Pen And Paper Hearts
“I scream my war cry and charge,” declared Trogor the ogor. “‘I will eat your livers!’”
“I raise my axe and charge at my battle brother’s side,” stated Hard Head the minotaur.
“I, the mighty Stupendor, summon the arcane forces of nature, preparing to blast it right between the eyes…!”
“Um…” began Hermione Shyblossom, the pixie-fairy. “Is it too late to reconsider?”
“That, like, totally depends, Quiz,” answered Silver Spoon, from behind her GM screen. “Guys? Hermione is trying to call you back, do your characters listen to her?”
“Oh, what is it now, Quiz?” snapped Snips. “Don’t tell me you want to talk to them.”
“Yeah, Quiz. Your character always wants to talk to the monsters,” said Snails. “Don’t you ever just want to hit something?”
“Actually, no, I really do not,” said Quizzical Greystone. “I apologize if I am ruining the flow of your game, but I just do not think this is meant to be a combat encounter.”
What was your first hint?, thought Silver Spoon. Maybe that you’re a low level party up against two dragons? She had to hide her face behind her screen to keep everypony from seeing her laughing. Once again, Quiz saves me from having to administer a total party kill.
“Not combat? Oh, now that’s an understandable mistake, for a rookie,” said Snips, puffing himself up and affecting what he thought was a knowledgeable tone. “But when you have been gaming as long as I have you’ll learn not to be fooled by such distractions.”
“I feel very strongly about this,” said Quiz. Nothing in her tone indicated strong feelings. But her friends knew Quiz well enough to know that if the shy little unicorn was willing to speak up at all then she must feel very strongly indeed.
“We’re gonna lose initiative!” whined Button Mash. “Well, fine! Silver, I back my spell down to ‘stand by.’ But this better be good, Quiz!”
“I have to back Quiz up,” said Dinky. She usually did. Dinky and Quiz shared the role of the party’s ‘voice of reason.’ “This is the first encounter, and we really don’t have a plot hook yet. I know Silver’s style, she expects us to talk to these guys.”
“Well, they do have us trapped, and they haven’t tried to eat us yet,” said Truffle. “That does indicate that the dragons want to talk.”
“I will go out and have a word with them,” Quiz offered. “One way or another, it should not take much time.”
“Ok, but I’m not powering down, Quiz,” warned Button. “If things get hairy it’s up to your character to get clear of my area of effect!”
“I understand, Button.” It was well known that Button had taken the ‘itchy trigger finger’ quirk. It earned him five building points just for having an excuse to run his character the way he wanted.
“Wait, Miss Quizzical shouldn’t have to go alone,” cried Pipsqueak. “Let me go, too.”
“Oh, you always want to protect Quiz,” grumbled Dinky.
“She’s our only cleric, we’re supposed to protect her.” Pip’s answer might have been a little more defensive than necessary. “Anyway, it’s a good idea. I’m wearing Barding of Flame Protection. If there’s trouble Quiz can hide behind me.”
“Thank you, Pip,” said Quiz. “But my character is a pixie-fairy with only eight hit points. Having you at my side will do me little good if I fail to convince the dragons not to eat us.”
“Oh, let him go with you, Quiz,” snapped Dinky. “He won’t be happy if he doesn’t get to be your white knight.”
“So, is this the action you all agree on?” asked Silver Spoon.
“Yes, I believe so,” answered Quiz. The rest of the party had no further debate.
And so, Hermione the pixie-fairy, and Sir Bright Lance the noble destrier, went forth to parlay with the dragons.
“I waste it with my crossbow!” screamed Gloria the griffon, trying to take aim at a fleeing goblin.
“You can’t, Dinky,” said Silver Spoon. “You can’t shoot without hitting Sir Bright Lance.”
“Arggg! Pip, you are always in my way!”
“I...I’m sorry…I....” Pipsqueak was confused by Dinky’s outburst, but managed to recover. “I’ll get him for you!”
It was nothing for the Pip’s character to run down and catch the goblin.
“Don’t squash him, Pip!” called Truffle. “He might know something.”
“Okay. I take him alive, Silver. And I give Gloria back the pouch he stole.”
“Thank you,” grumbled Dinky, reluctantly.
“Well, this is a good time to take our first break,” said Silver. “You can interrogate your prisoner after lunch.”
In fact, Silver had not expected them to capture the goblin, and she needed time to think up something.
Everypony took out the brown bag lunches they had brought, and Silver Spoon pulled a beautiful, lacquered bento box from under the table. This would be the first of two breaks today, as this was going to be an extra long gaming session. This was because the game was canceled next weekend in favor of another event.
“So, has everypony made their plans for the Hearts and Hooves Day dance?” asked Silver, between bites of avocado roll.
“I’m going with Twist,” said Snails. His voice took on a dreamy quality. “It’ll be our first date, unless you count lunches. Do lunches count?”
“Actually, the dance hardly counts,” said Truffle. “The chaperon to participant ratio is almost one to one. Hay, who wants to trade? I have daisy and mango chutney.”
Button waved half a sandwich. “PB and J?”
“Your mom’s homemade grape jelly?”
“Yep.”
“Trade!” Sandwich triangles were passed across the table.
“Anyway, I’m going with Peachy Pie and Sunny Daze,” said Truffle, with a satisfied grin.
“Both of them?” gasped Snails.
Truffle shrugged, with obviously affected nonchalance. “They were standing together and I asked, ‘Would you like to go to the dance with me?’ I thought I’d take the one who answered first, but they both said ‘yes’ together. It would have been rude to pick just one.”
“Dude!” exclaimed Snips. He gave Truffle a high hoof.
“I asked Sweetie Belle, and she said ‘yes’!” cried Button. “She said yes, she said yes, she said yes…!”
“You might want to calm down there, Button,” said Snails. “Hay, I hear the whole CMC have dates now.”
“Yeah.” Snips nodded. “Rumble and Featherweight asked Scootaloo and Apple Bloom. I’m not sure who’s going with who. Actually, I don’t think they’re sure, either.”
“They’re still arguing over which one is the other’s wingman,” laughed Truffle.
“Rumble and Feather have dates?” asked Silver. She tried not to sound disappointed.
“There’s still one Crusader who hasn’t been asked to the dance,” sneered Dinky. She had been inducted into the CMC just that summer. Dinky was glaring right at Pipsqueak when she said this, and the only pony who didn’t notice was Pip.
“What are your plans for the dance, Quiz?” asked Snips. “What?”
Everypony was glaring at him. Quiz’s social anxiety was well known, and to ask her about a party was clueless and insensitive.
Quiz looked up from her notebook, which she had begun filling with observations as soon as the subject of the dance had come up. “Oh, I am actually quite excited about the dance.”
The room fell silent and everypony stared. Finally, Dinky spoke. “You? You are excited about the dance? You, Quiz?”
“Oh, yes. It is an aspect of friendship that I have not had the opportunity to observe. I expect the evening to be quite fascinating.”
“So you plan to hide at the back of the room and watch everypony,” said Silver. “Like a naturalist watching wildlife from a blind?”
“I would have chosen a less derogatory analogy,” said Quiz, taken aback. “But yes, that is largely my plan for the evening. I am looking forward to it. Oh, dear, have I missed the whole point again?”
“Yes!” cried everypony.
“Bother,” muttered Quiz, going back to her notes.
“And what about our beautiful GM?” asked Truffle. “It would not be like you to be without plans for Hearts and Hooves Day.”
“Of course. And yeah, I have been asked to the dance. Like, several times, actually,” Silver Spoon preened a bit. “But Diamond Tiara and I are going together, dateless. There’s always a bunch of colts who go stud, and we plan to dance with them all!”
“I’m going stud,” said Snips. Silver ignored him.
“Wait, one can do that?” Quiz looked up, with alarm. “I thought that arriving without a date would excuse me, that showing up alone would indicate a reasonable desire not to participate…”
Silver laughed. “Sorry, Quiz. It’s not all about dating. If you show up at the dance somepony is totally going to ask you to dance.”
“I’m going stud,” repeated Snips. He continued to be ignored.
“It’s even worse than you think, Quiz,” said Dinky. “Pinkie Pie is organizing the dance. Do you really think Pinkie is going to let you just hide all night?”
Quiz sighed heavily. “It was, perhaps, an unreasonable hope on my part.”
“I still don’t get how you and Pinkie get along so well,” said Silver. “There can’t be two ponies in all of Equestria so totally different.”
“Miss Pinkie claims that she understands me,” said Quiz. “That may well be true. However, if that is the case then it must be me who is confused about myself. That actually seems likely.”
“Can we get back to the game, now?” demanded Dinky, making a ball of her empty lunch bag and tossing it into a waste basket. “If you guys will hold the goblin down, I think I can make the little weasel talk!”
“This is a trap,” said Hermione Shyblossom, looking at the corridor ahead of the party. It had suddenly grown so narrow the party would have to walk in single file to proceed. “If it is not a trap then it is an ambush.”
“Quiz, you think too much,” sneered Snips. “You should concentrate on drawing the maps, and leave the thinking to the better players.”
“You take that back, Snips!” cried Pipsqueak. “Miss Quizzical is a good player! You can’t say she isn’t, just because you make her do the mapping! And keep the dungeon log! And be the party cleric…!”
“Oh, here we go again,” groused Dinky. “You are always jumping in and defending Quiz.”
“You do it, too,” said Pip.
“That’s different. And if you don’t understand how it’s different then I’m not going to explain it to you.” Actually, Dinky couldn’t explain it because she didn’t understand how it was different.
“Please, I do not need to be defended, I do not take offense,” said Quiz. “And I do not feel I have been taken advantage of. I enjoy mapping, and I thought I was being rewarded. It came as a surprise to me that nopony else wanted to map.”
“Quiz’s maps are beautiful,” noted Truffle. This was an understatement. Every player had take at least one of Quiz’s maps home as a keepsake. Silver Spoon had five of them framed on her bedroom wall.
“Anyway, Quiz is right,” said Dinky. “But if it’s a trap it won’t go off until we’re all caught in the corridor. If I scout ahead of the party I can probably find it.”
“But if it’s an ambush you’ll be caught all alone,” said Pip. “Let me come with you.”
“No thank you,” snapped Dinky. “I don’t need your character’s big hooves getting in my way.”
“This would be a good time for a break,” said Silver Spoon. “I know I could totally use a snack, if anypony wants to bribe the GM.”
Most of the players shuffled off to the snack dispensers, leaving Truffle, Quiz, and Silver alone at the table. From down the hall they could hear Dinky’s angry protest, “No, Pip, you can not treat me to a juice box!”
Quiz shook her head. “I am finding their behavior confusing, much more so than I am normally confused by my fellow ponies.” She already had her notebook ready, in the hope that somepony could explain things to her.
“Well, Dinky picks on Pip a lot,” said Truffle. “And she picks on him because she likes him.”
“I have been told about this. I will not pretend to understand, though I admit normally I find their bickering oddly endearing. But over the last week Dinky has been growing increasingly mean to Pip. He has done nothing I know of to deserve such treatment.”
“Well, Quiz, can’t you think of something Pip hasn’t done that Dinky might be feeling hurt about?” asked Truffle.
“I...oh! Yes, of course.”
“And the longer Pip puts it off the more hurt and angry Dinky gets,” said Silver. “And the angrier she gets the more afraid to talk to her Pip becomes.”
“That is the most awful, tragic, saddening thing I can imagine,” said Quiz. “Can nothing be said to them to make them understand?”
Before Quiz got an answer the other players returned, and the game resumed. It didn’t really matter. Truffle and Silver didn’t actually have an answer anyway.
There was more bickering, but not enough to spoil the adventure. It was one of Silver Spoon’s best efforts, and the whole party came away laden with treasure and rich with experience. Everypony agreed, the next time the dragons needed a favor it would be nice if they thought of the party. Even Snips admitted that it was a good idea, which was as close to apologizing to Quiz as he would get.
Derpy came to walk the two littlest ponies home. Since they were neighbors she and Pip’s mother took turns seeing the kids home after the game, and tonight was Derpy’s turn.
“Miss Derpy, I need to ask Miss Quizzical something,” said Pip. “You and Dinky go on, and I’ll catch up.”
“Alright, Pip. But keep us in sight,” said Derpy. Dinky just gave him a look.
Once they were alone Pip just stood there, looking at Quiz, until finally she had to take the initiative. “What is it, Pip?”
“Um...Miss Qui...er...Quiz, you know that since my mum is a chaperon I get to go to the dance with you older ponies.” Pip was puffing up his chest, and he pitched his voice a little lower.
“Yes, Pip. I think it will be nice to see you there.”
Pip inhaled with all his might, then said the next thing all in one breath. “Quizwillyougotothedancewithme?”
“What?”
“Please go to the dance with me, Quiz,” pleaded Pip. “You can tell anypony who asks you that you’re with me, so you won’t have to dance. If you don’t want to dance with me that’s okay, too.”
“I...,” began Quiz. A moment later she repeated that. She’d said the word ‘I’ five times before she managed a complete sentence. “I am honored, Pip. Truly I am. But Dinky has been expecting you to ask her.”
“Do you really think so? She’s been really mad at me lately.”
“Dinky is mad at you because you have not asked her to the dance.”
“Oh. Oh! Really? Are you sure, Miss Quizzical?”
“I am certain. Now, please hurry home. I expect you to have a long talk with Dinky this evening. I do not expect to have to have this conversation again.”
“Thank you, Miss Quizzical, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Pip gripped Quiz around the neck so hard she couldn’t breath. Then he dashed off to catch up with Dinky and Derpy.
“Quiz? What the hay?” Silver Spoon always left well behind her players, because she couldn't stand to be seen by most of her friends in the company of ‘those gaming geeks.’ While she hung back she was not out of earshot. She had heard Pip and Quiz’s entire conversation. “Quiz, he wanted to go with you!”
“Pip should go with Dinky. This is obvious to even me.”
“But...that little guy worships you!”
Quiz nodded. “And that is something I would not take advantage of, for any reward. I have done the right thing. How quickly Pip ran to be with Dinky confirms this.”
“I…” It was Silver Spoon’s turn to be unable to complete a sentence. “Okay, I agree. But I think you totally owe Pip at least a dance. And don’t think I won’t tell Pinkie as much!”
“Oh dear…”
