BOX

by The Grease Trap Wizard

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Flash Sentry, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Random
Length: 2066

WHAT'S IN THE BOX? I DON'T KNOW MAYBE WE'LL FIND OUT HERE IN THIS STORY RIGHT HERE.

WHAT'S IN THE FREAKING BOX? WHAT'S IN THE FREAKING BOX OF FREAKING MYSTERY? I DON'T KNOW MAYBE I'LL FIND OUT. ALL I DO KNOW IS THAT MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS BROKEN.

WHY IS IT BROKEN? I ALSO DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION EITHER. HELP ME.

OTHER YELLING SOUNDS.

WARNING THIS FIC CONTAINS BOXES, FLASH SENTRY, AND OTHER ALICORNS. IF YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO SUCH THINGS READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. READING MAY CAUSE STOLEN WAIFUS, GASTROINTESTINAL PROBLEMS, AND ALICORN BUTT, WING, AND HORN HURT.

Published 2014-06-17 03:40:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-17 03:40:05 UTC

TEST 1 BEN

A hill looked over the small town of Ponyville. The mountain that held Canterlot loomed over the small and peaceful town. My black cloak rippled in the wind along with my black fur and my red and black mane. I pulled my hood over my head with my dark magic and spread my black wings and closed my eyes, tears spilling out. You may have disowned me dear sister, my dark past has kept me away from you for too long. As my name is Shadow Death, Luna I will find yo-! I  felt an impact on the back of my head and I fell to the ground, the sweet smell of grass in my nostrils.

Twilight Sparkle carried a very lumpy sack through the streets of Ponyville, saying hello to everyone as she walked. The opening of the sack was held shut with her lavender magic. She opened the door to her library and walked in, closing the door behind her. She sat down the sack and walked over to the small table with the pony head as the centerpiece. She walked to it slowly and whispered into its ear, "Varstovic, Ustenad, Cayout." The pedestal rumbled, then began to depress into the floor. Twilight calmly walked onto the newly formed stairs with the sack in tow. She reached the end of the stairs quickly, picking up a torch along the way.

At the end there was a large dark cavern carved out of the rock. It was dark until she lit a pitch soaked brazier which ignited, casting light to the contents of the room. There was a pedestal surrounded by layers of books. On the pedestal lay a small blue hexagonal box. Twilight set down the sack, then walked over to the box, mumbling as she spoke. She started to pick up various items. A bowl was the first, followed by a small vial and dried plants and other ingredients, slowly crushing them and adding small drops of liquid from the vial. "Where is that book?!" she cried.

"Hey, over here!" came a small shrilly voice from a stack of random tomes. A book flew towards her, papers floating from its inside out. The cover was a thing out of nightmares, with two dark red eyes and a large mouth filled with teeth and a large unlit crude bomb.

"Bombinomicon, do you still have the page on summoning various spirits?"

"Of course I do lady! What do you think I am? I transformed a black Scottishman's eye into a bloody floating monster and can summon bombs at will. So yes I still have that bloody page."

"You shouldn't be so disrespectful Bombinomicon. I did save you from that stupid wizard and his absolutely boring roomate. So if you please, would you turn to the page and please service to our 'guest'.

"Eeh sure thing boss." said the cursed book, and flew over to the now struggling sack while flipping its pages. He untied the sack somehow and dumped the wriggling alicorn onto the stone. Twilight looked at the figure that she had bludgeoned on the hill.

"Who the hell are you?!" He cried, lighting his horn with red magic.

"Ah, ah, ah." said the Bombinomicon, flipping briefly to one of its pages. "Hey, here's that spell! Babmozib prundo! Now your horn is a bomb!" The alicorn looked up and realized that his horn was indeed a small bomb. "Use any magic", continued the book, "and your head goes BOOM! Hahaha! I would detonate it now, but my boss needs you for something."

"What do you need me for?"" the alicorn whimpered.

"I need you for a spell that will bring a... 'friend' into this dimension. Now hold still." Her horn lit up with magic and a small stone table rose out of the ground under the alicorn.

"What the!?" were the only things he was able to say before stone molded over his hooves, rendering him immobile. She walked up to him, now adorned in a robe of pure red as if woven from blood.

"Lord Inglip," she began to murmur, pulling a bowl and brush out, mixing the liquid inside, "I offer unto you this virginal sacrifice of immortal blood." She began to paint on the alicorn's face, gritty liquid streaming down his face and into his mouth.

"I can hear you you know right!?" the terrified creature yelled, spitting out gritty paint.

"Bring forth the opener of locks, the Master of the Doors of Death and Life, the one will allow anyone who calls upon him to wield the total unsurpable powers of Hell itself! Bring Him Forth!" she was yelling at this point, placing the bowl at the base of the small table. "Bring forth THE GREAT AND POWERFUL BEN!" She levitated a small ornamental knife to her captives throat, and before he could protest, she slit his throat. His blood spilled down the crevices of the table and pooled in the bowl of remaining paint.

"Quick Bombinomicon! Say the words!"

The Bombinomicon did not hesitate before blurting, "Servitor, Adsiret, Gostaer, Okseisted, HATS!"

At this last word, a black smoke lifted out of the bowl and worked its way over to the lit brazier and extinguished it. As the light died, a pale red light filled the room and a form grew, leading up to the ceiling. It leaned over Twilight and the Bombinomicon and its true form was revealed. It was a huge demon with bright blue skin and a chest plate fashioned out of bones Its face was equally as terrifying It was a face as like none other than Twilight had seen.

"I am the almighty Ben." It growled, its voice raspy and almost bored sounding. "What do you require of me?"

"Almighty Ben," began Twilight Sparkle, "I wish of you to open this vessel to allow me to gazeth upon the contents inside." She offered him the box, which Ben picked up with a two claws. He examined it and gave a sudden growl

"This box is an unbreakable construct. Only made to be opened by one individual that I will never name. I am sorry magical talking horse, I will not help you." He began to shrink into the bowl until the only thing that was left was Twilight, the Bombinomicon, and a dead Alicorn.

She sighed. "Bombinomicon, can you clean up this mess please? Everypony will get suspicious if I carry out a bloody lumpy sack.

"Don't feel bad boss," said the book as he unlatched the alicorn and stuffed him back into the sack. "We all make mistakes, hell look at Merasmus. That wizard was one taco short of being a supreme."

She looked at him as she folded her cloak. "Thanks Bombinomicon."

She waled back up the stairs replacing the torch as she went leaving the Bombinomicon in silence. He looked left, then right before finally opening his pages. He stopped and a portal opened, in which he nudged the sack.

"Hey Merasmus!" he called into the portal.

"WHO'SE THERE!" came a loud resounding voice.

"Have a Blast!" the book replied, igniting the bomb that was still on the alicorn before slamming the portal shut. He imagined the bomb exploding as he floated back up the stairs, resealing the entrance as he left.

Click

Click

Indianapolin IN

Hundreds of humans have packed themselves into the large hall, the lights are dimmed, the air is ripe with hate of the announcement of the new XBox 2 the medics drug the Microsoft representative  out to the nearby ambulance, his face covered in bruises blood and one solitary blue cupcake that had taken root over his left eye. The people stare as he leave, but stop suddenly as they hear a boom come across the room. This can mean only one thing... they cheer, their savior has arrived, Gabe Newall steps onto the stage with a suit tailored with the dollars of a thousand willing buyers. The cheering grows, almost deafening, until he raises his hand slowly. The lighs dim as the power of a god commands them. A projector falls from the ceiling crushing one, but no one notices. The curtain slowly parts behind Gabe and there rests a pedestal. On that pedestal lays a small silver briefcase. He picks it up slowly and turns back to the crowd. Sweat pours, people have begun fainting, but they have seen nothing yet. He clicks open one lock and the Microsoft representative falls to his knees slowly praying that Gabe accepts him as a follower of the Gaben religon. A second lock pops and the lights have begun to swing towards him, stuck in a gravitational pull. The case cracks, a golden light spills, All who the light touches are converted to Gaben. He opens the case and reaches through the glow for he is the chosen one. A box is pulled out and a bright orange name is printed upon it.

HALF LIFE 3

Many faint instantly, those not touched by the sales of our Steam Gods die, turning into piles of money for the Gaben followers. Gaben stands and as he does wings of gold ichor sprout from his back and fly him and the followers of Gaben to his palace in the sky of sales, hats, and Dota.

GABE IS LOVE GABE IS LIFE.

LAST TEST HAPPENS AND ALL CHAOS BREAKS LOOSE.

Twilight sat in the waste of hundreds of days of testing. Her voice had gone out from so much yelling and cursing of the box. It still mocked her with its sapphire surface. She heard the soft pop of a teleportation spell and turned her head to see Discord in a dark suit with red collar and black tie poking out of the center. A pair of black glasses sat atop his nose. He looked at her and pulled the glasses down. "What seems to be the matter?" He said to her, somewhat actual sympathy in his voice. She held the box out to him in a hoof. He took it and began to rotate the box, looking at the bottom in particular. She looked back and began to rearrange papers into neat stacks with magic when she heard a great ripping sound and metal clanking on stone. She whipped around and saw Discord with blue tape covering one of his hands, and a pile of six keys on the floor. Twilight took both the box and the keys, then with a little hesitation, turned all six of the keys. She heard the grinding of the mechanism and gave a small squeak of happiness. The lid cracked open and Discord reached over her neck and twisted the cap off. Inside was nothing that had ever to be seen. a small briefcase, silver in color lay nestled in the black velvet lining of the box. It gleamed in Twilight's eye, but when she reached for it, Discord took the briefcase. She jumped at him, waving her arms in a futile attempt to retrieve it.

"Sorry Princess. I knew I had left my storage somewhere, yet I do have a little gift for you though. He opened the briefcase slightly, and out of it, he took a smaller version of the box and tossed it to her. She gaped at his evil gift as he readjusted the spectacles and popped away with a slight cackle on the air. Twilight silently screamed on her knees towards the sky.

Discord popped back into reality somewhere in the Everfree Forest, briefcase still in hand. He walked, the briefcase slowly expanding in size until it was about the same size as a textbook. He reached a small clearing where the sun finally burst through the trees, leaving a circle of light. A small geode was in the middle of the circle, and Discord lifter it up slightly with magic. The crystal turned a deep orange and a circle, rough around the edges appeared in the air. A distorted voice came out of it and Discord nodded. "Yes I have the product, sending it to you now." He reached out and pushed the case through the hole and felt something grab him. Discord released himself and teleported a few feet back. The geode shivered, then shattered into a thousand pieces. He wiped his brow and walked away, wondering what he had just given up.