The Alicorn Complex

by Count Weirdly

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Changelings, Adventure, Random, Human
Length: 5138

The tale of a man who dared to dream a dream, who dared to become what no man, no STALLION has ever become before!

Who says stallions can't become Alicorns?
Pretty much everyone. But that's only because they've never SEEN one! There's no medical studies, scientific whatzit, or ANYTHING that proves that conclusively!
And so it was that the great Gerard set out, to prove to two worlds that you can accomplish anything as long as you have the powers of Friendship and Magic on your side.
Dark gypsy magic, that is.

Rated Teen for:
Violence
Sexual Humor
Crude Humor
Mild Language

Published 2014-02-10 03:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-28 23:42:59 UTC

I - Looking for Answers

"What makes you think stallions can't become Alicorns?"

"The fact that there's never been a male Alicorn."

"Maybe that's because there's never been a stallion in a position to become one?"

"What about Blueblood?"

"Please, you really think the Princesses would let him live if he was an Alicorn?"

They had been talking about My Little Pony for about an hour now, and once again, it had spiraled into the conversation of whether or not a stallion had ever, or could ever, become an Alicorn.

Now, the only reason this happened to their conversations so often, was that one of the friends, named Gerard, had a tendency to bend whatever topic they were on into that subject. And since they were stuck in a car with him, and he was driving, he could drag this out as long as he wanted.

But now wasn't the time for this discussion. He suddenly realized that he was hungry and needed to take a leak, and the only place he could do both in short order was at a dine-in restaurant. And according to the sign on the side of the highway, the closest restaurant was...

Wendy's.

So Gerard hit the gas and flew down the next offramp. He narrowly missed a minivan at the intersection as he swung around the corner and pulled into the restaurant parking lot. He was already out of the car and on the way inside before anyone in the car was oriented enough to figure out where they were. He ran into the bathroom, straight to the urinal, and relieved himself just in time. After doing so, he proceeded to wash his hands thoroughly, as all gentlemen do, wetting his hands, scrubbing them with soap for exactly 20 seconds, rinsing, drying, and then turning off the water with a paper towel.

Or he would have, if not for the lack of paper towels.

Nope, only a lone electric hand dryer adorned the wall of this restroom. Which would have been fine if the restroom had been fitted with automatic faucets.

So he did the only thing he could think to do. Leaving the water on, he entered the bathroom stall in search of toilet tissue.

But, as the story goes, instead of finding the much-needed paper, he found a temporary dimensional overlap.

It was quite the sight to behold. It was as if the half of the stall where the toilet and it's accompanying paper was supposed to be was blocked from any light whatsoever. Shrouded in pitch-black darkness.

But Gerard had no fear. He had let go of fear long ago. The only thing on his mind at that moment, was that he needed toilet paper to turn off the sink with. And if that meant that he had to traverse multiple dimensions, go through hell, possibly never see this world again...

Well, that was just a risk he would have to take.

And so it was that this man stepped into the darkness of a Wendy's restroom stall in search of toilet paper, but would find something much, much more valuable.

- - - -{T-A-C}- - - - -

"My little ponies," Alice said, "this is the story of..."

The Alicorn Complex

Author's Note

The second of my planned fics is now a go!

I will be swapping between writing each fic, depending on which one I feel like writing at any given time. It'll most likely be on a rotation, so I'll release a chapter for each one in order.

So, this story will be about a man named Gerard, who will set out on a quest to prove that stallions can rise up in the ranks to become Alicorns too. He will undoubtedly face overwhelming challenges along the way. But if he didn't, then what the hell would I be writing about, right?

So stay tuned!

II - Fly Swatter

It didn't feel strange at all, really. It was as if he had just walked through a dark tunnel that connected a men's restroom to a crowded old-timey market square in a cartoon.

In fact, this city and its colorful equine inhabitants all looked strikingly similar to those in a certain television program he frequently viewed...

He did not have the chance to look into that though, as suddenly an ear-piercing noise, not unlike that of millions of windows shattering, rang throughout the city. The townsfolk all seemed to know what it meant immediately, but Gerard was not in the loop, so he was understandably quite perplexed.

The tiny horses scattered, jumping over fruit stands, using each other as human [read: pony] shields, and screaming bloody murder. It was only when Gerard looked to the sky that he could relate to their cries of terror.

Green dots were raining from the sky, they seemed to be flaming like meteors. Using his cat-like reflexes and grace, Gerard dove to cover, rolling under a banana stand just as one of the fireballs crash-landed right where he had been standing. He remained hidden under the cart, silently cursing himself for not choosing a sturdier object for cover.

As the smoke from the newly-formed crater cleared, a dark creature, created for the sole purpose of invoking fear in all who laid eyes upon it, emerged.

The large, solid blue eyes; The shiny white fangs; The jet-black coat; The swiss-cheese holes in its horn, legs, and wings. It all clicked. He knew exactly what these creatures were, and more importantly, where he was.

This was a changeling. He was in Equestria - Canterlot to be precise. This was the day of the Changeling Invasion.

"Holy shit!" he said in shock, a bit louder than he would've liked to.

The changeling turned to him and hissed. Gerard rolled out from under the banana stand, narrowly missing getting blown to smithereens by a laser blast from the changeling's horn. The banana stand was not lucky enough to share the same luck. Gerard's happy jig would have to wait, as he looked around to see changelings everywhere. Their beady eyes were all fixed on him.

"You killed the banana stand! Some banana-themed pony probably put her entire life into that business!" A single tear trailed down his cheek. "You must pay for your crimes. Justice will be served! For her honor!"

Suddenly, all of the changelings took the form of a yellow-coated, dark brown-maned Earth Pony mare with a banana on each flank. Gerard's anger rose as he realized that this was exactly the coloration of a mare who would be likely to run a banana farm. Her name was probably Banana Bushels or something. He took a combat stance, ready to fight off the hoard of insectoid ponies that surrounded him.

"Bring it!" Gerard yelled.

"Attack!" the banana hater commanded.

Three at a time, the changelings attacked, going at him with all they had. He ducked in time for the first three to knock heads with each other in mid-air. As the next three approached, Gerard grabbed one by the forelegs, swinging it around to knock out the other two. He even backhanded one, sending it into a cherry stand.

Each changeling met Gerard with confidence, and fell with shame. Each one, until their commander flew at Gerard and brought him down, dodging Gerard's swings and knocking him on his ass.

Gerard lay belly-up on the cobblestone ground, the changeling commander on top of him.

"I've got you now," the changeling hissed, smiling smugly as he changed back from his pony form. In his normal form, he proudly wore blue armor and a matching helmet to signify his rank.

"Usually I like to go on a couple dates before I let someone get me into this position," Gerard jested, still unafraid.

In response, the changeling brought his forehoof down hard on Gerard's left shoulder, eliciting a loud 'crack'. "You fool!"

"Aah!" Gerard yelped in pain. "You bastard!"

"I'm going to ENJOY torturing you!" His lorn lit up, preparing to fire. Gerard closed his eyes calmly, fully prepared to die, as knew he had fought valiantly. He heard the sound of a magical laser firing, and opened his eyes, realizing it hadn't killed him. Instead, the laser had been shot into the sky, exploding like a flare. Several drones flew down in response, landing and waiting for their commander's instruction.

"Take this disgusting creature away, toss it where the other prisoners are being kept!"

The drones wordlessly complied, one of them wrapping its forelegs around Gerard and taking flight. They took him to the edge of the city, the very precipice of the cliff on which Canterlot stood, leaving him on the ground. They stuck him against the ground with a green goop similar to crazy glue, aside many other prisoners. There he lay for several minutes, struggling against the goo, wincing in pain whenever he moved his broken arm. Finally, several minutes later, one of the changeling guards spoke up.

"Disgusting fools!" he called, condescendingly. "You have been taken prisoners by the Hoard of the Mighty Queen Chrysalis for committing unforgivable crimes against our soldiers! For this, you will not be granted a swift death, like your neighbors! You will be interrogated, you will be tortured, and then, you will die. The Commander of our infantry will decide who goes first."

Several seconds later, Gerard heard the sound of hooves approaching him. The sound stopped right next to him, and he looked up to see the changeling he had fought earlier, staring daggers at him with a huge smile.

"I choose... you." He laughed menacingly. "Guards! Take him to the tent!"

One of the drones flew to his side, using his magic to disintegrate the goop that held him to the ground. Once again, he was airborne, being carried to what they called a 'tent', but what looked more like another pile of toxic sludge, just this time with a door.

Twenty feet from the destination, a loud bang erupted from the castle far into the city. The changeling carrying Gerard instinctively held him tighter his eyes widening, as a wall of magical energy slammed into them, sending them flying at high speed away from the city. Gerard used his working arm to cling as hard as he could to the changeling. His head was tucked into the its fur (he had never thought that changelings would have fur, but they did), so he couldn't look down to see the ground that lay several thousand feet below. The changeling clinging on to him screamed in terror, refusing to let go. The wind howled in his ears. The pain in his shoulder was nearly unbearable.

This persisted for several minutes before they finally hit a tree.

Author's Note

Alright, the transition to the next chapter is terrible, I know. I couldn't think of anything better.

Anyway, please tell me what you think. I'll be very glad.

Remember to leave your critiques in the comments! I can't survive without corrections and suggestions! Many thanks for reading, I'll see you soon!

UPDATE (7-28-14): I edited this chapter just a bit, improving the fight scene some, and a couple other minor tweaks.

III - Caveman

Gerard no longer likes trees.

It could just be the fact that he's now had a taste of just how much pain they can bring, especially with a shattered shoulder blade, but in any case, ever since that day, he has never been able to look upon the blossoming trees during springtime with the same awe as before.

He doesn't hate them, he just has a healthy respect for them, and he keeps it at that.

He knew he was lucky to have landed in this forest, of all places. It seemed to have been victim to a massive forest fire recently, as the trees were blackened and weak. The trees snapped in half under the force of their impact, and though he was still quite sore after all was said and done, he was alive.

And indeed, he was quite lucky. Gerard and his companion smashed through several of these ash trees before rolling to a stop on the soot-covered ground.

He lifted his head off the cold, hard ground and opened his eyes. He was laying on top of the changeling, sore all over and undoubtedly covered in serious wounds. Lifting himself up and to a kneeling position, he looked over the changeling. It (as he wasn't sure of the changeling's gender, and being too modest to “find out” without verbal consent) was in rough shape, but still breathing. It seemed to have taken the brunt of the impact, and was covered in cuts and bruises.

Even after everything he had went through in his short time here, he still held pity for the insectoid ponies.

And for that reason, he chose to spare his own shirt for the creature. He took off his tattered button-down shirt, being careful of his broken arm, and wrapped it tightly around the pony's barrel, covering a bad wound in its side, being careful to avoid its seemingly fragile wings.

He took off his undershirt and tied it around a bad cut in his own left arm, right under the break, and lifted the changeling over his good shoulder. It was certainly a test of will to stand up straight, but he bore the pain and started limping in the direction of the sun, which was now beginning to set. The forest was certainly an eerie place. Just the darkness of the trees and ground was enough to make Gerard forget the sun was still shining. The combination of that and the changeling's shallow breathing was off-putting enough to keep him on his toes. Not that he could react very effectively in his current state, but failing to prepare is preparing to fail after all.

The direction he chose at random actually happened to bring him to what seemed to be a well-traveled path. The pathway led into a cliff that climbed along the side of a rock face, leading to the top of a large hill. He climbed the hill in search of a good vantage point, somewhere he could get a good view of the land. The top of the hill was mostly flat at the cliff, it had a large treeless clearing between the ledge and another rock hill behind it. This rocky hill had a large opening leading into a pitch-black cave, which, Gerard deduced, could provide some shelter for the approaching night. Turning back to take in the view his new elevated position provided, he could see the sun approaching the horizon, almost touching it. A sun that wasn't his, one he didn't recognize, yet he knew so much more about. This sun was bigger, and was controlled by the magic of a big princess pony. Thinking on it now, it began to hit him just how weird this situation was. Not that he couldn't handle it. He did already know quite a bit about this new world already, after all, he HAD technically been spying on its inhabitants for the past couple years anyway.

Scanning the horizon, he saw very little of anything. A couple stray clouds, lots of trees, greener the farther he looked, the closer ones were all scorched.

However, he could not see the city of Canterlot from here. He could make out some semblance of a mountain range where it likely resided, but he was much too far away to make out small details. That epic love blast was way overpowered. He wondered how many, if any, other changelings had survived the fall. Equestria was beginning to seem a lot more dangerous than it had been depicted in the show. He'd only been there a few hours (if the movement of the sun was any indication) and he already had injuries that required medical attention.

Gerard lay the changeling down on the soft dirt and sat on the edge of the cliff. Watching the sunset seemed like a good idea right about now.

He reflected on the day now mostly passed, and how the course of events changed so rapidly in such little time. He was on his way to a get-together with some of his other brony friends to go to the...

...Shooting range...

He facepalmed. 'How could I be so stupid?' he thought. He reached his hand to the small of his back and felt for it. And there it was. He slid it out of its holster and held it in front of him.

His beautiful Glock 20. In 10mm Auto, his Glock 20 Gen 2 was his pride and joy. He cleaned it every day, kept the interior and exterior in pristine condition. Yes, he took good care of his other firearms, but a certain care and dedication were reserved for this one only. As he slid the magazine out of the Glock, he gazed up on the peak, inspecting the top round: its copper jacketed hollow point glowed as the sun's light reflected off of it. He noticed his golden-tinted face looking back at him in the lustrous, well-polished brass casing. A single thumbprint flawed its surface, his signature left behind from when he gave the magazine life, when he first loaded it.

With fifteen rounds of 10mm Auto ammunition loaded, and two magazines in reserve next to the concealed holster, he had a good 45 rounds, which would hopefully last him as long as it would take to get back home, assuming there was more danger to be faced.

But then another thought occurred to him: How would he get home? He had to see if by some chance the portal in Canterlot was still there. He couldn't stay here in Equestria, as great as it seemed, he didn't belong here, and he still had unfinished business, a life to be lived, on Earth. If he stayed here, he was dead to that world. And he didn't like the thought of leaving without a legacy, forgotten with the times. There wasn't any choice to be made. First things first though, he had to get back to Canterlot. The mountain range looked to be over a hundred miles away. This was going to be a very long trek, especially with having a bloodied changeling to lug around.

And to face that trek, he would need sleep. And he couldn't rightly sleep out here on the cold dirt, waiting for some creature to make them its dinner. So he gathered up his changeling companion and entered the cave, oblivious to the many sets of blue eyes staring him down from afar.

The cave was small, humid and overall uncomfortable.

He almost considered huddling against the changeling for warmth, but decided against it.

Gerard didn't sleep very well that night.

- - - -{T-A-C}- - - - -

Gerard woke up for the fifth time that night to see the bright light of the sun shining right through the cave entrance. He still felt like crap, he barely slept and now his right arm and leg were sore from laying on the hard cave floor, not a nice accent to his broken left arm.

He rolled onto his back and stared at the cave ceiling, thinking about how much he really didn't want to wake up yet. He lay there for a few seconds – thinking about the fact that laying on his gun was not good if he wanted to maintain a healthy spine – before a large mass jumped over him, its four legs surrounding him, preventing his escape. He looked up to see the changeling, teeth bared, staring down at him menacingly.

“Who are you!?” the changeling demanded angrily.

Gerard didn't have time for this. He bucked his knees up quickly, hitting the changeling right in the stomach, forcing a painful yell out of it. It recoiled slightly, and Gerard took the chance to hit it in the side, right where his repurposed shirt covered its wound, and threw it off of him, landing it on its back. He jumped to his feet, drew his pistol, and stood over the changeling with his sights on its head.

“The guy who saved your sorry ass,” Gerard countered.

“What!?” the changeling asked.

“If it weren't for me, you'd be dead right now. So, to counter your question, who are you?” He could see the the changeling's examining gaze on his gun, even without pupils, wondering what it was but at the same time not wanting to find out.

“I'm a soldier to the Queen! And that's all you're getting out of me!” He was starting to sound weaker, and looked to be in pain. A quick glance at his side showed that his wound had reopened, blood was seeping out from under the makeshift bandage, likely due to the strike he just took.

“You're bleeding again. You're going to start losing blood fast. You've got two options: One, you calm down and let me help you; or two, you remain hostile, and I either kill you here or leave you to bleed out.” He really didn't want the thing to die, but if it was going to keep being like this he feared he may have to leave it to die. It wasn't a choice he wanted to have to make.

“Why would you help me? I'm your enemy!” it spat.

“Innocent until proven guilty,” he replied. “I've never encountered a changeling, and so far I have no reason for you to be my enemy.” He actually had several, but he really didn't want to kill it if he could convince it to work with him. “I'm willing to help you if you let me. Hell, I already spared my favorite shirt to cover up that wound of yours.”

It glanced down at its side. “You put this bandage on me?”

“I did.”

“Better than I could have gotten from any pony,” he muttered, the last word laced with disgust. At least they were getting somewhere.

“You did attack their capital city, after all. So are you going to let me help you or not?”

The changeling thought about it for a moment, presumably whether or not he was willing to see if his pain would become any worse. “Fine. Though you are warmed-”

“Let me make this clear, you are in NO condition to be making threats right now.” The changeling remained silent, so Gerard slowly holstered his gun and knelt down to help him. “What's your name?”

“That a question, or a demand?”

“It's friendly conversation. Just to help you get your mind off the pain.” The changeling's current bandage was soaked with blood, it couldn't be reused. He removed it, eliciting a groan of pain from the changeling. So much for Gerard's favorite shirt. He tossed it aside, bidding farewell.

He hesitated for a few seconds, weathering the pain. “Nexus,” he grunted. “My name's Nexus.” He looked at Gerard. “What's yours?”

“Gerard.” The wound wasn't open as much as when he had covered it up earlier, but it was still sizable.

“That's an odd name.”

“So is Nexus, if you asked someone back where I come from.” He took his other shirt off of his arm wound, it had long since healed, and as long as he was extremely careful, it wouldn't reopen.

“And where's that?”

“A little place called America.” He smiled very patriotically. “Land of the free, home of the brave.” He had to tear his shirt down the front to get it to wrap around the changeling's torso. He rolled it up so it would cover only the wound, while providing as much padding as possible.

“Never heard of it. Is it in Equestria?”

“Hmm...” Gerard thought for a minute about how to explain it. He settled on simplicity. “Not in Equestria... Then again, I really couldn't tell you where it is in relation to where we are either.” He tied it up tight, causing Nexus to grunt at the sudden jolt of pain..

“Why not?”

“Because I have no clue where we are.” The blood started staining the shirt once tightened, slowing down a bit but still spreading.

“Well done.”

“Not my fault, that huge love explosion in Canterlot threw us here.” The blood stopped spreading, finally coming under control.

“Love explosion?” Nexus gave Gerard a curious look.

“There ya go. All patched up." He continued, "Yeah, it was this giant love blast. Really cheesy. Chrysalis had her back turned for a second to finish the last verse of her song, and Twilight freed Cadence from the goopy stuff on the ground, she went to Shining Armor, broke him out of his brainwashed stupor, and they mad a big love explosion. It was really overpowered.”

“...How do you know that?”

“I saw it-” He caught himself, not wanting to say “in the show,” for risk of seeming crazy. “-in my head! Yeah, in my head. I have premonitions, you see.”

“Mhmm...” The Changeling nodded incredulously. “Thank you for helping me, anyhow. It was really unexpected... I can tell you actually care. I don't know why you care, but you do.”

“And how do you know that?”

“Changelings feed off of love. Friendship, care, camaraderie. We gain strength and we heal through taking these feelings in from non-Changelings. I feel as though I'm healing faster since you helped me. Not as hungry anymore, either.” He gave Gerard a strained smile, obviously still wary of his intentions, but becoming more comfortable as time went on.

“Glad I could help. I just need to get you somewhere safe. You know where your hive is?”

“If by that you mean the network of underground caves we call home, then I should be able to find it. Depending on where we are.”

Gerard thought back to a book he read back on Earth that Hasbro had published, and the map of Equestria it included. “If I'm correct, I believe we're in the Badlands. South of Equestria.”

“We'd best get moving then. We need proper medical treatment, it appears your wound is infected.”

Gerard looked at his cut, which he had yet to inspect due to the rapid first aid treatment he had performed. Indeed, it was becoming rather badly infected. The skin around it was turning yellow, and the cut itself just didn't look to be closing up right. “Damn. That looks pretty bad.” It really was concerning. There was really nowhere he could go to get it treated, unless Nexus could get him in the good graces of the other changelings. “Can you walk?” he asked.

“I will certainly try.” Nexus attempted to stand up, struggling heavily with the pain and general soreness. Gerard came to his aid, helping him to his hooves. “Thank you,” he said, finding his balance and managing to stand. He appeared to be putting as little weight on his left foreleg as possible, but he was able to slowly walk. Gerard guided him out of the cave, letting him lean on his leg for support.

Gerard didn't voice his concern over his arm, he knew it would have to wait. He just hoped he would happen to stumble upon some kind of help before the infection got too out of hand.

The sun was high in the sky, it was at least late morning now. The view the cliff provided over the forest below was breathtaking, at least beyond the burned section of the forest.

He heard a twig snap to his left and drew his pistol, aiming it at the bush where the sound came from, still managing to support Nexus and bear the pain of his infected shoulder.

A very insectoid-sounding “Freeze!” was shouted behind him, and as he kept his gun pointed at the changeling emerging from the bush in front of him, he glanced back to see a dozen more behind him, ready to attack.

“Ugh,” he mumbled.

Author's Note

Sorry for the wait!
Yeah, I know, that's what every author on FiMFiction says while their output gets slower and slower until it finally stops entirely.
Well that's not happening! I have motivation to keep up on this fic!
The silly moments will return soon. Just need a little serious time so I can get the story fully rolling.
Anyhow, see you next time! I'll probably work on the third chapter of MCN next. Keep your eyes peeled!

Prologue - Of Bedtime Tales and Legends of Old

"Alright, little ones, sleep tight," the elderly mare whispered as she quietly stepped toward the bedroom door.

"Wait, Nana!" called one of the fillies.

She turned back to the nightlight-lit room, her eyes resting on a six-year-old filly in the bed in the back corner of the room.

The four children were staying with Alice for the week while their parents were away. She didn't mind in the slightest, they were quite well-behaved and she could always use the company.

This was the youngest of the children. Her ten-year-old sister and nine-year-old twin brothers were also still awake, sitting up in their separate beds, waiting anxiously for something.

"What is it, Chloe?" Alice asked with a smile and a voice tired from age, and yet still full of life.

"Mama always tells us a bedtime story before bed. Could you tell us a story, Nana?" It wouldn't take decades of wisdom for Alice to see that if she didn't tell a story, there would be no sleep tonight.

"Hmm..." Alice contemplated, touching her hoof to her chin in thought. "I don't have many good stories to-" She suddenly had a thought. A warm story that she could tell a bit of each night over the next week. It'd been a long time since she had told anypony this story anyway, and it would be good to stoke the flames of her memories. "Ah, I have a good story to tell you. It's a very old story, one that my mother told me when I was just about your age. Oh, it's been a long time, let's see if I remember..."

She pulled a rocking chair from the side of the room to the center, so that all of the little ponies could see her. They all crawled to the edges of their beds, eager to hear their grandmother's story.

"It all started a long, long time ago. Before I was even a twinkle in my mother's eye..."

Author's Note

This story is NOT going to be as serious as this prologue makes it sound. In fact, it's going to be completely opposite for the most part.

Avert your eyes now if you don't like Human turned Pony in Equestria stories. It's not too late.