What Has Two Eyes, Nine Tentacles, and the Voice of a Thousand Million Evils?
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The Tourist at the Threshold
What Has Two Eyes, Nine Tentacles, and the Voice of a Thousand Million Evils?
Standing right at the edge of the smoking crater, Applejack stared intently at the writhing mass of foam held within. “Ya see,” she said to Rainbow Dash, “that right there is a… uh…”
“You don’t know, do you?” Rainbow asked as she nudged the farmpony in the ribs.
“Give me a darn minute!” Applejack said. She lifted her hat and scratched the top of her head.
“Isn’t anypony here interested in where it came from?” Twilight said. “Things don’t just fall out of the sky, you know!” She glanced around, as if the strange foam’s point of origin was ready to make itself known.
“Eh, it’s probably not important,” Rainbow said. She flew into the hole to get a closer look.
“Wait, Rainbow!” the alicorn shouted. “We don’t know what—” Her warning came too late, as a tentacle whipped out of the suds and poked the pegasus in the forehead. Rainbow had the sense to vacate the area immediately.
“What the…” she said, rubbing the spot where it had touched her. “What was that?”
“I told you to be careful!” Twilight said.
“No, you told me that I should wonder where it came from!” Rainbow shot back.
“Well, the warning was in the subtext…” The princess busied herself with examining the probing tentacle, albeit from a safe distance.
“Ah know Ah can figure this out…” Applejack muttered, still scratching the top of her head.
“You’re still trying to guess what that thing is?!” Rainbow said.
The soft flapping of wings heralded Fluttershy’s nigh-silent approach. “I heard shouting!” she said. “Is everypony alright?”
“That thing gave me a love tap,” the other pegasus said with a growl. “Take a look!”
Fluttershy glanced into the crater and gasped. “Oh… oh my!” she said. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say that’s a—”
“Stop!” Applejack said, putting her hoof over Fluttershy’s mouth. “Ah’m gonna figure this one out, so ya better not tell me!” She only pulled back when the quiet pony nodded.
“I’m going to ask Princess Celestia about this,” Twilight said as she conjured a sheet of parchment and a quill.
Meanwhile, the tentacle had been joined by another, and both began to feel about.
“My, that is a fairly disturbing sight, isn’t it?” Rarity said, walking up to join her friends. “It certainly doesn't make a good first impression.”
“It ain’t an octopus…” Applejack said. “And Ah know it sure ain’t no squid.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to know?” Fluttershy asked, to which the farmpony vehemently shook her head.
“ Dear… Celestia…” Twilight said as she wrote. Her tongue stuck out of her mouth at an odd angle.
“Darling, do you know where that hideous… thing came from?” Rarity said to Rainbow as a third limb burst forth from the foamy conglomeration.
“Eh, it fell out of the sky,” the pegasus said. Twilight’s head snapped up and the furious sound of quill-on-paper ceased.
“Things don’t just fall out of the sky!” she repeated. With that said, she continued with her writing.
“Somepony seems a bit on-edge, if I might say so,” the unicorn said softly.
“I heard that!” Twilight said.
“Nice one, Rares,” Rainbow said with a grin, clapping the blushing Rarity on the back.
Suddenly, the foam lifted into the air, taking the three tentacles with it. As it flew higher and higher, the suds fell off, revealing a bulbous brown mass with a pair of eyes, as spherical as marbles and as black as ebony, deeply set on its underside. The tendrils protruded from the sides of the creature, and as the foam dissipated, more limbs were revealed until the gawking ponies counted a total of nine.
“Um, Twilight, dear…” Rarity said softly.
“I’m almost done,” the alicorn said with her nose almost up against the parchment.
“I really think you might want to have a look.” Rarity tapped her friend on the head.
“Your…friend…Twilight.” She flourished the quill and rolled the letter up. “Alright, now where’s… Spike…” Her voice trailed off as she beheld the levitating monstrosity.
“Aha! Ah got it!” Applejack said, slapping her hat back into place. “That right there is—“
“That’s the eldritch horror, Pr'lyxith!” said somepony from behind the behemoth.
“Darnit!” the farmpony said. “Ah was about to say that!” All of the mares and Pr’lyxith turned to look at Pinkie Pie, the new arrival.
“Heya, everypony!” she said.
“Hxtoopsdr pyq,” the horror burbled in a mind-meltingly terrifying tongue.
“Aw, thanks!” Pinkie said, blushing. “You’re looking fine yourself!”
“Yptrxszlp tghysmgt?” Just the sound of its voice made everypony (Pinkie excepted) quiver in fear. Two towns over, all of the local foals began to cry in unison.
“Canterlot? Just go towards that mountain! It’s the city on top!” The earth pony pointed towards the location in question. “You can’t miss it!”
“Plptq'sypt!” it warbled, drawing forth one last shudder of revulsion from the listeners. It waved farewell with a pair of tentacles, then turned and floated towards its new destination.
“You’re welcome!” Pinkie shouted after it. “And come back to visit anytime!”
“Pinkie Pie, is that thing a danger to Canterlot?” asked the trembling Twilight. No matter how hard she tried, she could never forget the absolute horror that Pr'lyxith’s voice had conjured. Nopony could.
“Of course not, silly!” Pinkie said. “He just wants to see the castle! He’s sightseeing, you know!”
“It’s a ‘he’?” Rarity muttered to Fluttershy.
“What has been heard can never be unheard…” the pegasus moaned in reply.
“Oh, dear Fluttershy, how true those words are.”
“Ah was gonna say 'Pr'lyxith',” Applejack insisted. “Ya heard me about to say it, right?”
“Sure you were, AJ,” Rainbow said, patting the farmpony consolingly.
“Pinkie, how do you know these things?” Twilight asked. “Where would you ever meet a monster like that?”
“You’d be surprised what types of customers we get at Sugarcube Corner,” Pinkie said. “But don’t let his looks fool you. He’s a sweetie underneath it all! Anyway, let’s all go back to my place, and I’ll bake lunch!”
As all the ponies followed her lead, Twilight considered the still-unsent letter. “I wonder if I should warn the princess after all…” After a moment’s thought, she shrugged and incinerated the scroll in a burst of fire.
“Nah, I’ll let her figure it out for herself.”
Author's Note
To this day, nopony knows why all of the inhabitants of Canterlot spoke backwards and in tongues for the duration of Pr’lyxith's visit, nor why cockroaches spilled out of Celestia's mouth every time she opened it. They do know two things, however:
1. The ancient cosmic evil that visited their town all those years ago is beyond the ken of mortals, and
2. That it appreciates a good deal on trousers.
