Last Night, Pinkie Pie Exploded
“Last night, Pinkie Pie exploded.”
“Mhm.”
“I did not expect this.”
“Uh-huh.”
“That’s why I’m so blood-stained.”
“Ah yes.”
“Who could’ve thought she would do something like this, officer?”
“Indeed.”
“So yeah, last night, Pinkie Pie exploded.”
“You just said that, Miss Rarity.”
“Yes. It’s just that… Every day you open the newspaper and read about spontaneous explosions. ‘Fate will have mercy with me, though,’ is what one always thinks. I’m asking you how could something like this happen, officer?”
“We don’t know yet.”
“Pinkie was one of my best friends. She was always so happy and had such a nice flank…”
“Please stay focused, Miss Rarity.”
“Well, I can say I’m pretty irritated right now. After all, Pinkie Pie exploded last night.”
“I know.”
“I immediately called the police and told them to get over here.”
“We are here, as you can see.”
“Now Pinkie Pie is gone, like a huge fire cracker.”
“Descriptions aren’t necessary.”
“She blew up right in front of my face. No wonder why I’m so sad right now.”
“It is tragic, yes.”
“But I didn’t only lose a marefriend. My blankets are ruined too!”
“Pardon?”
“Just a second ago she was laying next to me. Now she’s laying everywhere.”
“…”
“So yeah, last night, Pinkie Pie exploded.”
“I know.”
“Thankfully, I was wearing a hazmat suit, so nothing happening to me.”
“You were wearing a hazmat suit while laying next to your marefriend?”
“Yeah.”
“So… why were you wearing the suit?”
“Precautious actions.”
“Okay…”
“I mean, Pinkie Pie was always known for her wild party life.”
“That is correct.”
“Between the scattered body parts I could see confetti.”
“The forensics team saw that.”
“There also was a party horn.”
“Uh…”
“It makes a pretty funny sound.”
“Miss Rarity, I think–”
*Toot*
“…”
“Funny sound indeed, isn't it?”
“You… have it with you?”
“No sense in letting a nice party horn like this one go to waste.”
“I… see.”
“I mean, that little bit of blood is hardly a problem.”
“You… You… Urgh, never mind. Let’s just move on and pretend this didn’t just happen.”
“I don’t see why you’d want to do that, but sure.”
“Remind me to send you to a doctor to check if you’ve taken any brain damage from that incident.”
“If you believe that is necessary.”
“I do.”
“Hmph.”
“Anyway, can you explain why this happened?”
“You mean why Pinkie Pie exploded last night?”
“Uh, yes. That is why we are here, you know.”
“Oh, I didn’t know.”
“Why else would we be here?”
“I don’t know. Maybe the police department decided to get more elegant uniforms?”
“Please do not advertise your shop during the investigation.”
“Pardon.”
“So then, please tell me what you know about the incident from last night.”
“Well, okay. I think it started off when Pinkie Pie came over yesterday afternoon.”
“Did she have anything with her?”
“Yes, she had a basket in her mouth.”
“Do you know the contents of the basket?”
“Cupcakes, I think. I don’t know. The basket exploded as I closed the door.”
“You… I… What?”
“Oh yeah, it made quite the mess. But nothing a little magic couldn’t fix in a few minutes.”
“That’s all?”
“What is all?”
“The mess. You didn’t see anything strange with your marefriend coming over to your house with an exploding basket?”
“You make it sound like an unusual occurrence.”
“…”
“…”
“You know what? Let’s just move on.”
“With pleasure, sir.”
“What did you do after… the basket exploded? Clean it up?”
“I put a hazmat suit on, lest I would get covered in exploding baked goods again.”
“‘A’ hazmat suit?”
“Yes. I have around twenty-seven. At least last time I counted them.”
“Why would you need twenty-seven hazmat suits?”
“Spontaneous explosions.”
“Right… So, uh, what happened next?”
“We went upstairs—”
“Mhm.”
“—checked on the way if my younger sister was at home—”
“Go on.”
“—opened the door to my bedroom—”
“Yes, yes.”
“—lay down on my bed—”
“Please continue.”
“—looked each other in the eyes—”
“Okay?”
“—smiled—”
“Uh-huh.”
“—and then Pinkie Pie exploded.”
“…”
“I did not expect this. That’s why I’m so blood-stained.”
“You said that in the beginning already.”
“Repetition helps one remember important details.”
“But if you were wearing a hazmat suit when she exploded, why are you blood-stained at all?”
“It exploded with her.”
“What…”
“It tickled a little, but it was quite a relaxing feeling.”
“I just…”
“Actually, I think I’m going to do that with some of my other suits. Self-ignition.”
“Isn’t that dangerous?”
“Why would it be?”
“Because of fire.”
“Last time I checked, fire wasn’t the reason Pinkie Pie exploded last night.”
“Are you sure?”
“No, but you can’t prove the opposite either.”
“Not yet.”
“I can’t remember any case where a pony exploded just because of fire.”
“I can’t remember any case where a pony exploded at all.”
“There is always a first time.”
“Do you have any idea why it could’ve happened?”
“She probably got bored.”
“She got bored.”
“Yes.”
“She got bored. And then she blew up.”
“Yes, that’s what I meant to imply.”
“So let me get this straight: she blew up right in front of your face, while you were laying in bed, smiling at each other, you wearing a hazmat suit. Because she was bored. Is that correct?”
“Do I need to repeat everything I just said?”
“No, just… I don’t understand.”
“Oh, Pinkie Pie does this all the time.”
“What?”
“You see, when we first met each other in Ponyville, she suddenly decided to burst into flames all of a sudden. But I just laughed.”
“Your marefriend set herself on fire for your amusement?”
“Oh, no no, she just started burning. Like a lighter, only bigger and more colorful.”
“Uhm…”
“The next time we had a private meeting she was kidnapped by aliens, but I didn’t think any of it.”
“I, uh…”
“Visitation number three was over soon too. She turned into solid stone. I don’t think that’s normal.”
“…”
“But now that I think about it, yes, I think something isn’t normal with Pinkie, considering she exploded last night.”
“My head hurts.”
“Maybe my presence is dangerous for others then. Maybe being my partner isn’t quite benign.”
“I think we’re done here.”
“Whatever you say, officer. Have a good day!”
“You t–”
“Hey there, Rarity!”
“Pinkie Pie! Where have you been? It was quite uncouth of you to just blow up right in front of my face and then disappear!”
“Yeah… But last night sure was fun, wasn’t it? You wearing that thick suit and giving me that smile just made my heart explode!”
Author's Note
This story was only possible because of this story.
Give it a read if you want to see more random!
How does one avoid constant nagging by their editors about how you can't "Show, don't tell!" correctly all the time? By writing zero narration! Take that, system!
Written on a whim during some free minutes at school. Just because.
Inspired by Meine Ex(plodierte) Freundin by Die Ärzte.
Story One in my Dialogue-only Cycle:
Last Night, Pinkie Pie Exploded – My Perfect Gift for a Cellist – Let Me Tell You Where This Will End – Woohoo, We’re about to Crash – And Then Our House Went Boom
For more, check out the Group!
