Musings of a Super-Duper Party Pony
"I don't know, Boneless Two, it just doesn't sit right." Cheese Sandwich stared intently into the campfire he'd made. He sat in the middle of a large, open plain, with no ponies or signs of civilization for miles around. He pulled his hat down over his eyes and tugged his poncho tighter around himself.
Boneless Two sat next to him and silently gazed at the super-duper party pony.
Cheese Sandwich sighed. "Yeah, you're right. Just look at how happy she was. That's what it's all about, right?"
Boneless Two did not respond.
"It was a great party, no question about that," Cheese continued. "I mean, really, a birthaversary bash planned by two party ponies? Doesn't get much better than that, am I right?"
Boneless Two's silence was eloquent.
Cheese wrapped one hoof in the fabric of his poncho and pulled his cooking pot from the fire. He sniffed the contents carefully; baked beans could go wrong very easily if one overcooked the mayonnaise. Deciding that they still needed a few more minutes, he replaced the lid of the pot and put it back on the fire.
"I know everypony enjoyed themselves," he said to Boneless Two. "Fondue, bubbles, fruit punch, balloons, and two party cannons? It was probably the biggest bash Ponyville had ever seen."
Boneless Two's rubber eyes stared into his soul.
"So what if one of the party cannons was way smaller than the other?" Cheese said defensively. "It was great at decorating the little tables and all that. Could you imagine if we'd both been using Cheese Supreme Cannonball Surprises? There wouldn't be anything left of Ponyville!"
Boneless Two flopped over onto his side as gravity took hold.
"Alright, mister, I am not taking that kind of attitude from you!" Cheese Sandwich scolded his companion. "It was an awesomely spectacular party, and it wouldn't have been the same if Pinkie hadn't been helping out with it."
A gust of wind caused Boneless Two to twitch slightly.
"What?" Cheese exclaimed. "You think I like her like that? I mean, I like her, sure, but like her like her? You're crazier than I am. You're crazier than me and Pinkie put together!"
Boneless Two sat silent and motionless.
"Your older brother was a lot more respectful, you know," Cheese muttered. "He knew when to drop the subject."
Boneless Two deflated slightly, letting out a sigh of air.
"Alright, maybe I did fall for her a little bit. She was the first pony I ever met who could keep up with me in a goof-off." He stared dreamily into the flames for a moment, then shook his head. "That's all in the past now. She'll stay in Ponyville and bring her own little style to the parties there. Meanwhile, I'm going to continue traveling Equestria as the one and only certified super-duper party pony. You got that, Boneless Two?"
Boneless Two slid a few inches across the sandy ground.
"Yeah, yeah," Cheese muttered. He unhooked a flask from his belt and took a swig. It wasn't anything alcoholic. Rather, it was full of liquified Oreo filling. He simply called it "the white stuff," and it made him happier than any liquor ever had. It was also undoubtedly easier on his liver than alcohol, though he sometimes worried about what it might do to his pancreas.
The wind died down, and Boneless Two remained motionless on the ground.
"Really? You're gonna bring that up now?" Cheese asked incredulously.
Boneless Two judged him, weighing Cheese's fate in his rubber eyes.
"I told a little fib, so what?" Cheese said.
Boneless Two simply waited.
"Alright, so it was a big fib. What difference does it make?"
Boneless Two kept waiting. The truth was coming out.
Cheese Sandwich turned away from his too-insightful companion and once again removed the cooking pot from the fire. He looked inside and smiled delightedly. The beans were cooked to perfection, the mayonnaise splendidly crispy and the sprinkles seared without being burnt. Cheese reached into his parka and pulled out a tin bowl. He dumped the beans into it and began eating.
"Wan' shome, Bonelesh Two?" he asked through a mouthful of beans and sugar. When Boneless Two did not respond, he simply shrugged and went back to eating.
Time passed, and eventually Cheese Sandwich ran out of baked beans to distract himself with. He sighed with the contentment that could only be found with a full belly and a good day's partying behind him and settled in to sleep for the night. Boneless Two, however, would not give him the peace that he sought.
"What do you want, Boneless Two?" Cheese demanded. "I'm trying to get some sleep here."
Boneless Two's relentless gaze bored into him.
"Yeah, I lied, alright Boneless Two?" Cheese shouted. "It was for a good cause. You saw her. You know I'm right."
Boneless Two would neither confirm nor deny that assertion.
Cheese Sandwich sighed. "Why did I ever agree to take you with me? I knew right from the get-go that you were gonna be trouble." He stared up into the sky for a time. The stars were just beginning to come out, just starting to become visible past the light of his campfire. This was his favorite time of night, when all the world seemed to come to a standstill, when everypony and everything seemed to stop for just a moment to contemplate the joy and celebrations that tomorrow might bring.
Still, Boneless Two would not leave him alone. The rubber chicken insisted that he explain himself, that he come clean about everything that had happened on this eventful day.
Cheese Sandwich groaned and flopped onto his back, covering his eyes with a foreleg. "Will you drop it already?" he demanded, doing his best to shut out the insistent rubber chicken.
Boneless Two would not relent.
"Alright, fine!" Cheese finally exclaimed. "I told you before that it didn't sit right. Well, it doesn't. I know that it was just a little white lie, but it's been eating at me like a toothless alligator since I told it." Cheese sighed and buried his head in his forelegs. "She just seemed so upset," he explained to his rubber chicken. "She was so sad because she thought that I was going to take her place. I had to do something to cheer her up, and that was all I could think of."
Cheese Sandwich rolled over and stared up at the stars. "Still," he said, "it just doesn't sit right. It made her happy, it made everything alright, I know that it was the right thing to do, but it doesn't sit right."
He thought back to the song he had created on the spot, the one explaining how he had come to Ponyville that one day by chance. The song that explained to Pinkie how it was that he, Cheese Sandwich, the shyest of little ponies, had come to be the greatest party pony that Equestria had ever known. The song that explained how it was Pinkie herself who had inspired him.
"It just doesn't feel right, lying to Pinkie like that..."
