I'm Not Crying

by Shazbot

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Sad, Romance
Length: 1720

Rainbow Dash takes a few moments to reflect on the past, both the good times and the bad.

Rainbow Dash takes a few moments to reflect on the past, both the good times and the bad.

Pre-reading by Wobble and Dream Of Ponies.

Published 2014-02-14 09:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-14 09:20:02 UTC

It's Been Raining

Rainbow Dash had grown to hate the rain.

As a younger pony, she had worked for a long time as part of a weather team, so she could appreciate a well put together storm. That had been years ago now, and any appreciation was long since replaced with only annoyance.

The raindrops soaked through her mane and matted it down against her neck and face. Her wings and coat got all icky; she would need a long bath and an even longer preening after this. Worst of all, it turned the road into a horrible, muddy mess. She hated messing up her hooves.

Rainbow Dash shuddered with each 'plop' her hooves made in her trek through the viscous mud. As a younger pony, she would have simply flown above the sticky muck. Hay, as a younger pony she would have flown above the entire storm with ease.

That had been years ago, now.

The doctor had told her to rest her wings more often, not that she was one to care what that stuffy unicorn told her to do. She would've told him exactly where to stuff his 'doctor's orders', if not for the fact that simply flying across a room was becoming a chore.

The consequences of pushing herself too hard, too often, were brutal it seemed. Her wings coiled tightly against her sides just at the thought of what had happened last time she'd tried a proper stunt with them. That was a pain she was never going to forget.

Like so much else, that had been years ago.

Rainbow Dash blinked, momentarily coming to a grinding halt in the mud. The rain continued to fall around her, soaking her to the bone as she stood in silence.

Had it really been that long? Years?

She could still remember opening that fateful letter, finally achieving her life's goal. Becoming a Wonderbolt. She could recite every last word on that single piece of paper from memory, even if she couldn't remember when to feed Tank without a note.

Of course, all of her friends had been nearly as elated as she was. It wasn't really a surprise, after doing so well in the Wonderbolt Academy, but it was still one of the greatest moments of her life. Years. She had spent years going from show to show, living the life, earning herself a spot in the Wonderbolt's hall of fame and the adoration of half of Equestria.

If only somepony had seen fit to tell her just how early athletes tended to retire. Or, more specifically, if only somepony had seen fit to tell her the reason.

She couldn't even remember the medical mumbo-jumbo the team's doctor had spewed at her. Only one thing stood out in her memory, clear as a bell. "Unfit for duty."

Years of pushing her body well beyond natural limits would do that.

She had to walk through the rain now.

She had grown to hate the rain.

Rainbow Dash shook her head. Dwelling on the past was pointless. She set back to walking down the road, plodding along through the relentless downpour.

Besides, it didn't matter. She wouldn't trade those years of her life in for anything. Some things were absolutely worth the pain, and her career in the Wonderbolts was worth even more.

Things only got better from there, anyway. Her friends still lived in Ponyville, and Rainbow Dash had been able to settle right back into her old cloud-house. Flying had still been possible back then, if a bit slower than she used to go.

Of course, that was years ago.

After moving back to Ponyville, Rainbow Dash gotten right back to hanging out with her best friends. Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy… and of course, Applejack.

The five of them had been overjoyed to find her back in town, and one of them more than the others.

It wasn't really a surprise when Applejack had finally confessed feelings for Rainbow Dash… but it was still one of the greatest moments of her life.

The two of them were made for each other, it seemed. Competitive, brash, confident, they shared so many traits that had made them the best of friends for years. The transition into a committed relationship was almost seamless, the two had been so close for so long.

Besides, Applejack totally had that smokin' farmgirl thing going on.

Rainbow Dash shook her head.

They had moved fairly fast in love, as Rainbow did in most things. A couple months and Rainbow Dash was soon living on the farm. She blamed it on her wings. Flying was getting more of a pain all the time. Everypony knew the real reason.

Not long after celebrating their first anniversary, Rainbow Dash and Applejack started looking for a place to call their own. All pretence was gone by that point.

When Applejack proposed, it wasn't really a surprise. It was still the single greatest moment of Rainbow Dash's life.

That had been years ago, now.

Rainbow Dash looked up, she had to be nearing home by now. The streetlights fought valiantly against the encroaching darkness of the evening, but the storm's added forces meant that only small islands of light existed along the edges of the road. Rainbow Dash plodded her way from island to island, pausing every so often to unstick her hoof from some particularly stubborn mud.

Finally, in the distance, Rainbow Dash saw the familiar silhouette of a familiar house. She and Applejack had bought it from a guy, who'd bought it from a guy, who'd bought it from a guy whose grandfather left it to him.

It was an old house, but it was home.

She picked up her pace a little bit, nearly slipping on the mud in her haste to get inside and dry off. Rainwater ran off the edges of the roof in tiny waterfalls, creating a moat of puddles around the cozy little building. It was two stories tall, a couple bedrooms and a bathroom on the second floor, everything else downstairs.

The stucco walls of the house were cracked in places, but nowhere bad enough to need repairs. The roof was thatch when they got it, but had eventually been replaced with a more modern shingle affair. Several little windows glowed with an orange warmth, a sign that the fireplace inside was still hot, ready to chase away the chill and wetness of the rain.

Finally, Rainbow Dash trotted up the creaky steps and across the porch. She paused outside the door to shake herself off, ridding her coat and feathers of most of the moisture. She quickly wiped her hooves on the mat, getting most of the mud off, then pushed the door open.

It was cold inside.

Rainbow Dash nearly called out, but caught herself at the last second. A long, tired sigh escaped her lips. She trudged over to the foyer closet and withdrew a thick sweater. It only took a bit of wrangling to get the sweater over her head and forelegs, and she was soon beginning to warm up a bit. As one last measure against the cold, she walked over to the fireplace and restocked it with a few fresh logs. The ones she'd put in that morning were all but gone, leaving only a few brightly glowing coals in their stead.

Rainbow Dash hated living alone.

On the morning when she had woken up without Applejack for the first time, she'd felt a confusing set of emotions. Lonely, free, but most of all, scared.

It was the worst moment of her life.

She and Applejack had been married for years. They had their fights, but nothing major. They were simply both competitive, they butted heads from time to time, it would go away as they grew more accustomed to one another.

It would get better. They had both repeated that mantra for years.

It only ever got worse. Two strong personalities, two dominant types, two alpha-mares. Their entire relationship had been nothing but a ticking time-bomb. Applejack said as much, shouted it, even. Rainbow Dash tried to convince her otherwise. Rainbow Dash told her that it was hard, that it was painful, but that it was worth the pain and more.

Applejack hadn't agreed, and she'd finally found the strength to walk out after one too many fights.

The first time Rainbow made coffee for just herself, she made too much of it, but she drank it all. Applejack hated when things went to waste.

That, too, was years ago.

She hadn't seen Applejack since. She hadn't received a letter or heard so much as a mention of where Applejack had gone to. Still, Rainbow stayed in their old house, with its cracked walls and creaky steps. She kept a fire lit every day, kept the place warm for when Applejack would come back.

Applejack would come back. Rainbow had repeated that mantra for years. Applejack was always saying to keep the house warm, they always fought when Rainbow Dash forgot to keep a fire going, but Rainbow Dash never forgot anymore. She couldn't even remember to feed Tank without a note, but for years she'd kept it going every single day. It was hard, it was painful to stay in that old house with all its memories and reminders of the past.

But it would be worth the pain. It would be worth the pain and more when Applejack came in through that door, shaking the rain off her coat. She would see the roaring fire and smile. The two of them would cuddle close and get dry together, like they always did.

Like they used to, years ago.

Rainbow Dash had always hated crying.

She wasn't crying. It was uncool, and sappy, and the tears left long, wet tracks down her face on their path to splash on the hardwood floor below. She sniffed, rubbing ineffectually at her eyes with a forehoof as if to clear them of dust.

Besides, dwelling on the past was pointless. It would all be worth it in the end. When Applejack came back in through that door, everything would be better. They wouldn't yell anymore, they wouldn't fight. Everything would be perfect.

Rainbow Dash cried.

Author's Note

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.