Moe Szyslak In Equestria

by A Large Handsome Walrus

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Sex, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 914

Everyone's favourite bartender is magically transported to Equestria! He must battle Twilight's boyfriend Jason and Celestia herself to get back home!

Everyone's favourite bartender is magically transported to Equestria! He must battle Twilight's boyfriend Jason and Celestia herself to get back home!

Published 2014-02-13 11:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-13 11:10:02 UTC

Moe

Twilight was sitting in her room playing with herself.

"Arrg when is he gonna get her!" She shouted in sexual frustration. Suddenly her door burst open revealing her manfriend; he was really tall and his coat was graced with the most beautiful black and red stripes any pony had ever laid eyes on. He was also an alicorn just like Twilight. He was also a mysterious creature from another dimension called a 'human'. It was a good thing Celestia was able to change him into a very attractive god/pony just before their wedding. His name was Jason.

"Sup babe?" He asked very seductively, raising an eyebrow. This caused Twilight's cunt to spasm.

"Ahhh just fuck me already!" Twilight was on her period and couldn't handle any of the formalities right now.

"I thought you'd never ask!" Jason then jumped onto Twilight and injected his tongue into her mouth. Their tongues could only clash for a few moments before somepony crashed through the roof.

"D-Derpy! What the hell?!" Jason yelled in fright.

"O-oh I'm so sorry! I just don't know what went wrong!" Derpy stuttered back. There was a long awkward silence after that.

"I don't mind sharing." Twilight broke the silence. Derpy immediately smiled and jumped onto the bed. Now they were all having some kind of three way make out thingy. Like they're all licking each other's tongues. What I'm trying to describe is pretty hot trust me.

Suddenly another pony had just fallen through the roof. A mist of rubble and dust obscured the trio of kissing ponies from whom the perpetrator was.

"Please Celestia let it be Rainbow Dash!" Jason shouted in excitement. Once the dust had settled it unveiled the ugliest creature ponykind has ever seen.

"Hi I'm Moe." Said the creature nonchalantly as he was a famed dimension traveler and had seen worse before.

"Ahh what the hell is that!" Derpy shouted.

"Uhh wise guy huh?" Moe said back, pulling out a shotgun and unloading three slugs into the retarded pony's brain. "Natural selection bitch." He slung his gun around his shoulder.

"You monster!" Twilight gave a mighty beat with her wings and propelled herself towards the unknown creature. Moe simply backhanded her to the ground.

"Hah heh my power is to great!" Moe laughed.

"Hey!" Moe looked over to Jason who's eyes where now bright crimson, sparks of red electricity where emitting from his body. "Only I'm allowed to hit Twilight!" He then show a pulsing red beam of energy from his horn blasting Moe through the wall onto the street. Moe was now face first into the dirt road. He picked himself up.

"You fookin wot m8?!" Moe shouted at the top of his lungs before flying back towards Jason; delivered a mighty punch directly to his face. Moe powered up his heat vision but Jason turned around and bucked him in the face. Causing Moe to go into a daze on the ground, he had a flashback to his birthday one year before.

Moe was driving along a dirt road out in the forest with his main man Mr Krabs.

"Yo where is these hoes you promished Kraps?" Asked Moe in a drunken slur.

"Yar shiver me bitches! Over thar yar!" Mr Kraps pointed a claw to a large building in the distance called "Der Hure Haus".

"This better be worth it!" Replied Moe and started to drive towards it. The countryside was beautiful this time of year. The trees where all blessed with a generous coating of snow sprinkled on top. Suddenly the car jolted upwards violently.

"Yarrr what was that?!" Exclaimed the crab.

"I think we ran over something, I'll go check it out." Moe grabbed a fleshlight and proceeded to get out of the car. He shone the light around eventually spotting a large lump laying on the ground. "Oh God..." Moe attempted to run through the snow towards the creature hoping it wasn't dead. Once he got a look at its face he had confirmed his fears, it was his best friend, Gandalf. "Oh God, Gandalf! Wake up man! Wake up!" Moe shook Gandalf in an attempt to revive him.

"Heil Deutschland!" Shouted Gandalf, springing to life.

"Oh thank the heavens!"

"Don't thank them yet! Go get your gun!" Gandalf exclaimed.

"What? Wh-" Moe suddenly noticed literally hundreds of power rangers charging a them. Gandalf began zapping them with his magic.

"Hurry now!" Gandalf shouted at Moe. Moe then tried to sprint through the almost knee-deep snow. His shotgun was kept at the back of his truck just in case of emergencies. He turned around to see Gandalf being dog-piled by dozens of Power Rangers. Moe shot off a couple but there where just too many. Gandalf started glowing and let out a powerful shockwave blasting all of the power rangers off of him, the remaining rangers started to go into retreat. Gandalf collapsed.

"Gandalf!" Moe ran to help his friend. He knelt next to him. "Are you OK?" Gandalf coughed and shuddered.

"My name's Dumbledore you thunderfuck!" Dumbledore had stopped breathing. Moe just put his head on Gandalf's chest and began sobbing.

Moe could hear a chorus of cheers from all around him. Slowly opening his eyes he could see Jason being picked up by an assortment of ponies they were all cheering "Jason the Beast Slayer". Moe stood up. and glared at him and whipped a tear away from his eye.

"I'm doing this for you, Gandalf."