ALEXANDER: Premeire

by ALEXANDER_author

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, Adventure, Shining Armor
Length: 22357

A male American human wakes up in a world of talking, magical, multicolored ponies. He (and, soon, everypony else) figures that he is insane. The voice in his head does not help matters.

What would YOU think if you suddenly started seeing around you not humans, but talking, magical, multicolored ponies? You would think you were crazy, right?

Enter Alexander, a calm, reasonable individual looking to work a calm, reasonable job and live a calm, reasonable life. One day, he wakes up...somewhere else, with no memory of how he got there. Not only are the inhabitants of the place a bizarre mishmash of equine and human characteristics, but there is another person only he can see.

Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle and her friends find a madpony who just might be what he says he is, and whose particular properties trigger a discovery that could rock the kingdom to its core, or save it.

Published 2014-02-12 07:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-12 07:30:02 UTC

Part I: First Impressions

Rainbow Dash looked around the darkened Ponyville Theater, for what seemed like the millionth time. “Bo – o – o – oring!” she said, to nopony in particular.

Rarity gave her an annoyed look and turned back to watch the third act. Twilight Sparkle leaned over to see across Rarity and whispered, “Come on, Rainbow. You know why we’re here. If any—”

Rainbow Dash cut her off. “Yeah, but it’s been three days. Three days! I think I would have noticed by now if any of Discord’s brain-whatsit had, you know, stuck around.” She twirled her forehoof around her right ear for emphasis.

Twilight sighed. “You don’t know that. None of us do. Princess Celestia is right; it’s better to do something with all of us together every day for a while just to make sure.” Rainbow opened her mouth, but Twilight kept speaking. “And we did your and Applejack’s athletic thing yesterday, plus we went to see a comedy instead of a tragedy. So please be quiet, and let everypony else enjoy the play.”

“SSSSSSHHH!” The ponies in most of the surrounding seats, Rarity included, had turned to face Twilight.

Twilight’s face reddened, and she grinned in embarrassment. “Oh. Sorry. Heh heh.”

Rainbow gleefully stuck her tongue out at Twilight, who had turned back to the stage and didn’t see her. Smirking, she looked at Pinkie Pie, on her other side. Pinkie was currently contriving to bounce on her seat silently and without blocking anypony’s view.

“Ooh! Good one, Dashie!” She held out a hoof, which somehow stayed motionless as its owner didn’t, and Rainbow Dash bumped it with her own. “Can I try making everypony shush Twilight?”

Rainbow tried to look like that part had been intentional. “Eh, maybe later,” she whispered, as she caught yet another look from Rarity. She settled back to look at the stage, where the lead stallion droned on. The speed demon immediately lost interest and turned back to her partner-in-pranking.

Pinkie looked back with sudden intensity. “Hey, Dashie, I bet you twenty bits that everypony flies around in spaceships before this is over.”

Rainbow Dash grinned. “Pinkie, you are so random. This play…” Wait, this is 20 easy bits, she thought. “Deal.” She Pinkie Promised, with a glance over her shoulder at Rarity, and turned back to the stage. A moment later, she realized that her row in the theater still wasn’t silent. She looked around, to see quiet Fluttershy of all ponies whispering to something in the aisle. Rainbow leaned over, and there was a very agitated Angel Bunny pantomiming something to his caretaker.

“…a forest?” whispered Fluttershy.

Angel nodded furiously, and raised his little forelegs and extended the claws on them.

Fluttershy gasped, “A monster in the forest? Which forest?”

Angel shook his head, and repeated the gesture.

“Forest monster…monster forest…forest of monsters…”

Angel nodded enthusiastically and moved his paw in a circle, as if to say, Keep going…

Fluttershy squeaked and ducked behind the divider separating the seat from the aisle. “The Everfree Forest?”

Angel nodded, and started his next motion.

“But what about the Everfree Forest?” asked Pinkie, who had been listening and leaning over Fluttershy. Fluttershy squeaked again in surprise.

Angel stopped to scowl at Pinkie, and began his motion again. He dropped to all fours and started hobbling along, dragging one hind foot.

“A hurt critter?” guessed Fluttershy. “But it’s the Everfree…”

Angel jumped up and nodded again, and pointed at his caretaker.

“I’m a hurt critter?” asked Fluttershy, perplexed.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” scoffed Rainbow Dash.

Angel put a forepaw to his face in frustration, then pointed to Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Rainbow in turn.

Pinkie began, “We’re all—?”

“SSSSSSHHH!” came the chorus again. This time Rarity spoke up.

“While I do know that drama appreciation isn’t all your, ahem, cup of tea, I really don’t understand why you must act like complete ruffians at—Fluttershy, darling, whatever is the matter?”

Fluttershy had noticeably paled. “How bad?” she asked Angel Bunny.

Angel frowned, then held out his paw and made a wavering motion. Then he shrugged.

“What? What is it?” asked Pinkie Pie.

Fluttershy turned to her friends, and whispered, “There’s a hurt pony in the Everfree Forest.” She set her jaw, though the color still had not returned to her face. “I—I need to help her. I’m leaving now. Does anypony want to come?”

Yes! Rainbow Dash immediately jumped out of her seat, and hovered a pony-length above it. “I will! I mean, it’s too dangerous for Fluttershy to go alone, right?” She looked down the row at her friends. Pinkie looked ecstatic, Rarity looked to be accepting the inevitable, and Twilight looked amused. Nearest the middle of the row, Applejack’s reaction was hidden behind her Stetson.

Rainbow Dash suddenly became conscious of a growing murmuring behind her, from the ponies whose view she was blocking.

Oops. She settled back into the seat just in time to see one of the ushers start up the aisle toward them.

While Rainbow tried to look unobtrusive, Pinkie lobbied support for Fluttershy’s expedition. “…and then we’ll stop by Sugarcube Corner on the way back to cheer her up from being all hurt and stuff and we’ll talk and laugh and eat cupcakes and it’ll be just like our first adventure together well maybe not just like that it’s not like we’re gonna need the Elements or anything but it’s definitely-certainly-positively better than just sitting here and getting kicked out of the theater!” Having finished without taking a breath, she beamed at Rarity. Rarity was fighting to keep a stern face given Pinkie’s breaches of decorum, with limited success.
Twilight had caught the last few words of the hyperactive pony’s spiel. “You’ve got a point, Pinkie. We should all come; after all, we do still have the Princess’s order, and we didn’t manage to finish watching the play.” The six friends started filing out of the row of seats.

Twilight turned to the only one of their party who had stayed quiet. “Applejack, we’re leaving. There’s a hurt pony in the Everfree Forest.”

The farmpony jerked up from her reclining position. “Ah agree with Rarity. Fluttershy should sit on the end.” She looked at the stage, where the curtain was falling on the third act. She glanced at Twilight, who was raising an eyebrow as if to say, Seriously?

“Hey, them seats are really comfy,” Applejack defended herself. “How come—?”

“Hurry up, you two! We haven’t got all day!”

“Coming, Rainbow,” said Twilight, a little peeved.

Applejack scowled. “How in tarnation did she stay awake?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

“Hey! I heard that!”

“You were supposed to. Now get, ‘fore Ah beat you there.”

=====

Fluttershy looked around at the foreboding trees of the Everfree. They were still scary, and she still would rather be at her cottage tending to a squirrel or even trying to be interested in a play, but the place just didn’t seem as malicious as it normally did. Maybe it was the fact that they always seemed to go in there at night, and now it was broad daylight. Maybe it was because, after defeating Discord, it was hard to think of anything worse than him. Whatever the reason, she was feeling especially brave right now. She had even kept from jumping when Applejack had stepped on a twig a moment ago! Wait, she thought. I was a real brute when Discord got me. Now I’m feeling tough enough to take on whatever is in the forest. Oh no—what if Twilight’s memory spell didn’t cure me all the way? What if I turn back into a brute? She ‘eeped’ a bit louder than normal and hid behind Rarity.

Applejack stepped away from the broken twig, her mouth quirked in a half-smile. “Little late on the squeak, there, huh, Fluttershy?”

Always the impatient one, Rainbow Dash blurted, “It’s just a stick, Fluttershy. Come on, now what does the rabbit mean?”

Angel had led the six out of town and a short ways into the Everfree Forest, and was now hopping in place and pointing to the entrance to a rabbit warren at his feet.

Chastised, Fluttershy hid her face behind her mane. “Well, this is just a guess, but I would say that he wants us to go down there. Although, I could be wrong.”

Only Rarity was able to hold back a snort. Applejack burst out laughing. After a quick glance around, Pinkie started laughing, too.

Rainbow colored. “I know what he’s doing, it’s just that ponies can’t fit…argh!” She flared her wings and shot straight up through the canopy.

Applejack got herself under control. “Dash! Come back, I didn’t mean nothin’!” she called. “Aw, horseapples, I hope she don’t go and get her feelin’s hurt over that.”

Was that my fault? Fluttershy was terrified. “Oh no! I hurt her feelings, didn’t I?” I’m turning into a brute again! Frantically thinking of the damage she could do to her friends, she made to fly off to her cottage, where she couldn’t hurt anypony. A sharp pain in her hindquarters stopped her.

“Ith alright, Flutterthy. It wath me,” Applejack said, through a mouthful of pink tail hair.

Fluttershy paused in midair, causing her to fall earthward with a thump. “Oh. Okay.” She closed her wings hid her face behind her mane. She was still worried, though. She peeked out to see behind Applejack, where Twilight had just levitated a giant ball of dirt away from where the warren entrance had once been.

Twilight Sparkle released her magic and called, “Don’t everypony come to help me at once.”

Rarity, standing beside her, said, “You know I would help if I could, in any significant manner. You must admit you are uniquely suited for this job, and I don’t think the others would really be much help without shovels, do you?”

Twilight acknowledged the white unicorn’s point with a grimace. “Sorry, everypony. That was uncalled for. This is just a little difficult.” She levitated another large dirt clod out of the hole, then a third. The fourth was much smaller; after setting it aside, she looked into the now quite deep hole. “Well, there you have it. Bedrock. Angel Bunny, are you sure this is the right place?”

The rabbit nodded, then pointed at himself, Fluttershy, and the hole in turn. He’s been really nice to me today; why not?
“Okay, little guy. Up you go,” said Fluttershy, as her charge hopped onto her back. She flew to the bottom of the hole, where he hopped off and pointed to a particularly jagged part of the rock bottom. The others peered down into the hole.

Twilight frowned, clearly not expecting this to work. The broken stone wavered in her magical grip, then came free with a crack and a rumble. As she lifted the debris, a roughly circular tunnel became visible, leading down at a steep but quickly lessening angle.
Pinkie was the first to cry out. “Ooh, Twilight, you found a cave! Can I go in first? Can I can I can I?” She punctuated each repetition with a bounce.

Fluttershy marveled at Pinkie’s complete inability to feel fear, even from a dark cave in the Everfree Forest. She had more than a little experience with what kinds of wildlife usually inhabited places like this one, and few of them were friendly.

Then she remembered why she had come here in the first place, and decided against volunteering to act as lookout.

Twilight answered, “Well, actually, I would guess that it’s not a cave, per se. It makes no geological sense for a cave to form curving upward like that, and with such a regular cross-section. I would say…” Pinkie had already leaped in. Twilight continued for the benefit of the rest of her friends. “…that it’s artificial, maybe an old burrow. It sort of resembles those Diamond Dog tunnels we went into.” Rarity shuddered. Twilight added with a grin, “But in answer to your question, yes, Pinkie, you may jump in first.” By this point, her only companion on the surface was Fluttershy, who didn't want to see Twilight’s feelings hurt. Twilight sighed, smiled thankfully at Fluttershy, and teleported underground.

Fluttershy hurried to catch up with the group. When she had reached the front, Angel Bunny began to lead them down one of a few paths that split off a short ways from the opening. Rarity and Twilight lit their horns. Pinkie paused to look down another path, and said something about an underground lake. Rarity shooed her back into line.

Angel looked around a corner and started hopping and pointing like a thing possessed. We’re almost there! Fluttershy rounded the corner.

Past the bend, the hallway widened a bit to one side. At the end of the bulge, a tiny trickle of water ran down the wall to pool on the floor. Lying partially in the resulting puddle was the injured pony, flanked by a couple of gawking rabbits. Fluttershy absently observed that the pony was not, in fact, a mare, as she had assumed, but rather a stallion. While she was thinking this, her body seemed to move on its own; her wings gave her a burst of speed over to him and she began checking him for wounds. He did indeed look bad, but not in the way she had gathered from Angel’s report. He was not bleeding badly, that she could tell, and had no visible broken bones. Unfortunately, he was also very thin, especially for a stallion, to the point where his ribs were showing; he had dozens of scrapes and scratches, most on his underside. The largest cut was on his forehead, mostly scabbed over. He was unconscious but breathing.

With that, the veterinarian part of Fluttershy eased up, and the rest of her was able to really look at her patient. No, he’s not one of my critters; he needs to go to the hospital, she reminded herself. He was a gray earth pony with a dark blue mane and tail, and with a short stature to go with his thinness. Bizarrely, a sort of tight-fitting shirt encased him from his neck to halfway down his barrel, barring the many tears, with sleeves that reached his hooves. Even stranger, though, was his complete lack of a cutie mark, despite his apparent adulthood or near-so.

Rarity’s gasp brought Fluttershy out of her reverie. The fashionista had been bringing up the rear, and was just now seeing the stallion. She hurried over and lifted one of his front legs, then dropped it with a wince. “It’s simply awful,” she pronounced.

“A-a-actually I don’t think he’s in any immediate danger,” Fluttershy began.

“Not that, dear! I will happily defer to your much more experienced opinion on his health. I am speaking of his…his…his garment! A crime against good taste! And the real tragedy is the incredible difficulty he must have gone through to don it! There are no buttons! Was he sewn inside it?”

Twilight gave an exasperated groan. “Rarity…never mind. Everypony, back away so I can teleport us to the hospital.” She walked to stand beside the prostrate stallion as her horn began to glow. Just as the light was becoming unbearable, she vanished with a crack.

Leaving the stallion lying on the ground.

Awkward, thought Fluttershy.

Rarity was the first to recover. “Well then, now—”

Crack. Twilight reappeared, frowning. She grabbed the stallion’s hoof in hers and vanished again. Crack. The hoof fell to the tunnel floor, still attached to a still-present gray stallion.

The remaining five mares glanced around at each other.

Crack. Twilight again reappeared. Face contorted into an expression midway between frustration and outrage, she pointed her horn at the prone stallion. A lavender aura formed around her horn, but nothing else; after a few seconds, she abandoned the effort. “What the hay?! I can’t even lift him!” she panted, then fell back onto her haunches. “Ugh, I’m too tired. Rainbow Dash, can you carry him out?”

“Piece of cake,” boasted the pegasus, having made her return to the group perfectly unnoticeable. She grasped the stallion around his midsection and flew out of the cave, leaving behind one frustrated unicorn and four of her mystified friends.

=====

Alexander did not have any particular first thought as he slowly came awake. He simply lay in place, mildly interested by the fact of being conscious while waiting for more ordered thinking capacity to become available. This took some time. He had the vague idea that there was no hurry.
Once it did, he recalled having one of the unusually lucid dreams he encountered on occasion. It had been dark, he remembered, and there had been…ugh! Something made him pull away from the memory. No sense in trying to remember a nightmare, he thought.

He realized that the bed felt unfamiliar, and he opened his eyes to investigate. He was supine on a fairly comfortable bed, staring straight up at the green ceiling, his arms and legs splayed out in a sort of star shape underneath the covers. The bedspread was pulled up to his chin. A curtain hanging from said ceiling extended around what he guessed was the bed’s perimeter. A hospital? What did I do? And why don’t I remember it? He tried again to remember the recent past, with the same result. Failing that, he attempted to check himself for injuries.

This failed as well, because a strap held his head to the pillow. In fact, he felt more straps restraining his arms and legs. He struggled briefly, but they were secure. This was so far outside his experience that he started to panic. “Hey! What’s going on?! Let me go! What do you want with me?” He would have kept yelling, but he thought he had heard something. “Is somebody there?”

There was a pause. Then a quiet, feminine voice replied, “I’m here,” from beyond the curtain.

This did nothing to alleviate Alex’s confusion. “All right then, why am I here? For that matter, where is here? Why am I strapped down? Who are you?” The voice replied, so quietly that he couldn’t make it out. “Say again?”

“I’m Fluttershy,” said the woman, still behind the curtain. Huh. Interesting nickname. “You’re in the hospital, because we brought you here, i-if that’s okay with you, I mean.” She stammered to a halt.

“Why bring me here? And why strap me down?”

“You’d hit your head, and you were starving. And you…” She quieted again into silence. This was beginning to annoy Alex.

“It’s perfectly all right with me! Just why am I strapped down?!”

She answered, too quiet to hear.

“Oh, for crying out loud. Just come over here and whisper into my ear if you must.”

She was audible this time. “I…I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I don't think we’re going to get anywhere if I keep having to puzzle out whispers through a curtain. I won’t bite,” he finished, trying halfheartedly to lighten the mood.

“I still don’t—”

“I insist.”

“A-all right, if you do…” The curtain twitched on Alexander’s left. He strained his head against the strap to look that way, with some success. The curtain parted, to reveal a possible source of the voice. Alex froze.

It was a small, butter-yellow horse, but with a very human-looking face, very human-looking pink hair extending from the top of its, her?, head, and a very human-looking expression of apprehension. “Oh dear…” came the voice again, perfectly in sync with the apparition’s mouth. Alex’s eyes got even wider, and he started again to try to pull his left hand out of its strap, in order to pinch himself to wake up.

A second voice, this one rougher. “Okay, he’s fine, let’s see him.” The curtain was yanked aside to reveal most of the rest of the room, by another…I guess they’re ponies. This one was sky blue, and currently flying; Alexander counted four more, all with bright coat colors and bizarre human-like attributes. Plus, two had unicorn horns.

His surprise allowed Alexander to jerk his head out of its binding. “What?!” he exclaimed, sitting up as much as possible. The yellow one said something that did not immediately register. With an almighty heave, he freed his left hand and went to pinch himself.

What emerged from beneath the bedspread was not a hand.

“AAAAAAHH! Is that a HOOF?! WHAT?...No. NO! I refuse! I refuse to accept this! This is nuts!” Continuing roughly in that vein, Alex pulled his conscious mind away from his present situation. This allowed him to finally process the yellow pony’s statement from a moment before.

She had said, “Oh no, don’t start thrashing around again…” Alex immediately arrested the frantic, random movement of every part of his body not strapped down. He detested it when someone was able to predict his actions and shocked that he would even do something like that.

Alex remained frozen, shut his eyes, and took stock of the situation. I can’t wake myself up, he deduced from the sharp pain in his left…wrist? Is that what it’s called on a horse? He weighed all the possible scenarios that would make him see things that did not exist. He discarded LSD. He didn’t do drugs. He didn't even know how to get some. He discarded alien abduction; too unlikely, and it didn’t fit with his captors’ reactions. However, something else explained his lack of memory of the trip here as well as the impossibility of the whole place.

I am insane. The three words sounded like funeral bells. Something inside his head had cracked, and now he was stuck here. He tried to remember what might have brought him to this point, then remembered that being insane meant that all his memories were suspect. Wait, but so is my reasoning— He abruptly cut off that line of thought. I do know one thing—none of this exists, so nothing I do matters. I can do whatever I want, and just imagine it away!

He opened his eyes, and a wide grin spread across his face.

=====

Applejack let out a breath she had not realized she had been holding as the partially bound stallion’s flailing ceased. That was not nearly as bad as yesterday, when he had not been tied down. That had been a real mess; one look at the doctors and her friends, and another at his own four hooves, and he just lost it, trying to destroy everything within reach. Crazier than a pet coon. It had taken two nurses and one doctor to hold him still while the other doc gave him a sedative. Then they had tied him to a bed in the psych ward, I didn’t even know the Ponyville hospital had one of those, and told the six of them not to come back until midday tomorrow. They had returned—they were concerned, after all—but chores wait for nopony, so she had been about to leave when he woke up. With any luck, once he opened his eyes again, he would be finished with whatever was wrong with him, and she could go home to help Big Mac wrap up the day’s work.

The stallion opened his eyes again, and there was something off about that smile. Call me judgmental, but I’ve seen ponies bent on causing trouble before. That’s one, or I ain’t an Apple. Maybe her hunch was wrong, but she doubted it. She had a little sister.

“Sorry about that,” the stallion said ingratiatingly. “I’m not usually like that, and I’m better now. Could you untie me? This is really uncomfortable.”

Applejack opened her mouth, but Rainbow Dash beat her to the punch. “No! You’re crazy. I watched you break a bunch of stuff yesterday, just ‘cuz, I don’t know, you didn’t like the doctor’s hair. I am not letting you loose.”

The stallion retained his grin. “And you would know crazy. You live here.”

Rainbow Dash pushed her face right up to his. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Only, Rainbow, that none of this makes any sense. Also, that you think you’re intimidating.”

The pegasus pushed even closer, if that were possible. “How do you know my name?!”

The stallion’s grin was replaced by shock. Then he laughed. “Oh, my god. Your name really is Rainbow. This is incredible,” he said, before descending into more laughter.

It was Pinkie Pie’s turn to speak up. “Ooh ooh ooh! Me next! Guess my name!”

The stallion gestured vaguely with his one free hoof. “You.” He seemed to consider. “…are pink.”

“Perfect-o-mundo! I’m Pinkie Pie!” she exclaimed.

The stallion looked at the ceiling. “Unbelievable,” he murmured. “It’s like this is all in my head.”

“Hey, I haven’t met you before which means I haven’t thrown a party for you before! Do want a Pinkie Pie Party? Of course you do! There’ll be—”

“No. I can only take so much saccharin every day.”

All right, that’s enough. “Look here, mister. Ah don’t know what that last comment meant, but Ah’m stoppin’ this before it goes any further. If yer just gonna be a jerk, say so so we can all leave.” Teasing Rainbow Dash was one thing; she sometimes asked for it. Insulting Pinkie—at least I think that’s what he did—was something else entirely.

“Calm down, Country Hat. I got nothin’ against any one of ya.” The stallion had put on a drawl of his own.

The farmpony scowled. “Name’s Applejack.” She did not hold out her hoof for a shake.

“Huh,” the stallion frowned. “Thought that would work.”

Then Rarity stepped forward. “I did understand the ‘saccharin’ comment. You will now apologize to Pinkie Pie and Applejack for your rudeness.” She was scowling, too.

The pony on the bed looked unimpressed. “And who might you be?”

Rarity turned her face to the side, flicking her perfectly coiffed mane for effect. “I am Rarity, Element of Generosity, fashionista, and pony everypony should know.” She turned back to him. “You still have not apologized.”

The smirk returned. “Oh em jee, a fashionista?” he said, his voice mockingly feminine. “Well, I must say, your ensemble is just fabulous today. And the hat! Simply dazzling!”

Rarity, this being a casual occasion, was wearing no clothes or hat. Applejack expected her to gasp and tell him what for, but she didn’t. She lost all expression, trotted up to his right side, and slapped him across the face.

“Ouch!” he cried. “What the hell?”

This time Rarity really did gasp. She hit him a second time, with the other forehoof. The stallion yelped again, and held his face with his free foreleg. Rarity turned away with a disdainful “Hmph,” and marched out of the room.

Applejack took that as her cue to leave, and the rest of the friends followed suit. Twilight stayed just long enough for a parting shot. “I would say something, but I think Rarity pretty well summed it up.”

The six went their separate ways. On the road back to the farm, Applejack reflected, Good thing that nonsense happened after our hike earlier. Might have ruined our day together otherwise.

=====

Alexander could hardly see through the pain. He'd been hit once or twice by hands, but that was an inflexible hoof—two of them! Slap is too soft a word for it; punch is better. He seriously wondered if the white pony had broken his jaw.

Presently he became aware that his restraints were being removed. He opened his eyes just in time to see what he assumed was the nurse, a unicorn, push aside the last of the straps. She had been watching most of the exchange from the doorway.

She looked at him contemptuously. “Looks like you can control yourself now. You’ll stay here under observation until tomorrow, and then we’ll be rid of you. Your, ah, clothes,” she indicated the bedside table, thus far unnoticed by him, holding the remains of a long sleeve T-shirt and a pair of jeans. Alex pawed through them; they looked just like they should, except they were torn and dirty, and the T-shirt had a clean scissors cut straight down the back. The pants still contained his wallet, cell phone, mp3 player, and keys, none of which were useful to someone without fingers.

The nurse continued, “Those six mares brought them in,” her expression harshened, “when they did the same for you. Oh, and I suppose you’re hungry.” She pushed a cart with a large salad and a glass of water over to him, and left without another word, leaving the lights off and windows shut.

Suddenly, Alex felt ravenous. He tried to grab a fork, which probably would not have worked even if one had been there. He decided against caring what he looked like to an empty room, and leaned his face into the bowl to eat the salad. As he munched, he pondered his situation. This makes way too much sense to be insanity. Sure I can’t explain some things, like everyone speaking English, but everyone’s reactions make sense. Plus, I have completely failed to just ‘magic’ away the consequences of making fun of everyone. Speaking of which… He remembered the expressions of those ponies who had visited him, particularly the fear on the yellow one and the shocked hurt of the pink one. Even more than that, he remembered something the nurse had said. They’d brought him here, maybe saved him, and he’d rebuffed them. He felt like a real dirt bag.

When he looked up from the salad, a human was standing at the foot of the bed. Taller than Alex had been, with crew-cut black hair and angular features.

A human he knew.

Alexander sighed. “And I was this close to proving myself sane, too,” he addressed the visitor. Zach was one of his few close friends. Alex would normally be happy to see him, except that his presence once more destroyed his working theory of how he got here.

“That would be illogical,” replied Zach.

‘Illogical’?! Zach never talks like that, thought Alexander, searching for a response.

“I am not Zach.”

Crap! This thing reads my mind!

“Actually, I’m part of your mind, in a sense. I’m the reasoning part you had to amputate in order to make the decision to continue in this world as if all of this is really happening. I’ve decided to take the form of someone you know yet cannot be here, in order to bring the truth home to you.”

Alex fought to follow all that. “Wait, I haven’t decided to do anything yet.”

Zach gave him a condescending look. “Yes, you did. You decided about a minute ago, completely fueled by the guilt from your remarkably pathetic attempt at self-amusement at the cost of those six girls. In fact, you were going to apologize to figments of your imagination, when what is lacking is your own willpower to change the situation.”

“So, what, I can change the dream but I won’t? Is that it?”

Zach appeared to consider. “In layman’s terms, yes. You won’t, therefore you can’t, since your power is limited by your will.”

“Okay, now I won’t and I can’t.”

Zach smiled patronizingly. Alex felt his blood pressure spike. “Just shut up.”

“You also have the dubious honor of having totally alienated every construct you have built for yourself. They were quite pretty, in a horsey way.”

I don’t need you to make me feel worse about that than I already do. “Shut up!”

“The retreat into denial, very predictable.”

“Shut UP, Zach! Or whatever you are!”

=====

Twilight Sparkle returned to her house-cum-tree-cum-library, deep in thought. She could not figure the newcomer out. Not as a pony; he was obviously as simple a jerk as Rainbow Dash’s old friend Gilda. No, she was trying to puzzle out how in Equestria he had gotten into a tunnel with no entrance, with the best magical shield she had ever encountered, carrying some kind of aversion to ponies.

She had made no progress on the first two mysteries, but she felt like she was closing on the third. She had spent most of last night reading—or in one case, rereading—every book on abnormal psychology the library contained. Immediately after listening to his initial ravings, she had postulated amnesia as his problem. After studying, however, she was no longer sure. He had reacted violently to the place, as if he had never seen it before. In fact, his reaction was much closer to somepony suddenly faced with a jarring paradigm shift than somepony trying to escape from something through forgetting.

This is going to drive me crazy, I just know it, she thought as she pushed the door open.

“Hey, Twilight!” greeted Spike. “How’d the hike go?” At Twilight's grimace, he asked, “That good, huh?”

“Oh! No, the hike was fine. That stallion we saved yesterday? He’s a jerk.” She summarized the events in the psych ward for her number one assistant.

“She hit him twice?” asked an awed Spike. “Oh man, what I wouldn’t give to see that.” Abruptly, he added, “And not just because it was Rarity, either.”

Twilight could not hold back a grin. And to think he once thought his crush was a secret. She did look away from him, though, in order to let him keep some measure of dignity.

Back to the subject at hoof. Twilight sat down at her desk. The more she thought about it, the more everything seemed to fit around an incredibly unlikely conclusion: The stallion was, in fact, not from Equestria, and, judging from yesterday’s outbursts, had possessed a different shape before he came here. That would also explain the strange clothes and inscrutable devices in them; of course a different society would have different aesthetic tastes. That left unexplained just how he had gotten here, as well as that magical shield, but she was certain those were connected. Everything is falling into place! Maybe this won’t drive me crazy after all!

“Spike, I think he’s an alien,” she announced, after an indeterminate time looking back over the psychology texts.

Her assistant jerked up from his impromptu nap. “Uh, hey, a couple of your hairs just popped out of place,” he said with growing apparent anxiety.

So what? “I’ll fix them later. Right now I need you to take a letter.”

Spike visibly relaxed. “Oh, that’s it?”

“Sure.” She paused. “Why do you ask?”

Spike ran to find a quill and paper. “No reason. Okay, shoot.”

Dear Princess Celestia,

This is unfortunately not a friendship report. I will send one of those within the week. This is a progress report: I can’t find any hint of Discord’s mind manipulation remaining in my friends! Thank you again for giving me the idea for the cure. I think that our daily outings are no longer necessary for that purpose, although they are generally a lot of fun. I may just continue them.

On another note, I think I have discovered something incredible. Currently in the Ponyville Hospital Psychiatric Ward is a stallion whom I believe to have been forcibly transported here from a previously undiscovered place on the planet, or even on another planet! Imagine what he can tell us about magic, having made that journey! (Twilight continued for several minutes here. I can’t write all that. -Spike)

Oh, and my assistant wants me to add that he’s in the psych ward because he’s having a little trouble adjusting to this place. I volunteer to tell you all I can about his home when the hospital releases him!
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

“Done,” said Spike, as he finished the letter with a flourish. “Want me to send it now? It’s kind of late.”

Twilight considered, and decided against it. “Nah. Wait until the morning, but do it first thing. Hey, how did you get all that on one page?”

Spike turned away, toward the loft. “First thing tomorrow, gotcha. Look at the time! Boy, am I tired!”

=====

Finally, he’s gone. Alexander removed the pillow he had been holding over his head. He'd been trying to block Zach’s condescending, confusing, and completely intolerable monologue. The pillow had not helped, of course, since Zach only existed in his head. It had made him feel better, though.

He groaned to the empty room. Now, to sleep, if that’s possible. Somehow, he had the sinking feeling that it would not be easy. He had perfect memory of his life until recently, and none of whatever brought him here. Unbidden, the memory of a song arose.

(The song is "Twilight Zone" by Golden Earring. It can be found here.)

Part II: Discoveries and Possibilities

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

I am pleased to hear that all is well and good among you and your friends. I hereby release you from your assignment to gather daily in order to be sure Discord’s manipulation is gone. Though, I would be delighted, and I think you will be as well, if you continue.
You know that I trust your judgment implicitly, my faithful student. I have reviewed the Ponyville psychiatrist’s findings on Alexander, the stallion in question, and her observations fit your theory, though she reached a different conclusion. Both I and my faithful advisor have decided that we must discuss the matter of the alien more completely. Your last letter unfortunately came to me somewhat abridged, though, and if you are right, there is a chance that his knowledge should be kept confidential for the time being. Therefore, I would like both you and Alexander to come to Canterlot to meet with us personally at your earliest convenience. Feel free to bring whichever of your friends wants to come along; I will have rooms available at the castle for each of them.

Your affectionate mentor,

Princess Celestia

Spike looked up from the letter, and tried to draw attention away from one passage in particular. “’Alexander’, huh? How come you never told me his name, Twilight?”

Twilight Sparkle glanced at her number one assistant, looking amused. “You know what, come to think of it, we never did find that out. But trust me, if you had been there, you wouldn’t have cared either.” She started trotting toward the door. Whew, it worked.

Then she stopped. “Oh, and Spike?”

Uh-oh! “Yeah?”

“From now on, write down everything I say. I trust you with my friendship reports.” She said it gently, but firmly.

Spike tried to look small. “Sorry.”

Twilight smiled. “I forgive you. Hey, would you tell the hospital staff to have Alexander go to Canterlot when he’s released?”

Eager to get back into Twilight’s good graces, Spike exclaimed, “Sure thing!” He was out the door before she herself made it that far.

=====

“Is this everyone?” asked Alexander to the nearly empty hospital room.

He had slept poorly the previous night, not getting to sleep until late and waking up early. As soon as the nurse walked by, he had requested that she help him send six letters. She had been hostile, until he explained that he was asking the girls he had antagonized yesterday to come here briefly so he could apologize in person. The fact that he had had to dictate the letters—giving her control over what was written—had most likely helped, too. In the letter, he had explained that he had been transported from another world, hopefully without sounding too crazy. The nurse had assured him that the early mail was extraordinarily fast here. Half of him began to doubt that, though, as only one of the six had showed up as midmorning rolled around. Oh, and the nurse had used magic to hold the pen. Alex was not even surprised anymore.

Fluttershy shrank back a little. “I-I guess.” After a pause, she continued, “Maybe the others didn’t get your letters, I mean, Applejack’s usually really busy, and Rainbow Dash…” She quieted again into silence as she saw Alex frown.

Alex immediately realized his mistake. “No, no, I’m not mad at you; this is all my fault. All right, if this is it, then here goes.” He mentally went back over the speech outline he had prepared during the free hours staring at the ceiling.

His reflection was interrupted by Zach, suddenly standing behind Fluttershy. “I don’t believe this,” he sighed, disgusted. “Words cannot describe the magnitude of how pathetic this is.”

“Shut it, you,” bit out Alex under his breath. Then, in a normal tone of voice, he began, “Fluttershy, I acted inexcusably yesterday. You people saved me, from I don’t really know what, and not only made sure I was all right but came back the next day to be certain. In response, I…treated you all like you were beneath me. I mocked your mannerisms, your looks, your whole world. I see now that that was wrong. My only excuse is that I was confused by a place so much different from what I’m used to—but I said all that in the letter. Will you forgive me?” That speech was more eloquent in my head.

Then the yellow pegasus smiled. It was a massive relief from last night’s self-recriminations, and he scrambled to keep from smiling back really sappily, or, heaven forbid, tearing up. Now that I thought that—dang! He shut his eyes tightly.

A moment later, he felt a pair of arms—well, forelegs—wrapped around him, and a head resting on his shoulder. “Of course I forgive you.”

Alex honestly couldn’t remember the last time a girl had hugged him, outside his family, when there wasn’t some sort of societal obligation involved. It felt good.

Alex hugged back, as hard as he could.

When they separated, he was smiling gratefully. “Thanks. I needed that. Now, where are the rest of you? I’ve got more apologies to make.” And maybe they won’t be as hard as I thought.

He slid off the bed to leave, and planted his face in the floor.

Fluttershy darted back over. “Oh dear! Are you hurt?”

Alex raised himself up on his elbows. Is that what they’re called on a horse? “Yep,” he said, “just fine. Did I mention that I’m used to walking on two legs?” Fluttershy nodded. “Say, you wouldn’t mind teaching me to, ah, walk, would you?”

One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, Alexander counted to himself as he moved with difficulty away from the locked boutique. He was actually glad that Rarity was away; he had not been looking forward to another conversation with her quite yet. His jawbone gave a twinge of pain in agreement. Now to the bakery. According to Fluttershy, Pinkie shouldn’t be hard to apologize to, but just in case… He started to go back over his speech, forgot about the count, lost track of which leg was supposed to move next, and went down in a heap. It was his fourteenth fall total, and his third since leaving the hospital.

He knew those exact numbers because Zach had been keeping count. “Fourteen.”

“You’re. Not. Helping,” growled Alex quietly. He stood up and walked the rest of the way to Sugarcube Corner’s front door without incident, and looked around at the building’s garish color scheme. “Place’ll give you a seizure,” he murmured as he pushed the door open.

He found himself looking down the muzzle of the widest-bore artillery piece he’d ever seen. Holy crap!

He froze, and looked up at the gun’s operator. Pinkie Pie was standing atop the barrel, sporting a flattened ‘doughboy’ helmet. She leaned toward him, grinning, and shouted, “Haaaaands up!”

Alexander completely forgot himself and reared back on his hind legs. He remembered how silly that response was just in time to fall over backward. BOOM went the cannon, elevated just above him, and sprayed confetti everywhere. Pinkie hopped down beside him, helmet gone, and asked, beaming, “Did I getcha?”

Alex stared up in shock for a moment. Then he fully processed the utter ludicrousness of the entire situation, and gave a huge belly laugh. He saw Fluttershy digging herself out of a confetti drift across the street, and laughed even harder. It took him some time to get himself under control. Confound these ponies, they drive me to feel emotion, he thought with a chuckle.

He picked himself up, and took a deep breath. “Pinkie Pie, I—”

“I forgive you,” she chirped.

Alex stopped. There was silence for a moment, then Pinkie continued, “Well, you were all Jerky McJerkface over there in the hospital so I was all sad and stuff but all my customers cheered me up so I kinda forgot about you sorry about that but then I got your letter this morning and I was all like ‘Whoa! Maybe he’s not Jerky McJerkface!’ and I was gonna come right over there but I figured it would be even more fun if it was a party so I had just finished loading my party cannon when I saw you come out and so I decided to prank you instead! Isn’t that great?”

Alex gave her a grin. Zach, make yourself useful and repeat back to me everything she just said, but more slowly.

Zach appeared behind Pinkie Pie, smirking, with his arms crossed. “Fifteen.” Alexander’s smile vanished, as he glared at the apparition.

Pinkie whipped around and stared right at Zach. “Hey! Don’t you go ruining our fun! If you haven’t got anything nice to say, just be quiet and leave us alone!” she snapped.

Both human and former human goggled at the pink pony. Did she just… Alex once again burst out laughing as he saw Zach’s face. When he stopped, Zach was gone, and Pinkie was whispering into his own ear.

“I know how bad they can get sometimes. Don’t worry, he’ll go away eventually.” She pulled away and looked past him. “Hey, Fluttershy! How are the animals?”

=====

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! The impacts echoed across the orchard.

“Hey Applejack, it took you three tries to buck that one,” said the cyan pegasus lounging in a tree. “Maybe you ought to take a break.”

Applejack surveyed the full baskets of apples, then lay down at the base of Rainbow Dash’s tree and brushed the sweat off her face with her hat. “Is a nap your idea to fix ever’thing?” she asked, grinning.

“Aaaah, you know I’m right.” Because I’m awesome. “And besides, I can nap all I want. I’m done with work for today.”

Applejack turned over to look at her friend directly above her. “Yeah, all o’ ten seconds worth. That there’s real tough.” The two bantered back and forth for a time while the farmpony cooled off. “Hey, did you check your mail this mornin’?”

“Uh, sure.” A few advertisements, the usual wrong address letters, one from that jerk at the hospital, and one from the airspace owners’ association. “It was all junk. Why?”

“Didja read that one from the hospital?”

The pegasus sneered. “No, I tossed it. Who wants to read what he writes?”

Applejack had a dark look on her face. “If you had, you mighta had a laugh. Ah ain’t seen such a silly pack o’ lies in all mah born days. He actually expects me to believe that he’s some sorta alien who got yanked here and turned into a pony. Ah’m insulted, to tell the truth.”

Rainbow Dash laughed. “Hey, maybe if we see him around, he’ll let me borrow his flying saucer.” Then she looked out toward the road. “Speak of the devil.”

Applejack turned. “He is not comin’ on mah family’s property and sullyin’ it with his…anything,” growled Applejack. She donned her hat, stood up, and trotted toward the solitary gray earth pony coming up the path. Rainbow followed in the air.

“Hey! You!” yelled Rainbow Dash. The stallion jerked, tripped, and fell on his face. Rainbow snorted. Not so smug now, is he? Hey, Applejack’s got more muscle than he does! Maybe I’ll get to see her kick his tail in a fight!

The stallion picked himself up and looked at the two mares, then let out a long sigh. “This could be difficult. Did either of you read my letter?”

Applejack was already scowling. “Ah read all Ah needed to.”

The visitor grimaced. Not smirking this time, are you? “Well, in case you didn’t, my name is Alexander. Everything—”

Rainbow cut him off. “Alek Zander? What does that mean?”

The gray pony looked mystified. “What do you mean, ‘What does that mean?’”

“I mean, ‘What does that mean?’ Names mean things, lame brain.” She spoke very slowly. “I’m Rainbow Dash, because I’m really fast. Applejack farms apples.”

The stallion’s foreleg muscles noticeably tightened, though his voice remained steady. “Names are different where I come from. It actually does mean something, but I suspect that you don’t care.”

Rainbow looked at Applejack below. “He’s right.”

Applejack glanced at Rainbow Dash, then back at Alexander. “Keep goin’.”

Alex took a deep breath. “Everything I wrote in the letter is true. Now, whether you believe me or not is your choice. Please, though, accept my apology for my behavior earlier.” He gave a short spiel on how his words were uncalled for, and Rainbow tuned out. After he finished, there was a short silence as the two mares squinted at him.

Applejack was the first to respond. “You know what? Ah think that you’re tellin’ the truth, or at least you think it’s the truth.” Alexander started to relax, but the farmpony put a stop to that immediately. “Ah also think that you meant every word you said in the hospital room. That don’t make sense to me.”

Alexander was silent for a moment. “I was…operating under incorrect assumptions back then. I was having difficulty adjusting to this…place, like I said in the letter. I recant it all, and it won’t happen again.”

Seriously, does he always talk like this? wondered Rainbow Dash.
Applejack looked at him for a moment more. “Tell you what. Ah’ll accept your apology, on one condition. It better not ever happen again.”

Alexander turned to look at the hovering pegasus. “Ehhh, I’ll go with what Applejack said. See you around!” She rocketed away from the two earth ponies, skimming a little closer than necessary over a dark blue mane. She was rewarded with a frightened yelp. I could get to like this guy. I bet he’s an easy mark for more pranks.

=====

Twilight Sparkle proudly presented Alexander’s letter to Princess Celestia, in a private audience room off the Canterlot throne room. She had picked it up just after Spike left, and read it on the way to the train station. It confirmed everything she had surmised about Alexander, with much more detail than she could have deduced with just her books. Unfortunately, it also confirmed that he could not use magic at all, which meant that either his magic shield was a natural property of his race or some unicorn had put it on him. If the first, how did he manage to get inside that cavern? When she had looked around, she had found a dead-end in every direction. If the second, who was the unicorn? There was always the possibility that he was lying, though. She wouldn't be surprised if he was.

Celestia finished reading the letter and smiled at her student. “It appears that your conclusions are confirmed, Twilight. Excellent work. I am impressed,” she said. Twilight flushed; it was always a great honor to be praised by a mentor with millennia of experience in, well, everything. “I would like to know, though; did he apologize as he promised?”

That threw Twilight for a loop. “Uh, what was that again? Sorry.”

“Did he apologize when you went to visit him, as he requested?” asked the Princess. Wise Counsel, a green pegasus stallion with yellow mane and tail, and Celestia’s advisor of three years, held up the letter to indicate it.

“Uhhh…” The thought had never crossed Twilight's mind. She grinned in embarrassment. “Well, I wanted to get here as quickly as possible, and I would have missed the early train if I had visited him. I figured it would be okay, since he’s coming to Canterlot anyway…” She trailed off as she saw her mentor’s disappointment.

“Twilight, I asked you to come at your earliest convenience. Remember that you are in Ponyville to research and cultivate the magic of friendship. From now on, you should put that duty before a less important one, such as this meeting.” Her face and tone of voice were not harsh, but Twilight always felt dreadfully ashamed when she let her beloved mentor down in any way.

The unicorn kneeled with her face to the floor. “I’m sorry, Princess. I’ll do better next time.”

Celestia used her forehoof to raise Twilight to a standing position. “I’m sure you will. I am not the one to whom you should apologize, though. You will need to get Alexander’s forgiveness when he arrives.”

Twilight looked up at the Princess. “What if he doesn’t apologize like he promised?”

Celestia smiled enigmatically down at Twilight. “Then I trust you to use your judgment. We are finished here, until Alexander arrives. I will see you soon, my faithful student.” Celestia left the room, and returned to her throne to resume the Morning Court.
Wise Counsel returned the letter. “Yours and Miss Rarity’s rooms should be ready by now; when you are unpacked, you should still have time before the three o’ clock train pulls in. Good day, Twilight Sparkle.”

=====

So far, so good, thought Alexander as his train braked to a halt at the station on top of the mountain. He supposed that most people he knew would have hated it. The train was decorated in the same style as Sugarcube Corner, though more subdued, not that that was saying much. The girls in his coach had sung this song that had stuck in his head worse than that blasted “Small World” one from Disneyworld. Finally, the whole train had rolled along with a bounce he could swear had gotten more pronounced as it neared its destination.

He could care less about any of that. It was a train! Being pulled behind a steam locomotive! He considered himself every inch a respectable male, but that doesn’t stop me being a railfan. The train crew had answered his questions, if a bit patronizingly. Maybe I should have held off on asking if the locomotive talked. Even Zach had not shown his ugly face since Pinkie’s scolding earlier. When he came to think of it, almost everyone had talked to him as if he were a child so far, except those six mares and the nurse—in other words, anyone who had spent some time with him. This, he discovered, was because he lacked a ‘cutie mark,’ a picture that magically appeared on one’s side when one uncovered one’s special talent. Lacking one at his age, when people were ordinarily self-sufficient, was apparently incredibly rare here. He contemplated that as he gazed out the window, at least until the city came into view.

The engineering here is just incredible! he marveled. The train climbs what has to be upwards of a ten percent grade, through tunnels stacked on top of each other, which are perfectly ventilated given that I don’t smell smoke from the locomotive, to a city alternately carved out of a mountain and hanging off its edge! He looked around as he stepped out onto the platform, and nearly walked into the pony waiting for him.

He stopped. His jaw throbbed. Rarity, across from him, looked at him coolly. Alex winced, and hesitantly asked, “Did you get my letter?”

“Yes.” Her facial expression did not change.

“Right, then.” He launched into his speech. Some ponies stopped to listen; Alex ignored them. He finished with, “Your right hook is impeccable, by the way. It helped snap me out of it.”

She smiled at that last. “So you do have manners after all. Of course I forgive you. I am, after all, a lady, not to mention the Element of Generosity.”

“And a pony every pony should know,” finished Alexander.

Rarity’s eyes almost sparkled. “Exactly!” She looked at him appraisingly. “Thank you for remembering that.”

“The eidetic memory helps,” he replied. He tapped his head with one forehoof, and managed not to fall down again.

“Aha!” said Rarity. “Shall we go? Twilight asked me to meet you here, since she hasn’t quite finished unpacking yet. We have some time before you’re scheduled to meet the Princess, so we can eat lunch if you would like.”

Alex nodded. “I’d like that very much. Do you know the city well? Would you show me around some? It looks incredible.”

Rarity gasped, “Oh, but it IS incredible! Such architecture! Such fashion! Such style! Oh, we will have the BEST time in Canterlot!”

Alex prayed that he would be able to stay on his hooves.

=====

An hour, several miles, and the names of most of the city’s ponies of note later, the two of them sat down at a small open-air café. My goodness! I haven’t asked him anything about his home yet! she realized. Seriously, Rarity, you are the host here! “I simply must know, darling. In your home, Earth, what do they call beautiful?”

That appeared to stump her companion. “Mmh,” he grunted. After a moment of thought, he asked, “Do you mean, like, philosophically? Or just style and fashion? Please don’t say the first.”

Rarity chuckled. “Now, would a lady ask a question like that in a place like this?”

Alex gave a relieved whew. Then he began, “Before I answer that, let me warn you that I’ve only seen one country on my planet, and only one region of it at that, so what you’ll get from me isn’t nearly the whole picture. Okay, here goes. I told you in the letter basically how a human is shaped. Normally we wear two main articles of clothing, a shirt and pants; it’s considered unacceptable not to wear these in public. We wear hats if our job requires it or if we want to make a fashion statement, more or less than it looks like ponies treat clothes in general.” He continued briefly on clothing, then architecture, sculpture, and painting. Rarity listened with rapt attention.

When he finished, the food had come. Rarity enthused, “You really do sell yourself short, Alex. That was as detailed a description as I could have possibly wanted.” If a bit uninvolved, but one can’t have everything.

The stallion smiled gratefully. “I never really did pay attention to that kind of thing. Like I said, I mostly enjoy mechanics. I was studying to be an engineer when…” He waved his forehoof vaguely, and Rarity nodded.

“I noticed, though,” she said, “that you didn’t say what you consider beautiful.”

Alex apparently did not need to consider his answer to that one. “Hands,” he replied immediately, with an ironic twist of his mouth. “They’re perfect for grasping, climbing, holding someone else’s…they’re just beautiful.”
Abruptly, somepony else arrested Rarity’s full attention. “Oh, my goodness, that’s Hoity Toity! The most famous fashion designer of the decade! I’m sorry, Alex, but you must excuse me for a moment.”

=====

Lex Rex leaned over the lunch table to look at his client. The newly graduated lawyer was an amber unicorn with a teal mane done in a subdued style. In the courtroom, he would have had it made taller to take advantage of his already respectable height. The other was a sturdily built orange pegasus stallion with an imposing black-and-gray mane and teeth marks in one ear. I’m going to have to ask him about those sometime. “Focus, Cloud Burst,” he said with a grin. “I think the Element of Generosity is a little out of your league. Besides, I thought you already had somepony.”

The pegasus jerked his gaze away from the passing mare. “Not as much as I’d like. And a guy can look.”

“Yep,” chuckled Lex Rex, “that he can.” He started to summarize their progress. “Okay. So far, we’ve established that the incident had extenuating circumstances: Blueblood’s behavior immediately prior.”

“That shwaek.” Cloud Burst found it difficult to even obliquely refer to the noblepony without slipping into Old Griffon profanity.

“True,” cautioned the lawyer, “but for Celestia’s sake, don’t say that in court. We’ve also established some degree of temporary insanity on your part.”

“And to do that, you had to make it sound like I’m completely nuts about Marine Life.”

“You could have just watched your language around Prince Blueblood.” Surely you’ve heard what he’s like!

“He asked for it.” The pegasus scowled.

“Maybe, but you know the disrespect laws. You—”

“—can’t talk this way or that to your hereditary superior, I’ve heard it enough already. Look, she was up there giving her paper, and Blueblood the srayfet interrupts her to tell her that it’s no good!”

“I’m not saying he didn’t ask for it, you just could have handled it better.” Lex Rex secretly thought that nopony ought to get privileges other ponies didn’t. The feudal law had been around for so long, though, and usually worked, so he kept his mouth shut about it.

He concluded the summary, “Ultimately, unless their counsel pulls out something completely new tomorrow, I think you’re going to get off.”

“Good.” Cloud Burst glanced around the café. “Hey, why is everypony so quiet all of a sudden?”

A diminutive gray earth pony with a dark blue mane trotted up to their table. He looked annoyed. “Do you mind if I sit with you two? Some people here have way too much time on their hands.”

Lex Rex wondered at the odd diction as he levitated his papers into his briefcase. “Sure, it’s a four-pony table. We just finished up business.” The visitor sat next to Cloud Burst.

Two pegasi the lawyer did not recognize followed soon after. Both their manes and fur were shades of brown, and both were very muscular. The leader even had a dumbbell cutie mark, while the other had a hoofball one. The eyes of the room followed them as they came up to the table.

The darker brown one gave an exaggerated gasp. “Look who you found to be your daddy! Burster! How’s the ear?” The two of them sniggered.

Their cutie marks are wrong. Their special talent is grating on ponies’ nerves, observed Lex Rex. Also, that explains the ear.

The second pegasus opened up. “Bar Keep! A glass of milk for the widdle baby pony!” He ruffled the first visitor’s blue mane, and kept his hoof there when its owner tried to swat the hoof away.

Meanwhile, Cloud Burst’s wings were slowly extending. “Hey, you two. How’s about you pick on somepony your own age? So he’s bigger than most foals! So what?”

The visitor put his head in his forehooves. “Oh, thanks a heap,” he said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

The two bullies focused on the other pegasus. “I haven’t seen you since flight school, Burster! Or about halfway through it, anyway.” The two laughed again. “Did you manage to hold a job?”

“Go. Away,” growled Cloud Burst, wings almost fully extended. The earth pony was surreptitiously edging away from one wingtip.

The bullies put on mock frightened expressions. “Look out, everypony! Burster’s gonna burst!”

The orange pegasus lunged out of his chair with a snarl. He landed on the opposite side of the table as the two antagonists, and bucked it end-over toward them.

Lex Rex dove away from the flying table. I heard he had a short temper, but this is ridiculous!

Meanwhile, both bullies had dodged the table, which scattered café patrons along its flight. Cloud Burst was in the air in an instant, landing a painful-looking blow on the hoofball pony’s muzzle. Then he flying-tackled the dumbbell pony. Other ponies fled the café in all directions.

Rex picked himself up and galloped over to where the two pegasi wrestled on the floor. Cloud Burst yelled in pain as the dumbbell pony bit his leg, and he retaliated with a buck to the midsection. Rex was almost to them when something knocked him over. It was the bloody-muzzled hoofball pony. The jerk grabbed his horn, inhibiting his magic, and tried to hold Lex down. Cloud Burst took repeated kicks in the rib cage.

Then a bottle flew over and shattered against Lex’s attacker’s head, stunning him. Lex picked himself up and looked for who had thrown the bottle. There was the earth pony, who snapped him a salute. Lex Rex grinned and returned it, then got up and yanked the dumbbell pony off Cloud Burst with magic. The orange pegasus leaped upright, battered but still defiant, and bellowed “Beat it!” at his tormentor.

The dumbbell pony looked at the two ponies facing him, then at his friend, who was struggling to stand. He muttered something under his breath and flew out of the café, followed erratically by his still-recovering accomplice. “Cziks,” spat Cloud Burst.

Lex Rex frowned at his client. He wondered whether all of that had been really necessary. “Do you want to hire me for the second case of my career?”

Burst looked around. “Naw, I’ll just pay the owner. No way would these two go after me. They don’t want ponies to know they lost. Thanks for having my back.”

The lawyer considered. “I guess they did kind of have it coming,” he admitted. “I wouldn’t have been able to help if not for the little guy, though.” They turned toward the visitor.

The earth pony still looked annoyed. “You know, where I come from, I’m an adult.” His expression softened. “That said, you’re welcome for the help; I’m glad I was able. My name’s Alexander. I’m new here.” He grinned wryly, as if he had amused himself with that last.

Lex Rex introduced himself and Cloud Burst. “An adult? How do you not…” He indicated the picture of a podium on his own flank. Alex shrugged.

“Hey,” said Cloud Burst, “the trial’s going to be over tomorrow. What do you say we do this again afterward? Lunch, I mean,” he corrected. The other two laughed.

=====

Twilight Sparkle tapped her hoof. What is taking him so long?

Four places—Wise Counsel, Princess Celestia, and herself, plus an empty chair—were arranged every ninety degrees, or pi-over-two radians, it’s a better unit, around a circular table, in one of the smaller palace conference rooms. Twilight was nervous. On the one hoof, the letter had seemed sincere, and he had apologized to Rarity; on the other, he had gotten into a fight the moment her back was turned. There were unusual circumstances, sure, but Twilight still didn’t want the alien to do the wrong thing and shame her in front of the Princess.

Celestia seemed to know what she was thinking. “It’s all right, Twilight. I won’t hold you responsible for any of our guest’s missteps,” she said, smiling reassuringly. Twilight smiled thankfully at her mentor, then looked to the door as it opened to admit the alien pony, walking with a slight limp. He sat down in his chair…without kneeling to the Princess! Twilight flushed a deep red, and went to apologize for the gaffe. Just in time, she remembered what Celestia had said, and stayed quiet.

If the Princess noticed the breach of etiquette, she made no mention of it. “Welcome, Alexander, to our kingdom. I trust you have found your stay so far agreeable?”

The alien gave a faint grin. “Thank you. And yes, I have enjoyed it very much, barring any…less than enjoyable events that were my own fault.”

The four exchanged several more pleasantries, with Alexander showing no ill will toward the Princess. Maybe he didn’t know to kneel, or he forgot about it. Introductions aside, the questions began. The Princess asked the first one. “What does your name mean, at your home?”

“It means something, but not in the pretty obvious way that names here apparently mean things. I was named after a famous king, Alexander the Great. He’s been called one of the greatest military strategists who ever lived. My dad was a military man, so I guess the name means that he had high hopes for me.” He snorted. “And that Dad did his research. He could’ve called me Hannibal.” At his audience’s confused looks, he elaborated, “One of the other greatest strategists. That name took on a very negative connotation after a murderer got nicknamed it; plus, another fictional murderer had it.” He winced.

Wise Counsel cleared his throat. “Ahem, yes. You understand that a visit such as yours is unprecedented. We must know something of you and your place of origin if we are to be sure of safeguarding our land,” he said.

Alex raised an eyebrow. “I understand.” He paused for a moment. “I’ll start with my place of origin. I’m positive that this is at least a different planet, if not a different universe, than my own. A different planet, because we’ve explored virtually the entirety of ours and not seen a civilization of talking ponies; a different universe, because humans have never observed, to my knowledge, any instance of magic. Though, you all do somehow speak English.” He frowned, and his eyes flicked to the room’s solitary window. Twilight looked, but there was nothing there.

“Oh! Before I forget,” Twilight broke in. “Princess, would you do me a favor? Sorry, Alex.” Alex made a ‘you’re fine’ motion with his forehoof. “Would you try to levitate him?”

“Levitate Alex?” asked Celestia. “Is this all right with you?” Alex nodded. A yellow aura formed around the Princess’ horn, as she bent her head toward the earth pony across the table. Nothing happened. After a few seconds, she knitted her brow, and the glow increased in intensity. A few seconds more, and everypony covered their eyes as the shine became unbearable. Then it dissipated. Twilight opened her eyes to see Alex in his chair still covering his, with Celestia now directly behind him. The Princess touched his shoulder with the tip of her horn, causing him to jump. Twilight thought she saw an impish grin appear on her mentor’s face, then vanish instantaneously. “That is quite an impressive ability,” she said, making her stately way back to her chair.

Alexander shrugged. “Well, I can’t say that I’ve noticed it before coming here. Not that I would have had any chance to.”

“Very well,” said Wise Counsel. “Continue with the story.”

The alien began again. “Where was I? Magic, lack thereof. Instead of magic, humans use technology—mechanics and electronics—to do what I guess magic does here: travel, lighting, manufacture, entertainment and so on. I’ve seen similarities; that locomotive I rode behind looked a lot like some I’ve seen from a hundred fifty years ago on Earth. They’re obsolete now.”

“What replaced them?” asked Twilight. Wait, I’m interrupting again, aren’t I?

Alex didn’t seem to mind. “Diesels. Them and—” He abruptly stopped, looking around at everypony’s faces. “You don’t know what that is, do you?” He grinned widely. “Awesome! There’s a patent office here, right?”

Wise Counsel did not look amused. “‘Diesels’ and…?”

Alex frowned at him. “I think I’ll keep that to myself for right now. It’s not important, anyway.”

Celestia quieted her advisor with a look. “I think he has the right to keep such minute details private if he so chooses. Continue, please,” she asked Alex.

He did. Twilight avoided interrupting further by writing questions on a scroll on the table before her. Sometime later, he finished, just as Twilight ran out of room on the back. “There’s an overview. Any questions so far?”

Twilight’s forehoof was in the air instantly. Princess Celestia chuckled. Even the normally dour Counsel smiled.

“How, technologically, do you move your sun? And how do multiple planets even work, anyway?”

Alex looked incredulous. “Move the sun? Do you have any idea how big a star is? We managed to visit the moon, and that’s it. Oh, and we built a big space station in orbit.”

That makes no sense. “So how do you get day and night?”

Alex looked confused, as if the answer was obvious. “Because the Earth rotates.”

“Neat!” Okay, so it’s reversed on their world. Their planet keeps presenting a different side to the sunlight.

Meanwhile, Alex had picked up on the implication. “Wait a minute. Do you mean to tell me that something moves that star?”

After some difficulty climbing the stairs, Alexander stood against the railing of one of Canterlot Castle’s higher balconies. His arms were crossed, and he looked very skeptical behind the sunglasses he had borrowed. Twilight Sparkle readied the spell that would allow her to transfer an image from her memory onto paper. His face is going to be perfect!

Princess Celestia declined to make a theatrical pronouncement before the demonstration. She spread her wings, and her entire body became shrouded in brilliant yellow light. Seconds later, the sun traced a slow, lazy circle high in the sky above the mountain, then returned to its original course.

Alexander stared in openmouthed astonishment at the sight. His glasses fell off, to land on the castle wall hundreds of lengths down and startle a guard. Celestia thoughtfully cast a magical light screen in front of him to protect his eyes. Twilight activated her spell, and with a thought directed the memory at a piece of specially prepared paper in her room. She had long since had it ready for just such an eventuality.

The earth pony slowly turned, eyes still wide as saucers, and said to the Princess, “If I have offended or annoyed you in any way, you have my most sincere apologies.”

The Princess gave her characteristic high, tinkling laugh. Twilight glanced sideways at Wise Counsel. He winked at her, as a tiny spark of magic flashed on his horn.

Twilight chuckled. Counsel had never seemed to have much trouble telling when ponies were hiding something. That didn’t mean he couldn’t be funny.

After Alex was shown to his lodgings, Twilight asked the Princess, “So what did you find out when you scanned him?” There was only one reason she would have touched him with her horn.

Celestia smiled approvingly. “Very observant, Twilight. What I found is perhaps the best confirmation of his testimony we have. I am certain that he has not been enchanted or shielded in any way, by himself or anypony else. Magic simply stops at the borders of his body.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “I’ve never heard of anything like that.”

“Neither have I. That is why I am inclined to believe his stories of another world.”

“You’ve never heard of it?” Incredible, thought Twilight. That never happened. “So, what does that mean? For us?”

Celestia started down the hall to her own quarters. “I leave some of that to you. We will certainly learn more at the next session with him tomorrow. Until then, I have other work to do. Have a good day, Twilight Sparkle.”

=====

Moving into the castle had not been difficult for Alexander, as all the possessions he owned in the world fit easily in the small saddlebags the hospital had so kindly provided for him. He had turned off the electronic devices to preserve the batteries; fortunately, they both retained upwards of eighty percent charge. Surprisingly, it was not as difficult to function with hooves as he had thought it would be; the bottoms of his front ones seemed to have some kind of adhesive quality variable by him as easily as flexing a muscle. He assumed that it wasn’t magic. Maybe this is what Spider-man’s hands are like. The ‘stickiness’ had barely been enough to lift the bottle he threw in the fight, though, so he would not be climbing walls anytime soon.

That all paled, of course, in comparison to the things he’d learned that afternoon and evening. Not only was the white alicorn, Princess Celestia, powerful enough to move this world’s star around in a little circle, but she was immortal. The former human’s real life experiences gave no help on how to deal with power of this magnitude, so he fell back on Tolkien. She’s an elf, he mused. She talks like one; she uses magic like one; she even has pointy ears. Alex grinned. She apparently had a sister, though he hadn't yet seen that one. That made sense, though, as Princess Luna was apparently nocturnal. And immortal also, and can move the moon. He was not the least bit surprised that the two of them were the diarchs.

I wonder what Dad would have to say about that. His parents were huge libertarians, and his old man in particular might just blow a fuse if he found himself someplace where not only did someone hold absolute authority but had done so for centuries.

Even that was not the extent of the incredible things he had learned. The six girls who had discovered him were heroes. They had apparently saved the entire kingdom, maybe more, from certain disaster twice already. He had learned that beneath the titanic stained-glass windows commemorating the incidents, from a pair of incredulous-sounding guards.

To five of which girls, Alex reminded himself as he raised his hoof to knock on Twilight’s door, I have at least attempted apologies already. There was red in his ledger, and he needed to wipe it out.

Twilight Sparkle answered the door after a moment’s wait. “Sorry about that; I was…” She trailed off when she saw Alexander. For some reason, she blushed just a bit.

“Can I talk to you for a minute? It’s about yesterday afternoon,” he said.

Twilight immediately answered, “Oh! Yes! Come in! Sorry I didn’t come see you earlier, but the Princess called me, and the train schedule really didn’t work, and there was work at the library, and your letter was so interesting…”

As she descended into increasingly nonsensical excuses, Alex wondered, Why on earth is she trying to apologize to me? Out loud, he said, “Actually, Twilight, I’m here to apologize myself. I completely understand you not wanting to see me after what I said in the hospital room.”

“Oh, it’s all right,” she responded, suddenly preoccupied. She looked around the room, her horn aglow. Drawers, folders and pockets glowed briefly, disgorged their contents, and received them back as she searched for something, murmuring under her breath. “Here!” she exclaimed, as a piece of paper covered both sides in strange, tall runes floated out of a pair of lavender saddlebags.

Uh-oh, thought Alexander. Does this mean I’ll have to learn another alphabet? Crap.

“I have some questions about your talk earlier,” she said over the list, looking very excited at the proposition of learning more.

Alex looked apprehensively at the large amount of text on the paper. “Let’s save it for tomorrow, huh? So I don’t have to repeat myself then. Would you tell me about this world, though, so I can minimize how much a fool I make of myself here? Don’t leave out anything you think is obvious.”

Clearly, I just made her day, he thought upon seeing her—literally shining—face.

She launched into a lecture, skipping astronomy, which he already knew, in favor of geography. There was apparently only one continent of any note, called Equestria, on which the largest and most important country was Equestria. All this on a planet called Equestria. I’d call it hubris, but they do have the freaking sun-mover as queen. Maybe it’s justified.

Then the lecture really got interesting. Ponies and dragons were not the only sapient races on the planet. There were griffons, who lived in many disparate colonies more or less under the control of a central capital north of Equestria. There were zebras, who hardly ever left their own island country to the east; that country allowed in no visitors and little trade. A long way overland to the south lived the actual horses of Saddle Arabia. The dragons lived for the most part in frozen lands to the extreme north and south, because they were ‘mean and greedy.’ And that was just the races which could be said to control land—livestock was sentient, and most other animals had a considerable degree of intelligence.

“But I assume not all dragons are mean; you do have one right here,” commented Alex.

Twilight smiled. “Oh, did you meet Spike? He’s my little brother, kind of.”

Alex frowned. We can’t possibly be thinking of the same person. “Who?”

“You know, the dragon who came to tell you to come to Canterlot.”

“The hospital receptionist told me to come to Canterlot. I mean the dragon at the conference today.”

Twilight looked skeptical. “I’m pretty sure there wasn’t a dragon at the conference.”

“He was sitting right across from you!” said Alex, incredulous. “Green scales, sharp teeth, claws, the whole thing. I didn’t say anything because nobody else seemed surprised.”

“You weren’t surprised? You said it was a dragon!”

Alex gaped at her. “I’m in a world of talking, magical, multicolored ponies. Why would I be surprised?!”

Twilight groaned. “Was it behind Wise Counsel?”

“His name was Wise Counsel.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Wise Counsel is a pegasus pony. I’ve known him for years. Have you been seeing things recently? Are humans known for that?”

“No,” Alex lied. Zach is not pertinent to this conversation. “I promise he was a dragon. A sort of pony-looking dragon, but a dragon. With a horn—that was strange.”

Suddenly, Twilight’s eyes widened a little. “Was the horn glowing?”

Alexander thought back. “Come to think of it, it was. Faintly, but continuously, and it had a kind of bubbling quality…does that make sense?”

She was preoccupied again. “Maybe. Get out. I need to research some.”

=====

I’ll explain to him later, thought Twilight Sparkle as she trotted toward the castle library, floating a small oil lantern aloft to light her way through the dimness of dusk. Alexander had looked hurt upon his summary dismissal, but it could not be helped, not if there was a threat to the kingdom.

“And here’s where we see if there is,” she murmured as she rounded the corner a hallway that looked identical to a dozen others she’d passed tonight. Those seemed to have been designed to lose a pony. There was no librarian on duty at this hour, which means…yep, the restricted section’s locked. A set of metal bars blocked off the Star Swirl the Bearded Wing. A padlock kept the door shut against ponies who did not belong in there—or, at least, it would have if somepony had remembered to lock it. Only the door’s latch held it closed.

Twilight entered, careful to make no noise. It was not too terrible an oversight, she supposed. There were still passive enchantments on the whole room to sound the alarm if somepony used magic here after hours. Plus, the material wasn’t that bad; none of the books on dark magic here actually showed how to perform the evil spells. Those books were in rooms off the Princess’ private quarters, under much more security than this. Not that she needed to know how to cast this particular spell, just that it existed and how it worked. She set the lantern down and pulled an ancient hardback tome from a shelf at eye level: Degyses and Illusyones of the Derke Artes, by Arcane Thoughts.

Here we are. She turned to a chapter near the end, and set the book down to read by lamplight.

Ther remaynes another illusyone which is more efficacious and more sinistre then the comyn fourme, which is that which uses the vyctyms mynde as the means of decepcioune. White illusyone creates a fantasme in space, which must be carfully meinteined elles a powny fynde a contrarite. Darke illusyone fourmes an ymage in a vyctyms mynde, making it impossibel for þaim to fynde the decepcioune: They bileue waet they sei bifor they sei it, where as white illusyone must werk oppositely. Þis method is especiallye to be fered as it is to powny knaulage vnbreakable for the victim. It euen hides the glowe of the sorserer’s horn. Sombra, thrise-cursd king and destroyer of the Cristal Empire, practised þis among his oþer forboden experyments which were his ultimate undoing.

Oh, sweet Celestia, thought Twilight. Just like with the facts about the alien Alexander, everything fit. Nopony saw the real Wise Counsel—if that was his real name—because the illusion spell he used was literally unbreakable. It was by sheer luck that Alex, who apparently was immune to magic, had seen Counsel for who he really was.

She hesitated for a moment. How crazy do I sound right now? He’s been around the castle for, what, three years now as the Princess’ adviser? Longer, as a servant of some kind?

She considered, then discarded her hesitations. If the facts point one way, that’s the truth, however unlikely. I’d rather be alone and right than wrong with everypony else.

Which meant that she had some more work to do. A cat howled somewhere in the city below, making Twilight jump.
After carefully reshelving the book, she locked up the library and galloped away to write four letters calling her friends to Canterlot. It’s late; maybe I can get Owloysius to carry them.

=====

Alex pushed open the door to his room and stared at the apparition. “Is that all you can do lately? Stare out the window like some philosopher?”

Zach did not look around from his spot overlooking a courtyard. “It’s not like me looking at you will make my words have any more effect on your thick skull.”

“You’re right. They won’t. They never will. So you might as well just leave. Why bother?” The former human laid his things on the bed.

The illusory human smacked his hands down on the windowsill, causing a surge of jealousy in Alex. “Because I’m bored. You make nice with everything to try and set up a regular life for yourself here. I want to get to the part of this fantasy where we’re an all-powerful deity, supplanting the Princesses and deciding everyone’s fates on passing whims or our sense of epic construction. If I must be one half of some mental patient in a padded cell somewhere, I at least want to have fun meanwhile.”

“I sure wish I could just take in a bunch of power! You think I wouldn’t do that if I could?”

“Given your response to the current situation, yes. You clearly don’t want it enough. No, your wishes are more humble. For instance, as an impartial bystander in your mind, it was especially interesting to watch your emotional responses to Fluttershy’s hug. I had no idea you were a furry.”

Alexander lost patience completely. “You didn’t know I was a furry?” He held up a foreleg with its coating of gray hair. “LOOK AT ME! Do you see all the FUR?! Even if I did think of her like that, WHICH I DON’T, it looks like I’m STUCK LIKE THIS! So I might as well DO AS THE ROMANS DO for the foreseeable future! A future where I don’t need a BACKSEAT DRIVER IN MY HEAD! NO! I will NOT disregard what I see because you say so! Want to know why? Because these legs move when I tell them to! Because YOU'RE in MY head, and not the other way around! You lose! The end!”

The human turned toward Alexander with a chastising expression, but Alex spoke first. “What happened to your face?”

Zach sported a rather large and distracting black eye. The human snapped back around to scowl out the window.

Alex laughed triumphantly. “Oh ho! So he can make mistakes! And I can hurt him! You will rue the day,” he said, with a victorious hoof pointing toward Zach, “when I figure out what did that. And now, I will use some of the MP3 battery to have a celebration of my defiance! This one’s for you, Applejack! Wish you’d believe me!”

(The song is "Promises" by Def Leppard. It can be found here.)

Part III: Confrontations and Commencements

Dear Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie,

I want this letter to get to you as soon as possible, so I’ll keep it short.

I may have found proof that there is trouble in the royal court. I don’t want to say any more in a letter, in case this is intercepted. I need you all to take the train to Canterlot tomorrow morning. Rarity and I will meet you at the station, and I’ll tell you everything then. I may need you all to wield the Elements of Harmony. I don’t think it will come to that, but come just in case.

Your friend,

Twilight Sparkle

=====

Applejack leaped out of her coach at the Canterlot train station before the wheels stopped turning. She frantically looked around for her friends. The train had arrived over an hour and a half late, since the train had had to stop partway there to fix something. Rainbow Dash had flown ahead to Canterlot when the train had broken down, and promised to return if Twilight said she should. Applejack hadn’t seen her multihued friend since then.

Applejack worried, but not so badly as Fluttershy obviously did. The poor pegasus was shaking, probably with fear for Rainbow, Twilight, and Rarity. What if something had happened? What if this trouble had found her friends while she waited in the field for the trainponies to replace some part? Pinkie Pie was bouncing with much more urgency than usual, though she hadn’t yet gone into full freak-out mode.

Pinkie leaped up once more, and shrieked, “There they are! There! There! There!” Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash waved gaily to Applejack from the other end of the platform.

Applejack broke into a sprint towards them. Fluttershy followed in the air. Pinkie kept up with Applejack by tripling the tempo of her bounces. When they arrived, the farmpony and the party pony started talking simultaneously. Applejack had trouble getting words in edgewise.

“Ah’m here! Wha’s the trouble—”

“—BOOM, and I was like woah—”

“—fast as them train folks would—”

“—anypony would say that you—”

“—jus’ waitin’ for the bad guys—”

“—party cannon, but then I—”

“—so what do y’all need?” finished Applejack, before Pinkie got even farther from the subject at hand.

Twilight looked around furtively. “Shh, not here. I’m pretty sure we’re safe now, but talk about something else for now.” She addressed all her friends, “Act natural until we get to the castle. Then I’ll explain everything.”

Nope, that definitely ain’t gonna work. “Twilight, Ah been worried sick about you since Ah got your letter last night. If we’re all in some kinda trouble, don’t we gotta know about it?”

“She has a point, darling,” pointed out Rarity.

Twilight frowned, then nodded. She led them all into an unoccupied baggage storage room. “All right,” she said, once the other five had gathered around, “this is it. I think Wise Counsel has been replaced with an impostor. A dragon impostor.”

There was a stunned silence.

Rainbow Dash was the first to recover. “Have you gone crazy, Twilight?” she asked.

“No,” replied Twilight irritably. “I know because Alexander found him out. Remember—”

“And speaking of crazy,” interjected Rainbow.

“If he’s lying, he fooled Princess Celestia. Not likely! Anyway, he saw right through the dragon’s disguise because it’s a spell cast on the pony you’re trying to fool, and magic doesn’t work on Alexander!” She looked around triumphantly. “It all fits!”

None of that made any sense to Applejack.

Rarity didn’t look convinced. “So…have you seen this dragon? I mean, seen its true form?”

“No,” explained Twilight. “See, he’s casting the spell on me too, and I can’t find a way to break it.”

“And who told you that he’s using a spell?”

“Uhh…” Twilight faltered. “Alex did.”

Rarity appeared to steel herself. “Alex says the dragon uses this spell. If that’s true, then Alex would be able to tell that he’s a dragon and that he’s using the spell. Twilight, dear, you do understand that this is all circular reasoning, don’t you?”

Pinkie glanced between the two of them. “But that’s the best kind!”

Twilight grimaced.

“Y’all lost me at the magic part,” broke in Applejack.

“I…I think Twilight may be overreacting,” whispered Fluttershy.

“Ah.” Well, that’s certainly happened before.

Twilight gave an annoyed grunt. “I’ve checked the parts of his story that I can. I just have a feeling. Look, all I need you girls to do is stay hidden nearby with the Elements while I talk to him. Can you do that for me?”

Applejack smiled reassuringly. “Sure Twilight. Ain’t no trouble.” Everypony present nodded agreement. “Ah just want to know, if there’s this big problem, why not tell the Princess first?”

Twilight opened her mouth, then closed it. After a moment, she said, quietly, “Because when I thought I needed help, you all were the first ones to come to mind, not Princess Celestia.” She pondered. “You’re always there for me when it really matters. Thanks.”

Fluttershy flew over to hug Twilight. “You know we’d do anything for you, Twilight. We wouldn’t have our harmony without you.”

Everypony joined the group hug.

In the middle of it, Applejack mused, Maybe Discord did do something for us after all. He brought us all together. Take that, “father of lies.”

=====

Alexander and Lex Rex laughed uproariously. Lex banged his hoof on the table. The three stallions had eaten lunch again at the outdoor café.

Cloud Burst continued, fighting to not crack up himself. “Wait, so this pony is freaking out. She thinks she’s about to go to jail. Me and Steadfast march her up to the desk, and there’s my brother Cloud Breaker behind it. He almost pulls off a straight face. Almost. Just then, Kicker walks into the station behind us in a Guard uniform, and Breaker just loses it. We all fall down, we’re laughing so hard. Lightning Dust is so mad, her face turns purple. She stomps right out of there, and we laugh even harder. Long story short,” he finished, “we won the prank war.”

Alex and Lex took a moment to compose themselves.

“Well, that story beat mine,” chuckled Lex Rex. “Your turn, Alex.”

The earth pony took a deep breath. “Okay, so my friends and I—” He stopped abruptly. He looked between the other two, obviously thinking hard.

Cloud Burst got the impression that he was hiding something. “Your friends and you…” he prompted.

Alex shrugged. “I forget how it went.”

Burst decided to test how thick this pony’s skin was. “C’mon, you can’t just skip out like that. Here, I’ll make one up for you. You and your friends were browsing Photo Finish’s latest line…”

“Haven’t you got any funny stories from…wherever you’re from?” asked Lex Rex. “Where are you from, anyway?”

“Way the heck away from here,” said Alex.

It sounded like a hedge to Cloud Burst. He squinted at the earth pony.

“Come on, Burst,” said Lex. “He doesn’t have to tell us if he doesn’t want to. Say, did you get in trouble for that prank?”

Cloud Burst didn’t answer. The six most famous young mares in Equestria had just walked up to their table. He tried to eye Rarity inconspicuously.

Twilight Sparkle began, “It’s—”

“We’re here for the alien!” Rainbow Dash blurted.

An awkward pause ensued. Alex’s face colored. The other mares glanced around at each other.

On an impulse, Cloud Burst leapt out of his chair with a shout, “Shoot! They found me!” He flared his wings.

“Not again!” yelped Lex Rex, as he bounded from his own seat.

Cloud Burst, Alexander, Applejack, Twilight, and Pinkie Pie all laughed.

Rarity also chuckled. Success, thought Cloud Burst, as he resumed his seat.

Lex scowled, but not very fiercely.

Twilight cleared her throat. “As I was saying,” she began with a glance at Rainbow Dash. The speedster didn’t react. “It’s time for the meeting. Come on, we don’t want to keep the Princess waiting.”

“The Princess?” breathed an incredulous Cloud Burst, as Alex left with the six Element bearers.

“Yeah, and ‘We’re here for the alien.’ What was that all about?” whispered Lex Rex.

Burst replied, “I don’t know, but—” here he raised his voice, “—you really owe us a story now, Alex!”

The gray earth pony paused, turned, and raised his forehoof. He frowned at it as if looking for something that wasn’t there. Finally, he just saluted. He continued down the road toward the castle.

Cloud Burst looked interrogatively at Lex Rex.

The lawyer replied, “Well it’s not that surprising. Didn’t you see what he paid with?”

“No. Why?”

“A royal expense account stamp. He might be staying at the palace.”

“Huh.” Burst considered.

“Not only that. Did you see what was sticking out of Applejack’s saddlebags?”

The pegasus shook his head again.

“That was the Element of Honesty, or I’m a griffon. Some of the stone was even showing.”

Cloud Burst gazed out at the castle towering over the city. “What in Equestria is going on?”

=====

“All right, everypony, here are our positions,” said Twilight Sparkle to the room at large. Her five friends and Alexander turned to listen.

The seven ponies were gathered around a little table. On the table was a diagram of the surrounding hallways and rooms, including the room they were in and the conference room for the meeting. No paper and quill had been handy, so she had made the map using dominoes somepony had left lying around. A little effort had even let her match the dominoes’ numbers—ones only touching ones, twos to twos, and so on—while keeping the map to scale.

Another pony might have called that excessive. She called it thorough.

“The Princess and the target will enter from here,” she explained, invoking two little points of light to appear over a domino, one white and one green.

Fluttershy raised her hoof. “Yes, Fluttershy?”

“Umm…since we don’t really know that he’s a bad guy yet, could we, if you want to, that is…could we call him Wise Counsel?”

“I know what I saw. He’s a dragon,” said Alexander, adamant.

“‘Target’ is fine by me,” cut in Rainbow Dash. It looked like Alex had convinced her after all. Or maybe she’s just looking to use her Element again.

“Ah know Ah shouldn’t judge a pony by his cover, er, however that saying goes, but ya gotta admit there’s something fishy about this here disguise,” added Applejack.

“Just remember, darling, that we haven’t quite figured out that there is a disguise,” cautioned Rarity, “no offense you, of course, Alex.” Alex looked like he couldn’t quite find a response.

Twilight tapped her hoof on the table. “It doesn’t matter. Here, I’ll call him Wise Counsel. Pinkie! Put those other dominoes down and come back over here.” She shook her head to clear it. “Where was I? Yes, the Princess and Counsel. Alex and I will be here, just outside the room.” Two more lights appeared, one lavender and one gray. “Applejack and Fluttershy, you’re here; Pinkie, here. Dash, you’re with Pinkie. Rarity, you’re around this corner, and none of you move until you get my signal. Clear?” There were now nine multicolored lights hovering over the dominoes.

Everypony nodded and put on their Elements.

“All right, now let’s—” Suddenly, Twilight noticed that there were too many lights. “Rarity, put out those three. Nopony’s supposed to be there.” She looked up at Rarity, who shook her head. Rarity’s horn was unlit.

The three white mystery lights were hovering over the domino representing the entrance to the room in which they were all standing.

Twilight gasped and whipped around, expecting something at any moment to jump out at her. Instead, her brother grinned at them from the doorway as his horn went out. “Hey, Twily! What are you doing here?” A pair of pegasus guards stood behind him. All three were in full ceremonial armor.

Twilight was ecstatic. She ran to hug Shining Armor. “Shiny! I forgot you were on duty today!” She skidded to a stop, a length short of him. “Or,” she said, clearing her throat and making her voice as deep as she could, “First Lieutenant Shining Armor.” She was still smiling, though.

The older unicorn smiled back. “Just come hug me.”

When they separated, he asked, “So, what’s going down? I heard you planning something.” He might have continued, but one of the pegasi behind him let out a loud harrumph.

Shining Armor whipped around to face him. “Soldier!” he snapped. “I am apprising myself of a possible situation under development! If you continue to impede me with your insubordination, then you can ponder my leadership style while you’re cleaning the latrines! Is that understood?”

The guard rocketed to attention. “Yes sir!”

Shining Armor nodded. “Good. Keep it that way.”

Note to self, thought Twilight, Don’t complain anymore that he’s being too harsh with me.

“So what’s up?” asked Shining Armor. She briefly ‘apprised him of the situation.’

He stayed quiet for a moment or two after she finished. “You’re sure of this?”

“Well, no,” she allowed, “but that’s what we’re here to find out.”

Shining Armor seemed to consider. Then he turned to his subordinates. “All right, soldiers, here’s what we’re going to do. I want each of you to stand with a pair of the Element bearers. Guard them with your lives.”

The guard who hadn’t spoken out of turn indicated Alexander. “What about him?”

Shining Armor glanced at Alex. “I’ll stand with Rarity and cover Twilight and him. Move out.”

Rarity smiled, just a little, as everypony took their positions.

Just in time, too—two voices echoed down the hall, growing nearer. One was higher-pitched and melodic, the other deeper and smoother.

Twilight glanced behind her. “Here they come! Everypony hide and ssssh!”

=====

Fluttershy was scared to death. Twilight had placed her in the alcove farthest from where she and Alex faced the (possible) threat head-on. Not only could she not see them—Twilight had instructed that nopony should stick their head out and reveal themselves—but she could hardly hear them. Next to her, Applejack pulled her hat on a bit tighter and set her face. The guard, whose name Fluttershy had forgotten to ask, sat very still. He stared at the wall, but his ears were swiveling madly.
Fluttershy looked anxiously across the hall at Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and their guard. They were closer to Twilight, and per the plan they could see Rarity and Shining Armor in their alcove, even closer. Rainbow spied her looking at them and mouthed, We got this.

Fluttershy touched her Element of Kindness for comfort, and tried to listen carefully.

First she heard Wise Counsel’s voice. “Can we not discuss this in the conference room?”

Then Twilight’s. “No, I’d like to get this out of the way first.”

“If they go in there, we can’t support Twilight,” Applejack breathed. The soldier glared at her.

The farmpony was right. Twilight had been certain that either Celestia or Counsel would lock the spell-reinforced door when all four of them entered. This had to take place in the hallway.

Celestia’s voice came next, unmistakable. “Well, Twilight, I have certainly heard of a spell like this. I don’t believe I have ever seen it used. Why do you ask now?”

A short hesitation. “I think I’ve found somepony using it in Canterlot.”

The tension in the air got even tighter. Fluttershy started shaking. Applejack put a supportive foreleg over her shoulders.

“This is a very serious charge!” gasped Wise Counsel. “Whom are you accusing? Wait. We really should be in the conference room for this. Your Majesty, after you.”

Applejack’s foreleg abruptly became uncomfortably tight.

A few hoofbeats, and then Alexander’s voice. “You.”

Dead silence. Fluttershy, scared as she was, tensed to spring out of the alcove. Her friends and the soldiers did the same.

Celestia broke the quiet. “And you…Twilight, are you feeling well? Should I send for a doctor?”

Twilight stammered, but Alex plowed on. “From what I hear, the illusion you’re using is a spell cast on someone. Well, guess what? Magic doesn’t affect me. I can see you.”

“The earth pony is raving!” Wise Counsel sounded aghast. “Princess, do you hear this?”

“Send for—”

Still Alex continued, “You’re a pegasus, right? You don’t have a horn?”

A short pause.

“Good, then you wouldn’t mind if I put my hand here—”

Twilight shrieked, “NOW!”

Fluttershy leaped out of the alcove. She had the briefest vision of four figures. Alexander was flat on his belly after taking a swing at Wise Counsel. Wise Counsel was backpedaling with the most unequine snarl on his face. Both Celestia and Twilight were rearing back as well, bearing expressions of utter and complete horror.

Then Wise Counsel saw the other Element bearers, and everything went straight to Tartarus. Or, rather, Tartarus came into the castle.

The beautiful marble floor split wide open, and a monstrous reptilian head with five eyes and two rows of teeth pushed through. A bright red light shone past it, tinting everything crimson.

Everypony screamed. Wise Counsel roared something Fluttershy didn’t catch, and Celestia fainted dead away.

The head didn’t roar. It simply turned to the side and ate Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and a soldier in one bite. The crack widened, and more of the thing’s neck came through.

Fluttershy screamed again, turned tail and ran. She could barely see through her tears, and blundered directly into the yawning crack.

She didn’t fall through. Wings still clenched at her side, she hovered over the chasm.

A hoof tapped her shoulder. She jumped.

Alexander was right beside her, floating over the Underworld. “It’s an illusion! There’s nothing there! Everyone’s all right! He’s getting away!”

As he spoke, the crack became paler, and the ordinary borders of marble blocks became visible over it. The head was still thrashing around, but her friends—all of them—were visible beyond it, still fine.

Alex galloped away, toward the others. Fluttershy followed, cringing away from the head. As she looked at her friends, however, the red light faded, until the monster was nothing more than a shadow.

Not everypony had come out untouched, though. Celestia was still lying on the floor, and the soldiers, including Shining Armor, seemed to have frozen stiff. Fluttershy ran past them to join her friends.

As soon as she did, Twilight activated the Elements. Everypony’s necklace glowed, and a radiant halo connected the six of them. As they rose up into the air, a sense of safety and serenity enveloped Fluttershy. Never had it felt better than after that scare.

From the rear of the group, also the highest point, Twilight thundered, “Come back, and face justice!” Fluttershy heard it in her mind, too. She had forgotten that aspect of the Element bond.

Meanwhile, fleeing the Element bearers was not one, but eight Wise Counsels, some on hoof and some in the air. One had stumbled and was crawling away down the hall.

Twilight grunted, and a rainbow-colored bolt flew toward the crawling Wise Counsel. The pony vanished into smoke upon impact, and another Wise Counsel double appeared, flying.

“Which one?” yelled Rainbow Dash.

“He’s flying!” shouted Alexander, pointing with his hoof.

Through the Elements’ bond, Fluttershy sensed Twilight mentally asking Applejack to carry Alex. Applejack agreed, and Twilight manipulated the magic of the Elements to float the farmpony over to Alex. She didn’t waste time talking to Alex, though; he didn’t share the connection. So Twilight knocked his legs out from under him with Applejack, and he wound up draped across her back.

“Oof!” grunted Alexander. Applejack sent thoughts of amusement at Twilight.

In the front of the halo, Rainbow Dash started powering herself forward with her wings, dragging everypony along behind. The Element bearers and passenger accelerated to catch up with the fleeing dragon.

They soon passed the running Wise Counsels, which vanished. Four more flying doubles appeared, but were immediately marked by Rarity’s blue magic aura. That left four possibilities.

“Upper left!” screamed Alex, and Twilight sent a rainbow whizzing at one of the Wise Counsels up there. It broke a double, which reappeared elsewhere to be immediately marked by Rarity.

“Lower left!” Twilight missed completely. Fluttershy felt her frustration through their bond.

“Upper right!” Another double broken, another double marked.

“Dead center!” Twilight’s shot again went wild, because they had reached the end of the hallway. It ended in an L-shape, turning toward the right.

All the remaining Wise Counsels made impossible ninety-degree turns—pi-over-two radian turns, Fluttershy heard through the connection. All except one, who flared his wings and barely avoided the wall.

We have you now, Fluttershy heard Rainbow Dash think. Then the Element bearers hit the turn.

Twilight had shifted the two earth ponies to the left side. As Rainbow Dash fought to change the group’s momentum, Applejack and Pinkie Pie hit the wall hooves-first and pushed off it. All the ponies were badly jarred, and Alex barely held on.

All of Rarity’s glowing blue marks had disappeared in the collision.

She sent profuse apologies and protestations of fault as they accelerated. Everypony assured her that it was all right, that there was nothing she could have done. Unfortunately, it looked to Fluttershy like that was going to cost them.

This hallway ended not very far ahead in a scenic overlook. If the dragon reached there, he would escape. And now he was back to seven substitutes.

Twilight fired the Element ray as fast as Alex called out the dragon’s real position. By the time they reached the overlook, only three Counsels were unmarked with blue. It wasn’t enough.

All eight Wise Counsels rocketed straight up upon reaching the threshold. A second later, the Element bearers and passenger followed him out the doorway. They flew right over the overlook’s edge. Thousands of pony-lengths over the valley below, the Elements’ magic keeping everypony in midair suddenly stopped working.

Rainbow Dash whirled around and pumped her wings harder than she ever had, to reverse their tremendous momentum and get them back onto solid ground. After seven agonizing seconds, she made it.

When everypony was safe, Rainbow Dash collapsed. The glowing Element halo faded as she fell. Everypony landed softly, except Alexander, whom Applejack unceremoniously dumped on his head in her rush to get to the fallen pegasus.

All Rainbow’s friends gathered around her as she gasped for breath. Rainbow rolled onto her back. “Did we…did we get him?” she panted.

Everypony looked glum. “And we…were so close…too,” she said.

Rarity fell on the ground and burst into tears. “It’s all myyyy fa—ha—ha—hault!” she wailed. “I lost track of who was real! I’m so sorry!” She grasped Twilight by the shoulders and looked up at her. “Please please PLEASE forgive me—hee—hee!”

Twilight pulled Rarity up. “Rarity, any number of things could have been different and we’d have gotten him. If my aim had been better… if Fluttershy had gotten to us faster… if Pinkie Pie and Applejack had pushed off the wall more gently…if Rainbow Dash had flown faster…if any one of those had happened, we’d have caught him. As it is…” she trailed off.

Is there a friendship lesson in here somewhere? wondered Fluttershy.

“…as it is, I guess sometimes all your friends do the best they can, and it’s not quite enough for what you’re trying to do. You still have to be thankful for what you did accomplish. We got rid of him, didn’t we?”

Everypony nodded.

“And we didn’t fall off the mountain, right?”

Rainbow Dash laughed weakly.

Fluttershy gazed forlornly up at Canterlot Castle’s majestic spires, within which the dragon had escaped.

=====

Shining Armor escorted the Element bearers and Alexander to the Princess Celestia’s private audience chamber. With him were the two pegasus guards from the incident three hours ago, Corporal Majestic Cloud and Private Coup de Grace. Grace, who had a penchant for insubordination, had been the one to talk out of turn, though he’d become noticeably quieter since the incident.
Shining supposed he could fault neither of his subordinates for their non-performance; after all, nopony was trained to withstand a mental assault like the one they’d been subjected to. The master magicians were looking into that, and they suspected that a potion had been involved, sneaked into the guards’ food.

After Shining Armor had lunged forward on Twilight’s signal, it was like time had frozen. He couldn’t move, and nopony else did either. All four ponies at whom he happened to be looking when it happened stopped moving, Celestia and Twilight rearing back, Alexander getting up, and Wise Counsel—or whomever that really was—turning to run.

Shining had stood there an indeterminate amount of time, just trying to move or even think. He managed to move his leg, and then time seemed to fast-forward. Everypony started looking around the hallway, screaming and running, while Alexander went from one to another, yelling at them. The six young mares formed up, activated the Elements, grabbed Alex, and blasted away down the corridor in the space of two seconds.

Limbs working properly by this time, Shining had run to Princess Celestia’s side where she lay on the floor. Her breathing had been even, her heart still beating; he hadn’t sensed anything magical about the sleep. He’d ordered Cloud to get help and torn down a tapestry to place under his liege’s head. Then, not hearing acknowledgement, he’d turned around to find both soldiers standing stock-still.

Which left himself to run all the way through strangely deserted hallways to the castle infirmary, and bring back medics and more guards.

Both regular doctors and mages had gone over the Princess with a fine-toothed comb. Nopony had found anything wrong with her. It was like she had chosen that exact moment to become a narcoleptic.

Shining Armor seriously doubted that. By all his sister’s friends’ accounts, she had collapsed when the impostor had shouted something.

But what do I know? He’d made a snap decision to leave Princess Celestia alone and helpless. He would be lucky to get a demotion; the higher-ups could even give him a dishonorable discharge.

This was why Shining Armor, alone among the ten ponies going to see the Princess, didn’t want to be there.

When they entered, Celestia smiled warmly at them all. “My dearest subjects, Lieutenant, Corporal, Private. A short while ago, you all performed admirably under unusual circumstances, to say the least. Yes, even you, Lieutenant,” she addressed Shining, “I think your decision to get help quickly was the right one, and you expertly resisted the enemy’s mind magic. You will not be punished. In fact, to you I wish to give my first reward for today’s events. I am hereby promoting you to Captain…”

Shining was surprised. He nearly moved at attention.

“…of my personal Guard.”

“OooooOOOOOOoooohhh,” enthused Pinkie Pie.

“Thank you, ma’am,” replied Shining. He couldn’t keep the amazement out of his voice.

Princess Celestia continued. “Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy. You all have once again proved your incredible commitment to each other and to Equestria. Now, ordinarily, this would be when I unveiled a new stained-glass window in honor of your feats of friendship, but not this time.” Forestalling Twilight’s frantic comment, she continued, “And this does not reflect on your performance, any of yours.

“I believe it best that this incident be kept hidden for the time being, and a ten-length-high window is not the most secret thing. The only pony outside this room who knows about today’s events is my sister Luna. You six and Alexander must swear not to speak of this to anyone or anything; Captain, Corporal, Private, you are under orders to the same effect.” The Guards saluted, and the seven civilians took their oaths, Pinkie adding her own.

“My faithful student,” the Princess addressed Twilight, “this also means that it is doubly important that you continue your studies in friendship. I do not know when or if that impostor will be back, but we must be prepared when he does, and you all must be able to trust each other.”

“I won’t let anything get between me and writing those friendship letters, Princess. You have my word,” said Twilight, in the very serious voice she reserved for matters of academics.

Unusually serious, in fact. Maybe I should talk to her, make sure she’s not about to lose perspective, noted Shining Armor. I’ll have to see if I’m off duty in time.

As they finished, the Princess said, “One final thing. Alexander, step forward.” He did. “I hope you don’t think you’ve been forgotten in all the commotion.”

The earth pony seemed to consider. “Maybe a little.”

Princess Celestia laughed. “Consider that worry put to rest. I have already given my faithful student and her friends all I can give them; after all, they have saved the kingdom thrice over. However, I believe you are in some trouble. You must set up a new life for yourself on an unfamiliar world, is that right?”

Alex winced and nodded.

“Then I can ease that transition. Alexander, you may keep the expense stamp I gave you yesterday. Use it to begin again here, wherever you want, until you find employment.”

“Thank you! Thank you!” Alex smiled gratefully, and turned to leave with everypony else.

Shining Armor nearly facehoofed. Does he have no idea how to retreat from royalty? You back away, and bow! Argh.

Shining was the last out the door. “A moment, Captain,” called the Princess.

He returned to the room. “Yes, ma’am?”

“As your first duty as my Captain of the Guard, I command you to find Princess Luna and bring her here. I have need of one particular skill of hers.”

“Right away, ma’am.”

=====

Princess Luna locked the audience room door after the retreating Shining Armor. Then she turned to her sister, resigned to her task. “There isn’t any other way, is there?”

Celestia shook her head slowly. Luna noticed, again, how graceful her sister now made even that simple motion look. There had been a time when the two of them had competed in little things like that; who could walk more fluidly, speak more skillfully, fly more quickly. Now…now her sister had had had a full millennium of extra practice. She had no hope of surpassing that.

She felt herself begin to feel a little jealous, and with a spike of fear hurriedly shut down the line of thought. That way lay the Nightmare.

Maybe it’s for the best, this gap, she mused.

Celestia continued, “If there was another way, I would take it. You know how serious this is, sister. My mind has been compromised. Invaded. And I trust you implicitly to set any changes right.”

“Even though I haven’t done this since before…” Luna trailed off. Celestia would know what event. It had been a rather big one, taking the kingdom from two rulers to one.

“Even so. You are the one best able to do this.”

“Not complementing the royal mind magicians much, are we, sister?” Luna said, trying to lighten the mood.

Celestia was unperturbed. “None of them know me like you do.” The larger alicorn laid her head down and closed her eyes in preparation for the procedure.

Steeling herself, Luna sat down facing Celestia. She took a few moments to prepare the complex spell, and then touched the tip of her horn to the base of her sister’s.

The room disappeared.

What replaced it was hard to describe. One thing was for certain, though; everything was neat and orderly. Those things visible on the surface had to do with everyday life for the Princess of the Day: etiquette, names and characteristics of staffers and guards, verbal indicators of a bad idea submitted to her. Every action, every memory, was complex and interlinked with other things.

That is, except the first bit of malicious addition.

It stuck out like an excited pegasus; a simple if-then statement connected with only a single memory. It even seemed to be a different color, if color could adequately describe the inside of a mind. Luna was relieved. Maybe this won’t be so hard after all.

Celestia responded with encouragement, and kept her mental defenses relaxed.

The statement read, If I hear the word vneshis’skat from Wise Counsel, then I will immediately fall asleep.

Luna committed the word to memory, then wiped out the artificial belief with a thought. The impostor had slipped up; judging by the apostrophe, he’d put the correct spelling of the word in the command.

Nearly in unison, the two sisters observed that they could use the spelling to learn something about the villain. They directed thoughts of amusement at each other, and then Luna went back to searching.

Now that she knew roughly what the impostor’s influence looked like, Luna felt certain that she would be able to find the rest of his alterations. Celestia agreed.

Some length of time later, she found another, much better-hidden influence. More of a search, actually. This one followed a train of planning, an extremely old one which began soon after Nightmare Moon had been banished. The search led up to one of the best-protected parts of Celestia’s mind. The defenses around this area were bound up in Celestia’s commitment to the kingdom and ‘her little ponies,’ as she liked to say.

Relaxed as her sister was, Luna still couldn’t get into there. I need to see inside, sister, she asked; I can’t tell from here if he got inside.

Celestia hesitated. You will never let word of this get out?

Luna felt a bit hesitant herself. What in Equestria could could her sister be hiding in there?

Remember that I may not be the pony you left one thousand years ago, warned Celestia as she relaxed her thickest barriers.

Luna learned possibly the biggest, most powerful secret on the planet.

Fortunately, the mind manipulation had been stopped short of learning the secret. Unfortunately, Luna was no longer in any condition to continue delicate mental work. The two alicorns separated, severing the connection.

Luna gazed at her sister. For the first time, she saw the weight of the long, lonely thousand years on Celestia’s face.

Luna fought for words. “But you…you were…”

Celestia smiled sadly. “The muscle? The one cautioning you?”

Luna nodded wordlessly. She wondered for a time.

“Twilight, the others…?” she asked.

“Yes,” Celestia confirmed.

“You...?”

“Yes.”

“Cadance…?”

“Yes.”

So that was why Celestia made her a Princess.

After a pause, she asked, “You saw why I did what I did. Would you have done anything differently?”

Luna gave no response.

“You see why Twilight and the others must never find out?”

Luna nodded. Her sister really had changed. I guess a thousand years on the throne does that to a pony.

=====

The six young mares and Alexander stood in the great hall just inside Canterlot Castle’s main entrance. They were saying their farewells. Alex paid particular attention to Applejack and Rainbow Dash, who, something told him, weren’t entirely on good terms with him yet.

“Believe me now?” he asked the farmpony.

Applejack half-smiled at him. “Ah reckon you’re a right kinda guy, Alex, even if you are a little nutty. Thanks for your help back there. Couldn’t have done it without ya.” She paused, then, “Sorry for droppin’ ya.”

I was wondering when that would come up. “It’s all right, no harm done. Good luck with your Zap Apples.” He’d overheard someone saying that those were due.

“Thank ya kindly,” she said. She tipped her hat, and turned to leave.

Alex turned to look at Rainbow Dash, hovering near him. She squinted at him, forelegs folded. He stared right back.

After a few seconds, she said, “Yeeeeaaaah, I’m gonna need a little more convincing. But thanks for what you did do.” Reaching down to ruffle his mane, she said, “See you around, squirt!” Alex failed to swat the hoof away in time, and Rainbow flew off laughing.

Alex finally looked over at Twilight, who was not entirely successfully hiding her smile. Alex rolled his eyes, and she laughed.

“So where will you go now?” she asked.

That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? “I honestly have no idea. That town, Ponyville, looked pretty nice. Know someplace I could stay there?”

Whatever Twilight said next was drowned out by a rough clap of a hoof on Alex’s back and a strident declaration, “Hey! You just left us earlier! What was that?”

It was Cloud Burst. Lex Rex stood behind him. By way of explanation, Lex said, “A soldier told us we ought to come here now that the trial’s over.”

Burst turned to Lex. “Yeah, and now that it’s over, let’s talk about your ‘I think you’ll get off.’”

Lex looked frustrated. “You got in that fight yesterday! I got you minimal community service! You even get to pick where!”

“I’ll leave you guys to it,” said Twilight.

Alex waved as the six young mares walked out the gate. “Goodbye everybody!”

“Pony,” said Twilight.

“Come again?”

“Everypony. We say everypony here. Everypony, nopony, somepony.”

Alex jerked a hoof back over his shoulder. “But that was a griffon back there. And you live with a dragon.”

Twilight looked a little flustered. “Well, it’s just what we say.”

It was Alex’s turn to squint skeptically. “Body. It’s inclusive.”

Twilight stood her ground. “Pony. It’s traditional.”

“I’ll just leave you guys to it,” called out Cloud Burst. Lex Rex snickered. Twilight rolled her eyes at the pegasus.

The girls started to the train station, leaving the three stallions in their corner of the grand entry hall.

“Well, now what?” asked Alex, as much to himself as to the others.

“Now, I want to set up shop somewhere,” began Lex Rex. “That was my test for after-school aid. You graduate from law school, then they assign you a real case to argue. If you do well enough, the law school helps you set up your own practice. I was thinking someplace small where I do a lot of things. I don’t want to argue the same kind of case over and over.”

Cloud Burst looked unsure. “Are you sure you passed? What with her convicting me and all.” He raised his eyebrow at Lex Rex.

The lawyer raised an eyebrow right back. “I talked to the observer they had in there. He was amazed the earl didn’t throw the book at you. I passed.”

“Well,” grunted Burst, “My family isn’t going to be happy about this. The less said about them, the better. Bottom line, I need a place to start over. Somewhere I can do my community service.” He grimaced at that last, but not so much as he had at ‘family.’ Clearly, that was a story for another day.

“Yep, I’m pretty much starting at zero too,” Alex agreed. Then he had the beginnings of an idea. “Say, I saw this nice little place south of here. Ponyville?”

Lex Rex looked intrigued. “You know…” he glanced at Burst. “They have a reputation for really light criminal punishment down south.”

Cloud Burst stamped once. “Welp, I know where I’m going.”

“And they might not have a general practitioner yet,” mused Lex.

“We could pool our resources, rent a house,” suggested Alex. Surely the railroad has an opening for me.

“I have a cousin in real estate. I bet he could find us one,” said Burst.

“Settled?” asked Alexander.

“Settled,” agreed Cloud Burst.

“All but notarized,” said Lex Rex.

As they left Canterlot Castle, Alex reflected on the last three days’ events.

It was an unfamiliar world, but not a bad one. Just a different one. And he had things to be thankful for. The means to start a new life. The fact that he’d survived his first three days in this place, and even come out ahead. And the fact that someone had referred to Rainbow Dash as a girl before he’d really ticked someone off. In fact, the only thing that bothered him was how he got here, how he still didn't remember it. That and the voice in his head.

Yes, all sunshine and talking, magical, multicolored ponies from here on out, came the comment.

Shut up, Zach, you’re irrelevant. The voice subsided.

Yes, things are looking up. One of his favorite old songs sprang to mind.

(The song is "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake. It can be found here.)

Villain Epilogue

The pony-shaped dragon once known as “Type 5, Version 3, Number 6” winged his way over the frozen wastes north of Equestria, deliberating. He knew what had gone wrong with his plan: the sheer bad luck that something had shown up capable of seeing through his disguise. He planned ways to avoid that happening in the future, and how to retrieve what remained of his machinations.

Doubtless, the Equestrian mind magicians would find the command word he’d put in Celestia. There was nothing he could do about that. They might find his other mental probes as well, and Celestia would certainly make sure that she and her sister would not be so vulnerable next time. His next attempt, therefore, could not incorporate mind-warping either Princess, at least not nearly as extensively as this previous plan called for. To be safe, he should spend as little time in Equestria as possible, and if it was absolutely necessary, he should know Alexander’s whereabouts with certainty.

Mainly, he was alive and uninjured, and his powers of disguise and manipulation remained undiminished. Only one being on the planet could see through his illusions, leaving millions vulnerable. His preparations elsewhere were untouched, and those could be modified.

He concluded that his next attempt to loot Equestria, the richest country on the planet, had to come from outside. That mattered little. It might be the richest, but it was far from the only one.

As he flew, he looked down at one glacier in particular. Under there was his point of origin. Point of origin, because although his earliest memories were of there, he doubted that it was his birthplace. Few beings nowadays were aware that under the monochromatic expanse slept an entire city, locked under the ice since its mad overlord had tried to drag it into oblivion with him. Fewer still knew that underneath it was a laboratory dedicated to creating Sombra’s perfect enforcers, among them the Type Fives, the infiltrators. All of it could stay frozen forever, for all the dragon cared. He had no desire to reminisce. He’d been engineered, he’d been trained, he’d escaped, he’d eliminated the others, enough time spent on that topic.

His thoughts returned to Equestria. Small wonder dragons like himself were drawn to the place. There was enough gold in Canterlot alone to keep a dragon busy for years hunting it all down to build the grandest hoard in history. The screams of the gold’s former owners would make the gathering all that much sweeter.

It was a fantasy, of course; a being powerful enough to move a celestial body could vaporize him with a glance. Pitched battles were Celestia’s forte. He would be a fool to meet her in one.

In the meantime, he could amuse himself with what trouble he had caused. The little ponies might, he thought with a dark chuckle, go looking for the real Wise Counsel. He laughed because there was no green pegasus pony under that name. There never had been. It had been the dragon all along. In his judgment, it was safer to take years getting setting up a plan than replacing someone already known. He was patient.

Thinking about engineering identities made him wonder about his own. Not in any high philosophical sense, but in a much simpler one. He was tired of thinking of himself as “Five-Three-Six.” The dragons from whom the numbers had differentiated him were all dead, most at his own horn and claws. It was time he chose a name. He recalled a bit of information from another world.

“Hannibal…one of the other greatest generals…a fictional murderer had that name, and a real one got nicknamed that too.”

The dragon considered. The name had a kind of exotic malice to it, good. And very few understood its full significance, even better. No one else, once he found an assassin good enough to get rid of the alien.

That name works nicely, he thought with a rare smile. I am Hannibal.

The wind whistled mournfully over the snow. Hannibal went back to scheming.

Author's Note

You read my story through to the finish! Thank you!

If the above statement applies to you, there are some things you ought to know.

I raised a lot of issues and questions and resolved very few of them. This was intentional. It's a "premeire." That's right, there's more where this came from! Think of this as a pilot episode of a TV show, and you're the executive to whom I'm pitching it. Do you want to have more? Tell me! Leave a comment! This show can go on for as long as you are willing to support me. Or to the end-of-Season 5 mark, whichever comes first. Yes, I have plans out that far ahead. I tend to not do things by half measures, this included.

As a final note, yes, every future episode will end with a classic rock song as a sort of credits music. I encourage you to listen to the songs, because I'll never put a bad one in and every one will be related to the episode in some way. Some will even foreshadow future episodes! If classic rock isn't your thing, skip the song and you'll be fine.

Until the Season 1 opener, good-bye!