Rainbow's Real Life Rom-Com
The sun rose, tinting the skies above Ponyville a light pink. And a cyan pegasus was there to greet it. It was unusual for Rainbow Dash to be awake so early in the morning. And even more unusual for her to get up so early on Heart’s and Hooves Day.
Rainbow Dash looked down from the cloud she was sitting on to see the first of the day’s couples already embarking on dates. This made her blush and groan in embarrassment as she turned her gaze towards a small cottage on the furthest outskirts of the town.
I can’t believe I’m doing something this… clichéd, Rainbow thought to herself, spreading her wings, and soaring towards Fluttershy’s house. But I can’t put this off anymore. And besides, Fluttershy likes romantic stuff like that, right?
Rainbow shook her head. Why couldn’t I just tell her earlier?
She landed by Fluttershy’s front door, and raised her hoof to knock. Before she made contact with the wood, however, she froze in place, nerves getting the better of her. Right, that’s why…
Rainbow’s head drooped as she let out a sigh. Again… Another year, and I can’t say it. And she calls me the brave one… Come on, just three words!
“I love you,” Rainbow rehearsed under her breath. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
Rainbow knocked on the door, taking a deep breath. She started to smile as the door began to open. “Fluttershy, I-” Rainbow stopped as she saw that the pony on the other side of the door wasn’t Fluttershy, but a stallion.
“Oh, hello, Rainbow Dash,” he said. “What brings you here so early?”
“Prism Glider?” Rainbow asked, recognizing the pegasus as one of her fellow weather ponies. “Why are you in Fluttershy’s house?”
“Oh, she didn’t tell you?” Prism asked.
“Tell me what?” Rainbow asked.
“Oh, Rainbow!” Fluttershy called.
Rainbow looked past Prism and into the cottage. Fluttershy was trotting out of her kitchen balancing a tray with two plates of waffles on her back.
“H-hey, Fluttershy,” Rainbow said. “Uh, Happy Hearts and Hooves Day.”
“Same to you,” Fluttershy replied, a slight blush forming on her cheeks. “Um, you remember Prism Glider, right? He was at Tornado Day last year.”
“Yeah, I remember,” said Rainbow. “I work weather team with him.”
“Oh, right,” said Fluttershy. “I forgot… Sorry.”
“It’s cool,” said Rainbow. “Uh, mind if I ask why he’s here?”
“Oh, um, he’s my, uh, b-b…” Fluttershy trailed off into stutters, and seemed to have become incapable of looking at Rainbow.
“I’m her boyfriend,” Prism finished for her.
Rainbow blinked in surprise. “Oh.”
“That’s not weird, is it, boss?” Prism asked. “I know you two basically grew up together.”
“It’s fine,” said Rainbow, her voice taking on a flat monotone. “I’ll let you two hang out, then. See ya.”
“Okay, see ya,” said Prism.
“Bye, Rainbow,” said Fluttershy sadly, as the door closed.
Rainbow spread her wings, ready to take flight, but stopped. With a sigh, she took to trotting along the path back to Ponyville. I waited too long. If I just told her back at flight camp, or Tornado Day, or even as late as the Equestria Games tryouts, I could’ve…
“Ouch!” Rainbow gasped, snapping out of her regretful thoughts as her head bumped into something.
“Oh, hiya, Dashie!” said Pinkie Pie, looking over at Rainbow.
“Hi, Pinkie,” said Rainbow. “Sorry, didn’t mean to bump into you.”
“Oh, it’s fine,” said Pinkie, as she turned to continue hanging pink banners around the outside of Sugarcube Corner. “So what are you doing today? It must be something fun if you’re up this early.”
“Nothing anymore,” sighed Rainbow.
“Why?” asked Pinkie, turning to give a concerned look. “What’s wrong?”
Rainbow hesitated. Can I trust Pinkie with something so… emotional? I never really talk about this stuff with anypony but Fluttershy…
“Dashie?” Pinkie asked.
“Fluttershy has a boyfriend…” Rainbow sighed.
“Well, that’s great news!” smiled Pinkie, before breaking off into a high speed rant. “Rarity was always talking about how lonely Fluttershy was around Hearts and Hooves Day. She always seemed so much sadder during their spa trips this time of the year, you know. So, who’s the lucky stallion? Anypony we know? Should we throw them a party celebrating their hook up? Who am I kidding, of course we should! I’ll go tell Twilight, and you can fly over to Sweet Apple Acres and tell Applejack and Rarity. Hopefully they won’t mind you crashing in on their Hearts and Hooves Day plans. We’ll all meet up at the library tonight to plan and- Dashie?”
Pinkie finally stopped her rambling as she noticed Rainbow had started sulking away. “Dashie, what’s wrong? Aren’t you happy for Fluttershy?”
“I guess,” said Rainbow. She paused in thought. “No, I’m not. I… I was supposed to be with her.”
“You were?” Pinkie asked. “Rainbow, are you saying…”
“Yes,” sighed Rainbow. “I’m in love with her, okay? I was hoping to tell her how I felt and we could be each other’s girlfriends and have a fun day together. But then I came face to face with Prism Glider and, well, things changed…”
“…I’m sorry,” said Pinkie, nuzzling up next to Rainbow. “I didn’t know. I probably really hurt your feelings with all that rambling and stuff, huh?”
“It’s fine,” said Rainbow.
“So, Prism Glider, huh?” said Pinkie.
“Yeah, he helped out on Tornado Day,” said Rainbow.
“Hm,” said Pinkie, biting her lip in thought. “I don’t know him very well. You’ll have to fill me in for the plan to work.”
“Plan?” Rainbow asked. “What plan?”
“The plan to replace him with you in Fluttershy’s love life,” said Pinkie.
“What?” Rainbow asked. “Are you telling me to impersonate him or something?”
Pinkie rolled her eyes. “No, silly! Haven’t you ever seen those romantic comedy films?”
“Pinkie, Ponyville only has one film projector, and it’s at the library,” said Rainbow. “And I’m not going to fly all the way to Canterlot for a mushy romance movie.”
“Well, did you read any books about it, then?” Pinkie asked.
“I’m more into adventure books,” said Rainbow.
“Well, I’ll see if Twilight has any rom-com film reels we could watch, then” said Pinkie. “I need to educate you properly before we can proceed.”
Rainbow stared blankly as the credits rolled, a cheesy pop song playing, when Pinkie stuck her head back into the room. “What did you think, Rainbow?”
“I guess it was funny?” Rainbow said uncertainly. “Bit too mushy for my tastes. And I’m not really in the mood for laughing today, anyway.”
“Well, it wasn’t meant to make you laugh, but to teach and inspire,” said Pinkie, plopping down on the floor next to the bemused pegasus.
“What do you mean?” Rainbow asked.
“Don’t you get it, Dashie?” Pinkie asked. “We’re IN a romantic comedy! A real life romantic comedy! Isn’t that exciting?”
“I don’t follow you,” said Rainbow. “What at all is funny about this?”
“Trust me, it will be funny in hindsight,” said Pinkie, waving a hoof dismissively. “Now, let me explain. Prism Glider is the antagonist, you’re the protagonist, and Fluttershy is the smoking hot love interest.”
“Hey!” said Rainbow angrily.
“What?” said Pinkie. “You think she’s hot, right?”
Rainbow blushed heavily. “Y-yeah, but it is really… weird to hear you say it.”
Pinkie shrugged. “Now then, while you were watching the film, I went ahead to learn where Prism and Fluttershy will be going for their Hearts and Hooves Day date. If we hurry, we can set up our zany schemes to expose Prism for the jerk he is and let you swoop in as the hero!”
“Jerk?” Rainbow repeated. “I work with Prism, Pinkie, and he isn’t really a jerk. He’s actually a pretty nice guy.”
“Is he really?” Pinkie asked. “How was he this morning?”
“Fine?”
Pinkie shook her head. “Really? Are you sure? Tell me what he did, exactly. But, summarize it, we don’t have much time. They’ll be at the park in thirty minutes.”
Rainbow scrunched her nose in thought. “He opened the door, asked what I was doing there, told me he was Fluttershy’s boyfriend, and shut the door.”
Pinkie gasped. “He wouldn’t even let you talk to her?!”
“What?” Rainbow asked. “I don’t think that’s-“
“Well, of course, he’d put on a friendly face in front of her,” said Pinkie. “Didn’t you pay any attention to the movie?”
“So, you’re saying he’s tricking Fluttershy?” Rainbow asked.
Pinkie nodded. “Exactly. All antagonists in romantic stories are jerks like that.”
“Why would he do that?” Rainbow asked. “Why would anyone play with Fluttershy’s emotions like that?”
“So he can score a totally hottie and brag to his coworkers about it,” said Pinkie. “I’ve seen it a million times before.”
“Seriously, can you stop talking about Fluttershy’s attractiveness?” Rainbow asked.
“Sure,” said Pinkie. “We need to talk about our first zany plan, after all,” said Pinkie. “To the park!”
“Where did you get their schedule, anyway?” Rainbow asked, as the two of them darted out the door.
Pinkie and Rainbow peeked out from behind a bush, watching as Prism and Fluttershy trotted down by the duck pond.
“Okay,” said Pinkie, “here’s the plan. First we prove to Fluttershy that Prism only cares about himself while you care for her in ways nopony else does.”
“How do we do that?” Rainbow asked.
“Remember when that prince guy pushed Rarity in the way of that cake a couple of years ago?”
“Yeah…” Rainbow answered slowly.
“Well, we’ll pull something similar here,” said Pinkie. “I’ll do a cannonball into the water, and it will come crashing down at the two of them. When Prism leaps out of the way, Fluttershy will be left all alone to take the full brunt of the water.”
“You want to splash Fluttershy with freezing cold water?!” Rainbow snapped.
“Of course not,” said Pinkie. “You’ll swoop in to protect her, proving that you love her and Prism only loves himself!”
“…Wait, you want to splash me with freezing cold water?!” Rainbow snapped.
“Quick, Dashie, we need to move now!” said Pinkie, running to the water before answering.
“Pinkie, wait!” Rainbow called.
“Cannonball!” Pinkie screamed, leaping into the air and curling up as she went falling towards the water.
“Pinkie?” Fluttershy asked, looking as the pink earth pony fell into the pond.
“Damn,” Rainbow muttered, flying over at high speed to get Fluttershy out of the way.
“Look out!” Prism gasped, grabbing Fluttershy and moving to pull her out of the way.
“Ah!” Rainbow gasped, as Fluttershy was pulled out of the way, resulting in her crashing into the pond as well.
“Thank you,” Fluttershy mumbled.
“No problem,” smiled Prism, as the two of them trotted away. “Come on, the park seems a bit too busy today.”
“Pppeh!” Rainbow spat the water out of her mouth, before glaring at Pinkie. “G-great j-job, P-Pinkie… T-that d-didn’t w-work a-at a-all…” Dash quickly hugged herself, shivering from the cold water.
“I-it w-will i-in t-the l-long r-run,” Pinkie stuttered, the water causing her to shiver as well. “H-he c-clearly p-pulled h-her o-out o-of t-the w-way t-to m-make y-you l-look b-bad…”
“W-what, y-you t-think h-he o-overheard y-your p-plan?” Rainbow asked.
“O-obviously,” Pinkie stuttered. “W-with h-how y-you s-shouted a-about b-being s-splashed w-with c-cold w-water…”
“L-like t-this i-is m-my f-fault,” Rainbow muttered, as the two of them trotted out of the pond, and began shaking themselves dry.
“Come on,” said Pinkie. “Let’s g-get warmed up better at my house before moving onto phase two.”
“Sounds g-good,” said Rainbow, giving one last shiver, before trotting off with Pinkie.
“Alright, we better be extra quiet for this one,” Pinkie whispered, peering out from behind a haystack.
Fluttershy and Prism Glider were at the fair that the town set up for today, with Prism currently trying to win Fluttershy a stuffed animal at the ring toss.
“So, what do I do here?” Rainbow asked.
“Win the animal for her instead, silly!” said Pinkie. “You know how rigged those games can be, don’t you? The chances of him winning her one are-”
“Oh, thank you!” they heard Fluttershy’s voice say.
Peeking out again, they saw Fluttershy hugging a giant stuffed bear that was dressed like a Wonderbolt. She shifted her leg a little to hug Prism as well, who was still beaming from winning it.
“Okay, scratch that plan,” said Pinkie.
“You do know the Hearts and Hooves Day Fair isn’t rigged, right?” Rainbow asked, scowling at Pinkie. “None of Ponyville’s fairs are!”
“Then how come I never win?” Pinkie asked. “…Oh, maybe I’m just not good at those games…”
Rainbow angrily rolled her eyes, before peeking out at Fluttershy again. She and Prism were getting onto the Ferris Wheel. Pinkie looked out and grinned. “I’ve got it!”
She suddenly darted out, weaving between the crowd and sneaking up to the Ferris Wheel control mechanism. Rainbow blinked in surprise as Pinkie discreetly jammed the gear before rushing back.
“There you go, Dashie!” she smiled as the Ferris Wheel screeched to a halt, trapping Fluttershy and Prism at the top. “Now you can go in and rescue her!”
“She can fly, Pinkie,” said Rainbow in an annoyed voice.
“Oh. Right,” said Pinkie. “But, uh, her wings lock up when she’s scared, right?”
Rainbow’s eyes widened and a small smirk formed on her face, before she flew off to the two of them. “Fluttershy!”
“Oh, hi, Dashie,” said Fluttershy, as the blue pegasus flew up next to their carriage.
“You okay?” Rainbow asked. “I saw the wheel stop.”
“Yes, I’m fine,” said Fluttershy.
“Not much to complain about, either,” said Prism. “We’ve got a great view, and can fly out whenever we want.”
“Oh, yeah,” said Rainbow, a disappointed look on her face.
“Is something wrong?” Fluttershy asked.
“Huh?” Rainbow asked. “Oh, uh, n-no. Well, uh, e-enjoy your date, I guess…” Before Fluttershy could say anything else, Rainbow darted away, back to where Pinkie was hiding.
“What was that all about?” Fluttershy asked, staring after Rainbow.
“Eh, ignore her,” said Prism. “I’m sure if it was something important, she’d tell you.”
“Yeah,” said Fluttershy, looking sadly at her stuffed Wonderbolt Bear. “Maybe…”
“We’re running out of time!” Pinkie gasped, as the sun began to set. “They’ll be eating dinner Savior Fare Café tonight!”
“Pinkie, I don’t think this is working,” said Rainbow.
“Nonsense, of course it’s working!” said Pinkie. “Now, the final thing to do is to mess up their dinner. So you’ll sprinkle some laxatives onto Fluttershy’s meal.”
“And this will help me win Fluttershy’s heart, how?!” Rainbow snapped.
“Well, you know those old stories where one pony gets sick and the other cares for her and they fall in love, that sort of thing,” said Pinkie.
“Do all your romance plans come from clichés?” Rainbow asked.
“Do you have a better plan?” Pinkie asked.
“…Give me the laxatives,” Rainbow sighed at last. “I won’t give her too much, though. Just enough that she’ll need help when Prism ditches her.”
“Atta girl,” said Pinkie, as Rainbow trotted off with a small salt shaker of it.
Double checking to make sure the coast was clear, Rainbow snuck into the café’s staff entrance, darting as careful as she could through the kitchens, and training her ears towards Fluttershy’s table.
“So that will be an eggplant parmesan and a stuffed tomato platter?” the waiter asked.
“Yes, please,” said Fluttershy.
“Okay, I’ll get that right out to you,” he said, trotting back to the kitchens.
Fluttershy hunched over the table and began playing absentmindedly with her straw, as she and Prism began talking quietly.
Rainbow forced herself to look away, and focus her attention on the meals being prepared and put up for the wait staff to pick up. She swallowed her saliva nervously as the eggplant parmesan and stuffed tomato platter was put out.
Which one is Fluttershy’s and which one is Prism’s? Rainbow thought, as she raised the laxatives up to shake out onto the meals.
“Rainbow?” Fluttershy asked.
“Ahh!” Rainbow gasped, dropping the shaker, and turning around.
Fluttershy was standing right behind her, a confused look on her face. “What are you doing here?”
“I, um, I was just…” Rainbow began, trailing off as Fluttershy leaned down and sniffed the contents of the shaker Rainbow dropped.
“Is that… laxatives?” Fluttershy asked.
“F-Fluttershy, I can explain…” Rainbow stuttered. "Wait, how do you know what laxatives smell like?"
“That doesn't matter," said Fluttershy, frowning. "Rainbow, were you trying to give Prism laxatives?”
“N-no!” Rainbow stuttered. “I wouldn’t sabotage your date like that!”
“Then… you were trying to give me laxatives?!” Fluttershy gasped.
“Fluttershy, listen,” said Rainbow. “I was just-“
Fluttershy’s eyes were tearing up. “When I saw you this morning and at the fair, I-I thought…”
“You thought…?” Rainbow repeated, placing a hoof on Fluttershy. “Fluttershy? Please don’t cry.”
“Leave me alone, Rainbow!” Fluttershy snapped, pushing Rainbow’s hoof away. “It doesn’t matter what I thought, because I was wrong! You’re just nothing but a great, big, JERK!”
“Jerk…” Rainbow repeated, as Fluttershy ran off crying.
“Fluttershy?” Prism asked, as the sobbing pegasus galloped past. He got up and followed her, while a rather angry waiter tossed Rainbow out the back.
Rainbow didn’t even notice she was thrown outside until Pinkie trotted up to her. “Dashie? You okay? I saw Fluttershy run out crying.”
Rainbow said nothing as Pinkie helped her to her hooves. Instead she just started trotting off down an empty road, Pinkie cantering after her. “Cheer up, Dashie, it’s not over yet! You can still win her heart if we get them at-”
“Win her heart?!” Rainbow snapped. “How can I win her heart?! Pinkie, you said it yourself: the antagonists in these romantic comedies are the jerks. Well, guess what? This entire time, I’ve been the jerk! I’m the bad guy!”
“W-what?” Pinkie stuttered, as Rainbow fell onto her back. “D-don’t say that. You’re not a jerk.”
“What did Prism do that was rude today, Pinkie?” Rainbow asked. “He moved her out of the way of our water splash, he won her a toy at the fair, he trusted her to be able to fly out on her own when they were ready to leave, and he didn’t try to slip her laxatives! Meanwhile I spent the whole day stalking her and letting you talk me into these stupid schemes!”
“I-I’m sorry, Rainbow,” said Pinkie. "This is all my fault."
“It’s not entirely your fault,” said Rainbow, looking down with teary eyes. “It’s mine… For letting you talk me into all this, and… and for not just telling Fluttershy I loved her from the beginning.”
“Rainbow?” Fluttershy’s voice asked.
“Ahh!” Pinkie gasped, leaping into a bush on the side of the road.
“Fluttershy?” Rainbow asked, looking up at her as she trotted up.
“I-I’m sorry I called you a jerk,” said Fluttershy. “I didn’t mean to insult you like that. You’re always so nice to me and-“
“Stop that,” said Rainbow. “I was a jerk, okay? I should have just let you be with Prism. Pinkie told me how lonely you usually are without a date and, well, you got one and instead of being happy for you I kept trying to win you for myself.”
“So that’s what’s been going on all day,” said Prism, trotting up to the two pegasi.
Rainbow looked up. “I’m sorry, Prism. You’re really a nice guy, but I just kept telling myself you were the bad guy. You deserve her far more than I do, and I’m sure you’ll make her happy.”
“See, that’s the thing, Rainbow,” said Prism. “I don’t think I will.”
“What do you mean?” Rainbow asked.
“All day something seemed a bit… off,” said Prism. “It wasn’t until we ran into you at the fair that I started piecing it together and, well, she confirmed my suspicions while we were waiting for dinner at the café.”
“What do you mean?” Rainbow asked, glancing at Fluttershy.
“Rainbow Dash, I love you,” said Fluttershy. “Ever since you saved me from the bullies, I did. I was hoping you felt the same way and would tell me, but… you never did. So I asked out Prism, hoping to get over you, but…”
“You showed up to her house first thing in the morning, and we saw you following us all day,” said Prism.
“I thought, I hoped,” said Fluttershy, “that you loved me back, but I didn’t want to break up with Prism. Not after how nice he was in taking me out. Especially if I didn’t know for sure.”
“You were right not to,” said Rainbow. “Fluttershy, I do love you. I think I always have. I couldn’t bring myself to say it, always finding excuses. In flight school it was so I wouldn’t be bullied for being gay, in later life it was so I wouldn’t risk driving you away, but holding back like I did and acting like I did today… I may have already ruined any chance I’d have at staying your friend, let alone being with you forever.”
“Dashie, I forgive you for today,” said Fluttershy. “I’d never leave my best friend over one bad day. And I certainly wouldn’t end any potential relationship we may have over a silly mistake.”
Rainbow sniffled a little. “I think I’m getting a cold from that water earlier…”
“Well, now that that’s sorted out,” said Prism, “I can rest easy. Goodnight, you two. Enjoy your lives together. See you at work next week, boss.”
“Goodnight, Prism Glider,” said Fluttershy. “Thank you so much for all you’ve done. I'm sorry it didn't work out between us.”
“Sorry I took her from you,” said Rainbow. “I’m sure you’ll make somepony very happy one day.”
Prism gave a small smile, before turning away and trotting off home. Pinkie stuck her head out of the bush, glaring after him. “Yeah, that’s right, walk away…”
“Pinkie!” Rainbow snapped. “He’s not a jerk!”
“Sorry,” Pinkie mumbled, sinking back into the bush.
“Sorry we’re off to such a rough start, Fluttershy,” said Rainbow. “I sort of wrecked your Hearts and Hooves Day.”
“Oh, it’s okay,” said Fluttershy, leading the way back to her cottage. “The day’s not over yet, and I can think of a lot of ways you could make it up to me…” She gave Rainbow a small, flirty smile.
Rainbow blushed heavily, giving a small smile in return. “N-name it, and I’ll do it for ya…”
Pinkie stuck her head out of the bush, watching the two pegasi trot away with a smile. “Damn, she's hot.”
“Pinkie!” Rainbow snapped, looking back. “What did I say about talking like that?!”
“Sorry!” Pinkie called, blushing as she ducked back into the bush.
