Through the Portal

Chapter I - During the Race

The 60th racing championship, held on the Coast of California, was held on a hundred and five kilometre racetrack featuring tall cliffs, sandy beaches, highways and other terrain. The track was so long, that there were pit stops every ten kilometres through the race in case any racer needed repairs, new tyres, new ammo, or refuelling. The lap would start three and a half kilometres into a five kilometre straight, lined with palm trees and with a little bit of sand on the road, before approaching a moderately tight bend, that was not worth braking for, leading onto another straight which, this time, was on the beach and stretched for four kilometres. Racers who were not careful on this bend would end up driving into the water and stalling their cars, which was shown by the wet sand on one side. At the end of the sandy four kilometre straight, was a very tight bend. Some preferred to brake a lot and drive round the bend slowly, while others preferred to drift round the corner, which was quicker. After the tight band, there was one kilometre before a right turn round a corner. Then it was three quarters of a kilometre before the next bend, which was a moderately tight bend that was worth bending for, followed by a two kilometre straight and then a right turn, leading onto a three and a half kilometre straight before coming up to two right turns and then a kilometre and a half straight., then followed by a left turn, then two right turns, then another left, and then two right turns. Followed by that, was a straight, nine kilometres long which was curved moderately to the left, and then a small bit to the left, before approaching a left turn, and then a right, and then two left turns, followed by a right turn leading onto a kilometre long straight. Before a right turn and a left turn. After the turn, there was a four kilometre straight, going to the left a bit towards the end, before two sharp right turns, a two kilometre straight, before a right turn and a left turn. Then, there was a seven kilometre long straight, where cars could achieve their top speed, curving to the left a bit before two loose left turns, a kilometre straight and then a moderately sharp right turn, where the palm trees lined beside the road ended. Now, there were the trees anyone would usually expect in a forest lining the road as it was following onto a twenty kilometre straight that seemed to curve a bit to the right, and then to the left, and then to the right again, coming up to two smooth left curves and then a right. Three kilometres into the twenty kilometre straight, the road was no longer sand - it was now a dirt track, leading up to a cliff. From nine to sixteen kilometres through the twenty kilometre straight, the track was on the edge of a cliff. A driver that was not careful on that part of the track would end up driving over the edge of the cliff. At the end of the straight, was a right turn followed by three left turns. Then, there was a three and a half kilometre straight, before two right turns, a left turn, a third right turn, a three kilometre straight, and two loose right turns. Then there was a two kilometre straight, leading up to two tight left turns before a four and a half kilometre straight leading up to two loose right turns. Then, the dirt track ended and it was a sandy road again. Then, there was a half kilometre straight, before a right and then left turn, leading onto the five kilometre straight, where, three and a half kilometres in, was the finish line.

It was during the 76th lap in the 60th racing championship, held on the coast of California during a sunny, summer’s day where Anonymous Brony started his active life after being built in 2083 on the moon. The thing is, this wasn’t any normal championship with a little bit of hitting your teammates - the championship was more like a huge vendetta, where the objective was not only to win the race, but also to kill the opposing side’s teams. This was the sort of championship where guns and other weapons were allowed. Anonymous Brony was taking part in the race in a black pickup. His race number was eight and his pickup was decorated with the ponies of the Mane 6, mostly Rainbow Dash, because the pickup Anonymous Brony was driving was 20% stronger, 20% faster, and the handling was 20% better than the rest. The pickup was also decorated with the Anonymous insignia and Brony insignia beside each other on both sides of the car, as well as the back and the bonnet of the pickup. The goal of the race was to finish first, and knock out as many enemy cars as possible. The enemies were the remaining Governments of Earth. The other team were the internet subcultures, particularly Anonymous and the Bronies, which formed a team called “The Anonymous Bronies”, which was named after Anonymous Brony, who represented the team.

The other five guys in Anonymous Brony’s team were also well respected Bronies (and were dressed almost exactly like Anonymous Brony), who all were driving pickups decorated with pictures and cutie marks of either Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie or Twilight Sparkle. The other five in the team also had the Anonymous and Brony insignias on the front, back and sides of their pickups. The team were taking the first five positions in the race by using a triangle formation. There were well over 200 positions in the race, and the Anonymous Bronies were cruising along at 195 kilometres per hour round a tight band without a care in the world. When they did pass an enemy, they just rammed the enemy until the enemy car was destroyed.

The second guy in the team went on the radio to Anonymous Brony, “Anon Brony. Let’s increase our speed.” Anonymous Brony replied back, “Agreed,” and then went on the radio to the whole team, “let’s floor it to the top speed - 220 kilometres an hour”. The team proceeded with Anonymous Brony and put their feet flat on the throttle just after going round a band leading up to a five kilometre straight lined with palm trees, sand, and the occasional wrecked vehicle of the Governments’ teams along the side of the slightly sandy road. As the Anonymous Bronies were speeding down the straight at over two hundred kilometres an hour, they had passed some cars from the Government teams also on the straight, so they decided to spin them out of control or wreck their cars. Three and a half kilometres down the straight was the finish line, and for the Anonymous Bronies, the start of the 77th of 200 laps. They still had one and a half kilometres to go before they reached a moderately tight bend, which led onto the beach and carried on for another four kilometres before a very tight bend. On the beach, there were many more wrecked cars than on the five-kilometre straight, and everyone had to watch out while on that part of the track.

After four kilometres, the Anonymous Bronies had decided to drift round the corner unlike everyone else. Then, Anonymous Brony decided to go on the radio to his teammates, “Okay. We’ve got like another ninety nine and a half kilometres of this track before the next lap, and there’s tons of them Government guys on that track, all trying to ram us into some goddamn wall or knock us of some goddamn cliff at high speed and kill us at the same time. Not only do we have to do it on sandy terrain, but we also have to do it on the dirt track, on the edge of the goddamn cliff as well. Let’s ram them Government guys into them walls at higher speeds, and let’s do it like its 2012 all over again”. Then, one of the teammates radioed back to Anonymous Brony and the rest of the team with a response, “So, basically spam them Government guys with rockets an’ all that, and then drive past, trying and succeeding to avoid huge chunks of debris? We obviously can’t convert them into the herd of Bronies, because; one, they want to kill us lot off, and two, they’re basically immune to the herd.” Instantly, Anonymous Brony replied back, “Yeah, it’s a pity, isn’t it? Them Government guys are the only ones immune to us Bronies, yet we can easily and freely convert the population of them countries into the herd. No wonder we are winning the war. I could not stop myself laughing at the looks on the faces of them Government guys when us Bronies finished our research on multi-dimensional portals to Equestria. If we go there, them Government guys’ chance of survival will be the equivalent of a very small ice cube on the surface of the sun. In short, them Government guys don’t have a chance!” One of the teammates decided to reply, “You’re right there, Anonymous Brony”.

Then, the Anonymous Bronies decided to put their plan into action, since they couldn’t convert the Government guys into the herd of Bronies because they were immune, and then fired half a dozen rockets at the cars of a Government racer, and then they drive past at high speed on both sides, trying, and succeeding to avoid the debris, which is what they do every time they pass an enemy. “Gotcha!” shouted one of the Anonymous Bronies, as he and the others drive past the burning debris that was once an enemy car. The Anonymous Bronies proceeded to do this throughout the lap, and into the 78th lap in the race. “We’ve destroyed so many Government guys in the last seventy seven laps, that I’ve lost count of how many we’ve either rammed into walls, exploded with rockets, or knocked off a cliff.” Anonymous Brony suddenly spoke to the rest of the Anonymous Bronies. “I’ve lost count as well” replied the other four in the team, as they drive alongside Anonymous Brony, coming up to the bend.

Twenty minutes later, the Anonymous Bronies, after destroying half a dozen Government cars in different ways, had finished the first set of bends and was coming up to the twenty mile straight. Then, a team mate spoke, “What number do our milometers say?” Then, the rest of the Anonymous Bronies replied in unison, “Eight thousand and thirty two miles, with refuelling, and breaks for eating and sleeping.” “Hmm… I bet Rainbow Dash could do that in ten seconds flat”, replied Anonymous Brony, as the team drifted round the corner at high speed, “I heard there’s a garage at the start of the twenty mile straight. Let’s all put in better engines, for better top speed, better handling, and going a few dozen kilometres an hour towards the speed of Rainbow Dash when she does a sonic rainboom.” The rest of the team each agreed with him. The garage was only eight miles away. The team were doing around 230 kilometres per hour so they would reach the garage in pretty much no time.

Two minutes five seconds later, they had driven at high speed to the garage. To himself, Anonymous Bronies muttered “At the rate we’re going at, we’ll finish the race in ninety one hours, eighteen minutes and fifteen seconds”. Then, the team parked and each requested a better engine. The old ones were taken out and the new ones put in. Now, the pickups the Anonymous Bronies were using could now reach at top speed of 302km/h, an improvement. Then, Anonymous Brony muttered again to himself out of boredom while writing what he was saying, “Fortunately for us, our top speed has increased by seventy two kilometres an hour to three hundred and two kilometres an hour, therefore, enabling us to do in in sixty nine hours, thirty two minutes and eleven seconds - an improvement of twenty one hours, forty six minutes and four seconds. A day chopped off almost instantly”.

Then, Anonymous Brony was just about to get into his pickup, when a team mate approached and asked, “What exactly were you writing down on your little notepad there?”. Anonymous Brony then replied, “Oh, just a bit of math. We can now finish the goddamn championship and win. We’ve chopped off almost a day off our race time.”. The team mate then replied, “Oh, good for us then.” The team mate then started daydreaming what his reaction would be if rainbows came out the backs of the five pickups, while he was walking back to his pickup. The Anonymous Bronies, then left the garage and put the accelerator flat on the floor, reaching the new top speed of 302 kilometres per hour in 10 seconds flat.

At the speed the Anonymous Bronies were going at, it would only take three minutes and forty five seconds to clear the twenty kilometre straight. Luckily, for the Anonymous Bronies, there were tons of Government cars on the twenty kilometre straight. For the Anonymous Bronies, this meant they could ram the Government cars into walls, destroying them instantly, or knock the Government cars of the cliff, which spanned seven kilometres of the twenty kilometre straight. While the Anonymous Bronies were driving through the twenty kilometre straight, one of the teammates went on the radio to his team mates, “I wonder what would happen if a Government car was to crash into the side of the road, head on, or crash into a tree, also head on, at the speed us lot are going at, after one of us rams him off course or spins him out of control?”. Then, another team mate replied “Well it obviously won’t go right through with no damage and it obviously won’t just bounce off. I bet you it’ll just flatten the car and turn the Government guy in the driver’s seat into a not a very nice pancake. You’d end up with the only pancake that Pinkie Pie won’t eat.” Anonymous Brony then went on the radio and replied “You’re right there. Pinkie Pie wouldn’t eat those kind of pancakes, partially because it’s made out of the corpse of the sworn enemy and partially because there is no sugar on it whatsoever.”

Nearly four minutes later, the Anonymous Bronies had cleared the twenty kilometre straight, knocking off, ramming and completely destroying a few Government cars in the process. They now had only twenty nine kilometres before the finish line, onto the next lap. However, the Anonymous Bronies could not pass this bit at top speed, due to all the turns for the next twenty five kilometres. First, they drifted round one right turn and three left turns pretty quickly, but what lay ahead was huge piles of destroyed Government cars, which slowed them down quite a lot. They had two choices; either slowly navigate their way through the pile of destroyed Government cars, or just accelerate at top speed over the pile. The Anonymous Bronies didn’t want to do either of them, so they navigated their way through the pile of destroyed cars quickly, drifting round every corner made by the pile of destroyed cars, which carried on for the next five kilometres. It was another ten minutes before they successfully managed to navigate the obstacle course of destroyed Government cars. At the end of the pile, there was a clear stretch of road for the Anonymous Bronies to make up the time that was lost. This stretch of road was five kilometres long. There were no more difficult turns for them.

For the next sixteen kilometres, the Anonymous Bronies just accelerated to top speed and went past the finish line, onto the next lap, for them to do the whole track all over again, for the 77th time.