Canterlot’s city hall was one of the first buildings constructed in the city after it’s founding, and by anypony’s standards qualifies as both an important and historical structure. And the tour guides who take ponies around on a daily basis are more than happy to inform the tourists of all of the great events that have taken place inside the walls. Of special interest are the trials of yore, that morbid fascination with the dastardly all too familiar to all sentient beings.
Princess Celestia hated it. That’s why the military tribunal was taking place across town in a nondescript building formerly home to the Equestrian Bridge & Tunnel Authority. It was appropriately imposing, without being architecturally significant. It was the perfect place to conduct trials away from the prying eyes and ears of the media circus.
Though rare, Equestria still had need of a court system for civilians and military personnel alike, and when those occasions came up the princesses preferred to respect the privacy of their little ponies. Especially when the accused were beloved public figures.
The tribunal consisted of representatives of each of Equestria’s military forces – the Wonderbolts, the Royal Guard, and the Royal Navy, with one of the princesses presiding over the proceedings. But only in the most notable cases would the highest representatives of each branch of the armed forces be called in, and as such it was the first time that Spitfire, Shining Armor, and Salty found themselves serving together on a trial.
Seated above them was the Princess of the Sun. Seated before all of them was a pair of ponies at a small wooden table. Glancing at them, one would never believe the serious accusations hanging over their heads.
“Pinkie Pie, Cheese Sandwich. You both stand accused of treason. How do you plead?”
“On my knees, normally! Like this!” Pinkie Pie knelt before the court. “Oh please, oh please, oh please don’t convict us!”
Cheese Sandwich leaned over towards her. “Please tell me you’ve got something better than that for our defense.”
“Nope. That’s pretty much it.”
“We’re going to swing.”
“Oh! I love swinging! And sliding! And spinning on a merry-go-round!”
Cheese ignored Pinkie and turned to face the court. “Can you please explain the charges so we can enter a plea accordingly?”
“The charges were given to both of you. It was a five hundred-page document. You can’t possibly have missed it.”
“We were supposed to read all that?” Cheese asked, incredulous. “But… it was so boring. I didn’t even make it past the first page.”
“Oh! I did! I totally did! See – I scribbled on all of the pages and if you flip it like this it turns into an animation of me eating a cupcake!”
“In that case I shall summarize the contents for your benefit. Pinkie Pie, your party cannon was observed by citizens of the Griffin Empire, who in turn reported it to their king. Cheese Sandwich, your party tank was similarly observed, and likewise reported. Both of these items have been deemed weapons by the Griffin Empire and as such, a violation of our peace treaty which specifies both of our countries are to remain free of weapons of mass destruction. Do you realize just how serious this is?”
Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich looked at one another, then back to Princess Celestia. Both shook their heads to indicate ‘no’.
“It means we’re currently sitting on the brink of war. Even as we speak the griffins are making a show of their military strength in order to intimidate us.”
“Can’t we imitate them back?”
“No Pinkie. The object here is to avoid war. The Griffin Empire is a proud nation, born from centuries of rule by warlords who were constantly overthrowing one another. Peace amongst themselves allowed them to flourish as a nation. Our peace with them, established over one thousand years ago, is the world’s oldest treaty that’s still currently valid. We are not going to allow this to escalate further. The griffins have been our allies for a millennia, and none of us have any desire to see the resumption of the Griffin-Pegasus Wars.”
“We could win a war.”
Everypony turned to look at Salty, Admiral of the Equestrian Royal Navy.
“I have no doubt we would defeat the griffins,” Celestia replied. “But we would not ‘win’ anything. There are no winners in war, only losers. For example…” Princess Celestia’s horn glowed yellow and a shimmering map appeared in front of the gathered ponies. “These are the historical boundaries between the pegasus tribe and the griffins, circa 2,500 years ago.” The boundaries started shifting and a pair of numbers could be seen. “Now watch as the boundaries change with each war and take note of the casualties on both sides.”
Salty cringed as he watched the numbers increase with each passing conflict. “Then why do we even have a military?”
“We still have enemies, as last year’s changeling invasion proved. In the event our sovereignty is intruded upon, we will react swiftly to rectify that. No one is going to hurt my little ponies and get away with it, rest assured. But it shouldn’t have to come to that. One life lost on the battlefield is one too many, be it a pony, a zebra, a griffin, or a dragon.”
“The best defense is not to offend.”
“That’s actually quite profound, Pinkie Pie.” Princess Celestia smiled for the first time that day.
“I got it from a deodorant ad.”
“You shouldn’t give all your secrets away,” Cheese whispered to his co-defendant.
“It wasn’t Secret. I’m pretty sure it was Right Guard.”
“I’m afraid we’re getting off topic here,” Celestia stated. “Now that you know what you stand accused of, what do you have to say for yourselves?”
“This is nothing that a party can’t fix,” Cheese stated. Pinkie nodded in agreement.
Princess Celestia briefly conferred with the military advisors. “Very well. Since this is truly a misunderstanding and you didn’t intentionally bring us to the brink of war, I shall allow you the opportunity to resolve the conflict peacefully.”
Pinkie and Cheese looked at her expectantly.
“Yes, that means you can throw the griffins a party.”
“Yay!” The two ponies danced and bounded around the room happily.
“An epic party. One for the record books.”
“Oh, I dunno. It’s gonna be pretty hard to beat Dashie’s birthiversary party.”
“I have confidence in the two of you. Meet me in my chamber for further instructions. Wing Commander, Captain, Admiral, you’re dismissed. Thank you for your service today. Debriefing at the castle at 1600 hours.” Three salutes greeted her and as one, the military ponies marched out of the courtroom.
“I’ve arranged transit for you both to the Griffin Empire’s capital city of Merv aboard a Wonderbolt transit. You have three hours to get all of the party supplies you need ready. This is your budget.”
“Oh, you really do want this to be more epic than Dashie’s party. But you’re going to need to add another zero to the end if you want us to surpass that one.”
“Just how big was Rainbow Dash’s budget?”
“Oh, she only chipped in twenty bits. And even the rest of the ponies in town only threw in a few bits here and there. Most of it came from my piggy bank. I’d been saving up for a super extra-special party for years! And Dashie’s a super-special pony who deserves only the very best!”
“Yeah, and I went all out to impress Pinkie so I may have called in a few favors from friends. Actually I cashed in all outstanding favors and now owe a few hundred of my own trying to outdo Pinkie. Heh…”
“I’m afraid I can’t expand your budget, but if there’s anything else you need, don’t hesitate to ask and I’ll do my best to accommodate you. For this mission, you’ll be Team A.”
“Oh! We’re the A-Team!” Pinkie Pie swore the leitmotif changed to that of a popular ‘80s action TV show for a few bars. “In that case, we need more explosives, some welding gear, and a customized van! I totally call dibs on being Hannibal!”
“It stands for Absolutely Amazing Part-ay.” Princess Celestia shooed them out of her chamber and sent them on their way.
Three hours later Pinkie and Cheese stood in the designated location awaiting their transport. Pinkie was tapping her hoof, agitated. There was a party to set up for and their pegasus escort was already twenty-three seconds late. As she continued tapping her hoof the ground started breaking apart underneath her. She and Cheese Sandwich both tumbled over as their transport arose from the ground directly underneath them.
“Surprise! Were you surprised? I bet you were! I mean, who expects a pegasus to be waiting underground? Nopony, that’s who!”
“Oooooh, you’re good. Surprise, is that you?”
“Sure is, Pinkie Pie! Celestia hoof-picked me for this mission! She said I might come in handy for you.”
“She thinks of everything! That’s why she’s the princess and we aren’t.”
“Is that everything?” Surprise asked, looking at the rather meager stockpile of supplies the two earth ponies had gathered over the prior three hours.
“Yes and no. It’s everything we have here, yes. But we have a few stops to make along the way. The first is just across town at the university.”
“Well let’s get going!” Surprise hopped into the air and the earth ponies held on for dear life. A few minutes later they landed at Canterlot University and Pinkie Pie hopped out of the cart. Her windswept mane instantly inflated to its normal poofiness and she ran inside to get what she needed.
When she returned a few minutes later, the cart had been repainted black with a red racing stripe. “So we’re going for the whole The A-Team parody after all? In that case I’m still claiming Hannibal!”
“I figure I can be B.A.”
“Ha! Bulk Biceps makes a much better B.A. than you, Cheesy! You should be Frankie, the mechanic no one liked from the last season. I call dibs on Howlin’ Mad Murdoch!”
“Yeah, well he’s not here! So I get to be B.A.!”
“So that leaves me as Face? I can live with that.” The latest addition to their party drew attention to herself. She was a mint green earth pony with a trio of mint candies as her cutie mark.
“This here is Minty! She’s an expert candy maker and as an added bonus, she invented a completely new type of party a few years ago!”
“What kind of party?” Cheese asked.
“The sock hop!”
“Oh! I love those!” Surprise said. “I love the whole retro thing, and I totally look rockin’ in socks!”
“Everypony looks great in socks! But I don’t know about griffins. I guess we’ll find out!”
The city of Merv finally came into view after a flight of many hours. Surprise was grateful they had flown at night, as her passengers slept through much of the trip, limiting the question of ‘are we there yet?’ and complaints about the monotonous ocean scenery to a minimum.
The sun was just peeking over the horizon as they approached the city, causing the bay Merv was built around to shine golden in the early morning light. The mountain looming over the city was still shrouded in darkness and obscured by cloud cover and a fine mist.
Avoiding the historic heart of the city, Surprise instead aimed for the skyscrapers marking the business district. She landed on the roof of the Equestrian Embassy and her passengers disembarked.
“Wow! It’s like Old Canterlot and Manehattan all rolled into one!”
“Everything is just so pretty!”
“Yeah, pretty old,” Minty said. “I mean did you see that historic district as we flew over it? I bet they have all kinds of boring tours through there. I totally want to go skiing on that awesome mountain!”
“Okay, I need to point out to all of you that you’re representing Equestria while you’re here, so please be on your best behavior. This building is considered Equestrian territory, and this is where you’ll be staying while you’re here since you’re on official business.” Surprise could see she was already losing her audience. “So we have the rest of the day to plan this party. When the sun goes down, the party heats up.”
“Yeah!” was the response from the others.
“I have speakers to set up, yo.” Vinyl Scratch had been the final addition to their party team, and had thus been designated “Frankie” much to her dismay. She took a good look around the city searching for the places offering the best acoustics. Several possibilities leapt out at her and she grinned. “Yup, this is going to be off the epic scale. Forget turning the volume up to eleven, I’m dialing this thing up to eighty-seven! 1987!”
“That’s the spirit!”
“I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m…” Minty paused mid-sentence and looked around, “…apparently all alone now.” She shrugged and bounded off towards the mountain.
Surprise had designed a flyer advertising the party and run off several thousand copies of it, which she was now raining down on the hapless populace. As a Wonderbolt, this wasn’t her first time visiting the city, and she used her knowledge of the city’s geography to her advantage, plastering flyers over the heavily trafficked areas.
She wasn’t thrilled with the idea of throwing an advertised party, since surprise parties were truly her forte, but considering the circumstances that had landed them in this mess even she had to agree that the last thing the griffins needed right now was a surprise party thrown by equines. The Griffin Empire was notoriously more serious than the spontaneous, happy-go-lucky ponies that lived in Equestria.
One the flyers were distributed, the white pegasus grinned. Just because the party itself was advertised didn’t mean she couldn’t throw in a few big surprises even Pinkie Pie was unaware of. Now relieved of her burden, she flew off towards the mountain.
Celestia opened the door leading to the waiting room outside her chamber. “Rainbow Dash, I appreciate you coming on such short notice.”
“Anything for you, princess!” The prismatic pegasus bowed to her ruler.
“I’m glad you feel that way. I have an important mission for you.” She opened the door on the opposite side of the room, and let in a green pegasus with orange and yellow hair. “You’ll be working with Lightning Dust for this mission.”
“You! The pony who got me kicked out of the Wonderbolts.”
“You almost killed my friends!”
“Silence.” The two pegasi shut up and turned to the white alicorn. “This mission is critical. If Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich fail…”
“When,” Luna announced her presence hiding in the shadows. “Thou really needs to get the lights in this room fixed.”
“If Pinkie Pie’s party fails to convince the griffins not to act aggressively towards Equestria you’ll need to extract the Team A from the city of Merv with extreme speed. At that point the Griffin Empire will be considered hostile territory and they’ll need to be evacuated with haste.”
“Wait! We’re the B-Team? The second stringers? The benchwarmers?”
“It’s short for Brute Strength.”
“Ooooooh. I can live with that.”
“Somehow I thought you might.”
“But do I really have to work with her?”
“Yes. The two of you are the fastest flyers in Equestria. You’re the only two who can pull this off.”
“You can count on me!”
“You can count on me, too. I’m sorry for jeopardizing your friends. Truce?”
“And I’m sorry you got expelled from the Wonderbolts. They said you can try again next year. Truce.”
“Now that that’s settled, would you mind sending in Team C?”
The two ponies nodded and each left by the door she had entered by. In turn Twilight Sparkle and Trixie entered.
“The Great And Powerful Trixie demands to know why she has been summoned.” She turned to look at the ponies sharing the room with her. “Oh horseapples.” She quickly dropped to a bow in front of the solar princess. Twilight, on the other hoof, immediately ran towards her mentor and nuzzled her.
“Thank you both for coming on such short notice. Due to recent events, the Griffin Empire is on the verge of declaring war with Equestria. Currently, Pinkie Pie is leading a mission to throw an epic party for the city of Merv as a show that we don’t desire aggression. In the event that things go south, I have Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust on standby to extricate our ponies from the city. However, that leaves the rest of the griffin population. As Team C, your orders are to contain and cover-up if need be.”
Twilight quickly processed that information. “Sweet Cel…” She remembered whom she was talking to. “…ica Supras. You sent Pinkie Pie to Merv of all cities?”
“Yes.”
“This is going to end in disaster.”
“Finally, somepony who agrees with me.”
“Princess Luna! What are you doing sitting in a dark corner?”
“The light over my desk hath burned out.”
Twilight’s horn glowed purple and the light bulb over Luna’s desk was unscrewed and quickly replaced with a fresh bulb pulled out of her saddlebag. The light shown down on the lunar princess and she smiled. “Thou hast our thanks.” She turned the light off. “Much better.”
Twilight opened her mouth to speak but no coherent thoughts came out.
“As I was saying, in the event of failure on Pinkie Pie’s part, you’ll be needed to limit damage. You’ll need to work with Trixie and make sure that no harm comes to anyone – pony or griffin alike.”
Twilight gulped. “If memory serves me, Merv’s population is in the neighborhood of 1.3 million, and is a popular tourist destination besides. And it’s built on one of the most geologically sensitive spots on the planet Equus, with a massive volcano looming over the city. And Pinkie Pie is there.”
“Correct. Along with her team consisting of Cheese Sandwich, Surprise, Minty, and DJ PON-3.”
“Sweet baby Lu…minas.”
Surprise landed atop Mount Phoenix and surveyed the city before her. There was so much potential as far as the eye could see! Looking down the slope to her right she saw a green pony anchoring green light bulbs to the side of the mountain. To her left was a pink pony doing the same thing, only with pink lights. The two were completely oblivious to the other. Turning around, she could see the DJ levitating a giant subwoofer into the crater.
“Crater? This isn’t a mountain…” She called down to Vinyl Scratch, “This is a volcano! Do you think it’s wise to mount that there?”
“It’s a dormant volcano. It should be fine. It’s not like it’s going to erupt tonight.”
“Oh yeah, I guess that’s true. Hey! That gives me an idea!”
Minty and Pinkie Pie reached the summit at the same time.
Green?” Pinkie Pie asked.
“Pink?” Minty asked, sticking her tongue out.
“Ugh,” they both said in unison, and then burst out giggling.
“Can we take this place home with us?” Cheese Sandwich materialized between the two giggling ponies. “Seriously, I don’t normally do serious, but for this I’ll make an exception. This place has more varieties of cheese than I’ve ever seen in my life! I’ve already tried fifty-seven new flavors of grilled cheese sandwiches and I love all of them! My new goal in life is to create a cheese sandwich crafted with one slice of every cheese known to ponykind.”
“Oh! I totally want to try that too,” Pinkie bobbed her head in agreement. “So food preparations are finished?”
“Deliciously so! Even taking into account sampling, we should have everything we need by noon at the latest.”
“Awesome! Minty and I have finished lighting up the mountain. How goes the music?”
“A-okay,” said Vinyl Scratch. “This crater’s got kickin’ acoustics, Double-P!”
“Advertising?”
“Every flyer has been distributed, and as an added bonus I put up posters at all the major intersections in town. Also, I borrowed a blimp from the Wonderbolts fleet. I painted all the info on the side and it’s floating over the city as we speak!”
“Sounds like we’re ready to kick off the greatest party in the history of recorded history!”
Twilight, the time when day turns into night. For a city the size of Merv to grind to a screeching halt at such an early hour indicated something special was about to happen. First up, feeding everybody – that task had fallen to Cheese and Minty. Not surprisingly, cheese sandwiches, cheese calzones, and four-cheese baked ziti were the entrées followed by mint chocolate chip ice cream and cannolis for dessert.
The meal went over surprisingly well, despite the lack of meat. The griffins and ponies had long come to terms with each other’s diets. The ponies didn’t attempt to force a vegetarian lifestyle on the griffins and in turn the griffins didn’t mock the ponies for their diet. Cheese had turned out to be the common ground between the two distinct cuisine cultures, and the first treaty between the two nations had primarily come about as a result of the varieties of cheese native to each country.
As for the ice cream, while mint was not a particular favorite, Minty had gone to great lengths to get griffin manufactured chocolate for the chocolate chips. A much sweeter chocolate than available in Equestria, even the ponies had to agree it was superior.
With much fanfare, Cheese Sandwich lit up the volcano’s light show, and one half glowed pink while the other half glowed green. The crowd of griffins cheered wildly in appreciation. The cheering only grew as the pink lights started twinkling on and off in patterns.
“Cheater!”
“Hey, they make the extra-special blinky bulbs in green too. You could have gotten some.”
“But I blew most of my budget getting the really good chocolate. And the rest of it replacing the really good chocolate I sampled from the first batch.”
Their argument, as well as all the cheering from the griffins, was drowned out when DJ PON-3 cranked the first tune of the evening. “This is Vinyl Scratch, and I’ll be playing a mix of griffin and pony hits tonight! Starting off with the griffin classic, We Stand Together by Haytona. An appropriate song to emphasize the cooperation between our nations.”
A massive fireworks display erupted from the volcano as the music started playing. At first the griffins ran for cover, thinking that Mount Phoenix had sprung to life, but then they chuckled as soon as it became apparent their lives weren’t in danger.
“Surprise! Were you all surprised? Great! I love surprises!”
There was a rumble and the ground started shaking beneath them.
“Please tell me that’s another surprise, Surprise.”
“No, it isn’t one of mine, Pinkie. Maybe it’s Cheese’s?”
“Nope, my grand finale isn’t set to go off for a few more hours. Maybe DJ PON-3’s subwoofer?”
“As kickin’ as my woofer is, it can’t shake the ground this much from that far away. Minty?”
“Oh sure. Blame me. It’s always Minty’s fault.”
“Well, usually it is…”
“That’s beside the point! It wasn’t me this time!”
“Uh-oh.” The five ponies looked to one another. If it wasn’t one of them, that could only mean it was an earthquake. Looking back to the volcano their worst suspicions were confirmed. It was glowing with an orange glow unrelated to, but probably caused by, Surprise’s fireworks.
Lightning Dust was listless. She wanted to join the party in the streets below, but their mission required them to wait around on the roof of the Equestrian Embassy. Talk about boring. The only pony to talk to was Rainbow Dash, and she was preoccupied with napping. The green pegasus paced back and forth, watching the partying griffins with envy. Soon though the mood changed from festive to fearful. Griffins started taking to the sky, soaring over the embassy and headed away from the city as fast as possible. Lightning turned her head around and saw the reason for their panic.
“Dash! Wake up!”
Rainbow opened one eye and did her best to glare with it. The effect was far more comical than intimidating. “What is it?”
“Would a volcanic eruption qualify as a reason to extract Pinkie and the rest of the ponies?”
“Yes. Yes it would. Come on, let’s go!” Suddenly awake and airborne, Rainbow Dash didn’t even look to see if Lightning Dust was following her. She snatched Pinkie and Minty up into her forehooves as she flew over them. Lightning Dust nabbed Cheese Sandwich, and Surprise remembered she had wings and snapped up Vinyl Scratch. Together they flew on towards their designated fallback position.
“Those danged fools just set off the volcano! I knew this would happen! How did they possibly set off a dormant volcano?” Twilight was shaking, partially from rage at the turmoil this was going to cause Equestrian-Griffin politics, and partially at anticipation of saving the day and stopping the eruption. With an entire day to plan for just this scenario, she was positive she had the situation well in hoof. “Come on, Trixie! Let’s get going.”
“Going where?”
“To Mount Phoenix, of course. We have to save the city of Merv.”
“You want to go towards an erupting volcano? Are you insane?”
Ash started spewing from vents within the crater. The prevailing winds were blowing to the southeast, while the griffins, well trained in evacuation procedures, were flying northwest. Twilight closed here eyes and before Trixie could voice her next complaint the two ponies were standing in the center of the mostly-deserted Merv, a ring of magic dissipating around them.
Twilight’s horn glowed purple as she drew in as much arcane energy as she possibly could. The result was a purple bubble over the entire volcano, trapping the gases, ash, and molten lava inside.
“Will that hold?”
“Not for long.”
“Then what?”
“We need to find a place to relocate everything the volcano’s ejecting or the pressure building inside the bubble will only make things worse when it finally does explode.”
“Where do you propose we do that? There are settlements to the north, east, and south, while the griffins all fled to the west. The only way left to go is straight up.”
“That works, actually. I showed you how to do this spell earlier – now I need you to cast it straight up, all the way into orbit. Almost everything that comes back down will burn up on re-entry into the atmosphere.”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie is powerful, but Trixie isn’t that powerful.”
“Fine, surround my bubble with one of your own so I can do it.” Twilight waited until a blue bubble contained her own and dispelled it. While Trixie strained to contain the volcanic ejecta, Twilight cast her own spell, illuminating a purple path into outer space. “You can let go now.”
And Trixie did, collapsing onto her hindquarters in the process. “That tired Trixie out.”
“Doing intense magic often does. It’s quite different from your normal stage magic.”
“Trixie thinks she will stick to stage magic. Trixie also thinks she will take a nap now. Goodnight, Sparkle.”
The next day, back in the safety of Equestria, Princess Celestia debriefed them. “The good news is, your mission was a success – the griffins are no longer threatening war. They’d even like you to finish the party, preferably without setting off the volcano again.”
“They can’t prove that was us. Can they?”
“The subwoofer and the fireworks display certainly didn’t help, let’s put it that way. Also, the Griffin Empire wishes to thank Twilight Sparkle. Thanks to her quick thinking, no lives were lost and the few injuries incurred were all relatively minor, most of which occurred in the disorderly evacuation of the city. Speaking of the city, property damage was only in the low four digits. Considering the ponies I sent on this mission, I budgeted for well into the six digits worth of damage. Do you know what this calls for?”
“A party to spend the rest of the budget?”
“Yes. It means you can finish your party. The evacuated griffins could use the cheering up while they wait for Merv to be cleared as safe to return to. In the meantime you can find them in the city of Julann.”
“Yay!”
