A Thousand Year Burden

by Dragon Genesis

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Sad, Romance
Length: 2053

Not all things about me are true. And not any of them are happy and joyous as others make you believe.

I am described as a goddess, a being of pure good that would be able to banish all darkness. I do not voice my opinion, but I truly hate what they call me. They call me a goddess, a beacon of light, the guiding mother of Equestria. Not one of these names I deserve, no matter what books say. Because they all lied. And I'm the one who told them too. Because in one thousand years, I have caused more pain then what others want to believe…

Taking place after the banishment of Nightmare Moon, Celestia faces the trials of guilt, being a single ruler, and countless countries wanting her land. And each moment of these one thousand years, she questions why she is even allowed to live with the suffering she causes.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-08 00:00:02 UTC

Chapter 1: The Beginning

A Thousand Year Burden

Chapter 1: The Beginning

Written by Dragon Genesis

Fear.  Nervousness.  Nostalgia.  Pain.  Guilt.  These emotions ran through me as I sat in front of these ponies who seemed answers, the truth.  A truth that little have known and that I most definitely do not want to leave this room.

One wanted answers on what her sister has been like the past thousand years.  Three wanted to know about my bloody, tear stained past.  One, only one who knew almost all of it, wanted to know why I abandoned her.  I'm not a very good lover, am I?  But, this is besides the point.

I have a story to tell.  A long, emotional story.  A story that dates back to the early years of my rule, but still after my sister's banishment.  This story dates back to my era of pain, regret, guilt, and depression.  The era in which many feared of when their own Queen would attempt to kill herself once again.

"This.....this tale will not be easy for me to tell." I started, looking over the five pairs of eyes that watched me intently.  "At points, it may even be too hard to handle.  B-but you all deserve to know."  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  Recalling every scrape of detail from centuries ago, things that should be lost in my ever busy mind but have somehow been engraved in.

"After the banishment of Nightmare Moon, I was, understandably, broken."  I began, earning a wince from my younger sister.  I gave her a small smile before I continued.  "I, believe it or not, spent days, months even, crying in my room and denying myself food.  Thrice I was found in my room, hung up by rope to my ceiling, my immortality letting me live.  I would just cry softly, hanging there as the guards worked to cut me down.

"I've tried over-dosing on medication, which wasn't all that strong back then, and even jumping from my balcony once, only to land on a cloud and bounce to the ground.  Even blades to my wrists and throat did little but give me scars and put me in a coma for a week.

"I soon figured that fate didn't want me to die.  Wether it wanted me to suffer, or something larger, I will never know.  But remember that it is only because of fate I live today."  Is walled the lump in my throat and forced back my tears.  Each memory brought a dagger to my heart as I recalled them, and I had so much more to tell....

"It wasn't until above half a year of me torturing myself, trying to find ways to cheat death, that I finally gave up on that and started living again.  It was then that my life took a turn for better, and for worse...

Back then time was told by sun dials.  I remember how Luna was so confused as to why they had a time piece named after myself and not her.  I also remember her nearly falling asleep when I tried to explain how the sun dial only works during the day when the sun is out, thus it's name.

I could tell it was late as I laid in my bed for I could feel the sun nearing its descent.  I didn't care about much at this point.  By now, it was only a reminder of why my sister turned into Nightmare Moon, why the ponies worshiped me, and gave small acknowledge meant to Luna.  I was older.  I was wiser.  I raised the Sun.  They didn't seem to care for the moon despite what it meant, and it pained me to understand my sister's troubles so clearly and not have done anything about it.

Sighing, I sat up in my room, the blue walls making my mood worse because of who they represented.  There was a stain on one of the many walls in the near pentagonal room from where I smeared my own blood on it to try and rid myself of the colour.  It would be another month before I would be in a decent enough mind set to get my walls painted dusk pink.

Making my way into the corridor outside of my room, I made my way down towards a familiar part of the new castle that I made a point of finding right away.  It was an area I was extremely fond of in the old castle and would spend a lot of my time in within the next one thousand years.  The Castle Gardens.

The gardens of my new castle was brighter than the old one.  It was a bright side of the flowers having just been planted anew instead of having been seeds of a long gone flower before it.  These flowers were a sign of a new start in life.  My life.  They were a sign of the new start in my life.  A life I ruined by stupid mistakes.

"Look who finally decided to stop by my gardens."  My ears perked at the familiar voice to my right.  I turned to find a middle aged Earth Pony walking torwards me, a smile gracing his face.  His tan coat and red mane were the same as his great great great great granddaughter by the name of Roseluck.  A blue tulip graced his flank.

"Nice to see you, Ivory.  It seems you are already calling this garden home after all the complaining about moving." I said with a smirk.  Ivory wasn't too overjoyed when he was told that he would be set aside as gardener until the new castle was built and was furious when he saw the condition of his last garden.  I have yet to see a pony outside of the Luck family that hasn't thrown a huge fit over a garden.

Ivory Luck winced slightly.  "Yes, well, I might as well be thankful that I finally got my job as the gardener back.  Somepony has to keep this place in top shape and it might as well be me heading the gardening staff." said the stallion with a proud smirk.  I gave a small chuckle, my spirits already lifting as I talked to the pony.

Ivory's face soon grew serious.  "Tell me, my queen, how have you been holding up this past month.  I haven't been told you had a suicide related hospital trip yet this month and I want to confirm things are getting better.  We are all worried about you." said the stallion in a concerned tone.  I groaned.

"I'm fine.  It's just..."  I knew I was friends with Ivory, I actually remembering hiring over fourty years ago when he was still just a young handsome pony, I was just a bit hesitant opening up to him fully.  "It's just...I knew what was going on."  I admitted, falling to my haunches.  Ivory sat down next to me and kept his gaze on me.

"So you knew that Queen Luna was depressed and envious of your position?"  I smiled a bit as he called my sister by her title.  Not many ponies graced her that much to even say her name.  It was either Nightmare Moon or 'Her'.

I nodded.  "Yes.  But, while I was too late, I still had enough time to do something to at least stop her becoming Nightmare Moon.  A screaming match at the most."  I placed my head I. My forehooves.  Tears started to blur my vision.  "I-It's j-just that I n-never did a-anything.  I-I ignored it."  I felt as Ivory laid a hoof on my shoulder.  Back then, physical contact with the Queen unless she was the one making first touch was forbidden and would get you hanged.  But Ivory knew that I needed it more than anything for somepony to be there.

"You can't change the past, my queen, not even you can manage that.  All we can do is think about the future and what to do with then while worrying about now." said Ivory.  I chuckled lightly.  I was much older than Ivory, that was certain, and yet he was giving me a life lesson.  It goes to show how much I still have to learn.

"The wisdom of the young is surprising to me, sometimes." I commented.  Ivory gave a chuckle at that and patted my shoulder.

"That's because us young have had to endure more than you and your sister have in our short lives.  You must understand that everypony grew up differently from you two.  You were spoon fed from silver the minute you were born." said Ivory.  I winced at this.  It was true.  Ever since I was born, the alicorn race was bowed to, praised, and even had stories sun about them, even if only two exist.

From birth, I was brought into grooming for royalty, taught by the best scholars, and learned magic from the most powerful of wizards and mages.  When my sister was born, she was accepted just as I was and was thrust into the world of royalty and pomp the moment she took her first breath in our world.

"Yes, I know.  I never really got the chance to expirence a 'normal' life outside the castle, neither has Luna.  I think our flaw is our lack of expirence, which makes us no wiser than young adults walking out into the world ahead." I said, laying my head on my hooves.  Ivory removed his hoof and laid next to me.

"Yes, but it doesn't have to stay that way."  Ivory paused.  "Alicorns, as proven so far, are immortal.  You can't die from the small factor of age, and you have proven you can't really be murdered.  The fact is that you still have a long life ahead, both of you.  This early stage is for you to make decisions and explore the world and create expirences that will benefit you and possibly Equestria in the future.

"Life is short for us regular ponies, thousands of us drop dead every day, but the same can't be said for you,my queen.  Take your long life and give it a meaning.  Travel, expirence things, bed a few mares or stallions.  That is how you gain wisdom in its fullest."  I smiled as Ivory finished his lecture, nuzzling him lightly on the head.  When I looked back I had to surpress a giggle as I caught sight of his shocked face.  Queen's weren't meant to show that level of affection to the common pony.

"Thank you, Ivory.  Now, run along.  I have a sun to set and I don't think you want to be caught with a hoof on my shoulder." I said with a wink.  Ivory blinked before he noticed his hoof still around me.  He blushed and stood up.

"Y-yes, my queen.  I shall get back to finishing up my tasks.  I bid you good night."  The gardener gave a bow before trotting off, the blush never leaving his cheeks.  I chuckled at him before spreading my wings, taking to the air.

The cool night air made my wings twitch slightly as they passed through my feathers.  It has been long since I had flown, only falling.  The last time my wings got a decent flight was when I was trying not to get hit with Luna's magic.  Wasn't a real nostalgic flight.

After awhile, I landed on my bedroom balcony as it looked over the mountain city of Canterlot.  Back then it was a medium sized secluded city in the mountains before it won the draw on possible Capitals.  Now buildings all around it were being built for the now increasing population mass.  A perk for a city on becoming a capital, it automatically had its population increased ten-fold.

I tore my eyes away from the city and directed my gaze to the sun, now reaching the horizon and asking my guidance.  At the same time, I felt another orb ask for my guidance.  My sister's prized possetion and prison, the Moon.

I sparked my magic to both celestial orbs and began to guide them through the night sky  watching as the Moon peeked over the horizon.  At the same time, I was adding stars to the sky to give it it's usually gleam.  Each time I did this, it left me crying, not able to hold my emotions any longer.

Once I had the sun and moon in their proper positions, I sat back on my haunches and cried into my hooves, letting my guilt pour out of me.  It didn't help completely, but I somehow hoped that crying everynight would help, that it would some how bring Luna back to me.  After the first four hundred years, I learned this to be nothing but a silly wish.

The moon was nearing its zenith once I finally fell asleep.  It was like every night since the banishment.  Restless, full of nightmares.  I would wake up every few hours screaming Luna's name, crying heavily.

It was unbearable