Pinkie's Perspicacious Poppable Pranks
The search is on!
Pinkie's Perspicacious Poppable Pranks
By Dustin Koski
It was the day before the anniversary of Twilight Sparkle becoming a princess. Despite her requests that it be kept a small ceremony, Ponyville was preparing a grand party in her honor. The Apples were preparing a sumptuous feast. Rarity was seemingly decorating the entire town with a "library" theme. Fluttershy was preparing her birds for an elaborate flight and song number from Twilight's favorite musical, Bye Bye Birdie. Rainbow Dash had been put in charge of distributing apple cider after some insistence. Everypony expected Pinkie Pie to be particularly excited, but in fact she was more anxious than anything else.
"This is such a special occasion, we need something really... special!" Pinkie muttered to herself. "We'll need more than just the usual streamers, party hats, banners, confetti storm, noisemakers, presents, sparklers, music, strobe lights, cake, table settings, snacks, truth or dare, pin the tail on the person, pinatas, sodas, swimming pool, bouncing castle, clowns, dunk tank, spin the bottle, magicians, ice breakers, arcade games, pony pizza, cards, zebras. "live entertainers," petting zoo, and go karts. Some extra special... prank that everypony will remember when they think of Twily until next year."
When she said this, she was filling party balloons while sitting behind Sugar Cube Corner. Usually filling pieces of latex with helium cheered her right up, but no special pranks were coming to mind and it was ruining her mood. Even making little squeaky noises with them barely made her giggle while the Cake foals were napping next to her.
" Sigh. I guess it'll just have to be the usual party for my bestest best princess friend." Pinkie said. She tied off a balloon, and then began to fill another. Distracted, she thoughtlessly stuck the hose in her mouth the way she'd seen Rarity sometimes put a sewing needle in hers while the unicorn was sewing and began tying the latest one off. She was too busy feeling down to notice that her torso was slowly beginning to bulge from the flow of helium. She reached into the bag next to her for another balloon, and was surprised to not feel one. She hadn't thought she'd gone through so many already. It wasn't until Pinkie looked down towards the bag that she noticed that her belly had swelled enough to block the bag from sight. At pretty much that precise moment Pinkie also began to notice that she was beginning to lift off the ground, having swelled as much as she did when her Pinkie Sense was really going off.
"Eeep!" She squeaked. As she grew, she rose into the air faster. She was about to spit out the nozzle and hose when she realized that it was the only thing tethering her to the ground. Her head darted about nervously for a moment.
* Boing *
Pinkie's body had been caught by the overhang on Sugar Cube Corner. Now secured, Pinkie spat out the hose and began to try to think of a way down that wouldn't involve whizzing around deflating. For whatever reason, she'd never seemed able to just blow air out when she got like this. She'd surely never complete party preparations like this!
Then a noise reached Pinkie's ears that took immediate priority over all other concerns: The sound of foal laughter. Pinkie looked back down and saw Pound and Pumpkin Cake on the ground where they'd been left for Pinkie to watch over them. They were looking up at her, laughing way more than usual, and reaching up to Pinkie like she was a big party balloon. Pinkie imagined how she must look then. Big, colorful, shiny, her little legs, tail and head popping out of the large balloon the rest of her was.
"Hey, if I saw some other pony like this, it would look pretty funny!" Pinkie said. Then she brightened further. "And I can talk while a balloon without losing air! And my voice is really squeaky! It's perfect!" Of course Pinkie knew from past experience with the Cake foals and the bag of flour that they had an excellent grasp of comedy, but those abilities sealed the deal.
"This is what I'm going to do for tomorrow's party!" Pinkie Pie proclaimed and then tried to slam one of her hooves into the other in gesture of finality but her inflated body had separated her hooves much too far for that. Instead, the Cake foals on the ground lost balance from all the reaching up for her and fell on their faces. Pinkie would have noticed had she not gone deep into thought over a new puzzler the situation had presented.
"But what's the perfect joke to do when I balloon up? That's not enough for a party this special It needs an extra kick." No sooner had Pinkie said that than she noticed a bee was buzzing around her head. It was in a very foul mood, and its stinger was very sharp.
Applejack and Big Mac were gathering apples from the last acre designated for the party. Both were already a bit tired from all the apple bucking, harvesting, cooking, and dealing with Apple Bloom in general, but they'd easily have the food for the feast ready for the party tomorrow. It was because of this tiredness that it took the two rather long to notice something in the final tree.
"Just three more lil bucks to go, Mac, and we'll-" Applejack and Big Macintosh stopped in their tracks. A huge red object with large green leaves attached to it was high in their last apple tree, towering a bit larger than the top of the tree. It must have been at least five times as big as Applejack's current prize apple, and the sheen from the sun off of it made it look like one of the most delicious things in the Sweet Apple Acres. Big Mac's eyes seemed to double in size at the sight of it.
"Would ya look at that? Somepony dun put a big fake apple up in our tree!" Applejack observed. Big Mac blinked, and then cleared his throat, his heart sinking a little.
"Yep, yep." He said insistently.
"Gotcha!" the red object up in the tree squealed. That took the two Earth ponies by surprise and they took a few steps back. Then the big red ball in the tree quivered and out popped Pinkie's head, limbs, and tail. She had a big grin on her face.
"You thought there was a big apple in this tree when it was just big old me!" Pinkie said and then she laughed. The laughter trailed off when she saw that Applejack and Big Mac were not joining in.
"No offense, Sugarcube, but... we could tell ya weren't an apple." Applejack said. Pinkie pouted a little bit at that.
"Nope." Big Mac said. Pinkie Pie and Applejack both looked at him intently then.
"No you could or no you couldn't?!" Pinkie Pie asked desperately. Big Mac looked back and forth between the mares nervously, sweat forming at his brow.
"Eeyup." He said at length. Pinkie's neck went limp.
"Awww..." Pinkie whined mildly. But then she brightened. "OK, so it's not good enough for me to be a big apple! I've gotta try something else! Oh, and I should tell Rarity about it so she knows it's gonna happen at the party! Thanks Applejack and Big Mac!"
"Uh... yer welcome, but how ya'll gonna try anything when yer a big balloon stuck up in a tree?" Applejack was by this point much too well acquainted with Pinkie Pie to bother with other questions.
"I'm not stuck!" Pinkie Pie insisted.
"Got me fooled." Applejack said looking down Pinkie's body. It was obvious that a web of branches were pushing into her a bit, making numerous indentations in the red-painted body and holding her fast.
"Oh, puh-lease! I just need to..." Pinkie tried to spin a bit, but that was no good. She flapped her legs and grunted, although it was more like she squeaked with her voice as high-pitched as it was. Watching their bulbous red friend squeak and squirm did make Applejack and Big Mac chuckle a little bit, especially when Pinkie started doing some adorable panting and then looked pleadingly down at her friends.
"Hang in there, Pinkie. Couple a' bucks outta get ya out in a jiffy." Applejack trotted up to the tree and delivered some solid bucks to it. The force of the blows dislodged pretty much all the apples and snapped a few precarious branches. The breaking branches either created sharp endings or caused sharp tips to plummet downward, almost all of which poked the big pink balloon body. An array of leaks sprang all over Pinkie, which did a much better job of dislodging Pinkie from the tree than Applejack's buck had directly.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeee!" Pinkie cried as she looped, dove, ascended as a result of having a bunch of irregularly arrayed jets of air pushing her this way and that, her big fake leaves drifting to the ground. After a moment she arched away through the air out of the sight of Sweet Apple Acres, leaving the apple farmers to stare in the direction of where Pinkie had flown. After a moment, Applejack looked at her brother.
"... Well, et got her outta the tree, didn't et?"
"Rarity?!" Pinkie called at the door to the Carousel Boutique. The door was locked and a "Dreadfully Sorry But We're Closed: Do Come Back Later!" sign was hung on the front door, but Pinkie had never been too much of a respecter of locked doors. She heard the sound of Rarity roaring in frustration on the second floor of the boutique, and so Pinkie decided to get up there. She'd brought the tank of helium with her in case she needed to do any demonstrations for Rarity, so she merely filled herself up sufficiently to become airborne and floated up to a window on the boutique's second floor. By luck the window had been open so that Rarity could get some fresh air.
"Rarity?" Pinkie called to her friend as she put her forelegs through the window and found purchase, although of course she was way too big to slide in through the window. She couldn't see Rarity very well and if she could, she likely would have been a bit more careful about trying to get the unicorn's attention right then. Rarity had some strands of hair shockingly askew in her usually immaculate locks, her eyes were blood shot with bags beneath them that the makeup couldn't conceal. She had a sneer that looked gouged into her face. Her eyes twitched when she heard Pinkie's voice as she worked on sewing a tapestry for Twilight's anniversary party. "Rarity, I have something-"
"Not now!" Rarity shrieked. She'd already been pushed to the brink of snapping by having to restitch for the twentieth time from Opalescence rubbing against her in a bid for attention, hence the loud growl earlier. "I'm very busy preparing for the party!"
"But it's about the party." Pinkie insisted. "I need to tell you that-" Rarity's eyes became approximately 25% more bloodshot from the frustration that Pinkie wasn't taking a clue.
"I said not now! I have ten very delicate tapestries to make before I make the new royal dresses! I have no time for your little party what- have-yous!"
"Oh... sorry." Pinkie bowed her head that she was bothering her friend at such a time and her hair drooped a little. "Is there something I can do to help?" Opalescence choose that moment to leap back onto Rarity's table and knock the tapestry askew again, ruining Rarity's latest stitches.
"That does it Opal!" Rarity lifted Opalescence up with her horn magic and threw her roughly in the direction of Pinkie's voice, still without looking at her friend. "Take care of this cat if you want to help!" Having just been hurled through the air towards an open window, Opalescence's claws were naturally out. With a squeak of surprise, Pinkie tried to catch the airborne feline, but Rarity hadn't said "think fast" so it was out of the question. The cat's stomach hit Pinkie right in the face, pushing her head into her body and allowing the cat's claws to sink into her body. Four large leaks sprung around Pinkie's head. The escaping helium pushed both claws and feline back into Rarity's room while they sent Pinkie off flying in a series of loops and spins about Ponyville.
On the bright side, the experience so spooked the cat that Rarity was left in peace for the rest of the day while Opalescence cowered in various hiding spots.
"Pooteweet." The starling sang, the finale for the latest song and dance that Fluttershy had conducted.
"Very good!" Fluttershy said to the birds assembled on the tree before her while she looked down at the music sheets. "You've all been wonderful to work with! I'm sure We'll be able to make everypony very happy tomorrow! Would you like to rehearse one last time for today?" Fluttershy was a little surprised that not one bird tweeted while she found her place in her music sheets. She looked up then and saw them all staring at the same thing behind and above her.
"BBBBBWBWWBWWWAAAAAABBBBWW!" Fluttershy whirled at the noise. If she'd had to guess before turning, she'd have thought it was the sound of Pinkie Pie trying very loudly to sound like a trumpet. She saw that in fact it was Pinkie. Once more she'd inflated herself, but this time her shape was much different. While her torso was once more immense, she'd used a system of cords to squeeze herself so that it directed some of the air into her legs, which were now as thick as trees She'd painted herself gray and had a similarly colored long balloon taped over her nose.
"NNNNNNNNRRRRRRRRRAAAAOOOOOO!" Pinkie trumpeted again. As she did so she reared up onto her hind legs, her immense stomach rolling on the ground a little before her forelegs came back down. "Hey, Fluttershy, it's me, Pinkie! What do you think??"
"Uh..."
"I mean what do you think of the disguise!" Pinkie explained, jumping up and down a little. Her stomach rubbed against her legs as she did so, making an especially loud version of that balloon squeak noise.
"Oh, I knew, Pinkie... Of course, you're disguised as... a rhino?"
"Elephant! I'm a majestic elephan- woah!" Pinkie had stamped her foot insistently while correcting Fluttershy, but her leg had bounced more than she'd expected and lost balance. As big and light as she was, she took forever to fall over and thus Fluttershy had time to shoot over and push Pinkie on the side until the oversized Earth pony righted herself. "Thank you, Fluttershy!"
"You're welcome... eh." Fluttershy noticed and was a bit annoyed by the fact that Pinkie's paint job had not fully dried, leaving her with gray forehooves.
"So, I was planning on going into the party tomorrow, trumpeting and cheering, but then I'd reach Twilight and let the air out! Everypony will be so scared for a second thinking that there's an elephant stampede out of nowhere, but then they'll see it's just Pinkie, and it'll be the best prank ever! What do you think?!" Fluttershy hesitated, and then began to look Pinkie over while trying to think of a nice way to say it.
"Well, I don't- I don't think it will work." Fluttershy said, barely audible. Pinkie moaned in disappointment again.
"What do we need to do to fix it?" Pinkie Pie said, brightening a second after her moan. Say what you would about her, she was persistent.
"Well, for one thing, you kinda don't weigh enough to sound like an elephant stampede when you're full of air."
"Good point. I'll have to wear wear some really heavy shoes." Pinkie said with a serious nod.
"And your trunk noises leaves something to be desired." Fluttershy said, nervously knocking her forehooves together. She hated to be so critical of Pinkie when the party pony was just trying to be fun. But hay, the Pinkie had asked.
"I thought so, and I have a way to take care of that!" Pinkie replied. Pinkie produced a pair of flugelhorns, lifted the hose taped to her nose, and jammed both up her nostrils. She blew a note then. The results will not be described here but sufficient to say they were gross. Pinkie sheepishly removed the horns. "Well, I'll think of a way to make it work. What else?" Pinkie was glad she was being an elephant or there was no way she'd be able to remember all this.
"Also, um, your paint job needs a bit of work. Lots of big pink patches, and only Berrry Punch insists that there are pink elephants anywhere in Equestria." Pinkie nodded thoughtfully at that. This plan was starting to seem less good and fun and more... bad.
"Yeah, and I used up all my gray paint already, which just left me with a bunch of useless black and white paint." Fluttershy stared at Pinkie for a moment, and then snorted when she realized Pinkie was kidding.
"Also, you forgot to cover up your mane. And big pink tufts of hair on elephants went out of style in the 80s." Fluttershy said with finality.
"Sounds like you're saying I should do something else." Pinkie said, her face reflecting her disappointment in a way Fluttershy could hardly bear to see.
"No offense, it was a nice effort, but yes." Fluttershy tried to deflect attention elsewhere and looked to her chorus of birds. "Don't you agree, birdies? Birdies?" The chorus of birds had been looking at the big inflated Pinkie with silent fascination. A moment after Fluttershy asked them their opinions, the huge collection of birds leapt from the trees and began flying as fast as they could towards Pinkie, their beaks gleaming in the sunlight. There wasn't any malice in their hearts or anything: Birds popping balloons was just one of those things that just seemed to happen in cartoon universes. Like, all the time.
"Not again!" Pinkie yelled as she saw what looked like hundreds of sharp points coming her way. When they were a second away from popping the fake elephant, Fluttershy dove in front front of them and hovered, her legs spread.
"Please don't hurt my friend!" Fluttershy begged. The birds stopped just in time to not accidentally peck Fluttershy to death. They flew in place, exchanging looks. They had mixed feelings about it, but ultimately the fact it was Fluttershy asking convinced them to go against their basic nature. The birds serenely returned to their singing perches. "Phew, that was a close one."
"Thanks, Flutt-!"
*POP*
*FSSSSSSSSS!*
Pinkie's body had decided to spring a large leak even though she hadn't been pecked, the jet of air sending Fluttershy spiraling away from her friend as Pinkie flew off in the other direction.
"NO FAAAAAAAAiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrr..." Pinkie called as she departed the vicinity of Fluttershy's house, corkscrewing through the air.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders were deep in thought, with very serious expressions for them. Apple Bloom was rubbing her chin, Sweetie Belle was tapping her chin with her left hoof, and Scootaloo was in the pose of Rodan's The Thinker. Their hind legs were crossed in yoga poses, which was supposed to help ponies think better or at least make them look smarter. This effect was undercut a bit by the fact they were bouncing up and down on Pinkie's helium-engorged body while contemplating. They had insisted to Pinkie that they thought better when they were having fun. Since fun was involved, it hadn't been a hard sell.
"You fillies thought of anything yet?" PInkie asked after awhile.
"Yep!"Apple Bloom answered. "We can come down now."
"Nonono!" Scootaloo hissed. Apple Bloom shot her friend a withering look that convinced the pegasus not to lie. It was a shame that Applejack's honestly had rubbed off on her sister. The trio stopped bouncing, slid off, and trotted to in front of Pinkie, the only place where they'd be visible to her.
"What'd ya crusaders think of?"
"We thought you should make yourself look like Princess Twilight Sparkle and be a parade balloon version of her for tomorrow!" Sweetie Belle suggested with a big smile. The Crusaders giggled at that.
"Yeah, that does sound- wait, wouldn't that be implying that she's really fat?" Pinkie asked. The three stopped giggling instantly.
"Well, it might." Sweetie Belle admitted.
"No go. We need to think of something less hurtful." It was Scootaloo's turn.
"We think that you should make yourself really big, but like not a big ball, like a big pony. Then you can rampage through Ponyville and Twilight Sparkle could stop you, and it would be like a big reminder of the time Twilight saved Ponyville from that Ursa Minor!"
"Uh..." Pinkie observed. This idea sounded kind of familiar.
"Oh come on! It would be so cool! Your huge, terrible hooves stomping down Mane Street, crushing and smashing buildings, ponies fleeing for their lives as you menace them, the school bullies shrieking in fear as you grind-"
"Eeeeeekk!" Pinkie shrieked. Turtle-like she retracted her head and limbs into her trembling balloony body. Scootaloo hesitated.
"Uh, Pinkie, it's alright. You can come out now." Scootaloo reassured. Pinkie peaked out, and then she found the nerve to completely emerge her extremities and stop shaking.
"Sorry, Scootaloo, but we want to be the life of the party, not party smashers." That left Apple Bloom to make a suggestion.
"We thought maybe y'all could paint somethin' funny on ya, and then ya could float over the party and everypony could see it!" Apple Bloom beamed when she was done with her suggesting. Pinkie contemplated this.
"Well, what did you have in mind?" Apple Bloom opened her mouth wide and raised a forehoof to answer, and then froze for a few seconds.
"Ah... Didn't thank that far ahead." Apple Bloom admitted. Scootaloo perked up then.
"Oh, oh, I know something!" Scootaloo took the other crusaders into a huddle, and then the trio started giggling.
Later, having painted something onto Pinkie even though the pink pony kept giggling from how the brushes tickled while they worked, the Crusaders were floating Pinkie over to the Ponyville Pond. It would have been impossible to get across the full effect of what they had painted across with a smaller reflective surface than the pond.
"Whaddya you paint, Whaddya you paint?" Pinkie asked again.
"We dun told ya we don't wanna spoil tha surprise!" Apple Bloom scolded, only being able to let go of the rope they were using for Pinkie for a second before Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo began to lift into the air, such was the amount of helium in Pinkie.
"I can pretend to be surprised!" Pinkie insisted weakly.
"You won't have to, we're here!" Sweetie Belle yelled, and indeed they were by Ponyville Pond. Pinkie Pie was tethered to a tough root sticking out of the ground while the crusaders got out their mirror to show Pinkie a reflection of the reflection of their painting on the water. Pinkie was initially a little irritated at what she saw was painted on her, but softened after a few seconds
"Very funny." Pinkie said, trying to sound sarcastic but actually genuinely amused. The fillies had painted "The Cutie Mark Crusaders Rock!" on her side in large black letters. As one of Ponyville's more devoted pranksters, Pinkie had to admit it would hardly be fair for her to not appreciate a prank (of sorts) being played on her. "But what are we really going to paint for the party?"
"Uh..." Scootaloo said.
"Ah'm sure we'll thinka somethin'!" Apple Bloom said. If Pinkie Pie were slightly less trusting, she'd suspect that Apple Bloom was hoping that none of the four of them would think of something better, and Pinkie would end up settling on the big advertisement for their club on the day of the party.
"Crusssaaaaaaders!" came Applejack's voice faintly over a great distance. "Dinnnnnnnneeeer!" The very hungry crusaders thoughtlessly took off towards the Apple farm house, but after a moment, turned back to Pinkie Pie.
"You fillies go on: I've got this!" Pinkie called to them. The Crusaders shrugged and resumed galloping to the farm house. Pinkie Pie, who was far from hungry since she was so full of helium, tried to think of that potential better painting. She tried to tap her hooves thoughtfully against some surface, but realized the only option was herself, so she tapped against that. The hollow drumming noise seemed to clear her thoughts a smidgen.
"The painting idea won't work." Pinkie said in a tone that brooked no argument, even though there was nopony to argue with her. "So what instead?" As Pinkie pondered, two fillies named Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon approached Ponyville Pond from the far side. They saw the words painted on Pinkie and grinned wickedly, not really able to make out that she was a actually pony instead of a balloon from their distance. Silver Spoon went home and got her slingshot while Diamond Tiara splashed and played in the water. When Silver Spoon came back, she held the handle in her mouth while Tiara drew the cord taut, a rock in the sling.
"Ah ha!" Pinkie eventually said in revelation. "I know exactly what to do! I'll just have to talk to Zecora!" No sooner had she said that then Diamond Tiara let the rock fly. It flew right for Pinkie, hitting her just below the painted letters.
*POP!*
fffffffffsssssss
The leak that sprung was smaller than some of the previous ones but still had enough air pressure to send Pinkie flying out of her rope tether. Conveniently, she went flying towards Zecora's house in the Everfree Forest.
"AAALLLLLLLLLL RRRRRIIIGHhhhhhhhhtt!" Pinkie yelled in response to her lucky flight path. When they heard that, the mischievous fillies stared at the departing pony with their mouths agape.
"We just hit a grown up with a rock!" Silver Spoon yelled. The two galloped as fast as they could to Diamond Tiara's home, hoping her dad would protect them from when they really got themselves in trouble like he usually did.
What prank does Pinkie have in mind for the party?Will she be able to pull it off?Will Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon get in trouble?Stay tuned to find out!
