You Are a Joke
A restless shimmer travels past the eyes of the embodiment of the sun eternal, and for just a moment, Princess Celestia hesitates. The fleeting instant would have been missed by most, but Discord, the Lord of Chaos, is far from being one of the most. His mismatched pupils glare at the white alicorn in the dim of the great hall.
“Measured even in your scale, the proposition you speak of is utterly ridiculous,” responds Celestia, her stare unbroken once again. “It shall never happen.”
The draconequus melts through the marble floor as if it was water. After a few seconds, for the horror of Celestia, she finds that her throne has grown a pair of hands that caress her translucent mane. “Oh come now, my dear…” says the throne. “‘Anything is possible when you put your mind into it’. Isn’t that what you always tell Twilight?”
Despite the shock of having her royal mane invaded like that, Celestia doesn’t so much as flinch under his touch. Instead, her horn glows bright for a second, and her seat returns back to its normal self. “Such vulgar manners will do little to progress your cause, Discord. Besides, comparing yourself to Princess Twilight in this context misses its mark quite handsomely. You two are nothing alike.” The Princess of the sun listens the silence, her eyes scanning ever so slowly the empty hall. Finally, the slight movement of one of the glass paintings draws her attention.
“So you admit that there is indeed room for progress here?” asks the smirking picture of Discord inside the glass window.
“Progress is obsolete where nothing has even begun. By ‘your cause’ I meant your general position in modern Equestria, a position which is still hanging by a very slight thread.”
Suddenly, the ornamental Discord jumps out of the window, leaving a black hole behind. “But how can I improve that position if all my brilliant initiatives are scolded and ignored!” The shrunken version of corporeal chaos spreads his hands theatrically into the air in the middle of the hall. “It’s not fair!”
A hearty laugh escapes Celestia. “Oh, is it fairness you are after now? Is there no end to your shamelessness?”
“You break my heart, Princess Celestia,” says the miniature Discord, and shatters to pieces on the floor.
The white alicorn studies the fragments with the cool eyes of the evening sun. “Although it is common to always expect the unexpected with you, I have to say: Your proposal took me by complete surprise.” Her eyes narrow down just a bit. “Wherever did you get this particular chimera of an idea?”
Piece by piece, the shards of glass unite again, and in a flash they change back to flesh, or whatever Discord usually uses to sustain his physical appearance. He stays in the economical size, though. “Why, I only wanted to be a bit of help,” he says shyly. “Nothing wrong with that, is there now?”
“And how exactly would it help anypony if we swapped places for a day?”
A quick grin visits Discords lips. “Weeell… You know how you always emphasize that empathy is the shortest road to sympathy? It just crossed my mind that, if we were, how should I say, acquainted with each other’s perspectives, even just for a day, we might learn to understand one another better.” He blinks his eyes quickly a couple of times. “And understanding is what we seem to lack in this relationship. Yes, no?”
Celestia doesn’t smile, nor does she sneer; her face remains expressionless. “And how would you… execute this little experiment?”
“Simple!” blurts Discord, growing a bit in size. “With magic! You disguise yourself as me and the other way around, and then we carry on a day without anypony knowing better! Now isn’t that just genius?”
Celestia rolls her eyes. “Sounds like a convenient opportunity for you to make an awful mess of things around here, all the while using my reputation as a rag.”
“Oh, I could hardly cause any major commotion in one single day, could I now? And whatever could I think of that might harm your reputation among the good Equestrians, yours whose name is the name of virtue itself?”
A raised eyebrow is all the answer he gets from her.
“Oh fine…” continues Discord, growing again slightly in size. “I guess I could make all kinds of strings jump out of place. But if we don’t trust each other, how can we ever hope to live a life of communal bliss?” The sincerity of his eyes is powerful enough to make the walls believe him. This is made apparent when one of the chandeliers whistles approvingly at his words.
Celestia throws an annoyed glance at the voice’s direction, and the candleholder quiets down at once. “Even if I were to believe your intentions honest… What could I actually learn by adopting your form and life for one day? I know you inside out already.”
“Is that so? When’s my birthday, then?”
“You do not have one.”
“Thanks for reminding me,” mutters Discord under his breath. “The thing is, Princess Celestia… Perhaps you do know how to deal with me, to fight against me, to friendizise me… But can you without hesitance say that you know what it’s like to be me?” The mismatched stare drills into Celestia’s eyes.
The sun blinks, and before she can answer properly, the chaos continues:
“Can you cross your heart and swear how it is to walk among ponies that scorn you and glare at you? Who curse thy name and hope you were never born? Who see you as a malady without a cure? Answer this one question with an honest ‘yes’, and I shall turn myself into stone at once!” A some sort of a firearm, decorated with replicas of the Elements of Harmony, appears from nowhere and presses down onto his temple. “Do it!”
The sun hesitates. Oh such a sight it makes, a hesitating sun – it’s like watching a forest fire do courtesy. And this time, the moment lasts longer than a microsecond. Celestia’s voice echoes some of that indecisiveness. “My ears might have trouble hearing this, and my tongue difficulties saying it… but you might actually have a grain of wisdom in your words.”
The gun disappears into a puff of smoke. Discord grows into his full length in an instant. “I told you that I have brilliant ideas,” he says, his voice like honey. A deckchair falls from a trapdoor through the roof, and the draconequus lays his snake-like body on it, crossing his arms behind his neck. “Come on, Princess. Make my day.” His grin cuts his head in two.
Celestia shifts in her throne, her eyes studying the creature below with care. “If I were to accept your proposal… I would only do it on according to my own terms.”
“Lay them on me.” A coconut drink appears in Discords paw, and he takes a long sip of the unknown liquid, pouring some for his thirsty chair, too.
Celestia sighs deeply before speaking. “First and foremost: Luna must know of this, and she shall monitor your actions during the swap. Second: If at any point I choose to end our little game, you shall abide without a sliver of argument. Third–”
“–I do hope that second point applies for me, too?” interrupts Discord. “I’d hate to be trapped inside your figure for a whole day, should I find it not to my liking.”
“It shall be so,” says Celestia, frowning. “Thirdly: Neither of us shall let anypony else know what is going on. Fourthly: Infringement of any of these rules shall lead to a quick and justified punishment.” Her eyes narrow down again, and their warmth cools down to minimal level. “Do you approve these terms?”
Discord scratches the underside of his chin with a claw, his face a mask of intense pondering. “You’re not going to make me swear to behave myself? Or yourself, to be precise?”
“That goes without saying; the point of this drill is to make us feel what it feels to be the other. Behaving accordingly is an essential part of that. You imitate my actions, and I yours, and if you intentionally violate my modus operandi, Luna will count that not as the infringement of the rules, but the spirit of the game. And then you shall be turned back to stone.”
Discord grimaces at that. “Ouch. One strike and I’m out? Harsh rules, if you ask me…” He takes a calming sip of his cocktail. The chair keeps on begging for more, so he gives it a new one.
“Too much is put at stake in this play for it to be allowed to turn into your personal circus,” continues Celestia. “I only agree to this because I want to know whether you have indeed changed.” A faint smile decorates her lips. “I might carefully add that so far, you have showed some real progress. Do not let my hopes in you fall in vain.”
Discords gasps so violently that Celestia’s mane gets sucked towards him a bit, and his coconut cocktail falls on the floor. “That’s what you might say to Twilight!” he blurts.
Somehow, the notion seems to vex Celestia greatly. “Well, perhaps not exactly…” she says, stammering a bit. She shakes her neck, and when her eyes meet Discord again, the moment of confusion in them is gone. “You still have not approved the terms.”
The deckchair pushes Discord onto his feet and turns into steam. “Always the one to remind of the rules…” Fine. Cross my hearts, I approve your terms. Happy?”
“We shall see,” responds the Princess, and extends a hoof towards him. The draconequus smiles, and his pawed limb extends from halfway across the hall to shake the delicate hoof of Celestia. “Tomorrow we shall dance,” he states.
But to what tune? thinks Celestia, smiling her most trusting smile. The one she usually reserves for Twilight only.
***
A midday in Ponyville, and the market is bustling with ponies buying, selling, chatting. Nothing ouf out the ordinary disturbs the Pax Celestia of the calm village, which knows that they tread under the watchful eyes of the sun itself. Although this time, they are quite unaware of how true that statement actually is. On a seemingly ordinary cloud above market, a pair of purple eyes follows the lively town square below, and despite the sun that shines straight into them, the white alicorn blinks not. She doesn’t even squint. Instead, her delicate chest caves in slightly as as light sigh flees her lips.
This might be very foolish of me… but with Discord, the usual methods of social assimilation have proved less effective than what I was hoping. Even if this is just a trick of his, it’s still worth calling it out. Besides… The alicorn’s head tilts a bit, and a flicker of curiosity emerges from the depths of the lilac pools. It has been a while since I tried something like this. Who knows; mayhaps I might indeed have a lesson to learn from this experience. The snow-white eyelids close as her horn begins to glow, and through an obscure metamorphosis, Princess Celestia of Equestria turns into Discord, the Lord of Chaos. Not that bad of an illusion, even if I say so myself, thinks Celestia, studying her new form. Time to get to work.
In a violet puff of smoke, Celestia appears in the middle of the marketplace. Everypony’s heads turn towards the strange noise that accompanies the colourful cloud, and they see nopony else but Discord, spreading his hands into the air with a joyous grin on his goat’s face. “Hello, everp–” begins Celestia with Discord’s voice. That’s all she manages to say before her audience all but evaporates from the scene. For a moment, the Princess blinks confusedly at the now desolate market, her hands still stretched into air. Ha. I could not have believed that Discord still has that kind of effect on common ponies. A sudden trembling of a vegetable booth catches her attention.
As she bends over the counter filled with greens, Celestia spots a stallion covering on the other side. “Uhm… might I buy some carrots, please?” she asks casually.
“T-take all you w-want and b-begone!” manages the shopkeeper, his vision covered by his front hooves.”
“You don’t… want bits for them or anything?”
“Just don’t turn me into anything horrible and we’re square!” His shaking makes a few onions drop off the booth.
“Nonsense,” says Celestia, and a handful of bits emerges from nowhere. “I’m a citizen of Equestria just like everypony else here, and thus obliged to pay for my purchases.” She sets the coins on the desk, and grabs one of the carrots, biting it in half. “Don’t you know that already?”
Very carefully, the stallion moves one of his hooves away from his eye. “I… I guess?” He stands up, eyeing the creature munching one of his carrots, his legs still shaking a bit. Then he sees the bits.” Uhh… They’re only a bit and a half a pound, you know?”
“Keep the change. Thanks for the carrot.” With that, Celestia turns and flies off the scene. I wonder if that is how my day as Discord shall go by. Hopefully not; there is awfully little to be learned from senseless fear and prejudice. Celestia shaped as Discord flies on her cloud again, and stretches himself on it. I shall have to see if Discord can still incite a similar response even from the more enlightened members of the society.
***
In Canterlot, at the Castle’s Throne Room, roughly at the same time, Princess Luna studies the scene before her with care. The royal audience hour, which against its name covers most of the first half of the day, has so far proceeded in a very ordinary fashion. Ponies from all over Equestria and beyond, not to mention the more exotic species, have filled the hall and the space before the hall like always, eager to settle civil cases and other problems with the first ruler of the pony nation. A steady rumble of whispers creates the usual background noise from which Princess Celestia’s voice, in the form of royal decrees, rises from time and time again. Aside a few surprised glances, nopony cares much about Luna’s presence in the back of the room.
The dark-blue alicorn’s stare remains nailed to the figure of the white alicorn sitting on the throne. I cannot believe Celestia fell for Discord’s trick like this. Moreover, I cannot believe how I still have not understood the plot of that trick. There must be one, right? It’s Discord we are talking about here! Luna’s eyes narrow down momentarily, trying to see behind the easy smiles of her fake sister. Discord apparently feels her intense glare, for he glances at her direction, and merrily waves a hoof at her. A few puzzled looks turn to Luna, who coughs into her front hoof. She draws her eyes away from Discord for a while, and sweeps the crowd with them instead. Nopony seems to be noticing anything special. They cannot tell the difference between Celestia’s smile and Discords. Or at least nopony has the courage to bring up the topic. An annoyed look crosses her eyes. And why should they bear any doubts? The Day Court is actually ahead of the schedule!
“I hence rule in favour of Mr Cloversea,” echoes the artificial Celestia’s voice in the hall. “My reasoning: As the first pony to register the ownership of the aforementioned mine, he has the sole legal right to the lot of it.” Beneath the throne, a young mare glares at the smiling middle-aged stallion beside her. “However,” continues Discord, “since evidence speaks strongly for the fact that it was Miss Rockslide who actually found the mine in the first place, I also decree that the profit produced by it is to be split between the litigants.” The smile between the two ponies exchanges ownership quicker than eye can follow. “Next case, please!”
Luna follows as the mare and the stallion leave the hall, exchanging a few quiet words as they go. I hate to admit it… but that decision resembles very much the one Celestia would most likely have made. A cold shiver travels suddenly through Luna’s figure. I need to find the blade hidden in Discord’s lies before I actually begin to believe that there is none.
***
In Ponyville’s library, Twilight hears a knock on the front door. “Could you get that for me, Spike! I’m in the middle of something.”
“Sure thing, Twi,” says Spike’s cheery voice. A series of steps echoes from the downstairs to Twilight’s bedroom, followed by the creaking of the door as it opens. Spike’s scream cuts the air like a sword.
Without a second of hesitation, Twilight bounces off the bed, slams open her bedroom door and hurries downstairs. She is welcomed by the sight of Discord bending over the unconscious form of Spike on the carpet. “Get your hands off him!” she shouts, her horn lighting up instantaneously.
The creature evidently called Discord looks up at the lavendel alicorn who, carried by her wings, soars through the air towards them. “But I didn’t lay a finger upon his person!” he blurts.
Twilight aims at between him and Spike, and Celestia has no other option but the step aside. “Shut up, Discord! I swear, if he is not okay in a second, I will–”
“–I’m okay, Twilight,” says Spike quietly from the floor. “Please stop shouting.”
“Are you sure?” asks Twilight, turning towards the dragon. “What did he do to you?”
Spike gets up, rubbing his head with a claw. “Nothing, really… I was just surprised to see him like that. I guess I overreacted.” He flashes an awkward smile.
“Indeed you did,” continues Celestia beside them. “I didn’t even get to say hel–”
“What’s your business here?” asks Twilight sharply, turning back towards Celestia. Her horn is still glowing from the weight of a spell. “Celestia help me, if you pretend to be sick again…”
Celestia raises a thick grey eyebrow. Does she often use my name so carelessly? “I’m healthy as a goat, thank you very much.” A hurt expression spreads on her lips. “I just thought to drop by.”
Twilight’s eyes narrow down as she stares at her, but the light of her horn fades away. “A likely excuse to interrupt my, my… studies!” she manages. “You came to disturb my studies!”
Celestia, towering over both Spike and Twilight, crosses his hands over his chest. “And don’t you think it appropriate to postpone your studies when a friend comes for a visit?”
The intent mismatched stare makes Twilight blink. “I, uhh… Yes, of course... That’s what being friends means…?” She gives her a weird look. “So… did you have plans or something?”
“The day is too fine to be spent indoors,” says Celestia, her arms unfolding as she glides over a window and draws open the curtains, showing the sunshine beyond. “How about we go for a walk?”
“”Uuh…” responds Twilight. “What is this?”
“Why, I only wish to exchange a few casual words with you. Sometimes it feels as if we’re strangers to one another.”
Both Twilight and Spike raise an eyebrow at that. “You’re not fooling anypony, Discord!” begins Spike. “Now whatcha really up to?”
It seems that cleaning Discord’s reputation might take longer than I thought, thinks Celestia as she look at the dragon whose suspicion shines from his face. Perhaps I need to try a different approach. “Come now… I’m sure Princess Celestia would appreciate it if you made an effort to become a better friend with me.” She tilts her long neck a bit. “That’s why she released me from my stony prison, remember?”
Twilight’s look differs not much from Spikes. “And you suddenly decided that she was right to do that?” she asks.
“Don’t you think she was?” asks Celestia suddenly.
A puzzled look masks Twilight. “What? My thoughts on that aren’t your concern!”
Not in this form, but I shall have to remember to bring up the topic one of these days. “Fine then,” says Celestia, offended. “If my company isn’t welcomed, I won’t start pushing it.” She heads for the door.
Behind her, Twilight bites her lip. Celestia is almost outside when the lavendel alicorn speaks again. “Wait! I’ll come with you.”
“You what?” blurts Spike as Celestia springs around with a wide smile covering her narrow face. Twilight pulls the baby dragon closer.
“That thing is up to something, and it’s my job to find out what that is,” she whisper to his ear. “If I don’t come back after half an hour, let the others know about this.” He nods at her conspiratorially.
“Does Spike wish to come along?” asks Celestia from the doorway.
“Nah, I’m cool,” says Spike happily. “You guys have fun!”
Twilight gives one last meaningful look at the young dragon, and then walks over to the disguised Celestia. “Where would like to go?” she asks with a casual tone, stepping outside.
“You pick the direction, Twilight.”
The lavendel alicorn looks at her again with suspicion in her eyes, yet says nothing.
***
In the private study of Princess Celestia, Discord, in the form of Celestia, finishes yet another diplomatic letter, and closes the envelope after giving it a lick of his tongue. With a smirk, he glances at Luna who stands by the door. “You don’t need to stand there like a statue all day, you know,” he says.
“Indeed it is my duty to do just that,” answers the dark alicorn in a chilly fashion. “So goes the rules of this folly.”
“What I meant,” continues Discord, “is that you might as well lay on that divan there.”
“What div–” Before she can finish her sentence, she notices that the room suddenly includes a large piece of furniture that never was carried there. She sighs, yet remains still. “Get that out of here. I will rather stand.”
“As you wish, sister.” With a flick of a horn, the divan disappears as if it had never existed.
“And stop calling me that!” snaps Luna.
Discord only smiles, and pulls another piece of parchment from a shelf next to him. “I’m only playing the role, dear.”
“Not when we are alone. Henceforth, you shall address me as Princess Luna.”
Discord rolls his eyes, and begins to write. “You really think this is nought but folly?” he asks after a while, not taking his eyes off the writing.
I shouldn’t have let that slip, curses Luna inside her mind. “I’m only saying that my sister has had better ideas.”
“This one was mine, actually.”
“It was her idea to follow it,” responds Luna. “If it was up to me, you would still be rotting inside stone.”
The phoenix-feathered quill doesn’t waver as a line of beautiful hoofwriting appears on the parchment. “You really don’t think I shall ever be of use to Equestria,” he says.
“I don’t know. Mayhaps gruesome statues will have a market some day in the future.”
The merry laugh of Discord, dressed in Celestia’s delicate voice, echoes around the small study. “I’ve always been fond of your sense of irony. That is one of those rare things in which you excel over you sister.” His stare never leaves his work.
Mine is also a touchier hide than hers, mind you. “How about we cut to the chase and skip the formalities, hmm?” she says abruptly.
“I have no idea what you mean by that.” The scribbling never stops.
“You know full well what I mean by that. Come on, turn against me. Execute your evil plan or whatever so we can duke it out and send you back to the stone-age.”
He says nothing for a while, but lets the pen speak for him. The faintest of smiles crosses his lips. “Sometimes… the greatest prank… is that there is no prank.” Finally, the pen stops it frantic work. The tip of it smolders lightly.
Luna’s form is suddenly very tense. “I do not believe you.”
He pays a quick glance at her direction. “You aren’t required to. Turmoil help me if I ever needed to make you believe in something; how could I get anything done then?”
“Ahha! So you are up to something!”
Discord shrugs. “Of course I am. I’m up to my shoulders in paperwork.” His eyes move to the small mountain of parchment on his side. “How does Celestia manage all this, I wonder?”
Luna only glares at him. “I’m going to read those even before thinking about posting them, you know?”
“Ah! So nice of you to volunteer as my proofreader. I’ve never had one before.” He giggles girlishly, and pulls yet another empty parchment in front of him.
Luna’s gorgeous mane grows a tad darker around the edges. Laugh all you want, freak. Laugh while you can. Someday, we are going to settle our differences with horn and claw. Might not be today, might not be tomorrow, but rest assured, that day will come. Before that, laugh like every moment was you last.
***
Twilight tries her best to not show her annoyance to the form of Discord floating by her side. The small path before them is empty, shadowed over by dense roof of leaves. Without noticing it herself, the purple alicorn quickens her steps a bit. “Why you keep on asking me that?” she asks annoyedly. “If you’re trying to turn me against Celestia’s judgement, you can continue this little walk all by yourself.”
Beside her, Celestia’s mismatched eyes try to connect with hers. Are you avoiding the question because it is Discord asking? Or because you don’t find the answer to your liking? “What harm could there be in telling me this? Friends open to each other all the time, don’t they?”
“Oh, do they?” snaps Twilight. “Why don’t you then tell me your… your…” The frustration seeps through her words like dampness.
“You know you can ask me anything, Twilight,” says Celestia encouragingly.
Twilight growls under her breath. “I just don’t like talking about it right now, okay? Friends also know when to give a break for each other.”
The shadows momentarily give away for sunlight, and the rays light up Celestia’s face. “You must understand; I’m deeply interested to know if you think I can have a place in this society, or if I never should've been allowed to leave my prison. Please, Twilight, my future is in question here!”
Twilight’s head turns suddenly at her. “You never cared to know that before? Why is that?” A moment of confusion blunts her intense stare. “And why are you imitating Celestia’s eyes right now?”
Celestia blinks in the sunlight, and her heart skips a beat. “Just joking around, Twilight. Sorry.” He moves out of the light, and her eyes change back to Discord’s.
Twilight’ keeps on eyeing her wearily. “Don’t do that again. Also, stop repeating my name. Celestia does that enough already…”
Do I, now? They continue awhile in silence. Celestia makes sure to avoid the circles of light that pave their way.
Twilight’s sigh draws Celestia’s attention to her once more. “I suppose you are right, in a way…” says Twilight. “Friends should be open with each other. And if I ever want to call you such…” She pays a sideways look at the figure of draconequus. “Mind you, though: I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell this to Celestia. This is going to be a test of sorts, then.”
“If anypony should ever tell Celestia about this topic, it shall be you and only you.” Celestia glances casually upwards. “If I’m any judge, though, the Princess might very well like that.”
“Ha! Like you could know what Celestia likes…” Twilight watches directly in front of her, yet she doesn’t see the path there. “Honestly, I think Celestia has overvalued your worth. You can be one pain in the butt to keep in check sometimes.” She pays another glance at her direction. “You wanted my opinion, you got it.”
Celestia’s face remains expressionless. “But she must’ve had her reasons to unleash me amidst you all? Can’t you tell what those might be?”
“Weeell… as of yet, nope. Or can you present a counter argument? Can you be useful?”
“Perhaps… The Princess didn’t think of me as of worth something… but of valuable as such?”
An ironic chuckle escapes the young alicorn. “You? Of value? To Celestia? Give me a break.”
Celestia’s eyes flicker as a ray of sunlight reaches them. “So… you think she made the wrong decision?”
A speck of hesitation fades Twilight’s smile. “Uhm… No, not as such… I just maybe perhaps can’t see her logic as of yet.” She glances at her. “I guess you have to show me how she was correct.”
Indeed I must.
***
“A dusk in Canterlot is sight to behold,” goes a common saying among the tourist guides of the city. However, at the moment, neither of the two figures standing in the Royal Garden pay much attention to the setting sun that stands as the only witness of their encounter. They eye each other through the rising haze of the evening, one of them smiling, the other only staring. It’s the alicorn, or the one looking like an alicorn, who speaks first.
“How fared the day, Your Majesty?”
Celestia, in the form of Discord, taps his claws against his elbow, his arms crossed over his chest. “If you tried to proof something with this little game, you have to explain it a bit.”
A keen glint travels over Discord’s purple eyes. “Oh, so you do think an explanation is in order? How fascinating…”
They share another long look.
“Do you think you have won something?” asks Celestia.
“Do you think we ever played?” responds Discord.
“I should’ve known that you are still incompetent for embracing real growth of character,” says Celestia. “Such a shame. I really thought we were making progress here.”
Discord’s mane, thick and long, sways around her like an aura. “All you want from the world is another Twilight, another pupil, another little project. You play with your toys until they play with themselves.” His grin distorts the face he wears, dims the reason and kindness of Celestia in the lunacy of a void. “But in the end, you only end up playing with yourself.”
The cool contempt and disdain that Celestia imposes on Discord’s mismatched eyes give their madness a sense of freezing reason devoid of emotions. Somehow, the effect makes the face of Discord seem even more insane than is normal. “And for you the concept of play is nought but a word, an effect, a rule to bend and to break. Destined to roam the void with nothing, not even yourself, as a center, you will end up drowning in the very horizon where from you once dreamed to escape.”
Wind blows over the scene, disturbing nothing. The last rays of the sun paint the scene with gold, red, and shadows. Neither of the two figures flinches, but together they say:
“You are a joke.”
