In Which Discord does stuff.

by Grey Faerie

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Fluttershy, Main 6, Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5458

A look into what Discord might do most days.

Discord is Discord. He likes to have fun and do stuff. Fluttershy might faint a few times, he gets sent to jail, and mostly he grumbles about raisins.

Now taking requests! Just comment what you think I should write Discord doing.

Published 2014-08-16 10:50:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-21 04:29:16 UTC

In which...he kills a chicken

Discord grumbles as he pokes at his salad. He's been having every combination of salad for the last few weeks. He didn't think it was even possible to have ever combination or that there were so many. His lips pulled back in disgust as he spied another carrot. His fork flicked it out and onto the floor. A rodent of some kind quickly snatched it up. Discord repressed a slight shiver. Eww, a rat.

"Discord." Fluttershy scolded. "Don't do that."

"I don't like carrots Fluttershy. I've told you that before, like a hundred times." He muttered. He put the bowl down on the table. "Is there anything else you have to eat?" He looked at her imploringly.

She rubbed her chin, "Well, there is some tofu in the fridge. Or I have some oats. Do you want oatmeal? I have some hay fries in the deep freeze too." She looked at him with a happy face. He just looked at the ceiling with angst.

What did I do to deserve this? I swear this is a worst punishment than being encased in stone. At least then I don't have to eat.

"No thank you Fluttershy. I think I'm good for now."

"Okay." she took his extended bowl and gave the rest to the rodents. Discord suppressed a gag.

"I'm going to go out for a walk."

"Alright. I'll see you later."

Discord walked out of the cottage and into the surrounding pen area. There were lions sleeping about, rabbits hopping among the grass, bug of all kinds swarmed the feed pen for them. Discord looked over his shoulder to spot the chicken coop. He stared at the chickens. He followed a particularly fat one around the pen. Discord clutched the wire only to wonder when he had walked over.

Discord stared off into the distance. Fried chicken. Teriyaki chicken. Spicy chicken wings. He shook his head. He can't do that! Stop thinking that way. He was already on thin ice just getting back to being friends with Fluttershy. She'll never forgive him if he killed one of her chickens.

Then again...if I didn't do the killing. He grinned scarily at the unknowing hen. His mouth watered. Yes, it's perfect. No more salads and tofu for me.

"Noooo!" Fluttershy cried. Discord, Pinkie and Applejack could only watch as she mourned in front of the large hole in the chicken coop's fence.

"It's okay dear Fluttershy. What ever got it only got one chicken." Discord put a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him with tearful eyes.

"Thank you Discord." she wiped at her tears. Discord felt a stab of guilt in his chest. He also savored the taste of fired chicken on his tongue.

Just one more. He thought. One more wouldn't hurt. It's just one. No one will miss it too much. They could always get more anyway. Yes, more. His grin shined in the dark night.

"Not another one." Fluttershy felt worn out from stress and lack of sleep. It seemed nothing she did kept what ever was eating her friends out of their pens.

"It'll be alright sugar cube. We'll get it." AJ put a hand on Fluttershy's shoulder. She shook it off and yelled at her.

"No! It's not alright. This thing has already gotten all my chickens, a couple of ducks and now it's eating my rabbits! My poor little bunny rabbits!"

Applejack backed up from Fluttershy's frightening gaze.

"It's even gotten some of your chickens as well. And not only that, but a lamb went missing a few days ago. Her parents are sick with worry. We have to catch this thing no matter what." A dark look crossed her face.

"Ye..yeah. I'm right behind you."

Just one will do. One and I'll have steaks from a month. Maybe even more! Medium rare with just a little blood. Seasoned with salt, pepper and a bit of sauce. Discord rubbed his hands together in the dim moonlit. The cow fields stood before him. His foot steps were silent and he glided on the air around the sleeping cows. Now it's just a choice of which one. He rubbed his goatee.

Fluttershy was so kind in telling him the dates and plans of her's to 'catch the wolf eating her friends'. It did hurt when she said that. Her friends. He would never eat her friends! Those were just a couple of animals. Nothing more. She could get more. It was just one or two here and there.

Discord's red eyes rivaled in their shining with his ear to ear grin. This one.

"There! Go Winona." Applejack ran as fast as she could after her faithful companion. The dog raised up the alarm across the fields. She followed the scent of blood to a far patch by the tree line. The rest of the girls followed close behind.

"Get it!" Applejack called out as a shape made itself known in the dark. Winona snarled and jumped at the figure. It was loud until it was strangely quiet. "Winona!" Applejack filled with worry. Then small barks were heard as they came closer. Pinkie and Rarity held up the lamps.

"Hey there." Discord stood with Winona in his arms. He pet her. They looked to the spot of blood on the grass.

"Did you see what did this?" Applejack panted.

"See it? No. I got here too late." Discord said.

"Oh really now?" Twilight took a look at the ground. "This blood is very fresh."

"Yes it is, be alas, we are too late." Discord put the dog down.

"There are no drag marks." she noted.

"What?"

"Applejack, how heavy is a cow?"

"Quite. It'll take at least three of us to carry one."

"Exactly! So why are there no drag marks. There should be a trail of blood leading away. But there isn't, is there Discord?"

A cold sweat fell over him. He chuckled.

"You do live right by a place know for its large beasts, my dear Twilight."

"Then was sneaked its way into the chicken coop? Or the duck pond? Nothing big enough to get a cow would be so quiet or sneaky. It would just go in and get what it wants."

"Unrelated incidents?" He held up his hands and shrugged.

"I had been wondering since this began about who the culprit could be." She stared at him pointedly.

"No! It couldn't be him." Fluttershy defended, "He would never kill one of my friends. He's not like that."

A stab of guilt hit him again.

"He's probably killed many friends. This proves it. He even killed a cow! A sentient being and he's going to chop it up."

"No." Fluttershy said with horror.

"He'll probably cook its flesh and eat it."

"Ugh, are you trying to make us all sick?" Rarity demanded. They all agreed.

"Then what happened to my friends? Where are they?" Fluttershy teared up.

Discord meanwhile was in agony. He held his head.

"Okay! I get it! I'm sorry! Just stop calling them your friends and acting like they're some person. I ate the chicken okay! I did it. I was so tired of all that disgusting fake stuff and the salads, oh the dreadful salads with their carrots and lettuce. It's all the same! I can't deal with the hay and the oats all pretending so happily like they're so close to the real thing. They're not. I couldn't even deal with tough, flavorless old meat that you give the lions from after the thing dies of natural death. I didn't want you to know but you had to put on such a production of how 'It was your favorite chicken.' and 'Your good friend.' 'My friend!' Gah!" Discord waved around his arms. They all stared at him with mixed horror.

"Seriously? Just look at these teeth, these claws. What part of that looks like a plant eater?" He put his face in his hands. His shoulders shuttered and sagged. "I just wanted one. Only one but it was so good. I had to have more. Then it was a different kind of meat. I can't deal with the salads." He looked at her pleadingly.

Fluttershy's mouth was a straight line. "That was a horrible thing to do and you know it."

"I do know. But it was only going to be one." He still pleaded, "Please don't get mad at me. It's just in my nature."

Fluttershy sighed heavily yet she relaxed. "I understand. I should have been the one to know better. Didn't we just go through this?" She laughed a little, "I'm probably the expert in a being's nature. You can't force a carnivore to eat grass just as much as you can't force an herbivore to eat meat. You need to follow your nature. I forgive you."

"You do?" He looked at her warily.

"Yes. It is my fault any way. I should have looked more into your diet and supplied appropriately."

"Well, it wasn't all your fault." Discord rubbed the back of his head.

"You really like meat?" Rainbow asked without hiding her surprise and slight distaste.

"It's better than you think." Discord grinned.

"You still committed murder." Rarity said.

"Murder!? Ugh, is everyone here sentient?"

"Pretty much." Pinkie said.

"It's not murder." Fluttershy stated, "It's not if the creature was doing so if it's nature dictated it must do so to survive."

"Well, I don't really need it to 'survive' to be exact. It's just hard to not eat when around beings who do it all the time." Discord said.

"Let's just go home. We can sort this out back at the cottage."

"Hey, isn't there a griffin living here?" Rarity asked.

"Yeah! Aya's the sheriff's wife. I'll see if she can help out Discord." Pinkie said as she bounced along with them.

"That's much appreciated, Pinkie." Discord said.

Ppllhh. That was close. I wonder if I have to share my steaks with Aya?

In which...he goes grocery shopping

Discord looked down at the infernal stain in his life. The stain was currently in the form of ink on a piece of paper. The ink spelled out words. The words were a shopping list...at the grocery store.

"But Mrs. Cake, I hate the grocery store. I hate it on principle." He stated the last part after whining to her.

"The principle of what? How about the principle of you buying all the ingredients for the pastries you ate? The ones you ate and didn't pay for by the way." She eyed him over her shoulder. He looked glum.

"I can pay for it! Can't I just do that? Fair and square!"

"I need some groceries anyway."

"What about Pinkie! Or Mr. Cake?"

"Pinkie is out on a delivery and my dear husband has been up since five baking bread for the morning crowd. You on the other hand," She pointed the rolling pin at him, "Are free at the moment. I might also add that you work here part time anyway."

"But that's for free too! It's slave labor I tell you. Working me to the bone for nothing. I deserved those pastries as wages." He leaned on the counter.

"It doesn't work that way Mister. It's more like your parole and community service. Now, take the kids.." she started.

"Gaa! No, no, no. That's the last thing I want to do." He swung his arms around to show his point. "I hate grocery shopping and kids only make it worst. Besides, they aren't even cute babies you can shut up with a pacifier. They can talk." He leaned into her to whisper, a hand by his mouth.

"Yes, they can and what a joy it is. Now take the kids and go shopping." She shooed him away with gentle swaths with the rolling pin.

"Ehhhhh." Discord whined as he was kicked out the kitchen. He stood in the main shop floor and looked over to where the kids were sitting. They appeared to be playing some handheld game. The Twins had grown up by now to the age of five. Old enough to talk and ask questions, but young enough to not always know better.

"Hey you!" Discord pointed sternly at them. They looked up and smiled at him. He did that often. "You! Are to come with me to the market." He opened and closed his extended claw at them.

"Alright!"
"What are we getting?"

"Stuff!" He pointed at the ceiling. He started to walk out the door.

"Stuffy stuff or stuff stuff?" Pound asked as they follow him.

"The stuffiest stuff stuff. Actually, I don't know. Let me see. Ewww, it's boring stuff that gets turned into interesting stuff."

"So it is stuffy stuff!" Pumpkin laughed. They walked in the afternoon sun to the indoor market. Pumpkin and Pound hopped besides Discord and pointed out different things in the shop windows. "Hey! Can we go there afterwards? Please? Pretty please?"

"Well, I do like pretty pleases. They're so much better than ugly pleases. But only if we have time."

"Okay."

"Hey! Can we get some food afterwards too? Please Mr. Discord." Pound asked this time.

"Only if we have time and you two behave yourselves." He chuckled. Mr. Discord was something he had gotten used to.

Discord signed as he grabbed the cart. Pumpkin and Pound squabbled for a moment over who gets to wipe it down with the cleaning cloth. Pumpkin won as Pound had done it last time. Discord entered the place and eyed it like an enemy.

He can't really explain why he hates the grocery store so much. He guesses it's cause it's so ordinary. Or because it's so orderly. Either way, it was a mundane task mortals participated in. Errands, chores, tasks. It's all beneath him. He's Discord, Lord of Chaos. God even as he is the very embodiment of Disharmony and well, Discord. He has no need for food or drink or sleep even. He..

"Will you stop fighting over who gets to bag the fruit? Pumpkin, Pound got to it first. No whining! You can get the vegetables and Pound gets the fruit." His face drooped into a comical frown. The only thing worst than grocery shopping was grocery shopping with kids.

"But I don't like corn." Pumpkin whined.

"Other ponies like corn. Maybe we aren't getting it for you."

"But I don't like it!"

"It's not for you! It's for everyone else."

Discord pushed the cart to the bakery and deli.

"Can we get a cookie? Please Please Please?" They both said.

"Fine! Just one." Discord huffed as he push his way to the counter. "Excuse me miss, but can we have a free sample cookie?" He smiled charmingly at the lady behind the counter. She smiled back and looked at the kids.

"Oh what cuties! Are you babysitting?"

"I'm just getting them out of the house for a few minutes." He said off handedly.

"Here you go. Chocolate chip. And one for your nice babysitter." She smiled at him.

"Now what do you say." He said to them, but he was looking at the counter girl. He got no response so he looked down. They were stuffing their faces. He frowned. "Ahmem." They looked up and said thanks through the crumbs. He smiled back at the flirty counter girl and made a 'I'll call you' gesture as they walked away. I still got it.

Discord made quick time getting the rest of the list. The kids were of help each getting one item and putting it in to the cart. They told Discord about another store that had mini carts for kids to push. He said he'll think about it.

"Can I have this?" Pumpkin started the chain reaction Discord loathed the most. The asking for things.

"Sure, but that's it. Pound, you can get one thing too. But only one thing, got it?"

"Okay!" They both said. They both also asked for other things once he said they could have anything. Discord slumped his shoulders as he had to keep reminding them, No. Pumpkin eventually decided she didn't want her idea and instead wanted something else. She was very upset when he told her No, you already chose something and that's what you're getting.

I'm getting this for myself. Discord thought as he put the bottle of Brandy in the cart.

"Are you an alcoholic Mr. Discord?" Pound asked.

"What!? Hell no. I just like the taste." Discord stared at him wide eyed.

"But I thought all alcohol tasted like pee." Pumpkin pulled a face. Discord had to laugh.

"Hahaha, no. That's beer. Now, now," He waved his hand, "Most alcohols are an acquired taste. It takes a while to be able to taste the favor past the tinge of the alcohol. You two don't have to worry about that until you're much much older anyway. Some ponies choose to never drink. Or only drink at special events like weddings or birthdays. Some are even allergic to it. It's your choice once you're old enough to drink to drink or not."

"Are you sure you're not an alcoholic? You seem pretty grumpy to me when getting that. Most alcoholics are grumps." Pound articulated the word 'alcoholics' like most children would.

Discord rolled his eyes, "Yes, that can be true. But some people just lead you to drink and sometimes I really wish I was an alcoholic." He said most of the last part under his breath.

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Now let's go check out."

Discord hated waiting in line. It was so boring. He had to grab the kids every now and again as they keep trying to run around with impatience.

"Can I get a candy bar? Please?"
"I want a candy bar too!"

"No, I said you only get one thing and I meant it."

"One candy bar?"
"It's small!"

"No, now stop asking."

"How about some gum? Don't you want some gum too? You can get some too."

"No! I said you only get one thing and you chose one thing. Now stop asking."

They started to tear up and whine some more. He scowled.

"How's your day been? Oh, what cute kids. It's probably best not giving them too much sugar. Is this all?"

Discord remembered the other reasons he hated the grocery store. For one thing, it made him feel pathetic and lowly. It's comparably the most mundane thing he could be doing. Looking through vegetables for the ripest one, reading food labels. The other thing was that everyone wanted to chat with him. He just wanted to get in and out.

"My day's been just fine, thanks for asking. And yes, that is all now stop whining." He glowered at the kids. He tensed as he had to deal with the ugh, small talk from the older cashier mare. He quickly paid, grabbed the bags and left.

"Can we have a quarter? I want one of the toys!" Pumpkin pointed to the coin machines that dispensed candy and small toys or plastic jewelry. He sighed.

"Fine." Discord fished out the coins and gave them each one. Pound got a sticky hand and Pumpkin got a bouncy ball. "Don't lose those, got it? Pound, don't even try sticking that in your sister's hair, it'll stop being sticky sooner that way." Pound still insisted on flinging the end around too close to Pumpkin which made her whine. She had to run off to get her ball two times before Discord pocketed the thing which only served to make her complain loudly, pleading that she wouldn't do it again. She did it again.

"You said we can got out to eat afterwards."
"No, he said we can go to that store afterwards."

"Only if we have time and if you're good. So far you've reinstated why I hate the grocery store."

"What does that have to do with anything? I want some food!"
"What about the store?"

"We don't have time today. We can get something from a cart though."

"But I wanted to go to the store!"

"Don't whine so much! We'll go next time."

"But why not now?"

"Because we don't have time. Now, what do you want? A kebab or a taco?"

Silly Discord, you don't ask a kid what they want. They'll want one thing, then the next, or something that wasn't an option entirely, then change their minds once they get what they asked for.

Discord kicked open the store door with a loud clattering from the bell. It sounded like it was going to fall off the hook. "I have your children!" He announced.

"Well you better."

"Are you sure you wouldn't want some other kids? Maybe ones that didn't whine so much?" He put the bags down on to the kitchen table.

"No, I would rather deal with my own than someone else's." Mrs. Cake started to put the food all away. She eyed the Brandy bottle which Discord quickly snagged.

"What's all the commotion?" Pinkie asked. She had come down from her room and entered the kitchen.

"Pinkie! My heart!" Discord threw himself at her and hugged her soft middle. He rubbed his face on her belly. "Never again."

"Um, okay."

He swept her up in his arms; the bottle still in one hand. "Let's go to Fluttershy's and you two can help me recover from my PTSD from the long and hard mission at the grocery store with, huh, small children." He was so dramatic at the end.

"Okay, well I'm off anyway. I'll see you later Mrs. Cake, kids." Pinkie waved as Discord carried her off.

Author's Note

Just in case anyone was wondering, in one of the Star Trek books, Q makes a mention of liking Brandy.

In which...he spies a cockroach

Discord reached for a box in the cupboard. It was open on the top and he was mildly annoyed that someone couldn't bother to close it. He brought the box down and saw a roach crawl out of the box. Discord's stomach fall, he became cold, his hands were suddenly clammy and he couldn't feel them anymore.

"EEEEEEeeeeeeee!!!" Discord squealed and dropped the box.

He shuffled back several feet then held onto a chair for support. Discord looked around quickly to make sure no one saw him screaming like a little girl. No one. Good. He cautiously stepped over to where the bug was. A snap of the fingers and a large mallet appeared. It squashed the bug dead. Good. Stay dead. Discord walked over and picked up the box with two fingers and arms lengths away. He tossed it into the trash. Discord frowned at the lost of the box but he wasn't going back into the cupboard to find anything else.

Discord was in Fluttershy's kitchen. Pinkie and Fluttershy were in the living room packing for a picnic by the lake. Pinkie hopped around folding towels.

"Can you get me a lid out of the cupboard?" Fluttershy asked, "Just make sure you don't disturb the little creatures living in there."

"Okay Fluttershy." He smiled at her comment. He opened the doors and hell rained down on him. Or more exactly, roaches fell on him.

"EEEEEEEEeeeeee!!! Ahhhhhhhh!" Discord was blinded from fear as he shook them off. He ran into the living room and jumped on Fluttershy's back. He then grabbed the boxes of raisins on the tables and threw them into the kitchen. "Take them! I don't even like raisins!"

Fluttershy grunted a little from his constant movement, "Are you ,ooff, afraid of roaches?"

"What!" Discord's manly pride decided to make a showing of itself, "No, of course not! I'm not afraid of them. It's just that they get into everything. They get into my chocolate, the knaves! Darn you! Stay way from my sugar packets! And my frosting, and bowls of sugar water, and especially my chocolate milk!" He waved a fist at them.

"Aww, they like you." Pinkie giggled. He glared at her. "They still love you." She pointed at his shoulder. He squealed again and fell off Fluttershy. Pinkie was on the floor as well laughing. He realized nothing was there and blushed.

In which...he reads a book

Discord walked down the street in a sticky haze. At least it was sticky for everyone else, he felt just fine. A small cloud floated over his head letting snow fall down on his shoulders. He licked at his snowcone.

What to do today? It was much to hot to do much. Everypony was so busy being hot they didn't want to do anything! A shadow fell on him and he looked up. Oh, the library. Maybe Twilight has some energy to do something funny. He entered the building leaving the cloud outside. A following shadow quickly stole it. Who cares? He can make another.

"Twilight! My favorite boring pony of all the other boring ponies I know. And trust me, most of you are boring."

"So good to know. What do you want?" She didn't even look up from her book. He leered at her. She still didn't notice.

"I'm looking for something to do." He sighed, "Maybe there's a joke book around here?"

He started to look through the rows of book spines. Don't judge a book by its cover. Well he is! And they all look exactly like the inside would reflect. Stuffy and pretentious. Where's the color? He pulled out a book and flipped through it. Blaaa. Discord threw it over his shoulder. He opened another one. Ugh. He threw that one over his shoulder to land next to its fellow book. Floating up to the taller shelves, he threw most of the books out before Twilight finally gave up ignoring him and turned around.

"What are you doing!?" she yelled. She dropped her book on the table and ran towards the pile. "These poor books. Oh, if you've bent even one page I'll..."

"Do what? Throw a hissy fit? Sure go ahead. At least it might be entertaining." He sat in a spelled up arm chair with a pipe.

"Smoking's bad for you, you know." She huffed.

"It's bad for you. You who have lungs and arteries and other mushy stuff. I'm made up of better stuff."

"Is that so?" She rolled her eyes. Twilight started to put the books back with her magic. "Help me clean up! It is your mess."

"It's your library." He shot back.

"Gah! I'm not here to clean up your mess! This is also my house." She gritted her teeth.

"All the more reason my dear logical Twilight. It's your house and your library. As both, it's your duty to keep them clean. It's not my house or my place of work." He smirked at the steam coming out of her ears. "And what a poor job you're doing. Tsk, look at this mess. No wonder no one ever comes here."

"That is not it and you know it!"

"I do? Well then, I would have to say it's because maybe this isn't really a public library or that it's because your personality turns ponies away. You're also a book hoarder."

"No I'm not! All that's not true."

"But you said I know why ponies don't come here. I don't actually know so I'm following my instincts."

Twilight's gritted teeth and glare left her face so red Discord thought it would almost be kind to just make her head explode to relieve the pressure. "Get out of my library!"

"I'm looking for a book. I even have a library card." He pulled out a card with Golden Oaks Library across the top and his scrawled handwriting below.

"That's not real."

"You know what can be real?" Discord grinned madly and snapped his fingers.

A tidal flood of water filled the library. Twilight was sweep up into a boat made of books. Discord stood with a captain's hat and telescope. They were pushed around by the rushing water. Soon, Twilight realized it was turning into a whirlpool.

"Weee! Put your hands up! It's more fun." Discord sat next to her like it was a carnival ride. Twilight was screaming and gripping the mast with all her strength.

The boat spun around till Twilight couldn't tell which way was up. Then, it went down the drain. She was dumped soaking wet onto the floor of her perfectly put together library.

"That was fun! Thanks for laughs." Discord casually waved and walked out the door.

Twilight sat shivering then Spike opened the kitchen door. "Everything alright? I heard a noise." He snickered, "Why are you wet?"

"I'm..just going to go take a nap."

In which...he snores

"Did you have to fall asleep at the concert? Your snoring was almost louder than the ponies playing. It was so embarrassing!" Luna snorted at Discord.

"It was boring, really, what else do you expect me to do?"

"Sit and be good." She glared ahead. The mane six, the two princess and Discord had just come back from a wonderful concert of classical music.

"You snore." Fluttershy said. "Quite loudly sometimes too."

"I do! That's so odd." Discord took a thinking pose. He looked rather bewildered. "I don't see why. It isn't like I have all the same tubes and fixings like you mortals do. Why would that happen?"

"Maybe cause it's odd that you snore. It doesn't make sense for someone without the same anatomy as a person that can snore to be able to snore. You're kinda the king of doesn't make sense." Pinkie explained.

"Yeah. That does sound right. It's still just so odd. Does it bother you?"

"Sometimes, but I find it so hilarious most times. It's on the rare occasion I really can't take it. Then I hold a pillow over your head until it stops."

Twilight gave her the most stunned look.

Pinkie sputtered, "He doesn't really breath anyway! It's just, like closing a valve so the air goes out somewhere else. He told me to do it."

"I did." Discord managed to get out. He was doubled over in laughter from the look on everyone's face.

In which...he spells everyone's name wrong

"Cough cough. This is the story about the time Aplejack had a slumber party with Ran Bow Dash, Raity, Pikie Pie, Flutershy and Twiight. Appejack had sent a letter to all her little friends. Grannie Smiph was going out of town with Bic Mac and Appple Blooom. The little filly was worried her sister would be lonely or decide to go nuts and farm til her heart gave out. But Applejck said not to worry. Her friends would keep you company. Just not in the 'if you know what I mean' way cause Apple Bwoom wouldn't know what it means."

"Will you stop spelling everyone's names wrong?"

"What do you mean? I'm telling a story about Applefack and her friends, Pincie Pie."

"My name isn't spelt that way."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Piikie."

"Hey!"

"What? I'm saying it correctly."

"Yes, but you're spelling it wrongly."

"What does it matter?"

"It's my name! I care about how my name is spelt. And don't be flipping the letters either."

"Like Jappleack? Is that a thing?" He scratched his chin.

Applejack leaned to Twilight. "Do you have any idea what is going on?"

"No, but I prefer it to him telling the story." They looked at each other and nodded.

In which...he eats fruit cake

He took a big bite of the fruit cake and his eyes widened. He clenched his teeth with the mouthful and stared into the cake.

"Raisins! There are raisins in here?" He reluctantly swallowed.

"Yeah, of course there're raisins." Applejack replied.

"I hate raisins. Bleh. Ugh, on to the next one." Rainbow Dash gave him a new slice. He picked it up like the first one and took a bite. He had a perplexed look on his face.

"This tastes funny." He said through the cake.

"It has alcohol in it."

Discord's face scrunched up. It put the rest of the cake down.

"Oh joy. The holidays."

"Don't be a grump. It's just fruit cake." Pinkie said.

"I don't like raisins." He restated.

"Here." Rarity gave him powdery white cake balls. Discord popped it in his mouth before making the same clenched teeth face.

"What is it? It also tastes funny."

"They're rum balls." She proudly stated. Discord pouted. "What? You don't like alcohol?"

"I like brandy." He said, "Not, this." He pushed the plate back at her.

"I think we have some." Luna said.

"Really? Then bring it out! Preferably a good year."