The Singing Toaster

by Flames173

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 1495

Rainbow Dash buys a singing toaster. Insanity ensues.

When Rainbow Dash buys herself a nice little toaster to make toast, bagels, toaster pastries, and, well, whatever you use toasters for. There's just one little hitch. It sings. A lot. Insanity ensues.

Ok, before you get reading, I just want to say, this was an idea given to me by Ninjadash, not even my twisted mind could've come up with this. But, I did take insanity to a whole new level, and, while I was at it, poked fun at horror movies. Hopefully I didn't botch your idea too much. XD

Published 2014-02-17 06:40:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-17 06:40:06 UTC

How much for that toaster in the window?

"Hurry up please ma'am, the store is closing in three minutes." The counter mare at the superstore said, lazily chewing gum and reading a magazine, obviously not caring about the wonderbolt wannabee, or her job.

"I'll get out of here as soon as I can pick a toaster. Would you recommend a toastmax or supertoast?" Rainbow Dash said, inspecting both toasters closely for any fatal flaws.

"The third one." The green mare continued her caring of nothing besides the soon to be daily closing of the store.

Rainbow huffed lightly at the ignorance of the mare. She looked around for a price tag and figured she'd take the cheaper of the two. After looking for a few seconds, she saw a huge red tag on the toaster above. It was practically screaming at her to look, so Rainbow decided to read it.

HUGE SALE! 80% OFF ALL TOASTONE TOASTERS!

"Ooh. That's a rather large sale." Rainbow did some quick math in her head. The total for the Toastone was roughly one quarter the price of both the toasters she was looking at previously. The cyan mare swiftly took the toaster off it's shelf and gently set it in her cart. She pushed the cart over to the check out lane. She set her groceries and other goods on the counter. The mare on the other side set down her magazine and blew a bubble with her gum. It popped with a loud smack. She sighed and did her job, for once. While she was busy scanning the items, Rainbow plopped down a pile of bits and started counting them. She looked at the grand total price and put a few more in the pile. She swept the rest back into her purse.

"All right, thank you for shopping and good'n'mart. Have a good day yadda yadda goodbye!" The mare behind the counter said with a lack of enthusiasm besides the last word. "Lock the door on your way out."

Rainbow took her stuff and threw it in her purse. It's a big purse. She went over to the door and bumped the lock button as she left. I probably did more work in the last twenty seconds than she did all day. The pegasus laughed to herself as she took off to go home.

Rainbow took out her purchased goods and put them in their respective homes. Milk in the fridge, ice cream in the freezer, crackers in the cabinet, toaster on the counter, and so on. When she was done, she took a piece of bread from the loaf and popped it in the toaster. She pushed the little handle down to start toasting the bread. She set the dial to four and walked away. A while later, she heard some pony saying something in a perfectly flowing rhythm with alternating pitches.

"Your toast is done! Your toast is done! Come and get your toast 'cuz it is donnnnne!~" the voice sang.

"Hello?" Rainbow asked her thought to be empty house. She looked around and dared to leave her couch. She went into her kitchen where it sounded like the voice came from. No sign of another pony. Just a toaster with steaming hot toast sticking out of it. Rainbow cautiously grabbed a plate and set her toast on it. She turned around to go back into her living room.

"Want some more? Do you like toast? Toast is good, toast is great, toast toast toast all day long!~" The same voice sang.

Rainbow turned around quickly in a panic and looked around. Still, no sign of any other pony.

"I like toast. What about you? Do you like toast? Good good good. Toast is good.~"

Rainbow eyed her new toaster suspiciously. She looked around one more time for another pony then back at her toaster. "Yes. I do like toast." she instantly felt silly. She was talking to a toaster!"

"Hoorah! You like toast. I like toast. We all like the toast. With a toast toast here and a toast toast there, everywhere a toast toast.~"

Scary toasters and nice ponies

After listening to several poorly rendered songs to involve the words 'toast' and toasts' and, clearly, the brand name of the toaster, all the while the machine pumping out burnt bread repeatedly, Rainbow Dash started to get sick of smearing butter all over the creations.

"Toasty." The pegasus aptly named the machine. "I like the toast and all, but, I'm getting kind of sick of it."

"Toast toast toast, toast is good, toast, is, great.~" The machine slowed down it's singing and stopped creating toast. How it did is a mystery, it didn't even have bread!

"Look, I'll eat toast every day for breakfast, just, please, stop making toast."

"But, toast." The toaster's happy tune stopped and was replaced by a dreadful tone.

"Ok, still friends?"

Silence.

"Umm, Toasty?"

She still got nothing in response.

"Ok, I'm just gonna go now." Rainbow turned around to go to her room. Something wrapped around her rear hoof. "Huh?" She looked at her new binding. A thick black wire pulled her slowly towards the counter. "What's happening?!" Rainbow screamed in a panic and tried to escape the toaster which was now alive, and no longer plugged in.

"Why would you do this to me? This is all I have. After sitting on that shelf so long, I finally have a purpose. You are NOT taking that away from me!" The voice of the toaster had an ominous sounding edge to it.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Rainbow picked up a can of soup that, somehow, wound up on the floor next to her. It hit the formerly sterling toaster and dented it. She used this distraction to remove herself from the toaster's grip and bolt to safety, or, her room, even though the door to the outside world was right next to her. She locked the door and stood with her back to it. Her heart raced as she heard the toaster slowly scramble down the hall towards her room.

"You don't need to hide my friend, for I am just like you.~" a creepy voice echoed down the hall. The scrambling stopped. Several seconds past. Nothing happened. Seconds seemed to stretch to minutes. Minutes seemed to become hours. But these were the shortest hours ever. A wire shot through the door and splinters of wood went flying.

"AHH!" Rainbow dashed to the end of the room. "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"

"Don't run away from the truth. Cuz I'm not giving up on you.~"

"NO, I AM NOT JUST LIKE YOU! THAT IS NOT THE TRUTH!" Rainbow flew over the possessed machine and out of her home. She stopped on her porch, surprised to see that a famous DJ was setting up shop just outside her home.

"Hey yo rainbow chick. Could ya give me a hand? I need these planks down so I don't fall through the clouds, not sure how much longer this spell is gonna last." The white unicorn called from a cloud several yards off. She was laying wooden boards down on it.

Rainbow Dash quickly flew to the mare. "Please, you gotta help me. This evil thing is chasing me! Hey, is this a cannon?" Rainbow looked at an oddly shaped box on the cloud.

"Actually, yes."

"People coluldn't believe what I've become. Revolutionaaaaries wait, for my head on a silver plate.~" the toaster sang as it stepped into the doorway.

"KILL IT!" Rainbow hopped behind the box and pushed a button. The bass cannon shot out a beam and hit the toaster dead on.

"WOAH!" Vinyl ran up and shut the machine off. "What are you doing? This thing is lethal! What did you even shoot at?"

"That toaster! It's trying to kill me!"

"Ugg." Vinyl used her magic to pull the toaster over to the two mares. "See? It's fine! Just a normal toaster."

"Dwub bubbadauda wuuub.~" The toaster sang.

"Woah a dubtoaster! Sweet! You selling?" Vinyl took off her glasses and inspected the machine closer.

"Uhh, yeah, ten bits." Rainbow said.

"Eight."

"Eleven."

"3 and two free tickets to my gig."

The two ponies haggled back and forth, eventually settling on seven bits and a small favor for the toaster.

"All right, good luck." Rainbow said when she flew back to her home.

"You too." Vinyl said as she place the last board on the cloud.

"Well, how am I going to repair the damages?" Rainbow walked to her room and stepped on a splinter of wood.

Rainbow squealed as she sat up in her bed, sweating profusely and breathing heavily. "Oh thank Celestia, it was just a dream."

"You don't need to hide my friend, for I am, just, like, you~" a metallic voice sang.

Author's Note

Rainbow dashed to the end of the room. See what I did there?