The Stoning Of The Heretic

by UniqueSKD

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Changelings, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Random
Length: 2828

A Changeling is sentenced to death by stoning for uttering the name of the alicorn who defeated Queen Chrysalis. His execution doesn't QUITE go as intended, though...

After the invasion of Canterlot failed, the Changelings were given a strict rule by their Queen. No Changeling was ever, EVER, allowed to speak of that failure for as long as they lived, neither were they allowed to utter the name of the princess who defeated their Queen, lest they pay the penalty of Death.

One Changeling accidentally lets slip the name of the princess during a meal, and immediately Queen Chrysalis sentences him to die by stoning.

His execution doesn't go the way she had in mind, though...

This story based and inspired by one of my favorite scenes from Monty Python: Life of Brian.

Published 2014-02-14 15:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-29 00:12:22 UTC

No Stoning Until I Say So!

The Stoning Of The Heretic

By UniqueSKD

(Here's a fun game for you all to play - How many times does the word 'Changeling' pop up throughout the story?)

Never speak of the Canterlot invasion. Never speak of the failure of that invasion. And NEVER speak the name of that accursed princess who was responsible for our defeat. Any Changeling who disobeys this law shall be condemned to death.

That was the rule that Chrysalis had set in motion immediately after the Changelings had returned to their hive, battered, limping, and exhausted from the events that had transpired during the event that they were forbidden to speak of. Their Queen had made it very clear to them that should any one of them ever speak of that event-that-must-not-be-spoken-of, they would pay dearly for doing so.

Not that any Changeling would even want to talk about it anyway, too hungry or hurt to even want to try and think about the event-that-must-not-be-spoken-of. You'd think it was easy for them to not bring up the subject in the Hive, right?

Not for Shadow Mist, however.

And look where his big mouth had gotten him. Here he was, right outside the entrance into the Changeling Hive, standing on a little wooden platform, his holey legs locked in chains attached to a large boulder, preventing him from flying or running away from his fate. Before his large blue eyes, a massive crowd of Changelings - the drones he served with, had been friends with, and one or two he even had a one-night-stand with - had gathered, each of them with a wicked, cruel smile on their faces.

Especially the ones he had one-night-stands with.

Each one looked his way, holding stones and rocks of various sizes in their magical grasps. They looked eager for something to happen, and Shadow Mist knew exactly what that something was. They just couldn't do it yet until...

Oh, speak of the Devil. Literally.

Queen Chrysalis emerged from out of the entrance of the Hive, followed by several other Changelings dressed in armor, her royal guard, and immediately the crowd focused their attention on her, throwing their gaping legs high into the air as they cheered and whistled in unison. Queen Chrysalis bowed and waved to her subjects with a wicked smile, even catching a bouquet of roses some random Changeling threw her. Queen Chrysalis caught them with her magic, and blew an imaginary kiss to someling in the crowd. Shadow Mist saw a Changeling towards the back of the group look like he had a heart attack and faint on the spot, falling backwards and knocking over a few other Changelings as well.

Queen Chrysalis stepped up onto the wooden platform where Shadow Mist was, and two of her guards stood by the sides of him, perhaps there to see that he did nothing to try and escape. Not that he would even have been able to. Heck, he couldn't even change himself - his horn had broken during the event-that-must-not-be...

Oh to hell with it, he was going to die anyway.

His horn had broken during the failed invasion of Canterlot, when a powerful love-induced blast of magic sent him and his platoon flying across the land along with their Queen. His fellow Changelings of his platoon were lucky to land in soft mud. He had the misfortune of hitting a very hard tree head-on, snapping his horn in two.

Queen Chrysalis raised a hoof high in the air, and the crowd's excitement steadily calmed, as the mass of Changeling's awaited to hear what their beloved ruler had to say. They held their projectiles firmly in their magical grasps, as they patiently waited for their Queen's speech to begin and end as soon as possible.

Queen Chrysalis's green eyes scanned her audience carefully, before with a flash of green light from her unusual horn a paper scroll appeared in front of her, which unraveled itself to display its contents to the Queen. Clearing her throat, and laying her bouquet of flowers down on the floor, Chrysalis spoke, aloud and clearly for all her subjects to hear.

"Drone #117, aka, Shadow Mist," she stated, reading the identification from the scroll.

There was silence for about a minute. The Changeling's in the crowd looked to one another in confusion and impatience. Chrysalis glared over at Shadow Mist, who returned the look with one of puzzlement. He turned to one of the guards by his side and nudged him, getting his attention. The guard leaned close so Shadow Mist could speak to him.

"Why is she looking at me like that?", the Changeling questioned.

"When she says your ID and name, you're supposed to say 'Yes'," replied the guard.

"Oh," Shadow Mist said. "Should I say it now?"

The guard nodded. "Preferably, so we can get a move on with things."

Shadow Mist thanked him and turned back to Chrysalis. "Er..Yes?"

The Changeling Queen rolled her eyes, but decided against saying anything and just continued to read on from the scroll. "You have been brought here today before the rest of the Hive, for you have been found guilty of uttering the forbidden name, and as such," her voice raised, filled with anger and fury as she lowered the scroll and turned to stare daggers at the cowering little Changeling, "you have been branded a heretic to your kind!"

Upon hearing the word 'heretic', the crowd exploded into rants and boo'ing and snide comments towards Shadow Mist. Several of the Changelings in the crowd looked ready to throw their rocks at him, but a glare from their Queen stopped them before they could do anything.

Queen Chrysalis raised the scroll up to her face and carried on reading. "Therefore, you must pay for your crime, and the penalty for your crime is punishment by death. Henceforth," she gestured to the crowd, who all showed their stones, save for a few who clumsily dropped theirs and fumbled around on the floor to pick them up, "you shall be stoned to death, and your body paraded around the Hive as an example to others who would dare to repeat your mistakes."

Shadow Mist spoke up. "My Queen, I don't really understand what the problem is really, if I may be honest. I was only feeding off of the love of that pony with the hat and cloak, and all I said to my friend was 'I wonder if this tastes like the Love of Princess Cadence'."

No sooner had he uttered that name did the crowd explode into a rage, shouting obscenities and rude names at the poor Changeling. The guards by his sides cringed, and Queen Chrysalis gave him a look that nearly made him...well, let's just say if he had needed the bathroom before this moment, he didn't need it anymore, now.

"How DARE you say the forbidden name!" the Queen roared. She turned to her subjects while pointing at Shadow Mist. "My beloved servants! Did you not hear this, this, sinful heretic?"

"YES WE HEARD HIM!", the insectoid mass cried in a unified reply. "HE MUST BE STONED! HE MUST BE PUNISHED! JUSTICE! JUSTICE!"

"Heretic!" one of the Changelings at the front of the crowd squeaked. She wore a large grin on her face, and about a dozen rocks were floating in front of her.

Queen Chrysalis noticed her, and took a few steps towards her. "Shrouding Fog, what did I say about having more than one stone? You know the rules - everyling gets ONE stone to throw, and you have more than that!"

Some of the Changelings in the crowd turned to look at the Changeling in question with disapproving expressions. The Changeling's eyes shifted left and right as she answered her Queen. "Er, well, Your Highness, I, er, um, I'm actually, er, holding on to my friend's rocks while they went to the little bug's room. They'll, er, be back in a minute, I promise!"

That seemed to do the trick, as the crowd began murmuring in an approving tone, while Chrysalis just shrugged and turned to go back to the wooden platform. "Okay, whatever."

She assumed her position at the platform and brought up her scroll again. Reading through the writings, she found her place and continued where she left off. "So, as I was saying, you are to be stoned to death, and you body will be paraded throughout the Hive, to serve as an -"

"OW!"

Chrysalis looked up from her scroll and saw Shadow Mist rubbing his head, a rock laying in front of him. A slight bump was present on his head, where something hard had struck him. "Hey, lay off! We haven't started the stoning yet, you idiot!", he shouted to one of the Changelings in the crowd.

Chrysalis lowered her scroll and turned her attention to the gathered Changelings, a strict scolding look on her face. "Okay, who threw that stone just now?", she demanded.

Noling answered. A few Changelings shifted backwards uneasily, one of them carrying more rocks than the rest, minus one.

"Who threw that stone? Come on, confess or we won't have a stoning at all," the Queen warned.

Everyling immediately pointed a holed hoof at the Changeling with lots of rocks. "SHE DID! SHE DID!" they all cried out in unison. Queen Chrysalis looked at her, and the Changeling looked back with a nervous smile. "Did you throw that stone, Shrouding Fog?", Chrysalis asked her.

Shrouding Fog nodded slowly. "Er, yes your Majesty?"

"Why did you?"

"I thought we were starting, Your Highness?"

Queen Chrysalis sighed. "Did you see anyling else throw their rocks at the heretic?"

Shrouding Fog glanced behind herself, looking at the crowd, before turning to face the Queen. "Er...No, Your Highness?"

Queen Chrysalis pointed to someplace behind the Changeling. "Go to the back. You wait your turn like all the rest."

Shrouding Fog hung her head in shame as she pushed her way through the crowd, towards the back of the group as her Queen had instructed.

Queen Chrysalis shook her head. "There's always one, isn't there?" She went to the wooden platform and raised her scroll in front of her again. "Now, where was I up to?"

"I think this is kinda unnecessary if you ask me, my Queen," Shadow Mist said, after clearing his throat. "I mean, you're executing me just because I said 'Princess Cadence, after all."

The crowd went up in fury at the mentioning of the forbidden name, and Queen Chrysalis once again stared daggers at the Changeling. "You're just making things worse for yourself!", she angrily yelled, pointing a hoof at him.

"Worse? WORSE?", Shadow Mist shouted back, "I'm about to be killed from being stoned to death by about a thousand Changelings, and then have a pole shoved up my poop-hole and turned into a lollipop, which you'll have paraded around the Hive like some sort of sick trophy! How can I possibly be making things any worse then they are already?"

He began to hysterically dance on the spot, tapping his hooves on the wooden platform he stood upon, his chains clinking as he swayed and jiggled his body around. "Princess Cadence! Princess Cadence! Princess Cadence! Princess Cadence!", he sang merrily, further enraging the crowd, and causing a vein to appear on Chrysalis' forehead as her temper reached boiling point.

"STOP THAT! STOP THAT AT ONCE!", the Queen bellowed, her eyes burning with fire - luckily, one of her guards had a bucket of water on hoof - and she stomped across the platform towards the Changeling, who was still dancing and shouting out that accursed name she hated so much. "I SWEAR, IF YOU SAY 'PRINCESS CADENCE' ONE MORE - OW!"

Shadow Mist stopped hopping around and looked to his Queen, who was rubbing the back of her head, where a rock had just hit her. Picking up the thrown rock from off the floor, Queen Chrysalis whipped her head around and marched right up towards the crowd, more furious then she had ever been in her entire life. And she had been pretty angry before.

"RIGHT! WHO THREW THAT STONE? WHO THREW IT?", she screamed, causing all of the Changelings to flinch and recoil from the booming sound of her furious tone. Several of them shot frightened glances to the Changeling next to them, and others suddenly felt desperate for the little bug's room. "COME ON! OUT WITH IT!"

Immediately, every Changeling pointed a holey hoof towards one Changeling "HE DID, YOUR HIGHNESS! HE DID, HE DID!"

Queen Chrysalis turned her attention to the Changeling they were pointing at, who was trying to push through the crowd. Unfortunately the other Changelings stopped him from doing so, and shoved him back, bringing him face to face with his absolutely-mad ruler. If Changelings had pupils, this one's would be the size of pinpricks right about now. He gulped, and smiled nervously.

"Did you throw that rock at me?", Chrysalis asked the slightly-cowering Changeling, staring him down coldly.

"Er...um...Yes?", the Changeling mumbled.

"Well, why did you?"

"Well, you did say 'Princess Cadence', Your Highness..."

No sooner had the Changeling said that name did the rest of the crowd suddenly launch their rocks at him, pelting him with variable sizes, until he was half-covered in a pile of stone. They were about to throw more before Queen Chrysalis began hopping up and down furiously, her black face turning a bright shade of red. You could have sworn that steam was shooting out of her analogous ears.

"STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!", the Changeling Queen ranted, slamming her hooves down onto the ground. Every Changeling froze and turned their heads to look at their Highness. The rocks at the top of the small pile fell off as the poor Changeling victim rose his head up, dazed and very likely suffering from a brain hemorrhage after being hit with hundreds of rocks.

Queen Chrysalis glared at every one of her subjects, her eyes burning with fury and livid rage. "Now look! Noling, and I mean NOLING, is to throw their rocks at anyling, until I blow into this!". She produced a small whistle from out of nowhere, showing it for all of them to see. "When I blow this whistle, that is when you can stone the heretic. Not before - and I want to make this ABSOLUTELY CLEAR!", she warned, looking over her gathered Changelings again,"- even if he or anyling else DOES say 'Princess Cadence'."

WHACK!

The Queen felt something hard hit the back of her head, and she spun around, her eyes blazing with fury and rage, a thousand curse words ready to come out of her mouth. Those words quickly died in her throat, however, as she saw not one, not ten, but hundreds of rocks being throw her way, and her rage was replaced by a look of surprise and panic as she watched the hailstorm of stone quickly descend upon her.

"SHE SAID THE FORBIDDEN NAME!", cried out some of the Changelings, as they launched their stones at her.

"Oh, for fu-", was all Queen Chrysalis could say before she felt the force of rock crash down upon her.

The weight of the stones knocked her to the floor, and she lay there as more and more stones continued to pile up on top of her. Some Changelings ran up to the pile just to recollect their rocks so they could throw them again, and a couple of Changelings even fought over who owned which rock.

Queen Chrysalis's gaping hoof pushed its way out of the pile, seeming to be calling for assistance, before it gave in and collapsed on the ground. Her guards stood where they were, unsure on what they should be doing right now. She WAS the queen of their race, yes, but...she DID also say the name they weren't allowed to say themselves, so technically she was meant to be punished...right?

Shadow Mist watched with his mouth agape, completely and utterly bewildered at the stupidity of these Changelings as they continued to assault their own ruler with a barrage of stone projectiles. He shook his head in disbelief, and simply sat down on his haunches as he watched his stupid cohorts throw stone after stone after stone onto the pile that covered their Queen, her freed foreleg limp and lifeless on the ground, as a pained muffled groan resonated from the pile of rock.

He turned his head to one of the guards and tapped him on the foreleg, getting his attention. When the guard turned his way, Shadow Mist said to him, "Does this mean I'm free to go now, then?"

Author's Note

And afterwards, Shadow Mist went to live on a desert island somewhere. The End.

Also, go watch Monty Python Life Of Brian right now. It's funny stuff, man!