Well, this is awkward

by Drizzle Quill

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Rarity, Applejack, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 1608

“Trenderhoof, Ah’ve never had a stallion like-like me before, and Ah’m honored, really, but there’s just one tiny little problem: Ah like mares.”

“Trenderhoof, Ah’ve never had a stallion like-like me before, and Ah’m honored, really, but there’s just one tiny little problem: Ah like mares.”

Awkwardness ensues.

Published 2014-02-09 03:10:07 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-09 03:10:07 UTC

So...um...yeah.

The ‘Friendship Express,’ as it was fondly called by the residents of Ponyville, hummed with energy, whistle blowing shrilly as the conductor loudly called for all departing travelers. Applejack flicked an ear, trying to tune this out and focus on her current task – saying goodbye to the tall stallion in front of her.

“We’ll miss you ever so much,” Rarity drawled, over-pronouncing some words in a dramatic sense – only the usual for her. Applejack rolled her eyes, also the usual, but smiled. At least she wasn’t blatantly flirting with Trenderhoof anymore.

“It’s a shame I have to leave,” the writer replied. “If you two hadn’t convinced me otherwise, it might have been nice to stay here a little while.”

“No!”

Both Rarity and Trend turned to face her; Applejack’s face flushed and she ducked away. “Ah mean…no, you’ve gotta keep on writing your books because you’re super famous and everything, ya know?”

Miraculously, Trend didn’t seem to notice her slip-up and simply nodded in agreement. “Yes, I simply cannot drop my life’s passion like a hot ember. That would be most silly of me.”

Rarity laughed loudly as if on cue. “Ha! Silly in…indeed.” She blushed and turned away, covering her mouth with a hoof.

Applejack felt the urge to roll her eyes again but fought it, instead simply exhaling and smiling. Just Rarity being Rarity on another normal old day. Except that this day had been anything but normal.

It was the first day she had ever been pursued by an infatuated stallion.

The predicament had puzzled her at first – did she tell him to buck off or let him continue with his endeavors? Unfortunately, her confusion had kept her preoccupied, which had led to him practically stalking her every move the entire day. Then, when she was able to get some time with her friends to thoroughly discuss the matter, Rarity had pulled a crazy country act and had thrown herself into some mud with the pigs.

But now he was about to leave. If she was going to tell him something that would settle the situation, it had to be now. Now or never – that was what Rainbow Dash would say.

Now or never.

“Hey, Trenderhoof?” Applejack waved a little to get his attention. “Can we…can we talk for a few? Maybe in private?”

Rarity’s eyes narrowed and she gave the earth pony the definition of a death glare, sending actual shudders down Applejack’s spine. “Just for a second – Ah just have one last thing to tell you. Nothin’ real important.”

“Of course,” Trend said, clearly quite puzzled but very willing to go along with whatever Applejack was willing to suggest. “We will return, Miss Rarity. If you will make sure the train doesn’t leave without me, I would find that to be fabulous.” He winked.

Rarity’s eyes lit up. “Consider it done!” Faster than one could say ‘fabulous’ the unicorn took off, bolting in the opposite direction – and then they were alone. Trenderhoof turned to her and smiled, flashing a winning grin of pearly whites.

“So, Applejack?” he asked, lifting an eyebrow. “What is it you have to tell me?”

Wrinkling her muzzle in slight disgust, Applejack turned her attention to the ground, kicking at it a few times. “So…Ah…this is really kind of hard to say, ya know.”

“Depends on what it is.”

“That’s the truth.” Nervous laughter escaped her muzzle. “This is gonna sound really, really weird, but…”

“But what?” Trend’s lips nearly brushed her ear; Applejack squirmed – on instinct, she spoke.

“Trenderhoof, Ah’ve never had a stallion like-like me before, and Ah’m honored, really, but there’s just one tiny little problem.” She swallowed. “…Ah like mares.”

He stared at her, purple eyes aghast. “Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait. What did you just say?”

“Ah said the truth.” Applejack felt a little calmer after the information was out in the open, so she repeated the phrase. “Ah like mares. Ah’m not a stallion type of gal. Ah’m sure the mares find you plenty attractive and all – Ah have real-life evidence of at least one – but Ah just don’t swing that way.”

Trend’s ears lowered. “But my physical perfection?”

“In mah opinion, your face and legs are too long for your way-too-skinny body.”

His lip trembled as he tried to grasp what was being said. “My…my…my mane?”

“It’s yellow.”

Trend tried to comprehend what was wrong with this; his face scrunched up until it was wrinkled, making such a funny sight Applejack had to put her hoof to her mouth to stop the laughter from erupting into the open. Finally he just looked at her flatly.

“I don’t get it.”

“Neither do Ah.” Applejack’s mouth curved into a grin. “It’s just yellow. That’s the first thing Ah noticed about it. Not that it was flowing, or flawless, or whatever else the fancy terms are these days. Ah just noticed that it’s yellow.”

“Oh.” Trend’s ears drooped; his gaze sunk to the ground. “That’s all you noticed? Really?”

“Honest to Celestia, Ah Pinkie Pie Swear.”

“You what?”

Applejack shook her head quickly. You’re getting off topic. You told him what you needed to say – now just let him leave.

But he looks so sad! Surely you can comfort him in some way –

Oh, shut up.

You shut up!

“No, you!”

It took the earth pony a few seconds to realize she had spoken the last words out loud, and now Trenderhoof was looking at her as if she was even crazier than she had already seemed. “Heh. Ah’m really sorry about that…Ah can get to talkin’ to myself sometimes…” Each new word was digging her into a deeper pit, and Applejack knew it.

“Well, that’s very…interesting…but I really do think I must be going.” Trenderhoof’s eyes darted rapidly from side to side, the grin on his face now plastered and awkward, and Applejack felt her heart shatter in two.

“Wait, no! Ah don’t want you to think Ah’m crazy or anything, because Ah am most certainly not crazy!”

“Mommy?” a filly called to her mother, a few feet away. “Isn’t that the weirdo pony that made Ponyville get attacked by a herd of rampaging bunnies a few years ago?”

Applejack narrowed her eyes. “Ah’m not a weirdo,” she yelled pointedly to the filly, whose eyes widened as she darted away as quickly as she could. “Honestly…some ponies these days…now, Trenderhoof, as Ah was saying – oh come on.”

The area which had been previously occupied by the tall stallion was now empty; the only remaining trace a figure walking away quite rapidly. Applejack cursed silently and darted after him. “Wait! Trend! Ah just wanted to let you know Ah didn’t like stallions, that’s all!”

“I really have to go,” he yelled back, nearly tripping over a rock but catching his balance quite neatly.

Applejack swallowed, cantering a little faster and managing to call out to him in the process. “But Ah need you to know that Ah’m not crazy!”

Trend frowned. “I don’t think you’re crazy, Applejack!”

The expression on the earth pony’s face could only be described as deadpan. “Then why’re you runnin’ away from me as fast as you can?”

The only response she got was a tip of his head to the side. Slowly Applejack turned to look in that direction, only to see the Friendship Express slowly pulling out of the station. Running alongside it was a flustered white unicorn, foam frothing at the edge of her mouth.

“WAIT! STOP! I’LL PAY YOU!”

The conductor poked his head out the window, glaring at her, stubbornness clear in his gaze. “You’ve given me everything you’ve got on ya, Miss!”

“I’LL GIVE YOU MY SOUL!”

The pony smirked. “…nah, seen better.”

Rarity hissed, horn glowing with a fierce blue light. “YOU STOP RIGHT NOW, OR I’LL USE MY ELEMENT OF HARMONY ON YOU!”

“Yeah, you’ll be so generous the train’ll stop. I don’t think so, Miss –”

The conductor slowly ate his words as Trenderhoof trotted calmly towards the door. “Conductor,” he announced with a loud yell, “I think you should probably stop now.”

Before he had even finished speaking, the door was open, the train slowed to a halt. The conductor tipped his hat, flurries of apologies avalanching out of his mouth. Trend simply frowned and made his way inside.

Rarity practically glowed. “He’s great.”

“That conductor sure is a jerk,” Applejack remarked.

“Everypony has issues,” was the only retort she got. This prompted an eye-roll, but Applejack ignored the feeling for the second time that day. A new record!

Together the unicorn and the earth pony watched as Trenderhoof stuck his head out the window and waved, the train slowly starting to pull away. “Goodbye, Rarity! Goodbye, Applejack!”

Finally. Finally he was gone. Finally everything could go back to normal. She could go to sleep – have a short night – forget about all of the day’s crazy happenings…play some games with ‘Bloom and Mac…relax with some apple cider…

“Oh, and Applejack, I don’t think you’re crazy because you like mares! Or because of stampeding bunnies! Goodbye!”

“Screw you, Applejack!” said Life.

The train vanished; the thick cloud of awkwardness did not.

Rarity visibly gasped. “You like mares?”

Applejack groaned.

This was going to be a long night.

Author's Note

So I whipped this up after watching today's episode. It's probably really rushed - in fact, I'm well aware that it's very rushed -, but I had a lot of fun with it, I think it works well rushed, and I hope you enjoyed~
-Driz