Chapters Brewing an Atheist from an Atheist
Applejack had just recently got out of church and finally got home after a long sermon given by Pastor Christian. He gave a long and passionate sermon about the demons that lurk about in innocent ponies. Even some of them could have been Applejack's friends. The pastor told her that many magic users could be using dark magic in disguise. He had warned many ponies to run from Princess Luna. In fact, he encouraged it. This ultimately got Applejack to fear for her friend, Twilight Sparkle.
Applejack constantly questioned who was a friend or truly her foe. She constantly questioned Princess Celestia and Princess Luna every time she visited Canterlot. She mainly left all the questions to be answered by Princess Celestia since Princess Luna tended to get offended by many unusual and seeming cruel personal questions. On some nights, Princess Luna would even cry by all the rumor and speculation that seemed to last years after Nightmare Moon. Twilight had to ask Applejack's questions and censor some of the derogatory terms.
Applejack tossed her Bible aside on the table and go to the bathroom to clean herself up. She was wearing a scent she definitely detested. She was ripping off her shirt when she heard a knock at the door. She heard three loud thuds coming from downstairs. No one was there to answer it and Applebloom was too young to be allowed to even come close to the door when someone came.
Applejack threw her shirt back in fully and went to answer the door. Luckily it wasn't someone from the church because Applejack was tired from all the singing and forceful attention she gave to Pastor Christian. Applejack turned the knob with her hoof and opened it entirely. Applejack was more than glad it was Rainbow Dash.
"Look, Rainbow," Applejack huffed, "I'm in no mood for a challenge right now. I need ta get all this off and wash off."
"You're dressed nicely," Rainbow Dash said with curiosity, "What's the occasion? Did Rarity dress you up in something you're willing to wear or is something serious up?"
"I just came back from church, Rainbow," Applejack sighed and started to take off the accessories such as bracelets and things, "I Need to wash up and get to work."
"You actually go to church," Rainbow Dash questioned with a snarl, "What else do you follow from a book? Do you actually do the day of Sabbath?" Rainbow Dash paused and said, "Oops! Must not. You're here workin' today. Oh well. Stupid me." Rainbow Dash chuckled at her own blunder.
As Rainbow Dash was chuckling at her own stupidity, Applejack cut in, "We don't have the time for Sabbath unfortunately. We gotta work as much as possible to feed Equestria."
Rainbow Dash stopped her bits of laughter and asked, "Isn't God supposed to feed us? Why doesn't he just shower food down on us?"
"We have to be true to him and his word. He will reward us in time. We will join him in eternal paradise. Ain't that somethin' worth workin' for?"
"Why do we have to work for it! We bust our humps to get nothing! The only time we see God do something is when something goes right? Think about it. Isn't it just coincidence? We get lucky or we work for what we need. All of the saved lives that are saved on a regular basis, we can thank those who save lives. When ponies are dying in hospitals and live, ponies thank God. I would find that a bit aggravating if I were a doctor, wouldn't you? You just saved someone's life and they don't thank you."
"God just didn't want them to die, Dash"
"If God didn't want them to die, then why would we ever need doctors?"
"We have doctors to heal injuries and heal the sick."
"Isn't that God's job? We are curing and easing diseases he brought upon us."
"It is our sins that brings us this pain."
"We are conceived in sin for two ponies' mistake. God pooped out the sun and the earth and made everything. Apparently, God had some 'divine plan' of some sort. I just can't stand to see all that blood and violence in that 'holy' book anyway."
"There is no blood or dyin' in the Bible. The only one who died was Jesus and he did it for our sins."
"You really are clueless, aren't you?" Rainbow Dash said in an angry tone.
"I've read parts of the Bible, Rainbow Dash!"
"Parts? Are you studying with a pastor or something?"
"Yes I am!"
Rainbow Dash shook her head and calmed herself down, "Haven't you even been curious about why the pastor doesn't want you to read on your own?"
"We would get the wrong idea and go to hell."
"You say that there is no blood in the Bible? Tell ya what. Prove me wrong. If you win, I'll join you in church. If I'm right, you're gonna have to read the Bible front to back with me. I need to read the whole thing anyway. Anyway, what 'cha say AJ? Huh?"
"Fine! I'll do it! Just go home or somethin'. I'll prove you wrong for sure!"
As Applejack nearly slammed the door Rainbow Dash added, "Oh! Totally forgot! Do you have a few quills and ink I can borrow? I've got a huge essay for the wonderbolts that I gotta do."
"I'm sorry, Rainbow. I don't have any that I can lend."
"Oh, okay. Later."
Rainbow Dash flew off to the library in Ponyville to find Twilight for some ink and a quill. "I'll show her. God is all-loving and would not spread innocent bloodshed like Rainbow Dash thinks. I'll show her. I'm sorry Pastor Christian, I must help a friend in need. I must spread the good, divine word of God. I must show this heathen what God wants. I'll show her, God! I'll show her for you. For I am your servant God, I will serve you in your holy, divine name!"
Applejack threw off her dress shirt and headed towards the bathroom. She cleaned herself off and quickly grabbed the Bible and began to read it front to back. She obviously started off with Genesis, since it was the first book. The chapters were short and simple with the exception of the long line of genealogy that was there. Applejack read for a few hours non-stop. She had to get to work though.
"Applejack!" Big Macintosh yelled for his sister outside.
"Sis, where ya at? We need ya to buck them trees before sunset! The Zap Apples are about to disappear."
Applejack had that overwhelming sense of stupidity and shame come over her. How could she forget about the Zap apples? "I'll be down in a minute y'all. I just got caught up in Bible study."
"I'm afraid that ya barely have a minute. We're gonna lose day light, AJ. It's 'bout 15 hours."
"Is it really three o'clock?"
"Eeyup. We'll met down for dinner. Applebloom and I still have a bit of work ta do. Get working, sis."
Applejack sprung quickly to her hooves to start workin' on the apple trees and making some sort of profit. While working, Applejack came up with a few questions of her own based off her reading. How could a 600 year old earth pony build a huge boat with his sons and his sons' wives and his wife? How were all the animals collect two by two? How did them animals stay healthy? How didn't the carnivores eat the herbivores? And she even asked the most feared question: what if he didn't exist?
Applejack almost started shaking. She wondered why her prayers weren't answered. She always felt like she was talking to air in a sense. Something in the back of her mind told her that. She wasn't only filled with fear but there was this overwhelming nausea that filled the pit of her stomach. It was guilt. She felt this overbearing shame and wouldn't dare ask her family. What would they say? What would they think? And most importantly, what would they do?
Applejack couldn't help, or even bear, to think what the others would think. The Apple family has tradition that have dated further back than the beginning of Equestria itself. She was slowly becoming a heathen, and that was a problem. The Apple family didn't care much about the law when it came down to other religions. They did as good Christians did as stated in Deuteronomy 13: 12-13, "If you ask Christians to describe their quasi-chosen god of worship, you'll .... David subsequently cries out to God and asks him why he wants to murder ..... If a city worships other gods, kill everyone in it and burn it". That caused many "heathens" to fear.
Applejack had heard Pastor Christian Talk about dirty. filthy heathens who shall burn in Hell for eternity, even if they helped society and tried to do no harm. Applejack thought about this and whispered, "God seems so lovin', don't he? Love me or burn in Hell. Sounds real nice, don't it?"
Applejack had finished all of her work for the day. She went to dinner and met up with the rest of the Apples. Applejack could tell that they waited for her. Applejack took a big gulp and headed for her seat. She sighed and sat down, bending her head forward and waiting for prayer.
Granny Smith put her hooves together and said, "Lord, we thank you for this food today so that we can remain strong as a family. We ask that you bless the heart of Applejack's dear friend who knows not of what she does," Applejack knew that Granny had heard and she continued, "Please continue to help and guide us, Lord and continue to provide for us. Amen."
Everypony said, "Amen," and ate the few apple tarts and other food that had been prepared. Applejack actually started to get comfortable. She had the growing comfort with the "Don't ask, don't tell" situation. She had the feeling of "What they don't know can't hurt them" type of feeling. Applejack could only imagine how Rainbow Dash had felt for all the years that she was a heathen.
Rainbow Dash came over the next day looking smug wearing a black fedora and carrying a Bible. "So, Aj," Rainbow began, "Did you manage to prove me right or wrong?"
"I do have to admit, Rainbow," Applejack replied, "You were dead wrong!" Applejack gave a stern, cruel look of "I told you so". Rainbow Dash's jaw dropped in disbelief. Then, Applejack busted out laughing and said, "I'm just kiddin'. You were clearly right! Of well, a deal's a deal."
Rainbow Dash chuckled and replied, "No, it's alright. I never really had much of a chance to debate religion face to face. read the rest of it on your own time. How far are you anyway? Genesis?"
Applejack replied with an, "Eeyup," just to tease Big Macintosh a little. "I'm actually a little surprised that you didn't want to claim your reward. Why not just come in, Dashie?"
"Uh, sure. At this rate, why not?" Rainbow Dash threw her Bible on the table and sat herself down on the couch. Applejack sat down next to Rainbow Dash and began to hold a conversation about religion related but not directly about religion itself.
"Do ya necessarily have any problems with same-sex marriage?"
"Me? Not really. I support one's right to choose, but I don't necessarily want to drive the point home with people. I'm not a nag about it, but I personally think that it's no one's business who dates or marries who. Just me opinion."
"What about abortion?"
"I'm not a huge fanatic about any controversial issues," Rainbow Dash took off her fedora and placed it on the table next to her Bible, "Like I said, I don't like to drive a point home that people will disagree with me on. I know that there are people that say, 'I am atheist and hear me roar' and stuff like that. I'm not one of them. I mainly support one's right to choose on many topics. I generally don't care."
"So, ya tend not to form much of an opinion, huh?"
"Yup"
"Well, I've gotten down ta thinkin', and I've started to think of things a little differently."
"When I became an atheist, I took a whole new view on life, too. It felt like a burden was lifted off my shoulders. The weight of the world was no longer my problem."
"The word 'atheist' does carry a lot of weight around here, don't it?"
"Unfortunately," Rainbow Dash paused, "It ain't fair if ya ask me. We're all known to be cruel and heartless. Truth is, atheist in general are very devoted and loving people. Lack of religion doesn't make you a bad person. Religion doesn't make anyone a good person either. This is why many atheists are in the closet. Social problems can range from 'don't talk to me about it' to 'stay away from me, my kids, and my family'. It just ain't fair if ya ask me."
Granny Smith rushed into the living room and screamed, "Get out of ma house you cold-hearted, bloody heathen." Granny Smith started to hit Rainbow Dash in the head with a broom to shew the "heathen" away. Rainbow Dash grabbed her fedora and Bible and ran out, taking off into the air upon exiting. "Don't come back ya bloody heathen!"
"Applejack," Granny Smith started, "Don't allow her to ever come back. EVER! Understood?"
"Uh, ya... sure," Applejack replied hesitantly. Granny Smith headed out of the living room and into the kitchen. Applejack grew less comfortable with the "Don't ask, don't tell" situation. She grew more self-conscience This type of over awareness made Applejack tense up internally. It increased Applejack's shame.
Applejack inched her way up to her room, bowing her head. As Applejack sat in her room, she asked herself distinct questions in her head. She asked, "Is this really worth the social cost?" or, "Why must this be social suicide?" or, "How much will I, or could I, lose?" To a typical, closeted atheist, these were common questions that were asked on a regular basis.
It was, without a doubt, social suicide to admit to yourself that you were an atheist. It was even worse to admit to anyone else that you were an atheist. Applejack grew more nauseated as the overwhelming fear loomed over her. It made her feel isolated -abandoned. It made her feel like the odd on out in the family. It sunk down into the pit of Applejack's core so deep that if it went any deeper, she would surely sink into depression.
This everlasting, internal conflict is what makes the atheist the way her or she is. The internal howl rages on. The howl is roaring but never heard.
"Why are you even near that heathen, Applejack?" Granny Smith questioned herself quietly. Granny Smith couldn't t see Applejack turning from the lord. All she saw was a little filly saying, "Jesus, come into my heart and fill me with your presence". "Maybe she was trying to talk some sense into that heathen," Granny Smith thought aloud.
Granny Smith decided to go up to Applejack and confront her in her room. She was surprised to see Big Macintosh standing by the door, ear up to it. "Big Macintosh!" Granny screamed, "Ain't cha got work ta do?"
"I ain't got much left, Granny," Big Mac began, "It just seemed like Applejack was in a bit in distress when ya sent her friend away. I decided ta come over and console her if I could."
Granny Smith decided to listen in. "Is she even in there?"
"Eeyup."
"It don't sound like she's even stirin' in there."
"She's probably just being a bit shy about the problem. Applejack ain't necessarily an open book ya know. Just like everypony else, she even has her secrets."
"Do you think these problems have to do with her relationship with the lord?"
"Get away from the door y'all!" Applejack screeched, "I can hear ya plain as day out there! Now just get! My problems are ma own and are intended to be that way for a while! The right ta some privacy would be mighty nice!"
"Sorry, sis. I just wanted ta see what was up. It just ain't like ya ta lock yourself up like this. Even if..."
"Just get away from the gosh darn door!"
"Sorry 'bout that, sis. Didn't mean ta eavesdrop." Big Mac and Granny Smith left. Granny Smith wanted to stay behind and eavesdrop more on her granddaughter. Big Macintosh put his arm around Granny Smith and dragged her across the floor to give his sister some much deserved privacy.
"I just don't get it, Big Macintosh! I just don't!"
"Like I said, Applejack ain't just some open book ya can read all the time. She has her fair share of secrets just like me, you, Applebloom, and eveypony else in Equestria. Ya just can't do it."
"And why would ya think that? Apples don't keep secrets from other Apples. We're a close knit family who shall be open to everyone in it."
"I think that's why the Apples keep more ta themselves on certain opposin' views. It's so closely knit that some ponies want ta have their own views and do their own thing. It don't always ta be the whole family's bis."
"Everypony needs to be an open book in this family!"
"Not everypony is gonna be, though. If there is even a slight whisper of a rumor in this family, everypony hears it. It might just be some embarrassin' issue that Applejack needs ta deal with on her own. If she wants our help, she can get our help. We just need ta let her know that we offer her full support. Ya can lead a pony ta water but ya can't make 'em drink. She'll come ta us or not come at all."
"So you're just gonna wait for her ta come outta her shell?"
"Eeyup. That's only thing we can do. If she sees us pushin' the point too hard, she'll only hide more and not even trust us. If we don't show any concern, she'll think we don't care. The strategy is to be caring and supportive without forcin' it and being overbearin'."
"We just can't sit 'round and do nothin', Big Macintosh!"
"We ain't. We're showing her that we care without forcin' it outta her. It's the best approach. I should know. I've dealt with Applejack with personal problems. This is the way I gained her trust. Remember, patience is a virtue."
"Virtue my hoof! When we need ta get stuff done, we ain't got time just ta be sittin' around!"
"We ain't need ta get nothin' done, Granny!"
"Fine, Big Macintosh." Granny Smith walked back into the kitchen to start getting lunch together.
"I wonder what has gotten on ma sister's mind. She never locked herself up like this. Oh well, there's plenty of time I can use just ta wait and see. We'll all see what happens," Big Mac wondered out loud.
Applejack was lying on her bed, face in the pillows and hair a little unkempt from covering her head, sobbing silently by the overwhelming war she waged inside herself. She saw this as social suicide. She had the "Damned if I do, damned if I don't" type of situation. If she kept her mouth shut, she'd force herself into believing something she doesn't believe, or she'd be forced to live in nothing but one big fat lie. If she told everyone, it would be a social massacre. The family did have some of their opposing views such as family in Manehattan. It would rip the family apart bit by bit. It was either to seal it up as a secret and pull through with the internal argument, or tell and divide a family for a long time, possibly forever.
Applejack started to get overwhelmed by the situation at hoof. She didn't even know how any of her other friends would react. She knew the only one who would take this kindly was Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash wasn't even allowed back after testing the waters with her friend.
Applejack knew what she had to do. How was she going to do it though? Rainbow Dash isn't allowed back on the farm anymore. Where, or whom, would Applejack turn to?
Beginning of Theist to Atheist
Beginning of Theist to Atheist
"Come on Apples!" Granny Smith shouted from downstairs to everypony inside the house, "We've gotta go or else we're gonna be late. the last thing we wanna do is upset the lord and go to hell."
"We're on our way, Granny. Just give me a minute," Applejack said upstairs, "The only thing I hate about church is gettin' dressed up. This is the only time of the week, that when I'm here, I feel like I'm arguin' with Rarity and not Granny Smith." Applejack let out a big sigh and started going downstairs. She mumbled under her breath, "Act like Rarity this week and knock out your dentures, Granny. I swear. Let's just sit through and get this over with already."
Applejack grabbed her Bible off the table and was face to face with Granny Smith. Applejack wanted to say so many things to her as Granny Smith inspected her attire. Applejack wore a white dress shirt and had her hair in a bun instead of her usual pony tail. "Applejack!" Granny Smith said angrily, "You should know how to fix up your collar by now. Even Winona can keep her collar on neater than you! And she's a dog! And wear your perfume! The last thing I want God to smell is cow manure! Fix your self up pronto!"
Applejack let out a big grumble and headed back up stairs, "She wants us all to hurry and then scrutinizes every little detail on attire!" Applejack set her Bible in the sink and fixed her collar, "She's just like Rarity! I swear! If she weren't so old I'd knock out what was left of her teeth, if she had any! Now where's that Awful smellin' flower poop in a bottle!"
Applejack gave herself a few quick sprits of the perfume and gagged. Applejack wasn't a very frilly and girly mare. She was a down-to-earth pony. That would explain the fact about being an earth pony, right? Applejack couldn't even stand being a Rarity-type pony for even one day. Applejack was always independent from any stereotype and group, other than her church. Which, in the long run, was worth all this aggravation.
The church was a very small church that could seat about 100 people altogether. It wasn't like a huge mega church or anything. That's how AJ loved a church. Not too big and not too small. The church was always filled with great pleasure and joy. They all sang hymns and listened to the pastor with great intent and study.
Applejack would study the Bible with great curiosity under strict guidelines from the church. These guidelines would say to read certain chapters or skip certain verses to avoid the frustration of the reader. Applejack always stayed true to her pastor and his strict teachings. He would always say, "Love Jesus!" or "Jesus is our savior," or, "Jesus will cure you and do miracles," and stuff like that. Applejack was very true to her church and her family guidelines.