Hopeless Romantic

by The Red Guitar

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Spike, Comedy, Rarity, Slice of Life, Sex
Length: 3290

Twilight tries to find somepony special for Hearts and Hooves day with the help of Rarity. It doesn't go too well.

Twilight never really liked Hearts and Hooves day. It was just a slap in the face every year, so why bother?

This year, Twilight wants to make it different than before. Twilight enlists the help of Rarity, and they try to find the perfect match for the lavender mare.

Results vary.

[Sex tag for small hint of sex language at the end]

Published 2014-02-10 03:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-10 03:50:03 UTC

February 14th

Twilight gazed out the window of her library kitchen and sighed. As the young couples sat around together, nuzzling each other and showing affection to each other, Twilight was once again stuck inside the dusty library and sorting books. Even though it was one of her favourite things to do, organizing books didn't match the same feeling of the love of a nice stallion. She sighed as she went back to her books, levitating the books to their respective spaces on the shelves.

Spike came down from upstairs, and with quick greetings, started helping Twilight with the books. They quietly moved around calmly in silence, the only noises coming from the sound of the magic and the books being placed in open spaces on the various shelves. Twilight couldn't wait another minute without asking the question, so she asked.

"Hey, Spike. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure. What is it?" Spike replied.

"Well, this may seem a little sudden, or just completely out of the blue, but-"

"You're thinking about Hearts and Hooves day, right?" Twilight widened her eyes in surprise.

"How did you guess so quickly? I didn't even say anything!"

"You're always in that kind of gloomy mood whenever it comes around this time of year," Spike explained. Twilight glared at Spike and spoke in a striking tone.

"I'm not always in a gloomy mood in this time of year! What are you talking about?"

"And you always seem grumpy whenever Hearts and Hooves is mentioned," Spike said bluntly.

"I don't know what you're talking about. That's rediculous!" Twilight crossed her forelegs.

"And you always seem in a state of denial whenever I mention that you're grumpy when Hearts and Hooves is mentioned." Twilight groaned. Everything that Spike pointed out was completely true, and she knew it.

"Yeah. I'm sorry I snapped on you, Spike. It's just that, every Hearts and Hooves day just seems hopeless for me. I go out and try to meet stallions, but it never works! It almost seems like I'm cursed, and this coming holiday will be no different!" Twilight retired to a nearby seat at the table and covered her face on the table.

"I should face it. I'm never gonna find a stallion for me. Ever," Twilight mumbled. Spike put a scaly hand on Twilight for sympathy.

"Aw, come on, Twi. I don't think it's really that bad," Spike said, trying to comfort the lavender mare. Twilight unburied her face from her hooves and faced Spike.

"I think I haven't told you this story before, so I should tell you now."

Twilight sat in her seat, working on her schoolwork for the day. The rest of the students were talking to each other, passing pink and red envelopes to each other, laced with hearts and poems and all sorts of different things that would show affection to one another. Twilight didn't really bother with Hearts and Hooves day, as she saw it as a distraction to her work. As the young Twilight sat in her seat, she didn't notice the shadow that blocked her vision from her school work. She glanced up and immediately blushed in red.

It was Bolt, one of the most beautiful colts in the entire class. His lightning yellow hair, his athletic stature, his good looking smile. He was everything the fillies loved in a colt, and here he was, standing right in front of Twilight. Now, she did feel that school work was more important then colts, but Bolt was an exception. Even though she never mentioned it before, Twilight had a complete crush on him, and Twilight saw the opportunity to seize the day. Twilight stammered before she could give a proper greeting.

"H-h-hello, B-b-olt. Uh, what do you, erm, need?" The moment was coming. The school dance was coming soon, and rumour was that Bolt didn't have anypony to go with yet. Obviously, Bolt was a smart colt, considering that she would choose somepony like Twilight. Bolt ruffled the back of his hair and started to blush a little red.

"Hey, Twilight. So I was wondering. The school dance is coming up, and right now, I've got nopony to go out to the dance with. So um, I was just wondering...." Bolt stopped a little to recollect his thoughts. Twilight's heart was beating rapidly as she played out the dance in her head. Dancing to good music and staring deep into each other's eyes. It would be such a lovely evening. And then, just maybe, they could both get married, and have their own foals, and grow old together. He just needed to say it.

"Do you know if Red Ruby is available for the dance? I heard she didn't have anypony, but I'm not sure." Immediately, Twilight's heart sank to the bottom. Her eyes twitched. The sentence took her from complete surprise. Tears started to well up in her eyes as the sentence pounded through her mind. Twilight ran out of her desk and out through the door, crying as she did so. Everypony else stared at her as she entered the bathroom. Inside, she locked herself in one of the stalls and cried until the janitor had to open the lock and take her out.

"Gee, that is horrible," Spike commented as Twilight finished the story. Twilight sighed.

"Ever since then, I've despised Hearts and Hoove's day from the bottom of my heart. It just seems that no stallion is interested in me. It really stinks," Twilight explained. A knock came from the front door. Twilight got out of her seat and opened the door. The curly maned mare, Rarity, smiled sweetly as she was greeted by Twilight.

"Hey, Rarity. What's up?"

"Twilight, I have an opportunity for you," Rarity said, with a small hint in her tone. Twilight looked puzzled at the sentence.

"What do you mean?" Twilight asked.

"Well, we all know that Hearts and Hoove's day is coming very soon, and you always seem to just sulk in your dusty library, all alone every year."

"You don't have to rub it in," Twilight said.

"Anywho, I have come here to aid you in finding your perfect soul mate!"

"Well, thanks for the offer, Rarity, but I really don't think that it would be worth wasting time," Twilight said. Rarity gasped and grabbed Twilight's shoulder.

"Darling, don't talk like that! We know there is somepony out there for you, and I can help you find him!" Twilight sighed in defeat.

"Well, I might as well, seeing as you probably won't leave me alone if I don't."

"Exactly. Follow me and let's meet some stallions!" Rarity pulled Twilight out of her home and forced her to walk with her. Spike stood at the front of the door.

"I don't think this is going to end well," he said to himself as he closed the door.

The town square of Ponyville was packed with couples walking with each other. Twilight saw it as a hopeless situation, but Rarity saw it as an opportunity. Twilight looked around. Everywhere she looked there was a couple either talking to each other romantically or they were just staring into each other's eyes. Twilight drooped her head down and sighed. Rarity raised Twilight's head with her head and pointed at all the couples.

"Don't think about them. This is the first step into finding a perfect soul mate. Step one; the approaching. Here, you got to have the ability to walk to a stallion and talk to him. You can talk about anything, but the most important thing is to appear interesting!" Twilight once again look puzzled.

"What do you mean by that?"

"No stallion isn't going to go for a mare that is completely un-interesting. Maybe sugar-coat a few things while you two talk," Rarity explained. That seems logical, I guess, Twilight thought to herself. Twilight scanned the square, looking for a nice stallion.

"Who should I talk to?" Rarity squinted as she looked around. She widened her eyes and pointed her hooves. Twilight followed Rarity's gaze and looked at the stallion. He looked nice enough. He was a gray stallion with a messy green mane. He was reading a book on a park-bench with a pair of fake glasses on.

"He looks okay, I guess," Twilight muttered.

"Go over to him. And remember, appear interesting." Twilight took note of that as she stumbled over to the park-nbench. Already, her heart was beating. What should I say to him? Before she knew it, Twilight was right at the park bench. The stallion didn't glance up from the book. Sweat poured down from Twilight's forehead as her mind raced for something to say. The stallion looked up from the book and glanced at Twilight. Immediately, Twilight's heart was beating extremely fast. Twilight's mind looked for something to say, but nothing came.

"Um, hello?" The stallion greeted nervously. Twilight blinked a couple of times. Why can't I say something?! She thought to herself, panic building up inside her. The stallion glanced around, avoiding the gaze coming from Twilight.

"Um, are you alright?" The stallion asked. Twilight couldn't keep the words coming inside anymore. A downpour of sweat rained down as the panic built up to a breaking point.

"Miss? Are you alright?"

"HELLO, MY NAME IS TWILIGHT SPARKLE! WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!" Twilight blurted out. The ponies in the square stared at her in bewilderment at the sudden outburst. Twilight glanced back at Rarity. Her hoof was slammed across her face in embarrasment. Twilight immediately turned red. The stallion started to trot backwards in complete fear. Twilight cowered as she curled in a ball in the middle of the street.

"I felt like a complete idiot," Twilight muttered as she buried herself on the table. Spike made some tea back at the library, and Rarity was beside her to calm her down.

"Think nothing of it. It was just an error in the process. Besides, he was probably not so interesting anyways," Rarity rationalized.

"That's comforting."

"Lighten up, Twilight! There is still hope! Besides, we should try a different approach. If you can't approach stallions, then we have to get stallions to approach you." Twilight got up from the table and stared at Rarity.

"What do you mean?"

"There is this new nightclub that just opened up in the past few weeks. If we make you look like everything a stallion wants, then they'll be attracted to you like moths!" Twilight thought about that logic for a moment. While it could work, she didn't exactly like the idea of dressing up to please a stallion. But Twilight felt like she had no choice.

"Alright. Got nothing to lose, right?"

"That's the spirit! Meet me at the boutique at eight 8 o'clock. Then I'll take you there," Rarity instructed as she exited the library. Twilight leaned back on the chair and sighed.

"Do you think it'll work?" Spike wondered.

"I don't know, Spike. But I guess it's worth a shot, right?" Twilight thought. Still, Twilight had doubts in her mind. If simply going up to a stallion and talking to him is hard enough, what chance will she have at a nightclub?

Twilight finished putting on her sparkly earings and looked at herself in the mirror. She had a nice dark blue dress on, with a hint of make-up on her face. The earing were similar to that of her cutie mark. She brushed the strands on her hair and examined herself through the bathroom mirror. If this doesn't work, then this will be the end of me, Twilight thought to herself. She exited the bathroom and glanced at the clock. It read seven seven thirty. Twilight sighed and pushed open the door. Before she did, she called out for Spike.

"Spike, I'll be gone for a little bit! Have anything that's in the fridge!"

"Okay!" Spike yelled back. Satisfied, Twilight closed the door behind her and walked over to the boutique. It was a particularly cool evening, with the sunset just about to come down, and the moon just about to rise. While it was the night, nights around this time of year was surprisingly cool, which Twilight was honestly grateful for. Soon enough, Twilight found herself at the boutique, where Rarity resided. Twilight knocked the door and waited patiently for a reply.

"Coming, darling!" Rarity's muffled voice yelled out. A couple seconds later, the door swung open, Rarity standing at the middle of the door. She was wearing a red dress with a glowing sapphire necklace. If there was ever a standard for the amount of make-up on a mare's face, Rarity had over done it. Red glossy lip-stick smeared on Rarity's lip, and her cheeks was lightly powdered with pink circles.

"Twilight! You look stunning!" Rarity complimented.

"Thank you. So, where is this night-club?" Twilight asked.

"It's not very far. It will only take us a couple of minutes," Rarity said. The two walked down the streets of Ponyville, as the darkness shrouded the town, and bright lights started to turn on. The sound of blasting electronic music could be heard from a far distance, as the two mares walked to the night-club. Soon, the lighted sign was visible. It showcased a mare and a glass of alcohol. A long lenghty line of impatient mares crowded the club, with a big earth stallion blocking the entrance. Rather than standing in line, Rarity skipped the entire line and started up at the entrance. The stallion looked down at the two mares, Twilight looking a little nervous as she gulped.

"You two do know there is a line, right?" The stallion boomed. Rarity fluttered her eyelashes seductively.

"Oh, I think it's been a very long time since we met each other, haven't we?" The stallion looked puzzled, until he slammed his hoof against his face.

"Rarity! It's been a very long time!"

"My friend and I are just coming in for the evening, if that's okay with you?" Rarity asked sweetly. The stallion moved out of the way and opened the door for the two mares.

"My pleasure," The stallion said. Twilight and Rarity went inside the lively club. Inside, the room was filled with mares and stallions dancing at the dance floor to electronic music. The DJ scratched on her turntables as the music boomed the entire building. Twilight scanned the floor. All the stallions were either dancing with mares or were talking to each other romantically. Twilight sighed as the results made her feel hopeless.

"Twilight, what's wrong?" Rarity yelled over the loud music.

"I don't see any stallion. They're just with other mares!" Twilight yelled.

"Darling, you must give them time before they notice you! Here, let me take you to the bar!" Rarity pulled Twilight to the bar and sat her down on one of the red leather chairs. Rarity spoke to the bartender and ordered two drinks. The bartender slid the two drinks to the mares. Twilight looked at the alcoholic beverage and swirled it. Rarity had already took a sip of her drink.

"Why aren't you drinking?" Rarity asked.

"I don't know, I just don't feel up to it," Twilight answered gloomly. Rarity put a hoof on Twilight's shoulder.

"Twilight, no stallion would want to pick up a mare who's sulking in the bar. Liven up a little!" Twilight felt a little poke on her other shoulder. She glanced at the source. A half-drunken purple mare held a bottle in her other hoof as she slurred her words as she spoke.

"Yeah, you know, that gal is compleetely right, you know. Shez probably the greatest friend in, hic, the hole wide, hic, web..." She started to say before she was knocked unconsious and smashed her head on the bar table. Twilight looked at her in complete bewilderment. She glanced back at Rarity, who was in the middle of sipping her drink.

"You'll meet mares like that here and there," Rarity explained. Twilight nodded as the mare was carried by a bartender.

"Hey, who is your special stallion of the year, anyways?"

"Hm? Oh, he's lovely. A lovely stallion, indeed. Lovely..." Rarity said before she dropped the sentence.

"What's his name?"

"Not important."

"His name is Not Important?"

"What? No! That's not what I'm talking about!"

"Then what's his name?"

"Why do you have to be so intrusive?"

"What do you mean 'intrusive'? I just want to know what his name is. That's all."

"Just because you don't have a stallion means you have to pull me down too? Is that how it is?"

"What?! What are you talking about?"

"Look, I don't have a coltfriend, alright?! Now just be quiet!" The realization struck Twilight like a chord.

"Rarity, why didn't you tell me?" Twilight asked. Rarity sighed.

"Alright, I guess I haven't been so trustworthy. I didn't have a coltfriend, so while I was teaching you to get a stallion, I figured I could get one too on the side," Rarity explained with guilt in her tone. Twilight stared at Rarity with wide eyes. "I feel like a terrible friend."

"Rarity, that's not true. You were just trying to help me. It's perfectly okay to try to help yourself as well," Twilight sympathized. Rarity sniffed.

"You really think so?"

"I know so." Rarity and Twilight hugged and drank their beverages as the music got louder and louder. After a couple of minutes talking to each other at the bar, Twilight felt a light tap on her shoulder. Twilight looked behind her and found to be face to face to an absolutely marvelous stallion.

His mane was golden yellow, and his coat was ginger red. He was a large and athletic looking stallion, with the possible ability to lift very heavy objects. His face was handsome, and his mane was perfectly brushed. Twilight immediately felt her face blush as she saw this stallion. It almost seemed as if he, the stallion, was her perfect soul mate.

"Excuse me, miss. But I couldn't help but notice you sitting with no stallion at your side. Perhaps you care to join me?" the stallion asked. While Twilight knew that he was saying something romantic, Twilight couldn't hear anything over the loud music.

"I'm sorry, could you please speak up?!"

"Uh, do you want to come over to my table?!"

"What did you say?!"

"Can I eat with you?!

"Do you want to rape me?!" At that moment, instead of the loud pounding music and ponies dancing to the beat, it was replaced with the shrill cries of Twilight beating the stallion senseless with her chair repeadetly. Soon, the security guards came over and ripped Twilight from her spot, and also threw Rarity out as well. It was, to say, not a perfect evening.

"Well, that didn't go as planned," Twilight said as she sipped on her tea. The two were back at the library, while the two made tea. Spike was upstairs sleeping in his small bed while the two mares talked to each other late at night.

"Oh well. It was just another small wrinkle," Rarity replied.

"You know, maybe it doesn't really matter if we have coltfriends for Hearts and Hooves day. Can't we just enjoy it ourselves, just the both of us?" Twilight said. Rarity stared at Twilight.

"Is this a date?" Rarity asked seductively.

"Maybe?" The two laughed as they both enjoyed the rest of the night together.

Author's Note

This was a crazy one to write, but also just as similarly easy to write. This story reflects on my love life, which is almost non-existent. But hey, you can still enjoy it with a friend, even if their not your valentine.