The Replacement Letters

Dear Princess

Today I was mean to all my kin. I forced the youngsters to run like three miles then run a little more; I made the elderly's ears work even less than they already do because of some extremely loud sewing machines.

I just LOVE picking on my family.

Anyway my kinfolk sure are odd, what with them making me eat jam with somepony's false teeth still in it and all.

Applejack

PS: I wonder if fruit bats are edible?