Equestria: O.D.S.T.- (An) Ordinary Dude Selling Tacos

by Maverick Huntress

Rating: teen
Tags:
Length: 440

When an Orbital Drop Shock Trooper (ODST) from the Halo Universe winds up in Equestria with his armor and weapons fully intact, what does he do? He opens a taco shop of course!

When a being that does not belong in the universe in which Equestria exists in lands there, they usual do one of several things. They either:
A) Start screwing things up just by being there.
B) Use knowledge of future events to screw things up/change the future
C) Become the 'white knight' of Equestria.
D) Become romantically involved with one of the inhabitants. and do little to nothing.
Or E) Do nothing and just live a relatively normal life.

For Jake Linfield, an Orbital Drop Shock Trooper who crash-landed in Equestria after the portal transporting The Pillar of Autumn suddenly closed and sent him there via wormhole, he choose T) Start a taco shop. What could possibly go wrong?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-14 19:01:39 UTC

Prologue: Interviews with Jake Linfield and Big Scoop

"When people ask me what's its being the only known human in the entire world, I reply with 'Do you want a taco or not?' in a bored tone as they are most likely holding the line. Sometimes they'll just stand there, or sit, with mouths open in awe as I prepare the person currently at the front of line's taco with my knife that just happens to not look like any other culinary cutting tool . I don't use it to threaten or stab people, or ponies, and I certainly don't throw it at customers who are being obnoxious or rude. Well, there was that one pegasus... but we're loosing focus so I'll leave it at that. Back on topic, a lot of the chatter I hear in my little shop in downtown Canterlot is about the burglar I nearly... well, 'killed' is a bit harsh since I just planing to break his hind legs for trashing my restaurant but then he had to go callin' the City Guards and get us both thrown in jail for the night.  When his story about me wearing some suit of black 'armor' became public, my shop nearly exploded from all the reporters and interviewers, like you, trying to get the scoop on me suddenly becoming this "trained mercenary". Whatever the say, like everything else in the papers these days, is just a load tomatoes so rotten they're not even worth throwing. And just to be clear, I was wearing my uniform that night -yes I have one- and it was black. No you can't see it, and no I won't wear it just for you. Weirdo...

Anyways, long story short: I'm just an Ordinary Dude who Sells Tacos. Not ex-military or Guard or anything like that. Seriously though, end of story and this recording. I said, end of recording!"

-Big Scoop's interview with Jake Lanfield, also known as 'that dude selling tacos'

"Did I know he was going to freak out when I didn't stop recording? No. Did I want to? No. Did I know he was going to twist my limbs like that when I told him I wouldn't because it had several more moments of recording left in the reel? No, I didn't! Nopony could've known! Except that burglar... Hey Paperweight, see if you can't find out who broke into Jake's shop ASAP! I want to be able to get his side of the story the second I'm outta here!"

-Big Scoop on Jake's interview while in the hospital with a broken leg and five fractured ribs.