Human shenanigans in Equestria

by GodotsVisorShades

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy, Rarity, Random
Length: 3168

Human get's sent to Equestria. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT!!! ahem* Roll the footage!

Hey guys and gals jut wanted to inform you that this is my first story so i encourage you to write criticisms in the comments. I also thank you for your time reading this and my story thank you!

OK anybody raise your hand if you ever woke up in the middle of a forest with some bunny yelling at you as well as, bombarding your face with his carrot of justice; as you stumble your way out said forest only to find a house near-by full of colourful talking pony's who chase you for 15 minutes, and after catching you then start to lay the smack down on you and only being there for say, I don't know about three hours tops.

YOU... just... YOU.

Random dude: Well i was high when it happened.

Wonderful thanks for sharing... ANYWAY! Expect lot's of game/music puns...and when i say lot's i mean a FUCK TON of puns, so if your not a punalicious person please leave before i call the cops cause they don't take to kindly to yall folks round ere.

So Welcome to Equestria folks and remember to sit back, keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times, and remember to wear your seat belt. So please excuse me I have hate comments to read MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA cough* cough* cough* OK so totally not doing that again. ...WHAT! Your still here! GO! GO READ MY STORY! NOW! If you don't mind.

Published 2014-02-23 17:10:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-03 16:43:38 UTC

Dis Gon Be Gud Chapter 1

It was a normal day for Angel Bunny or what you could call a normal day in Ponyville but I digress, he was hopping around the Everfree forest after making his daring escape from his owners hoofs. Her name was Fluttershy, she was creamy yellow with a curly pink mane that covered her face, she was the local caretaker for animals in Ponyville, if one of your animals were ill you could call on her to look after them for you.

She found Angel Bunny when he was only a small bunny, he was being attacked by a timber wolf when she came to the rescue or more like swooped down and crashed into it. when she awoke she saw him laying on top of her chest asleep. This is when she decided to call him Angel Bunny. Angle Bunny scoffs as he recalled her naming him for the first time Angel. He of course, preferred his own name PimpDadyDieasel2nd.

He stopped to think about what Fluttershy would tell him when he went back as he began to day dream the possibility's. He thought about how she would hug him or how she would fan him and offer him as many carrots as he wanted, he also thought about how she could give him "THE STARE". Angel Bunny winced as he thought about this and he began to hop again although a lot faster then before.

As Angel Bunny went deeper in he began to feel dread in the pit of his stomach as he continued to hop along, the deeper he got the more he felt as though something bad was going to happen.

RUSTLE*RUSTLE*

Angel Bunny froze as he turned his head towards the sound.He slowly crept towards the sound and pulled back the brushes blocking whatever hideous beast was behind there.As he was just to pull back the brushes all the way a... a... squirrel jumped out of the brushes scarring Angel Bunny to death as well as a high pitch girly scream.

The squirrel began ...to... laugh. How dare it laugh at PimpDaddyDieasel3rd ... or was it the second. Angel Bunny picked his carrot up that fell on the ground when he AHEM* during his battle cry (Awkward) and took aim at the squirrel that dared challenge his honor. The squirrel's eye's opened frighteningly wide as Angel Bunny began to smile.

RUSTLE* RUSTLE*

Angel Bunny's smile fell and his eyes looked to the squirrel's and the squirrel's eye's looked towards the noise. Angel Bunny's eyes followed the squirrels eye's.

Perspective Switch. The Human Anon

"Ah shit my head what did I do?" I asked out loudly rubbing my head in pain.

I opened my eyes and with a blurred vision I began to look around. I woke up in the middle of a clearing surrounded by foreboding stacks of long dark trees. My eye's snapped to attention when I realized were I was. My ears like radar dishes picked up on a scream coming to the edge of the clearing to the left. I bolted up to my feet and began to charge towards the scream.

Someone's in danger I thought.

As I got closer to were the scream was I began to hear laughter.

What? where are you? I whispered as I slowly edged my way towards the noise.

RUSTLE* RUSTLE*

Shit. Again I whispered.

I stood there for a few seconds before I shrugged and was about to keep walking until something hit my face. I reached up to rub were something hit my face but again it was hit again but this time there was no pause, it was a constant slap against my face. As I rolled my eyes towards what was hitting me, my eye's widened as I looked at small white bunny standing on my shoulder with his eyes clenched flailing his carrot of justice at my face. The bunny's eyes opened slightly and the bunny screamed hitting my face as I tried to get him to stop.

"Could you (SMACK) please stop (SMACK) hitting me" (SMACK)

The bunny continued the beat down against my face which hurt by the way. After a good ten minutes the bunny began to get tired and slowly he stopped.

"Better?" I questioned the bunny. He nodded his head and opened his eyes and stared into mine. Just for good measure I suppose the bunny decided to hit me again one more time before dropping the carrot on the forest floor.

"Huh... so..." I said trying to avoid the awkwardness that would be coming after, "How' the kids and wife" I asked. The bunny slapped me across the face I swear to God he pimp slapped me across the face and then began to smirk.

"I know don't ask don't tell" the bunny nodded "Do you know the way out? I kinda woke up to someone screaming very loudly in the middle of the clearing over there" I pointed my thumb over towards the clearing behind me. For some reason the bunny blushed and looked towards the clearing. He nodded again. "Can you help me get out?" The bunny looked up for a few minutes before nodding for the second time. He jumped of my shoulder and he turned towards me giving me the I watching you gesture. I nodded and began to follow the bunny out of the forest.

Now that I had time to look around my surroundings i looked at the trees which I swear were a couple of inches shorter then the the trees near the clearing when I woke up. We walked through a set of Blue flower which gave me a jolt which surprised me as the Bunny laughed, he was walking on the outside of the flowers looking like he was very weary of the flowers. I glared at him and that shut him right up.

We walked for a few more minutes until I saw a bright light coming from what looked like the exit of this God forsaken forest. I quickened my pace, as we got closer to the exit my vision started to blur, I started to rub my eyes with my sleeves trying to get them back into focus.

I jogged out of the forest with the bunny right behind me. My body began to feel weak and I collapsed onto my knees, struggling to fight of unconsciousness. I fell onto my stomach and flipped onto my back. The white bunny jumped on top of my chest and looked into my eyes. The last thing I saw before falling into a dream state was a little smirk coming from the white bunny.

Let's Get started!

"God dammit" I mumbled as I cracked open my eyes for the second time. I closed my eyes and began to rub the sleep out of them. when I was finished I began to stand up.

When I stood up it felt as if i was shorter by a few inches but I shrugged it off. I looked around trying to find out were I woke up at when I caught a glimpse of the foreboding trees to my right. A sudden wave of memories hit me causing me to clench my eyes shut and rub my head in pain.

I opened them and decided to take in my surroundings before moving to look for somebody to help me. I looked back towards the vast trees, I noticed the very different shade of the trees much darker then the ones near the clearingI thought.

I turned my head and was surprised to find a small cross patched creamy yellow cottage; the outside of the cottage had a stone path leading towards a small little bridge that was connecting the lonely cottage to the forest side. A little stream passed underneath the bridge giving the cottage a very nature like felling towards it.

I blinked and took a step towards it, then another and then another. when I concluded I wasn't dreaming I walked towards the door. I turned my head to look at the outdoor garden and some wild squirrels run across the ground near the house I knock on the door and then returned my head towards the door and waited.

I heard a soft angelic voice behind the door say "w-w-who is it?"

"Sorry ma'm I don't mean to take you away from your activity's I assume your a very busy, but I need help i don't know where I'm at or where the closes town is, I'm very lost could you please help me?"

The door swung open and I was greeted by a yellow pegasus horse with a worried facial expression "Please come in side" She said in a worried tone.

I laughed which gave the yellow pegasus a cute confused face as my eyes rolled to the back of my head and I collapsed forward towards her. I smiled when she let out a cute "eep" when I collapsed onto the ground. The blackness and it's sweet embrace felt wired as if I was being looked at by another person, I concentrated on the feeling but it slipped away after a few seconds. The blackness took control and I was whisked away to the land of dreams and nightmares.

I awoke again for the third time that day. I groaned and slapped my forehead which hurt a lot more then it should of. I turned to get off the only to get my feet stuck in the bed sheets and fall of the bed on my head shit I hope they don't come up the investigate the noise.

"Spike! Be quiet these somepony asleep upstairs." Ow my poor ears, wait who shouts upstairs to tell someone one to be quiet that's just hypocritical. Wait. What? Somepony who says that?

"Sorry Twilight" Someone else echoed back. I'm assuming that's Spike

I twisted my body into a more comfortable position on the floor, I didn't wan't to risk whoever is down stairs to hear me. I listened closely to hear several people down stairs talking.

"...Mystery...pegasus...found him...fainted... brought...library"

So she brought me to a library instead of a hospital. whatever. They said they found a pegasus, I know I'm not a pegasus

That's when I realized I was naked I quickly looked towards my body

My right eye twitched ERROR 404 BRAIN CAN'T BE FOUND PLEASE RESTART YOUR BRAIN IF THIS DOES NOT WORK PLEASE CALL A CUSTOMER HELP LINE AT 555-555-WTF

When my brain reloaded I began to take in my new body O.k WTF universe no seriously WT blood Fucking F. O.K breath it' O.K I'll live. Nutmeg brownish hair good I still have that, charcoal ashy looking coast O.k nice whatever. I looked towards my behind to see my tail Nice, tail's the same shade that's good, and, and What the fuck is that? Is, is that a tattoo on my arse, and it's not even a good one it's just a shitty explanation mark. !

After a couple of depressing seconds I realized something about the mark Solid snake, fuck's to the hell's to the yeah I need to get a cardboard Box that would kick all kinds of arse and ass

After a couple more minutes of playing the theme of Mgs2 in my head I heard footsteps come up the stairs.

shit need hide need to hide. Erm? Closet that never failed him before

After channeling my Inner Solid Snake I very discreetly made my way over to the closet and by that I mean make as much noise as humanly possible. The footsteps quickened and soon it sounded like a stampede running up stairs.

I hid my self in the closet making sure to leave a slit open so I could see outside.

Several body's burst through the door stopping in the center around the bed.

"Where could he have possible gone" one of them stated.

"Twilight report to me down stairs with my sister when you found him, I would like to speak to this trouble maker Personally once you've caught him."

"Yes princess Celestia I will make sure we find him and bring him straight to you."

I watched as the All of the miny horses nodded to the much bigger horse. It or I think it's a she from the voice turned her back and walked outside the bedroom and I assume was downstairs.

"OK girls we need to find him to bring him back to Princess Celestia so we need to split up and search for clues, Rainbow Dash fly over town see if you can spot him."

"You can count on me nobody can escape from the best flyer in Equestria" she jumped out the window next to the bed and flew off.

"Fluttershy and Applejack I wan't you to walk the streets asking have they seen a suspicious looking stallion today"

"O-okay"

"Sure thing Twi" They both walked out of the room and downstairs.

"Rarity I wan't you to search Downstairs see if you can find him hiding."

"O.k darling but what are you doing?"

"Rarity I'm going to test my new tracking spell, I placed it on him when Fluttershy brought him here in case this situation ever occurred. I guess it just pays to be cautious."

"My, my my Twilight you sure do think of everything ta ta I'll see you when we caught him." she followed the other's and walked out the room leaving me and this purple pony.

"Right let's see where you are"

Shit, shit, shit she's gonna find me. Crap

I watched in mild curiosity and horror as she lifted her head up and her horn began to glow. Sparks of what looked like purple electricity were coming off her horn, then a purple blast that took on the shape of one of those Sonar detectors appeared.

I watched as her left eye twitched as she stared into the crack I was looking through with the creepiest glare and smile I have ever seen.

"Found you" she mouthed quietly. I think I just messed my hypothetical pants

She slowly walked towards the closet door and her horn began to glow. At the time I thought I was going to die but then I remembered the tall white horse saying she wanted to talk to me personally.

My vision swirled Oh for fuck sake if I get knocked unconscious one more time somebody's gonna be having a new hole Then a "POP"

I jumped at the sudden sound and fell forwards.

"So your the Mystery stallion" an angelic voice stated

I looked up and saw the big white horse

! I jumped and tried to run away but I was surrounded by a dark blue aura and was picked up into the air. I was turned around and came face to face with a dark black horse almost as big as the white one.

"Can you put me down I'm trying to make a escape and I can't do that with you holding me with your telekinesis suspended in the air."

The dark horse smirked then smiled then began to giggle and then laughed. I don't know what was funny was it my face, what I said I didn't know

"Sis Big Sis can we keep him" wait what?

"I'm not some toy you can keep" I turned my head and pointed towards the white one with a shit eating grin "Tell e're to let me go"

"I can not, she is a princess and it wouldn't matter you coming with us to the Canterlot dungeon, sis drop him I want you to inform the Element's of Harmony that Twilight has caught him and that he is being taken to Canterlot for questioning."

"Fiiiine" she dropped me on my head and disappeared.

"POP" I lifted my head of the ground and my eyes widened in surprise I was in a throne room.

Looking around I saw the contrast between black and white in the throne room one half being black the other being white. I looked to the left of me and out the plain glass window and my mouth went agar.

This city is on a mountain, who builds a city on a mountain?

"Guards!" Two sets of guards ran into the throne room

"Yes Princess Celestia?" the guards asked in union

"Take him" she pointed at me "to the canterlot dungeon and I want Shinning Armor noted about the new prisoner as he will be questioned by me and my sister."

"Yes you highness. Common you heard the princess move it."  They jabbed me in the back with the spears that they were carrying.

We exited the throne room and turned the corner. After a while I lost count how many turns we went around until we reached the dungeon staircase.

While we were walking down the staircase a began to think about how I got here and even why I was here.

The universe hates me there's nothing to it. Wait that big horse what was her name Celestia? She never told me what I was being put in the dungeon for, so I don't even know what I'm being punished or questioned for.

I took the final step off the staircase and onto the cold hard ground. I stood and looked at some of the cells before being pushed forward by the guards.

I looked back into the cells as we continued to move and caught glimpses of some of the prisoners inside there cells, some were asleep on their beds others were exercising some were playing cards.

We finally reached the last holding cell that was empty, I was pushed into the cell and I fell on the floor. The guards chuckled at this and then turned around to leave.

I shuck my head and stood up. I began to look around my cell, it wasn't that big just big enough to fit a bed a bared window. The bed was plain with white cover and white sheets and a white pillow, it looked very depressing.

I sighed and climbed onto the bed and closed my eyes again reflecting the past event's leading up to this moment.

I began to calm my rapidly beating heart that began to beat when we entered the dungeon. Another sigh escaped my mouth as I took long deep breaths. My head began to get heavy, I thought about my future in a world I don't belong in a world were I'm an outcast. Celestia did say she was going to have an interview with me although I don't know what for.

Even if I answer her questions to her liking's I very well might never be able to be considered normal by their society and it doesn't help that I've been arrested by the Princesses of their kingdom. I began to hum a tune as my eyes grew heavy soon I scummed to the power of sleep.