My tale of Equestria.

by dukesofhazzardftw

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Adventure, Human, Romance, Comedy
Length: 1880

While flying in the Alaskan wilderness, I crash my plane into a green flame on a mountain side that changes my life forever.

While flying in the Alaskan wilderness, I crash my plane into a green flame on a mountain side that changes my life forever.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-08 21:40:24 UTC

Why Equis?

Before we begin I would like to tell you that this is all real and my good friend Twilight found a spell to give me WIFI.  I am more of an amateur writer so my story of the past will be short and fast.  If Twilight asks me if I want coffee ONE MORE TIME (because I literally write all day and night) I'LL SAY  >8D HECK YEA!!!!!!!!! >8D

Chapter 1

I spun the prop of my J-3 Piper cub and the engine clicked.

"Alright." I said.  "well strange feeling that I should fly today in THIS weather." I sighed as a snowflake landed on my nose. "You'll get your wish.". I pushed the primer and spun the prop one more time.  BANG rrrrRRRRRrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrr.  The engine was getting used to the cold and it sputtered to life. " Ahahalright!  The mighty cub awakens!" I sad with a mock appraisal bow... The plane shut off.  "OH COME ON I WAS JUST JOKING! the fuel must've froze OH WELL I will just have to get a bottle of HEET and it'll be fine in a few minutes." I jumped out of the cockpit. and walked into my back room.

(Note Living in Alaska, unless you live in a suburb than you usually don't have a garage for tools and stuff.)

"HEET HEET? WHERE ARE YOUUUU????" I asked myself in a sing song voice.  "There you are." I grabbed a bottle of HEET off of the bench and ran outside to the plane.  "HUUP!" I grunted as I pulled myself up on the wing to put the HEET in.  After five minutes of waiting I tried to start it again.  This time the engine ROARED to life with a mighty ROARRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.  I jumped down from the cockpit and removed the straps hooked to the ground.  "EEP!" I Shrieked as I ran to the house to get my iPad.  When I returned I hopped inside the cockpit, closed the door, and pushed my throttle forward.  I pulled back on the stick and was airborne.  "Well, I hope that something doesn't happen to the engine." I stated. "It sounded like something was up!" I slightly chuckled.  I climbed to a higher altitude just 500 Feet below federal regulations for having an oxygen mask on.  As I was flying along in the mighty bush plane of the north, when I saw a strange light glowing on the side of a mountain.  "STEER CLEAR JARED curiosity killed the cub-AWW screw it." I told myself as I banked towards the mountain.  I circled the mountain and all I saw was a... Green flame?  I rubbed my eyes to see if I was dreaming.  I wasn't.  Then the engine quit and for no reason caught fire.  I piloted towards the green flame looking of help.  instead,  There was a flash of light and a change of scenery.  Mainly,  It was night, AND it was summer.  And a familiar hill by a familiar house... A tree house at that. A rather cartoony technicolor tree house.  But that was the least of my worries the most of them was... Why the hell won't this fire go out?  I looked at the hill and saw the main six of My little pony friendship is magic gazing up at the stars.  Then they saw my plane on fire.  "Well done butthead you probably ruined whatever kind of star gazing show the were watching." I said. "WOAH" I screamed as I hit the ground so hard I thought I broke my back.  I slowed down more and hit the brakes stopping the aircraft.  The second I stopped I opened the door, grabbed the five gallon bucket of water I always carry, (sealed) and extinguished the fire.  I let out a sigh of relief, and reached for my portable C.B radio.  I flipped a couple switches.  "BREAK!  this is the Rubber Duck is anyone on, do ya read me over?" I said.  "Nothing.  Oh well.  Where am I anyways?"

"hello?" I heard a quiet voice ask.  "YES hello who is there?" I asked back.  "why do I get the feeling I should duck because a rainbow maned pegasus named Rainbow Dash is going to try to knock me out?" I asked myself just as rainbow punched and hit the side of the plane.  "OWWW MAN what's that even made out of?" she asked shaking her hoof.  "Aluminum." I stated. "well actually I had it modified to be an aluminum aloof to make it more durabl-" I was cut off by an instant K-O punch.  Well I was semi-awake and I could here "RAINBOW! he was being interesting WHY'D YOU DO THAT?" I smiled told my body to open its eyes get up take the cowling off the engine and fix it VIOLA my problem would be solved.  well I got all of that done except fixing it so far but then they noticed. "Back for more eh?" rainbow asked.  "rainbow dash stop acting like a pest, go away, AND LET ME FIX THIS ENGINE!!!!" I said with growing anger.  "how do you know my na-" "I know all of your names now go away." I said grabbing my toolbox and exiting the air craft.  Twilight grabbed me with her magic.

"AHHH HOLY CRAP Put me down!" I said pulling my 45 out of its holster.  She dropped me.  "a stick?" she asked.  "Nope." I said.  I noticed some thing roaring.  "wait a minute." I said finding the source of the noise. "wolves made of wood? THERE Timber wolves... Ohh the puns they burn." I pulled out my revolver and shot it twice in the head.  It fell dead.  "Well that was anticlimactic." I deadpanned. "Oh well, at least I can fix my plane!"  I grabbed my portable c.d. player out of the back and put in Johnny cash. (what I like country) I sang with the song.

"well my daddy left home when I was three,

and he didn't leave much to ma and me,

just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.

Now I don't blame him cause he ran and hid,

but the meanest thing that he ever did was before he left he went and named me sue.

Well he must've thought that it was quite the joke and it got a lots a laughs from a lots a folk, It seems I had to fight my whole life through.

Some gal would giggle and I'd get red,

Some guy would laugh and I'd bust his head,

I tell ya life ain't easy for a boy named Sue.

I grew up quick and I grew up mean my fists got hard and my wits got keen,

I roamed from town to town to hide my shame,

But I made me a vow to the moon and stars I'd search the Honky Tonks and bars,

And kill that man who give me that awful name.

Well it was gatlinburg in mid July,

I'd just hit town and my throat was dry,

thought I'd stop and have myself a bre-"

"WOULD YOU STOP!!?!?!" yelled rainbow in my ear.  I screamed and jerked back, thus cause my hand to hit the sharp metal part on the prop.  The tip of my finger was skinned and my hand had a three inch long gash that was pretty deep.  "Rainbow." I said calmly. "come here." she slowly walked forward. I showed her my hand and screamed in HER ear "GOSH DAMNIT!!!" she fell back surprised as I ran to the back of my  plane for a first aid kit.

Why the HELL did you scream in my ear?!?!?

When I was done bandaging up my hand, I walked over to rainbow and said, "Why the hell did you scream in my ear?".  "Because you wouldn't stop singing some song." she replied.  "would it have killed you to nicely ask?" I asked.  "no." she said a bit ashamed sounding.  Then I started humming.  Which turned into singing.

"Private perks is a funny little codger with a smile,

A funny smile five feet none,

He's an artful little dodger with a smile a funny smile,

flush or broke he'l have his little joke,

He can't be suppressed! all the others,

they have to grin when he gets this off his chest,

HI!

Pack up you troubles in your old kit bag and smile smile smile,

While you've a lucifer to light your fag, smile boys that's the style!

What's the use in worrying it never was worth while,

so pack up you troubles in your old kit-bag and smile smile smile."

I putt on a grin as wide as the mississippi, and closed the cowling.  "That should do it."  Pinkey pie appeared out of nowhere, and said "I like that song.".  I replied with a "Holy shit!" as I jerked back and hit my head on the fuselage of the piper cub.  "Ow." I exclaimed walking over to the Side door and getting in the cockpit and sitting down.  Twilight then fired up her horn and made my Vintage WWII North American P-51 D mustang appear out of nowhere.  "Now Rainbow, why the hell do you give a poor punch to my face?"  before she could answer, Applejack threw her lasso around my legs and pulled me.  "What are ya gonna hog tie me?" I asked her. "yep." she replied.  "I have a revolver, your argument is invalid." she gave me an odd look and I snatched the lasso off the ground. I coiled it up and tossed it at her hooves.  "now let's see if I fueled up my mustang." I asked my self aloud.  They all looked at me and in unison said, "Your mustang?" I pointed at the P-51.  "You know the WWII fighter plane?". They looked at each other. "Well I'm gonna have a helluva time explaining this to you guys and I know rainbow will love it."   After I explained the history of humanity and warbirds I jumped in the cockpit and gave a HOORAY!  I flipped the switches for the fuel boost pumps, generators, cockpit lights, nav lights, landing lights, brakes, and tail wheel lock.  I increased the throttle, nudged back on the stick, and was airborne.  After preforming a full on air show, I landed and put on.... more. country...

"If you're gonna play in Texas, ya gotta have a fiddle in the band,

I remember down in Huston we was puttin' on a show,

When a cowboy in the back stood up and yelled, COTTEN EYE JOE!

he said we love whacher doin' boys don't get us wrong There's just somthin' missin in you- what the hell?" SLAM!  I exclaimed as a belle 222 that looked almost like air wolf Appeared and disappeared just as fast.  The slam was its winglet on the left hit me in the FACE!  After five minutes of a string of cussing and holding my face,  I calmed down.  Applejack walked up to me and saw my left hand.  "What's that?" she asked, pointing at the red part of my middle finger that was bubbled up.  "That, is when I was eleven and I accidedently touched the mettle part near the tip of a soldering iron and burned my hand." I replied.  She looked at me confused.  Then saw my nose. "Are you alright sugarcube?"  I looked cross eyed at my nose.  Then I grabbed it firmly and gave it a shark yank.  and in return, it turned strait and gave a sharp CRAAACKK.  "That hurt, but now?  Yes." that was all I could say as they looked like ooo that must've hurt.  That lead gutair is hot but not for a Louisiana man- "SHUT UP ALABAMA!!!" I yelled.  much to my amusement, it stopped when I said that.  "Okay, what in the actual fuck is going on here?!?" I shouted.