chapter 36View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 36Derpy Hooves an adorable teenage girl had just gotten home, she then sat on her couch and dialed on her smart phone. "Grrrrr.....You children need rehab!" cried Cranky who walked over and answered the phone. "Hello?" Then Derpy blew a bullhorn! "AHHH!" Cranky fell back before groaning as he stood back up. "What was that!" "That...was a test." "A test for what?! To see if my ear deardrums explode?!" "A test to see if the phone lines were clear enough to speak." "They should be you idgiot!" "Well sir, you've just won!" "What? A pair of hearing aids?!" "Nope, this!" Then she flipped on a scary movie. "I'm coming to your house to kill you!" Said the killer on the TV. "Do you accept?" "No! Absolutely not! I refuse and infact, I may as well just trace this ca..." Then she blew another bullhorn! "AHHHH! Stop doing that!" "Now time for your real prize. An all expense paid trip on a cruise liner." "Really? That's..." "To the Bermuda Triangle!" "In that case no thank you! I'm pretty sure you have the wrong numb..." *Boom!* "Oh great, now these stupid children have freed 'them'." "Them?" "Great job wrong number, rabbits are going to flood the city!" "To claim your tickets, please answer the question." "What's the question, oh no, they're mating so hard it's bending the door, Matilda, put up a barricade!" "Hello, you've just won a brand new prize!" "You have the wrong number! You have the wrong number! In my dying breath, I curse Pinkie and Fluttershy!" "Would you like to answer a question and win the tickets?" Then...the dial tone... "Hmm, I wonder if he fell for it." Then bunnies came crashing down into her house.
chapter 37View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 37Author's Note Sequel to chapter 28 chapter 37 Pinkie was busy, deep in meditation until... *Ding Dong!* "Who dares interrupt my meditation." she frowned walking to the door. She then exited Sugarcube corner to see that 2 griffons were holding down Fluttershy. "Pinkie, help!" "Fluttershy!" she cried out seeing Gilda walk over. "Gilda!" "Yeah, you got lucky last time, but now, it's personal! Let's go bitch!" "You let my girlfriend go right now!" "Not until we fight!" "If you say so!" Then Pinkie pulled out Gummy. *Naruto* "Man-Beast Clone!" Then she put a Pinkie Pie wig on her pet gator. "Fang Over Fang!" Then she threw Gummy, Gilda dodged and then punched Pinkie as she was running towards Gilda. "That all? Weak." Then Pinkie got back-up! *Persona 4 The Animation.* "Izanagi!" Then she ripped a random card to pieces before getting punched again! "What was that suppose to even do?" *Onegai My Melody.* "I'm gonna need some help." Then she saw a trash can. "Perfect! Melody Mark!" Then she twirled her Melody Takt around and then pointed at the trash can, she then manually put a heart sticker on the trash can, in the hopes of it coming to life...it didn't and Gilda smacked Pinkie with the trash can. "You just got owned by a trash can!" "Pinkie, fight for real!" Fluttershy cried. Pinkie got back up. "I won't lose...and you shall fall!" *Digimon!* "Pinkie Pie Digivolve toooooo...." Then Pinkie began spinning really fast, but then stopped and got dizzy, then Gilda punched her again! "I'm starting to think you like me punching you." "I drink punch for breakfast!" *Toriko* "Fork!" Gilda dodged! "Knife!" Dodged again, then punched Pinkie. "Alright, she's down, now hold down that pegasus." "Ah! Help!" Then we see purple clawed feet running across the streets. Pinkie looked at the ground in sadness. "Are you giving up Pinkie Pie?" She looked to her side. "Spike....I don't know what the point of you coming here was, I can't beat her..." "You gotta, Rainbow Dash is busy with her Wonderbolt duties, and the rest of the girls are out in some other town, you're Fluttershy's last hope, we can double team her!" "But what if we fall?" "We can do anything if we work as a team!" Spike encouraged her. "Uh...who's that cute dragon?" Asked Greta Gilda looked. "Spike?" Gasped Fluttershy. "Hey, he was dragon in the dress...hold this bitch for me, I gotta take care of this." "You're right Spike...I can't quit now, because that is my nindo...my Ninja Way!" declared Pinkie standing up as she and Spike turned towards Gilda. *Pokemon.* "Spike, use Flamethrower!" Spike then breathed fire, and then Gilda dodged and punched Spike! *Avatar the Last Airbender/Legend of Korra* "Earth!" Then Pinkie threw a rock that Gilda dodged and then kicked Spike unconscious! "Can you go easy on the dragon?" called Greta. "I'll try...now where'd Pinkie go?" "Right here!" Then she turned to see Pinkie. *Yugioh!* "I play the spell, Meteor of Destruction!" Then Gilda punched her unconscious, unaware that Spike got up and in his teenage form got Gilda in a Full Nelson! "Ha! Break out of this." grinned the dragon. "Girls, help me out of this!" "Aw, but I don't wanna hurt his cute face." "I don't want to because I have to watch her." Said Gimme Moore. "Greta, don't think of it as hurting...think of it as...tough love." "I'll accept that." Then Greta knocked Fluttershy down and then all 3 griffins started beating up Spike. "Pinkie....get-up.....they're beating Spike up.....Pinkie?" Then all 3 griffins noticed Pinkie. "What the?" *One Punch Man.* "We doing this again? Beat her up girls." Greta and Gimme Moore ran at Pinkie just to go to sleep. "What the!?" "Tch, try that on me!" Then Gilda tried to punch, but Pinkie dodged, went in for the Death Punch, but that's when... *F-Zero GP Legends.* "Falcon Punch!" Cried Gilda as her and Pinkie's fists collided! But that turned into both punching the other over and over. That's when... "Okay, time to finish this!" *One Piece.* "Gum Gum...Red Haw..." "Filler!" "Huh?" Then we see them in a tennis court. "What's going on?" "Filler ep, try to keep up!" Pinkie tossed a ball up before hitting to the griffon. Gilda sent it back way too fast! "Hah...this ep will be over in a flash with me as the winner." "Oh-no it won't!" *Prince of Tennis* Pinkie then used the Knuckle Serve! The ball spinned in an unusual way, making Gilda miss! "Alright, try this!" Then Gilda served hard! *Softenni!* "Lightning Lob Star Zero Shiki!" Pinkie sent the ball rocketing high into the air! It then meteored hard into Gilda's side! Smashing the ground! They fought hard in this game... "One more point and I win the filler...." "Just try!" *Softenni* "Dynamite Lightning Cut Serve!" Pinkie's Serve then went at Gilda high speed, zipping past her, winning Pinkie the game! "Canon!" Pinkie then ran! "Hey! Where're you going?!" *Bleach* "Hado 33! Sokatsui!" This got a punch to her fair. "Dammit, a pale fireball was supposed to come out of my hooves..." "Now, how's about I show you more of my anime powers?" *Hajime No Ippo!* Gilda bobbed and weaved before delivering a flurry of blows to Pinkie's face! Said mare tried to dodge, but ended up getting hit each time. "I can't watch..." Said a very sad Fluttershy who couldn't bare to see her girlfriend get beat-up. "Are you done?" Pinkie struggled to get up, that's when... "Don't give in." Said Rainbow Swirl. "Yeah, we can do this." Said Seascape. "Us look alikes gotta stick together." Said Surprise. "What the? 3 ponies who look like Pinkie Pie?!" Pinkie got back up and was angry. *Naruto* The look alikes all kicked Gilda into the air! "Na-ru-to!" Then above Gilda, came a powerful kick sending her down! "Uzumaki Barrage!" *Dragonball Z* "Justice Combo!" Then Pinkie punched and kicked Gilda after she got up. *My Hero Academia* "Detroit...Smash!" Pinkie punched Gilda and Surprise flew fast enough to create a tornado that Gilda got caught in! The resulting wind pressure created an updraft that brought a huge collection of clouds, creating rain. "Woah." spoke Spike. "Not over yet!" Then Gilda was seen falling from the sky. Pinkie caught Gilda and laid her on the floor. "Spike, take the griffin with the green feathers and add her to your harem...Fluttershy...I think I deserve some yuri time for saving you again..." "Oh, right!" Pinkie then took Fluttershy inside Sugarcube Corner while Spike took Greta back to the castle.
chapter 38View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 38Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
chapter 39View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 39"The Hell? Trahzo, what are we doing here?" Asked Spikerulez302. "Isn't it obvious? We're gonna sing!" "What?" "Hit it!" Soon a country song started up from a stereo. Trahzo: Tirek went down to Ponyville, he was looking for magic to steal. He was in a bind 'cos he was way behind: he was willin' to make a deal. When he came across this young mare sawin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot. And Tirek jumped upon a hickory stump and said: "Miss let me tell you what: "I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too. "And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you. "Now you play a pretty good fiddle, girl, but give Lord Tirek his due: "I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul, 'cos I think I'm better than you." The Mare said: "My name's Fiddlesticks and it might be a sin, "But I'll take your bet, your gonna regret, 'cos I'm the best that's ever been." Both: Fiddlesticks you rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard. Because Tartarus broke loose in Ponyville and Tirek deals the cards. And if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold. But if you lose, Tirek gets your magic. Tirek opened up his case And he said, "I'll start this show" And fire flew from his fingertips As he rosined up his bow And then he pulled his bow across the strings And it made an evil hiss And a band of Wendigos joined in And it sounded something like this When Tirek finished Fiddlesticks said, "Well you're pretty good but you just sit down in that chair right there I'm gonna show you how this stuff's done." Fire on the moun, run colts, run. Lord Tirek's in the house of the risin' sun. Chicken in the bread pin, pickin' out dough. "Granny, does Winona bite?" "No, child, no." *Then we see Fiddlesticks dancing and playing circles around Tirek!* Well that ol' Tirek bowed his head Because he knew that he'd been beat And he laid that golden fiddle Down on the ground at Fiddlestick's hoofs. Fiddlesticks said: "Lord Tirek just come on back if you ever want to try again. "I told you once, you son of a bitch, I'm the best that's ever been." *Then Celestia made the sun shine down on the victorious Fiddlesticks as she finished!* And she played fire on the mount, run colts, run. Tirek's in the house of the risin' sun. Chicken in the bread pin pickin' out dough. "Granny, does Winona bite?" "No, child, no." *Fiddlesticks then happily finished the song.* "Where's my wings and horn?" Asked Fiddlesticks. "Your victory was..." Paused Celestia. "Was what?" "Eh, what the heck, you fucking single handedly beat Tirek unlike Twilight, you deserve them." "Yee-haw!" Then Fiddlesticks flew off to tell everyone she became a princess.
chapter 40View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 40"Hmm...there goes Impurity Diamond. Now we have 8 left. Time for Round 2 to begin." In the city, an anthro Applejack in a blue vest with a black shirt underneath and white sleeves were walking by a clothes store. "Hmm...I bet Spike would like to see me in that." She said, while pointing to a display. 'Wonder where that came from.' Meanwhile, a brown earth mare with a blonde mane just walked out of the liquor store. "Haha! After my next victory, I shall drink so much that my ancestors and Thor will be proud." she grinned feeling a little bit tipsy. She then walked down the streets, but that's when... "Gah! If only I was able to sense life energy! This tournament would be over in seconds!" She cursed to the sky. Mjolna blinked before taking cover behind a car. 'Applejack? Why is she Thor's body shape? Why is she dressed like that? Why is she looking at clothes? More importantly, why is she Thor's body shape? So many questions for later, right now, you gotta fight in order to see your beloved Big Mac...we should go to the bar for our next date...' As she thought this Applejack looked around the area. "Whoever you are, you come out now, I heard your glass bottles!" She then charged energy into her finger. 'Crap!' Mjolna then pulled out a device and used it to transform! She opened the device, pressed a button making the device say 'Hit it!' and then she shouted... "Harem Henshin!" "Hare what?" Applejack turned and saw a light flash up behind a car. She then shot the car with a finger beam, making the car explode! "Well, that was easy." "Harem...CHOCOLATE!!!" She shouted as lightning bolts fell around Mjolna, and then she posed, causing an explosion that blew up the building behind her. Something that caught the other fighter's attention with Applejack raising an eyebrow. "...Hold on, are you a pony in a japanese superhero outfit?" "Yes, why?" Before she could speak again, Dr.Yang's face on a TV screen appeared. "I believe I've already explained the rules, so please...I wish you the best of luck." It went back up while Applejack lunged at her. Harem Chocolate then shot lightning! Applejack jumped and flew over it. Harem Chocolate then got airborne and began swinging her hammer, Mjolnir, given to her by Thor himself! Applejack ducked and dodged while trying to find an opening. "Harem Grenade!" Then Mjolna threw a grenade that Applejack tanked! "That didn't even tickle!" Then she punched Harem Brown and held her up by the neck. "So, any last words?" "Yeah...catch!" Then she dropped Mjolnir on her foot! "Hmph, I'll mash you too death if that's what you want." She then tried to pull the hammer off, but it wouldn't budge. "Hang on a sec." She then dropped Harem Brown on the floor and tried getting it off 2 fisted. "What in the Sam Hill? Why can't I pull this off?" "Mjolnir can only be lifted by chosen ones such as me! You're pinned down, and now it's my turn to literally stomp you!" Then Harem Brown pressed the number 7 on her device, to summon a giant robotic bear! "What in tarnation!?" Applejack cried out as the bear stamped on her. Then, after a good beating, Harem Brown took the fight with one last attack! "Bear Shock!" Then Brown Bear raised it's paws into the sky and collected lightning into it's paws! Brown Bear then cross slashed! The electric was too much for Applejack! She then fell on her knees. "Well, it's clear on who the winner is, congratulations Harem Brown, you get to move on to the next round, as for you Applejack, never thought an android with your power would've been outsmarted so easily." "Damn.....you.........." she groaned out. Then Dr.Yang sent Applejack back to her world. "Now to the next two." Then we see ourselves with Dr.Yang again. "Stop hallucinating, accept that your Princess shall sleep forever!" "Never Evil Stepmother, one of them will have the power to defeat you!" "Hah! How laughable, like the 1st time you attempted this." The doctor growled in response. 'I promise Cassidy, I will save you.' He thought as he stared daggers at the shadowy figure. "Well, I'm going to take a nap, not like you have the power to actually kill me, I mean...you're nothing but an ordinary human." She then cackled before walking away.
chapter 41View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 41"Alright Rainbow, you can do this." She seemed determined as she began her rounds. Right now she was currently on duty as a temporary prison warden. "Tomorrow is Prisoner 9987Ee0's birthday, hope you can come." Cheese Sandwich said as he gave an inmate an invite. Said inmate was Berry Punch who took the invite. "Thanks...can me Derpy and Moondancer be free now?" "No." he replied before walking over to the other cell. "Hey Spike, Thunderlane and Dr.Whooves. There's gonna be a birthday tomorrow." He then handed them the invite. "Thanks...you're not gonna demolish the co-ed showers right? Because my lady Moondancer tends to get antsy if we ain't getting it on." Said Spike. "Don't worry, we're keeping the co-ed showers since they're the only things keeping you prisoners calm." he smiled while Rainbow walked over. "We'll keep them, but if I see any trouble, it's gone." spoke Rainbow. "Calm down Warden Dash." Cheese Sandwich put a hoof on her to calm her down. "Why not go to your office and have some coffee?" "Ngh...fine...sorry, just a little bothered right now." "Don't you mean hot and bothered?" Asked an inmate across from Spike's cell. "If you'd like, me and my boys Troubleshoes and Thunderhooves can show you a good time! Eeyup!" She growled before flying over and used a cattle prod to shock both of them. "Ow! Sorry feisty cutie!" "Don't push it!" she growled before flying to her office. "Sorry about that." Cheese Sandwich told them. "Maybe you shouldn't try flirting with all of the female part time wardens." "We tried doing that with other male part time wardens, but that wasn't any better." "Don't remind me..." Then Cheese Sandwhich thought back to..."I can still hear the hours shocks Warden Rumble gave you guys, yeesh." "He was enjoying shocking us too much." "He was trying to kill you because you came on way too strong...anyways, here have this invite, hope you come to the party." he tossed them it while continuing on his way. 'Poor Rainbow Dash, not even her 3rd day and already she's feeling the pressure.' He thought before walking by a cell that's having a threesome. "Hey! Keep it clean in there!" "Then what was the point of me being in here with these 2 lovely ladies." Asked Caramel as he cuddled Lily Valley and Sassaflash. "I'm saying if you go at it, at least try not to cum all over the walls. "Don't worry I like to keep it, 'inside.'" Caramel replied, making the other girls giggle. "Also, why aren't you asking out that part timer?" "Because she's too stressed out and I don't wanna get thrown out the window." "Not saying you should do her, just saying you should try and give her some romantic attention." he replied before looking down. "Now if you'll excuse us, we got round two to get to." Cheese Sandwich rolled his eyes before going back to his office to plan the birthday party. "I'll make some fruit punch with actual water, wouldn't want the guards drinking cellmade toilet water fruit punch...how do they manage to smuggle so much up their asses I'll never know." When he got to the office he saw Rainbow guzzling coffee from her mug. "Whoa, calm down Rainbow Dash." "How can I?! I'm trying my best to do my job and resist the cat calls from those shit eating criminals!" she growled throwing her mug to the side. She put her hooves on her face. "Why not take a little break?" He rubbed his hoof on her back. "I can't, I need to take this seriously." "Rainbow Dash, you just gotta make sure the inmates behave and not escape, and hey, what's wrong with the compliments?" "One of them said he wanted to shove a pop tart up my butt." she deadpanned. "Uh...Bon Bon probably thought you had a sweet ass." She groaned and laid on her desk with her back to the window overlooking the cells as Cheese saw one of the cells open with Derpy walking out. "Don't be sad, at least no-pony's hit the free all prisoners switch." he tried reassuring while seeing Derpy run off and hit the switch as all the cell doors opened. "What was that?" "Probably nothing...look, stay here and I'll check it out okay? Okay!" he ran out of the office. "Aaaaah! What happened?" "Derpy's powers happened!" Said Big Mac. "Now if you don't mind, there's a mare who needs some serious stress relief eeyup." "No, you 3 are going back to your cell and not having stress relieving sex with Warden Rainbow Dash." Then he tied them up with his rubber chickens. "Aww!" He was about to put them in their cell, but then Spike cut them free with his claw. "Spike!" "Sorry, but you're kinda...vastly outnumbered." he shrugged before running off while the prisoners ran wild an started causing chaos. "Hey! Don't pull the water fountain out!" He the began clubbing them! "Really? A food fight?! Heeeey, don't go into the warden's office!" he ran over and judo flipped Caramel away from the door. Lily and Sassaflash dragged the unconscious stallion away. 'This will be a huge pain.' He thought as he spent the whole night taking 'em all down and returning the prisoners to thier cells. It was now morning as Cheese Sandwich checked. "Spike the dragon?" "Here!" "Bon Bon?" "Here." "Retarded popstar bitch who should be executed?" "Here." "Soarin?" He called. "Soarin?!" He looked in the cell and saw it was empty. The door to the Warden's Office suddenly flung open and outwalked Soarin. "Here." He replied before flying back to his cell. Cheese Sandwich's sweatdrop was so big it pulled his head down to the floor. He ran into the office in worry. "Rainbow Dash?!" In front of him, lay a satisfied mare. "Woo, yo cheese." she waved her hoof. "Umm...maybe it's time you took that vacation..."
chapter 42View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 42"4 left, and they're the mightiest batch I've seen." Commented Dr.Yang. 4 left, and so close to not achieving your dream." Commented Evil Step-mother. "Shut up, the Semi-finals are now!" Spike sighed as he walked down the road. Then TV Screens appeared! "Congrats to everyone who's made it to the semi-finals." "Heh! This tournament may be tiring, but at least I'm in the top 4 right now." he grinned. "Now, I'm gonna make it even more difficult, I've placed mines in the ground and the walls...enjoy the rest of the tournament." Then the screens went blank again. "That ain't goo..." Then Spike was hit by a Pokeball. "Ow." "So if you're not a Pokemon...that must mean you're an opponent!" declared Maud. "I have no idea what a Pokemon is, but one thing's for sure, I'm not gonna fool around if someone like you made it to the top 4!" "Let's do this!" Said the other Spike inside Spike's head. Maud grabbed a pokeball and tossed it up into the air. "Go Wobbuffet!" "Wobbu-wha?" Then out came, a blue stiff looking Pokemon. "Woooobufett." "Okay, you look pretty stupid! But I won't let appearances fool me!" Spike then transformed! He grew into his imperialdramon form while letting out a roar. "Positron Laser!" "Use Mirror Coat!" Wobbuffet shined as the laser was fired. The laser hit Wobbuffet, but was shot right back at Spike! His eyes widened and was sent crashing through a building. "Okay, new plan!" "What are you doing?" Other Spike asked. "It'a not like this thing can counter this right?! Splendor Blade!" Spike ran in for a slash of his claws! Wobbuffet was hit! "Yes!" "Use Counter!" "What?!" "How come I'm the one in your head you twit?" Other Spike disapproved. Spike growled before he was sent flying again. "Okay, I call bullshit on that thing's square shaped arms hurting me!" "Use Charm!" (Pause!) "Hello, I'm Trahzo, helping this guy out write this epic story arc...I know what all of you are thinking, but Wobbuffet can't use Charm, it only has 4 moves! Well, have you forgotten it's pre-evolution Wynaut being able to use Splash, Charm and Encore? Yeah, didn't think so, now let's return to the fight." (Unpause.) Wobbuffet looked at Spike endearingly! "Why do I feel my attacks have gotten weaker?" he asked himself confused. "Irrelevant! Take him down now!" "Right! Let's go with our strongest attack! Mega Crusher!" They then shot out dark matter that began sucking up everything! Maud and Wobbuffet held onto some grounded railing! "Hold-on Wobbuffet!" "Wobbu..." "What did you say?" "Wobbu..." "What? I can't do that! This looks like it might kill you rather than faint you!" "Wobbu! Wobbu!" He then saluted. "I know you swore your allegiance till the day one of us died, but I love you like the rest of our team." "Wobbuffet..." "When I love something, set it free huh?" she frowned. Wobbuffet showed Maud his best brave face! "Don't let this be in vain! Use Destiny Bond!" Wobbuffet glowed before a link went out and touched Spike. "What the fuck?!" Then Wobbuffet let go and went into the dark matter, and as the description of Mega Crusher states, got annihilated! Maud waved bye to Spike. "Why is she...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" Spike shouted in unbearable agony before falling. 'You will be missed.' thought Maud as the hole closed up. Then the TV screen showed that Maud won as the unconscious Spike was sent back to his world. "You see how your little tournaments ruin the lives of others?! Who says I'm evil? She just lost a life long friend!" Evil-Step Mother was about to cackle...but that's when... "My egg is hatching..." And out popped, a Wynaut. "Hmph, life dies, yet life shall continue to go-on and I will make sure Princess Cassidy's will go-on." Dr.Yang remarked. "It's only a matter of time before the life support runs out for good!" "One of them will kill you! And me and Cassidy will dance your grave." "Hmph, just try..."
chapter 43View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 43Spike was currently heading out the door with a backpack. "Buy girls." He said to the Mane 6 as they ignored him and were busy focusing on their strategy to defeat the giant robot terrorizing Ponyville. "Yeah yeah, see ya later Spike." spoke Twilight without looking up. Spike sighed before closing the door behind him. Later... "We did it! We destroyed the giant robot!" Cheered Pinkie. "This calls for a party at Sugarcube Corner." "You said it." grinned Rainbow. They all raced to their usual hangout as fast as they can, but as soon as they opened the doors, they gasped at the sight. "What in all of Tartarus." spoke Applejack. "Spike?" Gasped Twilight. "Huh? Oh hey girls." "Hi Twilight." Greeted Minuette, Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine. "Hey Twi." Greeted Lyra. "Good day Rarity." Greeted Sassy Saddles. "Spike? I didn't know you hung out with them." spoke Twilight. "I have more friends than just you girls." "Even so...this doesn't feel right." Said Rarity. "Well we're actually waiting for Moondancer to show up." spoke Lemon Drops. "Hey! Start the party without me?" Asked Moondancer. "Nah, come on in." smiled Spike. "Anyways, I'll see yah at home later Twi." Then he turned to talk with the others. "Uh...do you girls notice there are 6 of them now?" Asked Rainbow Dash. "As in, the same number as us?" "It's probably just a coincidence Rainbow Dash." Spoke Fluttershy. "Or a ploy to replace us for not paying enough attention to him." Said Applejack. "Oh come now Applejack, that sounds ridiculous." spoke Rarity. "Right, now let's go get some sweets." Said Twilight. The next day... Pinkie and Rainbow Dash were helping Fluttershy feed the ducks in the pond, until, they heard laughing from somewhere. Curious they walked to where it was coming from. "Whaaaaaa?!" They gasped! They see Spike having fun with another set of 6 girls. This time it was Macareina, Gleaming Shield, Princess Bluebelle, Flare Warden, Grilled Cheese, and Bailey Sweet. "Still think it's a coincidence Fluttershy?" Asked Rainbow Dash, who was noticeably glaring harder and harder, trying to make Spike notice. Fluttershy couldn't say anything, how could she? She was crying. Spike and the other six girls were laughing over several jokes. "Spike, you're such a cool kid that I'd love to invite to my next, adult party." Said Grilled Cheese. "Eeyup." Agreed Macareina. "After of course he comes to the grand galloping gala." spoke Bluebelle. "Family comes first after all." "This is not good, we gotta tell the others!" spoke Rainbow gritting her teeth. Later... "What?!" Gasped Twilight. "I can't believe this." Said Applejack. "He's cheating on me." Said Rarity. "..." "I-I mean us." "Not to worry girls, I know exactly what's going on." smiled Pinkie. "It's clear all these girls are just some last minute bootie calls. Once he's all calm down, he'll come back." "Um, where did you get that idea? Are these girls even doing any sexual innuendos to Spikey-Wikey?" "Well.....I don't know, but what other reason could there be for him to hang out with so many other friends, all female?" "Well, it's just 2 sets of 6...it's not like..." Then Spike comes home with Nightmare Moon, Queen Umbra, Nightmare Rarity, Queen Chrysalis, Nightmare Star and Nightmare Heart. "Okay, see yah girls." a happy Spike told them as they left. "H...How was that even possible?!" cried out Twilight. "Huh? Oh hey girls, I'm pretty beat, I'm gonna go take a nap before the sleepover at Diamond Tiara's." "Excuse me?" "Yeah, I'm going to Diamond Tiara's mansion for a sleepover." "How many?" "The CMC, Dt and of course her best friend Silver Spoon, and then this filly Dt and Ss made friends with, I think it was...Peach Fuzz? Yeah, Peach Fuzz. Anyways, I'm going to my room now." The mane 6 huddled together. "Girls, we need a plan, and now!" "Kill everyone." Suggested Fluttershy. "No." Said Twilight. "Make Spike jealous by finding another baby dragon." suggested Rainbow Dash. "No, the only dragon worthy of my cuddles is Spike, so don't ever say that again!" frowned Rarity. "Why don't we round up all the sets of 6 in one place? Once Spike sees all of them, he'll be forced to make a choice." Said Applejack. "Applejack you're brilliant, Spike will come running to us, his best friends if he's forced into that kind of corner." Agreed Twilight. "And when he's come back to us, then we kill everyone." Said Fluttershy. "No!" they cried out at once. The next day... Spike wakes up to find himself in a dark room with one light shining down on him. "What's going on?" Then all the lights turned on! He saw girls everywhere, in groups of 6! The female members of the Wonderbolts: Spitfire, Misty Fly, Blaze, Fleetfoot, Surprise and High Winds to his left! Moms: Twilight Velvet, Cookie Crumbles, Mrs.Shy, Cloudy Quartz, Cupcake and Spoiled Rich to his right! The opposite 6: Trixie, Sunset Shimmer, Lightning Dust, Gilda, Cherry Jubilee and Fleur De Lis in some other direction! Everywhere, around him...girls in groups of 6! "W..What's going on?!" he cried out louder. "You're here to make a choice." Spoke Twilight. "Choice?" "That's right, after you've chosen which set of 6 as your Mane 6. They'll have full access to you." Spike gulped as he looked at all the sets of six. "Why are you making me do this? I can have as many friends as I want can't I?" "Why of course darling." "But you're hanging out with only sets of 6." "Now quit stalling and choose." He sweated nervously and looked around the groups. "Girls, you are my best friends, I could never replace you." "Then what's with all these other groups?" asked Rainbow. "I don't know." "I betcha it was your hording instincts." Twilight pointed out. "Come again?" "I get it now, your animal instincts and the fact you hangout with 6 others everyday has caused your mind to make multiple groups of 6 whenever we're busy and you aren't hanging out with us." "So..." "So in conclusion, you had us in the back of your head whenever we're unavailable to spend time with you." Twilight concluded. "All of you are but knockoffs! Especially my 6 recolors!" "Hey!" "All of you can get lost now! Spike chose us, we're his Mane 6!" The other groups frowned before leaving the building. "And now we get, full, exclusive, access..." Said Fluttershy with a creepy grin as she stepped closer to Spike. "Uh, why are you looking at me like that?" he gulped backing up. "Huh? Oh, sorry, I was in yandere mode wasn't I? I'm sorry Spike." she apologized with a smile. "In any case, you're ours Spike, and even if we don't hang out, we still love you." Said Twilight before they all kissed Spike. He blushed crimson red from the act. "Now, why don't we get Starlight Glimmer and have ourselves a sexy sleepover?" Suggested Twilight. "And you're invited Spike." "Uh....s-sure." And all throughout that night, Spike got it on with them all.
chapter 44View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 44Barb sighed as she watched Dusk get his bag together. "No fair, why can't I go to the sleepover?" "I told you Barb, this is meant for guys only." Barb puffed her cheeks up in anger. "Oh come on, don't make that face." "..." "Okay, how about this? Come your birthday, you can have as many friends as you want for your own sleepover, how's that sound?" "Fine, I guess." "Swell, now I gotta go, love you." Then with a kiss on the cheek, off Dusk went with Star Gleam and Sunset Glare. Barb watched them go and crossed her arms. As soon as the doors closed however... "Guess it's time to use the secret hole in Carousel Boutique whenever I wanna be close to Elusive for some not as creepy stuff this time." she grinned to herself. Later that night, within the walls of Carousel Boutique, we see Barb in her pajamas, holding Smarty Pants. 'Now just be quiet and let's hear what's going on.' She thought as all the guys were doing guy stuff. She watched through a peephole in the corner of Elusive's bedroom. "Truth or dare time!" called out Bubble Barry. 1st was Rainbow Blitz. "Blitz, truth or dare?" "Truth." "Okay, what do you think we should do if we catch a girl eavesdropping on us?" "Punish her with pleasure, if you know what I mean." he chuckled while wiggling his eyebrows. Barb gulped in fear. 'I hope I don't get caught tonight.' 2nd was Butterscotch. "..." "Come-on, I-I can take any dare..." "I dare you to get the rats and mice out of my house." Dared Elusive. "Rats and Mice?" Dusk Questioned. "I've heard them scuttle about in the walls." Barb began to sweat. "Huh, why didn't you ask me before?" "Uh..." Elusive then moved a mouse trap under his work desk. "No reason." "Okay." So Butterscotch began his rodent call. 'Please let there be an infestation, please!' Barb crossed her fingers. And as it turns out, there were rodents, but not the rodents Elusive was expecting! "Rattatas and Patrats?!" he cried out with wide eyes. "Sweet! Go Ludicolo!" Said Bubble Barry. "Take these pests out of the house with Focus Blast!" Applejack quickly opened the windows, Ludicolo's Focus Blast hit the pests, collecting them up and launching them out! "Bubble Barry! That was too harsh!" spoke Butterscotch. "Sorry Butts, when I see Pokemon, I gotta battle Pokemon!" "And you wonder why I'm a breeder." "So, who's going next?" Asked Star Gleam. "...Why are you all looking at me?" "Truth or dare?" "Truth!" "I dare you to prank call Barb." Said Elusive. "Whoa, didn't think you'd have someone do that to Barb." Said Dusk. "What's some friendly teasing gonna do?" "Alright, you're on." '2 can play at this game!' She thought. So once her phone began vibrating... "Hello?" "Yeah, do you..." "Prince Albert in the can? Heard it. Is my fridge running? Heard it. Also, I hope you do have pizzas for me when you get back, because I'm gonna burn you alive without warning if you ever do this again, you got me?" "....uh....wrong number!" He then hung up. Everyone's jaws dropped as the phone was on speaker. "How did she..." "My guess, is that she's gotten wise to Blitz and Barry's pranks." Replied Applejack. "Even if she is little, I wouldn't want to anger a dragon, especially if the dragon is a lady like Barb." Said Elusive. And so after Truth or Dare, snacks, a movie and much more stuff, we now see the guys getting ready for bed. 'So it's over now huh? Guess I better get out of here...' She thought, but that's when the wood she was standing on began to creak. 'Oh no.' "Do you guys hear th..." Dusk was interrupted as soon as Barb fell through the ceiling. "AHHH!" She landed right on Butterscotch. "Oh my..." Barb then got right back up. "Whoops, guess I took a wrong turn to Albuquerque. I'll just be on my way..." As she tried to leave, she was blocked by Blitz. "Well, well, well, looks like a girls was eavesdropping on us." Said Blitz. "Say guys, remember what we should during Truth-or-Dare if it turns out a girl really was doing that?" 'This is not gonna end well for me.' Barb thought, sweating bullets. "Hold up, you don't mean doing that to Barb?" spoke Dusk with hesitation. "I'm up for it." Said Star Gleam. "Second it." Said Elusive. "Ditto." Said Bubble Barry. "Yep." Said Applejack. "But..but guys...she's..." "Eavesdropping on us." "She knows about all our secrets." Said Sunset Glare. "Think of it as making sure she keeps quiet." Said Rainbow Blitz. 'Then again, she learned of 'that' incident...I can't let her blab to anyone!' Barb gulped as they all surrounded her. "I promise, I won't tell your secrets to any-yipe!" Barb was thrown onto Elusive's bed as they jumped at her. 'I have no-one else to blame, but myself for the destruction of my mouth, ass and lower lips.' Later... After the last guy finished, he then got off of the dragoness who was taken to town by all 8. "Now Barb, let this be a lesson." Said Dusk Shine. "Next time one of us says guys only, listen to the rule or else we'll do this again with even more guys." 'I don't know if that's bad, or good.' She thought with a big satisfied smile. "Okay Dusk...I'll try to listen to the rule next time...keyword being try." "Be warned, Applejack's got a lot of male cousins who might just go nuts without a break." "Read you loud and clear." She assured. "Good, now let's go get some sleep. Night everyone." Elusive got into bed with Barb, as he cuddled the sleeping dragon. 'I wonder who's baby you'd have if it weren't for me and my convenient surplus of condoms' Elusive thought before pulling Barb close and sleeping.
chapter 45View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 45"Spike! Come down here!" Spike awoke to the sound of an angry mother figure. He ran out to where Twilight was waiting. "Yeah?" "Spike...I have one thing to say to you...." Said a still angry Twilight. "A-and that is..." And like that, Twilight smiled and side stepped to the left. "Happy Spike Appreciation Day." He blinked as banner unfurled with confetti falling down. "Spike Appreciation Day?" Spike asked. "When did it this become a thing?" "January 16th, 2015." Twilight said. "Wait...it's 2017...are you saying I just missed 2 years of a day where I get appreciated?" Spike looked at the reader dumbfounded. "Depends on who you ask." Said a familiar voice. "Who said that?" "My present." Said Twilight. "Your present?" Spike asked. 'Sweet, this time her present for me ain't a book.' "In honor of this day, ten lucky mares will be spending the day with you." "10?!" "Yep, and they're over there, hiding in the shadows." "Why?" "Waiting for their spotlights." Twilight then clapped and lights shined down on these females. "These 10 won a contest to be with you and I'm here to tell you who they are...1st up is...Starlight Glimmer." "Hi." she waved with a blush. "Sunset Shimmer." "Wow, this time you have hands and I have 4 feet." "Trixie." "The great and powerful Trixie is ready for this day!" "Dragonlord Ember." "I-I just entered the contest so nopony can steal you, I-I mean do obscene things to you." "Princess Luna." "We thought a day out in the sun would be good for our skin." "Princess Celestia." "What Luna said." "Sonata Dusk." "What?!" Spike gasped. "Don't worry, the band disbanded and now I get to spend the day with my new boyfriend, you." Said Sonata before hugging Spike. "Lyra Heartstrings." "I want your hands all over me." "Coco Pommel." "Well I thought you were cute and wanted to see what it was like." she blushed. 'And the fact Rarity ships us.' "And last but not least...Ms. Harshwhinny." "Mr. The dragon, after today, I am confident by the end of the day, I'll become Mrs. The dragon." "And that's all of them, goodnight everybody." Then Twilight put up a big The End sign. "Hey! Don't end it yet!" Said Pinkie Pie. "Fine fine." "So...all of you...like me that way?" "Yup." they nodded. "We all agreed to tell you why during our date." Said Celestia before they picked up Spike and ran out of the castle. 'I feel like I'm gonna be an aunt by the end of the day.' thought Twilight. Later... "So...Starlight...when did you have a crush on me? Was it everytime you walked in on me, you blushed as you caught a glimpse of my snake?" She blushed and nodded. "It kinda...got me thinking." "Whoa...I was kidding...you like my dick?" "Not just your dick, but I love how you sometimes help me with friendship lessons. Make me feel better, encouraged me to reconnect with my best friend from childhood." she listed off with a smile. "So yeah, that kinda stuff made me think maybe you were an alright dragon." Spike blushed and smiled, but then his blush got bigger once Starlight kissed his cheek. After walking, it was time for a snack at Sugarcube Corner. "Trixie shall amaze you with why Trixie sees you as a fine mate." Said Trixie. "Does this have something to do with the Alicorn Amulet fiasco?" "Correct, after Trixie kicked Twilight out and made you Trixie's uh...'slave'...Trixie really liked using you as a cuddle pillow." Spike grit his teeth from that night. "I'm still a little miffed about that." "It's not my fault dragons are so warm to cuddle with." She leaned her head close. "If you feel like cuddling with me tonight, my cart's in town." Then she kissed Spike. After a snack, they went to walking to a movie theater. "You already know why I like you." Said Ember. "You showed me the good values of ponies...besides eating them." "What?" Said Spike and everyone else. "W-w-wait, I don't eat ponies, m-my family does, but stopped after learning how good you are." That made all of them shiver. "Please don't be mad." Said a panicking Ember. "It's okay Ember, we all like you. Especially me." "Heh...thanks Spike." Then Ember pecked his cheek. As they waited in line for their tickets. "Well, since we're waiting for these screaming idiots to stop screaming, it's my turn." Said Sunset Shimmer. "Let's hear it." "Back in Canterlot High, for reason I really liked carrying you, when you were a puppy...including that time I kidnapped you....heheh....and then I really liked how you saved us when The Dazzlings were putting thier big plan into effect." "Wait, you kidnapped him?" frowned Celestia. "It was part of an evil plan to take over Equestria with an army of high school students." Sunset turned around embarrassed. "...that would have failed in the first five seconds." "Yes, it would...just like a bad student of mine to not think things through." Celestia scolded. "But...if Spike likes you, I'll give you a 2nd chance." "Thank you princess." Then she turned and kissed Spike's cheek. After the movie. "That movie was dreadful, but let's make things better by telling you why I like you Mr. The Dragon." Said Ms. Harshwhinny. "Spike is just fine." "Very well, Spike. I was smitten with you after you heroically saved The Equestria Games. I thought about giving you a reward, say my flank, but I was just too nervous." "Say what?" Spike gasped. "I planned to reward you with some raunchy sex, but I decided against it...but ever since I discovered Spike Appreciation Day...maybe we can make Twilight an aunt by the end of the day." "Hey! Keep your hooves away from that great pair of hands I want." Said Lyra. "No secret as to why you like me." he deadpanned. "I hope I get pregnant 1st." Said Ms. Harshwhinny. "I hope our hybrid child has hands." Said Lyra before they kissed his cheeks. 'That's right ladies, kiss his cheeks, save his lips for me.' Thought Celestia. Later, they were in a changing room, getting ready for a pool. Spike's eyes widened as he saw them put thier swimsuits on in front of him. "Wanna hear how I fell for you?" Asked Coco Pommel. "Yes." "Well, it happened like this..." *Flashback.* "Coco, you're always such a delight." "Thank you Rarity, so are you....uh...." "Something the matter?" "You know a lot of guys right?" "Right?" "Well...." "You want a boyfriend?" "Yes!" "Okay, I'll hook you up with Spike." Coco laughed. "Wow Rarity, who knew you were so..." Then a leather purse was put over Coco's head. An hour later, the bag was removed. "Uh...where am I?" "Carousel Boutique HQ. If an employee doesn't take me seriously when I recommend Spikey Wikey...I'll hypnotize them with subliminal messages. Right now, I have 2 of my employees ready for my army that I like to call 'Spikey Wikey's Fashionable Lovers'." "Uh..." "Igor! I-I mean Sweetie Belle! Begin hypnosis procedure." Sweetie Belle turned on a film that had a spinning image of Spike and a clock moving back and forth. That's when a fat stallion entered the room and started swinging his fat belly left and right while he chanted hypnotize over and over. Rarity then rambled on about Spike until all Coco could hear was 'blah blah Spike'. "Okay...I'll like Spike in a romantic way." "Lovely, now when you wake up tomorrow morning, you'll find yourself in your home in Manehattan." *Flashback over.* "Uh....Coco?" "Yes Spike?" "You got lost in thought about why you're in love with me." "Oh? Um....I guess I just do." "....Okay then..." At the pool, everyone was making loud noises. That's when Sonata crashed into Spike. "Whoops, tee hee hee...guess I better tell you why I like you." The siren said while hugging him. "During my high school years...ooooh, those were the best years of my life..." "You were in Canterlot High for what? 3 days?" Spike corrected. "I'm trying to make it memorable, don't ruin it!" "Sorry." "Anyways...you were totes, the cutest dog I ever saw...I wanted to hold and hug you, but Aria and Adagio were so mean, not letting me, so I left them one night and moved back here to Equestria. Not like I could do evil anymore due to Twilight and friends destroying our gem necklaces. When spending time back in Equestria, I realized I don't just have to pet you and give you treats, but when I saw you...you were a dragon...but that's when I realized, I could date you." "Heh, wow." he blushed. "Yeah, ain't it great?" Then Sonata kissed his cheek. Later that night, we find all 11 characters walking down a hallway in Canterlot Castle. "Tis my turn to tell you why we became smitten with thou." He looked at her with curiosity. "Well, not exactly you, but your birth parents." "You know my parents?" "Yes, centuries ago, your father was the most handsome dragon we've ever laid eyes on. Unfortunately he had a mate. On the bright side however, guess waiting for the spitting image of him was worth it." Luna then kissed Spike's cheek. "Do I really look like my dad?" "Yes Spike, you do." "Where are my parents? And no, I don't mean Twilight, or you." Spike said while looking at Celestia. "Well....they.....didn't survive." Spike then felt sad. "But it's okay...you have a huge number of friends and family who love you." Said Celestia. "Now, if you can all just walk into the room, I'll tell you why I like Spike." "Hey, that rhymes." Said Pinkie. "I like Spike, I like Spike, kinda like the We like Mike song or We like Ike chant." Meanwhile in the bedroom with a huge bed...everyone got into bed. "Okay, here's the reason why you won my heart Spike." Celestia got on the bed, laying next to Spike. "What you don't know kid, is that I've had many, many kids before you, and a few spouses...but none of them last for so long....it broke my heart seeing me outlive anyone of my kids...but then you came into my life. You dragons, being able to live for so long...it made me happy. Seeing that you can live for so long, I just had to adopt you, and then make babies with you. "Wait, so....you wanted a son and husband all in one?" "I wanted at least one of them to live longer, and with you, I can have both." Celestia explained before pressing her lips against Spike's. His eyes widened while his face turned bright red. "Now, let's end Spike Appreciation Day with a bang ladies." Celestia told them. "Yeah!" Cheered them all as we can now hear moaning from the other side of the door. "Hey, I'm Trahzo, the co-writer of this chapter. Me and the author of this story, whether you're reading it on Fimfiction or Fanfiction would just like to say...happy Spike Appreciation Day."
chapter 46View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 46It was a sleazy day at Clopping Corral Studios as our happy director, now an old man is doing his last day of directing before retirement. "Alright everypony, as you all know, it's my final day before I announce who'll be taking my place as director, so before the day is over, let's make it the hardest working day of our lives!" "Yes sir!" They all cheered, with tears rolling down their faces. Later... "Okay Sweetie and Sapphire, time to make music, live on stage!" Futanari Sapphire Shores was on top and Sweetie Belle was on the bottom on all 4's as they wore matching nighties. "Okay fillies and gentlecolts, get ready for my new song 'Do It Duet'! she looked down at Sweetie Belle. "This little filly here is really gonna be straining her mouth." The crowd cheered, and began jacking off at the same time as the song began. Later... The Diamond Dogs all howled and stamped while looking up at a throne that was turned away from the camera. "My queen, look at you, you're so high and mighty." Said Rover. "But when it's heat season, you become a lowly bitch for us to dominate." Added Spot. "Yeah, and we're gonna make it a very rough mating season for you." Finished Fido. They all growled while the throne slowly turned. The Diamond Dogs all eager to breed, got closer and closer. "Hope you're ready to service us all...Winona." Then we see her on the thrown, breathing heavily, needing someone to put out her heat. "Breed the queen!" Then they all grabbed Winona and dragged her off to the breeding grounds. Later... "Out of all the thicc babes I've met, you're the thickest." Said Pipsqueak as he sat at his bed. "You're such a short sweetheart." Replied Whoa Nelly, who was sitting on his lap. "Ready to see what this small body can do?" "It's as the saying goes, big things come in small packages, right?" "Right." Then they pressed their lips together. Later... "Sorry Aura Winds, they were out of Beef Ramen so I got Chicken." Spike said as he entered his bedroom. "Ho-hum." Said Aura Winds. "Were you watching TV all day?" "Yeah, why?" "I told you to clean up this place while I was gone! It's just one small room, not even the entire castle!" "Oh, please don't make me chip a hoof cleaning." "Aura Winds, I have a form of punishment that's reserved for female freeloaders. I don't give a fuck that you're Fluttershy's older sister, but I'm about to give 'you' a fucking!" "Can it wait till after this show?" That's when Spike blew up the TV with a big fireball. "Hey!" "No it's not waiting!" That's when Spike grabbed Aura Winds, wrestled her to the floor, where he was on top and holding her chest. "Now let's put you to good use for once, you freeloading cunt." "*gulp* S-see? I am useful i-in being your cock sock, heh heh heh." She said in nervously. Later... "Mayor Mare, ah've come here for something important." spoke Braeburn knocking the door down. "Ah, yes, thank you for arriving, just as my libido couldn't take it anymore." "Then let's get this hoedown started!" A few hours later... "Hoo wee, that was more fun than what me an' AJ did last summer, see yah Mare." "Bye bye Braeburn." That's when... "Ms.Mayor, your 6 O' Clock is here." "Howdy Mayor Mare, ready 'git down to business'?" "Braeburn? We already did it, of course I'm not against the idea of another go at it." 'Not sure what she's on about, but oooh am I gonna make her more full than a barrel of water.' He thought as he grabbed Mayor Mare's huge chest. Meanwhile... "Another successful mission of love." Said the Fake Braeburn. That's when it transformed back into Thorax! "Now for my next target." Later... Rainbow Dash sighed as Aloe massaged her. "Yeah Aloe, right in between the wings." "Right between the wings you say?" "Y-what the huh?" Aloe was sitting on Rainbow Dash, holding something between her legs. "Okay, I'll shoot a special cream right there, between your wings." "What the heck?!" "Just relax, I'll make you feel alllllll better." Rainbow gulped. Later... "Last one for today, give it your all ladies!" Said the director. "Action!" "So, how shall we decide who has our baby?" Asked Futa Ember. "Why don't we ask Twilight?" Suggested Futa Gilda. Later at Twilight's Castle... "Hmm...there are some ways hermamphroditic animals mate, for example, the Flatworms, they fence with their penises, and the one who loses, is the one who gets pregnant." Twilight explained. "Maybe try that?" "Kinky, I like it." spoke Gilda. "Thanks Twilight." "My pleasure." Then she turned to the camera. "There are 2 endings, but you have to buy the premium version of this movie inorder to watch the alternate ending." She finished with a wink. Later after filming was all done for the day. "Well, it's been fun watching you all go at it like Bonobos, but now I must leave, and hope my replacement can run just as good, or even better than me, isn't that right..." Then he turned his head. "...Big Macintosh?" "Eeyup." "Gang, here's your new director, now I must go. Have fun all of you." Then as he exited Clopping Corral Studios, hearing the moans of a party orgy... "I'm gonna miss you guys." Then he sprouted wings and disappeared into the night.
chapter 47View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 47"Okay Derpy, watch closely." Said Berry Bunch as she was about to hit and egg with a pool cue. "Five ball in the corner pocket." She struck the egg as it bounced off of a throw pillow, a couch strangely a few walls...should've broke, but then again, cartoon. Until finally Derpy caught it in her mouth, then spat it at the kitchen! "Ah! Berry! Derpy!" "Wasn't me!" called out the pegasus. "Anyways, I'm almost done with the chores Twilight told me to do. When I'm done we can go." Said Moondancer as she walked back into the kitchen. "She said that 2 hours ago." Said Berry. "Why is she doing the chores in Twilight's castle again?" "Don't you remember? She wants to try having a job while in college." "Yeah, yeah..." muttered Berry before hearing the sounds of a sewing machine turning on. They walked in and saw Moondancer sewing curtains. "Who's curtains are those?" Asked Berry as she appeared out of nowhere. "Eek! Don't DO that." Said Moondancer. "And if you must know, these are Spike's curtains, he ripped them out of frustration apparently." That's when Derpy attacked! "I am vampire Der-" Berry activated the sewing machine and sewed the pegasus and curtains together. "Hey look, I'm stylish now." spoke Derpy flapping her curtain wings. "Fashion victim." Berry then turned to Moondancer. "So you done?" "Not yet, gotta check what else I missed." She then ran, looking at the sticky notes. "Really? She left you sticky notes? Why not just a big list?" "Twilight's trying to use new types of paper." Said Moondancer. "Now if you'll excuse me." "This is ridiculous, like for example, this one!" Said Berry as she picked up the note and read it. "Moondancer, this task will give you an 8 bit bonus. Please make sure all the toilet seats are down." That's when Berry had an idea. "Hmmm, we might be able to have some fun with these." "Ooh, are we gonna prank Moondancer?" "Of course." "Yay!" "Now I'm gonna go get a pencil." "I got one." "Nevermind." she took it and started jotting down on one of the notes. "Dear Moondancer, insert broom lint into your tail and use a lot of it." "Isn't that a little....much?" "She's getting paid to be a monkey servant, it should be fine." she waved off before setting the pen down. "Well, if you think it'll be okay, then let's make her look dumb." 'Like you?' She thought. "Alright, I've made sure every chore was finished. Now let's go on some nonsensical adventure." "Hey Moondancer, you're slipping because you missed one." spoke Berry holding the note out to her. "Oh...lemme see that." she took it and read it over before going wide eyed. "What's it say?" asked Derpy. "It's telling me to insert a lot of broomlint into my tail...I feel like one of you are doing forgery but this note looks perfectly like Twilight's penmanship." she remarked with a blush. 'I had no idea she was this...creative.' "Well what are you waiting for? Do it." Said Derpy. "Yeah, do it so we can do crazy stuff." "I-I can't do it with you two standing there!" "It's just us, we won't tell anyone." "Unless they paid us." smiled Derpy. Moondancer sighed, she brought a broom to her from the kitchen. She removed all of the lint and put it in her tail. "Wow...you seriously did it." "Your poor tail, it looked so pretty before the lint." Said Derpy, before a ball hit her head. "Ow!" She turned and saw Dinky. "You forgot my birthday!" "Oh my gosh Dinky, I'm sorry." That's when in a berserk rage she charged and jumped! "Ah look out!" *This fanfic is experiencing technical difficulties!* After a few minutes it showed Derpy stumbling while Dinky walked out. "Have a good day sweetie!" "Well...now that Kid-zilla is gone, let's get going ladies." "But Moondancer, what's that I see over there?" "A note on Spike's suit...wait, what's this doing hanging on a door, it should be in his closet." "No time, just read." She took it down and read it over. "Okay...this is gonna be a weird one..." Later at Fluttershy's cottage... "Who knew role reversal would be so fun?" Said Fluttershy wearing bunny ears while Angel wore a wig of Fluttershy's mane. That's when they heard Harry roaring. "What could that be?" We then see Harry wearing Spike's suit. "Harry, where'd you get that?" Harry then pointed to the 3 mares walking away. "Well, good thing I'm Angel for today." Said rabbit facepalmed. That's when without warning, Fluttershy attacked them! 3 hard kicks sending them flying! They then hit the ground. "Ow...what was that?" "Why did you force a suit onto Harry?" "Well...it was a chore...see?" She then showed Fluttershy the sticky note. "Chore or not, you must be punished Moondancer." 'Aw man!' Fluttershy then uprooted a huge tree and flattened Moondancer with it! "You're forgiven now." "Thank you." she groaned underneath it. Later... "I don't like this one!" Shouted Moondancer. "Calm down, she just needs you to fool around with our lovers, you'll be fine. We'll be watching from behind this pile of wood incase they get too rough." "But that makes no sense! Why would she want me to do something like that in the first place? And why are you two so easy going about it!?" "Hey, are you gonna complain about a job that's telling you to get laid?" "I'm just saying it feels suspicious why she would want me to do this." "Well, I guess you can go ask her after, but now, you got a job to do." We then see Spike, Time Turner and Thunderlane all talking about something. "Got any threes?" "Go fish." "U-um...excuse me men..." They turned and saw Moondancer with a blush. "Oh well, well, well, what does my lady want?" Spike asked while putting his claws on her. "It's...kinda hard to say." "Come-on, you can tell me." He whispered, as Moondancer felt his breath on the back of her neck. "I-I-I-I have to sleep with all of you!" That's when she felt hooves on her flank. "Is that so?" Said Time Turner. "Guess your girlfriend is 3 times as horny today." said Thunderlane. That's when they all picked up Moondancer and took her into Time Turner's house. "Oh man, this is rich." snickered Berry. "Yeah....wait! What if she gets knocked up?" "Don't you remember? We gave her a strong condom." "But they break." "That's why we're here to make sure they don't get too rough with her, so when we hear her start crying out in pain, we jump in!" "But what if we get knocked up?" "Eh, not sure...guess we're moms." "But I'm already a mom." "Dinky will be a big sis then, okay?" That's when Moondancer stumbled out of the house. "Wow Moondancer...you really endured, great job." Moondancer didn't hear them in her dazed state. "We better take her..." "Well, well, well, the other 2 are here." Said Time Turner as he put a hoof around Derpy. "Oh...uh hi Doctor." "Hello my drunken babe, what brings you here?" "Uh...a pran..." "Come on guys, let's give them the same thing we did to Moondancer." Said Spike as they brought them into the house. 'Uh oh.' Some time passed and they stumbled out as well and fell next to Moondancer. 'Karma is wonderful.' Thought Berry Punch. Eventually they got back home with Moondancer cleaning herself up. "Well, that was insane and who knows what the next note will say." "NO! NO! I'm done, I'm not gonna do any more! I quit." Said Moondancer. "I thought Twilight was my friend. How could she make me do such embarrassing things?!" "Maybe she was helping you not feel like a stiff for the day." "No, I'm gonna go expose Twilight Sparkle for the false icon of friendship that she is!" "Now, now Moonie, let's not get hasty, it was just a prank from me and Derpy, m-mostly Derpy and Soarin." "But Berry, Soarin wasn't even in this chapter." "Wait, you two....have been pranking me this whole time?" "Uh...yes?" That's when Moondancer turned to the reader. "Get ready to see another technical difficulties sign." she turned and let out a cry before jumping at the mares. *This fanfic is experiencing technical difficulties.* AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR READING FAN-MAIL WITH CELESTIA!!! "Hello my loyal subjects, let's read a letter." She then opened one. "Dear Celestia, can you do Spike x Mesomosa, the R63 Thorax? From RandomUltima761. Now aren't you a stupid fan. This is Insane Tales, not Spike's Gals. Okay, that concludes Fan-Mail with Celestia, goodbye." We now see Berry and Derpy beaten to a pulp. Moondancer huffed and panted while looking livid. "We're...very sorry..." "Thank you Derpy and since you apologized 1st, only Berry get's punishment." "And that is?" "No booze for two months." "Hah! You can't make me do th-" "Don't make me turn your alcohol addiction turn into an oil addiction." "Ah! You wouldn't dare!" "Try me!" She gulped. "Uh....fine." Then Berry left for home. "Aw, that isn't a funny enough comeuppance." Said Derpy. "Not to worry, I'm sure she'll enjoy the surprise waiting for her in her bedroom." Said Moondancer while her horn glowed. We then see Berry Punch at home, walking into her bedroom, only to be grabbed and thrown onto the bed. "Gah! What the?" "Ready for Round 2?" 'Uh oh.' And so Ruby Pinch was unable to sleep as she could hear the craziness coming from Berry Punch's room. 'Just perfect!'
chapter 48View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 48"The finals have come once again." Said Dr. Yang. "And soon once again, the champ will fail in defeating me." 'That's what you think you old bitch.' "The finals huh? Bring out the next joker, she ain't gonna-nani?!" Gasped anime Pinkie. "Onee-chan?!" "Pinkie? You're my last opponent huh?" remarked Trainer Maud dully. "I don't wanna fight you, but if it comes down to that, then I have no choice!" That's when the screens all around the city turned on. "Welcome to the final match! Good luck!" "Well, I'm gonna go nap and get ready to end your next attempt to save your precious princess." She said, walking away. "I'll start things off, go Alolan Golem! Use Explosion!" That's when the Alolan Golem ran at Pinkie! Any competitive players know Alolan Golem's hidden ability Galvanize turn normal type moves into electric type and boost their power by 20 percent. The normal gem it's holding will just add to Explosion's whopping 250 attack power, plus the same type attack bonus it'll get from Alolan Golem's electric typing! So this bomb is gonna go off and make Pinkie feel tons of pain! Well, that could've happened, if it weren't for... *Dragonball Z* "Phew! Instant transmission saves my life aga-" "Hitmonlee! Close Combat!" "Uh-oh!" she saw the pokemon run at her before suddenly getting hit several times all over her body. "Owwowowowowow!" *Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo* "Super Fist of the Nose Hair!" Her nose hairs grabbed Hitmonlee and threw him down to the ground!" *My Hero Academia* "Carolina Smash!" She sent it flying as she swung both crossed hooves! "Hitmonlee return! Go Tyranitar!" Tyranitar's Sand Stream ability caused a sandstorm! *Zatch Bell* "Spike! RAUZARUK!!!" That's when Spike in a dress got struck with rainbow lightning...in our economy today would probably sound gay without context. "Oh yeah! Prepare to get beat up!" Said Spike, running at Maud! "What a great idea! Weavile! Use Beat-Up!" That's when Weavile fired off 6 attacks! Spike dodged the them all "Nice try! Now take thi-" "Ice Shard!" Weavile pelted Spike with some fast ice! "Oof! Ow! Ooh!" "Spike! Zaker!" Spike fired a huge bolt of lightning! "Go Mimikyu!" Mimikyu's disguise allowed it to take a free hit! Meanwhile... 'Good! She's in a deep sleep, now to contact these 2!' thought Dr. Yang. "Mimikyu! NEVER ENDING NIGHTMARE!!!" *ONE PIECE* "GUM-GUM...." "STOP!!!" Both of them quickly stopped and turned to the man. "You gotta help me!" "What? But I was about to win!" Both said at the same time. "This is more important! After you win, there's no prize! My wife's step-mom is gonna kill the winner, but what she won't expect is 2 powerful combatants." Dr. Yang explained. "Why should we trust you?" "She's got my wife under a spell and it'll only break when that horrible witch is dead!" "Like the alternate version of my sister said, why should we trust you not to trick us and stab us in the back?" "Because I'll set off a bomb to kill your entire universe!" he warned while holding up a trigger with a scowl. "So you got no other choice!" "Wait....if you can blow up our worlds, then how come you haven't defeated her yet?" Asked Maud. "Yeah..." added Pinkie. "She only fights warriors! I'm not exactly a warrior, so please, help me save my wife! I'm begging you!" "Do you Pinkie promise this isn't a joke?" "Yes! I Pinkie Promise!" "Cross your heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in your eye?" "Yes! Can we please end this shtick now?" "Okay, let's go Maud!" Pinkie and Maud were warped out of there and brought to the final battle room as Evil-Stepmother awoke. "So is my next victim here?" "No, it's your end you bitch!" "That's what you always say, aaaahahahahah!" She cackled, as she entered the final battle room, to meet her opponent, or rather...opponents! "Okay, so who's the fool this ti-" *Rosario Vampire* "Learn your place!" Shouted a vampire Pinkie Pie as she stomped on Evil-Stepmother's face!" "Alolan Golem! Explosion!" She felt the full force of the explosion as it sent her flying into a wall! "You cheating prick! I'm gonna put you to sleep, then have men all over Cassidy's eternally sleeping body!" *One Punch Man* "You'll do no such thing!" Said Pinkie as she started punching. "MACHINE GUN BLOWS!!!" The woman went wide eyed before getting punched several times through the wall. "Tyranitar! Mega-Evolution!" Said Maud! The pokemon let out a roar before glowing as it slowly transformed into its mega form. *Full Metal Alchemist* "Let's do this!" Shouted Pinkie, slamming her hoofs onto the floor, making stone fists extend towards Evil-Stepmother while Mega-Tyranitar shot a Hyper Beam! She roared before forming a magical barrier that deflected the beam and caused the stone fists to crumble. "Now take this! I cast Crowfrogs!" That's when swarms of frogs with crow beaks and wings flew at them! *Jojo's Bizarre Adventure* "Za-Warudo!" That's when all time stopped as Pinkie proceeded to pulverize all the Crowfrogs! When time went back to normal, her monsters fell down and she finds herself with a bear trap chomping down on her right foot. "AHHH! What in the world!" "Return Mega-Tyranitar! Time for a Z-move Gigalith! Continental Crush!" She said, as she danced The Rockium-Z Dance. Pinkie saw the giant meteor that Maud's Gigalith summoned, and then got an idea! *Naruto Shippuden* "Tengai Shinsei!" She then summoned an even bigger meteor above it! The Evil-stepmother then focused all of her dark energy into one big blast to blow the meteors away! An explosion of rocks and pebbles rained down, as she panted. "Nice try, but now I'm gonna heal myself!" "Uh...what about the other meteor?" Pinkie asked. "Wh-what other mete..." She then saw the other meteor, unsure of what to do, she only had time to use a healing spell, and not enough to escape, so she turned to them with one final thing on her mind. "I hope a plague hits both of your homes!" BOOM! "You....you did it! Oh 8 long years and finally! That horrid bitch is gone!" Cheered Dr. Yang. Meanwhile in his lab, Princess Cassidy was waking. She slowly blinked and looked around her before sitting up. "Cassidy!" Said Dr. Yang as he flung the door open. "Yang!" They ran over to each other and embraced in a heartwarming hug. "Thank you, you 2, the portal to send you home is in my lab." "Really? That's it?" "Yes, allow me to send you both home." Both watched as Dr. Yang opened up the portal. "Have happy lives and try to find that special someone in your lives, okay girls?" "Awww, but I wanted to beat more ponies up." Then Maud smacked her in the back of the head. "Pinkie, we just reunited true love, get over it." "Eh, fine, I'll just go have some 'fun' with Fluttershy. What about you Maud?" "Gonna continue my path to catch 'em all." She said as she thought about Marshadow, her next target. "Neat!" So they all said their goodbyes and Pinkie and Maud went through the portal to their own worlds. "So...you know what happens after the princess is saved right?" Asked Cassidy. "I know just what you're talking about." Said Dr. Yang as he picked her up and ran to their bedroom.
chapter 49View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 49The changeling kingdom's citizens were waking up with bright and sunny smiles as they greeted each other a good morning. Their king was especially happy as he was freshening up in the shower. 'Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!' He thought. 'Barb's coming for a visit!' His heart eyes then ended up getting soap in them. "Ah! Soap in my eyes!" After cleaning it out he stepped out and began drying himself off. He strutted down the kingdom confidently as he waved to his citizens. 'You got this Thorax, today's the day that you're gonna confess to Barb.' But when he rounded a corner he wound up bumping into his brother. "Whoops, sorry about that Pharynx." "No worries bro." he shook his head. "But why are you in such a hurry?" "We have a special guest coming." "It's Barb isn't it?" "H-how did you know?" "Because for the last week you've been muttering how awesome it'll be when she stops by." He explained. "But come on, your crush on her is so obvious to everyone." "What? No it's not." "Yes it is!" Said everyone in the Changeling Kingdom. He blushed while his brother chuckled. "Darn it." "Anyways, you may actually be too late, because she agreed to let 'me' give her the tour." "W-what w-was that?" "I talked to her and said I could show her around, and after taking a good look, she's sexy for a dragon." "Brother, you better not!" "Whatcha gonna do? Hit me?" "And if I do?" "We both know you won't, wimp." And in comes said dragoness. "Hey guys." "Barb! H-Hey there." "Hey Thorax, your brother is such a cool guy to give me a tour." "Yeah...very cool." Said Thorax, not showing any jealousy. "He offered to show me every single spot and then we could grab a bite to eat." "Oh...how very nice of you Pharynx." "Yep, later bro!" Then Pharynx and Barb left. 'Damn you! I wanted to show her around!' Thought Thorax. 'He's gonna make her his bride, and then they're gonna make a baby and then their kid is gonna be the new ruler because I lost the only one for me! And then I'll die!' "Uh, King Thorax?" "Yes Soupling?" "Why do you look upset?" "Because my brother stole the love of my life!" "Then why not fight and take her back if you love her so much?" he remarked while idly eating some soup. "You're right, I'm gonna get her back, and she will be my queen!" Thorax flew off. Later we see Pharynx and Barb sitting down at the feelings forum. "I feel sad because my neighbor has a very bad addiction." Said Kevin. "Oh come-on, my addiction aint that bad." "You're addicted to Hannah Montana!" Shouted Kevin, that made everyone gasp in fear. "Dun, dun, dun." Whispered Pharynx, making silently Barb laugh. "I can't help it! Her voice is so good!" "It's the kind of horribleness that makes us wanna turn into evil changelings again!" Shouted one of the changelings. "Okay, okay, settle down everyone." Said Free Love. "Now, your taste in music is pretty trash." "Hey!" "But...I think we can all agree that you should try listening to a little less Hannah Montana so it doesn't become such an addiction." She then levitated some headphones over to the unnamed changeling. As the feelings forum continued, Thorax was watching from a distance. "Okay, just walk in smoothly and get in between them." He said to himself as someone was sharing their feelings towards how they felt about their least favorite Hoofball team. He cleared his throat and casually walked over with a smile. "Hey there, room for one more?" He then squeezed in between them. "Hi Barbara, so glad to have such a good friend and a cute one at that here in my kingdom." "Hey Thorax, didn't know you'd be joining us." "Yeah, some say I make them more confident to share if I'm here." "No-one says that." Said Kevin. "Quiet Kevin!" Kevin squinted. "Who's next to share?" Asked Free Love. "I feel annoyed when KingThorax tells me to shut up." Said Kevin. "I feel annoyed when King Thorax just shows up unannounced." Added Pharynx. "Hey!" "I mean, you'd think as our king he'd at least warn us ahead of time." "Oh come-on, I just wanted join in, what's wrong with that?" "1st it'll stepping into feelings forums unannounced, sooner or later it'll be free loading on your couch unannounced." "I'm the king, why would I want to free load off of someone else's couch?" "Just for the fun of it." "I'm not a jerk like our last ruler." "Yeah but you never know..." Said one of the changelings. "Guys, I'm just here..." "To make the moves on Barb and Pharynx, who left while you were arguing with us." Said Free Love. "Hey!" He ran after them again. We now find them at a food table. "Sorry we don't have any gemstones, hope you don't mind." "Please, a friend of mine baked some very bad cupcakes and I still ate them, even after they were thrown into the trash." "How bad were they?" "Putting ponies in the hospital bad." "Wow, that IS bad." "Yeah, she learned her lesson to not take too much work." She said, grabbing food from the table. "Good for her." After getting something to eat, they find a table to eat at. All the while Thorax was fuming. "Okay...I'll try again, but this time I'll need a disguise." "Hah, this Garble sounds like such a joke." "Hello." Said a very bad fake accent. "I am Tortilini Inironi!" Both looked at Thorax who was wearing a fake mustache and some random clothes. 'Seriously? He's a changeling, he couldn't just change to be more believable?' Thought both. "Ooooh, I see you have a whole cooked giant beetle, mind if have a taste." "I don't remember you, are you out of to-oh to Hell with this, Thorax take off that stupid disguise now!" "Disguise? What dis-aaah!" His moustache was ripped off. "Yeah, so let's end this once and for-" "Hallo!" Said the real Thorax in an even worse disguise and fake accent. "I am Mercurino Pedronono." 'Wow, with my bare hooves I ripped a moustache off of someone...but man is my brother's actual disguise terrible.' He thought. Thorax wore paper cut out of a moustache and that was it. "Um, Thorax?" snickered Barb. "What are you doing?" "Who's Thorax? I'm just a changeling from outta town." That's when Pharynx slapped him. "Ow!" "So Thorax, mind explaining why you've been interrupting my tour of the Changeling Kingdom?" Asked Barb. "Um...well....uh..." "He has a crush on you babe." "Pharynx!" "Is this true?" "YES!!!" replied everyone in the Changeling Kingdom. Thorax blushed with Barb doing the same. "Thorax, I'm flattered, really I am." "So you'll be my queen?" He smiled. "Nope." Hearing that killed Thorax inside. "Yeah because she's with me bro!" "Nope." "Wait what?" "Wait...did I forget to mention my reason for visiting?" "What was the reason?" Asked Thorax and Pharynx. "I'm gonna go on a date with this cute guy I met." "What?!" "Oh! There he is!" Squeed Barb as she pushed past the bros. "Hey Soupy." "Soupling?!" they cried out while Barb hugged the changeling. "Hey Barbie, ready for some fun tonight?" "You know it." They then pressed her lips against each other, and after the kiss, off they went. "Don't wait up guys." Said Barb. "Later losers." Said Soupling. Both stood their, jaws to the floor. "Dang, you lost to Soupling." Said Cornicle.
chapter 1View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 1Shining Armor let out a sigh of content as he walked through the halls of the castle of the crystal empire. He had just returned from training the latest recruits and boy did they need help. They looked like the bunch one would pick last in a game of dodgeball. One of them wouldn't pay attention and kept looking at the birds, one kept snoozing where he stood, another one looked like he was about ready to jump out of his armor at the slightest movement, and the other one looked like he was checking out Shining's ass. Which is why he is glad to be home. He soon stood at the bedroom of him and his wife, Princess Cadence, and pushed the door open and saw movement under the covers of their bed. “Cadence? I'm home.” The sheet rustled some more before a figure's head popped up. Shining stood back in shock at seeing Queen Chrysalis in his bed. “What are you doing here?!” exclaimed Shining pointing his hoof at the changeling. “Enjoying time with my lover.” replied the queen as the head of his wife ended up popping out of the covers next. “Cadence?! You're cheating on me with Queen Chrysalis?” exclaimed Shining Armor in shock. “What made you say that?” asked Cadence as the sheets began to ruffle again and out popped Spike, the number one assistant to his sister who was smoking a cigarette. “Sup.” “Spike? You're having an affair with my wife? Who else is in on this?” asked Shining who didn't think it could get any worst. “Spike, I got the handcuffs.” replied a familiar female voice who turned out to be his sister, Twilight Sparkle walking out of the bathroom with several pairs of handcuffs held with her magic. “Twilight? You're having a foursome with my wife, a changeling, and a baby dragon?” asked Shining in exhaustion. “I don't know if you knew this, but he's far from small where it counts.” replied Queen Chrysalis whose statement caused Shining to do the only logical thing, which was fainting right on the spot. All of them were surprised but shrugged there shoulders. Spike held Cadence and Chrysalis close together and kissed them both on the cheek. Both blushed while Twilight pouted. Spike smiled and gestured for her to come over and gave her a kiss that made her swoon. All three females of royalty cuddled up to Spike as the camera began to darken before Spike held open a small hole big enough for him. “Remember this kids. When it comes to shipping, they always include me.” Spike winked at the audiences before returning to the bed and the sounds of the four could be heard as the scene ended. xxxxxxxxxxxx (omake) Far away in Canterlot is where we find the two rulers of equestria, Princess Celestia and Luna as they watched what was happening through a crystal ball used to view from a far away. “Tia, are you thinking what I’m thinking?” asked Luna to her sister. “That we should invite Spike over for some 'fun'?” asked Celestia. “That, and to pay him a visit in his dreams.” replied Luna with a smile. “It is only fitting. After all, we as his mother and aunt need to make sure he is working hard to satisfy them.” replied Celestia with a grin. “It doesn't hurt if we make sure he knows over and over of course.” replied Luna with the same grin. In the crystal empire, Spike could tell he was gonna get even luckier than he already was.
chapter 2View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 2We find ourselves in the magical land of Equestria, a beautiful world inhabited by all kinds of creatures that most would believe to be mythical. We see Princess Twilight Sparkle with her number one assistant Spike walking through the town for a walk. Aside from Twilight's duty as a princess, and Spike's chores around the library, it was probably gonna be a normal day. Oh how fate loves to ruin that. They continued their walk but stopped as they along with every other mare and stallion saw something coming up from the ground. They watched to see what was coming and saw a tool push through the soil before two creatures they had never seen before climbed out. “Well Mitch, we finally did it. After so many years, we finally made it to china. They said we were crazy, they said we would never do it, they said we would probably burn in a horrible fiery death before we reached the core. But look at us now, right in the middle of good ol-what the hell?” the first creature looked around and his eyes nearly bugged out. “Hey bill, what's it like?” asked the guys friend. “I don't think we're in china.” replied Bill. Another strange creature popped out with a few digging tools in hand. “What are you talking abou-what the hell?” the second creature stared in wonder as his friend did. “Bill, is it just me, or are we seeing a colorful land filled with colorful horses?” asked Mitch. “I think so. That, or we could be hallucinating from those mushrooms we found.” replied Bill. “I told you not to pick them, but noooo, you said they looked tasty.” replied Mitch rubbing his head. “Hey! At least I wasn't too drunk to draw the map this time. I mean seriously, how do you draw a map leading to China, drunk?” asked Bill. “Well we at least need to know where we are.” Bill saw Twilight and walked over to her. “Uh, you wouldn't happen to know where here is, would you?” “Bill, you're talking to a horse.” replied Mitch thinking his friend has really lost. “First I’m an alicorn, second, your in Ponyville.” replied Twilight. Bill and Mitch stared at Twilight before turning to each other. “I think we are having a mental breakdown.” replied Bill. “Yeah, the only thing that would make this worst is if some crazy unicorn comes charging out of nowhere.” replied Mitch. Both of them suddenly heard hooves running to them and saw a green unicorn run at them with a mad gleam in her eyes. “HUMANS!!!” Bill and Mitch screamed like little girls before jumping into the hole with the human obsessed Lyra following them. Everypony there just stared at what just happened. “Damn, guess I owe Lyra ten bits for her saying humans were real.” replied Twilight. “Sweet lord! Not the hands!” screamed Bill from the hole. “I got this.” Spike walked over to the hole and pulled a bundle of dynamite from out of nowhere and lit the fuses before dropping it down the hole. He counted down before a loud boom could be heard with smoke coming out of the hole. “This is why you should not try to dig to china. It will only lead you to an alternate dimension full of talking ponies.” replied Twilight. “Who are you talking too?” asked Spike. “The viewers.” replied Twilight pointing at the audience. “Hey! That's my schtick!” yelled Pinkie off screen. xxxxxxxxxxxx (omake) Bill and Mitch clambered out of the hole they dug and quickly dumped as much dirt as they could to make sure that no one could follow them. Both released a sigh as they dropped the tools and headed inside to relax. “Boy, that was crazy.” replied Mitch. “I'll say, but I know one thing. That is the last we are ever gonna see of that crazy unicorn.” replied Bill opening the door. “For sure.” replied Mitch following inside. Both stopped there as they saw Lyra sitting on the couch with an innocent looking smile. She looked at them both and soon had a glint in her eyes that they didn't like. “So, why don't you let me see those hands.” replied Lyra as the two men grabbed onto each other and screamed like little girls at the insanity that wouldn't end.
chapter 3View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 3Celestia slowly crept up to the doors that led to her sister Luna' bedroom. While it was their castle, and had no reason to sneak around it, she had a good reason to. You see, she had recently gotten pranked by her younger sibling by changing her shampoo. When she got out of the shower, her mane had been colored rainbow. I mean the rainbow color you see on those big wigs that you either buy, or are glued to your head by your friends when you're sleeping, which results in you chasing their asses on the corner with you wielding a gold club around. Making you look like a golf-obsessed clown. Now, the elder sibling was here to get revenge. She opened the doors with her magic and carefully came closer and closer to her sleeping sibling. Once she was close enough, she closed her eyes and focused on repeating the spell she read from the library. Her magical aura covered her horn and slowly descended down to Luna's face before making contact and seemed to cover her face before disappearing. Celestia held back a giggle before quickly, but quietly exited the room. (Next day) Celestia sat at the head of a long table, enjoying her tea. She was waiting for Luna to get up and to enjoy the sweet revenge she initiated. She took another sip from her tea just as Luna came in, and ended up doing a spit take on the butler that was right next to them. And he was the kind of butler that just stood there with a neutral expression, but inside they're are all like, 'This is worth 5 bits an hour? Should have been a dentist.' Celestia stared at her sister as Luna stood there, but with a grin on her face that basically told everyone near them this one message: “RUN LIKE HELL!” Luna walked over to Celestia and took her seat while eating her breakfast. It may have looked normal, but Celestia felt she had to say something. “Luna, are you feeling alright?” asked Celestia. Luna stopped and looked at Celestia with a look that made her feel like she was looking at a pissed off tiger. “I'm perfectly fine. Thought I should go out and say hello to a little fellow.” Celestia tried to stay calm and continue. “And, who would that be?” asked Celestia. Luna merely grinned again before standing up and heading out. Celestia had a feeling something was wrong and quickly brought the book she read from to see what happened. After looking at the spell and cover, she stared straight ahead and said. “This won't end well.” (Ponyville) Spike was currently putting books away while Twilight was enjoying a good book like always. Both heard the a knock at the door and stopped what they were doing. Twilight walked over and opened the door to reveal Princess Luna. “Princess Luna? What are you doing here?” asked Twilight who wasn't trying to be rude, but merely wanted an answer. “Oh, I just wanted to come by and say hello. I also wanted to let you know of a new volume of Equestria's history that they have down the road.” replied Luna. “What! A new volume? I've got to see this.” exclaimed Twilight racing out of there faster than Rainbow Dash if she was on caffeine. And for everyone reading, if I see a pic like that, I will be like: “Yes! This is what they need! All we need now is to give Pinkie some ice and we'll see insanity every single day.” Luna smiled at seeing Twilight gone and walked in and saw Spike step down from the ladder he was using. She gave him the grin she had on earlier. She closed and locked the door, and walked towards Spike. “Well, Spike. Since we're alone, why don't I introduce you to something very useful?” Luna was now face to face with the young drake who looked ready to pass out. “U-U-Uh, W-What's t-that?” asked Spike. Luna fell on top of Spike and whispered in his ear. “The way to become a man.” Spike's eyes widened before the camera zoomed out. (Omake) Celestia and Twilight sat there as they watched Luna chase after Spike with unrelenting desire. “Come here, Spike! I know where you're sensitive!” yelled Luna who didn't quit. “So, could someone explain to me what the hay happened? I go to look for that volume, and I come home to find Princess Luna, Spike, and a box full of whips, chains, and whip cream.” replied Twilight. “Well, it turns out the book I used the spell from, changed her personality a bit. Now her personality mirrors that of a nickname humans seem to have given me.” replied Celestia. “What's that?” asked Twilight. “Molestia.” replied Celestia looking it up in a dictionary. “What kind of book was that again?” asked Twilight. Celestia brought up the book, whose cover said “How to get a dragon laid.” “And who wrote this?” asked Twilight. “Not sure. The author's name seems to have been smudged off.” replied Celestia. “Well, when does the spell wear off?” “Come back here my cuddle dragon!” exclaimed Luna chasing Spike around a column. “I'm going to guess and say about, 3 months.” replied Celestia. “So we have to deal with a Spike obsessed Princess of the moon while we sit here and drink tea?” asked Twilight. “Yes, but on the bright side. Spike will have a lot of experience for when he goes out with all kinds of girls.” replied Celestia. “Which girls?” “Have you seen how many girls people pair him with? He's not a teen yet, and already people pair him with me and Luna.” replied Celestia. Twilight didn't have another thing to say and merely went back to her tea as Luna dragged Spike into her room. (Across town) Discord looked through his telescope at what was happening and began to chuckle wildly. “I wonder if Spike will want to read the rest of that spell?” questioned Discord with chuckle. “AHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH YEAH!” Spike's screams could be heard all over, which made people think he was in pain, but also made a lot of females blush from the undertone of his scream.
chapter 4View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 4All seemed well in the town of Ponyville. Today looked like it couldn't dampen any ponies mood. Sadly, even the smallest of talks can have the biggest impact. "Muffins!" exclaimed Derpy, staring at the mare across from her as best as she could with her eyes beign lopsided. "Cupcakes!" yelled Pinkie Pie who stared down the Pegasus with one of her stern glares. If you're wondering what's going on, the answer is simple. Earlier today, Pinkie Pie had made a random opinion, saying that cupcakes were the best pastry ever made. Wring thing to say when around Derpy, who had gone up to her and said muffins were the best. This eventually lead to the debate right now, with the two disagreeing with one another. "I say cupcakes are better! They have super delicious frosting on them! Pinkie emphasized this by shoving a cupcake in Derpy's face. "Wrong! Muffins are better! They are soft and spongy!" Derpy shoved right past Pinkie's outstretched hoof and pressed the muffin against her face. Both combatants refused to give up and tried desperately to try and get their favorite treat into the others mouth. Both wouldn't let up and continued to mush their pastries onto the others mouth. This loud argument brought a large crowd to sugarcube corner as ponies around them began to make bets on who would win. Twilight, and her ever kind assistant Spike, made it past the crowd and looked on with confusion on what was happening. "Pinkie, what's happening?" asked the bearer of magic. Pinkie turned away and saw Twilight and Spike standing there. "Twilight!" Pinkie rushed to the unicorn's side and brought her into a hug. "At last! with you by y side, the cupcakes will win!" yelled Pinkie like a general. "Oh yeah!" Derpy reached over and pulled Spike over to her side. "Well, Spike here will prove to you, that muffins are supreme!" yelled Derpy with the same yell. "Oh yeah?" challenged Pinkie. "Yeah!" exclaimed Derpy as they butted heads again. "Enough!" yelled Twilight getting to the two fighting mares and crowd to turn towards her. "Arguing about something like this is no way to settle it." replied Twilight. Pinkie and Derpy looked down, apparently moved by her words. "She's right." replied Derpy. "Yeah, this isn't the way to settle this." replied Pinkie. Twilight smiled at them agreeing that this was silly. "The proper way to settle this is with war!" exclaimed Pinkie. "Yeah!" yelled Derpy in agreement. "What!" exclaimed Twilight in shock. Before she could get a word in edge wise, both mares were gone, leaving an interested crowd, and one confused unicorn and dragon. "What just happened?" asked Spike. "I have no idea." replied Twilight. (1 day later) "Charge!" yelled Pinkie as an army of cupcakes charged forward with candy weapons. Don't judge me, it's Pinkie, what do you expect? "Attack!" cried Derpy as an army of muffins charged forward as well wielding bread sticks as weapons. Seriously, how the hell do you animate pastries into armies? Even I don't know, and I'm the one writing this thing, Both armies crashed into each other as mayhem rained down on Ponyville, that and delicious frosting. Everywhere a pony looked, there was chaos. There was so much that Discord started a betting pool in Cloudsdale. It also happened to be the same time that Spike walked on by and watched the fight with confusion. Compared to the major villains they've faced before, a fight over which pastry was better was like picking up the mail. "Hey!" yelled Spike over the loud armies as they both stopped where they were, even in mid air somehow. "I came here to say, that you both shouldn't be fighting. Ponyville is our home, a home where you can be who you are. Sure we're different, but if we weren't different, than everything would be boring. The point I'm trying to say is that you should let others express their opinion, even if it's different than yours." finished Spike with his philosophical speech. Both armies of animated pastries wiped the tears from their faces before shaking hands with each other in a form of a truce. Pinkie and Derpy shook hooves before hugging to signal the war was over. Boy, is that gonna be short lived. "Besides, gems are more tasty." replied Spike who shouldn't have said that. And just like that, the two mares and armies stopped and stared at him. "What?" asked Spike. "The war is on!" exclaimed Pinkie and Derpy as their armies grabbed their weapons. "Good thing Doctor Hooves gave me this berserker pill." replied Spike popping it in his mouth and swallowed. He soon grew to gigantic size and appeared the same way he did in the episode where his greed was out of control. Spike in his now giant dragon form roared at the two armies before both sides clashed and the sounds of roars and war cries could be heard all night. Up in Cloudsdale is where Discord was watching the scene with popcorn in his hands. "Man, at this rate, they could take my title 'God of Chaos' away." replied Discord before realizing that could really happen. "Oh hell no!" exclaimed Discord before heading down to Ponyville to make sure his title stayed where it was at. Now if anyone were to come across Ponyville, they would find it flood with chocolate milk, with a happy god of chaos floating down it like a river. Yup, just an average day in Ponyville.
chapter 5View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 5Twilight Sparkle was pacing back and forth in the library with an irritated expression on her face. She's been getting tired of Spike going after Rarity, when all she does is tease him with her looks. "If this keeps up, Spike will never get laid!" yelled Twilight who grabbed some rope and duck tape with her magic. "Screw it. I'm gonna do this the old fashion way." and so Twilight ventured out with the stuff to do something probably illegal. Rarity was satisfied with the piece of fabric she was using, but heard the door open and saw Twilight there. "Twilight darling, how are you-" Rarity was interrupted from the tape on her mouth and saw herself tied up. "There. Now maybe we can settle this shipping." replied Twilight dragging Rarity along with Sweetie Belle watching. "You didn't see anything." replied Twilight waving her hoofs in Sweetie's face and left with Rarity. "Does this mean I can keep your clothes?" asked Sweetie Belle to the struggling Rarity. Rarity couldn't say anything due to the tape. "I'll take that as a yes!" yelled Sweetie Belle. Spike didn't know what to expect when Twilight put a bound and gagged Rarity at a clothed table with candles. He was confused and found himself seated across the unicorn of his dreams. "Twilight, why is Rarity here?" asked Spike who didn't sound too excited. "She is here of her own free will because she wants to have dinner with you." replied Twilight with a smile. Spike just shrugged his shoulders and saw his sandwich didn't have salt. "Rarity, could you pass the salt?" "Pass him the salt." Twilight held a pistol to Rarity's head for added measure and was glad Rarity levitated it to him with her magic. "So Rarity, I've recently gone into the jewelry making business." replied Spike trying to be suave. "Wow, a jeweler. Sounds cool, uh?" "Help me!" exclaimed Rarity who had undone the ropes and ran out of the library. Twilight went to run after her, but Spike got in her way. "Twilight, it's not a good idea to abduct mares just because your a princess." "Rarity look out for the mines!" yelled Twilight. (BOOM) "What did I say? You heard me, what did I say?" asked Twilight to Spike. "You said look out for the mines." "I said look out for the mines." replied Twilight. "Twilight, to be honest, I'm over Rarity." replied Spike. "What? You mean I just committed several crimes, such as ponynapping and illegal purchase of land mines?" "Where did you get the land mines?" asked Spike who didn't understand they were illegal. "The Flim Flam brothers." replied Twilight who slapped herself in the face with her hoof for her stupid mistake. "Well, this was fun and all, but I got to meet up with my girl." replied Spike opening the door to show Fluttershy. "Ready to go, Spike?" asked Fluttershy. "Sure." replied Spike. "Wait, you're in a relationship with Fluttershy? A pony who is scared of dragons?" asked Twilight in astonishment. "Well, you learn to like them when you learn to ride them." replied Fluttershy giving Spike bedroom eyes. "Okay Twilight, bye!" rushed Spike closing the door. "Riding a dragon? Well, that doesn't sound sexual at all." replied Twilight heading to the kitchen to find her stash of vodka. (omake) Rarity stomped home angry at what had happened. She would have vengeance! But first, she had a little sister to chew out for trying to take her dresses. "Sweetie Belle!" yelled Rarity who stomped upstairs where she heard the sound of the bed creaking. She slammed the door opened and stopped as she saw Spike, Fluttershy, and Sweetie Belle tangled around the covers with whip cream, handcuffs, and a whip nearby. "Umm, this is for a cutie mark?" replied Sweetie Belle with a sheepish grin. Rarity's eyes rolled back into her head as she fell back and passed out. All three of the occupants shrugged their shoulders as they resumed what they were doing. Twilight was half drunk when her Twilight sense went off. "Spike just got laid!" cried Twilight in happiness as she fell backward and let the alcohol do its thing.
chapter 6View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 6Author's Note I suggest looking away as this contains spoiler on the newest episode. If you haven't seen the episode, then don't read this. chapter 6 Twilight and the others didn't know what to expect when Pinkie's sister, Maud showed up. From what they heard, she was a lot of fun, but from their view point, Pinkie's look on fun may have been a little bit upside down. Winona soon began to run around Maud in a show of excitement. "That's Winona. Pinkie Pie told us you have a pet, too." replied Applejack. "He's in my pocket." replied Maud with a neutral expression. "Oh, you have a pocket pet? Like a tiny mouse? Or a baby bird? Or a trained butterfly?" asked Fluttershy in giddy excitement. "No. He's in here." replied Maud pulling out a sphere with a red top and white bottom. She dropped the sphere and it opened to shoot a red light out that turned into a large creature with a body of green colored rocks and had arms and legs protruding out of the shell. "It's a golem. His name is Boulder." replied Maud pointing to her pet. The group just stared in surprise and couldn't say anything. "He can also play. Like this." Maud turned to Boulder. "Rollout." Boulder nodded and went into his shell and began to roll towards the others. "AHHHHH!" all five of them took off running while the rolling golem followed them in what he believed to be a game. Pinkie bounced next to her sister with a grin at seeing her sisters pet playing with her friends. "Boulder sure likes them. Look at how close he's getting to them!" replied Pinkie. "Yeah, but your friends seem weird." replied Maud. "I suppose that's true. It's like they've never seen a golem play tag before." commented Pinkie. "That's weird." replied Maud who ended up grabbing the rock that fell into the basket and took a bite out of it. "These are crunchy." Pinkie took a bite from one of the muffins and nodded her head enthusiastically. "I agree. They are crunchy." And so, the two Pie sisters enjoyed the crunchy muffins while Twilight and the others tried to keep from being 'it' in Boulder's version of tag. (omake) Spike was currently walking towards the area Pinkie and everyone else was. He stopped his walking and saw his friends running from a golem that was chasing them. "I knew this day would come." replied Spike shaking his head. He put his fingers in his mouth and sent out a whistle sound that echoed across the town. He stood there waiting and didn't have to wait long as a large shadow appeared above him. Maud felt someone tap her on the shoulder and turned to see a small dragon. "I just came to see if you were up for a little battle." replied Spike who pointed above them. Maud and Pinkie looked up and saw a creature that had a red torso with a long tail attached instead of feet. He had metal claws with three fingers that folded together. His wings appeared purple with a few stitches and had a metal helmet on his head. Maud could only say one word at the sight of the digimon. "Damn."
chapter 7View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 7Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
chapter 8View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 8"Bye Twilight, see ya tomorrow." called Spike who waved bye to his surrogate sister as she headed for a royal trip to Canterlot. Once he made sure she was gone, he slammed the door and jumped in excitement. It was time! "Come on out everypony, the coast is clear!" called Spike. Soon, ponies began to pop up from the seat covers, behind the library case, even from the books themselves. What, were all they all related to Pinkie? No, this was just about to be crazy. "So who brought what?!" Spike screamed in joy before several ponies came in: "I brought beer!" Lyra said as she and Bon Bon showed several boxes with beer on it. "Ah' brought cider!" Applebloom pointed to some barrels with Cider that she had 'borrowed' from her family with the CMC help, including Babs. "We also brought apple treats!" Babs added showing the several applepies, applecookies and other apple treats on top of the cider barrels. "WE BROUGHT CANDY AND CUPCAKES!" Pinkie Pie (Hey, it wouldn't be a party WITHOUR Pinkie, Nuff Said) Screamed as she and...PINKAMENA?! came in with plates that had the mentioned sweets. "Um...Pinkie, how are there TWO of you?!" Spike asked in disbelief seeing Pinkie's clone, who had a darker fur, psychotic smile, straight hair and a dress made of fur. "Oh, her~?" Pinkie answered casually, "She's Pinkamena, my dark side. And while normally we don't get along we decided to put our differences aside with some conditions~! But don't worry, she won't kill ya. That's what she promised in exchange of giving her this new body she has now!" "O...K...Welcome to the party, Pinkamena..." The mentioned just nodded before going to the kitchen with Pinkie following her. "Anyway...what about the rest of you?" "I brought Muffins!" Derpy said in a cheerful tone as she showed her muffins. "We came with the music!" Vinyl said as she pointed to her DJ station and surprisingly Octavia with a electric violin! "We brought gems!" Called the Diamond Dogs. "We bought VIDEOGAMES!" Luna said in her Royal Canterlot voice as she and NIGHTMARE MOON?! came with several consoles and games, Wii Hoof with Pinkie Party 9, Super Smash Pony Brawl, XBoof 360 with World Wrestling Ponies/WWP 2015, Dragon's Wrath, BlazPony, and Play Stallion 4 with Dance Dance Hoofvolution and The Legend Of Spike! "And I brought CHRISTMAS EARLY!" Discord laughed as several gifts came in. "THEN LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!" Spike roared before everyone cheered! All at once, the library was booming with music. Playing different songs from "Let's get it started" to "Pump it." Different ponies went ahead and interacted with each other while enjoying the apple treats. Heck, Berry Punch came by while balancing on a large barrel. "Berry Punch? What is that?" asked Spike. "Oh this? Just some liquor~" slurred Berry who rolled it into the library and attached several hoses for multiple ponies to drink from it. "This own't end well." said Spike who had no idea how true those words were. And before everyone knew it, Spike's prediction came true because somehow the rest of the town got caught in the party and became drunk as a result! "A-and that's when I slit that bitch's tongue~! HA HA HA HA!" Laughed Pinkamena in a drunken faze alongside Nightmare Moon, Discord and surprisingly both Queen Chrysalis AND Queen Umbra, King Sombra's real form!, as she told a dream of killing Gilda for what she did to Fluttershy/ "Nice work, l-little one~!" Nightmare Moon said drunkenly. Meanwhile Flutterbat (Originally Fluttershy until she drink the Cider) was tryingto drag a tied up Gilda, who got caught in the party, to "make up" and "play" alongside a cider-drunk Rainbow Dash. "Now, now, Gilda~! You need to apologize~!" "W-wait! N-not like this! Rainbow, DO SOMETHING!" Cried the gryphon in panic with a blush on her face. Said pegasus just dismissed her, "Don't w-worry friend! WE'LL MAKE IT UP SOON!" "HURRAH!" Everyone laughed! "Come on~! You have to do it~!" cried Derpy who was dragging Spike towards a circle of ponies who were playing spin the bottle. "I-I'm not so sure." replied Spike who was put in between Applebloom and scootaloo. Spike twiddled his claws as the bottle was spun and watched as it went past each one. He let out a breath of relief as the bottle pointed to Rover, who was glomped by a drunken Queen chrysalis as they began to make out right there on the floor. "Hey Spike, I think we have a problem." this came from Button Mash who helped deliver some of the video games and ended up losing against a drunken Luna, TWELVE TIMES! "What else is going on? Please tell me the house isn't on fire." begged Spike. "No, but I think Pinkamena is getting a bonfire ready. The thing is, my mom showed up." "Well, just stay out of sight and you'll be fine." "No, she got drunk and is dancing on a stripper pole!" yelled Button Mash with a blush on his face. "Oh." "Yeah, and Twilight's mom showed up as well!" yelled Button with a hysterical yell. "Don't worry. Let's just go and try and calm them down." replied Spike who followed the foal into the next room. "So ladies, do you think you can calm down?" Spike asked to the MILF ponies who just grinned drunk before nearing him, "Eh...what are you-?!" Before he could finish he was dragged off to a room with them and soon moans could be heard. "OH COME ON!" Button yelled. "NO ONE G-GETS SPIKEY BUT ME!" Growled Luna in a drunken rage before she, Nightmare Moon, Chrysalis, Umbra, and Pinkamena went in the room. "Oh Button~!" called Button's mom who walked out with bedroom eyes directed at her son. "Y-Y-Yes, mom?" asked a nervous Button. Button Mash's mom brought her mouth close to his ear and whispered, "Why don't we play a different game?" Button swallowed the lump in his throat as he was pulled into the same room and the moans got even louder. "Oh yeah! Now it's really getting started! Time to crank up the beats!" cried Vinyl as her horn lit up and the speaker transformed til they were double their size and began to literally rock the library from the music. "Hey Big Mac!" yelled Discord who wasn't as drunk as the others, but getting there. "What're you doing?" "Ah'm gonna beat up anyone who thinks they better than me!" yelled Big Mac who grabbed a beer bottle and smashed it over Discord' head. "Oh, IT'S ON NOW!" yelled the god of chaos as he and Big Mac began to get into a drunk fist fight. "WOOHH, we'll finish this later~! Come on Flutterbat! I'm gonna whoop all their asses!" yelled Rainbow Dash flying into the fight. (Benny Hill theme) "YEAH! BAR FIGHT!" Roared Iron Hoof before he was tackled by Bulk Biceps, who just roared a "YEAH!" before he was hit by a satisfied Spike who had a chair with him, and proceeded to throw it to somepony else! "I'M JOINING IN! YEEHAW!" Cried Granny Smith as she came with her truck and a bazooka as she shot at random ponies. "DON'T FORGET ME!" Grinned Pinkamena as she took out a giant butcher knife and began swinging it! Soon everyone was involved in the bar/fight, which expanded across all of equestria and eventually it went to Canterlot, where the princess Celestia, Twilight and Cadence had a very important meeting with the leaders of the other parts of the world! "Hey everypony! check this out!" yelled Shining Armor who held onto a vine. "AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa AAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" yelled the captain as he went swinging on the vine like a monkey. "Watch out for that-!" a loud crash could be heard as Cadence turned away and looked back to see Shining under rubble from the column he just hit. "-column." "Hey everypony! Who wants brownies!" yelled Cheese Sandwich who held out a pan of brownies. "Brownies!" yelled a ponies with a lab coat as he rushed to the brownies. Think of that one dude from american dad who went nuts over Francines brownies. After most of the ponies got a brownie, they began to trip. That's right, they were those kinds of brownies. "Woah, have you ever seen music, like really see it? Ah, it's awesome." replied Vinyl next to Octavia. "I know right? Plus, I sometimes get this feeling that we're being watched." both mares turned towards the audience before laying back against each other. "Wow Spike, I didn't know your scales felt this good." Luna was currently rubbing her hooves on Spike's back, marveling at their feel. "Yeah, I try to make them shine for Rarity, but does she look? Noooooo~!" Spike guzzled some more beer from the bottle while Luna held onto him. "Then she doesn't deserve such beautiful drake!" Nightmare Moon said as she and Luna hugged Spike, making him feel warm and some watchers near there scream in joy "GO SPIKE-SAMA!" "NOW THAT'S A DRAKE!" Said a drunk Garble before he was turned around and got a RKO by Discord. "ALRIGHT PEOPLE!" Said a black earth pony with a brown trench-coat, black Afro with mustache and a serious look on his face, he was Black Dynamite AS A PONY! "LET US DO THE RACE WAR!" "YEAH!" Screamed everypony before they jumped into several cars and drove around Canterlot causing mass chaos while trying to get to the "Finish Line" and while attacking each other. "Eat a this!" exclaimed the pony versions of Mario and Luigi as they were in their own go kart and threw the blue turtle shell, blowing up Blueblood who was in the lead. "Surprise mothabucka!" exclaimed a pony who sounded like he was from gta 5. He rammed into the two plumbers and ended up crashing into Berry Punch, accidentally spilling her drink. "Oh, you did not just spill my drink!" Berry reached over and through the pony like a missile, who ended up crashing into the three diamond dogs. "HOW DARE YOU SURPASS THE KING?! DIE MONGRELS! GATE OF BABYLON!" Roared a pony version of Gilgamesh as he unleashed his treasures at those in front of him, causing several ponies to crash as he laughed before he pulled out Ea, "ENUMA-" "EXCALIBUR!" Roared a mare version of Saber as she used her Noble Phantasm to send the golden jackass flying towards the female side of the hot springs, where he got beaten by an angry female crowd. "UNLIMITED BLADE WORKS!" Screamed a pony Shirou Emiya before using his Reality Marble as the mare versions of Rin, Sakura, Rider and Illya sighed and wondered if they should have gone to other dimension for their honey moon. "THIS IS FUN! LAEVATEEN!" Laughed a mare similar to Flandre Scarlet as she unleashed her feared fire sword to destroy an entire building with her laughing all the way. "Ohoho~! Now let's see what else can I bring in~?" Said a mare version of Yukari Yakumo as she opened several portals, from which Titans, Pokemons, Digimons and even the pony versions of the transformers, the ponybots (autobots) and challengebots (decepticons) appeared all around the area and began destroying the city! Twilight and Cadence watched in stunned silence as every creature was partying like it was a college frat party. "We need to stop this. Where's Celestia?" asked Twilight looking around. "Uh, Twilight?" Cadence pointed behind them to show Celestia standing above a large pile of unconscious mares, each with a satisfied look on their faces. "Who else wants a taste of Molestia!?" yelled Celestia with a smile on her face. "AH COME ON!" Twilight groaned to the heavens right before..."You know what!? TO HELL WITH IT!?" She roared as she took enough booze to end up drunk and kiss the closest being near her...whom happened to be Spike. And so, the greatest party ended with all of equestria waking up with a massive hang over. For spike, he got it on with several hot villainess, luna, and even his older sister Celestia got it on with triple the amount he got, showing where he got his stamina from. For blueblood, he just got blown up. enough said. "Damn...what happened?" Spike asked while holding his head and getting out of several mares near him, which oddly enough involved his mother, Twilight and even Pinkamena. "You did one heckuva party, drago-boy~!" Grinned Trixie, who was in the mare bed alongside Sunset Shimmer while they had satisfied grins on their faces. "I-I did?!" "YES YOU DID~!" Screamed Sunset before kissing him again as Spike thought just one thing before "reviving" the fun! 'I should do something like this again~!" Author's Note This was made with assistance from Element-Overlord
chapter 9View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 9Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
chapter 10View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 10A certain dragon known as Spike was cursing upon finding himself in court, and for what?! Just JAYWALKING! 'Seriously, accused of jaywalking, yet that's ironic since they barely use cabs...' Thought the purple dragon in annoyance as Twilight, who offered to be his lawyer, tried her best to help him, but the prosecutor, who happened to be Trixie, was surprisingly quite good! "ENOUGH!" The Judge, Mayor Mare, smashed her gavel down, making the court room go quiet. "Estimated Jury, have you found the verdict?" The mares and stallions whispered between themselves before the chief, Dr. Whooves, raised and said: "Yes your honor. We find the demanded, GUILTY OF ALL CHARGES!" Spike, Twilight and Pinkie (who was the only mare 6 member that could come as the other were busy) got pale. "Then Spike the Dragon, you are hereby sentenced to a month at the institutional mareniac prision!" Declared Judge Mare as the guards arrived and took hold of Spike! "Oh no..." Spike whispered. "Oh no!" Twilight lamented. "Oh no!" Pinkie chirped. Then the wall exploded as Kool Aid Man came in and screamed "OH YEAH!"...but upon noticing the awkward looks of everypony (and dragon) he slowly retired. "Anyway...TAKE HIM AWAY!" Judge Mare screamed to stop the awkward moment and sent the dragon away. "Don't worry Spike, I promise I'll get you out!" Declared Twilight quickly backed up by Pinkie, "Yeah, and then we'll have a party!" "Thanks girls!" yelled Spike as he was thrown into the back of the prison cab and was pulled off to a maximum security prison. Soon Spike found himself in an orange prison suit as he stood in line to get towels. Soon it was his turn, and he was surprised by be calling: "Barb the dragon." replied the mare giving out the towels. "Uh, it's Spike." corrected Spike. "Equestrian paper doesn't lie hun." replied the mare showing Spike's sentence papers, except they put a female name. Spike sighed as he got his towels and walked down the hall and was greeted by the other prisoners. "Hey there new girl!" "Call us, we'll do lunch!" "Love your mane!" Spike was surprised by the compliments and soon found his cell, which was actually more decorated than he thought. "Hey there." greeted a voice as Spike turned to see two mares wearing orange suits like him as well. The first mare was a earth pony that has a light pink coat with a purple mane and tail. Her cutie mark is of three colored buttons (purple, aqua and light yellow) in a triangular formation. Spike remembered her as Suri Polomare, the same mare that dared to steal Rarity's outfits during that event in manehattan. The second mare was a pegasus pony that has a light turquoise coat with her mane and tail being a brilliant amber with brilliant gold stripes. Her cutie mark consists of a lightning bolt and three stars. Spike remembered her as Lighting Dust, Rainbow Dash's former teammate during her temporal stay at the Wonderbolt Academy, and from what he heard she had almost put the mane 6 in danger with a tornado. "I'm Suri Polomare. Got sent here for copyright infringement." replied Suri. "And I'm Lightning Dust. They caught me in nearly blowing a few mares in a tornado." replied Lighting with a shrug. "What are you in for? "Well, my name is Barb," Spike quickly lied using his female name, "And I was sent here just for jaywalking of all things!" "Damn, that must suck..." Lighting Dust said in pity as the dragon nodded before Suri hugged him, making the dragon blush as she kept him pressed to her. "How terrible!" She gasped, "But don't worry my dear, we'll help you get over it and show you that you have nothing to be afraid of!" Spike couldn't say anything before Spitfire, who was in charge as warden for the day, came into the cell. "Alright ladies, time to hit the showers!" yelled Spitfire. Lightning lead the way while Suri kept Spike in between them as they headed to the showers. "Um, I'm not too sure about this." replied Spike who tried to get away. "Don't worry, nothing to be nervous about." replied Suri who kept Spike close as they all headed into the showers. "Yeah, it's not like you're a guy and all that..." Lightning chuckled as Spike flinched nervously, but the next thing he knew is that he was being bathed by several mares that mistook him as a girl. "What a cute mane~!" Giggled one of the mares as she washed his spikes. "Or this adorable tail~!" Said other one as she washed his tail. Meanwhile Spike was all red from embarrassment upon living every male's dream. 'Well, at least they're ge-entle...' He blushed some more. Meanwhile, Pinkie and Twilight were on the hunt for the proof that Spike was innocent. "Alright Pinkie, we need to re-enact the crime. It will give us an idea on what happened." replied Twilight. "I'll play Spike, you play the cop." replied Twilight. "Gotcha!" Pinkie put a police cap on and gained a serious look. "You're the kind of criminal that makes me sick! You think you can get away with this!" yelled Pinkie shaking Twilight. "Pinkie! Enough!" yelled Twilight who gave Pinkie a deadpan look. "Sorry." chuckled Pinkie. "Now, let's look around." replied Twilight walking in one direction with Pinkie following. Now back to Spike, after the VERY NICE wash-up, he found himself standing alongside Lightning and Suri in the middle of the courtyard during recreational time, with several mares looking at him with looks of bliss. 'Oh dear...' Thought a nervous Spike, 'I just hope this doesn't get more awkward...' But as if fate would want it, a certain griffon was going towards them and Spike soon knew who she was! 'OH NO! IT'S GILDA!' "Lightning, Suri." nodded Gilda to both mares before looking down at Spike. "Um, don't I know you?" asked Gilda. "No! I mean, no." replied Spike. "My name is Barb, I'm new here." Gilda could tell she had seen this little dragon until it hit her. This was that dragon she saw when she was in Ponyville. She could expose him, but she'd much rather see what happens. "Alright, the name's Gilda. I got sent here for the stupidest thing ever." commented Gilda checking her claws. "Like what?" asked Spike. "I put several ponies in the hospital." replied Gilda with a shrug. "They all lied to me, and I REALLY hate liars." replied Gilda smiling inside at seeing Spike begin to sweat. "Don't worry, Gilda." Suri, luckily for Spike, interfered, "Remember that no one lies around here! After all, we're trying to get out of here and become better ponies, and griffons, and anything else than what we were before." All the female prisoners nodded, surprising the dragon. "True...so what about ya, Barb? Why are you here?" Gilda asked as Spike panicked, but then Lightning continued. "She was sent here because some idiot accused her of jaywalking." "Seriously...?" The griffon asked incredulously before sighing. "Damn, that sucks..." "Yeah..." Spike said nervously. "Hey girls, what would you do with a guy?" asked Lightning out of the blue. "If I had a guy, I don't care how short or tall he is, I'd just cuddle him all day." replied Suri. "If I had a guy, I'd give him the ride of his life." replied Lightning. "If I had a guy...hey wait I am a male!" began Spike who corrected himself. "No way." replied Lightning. "If you're male, prove it." countered Suri. Then by some reason, suddenly a strong wind appeared, making all the prisoners' orange pants drop off, giving Spike a good show of the mare's rear while the girls saw that not only Spike was telling the truth about being a male...but that he was better built than most males... 'O-oh my...' Suri blushed. 'Not bad...' Lighting grinned. 'Well, maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that the squirt is here~!' Gilda thought. "Male!" yelled one of the mares as the other inmates began to surround Spike. Suri, Lightning, and Gilda got in front to keep him away from them. "Back off!" yelled Suri. "Yeah, we saw him first!" retorted Lightning. "Besides, he needs a woman's touch!" yelled Gilda holding Spike close to her chest. Spike blushed before being pulled into Suri's chest this time. "He needs someone who has experience, not someone who wings it." retorted Suri before losing Spike and glaring at a smirking Lightning with Spike in her arms. "What was that about winging it?" asked Lighting with a smug grin before a rock hit her in the head and she dropped Spike in the middle of the rest of the inmates. "Male!" cried the mares who dove for Spike. Meanwhile, Twilight was going to recover Spike after finally managing to show evidence that proved his innocence while Pinkie went off to Celestia knows where, but then she heard Spike's screams alongside several mare's yells and quickly went outside to see Spike being hugged between the mares in a tug-of-war like manner! "SPIKE!" Twilight yelled as the panicked drake managed to see his friend there. "Don't worry, I'll get help!" "Seriously?!" Spike yelled in pain as the mares tried to "become one with him". "WHAT ELSE COULD HAPPEN!?" And then, as if provoking fate, the ground began to tremble before a giant bulldozer came crashing through the wall, with Pinkie driving it! "SPIKEY-WIKEY, I CAME HERE TO SAVE YOU!" Spike sighed in relief before getting picked up by Twilight's magic as the both of them got onto the bulldozer. "Punch it Pinkie!" yelled Twilight as Pinkie turned the machine around and created another hole in the wall. "Whew, that was close." sighed Spike. "Yep, an that crowd of mares behind us are close to." replied Pinkie. Spike and Twilight looked behind them to see the mare inmates chasing them! But then several sirens sounded off and the mares saw several police squads alongside royal guards and the wonderbolts arrive, stopping them and letting Twilight, Spike and Pinkie get away. "STOP RIGHT THERE!" Screamed Spitfire. "You're under arrest for breaking out!" The mares just cursed. Meanwhile the two ponies and one dragon manage to get to a building and rest in one of the rooms. "Thanks girls, you saved me there." replied Spike with gratitude. "No problem, now about our 'reward'." replied Pinkie who gave Spike the bedroom eyes with Twilight doing the same. Spike just gulped as they got closer and could only say one more line to the camera. "I think the prison was much safer."
chapter 12View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 12Now we can see a prison recently converted into a zoo per orders of prince blueblood where several of the scariest, weirdest, ugliest and unfortunate souls were in. "I heard that!" yelled one of the residents who was a pony named Berry Punch. Hey! You count in unfortunate, which means that you're also beautiful! "Much better!" called Berry as she saw a few foals look at her in confusion. "What are you looking at?!" "Um, mrs. pony, where is your food?" Asked Snips as Snails nodded. "It's up my flank hole. So start licking!" yelled Berry. That made everypony else gasp. "How could you say that to these children?" asked an older mare. "Bite me! I can and will say whatever S*CENSORED* I want!" Berry yelled in rage. "Quiet down!" shouted one of her neighbors who was Gilda. "Go and get plastered, you drunk bitch!" "Shut up you *CENSORED*! I didn't even want to be here in the first place!" Roared back Berry Punch. "Yeah yeah! You beat Blueblood in a drinking contest and got your drunk ass locked up in here!" mocked Iron Will who heard it all. "You think it's because of that?! I was just minding my own *CENSORED* business after that and the next thing I know, I’m was arrested for 'Insulting *CENSORED* royalty'!" She screamed madly. "You threatened to shove a cider bottle up his flank!" called Gilda. "So? The *CENSORED* pansy acted all *CENSORED* smug! I COULDN'T STAND IT!" "Can someone keep it down? I just got it on with 12 mares last night!" called a young voice that belonged to a small dragon. "SUCK IT SPIKE!" Berry Punch yelled. "Watch it Punch! Don't make me wreck that flank of yours. Just ask Gilda. She knows what I means." "Damn straight-OW!" Said the griffon holding her hurt ass. "Ha! I've drank from bigger barrels squirt!" shouted Berry. "No wonder you don't get laid with such mood!" Spike yelled back. "Oh yeah? I could easily rock your world you scaly midget!" yelled Berry taking a swig from a cider barrel. "Then come here and prove it!" Spike yelled. "Why don't you come over here and prove me wrong? Oh right! You can't!" Berry taunted. Spike growled before he got an idea. He spotted the zoo guard, which was a female royal guard assigned to keep an eye on the prisoners. "Hey babe, can you please let me out?" He asked as she blushed. While she was on duty and needed to focus on her job, she felt the small dragon's gaze seem to look right into her. "W-why should I?" She asked with a blush. "Cause if you do, I can rock your world. All. Night. Long." grinned Spike. The guard was blushing around as Spike's charisma hit her full force. She levitated the keys to his outstretched hand while making sure she didn't get busted by another guard. As soon as Spike got the keys, he opened the door and took the female guard in. The next few minutes were filled with the guards moans that could be heard through the entire prison. Any female that heard that couldn't help but blush. Spike smiled as he left the cage leaving a nearly passed out guard with a blissful look on her face. "I'll be back for ya later." grinned Spike walking over to Berry's prison. Gilda chuckled before screaming to Berry, "Told you so!" Berry watched the dragon get into her cell and was not impressed since she towered over him. "So you managed to get here, now what?" She asked annoyed. "I'm gonna show you what a 'scaly midget' like me can do." grinned Spike. Berry couldn't help but flinch with a blush upon hearing that. Soon Gilda and Iron Will saw Berry's cell shake with loud moans and groans coming from it. "Told you so!" Gilda said smugly. "Why is he here again?" Moaned Iron Will in annoyance. "Because he went into a temporal lust storm and mated with the princesses, the element bearers, their little sisters, and several female guards..." Gilda explained. "Who hasn't he done?" asked the minotaur "I would say Granny Smith Apple and anypony around her age..." Said Gilda. "But didn't she get younger from a wacked out spell?" asked Iron Will. "Oh yeah, I forgot that...then her as well..." The shaking in the cell got more intense as moans and groans were being shouted out from it. (Omake) Blueblood sighed as he and a large group of mares headed to the prison where Spike was at. Between these mares there were the element bearers, the princesses and even the changeling queen herself! "I can't believe you did this to my son!" snarled Celestia to the prince. "And he's your nephew as well! HAVE THOU NO SHAME?!" Roared Luna in her royal canterlot voice. "But he had the audacity to touch you aunty Luna!" cried Blueblood in defense. "So? He was very good~!" She answered with a blush and smile, which was mirrored by all the mares. Blueblood sighed as they finally got to the cell and were stunned at what they saw. The cell was empty alongside all the female's! "But, this is where he was at! I swear!" exclaimed Blueblood. "Then where is HE?!" Snapped Twilight. Blueblood was sweating in fear as all the mares glared at him. But then Iron Will spoke, "If you want that dragon, he left for the bar...alongside all girls..." "WHICH GIRLS?!" exclaimed all the mares. "All the female prisoners and guards..." That got all of them to spread out and rushed to find which bar it was. But in the process they ended up trampling over Blueblood. They searched everywhere they could for the mares and dragon. Luckily, they managed to get to the bar thanks to an amused Discord. Celestia barged in with the rest of the group. On the inside they saw Spike and Berry in a drinking competition as the females cheered on. "Chug chug chug chug!" cheered the crowd as both dragon and pony guzzled down cider from the barrels. But then Berry Punch fainted as Spike finished his drink before taking her's and finishing it as well! "WOOH!" screamed Spike as everypony cheered at his victory. "Damn...yar beat mah!" Berry said drunkenly. "Told ya!" slurred Spike. Then he saw the arrivals, "What's up, ladies~?" "Spike! thank goodness you're alright!" exclaimed Twilight hugging him. "Yeah honey! I've never been fine~!" He answered, making her blush. Twilight smiled before she was pulled back and rainbow took her place. "So how were you in that zoo?" She asked. "Livin like a king." sighed Spike. "How so?" Pinkie asked. Spike gestured to the guards that kept watch of the prison with Berry and Gilda. "Tyese ladies make sure of that~!" All the mares cheered before downing their drinks. The others couldn't help but blush upon hearing that. "Care to join?" asked Spike. The mares thought about it before nodding.
chapter 13View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 13We find ourselves focused on a simple violet van as Twilight and the rest of her friends were in there. "So where are we going now?" Asked Spike. "I thought maybe we could take a trip to the woods to try and relax." smiled Twilight as Rainbow was driving. "Yeah yeah, as long as I can drive this baby, I'm alright!" Said the rainbow haired girl. "Just remember to watch the road." sighed Applejack sitting beside her rainbow-haired friend. "Yeah yeah, I got it." "I just hope we don't end up in a cliche horror movie like how this usually plays out." spoke Pinkie with a smile. "Calm down Pinkie, what's the worse that could happen?" AJ said, unknowingly tempting fate AND the author(S). "AJ, NO! WHAT HAD YOU DONE?!" Pinkie yelled nervously as she looked upstairs. (Author Room) "He He He He! It's Seems They Never Learn, Do They yugiohfan?" Asked E/O in amusement. "Nope! Now comes the fun pat!" cackled yugiohfan with an evil grin. "GREAT! So Which Button?" E/O asked to several buttons with warnings such as "DO NOT TOUCH!", "TACTICAL NUKE!", "OH F*CENSORED*!", "WARNING!", "DANGER!", "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!", Etc. "I'm feeling like "OH F*CENSORED*!" came yugiohfan's reply. "I'd go for "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"...But F*CENSORED*, Let's Use ALL OF THEM!" Said E/O evilly. Yugiohfan grinned as they pressed all the buttons while laughing. (Back with the group) "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Pinkie yelled in fear. "PINKIE! Chill out!" yelled Rainbow looking back at her friend. "What's wrong anyway? You ended up making Fluttershy faint!" Said Spike as he held the mentioned to stop her body from hitting the steel harshly. "Because now that that was said, we're doomed!" yelled Pinkie. "How?" Asked Twilight in disbelief. That's when a loud sound came from the front as Rainbow tried to hold the van steady as the front left tire blew out. "WHAT THE HEEEEEEELL?!" She screamed in panic. She quickly drove to the side of the road and stopped before hopping out and groaning at seeing the state the tire was in. "Aw man, it's busted!" She cursed. "Now what?" asked AJ. "We need to find some help..." Said Twilight. "What about that place?" asked Spike pointing towards a log cabin. "I-I don't know..." Fluttershy said shyly. "Well we don't have much of a choice." spoke Twilight. "Ah hope there ain't any trouble..." AJ said. Fluttershy hid behind Rarity as the group walked towards the cabin. "Calm down 'Shy, nothing will happen to you..." Rainbow assured. "I'm sure we'll find a phone and we out of here in no time." smiled Twilight. "I hope so." Spike said. They walked up to the door and knocked on it. But then the door opened by itself. "Creepy." muttered Spike. "I-I think we should look out somewhere else..." Suggested Fluttershy in fear. "Do you see any other cabins?" asked Rainbow. And with that, tbe seven teenagers went inside, unaware of what would happen... "EEEEK!" screamed Rarity when they got inside. "What's wrong Rarity?!" Asked Twilight worried. "Look at this place!" cried out Rarity as the cabin was dark and dusty. "What about it?" Asked AJ. "It's filthy!" she cried out in a dramatic fashion as she fell back and landed in Pinkie's arms. "Of course it's filthy, after all it's probably been abandoned for quite some time..." Answered Twilight. "Besides, it could be worse." spoke Pinkie as Rarity got back on her feet. "How so?" Asked AJ as Pinkie went pale. "We could run into that!" she shouted pointing at something. "Into what?" Spike asked worried. (Author HQ) "Now, Let DA GAMES BEGAH!" Laughed E/O. "Let's see; mad clown, deranged maniac, horrendous alien, hungry bear, chainsaw wielding scarecrow, drunken hobo, or axe swinging serial killer?" "YES! Those AND Dream Killer, Masked Child With Machete, Creepy Killer With Burned Face, Ghost Girl, Immortal Hook Killer, Pink Pony With Fur Dress AND Cannibal With Saw And Face For Mask!" "So, all of the above?" asked yugiohfan with a button for each horror movie cliche they called. "F*CENSORED* YEAH!" E/O yelled. Yugiohfan grinned before hitting a button that said "Select all." Now the only thing that was heard was the author's evil laughs. (Back to the story) "WE NEED TO GET OUTTA HERE!" Yelled Pinkie in horror. "Why?" asked AJ. But before the pink pony could answer, they heard a weird sound. It sounded like the sound of a bell. "W-where did that come from?!" Asked a now nervous Rainbow. "No clue, I'm out of here!" yelled Spike who tried to pry the door open, but it was locked. "I told you we should have left when we could." Pinkie said. Rainbow was giving Spike a hand as Fluttershy had jumped into Twilight's arm similar to a certain talking dog. "W-what do we do?!" Cried out the shy girl. "RUN!" screamed Pinkie as a thunderstorm could be heard outside with lightning. The other girls followed Pinkie's example as they saw Rainbow and Spike fail to open the door. They ran down one of the hallways as Rarity grabbed one of the doorknobs. "It's locked!" She said. "This way!" spoke Spike who found an unlocked door and tried to run in, but found himself against a large figure. The figure wore a hockey mask over his face alongside a green jacket, black t-shirt, black pants, black boots, and held a machete on his right arm. All of them stared at him in fear as he looked down at Spike and raised his weapon up. Spike barely managed to react and roll out of the way of the machete before it could hit. "RUN!" screamed Pinkie as AJ grabbed Spike's shirt and pulled him as they took off running. Jason stared blankly before he followed at his own rate because, in the end, he always got his prey. "In here!" called Pinkie opening a door before a certain burned face man stood there with long claws. "Going somewhere?" Asked the man in a mocking tone as the teenagers screamed until Jason appeared. Jason narrowed his eyes at Freddy and charged at the man with his machete raised up. "Oh shit! Not a-!" Freddy couldn't finish as Jason tackled him and began to fight each other. "Quick, through a random door!" called Pinkie opening and running into a room. "WAIT PINKIE-!" Tried to warn Twilight. "AAAAAHHH!" screamed Pinkie running out as a man with an apron, a chainsaw, and a mask made of skin walked out. "Run!" Screamed Rainbow as she was being pursued by a man wearing a trench coat, a hat, and a hook. "EEEEEK!" squealed Rarity in fear as she ran into another room while being chased by a hungry werewolf. But then a vampire with badass red cloak and gun crashed against the werewolf! "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" screamed AJ as a laughing clown was chasing her with razor sharp teeth. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Shrieked Fluttershy as she was pursued by a guy with a pale burned face, no eyelids, evil red eyes, evil smile without lips, and wore a black jacket with hood, black pants, black boots and held a kitchen knife. Spike opened a new room with a normal guy with a mustache beard combo and with a smile as he had a table with table cleaner beside him. "HI! BILLY MAYS HERE WITH A SPECIAL TV OFFER!" "What kind of offer?" Asked Spike nervous. "A BULLET THROUGH YOUR HEAD!" he spoke pulling out a pistol and loading it. "OH COME ON!" Spike cursed as he ran away. Soon it became like Scooby Doo as they would open a door and enter, and somehow pop out a random door in the same hall. "JUST HOW MANY MONSTERS ARE HERE?!" Snapped Twilight. "TOO MANY!" called Rainbow running from a small doll in overalls chasing her with kitchen knife as they went through another door. Said doll was suddenly attacked by a fox doll with two tails, a red gem on it's head and a kitchen knife. "There's only room for one crazed doll!" cackled Tail Doll. "AND IT'S ME!" Shouted a black puppet like animatronic with 3 white buttons and a white smiling clown face with purple marks that joined the doll fight! Soon the girls all ran into a dark room where there was no light, making it pitch black. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" "Sorry 'Shy! I thought you were Applejack!" "Why you Rainbow-!" "KYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" "Rarity, are you alright?!" "Y-yes Spikey Wikey, but I fear AJ won't be when I do THIS!" "OWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!" "P-pinkie Pie?!" "Rarity, you naughty naughty girl~...TAKE THIS!" *BOOOOOOOOOOOM!* "PINKIE!" "S-sorry Twilight!" "Wait! Spike, when did you get in here? I didn't see you run in here." spoke Twilight. "Well I managed to duck in here before you closed the door. I nearly got grabbed by a pair of succubus twins." "WHAT TWINS?!" Roared all girls, even Fluttershy, jealous. "They were just outside. Speaking of which; where's the lights?" Then the lights came back and the teenagers could see that in the middle stood a green mummy like being with a black hood and sinister smile. "AAAAAAHHHHH!" they all screamed before running out as AJ and Rarity put boards and nails over the door. The other teenagers were just giving the two girls more wood to block the room. "Need help?" came a male voice behind Spike. "Yeah." Spike said not turning around. "Here, let me take a little off the top." the voice spoke as the sound of a chainsaw was heard. Spike went pale and turned around to see the monster behind him... The man was Leatherface as he held the chainsaw up with a dark grin underneath his mask. "OH SHIT!" Spike yelled before Leatherface was thrown back by a guy with black hair, blank white mask wearing a blue janitor suit and holding a knife! "What else could go wrong!?" exclaimed Rarity in frustration. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" Pinkie screamed in horror. (Author's Room) "They Never Learn, Do They?" E/O asked yugiohfan while laughing. "I got this." grinned yugiohfan before hitting a button. "SAME HERE!" E/O then pressed another button. (Back to Story) "I'm telling you this is pure coincidence!" exclaimed Rarity. "Like hell it is!" Snapped Rainbow as she held a blue bunny animatronic back. At this point Fluttershy had taken a seat on the couch with an expressionless look on her face. "Fluttershy, what's wrong?" Asked Rarity. All of them took notice of the fact she slowly began to smile as she also seemed to be shaking a little. 'Oh no.' They all thought nervous. "You know, all I wanted was a quiet time with my friends." she chuckled as she stood up with her hair shadowing her eyes. That made several of the monsters stop in their tracks and shiver. "But it was stopped by these MONSTERS." she growled as her fingers seemed to grow into claws with her hair becoming a little more ragged. By now EVERYBODY was scared shitless. "It seems I'll have to fix them." she grinned as her canines became sharper and she grew a pair of large bat wings. "F-FLUTTERBAT?!" Yelled AJ. Flutterbat cracked her neck as she picked up a discard axe and let out a shriek before flying at them. Needless to say, everyone got the hell outta there at once! She flew after them, well mostly the monsters, as she swung the axe around like a certain yandere. Meanwhile, the six teenagers could only watch the event in shock and fear...except Pinkie whose hair suddenly went flat... "That looks like fun." she spoke in a monotone voice before grabbing a kitchen knife and joining in on the chase. "W-what do we do?" Spike asked scared. "Hope they don't come for us?" suggested Rainbow. "Y-yeah." Quickly agreed the rest of the present. Soon the screams of the monsters could be heard as the teens tried to block out the noise by covering their ears. "When do you think they'll stop?" Asked AJ. They saw Jason's arm pulp down in front of them as they tried to keep themselves from vomiting. "I think we should leave them alone for the moment." Suggested Twilight. All of them nodded as they began to make their way out, all the while ignoring the screams of pain. (Omake) A while later after Pinkamena and Flutterbat/Slashershy scared away the monsters... "Uh, are you two calmed down now?" asked Twilight with a nervous tone. The two girls looked at each other before nodding and grabbing a hold of Spike! "Almost." grinned Pinkamena as they began to drag him towards a bedroom. "HELP!" He yelled in fear. Both girls gave the others girls a dark look as they stood up to voice their opinions. But then Twilight's hair began to get out of control as a crazed look was on her face and Rarity's eyes began to glow green. "You can't take Spikey-Wikey without us!" exclaimed Rarity as her eyes glowed green. "OH NO!" Spike screamed like Joseph Joestar upon figuring out what happened to the two purple haired teenagers. The two girls helped drag Spike away as Rainbow and AJ were left alone on the couch. "So now what?" Asked Rainbow. "Well, while they go have their fun, we can have ours~!" AJ grinned pulling Rainbow closer. "I guess you're right." Grinned the girl back. AJ's hat obscured their kiss as the other four girls were moaning in the bedroom with Spike.
chapter 14View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 14Twilight was panicking. Today she had yet to send a friendship report to Celestia, and she needed to get the CMC to learn some kind of lesson or she would be doomed! That's when Spike came in. "Hey Twilight? Can you please calm down? I...I don't wanna be forced to send you to a mental hospital." That's when our purple mare before her ascension hatched a genius idea! "Oh I'll calm down alright. Right after you help me!" she started giggling with a crazed look in her eye. "Help you with what exactly?" He asked with a narrowed look. That's when she enchanted him with the want it need it spell and launched him at the CMC. "Dow! What in the..." That's when he was swarmed by all 3 fillies. "I want him!" cried Sweetie Belle hugging him. "Back off!" Scootaloo said while pecking his cheeks. Get it? Pecking? "No, I saw him first when he and Twi moved here!" Said Applebloom who was stroking his tail! "Well I know more about him every time he visits!" retorted Sweetie tugging him to her. "Oh please, he clearly likes me the most since he's always giving me the sports related suggestions for our Cutiemarks!" Scootaloo said as she held him tighter. "Oh yeah? He and I had a date yesterday!" "WHAT?!" "That was a playdate." Spike replied. "Ha! It doesn't count!" said Sweetie Belle. "Back off Sweetie Belle, he's interested in your sister!" "So? He'll learn to love me soon enough." "Girls, girls! Stop fighting, can't we all come to a conclusion?" Asked Twilight. "Like what?!" asked Spike in a panicky tone. "Well, maybe you 3 could share?" "No!" all 3 shouted back. 'This is not good, I made a huge mistake!' Spike then slipped free and began running! "Once this spell wears off you're dead Twilight!" Spike said as he was being chased. That's when Lyra and Bon Bon saw him. "Hi Soike!" they greeted before their eyes became hearts. "Wanna share him Bestie?" Asked Lyra. "Nope!" Said Bon Bon before smacking Lyra away! It then got worse as more mares such as Cheerilee, Liza Doolots, and Snowdrop saw him! "What the?" That's when Zecora saw him! "You know, It's been lonely in my hut, Wanna go to my place and rut?" Spike kept running and saw more and more mares look at him before joining in the chase. "Spike come back here, we can be so happy together!" Cried Gilda! "Go out with me, I'll make you tasty muffins!" Cried Derpy! "Be my husband and you get to break the law all you want!" Cried Mayor Mare! "This is insanity!" he cried ducking into an alleyway sas the crowd of females ran past. "Hello Spike, I can't believe I never interacted with you before!" Said Diamond Tiara. He jumped and ran away from the filly before jumping down the town well. "Spike, you're trapped in the well as well? What a coincidence!" Said Sunny Days as she began kissing his cheeks. Spike then escaped and saved the day as he rocketed out of the well and began running into town. "Everfree Forest here I come!" he ran into the dense forest and ducked under some of the brush. "Hey Spike, you feel like becoming Button's new daddy?" Asked Milano Mash. "AH!" he cried running in deeper before spotting the old castle. He ran in, thinking he was safe until... "Muahahaha!" Cackled Nightmare Moon. "Oh my, what a cute dragon that I could make into my king..." That's when a brick fell on her head turning her into Nyx! "Hey, you're cute, wanna be my boyfriend?" Spike turned and ran out before diving into the nearby river and quickly started swimming away. "Shoo be doo, shoo shoo be doo! Cal upon the sea pon..." Spike burst out of the water and returned to being chased by a huge stampede. "What am I gonna do? How am I gonna save Spike & solve a friendship problem on the same day?" Twilight paced as she needed a way to fix this. "Aha! I got it! Maybe if they were to cause a loud enough commotion, 'she' will spring into action and rescue her beloved!" Then Twilight sat on a lounge chair with popcorn. "Now to play the waiting game." Meanwhile at Carousel Boutique, Rarity was sipping tea in her living room. *Rumble!* *Rumble!* "What was that?' She wondered. "Heeeeeeelp!" "Come back here and love me!" Said Nurse Redheart! "No, me!" Said Mjolna, yeah there's an official background pony named Mjolna and yes she has Mjolnir as her cutie mark. "I want me that dragon!" Said Young Granny Smith! "Aaaaaaah!" "Spikey-Wikey is in trouble?" Rarity walked over and poked her head out and saw the enormous crowd of females chasing the dragon. "Spike! In here! Quick!" "No way! You're one of..." Spike then noticed that her eyes have not gone heart shaped! "...I mean, okay!" Spike then did Sonic's figure-8 technique to run even faster! He bolted into the boutique as Rarity slammed and locked the door. "What happened darling?" "Twilight Sparkle has lost her mind!" "So she's taking that seriously?" "Yes, but...one question...why aren't you affected by the Want It-Need It spell?" "Spell? Is that why all of them are chasing you?" "Yes, but you still haven't answered my question...why aren't you affected by the spell?" "Well I'm not quite sure why." "Maybe it's not effecting you because it knows I won't have a chance with you Rarity." That's when Rarity laughed. "What's so funny? That wasn't a joke." "Spike, why do you doubt a chance with me?" "You've ignored my affections, said you were busy whenever I get a chance to ask you out, the furthest you've gone with your own affections was a kiss on the cheek and a gem." "I did that because I thought they were a crush, I have orders to do, and I didn't want to raise your hopes in case you had anypony else in mind." Spike then turned to the door. "Spike, don't leave, I really like having you around." 'Like, but not love.' He thought. Before he could grab the knob, the door shook as the females were trying to break it down. "Spike, become my husband so my family can finally defeat the McColts." said Hilly Hooffield. "Hey, you don't exist yet, go back to season 5." said Twinkleshine. Then hooves started breaking through and flailed around trying to grab the dragon. "Don't do this Spikey-Wikey." "Why bother? It's not like a dragon could ever get the pretty girl." "That's not true!" Rarity yelled. "How?!" Spike then felt the lips of Rarity. His eyes widened as Rarity pulled him closer with her hooves. Spike then returned the kiss, pulling her closer! "She took the 1st kiss, dammit!" Said Berry Punch. "Then his virginity will be mine!" Said Dim Sum the dragon. "Get lost, M.A. Larson didn't even discover you yet!" Said Ms.Harshwhinny. "Oh yeah? You don't exist till season 3!" Said Trixie. Then the sun came down... "TWILIGHT SPARKLE!!!" Shouted an angry Princess Celestia who then shut off the spell. Said pony gulped at seeing the pissed off Celestia. After everyone went home, Twilight's friends had a talk with Celestia, after that, Rarity and Spike were sitting next to each other, gazing at the stars in the library's balcony, unaware of Macareina staring at Spike with love hearts popping out of her head. "Soon...." she whispered to herself.
chapter 15View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 15"Varoom! Vroom vroom!" Said Derpy...don't take a swig of that beer yet reader. "Urrrrrrrr...eeep, baby, eeep, baby! Urrrrrrrr..." and when you thought she had ran out of things to say..."eeep! Delivery ma'am?" "Did you eat breakfast this morning? Also, you're a grown mare with a kid." Said Berry Punch. Derpy was holding onto a car door while Berry Punch and Moondancer were setting up piles of stuff with signs. Berry then handed Derpy a blender. "Here, give it to Moondancer and put it on the table." "Service is my middle hoof! Check please!" "Should've ate breakfast, you need that protein." That's when those breakfast rappers from nickelodeon appeared and rapped about why breakfast is so important. Then Jake the dog appeared and told them how to make bacon pancakes, and then I appeared and told them how to make hot dog omelette. "On the bright side, we aint exactly completely copying off 'In Like Ed.'" "Back to the story!" cried Spikerules. "Seems to be in fine condition...10 bits! A fair asking l price." "Here's 10 butts." said Gonard from Kappa Mikey. "I said bits, and that money only works in that weird community in your universe." After Gonard went away, some other guy appeared. "We're not open yet." Said Berry Punch. "Just browsing." "*sigh!* Oh Buuuulk!" "Aaaaaaaah!" "Yeah! Raaaaadaaaaaaa." "Okay, Chowder reference, that's another to check off this list!" Said Moondancer. "This huge aged bottle of fine wine oughta.." "Varoom!" "Quit fucking around Derpy, man I hate being sober." "Ha, ha..." Then Derpy put on the breaks. "It's for my table Berry." Then she threw it on the barely standing table."Car door only 5 bits. My boat 20 bits, my dryer 15 bits. No price will be refused at honest Hooves! Table 5 bits." That's when she realized. "London bridge is falling! At least I knew what went wrong!" She said as the pile crushed her! Derpy then found a bow and vase in her mouth, she pulled the bow out which shot the vase at Berry. "Bam!" Said Emeryl. That's when Derpy started shooting more stuff! "Weeee!" Then she grabbed her husband. "Derpy, what are you whoooooooaaa!" "Bam!" Emeryl said again. "Heyo!" said Jay Leno. "Zoinks!" Said Shaggy. "Stop the references!" shouted Moondancer. Then Berry got back up dazed. "What day is it?" "It's yard sale day Berry, and I just finished giving my merch appropriate prices." "4 bits for roller skates? 2 bits for a stack of dictionaries? What's with ya Moondancer? Up the ante! Luckily I'm charging 50 bits for this baby." grinned the mare holding up a helmet. "50 bits? Berry, the idea behind a yard sale is to recycle one's unwanted items at a fair and economical price." Moondancer told her. "My stuff aint economical, they're deluxe one of a kind items!" "Your High School photo? Berry please, this is hardly collectible!" "More junk!" Then Derpy grabbed Berry Punch. "No! Wait Derpy!" Derpy pulled Berry back on the string and let her go before said mare went flying through the air. Berry then crashed unconscious until Adult Sweetie Belle smacked Berry awake with a rolling pin. "Kitchy Kitchy koo!" "Hey! Hey! Hey!" "You're right Button, she's still breathing." "Too bad, let's go make some slushies." Said adult Button Mash. "Wait you gotta pay for that!" "We did!" Sweetie Belle knocked Berry down. "We got it at Soarin's yard sale for 2 bits." Then we see Soarin haggling with Zecora. "I'm tellin ya, it's a great deal." "Don't give me that spiel!" Zecora replied. "Then maybe no more than 50 bits, and for you these volcano resistant oven mitts!" "A bargain indeed. But if you are spouting lies, you will find yourself in pain from my fits." "Soarin just scored 50 bits." Berry said in surprise. Then Adult Snips with a picture of his dead friend Snails, pulled something out of a box. "How much is this Soarin?" "25 bits take it or leave it." "Okay, hahaha..." "Wait, doesn't Snails want one too?" "How'd ya know?" "How did he know?" said Berry. "I'm not sure." replied Moondancer. "Though, I really think it's time for Snips to let go of Snails right now, his death was 10 years ago, the day after Dinky moved out of Derpy's and got married to Pipsqueak. Celestia, the photo of Snails was so off putting that he lost his crush Twist to Spike!" "Anyways, Soarin knows to much! Something's fishy!" "Ha ha...see you at the Candy Store dumb, dork, drunky!" "Uh Soarin?" Derpy asked before being interrupted! "Sheepskin seat covers." "Wow, he knew what I was going to say." "See? He's got inside info, he knows more than you Moondancer! That made Moondancer angry. "Oh really?" she glared at the pegasus. "Shall we investigate fellow mares?" "Moondancer's got a plan!" shouted Derpy before following. "But...that's my schtick." "No, your schtick is being a drunk in a kid's show." said Trixie. "Oh yeah? Sim sim sana bim!" "What was that?" "Dammit! Must've been drunk when I learned that spell." Later in Moondancer's house... "I've created a few top secret devices in order to stop Soarin from whatever he's planning on doing." Derpy and Berry then ooh'd and aah'd. "Behold!" she pulled out a mop. "It's a mop, so?" "It might be a mop, but hidden inside is a tiny transmitter." "Yawn!" "Okay, then how about a bucket with a tape recorder hidden within a false bottom?" "Quit holdin out on us. Where's the smoke screen, oil slick, laser watch!" asked Berry looking through the closet. "Uh..." "What's this Moondancer?" She turned to see Derpy holding up a coat hanger. "That's just a coat hanger Derpy." "Oh...mum's the word...and it's theorized that Ed Edd 'n' Eddy takes place in Canada." "What are you talking about?" "Well, throughout the course of the show I always see the Canada leaf on some clothi..." "What's this? A jawbreaker?" "Berry stop no!" cried Moondancer before yanking the object out of Berry's hold. "It may look like a jawbreaker but it's actually a baking powder vapor barrier for quick escapes. Why with just one lick..." "Banana nut muffins!" shouted Derpy. "Wow! Give me that! A jetpack!" grinned Berry holding up the tech Derpy found. "I'm still testing that Berry, as you can see, I need another test subject I don't care about." Said Moondancer as she pointed to the tombstone that read: Here Lies Dan from Dan Vs. His friend Chris knew the jet pack idea was a bad idea. "Works fine Moony!" Berry hovered a little before zipping through the air. "We still have to pick code names." "I am the claw, and the claw wishes to fly." spoke Derpy holding the hook part of the coat hanger up before it got snagged on Berry's coat. The jetpack flew out of the shack. "All that hard work..." Moondancer complained. That's when she heard an alarm go off. "It's the Soarin motion alert!" All of them ran over to her monitors with the main one showing Soarin walking out of his home with a package. "I can't see what he's holding! Zoom in! Zoom in! Derpy, where'd you put the camera?" "Only the claw knows." she narrowed her eyes while holding up the claw. "Huh?" As it turns out the camera was right in front of him. "Stupid mares!" Then the screen turned to static. "Slendermane, get off of this channel!" "Oops wrong pony!" "We've lost contact! We'll have to switch to field surveillance, I'll explain on the way!" "The claw is needed!" said Derpy. "Let's go, you almost poked me in the head with that stupid thing!" We now cut to show Soarin walking through town. Soarin then met up with Zecora and off they were for Button's house. "Big drinker to four eyes, cloud head is leaving." whispered Berry popping her head out of a bush. "Roger, where is he now?" "Cloud and monochrome just walked past S.P.D." "What does S.P.D. mean? Also, it's the claw!" replied Derpy. "Silly pony delivery." "Super Sentai/Power Ranger reference...check." "Keep following them." spoke Moondancer. Then they made it to Button Mash's house. "Hey there Mr.the Dragon, tell me something to rag on." Then the door closed. Then it opened again letting Sweetie Belle poke her head out and then slam it shut. "The fools. All in one location." chuckled Berry. Then they looked through the periscope to see everyone. "It looks like a meeting of secret agents girls." Moondancer concluded. "Let me see, I love spies!" Said Derpy. She moved it around to see several mares in there with a few colts and stallions. "Gimme that!" Berry said, then looked around. "Looks like Button's the brains of the bunch...ew Milano...oh yeah it's the parcels! They must have the dangerous crap!" Berry concluded. Then the periscope went up and was replaced with an upside down Derpy. "Let's take 'em down!" Then she looked back in. "What the? Where is everything?" "You got sleepies in your eyes Berry." "...Let's go!" Then she put up Derpy. Moondancer followed her with Derpy running across the road to a tree. She was about to fire the grappling hook until a helicopter appeared dropping off Solid Snake. "Otacon, this is Snake." "Go kick their butts Snake!" replied Otacon! "Snake! Look out!" Snake then blocked a kick from Kim Possible. "An old guy? Let's do this K...." *bang!* "Yeah...you got this one!" But then they heard a motorcycle! It then stopped right in front of them! "Who are you?" said Snake. The red one on the motorcycle got off and then... "Red Buster!" greeted the red ranger. "Blue Buster!" said the blue ranger standing next to Snake. "Yellow Buster!" said the yellow ranger who was next to KP. "Beet Buster!" said the gold ranger next to Ron Stoppable. "Stag Buster!" said the silver ranger also next to Ron. "Together...we are Tokumei Sentai Go-Busters!" said the Red Ranger before going light speed at striking Kim and Snake! That's when a hole from the ground opened up dropping of the Totally Spies! "We are secret agents of Whoop! We are taking custody of this miss..." Then a beaver tail smacked Sam! It was Perry the Platypus of Agent P for short! "A secret agent platypu...whoa!" went KP when a laser zoomed past "Bond...James Bond!" Then Black Spy and White Spy along with Grey Spy appeared! "Okay, remember the mission Red Spy." "Yes Blue Spy. We fuck Milano Mash, give the pictures to Button, and then fuck her again! Right after we kill all of the competition!" Then Dancing Shadow AKA Elise appeared. "Dancing Shadow, eliminate the competition!" The a huge spy battle royale broke out in Button Mash's backyard! This confusion gave Derpy the chance to shoot the grappling hook onto the chimney, harness herself, then zipline! Only to create a pegasus shaped lump in the wall! Everyone looked at it for a second before going back to their party! *Stomp!* *Stomp!* "What was that?" Asked Dr.Whooves. "I dunno dad, kinda sounded like a giant robot stomping on spies." Dinky replied. Zecora walked over and opened it to show Berry in a fancy dress. "Nice to know the party didn't start without me!" "Do you have an invite Berry? Because an invite I do not see." "The toy smells like tomato." "And the narrator stubbed his toe. Let me see your invite, or you'll feel my blight!" "Is that another Zebra?!" Berry shouted, distracting Zecora and running off! Meanwhile in the front yard... "Wait, why am I using a jetpack? I have wings!" She flew up but fell back down after being struck by lightning! "This one appears to be another video game...Ooh it's all 4 Mario and Luigi games, Paper Mario games, and Mario & Luigi Paper Jam! Lucky kid!" Said Moondancer. "It's those X-ray goggles, they're clearly broken!" "Berry, party hats, cake, and these colorful boxes I was never given before?" I feel like we've made a horrible mistake!" That's when Derpy fell out of the Pinata and on top of Button Mash! "Poor brethen." Said a pinata from Viva Pinata. "Look what I found! Candy!" Dr.Whooves and Dinky face hoofed! "Not again!" "Who invited you Derpy?" Asked Spike who was holding back an enraged Sweetie Belle with Twist's help. "Presents!" Then they all began opening them! "Why?" questioned Berry Pinch. "Dammit mom!" said Dinky. "I don't know her." lied Minuette. "What are you 3 doing?" said Sweetie Belle. "I think the real question is what are you doing with this? Huh?" Berry asked while confusingly holding an Ouya. "I'm so misunderstood! I wanted an NX!" then Button Mash ran away crying. "There goes the birthday boy, you 3 ruined another party!" said an annoyed Soarin. "Good one Moondancer." Berry blamed as the party guests were glaring at them. "Look, it's just a big misunderstanding." Said Moondancer. "Good luck catching us as we'll be invisible to the naked eye! With this baking powder vapor barrier! A shroud one might say!" "You said a mouthful!" said adult Pipsqueak. "It's pounding time!" said Soarin! "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE!!!" shouted Berry before detonating the smoke bomb the devastated the house!" All of the ponies there cried out before all went silent as the house was covered and flood with white powder. "Now do you see the reason of extensive testing?" "Where'd everyone go?" asked Derpy. "Messy, messy, messy!" "I think we scared them off, let's run before they get back." "Where were we?" came Soarin's voice. Everyone began emerging from the whiteness! "Uh...Doc? Feel like saving us about now? Don't join them! This'll be domestic abuse!" "Sorry mommy, but you 3 need to learn!" replied Dinky. And then the screen faded to black.
chapter 16View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 16Twilight smiled as she found a spell yet to be tested in one of her new books. "Alrighty, let's test out this spell." The spell said it would grant her more power! As her horn glowed, her front door was slammed open. "TWILIGHT, CAN I HAVE YOUR BLESSING TO MARRY SPIKE?!" Pinkie Pie shouted which caused her magic to get corrupted and bounce around the crystal castle until it smashed into the princess! She went flying and crashed into the wall, causing the rubble to fall on her. Then Spike had awoken from his sleep after an alarm went off in his room. "Don't worry Twilight, the Pinkie alarm is working! Sorry Pinkie, but we don't have time for you right now, so here have some free bits for the castle arcade." "But I wanna marry you Spike!" Twilight groaned from the pain. Spike and Pinkie looked at the rubble as a large purple claw came out of it. "My everything! What happened?" The rubble fell away to show a purple dragon with Twilight's hair. "What the? T...Twilight?" Spike's eyes glistened. "Pinkie! Don't barge in like that!" snapped the dragon with a snarl. "Sorry, but I really wanna marry Spike!" "Why would y..." She then felt scales on scales! "Huh?" "Hmmm.....mommy!" "Mommy?" Twilight looked down and finally saw her new body. "WHAT THE HELL?!" "So having Spike as my new hubby is out of the..." Twilight was then growling at Pinkie who then ran! "Where'd that come from?" Twilight wondered who felt compelled to keep Spike safe, even if it it was from one of her best friends. Spike snuggled closer and Twilight couldn't help but pick him up and kiss cheek. "Haha..." 'What the heck am I doing?' She wondered. 'I should be figuring out how to turn back to normal....but on the other hand, I could be napping with Spike.' She climbed fully out of the rubble and laid Spike on her side while curling up her whole body around him. Spike got comfy and they slept for about an hour...later, Spike and Twilight were off to the park to meet with their friends. Luckily Pinkie told them about Twilight's change, but it still shocked them to see her as a dragon when she met up with them. "You...look...so...awesome! How come you get to be a dragon and not me?" "Thank Pinkie here." deadpanned Twilight gesturing to the pony. "Heh, again sorry for that..." "Also, why did you keep on asking me to bless you and Spike's wedding?" "Yeah, why? We aren't even dating. Was it a bet?" "Nope." "Then why?" "After realizing Spike Time is the best after all, I knew I had found my true love!" She explained. "Hey girls, did you hear? Bayonetta won the Smash Ballot!" said Trixie as she fastly approached the Mane 6. Twilight then let a ferocious roar as if scaring a lesser creature away from it's young! "Eep!" Trixie turn and ran as fast as she could from the dragon. "Aww, you're such a loving mother."Fluttershy then giggled while everyone else was hiding behind her. Twilight blushed while Spike snuggled on her back. "Uh...Spike, why don't you sit down on the blanket?" "Okay mommy!" "Not next to Pinkie Pie, I want you to atleast be a teenager before accidentally knocking someone up." Spike sat next to Fluttershy as Twilight laid her head down next to the blanket. They ate, talked and played. Well not much Twilight who only made sure Spike was in view. Rainbow Dash dared Spike to Spin Dash and...he actually managed to do it! Twilight put her claw to her mouth as she laughed. Then Twilight had an idea where she threw a boulder into the air and blew it up with her fire breath like fireworks! All in all, it was a pretty fun picnic. "So what's like bein a dragon Twilight?" asked Applejack. "It's different, I'm taller, I can eat gems, I'm fire proof, my motherly instincts are much stronger that I'd rather spend time with Spike than read!" "Wait darling, won't that seem hard considering 'you know who' adopted Spike?" brought up Rarity. "I don't know Rarity, I've read animals gain parental instincts in the wild despite their young being adopted. Like for example, there was this one occurrence where a Lioness adopted a baby Elk. Sadly she was unable to save the Elk from hungry predators, but she loved what should've been food anyways." And that was the moment a certain sun princess appeared in a flash of light. "Princess Celestia?" "Good day Twilight, now then...*poof* you're a pony again! Goodbye, I am now off to show Luna why Palutena will be the main that I will use to one day demolish all Bayonetta mains!" She vanished again as Twilight looked over her normal body. "Uh..." "Mommy? Where did you go?" Spike looked around in worry. "Oh Spike..." Twilight said in a sad tone. She then began crying. "Twilight?" Spike then walked to her in worry. "What's wrong Twilight?" "Uh..." "Come on, you can tell me." "Well, it's just that...please promise you'll never leave me." "Of course I won't Twilight, I'll always love you forever." Spike's words then cheered her up. "Besides, you're not just a heroine of Equestria and a Princess..." "I'm not?" "You're much more than that." "I am?" "Yeah, you're my wonderful mother." Then the piano finished playing as sunlight shined upon them. "Dammit, he loves her more than me still!" Complained Celestia. Twilight smiled with tears in her eyes as they both hugged.
chapter 17View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 17"It's a good thing this castle comes with it's own observatory." Twilight expositioned. "Twilight, have you seen my cereal?" "Isn't it on top of the fridge?" "No." "Okay, after I look into space, we're buying more cereal." Twilight told him. 'That's a 9th stolen box of cereal this week. If I count our other friends, 50 stolen boxes. All of Ponyville...487 stolen boxes...Discord better not be planning anything!' She looked through her telescope and noticed something. "What's that?" She then zoomed in, but that's when she was randomly punched in the face! "What the heck Trixie?!" Then Trixie disappeared. "She'll get her's later..." Then as soon as she zoomed in to get a clear view..."Is that a meteor made of cereal?" Then Moondancer punched her in the face! "What the heck Moondancer?!" "It's the running gag of this chapter." Then she ran away! "What was that about cereal?" asked Spike. "Spike, I think I know where everyone's cereal went.....DIIIIIIIIIISSSSSCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO0OOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRD!!!" She shouted with the fury of 10 billion suns that have formed into a giant fire wolf! "You called?" asked Discord popping in next to Twilight with a grin. "Why in Equestria did you..." Then Sunset Shimmer punched her! "...Why in Equestria did you steal everyone's cereal and turned it into a giant meteor streaking towards our planet?! "Simple. I wanted to make a catastrophe never done before." "I thought you were reformed!" "I thought Fluttershy promised a picnic, but then she had to go and attend her Grandmother's funeral!" "So you're back to your old self because of that?!" "Go ahead, call me cruel and uncaring! Old people need to make space for us anyways!" "That is enough!" Then Celestia appeared. "Discord, it's time for your time out!" "NO!" Then Celestia trapped him in a magic bubble. "You're gonna think about what you did as 20 robots scream really loud at you in a room that blocks magic!" "Thank you Celes..." Then Princess Celestia punches her. "Don't thank me yet! You gotta stop the meteor." She disappeared while Twilight tapped her chin. "Hmm...aha! I...." She looked left and right. "...I got it, we..." Then Starlight Glimmer gave her a SHORYUKEN from below! "...we soak it with milk! We need every last drop of milk!" "Every Last drop?" Spike questioned. "Discord stole every last cereal from Equestria, so we'll destroy the meteor by making it get soggy with every last drop of milk in Equestria, we might have to skip a day of our recommended daily dose of Calcium, but it'll be worth it!" "Alright, I'll tell the cows right now!" "No! When I said every last drop, I literally meant EVERY LAST DROP!" "So..." "Goats, Llamas, anyone who's given birth! We need alllllllll of the milk! Even that powdered stuff will do!" "If you say so." As Spike spread the word, to every corner of Equestria, Twilight was hard at work, building an egg nuke that'll destroy the meteor! Sure unicorns such as Rarity, Oleander, Minuette, and Twilight Velvet came to punch her in the middle of work, but she managed to perfect it on time! "Yes...I..." Then Lyra and Bon Bon punched her unconscious. Hours later... "Citizens of Equestria, I thank you for your cooperation, with all of this milk, the cereal meteor will fall apart and we can finally eat cereal again without Discord trying to steal i..." Then Queen Chrysalis punched her! "...I'm getting really tired of that...launching in..." Then she saw Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine coming! "...Now!" Then everything went in slow motion as Twilight pressed the button, but was then punched in both cheeks by Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine! After that, the flow of time went back to normal. It burst upon contact, then coated the meteor in milk! "Yes!" cheered Twilight. Something was wrong, the milk didn't dissolve it, it kept on coming! "Oh-no, what are gonna do now?!" Then Masked Matterhorn punched her unconscious! "I can save us all!" Spoke Derpy. "How?" Derpy then pulled out a Miracle Fruit and ate it! A bright light flashed that forced everyone to close their eyes! When they opened their eyes, Derpy had turned into Hypernova Derpy! "Here I go!" Then she flew towards the giant meteor and inhaled the whole thing! Everyone stared in shock while Derpy let out a belch. "Yay! Saving the world is so yummy!" "Awww..." Everyone went at the sight of Derpy's cuteness. "And so, another day has been saved. Thanks to, HYPERNOVA DERPY!" Then the TV turned off! "Wow, what a weird episode!" Said Daffy Duck, THE WIZAAAAAAAAARD!!!
chapter 18View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 18Marble Pie and Fluttershy were staying angrily at each other and with scrunchy faces. "Someone mind tellin me what the hay they're doing?" asked Applejack to the rest of the group. "Fluttershy got jealous when Marble Pie started attracting stallions and told her Ponyville is her turf, Marble gave Fluttershy a light tap and now they're staring daggers at each other." Apple Bloom explained. "Mmm hmmm." came Marble Pie. Applejack didn't question it and walked away. "Now Marble is challenging Fluttershy!" gasped Pinkie. That's when Marble started purring! It killed Caramel as he walked by! "A cute contest!" Pinkie exclaimed stepping back. Fluttershy then one upped her as she stretched like she was waking up! It killed Dr.Whooves! Marble frowned and sat on her hind legs and brought her front ones up to her face while her one visible eye got bigger and glistened. Meanwhile, Carrot Top's boyfriend was sitting in the balcony of her house until he felt a light on his coat! "Huh?" He turned around but died soon after! "Oh my Celestia! What happened?" "S-something cu...cute!" "Ooh, She snipped a guy, can you top that Fluttershy?" Asked Pinkie. Fluttershy crossed her hooves and puffed up her cheeks into a pout. King Sombra suddenly came back from the dead but was then killed by the intense cuteness of Fluttershy! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" *Boom!* Then when the red horn landed on the ground. "And in order to finally ensure the end of Sombra, into the grinder you go!" Said Pinkie. "See that? I killed a bad guy with my cuteness, think you can top that?" "Mm hm!" Marble replied. This time Marble pulled out a cat costume and slipped it in while her mouth resembled a kitten's. Big Mac was dead just by seeing the back of her! Fluttershy then pulled out a bunny costume and Spike died right there! "Um...could they please stop? If they kill every guy in Equestria, then we won't be able to procreate!" Twilight asked. "What we need is someone with enough cuteness to cancel both of them out." spoke Pinkie with a professor's suit and a chalkboard with random equations on it. "Yes...but who could...." Then Twilight realized who! "MUFFINS!" she screamed out loud. Fluttershy and Marble Pie turned around and saw Derpy Hooves kill Discord and Tirek with her mouse costume! Each mare stared each other down. Ready for one last round. That's when Derpy ended it with a....with a...oh-no! She guzzled a youth potion, not only becoming a little filly again, but started munching on a giant muffin while popping out of it with a joy filled cry. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo0oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..." Then the blue screen of death! It was pushed aside to show Celestia. "Dammit!" Said Celestia. "Everyone knows Luna is the cutest character of Mlp!" She proved this by holding up a filly Luna in her pajamas. "Who wants chocolate pudding?" "Yay!" "Okay, here comes the train! Choo choo!" "Mommy! What about me?" "Aww, I haven't forgotten you Spike." Then she pulled out a gem. He grabbed it and nibbled on it with gusto. "Haha..I love being a mother, now while you to play, I'll be fixing the world."
chapter 19View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 19You seem to have found yourself in a mysterious blue room. It looks like...a dining room of all things. You can hear a woman singing and a piano playing, you look around until suddenly...you see a well dressed old man sitting at a table, you can't help but notice his long pointy noise. He then looks up at you with a grin. "Welcome to the Velvet Room, I'm Igor." He said as his lips moved, but not his teeth. "This place exists beyond time and space, beyond mind and matter. "It seems we have..wait, not one but 2 guests this time? Interesting." "You 2 seem to have the same destiny. Only those bound by a contract may enter here. It seems you 2 will encounter such a fate in the near future. Now then, why don't you introduce yourselves?" After you gave your introductions. "Hmm, I see...let's take a look at your future shall we?" Then with a wave of his unusually long arm, tarot cards appeared on the table. "Do you believe in fortune telling?" Then he flips some cards over. "Hmm...it seems the both of you will have an adventure that will take you to many lands." He pointed out. Then he realizes. "Ah! I have neglected to introduce my assistant to you." "Tis I! The great and powerful Trixie!" called the blue unicorn with a magician's cape and hat. "Trixie shall accompany you on your journey from the Velvet Room." "We shall explain the detail later, until then..farewell" That's when identical twin dragonesses awoke from their separate bedrooms. They got out of bed and headed for the bathroom to freshen-up. "Morning sis." Said Barb, the dragoness with curvier spines. "Morning to you too." Said Spines, the dragoness with sharper spines. "And a good morning to my 2 favorite girls in the whole wide world." Dusk Shine greeted before being kicked out! "Heeeeey..." "Ladies 1st Dusk, sheesh!" Then the door slammed shut as both began brushing each other's teeth. "So I had a weird dream last night." "Really? Me too." "In mine, there was this old man and a blue unicorn that strangely resembled a female version of Presto." "Get out, I had the exact same dream!" "Really?" "Totally sis, it's true!" "Guess our psychic twin connection if finally kicking in." "What do you think it meant?" "Probably nothing." "What was that about a female Presto?" Dusk asked from outside the bathroom. "Dusk! Just ask out Presto already!" "No! Because I am not gay!" "Suuuuuuure you're not." They joked before taking some mouthwash and gargling. After brushing their teeth and washing their faces, they, were just about to exit until suddenly they felt an intense headache! "*moans in pain*" "Spines? Barb? Are you okay?" "My head! It feels like it's splitting open!" groaned Barb. "Mine's feels like an egg cracking!" Spines groaned. And that's when they heard it! "I am thou! Thou art I! Thou art the ones who shall open the door!" Said a mysterious voice! Then, after that...*Thud!* "That's it! I'm barging down this door!" Dusk Shine said as he backed up. "W-wait! The headache's gone now!" said Spines. "You sure?" "Yeah, we just need some Aspirin is all." "Okay, I'll make a quick run to the drug store!" Then when Dusk was gone... "What was that voice?" Barb said to her twin. "Could it have been connected to that old guy what was it.,.Igor?" "You think it has something to do with this contract thing he mentioned?" "I dunno, but let's not tell anyone for now." After taking a moment to make sure they were alright, they walked out. Meanwhile in the mountains... "Alright, by calculations, the legendary treasure is just behind this wall!" Said an Ahuizota! "No! If you do that, an ancient unspeakable evil that Princes Solaris and Artemis have sealed away will be freed!" pleaded a tied up Derring Do. "And I am going to control that evil in order to take over the world! Blow it up now!" *Boom!* That's when monsters began flooding out and killing henchmen. "What the?" said Ahuizota. "I tried to warn you! The Shadows are dangerous! Now if you could free me, can retrieve the artifact within the cave to seal them agai...." Then a Shadow slit Derring Do's throat! After breakfast, all 3 received a letter and after rallying friends and Presto, ran to the mountains to find the opening and grab the artifact that'll seal away the shadows! "Alright, here we are!" Said Rainbow Blitz! "Before anymore shadows escape, we run in and stop them!" Said Berry. "Let's go!" said Dusk! Then they saw 3 roads. "Alright, split up into teams, girls you're going with Elusive!" Dusk commanded. 'Yes!' they both thought. Later... "It's weird, we haven't run into any shadows yet..." Said Spines. "Indeed, it is rather peculiar." Said Elusive. "Could it be that they've all escaped?" Suggested Barb. "Perhaps." Then as they were talking, 2 blogs stalked them... "Hopefully we can stop them before a good chunk of Equestria is..." That's when both blobs appeared! "It's the Shadows!" Shouted Spines! That's when the black blobs morphed into pink and blue horizontal striped floating orbs with big mouths and even bigger black tongues! They transformed into Slipping Hableries! Then they slapped Elusive with their tongued! "*Grunt!*" "Elusive!" They shouted! Then the Slipping Hableries targeted Barb and Spines who were frozen in fear until suddenly they stopped! "I am thou! Thou art I! Thou art the ones who shall open the door! And the time...Is Now!" Then both twins found a glowing card in their claws! "What in Equestria?" Said Elusive who was still conscious... "Per..." Then the presented the cards. "....So....." They crushed them! "...Na..." And out popped 2 Personas! "Lightning Dust! Use Zio!" Commanded Spines! "Spitfire, Agi!" Commanded Barb! Spitfire then shot fire at Barb's target and Lightning Dust shot lightning at Spines' target! Both were then downed! "Now's our chance to rough 'em up!" Said Barb! "Let's do it!" Said Spines! Then the charged in! Attack in cartoon fight cloud fashion, and then a skull shaped cloud appeared! Indicating the death of both shadows! "Yeah! We did it!" Cheered Spines. "What just happened?" Elusive just asked. "I think we just got superpowers!" Spines said. "That, or we just got possessed!" Barb suggested. "Either way, we now have the power to find that artifact without any worries." Said Elusive. "Right, let's go." replied Barb. The twins battled hard, even levelling up! Whatever that means, until they made it to the artifact needed to seal away the shadows again! "Well, that was easier than I expect...." "Stop right there!" Said a voice. They turned to see a female Elusive! "What the? A female Elusive?" both twins gasped. "I don't have a long lost twin now do I?" "For your info, my name is Rarity." "Okay...lady Rarity, why are you here?" "To kill you of course!" "What?! Why?" "We shadows exist to replace the inferior version, and that's why..." Then Rarity began transforming! "...I can finally live in Equestria again!" Rarity had transformed into Nightmare Rarity! "I am a shadow, the true self! We shadows are here to take back what our genderbent versions have stolen!" Rarity then began charging an attack! "Girls, I sense something wrong! Guard yourselves from the attack!" They did as he wished and Nightmare Rarity unleashed an inescapable blast! It didn't hurt them that much since they guarded! "Zio!" shouted Spines! "Nice try!" "Agi!" shouted Barb! It hit her! "My weakness!" "She's down!" Said Barb! Then the twins piled on and caused a lot of damage to Nightmare Rarity! Who then got back up. "Take this! Bufu!" Then Barb was downed! "Sis!" "And now a 2nd strike!" She said as she smacked Spines! Spines fell down. Because it was a critical hit. Then they both got back-up! "What? You female versions of Spikey-Wikey still have the nerve to get up?!" "Yeah! We ain't going to give up!" "So what if you shadows are actually opposite gendered versions of us? Does that give you the right to kill us? No! Lightning Dust, Dia, on Barb!" Then Barb was healed. "Spitfire, use Dia on Spines as well!" Then Spines was healed! "Oh, please! You think you 2 alone can win against all of us? We are the originals! We will not lose to the likes of any of you!" Nightmare Rarity then charged at them! "Agi!" "Zio!" They said simultaneously! The fused attack then defeated Nightmare Rarity! Whom was now just regular Rarity lying on the ground. "You 2 did it!" said Elusive. "Why?" said Rarity. "Huh?" "Lightning Dust, Spitfire, you're part of us as well, yet you side with our replacements? Why?" Said the downed Rarity. Then the Personas appeared! "Because, we've lived our lives aaaand..we're okay with it." Said Spitfire. "Hey pretty boy, be a gentlecolt and help Rarity up would yah?" Asked Lightning Dust. "Of course." replied Elusive. Rarity was then back on her hooves. "Listen, I don't know what happened, but how this proposal? You live through me? We are the same pony after all." That's when Rarity's dark aura turned to a white-blue aura and then she turned into a card! "Well...looks like I have a Persona now..." "Welcome to the possessed club!" Said Spines. "Interesting, now let's get the artifact!" Then when they got it, the opening shut tight and everyone was teleported out! "Is everypony okay?" Dusk asked. "Well, the 3 of us got possessed and obtained superpowers." Spines abbreviated. That's when another letter came out of Barb. Spines unfolded it. "Great job on stopping all the shadows from escaping, but there are still a lot roaming around Equestria, you gotta stop them all!" "Well, guess our adventure has just begun!" Said Applejuice! "Let's go! Next stop, Manehattan!" Bubble Berry suggested! Then everyone dashed across the grass field! Meanwhile... "They...they took Rarity!" said an angry Spike! "Don't worry Spike...they'll pay soon enough." Said Twilight Sparkle. "They all will..."
chapter 20View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 20Spike was busy finding gems for Rarity. Soon he was digging deep into the ground. "My word, these gems a certainly down there deep, aren't they Sp..." That's when the ground collapsed in the whole, sending Spike and the gems falling. "Ow." he groaned pushing his head up and rubbing the bump on his head. "Ooh! A male fell from the sky with romantic gifts." "Huh?" He looked around and saw Diamond Dogs, but these one were female with more curvy builds. "A little on the short side, but he's very, very cute!" "Female Diamond dogs?" "You can call us bitches, it's the female term for dog anyways, we don't mind who calls us that anyways." "Um, okay. Well it was nice seeing you, but I better get going." he replied walking away from them. "Come-on, stay for a while. It'll be fun!" "Yeah, you look pretty hurt. You can have fun here before leaving." "That's very nice of you b...bitches, but I really must be getting back to my friend." "A...girlfriend?" "Nope, just my crush." "So...you're single?" "Yeah." That's when they started walking closer and then took off their vests even though they did nothing to cover them up. "Uh...what's going on here?" "It's mating season for dogs." Spike's eyes widened as he saw each bitch stare at him with half-lidded eyes while coming closer to him. "You don't say..." "Yeah, the guys are busy fighting for dominance. Winners of fights will get to mate with us, who have been locked-up here in this room." "So the entire female diamond dog population..." "Is right here little guy!" "So don't try running." Spike then ran! "Fuck no! I ain't getting death by snu snu! Especially not from dogs!" "What's wrong with being a dog?" Said a diamond dog that was blocking his path. "Besides, you kinda smell like one." "Do not!" Spike ducked down and ran past her legs and reached the door. "That door is locked tight!" Spike then melted the steel door and ran! "We're free girls! Let's reward our fleeing hero!" Meanwhile... "Do you guys hear that?" "A male has sprung the females from their solitary confinement!" "Let's get our girls back and then kick his ass!" The male Diamond Dogs followed the scent of the bitches while Spike kept running down random tunnels. He then slammed into one. "Oh, well aren't we affectionate?" "Ah!" Then he ran into a male! "Ready to die?" Then the dog was tackled! "Whoa! Stop! I haven't proven my worth!" Fuck what you're worth!" She replied as Spike was still being pursued. He kept running from both genders and ducked down a small hole as they ran by. "Ha! We have great noses and we're great at digging! You can't escape!" Spike then began tunneling his way out! That's when... "Knuckles the Echidna?" "Spike the dragon?" "Get him dogs!" "I'll leave the rest to you!" Then Knux began holding off the male dogs. Spike kept digging and eventually popped his head out in the middle of what looked like an Asian version of Ponyville. "China?" That's when... "Wow! China! Just like in the cartoons!" Said Johnny 2x4. Spike then dug again and then... "Whoa....Bugs Bunny! Can I have your autogr..." "There he is bitches!" "Another time then! Also, Albuquerque is that way!" Spike eventually found his way back home! "I'm home!" he cheered. "Hey Spike, these nice ladies agreed to be free labor." Spike turned to see Twilight gesturing to the bitches. "Crap!" Each one grinned while Twilight seemed oblivious to their lustful stares at her assistant. "Hey little guy! The males may have given up on trying to kill you, but we haven't given up on trying to mate with you." "Yipe!" Spike bolted from them. They then managed to grab his leg! "Finally, we can mate with." Then she was sent flying from a blue beam! "Rarity!" "Hands off my dragon bitches!" she yelled hugging Spike close to her. Rarity then proceeded to shoot all of them with her magic. "Rarity? Those were my brand new employees!" Twilight complained. "I don't care. No one touches Spikey-Wikey." "Thanks Rarity! You really saved me." "Why of course, that's what friends are for!" "She friendzoned him girls! Get him!" The Diamond Bitches were more determined this time! "Oh-no, why me?"
chapter 21View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 21A new aspiring porn director has opened up a studio in Ponyville, he has handsome men ready...he just needs some sexy babes and luckily, a lot have lined up. "Whoa...I didn't think this many mares and a bunch of other non pony females wanted to do this." The director said to himself as he looked out the window. "So how will we interview them boss?" Asked Spike. "Simple. I want you to interview them and ask these following questions." he handed Spike a clipboard with some paper on it. "Right-o! Though, that's a lot of auditions..." "So? Get the guys who are working today to help you." "Ah, of course! Don't worry boss, we'll get you the best!" "That's what I like to hear." "Alright, hello there miss chest!" Spike greeted. "How rude...talk dirty to me more young man!" Said Ms. Harshwhinny. "Ooh, you'd be perfect for cougar movies!" "Thank you." "T...Twilight's parents?!" Spike gasped in shock. "Hey, we wanna do at least one movie together." Twilight Velvet said as she foreshadowed A Velvet Silver Lining. "I'll see what I can getcha." "Next." Said Thunderlane. "Hey!" "Limestone Pie?" Said Big Mac. "Yeah, Marble is with you, Pinkie is with that Cheese Sandwich, Maud has a weird love for Boulder, but I wanna find a guy for myself as well! Check out this body!" She said as she cut off her own clothes with her eyebrows. "We might be able to get you with Big Mac's cousin Braeburn." Spike wrote on the clipboard. "Sweet!" Then she left for the next one. "Whoa! Aren't you Giselle? That black Griffon from the Equestria Games?" "Yeah, and since I'm an olympic medalist, it should only be fitting that I have a well proportioned body." She said as she held her chest and ass. "Okay, okay, we'll definitely get you a main role soon." After she left, next up was Mrs. Cake. "Hmm, I definitely see you as a lonely housewife who gets it on with a younger stallion." grinned Thunderlane. "Well...truth be told, Carrot Cake does like to watch..." Everyone else was fixated on her globe sized chest. "Consider yourself in." She smiled and left before Diamond Tiara sat down. "Do your parents know what you're doing?" Asked Caramel. "No! This is my decision as an adult! Him and mom want me to marry that..." "...Topaz Crown? Yeah, that guy is a very disgusting snooty prick! Last week, he told me how dragons are an abominable thing that should be exterminated. Congrats, you're getting a gangbang movie and Topaz Crown gets the 1st copy for free! Next..." "Hi!" "No!" Spike shouted. "And why the Hell not?" Asked Barb and her twin sister Spines. "Yeah, they seem cute enough." spoke Thunderlane. "I'd like to put my face between their chests and go..bleeeebleeeeblooooo!" Said Caramel. "Eeyup!" "Yah see? The guys want us." "*sigh* Fine!" Before leaving though, they kissed his cheeks. "Why them?" "Don't worry Spike, we'll make sure you don't have an incest movie with them..." Then the phone rang. "Hello?" "You're doing an incest movie with them." Said the Director. "Dammit!" "Hello? Can the Sexy and Arousing Stripsie audition now?" Trixie asked. "Go right ahead." grinned Caramel. Then Trixie performed her pole dancing routine. "I'd like my 1st movie to be with buzzcut over there." "YEAH!!!" Shouted Bulk Biceps. "Alright, we'll put you down for it. "Next..." "I'm a master of handjobs." Said Lyra. Everyone else just rolled their eyes. "I heard that men like women with big breasts and well..." Then Moondancer lifted her sweater. "Damn. Looks like Fluttershy has a rival." grinned Thunderlane staring at the massive size. "Guess she'll have to be in Iron Will's Sequel with Fluttershy." "Done and done." Spike wrote down. The auditions took hours...most accepted, others rejected. "Last lady of the day." "Hello, I am Abacus Cinch, some say I have an unattractive chin, some joke that my chin can cut bank vaults, some say I'm an old lady, but that's just because they never saw what's under my professional clothing." She explained, while taking her clothes off. "Nice legs." Spike commented. "Whoa, that's a thin belly." said Thunderlane. "Restrictive plates?" Big Mac questioned. Everyone then took notice. As soon as she dropped the restrictive plates... "Exercise ball sized?!" "Indeed, but let's forget my Watermelon sized butt." Then as she turned, they were then filled with uncontrollable lust. "What do you say...whoa!" They all then tackled her! 5 hours later... "Great job, you've gotten the last spot....welcome to 'Clopping Corral Studios'." Spike told her then got up and then went to his boss's office to show the applicants. "Great job Spike, tomorrow, we'll be hard at work! In more ways than one!" The next day, the selected females met up at the studio. The moaning of males and females could be heard as the Director and his tech crew recorded "Alright, in this scene, you are a student who has stayed after school for 'extra credit' if you know what I mean." the director told Silver Spoon. "So, if I do this extra credit, I'll pass the class Mr.Thunderlane?" "Yep, this extra credit work in Sex Education will get you that A." Later... "Now Diamond Tiara, remember, you're here looking for men with the biggest dicks!" "So why am I in a subway?" "To ensure you get the amount of dicks needed and what better place than a crowded subway? Then they all grabbed her. Later..."Why me?" Spike complained. "Alright Spike, this is the big moment where you and Velvet have sex at last!" *Read A Velvet Silver Lining and V2 to find that chapter!* "Now Trixie, you are gonna be searching for an assistant and find Bulk Biceps perfect, but you make sure he can relief you of stress before each show." "Hey Big Boy, looking for a job?" "Why yeah actually." "Well, come with me for an 'interview'." Later... "Alright Rarity, in this scene, you consummate your wedding with Hoity Toity." "So darling, care to help me out of this?" she purred into the stallion's ear. "Why yes my dear." Said Hoity Toity before be was pulled onto the bed and under the covers! Later... "Woo! Last one of the day! So, you really want to do this? You're gonna get legit pregnant!" The director told them. "Of course, the only way to cement the friendship between the Hooffields and McColts is with a porno!" Said Hilly Hoofield . "Sure Hilly, in this scene, you are the most beautiful mare in town who falls in love with your neighbor's evil science experiment! That would be you Hammerhead McColt." "So? What do you think of the monster I created?" Discord asked. "He's...amazingly sexy!" "Say what?" Hilly tackled Hammerhead and Discord watched them rock the bed. Later, the director was at his home, sipping his coffee. "I have a feeling that I'll be doing this for a long time...........I wish I had a wife!"
chapter 22View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 22"Bye friends, I'll be back in a week!" "Bye Twilight!" They all replied. They watched as the cruise ship sailed away with the princess. "Well, it'll be quite lonely without that pony around!" Said Applejack. Then a mysterious sound was heard! "Did you guys just hear a Situar and snake charming flute?" "Yeah." "Well, I think the sound is gone now..., come on everypony." Then they heard the noise again. "Or maybe not." "Hmm...pony!" Said Rainbow Dash. Then the sound played again. "What in Ponyville is going on?" Said Applejack, activating the sound. "P...pony?" said Fluttershy, activating the noise. "Stop saying pony!" Pinkie cried out. Then the noise sounded. "Pony." Said Lyra, activating the sound. "Everypony stop!" cried Rarity. Then the noise sounded again! "Where's that comin from?!" AJ shouted. "Well, where ever it is, let's split up and gather 5 personal friends to figure out this mystery." Said Applejack. "Yeah, and the last place owes everyone a bowl of ramen!" Said Rainbow Dash. "Ooh, I am in the mood for a free bowl of shrimp ramen with lime in it...no offence Fluttershy." Said Rarity. "None taken." Said Fluttershy. "So it's agreed then?" Asked Spike. "The girls nodded. Applejack teamed up with Big Mac, Applebloom, Troubleshoes Clyde, Braeburn and Sheriff Silverstar. Rainbow Dash teamed up with Soarin, Scootaloo, Spitfire, Surprise, and Gilda. Pinkie Pie teamed up with Maud, Marble, Limestone, Cheese Sandwich, and Pokey Pierce. Rarity teamed up with Coco Pommel, Sweetie Belle, Sassy Saddles, Thunderlane, and Whoa Nelly. Fluttershy had Discord, Iron Will, Bulk Biceps, Lily Longsocks, and Blossomforth. Finally, Spike had Trixie, Moondancer, Sunset Shimmer, Starlight Glimmer, and Minuette. With all the teams set, they were off to find the noise. With AJ's group, they searched all over the barn, Rd's group searched the skies, Fluttershy's group searched Everfree, Pinkie's group searched town, Rarity's group searched the mountains and Spike's group searched the castle. So far they found nothing linking to the sound. They all met up at Town Hall. "Uh...why is Spike crying?" asked Rarity. "Well..." Spike's group said. *Half an hour ago...* "Alright, let's do this Twilight." "Excuse me?" "Oops, sorry Trixie." Then he turned. "Ready for this Twilight?" "I'm Sunset Shimmer." "Spike...do you mi..." Minuette was then cut off. "Waaaaah! I want my mommy!" *end of flashback.* "Wow, even someone as mature kid as Spike still cries for his mom?" Said Applebloom. "Aw, poor Spike." Said Sweetie Belle as she walked up to him. "Hey Spike?" "*sniffle!* Yeah?" "Here, you can borrow my Twilight Dolly." "Why does she have one?" RD whispered to Rarity. "*sigh* They were being sold at the toy store after Twilight became an alicorn." Spike sighed in relief holding the doll. "So, it wasn't Discord making the noise?" Said Sheriff Silverstar. "What's Appleloosa's Sheriff doing here? Where's Caramel?" Asked Fluttershy. "He was Yamcha'd last week." "Right...when my sewing machine turned out to be a Decepticon..." "How are we gonna find the source of the pony noise?" That's when it came again. "That's getting so annoying whenever it just arrives!" Said Pinkie "But how are we gonna find it? It's not like we can pick up on its frequency!" Said Random Stranger. "Actually...I think my textbooks show that's my next lesson in class." Said Moondancer. "Then read ahead!" spoke RD. "Okay, but it's at my house!" All of them rode the train to Canterlot as fast as they could to her home in order to retrieve the textbook! "Here! Alright, now let's go back to Ponyville!" After learning the spell, they all went back to Ponyville via jumping off the mountain and into Ponyville lake in order to find the source of the sound! "I don't know what's more stupid, the sound that plays when we say pony." *sound* "Or all of us jumping into a lake, against our better judgement." Said Soarin. "I loved it!" cheered Cheese Sandwich. "Me too!" Pinkie chimed in. "In any case, we now have the means to end the pony sound." *sound.* Said Coco Pommel. "Start reading!" "Oh-no, I memorized the spell so I left the book home. Now I need all the unicorns and Discord standing with me to strengthen this radar spell." "Count me out." yawned Discord. That's when everyone got so angry that they beat Discord until he was as ugly as the Smooze. "You gonna help now?" asked Sunset. "Fine! Fine...Uncle Grandpa, j-just let me return to my normal form. So then they all united their magic in order for the spell to have a range that goes 20 miles past the circumference of Ponyville. As they did, they honed in on the sound. "Say it!" "Pony!" "There! That way!" All of them ran to the source. "Okay...so behind this cabin door..." Said Big Mac. "Is the big jerk!" Said Spitfire. "And we're gonna hurt him/her, like how we did to Discord." Said Scootaloo. All of them put their weight together and pushed against the door. "All together!" Said Thunderlane And so they all hit the door at the same time, forcing the hinges to come clean off! They pushed it off and walked inside. "Okay jerk! You annoyed the Tartarus out of all of us today, but your pranking ends here!" That's when they saw Cadence and Shining Armor. "You 2?!" "Sorry, he dared me too!" "Did not!" Shining Armor said while playfully nudging his wife. "You're the ones who keep playing that sound when someone says pony?" Then they play the sound. "Ha-ha! Yes." "Why?" "Come-on, married couples aren't just for life lovers, they can be playmates as well." replied Cadence. "Well would ya stop it?" "Fine...guess we'll have to play another game somewhere else." Said Shining Armor. "Wanna go to Applewood and throw custard at everyone?" Asked Cadence. "Sure." "Well, that's one case closed thanks to us!" Spike concluded. "Who's up for a wild party at the castle with everyone in Ponyville?" Asked Pinkie. "We are!" And so they partied the night away.
chapter 23View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 23"Okay yugiohfan and Jax naut, where am I?" This came from a certain mercenary as he looked around a dark forest. He walked around and.... "And then I found a Smokin Hot Babe with Massive Tits!!" "NO! A massive pack of Timberwolves came!" shouted yugiohfan. "You sure it's not a Bunch of Sexy Anthro Timberwolves?" "NO! Although that is a Good idea. YF Add that to Spike's Gals." Jax-Naut says. As yugiohfan put that down, The Timberwolves surrounded the merc with drooling maws, thinking they found easy prey. "Oooooh, these types of Timberwolves.....WAIT! ARE YOU ASSHATS TELLING ME I'M IN A MY LITTLE PONY STORY!!!" "Yup, now get to killing." spoke yugiohfan. "Fine." Deadpool drew his twin katanas with a grin under his mask. "Alright pooches, time for your neutering." Three Timberwolves charged at him. "Aww, I always wanted a Puppy!" He brought one blade down and cut one of the beasts' front legs while slicing the second one in half down the middle. "Oops. Did I Do that?" The third roared and leapt at him just as he crouched down and jumped up while slamming his fist into the creature's head. "TAG YOU'RE IT!!" It went flying as he saw another lunge at him. "Here! Go fetch boy!" he pulled the pin off a grenade and chucked it at the wolf. Due to its instincts the Wolf caught it and blew up. "Alright, who's next?" he asked the rest while posing like he was in a western movie. The Wolves growled. "How 'bout you pilgrim?" he sounded like a lame John Wayne impression pointing at one of the Timberwolves. It jumped at Him. Deadpool ducked under the beast and slammed both fists against its stomach. "HADOKEN!!!" It went soaring while Deadpool looked at the last one with his fists on his hips. "Time for my finishing move." He Pulled out a Large Bazooka out of His pocket. "SAY ELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!!" He pulled the trigger and a Bang flag appeared. The Timberwolf tilted its head before Deadpool chucked the weapon to the side. He reached into his Pocket and pulled out a Toothbrush. Now the creature was really confused. "Time To Die!" Deadpool ran at the creature. The wolf charged at Him. He brushes the Wolf's Teeth and It explodes. "All in a day's work." he grinned putting the toothbrush away. "Exploding Toothpaste, never leave Home without it!" He took a moment to stretch out his limbs before walking down a path in the forest. Until he made his way to Ponyville "You asshats are Lucky that I Find pinkie Pie to be Awesome!!" He walked through the town with a sway in his step as the ponies looked at him in confusion. "Okay, this is weirder than the Time Screwattack had me Fight Deathstroke in a Death Battle. No wait, that was awesome, what's weirder than This?" "Um, who are you?" asked Twilight who noticed the odd being walk by her. "Who, Me? Well I'm the Handsome, the Awesome, the Badass, the Alpha male, the alpha and the Omega, the omelet, the Orange juice, the Drop Dead Sexy, The always everyone's favorite Anti-Hero and on some occasions Superhero, the always Fun lovin, the world's only Ninja Spiderman, the Ultimate Underdog the........" "DAMMIT WADE! JUST TELL HER WHO YOU ARE!!!" Jax-Naut screamed. "Fine! The name's Deadpool." ".........OoooooKay." "And you princess bookworm who became an alicorn, which pissed off alot of fans for some odd reason, right?" he asked back. "What?" "Twilight Sparkle?" he clarified with a bored tone. "Yes that's me...wait, how do you know my Name?" "Because you're a lot of Bronies waifu." he replied looking up the info on his phone. "Bronies? Waifu?" "Ah, cute and naive Twilight." he spoke patting her head. "You have much to learn." "........." "I'm hungry, got any grub around here?" "Uh, yeah. Go down this road and you should reach one of the restaurants." "Thanks Twily." He walked down the road while Twilight rubbed her head. "This is gonna be a headache." Deadpool spotted the restaurant and sat down at one of the tables. A waitress came up to him. "Uhhhh sir, may I take your order?" "Sweetheart, I'll take a bloody mary and you on the side." he spoke with a brooklyn accent. "Uhhhhhhhhh What?" "Shaweetheart I'll take a mango ice Tea, Shaken not Schtirred....Schtirred, that how he said it? Shtirred. Why're you shtill Here?" The mare looked completely baffled, but wrote down what she understood and walked away. I am So BORED!!!!!' He tapped on the table and spotted the mare coming back with his order. "Here you are sir, enjoy." "Thank you." he pulled his mask up a little and took a sip. "Ahh Refreshing." Then he threw the glass on the ground, shattering it. "Refill please." The waitress brought out another glass. "Glad to see someplace knows how to ask for a refill." he grinned accepting the glass before looking at the audience. "This action has been brought to you by Thor the movie, GO WATCH IT!" The others looked at him in confusion. Deadpool downed his drink before standing up. "Thanks for the drinks, but I gots to Go!" He sprinted off before the owner could stop him to pay for the drinks. 'I love a Good dine and Dash!' As he ran, he spotted a certain dragon peeking in a boutique. 'Oooh, looks like Spike is Peeking at Rarity's Rare Jewels!' Deadpool quietly walked over and leaned over Spike. "Whatcha doing?" he whispered in the dragon's ear. "Ahhh! Who're you?" "Name's Deadpool kid, professional doctor in romance!" he declared. "Really!" "Yup. Even if I tried to get Wolverine to bang a moose. I still think it would have worked." he muttered the last part. "What?" "Nothing. Now let the expert tell you what you gotta do." he crouched down near Spike. "Whisper whisper whisper whisper whisper whisper." "Why Are you whispering?" "BECAUSE THIS VOLUME’S VERY ANNOYING!!!" Spike put his claws over where his mouth was and made sure Rarity didn't hear them. Luckily she didn't. "Now, first you gotta know her body. Stare at that flank." he ordered. "What?" "DO NOT QUESTION ME!" "Okay, now what?" he asked looking directly at Rarity’s flank. "Absorb how soft and firm it looks like." "Okay, doing that Now." "Alright, now I want you to go in there, smack it, and say this: Hey babe, why don't you and me see how strong your bed is?" "Alright, I'll do it!" Spike stood up and walked to the door with confidence while Deadpool watched from the bushes. Spike did what deadpool said, but.... *SLAP* "HOW DARE YOU!" Spike rubbed his cheek as Rarity walked away and up to her room. "That didn't work." "Well if it helps, I gave the same advice to Peter and he got slapped just the same." replied Deadpool patting his back. "...........Okay?" "Not to sorry, in this universe, you've got tons of mares to go with! Unless you're gay, in which case you're choices are gonna be much lower." "Oh Ha Ha, very funny." "But which one? Hmm." Deadpool tapped his chin looking around. "How about her?" "Derpy?" "Yeah. With eyes like that, you know one is looking at your junk." Spike rolled his eyes. "Well other than Rarity, who else did you go nuts for?" he asked. "Hmmmmmmmmm." "Come on man! Yugioh fan wrote a whole series of you getting girls! Not one of those catch your eye?" "What?" "Just tell me a name, and I can get you and her rocking the bed by sunset." "Well there is Lyra and Bonbon." "Ooh two. Alright, let's go!" Deadpool picked Spike up and ran into town. He took him to the house of Lyra and Bonbon. He repeatedly knocked on the door. Lyra opened the door. "Oh hey Spike, what brings you here?" "Uh, well this guy didn't give me much choice." he spoke pointing to Deadpool. "S'up." "Well, you wanna come inside?" she asked. "Sure." Spike and Deadpool walked inside. "Would you like something to Eat?" "Nah, we're good." Bonbon shows up. "Oh, hey Spike. Who's your friend?" "This is Deadpool." "Yo." "It's nice to meet you." "Yeah, but I gotta talk with Spike, can we get a room to ourselves?" "Sure." Deadpool dragged Spike into an empty room and shut the door. "Okay, what're doing in here?" "This time I know just what's gonna work?" he grinned under his mask. "And what's that?" "First get them in one room with yourself, I'll do the rest." "Alright." Spike walked out and saw that Lyra and Bonbon were in the same room as him. “...............I said in the SAME Room as him!" shouted Jax-naut. "Uh? Oh right." Deadpool threw the magazine he was looking at and pulled out a grenade with a picture of a horny mare on it. He chucked it into the room. The grenade landed in between Spike and the mares. They looked at it just as pink gas started seeping out of it. "Hey, This may sound weird, but does anyone else feel Horny?" Spike Said. "Yeah." Lyra spoke feeling her body getting warmer. "Same here." Bonbon said. Deadpool grinned and slammed the door shut and started hearing the sounds of Spike and the mares kissing. "And So the Truth Floweth Forth." He walked out of the house with satisfaction. "Another job done." he said, but then he saw Derpy looking Sad. "Why the long face?" "I have No Pony to Love me all because of my Eyes." "What? That's crazy. Every brony loves ya." "I don't know what that Means ,but no pony in Ponyville would want a Marefriend like me!" "That's not true. What about that stallion named Dr. Whooves? Aren't you two an item?" "No, he's My Brother in Law." "Ooooh, this is awkward for fans." Derpy started Crying again. "I guess I'm just destined to be Alone." Deadpool frowned and crouched down near her height before pulling her into a hug. "Hey now don't Cry. Tell you what I'll help you." "Really?" "Yup." "Great!" Deadpool picked her up with her pointing where her house was. "Nice place." She nodded before dragging him to her bedroom as the door shut. "Nice bed, soft and plush." "Thanks." she smiled nuzzling against his neck. Derpy Pulled the curtains up. "I never did it with a horse, but there's a first time for everything." Deadpool muttered to the audience. Over the next 4 Hours, Deadpool was making Derpy happy. Her house shook a little while passing ponies tried to keep walking. After 5 Hours of Rough Sex, they stopped. We now find them under the sheets with Derpy frazzled and snuggling on Deadpool's chest. "Now That was a New experience!" Deadpool said. "Was I good?" "Amazing!" She smiled and kissed his cheek. Deadpool got dressed. "Catch you later babe." "Bye Wade!" Deadpool walked out of her house with a swag in his step. "This has to be the Best Story I've ever been in!" But he stopped when he saw a certain pink pony. "Ooooooh it just got better!" Pinkie stiffened up and slowly turned her head. "She saw Deadpool." "I know I can see him! He's right there!" she yelled to the sky pointing a hoof at the merc. She Ran towards him. "And I Ran towards Her." Both eventually met in the middle. "PINKIE!" "DEADPOOL!" They hugged each other. "IT'S PARTY TIME!" They Screamed. Both ran into Sugarcube Corner and up to Pinkie's room. For the Next 25 Hours they rutted like no tomorrow. By the time we go inside the room, it was covered with whip cream, chocolate, banana, cupcakes, and a llama. "That was The Best Thing to ever happen to me!" Pinkie Said. "Woo, that was intense!" Wade got out as they took the chance to catch their breath. "Wanna Go again?" "Alright, but let's try this." he reached over the bed and picked up a watermelon. "Ooh Ooh and This!" She picked up a Lampshade. "Now we're talking." Over the next 34 Hours they Rutted some more and this Time they did some weird and Freaky Shit that we shouldn't Mention on the Internet. By the time it was over, the Cakes had to line the outer hallway with air fresheners to get rid of the smell from their rutting. "That was even better a Second time!" Pinkie said. "You said it." replied the merc while smoking a cuban cigar. "Again?" "NO!" The cakes screamed. "If I knew banging a horse was this good, I'd do more beastiality." "Same here only for Humans." "Well this has been epic, but I gotta go drive the others nuts. Enjoy the taco." he said putting his suit back on. "Okay thanks!" Pinkie took a bite out of the taco as Deadpool jumped out the window. "Now who's Next? Hmmm Maybe I'll go bother...." He turns to the Readers. "HA! I'M NOT TELLING YOU! YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT FOR PART 2!! SO TILL NEXT TIME T-T-T-T-T-T-THAT'S ALL FOLKS!" He closes the Screen down before he lifts it back up "It's gonna be Rainbow Dash!"
chapter 24View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 24"Rarity, you're a very good friend of mine." "Thank you Applejack." "Rara, you're a very good friend of mine as well." "Thanks AJ." "Now, could you both not try to kill each other?" "Sorry darling, but the nickname Rara deserves an appropriate owner!" "I'll give up the nickname after you pry it from my cold dead hooves!" "Exactly what I was thinking!" Rarity tackled Coloratura as the wrestled on the ground They then got up, and Rarity slapped her! Coloratura gasped as she returned fire! Then Rarity, then Coloratura, and then I got a bowl of cheese popcorn. AJ sighed as both mares kept slapping the other so much it was making some of the dust kick up from the ground. "Rara? More like Wah wah!" Rarity burned. "Beautiful? Please, Waluigi is hotter than you!" Coloratura burned. "Wah? Oh-come on!" said Waluigi, but that's when Coloratura grabbed him! "Waluigi Launcher....." "No, no, no, no, no...." "FIRE!!!" Rarity ducked as Waluigi went crashing into a tree. "Your Waluigi Launcher has nothing on my Luigi Missile!" Then Rarity Launched him! "Mama Miaaaaaaaa..." Coloratura dodged! And soon, Rarity and Coloratura started grabbing as many sidekicks as they could and started throwing them at each other! "Stop, I already quit Batman, take the new kid!" "Sonic! Help me!" AJ at this point had a worker's helmet on while watching the fight. "Spikey-Wikey, stop struggling." "Rarity, under normal circumstances, I'd help you, but not like this!" "Goku, where are you?!" Cried Krillin. Both had also gone to using slingshots and flung the sidekicks. "Batman! I need more ammo! She's about to fire Superboy and Supergirl!" "You're hired!" Batman said to a kid. "I need more time to fire these 2....aha!" That's when Rarity fired Maya Fey, Pearl Fey, Kay Faraday, Trucy Wright and Athena Cykes! "Jean Francois (I'm scared!)" Said Jean Francois from Bunny Maloney. The last two fired made a large dust cloud that covered both mares. After the mushroom cloud caused by Superboy and Supergirl, we see the 2 mares standing a top a mountain of sidekicks with flicking their hooves at each other. "I just wanted permission for a sleepover." Said Applebloom. "I hate mondays." Complained Barnacle Boy. "I just...wanted....to meet talking ponies." Said Chloe Carmichael from FOP season 10. "I only wanted...a sandwich!" Said Jake the Dog. "Alright! That's enough!" AJ shouted while walking to the piles. "But Applejack..." "NO! For now on, I will never use the nickname: Rara ever again!" "Aw man, I wanted to end the fight with you 2 being so exhausted that you could only tap each other on the shoulder!" Complained Trahzo. "But that's not fair!" pouted Rarity. "No, I don't wanna hear any of it! Now help me find my boyfriend Spike!" "Hold-on, who said Spike was your boyfriend?" Said Coloratura. "Of course he is." "No, he's mine!" Said Rarity. And here we go again.
chapter 25View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 25In the Carousal Boutique is where we find an odd kind of conference being held between Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. “Ah'm tellin ya that Applebloom is the better choice.” replied Applejack. “And I say you're wrong! Scootaloo has the mad skills to grab Spike's attention.” Both of them pushed their heads against each other while Rarity pushed them back from each other. “Look you two, it's obvious Spike is a gentle drake, thereby meaning Sweetie belle is more deserving.” replied Rarity with a proud smile. “Hah! Scootaloo is way more cooler! Meaning she deserves him more.” smiled Rainbow crossing her forelegs over each other. “Applebloom is much more cuter!” shot back Applejack. “Oh, now it's on. Scootaloo could easily get Spike to fall for her with ease.” retorted Rainbow. “I find that unlikely. With my teachings, Sweetie belle could get Spikey-Wikey's eye with ease.” replied Rarity. “Oh yeah?” frowned Rainbow. “Yes! In fact, I will help my sister claim him!” Rarity proudly called as all three mares glared at each other before running off to help the fillies. "So? Feel like a bet?" Asked RD. "You're on!" agreed AJ and Rarity. Then all 3 exited Carousel Boutique to get their sisters. Applejack yanked Applebloom as she was playing with her Chima Legos. Rainbow Dash got Scootaloo from her house while she was playing with her Ninjago Legos. Rarity retrieved Sweetie Belle from her parent's house while she was playing with her Nexo Knight Legos. "Alright Applebloom, it's time I show you the ropes on how to land yourself a man. Or in this case, dragon." "Alright squirt, I'm gonna show you how to activate your swag to get a boyfriend." "Shouldn't my parents be teaching me how to find a boyfriend?" "Uh..." "Alright Sweetie Belle, until you know how to properly get Spike to like you, no one leaves this home." "But what about this ball and chain?" she asked waving her back leg with the chain on it. "FOCUS! Now let's begin." And so a whole training montage happens. Applejack training AB, Rarity training with Sweetie Belle while seeing how things have been going on with her parents, Rainbow Dash being threatened to get kicked out by Scootaloo's parents. "Come on Applebloom! Pull that haybale!" "I thought we were training to do something cute, not give me muscles." "Uh...." AJ coughed into her hoof. "Guys like muscles, therefore Spike will like you." "Can't argue with that logic I guess." "Alright Scootaloo, I want you to repeat what I said, got it?" spoke Rainbow walking back and forth in front of the pegasus. "Got it!" "Walking up to Spike?" "Get into his personal space!" "Interaction?" "Draw a circle on his chest with my hoof." "You're teaching her how to be a whore." Said Scootaloo's dad. "No, I'm teaching her to be confident and upfront. Spike will love that." "Time to move onto moving your hips the right way now." "Okay, I'm going to kill her!" Said her dad "Me too!" her mom agreed. Then at Sweetie Belle's home... "Remember, don't let a single book drop." Rarity spoke as Sweetie Belle was trying to balance a tall tower of books. "Are you training me to be a princess?" "Of course! Any elegant princess or lady, can capture any man's heart with practice. By the end of this he'll be begging to be with you." "Have you been watching The Princess Diaries? You know that movie and the sequel sucks on toes right?" "Then why isn't it on MST3K?" "It's on Nostalgia Critic." "Drat!" We now cut back to AJ. "Come on! If you can't learn to wrestle Big Mac to the ground, how do you expect to do the same to Spike!" AJ called out to her sister. Meanwhile at Scootaloo's house. "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Meanwhile... "Sweetie Belle, just keep on looking cute, he will love you!" "Meow!" went Sweetie Belle. Pretty soon each of them were done and ready to showcase the fillies. Spike was playing with his Lego Ninjago, Chima, and Nexo Knights. "Hey Spike." Said Twilight. "The CMC is here." "What are they here for?" "I don't know, Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash said not to ask." He shrugged his shoulders before walking down to the throne room. "Howdy." Greeted AJ and AB. Then Scootaloo got up in Spike's face. "What's up?" She said. "Hi Spike." Said Sweetie Belle with a big smile and shiny eyes. "You girls wanted to talk to me?" "Yes..." Scootaloo replied with her breathe down Spike's neck. He stepped away from her as AB walked over. "So Spike, what do you think of my work out?" She asked while flexing. "Uh, good job?" he replied seeing the filly was more buff than he last remembered. "Uh..." Then Sweetie Belle skipped around Spike. "Hey Spike. Tee-hee-hee." "Hey Sweetie Belle " "Isn't it a wonderful day?" she smiled while looking him in the eyes. "Yeah, I've haven't had anything bad happen to me all day." Then she began snuggling up to him. "Will you kiss my cheek?" "Uh, sure?" "Yay!" "No wait, I just remembered..." "Remembered what?" "I shouldn't be cheating on my betrothed." "Betrothed?" they all spoke in confusion. "Hello?" "Ah, there she is." Spike said walking to the door. The girls turned and saw the door open with Diamond Tiara there. "Hey there my scaley king!" "Hey my delish diamond." They then kissed each other. "I brought my amiibos with me in my saddlebags." "Awesome!" Then they ran up to Spike's room. "You mean all that work was for nothing?" AJ asked. "Curse you Filthy Rich and Spoiled Rich!" said Rainbow Dash. "Now what do we do?" asked Rarity. "Wanna try and hit on Button Mash next?" "Sounds good to me."
chapter 26View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 26Spike was strutting down Canterlot in big sunglasses. "Hey Sassy Saddles, I know a saddle you can wear in bed!" Sassy Saddles rolled her eyes and walked past him. "Upper Crust? More like a tasty pie!" "I never!" He was strutting around using lots of pick-up lines that failed. This was a day where he just wanted to goof off and do something out of nowhere for himself. "Ooh, now don't you have just a nice big round flank Princess Luna. Makes me wanna squeeze it forever!" Said princess looked at him with wide eyes as he kept walking past her. "Halt Spike!" She shouted. The dragon stopped and turned towards her. "Uh...yes?" "Do you really like my moon?" "Y...No-yes? Yes-no?" "Well...if you ask me...I'm actually very flattered..." "Zuh?" "In fact, that is the first time someone has been so forward with their compliments." "But...I was just fooling around!" "Eh, love ain't perfect." Spike's jaw then dropped. "Now, let's go to bed so we can have a fun date tonight!" She said as they flew to the castle. Meanwhile... "A-a-a-alright a-a-a-anim-m-mals, l-l-l-let's t-t-t-take o-o-o-v-v-ver C-c-cant-t-t-erl-l-l-ot!" Said a lion on crack. "Yeah!" So Monkeys, Giraffes, Crocs, Rhinos, Elephants, Hyenas, Zebras... "Excuse me?" Said Zecora. Alright no zebras, hippos instead. Animals of all kind ran wild as they escaped the zoo! "Why did I have to give Boh the Lion an intelligence drink and crack?" Said a teenage colt. "Yeeeaah...who knew this would happen?" Said his sarcastic friend as the both of them are being sent to jail. We now cut back to Luna and Spike. "Alright, it's nap time." Said a giddy Luna. "Well, I have been a little tired for a while." "Who said we were going to sleep?" "You did, we were gonna sleep until it's night time for a date later." "Oh fine." Then she cuddled Spike like a Teddy Bear. Spike blushed and tried relaxing. And as these 2 slept, animals continued to attack Canterlot! "Run!" cried Blueblood before a croc swallowed him. That's when a gorilla used an anaconda to catch Fancy Pants and throw him into a cage. All over the citizens were being locked up. "My leg!" "That's what you get for eating the legs, wings and breasts of my chicken brethren." Said a rooster. All of this left unnoticed in Luna's bedroom. "Who w-w-w-wants a t-t-t-treat?" Offered Boh. "I want a treat! Lay that cake on me!" Said Princess Celestia. Boh gave her the cake, and then Celestia hopped wanting more. But a penguin took the last slice. "Tutuuutttuuuuttttuutu....Tutu! That's for my rorororororororo...royal pepepepepepepepepepe...pet!" "Oops, sorry king Boh" Meanwhile in the dream world... Spike tried to pull his head away from Luna's kissy face, but this was Luna's dream so she was stronger. His face got covered in blue lipstick marks as she kept hold of him. 'Wow, who knew I got swag even though I clown around?' Spike thought. Luna kept kissing him and his body looked like it was painted blue at this point. That's when the alarm clock went off, awakening the both of them. Spike then struggled to get free of her grip, but then Luna held him with her magic. "We both need to freshen-up, so as I send someone to pick-up a tux and dress, we'll be taking a shower together where I'll let you rub soap on the flank you like so much." Spike gulped while sweating. Luna walked into the bathroom with Spike hovering right behind her. After the shower... "Whew, that was invigorating!" Said Luna. Spike walked out, looking at his hands. 'I can't believe she actually let me do that...' "Hey Spike, you wouldn't mind putting lipstick on my lips for me would you?" "Uh, no." he replied walking over and grabbing the lipstick. Spike then applied the lipstick all around her puckered lips. After he did, Luna pulled him in. "Whoa! Don't! We got all night okay?" "Meh, why not? We're still gonna get laid before the night is done." Then she started littering his face with the same shade of lipstick marks as in the dream. Then a knocking to the door came. "Ooh, our dress and tux are ready." She then opened the door to see a monkey riding a hyena. "Ook! Ook!" "Thank you child." She said as she took the clothes. "Eek eek Aah aah!" "Oh, right a tip." Then she hands the monkey a banana. "Good night." Spike scratched his head before he was handed the tux. "I can't wait for you to rip this dress off of me." "Aren't you going a little fast with this?" "Spike, I want to fuck, we can be a romantic couple, just don't make me go through the steps to sex, please?" She said with puppy eyes and a quivering frown. Spike tried closing his eyes with his arms crossed. "Please, I've been on the moon for 1000 years and I still haven't gotten action!" "Doooooh......fine! I can't refuse a face that sad! We can fuck after we get back." "Yay!" Then they left the room, not even noticing the ostriches, bats, leopards, chameleons, iguanas, and Discord in the hallway. They walked through Canterlot while numerous animals were walking around like they lived there their whole lives. "Is something different?" Spike asked. Then they saw Donkey Kong showing how he's the world's strongest gorilla. "Nope." "Nope." Then they made it to the restaurant. There a polar bear was in a waiter's outfit. "Hey, you look familiar." Spike noticed. "You wouldn't happen to know Harry the bear do you?" "Roar, growl, growl." "The same middle school huh? Nice, I'll tell you he said hi." "Roar, roar, growl." "I'll have this." Said Princess Luna. The bear wrote down her order. "I'll have some of this." Spike said. Then the Polar Bear left to give their orders to the chefs. "I still feel like something's different." Then they saw an angry bull flip the table. "Nah..." "Yeah, nah..." As they waited, Luna moved her tail under Spike's chin and tickled it. "Haha...whoa there Princess Luna, the appetizer isn't here yet." "I disagree." Spike then fought back and began tickling her! "Hey! No fair!" They continued their tickle fight until the food came. Both dug in with gusto. And then after their meal, they decided to go to the zoo. "Wow, I haven't been to the zoo since..." Then Spike paused after seeing ponies in captivity. "Since when?" "Since when I was still trying to make complete sentences...but Princess Luna...take a good look." "The tapir exhibit? What could be the prob..." Then she saw the ponies. "What in the?" Then Luna looked around seeing animals roaming the streets like they were the citizens. "Spike?" "Yes Luna?" "Step back...I'm gonna do some animal control." She said in a state of tranquil rage. Spike gulped and took cover. As explosions could be heard across the city, Spike used this opportunity to board a train back to Ponyville as she knocks the stuffing and crack out of Boh the Lion. "Now, where was I?" she tapped her chin. Spike made it home, he took off his tux and got into his bed. "What a night." But...when he turned around to the other side of his bed. "What the?" "Didn't I say we're both getting laid after?" Luna said with angry eyes. "Now come here dragon!" "Yipe!" And so the night had Spike scream in both fear and pleasure.
chapter 27View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 27Hey, I'm Trahzo, you may know me for the Pimp Spike's Swag series. I just wanna say how excited I am because we're doing a parody of one of my fave animes! Play the theme song! Let's go! When, the night is young, You faced the darkest hour... The face in the mask, it can taaaake you...break you! Follow the light and it will guide us through the night! Follow the light! Believe in me as I believe in you! I believe in you! You know who's got the power.... It was a bright full moon as a little boy........was riding on an eagle? "Hmm....ah ha! I see it! It's New Ponyville!" The eagle cawed as it descended down to the town. "Huh?" The boy then saw a sapphire necklace. "Ooh, that looks yummy!" The next morning... Twilight sighed as she walked down the street from school. "*groan!* What stupid ass people! Why should I listen to things I already know?" Twilight then entered her house. "I'm home!" "Hey Twilight." Said Twilight Velvet. "Dad will be at work for a little while longer and said to start dinner without us." She toned her mom out and went to her room. Twilight then sat at her desk. "Hi." "Hello little naked boy sitting on my bed." As soon as Twilight opened her textbook. "Little naked boy siiting on my bed?!" "That's me!" smiled Spike as Twilight reeled back. "Wh-wh-wh..." "Welp, snack time!" Then he pulled out an emerald bracelet and ate it. "Yum...you taste the 20 karots." And then Twilight inhaled, and then... "Áaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" "Twilight are you..." As soon as Velvet entered the room. "Hey! What do you think you're doing to Spike?" "Mom?! Why is there a naked boy on my bed?!" "Because he got his dress and boxers all wet and they're currently drying in the dryer." "That's not the point! Who is this?" "Spike." smiled the boy finishing the bracelet. "Could you not eat that? You're gonna upset your stomach!" Twilight shouted. "But it's good!" he whined before swallowing the last piece. "Mom! Stop him!" "But he's so cute." "Also, I got a book for you!" He said "Did you just say book?" Peaking her interest. Spike nodded and held out a green book to her. Twi then swiped the book and flipped through the pages. "What? I can't read any of this, what kind of language is..." Then she saw text in a different color. "Why can I read this and not this?" "Try reading it." "Alright." she spoke. "Zaker." Spike's eyes then went blank and white as a powerful blast of lightning destroyed the window wall of Twilight's room! Twilight Sparkle and Twilight Velvet's mouths were agape. Spike then went back to normal. "Whoa! What happened to your room?" Twilight stared at him and the book and realized. "Wait...is this a...." Then she smiled, began shaking, having swirly eyes..."A magic book?" "Oh-boy, you better step back kid." "Why Mrs.Velvet?" "Because Twilight loves magic, and now seeing that it's real..." "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Twilight started jumping around the room in a frenxy of joy. Velvet then took Spike, ran out of the room and then closed the door! "Wow, I didn't know she liked magic so much." "Yep, your clothes should be dry now. So while you're getting dressed, I'll get dinner ready." "Oh boy, dinner!" Later at the table. "So Spike, where'd you come from?" "Canterlot Castle." That made Twilight spit her water out in shock. "What?" "Yeah, your teacher Princess Celestia even gave me this letter for you to read." He said pulling it out. Twilight took the letter and unfolded it. "Dear Twilight, my star pupil, I found this child with the book as he was eating the crown jewels. I liked this kid so much that I sent him to you in the hopes of making friends at that new school of yours and maybe you can also figure out the secret of the book. Sincerely Princess Celestia." Twilight then stared at Spike. "Hmph! I doubt a wierd kid like you can help me be social." "Just you wait, come tomorrow, you're gonna make lots of friends with my guidance." Spike said with confidence. Later after dinner, Night Light came home to see the giant hole in the house. "What the?" He then ran in the house and then saw Spike sleeping on the couch. "Honey? Why is there a whole in the front of the house? Why is a boy in a dress sleeping on our couch? Also, why is there a boy in a dress?" "That's a very long story dear..." The next day... Twilight sighed as Spike walked beside her. "Why are you following me to school? Shouldn't you be in Elementary School?" "Nope, I was home schooled by Celestia before I came here." "...Anyways, just go away." "Hey!" Said the Hall Monitor. "Oh-my-God!" "Why do you have a kid with you?" "Hello, I'm Spike." "Hey Spike, I'm Applejack the hall monitor. Anyways, why do you have a kid with you?" "He's...my gimmick?" "I thought your gimmick was being the honor student who was too good for anyone?" "That's why I"m here. To help Twilight make friends." "Ha ha ha! There is no way you can help such a hopeless case like Twilight make friends." Laughed a Pink haired human. "Also hi I'm Pinkie Pie." "Hi Pinkie, I'm Spike and I'm gonna prove you all wrong." "How so?" Then Spike climbed on Twilight's back. "Hey, what are you..." "Students of New Ponyville High, I am Spike! Twilight Sparkle's 1st friend!" That caught all of their attention. Twilight never felt more embarrassed in her entire life. "Did you hear that? She has a friend." whispered Soarin. "She's finally opening up...good for her." whispered Sunset Shimmer. They murmured to themselves while Spike felt happy with that proclamation. "Ooh! Can I be your friend?" Asked an optimistic Pinkie. "Sure you can." replied Spike. "Stop it you stupid kid, we're gonna be late for class!" Twilight ran off to class with Spike running to catch up. Later... "Hey Spike, I heard that you're Twilight's 1st friend." Said a handsome boy that made Twilight look away blushing. "Who are you?" "I'm Flash Sentry, Twilight's boyfriend." "Wooooooow, Twilight you have a handsome boyfriend." Twilight didn't answer as she did not look at Flash. "Yeah, she can be a little shy around me, but we love each other a lot." He said with Twilight nodding. After class... "So Twi, feel like like a date Fri..." Flash was then cutoff! "Hey!" Said a threatening voice. They then turned around... "You...gotta...be....shitting...my....ass!" Then a blue colored girl with a yellow and white girl behind her walked up to them. "I don't care if you're finally opening up, I'm gonna kick your ass to show how much of a bitch you are. Tomorrow, after school, on the roof! Don't show, me and my girls Fluttershy and Rarity will beat-up everyone in 10 seconds flat!" Twilight was scared. "Hi, I'm Spike. What is your name upcoming opponent?" "Rainbow Dash pipsqueak!" "Okay..." Then Spike climbed on Twilight. "Hey everyone! Tomorrow after school! The heroine Twilight Sparkle shall bravely battle the evil Rainbow Dash!" 'That little boy is so adorable, makes me wanna take my little sister Sweetie Belle with me to school.' "That's it! I'm gonna make sure to really break your jaw tomorrow?" she growled to Twilight. And like that, she walked off. "Rarity! Fluttershy!" "C...c...coming." Then as they left... "That yellow girl was pretty." "Look at what you did!" "Yeah, you like how you look like a hero to the pe...ack!" Spike was being strangled and smacked! "You idiot! That was Rainbow Dash, the toughest in school, the most violent in school, the most physically fit on school, the most angriest in school, why did you go and do that?" "I wanted to help you find friends!" "How does..." "You are the bravest of us all Twilight!" Said Pinkie as she hugged Twilight. "Yeah, with your kind of confidence. Rainbow Dash will be a thing of the past." Said Trixie. "Three cheers for the only one of us to stand up to Rainbow Dash everyone!" Said Flash Sentry. 'Great...I'm gonna d...' Then she thought again. 'Maybe Spike and that spell book could be useful...' Meanwhile after school... "I'm gonna beat her so bad, and then I'll have the whole school working for me, and it'll all be thanks to you Pyzon!" Rainbow Dash said to a kid with tan skin, red sleeveless shirt, yellow and orange spiky hair and white shorts. He nodded. Later that night... "Okay Twilight...you'll be okay, as long as you can read the spell before she can punch you, you will win the fight." Then the book glowed and then... "A new spell...Ra-shield...must be a shield...good to know..." "Maybe you should try and fight without using the spell." Spike suggested. She cringed at that. "What's the worst that could happen?" "Hmm...guess you're right, let's show her out Kamehameha!" "Were you in my brother's room looking at his shelf of anime DVD's?" "Yeah, where is your brother?" "He's busy as a dad." "Ooh...can we see him after we win the fight?" "Maybe." "Yay!" The next day... Twilight nervously walked to school with Spike beside her. Pyzon leaned on a tree as he saw them walk into the building. 'It's time.' They then met at the roof. "Hello bitch!". "Language, I have a kid with me!" "So? I have a kid with me too!" Said Rainbow Dash as Pyzon walked in front of her. Then she pulled out an orange book. 'You gotta be crapping my pussy!' "Hey, she has a book just like us Twilight." "You 2 have a book like this one?" "No! Yes! I don't know!" Twilight spoke up with nervousness. "I can tell you 2 are newbs. So that's why I'll make this the most painful as I can make it! Burzarro!" Then Pyzon fired a huge fireball at them! Twilight grabbed Spike and dodged! *Boom!* "You may have dodged that, but you won't next time!" Twilight then pulled out her book. "Now Spike, Zaker!" His mouth opened as the stream of lighting shot at RD and Pyzon. Then like a mirror, Pyzon and Rainbow Dash matched each other in movements as they dodged. "Scaterfa!" Then Pyzon scatter shot mini fireballs. "Ra-shield!" Spike's eyes and mouth stayed the same as a large shield sprung up in front of them. The fireballs hit the shield but then bounced back coated in electricity! "Crap!" Then there was an explosion sending them flying! The shield went down and showed that there was fire all around them. Pyzon then saw that his book was burned. "Aaaah! My book!" Pyzon tried putting it out, but this fire was an unnatural one as the fire didn't go out at all. "Whoa...check it out Twilight." Pyzon then faded away as the book turned to ash. Fluttershy & Rarity who were spectating were just in awe of the aftermath. "Noooo!" RD cried out. Then she looked at Twilight and Spike. "I'll remember this!" Then she ran away. "So humiliating!" "Whoa." spoke Twilight. "Yeah Twilight! Way to make the bad guys run away!" Spike cheered. "I...did it...I beat Rainbow Dash. Oh my goodness...my heart's beating very fast..." Later that day... "Twilight, how did you and Spike get so dirty?" "There was a mishap during science class?" She lied. "In any case, go take Spike and wash-up." Twilight listened and dragged Spike to the bathroom. Twilight was lathering Spike's green hair. "That feels very good Twilight...ooh, look at the bubbles floating around." Twilight smiled at Spike's innocence. 'So, there are more like Spike out there huh? I wonder when we'll see another...' That's when she found the little horns in Spike's hair. "Bwuh!" She then let go of Spike, letting him run around the bathroom catching bubbles. And then one day, they'd meet their 1st ally. "Hey, hey, let's dance all day! Boing, boing!" Pinkie sang with a kid holding the boom box. Twilight face palmed at this.
chapter 28View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 28Pinkie was walking through Ponyville with a smile before stopping at spotting a familiar Griffon. "Gilda!" "Oh.....hey Pinkie...what do you want?" "You! dare show your face after what you did before? Unforgivable!" yelled Pinkie as two black bars appeared above and below her head. "Hey, I'm just here to..." Then she got slapped. "Hey, I..." slap. "You asked for it, I'm gonna kick your flank later at 4:00 at the watering hole!" "I'll be there with friends to spectate!" "Yeah, spectate how you got knocked the fuck out!" And like that, Gilda flew off! The day ticked by faster than thought. "Okay RD and Twilight, check out my skills." "What skills?" "Trust me, she's going down." And then she and Gilda faced each other. *Sailor Moon* "Take this!" Then she pulled out a wand. "Piiiink, suuugar, heaaart, attack!" Then she aimed the want at Gilda before getting punched! "Why would you do that Pinkie?" Asked Twilight. *Dragonball Z* "Kaaaaameeeee, haaaaaameeeee." And then Gilda punched her again! *Bo-bobo Bo-bobobo!* "Superfist of the Nose Hair!" And then Gilda punched her again, knocking Pinkie out! "Are you done fucking off?" Then Pinkie got back-up and that's when Spike appeared with a book. "Pinkie!" "Thanks Spike." "Spike, why are you in a dress?" Asked Twilight. "Oh-man, perfect black mail." Said Rainbow Dash before taking a picture. *Zatch Bell.* "Zaker!" Then she punted Spike. "Aaaaaaaaah!" "Spike!" Then Twilight ran after the airborne dragon. *F-Zero GP Legend* "Falcon..." And then Gilda punched her again! *Gurren Lagaan* And then Pinkie got out a toy drill. "Giga Drill Br..." And then Pinkie got punched again! "Pinkie, maybe you should just stay down." suggested AJ. "Yes, you're making Fluttershy cry the more you get hit darling." Said Rarity. "I love anime, but I never take it this far." Said a crying Fluttershy. And then Pinkie pulled out 7 gems. *Sonic X* "Chaos...Cont..." And punched again! "Are you done with this anime BS.!" "N...no!" "These attacks wont work because anime is not real you stupid ding dong!" "What...did...YOU SAY?!!!" "I said anime isn't real bitch!" Pinkie then jumped back and began rubbing her forelegs. *Toriko* "Fork!" Then she stabbed her straight hoof at Gilda! "Knife!" Then she karate chopped Gilda! "Yes! Keep on going Pinkie!" Said Rainbow Dash. *One Punch Man* "Serious Punch!" And then she hit Gilda really hard! *Rosario + Vampire* "Now learn your place!" Then with one last very hard kick to the face, Gilda was out like a light! "Woohoo!" cheered RD. "She...actually did it." Said Applejack. "Pinkie you're alive!" Fluttershy said, flying to her friend and giving her a hug. "Yes, well done." Said Rarity. "Thank you, now of you 3 don't mind, I'm taking Fluttershy home to do yuri things." "What did you just say about me?" And then Pinkie took Fluttershy to her bedroom.
chapter 29View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 29"HEY DOUCHEBAGS !WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO NOT UPDATING THE REST OF MY AWESOME STORY IN A MONTH!!!!" SHUT IT WADE! Some of us were getting things done, SO CLAM IT! "YEAH RIGHT! YOU TWO JACKOFFS WERE JACKIN OFF!!" .......this coming from a guy who banged two ponies. "Hey, That was Justified! By the way any of you see My Movie?" Ask Jax, cause I didn't. No Car dude . "Then You Sirs have Earned My well deserved Hatred!!" You gonna go annoy Rainbow Dash or not? We're kinda on a budget. Wait, we're not on a Budget, we don't even get Paid for this. You want this whole chapter to be about us talking or him screwing around? Wait, where'd he Go? Deadpool had run off to the nearest hot air balloon. "SEE YA SUCKERS!!" He jumped into it and undid the rope before it floated into the air. ............Look what You Did! Shut it! "My Little Deadpool! My little Deadpool!" He sang. "Ow! Who's singing?" groaned a certain pegasus. "Oh Rainbow Dash, I've been Looking for you!" "And you are?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "Deadpool!" "Never heard of ya." "I'm Hurt!" he grabbed his chest while slightly dipping backward over the side of the balloon. "............" "So I take it you think you're twenty percent cooler than me, eh?" "I know I'm Twenty percent cooler than you." "Well I'm a thousand times cooler." grinned the merc under his mask. "Nuh Uh!" "Oh yeah? Do YOU have a movie based around yourself?" "Kinda. I am Getting a Movie next Year!" "Hah! Does it have beer, explosions, and hot naked girls?" "Explosions, yes. Beers and hot Naked girls..No." "Really? But the fandom is all for you being either a fan of Soarin, or a big closet lesbian." "You're Unbelievable." "Well I can make the impossible possible, and the possible impossible." he remarked pulling a camera out and taking a pic of the pegasus. "As Twilight and Rarity would say, that's Preposterous!" "You're Presumptuous!!" RD frowned at the merc who started drinking from a soda that came out of nowhere. "Something wrong Dashie?" "Don't call me Dashie." "Why?" "Only my friends call me that." she replied with her forelegs crossed. "Why?" "Why are you bugging me about it?" "I don't know." GET ON IT WITH IT! "Why?" "Why what?" "Why what?" Now I'm lost who is talking. "I'm Talkin dumbass!!" Deadpool said. Shut up! Also, cliff. "Cliff?" Deadpool looked and found the balloon basket crashing against a cliff. "RAINBOW DASH! AVENGE MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!" He said as he fell out the Balloon. Said pegasus watched him fall before shrugging. "Eh." Deadpool smashed into the Ground Leaving an imprint. "I....will remember.....that......Rainbow...." he groaned. "Oh My! Are you Okay?" Deadpool used one hand to peel his head up. "And what he saw was Fluttershy." "Um, how do you know my name?" asked the shy pegasus. He put his head on his Shoulders. "Long Story, now help me out of here!" "Oh! Right." Fluttershy walked closer and tried pulling him out. Luckily for her she succeeded. "Thanks toots." "Um, who are you?" she asked shyly. "Names Deadpool." "What are you?" "I'm a Human. It's like an Ape, but more evolved, Intelligent, Sexy, and Less Poop throwy." "Oh." Fluttershy backed away while Angel glared at him. "Don't be Scared I won't hurt ya. I'm friendly." that's when he saw Angel making Boxing Poses. "Oh you wanna go little Bugs Bunny? Come at me bro!" Angel pounced on Him and they started Fighting with Fluttershy closing her Eyes. "Bring it on Peter Cottontail!" After the Fight was over, Angel had Both his leg, an arm, and an ear broken while Deadpool had his head turned backwards and his Legs shoved into his ears and His arms Deep Inside his Rectum. "Man for a Bunny, you can Sure Hit Hard!" Fluttershy kept her eyes covered while the two tried fixing themselves. "There all better!" Deadpool said. He looked and saw Fluttershy was still not looking, giving him a devious idea. He walked behind and aimed a Finger towards her Ass. "Let the flames of bronies commence. Deadpool jutsu, THOUSAND YEARS OF BUTTFUCK!" She let out a Loud Scream and to his Literal Surprise. She actually Enjoyed it. "Hmmm, well now the bronies have a new picture to paint." "I didn't say Stop!" Fluttershy said. Deadpool grinned as the camera moved above the scene. 7 Hours Later this Happened!! Deadpool walked away from a smiling Fluttershy. "I DIDN'T SAY STOP!!" She screamed to Him. "Suck on that pic Bronies! I banged your best waifu!" the merc called to the audience. 7 MORE Hours Later! Deadpool was about walk away until. "MORE!!!!" And with that he turned and walked back. Later Still! Deadpool stretched and walked off until he heard. "MORE!!" "Sheesh! And I thought Twilight was the closet nympho." He walked Back. Come On Already! He started to Tiptoe until. "GET BACK HERE!!" He rolled his eyes and went Back. Is she Serious!? He then started to Crawl away until. "I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET WADE!!!" (Sigh!) The Next Day! Deadpool looked at the sleeping pegasi and used every ounce of training to carefully move out from under her grasp. "Man, I Love Sex, But even I Know that was Too Much!!" After making sure she wouldn't wake up, he quietly walked away. "Phew that was Close!" But then he heard her mumble while moving her hoof around near her. Deadpool pulled out a Giant Pencil and Drew a Door. FLUTTERSHY WAKE UP! She woke up just as He was escaping. "WADE!" He Opened the door and he was Instantly back in Ponyville. "That was close. Now End it Now! So I can annoy Applejack Next Time! AND DON'T TAKE A MONTH!!!" Fuck that shit! We only have you meet two more of the mares? No way! We're wrapping this shit up now! Ugh Fine! Let's wrap it Up! Deadpool groaned before walking to the Apple Acres farm. There he saw Applejack Bucking Trees. "Don't you mean fucking?" No, but that sounds A Lot Better! Before we start discussing a porno involving AJ getting banged by a tree, lets actually have the merc meet her first. Fine, Killjoy. Deadpool walked over to the mare. And he Slapped her Flank. "Ah!" AJ jumped and turned to the merc. "What in sam hill are ya doin!" "Smackin Dat Ass!" "And who in tarnation are you?" "Names Deadpool Sugar Hooves!" "It's Applejack." "That's what I said." "Just what are ya doin here?" "Oh you Know just SnooooooPin!" "Well can ya do your snoopin somewhere else?" "Why?" "Ah'm kinda in the middle of somethin." "Maybe I Can Help you!" "How?" "Like this" he kicked the Tree and All the apples instantly fell Out. Her jaw dropped in disbelief. "Ta-Da!" "How in the-?" "Bein Awesome that's why!" AJ sighed before noticing Deadpool staring at her. "I guess I should reward Ya." "Yes, you should." he nodded. She went over and kissed his cheek. "There!" "Dang. Was hoping for some southern flank." he muttered. "If you help me with the rest of the trees you Might just Get it." "Count on it!" In three seconds Flat the apples were down. "Done! Now let's start shaking the barn!" He grabbed her and they ran into the Barn. Pretty soon it shook with several grunts coming from it. "Man that was Amazing!" Deadpool Said. He walked out of the door with AJ looking tired and exhausted on the hay. "Wow I've never been that tired in a Long Time!" She said. "Stay beautiful sugar hooves." He Gave a Yawn. "Know What, Fuck Rarity! No one Likes her anyway she's a Bitch just send me Somewhere Else!" Hey! I like her! Sure it's taking forever for her to see Spike's feelings, but this show isn't exactly a dating show! I think she knows about Spike's Crush on her and we all know that's it's gonna be the Whole dipper and Wendy situation. "He's Right you know!" Quit crushing the dreams of Sparity shippers! We will never die! We won't?........... I SHALL BE IMMORTAL!!!! "And just like that, their brains are fried."
chapter 30View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 30*dream like music.* Love...it's a wonderful thing, everyone has it on their hearts and it comes in many ways. Such as a love for drinking maple syrup from the bottle. A love for watching people be complete idiots. Then again, no love can ever beat, the feeling of falling in love. "Hey Big Mac, did you want to say to me?" Asked Cheerilee. "Well...how can I say this? After spending more and more time with you after that....ha ha.....love poison my sister and her friends put us on, I wondering, if you'd like to try for real?" "Oh...sorry big guy, but I'm not into you." "What?" "Yeah, I've only saw you as a friend...infact, my date should be here to pick me up any minute, see yah." And like that, Big Mac fell to the ground. 'I can't believe it.' And so after that, Big Mac tried on another mare, but every time he'd be rejected by them! Over and over and over, until one day... "Morning Big Mac." Applejack greeted. "Ready to find Mrs.Right again?" "Nnope!" "Yer givin' up? Wow, never thought I'd ever hear that." "*groan* Sis, I'm tired of being rejected, so today...I'm giving up on finding love! I'm through!" "That's a pretty big promise to keep." "It is, but if they're just gonna keep on saying no, then I've had it!" Meanwhile several thousand feet below sea level... "Hmm........." Hummed a giant snake/falcon like creature with hands and feet. "Huh?!" He then looked around. "Hey everyone! our 1000 year sleep is over!" The others didn't hear. That's when he raised his rattle tail. "I said....WAKE UUUUUUUUUUP!!!" His eagle like yell amplified with the rattle awakened the other 4 creatures. "Is it really?" Asked a steel golem with a mouth and nothing else for it's head. "You couldn't wait 5 more minutes?" Complained an anthro bunnycat creature in a red and black bikini. "*Roooaaar!* Finally, my dream training is complete!" Shouted a man with blade like claws. "Uhh...master Bloodbath? It's time to wake-up?" No response from the dragon/vampire/insect crossbreed with a giant sword. "Master Bloodbath, MASTER BLOO..." That's when a huge blast of energy destroyed the Snake/Eagle! "Finally, I got rid of that alarm clock called Scalethers." He then sat up. "Roll call Rock Teeth!" "Here sir!" Said the golem with only a mouth. "Killer Guy!" "Here sir!" Said the human with blade claws. "Cumbath!" "Present! " Said the anthro Bunnycat. "Alright my Zozo, let us begin our attack on the surface world and send someone up to instill fear!" "Ha! I know just who for this job!" Said Killer Guy. "Cheap Shot!" Then a demonic basketball player appeared. "Cause fear up in the surface, and bring a platoon of Shockers with you!" Cheap shot saluted and was off! We now cut back with Big Mac. The poor fella was walking down Ponyville but that's when... "Hey Big Mac, I want your big mac!" Said a mare. "Say what?" "Hey Big Macintosh, want to be my living sex toy?" "Uh..." Then lots more mares began swarming him! 'Why are they all swarming me all of the sudden? Usually, they show severe disinterest!' He thought before breaking through the crowd. "Get him!" cried one of the mares. "What is going on?!" Pinkie was just skipping her merrily way until Big Mac ran past. "Woo hoo! I'm in love!" Twilight and Spike were busy testing a spell. "Steady Spike, on mistake and..." She then accidentally shot her spell at Spike too early! "Welp, have fun being a girl forever, I need me some Big Mac!" "Dammit Twilight, *sigh* at least I'm sexy." Derpy was just making deliveries until Big Mac ran by. "Ooh, come here you hunk!" Mjolna was just hammering away at a loose nail until Big Mac ran bye! "Hey you! Jackhammer my vagina!" Big Mac was then chased by Pinkie, Twilight, Derpy, and Mjolna, leaving every other love struck character in the dust, but that's when a griffin appeared. "STOP!!!" All of them skidded to a stop. Then all 4 were surrounding Mac. One on his back, one nibbled his ear, another kissed his cheek and one was hugging him. "You may be wondering what is going, well, I know what's happened." "What is it?" asked Big Mac. "You sir, have the spirit of the 'undeniably attractive'! You gave up on love, which is what caused it to awaken, and now every female of your species wants to get with you! Which is the reason for this!" "For what?" "To form a team that will save the world!" All 5 then looked at him. "Save the world?" Asked Pinkie. "Yes!" "How?" Asked Twilight. "Oh, the 1st threat to the earth shall come in about...now!" Then a flaming basket ball zipped past the old griffin and exploded as soon as it hit a wall! They all turned to see a demonic basketball player. "Pe..wait...PONIES OF THE SURFACE! I AM CHEAP SHOT, A MINION TO MASTER BLOODBATH!!!" He announced. "We intend to turn this world into a poisonous paradise! So, yeah...prepare to die! Get them shockers!" Then yellow and blue humanoid creatures with taser hands came out of the ground and attacked the citizens! "You five must protect them!" "You heard the old griffin." Said Mjolna. "Let's..." "Wait! Before you go take these Haremizers!" He then handed them all devices, each corresponding to their color."Transform with these and you'll become 32 times faster and stronger!" "Sweet!" beamed Pinkie. "How do these work?" Asked Derpy. "Flip it open, press your number, then press the enter button and then say Harem Henshin! That is all for now, I'm gonna go hide!" Then Cheap Shot started throwing basketballs again! "Yean! Run you..." "Hey!" "What the? Why aren't you 5 running from this carnage?" "Because, we're the 5 who're gonna kick your flank!" Big Mac announced. "Haremizers!" All 5 said. Big Mac pressed one and then enter then a voice came from the device saying: "Master it!" Next was Pinkie who pressed 2 the voice said: "Party it!" Then Twilight pressed 3 with the voice saying: "Magic it!" Derpy then pressed 4 with the voice saying: "Derp it!" And finally Mjolna with 5 and the voice saying: "Hit it!" "Harem Henshin!" Then there was a huge flash of light! Cheap Shot covered his eyes as the light died down. "What the?" "Red Master!" "Harem Pink!" "Harem Purple!" "Harem Grey!" "Harem CHOCOLATE!!!" She shouted while lightning fell around her! "Lovers Sentai: Haremranger!" Then all of them posed as explosions happened from behind. "You're obviously trying to make me look stupid, so I'll just kill you for it! Let's get them shockers!" Then Cheap Shot jumped down off the roof. The shockers ran at the team. "Alright babes, fight!" Big Mac said as they all ran at them back. Big Mac then punched a shocker! Twilight then shot one with her magic! Pinkie then hit one with her party cannon! Derpy got another by throwing a muffin! Mjolna then hit them with her own Mjolnir and finished off the rest with her lightning! "You're so OP and we haven't made it to the 6th Ranger yet." Pinkie said. "Thanks." "You won't' win!" That's when Cheap Shot jumped into the air! Held up a basketball, and as he came down, it got bigger! "Sundown Slam Dunk!" And then he threw the giant ball down! Causing the team to be sent flying! Each one hit the ground as Cheap Shot laughed outloud. "Now have some more!" He said as more basketballs struck them! "Haremrangers! Fight back with your Cube Grenades!" The old griffin told them. "We have bombs?!" That's when all 5 pulled out cube shaped explosives and threw them at Cheap Shot. "Ah! Ooh! This is an unexpected development!" "Awesome!" cried Harem Grey. "Now's your chance Haremrangers! Press 6 and then you'll activate the finisher!" They all pressed 6 on the Haremizers with the device saying: Finish it! Then Celestia appeared with a giant bazooka. "Finally, I've been waiting for 100 years to give this to the successors. Have fun!" Then Celestia left them. All 5 held on to the bazooka! "Harem Ultra Gun!" Then all 5 aimed and fired at Cheap Shot! "Aw, what a cute name for a-SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!" Cheap Shot shouted as he was blasted dead! "Yeah!" "Whoa! They won!" Said Rock Teeth. "Yes...but not for long...Cumbath?" "Yes Master Bloodbath?" "Please revive Cheap Shot for me." "Right on it!" She came out of the ground! "What the?" "Okay Cheap Shot, ready for one more round?" She said before kissing the corpse on the lips! She then dug back down as Cheap Shot woke-up and got bigger! "Hahahahahahahaha! You're in for it now!" "Haremrangers! Press 7 to summon your robots!" "We have robots?!" And then they pressed 7, summoning the robots! They heard loud rumbling as the robots ran to the area. Big Mac got into the Red Dragon, Pinkie got into the Pink Alligator, Twilight got into the Purple Owl, Derpy got into the Grey Wolf and Mjolna got into the Brown Bear! "Let's beat this guy up!" Said Big Mac! All 5 then began attacking! "Ah! Ah! Mega Shockers! Help me out here!" Then giant versions of Shockers with Catfish whiskers appeared. All of them ran at the bots. The whiskers tried to sting the robots but then Twilight used her owl's machine gun and gunned them down! "Press 8 and then fuse 2 robots with the red dragon!" the old griffin said! "Threesome Combination!" Then Pinkie's alligator split into 2 halves with the bottom as the legs! Twilight's owl's wings and head retracted and became the torso! Big Mac's dragon then became the head and arms! The owl head became the right shoulder, the head of the gator as the left shoulder and the middle dragon head became the helmet for a more humanoid face! "Harem-king!" All 3 shouted! "Wait! What about us?" Asked Mjolna. "You're alternates." "Aw-man!" "You won't beat me again!" Then he dribbled the ball causing earthquakes with each bounce! Harem King ran at him. "Fire Punch!" Then Harem King's hand ignited and he struck Cheap Shot! "Gh..." "Confetti Wave!" Then a blast of confetti hit Cheap Shot! "Grah!" "Chest Machine Gun!" Then the chest opened up causing a painful bulletstorm upon Cheap Shot! "Now to finish this off!" Derpy's Wolf and Mjolna's Bear then formed a ball! The Harem King then jumped into the air with the ball! "Meteor Kick!" He kicked the ball straight at Cheap Shot. Then Cheap Shot died for good! "Great job babes!" Then they team changed back to normal. "You 5 did amazing, but this is just the beginning!" "Don't worry, we'll keep fighting old guy!" And then the 5 cuddled up to him. "But for now..." Then Big Mac took all 4 back to his room!
chapter 31View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 31In the not to distant future, way down in Deep 7, Twilight Sparkle and TV's Shimmer were hatching an evil scheme! They hired a temp by the name of Starlight, Just an average gal they didn't like! But the experiment needed a good test case, So they conked her in the noggin and they shot her into spaaaace! "LET...ME...DOOOOOWN!!!" We'll send her cheesy movies, The worst we can find! Lalala! She'll have to sit and watch them all, and monitor her mind! Lalala! Now keep in mind Starlight can't control where the movies begin or end! Lalala! She'll have to keep her sanity with the help of her robot friends... ROBOT ROLL CALL Derp-bot! Fluttie! Robo-Dash! Spiiiiike! If you're wondering how she eats and breaths, and other science facts, lalala! Just repeat to yourself it's just a show, I should really just relax! Oh Mystery Science Theater 3000! And then we see Starlight, Robo-Dash and Spike. "Okay guys...if I can just...do it right..." Starlight was trying her best to perfect her invention! "Need a hand?" asked Spike. "No, she doesn't need your posable thumbs." Said Robo-Dash. "What she really needs, is a slamming guitar solo!" Then Robo-Dash jumped onto the desk, making a mess as she played her guitar! "Doh! Robo-Dash! I was building a frozen yogurt machine and you ruined it!" "Hey, I was trying to help get you out of your busy body stasis." "And I was planning on destroying it anyways, no matter what you were building." Spike said. That's when a red light shined on the desk. "Great, now the mads want to talk to us!" The three of them turned to the screen. They then see Sunset. "Help! The Tigerpede is gonna..." Then a laser was shot at the monster! "Back! Back into your cage!" The Tigerpede then went back into the cage and then Twilight locked it. "So, what do you think of our invention? Do you have anything to counteract it?" "Well...I was just about to finish a frozen yogurt machine...but these 2 destroyed it, on the bright side, I do have another invention, I call it, the Armani Suit Chair! If you can dress professionally, why not sit professionally on a chair that wears it's own suit?" "Wow, you sure those robots the last test subject built are helping you keep your sanity? Because sweet Celestia was that a dumb invention! Anyways, here's the next movie, it's called The Last Airbender, by M.Night Shaymalan, and boy does it suck!" "Ah! Twilight, the Tigerpede grew tentacles!" Then the the tips Tigerpede's tentacles formed fists that flew directly into her face! "Ah! I don't know why he doesn't like me!" "Hey! I said back you!" Then the communication ended. "Wow, who knew that thing could grow tentacles." Said Robo-Dash. That's when the entire room flashed yellow as the room shook! "We don't have time for that now, WE GOT MOVIE SIGN!!!"Spike shouted as all 3 ran to the theater! We then see Spike and Fluttie. "I...I don't know about this Spike." "Don't worry Fluttie, alls you gotta do is light this fuse while me, Robo-Dash and Starlight hide behind this protective glass." "B-but what about me? I'll get hurt!" "Don't worry, Fluttie, you're invincible!" "Since when?" "Uh...since I had God ask for you to be!" "But we're robots, God doesn't exist to us!" "Uh...Starlight upgraded you! Watch!" Spike then hit her! Then there was clanging noise. "That kinda hurt." "Thanks for understanding! QUICK, OPEN THE GLASS, I DON'T WANNA BE BLOWN TO BITS!!!" Fluttie watched Spike get behind the glass and looked at the wires. "Oh...no...." Then as Fluttie lit the bomb, it burst into little balls. "Oh, th-that wasn't so..." Then the little balls all started exploding! "Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!" Then Fluttie ran away! "Welp, I better go apologize to Fluttie....in bed." Said Spike. Spike walked after the pegasus. "So, what do you think?" "I dunno... it's a pretty good prank, but I'm not sure it's safe." "Oh-no, I was actually building a weapon." "What? Why?" "So I can send a distraction down there in Deep 7! After they get distracted, I can finally escape the Sattelite of Love!" "Well, we better continue this converstation later, BECAUSE WE GOT MOVIE SIGN!!!" Then they ran back in to continue the movie. Robo-Dash laughed as she readied the weapon. "Why Twilight and Sunset? Why?" "Sorry, the Tigerpede escaped by itself and found a rocket to Sattelite of love! Not our fault!" Said Twilight. Then Fluttie appeared! "Hello there monster," "HUH?" "Hug time!" Then Fluttie hugged the Tigerpede. "It'll eat her!" 'Stop!" Said Starlight, as she watched the Tigerpede hug back. "*sigh* That felt good." Said Spike in a victorious tone." "Spike what happened?" "I told yah, I apologized to Fluttie in bed, and when Fluttie's cheered up, she can end a fight in a peaceful manner." "Kill that thing or I'm blowing up the Sattelite of Love!"Said Sunset, trying to press the laser button. "Hey, don't touch that! That's my button you 2nd banana!" "Twilight! That thing punched me consecutively for 5 hours!" "Yeah, I revived you with evil science!" Then the Tigerpede got angry and then steered the Sattelite of love towards Deep 7! "Aaaaaah...what is the Tigerpede doing?!" "It wants to kill us all!" Then the Satellite of Love crashed! *Boom!* Hours later....Starlight woke up and crawled through the debris, when she finally made it out though... "I'm free...thank you Tigerpe..." Then Spike fell on her, with his pelvis landing somewhere on her butt! "Hey!" "Hey, I just woke-up! I was about to call out your name to help me down, but then the thing I was hanging on broke." That's when Fluttie and Robo-Dash emerged from the debris. "Well everyone, now that we're free, let's go to my place." "Sound good to me." And so they all moved in with Starlight Glimmer, living the rest of their days together. "Spike?" "Yeah Fluttie?" "Wanna do it again?" "Oh Hell Yeah!"
chapter 32View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 32Good Lord, what happened to Manehattan? "Officer, if you'd just listen to what happened, will you please not send us to execution?" "What?" "Okay...guess I'll explain what happened." Said a dragon. "It all started like this..." And then after the story ended... "What? That part about you getting all the bitches wasn't true!" Barked the diamond dog. "It so was!" "Officer! Let me explain it!" Said the Changeling. "I got all night, I have no friends, no family, no pet, just a job." "That's sad, but anyways...it happened like this..." Later... "And that's what happened!" "I don't recall you being whisked away to a magical kingdom of candy to marry a handsome prince!" The dragon remarked. "And aren't you a guy?" asked the Diamond Dog. "I'm a hermaphrodite! Thank you very much!" "Officer, I'll tell you the true story." Said the Diamond Dog. Later... "Really?" "What's wrong with my story?" "OBJECTION! HOLD IT! TAKE THAT! You took that from Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney!" "DENIED!" "Look, my story was the best! So it was obviously the truth!" Said the Diamond Dog. "How?" Said the Changeling. "I farted in your faces while you 2 were sleeping!" Said the Dragon. Then all 3 got mad at each other! The officer groaned before zapping them with a taser spell. "Hey!" "I'm trying to avoid a confrontation here!" That's when he was pulled into a cartoonish fight cloud as all 4 started fighting in a royal rumble! "Stop biting my wing!" "Quick! Back-up!" Then Ponies of all 3 tribes, plus longmas, zebras, and centaurs ran in with tranquilizers and tasers! "Take them down!" "Oh-no you don't! Come my dragon brethren!" "Changelings help me!" "Come-on dawgs let's kick some ass!" Soon the cloud got even bigger. It then engulfed Manehattan! All the while Celestia watched from above. "Shouldn't we stop them?" "No Luna, they'll get tired, and then the police will arrest them...eventually." "If you say so." Celestia was right, eventually the perps got tired and then the authorities hauled them all off to prison! "Any idea what they were trying to explain?" asked one police. "They were all fighting over who's daughter is cuter." Said a witness. "Really? They fought so hard causing destruction all around Manehattan just because they thought their kid was cuter than the other's?" "Yup." "That is just stupid!"
chapter 33View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 33"3 Weeks, 3 Freakin weeks since you Two Assholes made another Chapter. I should be Upset, but I'm not." Deadpool said. Do you wanna bitch or do you wanna piss other people off? "Both, why?" One word: Princesses. "Go on." You've messed with the mane six, so who else is there very much known to annoy? "Don't you mean Mane 7?" Yeah, but some people will be pissed cause they don't like Spike, so we'll just use mane six to keep them calm. I think he was Talking about Starlight. "Yeah little Miss Sarah Conner." HEY! I for one am eager to see how this ends up! DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME! "Fine we'll end it, but if the readers want me to Annoy the Shit out of Starlight, we give it to em!" Duly noted. “Good.” Deadpool turned and ran to the nearest train station and took it to Canterlot. On the train he had gorged himself on sweets while looking through his phone. "Let's see Porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn porn and more Porn hey Porn! Nope that's just more Porn." he said Tossing his Phone out the window. "Man, it's like all they have on the internet is porn." That and Stupid cat Videos. Soon the train stopped and Deadpool jumped out of the window. "Ahhh Canterlot!" He looked around with a few unicorns looking at him in confusion for his attire. "Now if I were Luna, where would I be?" He looked at the castle and grinned. "B.E.A-utiful!" He ran to it and stopped in front of the guards. "Hello, I'm here to see the Princesses." "No one may enter the castle." "Why?" "Any strangers are prohibited from enter without permission." "Why?" "Because it's the law." "Why?" "Because." frowned the guard. "Why?" "Because we said so!" "Why?" "Stop saying that!" "Why?" "Just use the taser spell on him!" "Why?" The other guard's horn glowed before zapping the merc. It had no effect. "Ooh, tingly." They blasted him Again. "I think that made my head feel funny." They kept blasting him. "Think my second head is really liking this. Keep going." The guard rolled his eyes. "Okay go In." "You sure? Another one of those zaps and I think I'm ready to go." "YES! JUST GO!!" Deadpool walked by as the guards sighed. "Works everytime." As he walked up the stairs, he spotted a room with a moon on it. "Gotcha!" He pulled out His 3Ds and Started to Play it as he got connected to the Internet. Inside the room Luna had a headset on while her hooves tapped away at the controller. She was playing against some Newbies at Smash and thought she couldn't be beaten. "Fall at my hands!" she laughed. She was Victorious until a Mii that Resembled a Certain Merc appeared to Challenge her. "I shall accept thy challenge." With Luna controlling Robin and Deadpool controlling pooled, their Fight began. "Begin!" Luna smirked but was Quickly defeated. Her jaw dropped before frowning. "Mere Luck!" Then the merc offered a rematch. "Of Course!" Then the match was on again. And Once again She lost. "Curses!" She demanded another rematch. And again lost. She gritted her teeth. Deadpool chuckled to himself. She growled and Put in A Copy of Splatoon. "Try this on." Deadpool smirked. They kept playing with Deadpool winning each time. "INCONCEIVABLE!!!" She shouted. "Not really!" Deadpool shouted in the room. "What the!?" She turned and saw the merc wave at her. "Who are You?" She demanded. "The guy who whooped your butt." he chuckled. She grumbled and Looked away . "Anyways, I'm off to bug your sister." Luna said nothing. He walked off with a spring in his step. Meanwhile with Celestia. She smiled and looked left and right while looking at a silver plate with a piece of cake on it. "I know what you want!" She told the Cake. She leaned in. "You want to be inside me, don't you?" "WELL YOU CAN'T AND YOU KNOW WHY!?" She said using her magic to grab it. "STOP GIVING ME THAT LOOK!!" "Wow, and I thought I was nuts." She turned and Saw Deadpool. "Are you gonna eat it or have sex with it? Either way, I'm videotaping it." "Begone! This is between me and the Cake...STOP MOCKING ME!!" She yelled. "Inside recording of Celestia going nuts." whispered Deadpool with the camera. "FINE BE THAT WAY! BUT JUST KNOW YOU FORCED ME TO DO THIS!!" She started to Devour the Cake. "This is gold." snickered the merc. "AND IIIIIIIIIIIII HOLY SHIT!! WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS TO ME GOD DAMMIT HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!?" She sang out as she hugged the Plate. "Wonder if I can retire with the bits from this." Celestia stopped and refined herself. "Now, who are you?" "Names Deadpool!" "And what are you doing here?" "Just curious." It got silent. "......." Awkward. Very much yes. "I NOTICED!" "Would you mind please Leaving?" "Sure, I got enough footage anyway." He left out as She was trying to figure out what happened. "Alright, two down, one more to go." He made his way down the hall when he heard typing. 'Hmm?' He put his ear up to the door. "Just gotta finish this last piece." He opened the door and saw Cadence typing something. "And done!" "Ooooh can I read?" He Asked. "GAH!" she jumped. "S'up." "Who are you?!" "Names Deadpool." "Were you eavesdropping?" she glared at him. "All I heard was some typing." then he looked at her computer. "Oooh whatcha got there?" "It' nothing!" she tried covering it with her hooves. "Too Late, I'm interested!" He moved them aside and saw she was on fimfic. "No Way!" And saw she was writing a smut fic. "HAHAHAHA! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" "I SAID DON'T LOOK!" "Let's see what you wrote!" Cadence's horn lit up before he was thrown against the wall. "Ooh someone's feisty!" "It's nothing!" "Suuuure." He ran over and kicked her aside before reading it. "Spike was stroking Rarity's beautiful mane." "Stop!" "Oh spikey your claws feel Wonderful!" He read in Rarity's voice. Cadence ran over to try and tackle him. But he held his foot out. "I just know where to touch." Deadpool mimicked Spike's voice as Cadence rolled onto the ground. "Stop!" "Wow, and you gave Rarity a chest of toys? Damn. I wonder if the real Rarity is into bondage?" She blushed. "And what's this? Including Sweetie Belle?" "STOP IT!!" She fired a spell at him. He held up a Mirror and reflects back at her. She bounced back as he kept reading. This kept going on for about a Good 4 Hours. And by the end, Deadpool was jotting down notes from some of the fetishes she put in the story. "Thanks for all that!" He said. "Don't you dare say a word!" "Word!" He finished and put the notebook in his pants. Maybe that's why he tries to compensate for a tiny- "SHUT UP!!" See? Clearly he's trying to keep it a secret. Don't you know Wade, the truth will set you free? Be honest with yourself! "Why don't you Suck my Ass!! And be like Jax-naut, he doesn't make fun of me!!" Suuuuuure he doesn't. I don't seriously. Is that why you say Wolverine could kick his ass any day of the week? THAT IS NOT TRUE!!....mostly. See? "I hate you Both." Love ya too. He left out the room and headed for the exit. "Oh man, the press are gonna go nuts over this stuff." He made his Way out of the Castle. But saw a spell blast near his feet. "Whoa!" "DEADPOOL!" shouted Celestia flying down at him. "Uh oh looks like someone's Mad!" He turned and bolted away. "GET BACK HERE!!" "GOTTA GO FAST!" She kept firing at him. He jumped into the train and took a seat before grabbing a paper and hiding his face behind it. She smashed through the Roof. She looked around at the scared ponies. She walked down the Aisle looking for Deadpool. Then stopped at someone with a newspaper. "Excuse me, have you seen anyone by the Name of Deadpool?" "Oh no, never seen him, so sorry." they spoke in a stereotypical japanese voice. "Okay sorry to Trouble you.......................................Hey wait a minute!!" She turned and saw the paper on the floor with a fake mustache and buck teeth. Celestia let out a Loud Primal Roar as well as a Large burst of Power. She was about to smash through the Roof again till she calmly went over to the Hole she made and Flew through it. Meanwhile Deadpool had just ducked under the seat and snickered. He popped out and looked around. 'Safe.' That's when he jumped out the window. Luckily the train had stopped so he took off running to Ponyville. "I'm Home Free!!" And as he ran, he spotted Spike with BonBon and Lyra, all looking happy as they stumbled a little. "I'm so Proud of Him!" Then he saw Pinkie and Derpy waving to him. He waved Back. Then he spotted a certain shy pegasus running at him. "Oh boy!" "MORE!" He held out his foot causing her to Trip. "Sorry!" He ran off. A portal opens up in front of Deadpool. "And that's my ticket out of here." He jumped in the Portal. It closed just as Celestia made it to the town. "Darn!" "Princess what's wrong?" Pinkie asked. "That man broke into our castle!" "He Beat me in Smash bros!" Luna said. "He read my fanfic!" "He Poisoned our Water Supply, Burned down our Crops, and set Fire to the Whole town!" Big Mac said. "Uh, Big Mac? The town's still in one piece." spoke Twilight. "Sorry I thought we were Just sayin stuff." "On the upside, I got lucky." spoke the dragon. "Nice!" Rainbow said hi-Fiving Spike. "Us two!" called Pinkie and Derpy. They Hi-Five each other. That's when another Portal Opened up. "Huh?" Three figures walked out resembling Pinkie, Derpy, and Fluttershy. "What the-?" "Girls get in Formation and Introduce yourselves!" The Pinkie one said. "Derp-Pool!" "Flutter-Pool!" "Pinkie-Pool!" "AND WE ARE THE MERC SISTERS!" "AH! They're multiplying!" shrieked Cadence. Man YF, I Bet ol' Wade Wilson is Happy he's a Dad, huh? "Hello voices!" called Derp-Pool. "Ooooh you hear em Too?" Pinkie said. "Hi mom!" waved Pinkie-Pool. "YEAH! I HAVE A DAUGHTER!!!!" Fluttershy and her daughter shared a hug. "So what's it like in the future?" Derpy asked her Daughter. "Boring." "Well we're here so we Might as well Stay!" Pinkie-Pool said. "AHH!" screamed the princesses.
chapter 34View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 34A old abandoned house, with a lawn full of dandy lions who had Space Dandy's personality stood in front of the terrified pony. Despite the scary house and the dandelions, that didn't scare Derpy away, as she took a handful of grass! "I got more grass Berry!" "Woop de doo Derp." "Why are we selling grass? The ponies can just eat it off of their lawns." Pointed out Moondancer. "I told you, we're selling grass as grass!" "Berry, we don't live in the hood, we really shouldn't be selling weed." "Don't question me!" Then she pulled out something. "What...is...that?" "The secret ingredient to such good weed!" "Ooh!" Said Derpy. She mixed it together while Derpy stood beside her. And then, after finishing making the special weed, they all tested it, even someone as smart as Moondancer, against her better judgement. "Mmm, not bad." "Told yah my ni..." That's when they were broken by their trance after hearing someone screaming in terror! "Oh my, a shriek in terror!" Moondancer said. "My creepy uncle's back from the dead!" Derpy shouted. "Riiiiiight..." All of them ran over and saw a small crowd. "Lily, what happened?" Asked Sweetie Bot. "A silhouette appeared in the window!" "Stay back! Who knows what hides in the house of the haunted!" Derpy warned! "Ahhh!" Screamed Lily! "It's the house of the Mad Stallion who hunts for houses to blow up on Jackass!" "Aaaaaaah!" Lily screamed twice! Getting an annoyed grunt from Berry Punch. "No, this is from the nympho mare who lured young colts and mares to her home for pleasure!" Then Lily was quickly silenced. "Grow-up everyone! It's just a house!" "Go check it out then, I dare ya." spoke Diamond Tiara. "Yeah...but I gotta help Derpy with her marriage." "No you don't, me & the doctor are doing amazing, why last night during sex, he took me right there on the balcony!" "Uh, I need to help Moondancer get laid!" "Nope, Spike took my virginity...as well as Starlight's...and Trixie's................................." "Ummmmmm." "I'll give you fools access to my parent's cellars, if you walk inside." Said Diamond Tiara. Berry Punch pondered that before grinning. "Come-on girls, let's go-in!" "But Berry...." She grabbed them and started pushing them thought the dandy lions. Then Derpy decimated them all in a huge sneeze! "Dandelions." Then they all walked in. They looked around at the empty and dusty house. "Oooh...this reminds me of that scary movie we saw last night." "Which one?" "Phantom of the Back Acne!" "Bleh! Don't remind me." grimaced Moondancer. "Moondancer, let me poke your mane! Mwahahaha!" laughed Berry Punch while holding up a candle and doing a dark voice. "Oh ha, ha, very funny! Who do you think I am? Edd who's afraid of phantoms despite being a man of science?" "Well no, but then again, I didn't wanna freak you out by mentioning the giant spider behind you." "Ha, nice tr.." Then Derpy poked her. "Boo!" "AH!" Moondancer jumped making both mares laugh. "Grrr...." "Alright Derpy, let's make them think we're in trouble!" "I'm on it!" And so they began making loud noises! "Oh-my, that is horrible!" Said Fluttershy! "They're toast!" Shouted Big Mac! "I take back everything I said about them!" Said Diamond Tiara. Then we see Derpy getting strangled. "Someone help my idiot mother!" Shouted Dinky! Then Derpy moved over a little to show she was strangling herself. "Huh?" Said an unimpressed Diamond Tiara. "Celestia Dammit, we got April Fooled!" "Of all the lousy tricks." frowned Big Mac. "Okay girls, enough torture, let's go get Spike & the doctor then get drunk!" Then Berry tried opening the door. But it didn't budge. "It's stuck." Said Derpy. "Okay, let me use my magic." But something was blocking it. "Ok, nevermind." "Hooray! We're gonna go on a Spoooooky adventure through this old abandoned house, perfect for a criminal to hide in." "Derpy! Please stop scaring me more than usual!" said Moondancer. "You mean that one time I came home with no head and you hid in the bathroom till the next day?" snickered Berry Punch. "Stop it! Let's just find a way out now before I stab you 2 with my horn!" "Fine, let's head up those stairs." Berry pointed out. All of them walked up the steps. They then met with a hallway. "Hmm...where shall we go 1st?" Berry asked before a trapdoor opened below them. "Uh oh." Then they all fell, even Derpy despite being a pegasus. "Ow." "Wowee, my head hurts more than any hangover." Said Berry Punch. "Good thing my glasses didn't crack." Then they all found themselves in the basement. "Oh great." groaned Moondancer. "On the bright side, we have all these funhouse mirrors, teehee, my flank is as big as Harold's from Bunnicula." "Derpy, you're a grown mare, stop watching cartoons with your daughter." "You're one to talk with your plans to watch My Hero Academia, the Ace Attorney anime, and Final Fantasy XV Brotherhood." Derpy shot back. "Besides, I'm doing family bonding with my kid. Where's your kid? Still in Spike's dragon balls?" "BUUUUUUURN OH SNAP!!!" Shouted Berry Punch. That's when they started fighting. "Hey! Hey! Hey! Quit it girls, we need to escape this place and we won't unless we do it as a team and if you don't, I'm beating your ears in and you know how superior I am in strength." Said Berry Punch. "You're right, guess we should stop." "Yeah, I really rather be fighting someone outside of this scary place." "Good, now let's split up, if one of us finds a way out of the basement, whinny." They nodded and then went their separate ways. "Tee-hee, big flank so what?" Then a basket of muffins appeared from a dumbwaiter. "Muffins, yeah!" Then Derpy rode the dumbwaiter up. "Man is this place creeping me out." Then a ball of light flew by."Oh...an orb, th-that means ghosts really do live here....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Then Moondancer ran away as a Boo chuckled. Then she stopped after seeing a book on the floor. "What?! A book, left on the floor like it was trash, despite it being in very good condition?! Come here poor CLANNAD vol.1." Then she saw another manga. "Berserk Vol.14, Pokemon ReBURST Vol.8, Mario-Kun vol.37, wow it's the official MLP manga where a talking tree falls in love with the Golden Oaks Library." She kept grabbing each book with her hooves. "So disrespectful, this is Astro Boy, the God of Manga! Don't these ponies..." Her mouth dropped as she found a huge library filled with manga. "Paradise." "Walls upon walls of...hello?" She then saw a manga volume sticking out, so she got on a ladder and pushed it back in. "How dare they do that to the Skullman, this guy was the fucking inspiration of Kamen Rider Ichigo, the very 1st Kamen Rider." She said as she climbed down the ladder. But didn't notice the hole beneath her and kept climbing down. Meanwhile... "Huh? Derpy? Moondancer?" Berry Punch looked around in confusion. "Where'd you girls go?" Then she saw a huge bottle of beer. "Nevermind, that bottle is all I need." She grabbed it and tried taking the top off with her teeth. That's when she was launched by a spring trap! "Me?" No, not you Purple Guy! I mean an actual Springtrap where it sent her flying with the bottle in hoof. "Ok, open up." she tugged on the top. That's when she hit a wall, with the bottle breaking open and all of it's contents spilling on her. "Wow, haven't been this sticky since that night with Zecora's cousin." She licked some of it off her lips with a smile. She found herself upside down in a trash can. Then Moondancer appeared. "Gah!" "Moondancer?" "Berry?" "Bout time you two got here." spoke Derpy. That's when they all found themselves in a strange makeshift roller coaster. "How'd we get here?" "I don't know, but it seems we're not done yet." Said Derpy as the ride began. "Wee, it's like a haunted house ride, I love it when Dinky clings to me when we go on these, it's so fun." "But who put this here anyway?" spoke Moondancer. "What the?" Said Berry Punch. "Well whomever it is, must like us, I mean...is that me holding a baby and a bottle?" She said as she saw the figurine. "Is that me nursing?" blushed Moondancer. "Haha...but why is it a figurine of you nursing a pony dragon hybrid?" Berry questioned. "Aww, look, me and doc are attending Dinky's college graduation." "This is getting weird." spoke Berry. And then the ride stopped and they all ended up in front of 3 rooms, which had their names on each. "Is the ride over?" asked Derpy. Then the doors opened. "Oh dear, I fear it has only just begun." Moondancer said. "Hey girls." Said Spike. "Spike, Doctor Whooves, Thunderlane? What are you guys doing here?" Berry asked. "Well we kinda had this whole thing set up." spoke Thunderlane. "You did?" "Thunderlane is really horny for Berry Punch, meanwhile Spike here just really likes Moondancer and bas decided he wants you bare his children." "Aha! I knew it, your kids are still stuck in Spike's balls." "Shut up." blushed Moondancer. "So girls, it's just us, alone in this abandoned mansion, wanna do it?" Asked Thunderlane. "Yeah!" cheered Derpy before tackling Doctor Whooves into the room. "Well...I guess it couldn't hurt, you have seen my private areas before after all." Moondancer blushed before going in with Spike. "Before we do it, I'm gonna need some hard stuff to really get me horny." spoke Berry. "Filthy Rich is a bar buddy of mine, he gave me beers he recommended." "Haha! Fuck you Diamond Tiara!" She said before victoriously trotting in. All the doors shut and the rooms were filled with moans. A few months later, we see Moondancer hugging her belly and Berry Punch rubbing hers. "*giggle* Only one more month." "Yay!" cheered Derpy with her own belly. "Well, guess this is where our slapstick adventures come to an end, for we all now have kids to raise." "Yeah, but when these guys finally move out, the craziness resumes, right?" Asked Berry. "Yep." "Totally."
chapter 35View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 35"Hey Dusk Shine..." "Yes Scooter?" "Why did you call me over again?" "I wanna be your manager." "Awesome!" "Yep, just sign here on the dotted line." he produced a contract. Scooter then signed it without thinking. "So when's my first gig?" "I'll find yah one....oh Barb." Dusk called. "Yeah Dusk?" "I'd like to know, do you guys like waffles?" "I do." They both cheered. "Am I gonna have my 1st extreme stunt gig at a diner?" "Nope, the truth is, that contract was a marriage registration and I just tricked you into saying I do in front of me, the witness!" "What.....m-marriage registration?" He then looked at Barb. "Dusk...did you just..." "Save you from loneliness and tie down this wild stallion? Yes." "That can't be legal." "Sorry, but come-on Scooter, you gotta admit, my daughter Barb is very pretty." Dusk said. "Yeah...w-wait! Gimme that contract you jerk!" "Nope, sorry." he held it away as the colt tried reaching for it. "Have fun, I gotta go now...Prince Solaris wants to have tea with me." Then Dusk teleported. "Dusk Shiiiiiiiiiine!" He shouted. He frowned before turning towards Barb. "So...we're married now..." "And I couldn't be any happier." "What?" "I'm very pretty, but guys just don't seem to want me Scooter." "But why?" "I don't know why...is it because I'm a dragon?" "I don't think it's that, I mean Iron Will and Fluttershy got together." "Yeah, but why can't I have a stallion?" She then started forming tears. "Don't cry Barb." he walked over and patted her back. Barb then smiled and gave her husband a hug. "Thanks." "Hey, I can't let my lady be depressed, now can I?" He half smiled. She smiled before kissing him. 'Okay...maybe Dusk's plan isn't that bad...' "So, want my help with taking back the contract?" "What? You wanna help me?" "I know you didn't want to get married, but I wanna have as much fun with a husband as I can before you take back the marriage registration and destroy it." "Sounds good." Then they were off, to hunt down Dusk Shine. After agreeing, and then having some crack coffee, Sooter and Barb set out to find Dusk...and maybe the prosecutor who gave them the crack coffee. They looked high and low for him. "Hey Scooter, heard you married Barb." Said Rainbow Blitz. "It's true." "Good choice, she's sweet, a good cook, and can throw down when angry." "So, any idea why you didn't ask her out?" "She's a bit young for my tastes." "Good point." "Come-on Scooter, I heard Dusk is this way." spoke Barb before she took off in a direction. "Well, see yah later Blitz." Later... "No way, really?" Laughed Dusk. "It's true, when I gave Pish Posh a wonderful one night stand, her eyes literally shined light the sun." said Prince Solaris. "That's awesome!" Barb and Scooter snuck up on Dusk, but that's when a human girl snuck faster. "Huh?" "So then after...." "After what Prin..." Bam! The little human girl kicked Dusk Shine in the balls from behind! "AAAAHHHHH!" he cried out before falling to the floor. "Now's our chance!" "Wow..." Said Prince Solaris. Barb and Scooter jumped over and tackled on Dusk. "Ow! Seriously? After the kid kicked my nuggets, you guys beat me-up?" "This is amusing." Commented Solaris. "Give us that paper!" "But Barb..." "I wanted this, but he didn't, just let him take it, or else I'm castrating you with my own claws." she held them out with a glare. Dusk then showed them the contract. Scooter snatched it. "Yes!" Dusk then spat out a tooth. "Why'd you let them do that to you? You're gonna have to do something amazing to live that down." Taunted Solaris. "Way to go Scooter, we did it...I had fun owning the title: wife." She then looked down in utter disappointment."I hope a stallion can one day see me as beautiful and propose." "But barb, you are beautiful." "Really? You really mean that?" "Of course I do, any stallion who can't see that's a dumbass." Scooter then dropped the contract. "But I thought you didn't want this?" "Well Barb...maybe you changed my mind..." She blushed hearing that. "So I got beat-up for nothing?" "Pretty much." "Grr..." "Oh buck-up Dusk Shine, come-let's go pig out at the new buffet that opened up, would the newlyweds care to join us?" "Nah...I gotta break my wife in." he smiled pulling Barb with him. "Hope you can handle my cocka-doodle doo Barb." "I'll try, tee hee."
chapter 11View OnlineThe Insane Tales of MLPchapter 11“Snips!” yelled Snails as he rushed over to his friend. “I have an idea for a new method of communicating with other ponies that is much better than magic!” exclaimed Snails in excitement. “Alright, let's hear it.” replied Snips. Snails brought Snips over to a series of towers with stallions at the top of each one. “Now watch.” Snails turned to the first stallion. “Tell my mom I'll be late for supper tonight.” The stallion turned the large speaker with him before yelling, “SNIPS WANTS TO TELL HIS MOM HE WILL BE LATE FOR SUPPER, STOP!” And what happened next was traveling from one tower to the next. With different results though. “SNIPS WILL BE LATE FOR STUFFFING POTATOES, STOP!” “NOTHING IS BETTER THAN SHAVING TOMATOES, STOP!” “I ONCE KNEW A MAN WHO ATE A TORNADO!” “BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, STOP!” “BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, STOP!” “BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, STOP!” Soon the message arrived via mail stallion. “A message from your son mam.” replied the stallion taking a deep breath before, “YOU HAVE A GIANT FLANK!” Snails'' mother gasped and fainted on the spot. “So you see Snips, this will revolutionize the message of sending messages.” “I think that might be tougher than you think.” replied Snips pointing at a group of ponies that was surprisingly being lead by Spike. “Snails, your method will doom us all!” yelled Spike. “How?” asked Snails not seeing the problem. “If we yell, we'll all eventually lose our voices.” called a stallion. “We won't be able to send private love letters without everyone knowing.” called a mare. “And how are we suppose to send scantily clad photos of ourselves to our sweethearts? The whole point is to get them aroused while we're far from each other.” called a stallion. “Well, I'm sure my method can work for all that.” replied Snails. “Oh yeah, well what about us to send letters through ourselves? I burp up letters and send them. That will put a lot of ponies out of business.” “Yeah! I think he wants to take our jobs!” yelled a stallion. “He took our jobs!” “He took yer jobs!” Soon the crowd began to growl and foam at the mouth as they soon began to chase after Snips and Snails. Spike decided to stay behind and noticed Twist beside him. I'm guessing this idea caused you two to split up.” guessed Spike. “Yup.” nodded Twist. “Wanna go get some lunch?” asked Spike holding out his arm. “I'd like that.” smiled Twist wrapping her hoof around his arm as they went to get some lunch, all while Snips and Snails ran for their lives.