Specimen:ANDREW

by The Snazzy Hat

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Main 6, Lyra, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 8151

After a gigantic snowstorm, Twilight discovers something nopony ever thought they'd see.

When the blizzard struck, it was fierce.nearly half of Ponyville lay in ruins, and even mountains had crumbled under the wild winds. When Twilight and her friends are tasked with cleaning up the mess, they find something much more than they bargined for...

When I stepped out into the cold that morning, i didn't expect it to turn out like this. Sure, my coat shielded my body from the wind, but the ghastly cold peirced through it like an arrow. I was only going to the store to get some food, but the snow was too deep. I had managed to get myself lost, but that's probably becaues I had a history of having no sense of direction. But something was off. There were too many trees. I counted two of them. Far to many for a city. I heard something up above. But that was all I heard.

Disclaimer: This is my first multi-chaptered fan fic. Please be civil and (hopefully) posotive in the comments. I could use good advice for future fics!

Published 2012-03-30 00:34:09 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-25 13:00:42 UTC

The Blizzard

The terrible blizzard had come at last. It was completely out of control. The weather team had tried to stop it, but it was just too fast.
The blizzard had rolled in from the Everfree forest and was now heading straight for Ponyville. The ponies had only time to make mediocre defences against the ravaging winds and pelting snow. The hasty defences held for a while, but the ravaging winds and raging snows were just too much.
Even the unicorn’s magic could not stop the inexplicable phenomenon. Speaking of which, Twilight Sparkle was feverishly searching her library for a book to explain what was happening. The other ponies, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were all barricading windows, closing doors and (in Fluttershy’s case) hiding under tables.
Spike had been woken amongst all the panic from his dreams of ice cream, Rarity, precious stones, Rarity and precious stones made to look like Rarity and was helping Twilight find the book. He was also using all the books Twilight had thrown around as a weight against the door.
Some of those books were REALLY heavy. But still, the winds kept lashing through the pages of the books to creep up the spines of all ponies present.

I had just shut the door to my house. My keys felt colder than ice in my pocket as I waded through the deep snow on the street. The concrete had been iced over by the cold Canadian winter, and the snow didn’t do much to help either.
The snow was so deep, even the city’s great snow ploughs had become bogged. I chuckled at the irony of it all.
I had to readjust my hood to keep it from blowing off. The icy winds did nothing to help me. All I wanted was a nice warm cup of soup! I didn’t care if it came in a packet or a tin! I just wanted some soup!
The terrible, ghastly cold ripped through the air, and pierced my jacket. The snow bounced harmlessly off my sleeves, but the wind, that terrible, roaring wind! It chilled to the bone and ran through my brain! I began to feel woozy, and this allowed enough space for the wind to seek its chance and knock me into a snowdrift.
Brushing the sleet from my jacket, I walked on into the blizzard, with a vague knowledge of where I was going. Then my world started to change. Streetlights shifted into trees, buildings faded into stone and the ground gave way to rock hard icy soil. I never noticed any of this. The blizzard was clouding my thoughts and vision. It was the only thing that stayed the same. I had only one desire. Soup. Unfortunately, the blizzard was cruel.
Far above me, a large rock tilted perilously on a peak. It fell, and with deadly accuracy, hit my skull with a sickening crack.

A large bear was just coming back to its cave. She had just finished hunting for her cub, and the salmon was still hanging limp from her mouth when she saw the…THING in front of her cave.
She sniffed at the thing and nudged it gently. It was dead. She threw the salmon to her cub and went to inspect the strange creature. It appeared to have a silky coat, but not of fur, scales or hide like anything she had ever seen! The only hair it had was a long, coarse tuft on the top of its head that hung down to its shoulders.
The thing had weird claws at the end of its long arms, and it appeared to have hooves, but yet, they were flexible, almost springy. The bear sniffed at it again, and saw a large rock nearby. The bear looked up, and saw a very familiar rock missing from the archway of her cave.
That thing, whatever it was, was dead now. The bear turned around and lumbered into its cave, satisfied that the creature would not attack its cub.

The storm had finally passed. The weather teams from all across Equestria had come in an emergency rush to aid in removing the storm. Princess Celestia herself even came to oversee the blizzard removal. If they hadn’t done anything quickly, the storm could have raged on for months. Maybe YEARS!
Twilight and her friends were surveying the damage. After walking around for a moment, they came upon Lyra and Bon-Bon’s home. Lyra waved as Bon-Bon continued with the repairs.
“Hi Twilight!” Lyra said “Fierce storm huh?”
“I’m just glad nopony was hurt.” Twilight said, genuinely relived. There were many bumps, cuts and bruises, but nothing major or lethal. Those that did suffer mild injuries were being tended to by the hospital ponies.
“That’s true. I hope we can get all this snow cleared up soon. Kinda weird how a snowstorm blows in from the Everfree forest in the middle of Spring isn’t it?”
“Sure is. I don’t quite think that we can blame it on Windegoes either.” Twilight chuckled “We were heading over to Fluttershy’s cottage to survey the damage. Do you think you can help?”
“Sure!” Lyra said. Bon-Bon was struggling with a large 2x4 as she witnessed her roommate run off with the other ponies.
“Not busy at all eh?”

FLuttershy’s cottage was wrecked. Windows had been smashed in, furniture had been turned over, and an entire wall had been broken down by the sheer strength of the howling winds.
Fluttershy’s cottage was right near the Everfree forest, so it bore the full brunt of the storm. Twilight had begun drawing up a plan, and soon enough, everypony got to work. Even Rarity, after dressing in her “fabulositised builder’s dress” began sawing and hammering away at the old cottage.

It had been over three days since construction had started, and they were still struggling refurbishing the living room.
“Maybe it’s because SOMEPONY lost the schematics while fixing her diamond encrusted tool belt!” Rainbow Dash pointed accusingly at a horrified Rarity
“How DARE you! Fashion must always come first in any situation!”
“Ah hate to disagree with ya sugarcube, but bein’ practical is the best thing.” Applejack tried to interject
“HA! You see Rarity, Applejack agrees with me!”
“What? Rainbow, stop draggin’ me inter yer fights.”
“I am not fighting!”
Twilight was sick to the teeth with it. Plus, she hadn’t gone to the bathroom in over three hours!
Since repairs on the bathroom had been postponed, Twilight decided that she would sneak off behind a tree to relive herself. Passing by the dust cloud that was thrown up between the fight between Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Pinkie Pie (somehow) she wandered off behind the trees.
She thought she should get a good distance before reliving herself. If you can’t see them, doesn’t mean they can’t see you. She looked back to see that she was a good distance away.
Satisfied, she turned around to do her business. She stared at the human corpse for a good five minutes. On the bright side, she didn’t need to go to the toilet anymore.

Fluttershy was the first pony to hear Twilight’s screams. After trying to stop the fight, she fell back on utilizing a certain Minotaur’s tactics.
After getting the other ponies back in line she told them about Twilight. Fearing for their friend, they raced out to the forest to find her.
It wasn’t all that hard. The screams of abject terror gave it away. After discovering Twilight in the foetal position, the ponies stared at the corpse in front of them. It was face down in the deep snow.
“I think this…THING might have died from a concussion.” Rainbow Dash explained, breaking the silence “The position of the body explains that it was an accident, and the projectile, probably a rock of some kind, fell from a great height in order to smash the skull.”
The other ponies starred at Rainbow Dash in utter disbelief, creating yet another awkward pause.
“Okay, I’ve been reading a lot of crime novels. I can’t help it!” Rainbow said, hunching her shoulders slightly.
Lyra was amazingly fascinated by the creature however. She gently nuzzled the thing’s claws and moved them one by one, gently rolling them about to see how it all worked.
“Well, I have no idea what this thing is, or how it got here, but it needs closer study.” Twilight said “I need to write a letter to the princess right away. SPIKE!!!”
“Yes Twilight?” Spike said, puffing as if having finished running a marathon
“Get this down. It’s an emergency letter to the princess. We need her top scientists right away.”
Twilight and Spike walked off to wait for the princess or her scientists to arrive.

Death. It’s not as interesting, or as boring as everyone thinks. There’s just…Nothing. Some may call this the very essence of boring, but for something to be boring, it must be something first. But there was Nothing. Just a white, empty void.
I could hear footsteps. They clicked as if someone was wearing tap shoes.
Suddenly the whiteness had disappeared. I was now in an office. Not any kind of weird office with skulls and cobwebs, but a rather normal looking office. Save for a skeleton with piercing white eyes staring into your very soul sitting in the chair behind the desk wearing a steel grey suit that looked worth its weight in souls and a tie as black as any abyss. If he had any hair, it would almost certainly be slicked back.
“Ah, good to see you Andrew.” Death said. Death himself was a seemingly pleasant person. I tried to speak, but I couldn’t say a word. Even if I could, I doubt anything would come out besides a frightened whimper.
“Well well well. You’ve had quite the busy afternoon.” Death leaned back into his leather armchair, sliding his fingers together with the sound of an abacus. He lifted a hand into the air and snapped his fingers, a rather impressive feat, and appeared an old and yellowed folder, bound with leather cord.
“I’ve reviewed your file, and it seems that you’re cleared for the afterlife.” Death then took on a deadly serious tone “The trouble is, which afterlife do you belong to?”
Death stood and then slowly paced around the room. “The thing is Andrew, you’ve been stirring up quite a lot of trouble for me. If word gets out you’ve crossed dimensions, my boss is going to fire me for sure. I know it’s not in my department, but since you DIED over there, it’s become my business. And dimension hopping is a very serious business.”
“A lot of humans don’t know this but human souls have a warranty. It allows you to be entered into the afterlife, no questions asked. IF you can keep the warranty intact that is. The warranty can be considered null and void if you partake in any crime involving murder, theft, arson or any form of violence OR tear the fabric of space and time either accidentally or intentionally. This warranty can be refreshed by joining any religion, and basically becoming a zealot.”
“But to get back on track, since you’ve entered another dimension, this can consider you warranty void, yes? Not exactly. You see, you managed to enter the other dimension without causing reality to fold itself into a paper aeroplane. Believe me, it’s happened before. Want to know how the dinosaurs ACTUALLY died? It took me fifty thousand years to clean up that mess. So now, we want to know how you got to that other universe.”
The office had changed again. I was being led by Death down a hallway to a laboratory. All they wanted was some tests. Shouldn’t be that bad.

Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Lyra were in a laboratory, examining the dead human.
One of the inspectors trotted around him, occasionally prodding and poking him, or using her magic to lift his head or limbs. She opened the human’s mouth and manoeuvred the overhead light to shine in his mouth.
“Judging by the teeth, I’d say his species was omnivorous.” The nurse said. A pony on the foot of the bed scribbled onto the notepad. They had found out his gender the hard way.
“The legs are a lot stronger than the arms, so it hints at him being bi-pedal, but he has no tail to balance him. Inconclusive.”
The nurse had found Rainbow Dash’s theory of how he perished to be perfectly valid, as did the forensics team. They said if Rainbow Dash ever wanted to join, she should send a letter.
The skull was shattered at the point of impact, but the rest of the body was fine. The nurse had used her magic to knit the bones back into place, but it would still have to take time to strengthen again.
Twilight decided her talents would be best suited to combing through books, so she teleported herself into the palace library. She scoured every possible surface for anything on the strange creatures, but nothing on the strange, possible bi-pedal creatures. Mythical Mysteries, Weird Wanderers: A Collection of Odd Migratory Creatures, Magical Monstrosities…
No book Twilight read through had ANYHING on any form of bipedal creature.
Exasperated, Twilight teleported back to the research wing to see the nurse rifling through his pockets. The nurse pulled out a small package of what looked like… LEATHER! Rarity held her hoof in front of her mouth when she saw this, as did a lot of the other ponies. The nurse carefully examined a small piece of paper inside the leather bag and she breathed a sigh of relief.
“The bag is made of faux leather. These creatures, whatever they are, appear to have a form of currency. Sheets of green paper and silver coins. Small cards of cardboard, but also of something else.” She said, taking out a credit card and examining it closely. “This requires molecular examination. Applejack, could you please take this to the lab?”
“Uh, sure, I guess…” Applejack said as she took the card in her mouth and trotted off to the laboratory. The examination of the corpse continued.

Bhudda. I was speaking to FREAKING BHUDDA! The tests conducted concluded that there was nothing special about me, and that I was cleared for the afterlife. Death was just about to send me on my way when he got a page. It seemed my afterlife had been overridden by higher authority for a reincarnation!
So I had been ushered down another corridor to the Department of Reincarnations. The head of the department just happened to be Bhudda himself!
“Well, it seems you have been due for a reincarnation.” Bhudda said, setting down the paperwork on his nick-knack encrusted desk. Bonsai trees, gongs, crystals and even a miniature waterfall in the corner covered the office in a sense of calm and serenity. Even Death was at peace here. “But it appears to be in another realm than your own!”
“I know this seems unconventional Bhudda, but these orders come right from the top.” Death explained. Budda sighed deeply.
“Well, if it’s a direct order, there’s nothing I can do about it. Here.” He said, handing me a passport. “This will allow your soul to enter back into your old body.” I took the passport in my hand and the office began to spin. I felt a sharp pain in my head that faded to a dull throbbing. Eventually, everything went black.

The ponies had found out everything they possibly could by checking his outer person. Nothing more could be done. To find out more about his anatomy, the princess herself had ordered a complete autopsy. None of them noticed, but subtle forms of life began to return to the motionless corpse as they prepared the tools.

I woke with a start. Bright light. Antiseptic smell. Scalpel. Operating masks. I knew where I was. I let out a piercing scream, and the surgeons reeled back in surprise
I swung my legs over the operating table and tried to make a break for it. The door burst open and I spilled out into the corridor. I could hear the surgeons running after me as I sprinted down the corridor. It was strange. There seemed to be more footfalls than there were surgeons.
I had to keep running. More importantly, I had to find some clothes. I ducked into a supply closet and waited for the surgeons to pass. I tried to find something to cover myself, but there was nothing in the closet that could fit me, or anyone for that matter. I couldn’t run around in my underwear forever! He needed to find his clothes.
Peeking out into the corridor, I saw nothing coming or going, so I made a run for it. I traced my steps back to the operating theatre and saw my clothes lying neatly on a table. Hurrying them on, I looked for the nearest window.
‘You’re in an operating theatre dummy.’ I thought to myself angrily ‘There ARE no windows!’
I pushed open the door and looked around. Seeing nothing, I quickly searched for a window. I looked over and saw a giant stained glass image. That would work. I ran forward and leapt through, when all too late, I realised that I was on the second floor.

Lyra was wandering around the courtyard. She had double checked every book Twilight found that might contain any reference to humans, but to no avail. Lyra heard a great crash from above.
She then saw the thing from before, alive and well, screaming his head off as he plummeted to meet Lyra. She tried to stop him with her magic, but he was just going too fast. The bipedal creature crashed into Lyra, knocking her to the ground. The collision knocked both human and pony unconscious.

Well, that was the first chapter. Did you like it? Hopefully I'll be able to write much more since the holidays are coming up, but still, even to me now, the wonourous land of Skyrim calls to me... I have to run. I have armor to smith and dragons to punch to death!

Necessary Precautions

Death sighed as he walked down the bright hallway. Poor kid. A reincarnation was a rough thing. First you have to get used to your new body, then you have to discipline yourself to not give into your primal urges to allow yourself to be reincarnated again, and THEN you had to pray to every god imaginable that you'd become human again. Which in most cases, you didn't. You had to work your way up a ladder of species and if you were reincarnated as a worm, may God have mercy on your soul.
Death stopped suddenly. This last thought made him think. Death put a bony fist up to his chin as he walked into his office. This Andrew kid had done some rotten things in his life. Nothing really major like murder or theft, but enough to get him bumped down to a house pet or something.

"So why is he still human?" Death said to himself, his cold voice reverberating off the walls of his office. This was getting interesting. Not the good type of interesting that gets you excited and happy, but the bad type, which sits in your stomach and slowly gains weight as you become closer to an impending doom.Death couldn't stand the heaviness in his non-existant belly any longer. He had to visit the Department of Reincarnations again.

The ponies had gathered around the operating table, looking down at the odd creature that had caused them so much trouble. They were all back in the lab, and were to be joined by Princess Celestia shortly. From the weird bag, they were able to determine his name. The odd part was, the strange creatures wrote in perfectly fluent Equestrian!
Thinking he was dangerous from the whole jumping-out-of-a-window thing, they had strapped him down using several belts and ropes. Lyra had regained conciusness, but the dubbed 'Specimen: ANDREW' was showing no signs of waking up. They didn't have very long to wait though.

I had a weird dream. Taling with Death, getting a passport from Buddha, waking up in the middle of my own autopsy, running in my underwear from butchering surgeons and jumping out of a stained glass window. That was pretty badass.
Suddenly I woke up. I was back on the operating table. This time, there were straps holding me down. The surgeons were still there, and they hadn't removed their masks. I started screaming. I tried to snap the restraints, but to no avail. One of the surgeons began barking orders. I looked to my side to find a group of coloured ponies. They looked like the ones my little sister had before I moved away. One of the doctors shoved a mask to my face and began talking in a soothing voice.

"Easy there, easy, easy..."

'Funny,' I thought before blacking out 'Skin isn't usually purple...'

The ponies breathed a sigh of relif. The thing's screaming was... Terrifying to say the least.

"What was THAT all about?" Rainbow Dash yelled, crossing her forelegs in front of her in mid air "It just started screaming for no reason!"

"Well imagine you waking up in the middle of an operating theatre with a bunch of weird creatures you've never seen before trying to cut you open!" Lyra barked

"We weren't doing that!"

"We were at first! Although to be fair, it seemed he was pretty dead."

"But we weren't now! There was no need to..."

"Girls, PLEASE!" Twilight said, seperating the unicorn and pegasus with her magic "It seems introductory communications have broken down. We may need to move him to a place less..."

"Stressful?" Said the princess as she walked into the room. The ponies bowed.

"Yes your highness. Thank you." Twilight said, raising her head to meet the princess' gaze "We uncovered this strange beast near the Everfree Forest. I don't think it's from here."

"Well, it's definately not like anything i've ever seen." Said the princess as she walked over to the operating table. She was lying. She new perfectly well what this thing was. Trouble.

"I think if you take him over to your library to give him a proper introduction, he will be less hostile."

"Thank you Princess." Twilight said, bowing again "Come on everypony. Let's take Andrew to the library."

Death knocked on the door of Buddha's office. He was meditating, as usual, and was severly annoyed when he heard the loud rapping of knuckles on wood. Grumbling, he opened the door.

"Ah, old friend. What can I..."

"No time for plesentaries Buddha, there's something strange going on." Death said as he shut the door behind him and locked it. Death never locked doors unless it was very important.

"Well let's hear it then." Buddha said as they sat down.

"Normally a person is reincarnated as a lower form of life. But with our friend Andrew, it's a different story."
Buddha was intrigued. "Go on."

"You see, Andrew was to be reincarnated, but he was instead returned to his original body. Remember?"

"Damn!" Buddha yelled "Damn that paperwork! It just twists and turns and then there's that whole business of loopholes! So it was a resserection you say?"

"Not quite. You see, to be a ressurection, an source outside our organization needs to make contact with me. Then i need to take the soul of one living person to give them back the other one. I didn't need to do it, but it was a sort of equivlant exchange thing, but then i started mutilating the bodies or personalites just to show them that ressurection didn't mean eternal life. But then that whole necromancy business started and then i was forced to close the whole thing down alltogether."

"Yes, that was particularly troublesome in Europe wasn't it?"

"Definately. But i still think Africa was worse. Anyway, Andrew has been, in effect, ressurected from within our organization. Probably to suit one of our co-worker's purpouses."

"So who do you think it might be?"

"To be honest, i haven't the foggiest..."

I woke again. Blinking the sunlight out of my eyes, I noticed I was sleeping in a bed that was far too small for me. Then I heard the voices from downstairs. It wasn't a dream. I looked at the room surrounding me. The room appeared to have been carved out of a very larg tree. Books were piled up i corners, lying in bookshelves and there were even some hanging from the rafters. Hurrying his clothes on, he started his descent down the stairs.

Twilight Sparkle and her friends were all talking about Andrew. So far, judging on developments from the princess and several books about space and time, they had constructed a theory.

Andrew Gibbins was not from their world. He may have come from a different planet, or universe alltogether, and arrived in Equestria through some means of teleportation magic. Though what kind of magic was yet to be discovered. From examining his body and finding no magical implements of any kind, they learned that his species was incapable of magical abilities, so there must have been something else that sent him to Equestria. How he could write and speak fluent Equestrian remained a mystery. His species was omnivorous, so they must have been intellegant to determine what foods are edible. Especially since there would be may poisonous plants and small animals in his world.

The train of though was interrupted by a faint creaking at the stairs. The ponies turned around to see Andrew doing his best to blend into a wall.

"Hello Andrew." Twilight Sparkle said calmly, moving a chair over to the circle "Please, have a seat."

"What." Was all Andrew could muster at that point. He was having a weird day. First he teleported into a completely different universe in a snowstorm while trying to go shopping for soup, promptly died in said new universe, became resurrected, woke up during his own autopsy (something he never thought he'd get over), jumped out a giant stained glass window on the second story of a castle, wound up back on the operating table and now he was being interviewed by several colourful talking ponies. And they could do magic to boot.
Needless to say, Andrew did the only rational thing. He nodded and walked over to sit down.

"How do you know my name?" he asked. He never actually said anything to the ponies beforehand, just screamed wildly. One of the unicorns used her magic to quickly scribble in her noebook.

"We saw some minor identification while going through your personal belongings. We've never seen anything like you Andrew, and we belive that you are not actually FROM this world." Twilight said calmly "If you could tell us more about yourself, that would further our oppourtunity for research."
Andrew mulled over this. Research. Clearly he was completely, undoubtedly insane. But, no monsters had come out of the walls to eat his eyelids right off his face, so he decided to roll with it.

"My full name is Andrew Gibbins. I am 32 years old and I live, or used to live, in Toronto, Canada. I lived alone in my apartment and never really had much of a social life, but i managed to pick up some good friends here and there. I never really keep my height and weight measurements in mind, and i'm not very athletic. I spend most of my time eating, sleeping, working and playing video games. That's pretty much it really."

"Okay." said Twilight, writing evey detail down in her notebook "So tell us more aout your species."

Terrible thoughts filled Andrews mind at once, crowding eachother out to get to the limelight. Eventually, Andrew made a completely factual answer.

"My species is called humans, or Homosapiens. We are bipedal, intellegant and omnivorous creatures. We have built great cities and mighty civilisations, all with different languages and cultures. We were able to rise amongst the beasts because of our abilities to use tools and our apposible thumbs." He said, wriggling his digits for effect
"Unfortunately, our brains, and all of our cultures revolve around fighting. Humans will fight, enslave and massacre each other over even trivial matters such as skin colour or belif. One of the worst wars in human history, of which there have been many, was when an unspeakbly evil man led his nation to attempt to conquer the world. He mercilessly executed people while leading his nation to do his personal bidding."

The ponies were dumbfounded. These 'humans' appeared to be savge, warlike creatures, wich want nothing but fighting and war. Andrew saw their expressions and bowed his head.

"But there have been many great things humans have achieved by working together! We have scaled mountains, cured deadly diseases, and even set foot on our moon! By working together people defeated that evil man and prevented him from killing millions more! When humans work together, despite our differences, we become unimaginably strong."

Hearing this filled all the ponies with new happiness. Knowing that humans have done good things replaced the previous scenes of depression and war.

"HOLD IT!" Pinkie Pie yelled suddenly, jumping down from her stool "I know we've heard all the good and bad stuff of your kind, but you've left out one VERY IMPORTANT DETAIL!"

Pinkie paced around Andrews stool before standing in front of him, and with a completely straight face and flat voice, she lifted a cupcake to his eyes and said:
"Do you like cupcakes?"

How could he say no to a question like that?

Celestia had had a busy day. After that human showed up, she hd lost all concentration for her daily tasks. She had made a pact with those idiots at the Afterlife Management Corporation. No reincarnees were to enter Equestria, human or not! The last human in Equestria almost triggered a thousand year war between unicorns and earth ponies! She would not let it happen again!
Storming into her chamber, she conjoured a sleek quill and the finest parchment. She wrote a hastly letter and then sent it out of her existance. Hopefully it would arrive in a few minutes. That human HAD TO GO.

Hi guys! Hopefully this is a lot less like a complete wall of text and I have detcted no plot holes. AT ALL. Enjoy!
P.S: I've been thinking of changing the name. How does Specimin:ANDREW sound? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

The Plot Thickens...

This was bad. Death had just gotten the princess' letter. Words could not formulate how bad this could potentially be. Humans were bad business in Equestria. Through no fault of their own, they had caused riots, war and even full blown rebellion! War in Equestria had not happend since the times that the three tribes were seperated!
Death stood up violently from his desk, and strode out the door. Before turning down the corridor, he bumped into an old aquaintence of his. One of his fellow Horsemen.

"Hello." grunted War. The violent diety was never one for the current business model. He still wore his ancient and bloodstained armour, which creaked and squealed in protest as he moved.
He had his trademark battleaxe strapped to his back with cracked leather cords. The axe itself was horrifying to gaze upon. It had seemed to be forged out of bones and flesh, and some parts were still bleeding. They had been for countless milenia. The blade itself was very long, almost covering half of the handle, and it was styled to look like the gaping jaws of a dragon. War was, what one might say, a traditionalist. While the other dietys such as himself, Buddha and even The Devil had moved on to streamlined business practices, War stuck with his tried and true method. Killing everything in sight to sake his appetite for destruction.

"Hello War." Death replied, as coldly as he could manage. This was in fact, very cold. "I see you've managed to get in without causing too much of a fuss."

"They wouldn't let me in the building at first. I smashed one of their faces in."

"Oh good." Death said calmly. The last time he was there he'd nearly slaughtered half the Corporation! "It's nice to know you're finally showing some self control."

War flared his nostrils. He rammed Death up to a wall and pinned him with his fist. He growled for a moment befor letting him down. While it may not seem like it, War was the weakest of the horsemen. Death was the strongest, Pestilence was next and before War was Famine. The order however was constantly fluxuating before the forming of the Corporation. It was sort of a game to pass the time in their immortality. War put his armoured fists at his side.

"I came to tell you that you should keep your nose out of things you don't understand." He said, and with that, he walked out, occasionally breaking something of value.

That was very much unlike War. Normally, he would have disconnedcted his bones one by one, until Death put himself back together. War was up to something, and Death knew exactly what it was.

We had gotten the introductions out of the way fairly quickly. They were already very familiar with my name. I suppouse if you see someone wake up when someone else is removing your organs deems rememberance. But now I was being dragged around the small town by a quite possibly insane pink pony. I am yet to remember her name.
'Surprise'. I think...
Anyway, We had stopped at a large building that looked a lot like a gingerbread house. And from seeing many miscelanious bite marks, I immeadiatley assumed it was made from it too. But then again, that could have just been the sugar-rushing pink pony that did that. She seemed crazy enough.

"And THIS is Sugarcube Corner!" She squealed. I got up from being dragged around on the street to look at it, spitting gravel out of my mouth.

"NIce place." I said

"It's better than nice silly!" she said, jumping up to look into my eyes, and hanging there for a good five seconds "It's amziyfabytabulous!!! Let me show you inside!"

She grabbed my leg again as she dragged me up the stairs. I might not have teeth to eat anything with if she continues at this rate.

Pinkie was giving another one of her infamous whirlwind tours of Ponyville. They mainly involved dragging ponies by their hind legs through town. After a few new ponies had come to Ponyville, a deep trench had formed in the ground.
This just happened to be the trench Twilight fell in when she learned of Pinkie's 'Pinkie Sense'. All the other ponies could do was wait for Pinkie to return Andrew to them so they could continue their questions.
Rarity was still to ask about fashion and doomed to be dissapointed, Rainbow Dash began to wonder what kind of sports they had (But she also wanted to know about their adventure books) but Twilight was beggining to wonder about more complicated things, such as their abilty to balance, thought process, anatomy, et cetera, et cetera.

All Andrew was worried about was wether or not Ponyville had a good dentist.

"Are the preperations set?"

"Yes sir. We are approaching the specimin as we speak."

"Good. I want him in the experimentation tank as soon as possible. If we want Equestria to fall, we need that human!"

"Yes sir."

Pinkie Pie had almost dragged Andrew throught the entire town when her tail started twitching. When she looked up, a black form swooped overhead. Moments later, a thick cloud of smoke was released from a dropped canister on the ground. The same black figure landed quitely on the ground and stabbed a needle into the captive. After pushing the injection into him, the assailant launched into the sky.
When the smoke cleared, Pinkie looked around for Andrew. Then it hit her. With her hair deflated and tears in her eyes, she ran to Twilight with terrible news.

War stood atop a thatched roof, watching a pink streak rush through the village. War had seen her with the human before. Maybe she knew where he was. Leaping from the roof, onto the back of a passing pony, crushing it with his mighty boots, he ran through the street, knocking equines out of his path.

The pony War landed on however, was surprisingly fine. He was completely bewildered, and his back was quite sore, but he was alright. He was just about to question why this was, when he remembered something his life depended on.

Pinkie was just about to turn the corner to the library, when War smacked the back of his great gauntlets into her, knocking her unconcious. Grunting with satisfaction, the Diety of Destruction picked up his prize and vanished into an alley.

Celestia was in bed. After the events that transpired at the research facility, she had been hit with traumatic visions of the past. War, riots, blood, gore and hatred swarmed in her mind like vicious parasprites. A knock came at the door. Celestia unlocked the door and opened it. Her top researcher, Dr. Psych, walked in with a gim face and dire news.

"The magical tracking sensor on Andrew has ceased functioning." She said fearfully.

"Which cause?"

"Destruction."

"Magical?"

"I'm afraid so."

Celestia sighed heavily. This did not bode well.

"So they finally got him..."

Twilight was distraught, as were many of the other ponies. They had just heard that both Andrew AND Pinkie Pie had been attacked and kidnapped! They appeared to have been abducted by a group calling themselves the New Equestria Federation. An anarchist group that had been around since ancient times. They had attempted to ususrp the throne countless times, and had all but disappeared after the last war. Something had caused a resurgance.

I woke up. Whatever had attacked me had injected me with some powerful tranqulizer, as i was still feeling woozy and my vision was blurred. Reality slammed back into place. I was in another laboratory. More imoprtantly, i was inside a tube filled with green liquid, with wires hooded up all over my body. My hands and feet had been restrained to the sides of the tank, and i had a respirator on my face, feeding me musty, cold air.
I heard voices. Voices muffled by the green liquid. My heart was beating faster as i pulled against my bonds. The voices were faster now. More urgent. I felt myself slipping again. Soon i was unconcious.

Make Like A Banana...

Author's Note: Dear god this has been a long time coming. Sorry about the wait guys, but i've had mor important things on my mind. But, today i will finish this chapter, even if it turns out terrible. Buck it, i just want this finished!

The blue pony donned his labcoat and trotted cautiously into the laboratory.
Scientists were testing samples of their new specimen for secretive projects set personally by the Chairman himself. The specimen itself, codenamed ANDREW was unconcious inside its bubbling tank. The Chairman wanted Equestria, and this? THIS is how he would take it?
This human had to be more than what he seemed...

While I was in the tank, I had a lot of time to dream. Gliding over green glades, surfing on a pristine beach and, for some reason, the old spice guy. Over time, my dream state became more and more twisted. The glades became dry and withered, the beaches became filthy and littered, and the old spice guy disappeared. The sun became unforgiving and harsh as it beat down onto the world. Everything turned grey and dull, and a mocking laughter filled the air. I looked around but found nothing to see.

The world slowly faded to black.

The blue pony pushed buttons and pulled switches. The scientists in the laboratory put up a tough fight, but he managed to knock them all out cold. If he managed to free the thing in the tank, Equestria might not fall just yet.

Pinkie Pie awoke in a darkened room. A leering face looked at her from behind a battle worn visor.
"WHERE IS THE HUMAN!" he roared. Pinkie could not let out more than a whimper.
"WHERE IS HE? TELL ME NOW BEFORE I DESTROY THIS PITIFUL TOWN!"
Once again, Pinkie could only remain silent from fear. Annoyed, War sent a gauntlet crashing into Pinkie. She was sent flying across the room and landed in a heap in the corner.
War strode across the room and picked her up my the neck with a massive gauntlet. One that had seen the countless destruction of countless species.
"I... I don't know..." Pinkie managed to groan. War slammed her into the wall and roared in her face.
"LIES! TELL ME NOW BEFORE I CRUSH YOU!!!"
"You're ma-making a huge mistake..." Pinkie Pie whispered before secreaming from sheer agony as War squeezed th pony in his grasp.
"THAT'S IT YOU INSIGNIFICANT LITTLE WORM! I'M GOING TO CRUSH THIS TOWN, YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FAMILY IF YOU DO NOT TELL ME WHERE THE HUMAN IS!!!"

When Pinkie didn't respond, War hurled he to the ground. She lay in a corner, sitting upright, head bowed like a stuffed animal.

"You want to know that badly?"

"AH NOW YOU UNDERSTAND. TELL ME WHERE..." War stared at the pink mare. something seemed... off to him. His finely tuned battle training, his instincts, were all overcome in one powerful wave of dread. War stared as the pony's mane drooped to one side, perfectly straight. Pinkie Pie stood up on her hind legs and spoke in an almost demonic voice.

"You would go so far as to hurt my friends in pursuit of your own selfish want for destruction?"
She advanced on War. It was clear to him now that this was not the same pony he was interrogating moments before. The pink mare stopped, her eyes still closed.

She snapped open her eyes. All the warmth, kindness and happiness of the world seemed absent in those eyes. They were souless, black spheres with no pupils or irises. Then she spoke in a voice that surpassed the Royal Canterlot Voice in sheer volume and intensity.

"THAT IS SOMETHING I CANNOT ALLOW!!!"

Oh man, what a headache. I hear a loud siren. The liquid from my containment unit was draining. A pony was running around franticly, blocking doors and windows. I began to pull the wires from my body. Good thing they left my underpants on. I wouldn't want to be running around another high security research facility buck naked.
Anyway, the blue pony eventually let me out of my tube. He tossed me my clothes.

"Put those on and follow me! We don't have much time!"

"Okay, but tell me who you are first!"

"Listen when I tell you important things! There is no time for introductions! Right now, all you have to worry about is getting the buck out of here before the NEF find you and stick you back in the tube!"

"Uh, sure." I say, hurrying my clothes on.

The royal guards had arrived at the NEF headquaters and were currently fighting for the entrance. Princess Celestia found it hard to watch. In her entire lifetime of ruling Equestria, she never thought she'd have to witness something so violent since the first Human War. The injured began pilng up, but the royal guards were pushing through. Just a bit more, and they'd have the entrance.

Death broke down the door of the building. Scythe in hand, he stalked the corridors of the abandoned house. He finally heard screaming, yelling and pleas for mercy. He broke down the door to find War, crouched in the corner, jittering and blubbering with unparaleled fear. What kind of beast, man or creature, could do this to the embodiment of violence?

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!"

I really hate running for my life. I suggest you have nothing to do with it if you can help it. Anyway, a bunch of ponies in black combat gear were casing us down a hallway. All I did was run behind the blue pony, who seemed to know the place better than I did. That thought was purged when we reached a dead end.

"I thought you knew where we were going!" I yelled

"I was following you monkey man!"

"I was following you!"

All the while, the guards were walking towards us, sure of victory. I spotted a nearby window and thought about jumping again. Then i remembered that we were on the fifth story and there might not be anything to break my fall. Funnily enough, when the guards passed by the window I heard the glass shatter and a flash of blue. The next thing I see is four unconsious security members and a light blue pegasus.

"I'm sorry Mr. Chairman sir, the Specimen has escaped." said the helpless clerk, shivering in fear. The Chairman brought a taloned hand down on his mahogany desk.

"IDIOT! Do you want me to turn you into a microwave? Get the security out there and CAPTURE THAT HUMAN!!!"

"Y-Yes Mr Dis- I mean, Mr Chairman sir!"

"Rainbow Dash!" I yell. "You have no idea how glad I am to see you!"

"Likewise Andrew! I'm here to kick butt and get you outta here! And i brought some backup for good measure." she indicated to the window. Then entered the shy little yellow one from earlier.

"Fluttershy?"

"Oh my goodness!" She squealed, rushing over to me. "Are you hurt, did they do anything to you, are you missing anything, speak to me Andrew!"

Rainbow Dash pulled her aside and spoke into her ear.

"You see those guys there? Those are the people that wanted to hurt Andrew. They wanted to hurt everyone and take over Equestria for themselves! They wanted to hurt everyone!"

Fluttershy gasped. "Even Angel?"

"Especially Angel."

Fluttersy gritted her teeth. She let out an enormous bellow as she charged through the corridors. Knocking out any guards she came across in a wild frenzy of hooves.

"Ahhhh. Very clever Rainbow Dash. Very clever indeed..."

I won't tell you all about the rest of the escape. It's too scary to think about how such a kind and loving pegasus could suddenly turn so violent in just a few short scentances. Needless to say, after we got out of the compund, there were a lot of ponies to be admitted to the hospital.

"Andrew!" Lyra called out as she and the rest of the ponies ran to greet us.

"We thought y'all were gorners fer sure!" Applejack put in

"Well I had complete faith in you all the while." Rarity said

"Thanks guys." I replied.

"Well I'm glad to see you Andrew." Princess Celestia said as she strolled over as we bowed.

"I feel the same way Princess."

"Now Andrew, I hate to ask you to leave so soon, but there are two men who wish to send you to your own world."

She wasn't lying. Behind her were Death and Buddah, strolling over to greet us.

"Well I guess I don't have much choice in the matter do I?"

Before I started walking away, Lyra grabbed my arm with her hooves.

"Princess, why does he have to go?"

"I'm sorry Lyra, but if Andrew were to stay here, he might cause another conflict like the one we just witnessed. I'm sorry, but he just has to go."

The Chairman paced around the room, with the snivelling lackey in the centre of the track.

"M-m-Mr Discord, what are we going to do now? The Human has gone, and Celestia has completely disbanded our organization!"

The Chairman grabbed the clerk by the neck and pressed him to his face.

"I TOLD YOU, NEVER CALL ME BY THAT NAME!" Discord threw the pony into the corner as he was turned back into a stuffed toy.

"This isn't over! I WILL HAVE EQUESTRIA AGAIN! THIS ISN'T OVER!!!"

Yes it is.

"Huh?"

The Author cracked his neck as he looked at the time. 10:55? He had to get to school tomorrow. No way in hell was he going to write a sequel to this weird story. He saved it and uploaded the final chapter. If people don't like it?

Tough cookies.