Two Roomies and their Pest

by Vrilix

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Other, Romance, Random, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 18829

Silver and Brown are roommates. Silver's a wolf btw. Amethyst lives further down the hall. Am' ship the two.

I'm Brown, and I just joined this academy. My roommate's called Silver. Silver's a wolf, in case you didn't know. Pretty important thing, I think. He eats meat. I'm meat, but he doesn't eat me. It's complicated.

I'm Silver, a wolf from Canisberg, the best country in the world. It's also very far away, which sucks 'cause I miss the tea. I joined this academy, which is nice I guess. Brown's my roommate, but the only one around here I enjoy talking to is Amethyst. She's got refined tastes.

Hi, I'm Amethyst! I'm a red pegasus mare who enjoys shipping Silver the wolf, and Brown the unicorn! Life is so beautiful at this academy, I could just squee! Also, I loove tea!

Volunteer Slave Worker: Tired Old Man
Proofreaders: HowDoIEvenBrony, OldManJebediah
Cover-art by Carrot Top

Published 2014-03-27 03:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-08 00:28:01 UTC

Terrific Tea

Silver’s point of view

“Silver, it’s not very nice to attack your very special somepony!” Am’ screamed in my ear.

As the guards carried away the unconscious body of B’, I turned my head to look at Am’. “What did you expect me to do? Watch him take my meat from me? Pfft, fat chance.”

“But you didn’t have to attack him like that! Slamming his head to the floor seven times should be enough!” Am’ squealed in my ear. I really hate that sound.

“If you really think it’s wrong,” I began, “then why’d you tell the guards he fell down the stairs?”

Am’ tensed up, drawing back. “Well I, uh, couldn’t let you get caught.”

As I saw her lie like that, I couldn’t stop myself from arching an eyebrow at her. “You honestly thought I wouldn’t see through that?”

Am’ realized that I wouldn’t believe her lies, she grabbed my paw and started dragging me back towards the academy. “I’ll tell you all of my reasons for this, just not here, somepony might hear us!”

Hearing that word made me cringe. “Someone!”

***

As we entered her dorm room it was almost impossible to stop myself from vomiting, as the stench from her furniture was unbearable.

“Silver, what’s wrong?” Am’ asked me.

Hearing her utter those words annoyed me even more than the stench. “How could you ask me such a stupid question? What’s wrong? I’ll tell you what’s wrong! The very presence of your precious perfume defiles this place, Amethyst!”

“Are you talking about the rose essence I dripped everywhere?” Am’ said, walking towards the cupboard in the heart of that horrible stench.

Covering my nose with a paw I closed the door behind me. “It smells like you dripped it on my nose.”

As she opened a drawer in the cupboard the stench grew tenfold. “Oh well, my roommate complained about it as well; but she left on some family business, so I suppose it’s of no concern now.”

At this point the stench - no, the pain had invaded my entire frame, controlling every muscle in my body, save for my mouth and vocal cords. This caused me to curl up in a ball on the floor like some pup who just saw the alpha male rutting his mother.

“Am’,” I began, “close the drawer! I can’t breathe!”

Am’ closed the drawer and turned around to face me. “Geez, I figured you didn’t like flowers, but could you at least show some manners!”

With the drawer closed the stench had lessened in intensity, but my body still wouldn’t move. Seeing this, Am’ opened a window for me.

“Air!” I cried out as I could feel the pain drift from my body.

As I pulled myself up into a standing position I was greeted by the sight of Am’ smiling at my misfortune. “What? The sense of smell on a wolf is far greater than that of any pony; furthermore, I’m allergic.”

“I know, the symptoms of your condition include paralysis and a complete sense of dread. From the looks of it you didn’t experience the latter,” Am’ answered, her smile dying out.

Hearing that response, I walked up to her, establishing eye contact. “If you knew about my condition, then why would you drip that rose essence all over the room, open the drawer that held the container of the essence, and wait to open a window?!”

Hearing my question, she took a step closer, keeping her eyes locked with mine. “I need you to understand. I don’t see you or brown as a potential couple, I’m only doing this because it’s expected of me.”

Taken back by the sudden change of personality, I turned my head to the side, observing her carefully. “If that’s true, then why would you go through all of that trouble earlier? And what’s up with this whole ‘expected’ thing? You’re acting like a completely different person, as if you’re putting on a mask.”

“No, not putting on a mask, it’s more of a-”

“I’m not putting on a mask,” she began, “I’m taking it off.”

“Could you elaborate a bit on that last part?” I asked her, genuinely curious.

Am’ closed her eyes and held a cheerful expression as she tilted her head to the side. “I’d love to! But first we should sit down, this story’s going to take up some time.”

“Sit down? But the regular dorm rooms wouldn’t have any room for us sitting besides the be-” I began, until I noticed just how big her dorm room was.

It had roughly the same shape as the room I shared with B’, just eight times larger, complete with a balcony as well as a small garden. How I hadn’t noticed the size of this room earlier was beyond me, but how she managed to live here wasn’t very hard to understand.

She had money, and a lot of it. Suddenly everything made sense: How she casually talked about dinner appointments set at the Castle Gardens, the way she set up the “date”, as well as her lavish clothing. It also revealed something else about her.

She had all these things that normal ponies would dream of, yet the thing she craved was something far different. Her earlier actions were proof of this, but the furniture in front of me had an equal value when it came to showing me how her mind worked.

They were all incredibly expensive, yet they were all ruined. She was in possession of the latest hits within design and fashion, yet she treated it as filth. She utterly despised her way of life, and she tried to escape it by discarding all of these things. But she couldn’t escape, the life would always be there, waiting for her.

“I never expected Am’s apartment to look like this. She always seemed like the cheerful pony in the city, constantly trying the bring happiness everywhere she goes. But in reality, she seeks it out.”

“It’s not polite to stare,” Am’ said, wiggling her flank in the middle of my vision.

I quickly looked away, blushing furiously. “I wasn’t staring, I just zoned out! I’d never seek a partner in a pony!”

Turning around she faced me in a more appropriate fashion. “Are you sure about that? Your face is telling me something different; and even if what you’re saying is true, wouldn’t that be just a little close minded? Teehee.”

“Wait, Am’ listen,” I began, “I’m not trying to be racist or close minded in any way, I just don’t find ponies attractive in the same way you would. Even if I did, any sexual intercourse would be very dangerous for you, as the arousal would block off any logic, effectively turning me into a beast. And seeing as how I’m fully capable of eating your kind, that would be very dangerous. Furthermore, why would you even end such a statement with that word? It’s too random, even for you.”

Putting on a dumbfounded expression similar to the one from earlier, she replied in a strange accent. “Random? I have no idea what you’re talking about Silver-kun. I was just politely asking if my guest wanted some tea!”

“So teehee wasn’t a lighthearted reply, it was a question?”

Hoping to get away from the more personal subjects I walked towards her, answering her question. “Yes, I’d love some. What tea are you brewing up?”

Hearing my reply, she answered my question, giggling. “Oh it’s nothing. Just a foreign type used to strengthen the feelings between lovers. I figured it’d be appropriate considering the subjects you brought up.”

Hearing her motives, I deduced that I had to emphasize the message I was getting across by walking up to her. “The subjects I brought up? I told you, I zoned out! Furthermore, I completely explained my reasons and motives to you, but youwere the one who insisted on addressing me like that! Just why did you think I came here? To woo random ponies when their boyfriends aren’t around? Have you no pri-”

Am’ put a hoof to my mouth, interrupting my speech. “I’m just messing with you Silver. If I really wanted to seduce you I would’ve used another tea entirely.”

“...what?”

This wasn’t something I had expected to happen when I first moved to Equestria. I wanted to finish my education in a place where I might have a chance to fit in, so Canterlot seemed like the obvious choice, as capitals usually hold the highest number of immigrants.

I expected the treatment I would receive to be a mix of kindness and fear, as the ponies are known for valuing friendship and failing to comprehend carnivorous creatures such as myself. But I didn’t expect to have a friend reveal herself to a high-society (child?) that hated her heritage.

That being said, having said friend flirt and question my sexual attraction seemed even further of a stretch. That being said, looking back on how I felt when I realized what I’d been staring at during the ‘zone out’, the last part didn’t seem like such a ba-

“You’re hopeless,” Am’ said, her face inches from mine.

Seeing her so close I blushed again, albeit with a stronger fury. “I don’t think you’re being fair here, Amethyst. You reveal yourself as someone different than who you led us on to believe, you start flirting with me, and go on to question my sexual orientation.”

Hearing my honest answer, Am’ smiled, now blushing as well. “Well to be honest, I’m not actually trying to woo you, this is just me trying to act like a normal pony without any limits or parameters. Once the tea is finished, I’ll explain all of it. For now, why don’t we sit down at the table over there?” When she finished talking she started to walk toward the table that held a tea kettle self-heating using magic. As she passed me on the way over there, she made sure to hit me across the side of my face with her tail.

“If she keeps teasing me like this I can’t be held accountable for my actions.”

“Hey Am’,” I began, “stop treating me like you would a muscular stallion while you’re in heat. I’m pretty sure I already told you what would happen if you got me aroused.”

Sitting down at the table, she started to pour tea into two cups that she had put out earlier. “Silver, I really hate repeating myself. I’m not trying to court you or anything, so just ignore all of this. My family’s position has made it impossible for me to live a normal life, so having a very special somepony has been impossible throughout all of my life. I’ll gladly take any chance I can get to experience just a fragment of that lifestyle, even if the risks include the possibility of getting raped by a member of a foreign species.”

“I understand, but you still need to elaborate on this,” I said, sitting down at the opposite end of the table.

“Of course, but first we have to drink!” she exclaimed, holding up her cup of tea.

“Sure, why not? I can’t say I’m used to drinking leaf-flavored water, but seeing your enthusiasm has convinced me to try it out,” I said, reaching out for the cup.

Hearing me say this, Am’ put down the tea cup, giggling. “What, you thought I used water for the tea?”

I was about to ask her what she meant by that statement, but I quickly discovered what she meant by that when I felt the liquid on my tongue. I had discovered that Am’s private behavior was very different from what she led people on to believe, but I never thought that she would be the kind of pony who brew tea with Moonshine.

Realizing that this was my kind of tea, I quickly drank the rest of it. “Delicious. You know, I never thought that I would find such a familiar custom around these parts. I mean, normal ponies usually hate canisbergian tea.”

“I’m not a normal pony,” Am’ replied, smiling.

As I reached out for the kettle I realized just how luxurious it was. I had already accepted the fact that she came from a family of money, but for her to have a tea kettle made up from silver made me realize just how much money that family had.

I remember that back in Canisberg, tea kettles held remarkable value to its citizens; Not so much for their exterior appearance, but for the material lining its interior.

Different materials would bring forth different flavors in the tea, so depending on the type of tea one preferred, one would have a certain material lining the kettle interior.

However, if one were to buy or create a kettle with the same material lining the inside and outside, it would symbolize either wealth or stupidity. A kettle made entirely from one material could heat the tea much more efficiently than one made with two materials. However, there’s a downside to this type of kettle.

If this kettle gets dented - in any way - the redeeming qualities of having a one-material kettle lowers dramatically with each use. The dent can be fixed by a blacksmith of course, but the original flavor would never be fully restored.

Most wolves prefer the harsh taste that a metal would bring forth, in particular the flavor that was present when the material used was silver. Because of this, a kettle made of silver was seen as the most valuable kettle available.

So for Am’s kettle to be a silver kettle decorated with golden dragons surprised me greatly. Especially since a kettle like that would be worth more than the entirety of the acade-

“You’re zoning out again, Silver,” Am’ said bringing me back to the dorm room.

Am’ giggled, pouring me another cup of tea. “You ought to drink some more, it might help out on your little attention problem.”

Emptying another cup of tea, I shook my head, hoping to clear my thoughts. “Forget about it, I just had a flashback from my time in Canisberg. Some tea ought to clear up my thoughts.”

Rising up from the table, Am’ walked over towards a cupboard. “Well, if that’s true, then the content of that kettle isn’t going to be enough. We better bring out the big stuff.”

Pouring myself another cup, I watched Am’ carefully, curious as to what she might bring out. “I thought you were going to explain all of this luxury, not invite me to a drinking game.”

Opening a drawer, she pulled out two bottles of Moonshine. “Why not combine the two? That way the story is going to be slightly more interesting, and you might share some lore as well!”

Emptying my cup of tea, I replied, “You shouldn’t be so sure about that last part!”

***

“Amethyst, it’s as I’ve always said: tea is good for the mind! The tea cleared up my thoughts completely! They even messed them up as well!” I exclaimed, embracing Am’.

I don’t remember how we moved from the table to the couch, but by this point we just sat there, drinking in each others’ embrace. We were planning on sharing our stories with each other … eventually, but right now enjoying our beloved tea was all that mattered to us.

No wait, that’s not true. I think we had drunk all of the tea by this point, so now we were just drinking pure moonshine, fresh from the bottle. If we didn’t pass the same bottle between us, mixing up the alcohol with our saliva, our livers might’ve taken far more damage.

...But then again, with Am’s money, getting our livers fixed shouldn’t be a problem.

“You know Silver, I never thought you’d be such a good kisser!” Am’ said as she leaned in close, reaching out for the bottle I held in my right paw.

Letting her take the bottle, I looked around frantically, searching for the other bottle. “What’re you talking about? We haven’t even kissed yet.”

“Ah, I knew it!” she began, “you said ‘yet’. This implies that you planned on kissing me sooner or later!”

I stopped my search for the bottle, and turned my head around to see her chug the rest of the bottle. “I don’t plan on kissing you, it’s just that whenever I drink I always wake up the next day with someone telling me that I kissed them.” As I finished talking I leaned in close, hoping to see if she somehow had another bottle lying around.

Throwing away the bottle, she looked up at me, smiling. “Why don’t we make sure tonight’s not an exception?”

Hearing the bottle break into thousands of pieces against the wall alerted me to the fact that we were out of booze. “We need more Moonshine. Now!”

As if to emphasize my point I stood up from the couch as I said the word “now.” In my drunken state of mind I didn’t even realize that Am’ was leaning against me when I stood up, so when I saw her lying on the ground two metres away, I was completely clueless.

“Amethyst, what’re you doing? You shouldn’t be sleeping at a time like this!” I exclaimed, walking over to her.

She clumsily tried getting up on her hooves, failing miserable. “I’m not falling asleep, I’m wide awake! You pushed me away, it’s your fault that I’m lying here!”

Hearing her say that it was my fault that she was lying there, I mistakenly thought that she wanted to lie somewhere else. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll carry you to the bed!”

As I said the word “bed” I slipped my head in under her stomach and arched my back, lifting her into a balanced position right behind my neck on my back.

No longer having any contact with the floor, Am’ flapped her wings, trying to get off of me. “Let go of me, Silver! I don’t want to bed you!”

Thinking she asked me to bring her over to the bed, I doubled my pace, hoping to please my friend in her time of need. “I already told you, Amethyst, you shouldn’t worry about it. I’ll keep you far away from the cold floor, helping you with your every need!”

How I can remember any of this, is a mystery. All I can say is that I remember what I said, and what I felt her do on my back. Everything else is something that I’ve been able to figure out from the scraps of information that my mind has left me with.

By now, Am’ was basking her wings at a steady pace, hitting my neck and back at a rate of around three hits per second. “Let me go! Stop holding me down!”

Stopping at the bed, I brought a paw up towards her neck and grabbed her tight. “We’ve arrived Amethyst! You don’t need to fear the dreadful floor any longer!” As I finished my sentence, I brought my entire leg around in a way that would’ve dislocated the joint of any normal wolf, effectively bringing Am’ around as well. As she reached the desired point on the curve, I let go, throwing her against the bed.

As Am’ collided with the bed the force sent both pillows and blankets flying. Trying my best to help, I decided that the best way to get the pillows on the other side of the bed was to walk up on the bed and then just jump down on the floor. Normally, this would’ve been the best idea, but walking past an angry pegasus wasn’t the best idea.

I did it anyway.

Seeing me walk up next to her on the bed caused Am’ to draw back, falling down on her stomach in the process. “Get away from me! You’re not getting laid tonight wolf!”

As I picked up the pillows and blankets, my immediate thought was to just throw them back to Am’, as she might not enjoy having me walk up to her on the bed. In my drunken state of mind I didn’t realize that I didn’t throw the pillows up to her, I threw them on her.

Furthermore, I didn’t even realize that she was still lucid, so when I saw her lying immobile on the bed with a pillow wrapped around her head, I thought that walking up to her and removing the pillow was the best way to ensure that she could breathe freely.

As she felt the weight shift from me walking up on the bed behind her, Am’ started kicking around wildly, sending pillows and blankets flying. “Stay away! I told you I was willing to take chances, but not the risks! Begone!”

Being the drunken fool I was, I didn’t react to her voice or her actions, and just continued to walk forward. This ended up having me stand directly above her, my legs balanced out between her kicking ones.

Being the sentimental prick I was in my drunken state, I thought it might be a good idea to lean in close and tell her what I wanted to do, even though I thought she was unconscious. “Don’t worry, I’ll remove the pillow so you can breathe again.”

Feeling my breath on her neck scared Am’ greatly, causing her to send her wings up with great force, throwing me up into the ceiling, knocking me unconscious.

Injuries & Inquiries

Amethyst’s point of view

The first thing I felt in the morning was a horrible headache, followed by the feeling of snug, warm fur keeping my back at a nice, cozytemperature.

“Silver, get off of me!”

What followed was a lot of commotion that only succeeded in making my headache even worse. After a while, we realized that none of us had the will or strength to yell at each other much longer, so we ended up sitting at the dining table, drinking equestrian tea.

We silently agreed to sit at the end of the table, furthest away from the window, as the sunlight scorched our eyes. It was here that we sat, trying our best to ignore each other and the position we had woken up in.

After five minutes of roaring silence, Silver put down his cup and looked me in the eyes. “We didn’t do anything… right?”

“Of course not, we would’ve been able to feel that. Knowing your kind we’d be sore all over,” I quickly replied.

Hearing that last sentence, Silver cringed, obviously worried. “You’re not sore, are you? There’s a chance your sense of pain is cut off.”

“Cut off?” I began, “what are you talking about? There’s no way that could happen, especially not now!” As if to emphasize my point, I brought my hooves out at the word “now.”

Pouring himself another cup of equestrian tea, Silver explained his previous statement. “A hit to the head could send your body into shock, preventing you from feeling pain. I thought you knew of this, it’s basic biology.” Emphasizing his point, at the word “biology” he established eye contact as he set the equestrian tea kettle down on the table.

Annoyed that I had forgotten something as simple as that, I turned my face around, looking away. Doing this as quickly as I did, I brought back what little of my headache the tea had removed. Furthermore, I also placed my head in a position that exposed my eyes to the sunlight, blinding myself.

Feeling the pain in my head and eyes, I lowered my head down until it was mere inches from the table, and covered my eyes with my hooves. “Urgh, it doesn’t feel like I’m in shock!”

Giggling, Silver brought his teacup up to his mouth and chugged it down, scorching his throat. “Arfflh! My moutwh!”

Silver jumped up, tripping on the edge of the table, sending him into a position on his stomach. He landed next to me.

We remained in our respective positions for a few moments, trying to overcome the pain in silence. The only sound to pierce the silence was the few chirping bird just outside the window.

“Am’,” Silver began, “promise me that we’ll never speak of this again.”

Removing my hooves from my eyes, I turned my head to see Silver standing in an upright position, rubbing his eyes.

His appearance was unchanged, except for a few major differences: One of his paws he kept above the ground, presumably the one he had just hurt on the table. His legs were bruised and the color had changed. Instead of the usual grey, they had taken on a darker, red color.

I wondered what could’ve changed the color so, but then I realized that I was staring at dried blood. I was obviously in pain, but what Silver felt must’ve been far worse. Worried about the health of my friend, I lifted my gaze upwards to see what else might plague him.

His sides were relatively unchanged, except for a couple of bruises, but it was his back that had taken the most damage. The first thing I noticed was the state of his fur. Instead of the usual soft and grey fur that Silver prided himself on, I was greeted by the sight of a dry coat of dust and hair. His entire back was covered in dirt, as if he had been thrown onto a wall with great force.

The next thing I noticed about the back was the back itself. Instead of its normal slender shape, it was jagged and rough. It was still intact and he hadn’t broken anything, but from the looks of it his muscle had contracted, refusing to move about freely.

Letting my gaze continue it’s path, I ended up looking directly at his face, only to see him looking right back at me.

“It’s not blood my legs are covered in, if that’s what you think,” he said, interrupting my thoughts.

“W-what?” I stammered, surprised to hear him speak.

Moving back to the chair, he sat down, reaching out for the kettle. “I saw you stare at my legs as if you’d seen a ghost. You must have thought it was blood or something. It’s not.”

Confused, I sat up properly in the chair, reaching out for my tea. “If it’s not blood, then what is it?”

Bringing the cup up to my mouth, I was surprised to feel hot tea enter my mouth. I was certain that my tea would be cold after zoning out on Silver for a minute or two.

“If you’re wondering about your tea,” he began, putting the kettle back on it’s stand, “then that’s me. I poured you a new cup.”

Taken back by this act, I looked up at him with a puzzled expression. “But I thought I already had tea, it was half full when you fell.”

Bringing the teacup up to his mouth, Silver continued. “Yes, but who said you stopped drinking it?” He sipped at the tea. “While you were staring at me, carefully examining every wound on my body, who’s to say that I didn’t the same to you?

“You sure looked worried, staring at me like that. It would appear that you haven’t seen simple injuries like this before, but don’t worry about it; I’ve been through much worse than this. We greywolves are a lot sturdier than you might think. The ‘blood’ on my legs is nothing but dried up hot sauce. I’ve no idea how it got there, but it’s harmless.

“And as for the jagged back, don’t worry about it, it’s an old injury. It was a family dinner gone wrong, I’ve learned to live with it a long time ago. And as for the dirt on my back? It’s from your roof.

“Just above the spot we slept, there’s a giant dent in the ceiling, as if something, or someone was thrown up into it. That someone was probably me. Oh, and you drank the tea by the time you moved up to my back.”

“But how did you refill my cup of tea without me noticing? For you to do so you had to move, and I should’ve seen that. For Celestia’s sake, I was staring at you!” I said, gesticulating as I did so.

Hearing me say that, Silver leaned in over the table and looked me right in the eyes. “You want to know how I did it?”

“Yes!” I exclaimed, angered by his question.

“The explanation is…”he started.

He made held a deliberate pause, carefully watching me as he did so. Throughout all of the pause he kept the same teasing smile plastered onto his face. If I wasn’t so curious I would’ve smacked it right off of his face.

He opened his mouth again, about to say something. “...aliens.”

“FOR PETE’S SAKE!” I yelled, jumping up as I did so.

***

As of right now, I don’t remember much of what happened yesterday during our little drinking game. But, there is one thing that I remember clearly about the events that transpired during our little game during those late hours of the night.

Well, it was the closer to the evening than the night; in fact I doubt it was past 10 PM when we passed out, but that’s not the point I’m trying to get across right now. What I’m trying to tell you relates to the entire reason we began drinking in the first place.

I knew from experience that greywolves could be a little closed up to foreigners. So in order for him to open up, I had to get him drunk, or at least drinking. When we entered the apartment I noticed that he wasn't exactly paying as much attention as he used to.

I used his “absence” to make it look like I was trying to seduce him, but that was just a cover. I wanted him to get the impression that I was a cheerful pony who had two sides to my personality. A persona that was pulled down on my face whenever I was outside, and the persona I became when I was inside.

While this is true to some extent, it’s not precisely the truth either. My family taught me to have everypony where I needed them, even if it meant lying to my friends. It might feel like I’m deceiving everypony - and technically I am - but I’m maintaining a state of control that will benefit me in the end.

Time and time again I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. Somehow I always manage to steer away from that with a major distraction. The latest of those distractions was to take an unusual pairing of roommates consisting of a pony and a grey wolf and then link them up on a date. This was such a surreal situation that I was forced to act like myself. There was no earlier experience like this, so I could not act based on a previous memory.

So all of these weird and abnormal actions and events are nothing but vacations to me. This is something I love immensely. But to everypony else, it looks like this is who I am. And in a way, they’re right. So when somepony - no, someone saw through that lie, I was caught off guard.

My motive for living like this in the first place is to have a clear understanding of everypony around me. So when he comes along and moves around the filters I’ve placed around everypony, I can’t comprehend him. He is so different from everything I’ve ever faced before that the very act of talking with him is chaotic.

I can’t read him like I can everypony else, and the only preparations I have with him are the memories of our previous conversations. Normally I could use the person's natural movements as well, but he is so far away from his natural habitat that I can’t do this.

His fur heats him up to a temperature that is so uncomfortable that he has to stay around colder areas all day. His diet consists of meat, meaning he has to move way beyond his comfort-zone just to allow the ponies around him to stay within their own.

He is thrown off balance to the point that he can’t see where he’s going with his life. I can’t see his goals or motives for being here, but I have a very clear understanding of his reasons behind all of his actions.

All of this is just a complicated way of explaining why I’m incapable of knowing what he’s going to say ahead of time. I can’t predict his actions beyond the point that he needs a shower as well as some meat every day.

Just being around him is a bliss, as I momentarily experience the world like everypony else. Thanks to Silver, I can attend this academy without having to plan out all of these ridiculous events just to stay sane. If I can get close to him, my chances of mental survival at this school will grow exponentially.

So how do I get him to bond? I initially wanted to attempt a good old fashioned seduction, but then I realized a fatal flaw in that strategy. He’s not a pony, so he’s not naturally going to be attracted to my species. It’s not that interspecies relationships are anything new, but those who end up dating another species don’t do it spontaneously. They’ve known the other party for a long time before they’ll see each other in a romantic fashion.

So for me to seduce him, I’m going to need a strong friendship in place - but if I had that I wouldn’t need to seduce him. Sadly, I realized this too late for me to change it completely, as that would seem suspicious. I tried to make up some excuse for the flirting I had thrown his way, but my mind was completely blank.

This meant that my mouth began speaking on its own. And unfortunately for me it was only halfway into the sentence that I managed to reestablish control of my vocal cords. The sentence that came out could be illustrated with a tree: a tree with roots in truth and fruits in deception.

I don’t remember exactly how it went, but the sentence stated that my family prevented me from living a normal life, so I would set up all of these dates to experience love. On one side it’s true. My family prevents me from living a normal life, and I do set up these dates to experience love.

But I set them up for something far greater than love. I want to experience the full plethora of emotions completely unhindered without any restrictions, as it’s the only hole in the rules my family had given me.

So Silver was right and wrong at the same time.

On the way back he noticed that I made many attempts at acquiring his attention. In other words, I flirted. I did this because I had just met someone I couldn’t read, so I wanted to experience flirting, which I knew most ponies around my age love beyond belief.

When we arrived at my apartment he was absentminded for some reason. I used this to my advantage. I tried to give him the idea that I was trying to seduce him, in an attempt to explain my earlier flirting.

I realize that I’ve been explaining this for quite some time, so now I’m going to attempt making a summary of all of the variables and constants in the equation.

I live an unusual life that causes me to understand everypony around me, effectively allowing me to predict everypony. This means I cannot live a normal life and enjoy the bliss of ignorance. Then Silver comes along who I cannot predict. With Silver, I can experience the thrill of a normal life.

I set him up on a date with his roommate for the sole purpose of cooling him down as well as feeding him. With him in a prime condition, I had to dispose of Brown. With Brown gone I could talk to Silver, and experience a normal life.

In my excitement I ended up spilling a few bold lies, and he quickly realized that something was going on. I came up with the suggestion that we should go back to my apartment so that I could explain everything. On the way there however, new problems arrived.

My big mouth took over once again, but it seemed like he didn’t pay attention. I couldn’t risk the possibility of him remembering the flirt, so I had to play on it to explain the questions he posed to me. When he finally “woke up”, I was in the process of a fake seduction.

It was my theory that he would see through it and come to the conclusion that I needed fake love to endure everyday life. Lying, I told him that this was the truth behind everything I had done to him. With this out of the way, I now had the possibility of bonding with him.

With my knowledge of Canisbergan culture, I deduced that the best strategy to acquire a friendship was through a drinking game. I jokingly asked if we could share our life-stories over a drink. Surprisingly he agreed.

And then I woke up with him on top of me the following day, along with a blank memory of the preceding day.

Well done Amethyst Star, well done.

***

“Did you say something Am’?” Silver said, bringing me back to Equestria.

I realized that we were sitting in the couch, lazily relaxing in each other’s embrace. “What?”

Silver lifted his head from the cushion, and looked down on me. “I’m pretty sure you said something, but I couldn’t hear what it was. It sounded a little like, ‘Well done.’ Why did you say that?”

“Dammit, I’ve endangered my only chance to experience the luxury that is a normal life. I need to change the subject somehow. What subject did we talk about yesterday? What happened yesterday anyway?”

Deep in thought, I failed to notice that I had been looking up at Silver for about a minute. When realization dawned on me, I pulled back, blushing. “Uh, I don’t know. My mind is all dazy, it could be related to last night. What happened yesterday anyways?” At the word “anyways”, I put on a fake smile, trying my best to change the subject.

Silver stayed in the same position, looking down at me. After doing this for a brief moment, Silver grinned, showing off his fangs.

“You’re not very hard to read Am’. You’re lying here your couch with a complete stranger, muttering the words ‘well done’. After I asked you about those words, you said they might be related to last night. And you said this with a flushed expression on your face.

So really, you’re saying that by seducing a stranger to the point of snuggling, your job was ‘well done’. I know that you ponies are all about the magic of friendship, but you’ve been overly hospitable.

Surely you’ve had some ulterior motives to this. Perhaps that hidden motive could be a little bit of love?” At the last word, Silver tilted his head to the side and giggled.

“W-what...” I began, “I’m not-”

Silver interrupted me with a hearty laugh, tears forming in his eyes. “Well, if you really aren’t trying to seduce me as I suggested, then why are you lying here, snuggled up with me?” The entire sentence was slightly incoherent, as he never stopped laughing.

I tried stepping down onto the floor, as denying affections while snuggled up seemed counterproductive. But I couldn’t get down on the floor, as my hind legs were locked up between his. “Well, for starters, I-”

I was cut off by the sound of my door being thrown open, and the sight of a brown mare galloping into my apartment. She looked familiar, but I couldn’t put a name to her. I was about to ask her, but I never got a chance to do so, as she cut me off before I even opened my mouth.

“Where’s the wolf who beat up my little brother?!”

Family & Friends

Brown’s point of view

Thanks to the efforts of my loving family and the dear doctors at the hospital I was unable to prevent my dear sister from storming out the door, undoubtedly to ‘avenge’ me. My sister is one of the strongest around, but I wouldn’t get near a drunk Silver.

Don’t ask how I knew Silver was drunk. From what little I saw when Amethyst dragged him to the pools, and when Amethyst observed us, I deduced that this would all somehow end up with the two of them drinking their brains out.

It’s my talent. I observe others and piece together their personalities and how they’ll interact with the world around them. Ponies often think that the flames around the eye should somehow symbolize some sort of sacred spell sought out solely by sorcerers, but that’s not the case.

Because that doesn’t make any sense. Why does everypony collectively think the same thing when they see my cutiemark? And why does it have to be in a sentence with eleven S’es? Seriously, that’s so subtly securing the second sewers together to form the super sneaking spider snake.

I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean. I just had to think out a sentence with an equal amount of S’es present. I failed. That’s only ten S’es. Dammit.

In any case, Silver’s probably waking up uncomfortably close to Amethyst right about now. And knowing my sister, they’ll have about twenty minutes to cure themselves of the hangover before The Wrestler Of Masonville bursts through the door.

If you’re curious about the name, that’s what we call her in the family. TWOM. Because that’s the sound it made when she won the final battle against The Grandmaster Of Wrestlers From Masonville, or Hygienic Hoof, the butler at the nearby mansion fourteen years ago.

I don’t think my dear sister ever found out that he was simply playing along with her games to help her. Regardless, she earned her cutiemark from throwing the old butler through a store only to magically appear on the other side with a chair. A chair that was flying through the air towards the butler.

With the amount of magic present in Equestria, you might think that the butler was sent flying like some ball, and that they both walked away fine after that. That didn’t happen. The chair broke on impact with Hygienic, and TWOM’s jaw fractured on impact with his hoof.

I still remember the baffled looks on the nurses’ faces when we tried to explain that the filly they were currently bandaging up got her cutiemark from throwing an helpless old stallion through a shop. I also remember the better faces they made when they heard that the ‘helpless’ stallion fractured TWOM’s jaw.

Before I go any further, let me explain a few parts of this. TWOM was the one who got damaged, but Hygienic still lost. The rules stated that if one could throw the other through the air, that pony would win. We thought that she’d just throw him perhaps two metres, so it was really no big deal.

I suppose it’s about time that I get back to the matter at hoof, namely the situation I was in. I may have been bandaged all over, but there was no way I was going to see my sister get hurt. She may have been a professional wrestler, but there’s no way Silver’s going to lose. He’s a bucking wolf, what can you do against him?

But then again, Amethyst might have drugged him for whatever purpose. I just couldn’t be certain of her exact motive for doing so. It might have been one of the these reasons.

One reason could be her ‘experiences’ with wolves, but that seems unlikely seeing as how she didn’t have a problem setting the two of us on a date.

Another could be her heritage. She’s from a big family, I won’t be surprised if she hasn’t been able to sate certain ‘needs’ over the years. So drugging a wolf may be her only way to get laid, or to get close to somepo-someone.

Or she’s just really enjoys the thought of sexual intercourse with a being who’s capable of killing her in a heartbeat. That’s a possibility.

In any case, when they finally let go of me, I tried to relax as much as possible. I knew that the act of struggling against my family with these wounds opened them all up again, and I knew that my sister would soon be in the bed next to me.

At best, she’d be bruised all over. At worst she’d look like she came out of a train accident.

I’m picturing two scenarios. TWOM runs in on Wolf mounting Amethyst. Bad idea, don’t get in the way of a wolf during mating season. The second one is TWOM running in on them the morning after, which seems much more likely. It’s morning now, and I heard them head off towards the academy yesterday.

There’s also a third scenario. I prefer not to think about this one, even less write it but it has to be done. The two of them didn’t have sex, and as much as I’d like that it’s improbable. In any case, during this time of the day Silver would probably lie around Amethyst, eating some meat she gave him.

Seriously, what’s up with that mare and feeding Silver meat? We’ve only been around the academy for around two weeks, yet I’ve seen her gift him this stuff twice a day.

In any case, I doubt Silver would hold back against a stranger. I could tell that he was just beating me up to ‘teach me a lesson,’ but he doesn’t even know TWOM. I can’t imagine how that would happen.

Or they could just, I dunno, randomly lie around in a couch, cuddling up together without having fucked each other’s brains out. But seriously, why would they even do that? It’s not like Canisberg has some strange custom of poni-people bonding through drinking tea or alcohol.

In any case, I’ve been avoiding the biggest problem I had. Namely the one where I had to explain to my family that TWOM was going to get beaten up by a wolf. Or that she’d be pretty sore if Amethyst’s drug was still in his system.

Seriously, I’ve been avoiding it for like five minutes now. I’ve just been lying here, thinking in the past tense.

Ahem

“Excuse me,” I said, pulling myself back to reality, “we may have a bit of a problem.”

What followed was the roaring thunder of a thousand voices screaming out in despair and anger towards each other, all about me. In other words, my dear old mother and her sisters were arguing on whether or not they should restrain me, while the rest of my family had long since calmed down. It sounded like they had pulled out some deck of cards or something.

I decided that it would be best just to lie there and get used to the five senses again. It was obvious that my mother & the other hags hadn’t noticed me yet, and the others either knew I had to adapt or didn’t care.

After 30 seconds I had brought my senses down to the point that I was able to have a coherent sentence. I then realized that the hags didn’t argue about me; they argued about which type of fabric to use when sewing different types of dresses.

Most ponies would be terrified to hear that their ha-mother and aunts didn’t care about them, but I had never been so relieved in my life. It actually boosted me to the point of allowing me to get out of bed and trot over to the one where the others sat and played their card game.

I sat down on the bed next to a cousin I’m not going to bother naming right now. “Hey, stop eyeballing my cards, dude!”

Another cousin across the room yelled up at that. “Yeah, stop cheating! What’re you, sick or something?”

I cringed at that, taken back at the stupidity of my family. “I wouldn’t say I’m sick per se. It’s actually a lot closer to mutilation. So yeah, I’m fine.”

Everypony looked up from their cards and stared at me. After about five seconds they all moved away from the bed, allowing me to lie down. “Thank you,” I responded.

“Don’t mention it,” the first cousin began. “Just don’t peek at our cards mate.”

I cringed again, remembering the stupidity of my family. “I don’t have to peek at your cards, I can see it in your eyes what they are. I read all of you like an open book! It’s my cutiemark, you can’t hide anything from me!”

The same cousin looked up from the cards and stared at me wide-eyed. “I don’t want to play with you anymore!”

I stared at him with similar wide eyes. “I’m not even in the game, you dimwit!”

At that last remark, a few of my cousins looked up at me. Take note, as we Books value our card games highly. Looking up from one’s cards is big. Laying them face-down on the table is a declaration of war. With the ‘declaration’ being a subtle hint towards one’s friends, and the ‘war’ being a few spells thrown towards one’s enemy. Such as extending the sense of taste to their asshole.

My cousin got up, his cards close to his chest. “Why did you bail from the game, Brown?! Nopony bails on a Book, especially not one of our own!”

I cringed for the third time in ten minutes. “I was never in the game to begin with, cousin.”

With such a heated argument between cousins as this, you might think that other family members would ignore it, or at least pretend that it wasn’t going on. That is true. ‘other family members would ignore it.’ These cousins just doesn’t care.

They are the farthest and closest branch of the family. They are furthest away when it comes to blood, but they are literally the closest. They’re the only branch of the family who also lives in Canterlot, the rest are stationed at all the other major cities.

My mother has four ha-sisters. And my beloved father has brothers. Thirteen of them. All of these siblings have children, at least 2 of them. And lets not forget that each of my uncles and hags are married as well, bringing on a whole new row of grand cousins.

I’m cursed with this much family, as I have to keep track of everypony, so it’s common for us to just refer to each other as cousin. Even if it’s an uncle. Cousin. Except for my mother and the other hags, we all call those the hags. Even their foals are in on that.

How did all this happen? Why was I cursed with having to cope with so many horrible ponies? Was this the judgement of some omnipresent being in the skies, or some boulder locked away in the basement of some delusional unicorn living alone in Denmarek?

In any case, my dear cousins and I were close enough to show up at the hospital. But not close enough to give a buck when I got in an argument. But something that is widely known to all Books, and all those who have met one is the declaration of war.

I’m pretty sure I mentioned it earlier, but to recap you only put your cards face down when your special somepony spreads wide right in front of you or if she’s spread wide right in front of you.

But that’s exactly what he did.

Now, as much as I’d like the idea of him seeing me in the light of his ‘very’ special somepony, I don’t think that would fit the context properly. First off, I was bandaged all over, thanks to Silver’s little ‘lecture’ on food. Secondly, we were surrounded by family. Sure, the family was preoccupied with all the things they were doing (card games, all of them) but they were still there.

So, naturally, they were all very loud. But, the sound of two cards flopping down on a table soon resonated throughout the room. As soon as those two pieces of paper hit the table, everything went silent.

No, that’s not true, everypony went silent. Every sound in the room came from a pony, so the correct thing to say would have to be everypony went silent. Either way, I was fucked.

Thoughts flew through my mind at that very second, and I quickly concluded that the only thing that was going to get me out of this was magic. So I decided to cut off the magic feed that powered the device that wrote all of this dow

***
The first thoughts that flew through my head was “I’ve never been so happy to hear my sister fly through a shop!”

I quickly discovered that my pursuer hadn’t forgotten about me, as he yelled something in my direction. “GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT! NOPONY BREAKS THE BOOK CODE!”

I was about to reply with something vity that explained that I never even broke the code, but TWOM cut me off. “You touch Brown at your own risk!”

My cousin teleported out from the maze I trapped him in and confronted TWOM directly. I didn’t understand why he didn’t just teleport directly to me earlier, rather than waiting for TWOM to appear.

“Stay out of this, bastard! This is a battle between trueborn Books!” My cousin replied.

I didn’t remember if this was explained earlier, but the only Books that were considered real was the fullborn ones. The bastards were never counted in whenever the family were given it’s share of gold from the treasury. We got the gold due to our forefather wedding one of the founders, yet none of us remembered which one. All we knew was that every year, we got five hundred bits for each member of the family.

Twom turned her head over to me and asked me if he had dazed me, as she said I had been zoning out; staring into thin air. I realized that this must have been how it looked to the outside world when I remembered everything about the history of Book, and recited it in the past tense.

I looked up at her, only to be interrupted by a familiar voice resonating from the hole in the shop right behind me. “Ugh, am I interrupting anything here? Everyone OK?”

Cousin immediately yelled back in response, venom dripping from his words. “Stay out of this, wolf! You pesky northerners should mind your own business! Stay out of your affairs, and don’t even think about touching us!”

Silver looked at cousin with a frown on his face, slowly walking out on the street. “Excuse me?”

Even while Silver spoke cousin began insulting him once again. “Stay away! Just like you did a thousand years ago when our people starved! Stop right there, and go home! Go back to your family like the little pub you are! Go back to the north and dream of sweet meat, you won’t get any of mine!”

To be fair, Silver did wait until after cousin insulted him to attack him. But once he did, he didn’t stick with what I saw when he pounced on me the day before. He used all of the traits his species are known for. Specifically, claws, fangs, agility, night-vision, and most importantly, howls.

One might wonder why howls could be have anything to say in the matter once wolves go in for the kill. They do not have anything to do with killing, they are used for different things entirely.

In this particular case, striking fear into the heart of a pony. One might wonder how a howl could strike fear into others, but in this case the answer is very clear.

My cousin expressed his hate towards wolves, and my roommate’s a wolf.

*Note to self, see the teacher to test the spell. There were no descriptions of the surroundings in neither mine or the other’s transcripts.*

Exposition & Explanation

3rd Person

“Hrmm, how’s this?” The teacher asked them, looking down on them with an amused expression on his face.

He had looked forward to this meeting so very much, as he’d anticipated that something might be off with the scrying spell. While it is true that the alteration of spells is a long and tedious process, the academy still expected something better this.

The trio had originally come to him in search of help, and he was happy to help them. That is, he was happy to be around such wonderful celebrities. They were known all around town for their little ‘incidents’.

First there was the whole part of a wolf, a pegasus and a Book working together on a magic project at the Royal Academy of Magic. They had been chosen because all of them had taken a simple test at their local institutions of magic.

None of them knew each other prior to the experiment and were all promised plenty of compensation for any ‘incidents’ it might provoke. The fact that three completely different individuals chose to participate in an experiment that recorded everything that they did was shocking to the public.

This scandal only escalated further when they thought it was a good idea to go to the pools on a date. Not only did they take a pool from somepony else, they also started to eat meat in the pool. When one of the members got injured in a fight that erupted there, public eyes were constantly glued to the trio.

So when the remaining two decided it was a good idea to get drunk on tea from one of the member’s homeland, everypony in miles knew of it. Not because they all watched them waltz into the academy, but because everypony within miles could hear them.

All of these things intrigued the teacher greatly, as he finally had a chance to get his hooves on somepony the public knew of. It had always been easy for him to get his hooves on somepony important in his position, but somepony that the everypony knew and spoke of?

Such a thing had never happened before. So when he looked down upon the two beautiful males before him, he could not contain a certain excitement growing throughout his entire body, albeit stronger in some areas than others.

“What the hell doc?! What is this you’re thinking of us?” Silver asked out, with the latest paper from the device in his paw.

Brown looked over to his fabulous companion with a befuddled expression on his face. “What are you talking about, Silver?”

The teacher, realizing that his thoughts of the two handsome males were now public, began trembling with a mix of excitement and embarrassment. Thoughts flooded his mind as saw the plump and juicy stallion walk over to Silver, ripples spreading throughout his plot with every step.

“EW WHAT THE FUCK?!”

***

While Brown and Silver were respectively repulsed and taken aback by the vivid descriptions of the teacher’s thoughts, Amethyst on the other hoof had to concentrate very hard not to laugh out loud at his perverse desires regarding her friends, and their reaction to said desires.

“You boys are taking this way too seriously,” she began, giggling uncontrollably. “It’s normal for a stallion of his position to view young, fresh, and clearly inexperienced males such as you in a romantic fashion.”

Brown looked up from the device that was printing out every uttered word, toward Amethyst intently. “What do you mean it’s natural? We never hear of these things, and while I don’t mind others taking an interest in me, I’d prefer it if they kept those thoughts to themselv--”

“What do you mean inexperienced, my dear pegasus?” Silver interrupted Brown.

Up until this point there had been a constant flow of noise flowing throughout the room. Whether it came from the teacher trying to reorganize his papers, Brown’s constant meddling with the device, or from Amethyst’s constantly poking Silver with her left wing, there was always some noise in the room.

That stopped at the very moment Silver uttered the word inexperienced, as all of the ponies present knew just what he was capable of doing when offended.

It would be worth pointing out that there was a certain possibility that Amethyst Rose didn’t remember what he was capable of doing once offended. That possibility was evident through the smug smile that was slowly spreading across her lips as Silver approached her.

“What’s the matter Silv’? You’re offended that I’m questioning your masculinity?”

Silver stopped up in front of Amethyst, eyes locked to hers, his face void of emotion. “Ever since I arrived here at this academy, you’ve been the only one around to truly show the friendship you ponies are so well known for.”

His head tilted to the side and his gaze wandered off to the other ponies present in the room. “No one wanted to take in the traumatized wolf that was forced to eat ponies and wolves alike in a foreign land.” This caused the said ponies to shakily move about in place, ashamed of the way that they had treated Silver.

He leaned in closer to Amethyst, establishing eye contact.“But you were always there, helping me relax in this foreign land that had only brought me bad memories. You gave me food and rest, as well as medical treatment on several occasions.” He brought a paw up below her chin, lifting her face up to his. “You even got a hold of some Canisbergian tea.”

In that moment, Amethyst Rose most certainly lived up to her name. Not only did she bear the respective colours of her name, she also showed them in a harmonic way. While this was easy to notice for any onlooker, this moment reinforced that effect.

The natural colours of her coat, mane and eyes would normally show off all the colours that her name represented. But the heavy blush that adored her cheeks, along with the half closed eyes and big smile brought out a whole new array of colours.

Because she had almost closed her eyes and started leaning forward towards Silver, she didn’t notice the grin that was rapidly spreading on Silver’s face. “Too bad you’re incredibly ugly.”

***

The teacher looked up from the device to face the trio before him. “It would appear that the device occasionally does a timeskip.”

Silver briefly lifted the bag of ice cubed off of his muzzle to speak clearly. “What do you mean doc?”

The teacher stood up from his chair and started walking over to the corner of the room. “The device that has been writing everything down so far is defective. It can’t do any of the things we originally planned for it to do.”

He pulled out a few books from the bookcase and turned around. “We wanted it to write down everything that was going on around you three, but so far the only thing we’ve gotten is dialogue and vague descriptions of your surroundings.”

He levitated the books over to the trio, their eyes locked on him. “Furthermore, it doesn’t seem to have written in any type of third-person perspective. It shifted from following each of you, depending on how similar you were to me.”

This earned him a confused look from Amethyst, who up until now had been nonchalant about the whole ordeal. “How similar to you? What’s that supposed to mean?”

The teacher let a smug smile spread across his face, and leaned up against the wall. “While it’s true that I didn’t supply it with the largest amount of magic, or that I’m not the one in charge of this experiment, it was still me who designed the original version of the device. I suppose it recognizes me as its father, and favors those who are similar to me to those who aren’t.”

Brown looked away from the teacher and reached out for the books in front of him. “I didn’t know the device had a mind of its own. When did you plan on telling us this?”

The teacher walked back over to the device and started supplying it with paper. “I didn’t because it doesn’t. The device isn’t a senti--” he was interrupted by the sound of Silver bringing the ice bag back on his muzzle “--isn’t a sentient being. The fact that it ‘recognized’ you is not the same as how you would recognize somepo--egh, someone.”

Brown opened the book and studied the early drafts for the device. “Could you elaborate on that last part?”

The teacher finally sat back down in his chair and let himself relax for just a fraction of a second. “Gladly. As you should know, this device is supposed to mimic the way an author writes, so it was supposed to follow each of you respectively and get ‘experience’ if you can express it that way.

“But instead of following you around and ‘watching’ you, it also recorded thoughts, and went into a 1st-person perspective. It was already known that it could write down thoughts if you addressed it directly.” He turned his head and let his gaze rest on Brown. “Out of the three of you, Brown was the only one who did this, albeit in a different manner than expected.”

Brown put down the book and looked up at the teacher. “When did that happen? I have no memory of using the device.”

The teacher decided that he had had enough of moving around so he teleported over to the device, rather than walking. “It’s written down in the fourth chapter. Here, let me find it.”

Amethyst was surprised at that, and looked around at the ponies in the room with a puzzled expression on her face. “What do you mean ‘chapters’? Doesn’t the device just write down everything that we do?”

The teacher looked up from the stack of papers and teleported over to Amethyst with a small pamphlet. “We expected you to read through this pamphlet that explains everything the device is supposed to do. Instead of writing down everything, it only writes down things that a reader would actually be interested in. Such as your and Silver’s drinking.”

Upon hearing that last part Amethyst shrunk back in her chair, fearing how her family might react. Silver, on the other hand, only gave off a small hum.

The teacher teleported back to the device and decided that he might take a look at the latest things the device had written before going through the other stack of papers. “How interesting, it’s writing down the things that are happening right now!”

Silver removed the bag of ice from his muzzle and turned his head to the teacher. “How does it describe me?”

The teacher laughed at that, and looked him in the eye. “It doesn’t. It only mentions you when you move or speak. Other than that there’s no descriptions of you at all.”

His smile quickly disappeared when he continued to read through the papers that were huddled together in the stack. “In fact, there’s no descriptions at all. The only thing that’s written down is dialogue, and how we move about as we speak.”

His face then filled with shock, terrified at what he just discovered. “It doesn’t even use my name! It only use the terms ‘the teacher’ and ‘him!’ This is unacceptable. We’ll have to redesign the entire device!”

Silver looked back and forth from the mad teacher and the glorious device. “When will we be able to use it again? As in, when can we expect a new ‘chapter’ to arrive?”

The disgusting teacher cut the beautiful device off from its supply of paper, and looked up to face Silver. “I don’t know, it could be week before it’ll be ready for use. At this rate, I have no ide

***

Author's Note

I realize that what little readers I might have around this fic will be disappointed when they realize that this isn’t a chapter, but it doesn’t matter at this point.

I’m not going to continue with this fic as it currently is to please a smaller audience. I know it might be very selfish to claim that I have something to call an audience, but for now allow me to use that term.

This is the first fic that I actually wrote as a series. I’ve written other things so far, but nothing like this. It’s either been one fic with every chapter as a one-shot, or it’s been some collab. So, despite this one being the latest addition, this is my first fic.

I started this fic off with one clear goal in mind: Improvement. I wanted to get into the process of writing to get a clear understanding of how to write, as well as how to create characters and worlds. But most importantly I wanted to improve my skills when it comes to understanding and expressing myself in the english language.

In case you didn’t notice already, I’m not a native english speaker, if that makes any sense. I’m danish, and english is my second language. English is something I see everywhere, every day. Whether it be through the internet, movies, television, books and comics, or even music, no one can deny the power that lies in the english language.

This is my main reason for choosing to learn english. It’s a powerful tool. It’s not because I’m a nerd or anything.

That being said, I must say that I’ve succeeded. I’ve learned a lot, whether it be spelling, comprehension, phrasing or just regular grammar rules. This has been a long journey that allowed me to grow both in terms of writing, but also as a reader. Hell, I even got an editor volunteer slave worker to pester on skype. Which I enjoy. Very much.

But, I’m going to stop this now. Not because I don’t feel like I’ve fulfilled my goals, but because it’s not good for the fic.

During the task of writing up until this point, I’ve had a lot of fun. Not just because the learning process have been interesting, but also because I’ve started to like the characters.

You see, when I write I never have a clear plan in mind. I just have a lot of ideas floating around in the big mess that is my head. Only some of these get inserted in the fic, but that’s not the point. I’ve never had any plan for the story.

And this is why I’m going to scrap it. Before you’ll pull out the torches and pitchfork party hats and banners, allow me to list some reasons.

The name of the fic. It was originally intended to be “My Roommate's a Wolf”, but I quickly scrapped that part. Then it became “Two Roomies and their Pest”. This doesn’t exactly fit it either, as Amethyst isn’t much of a pest.

The narrator. I was planning on having the entire fic switch from 1st person back and forth from Brown and Silver, but it somehow ended up with a magical device. What the hell.

The device. I have no idea what it is, I only know that it’s somehow what the story is about. My notes tell me it’s some sort of experiment, and that these chapters are only notes that the device is churning out. What the hell is that supposed to mean?

(At the time I’m writing the chapter should be getting a review from that WRITE group thingy. If you want more reasons you can check out their review. If it’s online when you read it. If it ever gets online. If you can read.)

I was going to continue with a few more reasons but I’m too lazy for that. My point is that I have no plan. No idea as to where it’s going. And that’s starting to bite me in the ass.

Another thing is my complete inability to write anything that isn’t dialogue. No wait, my complete inability to write like other people.

It’s true that I was planning to use dialogue to move the story forward, but so far that’s all there is. Dialogue. I wrote off an excuse including some magical device, but now that became a problem.

So what now? Well, I’m going to continue writing. Just not this one. I think.

I’ll cancel this fic, and rewrite the whole thing. No wait, not a rewrite. A rewrite would include a whole new take on the same story. That’s not what I’m going for here.

I want to take the original idea I had, and then go with that one. Instead of having a bunch of characters talk without aim, I’m going to have a bunch of characters talk within a larger plan. Oh, and add in some descriptions of the surroundings every two pages.

I’m not sure how it’s going to work, but I think the characters are going to stick around for the next fic. One thing I’m certain of is that I need better writing on this one. So yeah, if you want some level of quality, go pester my editor volunteer slave worker.

I can’t tell when this new story is coming online, but I’m thinking of publishing it when it’s done. Yes. When it’s done. If computers still exist by then.

(The next two chapters are nothing more than a failed chapter and a small collab with a friend to get him into writing. I scrapped both of them, but I decided it would be a good idea to show you guys my editor my volunteer slave worker myself how I came to this conclusion.)

Cheers.

New Faces (scrapped)

The following is an attempt at redesigning the device. Take note that prose and narration may differ from the preceding notes.

She placed down the mug of coffee with her magic, and looked back at her coltfriend. “Did you hear about the professor? There’s been some talk as to how he had a nervous breakdown last week. It’s apparently not a good idea to have the extremely narcissistic professor read through the transcript that doesn’t even contain his name.”

He curled out his wings and arched his back, attempting to rid himself of the back ache that had been troubling him for hours. “No, I haven’t. What happened to him?”

She walked over to him and brought a hoof down at a specific point on his back, instantly releasing all of the pent up pressure. “Well he was lecturing the trio on their misuse of the device, blaming them for all of the flaws he had created. I also heard something about them not even knowing what it was meant to do, but that’s irrelevant. The interesting part was when he got the genius idea of attacking the mare when she gave out a sarcastic remark.”

He got back up from the floor he’d fallen down onto moments before. “Genius? How? Also, what did she say to make him attack in the first place?”

“Well you see Note, it wasn’t exactly what she said, it was the way she said it. Apparently she was expressing her deepest condolences towards the professor in a sarcastic way. And my use of the word ‘genius’ was equally sarcastic. Would it be sufficient to mention the fact that the wolf was present when it happened?” She helped him brush of the dust that had settled on his stomach when he fell down onto the ground.

Note used his wings to balance his positing on his hind legs, allowing both himself and his partner to brush off the dust easily. “The wolf? Are you referring to Silver Nychthemeron?”

She helped him get down on all fours again and brushed a lone patch of dust that had settled on his wing. “Yeah, I’m referring to that guy. Also, I’m pretty sure you pronounced his name wrong. But do you see where I’m going with this?”

Note walked back to the table they’d been sitting at moments earlier, and sat down on his beloved chair. “I pronounced it wrong? Well then professor, how is it supposed to be said then? While you’re at it why don’t you tell me what it means? I can’t say I’ve heard it anywhere else. And no, I don’t see where you’re going with this, Cypher.”

Cypher sat down next on her own chair and pulled the mug back to the table. “It’s pronounced nɪkˈθɛmərɒn. And from what I know it’s a period of 24 hours. Most, if not all of the nordic countries use this word regularly, albeit it being very different. And if you’re wondering where I’m going with this, why don’t you tell me how the relationship between Silver and Amethyst is going?”

Note pulled out the books he needed for his work and flipped through one of them, trying to find a specific page. “Geez, just how much time do you spend learning foreign languages? And as for why I didn’t tell you where that relationship is going, then it’s because I have no idea. Doesn’t she just feed him magic-grown meat every now and then? It seems to be some weird obsession of hers.”

Cypher pulled out her own books, giggling all the while. “You know nothin’ Note Snow. I suppose it is to be expected when your name is only partly related to your work. That last part isn’t very helpful. And she’s not just feeding him. She’s also paying for his spa sessions.”

Note burst out laughing, dropping all of his books. “Spa sessions?! You’re telling me that the brutish wolf goes to the spa? This is hilarious!”

Cypher raised an eyebrow at that, lowering her books slightly. “Brutish wolf? Hilarious? Why don’t you say those things in front of him and see what happens?” His laughing stopped abruptly, much to the amusement of Cypher.

“You’re asking me to insult a wolf in person? Don’t you think I value my life?” he asked, picking up his books.

Cypher placed her books back on the table and turned in her chair to face Note directly. “I don’t think you understand my point here. This guy is in a foreign country that’s far too warm for him to thrive. You never thought it was weird that he’s just lying around sleeping all day?”

Note placed his books back on the table, ensuring that they wouldn’t be disturbed any further during their conversation. “The guy’s lazy. It’s not weird that he’s sleeping all day.”

Cypher stared at Note for 30 seconds, allowing a silence to spread throughout the room. The only sound that resonated between them was the occasional sipping of coffee on Note’s part. In the end Cypher had had enough, and broke the silence.

“Just how ignorant are you? Wolves doesn’t have a coat, they have fur. They can’t properly operate in Equestria. The only reason this dude is still alive is because he’s constantly napping. These ‘hilarious’ spa sessions you laughed at are the only reason he’s still energetic.”

Note got down from his chair and walked over to the window in the corner, intending to open it. “Energetic? Yeah sure, the guy who’s napping eight hours a day is energetic. I completely agree with you.”

He brought the curtains out to the sides and checked if anything was placed on the window ledge. “I mean, it’s not like he’s ever doing anything right? All I’ve seen him do is leech off of the others.”

He grabbed the few items on the window ledge and put them down on the floor. “And when he’s actually pulling himself together long enough to be ‘active,’ he’s either scaring one of the Browns halfway to death, or building up romantic tension on his supposed partner, only to kick her in the guts.”

He checked if he’d tied the curtains to the wall and opened the window. “Despite all of this, you still seem incredibly fond towards this guy. Why are you so thrilled at the prospect of a wolf leeching off of others and generally just being a big douchebag?”

Note then found himself suspended in the air by magic, unable to move. He was then pulled over to the mare he’d been talking to up until now, and was placed in a position that allowed him to hear and see her speak.

Cypher ensured she had establish eye contact, and then leaned in towards Note. “I’m not fond of the wolf, Note. I think he’s an interesting character, but that’s about it. An interest. Even if I had any feelings towards him that went beyond that, I’d be too late, as the red mare is with him.”

She acted shocked, and allowed sarcasm to show its face in the tone of her voice. “And it’s not like this is the entire reason we’re talking about him, is it? The fact that she’s with him, and that it could be related to something I said earlier?”

Cypher leaned back in her chair, breaking the eye contact and falling back in her regular way of speaking. “But seeing as how we’re already talking about him, I don’t feel like changing the subject until I’ve debunked a few of those things we’ve said just now.”

Cypher was about to open her mouth once again, but muffled screams from Note alerted her to the fact that she was strangling him. Half a second later Note had a firsthoof encounter with gravity, who then pulled him face-down into the floor.

Cypher once again reached out with her magic, but this time she only helped him into a standing position. “He’s not leeching off of them, he’s actually paying for everything that he gets. If you actually went out to speak with them, or watch them go about their business instead of just reading the chapters, you’d see him complain about Amethyst constantly buying him food. It’s just that she buys it for him when he’s asleep.”

Note walked over to the chair and sat down in it. Despite momentarily being cut off from oxygen, he still had enough air left in his lungs to speak, albeit briefly. “But what of his douchebagginess?”

Cypher sighed deeply, allowing her pent up frustrations to show on her face. “He’s not a douchebag. He just has a particularly dark sense of humor. He adapts it to whoever he’s speaking to, but when it’s all written down, somepony is bound to be offended.”

Glancing at Cypher, Note leaned further back in his chair. “Aha. You seem to know so much about him, but why would Amethyst be so interested in him? Obviously he’s been trying to woo her to get her to pay for his expenses. I can understand the whole part about him having enough of that, and wanting to pay for himself, but how did it start?”

Cypher then copied Note, and leaned back in her chair as well. “You think he somehow seduced her, and had her buy him food that way? Doesn’t that seem sorta illogical?”

Note raised an eyebrow at that, surprised at that last sentence. “Yes, I do think he seduced her. But why do you find that illogical?”

Cypher abruptly sat upright, turning in the chair to face Note. “You’re telling me you don’t know? You don’t know how they first met?”

Note kept his eyebrow in its raised position, allowing his confusion to linger on his face. “I thought they first met when they showed up at this experiment? I knew that she had known Brown for years, but didn’t she just meet Silver?”

Cypher reached out with her magic and brought the mug up to her mouth. After sipping for a few seconds, she placed the mug back down on the table. “While it’s true that the first time they met each other was at the experiment, they’ve known each other longer than that. Well, they’ve known of each other at least. In fact, they could have met earlier, but one of them would always have been unconscious in some way, so I doubt it qualifies.”

Note dropped his eyebrows back down and rubbed his eyes in frustration. “Why don’t you just get to the point? Why not just answer my question already and get back to the topic at hoof? We’ve come all the way to the point of the personal relationships of these two because we talked about the professor. Let’s get this over with and just get back to work!”

Cypher smiled at that and leaned back in her chair. “I agree, we’ve been out on a tangent for far too long. I’ll make this quick. Silver somehow got lost a couple of years ago and somehow ended up just around Ponyville during a blizzard. Due to him being a wolf, he didn’t have to worry about freezing. But he quickly met someone who did. Miles away from any type of shelter, a filly was collapsed in a pile of snow.”

Note was about to ask who the filly was but the wave of a hoof stopped him. “He knew the filly was dying, but he also knew she was too far off for him to bring her in somewhere. He didn’t know anything about first aid, so he didn’t possess any means of helping her. The only thing he had was his own fur. So, he walked in above her, and fell down on top of her. This allowed heat to return to her body, as well as allowing it to stay there.”

Cypher then started smiling from ear to ear, amused by the turn of events in the story. “Being as lazy as he is, he quickly fell asleep, despite the blizzard hurling around him. When the town’s inhabitants cleared away the snow next morning, they were surprised to find a wolf sleeping on top of the filly who had been lost for days.”

Cypher got up from her chair and walked over the open window. “Ever since then, the family of that filly have paid for his core needs. If he had to pay for the medical bills for some injury he got while sleeping, they’d pay. If he had to pay for some pillow he ruined while sleeping, they’d pay. If he had to pay for some food he ate because he got hungry while sleeping, they’d pay. If he accidentally ruined some statue because he was lying on it while sleeping, they’d pay.”

Cypher closed the window and turned around to face Note who was still lying in his chair. “So you can see, he’s not a slob at all! He’s very active!”

Note looked back at her, doubt painted on his face. “That doesn’t sound very active to me. Also, what’s up with Amethyst and Silver then? I get the whole respect because he saved her cousin or whatever, but why are they so close?”

Cypher walked back towards Note her chair and sat down in it. “She hates her parents and wants a valid way to spend it without looking like a dweeb. And he wants free food. So they’re literally just lying around all day, eating and sleeping.”

Note briefly considered sitting upright and use powerful body language with what he was about to say, but decided to continue lying down. “They’re greedy and slothful then? This sounds like something somepony might add in as two out of seven sins in some holy book in some foreign country.”

Cypher got comfy in her chair, and pulled at her books with her magic. “Nah, it sounds a lot more like something somepony might add into some religion so that some local populace who couldn’t read some book might follow some principles of some book so that some priests might retain power over some king.”

Note, remembering a specific passage from the second chapter, abruptly sat upright in his chair, shock wildly visible on his face. “But in the second ‘chapter’, Silver was surprised at Amethyst’s family’s wealth. How would he be surprised at her identity if he already knew she was from the Rose family?”

Cypher flipped through the pages of the books hovering in front of her face, too lazy to use her hooves. “I don’t know, blame it on the device being broken. If nothing else you can just seek out Silver sometime he’s not busy getting fed by Amethyst, sleeping, getting massaged by Amethyst or basically doing whatever with Amethyst.”

Note looked at her wildly confused, much to the amusement of Cypher. She in turn, didn’t even bother to move her eyes to look at him. “I think he’s all booked out with Amethyst. Good luck with asking him to explain that part to you.”

Note sat back in his chair, hoping to get back in his comfortable position. “I don’t care anymore. Oh well, now that we sorta got their backstories in place, why don’t you tell me why this is related to the genius factor on the professor's decision to attack Amethyst?”

Cypher stopped flipping through the book, and turned her head to the left to observe her partner. “Amethyst and Silver are in a weird relationship. It could be that they’re doing it to use up her family fortune whilst feeding him. It could be that they’re doing it to pass the time. It could also be to show society the error of looking down upon trans-species relationships. Or they could be, you know, dating or something.”

Note, finally realizing what she meant by all of this, lit up with excitement. “Oh! So you were sarcastic when you described his decision to attack Amethyst as ‘genius!’ He got the living shit beat out of him by Silver!”

Cypher smiled at her partner finally realizing what she had been talking about all along. “Twice.”

Note got up from his chair and approached the device in the corner of the room. “Hey, it looks like it’s working again. So far it’s printed out about six pages of our dialogue. Should I turn it off?”

Cypher returned to flipping through pages, albeit sipping coffee this time. “Yeah, go ahead.”

Note leaned in towards the device and brought his hoof up towards the button that turned it on and off. “Alright, I’m turning it off no--

***

Flashback (scrapped)

Years ago, Celestia planted surveillance probes all around the city of Canterlot. What follows is a transcript of two ponies conversing at a dinner table.

“So how do you like your hayfries?”, a red pegasus asked the pony in front of her.

“They’re greasy, burned, and downright unhealthy...just the way I like ‘em! What’d you order, anyway?”, he asked before diving into his dish.

“Nothing special really.” She looked away from the pony in front of her, and observed the masses of ponies protesting outside. “Just a few pounds of steak.”

“Steak, eh?!” he mustered out while continuing to stuff his face. “Sounds great...what is it?”

“Well I might have lied about the ‘a few pounds’ part, but your reaction is probably going to be the same either way. Long story short I ordered some meat. Cow, to be exact.” She looked back at him with a nonchalant expression glued on her face.

Slowly lifting his head from the plate, he looked across the table with a bewildered stare. “Wow! I’ve been away from Equestria longer than I realized. How did it catch on so quickly?”

She raised an eyebrow at him, with surprise slowly sneaking its way onto her face. “What, you thought it was for me? And that it was actual cow meat? That would not only be unnatural considering what we ponies need to survive, it would also be considered murder. I ordered it for the homeless wolf sleeping in the corner over there. He saved some random filly from freezing in the winter last month by sleeping on top of her in the cold weather.”

“Wasn’t sure how your stomach could handle it, but considering it’s here on the menu...wasn’t sure what to make of it.” He sat silent for a while, then asked, “So it’s not for you..but it is meat, right? Isn’t that still murder?”

She let out a small chuckle, and leaned closer in to her friend. “It’s grown like plants with magic. It was invented by the wolves when they realized that we could gather armies and fight back. Saves them the trouble of hunting and killing sentient beings.” She then started smiling from ear to ear. “They even added in another enchantment that allowed them to add chocolate flavour. Take note that they don’t have any magic themselves, they just designed it through studying our unicorns.”

A waitress came over with the meat that was ordered, and asked them if they needed anything. Hearing both of them decline, she motioned to leave, but was stopped by a wing hitting her in the side. “What do you think you’re doing? I didn’t order the meat for me, it was for that sleeping wolf over there. I’m not the one who’s supposed to sit here with it, bring it over to him!”

For the first time all night, the blue unicorn raised his eyes from his plate. Having remained composed all night, the emotion in her voice seemed to appear out of nowhere. While the waitress fumbled for words, he levitated the tray over to the mysterious wolf.

“What’s his story anyway?” He wondered before turning around to the two silent mares.

Both clearly surprised by his interference, he took the chance to finally ask. “What’s your connection to that wolf? I haven’t seen you angry too often.”

With a wave of a hoof, the pegasus had the waitress leave. “It’s a long story, Phaze. I haven’t spoken to him yet, but that random filly he saved was one of my cousins. Ever since he did that, my family have been paying his expenses. I still haven’t actually met him yet, but we know of each other.”

“Why would this wolf sleep on top of a filly? You’d naturally expect him to eat her instead. Suppose he has his reasons though. Given how Equestrian restaurant are now serving meat, the wolves have really integrated into our society.” Realizing he was muttering away, he shot his head back toward the perplexed pegasus. “Sorry, Amethyst.” He smiled sheepishly, “Got lost in thought again.”

“It’s fine, Phaze. You’ve just returned home yourself, so it’s a lot to take in.”

The two ponies continued conversing for 20 minutes before leaving the diner. The probe turned off a few hours after this, as it noted that the recorded events weren’t related to the ongoing protest outside. Just before shutting down, it caught sight of a wolf awakening to a dinner laid before him.

If you’re reading this then you might wonder why it’s placed next to the documents written by the device. Seeing as how Note is bringing in the next few barrels of coffee, I’ll keep this short.

Both my colleagues and several of the subjects are a little confused, so we pulled out this relic of the past to clear out a few things. By the look of things, even Amethyst didn’t remember this conversation.

In any case, whether you’re reading this shortly after it was added to the collection, of once the collection is completed, you’re going to need it.

I’m Cypher, and this is hopefully my last intervention.

Recollections & Appointments

As I noticed what he’d been eating all along, I did not hesitate to voice my opinion on the matter. “I’ve told you several times already. Don’t eat meat in front of other ponies!”

My roommate’s a wolf. I do not know why he chose to move to Canterlot, the capital of Equestria, or as he calls it, “Canterfood.” Now, in case you have been living on a rock farm up until now, you should know that wolves are different from ponies in one particular way.

They eat meat. But they don’t just eat it. They long for it, they crave it, every second of their day is filled with thoughts of their next meal.

While it is possible for him to go out and assault any random pony and eat them on the spot, he does not do this. When he explained why he would not do this he simply said, “Raw ponies like you don’t taste good. You have to be cooked first.”

At first I thought he was joking, but it turned out that he was serious. He had tasted both raw and cooked pony before. Initially, this frightened me, but when he explained the circumstances my view of him changed completely.

Well actually this all happened an hour ago, so it’s not really all that long ago. I suppose you could say that it is because the story only really started just now, but some backstory would be required.

***

We were both in our dorm room unpacking, and he had just told me that he had tasted pony meat before.

“Don’t look at me like that; man, you’re staring at me like I’m some kind of monster,” he said.

“Well, you just said that you’ve tasted pony meat before. Why wouldn’t I be scared?” I asked.

Silver put down the cardboard box he was holding and started walking over to me. “My agility’s better than that of any pony, my teeth are razor-sharp, and I can see in the dark. My body is literally designed for hunting creatures like yourself, and now you’re surprised that I’ve eaten a pony?”

“Well, yes; why wouldn’t I be?” I stammered out as I started to back out towards the door.

As I backed out I could not help but take in his appearance. I did not know much about wolves, but I would say that he looked like an average male: slender, muscular and smooth.

I wish I could explain how he managed to appear both slender and muscular at that moment, but I had other priorities at the moment. Because my roomie had just turned into a hungry beast, and that scared me.

Silver must have seen my fear, because he put on a wide grin. “Well, my friend, if you stay awhile and listen, I might just be able to explain how I ended up eating one of your kind.”

By now, Silver was scaring me beyond measure. “Well, that sounds like a great idea! Why don’t we go talk about it at the police station? Or at the Royal Guard’s barracks? What about some other place where it’s possible for me to run away in case you get hungry?”

Immediately after saying that, I started to look around in search of an escape route. The room only had two exits: The window behind Silver, and the door behind me. Between us were the two beds that were normal for these dorm rooms; and at the end of both of them, two cupboards could be found.

I quickly deduced that my best escape path would be the door behind me, I just had to turn around fast enough to get out before he got to me.

My plan was to use my natural coat and mane colors of brown and black to blend in with the chestnut brown color of the door, and then cast a simple spell to silence my steps.

Had he been at the other end of the room, paying attention to something else, this might have worked. But it would not work now, with his gaze locked on me.

So I started to look around in search of another, safer, escape route.

Seeing me look for an escape route made Silver laugh; and in hindsight, I would have laughed as well, if I was not so scared. If Silver tried something like this now, I would have seen right through it, but at this time, I was not familiar with his jokes.

As Silver slowly walked towards me, he noticed that I was backing up in the direction of the door. Thinking back, this was probably the only direction I could back up towards, as there were cardboard boxes at the corners next to the door.

When I finally realized what he did, it was already too late. He had me cornered.

With my flank touching the door, Silver’s grin widened even more. “Now that you can’t run away, I believe it’s time you heard the tale of how I ate a unicorn filly.”

“W-what?” I stammered.

“Did you already forget, Brown? The door opens inwards,” Silver said with eyes full of amusement.

“I d-don’t suppose you’d like to tell me that story then, Silver?” I asked him. My theory was that if I got him to talk he might not be as intimidating.

“It all started fifteen years ago, in my home country of Canisberg. I was only four years old at the time, but I remember everything as if it was yesterday. My family and I were on vacation, and we decided that we needed to treat ourselves to a good dinner,” he began.

Hearing the “good dinner” part really frightened me.

“My father had chosen a nice restaurant with a good reputation, not far from our home. The only downside to it was that it was carved out of a mountain, but it seemed safe enough, so we all went to eat without any fears.”

“Seeing as how I was only four years old, the small waiting time of five minutes seemed like hours to me. but when the waiters arrived, they most certainly made up for the waiting time. The plates were packed with enough food to feed an entire village, or at least, that’s what my four year-old eyes thought, anyway.”

Somewhere around this point I stopped paying attention to Silver’s story and started to think of a way out of the situation. “Is this story even true? Has he been lying to me all along? Is he going to wait until I’m no longer paying attention, and then attack? I can’t die now, I’m a stallion in the springtime of his youth! I have food to devour and mares to rut! I can’t die now!”

“And that’s how my sister and I were forced to eat ponies to survive,” Silver said, ending his tale.

That one sentence completely ended my train of thought and brought me back to the real world. In my panic filled mind I somehow did not notice that we had moved away from the door and moved over to sit on the bed as Silver explained his story.

***

I do not remember much of what immediately happened after this, but I do remember how my view of him changed after that. When he had me cornered I actually thought that he was going to eat me, but in reality that was something he would never do, not even as a last resort.

I had not heard his story but I had heard that last line of it. “And that’s how my sister and I were forced to eat ponies to survive.”

That one line told me several things about him. I remember that he started out by referring to “his family”, but now it was just “his sister.” Something must have happened to them for him to only refer to his sister.

Another part of the sentence that stood out was the “... forced to eat ponies to survive.” Something had forced him to eat ponies, so he this was something he normally would not do.

***

Suddenly Silver stood up from the bed, interrupting my train of thought. “Don’t you think we should open a window? It’s incredibly hot in here.”

“What do you mean? It’s perfectly normal,” I said rising from the bed as well.

“Perfectly normal?” Silver began. “This is unnaturally hot! It’s like a furnace in here! How you’re able to endure this heat is a mystery.” As if to emphasize his point, Silver stomped the ground at the word ”mystery.”

I simply looked at Silver with an amused expression on my face. “A furnace? Don’t you think you’re going a little overboard? I know it’s summertime, and that we’re having a heatwave at the moment, but the window is open and a breeze is flowing through it. You don’t have a fever do you?”

Hearing me question his health visibly angered Silver, and he walked up to me, ensuring that we stood directly face to face. “A fever? You’re suggesting that a proud wolf such as myself would catch such a lowly disease? Just who do you think you are, a bare pony challenging a fully pelted wolf, with a coat of fur far greater than anything you ponies could hope for? My fur would never allow for such a lowly disease to take host in me, you little pony.”

Hearing him mention his fur explained why he thought it was so hot in here, but he also insulted my entire race. While I’m not the proudest of ponies, being referred to as a little pony angered me greatly.

Looking back at this, I find it strange that I felt such a strong anger towards a being that managed to scare me to the point that I didn’t notice anything about my surroundings, or even him.

I suppose it could be the way he spoke of losing members of his family, or how his voice was laced with sorrow when he said “forced to eat ponies” at the end of his tale. But that didn’t make much sense.

If he really was not such a monster, then why could he be so cool about taking on such a persona? I would soon learn that that was the way he pranked ponies.

Already standing close to him, moving directly face to face with him did not take long. “Who’re you calling little, pup?”

As he heard his race used as an insult Silver pushed his forehead against mine, looking directly into my eyes. “You, pony!”

Hearing the same insult used against me made my entire body tense up, pushing against him. “Yes, I’m a pony! I’m a proud equine that lives off of wheat and water, do you have a prob-”

“Now kiss!” came a feminine voice from the doorway.

“You’re expecting me to kiss a pony,” Silver began, “a stallion no less? Yeah, keep dreaming, Amethyst.”

As Silver ‘detached’ himself from me, I turned around to see who had arrived. “Why do you always insist on shipping Silver and I, Amethyst?”

This only caused her big smile to stretch all the way out to her ears, as well as harden her wingboner. “Because I love interspecies relationships! Especially when one of the members involved is capable of eating the other!”

Silver nonchalantly turned to Amethyst, his face void of any emotion. “No, you’re shipping us together like this, because you’ve never had anyone in your life show you that type of attention before.”

Upon hearing those words, Amethyst’s face took on an annoyed expression. “What’re you talking about? It’s anypony, not anyone.” As she said anypony, she clopped her front hooves together to emphasize her point.

“Hold on,” I began. “Silver, aren’t you being a little ru-”

“You’re wrong,” Silver interrupted, “it’s anyone. Using the term anypony would suggest that you might’ve gotten the attention from another source, and we both know that hasn’t happened.”

Amethyst didn’t change her facial expression in the slightest, she just tilted her head to the side a little bit. “We’re getting off topic here, you boys still owe me a kiss!”

“There’s no way I’m kissing you Amethyst!” I blurted out.

“Ditto,” Silver agreed.

Amethyst stopped her laughing and started giggling. “No, boys, you got it all wrong! You’re supposed to kiss each other!”

Silver and I briefly exchanged glances before simultaneously responding. “NO!”

Hearing how serious Silver and I were, Amethyst’s giggling grew into a laughter, and she began blushing furiously.

How I noticed the fact that she was blushing was beyond my logic. Her coat is as red as a cherry, and her mane has a bright pink color, matching the way she had styled it.

“Anyways, don’t you have to attend some dinner somewhere in the castle gardens Am?” Silver asked, causing Amethyst to slow down her giggling.
Amethyst, still giggling, tried to answer Silver’s question with a normal tone of voice. “Well, yes I do. That’s why I’m here!”

“Huh?” was all I could respond with.

Amethyst extended a hoof to us, inviting us to come with her. “The two of you are coming along as well!”

Silver turned away from Amethyst, and resumed his unpacking. “Fat chance.”

Amethyst, still giggling, walked over to Silver and grabbed him by the neck. “Come on now, you don’t want to be late for your date now, do you?”

Silver, realizing that he did not have anything to say in the matter, simply let himself be dragged along. “And who might be the lucky bitch that I’m going on a date with? I really don’t care at this point, just take me somewhere cool.”

Amethyst, dragging Silver out into the hall happily answered his question. “Brown, of course! And yes, the spot is pretty refreshing; it’s the Canterlot Pools.”

By this point I couldn’t see the two anymore, but I could clearly hear the energy that returned to Silver as he realized where the date would be taking place. “Brown, you little bitch, get out here! We’re going on a date, and you’re paying!”

***

As I noticed what it was that he had been eating all along, I did not hesitate to voice my opinion on the matter. “I’ve told you several times already, don’t eat meat in front of other ponies!”

Silver just spat out a simple response in between taking in large lumps of meat. “Oh, shut up, it’s not like ponies could look down upon us any more than they already are. We’re sitting in a heart-shaped pool filled with pink water and rose petals flowing everywhere. How could it get any worse than this?”

Realizing that I had just made a bad reputation for myself I angrily turned my head towards Amethyst, who was hovering on a cloud just next to us. “Is this what you wanted? Are you not entertained?!”

“Well,” Amethyst began, “I believe that I deserve some recognition, after all it was me who paid for all of this. And for me to provide such a romantic environme-”

“Hand me the salt, Bitch,” Silver interrupted, “this meat is flavorless.”

Not even letting Amethyst continue her apology, I addressed Silver. “Are you addressing me or her? Either way you shouldn’t speak to us in such a degrading manner! Furthermore, why are you eating in the pool? The crumbs and juices will flow everywhere! And to top it all off, you’re eating meat!”

Amethyst started giggling again, and I could see a wingboner rising out of the corner of my vision.

Silver stopped eating, and turned his head to face me. “I was addressing you, yes I should speak to you like that, and you’re on a date with me, so as long as this date is ongoing you’re my bitch. And as for why I’m eating meat in the pool, this is the only place I can eat a healthy meal without having a crowd of ponies attempting to lynch me. Now hand me the fucking salt, Bitch.”

I learned that moment that you should never under any circumstances get between a wolf and his food. Unless, of course, you have a deathwish.

Anyway, this is the story of how my roommate sent me to the hospital with two broken legs, a dented horn and a dislocated jaw. If I told my family about this they would think that I was joking, but I am not joking at all.

The entire situation can be explained with one sentence:

My roommate’s a wolf.