed to sew the seeds of discord without even trying....a fact that was rather embarrassing to Celestia.

"What? Don't blame me! I didn't do anything! You can't hold me liable for your unresolved sibling issues with one another. My hands..errr...claws...paws are clean. Look!" Discord held out his Griffon's claw and lion's paw for them to see.

"I'm sorry, Luna. I don't what came over me." She pulled her sister in for a hug. Discord perked up with a low-key "oooohh!."

"That's right...give her a hug...hehehe..."

"As am I, CeeCee. I was being childish."

"...that's the spirit...stroke her mane a bit..."

"I don't think you're a child, Luna. I just...I just know you're a bit sensitive is all. I only want to protect you. I can't lose you again. Not like...not like I lost...HIM..."

"Yes...reminisce about your lost love...you're vulnerable...you need comfort...heheheh...." Discord procured his camera again, ready to snap a photo.

"Virgil? I remember you telling me about him. I'm sorry about what happened, CeeCee...and...thank you for trying to protect me..."

"Oh, that's perfect! Now kiss..." The two sister's broke apart from their embrace, and Celestia turned to look at Discord with disgust. Luna didn't quite understand the innuendo...again.

"Oh, come on! You were so close! I practically had the shot in focus!"

"You...perverted...uggh!! Would you give us your damn report and get out of here already?!!"

"Fine! Be like that! But you're missing out, I'm telling you! All mares should experiment a little now an-"

"Discord!! The report!! You've had your fun!!"

"Not yet I haven't...hehehe..."

"Enough already! Report!"

"Oh, very well. What would you like to know first?"

"I assigned you to scout out Marelin, Asgard, Gryphus, Foal Chi Minh City, Thatchholm, Pearis, and the Badlands. Not to mention keep an eye on the Senate. Start with whatever is the most significant." Discord was suddenly wearing a white, boating-style bucket hat with orange aviator sunglasses and a black, Foalwaiian shirt with gold flourishes. He was looking at a small, moleskin notepad and an old, yellowed map...while smoking a Mareboro with a tar filter. (Don't question it...don't question it...)

"Oh, as you command, my dearest, lovely Celestia! Well...let's see what I've got here...ah! Well, the Griffons haven't much going on at all as of late. Grand Marshall Plumefort is amping up industrialization in the Gryphonic territories...Prance included, seeing as we all know the prime minister in Pearis is just Plumefort's puppet. Also, he's amping up the security in Gryphus after your little black ops incursion with that defector and lovely, little skirmish over that border fort...and...what else...oh, yes! He's pumping more money into his defense budget and increasing production of firearms and munitions. But that's no surprise, really...that's all for the Griffons. I haven't learned anything new or specific about the Griffons that you didn't know already, Celestia, my dear." Celestia wasn't at all surprised. Luna merely kept silent and listened.

"Okay. What else?"

"Hmm...well...the Badlands bandits are riled up more than usual, I suppose....can't go there...that's bat country... (What?...fuck it...it's just Discord.) It's all likely just due to their increased consumption of mescaline and peyote, after you cut off their heathendust supply lines. Hmm...never needed hallucinogens myself. Then again...I've always been rather creative and random without ever using drugs..." Nothing out of the ordinary there either.

"Perfect. We'll deal with those dope fiends later. Anything else?"

"Hmmm....well, the Ib'Xian emperor...I thinks it's Tee...Tee Ian? Tee..tee-" Celestia clarified.

"Emperor Tí Lián?"

"Oh, yes! That's the fellow! Had a rather impressive fu manchu. Good thing I brought that recorder along to play for your translator. I'm fluent in Gryphonic, but I've only a tentative grasp of Ib'Xianese at best. Anyway...he's just gotten word back from the diplomat who visited your court recently. He's all ecstatic about the trade agreement between Equestria and the East. He was just gushing about it all...ugh...but that's about it. Nothing out of Neighpon either. Same thing, really." Celestia rolled her eyes.

"Good. Good. Well...what about the Germaneighan court?"

"Nothing especially scintillating, really. Old King Ehrehuf is getting rather old and frail, as you well know. He's passing his crown down to his adopted daughter, when he get's too demented and sick to rule. Beyond that, nothing of interest, really..." Discord exhaled a plume of tobacco smoke from his cigarette holder. Celestia had always found it impressive how the mad creature could materialize actual, physical things out of nothing. She could smell the smoke...it made her eyes water. It was no illusion. It was real. Discord was undeniably powerful.

"Huh. I know about Sonja Ehrehuf. Met her at an international summit two years ago. Smart girl. A bit meek, but I think she'll make a fine ruler. Anything else of note?"

"Nope. Nada. Prance is still pretending to be it's own sovereign state...as usual...and Gildedale is still the same uninteresting, little backwater republic it's always been. I've compiled these notes down for you to read later at your own leisure...they're all rather dull, though..." Discord found anything "normal" to be dull.

"What about the Senate? Anything on them?"

"Surprisingly, no. Well...they did have a back room meeting that I overheard..." Celestia perked up.

"And?"

"They mostly just made jokes about the two of you and overall just wasted the taxpayers' bits. They called you "a self-righteous, authoritarian cunt" and Luna "a complete pushover." Rather rude, don't you agree?" Of course...the Senate was always disrespecting the monarchy. Luna took offense.

"Oh, those wretched, old, sycophantic backstabbers!! They say one thing to your face, and say something entirely different behind closed doors!! Hmmph!!"

"Of course, they do, Luna. They're politicians. What of Consul Blackscribe?" Celestia held a special contempt for the lecherous, old Pegasus. Nadia Blackscribe presided over the Senate and was a renowned nymphomaniac and Celestia's primary political opponent.

"Well, asides from having had coitus with half the Castle Guard and being addicted to oxycodone/alcohol cocktails, nothing, really. Oh, and I gave her a mustache, as per your request. She'll have to shave it off for the rest of her life. I think it accentuates her face rather well...she always did have a rather stallion-esque jaw and profile..." Celestia chuckled.

"Hehehe...good work, Discord....she deserves nothing less..."

"Of course, my dear. I aim to please. Is that all you require of me? Besides using my body to sate your carnal, hormone-laden desires? That's it, isn't it? I can't blame you...I'm simply the epitome of masculine perfection. I submit myself to your lusty whims." Discord teleported onto Celestia's bed, adopting another suggestive pin-up pose. She couldn't help but giggle at the mad creature. Luna flattened her ears in annoyance.

"Hehehe...that's enough of that, Discord...hehehe...but I have another question."

"Yes, my dear?"

"In the magical kingdoms...you know...the ones with Unicorn magistrates and warding committees. Did you catch any wind of their warding runes failing or weakening somehow?" Discord looked puzzled.

"Hmm? No. I can't say I've heard anything about that. That would've been fairly big news, too, so I don't think I would've missed it." That was bad news for Celestia. It meant that the wards' disruption was exclusively Equestrian. Now Celestia was certain there was a plot against the nation.

"I see..."

"What does this mean, sister?"

"I'll tell you about it later, Luna. Thank you for all your help, Discord."

"It was my pleasure, dearest Celestia. Are you sure I can't tempt you two, lovely ladies with a quick romp? That is...if you can deal with a few teeth marks. I'm a powerful but careless lover, as you may soon find out..."

"Ugghhh...not in a million years, you demented beast!", cried Luna.

"Heheheh...oh, Discord...sweetie...you wouldn't know what to do with me, if you got me."

"I might surprise you, my dear. I have YEARS of experience, you know."

"...hmm...well...maybe if I was reeeaaallly drunk..." Unfortunately, Luna had heard her.

"CEECEE!!"

"What!? ....he's funny..."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mac awoke from his slumber with a start...he had heard a noise outside. It sounded like the animals in the barn were making a ruckus...they must be scared. Mac leaped to his hooves and put on his hat laying on the nightstand. He grabbed his throwing hatchet and long dagger that were concealed in his mattress. He opened his bedroom door and quietly crept down the hallway and stairs on his hind hooves, taking great care not to wake his family. He opened the screen door of the kitchen, taking in a lungful of the cool, night air. He exhaled a steamy breath...it was chilly. (Fuck it...my coat's thick enough fer it...) He expertly crept across the moonlit fields, his dagger and hatchet at the ready. The pig pen was quiet...but he could hear the milk cows in the barn mooing. That must be the source.

He silently strode towards the cherry red barn. The full moon was almost as bright as the sun...Mac was thankful...last year on April 30th, the moon had been waning...dark. He stacked up against the left side of the big barn door, ready to enter. He pressed his ear to it...he couldn't hear anything but distressed mooing. But the door was barred...if there was somepony inside...wouldn't he have had to unlock the door to have gotten in? (...unless he got in through the fuckin' window like a ninja or somethin'...) He quietly slid the barn door's stark white bar that was barring it out of it's grooves, unlocking it. He slammed the door open with his shoulder and entered, raising his hatchet to throw it at a potential foe...

...it was...empty. Except for the distressed cows, of course. The typically dark interior of the barn was fully illuminated by the candescent moonlight...Mac checked every nook and cranny of the barn, taking time to comfort the terrified bovines. There wasn't anypony inside. He was sure. He calmed the cows down and left the barn, closing the door and barring it again. (What the hell?) Had an animal...like a bear or wolf...or something been outside the barn? Had he scared the beast off? It couldn't have been a pony...but something on the outside of the barn door caught his eye...he took a closer look. It looked like...scratches...made by an animal's claws...but not like any normal animal's claws. He closely examined the deep furrows in the door...the criss-crossed patterns looked almost like a bear's claws had made them at first glance...but no. He could tell something was different...

...there were eleven claws on each of the creature's paws. (It's the Matriarch...the Mark of the Beast...) It was unmistakeable. Now he was sure she was prowling about Ponyville. He quickly examined the ground, looking for any tracks or sign of the great beast...nothing.

"Fuck."

Not surprising. Matriarchs were clever creatures. The only reason she had left the scratches on the door was because she'd been trying to get inside...to get the meat in the barn. The milk cows. He shuddered. He knew there was no point in trying to track the bitch down. She hadn't left a single indicator of her advent or departure beyond the scratches on the barn door. It was...infuriating. He wouldn't be able to tell from which direction she'd come without at least a paw print or broken branch at the very least...once again...he was back to square one. Mayor Mare's bounty had eluded him again. But at least he was sure the beast was here now...that he wasn't just imagining it all...like some sort of fantasy to aggrandize himself. (...to feel important again...no. She's really here.) He walked back towards the farmhouse.

He quietly opened the screen door and walked back up to his room. He put his dagger and hatchet back in their hiding places...his hooves were shaking. The adrenaline hadn't worn off yet. He wouldn't be able to get to sleep like this. He opened his closet's sliding door and reached his hoof into one of his heavy combat boots and pulled out a concealed bottle of high-proof bourbon and a small bottle of oxycodone. He opened both bottles, taking a heavy dose of painkillers and washing them down with the bourbon. He put the bottle of opiates back into his boot. He decided to go downstairs and sit in the kitchen for a while...it would take bit for the alcohol and painkillers to put him to sleep...he had a high tolerance.

Mac leaned back in one of the chairs by the kitchen table and checked the time on the clock hanging on the wall.

"0112 in the mornin'. Yippee fuckin' doo. It's finally May." He turned up the bottle of bourbon.

Was this all there was? Was this his life? He'd...done so much...(so much...so fucking much...) and this was all he had to show for it all? (She don't love me...) No pony really did. Completely, fully did. In a true, knowing capacity. Maybe ephemerally, but not fully. He loved his sisters...his grandmother...but they couldn't understand him. It wasn't some teenage colt's whiny sort of alienation...it was a complete and utter alienation. He was a foreigner in his own home. A stranger. He barely talked to anypony. His only true friend was Steelheart. And Rainbow Dash...did she...did she care for him? Like that? Or had she been using him this whole time? He didn't think she was like that...but it'd happened to him before. It wouldn't have been the first time a mare fluttered her eyes at him and made him her bitch...(but...she ain't like that...angel, no...)

But it was a valid concern. She had acted so strangely earlier today. She wouldn't tell him what was wrong...she didn't trust him. (fuck...fuck...just...fuckin' love me...why?!!!......why....what the fuck is wrong with me?) Maybe that was why. (EVERYTHING is wrong with you, Johnboy...) Maybe she could tell. He couldn't blame her. But...he couldn't stop. He was obsessed. She was so beautiful...so full of life. He had always been a philogynist. Weak. He loved them too much. Appreciated them. Their beauty. Soft coats...their long eyelashes...sweet voices...some of them were sweet. Some used him. Some were hateful. Fake. Like that lilac Pegasus in front of the cafe. He could tell. Immediately he could tell she was fake. Passive aggressive. Not like Rainbow. (She ain't like that...she ain't...baby, no...)

"No...she's not like that. She's an angel..." (An angel...love...beauty...an acid angel...corrosive. Kissin' my eyes...burnin' my face away...no...not her.)

He was hurting. No pony could help him. Comfort him. They would know, if he told them what was wrong. How fractured he was. How fucking wrong he'd become. What a fucking animal he'd become. A drug-addled, maddened beast that would put any Matriarch to shame. But Rainbow...she'd been so scared. She looked like she'd been crying when Mac got worried and went outside the cafe to check on her. She just told him she was fine. He knew better. She told him she wasn't hungry and had to go home. He'd been so worried for her...(Let me help you, baby...I'll do anythin'...I know I'm fucked up...but I love you...FUCK!!!!!)

He could help her. Take away some of her pain, whatever it was. In the process, she would help him. More than she could ever possibly know. He needed her...but...how much did she need him? Maybe not at all except for his money. Using him...(no...) Nothing could stop the worry. The anxiety. The painkillers and booze helped, but they only took the edge off. But she could cure him. She would take it all away. If only she'd let him love her...he'd never let her go. He'd never hurt her. He'd fight any beast...climb any mountain... He would crack open the heavens themselves to give her the stars. The moon. (The Void.) She would calm the beast inside him. (ThE...FuCkIng....RaGE...) But did he deserve her? Was he worth it? He snorted.

"Look at my sorry ass! Hehehe...feelin' fuckin' sorry fer myself. Get the fuck over it, John. Ya' gotta' family to feed."

He had obligations. He couldn't just whine about his condition. Fuck his condition. He had more important things to worry about. But a sudden knock upon the screen door jarred him from his introspection. He rose to his hooves and walked towards it, his legs a bit wobbly from the booze and painkillers...

...he wondered who could be at the door this late...

Author's Note

I imagined Discord's dancing to be a lot like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jc-MRIbtyP8

...but with a cane and top hat.

Chapter Eight: Don't Kill The Sun

"What if they don't let us stay, Rainbow?...not that it matters..." Ditzy Doo looked at the ground after asking the question. Rainbow understood...after what had happened to Milky Way...terrible. He had been an idiot, but he hadn't deserved that. No pony deserved that.

"Relax, Derpy...I got this. AJ and me go way back...and Me'n Red are tight now. It's gonna' be okay."

Rainbow looked over at her pitiful roommate. She still had her little Imperial Postal Service cap on...she'd just gotten off work when she'd seen the news. As though losing her boyfriend wasn't bad enough...Derpy had even gone through his stuff with his father. They'd found the engagement ring he'd bought for her. It had been worth almost as much as Milky's annual salary. Stupid kid...stupid...but...it was sweet. Rainbow was amazed Derpy could even keep it together like this. Normally, the girl was goofy...cheery...but after Milky had been mauled to death...Rainbow felt a wave of nausea just thinking about it all.

"Okay...is...Red the big guy you were talking about to Tank when you were drunk that one night?" Rainbow's face turned beet red.

"Uhh...n-no! Somepony else." The two mares stepped up to Sweet Apple Acre's farmhouse with several bags of luggage in tow.

"Oh....I can tell you're lying, though...don't get too attached to him...you might lose him..." Rainbow felt horrible. What were you supposed to say to something like that?

"It's gonna' be alright, Derpy."

"Sure." Rainbow reached over to her roomie and rested her hoof on her shoulder. Derpy didn't even react. That worried Rainbow.

"Thanks for watching Tank while I was gone. Fucking...Gary...that cocksucker! He didn't even give us an eviction notice!" Gary did indeed suck cock...and a lot of it. Not literally, though...figuratively. The old miser had been through several failed marriages...he'd even made a pass at Rainbow once! He'd offered amnesty on her rent, if she'd sleep with him. (Ewwww...nasty, old fucking...)

The older stallion had tossed the two mares out on their asses, stacking their belongings along the hallway of their apartment complex. After Rainbow had left the cafe...and the confrontation with Flitter, she'd gone to visit her mother and friends for a while to calm her down...she hadn't known about the eviction. She'd gotten back to the apartment at around midnight...Derpy had been sitting next to the door crying...she'd been holding Tank in her lap. Rainbow knew Flitter hadn't had anything to do with the eviction, despite what she'd threatened earlier. The sadistic cunt wouldn't lie about a threat...it would remove the satisfaction for her. No. This had been a mere coincidence. If only they had managed their fucking money better!!...why couldn't Rainbow be more mature?! Like her mom?! (No...not like Mom...) Rainbow knew that moving back in with her sad-sack of a mother would likely drive her to suicide. It was bad enough that it would only reek of failure on her part...nope. Living on the farm was her only option. Derpy sniffled. Rainbow reached over and patted her shoulder.

"Seriously, Ditzy...thanks for watching Tank and making sure no pony stole our stuff." Tank was sitting on Rainbow's back, occasionally shifting his weight to keep from falling off. Derpy was almost as fond of the little tortoise as Rainbow.

"You're welcome...so...uhh...you said they wouldn't mind us staying here? How long can we stay?"

Rainbow looked over at her wall-eyed friend...Rainbow could see the drying tears on the mailmare's face shimmering in the moonlight. She'd suffered enough lately. After the death of her soon-to-be fiance, she'd had nowhere else to go...Rainbow couldn't just leave her behind like that...and fucking Gary!! The perverted, old asshole deserved a fucking beat-down at the very least. (Maybe Mac can...no...I can't ask him to do that...) But the temptation was there...she might've even done it herself.

Rainbow and Derpy weren't exactly good friends, but they had a friendly relationship. Cloudia had told Rainbow before moving into the apartment to never room with a close friend. The potential for fighting over rent was too high...it could kill the friendship. Derpy had practically been the perfect roomie (except for that one night...*shudder*)...she was rarely home, and she never ate any of Rainbow's food in the fridge. She had always been sleeping over at Milky's apartment. The two of them were always at it like rabbits at his place...that had been after Rainbow told Derpy that she'd heard the two of them that one night they decided to go at it at in Derpy's room. (The friggin' walls were made of clouds! I heard....ugh...EVERYTHING! Gross, man...) And there was another reason it had bothered Rainbow....it made her a bit jealous. It had reminded her of her complete lack of a love life.

"Me'n AJ go way back, like I said. It'll be fine. We can just do some chores'n shit to pay 'em back. They got plenty of room here. AJ said she's got two empty rooms in the farmhouse...it's gonna' be alright. I promise." Rainbow rapped on the farmhouse screen door with her left hoof. She heard a shifting chair inside the kitchen...followed by the sound of a set of massive hooves shuffling towards the door. Mac was still up. (Thank God it's him...) The door opened...it was indeed her unrequited crush.

"Rainbow? What're ya' doin' up this late? What's goin' on?" John Apple's beloved visage was enough by itself to make Rainbow feel better. She could tell he'd been drinking a little...he still managed to be handsome, drunk or not. Gorgeous even. (...baby...I'm still not brave enough to tell you...)

"H-hey, Red...I...uhh..." He nodded. Had he figured it out already?

"S'alright. You can put yer stuff in one a' them guest bedrooms upstairs. Just be quiet. Ya' don't wanna' wake AJ or Granny up...let me deal with that in the mornin'." He was...he was...how could anypony be this sweet?! This understanding?! How in the fuck wasn't he married or at least dating already? What Flitter had said about him earlier...(NO!)...that wasn't possible...he couldn't possibly be.

"T-thanks, man...I'm sorry....'specially after bummin' off you..." He shook his head, cutting her off. He turned and saw Derpy standing on the porch, her eyes staring down at the ground. She was shy.

"You ain't bummin', sugarcube...Miss Ditzy...you need a place to stay, too?" Ditzy squeaked, trying to eek out a reply. She was too shy to talk to most ponies...Milky had been her key to the world. If Ditzy didn't have that lazy eye and was a lot smarter, she'd have a lot in common with Rainbow's mom.

"Y-yeah...she got tossed out, too. I'm really sorry 'bout this, Red. I didn't mean to spring this on you guys at the last minute. Are ya' sure it's cool with the two of us staying here?" He smiled at her...she adored his smile...the way it beamed at her. The way it made her feel...her heart would leap...when he smiled at her, Rainbow felt like she could do anything.

"I'll help y'all get yer stuff upstairs...I got a lamp ya' can use fer Tank." She tried her damnedest not to kiss him.

"Y-you're...you're the best, Red...I'm really sorry..." Mac reached out for some of her things to help her carry them upstairs.

"Nah. Lemme' get some a' them bags, girl...woah...dang...hehehe....hard time walkin'....hehehe...like tryin' to walk on fuckin' quicksand!!...."

"Woah, Red! Keep your voice down, dude." He chuckled...how drunk was he?

"Hehehe...oh, yeah...that's right. Miss Ditzy, I can take some of yer stuff, too..." Ditzy quietly complied, passing him one of her bags of luggage.

"Th-thank you, Mr. Apple...", she squeaked.

"No problem...now let's just see...if'n I can NOT break my fuckin' legs goin' up these here stairs...woah!!....hehehehe...." Rainbow was worried for him. He drank too much.

The three ponies somehow managed the trip upstairs without waking the sleeping occupants of the farmhouse. Mac showed them to their rooms. Ditzy went straight to bed...she was exhausted from crying. Mac dropped off her bags on top of her ready-made bed...it was a nice room. Did the Apples have guests regularly? She was...mortified...this was humiliating. Having to ask for help like this...after having taken his money earlier that day. What did he think of her? Was he only letting her stay, because he was completely obliterated right now? Would he be angry in the morning?...(oh, baby....I'm sorry...please don't hate me...) Mac turned towards her and smiled.

"Well....weeeeelllll....welly well....wellllllll...eeyup...fuck...done fergot what I was gonna' say." She giggled. She couldn't help it. He was funny.

"Hehehe...why are you up so late drinking, dude?"

"Oh...no reason, really. Don't need no reason, baby girl. You wanna' come downstairs an' join me?" She nodded.

Maybe he could cheer her up. The past week had been pretty depressing. They quietly went downstairs. Mac pulled out a chair for her at the kitchen table. He procured a shot glass out the kitchen cabinet and set it down in front of her. She saw the bottle of bourbon from which he'd been drinking. He hadn't been using a glass himself. Rainbow saw AJ's dog, Winona, meandering around the kitchen, poking her nose at her food bowl. Apparently, the hub-bub had awoken her from her blissful nap on her nearby tan pet bed.

"Oh...did you want me to drink with you?" She was nervous again...she couldn't handle liquor very well.

"Not if'n ya' don't want to or nothin'. This is some strong stuff, sugarcube. I just reckoned ya' might need a drink after gettin' evicted an' all. You been havin' a rough week, sweetheart."

"Oh, no...it's cool. I'll drink with ya', dude. But...uhh...you don't have any beer in the fridge do ya'? This stuff is a little..." She could smell the powerful fumes coming off the bottle. It made her nauseous.

"Nah, I'm sorry. We don't. This is it, I'm afraid. AJ an' Granny don't drink. An' I ain't drank just beer in years." This surprised her. Rainbow had thought AJ would be a bit of a drinker...maybe it was just a country stereotype...

"Hey, it's cool, dudebro. Pour me one. Thanks." He poured the acrid-smelling, amber fluid into the small shot glass...she could practically see the fumes coming off the stuff. Her stomach turned. How could anypony drink this shit?

"Yep. No problem, girly...nope....eenope...no problem...yes ma'am...an' here we are, huh? Standin' at the precipice. You see them bats, sweetheart?...hehehehe..." What...what the fuck was he talking about? How drunk was he?

"Uhhh...okay...whatever, man." She pulled the glass of pungent booze towards her...she looked down into the glass, watching the distortions of her own reflection in the amber liquid. How long...how long had Mac been down in the bottle? She felt a twinge of pity...how much was he hurting? Like her?

"I know ya' been havin' a rough day...I 'member you looked like ya' were gonna' cry outside the cafe...what happened, pumpkin?" Rainbow smiled. He'd just used her mother's pet name for her. For some reason...she didn't hate his using it. It was...cute.

"Aww...nah, dude. It was nothing. I uhh...I just heard my mom was sick from Flitter...so I like...uhh...had to go see her. That's all. She's fine now." It was a terrible lie. He saw through it...he raised one eyebrow. Even in his drunken state, he saw through it.

"Hmm...I ain't gonna' press the issue, sugarcube. Sure ya' can handle that stuff? I could probably use that shit to strip the veneer off this here table...hehehe...." The big stallion grabbed a filterless cigarette out of the red and white pack of Mareboro 100's sitting on the table. He lit it up with butane lighter lying nearby.

"Uhh...yeah! Totally, dude! I ain't a lightweight!" She didn't want to look like a wuss in front of him...look weak. She had to look tough...look cool. She decided to just go for it. If she didn't think about it and just drank it really fast, maybe she wouldn't taste it...(right?) She grabbed the shot glass in one hoof and tossed the shit back...

"Woah, Rainbow...ya' don't wanna' overdo it or nothin'..." She ignored him.

But...the powerful liquor's effects were felt immediately. Fire and damnation coursed through her very being. She felt like she was on fire! Burning brimstone coursed through her veins...the liquor hit her stomach like a glob of molten rock. How could anypony drink this shit!? The taste was utterly abominable....like turpentine with a gasoline chaser. Her eyes watered...she felt as though she was going to upchuck on the table...she couldn't...she had to keep it down. To impress him. She composed herself.

"N-nah, dude. It's cool. Gimme' another!" (Are you fucking retarded, Rainbow?!!) Mac shook his head and grinned...he poured her another. He turned the bottle up afterwards...she watched him chug the amber fire-water like well...like water. Was this guy bionic or something?!

"Go easy on that stuff, baby girl. It ain't nothin' to joke about. Anyway...sure you don't wanna' talk about anythin'?" She kind of did now...the liquor had lowered her inhibitions.

ALL of them. She wanted to talk about everything that was wrong in her life with him. And...he looked...so...(goddamn, baby...) Somehow...even though he was completely blitzed...he was still so sexy. That nonchalant grin on his face wreathed in tobacco smoke...his brown Stetson's brim pulled low over his eyes...mysterious. The muscles...the freckles...she could feel the warmth of the bourbon spreading throughout her body. Blood rushed to her face and ears...and to her nethers. She bit her lower lip, trying to hide her arousal. Her wings twitched involuntarily. (Oh, crap...not now!) Maybe another drink would calm her nerves...she tossed the caustic liquid back a second time. It wasn't so bad now...maybe it was because the first shot had numbed her tongue a little bit...her head was clouded with desire...need. She was...empowered. Maybe she could do it now. Tell him...

"H-hey, Red..." Her heart was pounding. Her forehead sweaty...she squeezed her rear legs together, trying to suppress her arousal.

"Yeah, Rainbow? You okay, pumpkin?"

"U-uhh...I got somethin' to tell you...'bout my...uhh..."

"Yeah? Take yer time..." He smiled at her. She suddenly hated his hat...the way it hid his eyes in shadow. She wanted to see the eyes. The beautiful eyes that haunted her dreams. Her heart was racing. She was afraid it was going to explode.

"Y-you....uhh...so...why don't you have a girlfriend?" The question had been too direct. She hadn't led up to it. The liquor had hammered her brain, preventing her from making the proper correlation. The question sounded almost...random.

"Hehehehe...well....that's a bit complicated, sugarcube..." Oh, no...he wasn't. She couldn't handle it. If he was..."batting for the other team" like Flitter had said...she wouldn't recover. She'd be crushed...her heart would turn to red dust, ground under the heel of a hobnailed boot.

"Um...so...whaddya' mean?...can...can I *hick*...get another shot, dudebro?" (Stop...stop talking...stop drinking, stupid!) (No...keep drinking...keep talking...kiss him...pull him towards you...take him....fuck him...make him yours...) The thoughts were errant. Dissonant. Desire and reason were clashing in her mind...a battlefield that was now drenched in blood.

"Alright...but I'm gonna' cut ya' off, if'n get too wasted, Rainbow. I ain't 'bout to letcha' get alcohol poisonin'." He poured her a third shot. She felt...good. Powerful. Still a little nervous...but strong. Lust coursed through her...her heart ached. She needed him. Wanted to tell him. To have him. To feel his tongue on hers...to feel him on the inside...make her whole again. Her wings twitched again, threatening to "pop feather" at any moment.

"Oh, whatever, man! *hick*....uhh...so why's it all so...uhh...fuckin' complicated? Pretty much every mare in town is after ya'..." Did she sound pathetic? Desperate? Well...she was. She was intoxicated by two things: love and booze. Which was stronger, she wondered?

"Well...some things just ain't simple...think 'bout graves fer a minute...graves are like windows...letcha' see what happened wrong in the past." What?

What did that mean? Philosophy all of a sudden? She remembered how smart AJ had said he was...a genius...was she worthy to even try? Fear and doubt plagued her. (Just...just kiss me...please...I'm too scared to try...please, baby...) Maybe one more shot would give her enough courage...she didn't care if she was homeless...wretched. It was a chance. They were drunk. One romp together...maybe that was all they needed to be together. Then he'd realize...then he'd take her for himself...she'd take him for herself. Maybe being worried about him seeing her as "slutty" had been a mistake...what if physical intimacy was just the thing he needed to develop feelings for her? It was a stupid idea...she knew it.

But...it was still an option. Maybe making love to her in the pale moonlight...maybe then he would see...see that they had the same soul. Love her. To stop the pain. The cold, lonely pit she had where her heart had sunk...(..baby...it hurts...take it away...make me feel okay...normal...good...) They could be one. Together. She'd never let him go. She'd worship him. He deserved it. She looked at him...the pale moonlight shined through the kitchen window, illuminating every glorious inch of his muscular form. He was...beautiful. Perfect. A god. She didn't care how ridiculous that sounded. She turned up the third shot...the burning liquid coursed through her, numbing her faculties and dulling her fears. Now or never.

"F-fuck that...that ain't like...what...what I asked...you're not like...gay or nothin' are ya'?" WHAT?! NO! Stop talking! She was ruining everything! He would hate her! (Stop!...please stop.) But the red stallion only chuckled.

"Hehehe...nah...ain't like that, Rainbow...I just ain't like most stallions is all, I guess. Or maybe I am? Maybe I'm just more honest 'bout it all. I done told ya' this before, though..." Had he? Oh...when they were talking about Lyle Sixstrings...even in her drunken state, she felt embarrassed.

"Oh...yeah. Sorry...but like...if you are...it's cool! *hick* I totes understand, bro. I ain't like most mares, so I'll understand...*hick*..." Shit! That came out wrong...why? Why couldn't she shut up!?

"Hmm...I'm aware of that, Rainbow...but...I made some bad calls back in the day...just don't wanna' repeat 'em is all. What about you, sugarcube?" Terror raced through her mind.

What should she say?! Should she tell him now? Was it the right time? Should she lie? Tell him that she had experience? That she wasn't an awkward virgin? (sort of...sort of...) Or did he like that sort of thing? Would he think she was a "good girl?" But...he liked tough ponies...where did any of this fit in with that classification? She felt nauseous.

"Uh..oh...I uh...I guess..." He nodded.

"S'alright. Weren't none of my business askin'. Just ignore my drunk ass." She wouldn't ignore his ass in a million years. Preferably, she'd like to have her rear hooves wrapped around his waist while feeling the contours of said ass...but that was...too soon...and unlikely. She really had some pent-up frustrations. (...maybe he can take me upstairs and help me "release" 'em...hehehe...man...I'm fuckin' lame...) She felt like a tool. She had to watch out...her wings were twitching...any moment..

"Nah, man. You're cool. I mean...we're good. Like...uhh...havin' a hard time thinking with words right now...." He chuckled.

"That stuff is powerful, Rainbow. I done warned ya'. Hehehehe...." At that moment, her wings popped out...they were painfully erect. Mac hopped back in his chair with surprise. Rainbow could've easily died right there...if a small, black hole leading to nowhere had opened up in the floor, she would've jumped in with only the quietest murmur of gratititude. She covered her eyes with her hooves. Mac was confused...maybe...maybe he didn't know what the wings' rigidity meant.

"Huh...that was...bit of a surprise. I don't quite 'member what them wings poppin' up like that means...read 'bout it in a physiology book on Pegasi once...what was it about?...man..." She breathed a sigh of relief...he didn't know...(thank God...)

"Uhh...just like...it happens sometimes...like when the doctor hits your knees with that little, rubber hammer during a physical, ya' know?..." Maybe she could play it down.

"Hmm...like an involuntary reaction? Muscle spasm or somethin'?" Sure. Whatever he wanted to believe was fine...as long as he didn't know the true causation, she was happy.

"Uhhh...yeah...something like that..."

"Funny you should mention that. I wonder why it's mostly female Pegasi that seem to do that, when I'm around..." She giggled...to be so smart, he sure was slow to catch on.

"Hehehe...yeah...gee...I wonder..." The heat from the liquor and pleasure from her erect wings were making her a bit goofy...she had to be more guarded, or she'd make him uncomfortable.

"Well...there was that one feller who worked at the Mayor's office as her secretary....same thing happened to him. So, I guess it ain't a gender selective sorta' thing." She broke into a fit of giggles...she knew exactly who Mac was talking about. The Mayor's former secretary was a somewhat renowned "queen" in Ponyville. He had moved to Manehattan, seeing as the pickings were slim in the small town. How could Mac be so naive? She couldn't help but giggle...she almost fell out of her chair.

"Hehehehehe!!...yeah, I guess it isn't....happens to the best of us....hehehehe.... So like...we're still gonna' keep training and stuff, right?"

"Yeah. Ain't nothin's changed. Just...maybe not tomorrow mornin'. Let's take a little break until we get our heads on straight, okay?" She giggled. She wasn't sure why. It wasn't particularly funny...maybe it was the remnants of her getting tickled by Mac's lack of "awareness." But at least they still had the same game plan. They were still together...partners.

"Cool, man. Cool...so...me'n Derpy can like...help you guys out with chores'n stuff. I feel bad mooching." He lit up another cigarette. He was on his third one. How could he run so fast as much as he smoked?

"Of course. If ya' want. Don't feel obligated or nothin'. Let me handle AJ an' Granny tomorrow, too. I'll make 'em listen to reason, if they ain't too keen on y'all stayin' here. Well...two of ya' stayin' here...AJ done said ya' could stay. Don't think she was countin' on Miss Ditzy, though." She smiled. He was the sweetest guy alive. There wasn't a kinder stallion in all Equestria. (...but...except maybe for Dad...maybe...)

"Thanks, bro. I really *hick* 'ppreciate it. I'll try not to be so...like annoying an' shit...can I get another one?" He hesitated...he was worried about her. But she needed it. She had to ask him. She was delaying it. She wouldn't have another chance like this.

"Alright...but this is yer last one, sugarcube. No more after this, alright?" She nodded...her mind was clouded by an inebriated stupor...the heat between her legs was building. (...tell him...tell him right now...I need this...) He poured her another shot.

"Thanks. You don't mind Tank staying?"

"Why would I mind a tortoise, if we got a damn dog shittin' all over the place?...heheheh...nah. He's fine." She tossed back her final, fourth shot of bourbon. Her body was quivering with heat now.

"Hehehehe....Well...the little guy can be a handful sometimes. You just don't know it yet."

"Can't be much more trouble than Winona." Winona had perked up at the sound of her name and hopped up into Mac's lap. He grunted with displeasure...

"You okay, big guy? Hehehehe..."

"Ow! Danggit, Winona! Watch the boys!" Apparently, Winona's sharp toenails had scratched Mac's more..."sensitive bits." She needed those. That fucking dog better watch it.

"Hehehe...I think she likes you, man." Little wonder. So did Rainbow.

"Aww...she's a good girl...just a little rambunctious is all...who's a good girl?" He petted the little border collie while she licked his face. Some rather errant thoughts about "licking" brought another wave of heat to Rainbow's cheeks and body...(man...I'm friggin' perverted...) She really would've liked to switch places with that fucking dog.

"Hehehehe....aww..." Mac set the little collie down on the floor of the kitchen and turned back towards Rainbow.

"So...Mac...you're like...really down to win this competition with me?" It was a lame question. It was just an opener...but Rainbow wasn't sure what it was opening. She was fairly drunk at this point.

"Eeyup. But I just wanna' say somethin' 'bout our trainin'..." She perked up with worry...what was he going to say?

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna' put everything I got into trainin' with ya'...I already told ya' that..."

"Yeah...so uhh...what were you gonna' say?"

"Well...lemme' finish...but I can't neglect takin' care of the farm an' my family fer all this..."

"Of course, dude! I don't wanna' cause any problems with you an' your family..."

"Don't worry. You ain't. But...my Pa had a sayin'...it's pretty much reserved just fer this kinda' situation...chasin' dreams when ya' got business to attend to..." What was he driving at? He wasn't...he wasn't trying to bail on her was he? She felt nauseous again.

"Okay...so?"

"Don't kill the sun to make the stars seem brighter." What?

"Uhh...care explaining all that?"

"We're chasin' this far-off goal...we might not even win anythin' at all. So, I gotta' make sure I don't lose what's right in front of my face. You neither, sugarcube." Oh. That made sense. She blushed. He was smart...she wished she was smart...did he like smart girls? (...like...Twilight?...fuck...)

"Oh...okay. I getcha', dude. Don't worry, though! I'll work my ass off on the farm. I'll help you guys as much as I can! Pinkie Pie promise!" Mac's eyes filled horror.

"Hell no! None of that Pinkie Pie shit! Hehehe...I know better'n to make THAT kinda' promise...it ain't worth it!" She giggled.

"Hehehe...I guess, man...alright...but...I got somethin' else to tell ya', Red...somethin' important..." This was it. Now. Now or never.

"Yeah? What, sugarcube?"

"Do...do you...uhh..." He stared at her...she couldn't see his eyes under the brim of his hat. She was grateful now...for the shadows that wreathed those burning, angelic eyes. They couldn't judge her...make her feel so vulnerable.

"Somethin' wrong?"

"N-no...I just...thanks for takin' me'n Derpy in like this, dude. It means a lot." (Coward!!...you...coward...weak..pathetic..)

"'Course, Rainbow. I'd never leave a friend out in the cold like that." He smiled at her. He was...so cute...the way he beamed at her...

She had chickened out. Again. She would never be happy. Never have him. Never feel his warmth. Her stomach flipped...the nausea had set back in. How could she have wasted such a golden opportunity?! But...maybe she deserved this. This loneliness...this isolation. Maybe she'd earned it. She didn't deserve him. He was a god after all. And she was just a measly peasant picking turnips. He was a king. A stately being...and she was a filthy peasant girl who groveled at the hooves of her master...the master who held her heart at a distance with a cruel, barbed chain. She deserved this pain. This fucking...ridicule. This weakness. She'd earned it through her years of "playing it safe." Through years of cowardice. Years of avoiding life itself. Flitter was right. She was pathetic. She had been nipping at his heels like a little lap dog with her tongue out for weeks now...trying to be his "bro." It was safe. Comfortable. He wouldn't reject her as a friend...but he'd reject her as a mare. It was her greatest fear. And she'd failed to conquer it. It was no wonder Flitter loved to torture her...no wonder. She was a wretched, little coward. It was the true reason she couldn't tell him...the fear of rejection. Not Mac...not John. She couldn't take it.

"Thanks, man...you're the best." He was. Better than she deserved. She was crazy. She loved him. She barely knew him. It was crazy. But she loved him.

"Nah...I ain't even in the runners-up fer that award, sugarcube. I reckon yer 'bout ready to hit the hay, huh?"

Then...a thought occurred to Rainbow...what if...what if that adage about "killing the sun" and "making the stars brighter" had been referred specifically to her somehow? She knew it was a stretch, but it made her wonder...was Red talking about...her? Was she what he'd meant was right in front of his face? Or was it the other way around? Another thought occurred to her...did any of that proverb apply to her own life? It made sense...she'd been chasing dreams her entire life with nothing to show for it. Her mother was dead inside...a shell of her former self. Rainbow had been trying to become a Wonderbolt for years...she showed promise, but she also knew that getting on the team was an "insider's affair." Nepotism...and the like. It wasn't based on sheer talent, otherwise she'd have been made fucking team captain by this point. Was Mac what had been in front of her this whole time? Or was he just another childish dream she'd concocted? A fantasy...and then the nausea took hold...

...Rainbow vomited all over the table.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bossman was grunting and sweating with exertion. Little wonder...he'd been jackhammering this bitch for over an hour now. He thrust his hips into her over and over...she squealed with ecstasy...he was a master at his craft. He'd had decades of experience. He pushed her head down onto the headboard with one hoof, leaning over her while slamming her womb from behind. He could feel her contractions...gripping his member...he knew what that meant. This would be her fifth orgasm. This would be his first. The vasoconstriction from all the meth made it hard to climax. But he was a practiced lover. (...I am the father...the mother...the killer of life...bleedin'....) The speed...he'd been on it for years. He knew his limits...he knew what to do. He was close. He looked down at his partner...she was skinny. Speed...heroin...every-fucking-thing... She'd been hooked on his junk (both kinds a' fuckin' junk!! HAahahAHAH!!) for over two years. Her pretty, soft yellow coat was dull...her lovely sky-blue mane was tangled. One side of her head had been shaved to form a punkish, tribal-style mohawk. He liked her. She was a good earner. And a great lay.

"...b-baby....oh....fuck....OH!! GOD!!!..."

"You rang?! Ahahaahahah!!! You on the pill, baby doll?! Hahahaha!!!" It wasn't as though he cared. He hadn't planned on pulling out anyway. (FuCk IT!!!)

She was close again...he lifted her completely off the filthy mattress and into his hooves. He turned her around to face him...she was looking at him with adoration...he stuck his tongue in her mouth, entangling hers in his own. She had feelings for him. It had been two years since he'd kidnapped Sunny Day while she was walking down one of the roads of his Badlands encampment. She had been a runaway from Appleloosa. Her wealthy Manehattan family had moved out to "The Sticks" to get away from all the noise and concrete. (Bad call, motherfuckers!! She's mine now!!) She had only been 17.

"B-baby...!!....don't stop...p-please!!!" She gripped him with a desperate longing. He couldn't feel what she wanted him to feel.

He'd met her out on the roads...she'd been alone. He'd forced her to fellate him at knifepoint. After "christening" her face, he'd dragged her back to his camp. He'd tossed her in one of the camp's huts. He'd raped her...over and over. After getting her hooked on his junk, he'd gotten complete control of her...her mind...her body...her heart...(no...not that...I ain't got no fuckin' heart no more...nothin'...) Sunny kissed him...she wanted him to love her. And ponies called him crazy!! He had no capacity for love anymore. All there was was the animal. The hate. The anger. The vacuum. (The shapeless...the deathless...remorseless...).

"...oh....p-please!!...I'm gonna'...b-boss! BABY!!!!" She came. Hard. He felt her essence trailing down his member. He kept thrusting. His turn.

"Pop goes the weasel!!! YEAH!!!" He bucked his hips into her one last time, filling her with his "love." Her tongue lolled out of her mouth...she moaned. Her eyes had rolled into the back of her head. Her hooves massaged his back lovingly. He pulled out of her, his seed dripping onto the already soiled mattress. He dropped the pretty thing on top it with no warning.

"Ow! Dammit, boss! At least gimme' some warning 'fore just dropping me! Ouch..." He began pulling up his cargo pants and buckling his belt with his hooves.

"Hehehe....spontaneity is the spice a' life, baby doll. Dontchu' go nowhere now...I'mma' go light up..." He walked into the nearby bathroom on his rear hooves. He'd been walking on two legs for years now. He rarely walked on four anymore.

"You gonna' fuel up for Round Two, Bossman?" Sunny posed suggestively for his benefit. She'd gotten a taste for their meth-fueled romps. (...addicted to cock...addicted to rock...) He grabbed a loaded pipe off the counter of the bathroom sink.

"Eenope. I gotta' take care a' some business first."

She pouted at him. He didn't give a fuck. If he told her to cut her own throat while he was fucking her ass, she would. He could cut a hole in her...fill it...cum in it...she had no will of her own anymore. He owned her. Her mind was his. (...ANiMaL....) He lit the pipe and took a heavy drag. The rush hit him immediately. It was an electric shock to his mind...a white dragon breathing fire...power straight in his fucking veins. His muscles hardened. He ground his teeth together. He'd been doing this for years. Nothing mattered anymore. Except for the moment. The party never stopped. But he didn't care. (...the vacuum, motherfucker...) He'd long since lost his equinity...he wasn't a pony anymore. He was an animal now. He'd been bowing down at the altar of a chemical god for years...Lord Meth...a dopefiend. He'd done it all. And would continue to do so. He looked into the mirror...he had no reflection...no true reflection. The ragged, bearded face meant nothing to him. He could see the Void. (...I already done jumped in...) He was invincible. Nothing could hurt him. (I got a nothing-face...a nothing-face...hehehehe....FuCK!!!!) Because he was nothing. How could you hurt nothing?

"I'll hop in the shower real quick then...after you're done in there."

"Fine. But I gotta' get in there, too, in a bit. Just don't use all the hot water, or I'll break yer fuckin' legs, Sunny." She giggled. Cute. She thought he was joking. He wasn't. Bossman reloaded the pipe with a few more grams of crystal. The potency always waned after the first few hits.

"Mind if I get a hit, boss?" He tossed her the pipe after a few more drags. She'd need it. He wasn't going to be gone for long. It was a good thing she was bandit, too. Normal mares couldn't handle his cock. He'd fuck them apart...make them bleed.

"Sure thing, baby doll. You don't go nowhere, ya' hear? Imma' be back fer that ass in a little while." He sat down on the dirty bed and began pulling on his fur-lined boots. Sunny finished her hit and set the pipe down on the nightstand. She cuddled up to him, his back still facing her. She rested her chin on his shoulder...for a moment...just a second...he felt. He felt...something. But no. Not truly. Nothing. (...dead...dead....Imma' dead boy...dead boy floatin', motherfucker...)

"Ya' know, boss....if ya' ever...ya' know...need to get your rocks off...you don't need to fuck the merchandise. Ya' always got me, man. I'm here...I'll take care of you..." He roared with laughter. He'd fuck whatever he wanted to fuck. He ignored her.

"When'd you get soft on me, bitch?" She kissed his neck and embraced him, her hooves wrapped around his waist. He could feel a sudden moistness on his back. She was weeping. Trying to hide it. Again...almost something...but no. There was no more blue. Only black. And..fucking...red.

"I-I ain't gotten soft, boss! Honest!" He shook her off him. He stood up and grabbed his tactical gear off a nearby chair, fastening the leather bindings and straps across his naked chest. He slipped several wickedly sharp knives and daggers into the scabbards. He cricked his neck, grinding his teeth together.

"I'll be back. Gotta' take care of some shit." He suddenly kicked the hut's door off it's hinges, revealing the pale moonlight that painted the Badlands camp. Fuck the door...he'd eat it if he goddamn wanted...he'd make one of his nearby soldiers fix the hinges later. He roared a whooping cry into the night sky...

"Helllooooooo, JUNKHEADS!!! Your king is here!!! BoW THE FuCk DOWN!!!!!! Every nearby bandit saluted him in the classic Equus Empire way he'd demanded earlier. There would consequences for any Junkhead who didn't salute him. Well...he'd been an officer in the army a long time ago...he deserved no less.

"What's up, Bossman?" A nearby black-coated Pegasus stallion with a red bandana saluted him with his hoof, slapping it across his chest and shooting it straight out in front of him. He returned the salute.

"Evenin', Sky. How's the missus doin'?!"

"Oh...she ain't too happy after you roasted her hubby like that. Can't blame her, man....hehehe..." Bossman chuckled.

"Oh, nooooooo....that's too bad....let's go cheer the bitch up a little, alrighty? LEAD ON!" He manically jumped into the air, pointing his hoof towards a pair of figures tied to stakes in the ground. One figure had been burned, the thick smoke had long since spewed it's final fumes into the blooded sky...the black anointing the virgin, blue expanse of the midday sky hours before. As the pair of bandits drew closer to the unburned figure, they could hear a soft weeping. He approached the weeping mare tied to the stake...

"Awwww...don't cry now, sugarcube! He's gone now. Ain't nothin' gonna' change that. Unless you got fuckin' super powers...hehehehe.....WHEW LORDY!!! THiS MoTherFUcker'S A DoNe ToM TUrKEY!!!" He began rampantly dancing a mad jig, imitating the gobbling call of a turkey. The weeping pink mare looked up at Bossman...her eyes were full of fear and hate.

"Y-you!!! Y-you're a fucking animal!!!" He roared with laughter, his veins pumping with meth-fueled adrenaline...his brain flooded with dopamine.

"Ahahahahah!!! Ya' got that right, baby doll!! But dontchu' worry none! I ain't gonna' roast ya' like this feller. Nah...yer gonna' turn a nice profit."

"...y-you're a monster....who could do this?...oh, God....baby...no..." Bossman leaned down towards her face...it was inches from hers...he whispered softly...

"Shhhh...s'alright, sugarcube. Now listen close...we're gonna' sell ya' to some nice ponies up north...but I'mma' hafta' try ya' out first myself..." Her eyes filled with horror. Sky laughed. Bossman turned towards him.

"Be sensitive, motherfucker!!" Sky laughed and saluted again.

"Roger that, boss."

"I can't...I can't...oh, God...you burned him...You burned him right in front of me!!! Y-you fucking freak!! You're sick....sick..."

"Oh, yeah...like you wouldn't believe, cunt. Now listen close again...I ain't gonna' hurtcha'...that is if ya' make me cum REAL hard!" Bossman grabbed his crotch with one hoof for emphasis. The terrified mare closed her eyes and began weeping hysterically. Sky pulled him away to talk to him privately.

"Yo, boss...I got all that datura root, flowers, an' mushrooms an' shit like you asked...we seriously down to do this?" Bossman knew that to which he referred. It was a plan he'd been concocting for months. It was rather ambitious for a bandit king.

"Oh? Well, golly gee, that's fuckin' lovely! Now we just need to wait for the greenlight from our rather esteemed benefactor."

"I gotta' say, boss...this is big! Think about it!"

"Motherfucker! I been thinkin' 'bout it 'fore you was even born! Leave the thinkin' to me! I'MMA FUCKIN' GENIUS AFTER ALL!!" The entirety of the Junkhead's bandit population recoiled in terror.

They were scared of him. Good. Fear was needed to rule. Fear was needed to maintain dominance. And Bossman had dominated all. Even the Buffalo. The local, indigenous people despised the Junkheads...feared them. They had tried to drive his soldiers off the land once. They had failed. Bossman had personally slain their great warchief, Thunderhooves, in one-on-one combat with a pole axe. He'd broken off his left horn and rammed it up his sphincter, and he'd mounted the great creature's corpse on a rock outside the encampment as a warning. He'd managed to terrify even the mighty Buffalo. He was a god. A drug-fueled demon of war. Nothing could stop him. Nothing could hurt him. Because he was nothing. How could you hurt nothing? (...nothing-face...nothing..... Yeah, motherfucker...I'M HIGH!!!)

"I gotcha', boss...it's just...seriously, man! This is a big opportunity! If we pull this off, we can take that entire town! We won't have to live in this fuckin' canyon anymore! We'll live like kings, man!" Bossman shook his head and put his hoof around his lieutenant's shoulder.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk...oh, Sky, my old friend...you ain't neglectin' yer more mundane duties what with yer head in them clouds, are ya'?"

"N-no way, boss. Just excited is all. It's great that we got runnin' water an' shit...but air conditioning would be nice..."

"Ah. I hear ya'. Eeyup. But don't worry 'bout any of that. Leave that to me. Ya' can't go off chasin' clouds an' ferget 'bout what needs doin'. Keep up with traffickin' them shipments. Keep busy. That's our life-blood right there."

"Roger that, boss..."

"Eeyup. Ya' can't neglect what's immediately important in favor of chasin' dreams, boy. 'Member what my ole' granpappy done told me?" Sky shook his head.

"N-no, boss...what?"

"Don't kill the sun to make the stars seem brighter."

The gangly, blue stallion bellowed a mad, whooping cry out into the night sky...the nearby bandits quivered in terror.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mac immediately regretted letting Rainbow drink so much. This had been his own fault...as usual. He knew she couldn't handle the shit. The signs were all over the place, but he'd wanted her to unwind a bit. The poor filly was stammering with embarrassment...telling him she was sorry.

"I-I'm so sorry, man! I-UGH!!" She upchucked a second time. He quickly jumped to get a kitchen towel.

"It's alright! I got it!" She was done now...she'd emptied the entire contents of her stomach. Mac felt like a complete asshole. He shouldn't have let her drink more than two shots. That bourbon was over fifty percent alcohol!

"I...I'm sorry, dude...hehehe...awww...man...I made a mess...big mess...oh...shit..." She slumped out of her chair and fell to the floor. He quickly ran to her side to make sure she was alright...she was fine. Just a little woozy. He needed to put her to bed. He lifted her up in his forehooves and rose to his rear hooves. She was so light...and her coat felt like silk.

"Hehehehee...I'm a Wonderbolt!! Whoooossh!!" He smiled. She was pretending to fly...like a little kid. It was cute.

"Eeyup. Yer flyin', sugarcube. Let's getchu' cleaned up and getcha' to bed, okay?" She nodded haphazardly. She smiled at him. She was completely annihilated.

He began quietly carrying her up the stairs...he was exceptionally grateful that the three female residents of the Apple family were very heavy sleepers. But not Mac. He'd learned to sleep through mortars, screaming, and musket fire...but the mere sound of a twig breaking outside would be enough to rouse him into full alert. He'd grab his long dagger...stand at the base of the stairs ready to cut down any intruder...any dark manifestation of his own paranoia. Teeth grinding. Hyperthermic. Insane, black things swirling in his skull...horrible, black possibilities of what was coming for him...or his family. Thankfully, the dope and booze could help control it. Usually. He carried the beautiful, little tomcolt into his bathroom, helping her wash her face and get ready for bed. It was awkward. He felt like her father, helping her like this. What did that say about him?

"Hehehehe....sorry 'bout all this, man...that was some strong stuff, dudebro...hehehe..." She was still giggly. He picked her back up into his hooves, carrying her towards the guest bedroom where she would be sleeping. Her wings popped out again, nearly cutting his forelegs. She giggled again.

"Oopsie...hehehe....sorry..."

"No problem, Rainbow...s'alright...let's just getchu' into bed..." She giggled again. Why? He knew she was drunk, but she was even more giggly than ponies normally were while blitzed.

"Alright...hehehe...'bout time! Sounds like a plan! Heheheheee....man...dude...you're like friggin' iron...wow..." (An' yer like silk, angel...blue silk...beautiful...) She was poking and prodding at his chest with her hooves. He was exceptionally grateful for the natural crimson hue of his coat.

"Here we are, Madame. This is yer stop. Keep all hooves an' wings inside the train 'til you exit, please." She giggled at the lame joke...she was adorable...angelic. His heart was pounding. Being this close to her...too close. He would only hurt her...hurt himself. The pair of them entered the cool darkness of the guest bedroom. The pale moonlight shone down on her bed. He laid her gently down on it, taking care not to knock over any of her luggage sitting on the floor.

"Thanks, man...thanks for the ride...oh...shit...my head..." He placed one hoof over her forehead. She was okay. She'd hawked up most of the liquor, so she probably wouldn't have much of a hangover in the morning.

"You done drank too much, sugarcube...you need to be more careful..."

"Yeah...like anypony really gives a shit..." That comment cut him. He fucking cared!! He cared...

"I do. I care, Rainbow."

"Hehehe...look who's talkin'...s-sorry...that was mean...hey...I want you to take your money back..." She was trying to lean over the side of the bed, reaching towards one of her saddlebags. He stopped her.

"No. You keep it." She drunkenly shook her head.

"No way, man...I still got about 95 bits left from what you gave me...I spent five on a sandwich...I'm moochin' enough as is stayin' here with you guys..."

"No, Rainbow. It was a gift. You give it back, you'll offend me. Keep it." She suddenly burst into tears.

"I-I...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...I'm sorry...don't hate me..." His heart melted.

He knew these were likely just "beer tears," but it made him wonder. Something had hurt her. Somepony. Rage consumed his mind...(I'm gonna' find you...cut you, motherfucker...YoU COcKSuckER!!!...) Who could hurt such a blessed, silken little angel? Who was so callous? He would find them. He would hurt them. (CuT YoU!!! CUnT...fuck you...) He wouldn't let anypony else hurt her. She had enough pain. Enough problems. It was why he couldn't be with her. That...that and he was afraid. Her rejection...it would crush his mind further down. (Down into the black...even more...)

"Nah...pumpkin. I don't hate ya'. I 'ppreciate what yer tryin' to do, but I want you keep it." She nodded. The tears streamed down her face, fully illuminated by the moonlight pouring in through the window...like streams of molten silver...she was somehow even more beautiful now. He felt as though his heart would explode.

"Y-you're...you're...awesome, man...I'm sorry about all this..." He smiled.

"S'alright. You get some sleep now, ya' hear?" But she hadn't heard him. She'd already fallen into a deep, thoughtless stupor, quietly snoring.

He smiled again...she snored like a guy. It was cute. It made sense, though, considering her tomcolt personality...her precious, silken little chest began rising and falling with each breath. He caressed her face with one hoof. (love...) He had to...he had no way to control himself. She was gorgeous...the moonlight lit up her sky blue coat like the stars themselves. Her angelic eyelashes twitched. Even her nose stud and lip ring couldn't offset how heavenly the little, winged mare looked in the cold light of the moon. He leaned down and gently kissed her cheek. She was like silk. (I...I love you...I'm so fucked, though...so FuCKINg WrONg!!!) He wanted her... in every way. But he couldn't have her. No. He was poison. Venomous. Like a disease. He laid his head down against her, his face touching hers. She was soft...softer than any fine silk...any substance...and she was warm. Like an ocean of downy feathers lit up by the blue moonlight.

"Goddammit, Rainbow...why?...what's wrong with me, baby?" He didn't really know. Not truly. He just held her sleeping form...

It felt wrong. Like he was violating her. He felt sick. (beast) But he couldn't pull away. (warm...lovely...) Just to feel her soft warmth...it was worth it. Mad thoughts flowed through his cracked skull...like empty holes...insects crawling in and out of them. They scared him...he'd thought about performing oral sex on her...(cunt)...making her feel him. (fuck) Love him...(pain) It was crazy. (insects...crawlin' 'cross the floor to eat me...) The other was worse. (love me...love...) He'd looked at her Cutie Mark..."cutie" was the only word for it...he'd always hated his own being referred to as such. (burn) Not masculine. (soft) He'd thought about getting her Cutie Mark tattooed on his neck...for her to see his mad devotion. (sick) His broken synagogue of love. (burn)

"I ain't right...I'm broken, baby..." He was. Frosted, black tendrils were creeping. They threatened to consume him.

Another thought...this one darker...(killin' me...bleedin' an ocean...) He'd carve her Cutie Mark onto his forehead with his dagger...anointing himself with her soul's purpose and will. (fire) The wound was gaping. (Sick...you're a freak...) He pulled himself away from her by sheer force of will. (Sittin' by the wolves...an' the stars...howlin'...a dog's threnody fer nothin'......I'mma' dig that fuckin' grave...) The grave for his dead self. His bleeding mind. The brain...heart...the colt who died years ago. (I can see my grave...it's like a window...Pa...Ma...what should I do? Oh, God help me...you got me on yer hooves, if I fall in this hole...) His mother and father were laughing at him...like only the dead would laugh. He needed to stop the thoughts. He would use the hammer. The chemical hammer. (CruSH!!) He left the guest bedroom. (Itchin'...it's scratchin', motherfucker...) He walked into his own room. (I'm breakin'...hurry, motherfucker...hurry...)

"I can stop it...I CaN FuCKin' KiLL YoU...I can stop this..." He had only one option. The hammer would stop it. He reached into his other combat boot...he procured another white bottle.

"This here's the fuckin' hammer..." (Crush. Break..fuck it..)

He opened the bottle and took out four white pills...they were the strongest benzodiazepines available...he took out another concealed bottle of liquor...high-proof vodka. Would this be too much? Would he survive? (FuCK IT!!! It's scratchin'...moon above my head's like a halo...) He took the pills in his mouth and took a swig of the potent, Stalliongrad swill...he swallowed. (...swallowin' poison...like it done swallowed me...) Would he wake up? A part of him didn't want to wake up. This might be it. (Baby...I'm sorry...AJ...Granny...Bloom...Ma...Pa...the grave's a window...don't look at me...) He was the freak. (ThE AniMAL...) Bleeding his mind out. How much blood did he have left?

This was his life now...drugs...isolation. Misery. (cut) Getting stabbed with early morning stimulants...late evening opiate enemas...bedtime barbituates...he could organize the thoughts now. They were different colors. Ever since he'd smashed the bear's head in...cracking it open...cracking open the sky like that...he could see the colors. They were everywhere. (...the black...sickness.) They were red, black, and blue...but sometimes. Sometimes...they bled together... (TheY CaN BLeeD LiKe I CaN...together...baby, no...) He was a high monster. A freak. She was the stars...the moonlight had lit up her soft, blue coat like a field of stars. He was killing his sun for her...something he knew he couldn't have. Or keep. He was just filling empty holes now...but the black was digging them faster than he could fill them.

No solace but the bottle...the pills. (Kill me...somepony stop it...oh, God, no......I'M A DoPeFIend!!!) But he suddenly felt it...(the hammer...it's crushed it all down...) A wave of warmth and peace spread through him. (her....like her peace...angel...) He slowly rose to close his door...he locked it. The hammer clouded his brain. It commanded him to sleep. He collapsed to the floor...the hammer had struck him again...hard. (...like a stone upon my skull...) It's commands were impossible to disobey. It ordered him to sleep again. He complied...

...he kneeled at the altar of his chemical lord and oblivion took him.

Author's Note

I apologize for this chapter.

I wasn't in a nice place when I wrote it.

I was here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JoJjcfsNNE

Like Mac.

Chapter Nine: Two Dead Flags

Mac opened his eyes to see it was morning...warm, morning sunshine was shining through his window. He had survived the hammer. But shouldn't he still be out? He was terribly groggy, he was sore and stiff from sleeping on the floor, and he had a splitting headache...but he was otherwise conscious and fine. He wasn't sure how this could be...he briefly recalled having thrown back those benzos and vodka...not to mention a heavy dose of oxies and about three fourths of a bottle of bourbon. He shouldn't have any thoughts whatsoever right now, let alone be awake and functioning. Magnificent. So he could survive overdosing on every psychoactive, fucking enema known to equinity, but he couldn't learn to function as a normal pony? At least he'd been here before...not that he'd enjoyed visiting this place before in any particular sense. But he knew what to expect.

He should still be completely oblivious to the world. Even his subconscious should be unconscious. But he was awake. He must've developed a crazy cross-tolerance to all those downers. He rolled over the wooden floorboards of his room to check the time on his alarm clock atop his nightstand. It was 0812...good thing it was Sunday, otherwise AJ would've kicked his door down by now. (She still might.) He rolled back down and reclined on the floor...he let his mind wander while the gilded rays of the mid-morning sunshine warmed his face....he was thinking about his past again... This was a memory...a daydream. It was like a movie on a projector screen, replaying some of the most significant moments of his life. He remembered this memory like it was yesterday...it was his first op as a special forces operator. It had been a defining moment for him. A catharsis even...well...maybe not that dramatic...

Cpl. John Macintosh Apple and 1st Lt. Grey Dawn were lying in a ditch on the wide expanse of the mortar-scarred field that lay before Ft. Redrock. The fort had been re-appropriated by the Griffons, it's battlements and walls re-purposed to defend them. The mortars fired nonstop, lighting up the early morning sky with intervals of white flashes...followed by candescent, red orange blooms when the ordinance reached the scorched earth. The two stallions had been lying in the ditch with the ghillie sheet over them for about two days now. It wasn't so bad...during training, Mac had gone on like this for over a week. This was a cakewalk. The on-and-off artillery salvos made it a bit hard to sleep back at the FOB, but he'd gotten used to it. It wasn't as though he needed the sleep now. All twelve stallions of Mac's unit had taken high dosages of Type 39A Combat Amphetamine, so they were all pretty tweaked out. They wouldn't need to sleep until the next day. Still...he REALLY needed to pee. He'd been holding it for almost a day.

They had been slowly inching toward the battlements to get within crossbow range for two nights, crawling closer in the prone position with tiny, incremental movements that were barely noticeable. They couldn't move at all during the light of day. The field they were in was well-zeroed by the Griffons...in fact...the ditch they were lying in now was actually a crater made by a mortar shell. At night, they would wait to move closer in between shots from the mortars, as the big guns lit up the entire field in front of the fort every time they fired. Not a good time to be noticed by the spotters on the battlements. It had been a painstaking, miserable process. But...they were almost in position. It was almost time to attack...

Ft. Redrock was a border fort positioned just north of the Drackenridge Mountains on the very edge of the contested border of the Gryphonic and Equestrian Empires in the untamed Northern Wilds. It was a rather small fort...seemingly insignificant. Beyond having been used as a gunpowder and munitions supply depot for passing special forces patrols and rangers, it had no real tactical worth...beyond a disproportionately large battery of undeployed Equestrian-made long-range cannons that were sitting unused in the fort's armory. Occasionally, rangers would pass through the place to resupply and to receive medical attention after weeks of scouting the Wilds...there was seemingly no reason to attack the fort. The Griffons had far superior cannons to the ones in the fort's armory.

But the Griffons had attacked it anyway...at least, one Lt. Colonel Talon de Guerre of the Gryphonic 33rd Artillery Battery based at the Gryphonic city of Pisa to the north had attacked it. Lt. Col. de Guerre had attacked and overwhelmed the fort's measly defending force of 300 noncombat soldiers with his own hardened force of 1,200 Griffons; a thousand infantrymen and two hundred artillerymen. From what little intel Mac's unit had acquired from flyovers by the Imperial Air Corps, there were about 120 surviving Equestrian soldiers being held captive in the brig...it wasn't comfortable accommodations. The tiny brig had only been built to house around twenty miscreants at a time. The heat had been broiling this summer, too. The possibility of heat stroke was high. Mac's unit had to move fast, if they were going to save the prisoners inside the fort.

The Lt. Col. seemingly had acted alone in seizing the fort, as the Grand Marshall had secretly sent a message to the Princesses. He told them that the artillery commander was acting of his own volition, and that he condemned the unlawful seizure of the fort. The message was most likely true, seeing as to how the Grand Marshall didn't want to risk another devastating war with the Equestrian Empire. It was likely that Monsieur de Guerre had acted without his government's support...he had been on the front lines years before during the Gryphonic Wars. He had possibly held a grudge. Unfortunately, there was no reliable way for the Gryphonic Imperium to order the Lt. Col. to stand down were he to have not acted of his own volition...all the radios left at Ft. Redrock were short-range.

They were outside the range of the nearest Gryphonic comm station. The Equestrian defenders had smashed all the long-range equipment before being captured to prevent the Griffons from using it against them...the irony. The Gryphonic Imperium had tried to send official, stamped orders telling the fort's new owners to stand down, but the besieged Griffons had only thought it was an Equestrian ploy using forged documents. The Imperial Air Corps had even tried air dropping documents containing parley terms into the fort's courtyard, but the fort's defenders were dubious and refused to accept anything short of a high-ranking officer's direct command. And of course...the Griffons had refused to send any military envoy in person to stop the siege...this entire ordeal would likely cause even more tension between the two, massive empires.

"Shhh....take it slow, big guy...easy...nice an' easy...almost there...", said Dawn in a barely audible whisper.

Mac was getting antsy. He really had to take a leak. Dehydrated as he was or not. But they were almost in position...almost. A few more meters, and they could start the operation. Suddenly, an Equestrian salvo detonated on the side of the fort, chipping a small chunk off the wall of the fort. It had been a pointless gesture. The Griffonic artillery team on the western battlement to where Mac and Dawn had been inching towards returned fire...it was surprising how well-trained they were. Their speed alone was impressive. They must drill constantly back in their homeland.

"Now that was goddang stupid...they're gonna' give us away...fuckin' idiots, man..."

"Yeah. They're too early. Dumbasses. I hope somepony loses his fucking stripes for that...hmm... It's almost time, Loco." It was. At sunrise, 0515 exactly, the four teams of Malleis Irae snipers would take out each of the four battlement artillery teams...all synced to the same time.

"Eeyup...roger...you reckon we're in range yet?" Dawn slowly took out a pair of binoculars from his ghillie pack, putting them to his eyes.

"Close. One more meter. Check the time."

"0510."

"Neato. Hopefully, the wind'll die down by then...I am NOT looking forward to how hot it's gonna' get today. Forecast on the radio back at the FOB said today was gonna' get all the way up in the upper nineties, dude." Mac quietly chuckled...who cared about something so trivial in the face of such blatant danger?

"Eh...you'll be fine, man. But I'm gonna' fuckin' roast...my coat's a lot thicker..." They were no longer worried about being heard....there was too much ambient noise coming from the fort. The distant rumbling of the Equestrian artillery batteries had stopped...they wouldn't start again until five minutes more. That was all Mac's unit needed for the first phase of the operation. It was almost time...five minutes. Five more minutes.

"Yeah. But you don't have this glorious, thick mustache keeping you warm." It was a casual conversation that would've never taken place in recon and regular units. They were informal. Like friends. Brothers.

"Hey, I got some pretty thick five o'clock shadow right now..."

"Awww...you're twying to gwow a weal stallion's beard...that's cute..."

"Fuck you, boss..hehehe..."

"No, my friend...fuck you...fuck you so good, girl...mmmm...damn...you about ready there, Red?" Mac chuckled and slowly nodded.

He checked his watch again....0513. Two minutes. If they fucked this up, the arty team on the western battlement would blow them to pieces. Mac had watched for two days as Equestrian Army regulars had been blown to hell by the big guns, trying to retake the fort. He and Grey had slowly crawled across the field...it had been littered with the burnt, shredded corpses of hundreds of Equestrian infantry. The skill of the Gryphonic gunners was incredible. Several responding field commanders had wanted to make a name for themselves by sending phalanx after phalanx to besiege the well-defended fort. Idiotic. It was an outdated medium of warfare. The Griffons' powerful mortars had completely driven the Equestrian infantry from the field...now...the Equestrians would have to rely on Mac's unit to end the stalemate. Firearms were at their advent...granted, most ponies couldn't use them due to their tiny, delicate trigger housings being inoperable by hooves. Thus, most Equestrian troops were restricted to using pony-made crossbows that held their hoof-accessible trigger housings inside the stock...of course, this gave the Griffons a considerable, technological advantage in penetrating most body armor.

But Mac wasn't too concerned. The Griffons' muskets were powerful, but they were highly inaccurate, noisy, and they left a thick field of obscuring smoke after each shot...leaving the musketeer wide open to Equestrian marksmen. Also, they took forever to load and prep for each, individual shot. The Equestrian Mk-12b, single-action combat crossbow was easy to load and fire. It didn't have the range or power of the Gryphonic muskets, but it was much more accurate and faster to fire. Mac could get off up to eight bolts a minute compared to a well-drilled musketeer's single shot per minute...even some Griffons preferred the sleek accuracy of the crossbow to their own firearms. Mac's elite unit had ordered it's structure around the crossbow and musket. This was a fairly advanced methodology of warfare. Even the Griffon's elite special forces weren't as well-trained as the Malleis Irae. Even if they didn't have the best gear, they could easily compensate with skill and prowess. Mac could shoot a gnat's dick off at 150 meters with his own crossbow...he wasn't the best shot in his unit, but even the worst shot in his unit was an superb marksman by default.

But the mortar had leveled the playing field once again. Somehow, the invading Griffons had managed to mount four, massive mortars atop the fort's battlements after taking said fort. The Equestrians had designed several different types and calibers of cannons themselves, but the Gryphonic Type 22 Siege Mortar had proven itself to be a devastating, anti-infantry innovation. It fired a unique cannon ball that was hollow and full of an explosive concoction of gunpowder and white phosphorous that literally burned through the outdated Equestrian formations. Also, the massive mortars could fire shrapnel and grapeshot shells into the air to take out Pegasi...the grapeshot shells were essentially canisters that held tightly-packed canvas bags of 38mm, metal ball bearings. This turned the mortar into an over-sized blunderbuss that could swat any airborne enemy out of the sky with little effort...accuracy wasn't needed.

The conical pattern of the ball bearings only needed to be fired into the general direction of any airborne foe. This coupled with the well-drilled Griffons manning the mortars had been devastating. The defending artillerymen atop the battlements of Ft. Redrock had been slaughtering both the regular ground troops and the Pegasi of the Imperial Air Corps for days. But it was especially terrible to watch them shoot down the Pegasi...Mac had watched helplessly for two days as they had shot the poor scouts out of the sky...one young colt had fallen and impaled himself on a gnarled tree branch...Mac had heard him screaming. The boy had been flying less than twenty feet from the ground...the impact hadn't killed him. His agonized shrieks would haunt Mac's dreams for the next four years...another reason he was antsy. He wanted retribution. Close combat was his specialty. Despite the sheer amount of firearms and missile weapons available, the core of modern warfare was still centered around the sword, spear, and shield...which was good for Mac's team. The Griffons had a significant disadvantage up close. Their hollow bones shattered like glass when struck...unfortunately, so did Pegasi bones...

"This is perfect, Loco. Let's set up right here." They were finally within range.

With slow, deliberate movements, Mac unslung his crossbow from his back and took the rain cover off the telescopic sight. He took out two different types of quarrels...both had a different colored stripe painted across their shafts...red and yellow. Mac loaded the yellow-banded bolt into the crossbow's firing tray...he slowly pushed the bolt down into the groove until he heard the familiar click. He pulled back the receiver's charging handle to prime the firing mechanism. He could feel the stored tension in the crossbow...the sheer force. He was ready to fire. But the conditions weren't ideal. Grey was his spotter...he would tell him when to fire...where to fire. Then...then he would know. Then he would turn those fucking Griffons into pink mush. He pushed the crossbow's stock firmly into his shoulder and slid his hoof into the trigger housing...he put his eye to the scope and began surveying the fort...he saw the command and control tower where the fort's commander was likely holed up. There was a flagpole on top of it that held a large flag...a field of blue with three, silver fleur-de-lis. The Gryphonic Imperial Standard was flowing in the breeze over the captured fort. The Griffons had taken down the Equestrian Standard after taking the fort...Mac and his team were going to do something about that. He diverted his survey towards the western battlement. His current target.

"Hmm...easy there, Loco. Wait for that crosswind to die down." The wind was too strong now...it would push the bolt's trajectory off course. As grateful as Mac had been for the breeze in the blazingly hot day before, now it was an impediment. He only had one shot after he fired the spotting bolt. One shot. If he fucked up, the mortar team have them zeroed and blown to pieces in less than thirty seconds. The Griffons were that good.

"I see 'em. Six arties. Loadin' them mortars like crazy. I got a bead on a bag of powder. That'll be enough to take out the whole team." Grey nodded and looked over to check Mac's watch.

"Thirty seconds. We'll wait until we got ten seconds left...then we'll shoot off the spotting bolt." Grey returned his focus to his pair of binos...the lenses had been smoked to prevent any reflecting glare from giving away their position. Mac could see the red plume of feathers on each artilleryman's helmet, signifying his rank as an NCO. Twenty more seconds...

"Distance: 150 meters. Wind is dying. Got a picture on the powder bag. Binos got the elevation at about six degrees. Whaddya' got for your sight picture, man?"

"'Bout the same on scope. Trajectory looks like it levels off at about six degrees at this range, boss...wind?" Mac adjusted his elevation. Ten more seconds...

"Negligible...crosswind's died down...two degrees to the left should do it at the most. You zeroed, Loco?" Mac adjusted his windage accordingly. Five seconds...

"Done. Ready, LT?"

"Ready...fire...fire...fire..." Mac tensed...he breathed in a massive breath...and slowly exhaled...this was it. Mac slowly pulled the trigger...the crossbow jolted with recoil as it's heavy quarrel departed...he watched through his scope as it detonated a fluorescent orange payload of paint against the very top portion of the battlement behind the burlap sack of gunpowder, marking it's position inches above the target. It was just shy of the target.

"Miss!! Reload!" Grey grabbed the red-banded bolt and slid it into Mac's left hoof. Mac quickly reloaded the crossbow and primed it. This was it. He knew exactly what corrections to make to hit the powder bag now.

"Loaded. Lowerin' elevation by two degrees...too high before...ready." Grey frantically repeated the spotting process. They didn't have much time. Mac could see through his scope that the Gryphonic mortar team's spotter was surveying the field with his own pair of binos...he had noticed the bright splotch of orange paint. The two stallions wouldn't get another shot after this one.

"Wind's still the same...fire...fire...fire..." Mac breathed in another heavy breath...he exhaled...and slowly pulled the trigger...the familiar shunk sound of the crossbow and following recoil signified the fragmentary bolt's departure...he watched the bolt fly...it hit dead center into the bag of gunpowder.

"Hit!! My nigga!! Damn good shot, Loco! Look at 'em go! Now we gotta' move, man!!" The two stallions quickly rose to their hooves and threw off their ghillie covers, sprinting towards the deep trenches surrounding the fort.

The frag bolt had detonated the bag of powder, completely annihilating the mortar team...a mist of blood showered the battlement and a rain of Griffon feathers slowly floated down the side of the fort...they had succeeded in taking out their assigned target. And so had the other three sniper teams, as the two stallions heard a series of similar explosions from each of the four corners of the fort. The fort's guns had fallen silent...temporarily. Now they needed to book it. The Equestrian batteries began opening fire now...as planned...this time, it was actually a planned action. The heavy salvos began battering the walls of the fort, suppressing the Gryphonic musketeers atop the battlements from shooting the approaching stallions.

But the musketeers were the least of their worries now...if the forward observer for the Equestrian batteries had used the wrong coordinates or a single shell veered off course, then this would be a short op. But they made it. They reached the deep, dark trench and jumped in. They were safe for now. It didn't seem as though the Griffons above had noticed their approach...they'd been too busy ducking in cover behind the parapets to avoid shrapnel. So far, the operation was going smoothly. Now they had to meet up with the rest of their team and the two Griffons working for the Interior Ministry at the rendezvous point. But Mac had more pressing business to which he needed to attend...

"Hold up, LT. Just a second..." Mac unbuttoned his heavy, canvas trousers and turned towards the slope of the trench.

"Tinkle time? Huh. Good idea, Loco. If I'm gonna' die, I ain't dyin' with piss stains on my pants, dude. Scoot over..." Grey stood next to Mac as they relieved themselves.

"Sweet Celestia, boss...been holdin' that all day...alright....h-hey, man! Don't piss on my boots!...man...yer an asshole. You ready?"

"Hehehe...yeah. Let's head to the rendezvous point." The quietly began striding through the dark, muddy trench.

Thankfully, they knew exactly where to go. All Equestrian forts, especially supply depots like Ft. Redrock, had the same, utilitarian layout. All they needed to do was follow the trench to the edge of the front gate. The Equestrian batteries had stopped firing...they'd done their job. There was no point in continuously bombarding the fort, as an errant shell could kill the prisoners in the brig. Mac and Grey passed the corpse of a Gryphonic infantryman...his throat had been cut. He hadn't been killed by the snipers.

"That wasn't our doing...must've been one our birds on the inside. Almost there, Loco. Hey...there they are...and there're our bird friends. For a second, I almost shot 'em." Grey slung his crossbow across his back...he'd had it at the ready moments before.

Mac could see the other ten stallions of his squad all hunkered up to the side of the trench, hidden by the dark shadow cast by the fort's drawbridge. He could see two massive, olive drab bags of gear...their gear. They would need it for the second part of the operation. Mac could also see the feathered forms of two Equestrian Griffons disguised in the rather frou-frou armor and garments of the Gryphonic Imperial Army. Two red plumes of feathers stuck up from their shiny, iron helmets...Mac had always found the Griffons' uniforms to be a bit ridiculous. Flourishes and fancy feathers...(Hehehe...makes 'em one hell of a target...) Mac quietly caught the attention of one of the masked stallions from his squad. It was Sergeant Forest...

"Yo! Forest! Me'n LT on the approach." Forest waved.

"You guys are late. Twenty seconds late...tsk, tsk, tsk. Sloppy." Mac could tell that Forest was grinning with relief even with much of his face covered entirely by the dark green shemagh. He was glad they'd made it. 1st Lt. Grey silenced him.

"Shut up, Forest. You have an absurdly small penis. Anyway, everypony good to go? No boo-boos? No ouchies? Everypony take a tinkle break?" All ten stallions nodded silently. They'd all made it. So far, the op was off to a perfect start. One of the disguised Griffons stepped forward to greet the lieutenant with a lit cigarette in his beak. He had a charcoal black coat and grey feathers.

"1st Lt. Dawn? I'm Agt. Boldfeather and this is Agt. Brilliant Sky. We've already rigged the front gate to blow...you just need to light the fuse. All your gear's been stashed right here. Shields and all. Those shields were pretty heavy, too." Boldfeather didn't have any semblance of a Gryphonic accent. He'd likely been born and raised in Equestria.

"Cool. You guys run into any trouble in there?", asked Grey.

"Not much. Agt. Sky did most of the talking, so we were good for the most part. One of battlement guards asked me for a light, though...didn't have much choice. He was on to me. Had to take him out." Boldfeather procured a bloodied combat knife...it's serrated edges were still covered in gristle from the slain Griffon's throat.

"Cool. Any new intel on the resistance inside? Any update?" Agt. Briller Ciel, a smaller Griffon with an off-white, cream-colored coat and feathers, stepped forward...rather than the simple, Equestrianized accent of his compatriot, he had a thick Gryphonic flourish to his pronunciation. He'd been naturalized recently.

"Bonjour, mes amis à sabots! I am Agt. Briller Ciel. Not much has changed, Lieutenant. They have enough gunpowder and ammunition in the fort to keep bombarding the field for weeks...the plan has not altered...you will have to capture or kill the commander. The sentries inside the fort have diverged their attention from the front gate...they do not think there will be another frontal attack. You should catch them completely by suprise, mon ami. But you should still expect some heavy resistance...putain merde, yeah?" Mac had to admit...that accent was a pleasure to the ears. No wonder mares loved the language so much. Having learned to fluently speak the fancy, silken language himself had perhaps fostered his liking to it. It was also funny how they pronounced their "th" words like "they"...(...they say "zey" 'stead a' "they"...hehehe...) But Grey had a few more questions.

"Got it. Thanks. But did you guys learn anything new about the commander or his orders?" Agt. Sky nodded.

"Oui, mon ami. I was able to overhear a few conversations between the commander and his communications officer. Lt. Col. de Guerre is frantic. He seems confused as why he's yet to receive reinforcements from Pisa. He believes his government condoned his attack...an unlikely possibility. He is convinced that he received the order to take the fort from his own chain of command. It is possible that one of his superiors did indeed give the order to attack, but the Grand Marshall would never order such a thing. It would be foolish. There would be no reason...no incentive. It is possible, though, that this has all been a big miscommunication...a terrible thing to think about, when you see how many have died around us, no? Also, be wary of the commander himself...he's dangerous. He's still very strong for his age, and he's a very good shot with a pistol. You will likely have to kill him, I'm afraid. He's not the sort of Griffon to willingly surrender, you see." Grey nodded. This was all rather confusing to Mac. Who gave the order to attack Ft. Redrock? What could the Griffons have possibly gained from all this pointless bloodshed?

"Roger that. Thanks for the assist, gents...you've been a lot of help. You guys can take off now. Adieu, mes amis à plumes.", responded Grey. The two Griffons began tearing off their Gryphonic Imperial patches that signified the rank and status of their disguises and took off their helmets and armor...Mac looked down at one of the patches...the fleur-de-lis on a coat of blue....Agent Ciel had stomped on his own patch. Apparently, he had a grudge against his native country for whatever reason.

"Adieu et bonne chance, Lieutenant.", replied Agt. Sky.

"Uhh...yeah, sure...thanks man...omelet du fromage, foie gras, c'est la vie...an' all that other shit. Good luck, guys." Mac chuckled. The young Interior Ministry agent didn't speak a lick of his fellow Griffon's language. And Mac spoke Gryphonique fluently...(oh, the irony.) The SF operators watched as the two Griffons quietly sneaked away. Now it was time to attack. Mac had been waiting for this.

"Let's get ready to blow the gate, boys. Grab your gear." The squad of stallions complied.

They all began gearing up, unzipping the heavy, canvas bags and arming themselves appropriately. Mac took a second to check his gear. The heavy, leather cuirass he wore had a thick chainmail weave in it with a leather tactical harness holding various daggers, crossbow bolts, and tools. Underneath his armor and gear, Mac was wearing a thick, olive drab canvas blouse to prevent chafing and cargo trousers...they were water-resistant and fire-retardant. Unfortunately, they tended to trap sweat...so did the cuirass. The cuirass was cutting edge tech. It was flexible and offered decent protection, but it was far too heavy for the average soldier. Luckily, the SF operators weren't average soldiers. They had about four times the strength and endurance of regular stallions, damn near making them superequine.

Mac rose to his rear hooves and tucked his cargo trousers back into his tall pair of combat boots and tightened the straps...they were lined with a thick felt that essentially functioned a sweat-absorbing sock....unlike his blouse and trousers. Most ponies had never even worn boots, seeing as they had hooves and didn't often walk on two legs. But Mac and his unit did...they were exceedingly dextrous with their forehooves and skilled in fighting on two legs. Supposedly, they'd gotten the idea from the Griffons...but the Old Horse tribes and Equus Empire had depictions of equines fighting on two hooves. Where had they learned it? Regardless, Mac knew that both swordplay and marksmanship were impossible on four hooves. How would you grip the pommel of your sword or properly load and aim your crossbow while standing on four hooves? Massive phalanxes consisting of hundreds of stallions moving forward with spears in rigid formations was okay for a four-legged posture, but ponies couldn't hold two-hoofed weapons and maintain a semblance of mobility that way.

Of course, a pony had better stability and traction on four hooves, but that's the purpose for which Mac's boots were intended. Traction and protection were essential for two-legged fighting, and the lug sole-patterned tread, steel shank, and steel toe of his boots filled both necessities. But...they had a down side...once again, they were too heavy for most soldiers to wear, thus the majority of Equestria's military went bare-hoofed. But...Mac's thoughts were trailing him off as usual...it was a good thing that powerful mix of amphetamine salts was helping him stay energized and focused on the task at hand. (Sort of...still fadin' off a bit...man, I'm high as fuck right now.) Mac still needed to grab some more gear for the op. He stomped his boots into the dirt to get out all the rocks that were caught in the cleats. The rocks could shift and tumble while he stepped forward and cause him to trip or lose his stability. Better safe than sorry. (Don't wanna' bust my fuckin' head open on my first op...that'd be a goddang embarrassin' way to go, man.)

He grabbed one of the preloaded grenade belts from one of the open canvas bags and buckled it around his waist. He checked the various grenades for defects...they were good. He grabbed one of the massive, steel shields out of the bag. It was an enormous, rectangular olive drab-painted shield that was damn near impervious to small arms fire. It weighed about 60 lbs. It would be an absolute necessity for this operation. Mac pulled his thick, chainmail-woven hood over his head and strapped the leather holster that kept the hood down tightly around his chin. The hood had a steel plate in it to help combat concussive force, but it was too damn hot to wear all the time...the heavy canvas and chainmail of the hood would've made him sweat bullets out on the sun-battered field the day before. Mac reach down and grabbed a long, steel pike out of the bag and leaned his shield up against the side of the trench.

He pulled his olive drab shemagh over his face, wrapping it tight to conceal his face, then he picked his shield back up. It was an enchanted piece of cloth...thick and completely waterproof. It had an enchanted crystalline weave that filtered out smoke, gas, and even water from the ambient oxygen gas...if you pulled it tight enough around your face and made a good seal, you could actually breath underwater with the damn thing. It would offer decent protection against the smoke and dust of the coming assault. Mac knew this gear was top of the line...(...not compared to the Griffons' gear, it ain't)...but it was heavy. All in all, he was carrying almost 120 lbs. of equipment...this was almost as much as most stallions weighed. But this measly weight was nothing to John Apple...he was a freak. A genetic anomaly. Good thing for him. The only normal ponies who could carry all this heavy shit were the musclebound recon Rangers and Malleis Irae operator stallions. That's why there were no mares or Pegasi in his unit. There was no way the average mare could carry all this gear. It weighed as much as most stallions. Muscle was an absolute necessity. More so even than speed or endurance. How would a 60-80 lbs mare carry her wounded comrade to safety or have the strength necessary to fight in close combat with a large opponent? It was just asinine.

It was the same reason Pegasus stallions couldn't join the special forces...while their hollow bones and slender builds were perfect for flying and speed, their fragile physiologies made them too prone to injury and deficient in strength to carry all the necessary gear. The same went for mares. It wasn't that Mac felt threatened or annoyed by the possibility of female infantry...it was just that he knew it was a socially engineered idea that would fail and take a lot of ponies down with it. (The physiological differences between the genders is just goddang evolution...it's science...it don't matter how much ya' wanna' change reality to accommodate yer personal feelin's...it ain't gonna' do that.) But Mac had no problems with mares becoming doctors, lawyers, or even politicians...there wasn't any significant difference between the intellects of a mare and a stallion. Mares had roughly the same brain mass to body ratios as stallions. There was no reason they couldn't excel in any intellectual pursuits or even some athletic ones, so long as brute strength wasn't required. Hell, the Equestrian Empire was already a matriarchy! It was ruled by mostly females. Both regents were mares, and half of the Senate was mares, too. The only female Mac had ever known who might be able to physically handle the frontlines would be his little sister, AJ...but she'd never have the heart to hurt anypony...she was tough as nails, but she was too tenderhearted and sweet. His mind had trailed off topic again...

"Focus...okay...got my stuff....pike is nice an' sharp...got my smoke grenades...phosphorous grenades an' flares...good..." Mac's nearby buddy and squadmate, Sgt. Tyrone Shield had noticed Mac talking to himself.

"Nigga...who you talkin' to? You losin' it, Loco? Hehehe...I'm just messin' with ya', man..." Mac chuckled. He'd already "lost it." He doubted he could ever find it again, too.

"Yeah...I do that sometimes. Don't know why." They were speaking in quiet, hushed tones...it wasn't likely that the Griffons above them manning the parapets would hear them, but it was better to err on the side of caution.

"Must be them supercharged-ass thoughts runnin' 'round that giant brain of yours, dude. Thinkin' 'bout a hundred different things at once or somethin'."

Sgt. Shield was a cream-coated stallion with a pitch black buzzed mane, green eyes, and a well-groomed goatee. He was a half-breed: His mother had been a naturalized, Equestrian Zebra, and his father had been a Unicorn who worked as a police officer in Detrot. Mac could see the faint Zebra stripes where Tyrone's face wasn't obscured by his shemagh. The mixed race stallion looked mostly pony, but his barely visible stripes still gave him away a bit. It wasn't as though Mac especially cared...he didn't have anything against Zebras or the interracial relationships some equines chose for themselves. Also, Tyrone stuck out a bit from his fellow operators beyond just his faint Zebra stripes.

The tall, lanky Unicorn had inherited his mother's slim build. He was the slimmest and least physically powerful of all twelve of Mac's musclebound friends, albeit he was still incredibly strong when compared to a normal stallion. The lanky Unicorn compensated for this with his extensive skill with magic...he was especially renowned for his shield barrier spell. His family had actually been named for their inherited ability to create nearly impenetrable barriers that blocked magic, bullets, and blades alike. And Tyrone wasn't a one-trick pony...he almost rivaled Celestia's little, purple protege herself in magical talent, prowess, and ubiquity....he knew an absurd amount of combat, medical, and transportation spells. Grey knew a good bit of magic himself, but he couldn't match Tyrone's prodigious skill with the arcane.

"Nah. Just thinkin' 'bout one thing, an' somethin' else grabs my attention." Sgt. Shield chuckled.

"Boy...that's stupid...hehehe...I don't know how you can just fade off like that, when we 'bout to jump into the meat grinder. An' you a mothafuckin' genius?"

It was just some friendly shit-talk. All twelve stallions regularly poked fun at one another, especially when they were about to put their lives on the line. Shield's lingo and accent also seemingly amplified things that were already funny to a nearly hysterical degree. Mac remembered how Ty had gotten drunk that one night at a bar with Grey, Steel, and the rest of the team to celebrate Mac's induction into the Malleis Irae. The goofy, half-breed Unicorn walked around the bar yelling "Hooooolldddd myyy diiiiiccccckkk!" at random intervals. He'd also decided to go up to the biggest guy in the bar and asked "You wanna' fight?! Nigga, Imma' deck you right in yo' pussy!!!" in a comical, singsong voice.

The big stallion in question had wisely declined to fight...a wise decision for his physical well-being, albeit Tyrone had only goaded him for comedic effect and likely wouldn't have hurt the guy. After that bit of nonsense, Ty decided to hit on a rather pretty, green Pegasus sitting by herself at the bar. The whole time he was chatting her up, Grey was blurting out random, terrible bits of advice to him: "Tell her you're hung like a jury! Buy her a magazine subscription to "Butt Stallion Monthly!" Tell her you can make really good salsa. Bitches love salsa! Ask if you can pee in her butt...no, don't ask. Just do it. They love when you take control. Oh, and ask if she has a cute friend who'd like a mustache ride."

Between Grey and Shield, Mac sometimes found it impossible to be serious. But what had really shocked the hell out of Mac and his friends was watching the pretty filly, Cherry Pine, take a shine to Ty and his stupid jokes. Especially after Grey had been catcalling the two of them the entire time. The two of them had actually hooked up together that same night...and Cherry would later become Ty's fiance. Mac had remembered the utterly ridiculous pick-up line Ty told him he'd used...it had been a mildly offensive and stupid line that Grey had dared him to use: Ty had walked up to Cherry and blatantly told her they were going to have sex. She asked how he could be so certain. He said because he was stronger than her....and that had actually worked. Even though he found it funny, Mac no longer held any belief in a just universe. He could be a perfect gentlecolt and stay loveless...but Ty could behave like a complete horse's ass and end up with the girl of his dreams? Karma clearly worked inversely as to how ponies thought it did. Then again, Mac was a somewhat psychotic drug-addict with a rather nasty case of suppressed rage. Maybe that had something to do with it. (Oh, well. At least I can get too trashed to care. Like right now.)

"Loco! You fadin' out again? Damn, mothafucka'. You like one a' them fuckin' stoners, takin' acid an' starin' at cacti'n shit in the desert....hehehehe...focus, man! Steel was right 'bout yo' ass. Creepy, quiet-ass mothafucka'...starin' off into space an' shit...I betchu' gon' start wearing some nigga's skin an' run around with yo'' dick tucked 'tween yo' legs...hehehe...crazy, man...hehehe..." Mac snapped back to the current. How'd he managed to fade out twice in a row? He merely shrugged at Ty's statement. Mac's team continued to collect their gear and prep for the assault. A high-pitched, manic voice with a country drawl upbraided Tyrone.

"Hey, man, if'n he's anywhere near as crazy as Steel an' the LT says, I wouldn't be givin' him any trouble, Shieldy. That's asinine...like pokin' a tiger in the ass with a stick...hehehe....I sure wouldn't wanna' piss him off after what I heard tell 'bout what he's done.", chimed in Cpl. Cornshuck, a big, tan-coated Earth pony with a crew-cut blonde mane, and cobalt blue eyes...he stood a head shorter than Shield, but he was about twice as wide and muscular.

Mac had found out that Cornshuck had actually been born and raised in Ponyville and was a distant relative of the Apple family upon initially meeting him...clearly, the Apples got around. He even had the same country accent as Mac himself. The big farmboy somewhat seemed to Mac how AJ would look and behave, if she'd been born a stallion. Jimmy Cornshuck's personality was eerily reminiscent of AJ's, albeit he had a different context and cursed a great deal more. It was almost uncanny. Jimmy was judgmental, stubborn as a mule, and honest to a fault. Also, he was the only stallion on Mac's team who didn't have some sort of facial hair...he shaved obsessively due to his abnormally severe acne that popped up every now and then. The poor stallion had gone through his teens without so much as a pimple, but the minute he turned twenty was when he got his first case of whiteheads. Mac was growing a beard to fit in with the mostly-bearded stallions of his squad, but he understood Jimmy's condition. Facial hair would only aggravate his follicles to an intolerable degree.

"Nigga, I didn't ask yo' ole' country, cracka' ass fo' yo' fuckin' input. Crystal meth-cookin', gorilla-lookin' mothafucka'." Cornshuck laughed. The denizens of Detrot's ghettos referred to country/pioneer folk as "crackers" for the fact that the old pioneer families took along "hard tack" on their long journeys as an imperishable ration...the stuff was technically a biscuit...but it was so dry, crumbly, and crunchy that it may as well have been a cracker...the pioneers had to the boil the stuff in water to make it more palatable. Or even just edible. Mac had tried it once camping with his dad...he didn't want to try it again.

"Hey, man, it's yer funeral, if Red goes off the deep end and goes all John Mane Neighcy on ya'. I seen that motherfucker pull a goddang oak tree outta' the ground once durin' a field trainin' op! And I ain't never touched crystal once in my life, man. But you know my cousin Joe...twice removed?...from Appleloosa? Yeah. That guy's a dang speed freak like no pony else, I tell ya' what. He was cookin' the shit to sell, an' he was usin' it on himself. Man...an' he's in prison now fer distributin' an' assaultin' the constable with a parin' knife when he thought the police done caught wind of his meth lab or somethin'. Now he's stuck 'hind bars at Mareheim Medium Security Penitentiary fer twenty fuckin' years...can y'all believe that? Fuckin' Joe were dumber'n a fuckin' lemming crossbred with a sheep ridin' on top a brain-damaged pony to get to a Sapphire Shores concert. That dumbass couldn't hardly spell his own name, let alone understand the pharmacology 'hind cookin' up a pure dextromethamphetamine salt with ephedrine an' ammoniated cleaner, an' nothin' to heat it all up but a fuckin' hotplate. Still don't know how he did it..." Mac and Tyrone were snickering quietly...Jimmy had already told them both this story ten times...and it had always sounded suspicious to Mac as to how he was so well-acquainted with the cooking process. Jeremy Cornshuck always went off on pointless tangents about his family and their rednecked exploits. But they were usually pretty entertaining...and the levity helped to lighten the mood of the exhausted, sweaty stallions.

"...boy, you stupid. You already told that story like...ten fuckin' times, man. How you know how to make that shit, if you ain't cookin' it? I bet yo' ass on crank right now. The real shit...not the stuff we got issued. Talkin' a mile a minute an' shit. Now make yo' backwards as hell, inbred, tweakin' ass useful an' pass me some a' them crossbow bolts..." Jimmy complied while snickering, tossing his Unicorn squadmate a small quiver of quarrels. Mac check over his gear one last time. He was good.

He was ready. He looked over to his brothers....he knew them so well. All eleven of them were his dearest friends, all members of the active team for the 3rd Equestrian Reconnaissance and Unconventional Warfare Group. He hadn't met the other twelve members of the SF reserve team, but he'd been training with these eleven guys for over a year. He knew all their names; first, middle, and last. (Robert Steelheart, Grey Dawn, Green Forest, Tyrone Shield, Jeremy Carrot Cornshuck, Rainy Day, Ronald Blue Honorbound, Nikolas Zephyr Frostgait, Garrett Baritone, Peach Cobbler, Phillip Neigh, and Dmitriy Voskhod Shchetkalov...) He knew all their respective Cutie Marks...albeit he hated the term...(...blue heart with a sword behind it, sunrise over a bunch of grey fog, three green trees, a shield with a star on it, an ear a' fuckin' corn, raincloud over the Sun, spears crossed behind a black coat of arms, three snowflakes comin' down from a cloud, a buncha' musical notes, a peach cobbler...surprise..., a beaker an' some test tubes, an' finally...a paint palette of orange an' yellow colors an' shit...)

He knew who was married or engaged and who was single or dating. (...engaged to Colgate, single...an' a complete poon hound, married, engaged, single...an' datin' some fat bitch who works at the commissary, married, married, Zephyr's datin' some girl down south, married, single...and Phil's probably gonna' stay that way...he's kind of an asshole...an' poor, ole' Dmitriy is still single...poor feller...mares love his accent, though...he's just a little too shy.) He knew their birthdays, favorite colors, their foals' and spouses' names, their favorite foods, their hometowns...everything. He'd grown close to his team while training with them for an entire year...they had sweated and bled together...they ate together...they all lived in the same complex of off-base apartments near Cp. Ponyton. Mac needed to stop fading off in thought...it was about time. The LT rallied everypony on him once they were ready.

"Everybody good? Got everything? Alright...Team One goes with me to take down the commander. Team Two goes with Steelheart to secure the prisoners in the brig. No fuck ups on this, guys. Lives are riding on this. Alright...let's pop some smoke and blow this gate."

Grey jumped out of the trench and unbuckled a grey-banded grenade from his belt...he tossed it over the gate. Mac grabbed one of his own smoke grenades, twisting it sideways to light the internal fuse...it began hissing. He lobbed it over the side of the fort. Each of Mac's comrades did the same. The popping sounds of each grenade detonation was followed by a louder hissing...a thick, white cloud of smoke began rising in the courtyard of the fort. Mac could hear the coughing and cursing of the Griffons inside. Grey moved towards the massive front gate of the fort. Mac could see that the underside had been rigged with an utterly ridiculous amount of explosives...how in the hell had those two Griffon spies managed to rig this door and stow their gear in the trench without getting caught? He shook his head in amazement. They'd done their job. Now it was time for him and his team to do theirs. Grey picked up the white fuse that was connected to the pile of ordinance by the gate. He spouted a small gout of flame from his horn and touched it to the fuse. Then he ran like hell back into the trench. This would be a truly awesome explosion.

"Everybody get down...soon as that shit blows...shields up. Testudo formation. Speed above all else. We'll split off once we get inside. Remember...those regulars back on the hill are gonna' charge in here once this door goes... We gotta' get in there before that clusterfuck goes down." All eleven of Grey's team nodded silently.

They knew what to do. The Equestrian regulars were ready to storm the fort to offer support once the front gate was demolished. It was their signal. But the chaos from all the fighting in the white smoke wasn't somewhere anypony would want to be. They'd have to be fast. And then the door's charges detonated....Mac rose his shield over his head to protect himself from shrapnel and red-hot dirt. The noise was deafening. Splinters rained down...Mac could hear the Griffons who were shocked by the blast moaning. It was time to charge. All twelve stallions leaped onto the drawbridge in less than three seconds. They got into a formation consisting of rows of four and columns of three, each stallion put up his shield to cover the formation's front, back, and flanks. The stallions on the outside of the formation stuck their wickedly sharp pikes out from over the tops of their shields, while the two interior operators primed their crossbows and rested them over the shoulders of their compatriots. The testudo was a force to be reckoned with...the several-inch thick shields were impervious to any musket fire or quarrel...but not to explosives...which was why they needed to move quickly. It wouldn't take long before one of the Griffons tried to toss a grenade at their hooves, if they moved too slowly through the courtyard. Grey rallied them forward.

"Go, go, go!!!!!" Mac shouted one half of the motto of Malleis Irae...

"BELLO EST VITA!!!", he cried.

"MORS VICTORIA!!!", answered his brothers. It was the language of the old Equus Empire that had ruled over all the Northern Lands after the Old Horse settled them. Fitting. The Griffons couldn't hear them...their ears were likely still ringing. Not that it mattered. They were to punch through the fort and follow the western wall all towards the COC tower where the squad would split up. The operators weren't to stop and engage any enemy unless necessary...but if it was necessary...that enemy had a problem.

Mac's unit silently charged into the smokey fray. This was it...his moment. His first true charge onto the battlefield. He was one of the front shield-bearers....he was positioned on the far left front...right next to his buddy Steelheart. This siege could either be very quick and bloodless or terribly brutal and horrific, depending upon several factors beyond Mac and his team's control. They charged forward, their shields locked together tightly. Mac could barely see where he was going from all the smoke and from behind his thick shield. But he knew all they had to do was follow the west wall to the COC tower...at least the wall was visible through the thick haze of white smoke. The defending Griffons couldn't tell where they were exactly...all they knew was that they were being attacked, and that the front gate of the fort had been breached with explosives. Mac heard a loud rumble off in the distance...it was coming from the field outside the fort. The Equestrian phalanxes were charging now. They'd be inside the fort in minutes.

Mac could hear the Griffons trying to recover from the door breach, the rattling of weapons and armor echoed throughout the courtyard. The rattling was followed by the confused, angry cursing of several Griffons in their native language. Some of the them grabbed their musket carbines and pistols and began firing through the haze in the front gate's direction. A few pings actually hit home on their shields, though...of course, this had no effect on Mac's team. Mac could see a troop of about twenty Griffons running towards the breached gate, wearing heavier than average armor and wielding some wicked-looking pole arms and sabers. ("troupe de choc") They had likely been mobilized to protect the newly breached gate from the approaching Equestrian phalanxes...Mac felt sorry for the regulars...Gryphonic shock troops were tough as nails. They were hardened, elite close combat soldiers. They were trained to fight up close, as opposed to many Gryphonic soldiers who weren't.

Those shock troopers could easily bottleneck the charging ponies into a conical formation with their pole arms in front of the breached gate...it could potentially render numbers irrelevant. Those poor kids were probably getting sent into a fucking meat grinder. Most of them were less than twenty years old...Mac was only four years older, but he was a veteran. Those baby-faced colts had probably never even gotten into a simple bar fight let alone having fought like this before. It sickened Mac to think about how many of these soft-hoofed, still teenaged colts were getting sent to die...it was a necessity...he understood that....there'd be no way to maintain the volume of numbers needed for a robust army without recruiting the young and reckless. But it still made him sick...the ones that survived to watch their friends get maimed or killed would likely return home...broken...alienated. They'd be traumatized...hobbled. The nightmares and emotional problems would plague them for the rest of their lives.

These kids were soft...weak...innocent. It was no wonder. They were just soldiers. Soldiers were utilitarian-organized, barely trained kids who you gave a weapon and a simple piece of armor and told them to fight for their country and freedom. The poor, naive colts probably thought they were fighting for their families back home...to keep their loved ones free. What they didn't know was that they were just the pawns on a chess board needed to maintain Equestria's image of strength for it's foreign policy. A dark necessity. They were scared. They probably missed their mothers...missed the warmth of their family...the safety of civilized life. They didn't understand what it meant to deal in death for a trade. They'd had normal jobs back home before enlisting...some were straight out of high school. These colts didn't want to die...they weren't born to fight.

Unlike Mac and his team...they were warriors. Not soldiers. War was all they knew. They didn't fear death...they didn't fear pain. They would never surrender. They were strong. Fearless. They would charge into the burning darkness of the Void itself just to tell said Void to go fuck itself. Ponies like Mac and his team were made for this...made to fight. Not like these terrified kids...(...that Pegasus...that kid who got himself stuck through the gut with that tree branch...screamin'...) The telltale pew sound an errant musket ball's ricochet had startled him back to reality again...(fuck...that was close...hopefully them birds won't get another sho-) A sudden, powerful impact on Mac's shield had bounced the heavy sheet of steel off Mac's nose, breaking it in a nasty spurt of blood and snot. If he'd just been paying attention and hadn't had his face so close to the shield, this wouldn't have happened. (Fuckin' idiot!!) The snot and blood dribbled into his shemagh, filling his nostrils with the grotesque, coppery stench. The Griffons had just gotten off a lucky shot...they still didn't know where Mac's squad was in all the smoke.

More Griffons opened up in random directions...they were confused, firing in the general direction of the breached gate. It was pointless...the testudo formation had already moved past the gate and was now headed for the west wall. The noise was deafening. The confused birds might actually kill more of their own kind with friendly fire than Mac's team. The Griffons had no idea where Mac's team was. Agt. Briller Ciel had been right...they had caught the Griffons completely by surprise. But so, too, had Mac himself by a single Griffon who came running blindly towards the testudo...Mac had run right into one of the soldiers who'd survived the gate's explosion and knocked him to the ground. The soldier cursed and dropped his falchion and pistol with a loud clattering sound that rang off the cobbled stones of the fort. He was confused...he didn't know what he had just ran into...and Mac didn't give him a chance to find out.

"Engaging tango! Front left!!", he cried out to the rest of his team.

He stepped on top of the Griffon's left wing with his left boot, pinning him to the ground...the soldier howled in agony. Mac brought the heavy edge of his shield down on top of the feathered soldier's chest, cracking his sternum and ribs, prompting a low, gutteral moan...the soldier's bones had shattered audibly...he was dead. Mac had heard the crunching sound even over the musket volleys being fired randomly about the courtyard. Mac had taken out his first enemy in close combat as an SF operator...and it was his first, true time killing a soldier of the Gryphonic Empire.

"Tango down!! Front left clear!!", he cried.

"Formation clear!!", responded Mac's team in unison, having checked their individual fields of fire/observation for enemies. Mac got back into formation. The entire ordeal had lasted less than seven seconds. They continued further on, sidling up along the side of the western wall.

Mac and his team passed over the broken, bloodied bodies of several dead Griffons...the blast had disemboweled some of them...others had been torn completely in half, their shiny metal breastplates twisted up like aluminum foil. A thick layer of blood, entrails, and feathers covered the stone ground of the courtyard...Mac took care not to slip...the heat was unbearable inside the testudo formation. He was sweating bullets from the thick, canvas blouse and trousers as was...the early morning sun had risen a bit higher...Mac couldn't see it, but he could see from the morning rays of light that it was going to be a hot day. But the heat wasn't his primary concern...they needed to hurry. Thankfully, they once again knew exactly where to go. They only needed to stay close to the wall...trying to march the testudo into the middle of the courtyard would be suicide, thus they were skirting the majority of the Gryphonic force. The western wall led to the commander's tower, and the eastern wall led to armory and brig. Steelheart's team would break off from Grey's once they had reached the stairs to the commander's tower, and they would continue skirting the walls until they reached the brig to secure the captured Equestrian soldiers. The twelve stallions were getting closer to their destination. Mac could see the shape of the winding, stone stairs from over the top of his shield.

"Formation! Loosen up!", cried Grey.

The operators complied by spreading their shields out, loosening the rigidity of the testudo formation. Good. A loose testudo was faster...they had more room to stretch their legs...and there was a fucking breeze. Also, it meant that the testudo had bypassed most of the danger...they didn't need to pack their shields so tightly to ward off incoming missiles. Mac looked back up at the staircase...there was a new shape standing at the top of it...he could see a shining glimmer coming off something the figure was holding...the sun was glinting off of a scope. A crossbow's scope... (Sniper!) But Steelheart had called the sniper out before Mac could.

"Tango sniper!! Eyes up! On top a' the stairs!!", he cried out. Grey responded accordingly.

"Formation!! Tighten up!!", screamed the lieutenant.

All twelve stallions brought their shields together, tightly packing them to lessen the formation's vulnerability. Mac could see the sniper in question now...the Gryphonic marksman had seen the rectangular shape of testudo's olive drab shield-walls looking down from his elevated vantage point above all the smoke. Mac wasn't shocked that the Griffon could see so well...they had eagle eyes after all. The sniper was aiming a grey and black crossbow at them...crossbow's were far more accurate at this range than muskets...but there was no reason the sniper would even consider wasting a bolt on the impervious shield formation...unless...he had a frag bolt to fire!! (Oh, fuck...) Like the one Mac had used on the western battlement's mortar team. They had to take this fucker out and fast. The concussive blast from a single fragmentary quarrel could easily kill or cripple several of Mac's team...shields or not. But Mac wasn't worried...Grey was a superb tactician, and his team had two magnificent marksmen of their own.

"Shield!! Take him out!! Forest!! Scope in, in case he misses!! Formation!! Move up to the base of the stairs!! Get Shield a better bead on that motherfucker!!", commanded the lieutenant.

Mac had to admit...Grey was an excellent small unit commander. The re-tightened testudo formation quickly shuffled towards the stairs as ordered...hopefully, Shield or Forest would be able to take out the sniper before he got a shot off. The formation had moved past much of the smokescreen that obscured much of the fort's courtyard...the form of the sniper was much easier to see. The winged soldier had removed his fancy, plumed helmet to get a better shot...he hadn't actually loaded the bolt in his crossbow yet...he'd just been surveying the chaos and smoke before. That was good news...well...not for him.

"Roger!! Engaging!!", replied the Detrot half-breed and the green-maned, brown-coated stallion in unison. Even though the team was trying to keep a low profile, it was necessary to yell over all the din and racket of the gunfire to be heard.

Mac turned his head a bit to look back at Tyrone aiming his crossbow...it was a good thing the gangly Unicorn already had a bolt read to fire. Tyrone was resting the handguard of his weapon on top Steelheart's left shoulder, sticking the front portion of the crossbow's barrel, riser, and limbs out through the small slit in between the shield wall. Mac turned his head back towards the sniper...he was still aiming at them. Mac heard the familiar shunk of Ty's crossbow. He watched as the heavy quarrel quickly traveled towards the now clear form of the Gryphonic sniper...it hit the creature directly in his right carotid artery. A sickening wave of ruby red blood splattered all over the stairs in front of the sniper...the opened artery was spraying out the Griffon's blood like a water hose. He slumped down on the winding, stone staircase, leaving a pool of his dark red blood to drip down the stairs and onto the courtyard below. The sniper was dead.

"Tango down!! Way the fuck down!! Stairs are clear!!", shouted the half-breed Unicorn. Grey acknowledged.

"Copy that. Good shot. Team Two...split off and secure the brig. Don't engage tangos unless it's necessary."

"Roger that, LT. Good luck to ya', mate.", replied Steelheart.

"You, too, man. Eyes open out there, feel me?"

The testudo formation broke in half, forming two smaller formations of six stallions each with three rows of two. Team Two broke away and re-entered the smoke cloud, sidling the west wall by the side of the stairs on their way to the east end of the fort where the brig was. 1st Lt. Dawn's team of six was comprised of Mac, Shield, Cornshuck, Neigh, and Day. The rest went with Steelheart. Shield hadn't been carrying one of the massive shields like his squadmates...he'd have to rely on his adjacent buddies for cover. All they needed to do now was get up the stairs and take out Lt. Col. de Guerre in the COC tower. They quickly sprinted up the western stairs to the command and control tower. Mac prayed that the Griffons below wouldn't notice...but they'd made it to the tower without a hitch, running into the cool darkness of the stairwell. Good thing, too. The Equestrian regulars had reached the fort and were trying to muscle their way past the Gryphonic shock troops and musketeers guarding the front gate. The ensuing battle was deafening. Mac could see several of the flying forms of the Pegasi of the Imperial Air Corp closing in on the fort, now that the guns had fallen silent. A few Griffons grabbed their sabers and took to the air to do battle with them...it was a good thing they hadn't seen Mac's team.

"Eyes up. Mac'n me'll take the lead with the shields. Rainy an' Shield take the flanks. Jimmy an' Phil take up the rear.", whispered Grey. Shield decided it was time for an off-color joke.

"Hehehe...yeah, those two do take it up the rear..." Jimmy and Phil shook their heads at Tyrone's poor timing. Sgt. Rainy Day, a big, ice-blue coated stallion with cold, grey eyes cut him off.

"Not now, Ty. Need to be quiet going up these stairs." Ty nodded silently and pounded his chest in agreement with his free hoof. Rainy was a bit like Mac, if Mac were a little too serious. Rainy rarely talked, albeit he was a pretty nice guy. But when he did talk...everypony listened.

"Alright...let's get up these stairs...that asshole's up here somewhere...my guess is the comm room. I don't think those birds down in the courtyard noticed us coming up here. Let's keep quiet and see if we can get the drop on 'em.", whispered Grey in a barely audible tone.

The six stallions quickly and quietly made their way up the winding staircase...the air in here was much cooler than outside. A great relief to Mac, a stallion with a thicker than average coat. They rounded the bends of the tower stairs, making as little noise as possible. They had gotten halfway up, when they heard the sound of talons clicking on the stone floor...a Gryphonic soldier was making his way down the stairs on all fours...all six stallions silently huddled up against the walls of the dark stairwell, making sure they were completely hidden in the shadows. Mac could hear the clicking talons getting closer...the padded paws of the Griffon's rear legs made little noise. The lieutenant turned toward Mac and made a forward chopping motion with his hoof, holding his pike in the crook of his foreleg. Mac nodded in affirmation and propped his pike and shield against the wall. He unsheathed his father's throwing hatchet from it's leather holder. Mac could hear the soft click of Shield's crossbow...he had loaded another bolt just in case. Good.

The Griffon in consideration rounded the bend of the stairs on his way down, his shiny breastplate and helmet nearly lighting up the darkness with their reflective properties...this guy was fairly tense and on edge from all the fighting. He had a flintlock pistol in it's holster and a long rapier in it's scabbard. Mac waited until the guard had made his way just past him...then he silently popped out of the shadows behind him and sank the hatchet head deep into the Griffon's helmet. The razor sharp hatchet had gone right through the bird's helmet and skull like a hot wire through butter. The hideous, squelching sound of the bird's gray matter getting cleaved in half made even Mac himself uneasy...he grabbed the guard's corpse and began dragging it towards the shadows. Mac could tell this guy was one of the Lt. Col.'s personal guards. He was probably told to go scout the staircase or something to make sure the Equestrians in the courtyard hadn't made their way this far up yet. At least...that was what he'd likely been trying to do. Who was to truly say? Maybe the guy had been on his way to get a visual on the status of the melee in the courtyard....maybe he just needed to pee? But a sudden voice calling down the stairs stopped Mac in his tracks...

"Louis ... Louis? Où êtes-vous? Êtes-vous d'accord?" The slain bird hadn't been alone.

Mac couldn't hear the clicks of talons...this guy was walking on his hind paws with a weapon at the ready. Mac didn't even have time to hide before the sight of a rather burly Griffon came into his view. He was a big guy...dark brown feathers...he wasn't wearing a breastplate. Good. Mac didn't need Grey to give him the order to do what needed to be done. He tossed the corpse of the burly guard's slain comrade down the stairs and quickly threw the hatchet into the big Griffon's chest. The burly creature shrieked in agony...and was silenced by a crossbow bolt to his left eye (Good shot, Ty.). Blood splattered on the stairs behind the big Griffon. Tyrone silently reloaded his crossbow. Mac and Grey moved forward to hide the bodies while the other three stallions kept watch.

They needed to keep their covert advantage. The element of surprise would be invaluable. They continued their way up the stairs, and reached the top floor. It was a square, dark structure with a long, narrow hallway linking five doors to five different rooms...and there was a tall ladder in the near corner that led to the battlements and flagpole above. Mac knew from the multiple mission briefings over schematics that these types of COC towers held five rooms to be used as the commander saw fit. Mac guessed these particular rooms were the commander's re-appropriated bedchamber, war room, comm room, what looked to be a small broom closet or a storage closet, and the guest bedchamber that was usually used by the fort's second-in-command. The dark hallway was completely silent, except for the sound of a husky, deep voice bellowing strings of obscenities from behind one of the doors.

"Shhh....except for who I suspect is the Big Cheese himself cursing up a storm, it looks mostly quiet. But we need to clear these rooms...", whispered Grey.

The team of six stallions silently entered and cleared three of the rooms. After finding nothing in each room but two bedrooms and a small room with a large table and chairs, they stacked up by the wall near the narrow broom closet door. Mac was on point with his shield...he held his pike in the crook of his foreleg and tried to turn the knob...it was locked. He could hear the faint tinkle of water inside...it was likely one of those deep sinks that junior enlisted soldiers used to prepare buckets of mop water. Nothing of interest in there.

"Locked...I think it's just a cleanin' closet, boss..." Grey nodded.

He motioned for them to stack up against what they all had figured out to be the communications room. The boisterous, deep voice of a Griffon was louder than ever outside the door...a milder voice was speaking plaintively to the deeper voice. Grey motioned for Mac to listen in...he complied and quietly pressed the side of his hood the edge of the door...it was a good thing he'd learned to speak and read Gryphonique fluently as a part of his training. Mac motioned that he could hear two tangos inside. Grey nodded.

"Sir, I have to respectfully reject your command. I will not abandon my post. I won't leave you here to die alone."

"Merde!! Lieutenant, you are a stubborn goddamn bird! I am ordering you to surrender!! You have a pregnant wife, for God's sakes!!"

"No, sir! I've been your comm officer for four years now. I won't let you go down in a blaze of glory like this while I get off without a scratch."

"Je m’en fou, Lieutenant!! I'm losing my fucking temper now!! This is my fight!! Mine!!"

"No, it isn't, sir!! It's mine, too! I've served with you for years!! Your fight is my fight!!" The commander of the Griffons of Ft. Redrock changed tones...he sighed in resignation...Mac hoped that the young comm officer could talk his commander into surrendering. Mac waved to Grey that he needed to listen a bit longer. Maybe he'd learn something valuable. Grey nodded. Mac put his hood back to the door.

"Édouard...this is foolish. I'm touched by your loyalty, but this is your only chance for survival. I can't go back to face my commanders in shame. I can't capitulate to these fucking Equestrian dogs. I'm too old now...too bitter. Too full of hate. I've carried it for years now, since I last fought them. I just...I can't. They took my sister from me...she was my only family. I have nothing left but my honor. My time is over. But you can save yourself, Édouard. You're young. You have your beautiful wife. You can still have a wonderful life."

"Monsieur de Guerre...how could you ask me to abandon you?! You aren't the only Griffon who wants to live and die honorably!! How could you ask me to live with the guilt, sir? I'd regret it for the rest of my days. I'd be an empty shell of my former self. A terrible husband and father... My wife would be better off without me, if that were the case."

"That's crazy talk, Édouard!"

"Is it, sir? Then why are you staying to fight?"

"Uhh...I just...just have to. I just do."

"Exactly. The same goes for me, sir."

"*sigh*.....very well, Lieutenant... If you refuse to surrender your post, you may stay."

"Thank you, sir. It's been an honor serving with you."

"And with you also, my friend. But...I can't believe...AAaauUuuggggHHH!!! PuTAin!!!" Mac jolted a bit from the commander's startling cry.

"Sir?"

"I can't believe those fucking cowards back at Pisa!! Why would they give the order to take this worthless, little fort and not send us reinforcements?! What was the point of all this fucking bloodshed, if we couldn't even hang on to...the very...fucking...fort...they sent us to capture!!! Unbelievable!!!"

"They might be trying to contact us right now, sir, for all we know, but these shitty, Equestrian radios are down. The power cables to the radio equipment in this room were cut by shrapnel after the western mortar team got shelled by those snipers. We've had no way to charge the field radios we brought with us. But...wait....no...that wouldn't make a difference...forget it. The radios the Equestrian's left us are just short range...and they run off the same power cables, so we can't even use them, sir." Mac grinned under his bloody shemagh. He and Grey had unintentionally caused the Griffons a little bit of bonus grief.

"I don't know, Lieutenant....it still doesn't make any sense. Merde! And why did headquarters want us to ship those cut-rate, Equestrian cannons and all that ammunition in the armory down the river out to the west? We don't even have any forces stationed that far west! We wasted valuable time building those fucking boats, when we could've use the same time and lumber to fortify our position." Mac raised an eyebrow...he'd known from what Agt. Ciel had told him that the order to attack the fort had either been a miscommunication or the stupid decision made by one of Monsieur de Guerre's superiors. But why would they want the commander to sail those cannons out to the middle of nowhere? Grey was leaning closer to the door to listen in himself.

"Maybe the Ministry of Intelligence had some spies out there that needed all that artillery for something, sir." Special forces? Or spies?

"Maybe...fuck if I know, Édouard...C’est des conneries!! All I know is that we've lost this fort...our commanders have abandoned us...we can't even order our troops to stand down, because this worthless intercom isn't working! What was the point of all this? Don't misunderstand me, Édouard: I hate the Equestrians with a passion. I can never forgive them for taking my sister from me. But all this death...it wasn't worth it. None of it was worth anything. Our soldiers...even their soldiers...dying for nothing." Mac felt a twinge of sympathy for the commander. He was an honorable person...he hadn't wanted any of this to start with. But who had caused all this? Where had the cannons gone? And why? Grey gave Mac a puzzled look...he was wondering about the same things.

"We...we can still go down fighting, sir."

"Yes. We can. The Equestrians will be at our door any minute now...I'll admit...I'm impressed by their ingenuity. I hadn't thought they were capable of such brilliant tactics after having idiotically sent waves of soldiers to get massacred by our mortars. They must've had a sapper team sneak up to the door without any of our sentries noticing...impressive, though it pains me to admit it. And they synced up their attack on our mortar teams...that was a shock. These ponies may be stupid most of the time, but sometimes...sometimes they actually use their brains for a change." Mac heard the clattering of a sword and several pistols upon one of the desks inside the comm room.

"Yes, sir...is that a tactical appreciation you've got for them? It almost sounded like you admired them, sir. Hehehe...I'll take a pistol, sir." The commander snorted at his comm officer's suggestion.

"Ha! It's a simple respect for strategy. Nothing else. Here's a flintlock for you... Careful. It's loaded....are you certain you want to do this, Édouard? There's no coming back from this...you can still surrender. The Equestrians are pompous fools, but they're not butchers. They'll send you home to your family eventually."

"Yes, sir. I'm certain. Nothing will change my mind. Is the Major still in the water closet?" Mac guessed that this major was the Lt. Col.'s second-in-command.

"Hehehe...yes. He said he didn't want to shit his pants when he died....hehehe... He'll be needing a pistol, too. I couldn't persuade him to stand down either...hehehe...stubborn, brave old fool. I'm proud to have served with the both of you. I just hope the Major remembers to flush and close the door when he's done...if the fighting pours out into the hallway, the last thing I want to smell before dying is shit...hehehe..." Mac felt a cold chill...that "broom closet" that was locked was actually a small bathroom...there was a Griffon inside it...had he heard their approach?

Apparently, he had, as the door of the bathroom burst open, procuring the form of the officer in question. He ran straight at the nearest Equestrian commando, Neigh, screaming curses at the top of his lungs with a long dagger in his right claw. Mac's team didn't even have time to react. But thankfully, Phil had been on top of his game...he slammed his shield into the major's body and trapped him up against the wall of the hallway. Phil then jammed the spearhead of his pike into the Griffon's throat, summoning a gout of blood to paint the wall and the front of the officer's breastplate. Phil yanked the pike out of him. The major gurgled, coughing to death on his own blood and phlegm...he slumped to the ground dead, his dagger clattered to the floor.

"Tango down...*pant*...fuck....*pant*...", sputtered Sgt. Neigh.

"You alright, ninja?", asked Grey. Phil had a pitch black mane and coat...at night it was hard to see him. Thus, "ninja" inevitably stuck as his nickname.

"I'm good, boss." The big, black stallion was a bit shaken and out of breath but otherwise fine. Unfortunately, Mac's team had lost the element of surprise.

"Oh, putain de merde ! C'est quoi ce bordel qui se passe là-bas?!!!" He could hear the Lt. Col. screaming inside the comm room. He knew they were out there in the hallway now.

"J'ai entendu le Major crier!! Les poneys sont ici!!"

"Well...we tried it the quiet way. Let's do it the loud way, I guess..." Two pistol shots went through the wooden door to the comm room and ricocheted off the stone wall of the hallway. Grey and Mac pulled back from the door. Monsieur de Guerre and his comm officer were going down fighting.

"ENTREZ ET METTEZ-NOUS!! AAAAaaAuuUUUGGhhhhHH!! ORDURES!! VA TE FAIRE FOUTRE!!!" Mac laughed despite the danger of the situation. The commanders outburst had been an almost comically exaggerated display, but Mac could tell the difference. This Griffon really....REALLY didn't like Equestrians.

"This guy's got some anger issues!", he yelled. But then again, so did he. He and Lt. Col. de Guerre had that in common....maybe the two of them could go to the same therapy classes together? (Oh! Wouldn't that be nice? Makin' friends left an' right today, man.)

"Ya' don't say?!! Never would've guessed!!", chimed Grey.

Another two shots whizzed through the door, scattering splinters about the hallway...how many loaded pistols did they have in there?! They were going to have breach the door and enter...luckily they had the right tools for the job. The six stallions stacked up by the side of door. Room clearing was dangerous...more so even than dodging mortar shells. If Mac slipped up even a tiny bit, his reward might be a musket ball in the brain. He turned towards his lieutenant...Grey had unbuckled a round, white-banded grenade from his belt and was holding it at the ready for Mac and his team to see. (Flashbang...) They were going to flash and clear the room. The flashbang was packed with a ground mixture of enchanted crystals and a detonating agent...when it went off, the ground crystals set off a powerful blast of light, noise, and heat. It was pretty agonizing to be on the receiving end, but it was one of the few non-lethal methods they had for neutralizing threats. Maybe they could still take the commander alive...he'd be an invaluable source of intel after all that had transpired.

"Mac on point! Breach and clear on my mark...NOW!! Go, go, go!!" Grey kicked the heel of Mac's right boot as the signal to go. Mac squared his heavy shield up with the door and smashed it open...splinters flew in all directions as the door was knocked clean off it's hinges. A pistol shot rang out, ricocheting off Mac's shield...Grey grunted...he'd been grazed by the splintered fragments of the musket ball. His blood was dripping down the back of Mac's boot. But Grey was tough...he ignored the wound, twisted the grenade to activate the internal fuse, and lobbed it into the room. Both stallions jumped back from the doorway.

"Grenade! Descendre!!" Mac heard a shuffling and crashing of chairs and tables inside the room, as the occupants tried to take cover from the concussive blast...this was going to be LOUD.

And it was. The very air popped around Mac's team, making their ears ring...Mac was glad he hadn't been in that room when the flashbang went off...the ringing in his ears right now was bad enough. But they had a job to do...the six stallions quickly strode into the room with Mac and Grey on point, covering the other four commandos with their shields. Tyrone had his crossbow at the ready. They covered each side of the room, watching their corners...they could see the moaning, incapacitated form of the commander's comm officer writhing on the floor in pain...he'd dropped his flintlock pistol. He was down for the count...they could just restrain him. The small, tawny-feathered Griffon wouldn't be able see or hear for about twelve hours, but at least he'd live. But where was Lt. Col. Talon de Guerre?

"GaaAAAaAaaAHHHHhHH!!!! NIQUE TA MERE!!!!" (Oh. There he is. Well, fuck my ass, that's one giant, pissed off bird!!")

The form of an enraged Lt. Col. de Guerre popped up from behind the cover of his desk...Mac could see blood streaming from under the sides of his helmet. The big, snow-white Griffon was almost Mac's size. The overgrown bird was wearing a simple, leather jerkin with a pair of black, cotton trousers and a big pair of black jackboots. He hadn't had time to put on his breastplate yet. Apparently, he had ducked down behind the desk to avoid most of the blinding effect of the flashbang...but he'd still received the full brunt of the ear-splitting blast of sound...which had ruptured his feather-obscured, avian eardrums. This was likely rather excruciating to any sentient creature who wasn't jacked up on heroin or tranquilizers. And the commander was still fighting...that agent had been right. This guy was tough.

"Lâches!!! Tue-moi d'abord!!!!" Well, they were trying. And Mac didn't fancy himself a coward...it didn't seem a fair thing to say to somepony who had the balls to do this sort of job.

The massive, pure white Griffon opened fire on Mac's team with a pistol in each claw. The shots pinged off Grey and Mac's shields. The Lt. Col. grabbed another loaded flintlock off his desk and aimed it straight at the LT. But a steel bolt from Tyrone's crossbow hit the big, winged creature square in the chest, forcing him to drop the pistol. Mac and Grey charged forward with their shields and pikes...but the commander had recovered. He was still fighting with a crossbow bolt in his chest. He unsheathed his falchion and charged the two of them, screaming furiously in Gryphonique with an acidic edge of pure hate in his voice.

"C'est pour ma sœur!!!" Well, Mac hadn't even known his sister...it was hardly fair to blame him and his squad for whatever had happened to her.

"TA MERE SUCE DES BITES EN ENFER!!!!!" Now that wasn't very nice. And entirely unwarranted. Mac's mother may have been deceased, but he was fairly dubious as to the validity of Monsieur de Guerre's assessment of his mother's fellatio-related activities in the bowels of Tartarus.

Mac had half a mind to demand an apology. But he settled instead for the point of Grey's pike in the big Griffon's chest. The massive bird was still fighting, coughing and cursing at the commandos. Jimmy and Phil moved in and skewered him as well...the great creature was dripping blood and thrashing about with his falchion... Mac moved in and thrust his pike into Talon de Guerre's throat with all his might. The screaming and cursing stopped...Mac watched as the life faded from his furious, yellow eyes. Mac pulled the pike out...the great, white Griffon was dead. The fearless, hate-filled creature had fought viciously to the end...Mac couldn't help but admire him. Grey went and checked the body.

"He's down. Shield...you go watch the hallway. Rainy...secure the prisoner. Phil and Jim...search this room for intel. Mac...you're with me. Let's go change this fort's flag, man." Mac grinned and nodded.

The pair went back out into the hallway, slung their weapons and shields, and climbed up the ladder, opening the ceiling's hatch that led to the square tower's battlements. The sun was higher in the sky now...the golden rays shone down on Mac's shemagh-concealed face. He could tell it was going to be a hot day. Grey set his gear down against the parapets and loaded a phosphorous bolt into his crossbow...after changing the tower's flag, they would shoot off the bolt to signal the Air Corps for support. Grey set his crossbow back down. He procured a folded Equestrian flag from his cargo pocket and strode towards the flag pole. Raising the flag would signal defeat for the Griffons and prompt them to surrender. They would all know their commander had been slain and the battle was lost.

"Ha! This is it, man! We just need to change flags real quick, shoot that flare off, and this'll be all over. This wasn't as much of a bloodbath, as I thought it'd be. We didn't even run into any resistance hardly after we blew the gate...but I guess that's just because the blast fucked 'em all up." Mac merely nodded. He kept his vigil, holding his pike and shield at the ready. Grey continued to gloat while setting down his own pike and shield to lower the Griffons' flag.

"This was a pretty smooth op overall. Ain't usually like this. I guess you got off easy your first time, big guy. I sure didn't...hehehe...man...if it weren't for that musket ball bouncing off your shield and shit...hehehe...it wouldn't have fragmented like it did. That would've been a lot worse. Coulda' lost the entire leg. Of course, I'm the only one who got any sort of scratch on him. Can't say I'm surprised. I think it's my bad karma, Loco." Mac didn't respond.

Something was off...Mac was in a strange daze. He was detached. Cold. This battle hadn't been like the skirmishes on the northern border with the Dogs. It had been impersonal. Dispassionate. It had been utilitarian and frigid. Every action he and his team had taken had been executed with surgical precision...it was highly efficient, but it left something to be desired. Even though Mac pitied the regulars doing the fighting and the dying in the meat grinder of the courtyard...he envied them, too. They were in the fray. They were at the heart of it all. That was where Mac was supposed to be. They had traded places with him. He was the one made for this. Not those poor kids. They didn't want to be here anyway. Mac knew that the regulars didn't have anywhere near enough training to pull off what he and his team had just done, but it all seemed...so...backwards. But a sudden flurry of movement to his left interrupted his thoughts. They had company.

"Boss! Eight tangos comin' up left side!!" Mac could see these were some of the shock troopers his team had passed in the courtyard.

They'd likely regrouped here to form another line of defense. They probably didn't know their commander was dead yet. Grey dropped the flagpole's rope and frantically reached for his shield and pike...but a single shot rang out...the lieutenant screamed and fell to the stone floor of the battlements. Mac rushed over to him, putting up his shield to cover him. He kept his eyes on the approaching Griffons...they were wearing heavy breastplates, closed-visor helmets, greaves, and jackboots. All eight of them were hovering above the battlements just out of pike range. Two of them were carrying pistols...Mac could see the smoke rising from the pistol that had shot his friend. There was no way the other four members of his team could hear what was going on up here over all the racket in the courtyard to come help.

"Ow!! Fuck!! Are you serious?!! You gotta' be kiddin' me!! *pant* Same fucking leg!! *pant* I just got shot in almost the same goddamn spot!! But...*pant*... Don't worry about me!! *pant* It ain't lethal!! I'm fine!! Just cover me, and I'll light 'em up...*pant*" Grey had been injured, but he could still use his magic.

The stubborn lieutenant rose to his hooves, leaning one foreleg on Mac's left shoulder for support. His grey horn that stuck out from the hole cut into his hood began shimmering with it's signature blue aura...the second musketeer fired off a shot. The inaccurate spin of the musket ball sent it into the side of a nearby parapet. The Griffons were out of ammo. But they still had their wings and some lethal looking blades. One swooped down at Mac and took a quick swipe at his shield with a curved saber. Mac deflected the blow and stabbed at the creature. He missed. Two more shock troopers attempted another dive-bomb on the two stallions. But Grey had been ready for them...a massive, white-hot gout of flame engulfed the two birds, immolating them in seconds...their metal armor and pole axes clanged to the ground and began melting with an orange glow. The two Griffons had been burned to ash before they could even scream...their nerve endings immolated before sending signals of pain to their brains. They hadn't felt a thing. The surviving six cursed at Mac and Grey. Grey returned the favor.

"HA!!! Yeah!!! Fried fuckin' chicken!!! How you like it, cocksuckers!!!? *pant* I got enough for all of ya'!! *pant* Come on down from there!! Got something else for ya'!!!!!!" Grey's taunts had no effect on the enemy soldiers. The Griffons ignored him and had realized the folly of their previous attack plan.

Now they were scattering, trying to flank Mac's shield from the sides. Mac and Grey kept turning to stay covered. But one Griffon got a lucky swipe at Mac...the razor-sharp edge of his blade had sliced Mac across his left shoulder. He hadn't felt the blow at all due to the adrenaline and endorphins pumping throughout his body, but he could feel the warm blood dripping down his blouse over his foreleg. But the Griffon had taken too long to dart out of range, as Grey shot him through the chest with a lightning bolt...the thunderclap had been deafening...the smell of ozone and burnt feathers filled the air. Grey was getting tired. He couldn't keep this up for much longer. Powerful bolts of magic drained a Unicorn's strength rapidly...overexertion could even lead to brain damage or a lethal aneurysm.

"FUCK YOU!!!! *pant* *pant* Who's next?!!!" Mac deflected another Griffon's sword blow and fended the soldier off with his pike. The Gryphonic shock troopers were now trying to draw Grey's fire to tire him out. The big Unicorn fired off several more bolts of lightning at the remaining Griffons to no effect. His aim was gradually worsening with exhaustion.

"Boss!! Take it easy!!! They're drawin' yer fire!!" Mac turned his head to glance at Grey...the LT had popped a blood vessel in his right eye. Mac could see a dark, red stain forming on Grey's shemagh...he had a nosebleed. That wasn't a good sign.

"*pant* I know! *pant* I got a plan!! *pant*...we wait 'til they dive at us again...*pant*....I'll hit 'em with a static force bomb...*pant*"

"Man, yer fuckin' head's gonna' pop in a minute!! Don't risk it!!"

There had to be another way to take these guys out that didn't involve killing his friend. Mac didn't have his crossbow loaded to engage the flying shock troopers, but he had his throwing knives. He planted the shield on the battlement floor, grabbing one of his blades to throw. He hurled one at a swooping Griffon. It had glanced off the bird's heavy armor...Pegasi couldn't wear armor that heavy and maintain this sort of speed. Hollow bones or not. These guys were tough. There wasn't any other option, but for Grey to blast the Griffons out of the air.

"Fuck that...*pant*...let's ground 'em...*pant*...only option..."

Mac knew he was right. He felt a sort of...calmness now. Clinical. Disciplined. He'd wanted to charge into the battle in the courtyard with reckless abandon minutes earlier...he couldn't do that now. Grey's life depended on his level-headedness. After the LT discharged this massive burst of magic, he'd likely pass out....if he survived, that is. Mac would have to defend him. But the Griffons would be grounded, too. Mac would be able to fight them on his terms. That was bad news...for them.

"Alright!!! I'm coverin' ya'!! On yer mark, boss!!" Mac raised his shield to cover his buddy from the Gryphonic assault.

"Here goes!!"

Mac felt the air pop around him...his ears, too. He could feel the fur of his coat stand on end...the air around Grey's horn was crackling with static electricity. This would be a debilitating spell. Powerful. It might even shock Mac and Grey themselves...but it would definitely do more damage to the steel-clad Griffons hovering over them. The sudden smell of ozone and the sound of crackling electricity meant Grey's spell was fully charged. This was it.

"Ready!! Toss down your shield and pike on my mark!!" Mac nodded silently. The Griffons were cautiously watching the pair of stallions from the air. They'd become wary of Grey's spells. They'd been wearing him down to near exhaustion, and now this? Mac knew there was only one way to draw them down close enough to get in range of the spell....also, it wasn't smart to be holding onto something conductive of electricity when that spell went off.

"NOW!! Drop 'em!!" Mac tossed down his shield and long pike with a heavy clang and clatter. As wary as the Griffons were, they couldn't pass this opportunity to attack. All remaining five shock troopers swooped down to press their assault on the seemingly defenseless stallions...bad choice. Grey fired his spell.

Mac couldn't remember the blast of the spell. All he recalled was an awful, twitching pain in his muscles and a splitting headache. He'd been knocked nearly insensate to the floor by the static explosion. But so too had the Griffons. All five of the shock troopers had been shot out of the air. They were writhing on the stone floor of the battlements in agony. Their wings had been burned...their feathers were charred. Mac rose to his hooves and quickly grabbed his pike...he turned to look down at his comrade. Grey was clutching his head in pain...he was cursing up a storm. Good. He was alright. Mac was surprised the LT was still conscious after discharging a spell that powerful. He was tough. So was Mac, albeit he'd received the least of all the damage from the spell. The Griffons began recovering from the blast, grabbing their weapons and adopting a wedged combat formation at the behest of their squad leader. Even though the shock troopers didn't wear those plumed helmets like the rest of the Griffons, Mac could tell which one was the squad leader by his barking orders and presence alone. Now Mac had to contend with five well-armed, pissed off soldiers. The formation of Griffons lackadaisically charged towards the two stallions. They were still rattled from the LT's spell. Mac raised his pike to threaten them and keep them away from Grey.

"Don't fuck with me now, man! I am Ahab." He wasn't sure what he was saying exactly.

It was almost funny...the mirth got to him...he began snickering. The entire situation...it was one big, tragic comedy, and he was the stand-up comic in front of an angry audience. And they didn't find his jokes at all funny. The five birds cautiously kept out of range of his spear and began circling him. Mac knew he wasn't going to be able to fend them off with the pike...he dropped it and quickly drew his short sword and hatchet, holding them in each hoof while cackling like a mad pony. Why was it so funny? What was it? And then Mac blacked out. He didn't remember what happened afterwards. He merely came to his senses to find three of the birds lying dead at his hooves. They'd been hacked apart...their armor twisted like thin sheets of aluminum foil. Mac had brutalized them...the two remaining Griffons were horrified. He could see their horror even though their eyes were concealed by their heavy, steel helmets. Mac continued his mad snickering....what was wrong with him? A sudden noise from behind him interrupted his mirth. The trap door to the tower popped open, procuring the familiar form of Tyrone Shield. It didn't take long for Ty to assess the situation. He quickly jumped to his hooves and unholstered his crossbow, aiming it at the two remaining Griffons and ordering them to surrender.

"Arrêt!!! Lâchez vos armes!!! Put 'em the fuck down!!!" The Griffons were having none of it. But Mac was relieved to see his friend.

"Damn, man...'bout time you showed up." Ty shook his head.

"Heard that spell go off from downstairs, Loco. Just two a' these mothafuckas left, huh? Grey aight?"

"He's fine. These guys ain't gonna' be, though..........now...now we're gonna' kill the sun." Mac stopped laughing and walked forward, grabbing Grey's loaded crossbow that he'd set against the battlements earlier...Ty turned to look at him in confusion.

"Nigga...the fuck you doin'?!" Grey had come to his senses and had assessed the situation.

"Ow....man...Red? Hey, man, get back here! We gotta' restrain these two!!" Mac ignored his LT and readied his crossbow.

One of the Griffons charged at Ty with his pole ax while the half-breed Unicorn's attention was directed elsewhere. Mac fired the crossbow...the phosphorous bolt plunged into the bird's armor and began hissing. His armor had stopped the full impact of the bolt...but it couldn't stop what was coming. (...dead sun...) The trooper was confused...he turned to his comrade. The other bird stared in horror. He knew what the hissing meant. Mac laughed again. (...why?...what's wrong with me?...oh, God...) The phosphorous bolt lit up with a blindingly hot, white light. The bird began screaming. He was being cooked inside his own armor. Mac continued his cackling. Ty, Grey, and the unscathed Griffon watched in absolute horror as the trooper lit up like a Hearth's Warming Eve tree. His remaining feathers caught alight...his shining, steel breastplate began glowing with an orange red haze. The bird's screaming could be heard even over the deafening racket of the battle in the courtyard below.

"AiDeZ-MOi! AAAaaaAAuuUUuGggHHH!!!!!! MAMA!!! MAMA, AiDeZ-MOi!!!!" He was calling for his mother. Like the young Pegasus colt that had been impaled on the tree...it didn't matter. His mother couldn't save him. Mac's mother couldn't save him either...no pony could save him.

The burning trooper's comrade reached over to try and help him, but the chemical heat was too great. He pulled back his claws. He could only watch helplessly as his friend burned alive...slowly. A caustic, white smoke filled the air...the unaffected trooper covered the grill of his helmet. The three stallions covered their eyes with their hooves; their shemaghs would filter out the toxic smoke. The Griffon continued to burn. His agonized shrieks grew high-pitched...alien. The bolt's wicked, chemical fire was burning through his diaphragm and vocal cords, contorting his voice to an indistinguishable cacophony of pained gurgles. The smell was horrendous. It grew worse as the white fire burned into his stomach and intestines, charring the digested contents...Mac could smell the cooked organs. He'd never forget the smell. The Griffon was still alive, though...thrashing in a futile display of agony. The breastplate had melted away, showing the cavernous remains of the trooper's midsection...it had been burned away by the white fire's ravenous hunger. The bird's ribcage gave way...the cooked organs dropped out onto the stone floor, filling the air with the horrid stench. The bird fell. He was dead. No pony said a word for several seconds. The remaining Griffon didn't move a muscle. Grey was the first to speak.

"Mac....what...what did you do?" His two comrades looked at him with shock. Even these two battle-hardened stallions had been horrified by Mac's brutality.

"Made fried chicken." Nothing. He felt nothing. He was nothing.

"I can't...oh my God....what the fuck...." Ty was dumbstruck. A sudden clattering sound from the remaining Griffon alerted the three stallions.

"I didn't think the Equestrians were butchers." The trooper spoke perfect Equestrian. He'd dropped his sword and removed his helmet. Ty aimed the crossbow at him and ordered him to surrender again...but it was moot.

"Claws up!! Don't move!!" The Griffon ignored him. Mac just stared. Still nothing...nothing. He walked over to the Griffon.

"Red!! Stay back!! What're you doing!?", cried the LT. Mac ignored him. He came face to face with the shell-shocked trooper. He towered over the tawny-feathered bird. He looked right into his dazed, brown eyes. The Griffon just...stared back at him...he looked about a thousand miles away.

"You cooked him. You burned him alive. Why?", asked the Griffon.

"I don't know.", answered Mac. The Griffon began chuckling, shaking his head. Tears began rolling down his face. He looked up into Mac's eyes with a dead expression. His eyes held no fear...not even hate. Just pain...a deadened resignation. It was "The Stare." Mac knew it well. The Griffon slowly turned his gaze to the half-risen Equestrian flag on the flagpole. He knew all was lost.

"You know, mon ami....those flags...this all meant nothing." He was right. Mac knew he was right. But he felt nothing.

"Yeah." The Griffon turned and slowly strode to the edge of the battlements...he turned one last time to face Mac.

"You've traded one dead flag for another. Goodbye." The Griffon jumped backwards off the battlements, falling to his death on the courtyard floor beneath them. His burned feathers were of no use...he couldn't fly. Mac...felt something finally.

"God...what just happened?", asked Grey. Mac wasn't sure.

The entire situation bore a vague feeling of reverence...like Mac had just spoken to God himself....a God who had told him of his sins. Suddenly, Mac was ashamed. The full extent of what he'd done struck him like a stone upon his skull. He felt sick to his stomach. He was an animal. A butcher. Why had he done this? He fell to the floor...he sat down against the parapet. He stared up into the sky.

"It's okay, man. It was an accident. You just reacted. You didn't know.", chimed Grey. But he had. He'd done it anyway. He just couldn't stop himself. (...animal...) That Griffon had been screaming for his mother...just like that dying colt on the tree...and Mac understood suddenly. He became his five year old self for a moment. He wanted his mama, too. Mama to come save him from himself....tell him he was going to be okay. But it wasn't okay. He'd never be okay again.

...the battle had been won at the cost of John Apple's equinity..............

....but a voice interrupted Mac's recollections and brought him back to the present. The voice was calling his name and knocking on the door...it was familiar...(...oh, right...AJ...man, my head's killin' me.) How long had he been floating off, lying there on the hard floor? He raised his head and looked over to the alarm clock sitting on his bedside nightstand to check the time. It was 0842. He hadn't been lying there too long, but he'd overslept. Even though it was Sunday....the only weekday the Apples took the day off....Mac himself always got up by 0700 by the absolute latest. That is, if he hadn't gotten completely hammered the night before or something. (Eeyup. Check in that box...poundin' headache? Check. Nausea? Check. Stomach cramps? Eeyup. Check. Feelin' of intense self-loathin' an' shame? Check.) But it wasn't all bad. He'd survived the overdose, albeit it had made him unbelievably sore (passin' out on the floor didn't help none either...) and sick to his stomach. The liquor had been the least of his worries. Now that he'd come down off the oxies and benzos, he was nauseous, jittery, and would likely behave like a highly irritable asshole in public. AJ pounded on the door again.

"John!! You okay in there?!" Honestly? He could honestly say, he'd had worse. As bad as last night had been...putting Rainbow to bed like that...he'd had much worse days than even yesterday. He answered her and cricked his stiff neck and back.

"Eeyup. Fine."

"You sure, John? You weren't answerin' me knockin' on yer door until just now. It ain't like ya' to oversleep an' ferget to do yer chores. so I got worried 'bout ya'. You sure yer okay in there?" The repetition of the same question like this would annoy most ponies, but that was just how she was. He could tell AJ was legitimately worried about him, seeing as she only used his first name when he was acting distant from the family or not behaving as he usually did.

"Eeyup. All okay. Just felt a little more tired than normal an' didn't set my alarm." Technically, it wasn't a lie.

"Okay...but can ya' come unlock the door?" He picked up his hat and put it on, walking towards his bedroom door. He unlocked it, opened it ajar, and poked his head out, getting a view of his little sister's worried expression. She'd probably gotten up at around 0700, too...

"See? All fine." Her worried expression changed to one of intense concern.

"Holy shitfire, Mac! Ya' look like hell!" He probably did. He wouldn't be surprised.

"Eeyup."

"Are ya' sick or somethin'?"

"Eenope. Drank a little last night, though." AJ likely didn't approve of his getting drunk, but she was relieved he was okay.

"Oh, good. Worried there fer a second. You ain't hardly never slept this late even on a Sunday. An' ya' look worse'n that dead possum Winona done dragged on the porch yesterday. ....and now that I'm sure you ain't dead...." Her relieved expression changed to one of irritation. (Oh, balls.)

"You mind explainin' why'n the hell we got two new additions to the farmhouse?!! An' why there was a dang towel layin' over a puddle a' puke all over the table an' kitchen floor?!!" (Shit. Well...now I 'member that other thing....I ain't lookin' forward to this next part...)

"Oh. That. Yeah. That's Rainbow's." (That didn't come out right... Made that sound like it were Rainbow's fault...head's still foggy...)

"Did she get you drunk or somethin'??!!" No, he'd gotten himself drunk last night. Rainbow had just come along for the ride.

"Nah...nah. She'n I just had a few last night. She an' her roomie got evicted, so I thought she could use a drink." AJ raised one eyebrow.

"She didn't....slip somethin' in yer drink, did she? Ya' know...a mickie or somethin'?"

"What?! No! AJ...what? Why would she do that?" Why, indeed! A better question would be the one as to how AJ could even consider that her best friend could do something like that. Why would AJ jump to the worst conclusion about Rainbow like that?

"Well, no reason in particular.... But it'd explain you oversleepin'. You always got yer chores an' stuff done by eight o' clock"

"She ain't like that. Not sure why yer implyin' it, AJ."

"I wasn't implyin' anythin'. She's...just a little...nevermind...wonder if she finally told ya'....now you mind explainin' why ya' didn't wake me or Granny up to tell us 'bout those two movin' in? Ya' can't just spring this on ponies at the last minute, John! I walked in on Ditzy Doo usin' the bathroom!"

"I'm sorry 'bout all that, but I couldn't just let 'em stay out in the cold last night."

"Lettin' 'em in outta' the cold's one thing, but ya' can't just be lettin' folks on in here without talkin' it over with me'n Granny!"

"Ya' already said Rainbow could stay, so I didn't figure it'd be much trouble."

"I'm proud of ya' bein' a gentlecolt an' all, Mac, but ya' still gotta' let us know this kind of stuff. How'd ya' feel if'n ya' woke up an' found some new houseguests ya' didn't know 'bout!?"

"Fine. I'm sorry. I get it already." AJ ignored him.

"An' what the sam hell is Ditzy doin' here?!"

"Self-explanatory."

"Couldja' stop bein' a smartass fer a minute and answer me?" Sure, he could....that is...if she'd get down off her soapbox, and stop being a sanctimonious windbag.

"Ditzy is her roommate. You know that already. Rainbow's landlord locked her out of her apartment, so she didn't have no place to go. Same fer Ditzy. Rainbow got evicted, ergo Ditzy got evicted. Real simple." He was irritable. He was sick to his stomach. He had a pounding headache. He'd just woken up. The last thing he wanted to do was get debriefed by his baby sister...but he knew he had to deal with it.

"That ain't what I meant!! I meant why'd she come here to the farm specifically?!"

"Didn't have no place to go. Same as Rainbow. She couldn't stay in her boyfriend's place after what happened to him. Cut 'em a break, AJ. Ain't they had a shitty enough week without you addin' to it?" Normally, he'd never curse in front of his family, but now...he didn't care right now. He felt like he'd rolled down the side of the mountain in the world's most disgusting garbage can. He felt crappy, and he was sore all over...he wasn't in the mood for this.

"Are you serious?!! You ain't turnin' this 'round on me, Mac!! I come down stairs to find a nasty mess all over the kitchen, find out two ponies done moved in, an' then ya' scare the hell outta' me by not answerin' me knockin' on yer door! Not only did I have to do yer goddang chores, but now I gotta' make livin' arrangements at the last minute! An' I banged on that door fer five minutes 'fore ya' answered!!" Had she? How could he have not heard her? How "out there" had he been? He'd been awake for about thirty minutes, so he couldn't have been asleep. He'd heard her call his name after all...

"You ain't gotta' make no livin' arrangements...they're already settled in their rooms. And they're gonna' help out around the farm to pay us back."

"Whatever! That's just fine an' dandy an' all!! But don't let me find out about it at the last dang minute! Why're you bein' a horse's ass, John?!" He was being kind of an asshole. She was well within her rights to protest.

"Yer right. I'm sorry. Just a little ornery right now, AJ. Sorry 'bout not lettin' ya' know....an' leavin' that mess. Just passed out 'fore I could clean it up." AJ's eyes softened.

"It ain't like ya' drinkin' like that, Mac. I expect it from Rainbow but not you." Why?

Rainbow barely drank. She couldn't handle the bottle very well. It was Mac who'd polished off most of that bottle. AJ had no idea. She knew about his smoking and got on his case for it, but she didn't know how much he drank. She still thought he was some...sort of "goody two-hooves" kind of guy. She didn't know about the drugs...how he'd almost OD'd about eight times since coming home. She didn't know about his "episodes." She didn't know how deep he'd been sucked into the vacuum. After he'd gotten out of the SF, AJ had acted as though Mac was a "saint" or something. She'd probably gotten the idea from all that saccharine, military propaganda on the radio: ("Honor, Courage, Loyalty, Piety, Godliness, Cleanliness, Propensity fer Takin' the Dick, etc. Defend freedom from tyranny or somethin', I guess! Get a stupid haircut an' act like a drunken jackass when ya' go out in town! Perform menial, pointless tasks for little reason other than to look busy! Get yelled at fer findin' a better way of doin' stuff, when yer boss tells ya' to do somethin' that was fuckin' retarded in the first place! Do you have an exceptionally loose sphincter an' really wanna' exploit it? Join up an' suck some big, veiny cocks today! Why not? It ain't like you got any better prospects! So come on down an' sign up to start gettin' a paycheck fer drawin' a fuckin' breath!")

"I'm fine. Rainbow ain't much of a drinker, though."

"She is accordin' to what she's been tellin' me."

"Not accordin' to what she done hawked up on that table last night, she ain't."

"Whatever you say, John. Believe whatever ya' want."

"Granny an' Bloom up yet?"

"Bloom just got in the shower. Granny's still asleep. So's Rainbow. Ditzy's up an' sittin' in the kitchen. Speakin' a' which, since I done all yer chores this morning, can ya' make everypony breakfast? I'm too burnt to cook right now."

"Alright. I'll take care of it. The kitchen still a mess?"

"Nope. I done cleaned that up, too....how much did Rainbow drink last night?"

"More than she should've. My fault. Shoulda' cut her off."

"It ain't yer fault, Mac. She's always been like that...pushin' the limits an' whatnot. By the way...hehehe....she wouldn't a' happened to tell ya' somethin' last night? Hehehe....somethin' personal maybe?" AJ was giggling about something. She had a sly grin on her face.

Did AJ know something about Rainbow, that Mac didn't? It made sense. They'd been friends for years. He'd only known her for two weeks....but he felt closer to her in just two weeks than in months of dating Cherilee. He knew a lot about her...she'd told him what was going on in her life...about her mother...about her friends...her dreams. Mac talked to Rainbow more than he did his own family...yeah...it seemed shitty, but he felt alienated by his family. Even though he loved them dearly, he and his family were simply too different to get closer...different contexts...experiences....they couldn't relate. Rainbow somehow understood him. She "got" him. He didn't have to pretend to be somepony he wasn't, so he wouldn't upset her. He didn't have to sugarcoat his words to keep from hurting her feelings. He was comfortable in her presence...he could be himself. He felt...constricted when he was with his family...he knew that sounded like a terrible thing to say, but it was true. He always had to police himself to hide how completely fucked he'd become. He loved them, but he'd completely cut himself off from them. They couldn't see who he was anymore. No pony really could. It was why he barely talked to anypony. He wasn't shy. He just didn't give a fuck about most ponies. It was easier to just say "eeyup/eenope" than to try to find common ground with the timid denizens of his hometown.

"Whaddya' mean?"

"Ya' know...tell ya' somethin' that was kinda' embarrassin'?"

"She was embarrassed 'bout gettin' evicted an' havin' to ask fer a place to stay."

"That ain't what I meant. Did she tell ya' somethin' 'bout herself? An' it involved you?" Huh?

"Not...really. Just talked 'bout her gettin' evicted, an' what I just told you. Then she lost her dinner. Had to carry her up to her room." AJ began giggling again. Seriously...what the hell was this all about?

"Hehehe...oh? Really now?...you put her to bed?" What was so funny?

"Eeyup."

"Hehehe...now I get it...bet she got a kick outta' that..." What the fuck was going on?

"What's this all about, AJ?"

"Nothin'. Nothin' at all. Well...I better go check on our guests. You should go get breakfast started 'fore Granny wakes up. So, Rainbow didn't tell ya' nothin' last night?"

"Fer the last time, AJ! No! I don't even know what yer talkin' 'bout!"

"Awwww...danggit! I owe Granny ten bits..." AJ turned away and left the room, muttering to herself about...whatever the fuck that was all about.

His head was aching...he was dehydrated. He really didn't feel like doing much of anything. He knew he wouldn't make it through the day like this. Only one option now... He went and opened his closet, taking out an army-issued first aid kit. He opened a small, white envelope-looking box with some stern, military-style print on it's front. It read "Type 39A Dextroamphetamine Methylephedrone Sulfate, 40 mg, 50 Tablets." It was powerful stuff. He'd have to be careful with the dosage, factoring in his tolerance and bodyweight to get the right amount. He'd acquired quite a few boxes of the stuff from various soldiers who sold off their surplus supply for cheap. He only had two boxes left, so he needed to conserve what he had left...then he'd have to meet a "friend" to get more.

"He definitely ain't no friend a' mine...complete asshole's what he is."

Mac thought about how many he'd need to counteract his hangover/opiate/benzo comedown...he decided to use an extra powerful dosage. He took out four, sky blue pills and laid them out his nightstand. He put the first aid kit back in his closet and went across the hall to his bathroom to get a disposable cup of water from the faucet to wash them down...but his upset stomach got the better of him...he emptied it into the open toilet. He wasn't feeling nice. That came without saying, of course. Good thing he hadn't taken the pills yet. He washed his face and brushed his teeth...after filling a small paper cup with water, he walked back into his room and locked his door behind him. He set the cup on the nightstand and crushed the four pills into a fine powder with his hoof...he swept the powder into the cup of water, swirling it gently to dissolve it. He turned up the cup of speed-laced water...it was nasty, but this method produced faster effects than just taking the pills normally. The taste was abominable, but he'd need the energy today.

After taking a quick shower and brushing his teeth again, Mac could feel the onset of the drug. Pretty soon, he'd be bouncing all over the place. He felt much better...optimistic even. Life wasn't so bad. (...but only when I'm doped up...) He dried off, making sure to toss the wet towels in the bathroom hamper...something that neither Granny nor Applebloom seemed capable of doing...EVER. But it was okay! He didn't mind much right now. He was ready to attack the day! He felt great! (...for now...) He walked back into his room and procured and lit up a cigarette from a pack sitting in his nightstand drawer. He started thinking about what he'd cook his girls for breakfast...he had to cook enough food for five mares...three of which he personally knew had voracious appetites...Granny, AJ, and Rainbow would eat a skunk's asshole were it cooked right, but Applebloom was a finicky eater on a good day. He'd have to cook something that all of them would like...but what about the fifth one?

He wasn't sure about Derpy, but she looked as though she didn't eat much. She was a bit too skinny; her slender Pegasus frame made it all the more obvious. He could almost see the little mare's ribcage, albeit this was likely just due to how she appeared to big, bulky Earth ponies in contrast. Rainbow was just as slender and even smaller than Derpy, but she was just athletic and lean. The two mares would likely eat even less now what with the depression and all...he'd just have to fatten the poor, little things up a bit! He smiled. (...poor, little Ditzy...) That poor, sweet little mare didn't have a mean bone in her body...she'd never done anything to hurt anypony for any reason. She hadn't deserved what happened to Milky. The least he could do was make her (an' Rainbow) feel welcome on the farm...and he could start by whipping up a damn fine breakfast. Mac's thoughts turned back towards what he should make...he had it!

"Strawberry cream cheese-stuffed Prench toast...I can top it with a little powdered sugar an' make a dippin' sauce. Maybe some scrambled eggs, too. Ain't no way anypony could turn their nose up at that!" Bingo. He had all the ingredients he needed in the kitchen.

He'd made the dish once for breakfast with Cherilee back when they were dating. She'd loved it. Those Griffons and ponies in Prance really knew their cuisine. It'd be a great way to make his two guests feel welcome...and maybe...maybe Rainbow would like him a little more...think a little higher of him...maybe it'd make up for last night. Rainbow had vomited up most of the liquor she drank last night, so she probably wouldn't have a too bad a hangover...she'd still have her appetite. In fact, she'd probably be starving, seeing as she'd lost her dinner. Yeah. She'd be hungry. He smiled and blushed a bit. He really hoped she liked his cooking...after last night's events, it was something for him to look forward to. She was so cute....she had so much enthusiasm for life. For just...being alive. Unlike him. He wished he knew her secret. Pained as she was, she loved doing...doing everything. (...sweet, little face...that giggle...angel...)

He chuckled again. He knew she couldn't cook at all. Applebloom had told him that! Imagine how bad a cook somepony must be, when the veritable "Queen of Dysentery-inducing Cuisine" gave that pony a bad review!! But...it was cute. He could just do all the cooking...if she wanted...wanted to be with...(...insects screamin' in them holes...they'll be on the floor any minute now...stop it!! Enough a' that!!") He didn't mind. It'd make her happy. That was a good enough incentive for him...anything that made her smile was worth it... That look in her eye...that sparkle. The way she looked at him...it made him feel alive again. He'd do anything for her to look at him that way. He'd kill for her. He'd degrade himself (even more) for her. He knew he was too fucked up to even consider loving her up close, but he could love her from afar...be her friend...to save her from the yellow sickness in his eyes. He'd just love her on the inside. Keep the feelings hidden. But he wanted so much more. The way he'd held her last night...(...please, God...baby...I love you...I don't...I can't...) He'd felt as though his heart would burst last night...she'd been so cherubic...so lovely...an ocean of blue down shining under the cold stars and pale moon.

Mac heard a loud bump followed by some cursing coming from the other bathroom down the hall. Granny had woken up finally...he chuckled. She always stubbed her forehooves on the edge of the door. Apparently, she'd decided to use the other bathroom for whatever reason. Mac took his hat off his bed and put it on. He took casual puffs from his cigarette and stared out his bedroom window...he could see the entire town from here... in the distance just over the trees. Sweet Apple Acres was beautiful in the morning...the way the emerald green grass shined with the morning sun...the unspoiled, virgin sky...blue...blue like her. He smiled again...life wasn't so bad. He had his family. He had Steel and Rainbow. Hell, he even had this nice view from his bedroom window. Ponyville wasn't such a bad place to live...(...but my head is...it is...it is...inside.)

He directed his attention to the center of town. His mood darkened at the sight of something in the distance. He could see the flagpole outside city hall...the sky blue flag was emblazoned with the likenesses of both princesses and their respective celestial bodies. (Bugs...crawlin' 'cross the floor...CoMIn' TO EaT ME!!!) He tried to redirect his thoughts to something more upbeat, but the chittering, churning vat of black bugs overwhelmed even Mac's speed-fueled, dopamine-saturated brain. He couldn't forget it now. He knew the flag meant nothing. Equestria was dying. It's flag signified nothing but pained, hollow voices trapped inside a machine that was bleeding to death...like that poor colt's voice...screaming for his mother with a tree branch in his gut...(Oh...God, no...he looked like fuckin' Milky Way...exactly...) Mac's brutality had sullied the victory at the fort. It signified nothing but his own drowned self, screaming for air in a vat of acid. That Griffon had been right about their nations' flags....flying in the breeze with no true meaning. No true unity...

"...both them flags are dead at the tops of their poles." He turned around...he could see them sometimes. The insects that were always screaming in the catacombs of his brain sometimes manifested. They churned in a shiny, chitinous mass on his bed...chittering. They wanted to eat him. Eat his mind. (Not today, motherfuckers. My baby needs me. She needs me...) He called out to them. They could hear his drowned voice...through the acid of his flailing life. His self-made machine of anguish.

"I reckon y'all wanna' eat me, huh?"

The bugs chittered in affirmation.

"Well...heheheh...y'all are gonna' have to take a raincheck on that. I gotta' go make breakfast fer my girls. I'll presume you understand my predicament, yeah?"

The bugs chittered again in affirmation.

They crawled off the bed...the altar of Mac's subconscious vehicle to the Void. They could wait. They'd been waiting for years now. They could wait a bit longer. He felt them crawl back into the black honeycombs of his head. They'd be back for the rest of his carcass later...they'd fucking eat him alive while he died slowly in the black. (Oh, well. C'est la vie.)

"I hope she likes Prench toast...I hope she likes it...I'm okay...I'm okay." He was okay...okay...he was okay.

He wasn't okay.

Author's Note

This is all somewhat based on an actual experience of mine. Later, I'll expand upon each of Mac's squadmates....but it's just too much damn work right now.

Oh, and my sincerest apologies about the excessive cursing. It's just how infantrymen talk...I can't imagine ponies would be much different.

And sorry for the length of this chapter. I had to write about Mac's experience in one go. It'd be too confusing and fragmented to write it how I usually do. Here's a bit of music for Mac's memories:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0FAosDi4XA

Chapter Eleven: Breakfast With The Apples, Part Two

She listened in reverence to Equestria's Most Perfect Stallion himself, as he crooned the strange but still captivating lyrics.

"Drippin' down all the blood an' strange sunshine...."

"....have you felt such weight upon your eyes?"

"Sister, I been trippin' in your skies...."

"I woke up adrift in a Technicolor bliss...ten million miles high...yeah..." The lyrics were a bit weird...a drug reference? (I dunno.) But Rainbow liked the song overall, and Mac had no problem following all the notes. He had a beautiful voice. It was deep. Melodic. But the sound of several pairs of hooves and two voices coming down the stairs interrupted her admiration.

"Awww! Come on, AJ! Why can't Scootaloo come over fer breakfast no more? It ain't fair!" Rainbow knew that those last three words of Apple Bloom's plaintive whine seemed to be her signature catch phrase...that wasn't a flattering appraisal.

"I ain't lettin' that little, orange hooligan in our dang kitchen again! She almost done burnt the house down last time!" The two mares trotted into the kitchen, taking their argument along with them. Rainbow sighed in exasperation. Yeah. This was all she needed right now. She looked over at Mac...he returned the same expression, shaking his head with a smirk of resignation.

"It ain't right! Where's yer country hospitality!?", whined Apple Bloom, utilizing her reasonably honed "pouty face." Meh. Rainbow had seen better.

"It done flew right out the damn window after she done burnt off one a' my goddang eyebrows an' broke half a' Granny's china!" Rainbow snickered. Scoots could be pretty awesome sometimes. Another, more croaky mare's voice called down the stairs.

"What're y'all little heatherns yellin' 'bout now?!!", Granny demanded, slowly coming down the stairs and entering the kitchen. Rainbow looked back over to Red...he was wearing the same expression as before but mouthing the words "Fuck my life." She giggled while trying to suppress her mirth with both hooves over her mouth. It was pretty cool how the two of them could communicate without even talking.

"AJ won't let Scootaloo come over fer breakfast today! Probably 'cuz she hates freedom, bein' neighborly, an' wants the Diamond Dog terrorists to win!" Granny's raised her eyebrows questioningly. She likely didn't even know which of Apple Bloom's two friends Scoots was.

"That ain't why at all, you little liar! I oughta' tan yer goddang hide fer bein' dishonest!" All this yelling was bringing Rainbow's headache back.

"I ain't a liar! An you ain't Ma!" Granny put one hoof to her forehead in exasperation. Rainbow sympathized with the old gal.

"I ain't tryin' to be Ma by protectin' this house from gettin' burnt to the ground! An' you are, too, a liar! Dontchu' call me no liar by sayin' I was lyin' 'bout you bein' a liar, lil' missy!" Rainbow...didn't follow that last part. Neither did Bloom.

"Uh...I...I don't even know what that means!!"

"It means drop the dang subject already!" Rainbow gave Mac a look that asked "Does this happen often?" He returned a look that answered "Eeyup. Every mornin'. Like clockwork. Ain't it just the fuckest thing?" She giggled and returned a look of affirmation.

"Well, I ain't gonna'! It ain't right that Sweetie Belle can come over an' Scootaloo can't! An' now we got two new ponies roomin' with us! It ain't fair that yer excludin' Scootaloo! It's dang hypocritical." Wow. Apple Bloom had an impressive vocabulary for a girl her age. Rainbow herself sure hadn't had that level of verbosity as a filly.

"Nah, it ain't! Sweetie Belle ain't almost burned the house down! An' these two ain't got no place else to go! An' Mac said they done offered to help us with the plantin' an' harvest, too! Scootaloo ain't so much as lifted a durn hoof to help around here! In fact, she done the dang opposite more'n once! The less time that girl spends around here the better. She's a bad influence on ya' as is!" Rainbow was a bit embarrassed by AJ's making Derpy and herself out to be homeless vagrants...but it didn't sound as though the farmgirl was especially mad they were here. Maybe it was because Bloom's whining had forced her attention elsewhere...AJ might forget all about being peeved at Rainbow.

"Awww! C'mon, Applejack! "

"NO! I'm just protectin' this house from that little, winged menace! She's liable to take a cement saw to the walls, if I let her back in here." Rainbow snickered. Scoots did have an unhealthy obsession with powertools...well...powertools and fire.

"We don't even have no cement saw 'round here!" Rainbow saw a concerned expression come over Mac's face. Rainbow shot him a questioning look asking "Uhh...what's that look for, bro?" He answered with "We actually DO have a cement saw. I just hope Scoots don't find it." Rainbow nearly sneezed out her sip of coffee. She really shouldn't try to ingest hot liquids when she was "talking" to her big, red buddy. ("Big, red buddy?" Man...lame...)

"Heh. Like that'd matter any. Scootaloo'd find one. I'd bet money on that." Wow. AJ likely had no idea how topical her statement had been. Bloom diverted her pleading to Big Mac.

"Hey, it ain't right that AJ's got the only say 'round here, ain't it, Big Mac? What do you think?" The big, red stallion turned away from the stove, his eyes wide with distress. He was shaking his head and waving his hooves in a dismissive gesture with a look that screamed "Oh, hell no! Don't drag MY ass into this!!" Rainbow caught another case of "the giggles." After realizing the futility in making the big lug anything more than an impartial observer, Bloom tried her luck with her grandmother.

"It ain't fair! Granny...don'tcha think it ain't right to let AJ keep one a' my DEAREST an' closest friends from comin' over? Jus' fer breakfast?" Bloom was giving Granny her best "puppy eyes" in a ploy to garner sympathy. Granny looked uncomfortable.

"Errr...well....that depends, sugarcube. Which one a' yer friends is "Scootaloo" again?"

"She's the Pegasus. 'Member? With the orange coat?" Granny's eyes widened with horror.

"Oh, no, no, no! I ain't lettin' THAT little heathern back into this kitchen no more!" Bloom cast her eyes to the floor with defeat.

"Ha!", exclaimed AJ in triumph.

"Now, now, Applejack...Bloom done got herself a point, though...it still ain't right not feedin' a friend. Tell ya' what...we'll compromise. You can take her a plate a' food an' eat with her out on the porch...so long as she don't come in here an' break nothin'. Is that alright with everypony? You don't mind cookin' fer one extra do ya', Johnboy?" AJ and her little sister nodded, feeling it was a decent compromise. Mac just shrugged as if to say "Man...why would I give a fuck?" Rainbow giggled, but she started wondering why he barely talked in front of his own family. It seemed as though Mac talked more to Rainbow than he did to his sisters and grandmother. Did that mean they were closer to one another?...or was it just another one of her delusions again?

"I guess...well...that's fine by me, Granny....then can I bring Scoots and Sweetie Belle over for breakfast next Sunday?" Granny nodded.

"'Course ya' can, sugarcube....so long as ya' keep 'em outta' this here kitchen...don't 'member which one's the lil' Unicorn...better safe than sorry." The three mares of the Apple family household finally sat down for breakfast. Applebloom glanced over to her older sister.

"Deal?"

"Yeah. Deal." Mac began setting plates of food down in front of his guests and family. The Apple family began eating breakfast...finally. Well, at least until Granny began to upbraid her two eldest grandchildren for violating a sacred Apple family law concerning table etiquette...

"Young'uns!! You two! Ain't y'all fergettin' somethin?" AJ and Big Mac looked at one another with confusion. Granny reiterated her point.

"Just 'cause y'all're from the country don't mean I done raised y'all in a barn! What do civilized ponies do when they sit down at the dinner table? Hmm?" They still looked confused. Mac raised one hoof as though he suddenly had a "Eureka!" moment...but no. He lowered his hoof back to his chin to continue thinking. Rainbow giggled. For some reason, she'd found his display to be utterly adorable. Bloom and Derpy were likely caught up in their own little worlds, though...(one pouting...one goofy..)

"Still? Oh fer the love a'...yer hats!! Ya' take yer hats off at the dinner table!" The two Apple siblings simultaneously emitted an emphatic "Ooooooohhhhh..."

"Well? Are ya' gonna' take 'em off or not?" They merely stared blankly at the old mare. Rainbow wondered if they were doing this on purpose.

"Goddangit...I swear...take the damn things off already!!"

"...yes'm...", answered both siblings while complying with their grandmother's command. After an awkward minute of eating in silence, AJ decided to force a conversation.

"Wow, Mac...this is mighty good. Kudos." The big, red stallion merely smiled and shrugged at his sister in response. Rainbow took a bite herself....this tasted....amazing!! She'd never had Prench toast this good before! How was Mac so perfect? Besides being a bit of a drinker, he didn't seem to have many flaws...well...besides drinking and being a bit standoffish on a few, rare occasions. The Apple family mares began audibly expressing their gratitude and appreciation for Mac's cooking. Rainbow followed suit...in her own unique way.

"Dude! Seriously! This is fuckin' awesome, man." Applejack's indignation was instant. Both Granny and Mac cringed, as they were unsure as to how to best handle the uncouth behavior of a house guest.

"Rainbow!! Dang it, girl! Not in front of Applebloom!" Rainbow felt a bit embarrassed. She'd forgotten there was a child present.

"Sorry! I forgot. My bad. Won't happen again. Scout's honor. So uhh....I just wanted to uhh...thank you guys for letting us stay..." AJ smiled warmly at her.

"Don't think nothin' of it, sugarcube. I done told ya' that ya' can come stay here any time. I just wasn't expectin' ya' to move in overnight is all...and I wasn't countin' on one extra neither..." Ditzy covered her face with her hooves and squeaked.

"Oh, I didn't mean nothin' by all that, Ditzy! Always glad to have company over." Ditzy nodded awkwardly, while draining the last gulp of her chocolate milk. The little mailmare, realizing she'd depleted her last reserves of sweet nectar, began pouting with a pitiful expression of despair. AJ and Applebloom, however, didn't at all notice this as they began bickering again regarding something of virtually no importance while their grandmother massaged her temples in exasperation. But apparently Mac had.

"Oh, y'all don't mind them two....say uh...Miss Ditzy?...would ya' like another glass a' chocolate milk?" Ditzy perked up.

"H-huh? I...I can have more?..." Rainbow smiled. She couldn't help it. This was cute.

"'Course ya' can, sweetheart. Ain't like we got a milk shortage or nothin'. I mean...we got ten dairy cows out back."

"Oh...o-okay...yes, please.Thank you, sir...." Mac turned to Rainbow for clarification.

"She said like..."yeah." And "thank you" and shit." It was a good thing that Rainbow had learned Ditzy's unique dialect of goofy giggles and ultra-shy squeaks. Mac snickered while collecting the mailmare's glass to refill it. After filling it to the brim with milk from the fridge, he mixed in some chocolate syrup and set the drink back down in front of her.

"T-thank you, Mr. Apple...*squeak*", she squeaked while wearing a deep, scarlet blush on her cheeks coupled with a dreamy, distant smile on her gentle countenance. Rainbow knew what it meant. Ditzy was definitely aware of how attractive Mac was, albeit she didn't likely have the same affinity for the big stallion as Rainbow herself.

"Awwww...ain't nothin', sweetheart. An' you ain't gotta' call me no "mister."

Ditzy giggled and blushed in response while nervously staring at the ground...Rainbow knew she wasn't a threat...at all. But...she still...a jealous rage began building in her. (Stay the FUCK away from him, you fuck-eyed CUNT!! I know where you fucking SLEEP!!! Holy....did I really just think that?! Calm...calm down...it's nothing....nothing. I'm nothing.) She gritted her teeth, trying to get her anger under control while the two Apple sisters bantered back and forth about Scootaloo's criminality. Rainbow finally quelled her rage. She sighed a breath of relief...but...for a brief second...Rainbow had thought about doing something terrible...something inexcusable to her little, wall-eyed friend. And Ditzy definitely wouldn't have deserved it. She had thought about taking her fork, jamming it in the mailmare's one lopsided eye, and twisting it in the socket. (Oh....God...what is wrong with me?!) But she would never...never! Ditzy practically had the mind of a foal!! Even if she'd known she was flirting/fawning/etc., it would've been of an innocent, grade-school variation. Rainbow swallowed her anger and began to feel ashamed. Hopefully...no pony had noticed her gritting her teeth like that...nope. She was good.

"Goddang, Mac! This is really somethin' else! You should cook breakfast more often." Mac merely grinned and shrugged in response to AJ's compliment. The country girl continued to gush.

"Wheeewwwie! An' it's colder'n a seal's backside out there today, I tell y'all what. Hehehe...y'all sure this here's actually May? Mighty unseasonally cold out this mornin'." The Apple family merely shrugged at AJ's attempt to force a conversation. The awkward clinking of utensils against chinaware continued in a room otherwise entirely devoid of sound.

"Yessir. Sure is nice to get somethin' nice an' warm inside ya' on a day like this." Rainbow nearly snorted a swig of her coffee.

(Oh my God...did...dude!) Did AJ seriously just say that? But...she couldn't make a TWSS joke...she had to resist. (Be...strong....you are the rock!...be the rock...rocks are hard...hard....get rock hard...you better stay hard until this is over!...oh, man!!...hehehe...that's totally what she sa-Dammit!!) She didn't want to embarrass Mac in front of his family. Apparently, as an added bonus, Mac had noticed Rainbow trying to suppress a snicker with a look of abject horror on his face. He slowly shook his head and subtly mouthed the words "Don't even think about it." Yeah. Good luck with that. She was already thinking about it.

"Dang. Y'all sure are bein' quiet this mornin'. Well...I think I know why. Lemme' address the elephant in the room since no pony else is willin'..." Great. AJ always had to push the agenda and test her luck. Rainbow thought they were all better off not talking about it. Regardless...AJ began addressing the occupants of the kitchen breakfast table. All three of AJ's family members didn't even bother to look up from their breakfasts. They were used to this display apparently.

"Well now...ya' see...Ditzy Doo an' Rainbow done got evicted last night with no place else to go. Now don't y'all worry none. They ain't becomin' permanent residents or nothin'. Just 'til they get back on their hooves an' all. 'Til then...they done promised to help us out with the chores 'round here. They ain't just gonna' be moochin' off us. So I don't wanna' hear no bickerin' 'bout how Rainbow done used all the hot water in the shower, or 'bout how Ditzy done drank all the dang chocolate milk..." Ditzy Doo put her glass of chocolate milk down with an expression of pure shame. Rainbow reached over and patted her shoulder to reassure her. (Wow. AJ really loves the sound of her own voice. Meh. Less annoying than mine, I guess.)

"...awww...now don't take that all literal Ditzy. You go 'head an' finish yer milk, sugarcube. Just usin' ya' as a general example. So uhh...where was I? Oh yeah...now money's gonna' be a bit tighter 'round here what with two extra ponies to feed. So don't y'all be expectin' to get the VIP treatment or nothin'. Sorry. Bills are just pilin' up 'round here, an' we were havin' trouble even afore y'all two showed up. An' don't misconstrue my words to mean I ain't glad to have comp'ny or nothin'. I always enjoy havin' folks over. Just wanna' be realistic an' up front with y'all, seein' as it'll be like y'all're part a' the family with ya' livin' here now an' whatnot. Seriously...'bout them bills...we're already gettin' calls from collections. But don't worry. I ain't 'bout to let no no-good, city slickin', weasel-lookin' repo pony run off with our stuff. No siree. We just need to be on the lookout fer anypony nosin' 'round with no business bein' here. Ain't lettin' 'em get past me, no sir. I ain't lettin' 'em sneak over here an' take me from behind!" Rainbow sneezed lukewarm coffee out her nostrils and covered her mouth with her forehooves in an attempt to stifle her snickering. Mac, once again, looked horrified...probably doubly so that his own sister had been the one to make that double entendre. Applebloom took a break from her pouting to ask what was going on.

"Uhh...you okay, Rainbow?" Rainbow nodded, keeping both her hooves firmly over her snout. Her cheeks were flushed with exertion...she was sweating bullets...she wasn't sure how much longer she could endure this torture...

"I'm sure she's fine, Bloom. Probably just took a sip of that there coffee, an' somethin' went down the wrong hole is all." Seriously?! Seriously? (Oh god...I'm...I'm not gonna' make it...too...funny...) Rainbow nodded in affirmation to quell any more inquiries. Hopefully, this was the last o-

"Eeyup. She's fine. Just had a problem swallowin' is all." (...oh shit...I can't...I can't breathe...) "Anyway...I just want y'all to know that yer welcome here on the farm. Any friend of Rainbow's is a friend of mine. So I don't want no pony givin' y'all no grief...*cough * Applebloom! *cough*" Wow. AJ was being pretty cool about all this. At least until Rainbow lost control of her mouth and began spewing comical vulgarities all about the room...which was any minute now. Big Red shot her a look of encouragement that said "You can do it. You can fight it. I believe in you." She returned a look that replied "Nah, we're fucked."

"Hey! I heard that! Why'd ya' go an' single me out for?! I ain't never done nothin' to make guests feel unwelcome! If anypony's gonna' be a bad host, it'll be you, AJ!"

"Wh-why I never!! Accusin' me a' somethin' like that!" Both Mac and Granny Smith put their hooves to their foreheads to quell the migraines that were inevitably going to worsen in these conditions.

"Why not?! Ya' just did the same damn thing!" AJ shot her glare of reproach.

"Applebloom! Watch yer language at the table! We got comp'ny!" At least AJ wasn't unintentionally making any more erotic indiscretions.

"Oh, screw that!" Granny Smith emerged from her den of apathy to upbraid the ten year old filly with a single look. The girl was cowed immediately before she decided to use any saltier language. Apparently, this was a common occurrence. Mac's exasperated look of pure resignation reinforced this.

"What's gotten into you, Bloom? Ever since yer tenth birthday, ya' been havin' hissy fits left'n right an' a real smart mouth to boot!"

"Well, ya' won't leave me alone! Yer always treatin' me like a foal! An' ya' didn't hafta' accuse me of somethin' I ain't never done before!" (Okay...this is pretty annoying...can we go back to the double entendre's now, please? Fuck...me....jeez...)

"Oh, hush up already! Yer dang spoiled is whatchu' are, girl! Only reason I mentioned ya', was 'cuz yer liable to throw a dang temper tantrum fer not gettin' yer way 'cause we cain't afford to buy you an' that little, orange monster an acetylene weldin' torch or somethin'! An' you been cuttin' out on yer chores lately to go run off with yer little friends all this week! Why...in fact...I think we ough-"

"AJ. That's enough, sugarcube. Wrap this up.", interrupted Mac in a stern voice much to the surprise of everypony present. It had been a voice of pure authority...very much unlike his usual laid back tone. AJ looked blindsided and embarrassed, darting her eyes over to her grandmother for her support...but the old gal wasn't on her side for this one.

"Uhh...yeah...yer right, Mackie. Where was I?...uhh...I guess uhh...well....welcome to the family is all. S'long as y'all pitch in once in a while 'round here, yer welcome to stay as long as ya' like." (Thanks, dude. You're the best.)

Rainbow grinned. Her bestie could be pretty cool sometimes. And the lithe, blue Pegasus had noticed an interesting assignment of function in the Apple family hierarchy. Obviously...AJ sort of served as a "manager." She managed the day-to-day stuff and took care of simple problems. Granny sort of served in an supportive advisory capacity, offering her accrued wisdom to her grandkids without directly stepping on their hooves. Mac sort of served as "damage control." Like an "emergency failsafe." He didn't seem to ever step in and throw his weight around until the situation called for it...like when his younger sister was being so long-winded that she started to give her captive audience a headache. (...or an even bigger one...) He was kind of like an old, Equus Republic (before it became an empire...thanks, Twi...ugh...) dictator who would only step in in extreme emergencies and only for brief periods. Rainbow had to admit...it was kind of hot...but then again...she thought virtually everything the big guy did was pretty hot.

As for Applebloom...she was still just a kid, so it didn't look as though she'd been assigned any role yet...well...except for being the family "whiner." This behavior was sort of new to Rainbow, seeing as to how the little filly had only recently started behaving this way. Rainbow guessed it was just a "finding herself" phase. She decided she didn't want to get involved again. The last time she'd tried "helping" Bloom find her Cutie Mark, AJ had threatened to choke her for making the girl go hang gliding and shit. It was all somewhat of a thinly-veiled ploy of Rainbow's to "mold" a young mind into her own super awesome and extreme image. She knew that wasn't how you got your Cutie Mark. Unfortunately, it'd all backfired on the fearless flyer after she'd tried to introduce Applebloom to the joys of "EXTREME FUCKING COOKING, MOTHERFUCKER!!!" "Extreme" was the only word for it. Between the two of them, their combined lack of culinary skill had nearly been enough to give the entire Apple clan food poisoning and had completely wrecked their kitchen. Rainbow was no longer allowed to cook anywhere near Sweet Apple Acres...but hey...at least she hadn't almost burned the whole farmhouse to the ground like her "Number One Fan."

"Hey...thanks, dude. We appreciate it. Seriously, guys. Thanks."

The Apple family smiled warmly at the Pegasi...it was genuine. Despite all their bickering and infighting, the Apples always seemed to come together on certain things. Like making guests feel at home. It was a pretty neat feeling. Rainbow didn't feel alienated at all for once. Most everywhere else in town she went, she was treated a bit like an "outcast." But not here. She felt welcome. Like she was a part of the family. She smiled. In a lot of ways, the Apples kind of were her family. Granted that she'd never had a proper conversation with AJ's grandmother or older brother until just recently, but she'd been buds with AJ for years...and she had a good relationship with Bloom. Rainbow was always flying around the farm, and she often slacked off from her own job to help out around the place...well...try to help out, anyway. And also...Rainbow's distant affection for John Apple had almost made she and AJ sisters. AJ had immediately figured it out and had immediately started teasing Rainbow for it, but it had only been until very recently that the blue Pegasus had candidly admitted her feelings. Another thought struck Rainbow...did AJ actually want the two of them to get together? That'd be so cool!! (...hehehe..."Rainbow Dash Apple" doesn't sound too bad. Sounds like a reeaaallly fast apple or something. Like it got shot out of a cannon or something. That's fuckin' rad.) Granny suddenly interjected. Was it time for some more "down home, Apple-style" wisdom? (...fuck...)

"Oh, right!...that just reminded me. We done fergot to introduce ourselves an' vice versa. Guess I'm so used to seein' y'all two 'round the farm, sleepin' in the apple trees or deliverin' mail, that it didn't occur to me. Must be goin' senile...hehehehe..." The old mare cackled jovially. She was pretty cool for a grandma. Rainbow had never directly introduced herself to the old gal, so she shook the old Apple mare's hoof and rectified this. Well...that wasn't entirely true. The elderly mare had walloped Rainbow over the head with her handbag once after she'd tried forcing the old biddy to cross Mane Street. It was all during the "Mare Do Well Incident." (...oh...shit...hope she doesn't remember that...)

"Oh, right. Sorry. Hiya, Granny. Rainbow Dash. I'm best buds with AJ....and...like...I'm training partners with Mac. You've seen me around here before, though, right?" The old mare returned her hoofshake.

"Oh, 'course I have, sugarcube. Just thought it'd be nice to have ourselves a proper introduction is all. I seen ya' zippin' all up an' down the sky over the farm just about every other day, an' I ain't had a chance to talk to ya' once. I'm the ole matriarch of this here clan, I reckon. Name's Rosalind Smith Apple. 'Course ya' already know Applejack, Big Mac, an' Apple Bloom." Granny Smith didn't seem to remember Rainbow's past "indiscretion." Apparently, her forgetfulness in her old age was a two-way street...no pun intended.

"Huh. Your first name's "Rosalind?" Never would've guessed that. Nice to meet you." The old mare gently smiled.

"Awww...nice to meet you, too, sugarcube. You remind me of myself at yer age...if'n ya' can imagine me ever bein' that young, that is. An' who's this little lady? I think I seen her deliverin' the mail a few times 'round here." Derpy merely squeaked something unintelligible in reply.

"Err...beg yer pardon, sweetie? Didn't catch that."

"H-hello...I'm...my name's...Ditzy Doo..." Granny raised one eyebrow in confusion. Rainbow interceded on Ditzy's behalf.

"Oh, yeah. That's Ditzy Doo. She's my roommate...well...was my roommate. And yeah, she's a mailmare. Probably where you saw here. Delivering mail and junk."

"Oh...alrighty. Uhh...is she alright?"

"Oh, she's fine. She's just really shy is all." Granny Smith leaned in close to whisper in Rainbow's ear.

"Uhh...yeah, I already figured that, sugarcube. What I'm askin' is if there's somethin' wrong with her eye? She have a concussion 'fore she got here? She okay? 'Cause if'n she's got any sorta' head trauma, then we might need to get her to the ER purdy quick." Rainbow suppressed a chortle. But she had to admit...Granny Smith was sharp as a tack for her age. And she'd gone to extreme lengths not to publicly embarrass the girl.

"Oh...yeah...she uhh...it's just a lazy eye. And she's a little on the slow side and stuff. Nothing serious, though. She's kinda' self-conscious, though, so..." Granny nodded.

"Eeyup. Roger that. Say no more, missy. Ain't too keen on hurtin' folks' feelin's. Well...I reckon I know why ole John let y'all in last night...hehehe..." The old mare had a devilish smirk on her features.

"What're ya' talkin' 'bout, Granny? 'Course he'd let 'em in. Why wouldn't he?", chimed Applebloom. Both she and Derpy were lost.

"Well...I reckon he let y'all in after seein' y'all were some real purdy fillies...hehehe..." Rainbow and Derpy simultaneously turned a deep shade of crimson. She knew Granny was only teasing, but...woah. Did Mac just look embarrassed? Was he bothered by that comment? What did it mean? Was that a good thing?

"Awww, c'mon now, Granny. Quit yer teasin'. It's too easy." AJ had said that halfheartedly and with a smirk on her freckled features. (Dude! Cut it out!) Rainbow shot her look of pure venom. Did Granny know, too? Or just AJ? And how long was she going to rib her for it? It wasn't Rainbow's fault that her best friend's brother was pretty much the sexiest guy on the planet! But Granny merely ignored her granddaughter's insincere attempts at mediating.

"Hehehe...oh, just pokin' fun, Applejack. Yer too uptight, girl. Ain't that right, Mac? Gonna' hafta' watch that ole hound dog, you two. He's got a way with the fillies." Big Mac looked horrified.

"G-Granny!" The old mare merely laughed. (Wow...so this is...really fucking awkward now...thanks, Granny.)

"Just playin', boy! Hehehe...Lord knows yer too serious as is. Well...after breakfast, you wanna' take these two girls on a tour of the place? I'll bet they're purdy anxious to go off alone with a big, ole fine feller...hehehe...better take AJ along, or y'all might end up just takin' a tour of ole John's bedroom. " Mac covered his eyes and sighed. Rainbow sympathized, but Granny wasn't at all wrong. But this wasn't a pleasant means of divulging that desire. She was practically the same color as the big stallion himself at this point.

"Well...I reckon that concludes breakfast. You got the dishes, Big Mac?", AJ asked, trying to change the topic.

"Eeyup." Rainbow quickly offered her help.

"Uhh...I'll help! We can like...uhh...get 'em done twice as fast with the two of us." AJ rose to her hooves and set her empty plate in the sink, offering a final bit praise to her brother for his culinary feats.

"Well...awkward conversation asides, that was some damn good eatin', Mac. Stuffed Prench toast, huh? Always did love a good cream fillin'." Rainbow didn't even have time to cover her mouth. Her reaction was virtually involuntary.

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!! Awww, dammit!" Granny Smith began cackling like a hyena. AJ was nowhere near as amused.

"Rainbow!!" Neither Derpy nor Applebloom had any idea what Rainbow's offense had been. They stared at one another in confusion.

"Shit! Sorry! I mean, fuck! Dammit! Sorry!" Her brain's functions had devolved into churning out meaningless profane vulgarities by this point. (Fuck...this is a Class Ten, Red Alert Brain Fart.) Granny was rolling.

"Hehehe....oh...Johnboy, you better marry this one!! She's somethin' else!"

"Granny! Get on outta' here, now. Go sit down in the livin' room an' stay outta' trouble." The red stallion ushered his grandmother into the den while she cackled uncontrollably. AJ merely shook her head at Rainbow and shrugged.

"Uhh...yeah. Just watch yer language 'round Bloom. Hey, I'll come take ya' on the grand tour in a bit...that is...if'n ya' don't want ole loverboy to take ya'...hehehe..."

"AJ! Please! Don't!" Mac was only a room away! What if he heard!?

"Aww, c'mon, girl. What's the point of knowin' an embarrassin' secret 'bout yer homegirl if'n ya' cain't give her grief once in a while. Dontcha' want ole Mackie to know how ya' feel? hehehe...."

"Seriously! I'm sorry about...whatever! All that stuff! Just don't call me out in front of him! Please..." AJ raised her eyebrow in concern.

"Hell, Rainbow...I was just jokin'. I wasn't gonna' sell ya' down the river like that. C'mon. It's me, we're talkin' 'bout here." Rainbow realized her eyes were misted with tears. She was actually shaken. AJ was a bit taken aback.

"Rainbow...jeez...calm down. I didn't mean nothin' by it. Take it easy." Rainbow made a clumsy move to "save face."

"Uhh...y-yeah *sniff*...I know! I was just joking, too! See? *sniff* Had you all worried an' shit!" (...so scared...oh god...baby, don't go...she was just kidding...oh god, I'm fucking crazy...crazy...)

"Uhh...yeah. Sure you alright?" Rainbow dumbly nodded. The farmgirl took her leave and the big stallion returned to the kitchen. She smiled at him. He merely shrugged and whispered in her ear.

"Hey, uhh...sorry 'bout all that. Granny's got a penchant fer pickin' at the three of us. An' nice save, offerin' to help with the dishes an' all. Very convincing. Subtle even." She giggled as she began helping Mac clear the breakfast table. AJ and Applebloom had already headed back up stairs while Granny Smith sat down in her rocking chair and began knitting one of her famous quilts. Derpy merely sat helplessly at the kitchen table alone, wondering what she should do.

"Hehehe...hey, it's cool, bro. I ain't some wilting violet. I can take a joke. Your grandma's pretty cool actually."

"Hmm? Well...alright then...uh..." The two of them began chuckling nervously. The tension was palpable. Was Mac...was Mac actually nervous around her all of a sudden? What did that mean? She wished she had some sort of "stallion behavior decoder handbook" or something. All she had to go on was her gut instinct....and it had definitely atrophied over time.

"Hehe...lemme'...uh...lemme' just start drying these dishes. You wash, I'll dry and put away. Cool?"

Mac smiled gently and nodded. The two of them quietly That smile of his...even when he wasn't trying, his smile could fucking light up a derelict train tunnel. And it was so infectious...it made her start smiling, too. She felt like a damn idiot, smiling for no good reason...but it felt so damn good...just...being with him. The heart beating in her little, blue chest was no longer her own. John Macintosh Apple now held sole propriety over it. And it was such a sweet feeling. She thought that this must be how junkies feel, shooting up shit under bridges...just to feel like how she did right now. The drugs were supplanting this...this sweet feeling. And the two of them weren't even together yet! Her cheeks were so flushed with heat she was afraid Mac would notice and ask her if she was coming down with a fever. Her little heart was pounding rapidly...like the violent staccato beat of a great, red drum echoing in a cavern...signifying her love...her obsession.

"Sure. Sounds like a plan, girl."

She was so close to him right now...she could smell his cologne...the smell of tobacco. A masculine aphrodisiac. To the little, blue Pegasus, his scent was alluring beyond compare. She could kiss him right now. She could turn her brain off and just...do it. But she was too scared. And what if she lost what little she had of him? Even the table scraps from her master's table were worthwhile...she couldn't bear to lose even the little bit of affection he had for her. She sneaked quick glances at the love of her life. How could this one stallion be so gorgeous? So perfect. He was so handsome...strong and tough...but so sweet...tender. So gentle and loving. So perfect for her and her alone. For a brief moment...she pondered how much more her heart could take basking in John Apple's warmth like this, longing for him to come love her and save her from the ebon pit that The Beast had dug in her heart...to little avail. She imagined how much sweeter it would feel, just cuddling her little snout into the warm fuzziness of his neck...his massive, strong hooves would just caress her...gently holding her little body to his own. To offer her his warmth. His love. (I...I...baby...p-please...I'm...breaking down...)

"By the way, dude...you think you could turn the radio back on? I heard you play somethin' that rocked the fuck out a minute ago. What was it?" (Don't...don't lose it, girl...keep it together...you'll get 'im. Just...just stay focused...)

"Hmm...lemme' think...you talkin' 'bout the stoner metal? The one with the uhh...the..."

"Sick-ass bass guitar in the background? And the dude singin' about "burnin' fuel" an' stuff? Yeah, bro. That one. Kinda' sounds like "Desert God"

"Yeah, that's 'cause it is Desert God. Good ear, Rainbow. Finn Axelay's the lead vocalist an' guitarist. Yeah, I'll put that one on for ya'..." Hold the phone...did Mac just randomly have one of her favorite bands on a casette tape? Ready to play? Right now?! How...(That's it!! It's fate!! It's gotta' be! I just...I just wish the fuckin' Universe WOULD STOP TAUNTING ME, THOUGH!!!) Mac rewinded the casette and pressed the play button...a low-key base reverberated a bluesy melody throughout the kitchen. She recognized the song immediately...she even knew the lyrics...

"Dude! That's totally from their "Garden of Stones" album! That shit's fuckin' tight as fuck, yo!" Mac chuckled and shushed her. Apparently, her scratchy, shrill voice had risen a few too many octaves.

"Shhh!! Hehehe...dang, girl. You gotta' learn how to use yer "inside voice...."

"Heheh...fuck...my bad..." Hey! You couldn't just "contain" her enthusiasm like that! That was like pouring lighter fluid on a bonfire.

"...an also how to use non-expletives in yer sentences. Heheh...seriously. I don't think I ever met no pony else with a filthier mouth than you, Miss Dash. Yer definitely one in a million." (...oh...baby, I can show you what else this mouth can do besid-quit it! Get a grip!)

"Heheh...you don't mean that in like...a bad way, do ya'? I mean...I know I'm kinda' immature an' stuff..."

"Nah. Nah, Rainbow. Yer just bein' yerself. If it were just you an' me here, you could cuss up a fuckin' storm 'til God himself comes down from up above to wash yer mouth out with soap. But we got a little filly livin' here, too. An' Bloom's real impressionable."

"Hehehe...cool. But like...I'm pretty sure she already knows all those words, if she's hangin' around with Scoots all the time, dude." A sudden look of concern struck Mac's features.

"Uh oh. I...I ain't thought a' that. This don't bode well....aww, man...that actually explains a lotta' why Bloom's been actin' so ornery lately. Well...shit."

Rainbow erupted into another stream of giggles. She hated acted like a ditzy tool around him, but she couldn't help it. Something about him...it made her...feel so feminine...beautiful even. And it didn't feel forced or alien like when Rarity dragged her to the spa and the like. It felt natural....like it had always been an inherent part of her but just waiting for the right guy to bring it out in her. It was still a part of her. Even if she was the toughest bitch in all Ponyville and didn't take shit from anypony, she was still a girl. No matter how masculine her behaviors seemed...no matter much she eschewed frilly, cutesiness for her tomboyish pursuits...her biological gender was a factor beyond her control. She was still subject to the needs, desires, expectations, and limitations of being a mare. She had never had anything personal against that kind of stuff...as far as she was concerned, let the other girls knock themselves out. It meant there was less competition for her own pursuits.

"What can ya' do, ya' know? Kids are kids. I was cussing at about the same age."

To each their own. But of late, Rainbow had started seeing her femininity in a more positive light. So...yeah, she was the toughest, fastest bitch around? Why did that mean she couldn't have a soft side? The side of her reserved for her mother...her father...her friends...and John Apple...(I love you...it...it hurts inside...baby, no...) So what if she had more in common with the boys than her own gender? All that meant was that she had a vastly superior context and appreciation for the plight of the stallion...and for his physique, too, of course. That didn't make her a lesbo. It made her the opposite. She just needed a hardcore, tough-as-nails stallion to love...after all, she was a hardcore, tough-as-nails girl. Just because she had emasculated a few of the wimpier beta males in town didn't mean she had "penis envy" or some shit. (Ewww...) In Rainbow's eyes, those effeminate, whiny cretins didn't even count as "male." She already had a vagina. She didn't need another one. She needed a real stallion. The very idea of her bedding another member of her own gender made her wretch a bit inside her mouth...it was an indisputably physical revulsion. She knew that the common rhetoric of the day about how everypony had a little bit of "gay" inside them was simply bullshit.

"Well, hell, Rainbow. Yer a bad example to use here. Yer a dang exception to virtually any rule ever made, ya' know." She grinned. He wasn't wrong about that.

"Yep. And don't you forget it, dude. Dash don't play by no pony's rules, yo." (Aww...dammit...that was...stupid...) It was indeed pretty lame. But...Mac...he looked amused. He thought she was cute. She was glad.

Rainbow had nothing against that lesbo stuff personally, but she couldn't understand how any mare couldn't be attracted to a creature as fucking glorious as the big, red beast washing dishes with her right this moment. Rainbow hungrily leered at every magnificent detail of his perfection. He was like a goddamn statue of an Equus Empire god! She imagined how it would feel to grope every hardened inch of his body. The power...the sheer tension...force...he could probably tear another pony literally in fucking half. All that brute strength...that muscle... But he would never hurt Rainbow...no. He'd just ravish her like a wild animal until she began pleading for him not to stop. Dominating her completely...making her cry out in pure ecstasy...hearing the svelte, rich melody of his deep baritone in her ears, as though the sound was the audible incarnate of sex itself. (Oh...man...uh oh...wings. Wings! Down! Phew...) That chestnut brown Stetson that cast a surreptitious, suggestive shadow over his arcane, angelic eyes that had burned through her mind and etched their visage into the pit of her soul...that light, groomed beard that accentuated his chiseled jaw...the way he casually held that cigarette in his mouth like he didn't give even the slightest of fucks. (...kinda' like Manelon Brando...) How could any mare not want to hit that?! Even the most hardcore lesbian had to at least consider going to bat for the "other team" to get a quick slice of Apple pie.

"Girl...yer somethin' else, I tell ya' what. Just ain't too sure what said "somethin' else" belies. Or even is."

"Hehehe...uhh..." She had no idea what "belies" meant.

"You okay, Rainbow? Ya' look li-" She found the perfect opportunity to disguise her ignorance.

"Oh, shit! Listen! I love this part! Shhh!" She hushed him, and began humming the lyrics to the song's chorus...(nice save...nice...)

"Hear a purrin' motor,

And she's a burnin' fuel!! She's a burnin'! Yeaaah!" She began quietly singing in earnest. Mac, much to her surprise, joined in.

"Push it over baby!!

Oh, I'm makin' looooove to yooouuu!! Makin' loooove to yooooouuu!!" She blushed deeply while singing that last line with him...their voices intertwined to form a single, rich melody. Her voice's sandy timbre perfectly complimented the deep, silken texture of Mac's own. He had such a beautiful voice. It was so much more sensual...more pleasant to the ears than hers. It was smooth...like milk chocolate. Her own voice was fucking scratchy and annoying. She hated it. She hated it. Wretched.

"Yo, Red." The stallion in question abated his angelic crooning to address his little friend.

"Yeah, Blue?" "Blue?" Not bad. Better than "Dashie."

"Hehehe...well...I got this sneaking suspicion that this song is about fucking.", she stated in a quiet deadpan. The big stallion ceased washing dishes and covered his eyes with his hooves, as he lost any former semblance of his quiet stoicism. The great, red beast began giggling uncontrollably, despite his best efforts to prevent himself from do so. She loved his laugh. His giggling. A big, macho giggling like a little colt? (...hehehe...he's so goddamn cute...) He was.

"Hehehe...oh, man...I can't...oh....damn, girl..." It took him a full minute to recover. Ditzy merely sat at the breakfast table awkwardly, wondering what was so funny. It was clear that the poor girl wanted to take part but was too confused and nervous. Rainbow wanted to give her a hug...but...she had some hang-ups when it came to expressing her affection for another mare.

"Well, come on, bro. What else is it about?" Definitely about fucking. Definitely.

"Hehehe....well...I dunno'. You seriously tellin' me that this here song's anythin' but innocent an' decent?"

"Yep. It's about fucking. Called it." Mac's eyes comically bulged in faux-horror.

"N-no! Noooooo....no...can't be! Everythin' I've ever known is a lie!"

"Hehehe....what'd you think it was about, dude? C'mon."

"I done thought it were 'bout a lil', ole choo-choo train, chuggin' along in the warm sunshine...goin' on it's cute, lil' ole' way...deliverin' a load a' teddy bears to the young an' infirmed." He was so goofy. So cute. So much fun. (...baby...)

"Hehehe...what?"

"Eeyup. An' maybe stoppin' at various train stations to pick up some puppy dogs an' bunnies fer passengers to take home with 'em."

"Hehehe...wow. That's...that's pretty gay, dude...hehe..."

"Oh, hush up, girl! Why you always gotta' make every lil' thang puerile an' salacious as all hell?"

"The fuck is "puerile?" And "salacious?" Sounds like...some sort of adjective to describe a fuckin' like...salad or somethin'. She honestly didn't know. But the big stallion thought she merely joking.

"Hehehe...yeah, right. You know...means sophomoric an' indecent or vulgar. Ya' cain't fool me, girl. I know you ain't ignorant." He thought she was smart. Like...she was worth something.

"Hehehe...pfft. Whatever. That's just how I roll." (...stupid...stupid...so dumb! Lame.)

"Is it now? Weeeellll...I'm startin' to think yer a bad influence on me, girl. I better watch out fer you." (Yeah, you better. You have no idea what'd I love to do that tight, fuckin' bo-cut it out!! Grow up!) Rainbow leaned in close to whisper.

"Hehehe....yeah. You better.", she said in a low, threatening tone while poking him in his hard, muscled side with her left forehoof. (G-goddamn, baby!...he's...he's nothing but muscle...wow...) Mac responded with more comical horror.

"B-bad touch! Bad touch!" It was indeed. The things she'd like to do to the big guy would never make it on the shelves of a public bookstore. (...maybe in that one store with the big, pink neon sign...hehehe...in the back room behind the curtain, maybe.) Rainbow merely giggled and watched Mac's comical display.

"You done touched my no-no place! I need an adult!" Rainbow collected herself and leaned back in to whisper threateningly again.

"Guess what? I am an adult." Mac's demeanor shifted to a complete deadpan.

"That's contestable." Rainbow's eyes widened.

"OH! OH! Dayumn! BURN!!" It was a pretty good burn, she had to admit.

"We got some lidocaine hydrochloride burn salve in the cabinet. Shall I fetch it and apply it to the affected areas, Madame'? It'll feel good as new after a while."

"Hehehe...that's what she said." Red had chosen a rather poor time to take a sip of coffee.

"Pffftt.....eheheheh...damn...I can't...hehehe...take much more of you." She was so overjoyed that he liked her sense of humor. That he didn't think she was just vulgar and...and annoying.

"Also, what she said." The big lug laughed until he began wheezing.

"Hehehe...ow...it...hurts to laugh...now look what ya' gone and done? I'm sore all over."

"That's what she said." Derpy began nervously laughing from where she was sitting. She just wanted to join in all the fun. She probably had no idea what the joke was.

"Okay...hehehe....okay already, girl! Hehehe...gimme' a dang break already, Rainbow."

"That's what she said...no...wait! Awww! Dammit!" She turned a deep shade of crimson. She prayed that Red hadn't misinterpreted that joke as meaning more than what it was. It was one of her most sensitive hot-buttons.

"Hehehe....oh!! Self-administered burn!! Yer somethin' else, girl." She smiled. He hadn't made a big deal out of it.

"Hehehe...yeah...that came out wrong...sorry. Oh, snap! Chorus is coming back on! You take the low notes, I'll take the high notes!" Mac nodded and smiled. The two of them crooning the chorus once again.

"Hear that purrin' motor!! Yeah, she's a burnin'!! She's a burnin'!!"

"Push it over, baby! We're maaaakin' loooove....we're makin' loooove to yooooou, yeah..." Mac turned to address her.

"Damn, baby girl! That's a lovely voice, you got there. Ya' got a pretty unique timbre to it, too. Beautiful. Hehehe...I reckon we'd make a lovely duet." Her face reddened and her knees nearly buckled out from underneath her, as her mind was rendered inoperable by force of his sweet validations. But...she...had to say something...like...stuff back to him...

"N-no way, man. My voice is...like...annoying an' shit." (Shut up!! Shut up, stupid!) "Sometimes...sometimes like when my throat is dry...like...uhh..." (Why can't I shut up?!) "...and I'm tryin' to sing, my voice like...pops an' junk. Kinda' like a teenage colt...uhh...that came out...weird...uhh..." (WHY. CAN'T. I. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP?!!!) "...ya' know like with karaoke? You're singing for ten straight minutes, an' your throat gets all dry, so you go to the bar...like to buy another beer...but uhh...you're outta' cash..." (Oh God...I'm still going...this is painful...jeez, man...) "...so you like...uhh... gotta' keep making trips to the water fountain by the mare's restroom...and...uhh...I don't know where I was goin' with all this...just uhh...ignore me....I'll shut up now..." Mac's expression of near transcendent confusion said it all for Rainbow.

"Uhh...I beg yer pardon, Rainbow?" What had happened to "girl-bro Rainbow?" Not only was she again uncomfortable alone in his presence, but she had also seemingly accrued the added bonus of perplexing the fuck out of the guy. (Great! Awesome! Good job, dumbshit! I swear to fuckin' God!!! I am SO gonna' staple these friggin' lips shut soon as I get a chance!!!)

"Oh, uh...my voice is like...stupid. I really like yours, though...it's...really...neat..." ("Neat?" "NEAT?!" What are you?! Friggin' fifty years old?!)

"Well...uhh...thank ya' kindly, Rainbow, but my assessment still warrants validity. You have a lovely voice. It ain't annoyin'. And I like it. Fuckin' deal with it.", he said in a complete deadpan tone of voice. She was completely floored. What should she say?! (Say "thank you!" Say it!)

"Uhh...um...th-that's...that's good...super good...fuck..." (That was not a "thank you." That was a shit hemorrhage of the brain that ended in a friggin' word salad like something one of those schizo, mental ward ponies would say. Nice.)

"You shouldn't be so dang self-conscious all the time, Rainbow. Who cares what some a-hole who don't even like ya' thinks? If they don't like ya', then fuck 'em. Take them unwarranted criticisms an' toss 'em all into yer "Fuck-it Bucket." Then be on yer merry, lil' ole way." Rainbow's massive brain fart prevented her from doing anything more than devolving her speech into a series of unintelligible squeaks and manic giggles. (Work, brain! Work, damn you! What do I even pay you for, jerkoff!? You're just chillin' up there rent-free!!)

"Oh, and hey. Look. All done with the dishes. That was fast. Thanks, Lil' Blue." She nodded and smiled at him with a dopey grin. He didn't even seem to notice that her even most tentative grasp of the Equestrian language had slipped entirely through her hooves. This was...this was nice...just...enjoying his voice. His deep, sensual words tenderly caressing her ears and heart. She felt...happy. Drunk. It was...nice.

"You okay, Lil' Blue? Ya' don't mind the new nickname do ya'?" She shook her head and giggled some more. (Brain...brain...poop...) "Lil' Blue" sounded like the most clever nickname in the world to her in this context. In fact, she should've been born that name. The fuck was wrong with her parents, naming her "Rainbow Dash?!" That was a retarded-ass name. Stupid assholes...(he's...he's so smart....hehehe...)

"N-no, man. That's like...perfect. So much better than friggin' "Dashie." Mac cringed as he and Rainbow put away the last of the dishes in the cupboards.

"Ugh. Guess you don't like the diminutive form a' yer name neither. Heh. Ditto." She shook her head, still wearing her goofy grin. It was as though she had somehow been intoxicated by his presence...drunk on it...how?

"Well...hey, I don't think I ever officially paid ya' back fer helpin' us out all those times...what with the cider contest an' all. Lemme' rectify that..." Mac reached into his saddlebag and procured a large, silver key hanging on a thick, black cord. (Huh? What's this?) He placed it gently around her neck.

"Uhh...Mac? Wha...huh?" (Brain...still...no...good...poop...) She had since lost all hope of mentally processing anything in her current condition. Mac's demeanor changed to a roguish nonchalance. Like he was in charge. Like he held all the cards. And honestly?...Rainbow knew as much. He held all the power. If he had told her to murder somepony she'd never met in exchange for a single kiss, she would've merely asked "Who? And where? And are we talkin' tongue here?...please be with tongue..."

"Listen. This here key opens a very special door to a very special place somewhere here on the farm. I ain't gonna' spoil the surprise, but I think you'll really appreciate this." He was grinning devilishly at her...like he had something planned...

"M-Mac? Hey, what is this? I..." He pulled her close to whisper something to her discreetly. His lips...his lips were inches away from her own. She could just...just move an inch forward, and she'd be kissing him. She drank in the ghostly, otherworldly beauty of his eyes...just an inch forward...one inch kept them apart...(...baby...is...is this it?! Finally?!!...please...) What was all this...had all this "key business" been a clever ruse to get her close like this? It was kind of superfluous. All he'd had to have done was tell her his true intentions, and she would've torn into him like a lovesick wolverine high on meth and an outlawed, Zebrican aphrodisiac.

"Shhh. Listen real close...this here's a closely guarded Apple family secret. Only me, AJ, an' Granny know 'bout this. Bloom's too young...don't tell her. She ain't old enough to keep a secret. Lil' thing'll go an' blab without even being aware she's doin' it..." Rainbow dumbly nodded...he was so close...she was entranced...his voice was like velvet...his eyes...his scent...she greedily drank it all in. (What...what is wrong with me..? Wait...I know the answer to that...it's...kinda' easier to ask the opposite question...)

"O-okay...", she murmured slavishly. Her mind wasn't her own right now. Mac wasn't even trying to consciously entrance her like this. He probably wasn't even aware of his ability to do so. But goddamn...she didn't even remotely care right now. This was just like the time she'd lost her temper lifting weights with him a few days ago. All she could think about was how damn good it'd feel to eschew all her inhibitions and just kiss him...deeply...her mind was running blank...

"Consider this an Apple clan official "thank you" gift fer bein' a friend to us. I have to go into town in a bit to pick up a few things. Today's Sunday, so you an' Miss Ditzy can take the day off to get yer bearin's straight. Applejack can give y'all a tour of the place in a bit...then...just show her this key I gave ya', an' tell her I said y'all are "cleared for entry." She'll know whatcha' mean, an' show ya' which door that there key unlocks." Rainbow merely nodded, swaying back and forth like a drunken lush to every velvety syllable that was borne of her beloved's lips...the sweet vessels from whence her mind had built it's own chains. But hey...his voice was sexy...so whatever.

"Um...o-okay...but...what's this all about, Red? I'm...confused..." And oh, was she ever. But the big lug merely smiled gently at her.

"I don't wanna' spoil the surprise. Just trust me on this. It's pretty dang awesome...an' that's a word to which yer quite partial, aintcha', sugarcube?" She merely nodded slavishly again, drinking the soft warmth of his voice like wine. She wondered what it could be? She was starting to feel pretty excited. It could be anything! An Apple family secret...it could...it could be an entire year's worth of cider!! Or...or the entire, complete collection of Playmare magazine! Or a...a Wonderbolts-themed fight club! Bare-hoof boxing and everything! Or...or...a rocket ship! Made out of chocolate! Or even something that actually made sense! Hopefully, it-

"...it's not a meth lab...I hope." Oops. She had said one of her errant musings aloud. But Mac was amused.

"Hehehe...awww...hell...ya' guessed it!"

"R-really?!" Uh oh.

"No. No, Rainbow. It's not a meth lab."

"Oh. I-I didn't mean nothin' by all that, dude. Just kiddin' around...hehehe...you know me, right?" Her nervous laughter didn't disguise anything.

"Hehehe...I know. Lil' Miss Rainbow Roughneck and the Fuckaround Gang." She burst into giggles. What the hell? That was the most random thing!

"What does that even...hehehe...what...?...the hell, Red?!" But the big guy merely shrugged.

"Is Miss Ditzy good at keepin' secrets, too?" The mailmare in question perked up at the evocation of her name.

"Uhh...yeah...totally, dude. She's like...a safe...or some shit..." (Ya' know, brain...if you can't think up anything smart to say, then could you at least stop me from blabbering like an idiot?!)

"Okay, then. Miss Ditzy...would ya' like to accompany Rainbow?" Ditzy began chittering something virtually indecipherable in a barely audible volume about how she was trustworthy and would totally love to take part in super fun secret stuff.

"She said "yeah." Ditzy squeaked plaintively and nodded. The beeping of a nearby oven timer prompted Mac to remove a fragrant, newly baked apple pie from within and set it to cool on a nearby open window sill. Rainbow wasn't all that much a fan of apple pie (Cherry's better.), but this one smelled delectable enough to be worth trying.

"Alright, then. 'Member to get AJ to show ya' the door. Might have to wait sometime later this week, though. She's awful busy right now. An' also...this ain't just an arbitrary secret meant to seem secret fer no reason. This can get us Apples in some real hot water, so be mindful of whom you tell it. Just be careful is all I ask. Okay, ladies?" Both Pegasi dumbly nodded, grinning like a pair of seduced, amorous baboons. Rainbow had completely forgotten to say "thank you."

"Alright, then. See y'all in a bit." And with that final farewell Mac headed out the kitchen screen door and went on his way. The two mares were left standing awkwardly in the kitchen side-by-side as the effects of John Apple's presence wore off. Rainbow was the first to break the silence.

"Wha-...what? Uhh...the fuck just happened? I hope we didn't just get roped into being drug mules or something..."

"Oh, no...not again...", said Ditzy in a low tone of voice.

"Heh. Yeah...I mean...like I was just kidd-wait!! What?!" What did Ditzy just say again?!

"Huh?"

"Not "huh!" "What?"

"What?"

"Grrrr!!! No! Not "what" as in the word "what!" "What" as in "what did you just say?!" She was losing her patience.

"What."

"I just told you!"

"No, I was answering you, Rainbow. You asked me what I just said. I just asked "what?" This was going nowhere.

"Whatever! Screw it. Just forget about it..."

"Already did! That was easy! Now...what were we talking about again?...hmm..." Rainbow stared at her little, wall-eyed friend in reverence. Ditzy Doo was so stupid...so incredibly dumb...that she was smart. Somehow. Rainbow wasn't sure how that was even possible. But it apparently was.

"Holy...I just...what?...Ditzy...did you grow up under power lines? Or eat a whole lotta' paint chips as a kid?" Ditzy began to giggle. At least she was in a better mood. "Goofy Ditzy" was immensely preferable to "Downer Ditzy."

"Hehehe...no, silly! Hehehe...why does everypony keep asking me that?" She honestly didn't seem to understand. Rainbow merely snickered.

"Yeah. I wonder." Ditzy turned away and headed towards the table. Likely to get another danish or muffin.

"Okey dokey, Rainbow! Imma' get a muffin!" Yep. She called it.

"Sure. But try not to choke on it, okay? Remember...small bites, Ditzy..." It was a lame joke, but Ditzy wasn't present to comment. The sound of a sudden crash on the table behind caught her attention.

"Oh, shit! Ditzy! You alright!?" Rainbow helped her to her hooves. Ditzy had a slight bruise on her noggin, but she was otherwise fine. How'd she manage to trip over a big ass table like that?!

"Ow....my head..."

"You okay?! How many hooves am I holding up?"

"Two."

"Yeah. That's right. You sure you're fine?"

"Uh huh. I'm okay. Mr. Apple is cute...hehehe..." Rainbow no longer felt any trappings of her former jealous rage. Ditzy was just...innocent.

"Yeah. He is. Well...doesn't look like you broke anything...on the table or on you."

"Hehehe....and he's really nice..." The hell?

"Uhh...yeah. He is."

"And strong." Rainbow was getting a bit annoyed. And the sound of Red's radio randomly playing whatever track was on his cassette tape wasn't really helping.

"Yeah."

"And he smells nice...hehehe..."

"Yeah. Bathing will do that, Ditzy. Small wonders an' shit."

"His voice is nice, too..."

"Once again...yeah. You done yet? Between you and Mac, I can't take this much longer."

"That's what she said." Rainbow wrinkled her brow and dropped her jaw in disbelief. She'd somehow been hoisted by her own pitard.

"Wha-what?...uhh..."

"Yeah. You know, Rainbow...you're gonna' get permanently friend-zoned if you keep this up. If you don't make a move pretty soon, he'll find somepony else. He's pretty hot. And smart. And he's the type of guy to stay completely oblivious to any sort of signal you're trying to send him. You're gonna' hafta' make the first move. Otherwise this is merely a self-deprecating display that, I must admit, is more than a little bit demeaning. Get in there, Rainbow, or this impromptu marriage of an exercise in futility and some lapdog-styled self-flagellation will have served no purpose other than that of making you even more miserable." The...table...when Ditzy hit her head, her intelligence must've increased a thousand fold...no wait...that's still too stupid...a million fold!!! She must be a genius now!!

"D-Ditzy!! H-how d'ya' know all this stuff alla' sudden?!! What the fuck?!"

"I dunno. Just do."

"Whatever! Don't look a gift horse in the mouth! So...what should I do?! I'm too freaked to just come out an' tell 'im!!" Rainbow had to take advantage of what was so clearly a gift from the gods themselves. She had no idea how long this enlightened state would last. But she was damn sure it wasn't permanent.

"Oh, it's pretty simple, Rainbow. In fact, you might've already thought of it. But it's a foolproof, guaranteed way of gettin-...uhh...oww...I have a headache..." Ditzy put her forehoof to her little, blonde-maned noggin.

"Ditz?! Yo! You okay?! What were you gonna' say?! Your advice?! What was it?!! C'mon!! Please!!"

"I like muffins!" Too late.

"OH, MOTHERFU-"

The sound of the nearby radio suddenly blasting some tacky mariachi music cut her off.

Chapter Twelve: Chasing The Ghosts Away

Mac didn't feel so good. (Good...good...no. Like her...no...fucking acid in my throat...) After he'd gotten back from the hardware store with the new roof tiles and a fresh carton of orange juice and a case of beer (for her) from the grocer later that evening, the effects of the speed had taken a turn for worse. The euphoria was completely gone, like a benevolent ruler deposed by a wicked usurper. Dysphoria was now the ruling king that sat upon the dope throne. (BlackKingKingofRatsgonna'splitmyheadinhalf) Mac had quickly ushered himself past his family after dropping off the supplies he'd procured and locked himself in his room without so much as an explanation. AJ had come and knocked on his door to ask if he was okay...he'd reassured her, telling her that he just didn't feel well...but he didn't think she was fully convinced.

Of course, he'd had to make several trips across the hall to the bathroom after being slammed with a violent bout of vomiting and diarrhea...he'd barely been able to hide from his family. They probably thought he was just violently ill. Mac ritualistically paced around the room...he scratched at the various itching spots that were forming in his skin underneath his thick, fluffy coat. (...they're under the skin...fuckin'...bitin' me...) His lustrous, red coat was matted with sweat and his heart was racing. His chest was constricted...too tight...it was painful. This tachycardia was life-threatening. He was headed for a massive thrombosis and an early grave. (...don'tevendeservenograveeventhemfuckin'wormseatin'me'lldeservebetter...) He could tell. He'd been here before.(...tothisplacethisfuckin'HolebeenherebeforebutIhateititsmellswhiskeyan'vomitmakeyerselfathomeJohn'causeyouain'tleavin'notimesoonohGod...)

"Shit...shit...shit...I OD'd. I just know it....gotta' stop...but...benzos, maybe? No...take too long...not enough time..."

Mac knew he was getting hit by a nasty case of amphetamine hyper-intoxication...and stimulant psychosis was setting in. Really...it was a bit superfluous. Like he needed any help getting more psychotic. Normally, it took several days of binging with no sleep for amphetamine psychosis to kick in, but the massive dose Mac had taken coupled with the fact that he was already mentally unstable had greatly sped the process. And also...Mac hadn't had any quality sleep in weeks except for his drug-induced stupor that morning. And it was rattling his brain. He could hear things that he couldn't see. Things that were just out of his eyes' ability to perceive. They were awful black things. They made noises in his head. Noises that itched. Scratching sounds from Nowhere. Mac's eyes and muscles were twitching rapidly...his knees were shaking, and his teeth were chattering. His thoughts were racing. Errant. They jumbled together to form obscene, unintelligible lumps of language. (...eatin'fuckin'an'dyin'areallI'mgoodfercuzIain'tworthnothin'more'nwormfoodnowworthlessstupidjunkiewithnocontrolnowyou'vegonean'killedyourselfwhatisyerfamilygonna'donow?...)

(....thisisallmyfault...IbroughtthisonmyselfsoIdeservetodieanddyin'mightbebetter'nfeelin'thisgoddamnpitinmyheartmapaI'msorry'speciallymaI'msosorryMamaI...Ifailedyouworstof...worst of all...you'dbesoashamedofmerightnowif'nya'werestillherebutmaybeit'sbetterthatyouan'Daddy'regonesoy'allcan'tseewhatapatheticpiecea'shitjunkieforasony'allraisedthisgoddamnformication'slikebugscrawlin'undermyskinitfuckin'itchesan'Iknowitain'trealan'it'sjustparesthesiaan'bloodvesselsinmyskingettingbackcirculationbutitwon'tstopmyheadisbreakin'downithurtsMamasavemeplease...I'm so sorry, Mama...)

"God...why...w-why did I t-take three extra doses?!....w-why?...how many m-milligrams did I take?...where'd I put that f-fuckin' box?!!" After frantically rifling through the drug paraphernalia hidden in his closet, he'd found the box in question. He read the dosage on the label...

"Type 39A Dextroamphetamine M-Methyefferlef-fuck....metha...c-cant even talk right without m-my t-teeth chatterin'...Methylephedrone Sulfate, 40 mg, 50 Tablets." Oh...fuuuuuck....forty?! H-how...how many is that t-times seven...two eighty!! I'm...I'm dead. D-dead. An' I'm 'sposed to be a fuckin' genius?!!" He had taken a dosage that would have easily been enough to kill a normal stallion. But why? Why? (...reason...reason is dead...layin' in a coffin upstairs...)

"W-why'd I take so goddamn much?! Sh-shit....no...if...if I don't m-make it...Applebloom's liable to find me...all c-curled up an' room temperature on the f-floor..." He knew why. (...breakbreakbreakbreakit'sbreakingdownIcan'tstopmyheadisfallingapartbutthemonsterhasalreadyclimbeddownfromthereandnowit'sbitingatmebutIdeserveit'causeImadeitthatway...) He knew why. He knew why. Why. (Why..)

But did he really know? The question echoed in his skull in what could be the last few minutes of his life. And today of all days...after he'd felt so damn good today. He knew it wasn't the speed either. He'd had enough experience with the stuff to know the difference. Normally, the stuff just made him jittery. He knew the chemical euphoria it produced paled in comparison to the beautiful feelings he'd had earlier today. No. It had been real. Again. For the first time in years. He'd felt so much love for his family today...and for Rainbow...it'd been such a sweet feeling. It'd felt so good to just...see his family and beloved, sitting and eating together...they'd complimented his cooking over and over. Despite his racing madness and the thundering heartbeats pounding in his chest, Mac still smiled at the thought of them all...the way they were. Even though Bloom and AJ had been so irritating and had bickered all through breakfast, his love for them had felt stronger than he'd ever remembered it. He'd been so overwhelmed by it. He'd been so overjoyed to feel again. He hadn't felt much of anything in years.

"I...I l-love...*sob*...I..." He couldn't finish his sentence. The words had died and were now stuck in the back of his throat. That's the only place where the dead words could float.

The drugged out stallion began sobbing like a foal, his tears rolling freely over his cheeks. The mad thoughts flashed through his head with no abatement in sight...no end. He could run from the physical things that had hurt him, but the shit in his head followed him everywhere he went...it was like his own portable Hell. (...hehehe...I can imagine the radio ad to sell that shit..."Tired of leavin' yer troubles at home? Wanna' be fuckin' miserable everywhere ya' go, no matter where ya' go? Have we got the product fer you, you poor, dumb bastard!!") He wept and laughed at his own mad joke simultaneously as he obsessively paced about his room, twitching and hyperventilating...the thoughts began eating away at him...there wasn't much left of him to eat now...

(Mysweetlil'babysisters...IloveyoubothsomuchI'msorryIwon'tbe'roundtowatchBloomgrowupandseey'allbothgetmarriedtoadecentstallionan'havekidsonedayandnowy'all'reprobablygonna'hafta'buryyourownfuckin'brothercuzhewastoofuckin'weaktolivelifelikeanormalgoddamnponyan'sweetlil'oleGrannyI'msorryIletya'downyouwerecountin'onmetobethefuckin'stallionofthehousean'providefery'allbutIcouldn'tbuckthefuckupan'dealwithlifeIwastooweakan'scarednowyergonna'hafta'goitalonean'takechargealloveragainyouwerehopin'ya'couldjustretirean'relaxinyeroldagebutnow...but now...nowIdonefuckedeveryone'slivesupcuzIwastooselfish...IhopeIburninmotherfuckingHellforwhatIdidtoy'all...I deserve no less...I...I DeSErvE NO FuCkInG LeSs!!!! YoUR FaULt!!! YOu JuNkIE-FuCK!! YoU WoRTHLeSS CoCKSuCKING WAsTE OF SkIN An' FLeSh!! YOUr FAuLT!!! YoU...FuCKiNG...WORM!!! AuAAauauuugGHHHHhhGGHhh!!!) But he couldn't die just yet. His family couldn't afford that luxury. He needed to fight it. And he didn't want to leave them. (...their faces...)

"I can't...I c-can't leave yet...they n-need me *sob*...th-they'll lose the g-goddamn farm without me...an' Rainbow...baby...y-you were hurtin' so bad......I wanted t-to help you, baby doll...and *sob*...I j-just wanted...I wanted y-you so g-goddamn bad. I'm s-so sorry, angel...I wish I coulda' loved you up close...*sob*...oh...God...I-I can still hear y-yer sweet, little v-voice...s-singin' with m-me...s-sweet little f-face smilin' up at m-me...*sob*" It was so hard to think now. He was trying, but his head kept aching. It hurt. The tears continued to fall. All he'd wanted to do today was cook for the girl he loved and his family. John Apple had never felt so ashamed of himself in his entire life.

(...twistingonthefloortwistinguptobitemeshameshameshameyoubuiltthisfuckin'shameboyyoubuiltitoutofacidan'nowyerdrownin'inityoumotherfuckeran'Ihopeyouchokeonityoufuckin'worm...)

His thoughts turned to his sweet, old Granny. She had been in high form today, too, playfully picking at him for his blatant feelings for Rainbow. The old gal was the most perceptive of all the Apples. She'd probably picked up on how he felt about the stunning, little tomcolt immediately from how giddy he'd acted around her...how happy he'd seemed just seeing her. But that hadn't stopped the old gal from teasing him. She'd made their conversation so awkward at breakfast. Mac laughed at the thought through his veil of tears. The wise, old biddy was still such a handful of trouble at her age. And poor Ditzy Doo...the sweet, little thing had been so shy and miserable...he'd wanted to help the poor thing but couldn't. She was so goddamn innocent and sweet, too...like a little filly...the way she'd reacted when he'd offered to get her another glass of chocolate milk...he hoped somepony would find her one day. He'd find her and love her like she deserved...to fill the hole in her poor, little heart. It wasn't as though Mac himself had been able to help her...he couldn't save Milky...he couldn't even save himself. Another wave of madness rattled his mind. (nosavin'methere'snosavin'mecan'tsavemebuiltmyownsavioran'he'swhatkilledmehowcanhesaveme?) He couldn't be saved. He didn't deserve to be saved anyway.

"G-godammit, Mac...*sob*...stop feelin' sorry fer yerself...ya' gotta' do somethin'...think...*sob*...think..." It was easier to weep, though.

It hurt less to weep. It felt easier to not think. It hurt less. It was so hard to think now. The words were all crammed together in the back of his throat. They were coated in bonedust, trapped in the doorway of his head...they couldn't get out. He needed to find something...something to focus on...he needed to calm his mind, or he wouldn't live to see to the morning. It was he could do now to filter out the shrieking in his head. But he found it. The thoughts that would save his corroded skull. Why. The answer to why he did this to himself. He began searching for it inside his head. But where was it? And what was it?

"Was it b-because...of...b-because she s-smiled at me...?" Good. He would just keep thinking about her...about his love for her...to keep his mind together. He went back into his closet and began sorting through the various packets, boxes, and bottles of drugs and medications. He had to find something that would bring his heart rate and body temperature down...otherwise his heart would burst and his brain would fry itself inside his own skull. (Focus...think...think of her...)

He thought of the little, blue filly as he frantically searched through his chemical collection...his synagogue of pain. Just seeing her...the instant he saw her that morning...her mane had been tousled from sleep, and she'd looked a bit hungover...but she was still so beautiful. (...angel...you were so...so...) She was so rough around the edges. Adorable. Rambunctious. (...like Honey was...) Mac smiled despite his tears and continued searching for his "salvation." The fearless, little stunt flyer loved telling dirty jokes. (...hehehe..."That's what she said!"...I didn't wanna' laugh, but I did...oh...God, no, baby...) She'd tried so hard not to curse in front of Applebloom, but she just couldn't manage it. (...hehehe...baby, you tried, though...for me...) The two of them had meshed so well...he loved her personality. He could laugh and joke with her, and she didn't get offended or shocked when he poked fun at her. She liked him. He could tell...but...only as a friend. At least as far as he could tell. Not that it mattered. He'd already proved that he was too broken to be in love. Or at least, mutually in love. No girl could ever truly love him back. He had proven this twice already.

"Stop!! S-stop whinin', bitch!! K-keep lookin'! F-find it...find it..." Mac wiped away the tears so he could see better into the darkness of his closet. His search was becoming more and more desperate. He knew taking some benzodiazepines wouldn't do him any good now...the pills wouldn't have time to dissolve in his gullet. He'd be long dead by then.

"C'mon...c'mon!....where is it?! W-where'd the fuck I put it?!" He was looking for a small, paper packet of pure, white morphine sulfate powder. The powerful opioid painkiller was his only hope now. And he'd have to prep it first. (Rainbow...Rainbow...think...)

It had felt so damn good just being near her...she probably had no idea how much he loved her...she had been so close but still so far away. The two of them had sung together...her sweet voice echoed in his memory...but Rainbow had been self-conscious about it. He could tell. It was so cute. She told him that she hated her voice. But Mac didn't care. Her voice was wonderful. The voice of a roughneck angel. And he was so grateful to her...grateful for her help...for her friendship. A part of Mac had been overjoyed that she'd gotten herself evicted, although he knew that was an awful thing to be happy about. It meant he could swoop in and save her...be her hero...he needed her to need him...to need his help. And the love of his life had moved in and was now likely deep asleep in her assigned guest room...just a few feet down the hall...her angelic, little face draped in the gentle, silver light of the moon and stars. Mac's heart skipped a beat at the thought. Having her so near today had been so wonderful...he'd hated having to leave and go home when they concluded one of their training sessions together. He didn't want her go...and now she didn't have to go. She was here now...always close...just down the hall. He could see her any time he wanted...he didn't have rely on caressing the little, blue feather he'd saved that she'd left him to cheer himself up...to remind him of her. The real thing was always so near now...she had full control of his heart...it was hers and hers alone.

"Yeah!! F-found you, goddammit!!...okay...now...I g-gotta' just...j-just get it together an'...an' prep it..." He held his prize aloft his head to examine it in the dim light of his room.

He'd found the white packet of powder in question. All his madness and panicking had made him forget where the best place was to look for medical morphine: an emergency medkit. His heart soared with hope. It wasn't a guarantee of his survival, though. He still didn't have much time left. Hopefully, his error wouldn't cost him his life. The tightness in his chest intensified...his heart was beating mercilessly fast. He would still have to mix up the solution and prep it for injection. And that wasn't even considering the possibility that he could botch said injection. Who knew how much time he had left? Would he make it?

As Mac tore the packet open with shaking hooves to begin preparing it's contents to be used, he realized why he'd given her that key. It was a present. It wasn't from the Apple family at all. No. That was his cover. It was from him. To her...a gift of love. And he just knew she'd love it, too. (...I hope...I hope you love it...) It was right up her alley. And the surprise he'd built up around the key? Whew, boy! Did Rainbow ever love stuff like that! She loved adventure and mystery and whatnot. The girl went apeshit whenever she heard that Daring Do program come on the radio...(...it was...uhh...oh..."The Incredible Adventures Of Daring Do And Friends"...hehehe...she's so damn cute...) Rainbow had told him she listened to it every day it came on at 6 P.M., and she always tried to get off work early to catch it on air at her apartment or at the library...well...back when she had work. Mac had heard it himself once...it was a bit juvenile...but not bad...it wasn't boring, that was for sure. He felt it was somewhat reminiscent of those old, detective noir radio programs he, himself, had listened to when he was little. All that mystery and excitement...she could find so much wonder in the simplest of things...she had so much passion for life...she never stopped fighting. And he could tell she was in so much pain...but she never gave up...she was stronger than he. Mac had long since stopped fighting. She was everything that he was not....

"Everything I'm...everything...c'mon, man...g-get it together...focus...start mixin' this shit up..."

He knew this was pure, medical morphine that was exclusively issued to special forces soldiers in their first aid kits for use on long ops out in the middle of nowhere. Simple soldiers weren't trusted with the easily abused drug, so they had to rely on trained medics to administer the painkiller. And hell...even combat medics weren't insusceptible to becoming addicted to the stuff. In fact, over half the soldiers who became addicts were combat medics. But special forces couldn't rely on that kind of help. Way out in the lonely wilderness where Rangers and the like were often deployed, even basic necessities like food, water, and shelter became opulent luxuries; let alone having access to any emergency medical care personnel. So...yeah. Truly...truly the Imperial government had taken the best interests of it's defenders to heart.

"Eey-yup...sure was awful n-nice of the Castle to g-give us the means to make our d-dyin' screams of pain a b-bit more pleasant...heheh....oh, God..." It was a fairly generous gesture of good faith, really.

If a Ranger or covert operative had his leg blown off at the knee by a Diamond Dog separatist's improvised explosive, the Castle felt that the least it could do was ensure the guy wouldn't scream too loud...and tip the enemy off as to where he was...where he was clutching his bleeding stump of a leg...so the enemy wouldn't come and violate his corpse after he'd bled out. (...hehehe...that's...messed up, man...) Mac was thankful that he hadn't been a regular soldier at the time this particular medkit was issued to him...otherwise...well...he'd be pretty fucked right now. Even more so. Thankfully, the Castle put a lot of faith in their highly disciplined, elite forces and fully trusted them to not abuse their allotted resources...like this packet of morphine. But it was powerful stuff. It was a very high dosage and only intended to be used as an emergency analgesic in the field...via syringe injection. This stuff was far too strong in potency to be used in civilian hospitals in any single dosage. Mac readied the various things he'd need from his medkit to prep the dosage and spread them out on his nightstand. Luckily, he had everything he needed...except a pair of steady hooves. His own hooves were trembling worse than a cracked out hummingbird locked in a freezer.

"C'mon...c-c'mon...steady...d-don't spill it...y-yer dead if ya' sp-spill it, man..." He preoccupied his feverish, trembling mind with thoughts of Rainbow...and his gift for her..

What could be a better gift to offer his angel than a key that led to a secret place full of things that he knew she would love? It was a stroke of brilliance on his part, he had to admit. She'd been so confused and flustered...so cute and awkward...babbling. He felt bad tripping her up like that, but the deep blush on her baby blue cheeks had made it worth it...his heart had skipped a beat, seeing her smile at him like that...the sweet flush of pink gracing her pretty, little features. She was happy. She was thankful. She had no idea what he'd offered her, but her wonderous, little imagination had probably conjured up something truly wonderful. It had been worth it just to see her smile at him. Worth it. Worth it. (Worth it. Because I'm worthless.)

"C'mon...almost...almost d-done..." (...mixmixmixmixthedopemixmixmixfeedthediseaseyousickfuck...)

He fought the terrible thoughts away again...he had to keep his mind focused on one thing...it was the only thing that would give him hope. (...baby...) He was almost done mixing the morphine sulfate powder up with a little bit of sodium chloride at a 0.9% concentration from a half-empty IV bag. He'd used it before. He'd been mixing the milky white stuff with a disposable plastic spoon in a small, curved pan he'd found in his medkit...he had no idea what it's originally intended purpose was and didn't much care right now anyway. After the odorless, crystalline powder had completely dissolved in the sodium chloride base, Mac laid the tarnished, old pan of the now translucent liquid on the edge of his nightstand. Now he needed a lighter...of course...it wasn't anywhere to be found. This was most assuredly due to the fact that Mac was in desperate need of it right this moment.

"Okay...okay...now...man...w-where the fuck did I put it?! I just f-fuckin' had it!! W-why is it that I c-can find fuckin' tons of lighters goddamn everywhere b-but only when I ain't l-lookin' fer one?!!"

It was a bit ironic, really. He wasn't surprised. His luck had always been kind of shitty. And he didn't have much time left. He only had about a minute left on the clock of the scoreboard, and the visiting team was a point ahead. This was "sudden death"...this was "overtime." But he had to win the game, or he'd let his team down. The audience was rooting for him. His maddened thoughts conjured the appropriate accompaniment/delusion for such a thing: A cheer squad of cute, college-age fillies started leading the home team's audience in a classic cheer, clapping and encouraging Mac and telling him that he could make it in time. (...hehehe..."Let's go, dopefiend!! *clap clap clapclapclap* Let's go, dopefiend!! *clap clap clapclapclap*") The utterly psychotic delusion sent the red stallion into a maddened fit of laughter. You could say what you wanted about him being...well...batshit crazy, but you couldn't fault him for his creativity.

"Hehehe...oh...what the hell...h-hey! Yeah! Th-there you are, motherfucker!!", he whispered in a low, hoarse voice to the object in question.

He'd found his father's old lighter. In his panic, he'd knocked it behind his nightstand. He immediately put the butane lighter to work, heating the bottom of the metal pan holding the morphine sodium chloride solution. After a few precious seconds, he'd managed to the heat the solution up to about ninety or so degrees Mareinheit...ideally, you'd want to shoot for ninety eight degrees body temperature...but he didn't have the luxury of time to reheat the solution. He'd have to wing it and hope for the best. Mac carefully grabbed a clean, empty syringe with a hypodermic, hollow needle with his shaking forehooves...he cautiously...painstakingly lowered the needle into the solution and filled the syringe up to the brim. He was ready to intravenously administer his "salvation." (...the new, chemical God in my veins...metal blood full of piety...) He knew he needed to aim for the median cubital vein on the inside of one of his forehooves' knees...these were often referred to as "elbows" by some ponies. If he was even slightly off his mark, he'd end up shooting the stuff intramuscularly into the dense mass of muscles in his forehoof. Then the morphine wouldn't directly enter his bloodstream and wouldn't affect his central nervous system quickly enough to make a difference. It might take as long as three minutes...three minutes he didn't have. Mainlining it was his only option here... He readied the needle...

"Only one sh-shot at this...d-don't fuck this up....c'mon..." There was good possibility he might, though. It was getting hard to see what with the pouring sweat and tears in his eyes that he was constantly having to wipe away.

He didn't have time to tie a tourniquet around his upper forehoof to make the intended vein more visible, and his thick coat made it difficult to see it to begin with. Luckily, he was well acquainted with the equine physiology from his emergency medical training back in the military. He'd taken several special classes to perform combat first aid...but this was still a precarious procedure to botch. He would have to take great care administering the dose. But missing his vein with the hypodermic suddenly became a secondary concern to John Apple. His madness wouldn't be so easily thwarted it seemed. The Vacuum in his head had sent him a present by express delivery: a ghost from his most terrible memory. It began to echo it's acidic songs inside his cracked, bleeding skull. The Black was a formidable opponent, he had to admit. It was really pulling out all the stops to drive him completely mad...and then kill him as an ablution for his sins.

And honestly...Mac couldn't blame it, really.

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She was not happy. This was a bad place. A cold place. The meat...it tasted...wrong. It tasted like metal. It wasn't good...but it was filling. She picked her teeth with her claws, removing pieces of red gristle from the serrated, blue fangs. She hated this place. The sky...the noises...the beasts...they were all alien. And she may have erred. She may have ruined her chance to go home. But she couldn't help it. She had been so hungry. She couldn't tell how long ago it had been before her last meal before her most recent one...the one she'd made of the two, weak hoof creatures in the awful, green forest where the alien beasts cried out in dissonant bleats...voices that she couldn't understand. It was hard to tell time here. This sun was so bright during the Light Time...right now it was the Dark Time. It changed back and forth constantly. It was terrifying. Her own world was warm and dark. Comforting. It was always nice and dark. Here...here the sky changed to many different colors. Too many. The yellow sun that maligned her with a harsh, candescent light changed after a while....it changed into a dim, white sun. The sky would turn black, and the little, white stars would shine...like her home...but the sky was black. Not blue. Just a short time ago, the sky had been the color of blood and fire. Now it was black. She looked up through the forest canopy at the wretched, ebony void that mocked her. It was wrong. A bad sky. She didn't belong here.

Just a while ago...when it was still the Light Time, she'd been stalking through the mad, green forest in search of...anything...anything at all to eat. She hadn't been sure what she could eat here. Would she get sick? She didn't know. The metal hoof-creature had told her that the Sparr-Kewhl was good to eat, but now...she wasn't so sure. She felt nauseous. Maybe her metal master had lied to her. After all...the two hoof creatures she'd eaten in the forest earlier had tasted awful. She'd happened upon them while they were mating...the act was easily recognizable, despite how alien this world and it's denizens seemed. Mating seemed a universality...the two creatures were grunting and snorting as they grinded their horrible bodies together. She was disgusted...it wasn't at all like how she and her own mate performed the act. This was...sweaty...messy...just remembering it made her nauseous. She fought the sudden urge to evacuate her three stomachs of their contents. She had to keep the metallic-tasting flesh down, or she'd be too weak to perform her tasks. Those two creatures...as disgusting as they were, she had no choice.

Her hunger had beaten her. She pounced upon them. They had screamed in their shrill, maddening voices as she crunched their frail, soft bodies in her jaws...their bones shattered like glass in her mouth. Their carcasses bled a dark red ichor...it trailed down upon the forest floor. It was the same color blood as her own...but it...smelled like metal. Wrong. She chewed their bodies into a crimson pulp and swallowed them down. Disgusting...but it would serve it's purpose. At least now she wasn't hungry. But...even before she'd eaten the two hoof creatures...she'd happened upon others that smelled more palatable. It was...a day ago? Two? She didn't know. It had been the Dark Time with the pale, white sun...that's all she knew. She happened upon a series of buildings in the middle of a large clearing. One of them was painted blood red...like her own blood. Inside...she could hear a strange moaning sound. She could smell meat. It smelled good. It smelled different...almost like home. She had scratched upon the door of the red building...she had tried to be quiet. She didn't want to wake whatever hoof-creature that might be sauntering about...but she had anyway. She'd heard a door open from another building.

A massive, red hoof-creature had emerged holding two metal things...it was almost as big as her metal master. It was dangerous. She could tell. She couldn't risk a confrontation. She fled, taking great care not to leave any tracks behind for the red hoof-creature to find. It was much more dangerous than the two weak ones she'd eaten in the alien forest. It looked strong. She'd thought she might be able to kill it before it warned any other hoof-creatures, but the risk was too great. It was too dangerous...she might be injured. Her blood trail would lead them to her lair. And she couldn't risk being discovered. She'd fled back into the green forest and hid in the darkness of the alien trees. She'd watched the red creature from the safety of the forest...it looked...alarmed. It knew something was wrong. She grew afraid. She may have been discovered. Her metal master had told her not be discovered, or she wouldn't be returned home...and now...now she'd eaten two more creatures. What if they came looking for them? Then what? Despair struck her.

She just wanted to go home back through the Blue Circle. She missed her mate. He was warm, strong, and beautiful. He made her feel safe. If he was here, he could protect her. Everything would be alright. Would she ever see him again? This...hideous meat in her belly wasn't worth losing him...losing her home. If only she'd controlled herself!! If...if her mate was here...she wouldn't feel so sick and scared. He would lick her face and keep her warm in this cold place. Now...she might never see his beautiful face again. She hated this place. If she couldn't return home, then her mind would break. She would eat. And eat. She would eat everything. No matter the screams. No matter the metal taste. The taste wouldn't matter then. Being discovered wouldn't matter then. Nothing would matter then. She would eat. Just to feel full. The flesh would tear and the bones would crack. So she would feel full inside. Like how her mate had made her feel. Like how she may never feel again.

She covered her head with her paws and shrieked in maddened, anguished rage.

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Rainbow flushed the toilet and closed it's lid. She inwardly made a joke about herself of how she wouldn't even bother to put down the toilet seat if her gender didn't compel her sit in the first place as a necessary accommodation of her "personal equipment." Otherwise, she'd probably leave the damn thing up like a dude. She began washing her hooves. She was feeling a bit burnt, so she decided to go to bed early. She looked up into the mirror. She looked...almost...happy. She knew why. She smiled. (...hehehe...) She dried both her forehooves and looked up at the small clock hanging on the wall of the bathroom shared by AJ, Applebloom, and herself.

"Huh. 7:29 P.M. Bet the sunset is almost over now." Eh. What the hell. She could go grab a brew and watch it go down before bed. Old "loverboy" himself, being the awesome, sexy motherfucker that he was, had gone out and got her some lagers from the store. (You're my boy, Red!)

She'd likely have to pee again after drinking it, but maybe a cold one would help her sleep. Rainbow went into the guest room where she was staying and opened her window. She stuck her left forehoof outside to see how chilly it was this evening. She promptly withdrew her hoof and shivered. She would need her hoodie. She grabbed the navy blue garment in question out of her suitcase and put it on. It was a little big for her...baggy even...small wonder. It was her father's. It was his official Wonderbolts hoodie...gold emblem and all. Her mom had let Rainbow keep her dad's hoodie, while she had kept his letterman jacket from high school. Rainbow didn't mind. Her dad's high school days of romancing her mother inarguably belonged to her mother...but his Wonderbolts career was hers. Her dream...her life...her connection to his memory. Hers. She smiled again. She went downstairs to the kitchen. Her best friend was still up.

"'Sup, AJ." The farmgirl was sitting at the table reading the newspaper with a cup of decaf, leaning back and forth on her chair's hind legs. Rainbow walked over to the fridge to open it. She rifled through it until she found the case of beer Mac had bought her, and she grabbed a frosty cold can with her left forehoof.

"Hey, Rainbow. Goin' somewhere?"

"Nah, dude. Just gonna' go watch the sun go down real quick. Care to join me?", Rainbow asked, opening the aluminum can of lager to take a swig. It was pretty good stuff, she decided.

"Nah. I'm plum tuckered, girl. Maybe some other time. So whatcha' gon' do out there? Stare all deep an' broodin'-like into the sunset? Have yerself a bit a' angsty retrospection 'bout yer life an' shit?" Rainbow laughed. AJ's dry wit seemed to be a universal staple of the Apple clan.

"Heheheh...nah, dude. That's hella' gay. Just gonna' chill an' drink a beer." (Or maybe two...or three...or...ten...)

"My God. Such a deep, philosophical soul you done got yerself there, girl." Rainbow broke into another fit of giggles. She couldn't even supply AJ with a smarmy retort. Her old friend's deadpan delivery had made it all the funnier.

"Okay, ya' little hyena...what's so goddang funny now?"

"Hehehe...you...you said "deep!" She had indeed. AJ snickered.

"Heheh...Lord gimme' strength...*sigh*...yer a goddang poet, an' didn't know it.", said AJ, taking a sip of her coffee and goodnaturedly shaking her head at her friend's juvenile sense of humor.

"Yep. And you like getting slapped in the face with big, floppy minotaur cocks." AJ sneezed out two nostrils full of hot joe and burst into laughter.

"Heheheh...aww...man...now look whatcha' gone an' made me do, girl!"

"Get you slapped some more with big, floppy minotaur cocks? Like that's even a problem for you."

"Hehehe...Good Lord...eeyup...ya' got me. Always fiendin' fer a good ole' fashioned "windsock wailin'." Ya' know me too well."

"Totally...hehehe...from now on, I'm callin' you "Sarah Slaphappy."

"Hehehe...that so? Well, then...I'll just be callin' you "Little Miss Puppydog" from here on out."

"Huh? Why?"

"Cain'tcha' guess? 'Cause yer always followin' ole' loverboy around like a lil', ole' puppydog, makin' them "boo boo eyes" an' sniffin' at his hindquarters...hehehe..." Rainbow turned a delightful shade of red. AJ grinned, knowing full well that she'd flustered her friend.

"H-hey!! Shut it! Um...uhh...well...oh y-yeah?! Well...uhh...you're like...a meth cook or somethin'!.....man, that was stupid...shit was weak, yo..." The farmgirl merely sneered and raised a single eyebrow. She knew Rainbow's buttons and how hard to press them...usually. Sometimes AJ erred and went too far. Rainbow was hyper-sensitive to a few, hot-button issues.

"Oooohhh....was that a burn? Sure didn't seem like it. Tsk, tsk, tsk...wasted potential, Rainbow." Rainbow gave her friend "the bird" with her right forehoof.

"Bite me. I'm sleepy, okay? Well...I guess I'm heading out now. Imma' be back in a little bit...wait...why is the kitchen window open?"

"'Cuz Winona's been fartin'. She got in the damn trash again. Done ate half an ole' can a' baked beans. Them's was expired beans, too. Damndest thing." As though completely on cue, the sleeping dog in question performed a rather loud demonstration of the aforementioned problem from the comfort of her nearby pet bed.

"Awwww, dude!! Sick!! Ugh!! That's fuckin' gnarly!!" Rainbow pulled her hoodie over her nose to block the stench. AJ didn't seem even slightly phased. Apparently, growing up on a farm with a wide variety of barnyard smells assailing her nostrils daily had rendered her immune to her dog's gassy indiscretions. The farmgirl merely snickered without even looking up from her paper.

"Holy fuck!! That's fuckin' horrible!! Dude...oh, dude...I'm..I think I'm gonna' be sick, dude..." She was being bit overly dramatic, but it was still pretty bad. That was saying a lot, too. Rainbow was no wilting violet.

"Well now...it seems that the "Great an' Mighty Rainbow Dash" is susceptible to a lil', ole' doggie air biscuit. Good to know. I'll hotbox it for ya' fer when ya' get back." Rainbow began laughing again, her voice muffled from underneath the safety of her hoodie.

"Hehehehe...hahahehe!!...oh, man...my dad totally used to do that to me all the time!!" AJ looked up from her paper and snickered.

"Hehehe...no shit? Hehehe...small world...eeyup. Mine, too. In fact, Pa done passed that there technique down onto ole' Mackie, too. They used to shut all the goddang winders an' tag team me. Damn near killed me. 'Tween the two of 'em, I'm surprised I ain't got brain damage." Rainbow had tears in her eyes, she was laughing so hard.

And...while she laughed...she suddenly felt a wave of deep gratitude and affection for Ms. Applejack Apple. Rainbow was feeling more grateful for her friendship right now than she had in all the years they'd known one another. Rainbow adored this side of her best homegirl. This caustic wit, candor, and impish, playful affection were really what defined who AJ was on the inside. But Rainbow could only bring it out in her old friend when the two of them were alone, joking and ribbing one another in the saltiest language and with the raunchiest humor a pony could ever imagine...and only out of earshot of her family. Unfortunately, AJ's "motherly" side usually took precedence. And it was pretty annoying. Really annoying.

The freckled farmgirl was often wont to policing her friends, family members, and sometimes even total strangers for what she considered the "wrong" types of behavior. Rainbow had taken an especial disliking to her friend's "parenting"...even more so, when it was directed at Rainbow, herself. She already had a worrywort mother. She didn't need another mare in her life lecturing her for all the "bad" choices she'd made. And hey...when Rainbow's own mother wasn't available for such things, she always had Twilight to take up the slack. ("Rainbow! Think before you act! Loaded crossbows are NOT toys! Rainbow! For the last time, use the door! Not the window! Rainbow! Books are for reading! Not throwing! Rainbow! Put out that chemical fire! Children swim in that pool!")

"Heheheheh!!...oh, shit....*gasp*....oh,dude...I can't breathe!..." Sometimes...AJ could be very uncool. Rainbow called that version of her homegirl "Mamajack." She hated it. It was like losing her best friend.

"'Cause a' Winona's fart cloud? Or 'cause yer laughin' too hard?" But this was "cool AJ." This version was referred to as "Cooljack." And she was here with her right this moment. Making her laugh. Rainbow was always happy for the change. It was like getting her best friend back.

"Hehehe...a little from Column A...hehehe...little from Column B..."

"Aww, shit, girl...yeah right...betchu' love nothin' more'n huffin' some farts. Fart fiend." AJ was clearly baiting her old friend once again.

Also, Rainbow had developed a special fondness for how the Apple family pronounced certain words. Because their country accents affected their pronunciation, one almost needed to take an advanced linguistics course to decipher the Apple dialect. "Shit" became "shee-yuht." "No" became "nah." "Asshole" became "ei-yees-ho." "Pretty" = "purr-dee" "Window" = "win-durr." "Fire" = "fahrr" "Ignorant" = "igg-nurnt" "Heathen" = "hee-thurn" "Boy" = "mmm-bo-ei." "Girl" = "nnn-gee-yurhl." Single syllable words were often inexplicably allotted one or two extra syllables. And those were only a few examples. Rainbow could compile a list over ten miles long. But what was so endearing about the Apples' quaint, country speech patterns was the way they still managed to have such an extensive vocabulary. From what Rainbow had observed thus far, it seemed as though all four members of the Apple family had a well above average intelligence and eloquence about them.

"Aww, dude!! Sick! I friggin' heard that!! C'mon!...hehehe...."

This, coupled with their rustic accents, made anything they said a veritable delight to hear. But Rainbow wasn't completely delighted by this observation of hers...there was a side effect. It made her feel uneducated and a bit stupid, being intellectually eclipsed by a group of ponies that sounded so stereotypical of those one might have initially considered to be "uneducated." It was ironic, really. And Rainbow's self-esteem had enough to worry about as was, what with her feelings of inadequacy around her own friends and all. (...prettier than me...smarter than me...more mature...more popular...better...) If Rainbow had really felt the need to constantly humble herself, then she would've dedicated her life to following Twilight Sparkle around everywhere the mauve genius went. Except the bathroom, of course. Rainbow's unintentional observation of her brainy friend's toilet routine a few months ago in the library's bathroom had been a real eye opener. (...ugh...it was soooo weird...and why'd she blame me for walkin' in on her?! She's the one who forgot to lock the friggin' door!)

"Pfft! Girl! Whatever. The way you go 'round huffin' on Mackie's rear like that...hah! Betchu' love nothin' more'n a' little bit a' puppy pootin'........fart fiend." Despite her sensitivity to being teased over her feelings for the big stallion, Rainbow began laughing even harder than before.

"Hehehahahehh!!....oh, God!....oh...hehehe....what the fuck, AJ?!..hehehe...w-woah! Hehehe...don't worry, I got it...crisis averted." Rainbow had been laughing so hard, she'd almost dropped her half-finished can of lager but thankfully caught it at the last second.

"Damn, girl! Such grace! Ya'd make a great ballerina...except yer a........fart fiend." AJ's running joke seemed to actually get funnier with repetition as opposed to the inverse principle.

"Hahahaheheh!!...oh...shit...I can't...Hehehe...whatever, dude. That frou-frou dancing shit's lame, yo." Rainbow finished off her can of beer and belched loudly. She then proceeded to crush it flat against her forehead before tossing it into the nearby waste bin.

"Hehehe...goddangit...I swear...if'n I didn't know ya' so damn well, girl...oh, man...hehehe...I could easily mistake ya' fer a stallion." Rainbow merely shrugged.

"Meh. Whatever, dude. Eat me." Rainbow headed back over to the fridge to grab another beer. Just one more couldn't hurt, right? It wasn't like she was worried about developing a "beer belly" with all the exercise she and Red were doing.

"Hmm...nyah. Don't swing that way, missy. A' course, I cain't speak fer the both of us." It was "the line." AJ had unwittingly crossed it.

"H-hey!! Shut up!!" The reflexive reaction didn't faze the farmgirl at all. AJ merely thought that Rainbow was still playing around with her. But she wasn't.

"Heheh...oh, dontchu' be all embarrassed 'bout it now...hehehe. Time's are changin', girl. You ain't gotta' be ashamed no more of yer "alternative lifestyle." It was the final offense. AJ had unknowingly violated one of Rainbow's "cardinal rules" by implying one of her most reviled associations. The consequences of this trespass made themselves immediately evident. Rainbow's temper now had full control of all her faculties. She couldn't control what happened next.

"HEY!!! FuCK YoU!! SaY ThAT FuCkIN' ShIT TO MY FaCE OnE MoRE TiME, BiTCH!! SaY IT AgAiN!! I FuCkIN' DARE yOU!!!"

Rainbow's little, blue body was trembling with fury, her little chest violently heaving in and out with each laborious breath it took. Her teeth were clenched tight in a hideous snarl. Tears of pure rage trailed down her pretty face from each of her lovely, cerise eyes, streaming like liquid silver down her chin and dripping on the floor in languid, reflective pools. Applejack looked completely stunned...horrified. She hadn't meant to upset her friend. AJ would just sometimes have a lapse in awareness and/or memory and accidentally tease her friend about something that was generally agreed between the two of them to be entirely "OFF LIMITS." AJ had crossed the line and now the little Pegasus was angry. But not just angry...no. This volatile display wasn't anything at all like how Rainbow had blown up at her homegirl for not entering the competition with her. This was true rage. Snarling. Vicious. Senseless. Reason was replaced with a vacuum. Love became hate. Her best friend in all the world had now temporarily become the subject of the worst her ire had to offer. Like THE BEAST and his female equivalent, Flitter. She had lost herself to the rage. And it scared the hell out of Rainbow.

"R-Rainbow!! Please! Calm down, girl!! I didn't mean nothin' by it!" She hadn't. Truly. Rainbow knew this. But it didn't matter. This old ghost had chased her even this far...right in between herself and her very best friend.

Sometimes...it was just too hard to chase all the ghosts away. Rainbow had exorcised most of them, but the worst of them always stayed...the stubborn ones. You had no choice but to ward them off, force yourself to tolerate them...or, if you failed at either of these two methods, be consumed by them. The most persistent ghosts always followed you. This one, in particular, hounded Rainbow wherever she went. It had been eating her life for years, breaking her down like a leather boot in a vat of acid. If the loss of her father hadn't fractured her otherwise benign, happy life, the rumors wouldn't bother her at all. In fact, she could laugh them off as jokes in the company of both her parents. Her mom would make a joke about it all...something like "Oh, really? Well...hehehe...I can see how someponies would think that, pumpkin." Her dad would join in with his general provision of goofiness and cheer. It would have all been okay then, having the two of them together like that. It wouldn't be so bad. Then Rainbow would have a base...a leg to stand on. But now...she didn't. Her own mother had relapsed back into an even more severe case of social anxiety disorder, often shunning contact with anypony besides her own daughter. Without her husband by her side to support her, Cloudia had fallen apart.

Rainbow loved her mother dearly, but she couldn't help. She couldn't even help herself. If her own mother had kept fighting like Rainbow herself had, then neither of them would ever have had even the most ephemeral of vacillations. The two of them would always keep going, bolstering each other up on their way back to rebuilding what had been their former lives. And that was why Rainbow Dash bolstered her self-image, lying and boasting to appear more confident than what she truly was. But who you were on the inside didn't much care for that pretense...especially if it was rotten inside. The pestilence was always at your core, bleeding itself into the lies and swaggering demeanor...as would covering the dead with a white sheet...pouring pine cleaner in an ocean of pure shit. The stench of what was truly underneath would always permeate through all the dissimulation and come to the surface.

It was always too powerful to resist in the end. It demanded acknowledgement. After a while, the "little, white lies" that some people told to escape from their dismal reality would start failing to provide relief. What was so rotten and foul inside would always overpower whatever lie one told to hide it. And then...the ghosts would eventually become even a part of that very same fantasy built on lies that one had erected to escape them. Fleeing from it would be futile. And Rainbow had paid dearly for trying to run away rather than fight....she'd become insecure, bitter, and angry. It was this same insecurity and rage coupled with all the fractures in her meager existence that had parasitically clung to Rainbow Dash for years. She always wanted to lash out when things didn't go her way...and she often did...but it did nothing to save her. Her violent aggression was just another sheet of white laid over a rotting corpse. Fighting it for so long had worn her down...she was so tired now...but the ghosts never tired, tearing and cutting at her tirelessly, bit by bit, piece by piece. Sometimes she snapped. She couldn't control what she did afterwards. (I'm sorry, AJ....I...)

Rainbow was afraid for the both of them. For AJ's life as well as her own.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"John...Little John...come here for a second..." Mac knew the voice. It was a voice that had haunted him before. It had done so for years. (...ain'trealJohnjustignoreitandsteadyyourhoovesoryou'reasgoodasdead...) The big stallion desperately tried to control his trembling forehoof as it held the hypodermic needle full of this counterfeited God to be pumped into his veins. (Filth in the vein. Dirt in the soul. Mud in the heart.)

"...Mama? Mama!? Didja' actually just say somethin'?!!" Mac knew the memory. It was the one that had broken him like this. It was now replaying itself in his head...like the sadistic looping of a film reel, forever rekindling the pain he tried to bury. And he had kept the pain down for so long, too. He'd suppressed the memory years ago...but the memory wanted acknowledgement. And it was planning on attaining it by force...echoing it's caustic, static, white screams in his head like the dreams of the long dead. (...coverthembodieswithwhitesheetsan'youwon'tseemnoyou'lljustsmell'emafterawhile...)

"Yes...c'mere for a second, John...I have something I need to ask you..." Mac tried to shut it out and steady his needle. But he knew this memory too well. Too personal. The simple fact of it's mere existence alone easily eclipsed the very worst things Mac had seen/felt/heard/tasted/smelled as a soldier. And he had tasted a countless number of bad...bad things.

"Ig-Ignore it!! F-fuckin' ignore it, man!! Ain't r-real, m-motherfucker!! Focus!!" But the memory kept playing itself out. Remembering it all over again like this...it was awful. Like an oppressive weight crushing his brain into a burning void.

"Mama!! I-I can't believe yer talkin' again! A' course! A' course I'll help ya'!! Anything!!" His mother had smiled at him then. Mac remembered it. A ghost's smile. It was a dead smile. It had been the first time she'd so much as even acknowledged another member of her own family in over a year, let alone smile at him/her. It was the very last time his mother would ever speak. (...stopstopstopshutitouttryan'shutitoutcan'tthoughit'slikeafuckin'diseaseofcobwebsan'spidersinmyskullkeepscomin'backneverreallydies...)

"Ain't real...ain't r-real, man...just k-keep sayin' to y-yerself over an' over..." His heart rate had nearly doubled in the time the memory had been wailing it's bleating horror in his head. He was sweating even heavier now...it stung his eyes. Some of his tears had mixed in with the sweat and dripped down towards the corner of Mac's mouth. He could taste them. They tasted like a saline acid bath...they were full of regret...shame...self-hatred. The tears of only one so guilt ridden as he. (...AnIMAl...ANIMAL!!!!...) He was.

"Here, John...come closer and listen to me...I want to ask you a question..." And then it began.

It was an insane sound. It had nothing to do with Mac's stimulant psychosis. He knew this. It was an animal of an entirely different origin...and it was much worse. It was the sound of a either a very thin sheet of fabric or very thick sheet of paper being slowly torn in half...and it was accompanied by the sound of a pair of hooves scratching rhythmically upon a wooden floor...over and over. It was echoing in his head. It sounded almost alien. Unreal. It sounded as though it had been recorded by means of a medium that was incompatible with Mac's mind. It was like hearing the voices of ancient, cosmic devils on the radio. The static, white dream would then take a foothold in his mind...it was a foreign presence. A hostile invader. He wasn't at all sure of what the Sounds meant...he couldn't remember. Had he forgotten their origin? When the Sounds came, they often stayed with and tormented John Apple for as long as an entire day...long after the memory had ended. And it would always let it's departure be known with one last, ghastly death knell. A shriek. A cosmic, mad shriek. It was the worst part of all, even though it's arrival beckoned the end of the ebon Sounds and some semblance of peace. The Sounds played themselves over and over, accompanying Mac's awful memory as though their awful, suffocating chokehold on his head was it's very soundtrack. (...nononononomamastoppleasedon'tmakemeseethisshitagainnotagainI'msorrysosorryI'llbegoodfromnowonpleasetearin'scratchin'fuckin'myheadfuckin'thewoundtomakeitbleedmore...)

"What?! Whaddya' wanna' ask me? You can ask me anythin'! An' don't worry...AJ an' Granny already done left on their way to get a doctor for ya'. Yer gonna' be alright. I promise." It had been a broken promise. A dead promise. A promise made on graves that one later covered with white lilies as a meager penitence...all for the one trapped under the six feet of frozen earth. It was a terribly scant penitence. A paltry pittance paid only by one so terrible as he.

[i]"John...you know that I love you very much? Do you know that? More than anything..." She had. The Sounds continued to eat him. It was unbearable.

"Y-yeah, Mama. I know. You don't even have to say it fer me to know it."

Seventeen year old John Apple was scared. Scared for his mother. His sweet, little mother who he loved so dearly. Twenty eight year old John Apple knew he'd do anything for her. Anything. She'd been his only parent left...his only true source of comfort and warmth...his father had already been dead for over a year. Mac had had to step up to the plate after he lost her, too. Something suddenly caught the corner of the contemporary Big Mac's eye. (WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?!!) He jumped in fright, dropping his syringe in the process. For a brief moment, he could have sworn another stallion had been standing right next to him...but no. Somehow...his drug-addled, feverish mind had seen Mac's dark reflection in the window and interpreted it as standing right next to him. In real space.

"Oh, G-God!! Oh please God n-no!!! Don't m-make me hear it again!!! C'mon! Hurry, man!" Mac frantically reached for his syringe. He grabbed at it...he accidently smacked it even farther away out of his reach...the cylinder portion of the syringe ensured that it would only roll farther away from him across the flat, frictionless floor.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK, FuCK!!! Oh God...get it t-together, man!!!...y-you have to hurry!!..." Mac didn't have long before the memory reached it's awful peak. The Sounds, however, would always stay long after it had left. Like houseguests invited to a party at his house...but they never left after the party had ended. They were vindictive, black squatters that only stayed behind to ensure his continued misery.

"Good boy...good...I love you so much...always my favorite...Mama's Little Genius...my baby..." Always doting. Always proud.

He'd been a complete "mama's boy." When Mac's age had only been in the single digits, he'd gotten teased for it all the time by a few of the other Ponyvillian colts. They thought he was a "wussy." But Mac didn't care what they called him. He would just ignore them and walk away...he thought they were stupid. Not worth the effort. But the very instant they insulted any member of his family, especially his mother, he'd instantly become enraged...violent. He would then seek reparation from his peers for their crimes. This had had consequences, of course. He'd been expelled from the tiny, local schoolhouse...it had been the town's first schoolhouse...it was for the town's elementary school-age children. It was so tiny that it had no need for a principle. It had just a single teacher to fill that and her own job's capacities...and also, to break up little Mac's "fights."

She had taken him by the hoof and had led him straight home to his mother. She'd been standing on the front porch...waiting...anxious. She had always like that...worried that her baby boy wouldn't get along with others...worried that he wouldn't end up happy. (...she was right...) The teacher had stepped onto the farmhouse porch and angrily handed his mother the expulsion notice, informing her of what Mac's offense had been. Mac had broken both a young colt's forelegs for telling him that his mother "babied" him...for the crime of insinuating that she was anything less than utterly perfect. This was a dire insult in Mac's eyes. He'd lost his temper. It was a terribly difficult thing to make him do this...but when it did happen...the Earth and Sky combined could barely contain his fury.

And it was all just to defend his beloved mother's honor. His mother had grown angry with the teacher, telling her that she was falsely accusing her son of something to use as a flimsy pretense to justify Mac's expulsion. She refused to believe any possibility that made her "little genius" out to be anything other than flawless. She told the teacher that she was just terrified of her son's intellect and didn't want to have to work hard enough to mentally challenge him...and she told the teacher that the other parents were just ignorant hillponies that felt angry over how Mac's brilliance put all their own children to shame and damaged their self-esteem. She told the teach to get the fuck off her front porch, or she was going to kick her ass and throw her off.

Predictably, the teacher had run away in fright. Mac's mother screamed after her, telling her that she was a lousy teacher anyway...that she wasn't even fit to teach an elementary school class...that she, herself, would homeschool her children from then on, and they would far outshine any of the other parents' children that attended the fleeing mare's classes. And she had started doing just that. As a result, nine year old John Apple and his mother became even closer. His wonderful, beautiful mother was extremely well-educated, holding two doctorates at a relatively young age...more than enough certification to teach an elementary class. She began homeschooling nine year old Mac and promised to later begin tutoring his then four year old sister on her fifth birthday. The young mother and her son would happily teach and be taught, bonding even more firmly than before. He was the favorite. Her little genius.

"Y-yeah! Got it!...steady...d-don't pay attention...it ain't real, man...", cried Mac, as he got a new hold of the syringe that had been rolling across the dusty floor.

He had to keep telling himself it wasn't real. It wasn't. Not truly. But then...neither would say, a pony's soul, be real in that regard. Wouldn't it be real in a non-literal sense? Mac's physical presence had little impact on who he'd become...the ghosts that chased him had truly defined him. But if he died...if he died, then the very last thing to define him would be his sickness. His addiction. This time...this time...he would be extra careful. His hooves were shaking violently at this point...dropping the syringe had cost him even more valuable time. Now...he might only have only as little as thirty seconds of life left.

What was somewhat similar to Mac and his mother's mutual aggrandizement was how AJ and her father had always been just as close. Small wonder. She was "daddy's little girl." The big, bearded stallion adored the little, country filly and took her everywhere with him....and AJ was always happy to be with her daddy. He had taken a liking to referring to his tiny daughter as his "little, baby Jackie." AJ always seemed to be hitching a ride on top his head, mussing up his mane and Stetson. But her daddy never cared. A part of Mac had been jealous...but not overly so. It was pretty fair, really. Mac had his mama, and AJ had her daddy. The two of them had much more in common with their preferred parent, anyway. This wasn't to say they didn't love the other one, though. It was just that parents were often wont to bonding better with their children that shared more of their own aesthetic traits, passions, personalities, and interests. And Mac better identified himself with his mother's introspective, intellectual stoicism than his father's happy-go-lucky, jovial goofiness. He was enraptured by his father's tales of martial might, but he wanted to be more like his stern, brilliant mother. He wasn't an extrovert like his father and little sister. This affinity for his mother was why Mac had ended up so well-educated compared to his little sister...and that was saying a lot. AJ was most certainly very intelligent...if Mac was even more so, what did all that make him? (...a freak...)

"John, baby....I have another question...listen..." The rattling rasp of his ailing mother's voice echoed again in his skull. She would often cough up large wads of bloody phlegm...teenage Big Mac would tenderly wipe her pretty but lifeless features clean. She couldn't stop coughing, anymore. Her lungs had been partially filled with fluid after she'd contracted a severe case of noncontagious pneumonia. The Sounds intensified...they blotted out all other sounds. They had seemingly eaten them all whole.

"Yes, mama? Whaddya' need to ask me? Take it easy, though. I know it's hard fer ya' to breathe, okay?", crooned seventeen year old Mac lovingly to his ailing mother. He couldn't lose her...he couldn't. But his adult self knew that he eventually would.

"Do you love me?...do you love me enough to do something for me?" Mac was panicking. It was almost to The Moment. The moment that he'd broken himself. His already cracked and bleeding skull couldn't handle it. He'd suppressed it all for a good reason. Mac frantically tried to steady his aim by supporting his shivering forehoof on top his nightstand. This was it. Win or lose. He began guiding the needle down to his vein.

"Of course, I do, mama! Whaddya' need? Anything, just ask!" The Moment was coming. It would end him. He was out of time. The Moment would kill him even before his inevitably approaching thrombosis. Mac pushed the needle into his vein. He hadn't even bothered to blow the dust off it's shining point that it had accrued from rolling around on the floor. There was already dirt in his veins. What would a tiny bit more hurt? (Oh, God...OH, GoD!!!! Please, no!!! PLEASE!!!)

"I...I need you t-" But his ghost-mother never finished her sentence. Mac had pressed down on the syringe's plunger. Would it stop now? He couldn't be sure. He could still die, anyway.

He laid his head down on on the cold, hard floorboards of his bedroom as a new, chemical God entered his veins to come chase the ghosts away.

Chapter Thirteen: Angels Of Morphine And Best Friend Confessionals

Rainbow couldn't calm herself. Her rage was consuming her. AJ made an attempt to placate her best friend.

"R-Rainbow!! Relax! I was only kiddin'! I didn't mean nothin' by it! I was just tryin' to get yer goat!" It wasn't working.

"NO!!! FuCK ThAT!! NoPOnY!! NO FuCkiN' POnY CALLS ME ThAT!!!"

"Rainbow! I'm sorry! Please calm down! You know I was only teasin'. I just fergot about how mad that shit always makes ya'. And I weren't callin' you anythin', neither." But Rainbow had no control. She wanted to stop but couldn't. This fury wasn't easily extinguished...or even contained.

"I...am...so...motherfucking SICK of everypony spreading these goddamn rumors about me!!! They don't even know me!!! Who the fuck are they to pass judgement like that, huh?!! WhO ThE FuCK ARE THeY?!!!!" She was so tired inside...tired. Always alone. Always fighting off the pain...always by herself.

"Rainbow...look...I agree with ya'. It ain't right spreadin' rumors that ain't true like that...but this here's yer old pal! It's just me, Applejack!" Rainbow couldn't be placated. She wanted to yell at the top of her lungs. To scream. Cut. Break. She wanted someone else to feel pain, too. Anyone.

"I DoN'T GiVE A FLyINg FuCK!!! Do you have any idea how everypony treats me? Every...goddamn...day?! Huh?!! They all...they all treat me like I'm a freak now...they forgot about anything else I've done. Anything good I've done...they always forget. All they ever rememberArE ThE FUcKING RumORS!!!" AJ was holding one of her forehooves out in front of herself as a mollifying gesture...but she was also slowly backing away from Rainbow. Despite the fact that AJ knew Rainbow was only a little bit over half her own size and a great deal less powerful, the farmgirl knew she was Hell on Earth when angered. The two of them had scrapped multiple times before for mostly petty reasons. Rainbow had won every fight but one...even after the admission of her extreme disadvantages weighing the odds firmly in AJ's favor.

"Rainbow...please...just take deep bre-"

"NO!! I've fuckin' had it!! This the last straw!! I'm gonna' KILL the next motherfucker who says it!! I'll cut their GoDDaMN HEArtS OUT!!!" Rainbow could tell her friend was legitimately fearing for her own life at this point. Rainbow's utterance of the word "cut" had the farmgirl nervously scanning the kitchen for anything sharp that the little Pegasus could potentially use to hurt somepony else. It was unfortunate that this outburst had happened in a kitchen of all places. Each and every drawer contained at least one knife.

"Rainbow...please...just...please...it's just me...please...", said Applejack in a low, soothing voice...it was starting to have the desired effect. Rainbow knew that AJ was scared of her right now. But...how...how could her very best friend possibly think so low of her?...as though she'd ever hurt her very best friend like that! (...freak...)

"I...I just wanna' be treated fairly...just for once!! I'm so...so tired of being judged for superficial shit!! Why can't anypony just cut me a goddamn break?! I...I lost my job...my fucking apartment...I'm almost flat broke, and now I'm bumming off my best friend...w-why does everypony hate me so much?" The rage was beginning to die. A profound humiliation was seeping in to take it's place.

"Sugarcube...it ain't like that...the town don't hate ya'. They're all just a little wary of ya'. Yer pretty intense sometimes is all." Tears began to mist Rainbow's eyes. Her friend...she...she was so loving and supportive. She'd been loyal to Rainbow through the worst and best of times. Rainbow didn't deserve to be the Element of Loyalty. AJ deserved that title in addition to the one she already had...she deserved both of them.

"A-AJ...I...I...oh...God...*sob*...what did...I'm so sorry...*sob*" She couldn't stop the tears. Rainbow had never openly wept in front of her friends like this before. AJ was understandably stunned. But she had no idea...no idea how often the brash Pegasus wept in private. She wept more in a single year than most ponies did in an entire lifetime. And this fact was a deep source of shame for the girl...as though she'd really needed anything else to add to her self-esteem problems.

"It's okay, sweetie. It's okay." The sound of two pairs of tiny hooves trotting down the stairs was heard. The voice to which the owner of the hooves belonged meekly made itself heard.

"Guys? AJ? R-Rainbow? Is everythin' alright? I heard shoutin'...is somepony breakin' in the house?!! Should I wake up Mac?!" Even despite her own current bout of self-pity somewhat impairing her ability to fully empathize with the plights of others, Rainbow felt bad for the tiny filly. She was scared. And it was all Rainbow's fault. Why couldn't she be good for something?...fucking...anything? All she ever did was make everypony else's lives progressively shittier. They were all better off without her.

"Shhh...hush up, Applebloom. Everythin's all right, sugarcube. An' dontchu' go wakin' ole' loverboy up. He's sick an' needs his rest."

"R-Really? Everythin's alright down here?" She was still scared.

"Eeyup. Just a misunderstandin' was all. You go on back to bed now, hear? Dontchu' worry 'bout a thing, Bloom."

"Okay...goodnight...", Applebloom said as she turned about face and headed back to bed. Rainbow knew Granny was an incredibly heavy sleeper, so waking her wasn't a real concern. But waking Red...the guy had hearing like a cat. Sick or not, he should have been the first pony awake. He must be terribly sick then. As though Rainbow didn't already have enough to worry about...

"It's okay, sugarcube...it's okay." AJ, looking somewhat unsure of herself, was probably wondering whether she should try to hug her weeping friend or not. Rainbow couldn't at all blame her for her hesitation. Her tears were well-deserved.

"*sob*...oh God...AJ...I'm sorry...I'm such a *sob* fuckin' shitty friend!!...yelling at you like that..."

"You wanna' hug, sweetheart? Ain't nothin' uhh..."alternative" or nothin'. Just between friends." Rainbow childishly nodded. She really did want a hug right about now. Her former pretenses had all but vanished in lieu of her outburst. Normally, she tried to eschew most forms of female contact. There were already enough rumors about her floating around without her adding to them.

"See? Ain't nothin' to it. It's gonna' be fine, Rainbow.", AJ said as she pulled her best homegirl into an embrace. Rainbow had never been so grateful to be her friend as right now. This moment...when she needed her friend the most. And Rainbow had taken her friendship and hospitality and thrown it back into her face. She was filth. Garbage.

"I...I'm sorry *sob*...sorry...I'm such an asshole, dude *sob*...here I go and put you out like this like...making you do all this extra shit 'cuz of me...*sob*...and then I...I just fuckin' yell at...*sob*"

"Nuh uh. Hush up now, girl. It was my own damn fault again. I knew ya' were sensitive 'bout a few things, an' I just gone an' poked a bear in the ass with a stick by teasin' ya'. Just like a while back...'member? The day before Twilight went off to the Castle? I gave ya' shit that day, too. Shouldn'ta' antagonized ya' like that. I gotta' learn to watch my goddang mouth." AJ was...she was too good a friend for Rainbow. Too understanding.

"*sob*...no way...this is your fuckin' house, dude! You...*sob*...you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around me in your own home!" AJ just smiled and stroked Rainbow's vibrant mane. She was starting to feel a bit better.

"Oh, girl...c'mon now. Yer actin' like this here's the "end all, be all", an' ya' cain't ever go back an' change it or somethin'. Ain't nothin' a' the sort."

"H-huh? I...what?"

"What's trippin' you up? The word "girl" or the phrase "end all, be all?" Rainbow began snickering despite her tears.

"Hehehe...*sniff*...dude...you're such an ass...*sniff*" AJ merely shrugged.

"I guess I am, huh? Meh."

"No...*sniff*...I was just kidding, dude. You're like...*sniff*...like the best friend ever. And I'm always such a cunt. I don't deserve to be your friend." She didn't. She was dirt. Mud on the soles of her boots.

"Girl! Shut yer fool ass up, hear? Yer a goddamn great friend."

"Huh? I...I am?"

"'Course ya' are! How come you done fergot all the times ya' went an' risked yer neck fer me an' mine? Just 'cause ya' go an' yell at me when ya' lose yer temper don't mean yer a "bad friend", girl. Everypony knows that...jeez."

"But...but...what abou-"

"Nuh uh. Don't wanna' hear no more about it, girl. Ya' been loyal to me an' my kin at the very worst a' times...when ya' just coulda' bailed on us. Just 'cuz you got an anger problem an' go off on me an' shit once in a blue moon don't mean you ain't a good friend. Shit...think about it...if that were the case, then I reckon just about every goddamn body'd be alone. Friends an' family sometimes fight an' feud. Sometimes it's over big things, an sometimes it's over little, petty bullshit. I know ya' have hang-ups, Rainbow...I know ya' had yerself a hard life. I understand. I had a hard life, too. I know what's it's like, okay? An' just 'cause yer stayin' here fer a little while don't mean yer takin' advantage or nothin'. In fact, I'm pretty sure I owe ya' one. Hehehe...yeah. Pretty sure 'bout that, too." Rainbow blinked away her tears. She was stunned. She'd never heard any of this stuff from anypony let alone from AJ!

"I...I...dude...thanks...for everything. You're the fuckin' best, AJ."

"Hah! Don't think I don't know it, girl! Now...you wanna' glass a' chocolate milk? That usually makes ya' feel better when yer feelin' down." AJ was indeed right. Rainbow's inner foal always had had an affinity for the tawny nectar. Apparently, it wasn't a Ditzy Doo-exclusive affinity…or anypony who was still inwardly a child…no matter how old they were.

"Y-yeah. Please...if that's okay..." AJ nodded and acquired a clean glass from the cupboard and opened the door to the fridge.

"Ain't no problem at all. Chocolate milk makes everythin' better, huh?" It kind of did.

"Y-yeah...so...you don't think I'm like...a complete psycho or anything? Like...you aren't scared of me are you?"

"What? A' course not, girl! Well...that ain't entirely true...yer pretty goddamn terrifyin' at times. But I know ya' wouldn't never hurt no pony close to ya' like that. I was a whole lot more worried you were gonna' go slicin' up somepony out in town or somethin." AJ poured a full glass of milk from the fridge. She added syrup and began rhythmically mixing the concoction with a teaspoon.

"I guess...you really don't mind me staying here? After all that? You're not scared I'll do somethin' crazy?"

"No, Rainbow. I don't mind ya' stayin' one bit. You were just lashin' out at yer situation was all. I understand. Yer real stressed out. Heh. Me, too. Don't get me wrong...I know you ain't to be trifled with when yer all ornery like that, but you always come back an' apologize when ya' lose yer cool. Like just now. No matter how angry ya' get, ya' always own up to it fer yer friends' sakes. That's true loyalty right there, girl. Ya' dig?" Rainbow dug it. But no pony had ever told her this before.

"Dude...that's...jeez...I don't know what to say..." Rainbow was even more blown away by this. She pulled up a seat at the kitchen table and sat down.

"Say "thank you", Applejack."

"Hehehe...okay. Say "thank you", Applejack. How's that?"

"Pfft. Goddang smart-aleck. Here's yer fuckin' milk, girl. Hope you choke on it.", the farmgirl said facetiously as she set the glass of chocolate milk down on the table in front of her best friend. Rainbow couldn't help but laugh. AJ didn't often use the "F-bomb."

"Hehehe...Thanks, dude. Fuck...I wish I had a way to pay you back for...for everything." AJ merely shrugged.

"Meh. Girl...ain't really nothin' superior to riskin' yer own life to save mine an' helpin' to save the farm...twice. C'mon, now. If'n I thought ya' were an ingrate, would I really have letcha' stay in the first place? An' yer helpin' out 'round here, too. That more'n pays me back." Rainbow smiled. But...there was something else...

"Wow...thanks, dude...just...I really appreciate it and junk. But...why aren't you still mad that I got Mac to come compete with me? You've had to like...do even more work than you do already to make up for it!" Good question.

"Heh. Well, shit. I reckon I was purdy mad atcha' at first...well...more surprised than anythin'...never thought ole loverboy'd actually do it. Show's what I know, huh?"

"Yeah...hehehe...me, neither. He didn't seem the type and shit. But you didn't answer my question."

"I was gonna' if'n ya'd gimme' me a damn minute, girl! Shit...where was I? Oh. Well...after Mackie got on board with ya', he came back an' explained his reasonin' to me. He pulled out all the ole' financial documents outta' the file cabinet in his room an' showed me how deep in the hole we were. Ole' Mackie done kept each an' every damn fiscal record since he was sixteen an' started doin' the family's accountin'. An' what he showed me weren't no good news...no siree. Apparently...there ain't no way we can keep on keepin' on what with all that debt hoverin' over us. Every year we gotta' take out another loan from the bank so's we can buy all the equipment an' seed an' shit fer each plantin' season. We don't never make enough off the shit we sell to grocery stores to make any dent in the loan...an' we're gonna' owe interest on it, too. Ain't no way we can ever pay that shit on what we're makin' right now...we'll lose our asses. But if'n y'all can win this Iron Pony nonsense, then not only can we make ends meet, but we also might just come out a bit ahead for once. That'd be nice. We could buy us a damn air conditioner finally. It gets hotter'n the Devil's taint in here durin' the summer." Rainbow was pretty surprised. Not only was AJ smarter and more mature than she was...but she also was more humble. She tossed aside her indignation for the sake of her best friend and family...that was hard for even Rainbow herself to do.

"Woah...he showed you all that stuff? Like...how'd he keep up with all that shit? And like...didn't he go off to join the army or something? How'd he keep up with you guys?" AJ smirked.

"Huh. I find it interestin' how we always seem to divert to the topic a' my brother no matter the conversation. Why does that always seem to happen there, girl?...hehehe..."

"Dude! C'mon. I was being serious."

"Ha! So was I! But about Mac...once he turned eighteen, he left home after enlistin'. Me'n Granny thought we were goddang screwed what with losin' the extra help. Mac does most a' the heavy stuff 'round here is why. But once the big feller graduated boot camp an' got to his first duty station, he started sendin' letters home. An' guess what? He was sendin' us checks fer five an' six hundred bits each...every pay period. Poor feller sent us almost everythin' he made...fer almost eight years! You can reckon how shitty we felt 'bout that...but damn it, if we didn't need that money somethin' fierce." Rainbow wasn't completely surprised for a change, seeing as to how she'd already guessed that Mac would do something like that for his family. But...all his money? All of it? For eight years?!

"Holy...he sent that much?"

"Ha! You'd better believe it, girl! Ole' Mackie was damn near broke once he finally came home. He hadn't made so much as a single goddamn bit more than when he'd first enlisted to begin with. He just kept sendin' us all that money to keep the three of us fed an' the farm afloat. We were havin' some hellacious problems keepin' up with all the local demand an' whatnot...on top a' payin' our dang taxes every year. So Mac started a letter correspondence with us an' offered to keep doin' our taxes an' keep up with all our financial statements. We just started sendin' him each an' every pay stub we got...every dang expenditure an' profit. Big feller kept every goddamn record of it. Don't know how he done it." Rainbow blushed. How was Mac so perfect? So wonderful? Could he do any wrong? Anything at all wrong?

"Holy crap, dude...that's some...that's some heroic shit right there." AJ snickered.

"Oh, I weren't just tellin' ya' all that to brag on my brother or nothin'. Even though he deserves it. You know he actually filed our tax return an' was doin' numbers an' figures in his head once...while his dang squad was trapped in between two, big, ole' clusterfucks a' Diamond Dog terrorists? Assholes kept 'em all pinned down in a drainage ditch by an old road fer days...almost totally surrounded 'em. Mac couldn't find nothin' to do but pass time writin' in his notebook...hehehe...don't know how he could do it, though. Them bastards was shootin' at 'em with them noisy-ass muskets they got from them Griffons, an' Mac an' his group a' guys couldn't get peace enough to even take a piss or sleep; let alone sit in the dirt with his notebook an' crunch numbers!! Craziest shit I ever did hear, ya' know? If Mackie didn't get no medal or nothin' fer all that, then no goddamn body shoulda' got one in my opinion." Rainbow was stunned. She wasn't sure what to say.

"Heh. Might wanna' close yer mouth, girl. Gonna' draw flies like that." Rainbow closed her mouth.

"Dude...how did you find all this out? You said Red never talks about that kinda' stuff around you guys." AJ merely grinned.

"Yer right. He never does...or ever did. I reckon he just don't wanna' upset us 'bout all that hell he went through. But I actually met one of his ole' squadmates at an ole' bar up in Manehattan...it was when we went with Rarity to go an' see her fashion show, 'member?" Rainbow nodded. She had to hear this. All of it.

"Well...there was this poor, ole' boy sittin' in on a' them booths drinkin' all by his lonesome. Had a uh...brown coat with a red mane...cain't 'member his name fer the life a' me...just that he looked real lonesome. So I asked if'n I could sit there with the poor feller an' maybe buy 'im a drink..." Rainbow was getting impatient. She didn't need the full rundown. Just the footnotes. This wasn't the part she was interested in hearing.

"...well...he takes me up on that an' thanks me. Turned out that boy had himself a prosthetic rear leg. Damndest thing. Asked him 'bout it, an' he gave me the full rundown a' what I just done told you."

"Yeah? What else?!" She needed more. His heroism...his sheer perfection...he was simply too good for her to have for herself. But how? Mac was practically a legend!...an unknown legend. His was a tale worth knowing.

"Well...after he told me that he was in the army an' whatnot, I told him I had a brother in the service, too. When I described Mac to the guy, just...woah! You shoulda' seen how excited this feller got! He said that Mac was a dang hero. The guy said that after the feller in charge got killed, Mac just stepped up and took over. He got this dang, foolass idea of how to get his boys outta' there...it was purdy weird...hehehe...but it was creative, I'll give him that..."

"Hey! Don't stop now, dude! What happened next?"

"Patience, girl. Gettin' to it. Now lemme' see...oh...well, that feller with the prosthetic leg said that the ditch they were in weren't nothin' but dry, powdery dirt an' dust 'cuz of a long drought. Mac got this idea where he told each of his buddies to start kickin' up dust an' flappin' their bandanas an' blankets in the dirt to kick up a...kinda’ like an "improvised smoke screen." After that, ole loverboy done snuck his boys outta' that trap they were in an' led a charge on one of them groups a’ dogs from behind. Wiped 'em all out in just five minutes a' brutal hand-to-hand fightin'. That went an' scared the rest of them assholes off, too...but that lame feller with the peg leg said one of them dogs' grenades rolled right up next to his left leg an' went off durin' the fight. Blew his fuckin' leg off from the knee down. Damn leg still had his boot on, too. God..." Rainbow cringed.

"Jeez...fuck..."

"Eeyup. Poor boy almost died of shock right then an' there. But then he said Mac put a tourniquet on his leg an' carried 'im to safety. Mac done saved his life, an' then he went right back into the fight. Man... Poor guy said he'd blacked out an' had to learn a lotta' all this secondhoof. Apparently...only five out of twelve of his boys made it outta’ there alive. But that ain't even the craziest part of it! When Mac got back to his base or whatever, the guys in charge of 'em told him that he'd violated a direct order by attackin' the enemy instead a' retreatin'. Ha! Can ya' believe that bullshit?! They even busted him down from a corporal to a private first class! Assholes. That lame feller said Mac'd done the right thing an' saved his life, so he didn't think it was fair what they done to him. He didn't even get a goddang medal or nothin'! Those motherfuckers better goddamn PRAY I don't never meet 'em in person!" AJ slammed her forehoof hard on the table, rocking Rainbow's glass of chocolate milk. She was legitimately angry. Very angry.

"Woah. That's so fucked up, dude...but...that was a pretty cool story. Kinda' reminds me of the shit we used to do." It did somewhat. But it was even better. It was an amazing, heroic tale without equal. Her beloved was so magnificent. A great and noble warrior poet whose selflessness had tragically led to his own downfall. It was a great romance...an elegiac narrative that further cemented in Rainbow's mind just how flawless the big stallion was. Perfect. He was perfect.

"Ha! Yer tellin' me! It kinda' does, doesn't it? Oh...wait...we done got off topic with this whole business...long story short...you an' Mac got my full support on this competition thingamajig. I reckon y'all winnin' it’s just about the only thing that can save Sweet Apple Acres now. Ya' got my blessin'." Rainbow smiled...she was getting teary eyed again, so she wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her dad's hoodie.

"Thanks, AJ. We won't letcha' down. That's a promise." AJ reached over and bumped her friend's hoof.

"I 'ppreciate it, girl, but I know ya' cain't really promise nothin'...ain't realistic. Just doin' the best ya' can is good enough fer me. Hell...'tween the two a' y'all...I don't reckon there's gonna' be much in the way a' competition." Rainbow smirked.

"Hehehe...oh, yeah. We got this in the bag, dude." AJ smiled at first...then she frowned and wrinkled her brow in consternation.

"Ya' know I 'ppreciate ya', girl. I really do...but I...don't know if it's any a' my business to ask..." Huh? Ask what?

"Dude. You can ask me pretty much anything at this point. I owe you one now." Rainbow was inwardly praying that AJ wasn't about to ask about her father...she couldn't handle that...no pony could know. No pony.

"Well...I don't wanna' offend ya' or nothin' by askin'..." Oh. She had a pretty good idea what this was about now.

"Uhh...is this about...um...what I just did a few minutes ago?" AJ nodded.

"Yeah, mostly. An' you ain't gotta' answer me, if'n ya' don't want to or nothin'." Rainbow merely shook her head. If anypony deserved to know at this point, it was her best friend.

"Nah. It's okay. I promise. Shoot." AJ still looked a bit uneasy...but she posed her query...

"Okay...uhh...I know fer a fact that ya' don't ascribe to that kinda' lifestyle. But somethin's been botherin' me..." Rainbow was becoming uneasy, too. What was the great mystery here?

"Yeah?...what? You can ask. It's cool."

"Well...ya' know that there phrase that goes "I think the lady doth protest too much?" Now, I ain't insinuatin' nothin'! I just don't understand is all..." Rainbow had heard the phrase from her Equestrian teacher during her freshman year of high school...she didn't remember what it meant, though.

"I think I've heard it before or something, but you're gonna' have to break it down for me, AJ."

"Eeyup. I was afraid ya' were gonna' say that...*sigh*...okay...here goes...that phrase basically is referrin' to somethin' in psychology..."

"Uhh...okay?"

"...I heard 'bout it from Mac a while ago...he could prob'ly explain it better, so fergive me if I go an’ oversimplify everythin'. It's an actual condition in psychology. Called a "reaction formation." Basically, it's where somepony goes an' tries coverin' up somethin' they don't wanna' admit is actually true 'bout themselves by goin' 'round doin' or sayin' the exact opposite. Kinda' like a defense mechanism fer the ego." Rainbow really didn't like where this was going. But...she'd promised her friend that she wouldn't get upset...she'd promised.

"Shit...I think I know what you're talking about..." AJ shook her head.

"Hey, now...don't get offended, Rainbow. I wasn't implyin' any of this bein' true. It's just that...hmm...well...how 'bout this fer example? Let's say ya' got this stallion who's just...just completely batshit bonkers fer strawberry ice cream..." What?!

"Hehehe...what the fuck, dude?! Where're you goin' with all this?"

"Now lemme' finish...okay...this feller loves strawberry ice cream from just about the very core of his bein'...or some shit. But here's the thing...let's say it's a huge-ass cultural taboo fer ponies like him to eat any ice cream that ain't vanilla. He'd be treated like an outcast in his own community if they caught ‘im with a bowl a’ strawberry or somethin'..." Rainbow was rolling. The funniest part was how AJ pronounced the words “vanilla” as “vuh-nill-urr” and “strawberry” as “strah-bree.”

"Hehehehe...oh...seriously, dude?! C'mon!"

"Hey, now! Gimme' a second! I'm gettin' to the point here...listen...this feller who's obsessed with a taboo flavor a' ice cream secretly...deep down wants to acknowledge how much he really loves strawberry the most, an' it's eatin' 'im up inside somethin' fierce. Ya' kinda' see where'm goin' with all this?" Rainbow kind of did. But it wasn't a pleasant understanding. She could feel ice water dropping into the pit of her stomach. She started sweating...she prayed AJ wouldn't ask what she thought she might ask...

"...yeah...now let's say this feller is real ashamed of how much he loves somethin' that ain't accepable in his culture. So...to make it look like he's really on the same page as his own kinfolk, he goes up an' down the street, whoopin' an' hollerin' 'bout how strawberry is the worst flavor...how much he hates anythin' but vanilla...an' he gets real pissed off an' ornery if ya' call him on it. It's like...kinda' like a overcompensation technique. But there's the problem...the more this guy obsesses over how much he loves a certain flavor an' hates another one, the more it looks like he's just overcompensatin' fer how ashamed he is of really lovin' what's makin' him feel so ashamed...ya' feel me?" Rainbow was horrified. Terrified. AJ was going to ask her about something nearly as terrible as what had happened to her father. She braced herself mentally.

"Y-yeah...I kinda'...yeah..." It was all rather transparent, really. But she'd wanted to avoid the subject altogether. This was clearly not meant to be.

"...now...don't go makin' that face, girl. I ain't suggestin' nothin' at all. It's just that...well...them ponies that're spreadin' them rumors boutcha'...well, they probably think that all that stuff ya' do, gettin' all angry when somepony accuses you a' bein' that way...they might think that's just yer "reaction formation" at work, tryin' to overcompensate to defend yer ego or somethin'..." Rainbow was beginning to panic now.

"I'm...I'm not overcompensating for anything!! Really! I'm just being "me!" Is that a fuckin' crime or somethin'?!!" She was angry. Scared. She couldn't help it.

"Hey...hey...I weren't implyin' it was true, like I done told ya' before...calm down, girl. Okay?" Rainbow got her emotions under control. For now.

"Yeah...sorry...go ahead..."

"Okay. Well, most ponies would just say "no" if they weren't that kinda' way when asked. Maybe even say "fuck no." But a pony who's overcompensatin' might lose his shit an' start rantin' an' ravin'...once again...I ain't sayin' nothin' definitive here." Rainbow knew she wasn't. She trusted AJ. But she was still so scared. (...baby...don't go...I'm dead...)

"Like...kinda' like how I just acted..."

"Somewhat...that's how some ponies might interpret yer reaction. Most ponies would just let it all roll right off 'em, if it didn't apply to 'em...but you get real angry ‘bout it. Now...this ain't universal or nothin'. If ya' have a...uhh...like a fear of spiders or somethin', you probably ain't just overcompensatin' fer how much ya' secretly love spiders. Ya' see?" Rainbow dumbly nodded in silence. The question that was inevitably to come next...she prayed it wasn't what she thought it was. But she wasn't optimistic.

"I think I know what you're gonna' ask me." She'd rather slice her own left forehoof down to the fucking bone with one of the Apple family's kitchen knives than be asked that question...that question. It was terrible.

"Yeah...see...I just gotta' ask...like I done said before, I ain't insinuatin' nothin' by all this. It's just that...I don't understand is all. So...my question goes as follows: Why does it bother you so much?" The blackened words fell upon Rainbow's skull like the blunt force of a malignant hammer. An acid hammer.

"Fuck...I uhh...I..." She couldn't find the right words.

It wasn't the inherent truth of her aforementioned behavior that frightened Rainbow so greatly. She knew exactly why she’d reacted the way she had. But in a way, the whole "lesbian overcompensation" bit would only be a little more humiliating were it true than...well...the actual truth itself. What should Rainbow tell her very best friend of several years? Should she lie? Or tell the truth? Tell her that her affection for John Apple was nothing at all like AJ thought it was? Because it most certainly wasn't merely the "innocent, school filly" crush that the farmgirl thought it was. It was insane. Possessive. Obsessive. Violent. Irrational. Licentious. Vulgar. It was both pious and devious. It was driven by an ersatz marriage of an animalistic, libidinous lust and an all-consuming ardor borne of a timorous, covetous girl's fractured heart. Should she tell her best friend just how crazy she'd gotten? How much of her life had been eaten away? How single-mindedly and intransigently she'd fawned/pined/screamed/wept/deteriorated over her best friend's vaunted older brother? What would happen? What?

"Hey...ya' ain't gotta' answer if ya' don't want to, okay? I don't wanna' make ya' uncomfortable, girl." She was so understanding. Her benevolence was immeasurable to Rainbow. From what she could tell, it seemed that she and her brother had that trait in common. (...yeah...okay...) AJ deserved to know. If anypony deserved to know, it was the freckled Earth mare sitting across from Rainbow at this modest, little kitchen table. It was her brother. Her family. Her business, as well as Rainbow's.

"N-nah, dude...just...just lemme' think for a second. Ya' know?...how to explain this..." AJ merely smiled.

"No problem, sugarcube. Take yer time." She had to be brave. She had to face her fear. She had to risk losing those close to her in order to keep them.

And that was the true terror. The Apple family had no idea just how septic Rainbow had become inside. They didn't know that she had been stalking John Apple since she’d first seen him at the tender age of eight...always yearning for him from afar. But…she’d only had a measly two years to innocently (…at first…) admire him. The day the big stallion had left Ponyville and joined the military...the then ten year old Rainbow Dash's little heart had nearly broken in two. She'd thought she'd never see his sweet face again. She'd had to take...take things of his...to remember him by. They might have been the last she had of him ever again. Should she tell AJ that, too? About how she'd been stealing "trophies" from the big stallion to add to her "collection?" About how Rainbow had even sneaked upstairs in the farmhouse after being invited to dinner by AJ only to steal her beloved's pillow case? Should she tell her friend about how she had slept with that very same pillowcase over her own pillow every night since she'd stolen it?...just so she could have her older brother’s scent to lull her sleep? What about her more violent proclivities regarding the big guy's other potential lovers? Her most despised rivals of all?

"Umm...okay...*sigh*...look here...I uhh...what I'm gonna' say is kinda'...kind of a huge thing to drop on you all of a sudden..." AJ wrinkled her forehead in concern.

What else should she tell her bestie? How Rainbow had secretly stalked Cherilee for an entire week after finding out that she and Red were dating? How she'd gravely...pensively mulled over the grim recourse of literally...murdering the offending Earth mare? What about this very morning at breakfast where she'd fantasized about stabbing her sweet, innocent little roommate in the fucking eye with a fork?...for the petty malfeasance of simply thinking about her beloved John Apple? And what of her relationship with Applejack herself? Would she think that Rainbow had only been friends with her for all this time just to get access to her brother? Would the farmgirl panic and warn him? Would she think Rainbow was utterly...wholly fucking deranged and posed a severe threat to her family? What if AJ forbid her from ever coming back here to Sweet Apple Acres...the place that had become as much an inherent part of her young life as had Cloudsdale and Ponyville itself? But no...she couldn't lose them. The Apples...they were her family. They truly were...they were just as much a part of her now as were her very own parents. She couldn't lose either one of them...no. She might lose both her dearest, truest friend and the stallion for whose love she yearned more than anything. But she had to tell the truth. Her friend deserved a straight answer. If AJ asked any of those dreaded questions...Rainbow Dash would be compelled to answer them.

"It's alright, sugarcube. Probably ain't all that shockin'...hehehe..." AJ was probably thinking about something far less insidious than her Pegasus friend's sweet sickness. It was time. Now. She was quaking with fear. She could lose everything by the mere pronouncement of a single sentence. Now. (Now.)

"No. Listen, dude...I...I n-need to tell you something. This is really important. Y-you gotta' promise me you won't freak out or tell anypony else. Please...please...just...it's...it's about your brother..." AJ's look of amusement changed to that of intense concern. Rainbow’s disturbed, increasingly neurotic demeanor had changed the entire mood of the conversation. The farmgirl might even be mulling over the possibility of Rainbow having actually lied about her affinity for her elder brother all these years...to get to her. Rainbow shuddered. The thought was noxious. Hostile. It didn't belong. Now.

"Uhh...okay, Rainbow. I promise. Yer secret's safe with me. What about my brother do ya' need to tell me?...I thought I knew what you were gonna’ say…but yer startin’ to worry me now, girl." Rainbow truly pitied her friend. What moribund things were swirling around in her friend's mind? What terrible possibilities were maligning the poor farmgirl this very instant? She must be so worried. And...with good reason. Now.

"I...I uhh...I'm totally...like..uhh...like in love with his butt, ‘cuz it’s super hot an' shit. Like...super hardcore-style." AJ's eyes predictably widened with surprise. Well...that confession hadn't sounded quite as eloquent as Rainbow had planned it.

"Uhh...b-beg pardon, Rainbow?! M-mind repeatin' that?"

Actually...she did mind. Very much so. But...AJ needed to know...she needed to know how badly she wanted to give her heart to her dear, sweet brother...she needed to know the pure poetry of Rainbow's profound love for him...how much the big stallion had unwittingly absconded with her heart and had made sweet, passionate love to her very soul with naught but a single, chance meeting of their eyes that one morning...those unearthly, candescent eyes...the eyes that had seen right through her down to the very pit of her soul...those two, verdant pools of surreptitious emerald that were each encircled by an azure ring of blue angel’s fire that had spirited Rainbow's very breath away from her little body...the ethereal eyes that made even the glorious, lambent silver of the very moon itself so mundane by comparison. Rainbow needed to find the words for this...to tell her friend this true depth of her love. Too bad her brain had suddenly decided to take a rather belated lunch break.

"Your older brother, dude...I want to...like...I want him to totally buttfuck my heart or something...that'd be super awesome...no...wait!! Th-That didn't come out right! Lemme' try again!! AJ...I want your brother to...I want him balls-deep in my heart...wait...DAMMIT!!" Aaaaannnnd...there was the letdown. Right on cue. The awkward look on AJ's face at this very moment said it all, really. The tan, freckled Earth mare merely stared blankly at her friend, her right eyebrow arched as high as it could go. The farmgirl's eyes bore the look of a pony consumed by a near cosmic confusion. Rainbow frantically searched for the words she'd wanted to use initially, as Ms. Applejack Apple silently stared at her with that unchanging expression of incredulous shock.

"H-hold on!! I...I got this..!! Wait...lemme' just...uhh...listen...AJ I wanna' like...fuck your brother's like...soul...no condom, rawdog-style...maybe with like...a little bit of baby oil or something?...no, wait...uhh...his eyes are like...fire...moon...angel things...that totally jackhammer my feelings an' shit. *sigh* Fuck....that didn't come out right either, huh?" AJ slowly shook her head, still wearing that same expression of astonished bewilderment.

She could have flipped through a dictionary or something at the very least. Maybe she shouldn't have built up the moment with so much dramatic tension and shit.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mac was floating in a warm ocean of contentment...a warm, gentle sea of amiable, red velvet...(no...not red...blue...like her...) This was okay. Not wonderful. Not great. Just a grey Purgatory of sanguine contentment. No pain. No great, euphoric happiness like with heroin or something similarly as strong...just...no more pain. Peace. He had no idea how long he'd been laying there on the wooden floor of his bedroom...his sense of time had left him. He raised his head up and checked the clock on his wall...it was about 2045 at night. He laid his head back down on the hard, wooden floor. He merely stared into the yellow glow of his lamp sitting on his nightstand. His mood was...nice. Warm. He smiled. This was nice. His heart rate and respiration had dropped down to a comfortable level. There was no more screaming in his head. No more yellow madness with dead voices chasing him. No more ebon misery, self-loathing, and despair. No red, animalistic rage or primal urges. But also...no more true feelings of blue love...joy...reverence...no. Just...a gentle contentment. A universal shrug. An apathy most exalted. The Grey. (Guess...guess I'm kinda' like "Lord Fuck-It of Don't Care Mountain"...or somethin'...huh? Weird...man...) That kind of sounded like a shitty band now that he thought about it.

"Hellllooooo, Detrot!!", he moaned...in a voice much louder than he'd intended initially. He snickered and clammed up. He heard somepony coming up the stairs. He/she stopped in the hallway. After a few seconds, Mac heard the door to Rainbow's room open and close shut. His angel had gone back to her cloud to rest. Which was good...pretty angels needed their rest. Mac decided that "Pretty Angels" sounded a bit like a song written by a hair metal band...

"Hello, Detrot! We're Junkfuck, an' we're here to rock this motherfucker too-nigh-yuht!! Owwwwwwwaaahh, yeaaaah-yuuuuh!! How'ya all doin' tonight. Detrot? We dedicate this next song to Rainbow Dash! Yeah, that's you, baby girl! It's a song y'all might know...called..."Pretty Angels." Mac hummed a bass line and started playing an air guitar while laying on his back. At first, Mac merely snickered at his smack-addled stupidity. But then...

"Angel...this...she's...like...she's like a painkiller. She makes me...just...not give a shit...about all this stuff in my head." She was his little, blue morphine angel. His sweet analgesic. A cherubic, anodyne angel...an anesthetic angel. A thing of true beauty. She made everything better. She made his life almost worth living again...just being her friend. Almost. But no. He didn't have her love. Couldn't. So then...

"...meh....then fuck it. I can deal with this...this is fine by me, son. Can't have her? Whatever. At least nothin's runnin' 'round my fuckin' skull no more. Got yerself a care or a worry? Well, then...hehehe...toss that motherfucker right outta' "Whatever Window" an' down into yer "Fuck-it Bucket." Then go an' dump it in "Don't Give A Shit Pit."...hehehe...why's that sound...sound like a song, too? Man, I'm fuckin' stupid..." He wasn't sure why he was so inclined to musically assess everything. Whenever a "profound" thought struck a certain note of his, his brain would immediately put it to music and make a song out of it. Well...he did used to play guitar...solo and with a band...too bad his buddy Steelheart stopped playing bass for the band.

"Man...can't have no band without a bass guitar, motherfucker. That's where the goddamn rhythm gets set...like a metronome or somethin'...an' it totally fucks up the entire timbre of the song when it's gone. Shit sounds flat as a motherfucker without a good bass line. Also...what in the hell am I talkin' 'bout?...hehehe..." He began chuckling at his inanity once more. A song came to his mind once more...for her...

"The Angel chased the ghosts awaaayay,

"She keeps this old head sayaaane."

"Oh...nooo...this-fuck. Too many damn syllables stretched out. Well...I done fucked it all up now. Hehehe...oh, well." So much for his "artsy" tangent.

And another thought struck him...he finally found the answer. The reason why. Why. Why he'd nearly killed himself today. He hadn't been suicidal. He hadn't just been jonesing for another hit. No. All that love he'd felt for his angel and family today...it'd been so wonderful to feel something that sweet again. Mac hadn't wanted it to end. He was terrified that the dysphoria from coming down off all the speed would kill the beautiful feelings he'd had today. He'd wanted it to last. So he kept dosing. And dosing. He'd just wanted to prolong the happiness and love for as long as he could get away with it. But it'd backfired on him. Now he was in an ocean of grey. But hey...it was all okay. Okay.

"Ocean of grey"...that sounds like another one...damn...why can't I stop writin' half-assed poetry in my head? Startin' to sound like a lazy, fuckin' hipster...well...maybe that ain't entirely fair...most hipsters ain't on drugs. Nope. They get high enough just huffin' their own farts....hehehe...why's that funny, though?...oh...what me an' Pa used to do to AJ...hehehe...oh, man...well, it weren't our fault! Mama made the best damn enchilada casserole in Equestria!...God rest her soul. That shit was the "Ambrosia of the Gods", man...too bad it always backfired on us...hehehe...surprised poor, lil' ole' Jackie didn't get no brain damage. And...who'n the fuck am I talkin' to now? Why do I keep doin' that? It's fuckin' weird. Quit it." He quit it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rainbow was still frantically searching for the beautiful prose she'd composed so lovingly in her head...to little avail. AJ hadn't changed that expression of hers for a solid two minutes. Rainbow couldn't blame her, really. This was pretty painful...

"Okay! Okay! I got it! I uhh...I like...totally want your brother to like...make...make love babies with my heart!...and I don't want him to pull out, either...dammit! Hold on! I-I can do this, man! J-Just gimme a second here...uh...okay...how ‘bout this?...I want him to like...bareback my soul an' dump his love-load insid-SHIT!! Shit, shit, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!!" (This is really hard....hehehe...that's totally what she said!!...oh, c'mon!!...what is wrong with me?!) Well, that certainly wasn't a simple question to answer. Not by a long shot. AJ squinted her eyes close together and let her jaw drop in awe of her friend's utterly incredible brain fart. It was a grand brain fart of a celestial, immeasurable vastness, the likes of which the whole of ponykind had yet to even so much as comprehend let alone match it in it's splendor.

"Err...Rainbow?...", said AJ...finally...after almost three whole minutes of awkward silence.

"No, dude! I...I got this!! Just...gimme' a chance here!! I...I think your brother is...uhh...like the Sun itself...y-yeah! That’s it! He's like the Sun 'cuz he's super hot an' lights my shit up down south between my kne- ...oh...motherfucker!!! I...I can't do this crap..." She really couldn't.

She should have stuck with a simple "I'm in love with your brother." It was pretty obvious that she wasn't destined to be a great poet. Or even a newspaper editor. Or even a tabloid writer. Or even one of those middle-aged, ugly chicks who wrote those shitty paperback erotic novels to fill the void of their lonely, empty lives. Like the ones they sold in convenience stores all the way in the back next to the cheap sunglasses and generic baseball caps...the ones that Rainbow herself had certainly never ever read. (Aww, man…why am I so lame today?) And...that was probably the problem here. The two elements of her brain that separately handled biological lust and complex emotions had apparently had their wires crossed...clearly, the two didn't mesh well in this particular setting. This was likely due to Rainbow's ample consumption of "adult literature" that she constantly borrowed from Rarity. The vulgar and the profound had merged together...all a testament to the fearless flyer's frustrated discontentment with never "getting any." Which was understandable...the lewdest ponies of all were always the same ones who never "got any." Maybe even deservedly so.

"Uhh...hey...uhh...Rainbow? Do you want me to...uhh...come back later or somethin'? 'Cause I can come back later when ya' got everythin' together. I uhh...don't wanna' like...seem like I'm pressurin' ya' or nothin' here..." Rainbow sighed in exasperation and laid her head down on the kitchen table.

"Oh...no, dude...*sigh*...you're good. I got...I got nothin'." And that was an understatement. Rainbow would've been overjoyed to have just had "nothing" right this moment. What she actually had was a desolate, ebon expanse replete with naught but steaming coils of mental excrement...the stench of this ordure would overwhelm even Twilight Sparkle's acute faculties. Basically...she had brain diarrhea.

"I'm gettin' this sneakin' suspicion that yer uhh...tryin' to tell me somethin' 'bout Big Mac...but it sounds reeeaaal uhh...well..."rapey."

"Oh, man! No! I...look...lemme' level with ya'. I'm in like...fuckin' love with the guy. Like…super-hardcore-inseparable-magically-fuse-our-souls-together-for-all-eternity-I-wanna’-marry-the-fuck-out-of-him-and-have-his-foals in love with him. That's what I've been trying to tell you…but I guess…that was kinda’…kinda’ too much too soon, huh? Yeah…uhh…I was trying to soften the blow for you...just...I guess I didn’t like…do a very good job apparently..." Surprisingly, AJ's expression changed to one of sympathy and benevolent concern.

"I uhh…wow…just wow. Huh. Are ya’...like uhh… really sure 'bout that, sugarcube?" The question struck a wrong note with Rainbow.

"Hey! What're you tryin' to say here!? That I don't know what the fuck "love" is?!"

"Oh...no...no...that ain't it at all, sugarcube. It's just that...you weren't kiddin'. That was a real doozy to drop alla' sudden." Rainbow flattened her ears and began rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment.

"Oh. Sorry, dude. I uhh...just...just trust me on this. I've never been so sure about something in my life...well...no...I’m like…just as sure about this stuff as I am about wanting to be a Wonderbolt. That's...like...really fuckin' sure, ya' know?"

"Hey, it ain't...uhh...well...I guess I kinda' knew all this already..." What?

"Wait...what?!" Was all this tension entirely pointless?!

"Well...c'mon, girl. Ya' been after 'im fer 'bout...uhh...ten or so years, am I right?"

"B-but!...but!...but!"

"That's a whole lotta' butt, girl."

"Are you...are...were you just screwin' with me this entire time?! Why'd you act all surprised then?!"

"Well...shit...why d'ya' think? 'Cause ya' just said some stuff...'bout...uhh...didn't ya' say somethin' 'bout wantin' to "buttfuck his heart?" That's...that ain't somethin' to take lightly, girl..." Rainbow groaned and slammed her head down on the table.

"Uuugggh!! No...I said like...I wanted him to buttfuck my heart...I...I don't know what the hell I was sayin' back there...kinda' drew a blank..." Applejack just sighed and shook her head.

"Damn, girl. I don't wanna' hear whatcha' got to say when ya' don't draw a blank! But...I known 'bout you an' Mac fer years now. C'mon. It's so dang obvious. At first, I done thought it were a lil', ole' crush or somethin'. But then...ya' just kept comin' back...day after day. Half of them times ya' came round the farm were just flimsy pretenses to ogle my dang brother. *shudder* Man...that...sayin' that just don't sit right with me..." Rainbow perked up. This wasn't all that bad! The situation wasn't inherently fucked liked she'd initially thought! Or maybe it was. She had some pretty bad instincts after all. Really bad.

"I...just...but, dude. It's not like I've been using you just to get to him! You're still like...my best friend...forever...and...dammit...I don't wanna' say it." AJ grinned mischievously.

"Oh? Yer tryin' to say somethin'? Is it..."BFF?"

"No. That's friggin' gay. I ain't sayin' that. No way, dude!"

"C'mon, Rainbow. Dontcha' really wanna' say it? I know ya' wanna'..."

"No."

"C'mon..."

"No!"

"Say it...I know ya' want to!"

"NO!"

"Awww...c'mon..."

"Fine! Shit. You're my BFF. We're fuckin' BFF's, okay? Happy?! Jeez! For somepony who's seriously afraid I'll murder them in a fit of rage, you really like to push your luck, AJ." AJ snorted with laughter.

"Ha! Hehehe...oh, c'mon now. I know yer all tuckered out an' sleepy from yellin' earlier. That's how ya' do. After yer all screamed out, ya' cain't get like that again fer at least another day. Like some sorta' "Conservation of Explosive Rage Principle." Shiiieeet, gurl, I should teach a class at Canterlot with all this here knowledge I'm droppin'." Rainbow snickered and shook her head.

"Oh, yeah. Like you really know me that well...suuuuurrre." AJ raise a single eyebrow.

"Hmm? Oh, ya' wanna' bet on it? I can even do a purdy good impression of ya'." Rainbow had to hear this.

"Okay...hehehe...go for it. Lemme' have it." (That's what she sa-Stop it! Damn...grow up!) AJ cleared her throat and began performing what was...quite possibly...the best impression of Rainbow Dash that Rainbow Dash herself had ever heard.

"YO! 'Sup, motherfucker?! I'm motherfuckin' Rainbow Dash! But you already knew that! What ya' didn't know is that I can get even twenty percent cooler in only ten seconds flat, son! Awesome, right?!" Rainbow's mouth dropped wide open. It was uncanny. AJ continued her parody.

"Yeah. I'm pretty awesome. I know. I'm the fastest fuckin' bitch in all Equestria, yo! And there ain't no pony tougher than Dash! I can face down dragons, trolls, and tax collectors, but the minute Applejack's brother comes around...I turn into a babbling wuss. Oooohh...he's so dreaaaammmy! Oh, Mackie...paint me like one of your Prench girls!!"...hehehehe...how was that?...hehehe..." AJ's snickering filled the kitchen. Rainbow was simultaneously embarrassed and amused.

"I...I so do NOT sound like that!" (Nope...spot on...man...)

"Hehehe...oh, ya' don't, do ya'? Really?" It was hopeless.

"Nah...that was perfect. Seriously...what the fuck, AJ? How'd...how..."

"Practice. I get bored a whole lot 'round here, girl."

"Oh, you so need to get laid, dude."

"An' look at this here pot callin' the kettle black!"

"Nuh uh! That so doesn't apply to me!"

"MMmmmmbullshiiiieeet, girl."

"Oh, y-yeah? How do you know?!" (Aww, man...c'mon...)

"Girl, I betchu' ain't even so much as kissed a feller...let alone done...that."

"I have so kissed a guy before!!"

"Yer daddy don't count." AJ was grinning again.

"I wasn't talking about him! Jeez...lemme' think..." AJ began snickering.

"Oh? Okay. I'll give ya' plenty a' time to formulate yerself a lie."

"I wasn't gonna' lie!" How were all the Apples so much smarter than she? It was kind of a downer, really. Rainbow began frantically trying to think about potential suitors she could lie about.

"Mmhmm. Eeyup. Sure. Just have yerself the common courtesy to at least make the lie entertainin', okay?"

"Oh, you're such a douche!...wait...um...hey, yeah! I totally made out with this one guy in high school...what was his name?...shit..." Rainbow had actually met said guy in person. But she'd never done more with him than chat briefly.

"Ooooh! Mr. No-Name McSmoochalot! Bet he blew yer socks off, huh? Hehehe....hey...could ya' grab me a beer from the fridge there, Rainbow?" Rainbow absent-mindedly nodded as she rose from her seat to fetch her friend a beer. She opened the fridge door...but...wait...

"Hey, AJ...wait a minute...I thought you didn't drink." AJ snickered and shook her head.

"Hehehe...well, who done went an' told ya' that now?" Rainbow tossed her friend a can of lager and grabbed one for herself. She sat back down at the kitchen table. This was pretty cool. She hadn't had a chance to just...talk...and just hang out with her homegirl in a long time. She checked the clock up on the wall of the kitchen...it was about 8:30 P.M. She knew she'd already missed the sunset, but this somewhat made up for it. Maybe she could watch it tomorrow...it always reminded her of her father. (Sorry, Dad. Maybe later, okay? Love ya'.)

"Your brother." AJ snorted.

"Hah! Oh, man! Hehehe....a' course, he's gonna' think that, girl! He don't want his baby sister to be anythin' but a perfect, lil' angel."

"Huh? But like...why would he think that if...uuhhh...I think my brain just stopped again...God! Why's my brain gotta' shit it's pants every five minutes today?!" Rainbow was getting tired of having brain fart after brain fart. AJ, however, thought it was the greatest source of amusement since Cheese Sandwich had come to town. (Hehehe...that guy was awesome!)

"Hahahahehehehe!!....hehehe...oh....girl...I swear...yer gonna' be the death a' me!...but...*ahem*...as fer that there question...ole' Mackie don't know 'bout what I do when I ain't on the farm. Well...the stuff that don't make the news anyway. A' course, I drink. Imma' country girl. Just 'cuz y'all don't all know it, don't mean I don't do it. Ya' dig?" Rainbow raised a single eyebrow.

"Uhh...then how come I've never seen you drink before? We've hung out in town a ton together. I would've seen you drinking." AJ popped her beer open and took a swig.

"Pfft. I knew better'n to get hammered what between you an' Pinkie Pie gettin' retarded an' all. Somepony had to look after y'all two idgits. 'Member when ya' got shitfaced at The Horseshoe that one time?" That didn't help to jog her memory. She'd gotten drunk at The Horseshoe an innumerable amount of times.

"Uhh...you might need to be...a uh...bit more specific, AJ."

"Oh. Right...well...uh...it was to celebrate Fluttershy's birthday. 'Member? All six of us went out on the town. Only me'n Twilight were sober by the night's end. Hehehe..." Now she remembered.

"Oh, yeah! That was awesome! Dude! You remember how Fluttershy got all crazy an' started yelling "I'm the Animal Queen, bitches! And it's my birthday! Bow down!" Hehehe....oh, dude..."

"Hah! Oh, yeah! Completely outta' character an' everythin'! She didn't even wanna' go to The Horseshoe at first. Had to drag her outta' that ole' cottage a' hers, or she'd a' never even gotten a party. Who'd a' guessed lil', ole' Fluttershy was a mean drunk? An' lil, miss Princess Prissy Pants of the Fashion Kingdom drank herself an entire bottle a wine by her lonesome. Hehehe...then poor, ole' Rarity passed out on the table. She didn't 'member none of it the next day. Hehehe...but...I was makin' a point with all that."

"Oh? Do continue, Miss Apple."

"Oh, my. Why thank you, Miss Dash. I shall. Well...you 'member how ya' got all mean an' went right up to Carrot Top that night?"

"Oh....dammit..." She remembered now. Unfortunately.

"You were yellin' right up in her face....hehehe...sayin' her mane looked like a giant cheese poof."

"Well...she fuckin' started it! She was calling me names!"

"Girl...no, she weren't. I was there fer the whole thing. Sober. She asked ya' politely...politely to lower your voice an' stop cussin' so loud. She an' her fiance' were tryin' to unwind together was all." Rainbow felt embarrassed.

"That's...that's not how I remember it..." AJ shrugged.

"Surprised you remember it at all, girl. You were drunker'n Berry Punch is on a Friday night after she closes the liquor store. I still 'member yer exact words, too...hehehe...when she asked if you could "lower your volume." Hold on....lemme' try to do like you did...*ahem*..."Hey, bitch! Yo! The fuck'd you just call me?! I'm loud, huh?! Oh, yeah!!? Well, your mane looks like a frizzly-ass cheese poof!! Fix that shit! It's fuck-ugly!"...hehehe....man..." AJ's impression of Rainbow was so...eerily spot on...that it was actually unnerving. Rainbow shuddered.

"Jeez....that impression, dude...it's...jeez....I can't even. I can't even! It's so perfect it's weird! It's weird! S'weird!!" AJ merely laughed.

"Oh, that weren't even the best part! Best part was when Pinkie Pie started jumpin' around after ya' yelled all that. She were drunker'n a skunk, too...hehehe...lemme' try to do Pinkie fer a second...*ahem*..."Cheesy poofs?! Where!? Dashie! Are you holding out on me?! Oh, look! There's one!! It's on top somepony's head!! I'll get it!!"....then she jumped right on top a' ole' Carrot Top...an' tried to eat her....hehehehahha!!...oh...tried to eat her mane!...hehehe...." Rainbow, embarrassed as she was, began snickering alongside her best friend. She had to admit. It was pretty funny. And AJ's impression of Pinkie was also uncanny.

"Hehehe...dude! How in the hell do you do that?! Seriously! That sounded just like her!"

"I'll never tell. It's an Apple family secret. But ya' gotta' admit....hehehe...pretty hard to believe Pinkie, drunk or no, would actually try to eat somepony else's hair. Her actual...hair. Hehehe..."

"I actually wasn't all that surprised. Pretty mundane for Pinkie Pie, really. And she totally would have done it, too, if you guys hadn't pulled her off the bitch. Honestly. I didn't really wanna' pull her off myself. Would've served the bitch right." AJ frowned and shook her head.

"Damn, girl! That's purdy cruel. C'mon, now." AJ was right...as usual...(ugh...fuck...)

"Yeah, yeah...I'm a terrible pony. I'm mean, and I suck."

"Lookit you, gettin' all dramatic an' self-flagellatin'!. Oooh! Adorable. Ain't the reason I brought all that up anyway. Reason was 'cause I know better'n to drink when I got a Rainbow/Pinkie timebomb waitin' to go off. Somepony's gotta' take care a' y'all, right?" Rainbow grinned.

"Yeah...you're right. We can be complete douchebags when we're drunk. I know. Thanks for watchin' out for us, dude."

"And you are most welcome, Miss Dash. But...we done got off topic again. Weren't we talkin' 'bout ole' Mackie?...hehehe...yeah...I think we were."

"Dude. Please. Don't you ever get tired of teasing me for that shit? Seriously. I'd get pretty bored of it if it were me."

"To answer that particular question: No. No, I don't. But...I had myself a legit question fer ya'..." Rainbow leaned back in her chair and took a sip of her beer.

"Oh, this should be good..."

"Smart-aleck. Hehehe...well...'member how I done asked ya' why all them rumors 'boutcha' bein'...uhh...that way bothered ya'?" Rainbow dumbly nodded. She'd hoped the specific questions that would elucidate the true depth of her obsession wouldn't be asked. Clearly, this was not to be.

"Well...ya' just answered 'bout how much ya' love my brother. Now I don't take no offense or nothin', mind you. Okay? Just...ya' mind explainin' why it bothers ya'? I know ya' got a thing for ole' Mackie, but that don't really explain why all this foolassery gets yer goat, ya' dig?" She dug.

"Well...lemme' try to explain...when...when somepony says that I'm just gay and like...just pretending to be straight or somethin'...that...that..." Merely thinking about her feelings...her true feelings for him had struck her emotions deeply. She began blinking back tears, trying to contain her sensitivity.

"I know it's a sensitive issue, sugarcube. Take yer time." Rainbow nodded.

"Well..*sniff*...it's...it's just that when they say I'm like that...it's like they're also saying that what I feel doesn't matter. That'...*sniff*...that it's not real. But...but it is real! I...I know this sounds crazy..." AJ laid a hoof on Rainbow's shoulder and smiled gently.

"It's okay, sweetie. I believe ya'." Rainbow began weeping in earnest. She hated this. She felt pathetic.

"It's...*sob*...it's like...th-they...*sob*...they're saying what I want...everything I want is pointless. Like...*sob*...like it doesn't matter. They think I'm just a big, fuckin' lesbo who's still in the closet!! Shit like that!! Motherfuckers!!" She was angry. Again. She couldn't help it.

"Shhh...it's okay, Rainbow. Calm down. Just...just keep goin'. Don't worry 'bout them assholes, 'kay?" Rainbow nodded plaintively and continued.

"S-sorry...it's...well, think about it this way, okay? *sniff* It'd be like if somepony came up to you, AJ, an' like...*sniff*...told you that...one of your biggest goals in life... a part of your dreams....that it wasn't real. It was all in your head. Fake. It's like saying that my mom was never a scientist and was just a dumb slut...or my dad was never a Wonderbolt...or my dream to be a Wonderbolt is retarded or something...it...it hurts. Or like...imagine...like...if they said *sniff* that you didn't really love your own family. That your love wasn't real. That's...that's how it feels when I hear that..." AJ smiled and embraced her friend.

"Awwww...Rainbow...it's okay, girl. I know whatcha' feel is real, okay? I know. An' you know. That's all that matters, sweetheart. Ya' shouldn't give a fuck what them assholes think 'boutcha'. They prob'ly didn't even like ya' to begin with." Rainbow blinked away her tears.

"T-thanks, dude. You're the best...*sniff*...but...how can you guys...how can you not care what they think? How? I...I care. I don't know why...but I care." She did. She even cared what Flitter thought of her...which made her future attendance of her tormentor's party all the more horrifying. What was she going to do?

"Girl...folks say all sorts a' shit 'bout us Apples...we're inbred...stupid...meth cooks...moonshiners...sex slave traffickers...etcetera etcetera. I done heard it all, girl. Reason we don't care is 'cause none of it's true. An' ya' know what? Most of them rumors stopped floatin' around, too. The more ya' try to fight 'em, the worse they get, ya' dig?" She dug.

"Huh...that's...so...if you guys get called that shit all the time...then how come I don't hear about it anymore?"

"'Cause folks figured out that none of it were true. We didn't go off on everypony fer insinuatin' something like that. After a while, folks got to know us an' figured out we weren't doin' none a' that shit." Rainbow had an epiphany.

"S-So that's it?! That's what I gotta' do?! Just...just laugh it off?" AJ nodded and stroked her friend's mane.

"Exactly. Fuck 'em. If they don't know ya' to begin with, then why's their opinion carry any weight? They're just some no-name shitasses who heard a false rumor an' started believin' it were true without so much as a single fact check. I believe there's a word fer folks like that: They're called "idiots." Rainbow began giggling despite her tears. She hated crying like this. She hated being such a burden on her friend. Why couldn't she be cool and awesome right now? Why now?

"AJ...thanks, dude. That...that makes me feel so much better. Seriously. You're the best, dude."

"Ha! Shut up, girl, I know it! But ya' better be forewarned...I'm still gonna' give ya' shit fer bein' all dewy-eyed 'round my brother." Rainbow snickered.

"Hehehe...that's cool...guess I kinda' deserve it, huh? But uh...could ya' just...just not do it in front of him? Please? Just between the two of us, okay?" AJ smiled again.

"Okay, sweetie. I promise I ain't gonna' do nothin' like that to ya'. And hey...I'm on yer side a' this after all. Kinda' makes us sisters an' shit don't it?" Rainbow grinned.

"Hehehe...really? That's cool. So...so you actually want us to get together?" AJ nodded.

"Heh. I reckon so. I think y'all'd be good together. An' from what I've seen a' the two a' ya' together so far, y'all are purdy much made fer each other. I ain't seen Mac so smiley an' goofy in years, ya' know? I think it's 'cause a' you, girl." Rainbow was stunned.

"D-Dude! Does...does he like me, too? Can you tell?! Do you know?! Dude, ya' gotta' tell me!"

"Hehehe...awwww...that's adorable! Yes, it is! Goo-goo boo-boo! Osha bobo do! Gitchy gitchy goo!" AJ began tickling her friend with the tips of her forehoofs.

"Hey! Dude, c'mon! Hehehe...cut it out! I'm being serious!"

"Heh. Me, too. But as fer Mac...I'm sorry, sugarcube. I can't tell ya'. An' it ain't 'cause I'm keepin' a secret. It's 'cause I ain't gotta' a goddang clue how Mac feels or thinks sometimes." Rainbow was...confused...how didn't AJ know?

"What? How do you not know him like that? I don't get it...shit...I wish I had a bigger vocabulary to explain this with...man..."

"Awww...nah. I gotcha' loud an' clear, sweetheart. I understand. I just can't tell what's goin' on in that big, ole' feller's head sometimes. He's real introverted an' private. Just like Mama was. Now...it's real obvious when he's happy like today or real angry or somethin'. But in between...it's hard to tell. He can be a complete stranger sometimes. Even to his own family." AJ had sounded out those last words as though their very utterance was pain itself.

"I...uhh...you really don't know?" AJ shook her head.

"Eenope. After Ma an' Pa died, he just...sorta' clammed up. Almost stopped talkin' completely. Used to be almost as talkative as me at one point...hehehe...well...almost...nah...maybe I'm exaggeratin'...he got even more...uhh..."distant" after he got back from the army or whatever. Just how he is, ya' know?" Rainbow nodded in resignation. She'd hoped AJ would've known how her brother felt about his little "girlbro."

"Well...thanks for being there for me, dude. Seriously. I owe ya'." AJ snickered and mussed up her friends mane.

"Awww, shiiieet, gurl! We're good. An' maybe I can help y'all two hook up an' all." Rainbow perked up.

"R-Really?! Y-you'd do that for me?! Are you serious?!"

"Awwww...that's just the cutest dang thing...but...yeah. Imma' try an' get y'all together. I think yer the best thing fer ole' Mackie right now. I think ya' make him...well...happy. An' that's sayin' a lot."

"Dude! You're the friggin' best!", cried Rainbow as she embraced her best friend.

"D'aawww...I wuv you, too, Wainbow!"

"Hehehe...you're such a dick."

"Shit, girl. I know it."

"Hehehe...so uh...how...how're we gonna' do this, if you don't know what Mac's thinking and stuff?"

"Oh...oh, I got some ole' tricks up my sleeve. Just you wait an' see."

"Hehehe...but you're not wearing sleeves."

"An' there ya' go again, splittin' fuckin' hairs! But...listen fer a second..." Rainbow let her friend go. AJ's demeanor turned somber.

"Okay. What's up?"

"Just promise me one thing: Please don't hurt my brother, Rainbow. Please. He's been hurt enough already. Can ya' do that fer me?" Rainbow nodded and smiled. Rainbow owed her friend everything now. She'd do anything for her now...and she'd never hurt the love of her life in a million years. It was an easy promise to make.

"Of course, dude. I promise. I don't wanna' hurt the guy...I wanna' do the opposite..."

"Well, I 'ppreciate ya', girl. Thank ya'. But what's this "opposite" yer talkin' 'bout?"

"Isn't it obvious?" AJ raised a single eyebrow.

"Uhh...you can still hurt somepony by lovin' 'im...so that ain't it...what're ya' talkin' 'bout, girl?"

"Hehehe...I wanna' fuck your brother so hard, he blacks out and can only taste salt for three days afterwards. That's what I meant." AJ recoiled in horror.

"Aaauuggh! Dammit, girl!! Eeyuck!! Jeez...God Almighty...that's nasty! Keep that shit to yerself! I don't wanna' hear all that! 'Specially not about my damn brother!!" Rainbow began laughing harder than she had in years.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mac decided another "song" was in order for his little morphine angel.

"Rainbow....oh, girl...my love fer you's crazy like a dog with rabies!"

"C'mon, girl. Let's get together and start makin' babies....hehehe...man...the fuck was that shit?! Hehehe...that was awful." (I concur.)

"Hey, screw you, brain! You don't get no opinion on the subject, seein' as ya' didn't lift a single hoof back there when I needed ya'." (I ain't got any hooves, ya' dumbass.)

"It was an idiomatic phrase." (An idiom, huh? Hah! Surprised ya' even know what that is...inbred hick.)

"Hey, if I'm inbred, then so are you, ya' idgit! Man...fuck you." (No, fuck you. I can do this all day, buddy. I ain't goin' nowhere. Got all the time in the world, motherfucker.)

"Boy...yer startin' to piss me off now..." (Oh, am I? So goddamn what? You ain't gon' do shit.)

"Oh, really? Well then...I guess it wouldn't bother ya' none, if'n I went downstairs an' drank all that beer in the fridge." (W-Wait a second! C'mon now, buddy! L-Let's be reasonable here!)

"Hehehe...thought that might give ya' a start. Maybe I can whack myself over my damn head with a hammer while I'm drinkin' it, too." (Hey! C'mon! There ain't no need fer none a' that, man!)

"Eeyup. Maybe I can poke ya' with a Q-tip while I'm at it..." (Hey, now! H-Hey! L-Let's talk about this, man!)

"Eeyup. Maybe I can even...listen to that there dumbassed radio station...the one...the dreaded...the foulest of them all..." (No...no...you can't mean...you can't...)

"Oh, yeah! Equestrian National Public Radio!! DUNH DUNH DUHHHHH!!!!" (OH, GOD!!! Please don't!! They're just a bunch a' pretentious assholes! They ain't even knowledgeable on the shit they're talkin' 'bout, an' they only play the compositions from well-known composers! If'n I gotta' hear Grivanovsky's 3rd Symphony one more goddamn time...I'm gonna'...I don't even know what I'm gonna' do...)

"Oh? Then I suggest we come to a civil agreement, brain. Or I'll switch that motherfucker on, an' you'll start meltin' like a stick a' butter on a hot rock." (O-Okay...I'll be good...)

"Very well, then. Glad you've managed to see reason." (...asshole...)

"I heard that." (Eep!)

"Strike two, feller. But...I gotta' question fer ya', man..." (Yeah? What's up?)

"How many people you reckon we killed?" (Hey! I ain't killed nobody! That was all yer doin', buddy boy!)

"Mmmmmmbullshiiieeet! All them neurons and precognitive/cognitive actions? Fine an' gross motor skills? I cain't do shit physically without yer sayso, ya' dumbshit." (Meh. Guess ya' got a point there. Touche'.)

"Oh? Why thank you, sir, fer yer admission of liability. It's most appreciated. But...how many you reckon?" (Shiiieet, boy...lemme' think...I'd say at least...hmm...over two hundred kills...somethin' like that.)

"Good God. We're a walkin' talkin' apocalypse, man...." ('Spose we are. At least most of 'em weren't ponies.)

"Like that makes a damn difference. Hmm...how many of each species...how many you reckon?" (Hmm...'bout sixty or so Griffons...at least two Minotaurs...over a hundred dogs an' wolves easy...an' the rest were ponies. Mostly bandits, I reckon.)

"Fuck. We're fuckin' terrifyin', ain't we?" (Eeyup. Even more so, considerin' yer havin' a conversation with yer own brain right now. That ain't even possible, man.)

"I reckon it ain't, huh? Hehehe...yeah. We're a fuckin' animal, huh?" (We ain't "a fuckin' animal", son. We're THE FUCKIN' ANIMAL. The biggest. The worst. The baddest. An' them drugs ain't helpin' none, either.)

"Them drugs're yer fault, motherfucker. "Waaaah! I'm John's brain! Waaahh! I have a monoaminergic problem! I ain't got enough serotonin an' dopamine! Waaah!" That's you. That's what you sound like." (Huh. So's when yer killin' someone, I'm half to blame...but when yer all depressed an' shit, it's all my fault? Classy. Reeeaaal classy.)

"Yeah, yeah. I know. I'm just givin' ya' shit, man. Lighten up." (Very well. I shall. For your sake, John Apple. Only for you, baby.)

"Awww...ain'tchu' all sweet now? But...you reckon...you reckon Rainbow would understand? If...if we told her?" (I dunno, man. She might think it's "cool" or some such nonsense. Maybe.)

"Hah! Yeah...right. I can see it now! Hehehe...lemme' do my Rainbow impression fer this..."Yo, Red! 'Sup, brah?! I think your body count is fuckin' hot, dude! Oh, baby...paint me like one of your Prench girls!"...hehehe...how was that?" (Not bad, man. Gettin' better.)

"Yeah...thanks...but she can't love me. She can't." (Maybe. Maybe not. You don't even wanna' try. Yer too scared, motherfucker.)

"Eeyup. That's right, rabbit. Too goddamn scared." (Fear. It's eatin' ya'. Now it's time to go to sleep, John.)

"But I don't wanna'! Five more minutes!" (No. It's time for sleep, John. Sleep.)

He complied. His thoughts faded to black. John Macintosh Apple entered a dreamless sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After bidding her bestie good night, Rainbow decided to turn in. It was almost 9:00 P.M...about fifteen minutes 'til. She'd need her rest for tomorrow...even more so, considering that the Apples typically awoke at 5:00 A.M. sharp. She groaned as she went up the steps to her room. She hated mornings. She hated not being able to sleep in...but...she had something else now...something she hadn't had in all the years she'd known the Apples. Hope. A chance. Not only were her chances of winning the contest all the better now that AJ was on her and Mac's side, but also...AJ was going to try and hook the two of them up. She grinned. AJ was a pretty awesome friend, she had to admit. Things were looking up finally. She stopped in her tracks. She'd heard a noise.

"Hellllooooo, Detrot!!" It sounded like it'd come from Mac's room. Did he have his radio turned on or something? It sounded just like one of those hair metal singers screaming out to an audience. She snickered and shook her head. She had to be losing it or something. She entered her room and closed the door behind. She slipped under the covers, deciding to keep her hoodie on. The room was a bit chilly tonight. Tank was lying on the pillow next to her own head. She smiled.

"Hey, buddy....how ya' doin'? Liking it here so far?" Tank croaked that cute, little tortoise noise that Rainbow loved. She pulled the little guy towards her chest, snuggling up close to him to warm him up.

"Hehehe...after I'm done with chores an' stuff tomorrow, I can take ya' out for a walk or something...would ya' like that?" Tank smiled at her in response. He loved her no matter what she did. Unconditionally. Rainbow giggled and kissed him on top his scaly, little head.

Before long, Rainbow had drifted off into a blissful sleep. She had a dream where she and Mac were getting married on a cloud. Her mom and dad were there...both of them were alive and well...both of them happy...all her friends were there, too, serving as her bridesmaids. AJ was her maid of honor...the farmgirl had gotten drunk and started giving a raunchy speech. All of the Wonderbolts were there...which made sense...considering Rainbow was a Wonderbolt, too, in the dream. Her little buddy, Spike, was the ring-bearer. Rainbow was wearing her mother's own angelic wedding gown...and Mac was in a striking formal tux. He was so handsome...so wonderful...perfect...she smiled and let the dream take her away.

It was so beautiful. She didn't want it to end.

Chapter Fourteen: Of Spooks And A Rooster Most Mad

"Goddamn chickens!! Eat the corn! Eat it! What's your fucking problem?! Don't like corn, huh?! WELL, TOO BAD!!" Rainbow began pelting the chickens scrounging around in the pen outside the henhouse with hooffuls of dried corn from the rusty old pail of chicken feed. She didn't like the chickens. She didn't like feeding the chickens. The chickens were assholes. She'd much rather prefer to roast the little bastards with a blowtorch than feed them. In fact, she could probably get Scoots to hook her up and make that fantasy a reality.

"Oh, so we're gonna' play it that way, huh? Okay, then...well, I'm just gonna' hafta' hold ya' down and MAKE you eat it!!", she cried and began chasing after the nearest hen.

Predictably...all the hens scattered, clucking and bawking sporadically as they evaded the little, blue Pegasus. Rainbow hated this chore. She hated it even more than cleaning cow shit out of the barn. She didn't at all mind feeding the pigs, seeing as the pink, fleshy gluttons didn't require any coaxing to come to the trough and start stuffing their faces. And as an additional perk of the job, albeit Rainbow would never admit it as being such, she got to feed the little piglets. That part was her favorite. They were so adorable! They squealed and oinked and ran right up to her, pressing their moist, little piggie snouts into her shins. Of course, they were only looking for food...but come on! Piggies! (Itty bitty widdle pink baby piggies!!...d'awww...so cute...not at all LIKE THESE GODDAMN RETARDED-ASS CHICKENS!!!!) Feeding the chickens was laborious for one reason; the hens were scared of Rainbow. Mac had told her that it would take some time until they got used to her and began recognizing her as the pony who would feed them. Rainbow took a running dive at a nearby hen and managed to grab hold of the biddy's leg. The panicking bird flapped her wings to escape...after that tactic failed to work, she decided to start pecking at Rainbow's forehoof.

"OWW! Cut it out!! I'm just...trying...to...give you....FOOD!!", she yelled in between anguished muffles of pain betwixt pecks. Rainbow lost her grip on the frightened biddy and began moping.

"Ugghhh....why is this so hard? It's just throwing corn at a bunch of birds! Why won't they friggin' eat it!!?"

It had been a week since Rainbow and Ditzy Doo had moved in with the Apples. The two Pegasi began taking up AJ and Mac's chores in order to free up more of their time to work the fields. It hadn't been easy. Between training for the upcoming competition and doing all the needed farmwork, Rainbow had started to run herself ragged. Ditzy wasn't faring much better. She was working for the post office full time and doing her own load of chores. And to make matters even worse, Rainbow's new "employers" expected her to wake up at 5:00 A.M.!! That was ridiculous! Hell...some nights after she'd dragged herself home drunk, that was when Rainbow went to sleep! How did Mac and AJ do it?! They made it look so easy! Rainbow groaned and laid her face in the dirt. The chickens clucked to her what she assumed were utterly ribald, puerile insults in their annoying, cluckety-cluck-cluck chicken language, as they skitted about the pen evasively. Animals had never taken an especial liking to her. She was surprised Tank even liked her. A nearby hen clucked another chicken slur at Rainbow, as she laid in the dirt and wallowed in self-pity.

"Well, fuck you, too, ya' stupid, bird bitch! An' the rest a' ya', too! You can all friggin' starve for all I care!" Of course, Rainbow knew this was an empty threat. So, too, did the chickens. They knew the score. They knew the game. Rainbow had no power here...no true power...and she was soon reminded as to why. It was an additional reason she'd forgotten entirely until this very moment.

"BUUUHHHHKAAAAWWWWWKKK!!!!!", shrieked an unseen, avian entity from within the wooden hollows of the henhouse.

"Oh...oh, shit. I-I...I woke up that freakin' psycho!" She had indeed. The psycho in question stepped forth into the midst of his fellow birdfolk. It was...him. The Soulpecker. The Scratcher of Faces. The Render of Flesh. The Avian Blooddemon. It was...Billy the Rooster.

"Stay away from me, you freak! I-I know karate!!" She did indeed. But so, too, did Billy. At least the rooster equivalent to karate. He began displaying his martial prowess with a series of kicks and wing flaps. Rainbow gulped. Those talons were sharp.

"BAWKBAWKBAWK BUHKAAAWWK!!" Billy charged. Rainbow didn't hesitate. She turned an "about face" and began running for her life. She wasn't particularly proud of running from something a third her size but...man...c'mon. Those talons seriously hurt.

"*pant* L-Leave me alone! *pant* I got no beef with you, man!!" Billy ignored her pleas. But a sudden thought struck Rainbow...(wait a minute...can't I just...fly?...oh, c'mon!!) She took to the air and began hovering just out of the psychotic rooster's reach. Billy vaulted over the chickenwire fence in pursuit of his now airborne quarry. The brown leghorn stopped directly underneath his prey and just started staring at her...with those...creepy, yellow eyes. Rainbow decided it was time for trash talk.

"Hah! Can't get me up here now can ya', douchebag?! Whatcha' gonna' do, huh? NOTHIN'! That's what! Hehehe..." Her mirth was short-lived unfortunately.

She'd forgotten a single, critical fact: Roosters can fly. Well...not technically fly...not literally. But they can flap their wings while jumping to get some serious air. Which is sort of like flying...sort of. And...Billy suddenly squatted down on his haunches and performed a live demonstration of this "rooster jump" principle. Rainbow wished, for what would most certainly not be the last time, that she'd paid more attention in school. The brown leghorn's talons tore through the fragile membrane that covered the little Pegasus's left wing. She screamed in pain and began her inevitable, ten foot descent to the ground. A shower of baby blue feathers and a light spattering of blood followed her. She landed on the ground unceremoniously...right on her ass. She groaned and stood up.

"Owww...that really hurt. Now my butt's sore." (That's what she said!...hehehe... Man...I wish Red had heard that...he'd have thought it was funny...)

She rubbed her now aching keister and continued feeling sorry for herself. She wasn't cut out for this line of work. Between waking up at an ungodly hour and having to deal with psychotic barn animals, she'd started to lose her tentative grasp on her enthusiasm for living here at Sweet Apple Acres. The brown leghorn psycho-chicken had sliced her wing deep in a perfect gushing cut that was at least six inches in length. It made Rainbow think about those old, black and white Neighponese movies about grizzled samurai cutting things in half with katanas and a damn near superequine precision and skill. That psycho definitely would've made a great rōnin samurai in medieval Neighpon. His talents were clearly being wasted on an isolated farm way out in the middle of Buttfuck Nowheretown. But...that reminded her of something...maybe she sho-

"BUHKAAAAWWWWK!! BAWK BAWKBAWK!!!", screamed the murderous fowl as he charged his newly earthbound foe. Strange how being dumped on your butt could make you forget that your life was in peril. Rainbow took off in the opposite direction. She wasn't too keen on getting close to this crazy, little bastard again. It seemed...unhealthy.

"*huff* *huff* Dude! Lemme' alone!! *pant* I didn't do shit to you!!" She thought about making a B-line for the farmhouse...but no...it was too far.

She was already limping from the debilitating effects of her recent fall. Which was bad. Billy had almost caught up to her. And when he finally did catch her...Schlick! (...no...you're gonna' make it!) Rainbow had heard from her little buddy, Spike, just how effective fancy, evasive maneuvers really were. Answer: Apparently...not very. She really shouldn't have tried running in a serpentine. Before long, Billy the Fucking Lunatic Chicken had caught up with her. He jumped atop the little Pegasus's back and began mercilessly pecking her all over her hindquarters. The sharp, little jabs in her behind had caused Rainbow's concentration to lapse for a brief moment...just long enough for her to trip right over the metal chicken feed pail sitting right outside the chickenwire. Rainbow went face first down into the tawny dirt of Sweet Apple Acres. She rolled almost two feet before stopping. And of course...Billy hadn't at all been harmed in the process. The evil, little shit resumed pecking at Rainbow and maligning her with his sadistic, chickeny shrieks. Rainbow curled up into a ball and covered herself with her pretty, blue wings to ward off the rooster's assault. She suddenly decided that she didn't very much care for Billy the Rooster. It was a bit of a belated epiphany...but it still warranted validity. Billy the Rooster was a bit of an asshole. That went without saying, though. Did it still need to be evidenced as such? She decided that it didn't. Verdict: Billy was an asshole.

"Ow! Lemme' alone! Ow! Cut it out, motherfucker!", she cried in between pecks and scratches from the psycho-chicken tyrant of Sweet Apple Acres. She tried fending the little bastard off by swatting at him with her hooves...but he merely dodged her every attack...like...a chickeny...roostery...cluckety acrobat/kung fu master. Rainbow decided that this scenario was complete bullshit. She swallowed her pride and began calling for help...

"Ow! GUYS! Ow! GET THIS FREAK OFFA' ME!! Ow! Cut it out, faggot! Ow!" It was a good thing that her voice carried well. Rainbow knew that Mac and Steelheart were up on top the roof of one of the barns repairing it's tiles and whatnot. She prayed that they'd been able to hear her cries. The situation wasn't turning out to be all that pleasant.

Rainbow was getting her ass handed to her by an eight pound rooster. Granted, that was pretty big for a rooster...but...still. Needless to say, she wasn't feeling particularly proud of herself right about now.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Well, 'ello 'ello, beautiful! How're ya' doin' today, luv?", called out Constable Steelheart in his melodious baritone from atop the roof of Sweet Apple Acre's cattle barn. AJ looked up at the big stallion calling for her from her position on ground level.

"Hey, I ain't too shabby now, big feller. But dontchu' be tryin' none of them moves on me, boy. I'm on to you, ya' hear?", she called up to him.

Mac grinned and shook his head, continuing his task of spreading the hot tar all over the barn's roof that would be the binding agent for the tiles. He and his old friend were wearing their military-issued trousers and bloused steel-toe combat boots for traction and carrying capacity whilst working atop the blistering roof. The two stallions were each decked out with a heavy leather tool belt lined with the various tools one might need while performing a task such as this one. Steel wasn't wearing his usual Imperial National Police getup, in the granted exception of his blue patrol cap atop his head. He'd likely kept it on to keep the glaring sun from giving him a sunburn atop his closely buzzed pate. It was a blisteringly hot day. The temperature had risen up to about 94 degrees Marenheit...and it was only about 1000 in the morning. Mac didn't very much look forward to how hot it would be by noontime. And it was for this very reason that the big, red stallion was especially grateful for his old friend's help. Steel had taken out a vacation day from the constabulary to help Mac tile the cattle barn's roof, bringing his sweet, little pregnant wife, Colgate, with him. The pregnant, little dentist had been constantly making trips between the farmhouse and out to the barn where they were working to keep the two of them hydrated.

"Oi! C'mon, beautiful! I already called dibs on ya' fer bein' me "backup wife." Thankfully, AJ burst into a fit of laughter.

Of course, Bobby wasn't very fond of the idea that his young, pregnant wife could potentially collapse from heat exhaustion...and he'd constantly informed her of his concerns. But the little, blue Unicorn merely waved off her husband's worries and told him she wasn't going to just lay up on her ass like a useless blob...whether he liked it or not. So the two stallions just concentrated on the task at hoof. They were almost halfway done...they were tarring small sections of the wooden baseboards they'd nailed down and covering them with tiles as they went. Everything was going quite swimmingly...well...most everything. Steelheart had a tendency to entertain himself in whatever way he could whenever he was performing a grueling or tedious task...such as this one. And it was rather unfortunate for Mac, that he had a rather pretty, young sister gallivanting about the place. Every time Mac's old buddy came to visit the farm, he pretended to hit on his little sister just to screw with him. Of course, he didn't mean anything by it...but it was still occasionally a source of problems for the Apples as a whole. AJ's temper sometimes got the better of her when Steel's "irreverent" sense of humor offended her. Thankfully, this didn't seem to be the case today.

"Hehehe...oh, man...ya' know...yer wife's headed this way with a tray a' iced tea, ya' overgrown, Coltney idgit." The big, white stallion merely shrugged as he continued swabbing the roof with his tar-coated mop.

"Meh. She already knows 'bout ya', me little darlin'. We came to an agreement, the two of us did. If one of us gives up the ghost 'fore the other, then we fall back on our "backup spouses."

"That's the damndest thing I ever done heard! So...what? If Colgate bites the "big one", then you an' me get hitched?"

"That's the gist of it, luv." AJ smirked.

Mac didn't like that look of hers. He knew she was likely just joking around and participating in some harmless flirtation, but it still made him uncomfortable to think of his little sister as anything but a celibate, little angel. She was a twenty three year old mare, and Mac highly doubted that she still had her "V Card." She'd already grown up while he'd been off fighting Griffons, Badlands Bandits, and Diamond Dogs in various, unnamed hellholes...and he had missed most of her teen years. He wasn't sure whether that was a blessing or a curse, but what he did know was that his little, baby sister Jackie was all grown up. In fact, Mac himself had had the misfortune of bearing witness to just how "grown up" his little sissy had gotten...by walking into the barn one night a while back...to find her and Caramel, a local stallion, groping and kissing atop a soft pile of hay. (Oh, man...why'd I have to go an' 'member that shit again?! *shudder*)

"Hehehe...well, then...you better watch yer six there, big fella'. I'm a hoofful to deal with, lemme' tell ya'." Bobby looked uncomfortable. He'd been hoisted by his own petard.

"I uh...bet you are, darlin'. But uh...yeah..." Colgate had arrived and was now standing next to the barn ladder with a tray of iced tea in tow that was being magically levitated by her horn's aquamarine aura. She had an amused, resigned expression on her pretty features.

Mrs. Colgate Minuette Steelheart was a rather petite, little Unicorn with a light blue coat, a vanilla and azure, two-toned mane, and a pair of deep, blue eyes. Her Cutie Mark was a small hourglass that denoted her uncanny ability to keep up with several, strict patient schedules at once, no matter how hectic and busy her day became. Mac could see that the young mare was starting to show the tell-tale signs of a mid-stage pregnancy...this was usually only visibly discernible when she wasn't wearing her white lab coat like right this instant. Mac knew quite a bit about her and had even double dated with her and her husband back when he'd still been dating Cherilee. Steel had given him the full rundown of his wife last year when they were still just engaged. The girl was only twenty seven years old and had earned a full doctorate in medicine, specializing in oral surgery and anesthesiology. Bobby had first met her on one of his very first patrols through town as Ponyville's brand new lawpony. The two of them were completely smitten with one another. And Mac couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of envy. The lovely, little dentist was definitely a looker. Mac had to admit...Bobby was a lucky guy. He wished he could find a girl to love him that much...(...Rainbow...no...)

"Hey, baby? You telling these two about our "backup spouse" deal?" Mac wondered who Colgate had chosen for her backup husband. He knew this was all just a forced attempt at "humor", but the thought was still tantalizing.

"Coley? Issat iced tea ya' got there, darlin'?" Colgate nodded.

"Yeah. Why don't you and my "backup husband" come down from there and take another break? The weather report said the heat index for today was gonna' get up to about 102 degrees." Mac grinned at his old friend.

"'Ey, bruv. Don't get no funny ideas, ya' nutter."

"Hmm...so if you kick the bucket there, Bobby, then I get yer wife? Sounds like a win-win to me." Bobby chuckled nervously.

"Hehehe...easy there, Red. Don't get all mental on me. Yer just arsin' around, yeah?"

"Hmm...I wonder how many bones you'd break, if I tossed ya' offa' this here roof, Bobby. You reckon it'd be fatal?"

"Hehehe...err...c'mon now. That's enough there, mate...hehehe...you ain't...you ain't actually considerin'...uh..."

"You actually thought I was serious, man? Shit...hehehe. Didn't think I was that great an actor.", said Mac, as he began his descent down the ladder leaning up against the side of the big, red cattle barn. Steelheart followed him after he'd reached the bottom rung.

"Ha! What d'ya' take me for, mate? I ain't some ignorant div. Or am I? What do you think, angel eyes?", said the brawny, white constable as he walked up to his wife. Colgate magically set the tray of beverages down on a nearby stump and pulled her husband into an embrace.

"Hehehe...I married you for that ass, baby. Not for your brains."

"Woah, woah, woah, angel! Ya' don't wanna' get too close right this second. I'm bloody drenched in sweat." His little wife ignored him and kissed him.

"Oh, please, Bobby. Like I care. Seriously. Half my job is rooting around other pony's mouths all day. A little bit of sweat doesn't bother me." She buried her snout into his neck, prompting the big stallion to emit a low chuckle. Mac thought it was pretty goddamn adorable how the two of them acted around one another, but he'd never admit it out loud. Steel would just rib him for being "a thespianic arse bandit."

"Is that so, luv? Well, then maybe that 'splains why ya' don't mind a lotta' the nastier things we do, eh?..hehehe... Like sharin' a toothbrush an' all that." AJ recoiled in disgust.

"Oh! Dang, Coley! Eeyuck! Y'all seriously use the same damn toothbrush?" Colgate and Steel flashed the farmgirl a puzzled expression.

"What's wrong with couples sharing the same toothbrush, Applejack? It's not that big a deal, really. I mean...we're constantly swapping microbes orally every time we kiss, anyway. And it's not like I don't know where Bobby's mouth has been or anything. In fact...hehehe...last night...I knew exactly where it was...for over thirty minutes...hehehe...ain't that right, baby?", crooned the little Unicorn in a low, sensual voice to her husband. Bobby nodded and the two of them began giggling like a pair of amorous high school seniors.

"Okay. I'mma'...I'mma' go...go an' find me somethin' to burn that image outta' my goddang skull. Maybe drink me some damn rubbin' alcohol or somethin'.", said AJ, as she turned and began walking back towards the farmhouse. Colgate called after her.

"Hey, I'll come with you, AJ. I think those muffins I made for Ditzy are almost done baking. Huh. Don't think she heard me... Hmm...maybe she has a point, though. I better check you out real quick, Bobby.", she crooned while pulling back down on her husband's neck to bring him in for another kiss.

The married couple began making out in earnest in full view of anypony present. Unfortunately, the only pony present was John Apple. Eventually, the two of them decided to escalate their PDA to "Prenching," a rather salacious means of locking lips that involved ample amounts of tongue...of course...the Prench were the first to inspire it's widespread usage in Equestria. Mac began awkwardly looking away while rubbing the back of his neck. He started wondering as to whether or not the two lovebirds were doing this on purpose. But thankfully...and after a final, unfortunate display of an arguably criminal bit of groping and petting, the two ponies disengaged from one another. Mac breathed a sigh of relief. Colgate began cooing something in her husband's left ear. She likely didn't know that Mac had been trained to eavesdrop without appearing to do so...he could hear the faintest bits of conversation from virtually unheard of distances.

"I'll come back and check on you in a bit, baby, okay? Don't work too hard. I don't want you too tuckered out today...hehehe...it might impact your "performance" tonight. Oh, and remember how I asked you if you'd try out something a little...uh..."different" this past week? Well...let's try it tonight. Already bought the baby oil and everything. All ya' gotta' do is show up and bring that ass...hehehe..." Bobby turned a bright shade of red and began snickering nervously while looking over in Mac's direction. The big constable had received the same surveillance training as Mac had, so the possibility of him overhearing them had likely just crossed his mind. Mac finally decided enough was enough.

"Okay, okay. That's enough you two. Thanks for bringing us somethin' to drink, Coley. Y'all just did all that stuff fer my benefit...didn't ya'?" The married couple both gave Mac an exaggerated, toothy grin known to country folks as "a shit-eating grin." He was well acquainted with it's proper implementation and intent.

"You're most certainly welcome, big guy. Oh, and as for that second question...well...off course, we did. Now you have to endure the awkward tension left in our wake...hehehe...see ya' in a bit, baby. But remember...tonight...you.", said Colgate menacingly, as she began walking back towards the farmhouse. Robert Steelheart merely grinned in response. Mac walked over to the tray of iced tea sitting on the tree stump and turned up one of the glasses. Steel walked over and did the same. The cold, sweet nectar was just what they needed on a torrid, hellish day such as this one.

"Phew. Thank God fer me best girl, eh? Thought we were goners fer a while there, mate. She's a right, little tart, she is." Mac shrugged. He knew that the two of them were about to discuss some rather grim business again. He figured it was better to just go ahead and get it out of the way now that the two of them were alone like this. He braced himself and asked about it.

"Yeah. Yer a lucky feller, Bobby....well...I reckon we better go over what we've learned so far 'bout our uh..."little problem", huh?" Bobby sighed and nodded.

"Right you are, mate...though I'm more than a bit reluctant to talk about this sorta' shite right now...*sigh*...so...you get any fix on the bitch while you were out trackin' her? Ya' know...besides them scratches on the barn door?", said Steel in a deflated tone while pointing towards the door in question. Mac shook his head.

"Not so much as a single, fuckin' track, man. Damndest thing. You'd think she'd a' left at least somethin' by now. Bitch is a like goddamn ghost fart." Bobby chuckled and took a swig of his tea.

"Hehehe...yeah. Me boys haven't learned nothin' new, either. Oh, except for one thing: Them wards are down to about one quarter strength." Mac cursed and spat. He finished his iced tea and set the glass back down on the tray. He took out his pack of smokes and lit one up with his father's old lighter.

"It's a goddamn mystery, man, I tell ya' what. I know these things are all alien an' "mystical" an' whatnot, but they're still fuckin' tangible. Still concrete an' physical. How'n the hell ain't she left so much as a single trace a' where she's been? Well...'cept fer them scratches on the door...had to tell AJ that it was a mountain lion what done it or somethin'. Man...I hate lyin'..." Bobby nodded sympathetically.

"I know ya' do, bruv. But it's better that we keep this outta' the public eye fer now. Might incite a panic. Only ponies who're on a need to know basis are you, me, the mayor, and the Castle. *sigh* So...you ain't found nothin' at all? Not even a broken branch? Blood spatter? Nothin'?" Mac shrugged again.

"Not a single clue, Bobby. It's almost like she ain't even here. But we both know otherwise."

"That we do, mate. But I did get a few tidbits of information off the radio that may or may not be related to our predicament. Fancy hearin' it?"

"No, Bobby. I don't wanna' hear any of your information that might be crucial to what we're fuckin' doin' here. Not even a little bit."

"Oh, you and yer sarcasm. Balls to the both of ya'. You wanna' hear this or not, mate?"

"C'mon, man! Out with it already!"

"Oi! Don't get yer knickers in a wad, Red. Ya' know I'm here helpin' ya' fix yer bleedin' roof fer free...outta' the goodness of me heart." Mac snickered.

"Mmmmmbullshiiiiieeeet. You just came to flirt with AJ, and 'cause I promised ya' a free barrel a' cider."

"Okay...so maybe those were contributin' factors...but still..."

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks fer helpin' out 'round here, man. We 'ppreciate it."

"Is that it?" *puppy eyes* "

"Shit, man...whaddya' want from me? A fuckin' hug?" Bobby smiled and advanced on Mac to embrace him.

"That's exactly what I want. Now c'mere an' hug yer old mate, ya' big, randy beast! Oooh! You smell nice even though yer sweaty...must be the aftershave. So studly! Tee-hee!" Steel wrapped the big, red stallion in a comically effeminate hug. Mac just decided to humor him.

"Yeah, yeah. I love you too, buddy. Okay. That's enough stallin' fer one day. Whaddya' got for me?" Bobby let go of his old friend and became serious once more.

"Right. Well, I got some good news, some bad news, and some somewhat ambiguously valued news. Whaddya' wanna' hear first, bruv?"

"Alright. Gimme' the good news first."

"Well...I got the final figure on that bounty from the mayor. She got on the horn with the Castle, and the Interior Ministry authorized her to grant a maximum bounty of up to 20k bits." Mac made a low whistle and let his friend continue. That was a pretty handsome reward. It almost outweighed the danger of the job. Almost.

"Yep. She done wired the money from the Imperial coffers to the town coffers already. All we gotta' do now is kill the pissin' slag. Easier said than done, though. Oh, and provide evidence of the kill."

"Damn...I really 'ppreciate this, Bobby. But I still don't understand why ya' won't accept any of the bounty. Yer doin' half the work. You deserve half the money." Steel shook his head and set his glass of iced tea back down on the tray.

"No, Red. I don't want it. An' I don't need it. Already told ya' three times, bruv. Coley is pullin' in 'bout 130k a year, an' I'm pullin in 'bout 55k. An' that ain't countin' some a' the side contracts I've taken directly from the Castle."

"I dunno, man. It just don't feel right. Feels like I'm fuckin' ya' on the bounty."

"Nope. Don't want it. Don't wanna' hear no more 'bout it, ya' savvy? Keep the bleedin' quid, Red. You and yer family need it a lot more than me an' Coley. Least I can do, mate." Mac nodded and patted his friend on back.

"Alright. I'll drop the subject. Thanks, man. Really. So...any more good news?" Bobby began nervously rubbing the back of his.

"Well...maybe...'spose it all depends on yer definition of "good", really."

"Oh, shit. Here we go."

"Such pessimism! Tsk, tsk, tsk. But...yeah. I guess we got us some more "good" news."

"You ain't gotta' keep stoppin' to get feedback, man. We're short on time here. Keep goin'."

"Oh. Right. Well...after I done filed that bloody report on all that's been bangin' around here, the Castle got back in touch with me. The Crown took a direct interest in our "little problem." 'Pparently...the Princesses themselves see this shite we're in as bein' bad enough to send help our way."

"Uh..."help?"

"Righto. "Help." And also help without the quotations. Celestia is sendin' her star pupil back to good, ole' Ponyville to give us a hoof findin' this ole' slag. But it's comin' with a price tag, Red." Mac didn't like where this was going.

"What's the damage?"

"The Interior Ministry is sendin' us an extra agent to help out. An' also, prob'ly as a means of accountability an' the like." Mac raised a single eyebrow. Something his friend had said piqued his interest.

"Well...that don't surprise me all that much. I reckon they'd wanna' keep tabs on us. Can't blame 'em. Fer some goddamn reason, the Everfree is a breedin' ground fer anomalous magicks an' shit. Somethin' crazy jumps on outta' them woods every other week, man. Hell...that's the primary reason Celestia sent Twilight here to begin with. But you said somethin' that sounded a little funny there, Bobby..."

"Oh? Wassat?"

"You said they were sendin' us an "extra agent." Who's the first agent they sent, Bobby?" Steel began chuckling and covered his eyes with his left forehoof.

"Oh, bollocks...hehehe...yeah. I shoulda' reckoned you'd catch on eventually, mate. Lemme' level with ya': Even though I'm officially workin' fer the Imperium as a constable here in Ponyville, I'm also workin' fer the Interior Ministry." Mac really wasn't all that surprised.

"Huh. I guessed about as much." Robert Steelheart's eyes widened with surprise.

"Uh...you ain't all wound up over me lyin' to ya'?"

"Eenope. It's just yer job, man. Yer a damn spy. Lyin' just comes with the territory. It'd be like gettin' mad at a soldier fer killin' somebody or a firefighter fer puttin' out a fire. And I reckon ya' only took the assignment to be here with Coley an' me." Bobby smiled and nodded.

"Well...I must say, you ole' sod...yer bein' right mature 'bout all this."

"Eeyup. It's called "adulthood." Don't fret yerself. You'll reach it's vaunted, mystical shores yet, old friend. Just keep on hopin' and always carry a song in yer heart! Ya' just gotta' BELIEVE!!!" Mac did a girly, little skip into the air and traced a rainbow with his hooves. Even though he was joking, he really hoped another Rainbow hadn't seen him being such an idiot. (What am I? Fourteen years old? Fuck.)

"Hehahaheh!!!...oh...fuck me, Red...didn't take ya' fer a poof. Now we know better, eh? But seriously...you're right. Lemme' fill you in. Might as well now, anyway, right?"

"Go ahead. But I'm purdy sure I can fill in the blanks myself, Bobby."

"Oooh! Strong and smart! Such a dreamy bloke, you are, Red! Anyway...once we got our separation papers an' went our separate ways, I got approached by an intelligence agency recruiter. Basically...soon as I got sworn in, I requested a transfer to Ponyville to be with you an' Coley. They offered me this assignment here where I'd basically just use me badge as a cover. Pretty much had the same bleedin' duties as Princess Twilight. I've been reporting anything out of the ordinary directly to the Castle for over a year now. Now...don't go thinkin' I'm spyin' on the townsfolk or nothin'. Ain't like that."

"I wasn't insinuatin' that ya' were, man. Please. Continue."

"So polite, too! Ooh! Well...I ain't lookin' fer political dissidents or some such bollocks. Mostly keepin' an eye on the Everfree an' them bandits to the north. You'd be right buggerfucked, if ya' knew just how much madness is goin' down way out here in the middle of Buttfuck Nowheretown. Two dragon migrations...twelve anomalous fluctuations of dark magick in the Everfree...three manticore attacks...hell...I've busted eight...read me lips...eight soddin' drug deals just outside of town. Every day, I find another fuckin' soap-dodger shootin' up or lightin' up under that old bridge. It's gettin' worse an' worse, mate. Those blokes to the north keep sneakin' back into city limits to push their junk...mostly a bit a' "old man's pearls", some "green pollen", and even a little bit a' the ole' "Zebrican marchin' powder." Mac sighed in exasperation. Sometimes...it wasn't at all easy to decipher his old friend's Dappleshore vernacular.

"Goddangit, Bobby...hehehe...you can just say "oxies, weed, an' coke." Not everythin's gotta' be a fuckin' riddle wrapped in an enigma, motherfucker." Bobby snickered.

"Aww...but what's the fun a' havin' yerself a job pinchin' drug pushers, if ya' can't participate in all the super cool, criminal slang? Anyway...yeah...as it turns out, Ponyville is a lot more relevant than one might think. Also...didn't ya' get approached by an Interior Ministry recruiter yerself after ya' got out, Red? I'd imagine ya' would. We both got the same credentials, bruv." Mac indeed had been approached by one.

"Eeyup. Had to turn 'im down, though. I considered it...but AJ an' Granny couldn't keep the farm afloat without me fer much longer. So...what's this ambiguous news?"

"Well...asides from the extra "help" we're gettin'...the Castle decided not to send a detachment a' troops way out here in our neck a' the woods. Interpret that however ya' fancy."

"Hmm. I get ya'. Could be good news. Could be bad news. Time'll tell, I guess." Mac knew that the Castle's decision to belay sending a contingency of soldiers to Ponyville could be interpreted as good news or as a bad omen. The Crown might have thought the situation wasn't dire enough to merit marching a bunch of steel-clad grunts into the center of a relatively peaceful town with a rather meek populace. Of course, the Crown could be vastly underestimating the severity of the threat...this remained to be seen, though.

"Absobloodylutely, mate. Personally, I'm overjoyed about it. I don't fancy havin' a gagglefuck a' drunk, twenty-somethin's runnin' about Mane Street chasin' mares. But yeah...time'll tell."

"Now...how 'bout the bad news?"

"Yeah...well...that comes in two parts, mate. First part is this: We got a missin' persons report. Well...two of 'em to be exact. One's a sixteen year old Unicorn filly by the name a' "Ballad." Other one's a seventeen year old Earth colt called "Baritone. Both of 'em were bein' homeschooled. Both of 'em were neighbors. The two of 'em even started goin' steady recently...at least...accordin' to their folks that is."

"Hmm. You got reason to think this has anythin' to do with our "little problem?" When'd these kids last go missin'?"

"To answer both yer questions: Yes, I do, an' their parents said they ain't been home in over a week an' a half. Now...normally, I'd overlook this little tidbit a' news havin' anythin' to do with the Mater an' all...but from what I heard from their folks...sounds real sketchy, Red."

"How so?"

"These kids were straight A students, mate. Always checked in with their mums an' dads 'fore goin' anywhere, an' they always got themselves home by curfew. This is a real small town, Red. I don't mean to be a sad arse by tellin' ya' all this...but when somepony goes missin', I hear about it right quick." Mac narrowed his eyes. This didn't sound too promising.

"Not too sure this has got anythin' to do with our "mutual problem", Bobby. Did ya' get yer boys to look around for 'em yet?" Steel nodded.

"Way ahead a' ya', bruv. Me lads ain't found so much as a mouse's fart. Only one things fer certain: They ain't anywhere inside the city limits."

"Maybe they just took off. Eloped or some shit. Kids're fuckin' dumb like that."

"Ain't likely from what their parents told me. Said those kids were awful mature fer their ages. An' the last they'd heard of 'em was over a week ago...they were headed to Sugarcube Corner fer a date or some such. Already checked in with the Cakes. Said they never showed up. Real fishy, Red." Mac was starting to see what was wrong here.

"Hmm. Think they ran off into the woods fer a lil' hanky panky?"

"Hehehe...maybe. If yer lucky, ya' might find 'em snoggin' out on a blanket or somethin'. Maybe even catch 'em in mid-fuck...hehehe..."

"Ugh. Doubt it. Too much time's passed. It don't look too good, Bobby." Steel's expression darkened.

"Yeah. I know, mate. The optimist in me's hopin' they're just on an extended "field trip" out there, but me gut's sayin' otherwise."

"And I'll presume that you'd like yours truly to go an' look fer 'em?"

"Yes. If ya' wouldn't mind that is...that'd be lovely, Red. Thank you."

"*sigh*...as though I ain't already got enough on my damn plate right now."

"I feel bad askin', Red...but we both know yer best suited to the task. An' I know better'n to send me lads out into the Everfree. They wouldn't last a bloody hour in that place."

"*sigh*...alright, man. I'll do some more trackin' some time tomorrow night. I'll dose up with a night eye potion an' start checkin' fer hooftracks after my girls're asleep. So...who d'ya' think's behind all this, Bobby?"

"Not a clue, mate. Well...not entirely true...only an incredibly powerful sorcerer...or sorceress...coulda' summoned that ole' slag. Oh...and another bit a' bad news...the Castle denied our request fer them pneumatic crossbows. They didn't wanna' highly classified prototype weapon gettin' sent to an ass-end backwater like Ponyville. Not surprisin'."

"Fuck. Well...what about them powder charges you were makin'?"

"Oh, right! Fergot all 'bout that. In fact, I got two bits a news for ya' there, Red. Yeah. The charges're ready. Just gotta' prep the frag bolts an' all. Also...the Castle had the courtesy to not fuck us in our arses in their entireties...they're sendin' us some low-end monster-huntin' kit along with that agent. He's 'sposed to bring us a few alchemical ingredients an' some sticky charges. Not sure how much it'll be of use, but more kit is always better'n no kit."

"Ha! All's we gotta' do is get close enough to use them charges on the bitch. Sure that'll be easy as fuck, right? Like tryin' to thread a needle with yer dick while runnin' on a treadmill. So...when's this fuckin' spook gettin' here? Any idea who he is?" Bobby shook his head.

"Nope. No idea what he looks like, what his name is, or even when he's gettin' here. Could be any day now. Castle said I'll know 'im when I meet 'im. Oooh! Spooooky! Hehehe...but it's just the Interior Ministry's standard operating procedure. They try to keep their surveillance teams as compartmentalized as possible...ya' know...in case anypony gets captured an' shite. But sometimes I think they just keep us field agents in the dark to keep up an air of "mystery" or some such bollocks. Woooo! All this espionage an' excitement's makin' me lady parts quiver." Mac snorted with laughter.

"Hehehe...alright, man. I'll keep an eye out fer them two kids. Let me know when that jerkoff from the Castle gets here."

"Will do, Red. You reckon we should get back to work on this roof?"

"Yeah...*sigh*...I reckon so...wait a sec...you hear that?" Steel wrinkled his brow and listened. The two stallions could hear a voice calling from the other side of the farm...

"GUYS! GET THIS FREAK OFFA' ME!! It sounded like somepony Mac knew...who was it?

"HELP!! THIS FUCKIN' BIRD IS CRAZY!! OW!! CUT IT OUT, DICKWEED!!" Mac's eyes widened. It was Rainbow! He immediately guessed what was wrong. (Goddammit, Billy!! Not again!!)

"Oi, Red. Issat Rainbow Dash yelpin'? What's goin' on, bruv?" Mac hurriedly grabbed the half-full pitcher of iced tea off the tray sitting on the nearby tree stump.

"Yeah! She done pissed off Billy! I'll be right back!", he replied, as he began running on his hind legs towards the source of all the calamity while taking great care not to spill his pitcher of beverage.

"Wait a tic, Red!! You need help?!", said Steel, calling out after him.

"No! I got this! Thanks, though!!"

"Okay!! But who's Billy?!"

"Yer better off not findin' out!! Trust me!!" He truly meant that.

Before long, Mac was out of earshot of his old squadmate. Hopefully, he wouldn't find the love of his life curled up dead and covered head to hoof in pecks and scratches.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lord High Emperor Most Exalted of Avian Royalty, Commander-in-Chief, and Supreme Ruler of All Appleland William the Conqueror was in exceptionally high spirits. He flapped his tawny feathers and squawked at his fallen enemy in a triumphant bloodlust. The Blue Terror had been vanquished and was now subject to his wrath. And he had a whole lot of wrath for her, too! Oh, did he ever! Where did she get the gall to come into his domain and malign his subjects? Regardless, she wouldn't get away with such a brazen insult! Oh, no, siree! Not if he had any say about it! "Impunity" was not a word in his native Chickenspeak! Honestly...what would his beloved harem of hens do without their wonderful Lord High Emperor Most Exalted of Avian Royalty, Commander-in-Chief, and Supreme Ruler of All Appleland there protecting them? The Blue Terror moaned and gargled out some obscenity in her barbaric, primitive horse tongue. William the Conqueror bawked in amusement. He slashed at her hindquarters again with his Deadly, Razor Sharp Talons of Supreme Devastation and Righteous, Indignant Fury. The stupid beast shrieked and clumsily lashed out at him with her crude, behoofed limbs. William the Conqueror found her pitiful attempts at defending herself to be most amusing. He squawked a bit of his own trash talk back at her for good measure.

"Bawk!! Bawkbawkbawk bawk bawkbawk? Bawkbawkbawk bawk: BUHKAWWWK!!" (Aha! Now what will you do fell creature? Allow me to answer that for you: NOTHING!!) The Blue Terror again cursed at William the Conqueror in her dumb, horsie language. He found her bumbling, primeval attempts at communication to be most amusing.

"Bawkawk! Bawkbawk bawk bawk bawkbawkbawk bawkawkbawk bawk bawkbawk bawkbawkbawk bawk bawk!!! BAWK!!" (I cannot understand your puerile tongue, foul beast! Your ignorance sickens me! Perhaps you should do well to learn proper Chickenspeak! AHAHAHA!!) But the sound of one of William the Conqueror's hens calling him from behind the safety of his Grand Chicken Fortress's Great Wall of Wire Impenetrability caught his attention.

"Bawkawkbawk? Bawk bawk bawkbawkbawk?" (Hey, Billy? You almost done with this ho?)

"BAWK!! Bawkawkbawk bawk bawk bawkbawk! Bawk bawk BAWKAWWWWKKK!!" (HENRIETTA!! How many times have I told you not to call me that!? It's "William the Conqueror!!" JEEZ!!)

"Bawwwk...bawk. Bawk. Bawkbawkbawk bawk bawkbawk bawkbawkbawk bawk bawk?" (Uhh...yeah. Right. Me'n the girl's were just wonderin' when yo' crazy ass was gonna' ice this bitch so we can eat finally?) Oh! The insolence! The blatant disrespect! Had they no love for their wonderful Lord High Emperor Most Exalted of Avian Royalty, Commander-in-Chief, and Supreme Ruler of All Appleland William the Conqueror?! The very same rooster who had done naught but sire their most cherished offspring and protect them from the malignant devils that assailed them?!

"BAWK!! Bawkbawk bawk bawk bawk bawk? BAWK BAWK!! BAWKBAWK BAWK BAWK?!! BAWK BAWK BAWKBAWKBAWK BAWKBAWK BUHKAAAWWWK!!" (HENRIETTA!! Is this how you treat your sovereign ruler, you little, ingrate? VERY WELL, THEN!! SO, IT'S FOOD YOU'RE AFTER, EH?!! THEN YOU MAY FEAST ON THE REMAINS OF THIS FELL BEAST AFTER SHE'S BEEN SLAIN!!)

"Bawk...bawkbawk bawkbawkbawk bawk. Bawk bawkbawk bawkbawk bawk! Bawkbawk bawk bawk! Bawkbawkbawk." (Nigga'...you crazy as a mothafucka'. We can't eat this bitch! And fix them yee-yee ass feathers! They crooked as shit.)

"BAWK?! BAWKBAWK! BAWKBAWK BAWK BAWK BAWKBAWKBUHKAAWWK!! BAWKBAWK BAWKBAWK BAWK!! BAWKBAWK BAWK BUHKAAWK!!? BAWKBAWK! BAWKBAWKBAWK BAWK BA-" (WHAT'S THIS?! MORE INSOLENCE! I'VE TOLD YOU COUNTLESS TIMES ALREADY!! I'M PERFECTLY RATIONAL AND MOST CERTAINLY SANE!! AND WHAT DOES "YEE-YEE" MEAN?!! NO ONE WILL TELL ME!! SERIOUSLY, I'M STARTING TO GE-)

An utterly titanic force had knocked William the Conqueror's glorious, virile rooster body sailing clear into the air and away from the pitiful, blue heap that was his defeated adversary. The esteemed and honorable ruler of all Appleland landed in a flustered heap some feet away. Some new adversary had joined the fray! He'd been taken by surprise due to his engrossment in taunting his fallen quarry and arguing with one of his hens. William the Conqueror rose to his feet and readied his Deadly, Razor Sharp Talons of Supreme Devastation and Righteous, Indignant Fury for battle. But...he recognized this new foe! It was, in fact, an old foe! It was the...the...The Red Baron!! The massive, red horse-beast stood a great height and cast a vast shadow over William the Conqueror. He was holding some sort of clear vessel of amber liquid in one of his massive hooves...William the Conqueror wondered what it was. What could it be? A new, dread weapon of a chemical make? But why would such a formidable enemy have need of such a dishonorable means of doing battle? The Red Baron was a nearly indomitable adversary. His size alone had proven itself to be a great, decisive impetus in many of William the Conqueror's more embarrassing defeats. But...he would not falter!! He would not fail his harem!! He would slay this dread beast and secure his kingdom's peace and prosperity!! The noble warrior-king bawked a challenge out to the great, red menace.

"BAWK?! BAWK BAWKBAWKBAWK, BAWKBAWKBAWK?! BAWK BAWK!! BAWKBAWKBAWK BUHKAAAAWWWK!! BAWKBAWK, BAWK!!!" (OH?! YOU WISH TO JOIN THE FIELD, ALSO, RED BARON?! VERY WELL, THEN!! LET THIS BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!!! COME AT ME, BRO!!!) The Red Baron charged. William the Conqueror patiently bided his time. He had to wait for just the right openi-

"Take that, ya' crazy, lil' bastard!! Why you always gotta' go 'round tryin' to massacre everypony?! Shit, man!", cried The Red Baron in his booming, horsie tongue, as he splashed the vessel of ice cold liquid all over William the Conqueror's glorious, feathery physique. The cold wave of liquid had soaked him all the way through his beautiful feathers and down to his very bones. A bit of the amber substance dripped into his open beak. It tasted...sweet. Hey! This didn't taste half bad! Maybe after he had dealt with this crimson monstrosity he could go find some mo-

"C'mere, ya' psychotic, lil' varmint!", roared The Red Baron, as he lifted William the Conqueror from the ground by his talon-clad feet. The noble warrior-king pecked and struggled...but to no avail. The great, red beast carried him all the way to the edge of his Grand Chicken Fortress's Great Wall of Wire Impenetrability.

"Bawkbawkbawk bukawwk! Bawkbawk bawkbawkbawk bawk bawkbawk bawk bukawwk!!" (Hey, put me down, you crimson aberration! Put me back down and fight fair, or I'm so totally gonna' tell on you!!) William the Conqueror's pleas went unheard. He was unceremoniously hurled into the dark, wooden depths of his Grand Chicken Fortress.

"Getcher ass in there, dammit!! I goddamn swear, Billy! Yer lucky I don't make yer feathery, lil' behind into a fuckin' headdress or somethin'!!" As though the refined, avian ears of William the Conqueror could decipher such jibber-jabber! Very well...he had lost this battle...but he hadn't lost the war. The noble rooster king retreated into his grand fortress to sit upon his Throne of Skulls inside his Bedchamber of Blood to rest. He would emerge to reenter the fray after a brief respite. Then...then they would pay for their malfeasance!! All of them! Oh, yes! They would all pay!!

But maybe after a bath in the water trough. And a quick nap. Warrior kings need their shut-eye after all.

Chapter One: Of Anger and Money

Sweet Apple Acres was draped in the glorious evening sunset, and it was having a strange effect on John Macintosh Apple. The massive, red stallion occasionally took quick breaks from the plow to admire the scene of his family farm, and how it looked so much larger and different than the barely five acre little farm that his grandparents had started back in the Frontier Days. Despite the popular belief that all Apples were obsessed with their properties, Mac personally wasn’t too keen on being tied to a simple plot of land until he was worm chow...especially more now than ever. The farm had some serious financial problems. Regardless, he still took some pride in how well he and his family had expanded it with more acreage of land for crops and several new buildings...unfortunately, one barn had been destroyed by Pinkie Pie while the other barn's roof had been damaged by the Crusaders. But they were Apples. They would endure. The Apples had always been hard-working ponies who stressed the importance of family, loyalty, and pride. Big Mac particularly found that last quality to hold a great, personal significance, though he didn’t feel the former two qualities were of a lesser importance.

The big stallion unhooked himself from his plow and tossed his sweat-soaked yolk onto the ground, taking care to not step on any of the soil work he’d spent all day meticulously cultivating. He cracked his neck and yawned mightily…it had been a grueling day. The soil had been as hard as granite after that last drought…not easy to break up. He needed a quick break. Keeping an eye out for either of his sisters, he reached into his leather saddlebag and lit up a Mareboro cigarette with his father’s butane lighter, breathing the rich smoke in deeply while taking in the waning sunset. He smoked a lot nowadays… He smoked even more now than back in the service. And only smoked filter-less. Filtered just didn’t cut it for him. Probably stress or something.

He always had to be careful to hide his habit from his sisters, as Applejack would lay into him for setting a bad example for Apple Bloom. AJ knew about some of his “bad” habits, but she generally left him alone if he kept them hidden from Apple Bloom and herself. It was somewhat of a "out of sight, out of mind" policy. But wasn't it ridiculous to be cowed into submission by his 110 lbs. little sister? So what, if she caught him? (I think that now...but later...) He had just worked his goddamned flank off from sunup to sundown. If he was going to work from sunup to sundown without so much as a single complaint, the least AJ could do was lay off with the speeches:

“Dontcha’ know it’s bad for ya'?! Ain’tcha never hearda' emphysema, Mac? I don’t wanna’ have to work this entire goddang farm all by my lonesome, while yer ass sits up in a hospital bed with an oxygen tank!! What if yer baby sister sees yer big ass smokin’, huh? You know she idolizes ya' and copies whatever ya' do!” He knew most of her aversion to the habit was personal. Lung cancer had taken their father.

And as though his thoughts had telepathically alerted her, AJ topped the hill and caught him redhanded. (Fuck) The tan, freckled filly was glaring at him with an exhausted expression…she was obviously tired from the long work day like himself. Maybe she’s too tired to go off on a fucking tangent about the dangers of smo-

“Goddangit, Big Mac! (Ugh…no such luck…here we go…) I turn my back for a damned minute, an' here you are! I’ll betcha' were sneakin’ out here all day, thinkin’ no pony’d catch ya'!” (God…Celestia…just shut her up. Not now.)

“I ain’t in the mood for this, AJ. I don’t wanna’ hear it right now.” Big Mac was a bit surprised by his own response. Usually he let his sister nag him until she was all nagged out. Hopefully, he wasn’t making an annoying situation any worse by-

“You ain’t in the mood?! Yer off pollutin’ yer lungs and probably ditchin’ out on chores! Where in the sam hell d’you get off tellin’ me you don’t wanna’ “hear it?” Mac did something he thought he would never do. Through clenched teeth, he menacingly hissed out a reply to his sister. His face was inches from her own.

“I’m tired. It’s been a long day. I’m a grown pony. I'll do whatever the fuck I want.” His sister hung her mouth open in shock. She was right to be a bit surprised. Even Mac himself was surprised.

He wasn’t sure what was making him so averse to hearing another one of AJ’s famous “sermons.” It couldn’t be the exhaustion, seeing as to how the two of them were always burnt out after a day like this. And it wasn’t as though her “mothering” Apple Bloom and himself was anything new. After their mother had passed away, AJ had been trying to fill her role for years now. She was always (and often hypocritically) berating them for not being careful. Regardless, this was sure to not end pleasantly.

“What’s gotten into you, John?! Talkin’ to yer sister like that!” He couldn't answer her. He didn't really know.

Although it probably wasn’t found to be that “reprehensible” to most ponies, the Apple stallions were always taught to respect mares; no matter how disrespectful or unreasonable they were. This included the usage of profanity. Big Mac had never said so much as a single “damn” in the presence of any filly; let alone his sisters. His father would come back from the grave itself just to throttle him for such a thing. And he’d probably bring his mother along with him to do the same. Why was this different?

“I ain't in the mood fer one of yer lectures. It don’t concern you, personally. You run off to yer little friends’ houses every other day, fuckin' around to let off steam. All I got is the occasional smoke break. Stop preachin’ to me ‘bout every little thing I do that don’t suit yer fancy. Grow the fuck up, and learn to mind yer own business.” Something was wrong. Heavy bruxom. Sweating. Lip curled with contempt. Something familiar. Black. Scratching. Why now?

"Y-you ain't got no right talkin' to me like that!" She started to back away. He had never seen her do this until just now. He couldn't stop. He spat out two words in a shaky voice...he could barely form the syllables...

"Not...now..." AJ eyes were wide with shock and concern. (Why now? Not now.) She was backing away farther now. She was scared. He was scared.

"D-dontcha' 'member how Pa raised ya'? This ain't like you!" She was right. But it didn't matter.

He didn't care right now. Normally he did. But not right now. Not now. Now is different. Didn't matter. Maybe it never fucking mattered. AJ deserved to get a taste of her own medicine now and then…but something wasn’t right. This wasn't right. With seemingly no warning or cause, John Apple's fury had grown to a point to where he couldn't hide it…let alone control it. And it was all just over a little bit of nagging? He was hyperventilating. His blood was boiling. He could barely think. Focus. Try to stop it. His baby sister. Five years old in her little, light brown Stetson. Her little cowgirl hat. Carrying a doll in her mouth. Looked just like the one Princess Twilight had...the one he kept. Trotting next to him. Too little to help with the chores. Sweet and adorable. Wasn't working. Burning. (Fuck....cut it...breaking...)

"Fuck it...go away..." His tone of voice was barely audible. It was an alien voice. One he hadn't used in a long time. (Please leave...get away from me...not now...)

“Y-yer wrong fer talkin’ to your sister like that, Big Mac…w-what's gotten into you alluva' sudden? Actin' all scary an' mean?” His jaw almost dropped in awe of her reaction.

She had sounded…defeated!! And apologetic! And even timid! He scanned over her features again to confirm it all. It was indeed true. His fearless and adamant little sister actually appeared crushed down. A part of him felt a grim satisfaction in the sight. Was it the sadist in him? No. He loved both his baby sisters. It was just her fucking mouth sometimes... She could talk to him like he was just out of diapers all year round, but it was “wrong” for him to point out HER flaws for once?! But this felt wrong. She had a sort of look that was reminiscent of a penitent foal who had just been scolded. It was…kind of unnerving…and entirely alien with any context of AJ’s personality. She looked pitifully at the ground and muttered…

“Gettin' up in my face and cussin’ at me fer bein’ worried ‘bout yer health…If I don’t worry, who will? You don’t seem to care one bit...” (Ah..hell.)

Now he felt guilty. All the trappings of anger had evaporated as quickly as they had manifested. She almost looked ready to cry. He'd never wanted to upset her. In fact, he didn't even think it possible. Didn’t she compete in some sort of “Iron Pony” competition once? And she was a talented rodeo star. She practically exuded “I’m tough” from her very pores. He had heard her bickering with her rainbow-maned Pegasus friend before, exchanging some pretty harsh insults back and forth usually related to their competitive rivalry. But none of their arguments had bothered her like this. Maybe it was just that HE had said those things, and that HE specifically had put her in her place. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her feelings or scare her. He just wanted her to back the fuck off. He was tired.

Before the awkward argument could get any more uncomfortable, Granny Smith had stuck her head out of the kitchen window of the farmhouse. She had been cooking supper for the past three hours…and thank God…he was grateful for the interruption for once. What was she saying?....He could barely hear the old bat…

“Hey, young’uns! Stop workin’! It’s quittin’ time! Come inside and wash yer hooves!! Supper’s ready!!” Hmm..certainly no mystery there.

Regardless, he couldn’t have loved his barmy, old grandmother any more than at that moment. (Granny, yer an angel.) It certainly helped that he could smell the biscuits and gravy with potato dumplings she’d cooked all the way from where he was. He glanced at AJ, watching as she slowly made her way down the hill to the house.

“We’ll talk about this later.” That wasn’t encouraging. She seemed to have gotten her steel back with that one comment. Well, that particular tangent comprised of AJ bitching at him for virtually nothing was future Mac’s problem. He started making his way down the hill, letting the cool wind dry his sweat. (No.) He couldn't let her simmer like that. He was in the wrong. He had to own up to it. She had only been worried about him. And he had cut her head off for little to no reason.

"Jackie...wait up a minute." He had used her childhood pet name. He only used it when he wanted to get her attention. As a little filly, AJ could only pronounce "Jack" correctly. The diminutive form of the word inevitably stuck. But it worked. She turned towards him...she was still a little bit angry...but mostly scared.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to say all that an' cuss atcha'...I think it's the stress an' whatnot. I'm fine now, though. I 'ppreciate you worryin' 'bout me, sugarcube." Her eyes softened.

"It's okay, Mackie. I know ya' been worried 'bout the bank loan an' the harvest. I ain't about to let no big shot city-slicker from the bank take the farm away from us. I'll be damned 'fore that happens! We'll get the money together, big fella'. It's gonna' be alright. You can always think up a plan with that freaky, genius brain o' yers. We'll pull through like always, okay?" Mac had never especially liked his own diminutive nickname...but hearing it meant AJ wasn't mad at him anymore. And...she and the rest of his family thought he was a genius after he'd taken that IQ test a while back...he knew better.

"Eeyup." He pulled her in for a hug...but he'd forgotten that he was still drenched in sweat.

"Ewww! Mac! Yer all sweaty! An' ya' smell like a dang buffalo!" She was giggling. Good. Back to normal.

"Yer sweatin', too, sugarcube."

"Yeah, but mare sweat don't stink like guy sweat. Scientific fact."

"Huh. Where'd ya' read that "fact?" In one of Miss Rarity's fashion mags? 'Bout as scientific as callin' a fart "potpourri." AJ had caught another case of the giggles. Even better. She wasn't worried anymore.

"Oh, the hell do you know, ya' dang buffalo? ...but...you sure yer alright? You been real squirrely lately, John. I'm worried 'bout ya'." Wrong again.

"I'm fine, baby doll. You go get supper 'fore it gets cold, alright?" Lying...fucking lying...

"Okay. If you say so...come inside when yer done huffin' on that cancer stick. An' wipe yer hooves off 'fore ya' track dirt in the kitchen." He smiled in acknowledgement.

She trotted down back down the hill towards the farmhouse. All was normal again. Except for him. He wasn't. He inhaled the smoke...holding it in...it calmed him down a little. Normally, when he got this worked up he would calm himself down by holding a certain somepony's doll. He knew most ponies would find it somewhat creepy, but the alternative was much worse. When the anxiety and rage were too strong for even that to work, Mac would go visit his old squadmate who had served alongside him and who later became Ponyville's current constable. The constable was one of the few true friends Mac ever had. (Steel always knew how to calm me down. He done the same stuff as me...had them same problems...)

He glanced up at the sunset again to find it had changed it’s color to a deep, candescent cerise. For some reason, that particular hue seemed familiar...in some sort of personal, cryptic way. (Where do I know that color? Whatever.) This was his favorite time of day; when the sun was going down, and the air was nice and cool. His thoughts turned back to his bossy, little sister. She was always dominating everything and everypony on the farm that didn't ascribe to her plan. She wasn't exactly a "control freak", but she was bound to butt heads with somepony eventually. It was usually endearing, though.

Normally, he didn’t care. He was happy enough to let the stubborn, little filly hold the reigns, seeing as to how she wasn’t usually this domineering. As long as she was allowed to take charge of the daily running of the farm, AJ was happy. She was typically pretty laid back about whatever he did (not that she's ACTUALLY in charge or anything), and she had always been loyal to her family and honest with everypony. She did genuinely love and worry about him, as did he the same for her. She just needed to shut the fuck up once in a while. Overall, she was a good sister. No doubt. She had only been worried about him. For good reason, too. Since he'd gotten back home almost two years ago from the service, he’d had some problems getting back into the swing of farm life and dealing with his family.

He eyed the receding sunset’s last plumes of brilliance. His family had been nothing but loving and supportive of him. AJ and Apple Bloom even had declared him some kind of hero…(what bullshit)..of course, they meant well, but they had no idea. Granny Smith hadn’t moved a single thing in his room and even arranged a massive Apple family reunion to celebrate his return home. He'd never seen so much damn food in his entire life! Say what you will about Apples being stubborn or inbred (That latter insult is unmerited…fer the most part.), but they know how to cook and host a shindig. Even if he had felt unwelcome or foreign to his own family, they’d have never let him go off and seclude himself somewhere in a sullen, alcoholic stupor.

But that run-in with his sister had bothered him. It wasn’t so much that he had scared her or cursed in the presence of a mare. AJ cursed a good bit herself. No. This anger was different. He slowly started to recognize it. It was the same feeling that he had last experienced two years prior to his discharge. This wasn’t a petty, explosive anger. It was an awful feeling. A black, scratching thing inside his skull. An abyssal rage smoldering inside him that he’d had to constantly suppress. Always there. Always scratching…churning his thoughts into lurid obscenities...burning…he had fought it for years now.

And he had felt that same rage just bickering with his little sister over something so initially trivial. What shocked him was…for a brief moment…he had pictured himself smashing his hoof into her pretty face…just to shut her fucking mouth...shards of teeth and bone...broken jaw and nose...bleeding...(fuckfuckfuckfuckno...) To stop the nagging. He was horrified by this idea…that he could even think such a thing…he loved both his sisters dearly and would never...(But I did picture it.) A cold shame washed over him as he opened the screen door to the farmhouse. The antiquated, rusted hinges squealed like a metallic swine.

The minute he crossed the threshold of the old house into the kitchen, he swept his mind clean of threatening emotions that could alarm his family, and he changed his concerned expression to a featureless “poker face.” Taking great care not to track mud from his hooves into the kitchen, he washed his hooves for dinner and dried them on an old washcloth. He pulled up a chair next to his grandmother and took in a nose-full of the warm smells coming from the delectable spread she had made. Hot damn…warm biscuits with mushroom gravy…potato and cheese dumplings…and a platter of country-style tomato, onion, and cheese omelets. Well, maybe living on a farm with your family wasn't all that bad after all…he always had access to the same kind of food that city folk traveled miles out into the boondocks to find. (“Oh, look, honey! What a quaint, little hole-in-the-wall! I bet they have some super-authentic, local food!”) The thought forced him to crack a little grin, knowing full well that most of them came out here for the hard cider and moonshine. (Can't blame ‘em. It’s good stuff.)

In fact, that one little, blue Pegasus who was friends with AJ seemed obsessed with their cider. She once helped AJ paint all of the new fences he had built around the freshly plowed soil last year for a solid week just for a small barrel of the non-alcoholic stuff. This wasn't to say that she was particularly good at painting anything, seeing as to how AJ had to go behind her with a bottle of paint thinner. (I reckon she was one of them ponies in grade school what couldn’t color in the lines.) But an entire week’s work for some glorified apple juice? (God, don’t let Granny ever hear me say that out loud.) She was practically a junkie for the stuff.

Strange filly. She always seemed to hang around the farm, too. Even when AJ wasn’t around. He had caught her sleeping in their apple trees more than once, not that he personally gave much of a fuck so long as she didn’t cause any problems. She usually tried to avoid him for some reason. They'd never had a proper conversation. He hadn’t even learned her name properly, despite her near constancy of presence. (Prismatic mane…scratchy voice…Shit fire! Tip of my tongue.) It was going to drive him crazy now…what was her name?

While laying into his dinner, it occurred to him that it was a bit strange how well so many of the Apple family could cook with no training whatsoever. It was uncanny…AJ could cook up whole meals by the age of six, and he was no slouch either, seeing as he could use the barbecue grill like no other. …and all this culinary talent just seemed inherently part of being an Apple. He wolfed down the remainder of his biscuits and dumplings and started reaching for one of the omelets. He always ate as much protein as he could get his hooves on. No sense losing muscle with a job this physically demanding. He'd read some hippopological books he'd gotten from the library that theorized on how all modern ponies had evolved from the omnivorous Old Horse raiders who had traveled all throughout the world. Those horses could eat anything, in the granted exception of Apple Bloom's cooking.

That reminded him of something: Wasn't Apple Bloom an exception to the rule? The poor little thing could hardly make toast, let alone any of the exquisite dishes laid before them. As he had just laid his hoof on the serving spatula, a squeaky, little voice called out, confirming the worst possible scenario for an Apple family dinner. The little voice repeated itself, summoning even more dread from Big Mac than he thought possible… (Okay. Seriously. Do I got some sorta' telepathic suggestion powers?)

“Hey, Big Mac! Aintcha’ listenin’? I made you a special omelet! Granny wanted to help, but I told her that I can make it on my own.”, the little filly chimed in a sing song voice. As a bonus exacerbation of his horror, he saw that she was wearing AJ’s oversized apron covered in repulsive stains… (Great! All aboard the Dysentery Train! First stop, Uncontrollable Diarrhea Station.)

“Uhhh…sugarcube…are ye sure you don’t want me to run through how to cook up an omelet again?....just so you remember fer uhh…later?”, croaked his grandmother, only belaying the inevitable for Big Mac. He locked eyes with her, silently communicating his gratitude to her and his solemn surrender to his fate.

“No, Granny! I’m almost ten years old now, so that makes me a big pony! I gotta’ learn on my own, if I’m gonna’ figure out how to cook on my own. Go ahead and try it, Big Mac!” Mac knew the futility of explaining the fault in her reasoning. (Thanks for tryin', Granny.)

He looked down at the amorphous, gray mass of uncooked egg whites and cheese that lay limply on his plate and fought to retain control of an already overstuffed stomach. What the hell was this thing? It actually managed to look even less appetizing than Bloom’s last batch of cupcakes, a fact that he didn't think was even possible until this very instant. AJ sympathetically gave him a pat on shoulder. She didn’t seem upset with him at all anymore. (Maybe she's makin' peace with the soon-to-be departed.)

(Well…fuck it. I done lived long enough.) He bravely amassed a gooey chunk of the substance on his fork and swallowed, hoping that the horrid mess wouldn’t touch his tongue. (No such luck.) His reaction was immediate. This…was quite possibly the nastiest damn thing he’d ever eaten. Somehow..the texture of the omelet defied any sense of culinary decency, as it retained a gelatinous outer form, but his sister had managed to somehow burn the vegetables inside...leaving a God-awful charcoal taste. (I don’t think I can do this.)

Second bite. He summoned the will to gulp it all down, bracing himself for the inevitable wave of nausea that would follow. (Come on, man...one more bite...you can keep down veggie omelet MRE's...you can keep this down...) The second chunk slithered into his gullet, leaving a slimy trail of some sort inside his mouth. But it was over. (I’ll kiss the ass of every god in heaven, if I live through the night.) And he had managed to maintain his stoic composure the entire time, despite that aberration of eggs, vegetables, and cheese defiling any of his former notions of a just and decent universe. Sometimes he amazed even himself…

“How was it?! Didja’ like it? Did I overcook it? Undercook it? Come on, Big Mac, I need feedback!” She had somehow done both. He couldn't even begin to understand the thermodynamics as to how that was possible.

“It was delicious, Apple Bloom. About as good as anythin’ Granny can make. Thank you.” He saw the old mare grin at the blatant lie.

“Alright! Maybe I was wrong about not getting a cooking Cutie Mark after all! I guess I just wasn’t tryin’ hard enough. Thanks, big bro!”

The tiny filly planted a kiss on his cheek and ran off to use the living room phone to call her fellow Crusaders about her “success.” He was glad that a local telecomm company had set the farm up with phone lines. It finally felt like the old place was entering the New Age of Technology...now all they needed was air conditioning. But the phone lines had come with a price: High-pitched, overly enthusiastic squeals generated randomly throughout the day. But as long as she didn’t run up the phone bill too much, he could bear the noise. It had been expensive enough just setting up the damn phone lines. Mac turned towards his grandmother and sister. They were both looking at him adoringly. It seemed his “sacrifice” had more than made up for his argument with AJ. Hopefully, he’d be able to keep this nasty mess down during the night. But he wasn’t especially optimistic. The veggie omelet MRE was in a middleweight class. This was a heavyweight fight.

“I’ll clean the table an' help ya’ll with the dishes.”

“Not after what you just went through fer Apple Bloom, you ain’t! You just get yerself a shower an' hit the hay.” She was proud of him again. He was glad...he'd never wanted to hurt his family for any reason.

“Eeyup.” Mac was in no shape to argue.

He limply nodded and slavishly went upstairs, taking a quick shower and heading straight to bed after a rather violent bout of vomiting. (I knew I couldn’t keep this shit down.) He lay on his mother’s old quilt, fixated on what had gone through his mind earlier now that he was alone. The anger had almost taken him completely for little reason. It had happened before. A great, gaping void of ebony. A big, black backwards thing that threatened to overpower his mind. Never before, though. Not like this. Not in front of his family. He languidly closed his eyes as one last thought shot through his head. An important question.

Why? Why now?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Hey, Twilight! Open up, willya’?” The lithe, blue Pegasus knocked on the crimson door to the Ponyville Library..which was oddly situated in a living tree…a fact that she had always found weird. Trees don't have books inside them. Sugarcube Corner was dessert-themed...but that made sense. (Aaauggh! Come on! Why is she always so slow to answer? It’s so annoying.) Her irritation was abated by a sound from inside. She composed herself quickly upon hearing a series of clicks from the door. A diminutive, purple dragon stuck his head out.

“Hey, Rainbow. Here to see, Twi? She’s stuck in some book about Philosophy of Magic and junk. She’ll be busy with it for a while.”

“Aw, crap. Thanks, Spike. But can I just go up and talk to her anyway? Only be a minute.”

“Sure, no problem. But you won’t be able to grab her atten-woah!! Rainbow! What’s that metal stuff in your face?!” The baby dragon pointed at three small, metallic objects embedded in her nose, lip, and left ear.

“Just some piercings, dude. Relax. I got ‘em done yesterday after work.”

“Jeez, Rainbow…Did they hurt?”

“Nah. So, whaddya’ think?” She really thought they completed her whole "rocker chick" look. She had gotten them done at the nearby tattoo parlor, and she'd wanted a tattoo to match...but she knew better. You couldn't get rid of a tattoo.

“I…don’t really know what to think. I don’t know anything about what’s “cool” nowadays stuck in the library and castle all the time. Maybe you should ask Twilight.”

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll love ‘em, dude.” (Man, this’ll be even better than that whole “Future Twilight” thing. Okay, maybe not that funny.)

“…right…I smell a big argument coming, and I don’t want anything to do with it. I’ll be at Sugarcube Corner until “Her Majesty” is done lecturing you or whatever. You know how anal-retentive she is. Have fun hearing all about "the dangers of unsanitary tattoo parlors and lead poisoning." She's on edge as is right now." Spike rattled all this off with a sort of detached resignation. He looked exhausted from cleaning all day...he really needed to get out more.

“Heheheh…no prob, Spike. If you want, we can hang out later. I know you’re crawling the walls right now. Seeya’.” Spike answered with a simple, grateful nod on his way out the door.

The pint-sized dragon was always at Twilight’s side, helping her with all the practical things a complete nerd like her couldn’t do. Also, he always seemed to be the sole voice of doubt when it came to all of their crazy adventures. If it weren't for his complete loyalty to Twilight and her friends (especially Rarity), she doubted he'd still hang around. Those two "dragon incidents" had worried her. How did somepony (or err…some..dragon) as young as Spike turn out so cynical? She still loved the little dragon's unique brand of sarcasm. But she was getting sidetracked. She'd just come to ask if Twilight wanted to hang out later that night.

Rainbow walked into the cool, dim interior of the library where her newly-crowned princess and Alicorn friend lived and obsessively poured over any academic texts she could find. A library as a home was definitely a match for her. Rainbow walked over the foyer, taking care not to knock over any of the innumerable stacks of books…all of which Twilight had apparently read. (Nerd.) She hadn’t been in here in a while. Usually, her visits revolved around borrowing an unread Daring Do novel, but she had already torn through the entire series. And the next novel wasn’t due for release until November…it was mid-April. (Dammit! Why can’t A.K. Yearling write faster!?)

“Hi, Rainbow. It’s nice to see you decided to use the front door instead of the windows today.” The prim and proper voice of her friend coming from behind her made her jolt. Did Twilight just sneak up on her? Or was she just going deaf or something?

“Dude. Are you still on my case about the busted window? I already got it fixed for you. And what’s with the ninja routine?” Twilight chuckled at her candor.

“I didn’t mean to startle you. You were just focused on that pile of Daring Do’s you’ve already finished. And I’m not hounding you about the window. I just never understood why you couldn’t use the door.”

“Doors are overrated. So what’re you up to?”

“Reading a series of treatises on the philosophy of magic’s proper usage and abuse. I have to bone (Heheheh…she said ”bone”…) up on all my knowledge for the upcoming consortium at the castle. I don’t want the Saddle Arabian wizard emissary to think Princess Celestia’s protégé is an uneducated dolt!...ehehehe…uhh…ahem.” Rainbow could tell by her purple friend’s nervous laughter that she was petrified of embarrassing her mentor.

“Sounds boring.”

“Oh, it is. For once, I agree with you, Rainbow. Well, at least refreshing what I already know is boring, but learning something new and exchanging theories with experts is always fun.”

“Don’t sweat it so much, Twi. I’m sure you’ll blow ‘em away. You’re like a walking, talking dictionary and encyclopedia…pony…thing.” (Heheheh…I said “blow!”… Jeez, what am I? 14?)

“I appreciate your faith in me, Rainbow. Anyway, I’m taking a break for a bit, so we can talk. Would you like some tea?” Twilight sauntered over to the tiny stove top and set a kettle on to boil. Twilight was still too far away to notice what was different about her appearance today, seeing as she was about as nearsighted as a rhinoceros with pinkeye.

“No, thanks. I’m good. I just wanted to come over and get your opinion on something.”

“Oh? Regarding?”

“Can’t you see what’s different about me today, Twi?”

“Err…not…really, Rainbow…what?”, said a squinting Twilight Sparkle.

“Jeez, dude! Just wear the glasses! You can’t see shit without ‘em.”

“I DO wear them. Just for..uh…night time reading. I don’t like wearing them in public. They make me look…frumpy.”

“The hell does “frumpy” mean?!”

“Unflattering and awkward.”

“Heheheheh...but like...that’s so totally you in a nutshell. No breaking news there, yo.”

“Hilarious. Anyway, what was it that you wanted my opi-huh? Did you get your nose and ear pierced? You've got a lip ring, too.”

“Yeah. Whaddya’ think?”

“Huh. I guess they look okay. It’s just a bit “out of the blue.” I can’t say I’m personally fond of facial piercings, but it’s your face, Rainbow.”

“Oh...okay. Cool.” "Crazy Twilight" wasn't coming out to play. Oh well.

"They’re not too intrusive or garish, and they seem to fit your personality...but I’m no Rarity when it comes to judging appearances.”

"Okay. Thanks...I guess..."

“Not the typical reaction associated with mild approval, Rainbow.”

"Oh, no...it's nothing. I thought you were gonna' go off on me or something."

Now why would I do that? I had my ears pierced when I was a filly myself. I wouldn't dream of getting my nose or lip pierced, though. It looks painful."

"Nah, dude. It didn't hurt."

"If you say so...oh! The kettle's boiling! Just a second." Rainbow's geeky, purple friend cheerily turned towards the stove...Rainbow saw her chance. It would likely piss Twilight off...but it would be worth it. It was too damn funny not to try. She reached forward with one forehoof and stepped on the back of Twilight's left rear ankle.

"Flat tire!!" It was a joke her dad had pulled on her since she was five years old. But Rainbow was far more coordinated and athletic than her friend...Princess Twilight went careening face first into the stove.

"Gah!! Owww....my head....Rainbow!! What the hell!!?" Oops.

"Oh, shit!! You alright Twi?! I didn't think you'd...like...dive-bomb into the stove..." Rainbow helped her stand back up. Twilight had a rather nasty expression on her face...Rainbow knew what that face meant.

"Why in Celestia's name did you do that?!" Twilight held her bruised head with one hoof; her nasty expression darkened even further. She really needed to lighten up.

"It was just a joke! I do it all the time with AJ!" (Wait a sec...that came out wrong...)

"Trying to give me a debilitating case of brain damage is funny?! Is this a derivative of some new, sadistic trend in comedy of which I haven't been made aware?" She was being overly dramatic. Rainbow knew her friend's head was as hard as granite. She had slammed her own head into the back of Twilight's once after getting dragged into the Diamond Dog mines. Not fun.

"Jeez, Twi...lighten up! How was I supposed to know you have no balance?!"

"Because I've told you before, Rainbow. I only just got the hang of flying finally." It was true. Rainbow had just forgotten it. Twilight could barely fly thanks to her virtual lack of equilibrium.

"Oh, yeah. Hey, I'm sorry, dude....but ya' gotta' admit...hehehe...it WAS pretty funny!" Twilight wasn't laughing.

"Trying to give me a concussion isn't really funny...but it's okay. You didn't mean it. It was an accident." Sort of an accident...but how was it her fault that Twi barely had the coordination to walk in a straight line? (She'd never pass a flying sobriety test.)

“That's it? You're not gonna' go all preachy on me, are ya'?"

"Of course not. I'm not your mother. You're twenty years old. Besides...the effort on my part would just be another exercise in futility."

"Oh. Rad. Usually you flip the fuck out."

"I...do NOT...flip the f-word out." Rainbow snickered as Twilight indignantly struck a regal pose. Rainbow had always thought it funny how her purple, nerdy friend went to extreme lengths to avoid cursing.

"Oh, yeah? Don't you remember how you went ballistic that one time where you caught me using one of your zu-“

“We’ve agreed to never mention that again, Rainbow. You swore to me. Remember?”

“My bad. Won't happen again. Scout’s honor.” (The Zucchini Event….)

“So, this was all some sort of joke? Or a weird ploy for attention? You only seem to come visit me when you're bored or want to borrow a Daring Do novel.”

“Well...I was gonna' ask you something...it was the real reason I came over...I kinda' forgot now...but I guess you're right. I have been pretty bored lately.”

“Lovely. Good to know I'm an endless source of diversion for you, Rainbow. Maybe next time you're bored, you can turn the gas up on the stove while I'm gone so I burn my eyebrows or something when I light it...in the off chance that the library doesn't explode.”

“Hey, I don’t judge what YOU do when YOU’RE bored! You're making it sound like I just use you for pranks or something.”

“No...that's not at all what I meant, Rainbow. You just have a tendency to get into trouble when you're not keeping busy. And I don't mind company, but can't you find better things to do in your free time than play pranks on me? Why not read a book or go to the beach? The weather’s warm enough for it.”

“I can’t read normal books! They’ve got those…long-ass words that you like to use. And I can’t find a bathing suit in my size.”

“I already know you're a lot smarter than you let on, and ponies don’t usually wear clothes anyway, Rainbow.”

“Well, maybe they should..uhh..start wearing clothes. Everypony can see everypony else’s downtown business!”

“1.) That's irrelevant. 2.) You don't need clothes to cover your unmentionables. That's what tails are for.”

“Now that I think about it…that does seem kind of a dumb thing to say...weird, too. But what was I gonna' ask you...” She languidly began stretching out her wings while trying to remember the initial reason for her visit.

“I agree in both respects. You seem to be gravitating more towards the "dumb/weird" dichotomy as of late. Hmm...I think I used "dichotomy" out of context...” Twilight was smirking. Good. At least she wasn't pissed off anymore...but Rainbow didn't have even the most elementary understanding of what the word "dichotomy" meant.

“Hehehe...Jeez! I get it! I'm sorry! I'm a jerk! Happy, now?”

“Absolutely. Just try to think about the potential consequences before you do decide to fatally prank somepony. This was almost Pinkie Pie-esque...albeit you've yet to have unintentionally demolished one of Applejack's barns like she did. Is that all you wanted to talk about?” Rainbow enjoyed how verbose Twilight was, although she'd never admit it. Even though Rainbow pretended to have a disdain for "nerdiness" and "eggheads", she admired how shockingly brilliant her friend was.

Twilight was almost frighteningly smart. Like alien smart...or some sort of robot kind of smart. She could read a single page of a book in two seconds and remember all of it. And she knew more about history and magic than anypony Rainbow had ever known. She could see Twi's credentials hanging on one of the walls of the tree-library. It was two doctorates: one in theoretical magic and another in theoretical physics. The 23 year old mare had earned a dual doctorate from Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns! It was something unheard of...no pony had ever earned their doctorate (Let alone TWO!) at so young an age. Twilight had been studying at a 12th grade high school level at the age of nine. Rainbow had never even graduated...she had quit school her freshmen year at Cloudsdale High. It wasn't easy to hang onto your self-esteem around Twilight...(Just talking to her is enough to make anypony feel dumb as a bag of rocks wrapped in Derpy's hair.) It didn't help that she was also one of the most powerful sorceresses alive...and a princess to boot. It almost seemed like Twilight had too many perks in life for it to be fair to anypony else in Rainbow's eyes...even though the purple princess never acted arrogant or superior to the local Ponyvillians. It was no wonder why she was chosen to be Princess Celestia's protégé.

"Oh, whatever...now what was I going to ask you?..."

The only pony in town who could match the local princess in brains was AJ's brother. A light blush came to her cyan cheeks...she had always carried a torch for the big guy. For years. AJ had told her that her family paid for Big Mac to take the same IQ test as Twilight at the Castle library, where it was administered by royal scholars. The big, red stallion had the...exact...same...IQ as Twilight!! What were the odds?! She'd never have guessed it either. He'd always just seemed like a silent, muscle-headed gorilla (well...a really hot gorilla...wait...that came out wrong.) He'd never opened his mouth long enough for anypony to figure out how smart he was. The massive, musclebound pony had barely ever talked to anypony...he barely even talked to his own family.

"Take your time, Rainbow...just don't pull any more pranks."

Mac probably didn't have anywhere near the same education as Twilight, but AJ said he was almost as much a walking encyclopedia as the mauve genius herself. According to her, Mac was also like a calculator when it came to numbers, and he had an incredible penchant for epistemological deconstruction when it came to philosophy. Of course, Rainbow had no idea what the latter of those two things was, but it had the desired effect. He was smart AND strong...he was pretty much the most sought after bachelor in Ponyville. All the local mares fawned over him...to a somewhat repugnant degree. Rainbow might have been pretty enamored with Big Red, but she'd never stoop to their level...making "boo-boo eyes" and giggling incessantly about him. She hated gushy, girly bullshit. It was no wonder why most mares in town disliked Rainbow. She didn't fit in with most of them...and they might be jealous of her Element of Loyalty status.

"Yes...Your Majesty....as you command." Rainbow smirked. It always got on Twilight's nerves when she used the phrase.

"Ugghhh...you know I hate that, Rainbow."

"Oh, whatever. Now what was I gonna' ask you...?"

"Well...whatever it was, I hope it was important enough to bounce in here and start going all Pinkie Pie on me." Twilight giggled. Rainbow and her friends used the phrase "going Pinkie" as a euphemism for doing random shit. She laughed herself. Good thing, too. All the anger from earlier had dissipated as suddenly as it had manifested itself.

“Oh, yeah! That reminds me. Speaking of Pinkie, you wanna’ hit up the bars later tonight with us?” It was about time she remembered.

“Uhh...I think I'll pass...not sure why you even asked me. You know I don’t drink, Rainbow. Alcohol can cause brain damage...maybe not as much as smashing your head into a stove but...still.” (What a tool...she's still on about that?)

“So what? You can just come hang out with us. They got karaoke and food, too. You don’t have to get hammered or anything. That’s Pinkie’s job. Is Her Royal Highness too good to come get crunk with us commoners? I’d bet you’d be down if that Flash Sentry dude was coming along.”

“You know that’s not why I don’t want to go, Rainbow. And I’m still too busy studying to even consider it.” She detected a faint blush on her friend’s purple cheeks. (Heheheh…”cheeks”…dammit, grow up!!)

“I know, I know. I’m just giving you a hard time. Busting your chops, ya’ know? Sometimes I just gotta' remind you that I knew you before you were "Her Royal Majesty" or some shit. Anyway…so you’re sure you don’t wanna’ come out with us?" (Once again...that came out wrong.)

“I’m going to have to pass on this one, Rainbow…but thanks for asking. I’m not all that fond of the bar scene, but we can all go out to Canterlot together sometime if you want. By the way, didn’t the weather team break for their lunch hour at 11:00?”

“Yeah. What’s up?”

“It’s fifteen past noon. You’re 15 minutes late. I don’t want you to get in trouble with your supervisor.”

“Pfft. Whatever. You’d be surprised how little he cares. And it’s not like we got any REAL work to do. I usually get the entire day’s weather set up in the first hour. No worries.” Rainbow hated having to work on Sunday anyway.

“Alright, then. Well, I have to get back to work, Rainbow. Drop by some other time. I’ll be at Applejack’s later this afternoon to pick up a few things for my trip.”

“Sure, Twi. No prob. We'll all come visit you at the Castle sometime and hang out. We can check out the clubs in Canterlot. They got a pretty rad night life there and stuff. Tons of stuff to do there. Gotta' watch out for Pinkie, though. She'll go totally apeshit.”

"I...guess it couldn't hurt to go to a club or two...I do love to dance. Sure...why not? I appreciate the offer, Rainbow. Don't worry about Pinkie. I'll keep my eye on her, if she comes along." Rainbow giggled. She knew Twilight liked to dance, but she was pretty awful at it. She remembered how Twi had done that weird jig at the Castle garden party. It had been pretty funny.

"Alright! Finally gotcha' to do something fun for a change! Well...I guess I'll get outta' here. Good luck with your magic stuff. I'll seeya' later, Twi."

"Bye, Rainbow. Until later." Rainbow quickly flapped her wings and took to the air, rocketing through one of the library’s open windows.

“Use the door, Rainbow!!”

“No!! Overrated!!”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Earlier that morning at Sweet Apple Acres....

Big Mac awoke from his sleepy stupor with a start at the sound of whispering voices outside his bedroom door. The knob slowly began turning, but it stopped midway. Big Mac always locked his door. He also always kept a weapon handy…which in this particular case said weapon was a rather nasty looking throwing hatchet he kept in his pillowcase. He could hear the voices frantically bickering, making an overall pretty poor attempt at subterfuge. The sound of a hairpin sliding into the lock reached his ears. Why break into Sweet Apple Acres? They hardly had anything worth stealing. Unless...a dark, dreadful possibility crossed his mind. He readied the hatchet, praying that whoever this intruder was, he hadn’t planned on harming his family. (What if he already hurt ‘em?)

“Come on in, cocksucker…I got somethin' for ya’.” Mac was enraged at the thought of a home invader hurting his girls, and this time the anger was well justified. He bared his teeth, his face contorted in a grimace of pure fury. The door slowly opened, gradually revealing three small figures. A very familiar, little voice whispered something…

“Be quiet, Scootaloo! Yer gonna’ wake him up before we do the thing!” Another, more feminine voice announced it’s confusion.

“What was the “thing” again?”

“Ugh…really, Sweetie Belle? Don’t run into the door!” Mac hear a blunt Whump! sound as Sweetie had walked into the door before fully opening it.

“Ow. My head... Let’s just do the thing…that I…definitely still remember what it is.”

Big Mac frantically hid the hatchet under his bed and quickly wiped the enraged snarl from his face. He didn’t have time to hop back under the covers, but it didn’t seem to matter to the three intruding figures, as they started screaming in unison…at least two of them started in unison…Sweetie Belle was a full four seconds late.

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS WAKE UP CALL!!! IT’S 7:00 A.M!!!

“Awwww…he wasn’t even asleep. We practiced that all night fer nothin'. I guess we ain't gettin' a mornin'-related Cutie Mark neither.” (So, that's what that racket was last night?!)

Was there no sanity or goodness left in the world?! Also, when had he ever slept past 5:00 A.M.? He was usually the first pony awake. It was a Sunday, so he could take the day off. (But I still gotta’ go pick up them roof tiles fer the barn we got left from the hardware store. Why’d Apple Bloom think makin’ a trebuchet, chuckin’ rocks all over the place was a good idea?) Most of the week’s work was finished, but it wasn’t like him to oversleep...even though he'd be thankful for any rest at all, seeing as there would be little of it during planting and harvest time.

“Can’t we just try again?” ……………(Oh, what fresh Hell is this?!)

“We can’t just try again, Sweetie Belle. That’s like tryin’ to throw a surprise party, but ya' spoil the surprise. It just don’t work.” Mac breathed a heavy sigh and braced himself to hear their inevitable formulation of a new scheme to get their Cutie Marks. The Crusaders had been heavily reliant on him to help of late.

"So, what're we gonna' do now? We need a new plan of action, dammit! Hey, Red! Can we borrow your power saw?", asked Scootaloo.

"Eenope."

"Awww, come on!"

"Eenope." He wasn't budging. She'd likely saw her own legs off by accident. Or some other pony's legs by accident...or on purpose.

Scoots had always been the little felon of the three fillies. It was likely she who'd picked the lock on his door...a skill that a normal, little filly shouldn't know. As troublesome as Apple Bloom could be sometimes, she had nothing on Scoots. Mac remembered Cherilee telling him a rather unnerving story back when they were dating. Apparently, Scootaloo had set Diamond Tiara's desk on fire, after she'd made fun of her in front of a colt she liked. (That girl's headed fer prison one day...)

"Man, you're a wet blanket...so what now?" Whatever didn't involve him or destroying property and reputations alike would be a welcome change.

Big Mac had a strange relationship with the three fillies and their obsessive little crusade for their Cutie Marks. Sometimes their antics were a source of pure amusement. Other times they embodied the antithesis to order and sanity. (Discord would be proud, I’m sure.) He was torn by how damn adorable they were, and how he often had to play damage control for their more insane schemes that backfired. Quite frankly, he was getting rather tired of fixing broken windows and taking care of “boo boos” when they got hurt. It was all very draining.

He once even had to take them all to the ER for an awful case of poison oak after they ran through the woods willy-nilly during a camping trip. That very same camping trip had also cost him both his eyebrows after Scootaloo emptied half a can of lighter fluid into the campfire. It took two whole months before they fully grew back, and everypony kept asking about his new and perpetually surprised visage. (Had to use a marker to color ‘em in. Crude but effective.) He was thankful for having grown his eyebrows back by the time he started dating Cherilee...despite Scootaloo's subsequent fire that she'd started roughly at the same time in the Apple family's very kitchen. How did anypony start a fire by just rolling dough for pies? Scootaloo seemed to have an unhealthy obsession with burning things...and power tools.

“Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo!! Leave Big Mac alone, and get down here for breakfast!” His sister’s voice was like an angel’s aria. (Thanks, AJ.)

Apple Bloom’s two little friends often came by the farm on their way to school to take part in Granny Smith’s legendary breakfasts. Seeing as their school was closed on Sunday, Sweetie and Scootaloo likely used their late-night rehearsal for their so-called "wake up call" as a flimsy pretense to have a sleepover. Hopefully, they wouldn't set anything on fire today. Or at least Scootaloo wouldn't. Maybe. He wasn't crossing his hooves on that one. The three little fillies scrambled down the stairs, making an unholy din and racket as they went. If he was going to get through the day, he needed a quick drink. He opened up his nightstand drawer, taking out an old, tarnished metal flask of bourbon that had belonged to his father. He estimated that he’d just need a little drink to get him through the morning. (Cheers, Pa.) The bourbon was cheap, but it did the trick somewhat. He was ready to tackle the day.

“Awwwww, yeah!! PANCAKES!!!!” The ear-splitting sound of several plates smashing into the kitchen linoleum below echoed up the stairs followed by his grandmother’s protest.

“Y’all damned little heatherns! Y’all better be glad that weren’t my good china!”

“Eenope. Gonna’ need the whole flask today.”

After seeing the three fillies out the door to go off and do...whatever the fuck they did usually on a Sunday and inhaling his breakfast, Big Mac headed back upstairs to get ready for the day. He opened the door to the guest bathroom…to find a sopping wet pile of towels on the floor. (Applebloom...dammit...) How could such a tiny filly need so many towels to dry off? And why couldn’t she use the other bathroom? Bloom and AJ shared their own bathroom, and he shared this one with his grandmother. (Whatever.) He tossed them into the hamper and stepped up to the mirror, taking in his reflection for the first time in a long while.

Woah. His strawberry blonde mane was getting long. It was almost shoulder length. Now he knew why AJ had been teasing him lately for looking like a crazy, homeless pony. And he hadn’t shaved in over a week. The thick stubble was forming a pretty convincing beard. Maybe he’d just grow it out for the hell of it. He had grown one of those survivalist style beards once. It was back when he was deployed to the Western Badlands just north of buffalo territory to stomp out the warlords and bandits who took advantage of the lawless region. They were trafficking Gryphonic weaponry, drugs, and mares abducted from Appleloosa. Even though he was already a veteran of multiple, nasty campaigns and innumerable blacklight ops, the sheer brutality of the Badlands bandits had still caught him off guard. What they did to that one pioneer…a mother of three..

“Fuckin' animals, man. What kinda' pony could do somethin' like that?”, he pondered out loud to himself.

Well, now wasn’t the time for retrospect. He eyed his profile in the mirror again. He wasn’t bad looking. A few scars here and there, but the thickness of his coat covered up most of the nastier ones. He had a pretty solid chin and jaw. But nothing special. (Well, I got Pa’s eyes. Don’t know where the red coat done come from, though.) He certainly didn’t believe he was as attractive as the local mares seemed to think. Maybe it was because Ponyville had a pretty blatant numerical disparity in genders. It was about ten to one for mares and stallions. Living out here in the ass-end of nowhere with virtually no single stallions probably made him seem like a pretty hot commodity by default. Of course, he didn’t have time for that sort of thing anymore what with the planting season coming up and all the general repairs that needed doing. He grinned. He didn’t fully understand his sex appeal, but he wasn’t complaining either.

He decided on keeping the beard, making doubly sure to shave all the stubble off his neck. (I don’t wanna’ look like one of them…comic book convention ponies.) After brushing his teeth and taking a quick shower, he sauntered into to his room and opened his closet. An old, chestnut brown Stetson hat was sitting on top a stack of newspapers. (Pa’s hat.) He hadn’t worn it since that one 96-hour liberty call in Fillydelphia. (Hehehe…good times, boy.) Eh. Why the hell not? He dramatically put his father’s hat on top his head, pulling the front brim down low over his eyes with a roguish grin. After grabbing a few leather saddlebags and putting on his toolbelt, he trotted downstairs and out the kitchen’s screen door. His fit of anger the day before no longer troubled him. Walking into the warm, morning sunshine, he muttered a single sentence to himself with a newfound confidence...

“I ain’t about to let a glorified hissy fit keep me from gettin’ done what needs doin’.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rainbow Dash landed softly on the cloud-made steps of the local weather management station. It was a pitifully small building with a single bathroom, supervisorial office, and break room. No wonder. Ponyville only had a team of five Pegasi plus her supervisor to manage the town’s weather. Not that they needed the extra help. She had no problems managing the cloud systems on her own. There was never much work to do. Ponyville was pretty small. She entered the tiny station, coming face to face with her boss just sitting down at his desk.

Stanley Cloudsweep was an almost awkwardly tall and thin, middle-aged Pegasus with a dark brown Stalliongrad style mustache and a cream colored coat. He was wearing a blue Wonderbolts cap (I have that same cap.) to disguise his receding hairline (You’re not fooling anypony, bro.), and he just generally looked like one of those ponies you couldn’t take seriously. The guy’s limbs were so wiry that they looked like they’d been stretched out on one of those old torture rack things. But her normally nonchalant boss had a concerned expression on his typically jovial, thin face.

“Hey, Rainbow. I know you just back from lunch, but I’ve got some news for you.” That didn’t sound good.

“Aww, crap. What’s wrong, Stan?”

“You remember that Imperial Weather Committee that came through here last month?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, normally they just approve our budget for every quarter. Just give us a big check and whatnot. But some of these new auditors are real ball breakers, kid.” (Just spit it out, dude.)

“I don’t like where this is going.”, she muttered as Stanley pulled out a document from his desk drawer.

“Yeah, me neither…well…how it already went. Apparently, that last audit uncovered...and I quote…”a gross misappropriation of taxpayers’ bits. The Ponyville chapter of the Imperial Weather Service has proven itself to be insufferably incompetent and wasteful. The last fiscal quarter’s amalgamated budget for this local weather station was spent entirely in less than two months total. New measures must be taken to prevent any further depletion of the Imperial coffers to fund this cesspool of a public service"

“Jeez…a bit harsh, right?”

“Yeah. That’s a pretty bad sign. Usually those stuffy-ass government clerks try to sugar coat it for everypony. This doesn’t exactly inspire confidence. Also, we’re completely broke for the rest of the year. So…no new promotions or salary increases.”

“WHAT?! I needed that promotion!” She was almost in panic mode now.

Her rent was due soon, and she was relying on next week’s paycheck to pay it. Her roommate, Ditzy Doo, worked for the local mail service, but she didn’t earn enough to make up the slack for Rainbow's end. She had to figure something out, or she’d have to move back in with her mom in Cloudsdale. (There’s gotta’ be a silver lining here. Maybe we’re still getting next week’s pay before the cut-off date.)

“Yeah. And we’re not getting paid next pay period either. The auditors cut us off. But that ain't even the worst of it.” (FUCK! Silver lining, you suck!)

“How can they just “cut us off?” We’re government employees! We have guaranteed pay, benefits, and vacay!”

“Ooohh…uhh…yeaaah...(Why is he cringing right now?)…you see, Rainbow, that’s the thing. We’re no longer considered “government employees.”

“Did we all just get shitcanned, dude?! Man, I got a tortoise to feed!”

“Not exactly…but sort of…maybe. You ever heard of Nimbus Co.?”

“Yeah. It’s that private weather company based in Detrot, right?”

“That’s the one. Long story short: the auditors kinda went on a “pork barrel” crusade. They found all sorts of mismanagement of funds and whatnot, so they froze everypony’s pay temporarily.”

“Temporarily? That’s good, right?” (I’m so sorry I doubted you, silver lining.)

“Well, not really. At least not for most of us. Us little local weather stations don’t get those big, preapproved budgets like in the cities. Those guys get guaranteed pay increases after working for so long and whatnot. We have to dole out employee salary increases from our allotted budget. So…no cigar.”

“Okay…but you didn’t tell me WHY it’s a bad thing. What’s that got to do with our pay freeze?!” She liked her boss, but she was strongly considering strangling the gangly stallion. What was the point of telling her all this shit? Was she getting fired or not?

“Well…(If you say “well…” one more time, Stan!!..) the auditors sourced us and all the other local stations out to Nimbus. We’re all private now. And those Nimbus suits have some pretty stringent employment standards.”

“So, we’re not technically fired? We’re just working for a corporation now?” This was excruciating.

Why didn't Stanley just cut out all the minute details and get to the actual fucking point? This wasn't a pleasant topic, so his treating it the same as the tedious, platitudinous pleasantries that coworkers exchanged politely with one another by the water cooler didn't merit much sense to Rainbow. She just needed the bare bones. Stan was likely showing off his eidetic memory. Asshole.

“Well…(QUIT IT!) Nimbus had their own auditing committee go through most of the local stations already. They fired over 3/4 of all the local weather teams in Equestria. This started three days ago. After the Imperial Investigators finish their witchhunt for all the “wasteful larcenists”, Nimbus’ll take over the pay system and unfreeze it for the 1/4 they decided to keep. It was in all the papers, Rainbow.”

“I..uhh..what?” She had almost never paid attention to the news in the exception of postings for the latest Wonderbolts shows.

“It’s been a pretty big shitstorm. Celestia herself promised to prosecute anypony guilty of criminal waste and stuff. All the local station heads are getting the boot just to be certain. A ton of laid off weather guys are bitching up a storm right now.”

“So, you’re getting canned?”

Yep. I actually just put in my resignation notice. They kinda gave me an ultimatum: Resign with full government benefits while still a part of the Imperium or get fired by Nimbus without so much as a severance package.”

“How'd you get such a cushy deal?”

“Hey, I’ve been doing this for twenty years. I already earned my retirement. Been ridin’ the Mediocrity Train all the way. Ride had to end eventually, though, right?” She suddenly had an epiphany as to what a complete sloth her boss of almost two years was.

“Well, no wonder you’re so fucking calm, man! But I haven’t been here that long. I’m disposable!” (Silver lining, you still suck!)

“Hey, relax, Rainbow. There’s still a chance Nimbus’ll keep you. You pretty much did all the work around here singlehoofed.

“We should’ve never bought that movie projector for the break room!”

“Hey! Don’t you say that! We got see all three Batmare movies at work! And the popcorn machine was worth it, too! No job security is worth more than that!! That’s what I call riding the Gravy Train.”

“I thought it was the Mediocrity Train?”

“That, too. The Mediocre Gravy train.” "Mediocre Gravy Train" sounded like a shitty indie band to Rainbow.

“Jeez, man..I’m screwed.” She should’ve known that the station’s crap standards and schizophrenic spending would come back to bite them all in the flanks. Stanley’s hazel eyes softened a bit from seeing his prized employee so down.

“Look, kiddo. I feel bad for you, so let me help you out. I know one of the supervisors over at the Rainbow Factory who needs some new technicians. You can use me as a reference.” Stanley could quite possibly be the absolute worst reference in equine history.

“I’d need a tech school cert to do that stuff, Stan. Thanks for trying to help, but I think I just wanna’ go home now.” If she could’ve gotten a job there, then her mother would’ve made it happen by now. In fact, her mother was the pony who'd gotten her current weather management job in the first place.

“No problem, kiddo. I already sent the rest of the team home for the day. No sense hanging around here if we ain’t gettin’ paid, right? Oh, and cool piercings, by the way. They look really anti-establishment.” Stanley rattled that off without the slightest hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“Uhh..thanks?” Now the piercings seemed lame, having been awkwardly validated by a middle-aged stallion who wanted to look “hip” to ponies her age.

“Good luck out there, Dash.”

“You, too. Sorry you got canned, bro. It’s been nice working with you.” She flew off the station platform into the afternoon sky with new worries weighing her down.

The day had started off so great, too. With this run of luck, she’d get back to her apartment to find Tank dead from tortoise AIDS or that her roomie was turning into a werepony or something. She needed to talk to AJ about all this. She always knew how to calm her down, so Rainbow had confided a lot of her more "confidential" feelings in AJ. They had been best friends for years. Despite AJ's tendency to go off into sanctimonious, judgmental rants about her behavior and stuff, Rainbow knew any secret she told AJ was as safe as kittens...although she constantly ribbed Rainbow for liking a certain somepony. She could see Sweet Apple Acres from where she was flying. Thankfully, it was close by to where she worked.

“It just keeps getting better and better.” She could see the top of the one barn the Apples had left...thanks to Pinkie.

She was already a month behind on rent. If she lost this job, she was screwed! But there was another option. Earlier that day, she'd come across a flyer about a competition taking place in about three months...and the first place prize was 1 million bits! It was her only hope now. If Rainbow could somehow keep her douchebag landlord off her back for three more months, she could not only pay off her debts but also potentially never have to work again in her life! (How fuckin' rad would that be?! Pretty rad, I'd say!) She could just practice her flying all day! No more cloud kicking or anything! But...that competition would be tough. She would need some help.

"Maybe I can get AJ on board."

Author's Note

First chapter revised.

Chapter Ten: Breakfast With The Apple's, Part One

Rainbow awoke to the warm rays of a mid-morning sun shining on her face. She had a fairly nasty headache. It was like a cacophonous orchestra of tiny, metal hammers pounding on her skull with a rhythmic order of percussive notes. (Shit...well, at least they can keep a beat...) It was almost as though the composition being played was titled "Good Morning, Fuckface. My Apologies...How Rude Of Me. I Meant To Say Ms. Fuckface. Anyway, Here's A Hangover For You. Enjoy."...in D minor. She put a hoof to her forehead to massage her temples. No use. Today was sure to be a veritable particle storm of fun and merriment.

"Ugh...well...this is familiar. Oh, yeah...this is great. No, really. I mean it. Fuckin' great.", she croaked in a hoarse, barely audible whisper.

It wasn't exactly a horrible hangover, but it was by no means pleasant. At least she could deal with it. A cup of coffee and some peace and quiet would be enough to take care of the worst part of her headache. But the pressing issue that concerned her the most was as to how AJ was going to react to her moving in overnight with one extra roomie in tow. That wasn't something she anticipated with any sort of enthusiasm. AJ had a tendency to grandstand indignantly whenever somepony wasn't behaving how she felt he or she should...in accordance to the Law of Applejack, Book One, Line 25-30 of Applejack's Condemnations. (Hehehe...man...that preacher...) Rainbow loved each of her friends, but each one offered Rainbow her own, unique brand of headache. AJ's particular brand of headache consisted of her irritably sporadic penchant for sanctimony and virtual immutability. She looked over to the alarm clock that Mac must've placed in her room while bringing their stuff up the stairs.

"9:22....shit...AJ is definitely awake right now." She really didn't feel like getting out of bed...she felt groggy and sore all over. It felt as though all four of her limbs were simultaneously disobeying her brain's ambulatory commands like petulant, spoiled children, crying "Nuh uh!!" in response.

Unfortunately, she had to get up...no matter how much she didn't want to move from the downy comfort of her new bed. If she wasn't up and around soon, AJ would have yet another reason to berate her. Rainbow was already indebted to the Apples as it was...she didn't want them to think she was a lethargic, little freeloader who slept 'til noon. (...even though they probably know about me taking naps at work...) She wanted to prove that she could carry her own weight around the farm and wouldn't be a burden. Especially to AJ, seeing as to how the tan, freckled farmgirl had been a little pissed at her lately. No wonder...ever since Rainbow had absconded her brother to train for the competition, AJ had been making up whatever work he missed. She was understandably tired and well justified in her irritation with Rainbow...and would likely make her fully aware of it. Thankfully, another more positive thought occurred to her...

"Mac said he'd talk to her. Maybe she won't be so friggin' pissy this morning...I mean...we're like...guests or something. Man...that makes me sound like a douche." It did indeed. But unintentionally so.

Rainbow hadn't planned on sneaking her way into the farmhouse last night. She'd wanted to talk to AJ first thing before moving in. It hadn't been as though Rainbow had intentionally bypassed AJ or anything. She couldn't help that she and Derpy had gotten evicted with next to no notice. Well...Mac had said it was okay for them to stay...was it okay? She blushed. He'd been helping her so much lately. The money he gave her...letting her move in...helping her train...it was almost too much for her to accept. She felt embarrassed. She'd blacked last night drinking with him. What had she said to him? She couldn't recall much...her head was still groggy. She rubbed her face with her hooves. Her cheeks felt puffy...she'd been crying last night...(...great..."beer tears"...) The last clear thing she remembered was...puking on the kitchen table...(shit)...and falling out her chair...she must've been too drunk to walk on her own. Mac had to have carried her up to her room...and she'd popped feather in front of him! Twice! (Oh, jeez...)

Her ears burned red...she suddenly felt a greater mortification over her reflexive and rather erotic discrepancy last night than even her vomiting all over the kitchen table and floor. But...he was so sweet about it...understanding....she felt as though she could faintly recall something else Mac had done...was it just a dream? Could ponies even dream after blacking out like she had? She could've sworn that after Mac had laid her on the bed...he had talked to her...his voice had been shaky...holding back tears. Then...she dreamed/imagined/remembered that he'd kissed her cheek and laid his head down against hers... Had she...had they...slept together? She searched the bed for any trace of him...red fur...orange mane fibers...she felt like a police detective...ridiculous. She checked her nether regions for any..."signs"...that they'd been together last night....nothing.

Her memory of Mac supposedly caressing her last night had been nothing but a sweet dream. She sighed in disappointment. Even if she couldn't remember their intimacy the next day, it's occurrence would mean she could walk up to Red any time she wanted...she could wrap her hooves around his strong neck...kiss him...she could feel the contours of his powerful form...hear his deep, seductive voice in her ear...feel his hot breath on her neck...his tongue on her own. He'd be hers from then on. Her stallion...made for loving her and only her. She could have him any time she wanted...but no cigar. She'd have to make due with pining over him and ogling his totally ripped body's attributes from afar...attributes like his tight, muscular flank. That one was her own personal favorite. John Apple had an undeniably glorious ass. Rainbow's wings popped out suddenly, sprinkling the bed with a shower of loose, baby blue feathers.

Thinking about the big stallion had gotten her...stimulated. It was no surprise. She was fairly frustrated at an age when most mares went buck wild. Most girls her age had a coltfriend...she, however, had to relieve her frustrations herself. Well...she had to take care of this now, or she'd be popping feather at breakfast with AJ...and AJ knew exactly what it meant. She placed her left hoof on top of her pelvis and her right hoof over her marehood. She began gently rubbing her pelvic bone while massaging her most sensitive region with well-practiced motions...she began thinking of him...always of him...his strong, masculine smell...his blazing, otherworldly eyes...his powerfully built body. She thought of his breath on her neck...calling her his "baby girl"...his tongue's lapping motions on her own and on her marehood. She imagined how warm and wonderful it would feel when he finally entered her...how complete she'd feel...how good she'd feel...content. Her arousal intensified. The motions quickened. Her pulse quickened with them. Her breath grew hotter. The air around her was afire with the heat of her steaming exhalations.

"Please...baby..." She was making love to him...right now...(but only in my head...my stupid...fucked up head...)

She was atop the big stallion, bucking her hips wildly on him. She was in control...the dominant one...a complete role reversal. If they were together, Mac would never have to initiate this intimacy...this bliss. Rainbow would always beat him to the punch. She'd take care of him...take care of all his needs...and of course, she'd take care of her own in the process. After all...she had to make up for lost times...she had missed out entirely in high school, so now her physical desires were nearly insatiable. Mac would have his hooves full keeping her satisfied. She bit her lip and smiled at the thought. She continued her daydream. It always felt better when she thought of him. It was always more powerful...the pleasure was always more intense when she thought of him. Her face was close to his...she kissed him...a sudden "drop" in the pit of her stomach and a bubbling pressure signaled her pending climax. She was close. So was her imaginary lover.

"...baby, I'm...oh...f-fuck!!!", she moaned to him while she came with a series of pleasurable spasms. She pretended as though her contrived image of John Apple would hear her...like he was really there with her.

"Man...phew. Well, that was pretty decent, I guess." ...it was a good one but nothing mindblowing. At least it'd get her through the day and improve her mood a bit. The warm rush of dopamine passed through her brain. She felt some of her headache's severity diminishing...she was feeling a bit better. (Thanks, dopamine! And thanks, Twilight...for telling me what the hell "dopamine" is!) She felt drowsy...she thought of him again. It was his turn now.

She could feel him releasing himself into her...she loved it....it made her feel closer to him. She couldn't imagine his withdrawal. She wouldn't let him...no. She couldn't bear to be apart from him at that wonderful moment of pure ecstasy...she couldn't imagine not taking his essence...his seed...his love. They'd be together that way. One. He'd be her very first like she'd always wanted. She just knew it would be so...perfect...beautiful. She'd look into his eyes...those unearthly portals to his soul. She'd see his love for her in those gorgeous eyes...she'd watch him quiver, moaning and calling her name in ecstasy. He'd be so cute like that...quivering with heat...his little ears flattened...those adorable freckles. She'd take a grand satisfaction in making such a macho, tough stallion moan like that...she'd break him...make him beg for it. She'd lovingly oblige him, riding him passionately with an impish smirk on her face until he'd finished the last of his cries.

He'd kiss her, and they'd both giggle about it all. He giggled...it was cute...she'd never met a stallion who giggled before. They'd stay together like that for a while...just...basking in one another. Basking in one another's love...the thing her cowardice prevented her from having. He'd nibble her ear, and she'd scream and giggle...like her mom and dad used to do. He'd tell her he loved her. She'd tell him she loved him even more. He'd tell her that was bullshit, and she'd giggle some more. They'd fall asleep together, draped in a silver moonlight. She could rest her head on his great, red chest...it looked so soft...snuggly. Warm. She'd kiss the fluffy, red expanse and coo softly to him, pressing her ear to it to listen to his great heartbeat. She'd fall asleep in his hooves listening to the rhythmic beats echoing in his chest like a soothing metronome...with a blissful smile on her face...warm...content. She'd be happy for the first time in years. They'd be one. Together finally...as she'd always fantasized.

Rainbow wrapped her hooves around her pillow, pulling it close to her to cuddle it as though it were the actual John Apple lying there with her. She kissed the cool, satin edges and smiled. If they were together...she'd be repaired. Fixed. Happy. She was...damaged...but all she needed was for him to love her to make her normal again. He'd be there in her bed at night where her friends couldn't follow...he'd reassure her when her confidence waned...comfort her when she was crying and afraid...love her when she felt lost and alone. If they were together, nothing in the entire world could stop her!! She'd be a fucking Wonderbolt in no time!! They'd win that contest no problem!! She could show her mother that even a girl as fucked up as she could be happy again...that it was okay to love and take risks again...

Rainbow released her hold on her pillow...a sudden wave of shame overtook her. She felt...pathetic. Like a fat, comic book geek who was too cowardly to tell the stallion of her dreams how she felt about him...but she'd always rub one out thinking about him. Pathetic. As much as she wanted to wallow in her fantasies while cocooned in the downy comfort of her satin pillows and soft comforter, she knew she had to get up. She shook her head and rose to her hooves. She could hear the sound of a door slamming in the hallway across from her. Somepony was getting out of the shower. Perfect timing. She got out of bed and opened the bedroom door, grabbing her Wonderbolts-themed bag of hygiene paraphernalia as she walked across the hallway and into the open bathroom. She took a quick shower and toweled off...she brushed her teeth, almost getting the bristle fibers of her toothbrush caught in her tongue stud. She took extra care fixing her mane for her signature "carefree look." Rainbow walked back into her bedroom and quickly put away her things. A delectable smell wafted by her nose...it was...familiar...she could hear something sizzling downstairs...also...she could hear a radio playing music.

She went down to the kitchen. Ditzy was awake and sitting meekly at the kitchen table with a glass of chocolate milk...her wall-eyed, gilded stare was shyly fixed on her beverage. Rainbow turned her gaze from the goofy mailmare to see the beloved profile of John Apple, standing on his hind hooves over the stove with his hat low over his eyes and a cigarette in his mouth. The radio sitting on the kitchen counter was blaring some sort of metal/rock music. She didn't mind a little music, but this particular song was a teensy bit too loud and aggressive for a pony who'd just awoken from an alchohol-induced slumber. ("Sludge metal" if I had to guess....yeah...) But music or no music, her mood immediately improved upon seeing him...she smiled and blushed. John just had that effect on her...no matter what a shitty day she'd had, talking to the big stallion or even just seeing him always lightened her mood. This particular moment was no exception...and his effect on her mood was amplified by the smell of a delicious aroma emanating from where he was standing by the stove.

He was cooking breakfast for everypony, manning two frying pans at once like a pro. It smelled like...Prench toast...like her dad used to make. She smiled, thinking about how they'd get along were they to start living together....Rainbow had always been an awful cook, whether she cared to admit it or not. So...he was the perfect fit for her! John could cook, and she could eat! He'd always have somepony to appreciate his cooking, and she wouldn't starve to death! It'd be the perfect arrangement! How could he be so wonderful all the goddamn time? He was almost too good to be true sometimes. The big stallion finally turned and noticed her, greeting her with a fairly surprising amount of warmth and energy for a guy who'd drank enough liquor to kill two fully grown ponies last night.

"Heeey! There's Sleepin' Beauty!" He was beaming...smiling at her, as though he were genuinely happy to see her. He actually liked her...maybe it was only platonic, but it was still nice. And he'd just called her a "beauty!" Did he think she was pretty?! She hoped so, though she'd never admit to caring about such a girly thing as being pretty.

"Mornin', Red. Hehehe...you pretty much put me under the table last night...like....literally."

"Eeyup. Real sorry 'bout that. You up fer some breakfast?" Mac was uncharacteristically energetic and chipper this morning.

"Sure, man. Thanks. So...why're you so bubbly an' shit today?"

"Oh, just happy to be alive an' kickin' is all, sugarcube. Don't you worry none 'bout me...I handle myself. But what about you? You feelin' okay today? No headache or nothin'?" It was amazing how energetically Mac was behaving...he was almost manic. The big guy was talking a mile a minute...for a stallion who was normally mute, that was saying a lot. And it was just the night before he'd consumed about 3/4 of a bottle of bourbon! Rainbow again pondered the possibility of Mac being bionic.

"Nah, man. I'm good. Nothin' too bad. Thanks for asking." The big guy was manning the two frying pans with an amazing speed...he was cooking and talking simultaneously.

"Glad to hear it. Sorry fer not cuttin' ya' off 'fore ya'...uhh..you know. My fault, I guess." Mac pantomimed the motions of a vomiting pony.

"Nah, dude. It was my fault. You were pretty decent keeping tabs on me last night. I guess I just overdid it...probably 'cuz I had a pretty shitty day and wanted to forget it or something."

"Eeyup. Reckon ya' would wanna' ferget 'bout all that. What with yer landlord an' all."

"Ugh....don't remind me...if that's even possible. I don't remember much from last night. Must've blacked out or something. Sorry for putting you out like that, man. I know how much it sucks to have to play as somepony else's foalsitter, 'cuz they're too shitfaced to look out for themselves."

"Awww...don't think nothin' of it, sugarcube. Weren't nothin'...nothing at all like when ya' had to take care of Pinkie Pie...hehehe. Ya' didn't hardly gimme' no trouble...'cept fer almost blastin' the veneer off the dang table with all that whiskey ya' drank....hehehe..." Mac was snickering at her...she wasn't amused.

"Aww, jeez...fuck my life, dude..." She put her hoof to her forehead. Well...at least he thought it was funny.

"Do what to yer life now? Sorry. I hardly know it enough for that. Anyway...'bout time ya' got up. The girls'll be down here in a minute. Almost done makin' breakfast. Why dontcha' sit on down at the table with Miss Ditzy 'til it's ready?" Rainbow nodded.

"Cool, man. Thanks. I'm starved." She sat down at the table and greeted her roomie.

"*yawn*...shit...morning, Derpy." Derpy looked up at her. Rainbow always tried to avoid looking directly into those wacky, unsettling eyes of hers.

"Morning, Rainbow.", she replied in a timid voice.

The grey mailmare timidly took baby sips of her chocolate milk, daintily nursing it as though finishing the entire glass would signify the end of one of the few things that brought her joy in life...like a child with no sense of the wideness of the world. Rainbow had to admit...it was pretty endearing. Adorable even. It reminded her of something a little filly would commonly do. Not a grown mare. Of course, Rainbow's own personal context wasn't at all a reliable measure of comparison to what a normal, little filly and mare might do. She, herself, would've just said "Fuck all that noise!" and begin chugging down the entire glass of milk at once...like some sort of...milk-chugger...filly...or something...which was a rather strange and arbitrarily arranged choice of words. Maybe...maybe she needed a cup of coffee to wake up a little more. Her head was still a bit fuzzy with a recent sleep. She directed her gaze to a dull, grey pitcher/pot sitting on the table.

"Yo, Red! Is this thing on the table full of coffee?"

Rainbow placed her hoof on the warm, metal pot's handle and gently rocked it. Yep. Something...warm...and liquid was sloshing around in there. But that didn't necessarily narrow her guess down by a measurably significant degree...there were lots of things besides coffee that were also classified as "warm liquids." Hopefully, it wasn't urine. But she couldn't imagine as to why John Apple would put a metal pot, a metal pot that looked quintessentially ideal for holding large quantities of coffee, full of urine on his family's kitchen table. Was or was that not a reasonably sane and contemporaneously relevant query to ask? No. It wasn't. She was still feeling a bit foggy. (Man....still thinkin' weird shit...what the hell?) She really needed a cup of coffee...pronto.

"Eeyup. Just made it. Help yerself. Ya' know where the mugs are?"

"Yeah, they're in the cabinet, right? Thanks, dude."

She filled one of the cups procured from the china cabinet and filled it up with the invigorating and aromatic, black beverage, mixing it with ample amounts of cream and sugar. She took a sip. This was some good stuff...maybe it was a gourmet brand? Rainbow usually drank the bargain bin grounds herself due to limited funds...albeit the coffee always tasted atrocious. (Ya' get whatcha' pay for, I guess.) This was a nice break from that shitacular, generic-as-fuck brand of coffee she usually drank...that was likely to eventually give her some sort of urinary tract infection or a rare form of anal cancer. And as an added bonus, the caffeine seemed to be helping her headache a little bit. Mac walked over to the table and laid out a medium-sized dish of little, store-bought cream cheese danishes and assorted fruit for the two mares to snack on while waiting on the main course. The gesture was warm...hospitable. She felt welcome. Not like a stranger. She was starting to feel a little better...about her headache and her eviction/unemployment situation. (Hey, this ain't so bad. Gettin' evicted isn't like...the "End of the World" or something.) She took a bite out of a nearby pastry and finished her first cup of coffee. The big, red stallion suddenly moved away from the stove and poured her another cup from the pot on the table.

Before Rainbow could even thank him, he laid out some silverware, plates, and napkins for the two mares. She smiled at him and told him she could get her own plate and utensils, but Mac insisted. He also gave her two aspirins from the kitchen's medicine cabinet to help with her headache. She told him that he didn't need to go to all that trouble just on her account, but the big stallion just shrugged her off and told her that he didn't at all mind. She'd been a guest here before, and the rest of the Apple's (even friggin' AJ) had been pretty hospitable to her...but nothing like this! Why was he being so servile? And why did he help her so much all the time? He always insisted on paying the tab for meals or drinks whenever they hung out together...like...like he was her boyfriend or something...she blushed. Wasn't that typical boyfriend behavior?...paying her way whenever they went out...on a date? (W-were all those times we went out like...actual dates?! D-does he actually like me, and he's just too shy to tell me!!? Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!!) Or was all it just her imagination again?

But...she didn't feel right taking his money and crashing at his place without paying him back...somehow...maybe by helping around the farm? (Yeah...that's it.) She was determined to prove to him that she wasn't just a freeloader and merely taking advantage of him. She was definitely going to work her ass off to pay him back for all his generosity. But not right now...after breakfast maybe... As guilty as she felt for having him go to all the trouble of fussing over her like this, it was still pretty nice....and he insisted. Mac's catering to her like this was a damn fine change of pace from being ignored or blatantly told to "eat shit" by most ponies. She might as well enjoy it. The big stallion strode over to refill her cup of coffee. Whether she liked the attention or not, she was starting to feel lazy and ungracious. She couldn't let him go to so much trouble just for Derpy and herself.

"Hey, c'mon, dude! My legs ain't broken and shit. Both a' my forehooves work. You don't have to give yourself a friggin' hear attack tryin' to cook and pour my coffee for me at the same time. I can get it." The big stallion just grinned and kept cooking and serving the two mares at a frantic, breakneck pace.

"Nah. Yer guests in my home. This is just how we treat company out here in the country. And regardless as to whether or not I hold an especial aversion for the term of classification and all minutia therein related, Imma' country boy. An' this here's the country." (Man...he's...he's like...really smart...jeez...that made me sound like an idiot.)

Rainbow could just listen to the big lug talk all day...his voice was so deep and velvety...and he was so eloquent. His voice was purely sexual...seductive...she could imagine hearing it being spoken in her ear...his lips just inches away from it...the deep, rich bass lulling her into a trance. Rainbow blushed again. And she decided she really liked the term "country boy." It sounded erotic...like role playing or something. A "country boy" fantasy began playing in her head. She could imagine Mac's powerful body...coated with sweat after a long day's work...every muscle glistening as he put away his tools in the barn and headed towards farmhouse...then he'd enter the bathroom and get in the shower...the hot water would start washing away the day's toil-induced sweat...and it would flatten his coat making his physique all the more visible...and his big, hard throbbing co-(Stop it! Jeez...stop being so perverted. Get your shit together, dude. Just don't think about it...about his...his tight flank...how big his co-quit it!!)

"Okay...I like...appreciate the hospitality and stuff...I just don't want you to go to too much trouble. You're making me feel guilty and stuff, man.", she responded whilst still in the throes of her fantasy. Was she being too whiny? Did she sound like she was unappreciative and hard to please? She hoped he didn't think so. Now where was she? (Oh...that's right...hehehe...)

And then Rainbow would come into shower, too, to join him. Then the two of them would go at it like rabbits...which was an understatement. More like wolverines on meth, if Rainbow had any say about it. Mac would be walking funny for weeks afterwards. (*sigh*...guess I couldn't help thinking about it...whatever...fuck it.) She grinned. This little fantasy of hers was starting to sound like a certain erotic novel she'd borrowed from Rarity. The book was pretty explicit, too. It was practically pornographic. Of course, she felt a little...skeezy...and...a bit excessively lascivious reading that kind of stuff. But she had needs...and she didn't have anypony to satiate them. (Maybe he can...uh oh.) Rainbow's fantasy was suddenly interrupted, as she realized that she was about a step away from popping feather again. But hadn't she already taken care of that little problem earlier this morning?! Regardless, she couldn't risk the embarrassment of it now...especially here at the breakfast table. (No! Bad wings! Down, girls! Down! Ya' hear me circulatory system?! Negative blood flow to the wings!) She fought back panic and continued struggling to keep her wings down by her sides. She thought safe...boring...non-erotic thoughts.

"Aww...don't feel like that. Ain't no trouble hardly at all. An' it ain't like I gotta' choice or nothin'. It's an obligation for us country folk and whatnot." Safe...non-sexy...non-arousing...thoughts...she could do this. (Mind over matter...mind over matter...)

(Okay...okay...c'mon! Think about...uhh...weather station paper work!...yeah. That's it! Just filling out boring paperwork at the station...Stanley's skinny, middle-aged, unsexy ass comes into the office to tell me another boring-as-all-fuck story about something his kids did the other day...then I get bored and start falling asleep...yep...that should do it...nothing hot and sexy goin' on in here...until Mac walks in dressed up as a manager, takes over for Stanley as the new supervisor, and then he picks me up with his big, strong, totally ripped forehooves and throws me on top my desk and just starts givin' it to me...railing me with his big, hard co-Oh, goddammit! C'mon!...c'mon...try something else... think about...dead puppies...Flitter's annoying fucking laugh...that fat fucking bitch who was my eighth grade gym teacher...or what about high school gym class?...yeah, I had PE for first period...totally boring and not even remotely hot...just a bunch of nasty, superficial bitches who can't even do one pull-up teasing me...but then Mac walks in and tells everypony that he's the new gym teacher...he gets all hot n' sweaty during volleyball...I stay late after class...and catch him in the boy's shower ro-dammit! Nothin's working! Wait...the time I walked in on Derpy while she was in can...phew!...that did it. Crisis averted. Man...I hope Derpy'n Mac didn't see me sweating and stuff.) She had won a great victory this day. Her mind had conquered her desires.

"Jeez...so like...it's like a custom or something?" If only Mac knew about the epic battle that Rainbow had just fought with herself inside her own head.

"Eeyup. It ain't optional neither. Ya' might as well stop complainin' 'bout it an' get used to it. 'Cuz after today, y'all probably ain't gonna' get treated like guests no more."

"Huh? Whaddya' mean?", asked Rainbow while Derpy averted her wall-eyed gaze from her chocolate milk to look up at her.

"Y'all're gonna' be livin' here fer a while, right? 'Til ya' get back on yer hooves an' whatnot?" Where was he going with this?

"Yeah...if that's okay with you guys...we won't stay too long, though! We ain't freeloaders or nothin', dude." The big guy merely chuckled.

"Hehehe...nah, y'all ain't freeloadin' at all. It's just that after y'all've been livin' here for a while, ya' ain't "guests" no more. It's all just some rudimentary, country folk social cue an' politeness. Apples an' most other country folk done got this crazy code of etiquette on how to treat other ponies. Ya' see...when ya' become "residents," ya' lose the hospitality benefits. Meanin' ya' start bein' like family an' the like. An' that also means ya' won't be gettin' the "hospitality wagon" again fer a long while. Y'all're gonna' start havin' to follow some a' the house rules an' doin' a few chores like the rest of us, if'n ya' wanna' stay here. Not tryin' to lecture ya'. Just givin' ya' a heads up is all."

"Oh. Huh." Apple family social customs were a lot more complicated than Rainbow had thought. Unnecessarily so even. It seemed kind of ridiculous.

"An' once y'all become residents, y'all ain't gonna' be classified as "guests" again 'till ya' move out completely an' stay gone fer a full month. Then when ya' come back to visit, yer considered "guests" again...or somethin' like that."

"Jeez, man. That's...all kinda'...kinda'..."

"Goddang stupid an' unecessarily complex? Eeyup. Sure is."

"Dude! I wasn't gonna' say that! Honest!", said Rainbow while lying right through her teeth.

"Heh. Yeah, you were. I know ya' too well, girl. But I don't take no offense or nothin'. Honestly, I think we Apples take our social etiquette too goddang far. It's almost a dang religion out here. And I wasn't sayin' yer lazy or nothin earlier with all that."

"Jeez...that's...pretty... But like...it's no problem. Don't worry about us, man. We're just glad you guys took us in. We'll play ball and help you guys out around here."

"Well, I really 'ppreciate that, Rainbow. I know it all seems mighty strange to a pair a' Pegasi. Hell...even I think it's kinda' stupid. "Just be polite an' don't be an asshole" should cover it, but the old folks wanna' go an' it make it complicated....sorry fer the language."

"Holy fucking shit, Red!....again?! For the last time, man...you don't have to apologize for cursing! How many times are ya' gonna' do that?!" Mac snickered and grinned at her.

"As many times as I do it. Ain't gonna' change no time soon either. An' ain'tchu the "pot callin' the kettle black?" You done told me thanks an' how yer gonna' help out 'round here 'bout fourteen goddang times. Seriously. Ya' can cut it out now, girl. It's gettin' purdy annoyin'. Ya' best check ya' self 'fore ya' wreck yerself." Mac's usage of some rather outdated "street lingo" sent Rainbow into a fit of giggles.

"Hehehehe....oh, whatever...hehehe... Go blow a goat, Red...hehehe..."

"Hehehe...alright...but he ain't gonna' enjoy it. My lips are purdy chapped right now. Gonna' feel like a dang cheese grater." She wouldn't mind his lips, no matter how chapped they were...his lips kissing her own...and down between her knees on her cl-(Cut it out already! Damn...I swear...)

Well, she heard the stallion. This was just the "welcome wagon." She could get used to this! She wasn't even remotely accustomed to being spoiled like this, but she certainly didn't mind it beyond a feeling of being indebted to him. Whether this was a "one-time deal" or not, it was pretty refreshing...nopony other than her own parents had ever been so kind to her...so sweet. It was like having some kind of...big, strong...sexy butler or something...like those guys who worked for rich ponies...or for a princess. Rainbow blushed at that last thought...it was kind of like...she was his princess...like she was worth something. (...special...) Maybe her theory of why Mac was always helping and pampering her like this a bit of a stretch...but...maybe it wasn't just another one of her delusional fantasies.

She knew he liked her. He'd told her so himself...was the real reason he was pampering her like this solely out of affection, albeit it might just be a platonic affection?...or was it just an generalized, obligatory country gesture to show hospitality to his guests like he'd told her? Both, maybe? An affectionate hospitality? Was it the same kind of gesture ponies reserved for Princess Celestia when she visited? Well, the big lug was giving Derpy the same treatment, so maybe she was just going off into Crazytown again with another of her random fantasies. Did...did he feel the same way about her? He could be desperately in love with her or could secretly loathe her with a passion, and Rainbow would never know it. Despite the fact that she and Mac had clicked on a surprisingly deep level, there were still a lot of "shadows" in the big, red stallion's past and personality that she didn't understand. Mac seemed to have more mystery surrounding him than an Imperial secret agent. She had no idea what he wanted in a girl or even anything he wanted in life at all. As a direct contradistinction, Rainbow merely wanted to be loved and get laid...well...get laid a lot. And they say mares are complicated! (I...just...just like...give me a fuckin' clue, man, and I can go from there!! Jeez! Aren't stallions supposed to be simple an' shit?! Isn't it supposed to be mares that are like more...complicated an' junk?! Rarity's magazines are so totally full of shit!!)

She had a hard time reading John Apple sometimes...like the times when he suddenly shifted his personality from it's typical demeanor like being quietly benevolent or manically friendly like now....he sometimes changed his expression to a hard...withering...almost angry stare....his eyes would sometimes stare into....nothing. His demeanor would completely shift to a distant...removed...cold demeanor, and Rainbow wouldn't be able to get more than a simple "eeyup/eenope" out of him. It would only happen occasionally, and Mac would always return to behaving like his old self again after a few minutes. Rainbow didn't know what any of that was about, (probably veteran stuff) but she thought it best to not call him out on it. He might get angry with her, and he'd deny it all anyway...so there would be no point. But they had become so close! How could he keep things from her? And then she had a thought...maybe John Apple only showed her what he wanted her to see. What was he hiding from her? (Stop being such a tool...he's just introverted is all...) She banished the thought and returned to thinking about how Mac felt about her. Mac suddenly cursed, as he was singed by an errant globule of hot oil.

"Sorry fer the language. My bad, y'all." Rainbow again assured him that she wasn't even remotely offended...she couldn't speak for Derpy, though.

"Don't eat too many of them danishes, Rainbow. Got the main course comin' in just a minute, so don't make yerself sick eatin' too much. And don't you go upchuckin' on that table again, girl!", goaded Mac with a devilish grin as she leaned back in one the Apple family's oak wood chairs with her cup of coffee, shoveling danishes into her mouth without a second thought. Great. He'd just made her feel like a complete fat ass.

"Jeez, man, let it go! I'm not gonna'!" She found it strangely ironic how the very subject of her sophomoric daydream not ten minutes ago had also served as the impetus that had ruined it for her.

"An' don't puke on the chairs neither!" She broke into a fit of giggles. It didn't make up for spoiling her daydream, but it was still a welcome reparation...modest as it was by comparison.

"Hehehe...I'm not!...I swear!..."

"That includes pukin' on Miss Ditzy, too. An' AJ. An' Apple Bloom. An' Granny."

"Hehehe....you're the biggest douche ever. You're like...the friggin' mayor of Douchetown." The big stallion chuckled.

"Aww...just a mayor? Sounds like a downgrade from bein' the "Archdouche." Were my hopes of eventually gettin' to be the "Lord an' Master of All the Known Doucheniverse" too brazen?"

"Hehehe....yep. Just a bit."

"Oh, but how my hubris has again betrayed me!"

"That's what she said." She just rolled that joke out with no forethought, but Mac started snickering. The two of them could banter back and forth like this for hours...just...talking and laughing about nothing in particular. They were so perfect for one another...compatible. They meshed so well...they didn't have to act like somepony they weren't when they were together. It was...just so...perfect. How couldn't he see it like she could?

"Hehehe...the hell? That don't make any sense, girl."

"Neither does your face!" Mac recoiled in faux horror.

"Oh, dang! Was that a burn, Rainbow? Did I just get burned? Oh, nooooooooooooooo...", wailed Mac facetiously, as Rainbow burst into another fit of giggles.

"Hehehee...yep. Totally burned your ass."

"Somepony! Anypony! Help! I need to go to the hospital! Rush me to the burn ward! I need burn salve! An' some skin grafts! An' a whole lotta' morphine...not fer recreation or nothin'...fer...the uhh...pain...honest! An' I need some bandages! An' more morphine! An' antiseptic! But mostly morphine! Did I mention the "morphine?!"" He was so goofy...so much fun to be around. Their "inside jokes" were lame and more than a little bit stupid...but Rainbow loved them.

"Hehehee...you're such a dork....so...whatcha' makin'?" Mac showed her a bowl of batter and strawberries...Rainbow liked strawberries...and batter meant "fried" or something. Two things she already liked added together? Nice. (I put that in my calculator, and it makes a smiley face.)

"Strawberry cream cheese-stuffed Prench toast an' eggs. Figured y'all needed a nice breakfast after last night." He was...he was the best. Perfect.

"Oh. Sweet. Can I help?" Mac's reaction was fairly predictable.

"NO! Dear God, no! You stay yer little, blue behind far the hell away from this fryin' pan!"

"Heheheh....awww, c'mon dude! You're totally exaggerating! I ain't that bad a cook."

"Yes...yes, you are. Yer the physical embodiment of culinary death."

"Hehehe....that's a bit much, dude. C'mon."

"Eenope. Yer the veritable Harbinger of Dysentery. An' don't worry none 'bout all this. I got it. Like I said before...y'all're guests." She merely smiled in resignation. The big lug turned back towards the stove to finish preparing their breakfast. She was still feeling chatty so she turned to talk to her roomie.

"So, Ditzy...um...like...what're ya' doin' up this early? Aren't you off work today?"

"Yeah...post office is closed on Sunday."

"How long ya' been up?"

"Since about...uhh...5:30 this morning." That long? Had she been chatting with Red all morning? Rainbow almost felt a pang of jealously until she remembered that Ditzy was far too shy to so much as even look at a stallion as attractive as he.

"Jeez, man...I don't get that early bird shit at all...ya' coulda' slept in or something."

"I just couldn't get to sleep last night...after all that happened yesterday..."

"Sister...I hear ya'. If it weren't for Big Red'n me poundin' some shots last night, I wouldn'ta' been able to crash either."

"You and Big Macintosh drank together?", she asked with her ephemerally catawampus gaze. The wobbly eyes were threatening to overwhelm Rainbow's discipline and send her into an uncomfortable fit of guffaws.

"Yep. We hit it up pretty good, yo. Huh....I wonder who had to clean the kitchen up last night..." Hopefully, John hadn't had to clean it.

"It was Applejack. She sure was mad...she had to do all of Mac's chores on top of cleaning the kitchen. Well, it's a good thing this table is clean now...it smelled pretty bad...there was vomit with a rag over it down here when I woke up this morning...I wonder where it came from..." (Oh, great. She's thinking...well...this'll take a while...)

Rainbow patiently waited for her to make the rather obvious connection. Derpy's eyes crossed for a moment in thought as her simple, little brain laboriously commenced performing the ill-suited task of making the blatantly conveyed connection between Rainbow's bender and the pile of vomitus on the floor and table. This strenuous exercise of Derpy's mental acuities was undoubtedly placing a good deal of stress on her woefully underendowed brain. (Hope she doesn't pull something...her neurons gotta' be sweating bullets an' shit.) Her little face scrunched up with an expression of an indiscernibly profound consternation, as though it were straining to fathom something virtually unknowable to all sapient minds in a nigh-Sisyphean display of utter futility. Derpy's expression intensified. The mailmare's eyes dilated, as though she were traversing the very boundaries of the known universe in search of an absolute truth. But...finally...Ditzy figured it out. It had taken her an entire minute. So...yeah. Basically, Derpy wasn't all that bright.

"Ohhhh...that explains all the puke..." (Atta', girl.)

Derpy was pretty slow, but it was hard to find a sweeter, gentler pony in all of Equestria. Even a girl as timidly sweet as Fluttershy couldn't hold a candle to Derpy's level of benevolence. Most ponies couldn't find it in themselves to be mean to her in any way....even though she was extremely shy, she was kind of the town's "sweetheart." Everypony in town knew her name and loved her, waving at her while she flew around haphazardly to deliver their mail. She would just squeak out a timid "hello" and wave back in response, dropping her mail off and self-consciously flying off and away from any potentially scathing judgements that the townsfolk could have for her. Of course, Derpy's low self-esteem was unwarranted. Shy as she was, she was genuinely sweet and cheery, and everypony loved seeing her. Which made what had happened to her boyfriend all the more terrible.

"Yeah. My bad. AJ had to clean it up, huh? Hehehe....man...that's pretty ace!" Rainbow loved her friend and generally policed herself to keep from being a nuisance to her, but it was still pretty funny. (Hehehe...I bet she was all like "Ah, dangnabbit! That durn Rainbow Dash done puked on mah eatin' table! Now where'm Ah gonna' set my meth lab?! Tarnations, pardner!! I shore do love inbreedin'!!")

"Are you sure it's okay for us to stay here?"

"'Course I am! Like I said, Me'n AJ go way back." Rainbow could see Winona lounging on top her pet bed, watching Mac intently as he cooked. She thought about her own little animal friend. (He's still upstairs.) She wondered if Tank would get along with the hyperactive border collie as a playmate. She decided probably not...the fuzzy, little lighting bolt would be too much for the ponderously sluggish reptile.

"Oh. Okay. For how long? Are we gonna' get the apartment back?"

"Yep. We're just stayin' here 'til we get back on our hooves. Don't worry. We'll get the apartment back. We just gotta' save some money to pay Gary off and put down another deposit. I'm already workin' on it, too. Me'n Red got that contest in the bag, yo'. We're gonna' win that prize money."

"Is that what that Iron Pony thing is for? To pay the rent we owe?" Yes. Duh. For the love of God, yes. What else was it for? Rainbow was usually patient her...usually...but Derpy's sluggishness to catch on to stuff was wearing on her nerves...which is why she and Rainbow didn't often hang out. That and the grey mare's eyes creeped her out a little bit. (Man...now I feel like a douche...)

"Yeah."

"What if you lose?" Ditzy Doo's big, golden right eye was staring at Rainbow questioningly. Her left eye was off-kilter and staring the other way, as it was so often want to do. The effect was somehow simultaneously disturbing and hilarious. (...those friggin' eyes, man...it's like they see all my sins an' shit...) Rainbow had always kept a respectful distance from the goofy mare in fear of cracking up with laughter. But she would never say this to Ditzy's face...it'd hurt her feelings.

"Well...then this was all just a big waste of time....but that's not gonna' happen. We're gonna' win."

"Oh...I hope so. It'd be bad...if you lost..." Rainbow's cavalier, dismissive attitude deflated immediately. That statement by itself had worried Rainbow, but it was more Ditzy's tone that had unnerved her. Her typically tinkly, cheery voice had suddenly become distant and somber...more so even than last night. It wasn't at all like her.

"Yeah...I guess that would kinda' suck."

"...all that time wasted...for nothing." Why was she saying all of this?

"Cheery...I hope you don't ever answer phones for a telemarketing company or something. You'd turn it into a suicide hotline with that attitude." Maybe...maybe that joke was a bit tacky. (..eh...kinda' mean...too soon...)

"Huh? Answer phones? I work at the post office, but they won't let me answer the phones anymore after that one time I stood in for somepony who was on call duty...." She didn't get the joke apparently, but at least Rainbow was in for a unintentionally funny story about one of Derpy's many, many blunders. She thought it was a bit cruel to laugh at her roomy's misfortunes, but...seriously. Some of the stuff Derpy did was legendary. (Like the time she totally faceplanted right into Twilight's mailbox outside the library!! Hehehe...priceless...) And it wasn't as though she was laughing at Derpy per se....it was more like laughing with her...and at the situation.

"Why dontcha' tell me about it? Please...go on...hehehe"

"Really? You usually tell me you don't wanna' hear about work. But okay."

"Just humor me, dude. Please. Go on...hehehe..." This was sure to good.

"Well...I answered the phone..."

"Yeah. And?"

"It was a stallion on the other end."

"Okay...and?"

"He told his name was "Jim," and he wanted to talk to a post office representative."

"And?"

"I told him "okay." (Oh, for the love of...)

"He asked who was on the phone with him..."

"Derpy...just keep telling the story...you don't have to take breaks in between sentences." Or maybe she did. Remembering things was probably a pretty tall order for her ill-equipped, little brain to handle.

"Huh?"

"No, seriously. Just tell the whole story at once."

"Ohhhhh...I didn't get what you meant...okay. I can do that." Rainbow was somewhat doubtful.

"Cool. Go on..."

"Well...I told him it was "Ditzy Doo. Well, he asked who "Ditzy Doo" was, and I told him it was me. He asked if he was talking to the post office, and I told him "no." He asked what number he just called. I told him it was the post office number. He told me he was confused...I told him "me, too..." Rainbow began snickering. It was made all the more funny by Ditzy's deadpan delivery. She likely didn't even know what was so funny.

"Heheheh...aww....man...keep goin'..."

"Well...he asked how he couldn't be talking to the post office, if he'd called the post office's number. I told him he had called the right number, but he was talking to me. He said he was confused again. I just told him that you couldn't talk to a post office. Post offices can't talk like ponies can. A post office is just a building. But I told him I'd be happy to answer any of his questions. He got mad and said he wanted to talk to my manager...so I called the manager..." Rainbow was rolling. Technically...Derpy hadn't been incorrect. The guy had been talking to Ditzy and not a post office. Just...in a very...very literal sense.

"Hehehehe.....oh...shit...then what happened?"

"Well...the manager on duty came over and took the phone away from me. He said I didn't have to answer phones anymore after that."

"Heheheheh...cool story, bro. So which manager was this again? You got like...four managers or somethin', right?" Rainbow immediately regretted asking the question.

"It was Milky's dad...he came over...and...I was feeling really dumb and started crying in the break room. Milky told me I hadn't done anything wrong afterwards...he kissed me and made me feel better..." Ditzy looked back down at her glass of chocolate milk with despair. There were tears misting her eyes. Rainbow felt terrible. Just when she'd managed to get her roomie's mind off Milky's death, she went and reminded her by sheer coincidence. Nice.

"Hey...how do I put this...jeez... Look...it's gonna' be great living here. I promise. I know you've had a shitty week, but it's gonna' get better." Derpy merely lowered her eyes back down to her glass of chocolate milk and began intensely staring into it's tawny, nebulous depths, as though the sweet liquid held an unfathomably cosmic truth. (...probably wondering how white milk gets turned brown...)

"No...I don't think it will. *sniff* It's going to get worse..."

"C'mon! There're other guys out there! I'll bet they'll be crawlin' all over ya'!" Maybe...maybe that was a bit too soon...

"*sniff*...I dont...want anypony else...I want Milky back..."

"Ditzy...jeez...ya' gotta' come outta' this and start living again. Milky wouldn't want you to be like this. He'd want you to be happy."

"Yeah....but...I can't..."

"Yes. You can. Just stay positive. Honor his memory by getting on with your life. Just get back out there and start living. Milky loved you."

"Why would...*sniff*...he be happy if I start dating somepony else?" Rainbow was losing her patience again.

"'Cuz that's what love is about. He loved you. So he'd want you to be happy. Do you really think he'd want you feeling like shit all the time?"

"N-no..."

"Exactly. So try to be positive. You'll feel better."

"Every day...every day it gets worse...I can't..." The wall-eyed mailmare wasn't even trying.

"Hey! Stop givin' off a negative vibe, Ditzy! Be positive!" She wasn't in a great mood to begin with, but Ditzy's sad-sacking was bringing her even further down. Ditzy had a good reason to be depressed, but Rainbow had had enough of it.

"Sorry..."

"It's cool. Just keep thinking positive...you're not gonna' feel any better doing what you're doing. Ya' gotta' get back out there and live life, ya' know? It's what he would've wanted for you. He'd want you to be happy, wouldn't he? Just keep saying that to yourself...don't forget it. Okay?" Ditzy dumbly nodded.

"Yeah...you're right. Sorry."

Rainbow remembered the night she'd learned of Milky's death...Ditzy had been devastated ever since. But she'd only get worse just wallowing like this in a state of absolute despair...Rainbow wasn't entirely sure how long it typically took for a pony to cope with bereavement, but she knew from personal experience that you had to proactively improve your situation and stay upbeat to get better. That one, old adage, "Time heals all wounds", was complete bullshit in her experience. She knew that the pain only got worse with time. But she understood how Ditzy felt...after her father had died, Rainbow had sunk into a deep, near-catatonic depression and refused to leave her room. The then thirteen year old filly had just laid in bed with the curtains drawn over the window...she barely ate or talked to anypony. The complete and utter horror of it all...the suddenness...the complete shock of it all. Denial set in.

It had taken her completely by surprise. It had all happened so fast...overnight, her life had been shattered...fractured. She had become rattled with the nigh dissociative incredulity that it had even happened at all...how could it?...but it had. It was true. The reality struck her like the hammering fist of a great giant. She was shellshocked. But it wasn't fair! Surely, she hadn't deserved any of it! And then...she started having nightmares...the worst one was always that nightmare. The recurring one...it plagued her with a dichotomous, deceitful marriage of an awful horror and one her favorite memories. It would tantalize her with the promise of joy...and then, when she was at her most hopeful and vulnerable, the dream would horrify and malign her without warning. It would tear her apart inside...cutting into her heart and mind with a scalpel coated in acid...leaving terrible swaths of bloody, septic cuts in it's wake. There was no peace for her. No solace.

She'd just laid there for almost an entire year...her mother had tried talking to her, but she rarely responded. She laid there, wallowing in her misery. Her pain. Anguish. It grew worse and worse with each day, until it became unbearable. She only wanted the pain to stop...she wanted her daddy to come back...for him to come save her and make the nightmares to go away. But...he wasn't ever coming back. She had been beaten down by the grief...broken by pain. She gave up on fighting it all back down. She was too tired...too exhausted to fight anymore. She just didn't want to hurt anymore...but there was only one way she could be sure she wouldn't. She would have to die. Rainbow had tried hanging herself in her room one night...she'd tied her bedsheet into a noose and tied it the light fixture in her room's ceiling. Thankfully...upon the night of her suicide attempt, the light fixture came loose from the ceiling and dropped her to the floor. Her mother had burst into room to find what all the noise was about...it didn't take her mother long before she'd fully assessed the situation. Cloudia's subsequently panicked response was prompt and predictable.

Unsurprisingly, Cloudia had taken Rainbow to several psychiatrists for therapy. Rainbow hated those shrinks...they tried poking and prodding into her memories...they made her relive it all over again. She couldn't take it...she stopped listening to them. After exhausting their options, they tried to prescribe her antidepressants. The teenage filly had refused to take her meds...she thought they were just trying to dope her up. She didn't think the pills could help her. Could a bunch of pills bring her father back to life and undo what had happened to her? If not, then they were useless as far as she was concerned. She just continued sinking...deeper and deeper into the pit. Rainbow's mom had tried her best to console her, but her efforts had been in vain. Rainbow then began to feel ashamed of herself for being so selfish...her mother had lost just as much as Rainbow...it was a time when Cloudia had desperately needed her daughter's support and love, and Rainbow had deserted her...and had even tried to take "the easy way out." (I tried to...tried to bail on her...abandoned her...)

"You've got nothing to be sorry for, Ditzy. Just keep your chin up, ya' know? I went through the same thing an' shit. I know it fuckin' sucks...believe me, I know!...but ya' gotta' start living again." Rainbow wondered if it was "insensitive" to tell her wall-eyed roomie all this after only two weeks had passed...but that didn't matter in the long run. What did matter was that Derpy got over all this and got her life back together...the goofy mailmare would be much happier in the end. Wallowing in despair wouldn't get the poor filly anywhere.

Rainbow's own self-pity and suicide attempt had only served to hurt her mother...her mother had had enough pain after she'd lost her husband. It was so...stupid. Selfish. She needed to be strong for her mom. She decided she wanted to live again...she wanted to beat him...to show The Beast that he hadn't broken her and to honor her dad's name. Rainbow remembered the day she came out her depression...it had been close to her fourteenth birthday...she'd just gotten so furious with herself for being so weak and selfish. Rainbow was tired of grieving...tired of being hollow...being dead inside. An entire year of her young life had been sucked into the vacuous, insatiable void of her grief. She knew she'd never be the same again, but she sure as hell wasn't just going to lose another year lying in bed...waiting for death. She wanted to be happy again...for her mother to be happy again. She knew she needed to be strong...she then looked to the one pony who'd taught her the meaning of strength.

She'd began looking through her dad's photo album. Practically all of Colton's career as a Wonderbolt had been photographed, but she was looking for one particular picture...it was special. She'd found it...that one picture where he was standing in front of the sunset...he was in his Wonderbolt uniform with the hood down. Five year old Rainbow Dash was sitting atop his head, mussing up the vibrant tresses of his prismatic mane. That picture had given her the motivation she needed. She remembered what her father had told her...that she was a fighter. She couldn't make her father wrong...a liar. She would do his memory justice. And if there were such a thing as "Heaven", she would make him proud to call himself her father from the afterlife.

She'd rediscovered her passion...her fire...she refused to go down without a fight. She'd started fighting the pain...the misery. She got herself back together without taking so much as a single antidepressant. She started being a better daughter to Cloudia, helping her around the apartment and consoling her when needed. She prepared herself to enter her first year of high school and again began her training to become a Wonderbolt. She started taking martial arts classes to learn how to fight...how to fight much bigger, stronger opponents...she was going find The Beast one day again. She was going to make him pay...make him hurt, too. She had purpose again...drive...a reason to fight again. She would fight for her father. For her mother. For her friends. For Equestria. (...for John...baby...) She turned to look at him...he was singing.