Chapter 1: Artorias The Hero
"Alright Class stay close we are approaching the last statue of the tour."
Another freaking group of students coming to look at Celestia's gallery of people who I beat the shit out of or falsely accused.
The little group of ponies stopped a few feet away from my statue and for a minute I thought they were going to talk about me, but no I was fated to be permanently ignored as all the students looked to Discord's stone prison with awe and wonder in their stupid little pony eyes.
"Now what do you think this statue means class?" the larger pony whom I am assuming was the teacher spoke.
'Artorias do you know what I want to do when we get out of this accursed stone box?' Sif, my only real companion and friend in this accursed world of ponies asked from her place next to me.
'Sif I swear to the abyss if you say lick you nuts again I'm going to spay you.' I growl, one of the little ponies had just said something about a dodo but I wasn't really paying attention.
'What? No! I was going to say find that pretty little Moon Goddess and fu..' the sound of cracking caught my ear distracting me from my companions disgusting thoughts, Abyss be praised.
My Minds eye was drawn to the chaos demon once again a deep crack going down his torso and a faint laugh emanating from his statue. 'Great....the milk lover is about to break loose' I muttered
"Miss Cheerilee, Whats this statue?" I heard a filly say pointing to a statue that looked strangely familiar to me but I couldn't figure out why.
'That children is the statue of Cunning, the creature that it represent was always finding new ways to trick and deceive ponies into giving it what it wanted'
'Did she say cumming?' Sif asked
'What the hell Sif, why can't you keep in it your pants!? You were never this perverted in Dark Souls.' I groaned
'I do not wear pants and I haven't seen or touched another wolf in over nine centuries Artorias, Do you know what its like to be chaste for so long?' she asked, I could practically feel her frown.
'Yes I do, because I've been with you for those Nine Centuries!' I really wish I was free of this prison, I have so many itches to scratch and I wanted to punch Sif so badly!
"What about this one?" another filly with an adorably western accent asked pointing to me.
'Aww she's so cute! I can't wait for her to get older so I can..'
'Sif, you finished that sentence and I will learn pyromancy for the sake of burning you at the steak.' I growled, I don't care if she's my friend what she was implying was fucked up beyond reason.
Before Sif could reply with her own rebuttal the teacher began to speak "That Applebloom is the statue of Corruption," what she just said pissed me off more than any of the things Sif has said in the nine centuries that we've been imprisoned "It stands as a reminder that we should never let power go to our head, lest it change us and make us do things that we shouldn't." the teacher finished.
"Like Nightmare Moon?" One of the Pegasai students asked
Cheerilee nodded with a smile of her own "Very good Scootaloo, exactly like Nightmare Moon."
Scootaloo beamed at the praise while Cheerilee turned to address the class.
"Now then class..." I let
900 years ago, Phoenix Arizona.
"Bro come on were going to be late!" My friend Zachary yelled running to get his coat from the rack fumbling with his keys.
"Okay okay, Jesus Christ." I moaned walking to the front door wearing my awesome and fucking expensive Artorias of the Abyss costume, replica Great Sword of Artorias in one hand and plushy of Sif the great wolf in the other.
"Why the hell do you have a wolf doll?" James, My other friend and roommate asked an eye brow raised at me.
"The real question is why don't you have one?" I replied walking out the door
"Why would I even want one?" He asks "Its a freaking doll you weirdo."
I didn't bother with a retort, instead turning to
